#maybe bc i suck at texting ppl back

[hightowres]

why do i feel like there’s some sort of veil between me and the rest of the world

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

[lord-squiggletits]

Actually the funniest example of Megatron apologism (neutral) I've seen is when people call it biased and rigged for Optimus to be the judge for Megatron's trial, but have nothing to say about the fact that Optimus let Megatron on the Lost Light AS CO-CAPTAIN which is ALSO incredibly rigged and biased and no one wanted it and Optimus barely had the authority to even do that.

It just seems like a case where people will always take the angle/interpretation that favors Megatron as a victim of Autobot eeeevillll, so they harp on how unfair it was for Megatron to be put on trial, but completely skirt over exactly how and why Megatron even got to serve parole/not rot in prison in the first place. I guess because it would disrupt the ever-present fan wank about how actually Megatron is being victimized for being put on trial and those Autobots are "just as bad" (lmao).

[fungalwarp]

me casually staring at the wall of unopened texts from friends i miss and want to talk to, but just the idea of holding up a conversation exhausts me these days

[6irlpet]

I have a bit of a dillemma...

I fucking love edging and denial. It gets me wet and needy like nothing else (aside from maybe anal) but everytime I edge/do denial I mentally crash so fucking hard a few days later like someone stole every bit of dopamine I had and the only way to get myself out of that pit is to cum four or five times in fairly rapid succession...

You got any tips on how to avoid a crash like that? Or should I just stop with it until I have a partner/Dom(me) who can help me through those bouts?

tbh it sounds a bit like a sub drop!!! which is normal to have with denial, it’s normal to have with any type of kinky stuff and tbh it’s almost more common with denial than an orgasm bc rather than all the sexy hormones getting resolved u work urself up without release 😞 (⬅️is turned on by this but understands how it can turn into a physiologic nightmare)

my tip would be to do some kind of aftercare!!!! after any kind of play whether i came or not i used to always immediately just clean up and go back to whatever i was doing and pretend it hadnt happened. but i’d always feel a lil depressed/weird/ashamed/altered ranging in severity for a period after. i had to finally have a rly bad crash after a piss scene (bc ukno…. more shame lol) to realize u still need to do some self care to ur body and mind after playing even if ur alone!!

what i do now is stay where i am for a few minutes, i dont immediately rush to clean up and move on. i relax and catch my breath and just let myself feel the comedown, and i run/pet my hands along my body like someone else would soothing me, and tell myself (or imagine someone saying) in stern soothing authority voice like: “Ur okay, u did good, this is normal and fun, this was nice, ur okayyyyyy silly goose. Relax, ur okay” etc. the touching is good for nervous system (u can also look up vagus nerve stimulation, there’s a lot of exercises u can do with just ur hands to reset ur nervous system any time ur anxious! not just in kink) + self reassurance rly helps mentally. there’s also like, u can google Aftercare ASMR which is what i do sometimes to listen for a few mins when i feel anxious after play lol, im not rly an asmr person so idk if it has been any more effective for me than the self-talk but some ppl like it so im mentioning it!!!!

moving on from that initial check-in, i start slowly moving (move around legs first, like testing movement, then i stretch) and i drink lots of water, breathe deep for a bit, keep stretching for whatever position u were in. only then do i start cleaning up. i also try to reward myself after cleanup, like snuggling under soft blankets with a good book or mindless feelgood show (mine is like………….. Animal Information videos. clickbait shit like The Top Ten Dinosaurs Ranked lmao) and a nice snack!!!!

that is my lil routine and it has rly helped me with the shame/crash/bad feelings i used to have after both edging or cumming!! modify for whatever helps you, it sounds corny but it rly has made me feel better than i used to (and then im also feeling better again faster to go at myself all over again sooner 😎) it can also help if u have someone to talk to, i have an intermittent fwb who’s kinky so there’s been times it helped me to text and say like Omg im feeling bad😞 bc I did x gross thing 😞😞😞 and get reassurance lol

i hope this helps, drop/crash sucks!! best of luck 💕

[disabled-stuck]

