#maybe could give some ideas to other nb and agender folk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

So, I had this idea, but I'm not really good with writing Harringrove, so I thought I could share it with u. A modern au where Steve nd Billy are streamers in L.A. Like, maybe Billys a gaming streamer nd Steve is a v chill streamer nd basically half of their live streams consist of Steve sitting in Billys lap nd the two of them cuddling while just talking nd one day they get a donation question like, "Are the two of u dating wtf" nd they just go "duh" also. femme/nonbinary steve

I love the idea of Steve being jenna marbles-esque, just like sweet and kinda weird and super loved.

And y’all know my love for nb Steve.

Based loosely on this post. Mainly just the gif.

Watch me make up twitter handles lol

This is v soft and includes many of my headcanons for these two living their lovely modern lives.

“Bill!”

Steve was yowling like a damn cat out in the kitchen, interrupting Billy’s stream. “Billy!”

“Stevie! I’m streamin’, Baby!” Hear could hear Steve’s feet plodding down the hall. The chat started going crazy as they appeared in the stream behind Billy, wearing a too-big sweater, thick wool socks on those perpetually cold little feet. Their hair was a fucking mess, and they were wearing their glasses, the big ones Billy loved.

They climbed on Billy’s lap, settling their face into his neck.

“What’s up?”

“Just wanted some lovin’.” Steve’s voice was soft, but they always put their face on the side Billy’s headset mic was on and the audience would go wild over the quiet things they said. Billy rubbed their back before going back to his game.

“Everyone welcome Stevie to the stream.”

He kept playing as usual, Steve a warm little puddle in his lap.

“Okay, Babes. I’m signing off for today, Steve is definitely asleep on me right now and I gotta put them to bed. Love you all, stay safe.” He had to awkwardly shuffle Steve around in his lap to turn off the stream, picking them up to take them to the room across the hall.

They had gotten a two bedroom when they were still friends, pretending they weren’t fucking in love with each other. They had moved into the bedroom formerly known as Steve’s, setting up Billy’s old room for streaming and video editing.

Steve snuffled as Billy took off their glasses, sliding into bed behind them.

Steve was sitting on the floor, laughing at the monitor.

They had been doing a series of Quarantine Madness videos, doing crafts and silly makeup tutorials.

They were currently trying temporary hairdye, had their hair sticking up in all directions.

“This is so fucking stupid, oh my god.” They had electric pink in their hair, Billy had gotten roped into it with dark blue.

“If you destroy my hair for YouTube hits, I’m gonna cry.” Steve had their thin fingers in his hair, rubbing the dye in.

“Oh, worse comes to worse you get ridda that fucking mullet.”

“You love this mullet. It’s my trademark.” Billy’s hair wasn’t supposed to be a mullet, was originally a shag that had grown in weird, but Billy had become known for it, and he had kinda grown to like it.

“The whole premise of this video is to get you to shave your head.” Billy laughed. “Okay, so we gotta wait like twenty minutes and then we gotta wash it out.” They looked at memes while they waited, figured Steve would edit all this waiting out of the video anyway.

They washed the dye out in the sink, scrubbing at one another’s heads before getting in the shower to clean off the patches on their skin.

They ended up getting a little distracted in the shower.

Steve had blow dried both their hair to see the color. The pink was subtle in Steve’s dark hair, the highlights they had gotten a few weeks before quarantine picking up more of the color.

Billy’s hair was bright fucking blue, and neither of them could stop laughing at it.

“I kinda, kinda love it on you, Bill.” Steve was brushing their fingers through Billy’s hair, making him lean into the touch like a damn cat.

The video ended up being wildly popular.

“So, you all tweeted us some questions, and we’re gonna answer them over live stream. We each picked a bunch to pose to one another, so yeah.” Steve shrugged. “Billy, @.DustinHendy wants to know why you’re such a little bitch.” Billy cackled, planting his face into Steve’s shoulder.

“Tell Dustin he’s a little garbage human.” Billy winked at the camera, making the comments along the side of the screen go crazy. “Um, I thought this question was interesting, @.llittlebug says: you two are so touchy. Are you together, or are you just close friends? We’re gal pals, actually.” Steve laughed, loud and bright.

“Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause we’re not gay.” Steve sang, making them both crack up.

“Yeah, we’re very much in a relationship, have been for four years now.” Steve was giving him that soft smile Billy loved so much. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to that sweet little mouth. The chat was going insane, people sending comments along the lines of I knew it! and so happy for you both!

Steve’s cheeks were flushed.

“So, uh @.bigyikes asks, how did you two meet? Well actually, we went to high school together, and fucking hated each other when we first met, got in a big fight, worked our shit out became friends, moved in together, and fell in love like big dumb losers.”

“So bold of you to claim I ever hated you. I literally was fucking in love with them from the first time I ever saw them but I was, uh, going through a lot, and was kind of the worst back then.” Steve’s arm was on his shoulder, playing with the long hair by his neck.

“You’ve gotten so much better. And I’m proud of you.” Billy planted a kiss to their forehead.

“Next question before I fucking cry, @.imaloser wants to know our sexualities and gender expressions. I mean, you’ve been plenty open about all that.”

“Well, yeah. I’m pansexual and agender, which is under the nonbinary umbrella, but I like to typically present femme. And I use they pronouns, most of you know that, of course. I’m pretty open.” They turned big eyes on Billy.

“These days, I just identify as queer. I’ve always identified as a gay man, but I haven’t dated a guy in a long fuckin’ time.” Steve curled into his side.

“It’s been a learning process for both of us. I mean Billy’s the first person I dated seriously after I came out, and there was just a part of me that felt lowkey misgendered every time he said he was gay.”

“Oh, there was a lot of learning in those early days for sure. And I think we’re both still doing that. I hope I am.” Steve poked his stomach.

“You’re good to me, Bill.” There was a slew of sweet comments in the live stream.

“@.folks asks when did you get into makeup?” He turned to Steve.

“Growing up, most of my friends were girls, and I just always loved playing dress up, and getting make overs. When I was like, fourteen I think, I started playing with makeup myself, learning from YouTube tutorials, and just like, messing around with stuff. I always loved just feeling really pretty, so that’s why-” they gestured at themself, one of Billy’s shirts tucked into old worn out jeans, soft white cardigan. They had put on a full face of makeup for the stream.

“I think you’re the prettiest.” Steve laughed, headbutting Billy’s shoulder.

“Okay, so @.imstruggling wants to know who’s a better cook.” Steve turned dramatically to the camera. “Me, bitch!”

#yikes writes #harringrove #modern harringrove #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble #nonbinary steve harrington #nonbinary!steve #modern au

192 notes · View notes

nonbinaryresource · 5 years

Note

pls forgive me if i mistakenly word something incorrectly/use the wrong term bc i’m still learning, but i’m questioning if i’m nb and i need some help.. i’ve never really felt like a girl, but i’m definitely not a boy either. i’m biologically female and i use she/her pronouns and don’t really want to change that and i also present myself somewhat femininely thru my style. is nb the correct term for me? or is there maybe another term that would fit me better?

Hi, there!

Since you’re new, I’d like to talk about terminology a little bit. This isn’t to scold you, just to share more perspective!

So “biologically female” can be useful for some people and if someone prefers to use that for themself, that should absolutely be respected. But it isn’t a term that should just be applied generally to everyone! I am nonbinary, therefore I am biologically nonbinary. There’s a lot of misguided effort in saying “biologically [gender]”, especially when it’s by cis folk and/or being applied as a blanket statement to all trans/nb people. Basically, unless someone is personally using it for themself, I consider it a sneaky way of misgendering trans people. It comes from the idea of the “sex =/=gender” split, which is supposed to help people new to the trans identity understand what trans means more easily.

Trans simply means ‘does not identify only and wholly as the gender they were assigned at birth’ (whereas cis means ‘identifying only and wholly as the gender they were assigned at birth’). Because the way we assign gender is... pretty simple and subjective. Doctors take a look at a baby’s outer reproductive genitalia, assign a gender based on that, and call it a day. Only it gets even more complicated when you include intersex people in the conversation. Intersex is a broad category we use for people with variations in their sexual anatomy that don’t match up with the binary anatomies of either external or internal genitalia and what typically goes along with each of those. These conditions can be anything from an extra chromosome to ambiguous physical genitalia to more. A lot of intersex conditions aren’t even visible at birth, so babies like this are marked as they appear to the doctor and may only find out at an older age that they are intersex if/when a health condition pops up. And intersex babies whose condition is visible? ...They are often mutilated: surgically made to appear as if they only have external or internal sexual genitalia. I think this is one of the clearest examples of just how subjective and simplistic the system that we use to assign people gender is, which is why “biologically [gender]” isn’t broadly useful.