HI ITS ME CHRONIC PAIN ANON BACK AGAIN... here's my thoughts on who of the human cast is Aware That They Have Chronic Pain Issues. srry ppl were discussing and im like, Wow, Time For Me In Hc Central

june's issues start to really develop and get bad post-game (in my headcanons), so for a long period of time she literally has no one to talk to about it bc she's self-isolating. she eventually tells nannasprite about it when nanna is guilt-tripping her into getting up (nanna voice: Whatever works, hoohoo!), and nanna is like. this is my only granddaughter. i will do whatever i can for her. (i love june & nanna's dynamic. could u tell.) jasprose also is like GIRL!!! You Are In Pain!!! nanna & jasprose team up of the century to get june egbert to Acknowledge Her Problems

dave NO clue NO idea WILL not talk about it. maybe EVENTUALLY tells karkat about it but i don't think she ever seeks out a diagnosis or tries to get one. hes got old ingrained trauma about seeing doctors, which is something he's trying to get over, but like, he already has 4 bajillion other things to unpack about his childhood and healthcare systems are not historically good about chronic pain, a dismissal of their symptoms might set them back in that regard. they're just homebrewing this shit for now.

rose: yeah, she knows. she doesn't talk about it in those terms, though. instead of saying "i have a horrible migraine and cannot get out of bed" she tells kanaya to text the gc that she's afflicted by the Broodfester Woes and cannot join them this evening. theyve sort of picked up by now what that means but she thinks it's funnier this way.

jade: HMMM. i think she put herself through her denial paces but actually i think going grimbark essentially caused her to not feel her chronic pain (a side effect of condy's semi-control over her body), and when she got shunted back into her body she had to face the reality where she DIDNT hurt all the time like wow thats how ppl normally feel? what the fuck????

jane: oh absolutely fucking not does not know. unlike jade, his pain got WORSE during crockertier. yet it still takes literally two decades for him to finally acknowledge that his stuff is NOT normal and the fact that her whole friend group has chronic pain doesn't help, which kind of sucks. jane voice: well sometimes i can get out of bed when i have a headache and rose can't, so clearly its not the same (as if jane doesn't force himself out of bed even when he really shouldnt!!!). roxy has to be the one to tell him.

roxy: yeah she knows it's chronic pain. she's been worried about getting cirrhosis for years, and so has been keeping up to date on her physical health as a result. she figured it out pretty quickly after a couple flareups. trickster mode made it worse for her.

dirk: hal has been telling him for YEARRRRRRRRS that his carpal tunnel is just that, carpal tunnel. and yet. AR: Dirk, if you do not take better care of yourself, you are never going to be capable of building me a body of my own. TT: 1. I'm fine. 2. I'm not building you a body anyways, so the point is moot. anyways he accepts it during the game bc he's like you know what. might as well admit it to myself. good thing, too, because it only gets worse after a couple decapitations.

jake: has pretty much always known, deep down, but like. she lives on an ISLAND. the hell is he going to do about it? no, better not to think about it. someday they'll be able to deal with it, but that day isn't today, and theres so much to do. so he represses it DEEPLY. normal action hero jake english doesn't have chronic pain, of course. she's a heroic manly lead, after all... (the deconstruction of that mindset sort of makes them acknowledge it, though.)

ANYWAYS I JUST RAMBLED AT YOU FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED WORDS HOPE U HAVE, A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/WHAT EVER

YYAYYY no you're so good nonnie thank u forever and ever

[callilouv]

hi ... scrolling thru dash and i saw. and don't just want to leave it. so hi. you aren't a disappointment >:(( !! no matter what it is pls always remember there are people who are so so proud of you for even small things, bcs hey, every little big matters, it really does :] and you're so much more than you think you may be at times. self deprecating thoughts suck but hey! you're talented!! very much so!!! you're amazing and pls try to remember <3 also goes for literally whoever sees this even if i have no idea who u r ^__^ on that note tho HI CAL i am checking up on moots uhh hru! hope u've been doing well! take care okay aaa may i just say rq that i super love your art. not just that but just specifically rn okay KDBSKD I SOMETIMES RMBR YOUR SANDY ART and i get so wow and wow and wow? wow? yeah. and it's lovely seeing how much your art improves and no wonder so many people love it, including me and all your friends! i'm not sure what else to say but here's a lil bit of love from a friend (me. i hope. that we count as friends sorry anxiety snuck in a bit there) hehe ^^ (this is in pink bcs tumblr mobile hates me and it's fun so i'm not making it black lol! sorry this is so long i have a lot of energy rn and love being there for ppl when i see they may need it so. yeah <3)