Because a long time ago someone decided to take a rather simplistic view of gender and randomly assign people one of two genders based on random criteria, which happened to be visible genitalia. And we used this determination to separate people into two categories of social class and treat them differently because of this. When someone says “male” or “female” or “man” or “woman”, people have the same connotation regardless. So trying to separate sex from gender as two different concepts... well, it isn’t the greatest idea, as that means erasing a meaning/connotation people have for one of those terms and redefining it. It is much easier - and more accurate - to instead expand our understanding. As well, a method such as this, where you could understand that I have [x] set of genitalia and [x] set of chromosomes and am nonbinary regardless of all of that would result in much better healthcare because it would actually give doctors relevant information about my body and health, rather than relying on assumptions based on if I check an “M” or “F” box.

So if you find defining yourself as “biologically female” as useful, that’s fine and don’t let me stop you from defining your own experience! I know a few nonbinary people who find the “sex =/= gender” split useful for defining their experience and how they figured out they were nonbinary. But as a general rule, it’s just a description to not use in an umbrella way.

If you already knew that, sorry for being redundant! But since you said you were still learning, I thought it might be useful. ^^

So let’s move more onto your question. I’m just going to repeat it here, since it could have gotten a little lost after my explanation:

i’ve never really felt like a girl, but i’m definitely not a boy either. i’m biologically female and i use she/her pronouns and don’t really want to change that and i also present myself somewhat femininely thru my style. is nb the correct term for me? or is there maybe another term that would fit me better?

So, as noted earlier, trans simply means ‘does not wholly or only identify as the gender you were assigned at birth’. More specifically for nonbinary, we can define this as: ‘not identifying wholly or only as the gender you were assigned at birth AND not identifying only or wholly as man or woman’. Note that this says nothing about your genitalia, pronouns, name, presentation, expression, or anything else superficial. Because all that stuff doesn’t have to define your gender! So you were assigned female at birth, dress femininely, use she/her pronouns, and don’t mind being read as a woman? You can totally still be nonbinary! There is no bar or test that you have to pass for your identity to be valid! All you have to do is identify as nonbinary!

As you have touched on in your ask, gender really comes down to how you feel. There’s two posts I want to suggest here where a couple other people go over what gender “is”. They’re good reads and when trying to figure out what the heck gender feels like, it’s always good to be able to get multiple perspectives to see if you can find one that’s helpful for you! They are “What is Gender? What Does it Feel Like?” by askanonbinary and “Gender is Art” by wedontcareaboutyourbinary. I’m not great at explaining open and subjective concepts like this, but for me, gender is an innate feeling of who you are. It’s a connection you make, either (or multiply) with a label(s), others, and/or yourself. It is something internal that can have external influences and expressions.

So when you say “i’ve never really felt like a girl, but i’m definitely not a boy either.” - this sounds like your gender!!! And, as we saw defined above, you don’t feel wholly and only like a girl or a boy, so it sounds like you do fall under the label of nonbinary!

That being said, I want to touch on “is nb the correct term for me?” and the answer is... that’s totally up to you! I really like how I saw nbandproud put it: “Gender is Not A Diagnosis”. There is no formula for determining your identity (although I know many of us would find it easier if there were!). You can’t just check off a list of feelings, expression, etc., and get a simple output that defines who you are. We describe our gender with a label, and labels are, first and foremost, for ourself. They are to help us describe how we feel and communicate this to others. And there is absolutely an important part of this that has to do with human emotion and connection. Two people could potentially have the same exact gender feels, yet could decide to use two separate labels for how they feel because that’s the term they connected with and decided to use. And neither of them would be wrong for doing so! That would be like me calling someone beautiful and another person arguing with me that the someone is actually gorgeous. We are using two words with similar meaning but used the word we felt at the time. Neither of us are wrong that ‘someone’ is beautiful or gorgeous. We simply used different words for it.