(actually going on anon i'm shy sending long...? asks to literally anyone but i think you can tell who i am anyway. maybe. KDBSKDKS HAVE A GOOD EVE)

HEL O ………. I LNEW WHO U R RIGBT FROM THE START PLS ur texting style is so recognizable to me idk why HDIEBDID<333 but THANK U SOBS . yea those kinds of thoughts suck and they come to me very often unfortunately</3 but . But like friends (yes we r friends mwah) make me feel a 372974383847x better hfnfhfnf especially when they go out of their way to comfort me (like u!) SOBSS idk I just feel loved whenever friends do that and it makes me feel very giddy heehehdbdjxj

I BEEN PRTY GOOD! Schoolwork is starting to pile up again . Pain . But I can manage :D Goodluck w ur work too frfr ik that u have a lot wwww ><

PLS YEAH Ngl sometimes I look back at my old art and even I surprise myself by my improvement…. it’s nice to know that u appreciate it huhu bro STOP ITS 11PM AND UR MAKING ME SMILE AGJWHESJ

[flockofdoves]

i recognize that cats are like. infamous for begging for food and meowing like theyve never been fed in their lives

and also i recognize when i first moved in my roommate was like 'don't worry if the cat meows at you her old owner overfed her so she's always begging for food but i have her on a special diet with specific proportions on a regular schedule so you don't have to feed her when she begs at you'

but also with my roommate leaving for a week without telling us and just setting out extra food but then not responding at all to my texts (or acknowledging this at all after she got back) i sent 4 days into that week when the cat almost was out of food asking if she was coming back that day or should i start feeding her cat and if so what portions she feeds her cat and at what times. plus also that while idk how much cats poop per bowel movement, it does seem to me like the litter box looks almost as full as it was when i scooped it after 4 days of my roommate being gone and she pooped on the floor (i feel really bad about that i should have looked up how often litterboxes should be scooped as soon as i noticed my roommate set out extra food for her, even if ofc she should've given a heads up or timeline or any info when me and my gf have been clear we've never lived w cats before)

like. it makes me not sure what to trust :(

like i almost never see her feed her and i recognize we have kinda different schedules (although a lot of times shes home but just in her room and i cant hear her so dont even realize shes home) and that the cat eats fast the times i have seen her eat so its hard to figure out the situation

and it sucks bc theres like no safe side to lean on bc either way could be harmful for the cat if i'm mistaken

the only real way to know would be something deranged and unethical like a camera monitoring the litterbox and food bowl lmao. so like idk the only normal solutions i can think of are just like. trying to spend as much time as possible downstairs on days when me and my gf aren't doing anything to see what happens? taking pictures of the empty bowl to see if the crumb positions look different later and taking pictures of the litterbox to see if it looks worse later? but even then its not very conclusive

and of course i'd love to propose like. idk. putting up a little white board seeing if shes got fed yet but. shes not my cat and im not the one directly responsible for feeding her and proposing that potentially either could sound like i dont trust my roommate or some ridiculous thing to assuage my anxiety that makes her do extra work or if she really is hiding neglect that wouldn't necessarily do much depending on what her routine is compared to mine and also maybe proposing that would make boundaries unclear and make her think she could rely on me for stuff like that without having to communicate it first