So only you can decide if nonbinary is the correct term for you. Often, the best way to decide this is to use the label for yourself for a while! How long that while is can be up to you. It’s fine if a while is months or years long!!! It took me a matter of several years to fall in love with the term nonbinary - and even longer to fall harder in love with genderqueer. I simply wasn’t sure and struggled with accepting myself for that time, but in the end, those are the labels I’ve landed on (at least for now - it can always change in the future). Using the term doesn’t mean you have to come out, either. You can just use it privately. Think of yourself in regards to being nonbinary. Draw nonbinary people. Write nonbinary characters. See if the label fits you or if there’s always a disconnect with it. Experiment and decide if nonbinary is the correct term for you!

As perhaps implied above with my own identity, nonbinary doesn’t have to be the only correct term for you if that’s how you feel. You can use as many or as few labels as you want. You can use nonbinary as a specific and/or general term. You can use as specific or as general a term as you want - you can use a general term and an ultra specific one. It’s your identity: whatever you feel fits is the correct term for you!

I can suggest some more terms if you’re interested in hearing more, but there are a whoooooole lot of identities that could generally be described as “neither girl nor boy”. One of the more well-known terms I can throw based on this out would be agender: lack of a gender. If you are interested, I would suggest just flipping through some glossaries. Here are a few of my suggestions:

http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/genderhttp://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Gender_Identitieshttps://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Main_Page

Then, of course, there’s whole lexicon blogs meant to help spread and share and celebrate terms that people are coming up with everyday. Blogs like @genderlist, @beyond-mogai-pride-flags, and @imoga-pride.

I will warn you that these blogs can be overwhelming, especially if you’re desperate for that One Perfect Term(TM). They’re a lot to go through because there’s a lot of different ways people can feel and feel about their gender! If you find them overwhelming, take a break! You don’t have to have that One Perfect Term(TM). I don’t! And I am finally comfortable in the fact that I simply don’t understand my gender enough nor am I able to so specifically pin it down that it can be described with a term and simple definition. So if you get overwhelmed, take a break, give yourself some self-care, and go back to reading later. Questioning can takes years, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Now... have a kitten for getting through all that text! And feel free to ask as many questions as you need!

[gif of a tiny white kitten getting its paw gently squeezed by someone with long, painted nails. the kitten places its other paw on the finger, sandwiching them in a teeny hug, laying its head down, and closing its eyes in complete peace]

~Tera

#mod tera #long post #questioning #identity #labels #terminology #biologically gender #sex and gender #Anonymous

36 notes · View notes

trans-advice · 5 years

Note

in your master post and on your blog, the gender flowchart link is broken

i accessed those links from my desktop. perhaps it’s a problem with mobile?

therefore i’m reposting these with the original links to give credit etc. the “gender identity flowchart” & the “nonbinary flowchart” both appear to be the same webpage: https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/flowchart

the nonbinary flowchart includes binary identities too. so i guess i’ll copy & paste them here for you.

now if these links are broken please contact transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com since they do want such information too & it is their blog these are connected too.

Here are the URLs to the visual flowchart & the drop down survey option:

(visual flowchart) https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/image/96567444915 (Start at: “Do you identify with the sex you were born at birth?”)

(visual flowchart original post) https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/96567444915/i-hope-this-is-better-i-stole-my-mums-laptop-to

(drop-down survey) https://genderquiz.000webhostapp.com/

good luck, peace & love,

eve

---

NB Flowchart

Ren says:

Here is the nonbinary flowchart (well…more like a series of questions), now on the sidebar for your convenience! It’s designed to help introduce you to a variety of genders, as well as guide you in the general direction of what your identity could be labeled. Let us know if you spot any inconsistencies, broken links, or want us to add anything, and don’t hesitate to ask questions. :) The mods that identify as one of the genders below are listed next to the definition if you want to ask them questions about it.

Here is an interactive version of this flowchart! This version was made by former mod Ari, and works best on the computer.

Need something visual, or at least less confusing? Here you go!

1. Do you always identify with the gender you were assigned at birth?

A. No. (Continue to #2)B. Sometimes. (Continue to #2)C. Yes. (You’re cis! You might want to check out our ally resources.)

2. How many genders is your identity made up of? In other words, is it fluid?

A. Just one. (Continue to #3)B. Two. (Continue to #4)C. Three. (Go to #5)D. Two or more. (Go to #13)E. I don’t know - help! (Continue to #10)

3. Is that one gender binary?

A. Yes. (You’re probably BINARY TRANSGENDER!)B. No. (Continue to #10)C. It’s sort of…well…uh…I don’t know? (Go to #6)D. Sort of, but not entirely. (Go to #8) [Mod Phoenix is a trans man, mod Chris is a trans man, mod Archer is a trans male, mod Callie is a trans girl, mod Asis is a trans girl, mod Eden is a trans girl, mod Kay is a trans woman, mod Saffron is a transwoman, mod Chrissi is a trans woman, ]

4. Can those genders coexist?

A. No, I don’t think so. (Go to #13)B. No, they’re polar opposites, and I mean that in more than a gender-binary way. (Go to #7)C. Yes, and they do, often! (Go to #9)D. Yes…well…maybe? (Go to #14)

5. You might be TRIGENDER! Trigender people experience three genders (not necessarily the binary ones). Sometimes it’s just one gender, sometimes it’s two, sometimes it’s all three and sometimes it’s none at all. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info!

6. You might be POLYGENDER! This identity is like a melting pot of several different gender expressions all at once, mixed so well that sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between all of them. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info! Note: two of these resources describe pangender, which has similar intent but is a problematic term - discussed here.

7. You might be GENDERFLUX (also known as GENDERFLEX)! This identity is a fluid one, going between genderlessness and genderedness. What that gendered part is, only you can tell, but for now, if you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info!

8. You might be a DEMIGIRL or DEMIBOY! These folks feel they are partially, but not wholly, female or male, whether or not it’s the gender they were assigned at birth. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info! (This tumblr is a particularly positive resource!) [Note: there are also DEMI-NONBINARY people, and I would advise checking out the last link for more info on this.]

9. You might be BIGENDER! Bigender people experience two genders (not necessarily the binary ones), sometimes just one, sometimes both, sometimes none at all. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info! (Close but not quite? Check out #17).

10. Do you feel like you have a gender?

A. Yes, of course! (Go to #15)B. No. (Go to #11)C. Sometimes. (Go to #7)D. Not really, but I’d still like to be able to present myself the way I want when I want. (Go to #12)E. Nothing you’ve said so far has fit! (Go to #16)

11. You might be AGENDER (also known as GENDERLESS)! Agender literally means ‘no gender’, and most people who associate with it just don’t want any gender ascribed to them at all. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info!

12. You might be NEUTROIS! The concept of neutrois is similar to agender (see #11), but has one key difference: the ideal situation for most neutrois people would be the ability to add or remove gender identifiers at will, in order to play with their gender presentation. That doesn’t necessarily mean they identify with that gender, of course - they still usually feel either gender-neutral or genderless entirely. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for some more info.

[Mod Ren is neutrois]

13. You might be GENDERFLUID! Some genderfluid folks identify between the binary genders, but others can go from female to neutrois, or agender to male, or anywhere that they feel they fit at that point in time. Sometimes they even go between more than two genders. These genders can happen at the same time, or apart. Shifts in gender can happen at any time, sometimes within days, sometimes within minutes, sometimes within years - although some people have noticed correlations between their hormonal cycles and shifting genders. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info (Close but not quite? Check out #17.) [Mod Ren and mod Devon are genderfluid]

14. You might be MIXED GENDER! Mixed gender people sometimes describe themselves similarly to polygender people (see #6): their genders are a sort of melting pot between binary or other non-binary genders. Sometimes they all happen at once, and sometimes they just mix together. If you think this may describe you, check out the resources listed under polygender (#6) or scroll down to check out aliagender and aporagender. Note: previously listed as intergender, but that term is only okay to use for yourself if you are intersex!