idk part of me worries also considering that shes started just like. taking me and my gfs dishes (which are in an entirely separate cabinet) and using them when never asking if thats cool with us as roommates. and like theoretically i love to share things ofc as long as people are considerate but some of those dishes and pots have been sitting out dirty for over a week now so unless i see her around (feel insane like just jumping to texting about that) im sure at this rate me and my gf will have to clean these encrusted dirty dishes and pots and stuff whenever we need them again, that maybe despite her saying before that i wouldnt need to worry about feeding the cat, that somehow without communicating either that as an expectation when i've checked in with her about her preferences in cohabitating or communicating details to us as ppl w no experience taking care of cats that she expects taking care of her cat to be an equal task for all of us. and like of course the most important thing to me is that this cat is healthy and okay and i wouldn't mind helping out even if i'd slightly prefer not having the responsibility of a pet foisted on me at this point in my life and from past communication expected just like. vibing while she took care of it as her pet. but god that just needs to be communicated by her. itd be scary to me if there is neglect happening and if it was happening that it was happening bc she just expected me and my gf to know exactly when and what to do with every day cat care.

so yeah. ig just gonna try my best to monitor stuff over the next couple days to understand the situation better and just communicate from there :(

any advice appreciated tho tbh god idk

[cutemeat]

3, 7, and 10!

3. what are your top 3 favorite episodes?

I have many many manyyyy faves (and also got this question a bunch, which excites me so dont worry ab that) so im gonna do different themes for my top 3's...

my top 3 fave eps of eps that I've rewatched the most are: The Gang Gets Romantic, The Gang Group Dates, and The Gang Dances Their Asses Off (with Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life as an honorable mention lol)

7. what’s something that we haven’t seen in the show yet that you’d like to see?

i clearly wanna see some resolution or 'get together' scene ONSCREEN (cuz i have argued previously that they HAVE already banged offscreen in Dennis Gets Divorced) but I'd like to see, at the very least, going from writing Macdennis as subtext to making that the overt text. Which, in their defense, they've started doing since s12 ... but I just hope they execute the culmination of the storyline they started in s12/s13 in a way that.. does not suck ass. and i'm usually willing to give rcg a lot of leeway about this particular thing cuz like. theyre str8 they dont know any better LOL. but yeah i wanna see mac and dennis kiss, fuck, date, idc! something!

other things i'd like to see: i'd like to see charlie getting some cathartic 'snapping' arc where he goes back into the badroom and in the vents and the gang cant get him out cuz hes rlly emotional (like as a result of his dad dying or smth) and he basically just snaps, Phantom of the Opera style but he'd be like the Phantom of Paddy's... and maybe this is all while Dee's trying to host an event of whatever kind and so hes just lurking around the whole time trying to sabotage the event... maybe he kidnaps someone LOL thatd be ccool

i also would LOVE to see waitress becoming a more recurring character, esp to team up with Dee. I'd ideally like to see them move IN together n be a duo, but I'll take what I can get. I also just wanna see Dee going crazy. I kinda want Dennis and Dee to have a swap where DEE is the angry, spiteful one and Dennis is just sad and pathetic at his lowest yknow? LOL. Like I think they could easily do this as well, and it seemed to me like they experimented with that kind of dynamic in Gets New Wheels. and lastly, PUT DEE IN THE DUSTER!!!!

i'd like to see more of Mac's ACTUAL life... cuz he has been TALKING about doing all this shit the past couple seasons but we dont get to see what he's ACTUALLY getting up to. So sorta a Mac's Double Life ep but done much better LOL. I just want some character exploration with Mac cuz they seem to be struggling with what to do with Mac since he came out. And I know part of that also has to do with Rob wanting to have a gay man in the writers room but (so far, as far as I know) not being able to get any lol.

I'd also like to see some shit about whatever is going on with Frank that we found out he has a serious, terminal disease in s11... but ik a lot of ppl have said that before me, and for good reason its like.. wtf is going on there LOL

10. who’s your least favorite character?

shit... good question.... yknow i'll just use this as an opportunity to say i hate the way they wrote fat mac. it just felt like they squandered his potential. the way they executed the joke itself was just reeking of rcg's own body image issues which makes it just uncomfortable/not funny if you dont ALSO have rcg's body issues LOL. like i think if they'd done a slower progression over time where the characters just Look Their Age as they age would be a good subversion and probably not too difficult to maintain LMAO. and if Rob wanted Mac's part in that to be gaining some weight for a season/a couple seasons that could've been subversive in itself and done well. But I think bc they made it a seasonal gimmick it suffered for that. So I'm not really answering the question i Know but KJDFGNKDJ tbh i loooove the cast of characters we've become familiar with I think they're all great