15. You might be GENDERQUEER! Often genderqueer is used as a blanket term for multiple nonbinary identities, but can also be used as a more specific term that describes someone whose gender is, well, queer. It’s similar to describing a difficult-to-explain sexuality as queer, and so it gives genderqueer people a lot more freedom to identify a certain way while still using a commonly-known term. If you think this might describe you, check out these resources for more info! [Mod Lee is genderqueer]

16. Don’t worry - there are more options!

You might be ANDROGYNE - a state of gender between the two binary genders. [Mod Toddy is androgyne]

You could simply be GENDER NEUTRAL, which is fairly self-evident.

Perhaps you’re wlw and like the idea of not being part of the binary, but still sort of present as part of it - you could be NONBINARY BUTCH, or NONBINARY FEMME

Maybe you’re GENDERPUNK (also known as GENDERF*CK), which is behavior specifically designed to mess with people’s interpretation of your gender. Features of genderpunk can also mix into other nonbinary identities!

If you’re looking for a third gender that does not appropriate from cultures that you don’t belong to, check out ALIAGENDER or APORAGENDER, I have also heard ambigender be used.

17. You might be DEMIFLUX! This term is used to describe the intersection of genderfluid and bigender identities, in which one of the genders remains ‘static’ while the second gender fluctuates. (x)

…But none of these describe me! What do I do?

There’s info on neurogenders here, and there’s more definitions of different non-binary genders here that includes some more niche ones that may suit you if the ones on this page haven’t.

Don’t worry - there’s plenty of other non-binary identities out there, and some probably haven’t even been invented yet! Look around a little, or ask us some questions about the way you feel. Know that you aren’t alone just because you’re just a rare specimen. Find words that you like, and make them fit you. That’s what being nonbinary is all about: reshaping the world and its words in order to better fit yourself!

#gender questioning #questioning #resources #trans resources #flowchart #nonbinary resources

13 notes · View notes

theratprince · 5 years

Text

i went to my trans group a couple days ago and the topic of conversation was non-binary identities, and a lot of folks talked about how hard it was just to get people to respect their identity and stuff, especially their parents. and a lot of these folks started off coming out as a lesbian to friends and family, and then came to understand that they’re non-binary.

and i guess in my case i was never a lesbian, but i was very intense about my need to be gendered as masculine/male. but a big part of the reason i started to question my gender was because genderqueer is a thing. and i’m not sure how many people took me seriously in that regard, but there did come a point where i really felt the need to be seen as a guy. particularly when it came to dating -- i felt a lot of dysphoria in being read as a lesbian and as being seen as “the girlfriend” (which had to do with my history of abuse and how being “the girlfriend” made me a burden). there just came a point when i realized i was attracted to other guys as a guy. i caught myself subconsciously hoping that a guy was bi or gay so that i’d have a chance. meanwhile, everywhere i went, straight women were admitting to me that i was their exception to the rule (many of whom later came out as bi).

and so like... i don’t really see myself as a man, and i identify a lot more with words like “guy” or “boy” but not because i don’t think of myself as mature. i’m like Man Lite™. i don’t see myself as a woman exactly, but i’m at the point where it’s no longer dysphoric for me to be referred to as “she.” i’m like, if i’m looking so pretty that people think i’m a lady, then hell yeah?

but also i kinda default to presenting as masculine for a few reasons. primarily, because i’m still working on coming out of my depression and lately i haven’t felt good enough to dress in anything more than my pajamas. but secondly, it’s just.... so much easier to be a guy, and that’s because of misogyny. i can just have my beard and throw on some jeans and nobody stares at me.

if i were able to express my gender without the burden of depression or misogyny, i’d have more freedom to make an effort to look cuter. i might put on a little eyeliner and lip gloss to go to the store. i might wear a dress when i go out with my friends. i’d wear a lot of off-the-shoulder tops and brightly colored shorts. and i’d keep my little goatee because i think it’s cute and not particularly masculine.