[troglobite]

i’m trying to unpack why it makes me immediately furious to hear my mom groaning or whining in pain

two events have recently caused that, one happening rn

this past week she got her bivalent booster (bc she finally could after having covid a few months ago) 

i was absolutely happy to help and do whatever she needed, and i said as much multiple times. just text me if you need help.

she asked me directly for help maybe twice in 3 days. every other thing she just suffered alone in her room, or got up to do things that hurt her. 

that makes me mad. i’m sick of her needlessly hurting herself for some stupid fucking bullshit that either doesn’t matter or that i could do instead. 

every year she sends out these fucking holiday packages to friends, family, and coworkers. it’s not fun for her at all. she doesn’t enjoy it. she spends so much money ordering the same gifts each year. she goes through the hassle of personalizing each package (there are over 20). then she pays for postage and shipping. 

and she did it while her body hurt from the booster this week and i’m just like. WHY. if your back is killing you, you’re tired, like WHY?!

she “had” to get them done so they arrived by christmas for most ppl.

and again, WHY?! these are not incredible one of a kind gifts. it’s the same shit she gives every year. and i’m sure some of them arrived later than christmas before. like. WHY?!

if someone i knew typically sent something out each year and i didn’t get it one year, i’d check in w them and see how they were doing. i wouldn’t give a single fucking shit if their little annual gift to me didn’t arrive. 

but no, my mom has to bend over backwards and get this shit done bc?????? Reasons. 

and right now she’s doing my least favorite thing of hers. 

so cardboard boxes have been piling up in the hallway (bc this house is small and fucking sucks) and there’s not much room in the garage but in order to put them in our recycling, they have to be broken down. i can’t do it bc the sound and texture of cardboard makes me want to fucking perish. so she unfortunately has to do it. but she doesn’t want to. bc it’s time and energy consuming. i have said that i could help, but i would need to wear my headphones and some gloves. 

well. 

today she was going to go pick up some new end tables she ordered. 

her lifelong friend who moved here last year to be closer to us (and away from ohio) was going to go with her to pick them up. i don’t really know why it wasn’t an option for me to go and help? but it just wasn’t, i guess. 

but now she’s been spending the last three or four hours cleaning the entire house and moving the boxes into the garage and just cleaning EVERYTHING.

bc her lifelong friend who has seen her through both of their own messy relationships and divorces and a million other things is going to be inside our house. for. 15 minutes???

so she’s wheezing and huffing and puffing and agitated and running around and just in a fucking frenzy.

WHY?!!?!?!

SHE’S KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE 45 FUCKING YEARS.

SHE DOESN’T FUCKING CARE STOP DOING THIS

and she becomes INTOLERABLE when she’s like this and doing this. 

i’m hungry. i have been awake for 1.5 hrs. i missed my 15 minute window to get food while she was in the shower.

i offered to open the garage door for her while she moves boxes around.

she just said it would be “too hard” so she’s INSISTING she do it on her own.

she just made some of the worst fucking noises in the hallway outside my room rn. boxes scraping. all this shit. and there she goes, wheezing and huffing and puffing.

but god forbid she ask for help 

but mainly forbid SHE JUST NOT DO THIS FUCKING SHIT BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES?!! NOBODY!!!!!! NOBODY GIVES A SINGLE FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

i SHOWED her that gayle video “company’s coming over” YEARS ago. she laughed like haha that’s me. 

and i’m like

yeah, it is.

and it makes no sense

this isn’t even an exaggeration 

she’s going to fold all of the blankets on the couch that we use every day and move the pillows all around

“WE CAN’T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE SIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!” but LITERALLY in REAL LIFE. THAT IS WHAT SHE DOES.

i’m so tired of seeing a million reasons she needs to go to therapy (this is so far down the list and only related to a few things at the top of the list) and not being able to say or suggest anything bc she’ll see it as an insult.