the thing is: i’m just not that brave. and i really did give it a good effort. it’s really hard to present as feminine when you’re alone in a new city and you’re using public transportation. and the few times i did, i was terrified that someone would read my voice (and my facial hair) as masculine and feel personally slighted that i deigned to leave the house in anything but denim and plaid. i feel like... i’m still pretty feminine so i don’t have to be afraid but like

one of the friends i made here is a drag queen who id’s as a cis gay man. and i was hanging out with him and his partner one night, and they were talking about getting home either via the train or uber. and my drag queen friend was saying how the train would be a bad idea, but not because he was afraid that he’d get shit for being in drag. i think he said something about how he gives off this “don’t fuck with me vibe” (which is honestly the truth. he’s a scorpio. that shit is palpable) because he’s always 100% to fight. and when he’s in drag he wears this giant rings that function like brass knuckles. and like at this point i know the difference between cis boys who watch UFC thinking they’re hot shit and tough as hell ladies who take no shit and my drag friend is honestly the latter.

i’m just not that brave. i honestly hate the way my face looks when i shave, and i rarely go anywhere nice enough to justify dressing up femme. some folks from the trans group were talking about going dancing and i could dress femme to that but i just keep thinking of myself as this squat, sweaty, hairy dude with big shoulders and saggy tits and no hips, looking absurd in a romper with make up running into my mustache so. i don’t do anything. i bind and i wear black and i try to take up as little space as possible.

but the discussion at the trans meeting made me think some more about my relationship with non-binary as an identity. but also my nb id is different from a lot of the other nb folks i know -- like our trajectories that lead us to nb-ness is really different, and that’s okay of course. like i don’t know how people refer to me when i’m not around, but i’d say there are a handful of folks who call me he or she or they, and i actually really like that. it’s almost affirming that i am a different gender to different people -- because it’s like... i don’t really have a clear sense of who or what i am, and i’m really okay with people getting different things out of our relationship, so however they choose to gender me is by far a reflection on them rather than me.

i’m genderfluid, agender, androgyne, and maybe a demi-boy. i’m masculine and feminine. i don’t really have a gender. i wouldn’t mind being seen as both genders at once. as a blend of all and nothing. i don’t care how anyone sees me. i exist beyond gender. i have transcended gender. i am become gender, destroyer of worlds.

#gender shit #dysphoria mention

1 note · View note

interstellarhitchhiker · 7 years

Text

thinking aloud post (very gay, some death mentions, somewhat nsfw)

reasons i might actually be a lesbian and not bi like i think i am

the thought of living alone with a man for the rest of my life sounds suffocating and terrible and it is a lot of the reason i broke up w evan

but living with roommates/a girlfriend sounds less like death

as a kid i actually decided consciously which boys i was going to have crushes on but i only got nervous about talking to them sometimes

all of my crushes in recent memory have been on girls and i’m pretty sure i’ve had crushes on boys in the past maybe, but i usually enter relationships with dudes on the assumption that they like me more than i like them and i have to grow into liking them back

never had that same growing-in feeling with either of my girlfriends

i thought martha from dr who was soooooo pretty at age 12 but like not in a gay way david tennant is my lover duh

i noticed how pretty my female teachers were as a teen but never thought that way about male teachers

i thought i might be grey-ace because when thinking about how other people experience sexual attraction - like they would jump somebody’s bones who they see in public - i always imagine random men and wondering if i would just hook up with a random man and that always felt like a visceral “ew” but seeing gorgeous women? ...yeah

i feel shame about the idea of being attracted to men

fulfilling a compulsory heterosexual gender role made me want to scream/die and i felt physically sick a lot of the times with evan when i felt like i was doing Straight Girlfriend Stuff because I knew I wasn’t going to get the same kind of consideration in return that a girl would give me (based on how we are culturally taught)

and the above thing also i maybe confused for gender dysphoria - being physically/socially seen by a man as a sex object in the Straight Girlfriend Role but i haven’t felt at all physically ill about the gender thing since the breakup (although i think i’m still kinda nb, but femme/agender genderfluid)

there were a lot of times when i was like “well i just really don’t want to be in this relationship with evan anymore” like at least a dozen but then i was like “...but i’m making my family happier by being with a dude”

(here’s very nsfw) if i watch porn, i spend a lot more time watching the woman & her facial expressions & body language than whatever the fuck the dude is doing and dicks don’t really do it for me mentally

i don’t want to have kids...with a man

girls’ bodies are warm and soft and they are so damn pretty

i LOVE doing emotional labor when it is returned to me...but it is always so much more satisfying when it’s returned by a woman...