which is super kind to me, a person who has been in therapy off and on since i was like 9 years old. 

i went to sleep early last night bc i was so exhausted. i slept forever. i woke up 1.5-2 hrs earlier than i have been. i was feeling good.

and ever since i’ve woken up she’s just been doing this fucking useless completely unnecessary and EXTREMELY FUCKING LOUD AND IRRITATING bullshit, and i haven’t been able to do anything.

and then i got up to check and i have to send out like 35 more emails for the job she gave me that, again, I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE, bc nobody else has responded since i sent the emails on tuesday and wednesday. and i need to DOUBLE the responses i’ve gotten. 8 ppl for this one campaign from over 40 emails that i sent. so i need to send 30-40 MORE emails. i’m just. 

and i can’t do that.

bc if i TRIED rn, i would be HUNGRY bc i haven’t been able to get ANY FOOD YET bc she has been NEEDLESSLY CLEANING THE FUCKING KITCHEN

AND i wouldn’t be able to focus AT FUCKING ALL bc even with my noise canceling headphones on, I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO FUCKING HEAR HER. 

i’m just so fucking tired

i HATE having these family friends over PURELY BECAUSE IT MEANS MY MOM JUST LOSES HER ENTIRE GRIP ON REALITY FOR MULTIPLE HOURS AND I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH IT BC SHE WON’T EVEN LET ME HELP IN ANY WAY

it’s so fucking stupid and i hate this

[solosoulscene]

My heart is broken. I need to vent but I fkn can’t even rn. I’ll def be back. I hope.. I really need to be more consistent on here. I need to let some shit flow but no one understands.. It’s time to stop pouring & start replenishing my own supply. Starting tonight I am taking back my power, I am reclaiming my happiness, I am my own charging station. Always have been.

Remember Who You Are Simba

You Are Divinely Protected Greatness

Shed and Release Old Self

Ascend Into Yourself

It’s Lonely at the Top..

& That’s Your Fear..

It’s Time to Face That..

I fkn needed that, came right to the answer I was looking for. Literally sat and let the words flow. Mind to text. No filter. Words could never… It’s something so electrifying abt writing to me.

This is where I need to be. It all starts here. I said I’m the beginning my heart is broken, it’s not, it’s in repair. I said in the beginning I need to vent but no one understands, they don’t need to. Maybe they don’t understand bc they’re the problem, or you’re venting to the wrong energy. Once I am grounded again & stabilized, the right energy will join me. I know what I have to do, I always do, always did. It’s time. Solitude is necessary for this up & coming chapter. I need to be FOR ME, ALWAYS. If not me than who? Tf.

Destiny, who are you, who do you want to be, who do you want to share your time & space w/, what is next on your agenda, what’s the game plan for your future, when are you going to speak to your mother…? A whole diff issue to decode but we’ll get there in due time.

If I don’t have the answers, how would I expect them too? I know for sure I need solitude but I would at least like a couple radiant souls around me. I know Key is one 🤍. She’s just been through a lot.. We’ve also been through a lot, it’s so tough not to have my bff yo. You don’t treat a bff the way I treated her tho (you damn sure don’t treat them how she treated me either but 2 wrongs don’t blah, blah, blah..). But yeah… I’d like a good friend group around me. I have friends but I feel like it’s one sided a lot of the time (a whole diff passage lol). They could trust me, but I don’t feel the same, they could rely on me but I can’t say the same, I would do anything for them but idk if that’s the reverse. I need ppl to light my stove, make money w/ me, run errands and go to drs appts together, check on my mother & gma, make sure IM good.. w/o the sex, then if it blossoms it blossoms but I’m really just interested in putting together my tribe rn. That’s all. I need good ppl around me, and I need them to understand they can’t always be around me. Bc at the end of the day, (see how I almost got sucked in again), solitude will set me free and help me take off! I love to help, love, nurture, teach, protect, heal but it’s time to do that for me. How dare I giveth onto others but not reciprocate that to myself?! How dare I not be my own light but think it’s okay lead others down their path w/ my radiance in their darkness.

Note to self:

Des, stop fkn playing w/ me.

-FIN

PS: I need to make a separate entry going back and telling the stories I keep putting off and saying is for a diff time lol. It’s just shit I don’t wanna talk abt that I’m suppressing & this isn’t the space for that. This is my peaceful space. This is where I let loose and speak freely.. The worlds gone too soft.

-FIN FIN.

[zombies-aliens]

My Sunday Dec 3.

I had a pretty bland day honestly nothing to talk about. I woke up and was glad I didn't have to get up for the gym at 5am, I woke up past 11am, skipped church like usual bc fuck that I don't wanna go at 11am anymore just to sit there and not feel a part of that community. Nice people. I just don't feel like I'm one a Christian like them. I'm not one of them. It sucks this has happened another time with nerds/dorks in school and the "cool" people.. which basically was people who did drugs and had friends and hung out outside of school doing social activities. Which was a lot better than what the nerds were doing and talking about but both were really into their own things.. and I was trying my luck in both in a way. I didn't get in with the nerds and I didn't get in with the cool people and I dont like using those terms but it's a reference I guess. I was an in-betweener I didn't know where I belonged. Same with being a Mexican American. I felt too Mexican around Americans, and too American around mexicans. I don't care at the end of the day. Maybe I'm an anomaly and that's fine with me. Nobodies bothering me about it so im cool with it. But yeah and maybe it'll all change in the future u never know what can happen but yeah I skipped church, and idk if I drove today? I ate some food. Played video games. Basically I waited for the day to pass bc honestly I had nothing to do I was bored the whole day. I texted my friend, she's great. I worry about what she thinks of me. I care too much about other people's opinion on me smh. But I love and hate knowing. I dont feel like writing anymore so ima leave it at that. Tomorrow I gym and work. Work is 3 days in a row and then two days off. I hope to get more days in my schedule but it's been short because employees get their hours cut so managers can get their bonuses or something like that. So I know it'll go back to normal and I should just enjoy my days off the next few weeks. I'm getting more days off than work days to put it like that. Which I like and don't. Bc idk what ima do in those off days. Idk anything tbh. Not trying to be mean to myself but I don't really know what makes me say that i guess I'm thinking out loud. Anyway I'm off this night ppl

[astrum99]

For record keeping

Finally made her

I guess it’s my spidersona/OC? She’s not a true spider though. Back story is long but basically not even a real human - lab made and almost unkillable (but haaates pain and probably will cry her eyes out if she break a bone); power is ridiculously overpowered and she can definitely take down a whole planet in minutes by her destructive powers alone but she loves so deeply it kills her to draw blood (but will kill for her found family no question asked - you’ll find her shaking in a corner later alone); make up for the OP physical power by her weakass mental state that Firmly believes she is so unlovable - she is willing to put everything on the line for a single phrase of ily (which of course got abused by npc) & the fact that she actually sucks so much at fighting she just mask it with a “stay away, keep the high ground, and start shooting” strategy and “be so scary ppl don’t want to fight u” strategy (works surprisingly well). Basically begged to get adopted into the spider squad bc she thinks everyone is so cool and amazing and she literally has no where to go; which yay the gang did like her bc she was righteous and loyal but uhhhh bc of the rocky start she firmly believes everyone is barely tolerating her while her friends r like “??? what r u talking abt” (once they found out her wack world perception).

Oh yea also the tats - anatomical heart on the inner left wrist for life; spider with a small 1610 text on the back of the wrist for family; large spider spanning the back for a new start/hope/new identity. Also a guitar on the outer right thigh (and going up to pelvis) much much later in the story for empowerment revolution and seizing control (we all know what/who that is inspired by lmao). Also the 1610 wrist spider & guitar also function as a theoretical defence against mind wipe/mind control. (Though also guitar mmmm ngl I might pair this idiot w hobie, idk if they’d have enough synergy though - he’d have to be so so patient; man I wish the movie gave more character cues and whatnot, maybe I’ll just toss her into further Torment??? <- bad)

I just love putting her in a blender she’s like my little infinite angst machine ✨

[mackenskibc]

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[creaturecumforts]

dating as a trans person is so fucking hard

[junipeach]

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