i don’t like look at most random dudes and think “oh he’s attractive” like i can tell when someone would say a man is physically attractive but i’ve never been as viscerally attracted to any of my boyfriends as i was to my girlfriends, or as entranced with random dudes as i am with random women

i feel very whole and good when i hang out with other women/nb folks who like women

if i learn a dude has a crush on me i have to be like “oh shit time to explain how VERY GAY i am and how much i LOVE WOMEN” well maybe i’m actually as gay as i say

i feel like i have to date dudes because it the option that’s expected of me and not because i actually get a thrill from men themselves

i keep googling “how do i know if im bi or if im a lesbian” as if that’s going to help: previously in march i was googling “how do i know if i should break up with my partner” and i took that as The Sign that yes, in fact, i should break up with my partner - could be the same thing here

i’m really not thrilled about the “bi” label or the “pan” label but “gay” and “lesbian” really do it for me

i swipe left on almost every man on tinder...and then i like never message back the ones i do match with

this is ... life changing, maybe? if it’s real. i’m still really doubting myself, i don’t want to be one of those people who is like “welp now i’m a lesbian” but goes back to dating men later, it’s like appropriation. but dating more men makes me feel kind of ill, right now. i’m super confused about it.

#personal #queer #thinkin about whether i'm actually bi or a lesbian

3 notes · View notes

nerdyginger2307 · 7 years

Link

Here is an accessible, interactive version of this flowchart!

Need something visual, or at least less confusing? Here you go!

1. Do you always identify with the gender you were assigned at birth?

A. No. (Continue to #2) B. Sometimes. (Continue to #2) C. Yes. (You’re cis! What are you doing here, silly?)

2. How many genders is your identity made up of? In other words, is it fluid?

A. Just one. (Continue to #3) B. Two. (Continue to #4) C. Three. (Go to #5) D. Two or more. (Go to #13) E. I don’t know - help! (Continue to #10)

3. Is that one gender binary?

A. Yes. (You’re probably BINARY TRANSGENDER!) B. No. (Continue to #10) C. It’s sort of…well…uh…I don’t know? (Go to #6) D. Sort of, but not entirely. (Go to #8)

4. Can those genders coexist?

A. No, I don’t think so. (Go to #13) B. No, they’re polar opposites, and I mean that in more than a gender-binary way. (Go to #7) C. Yes, and they do, often! (Go to #9) D. Yes…well…maybe? (Go to #14)

10. Do you feel like you have a gender?

A. Yes, of course! (Go to #15) B. No. (Go to #11) C. Sometimes. (Go to #7) D. Not really, but I’d still like to be able to present myself the way I want when I want. (Go to #12) E. Nothing you’ve said so far has fit! (Go to #16)

13. You might be GENDERFLUID! Some genderfluid folks identify between the binary genders, but others can go from female to neutrois, or agender to male, or anywhere that they feel they fit at that point in time. Sometimes they even go between more than two genders. These genders can happen at the same time, or apart. Shifts in gender can happen at any time, sometimes within days, sometimes within minutes, sometimes within years - although some people have noticed correlations between their hormonal cycles and shifting genders. If you think this describes you, check out these resources for more info (or talk to mod Ren, who IDs as genderfluid)! (Close but not quite? Check out #17.)

16. Don’t worry - there are more options!

You might be ANDROGYNE - a state of gender between the two binary genders.

You could simply be GENDER NEUTRAL, which is fairly self-evident.

Perhaps you like the idea of not being part of the binary, but still sort of present as part of it - you could be NONBINARY BUTCH, or NONBINARY FEMME (mod Emery IDs as nonbinary femme).

If you’re looking for a third gender that does not appropriate from cultures that you don’t belong to, check out ALIAGENDER or APORAGENDER, I have also heard ambigender be used.

…But none of these describe me! What do I do?

Don’t worry - there’s plenty of other nonbinary identities out there, and some probably haven’t even been invented yet! Look around a little, or ask us some questions about the way you feel. Know that you aren’t alone just because you’re just a rare specimen. Find words that you like, and make them fit you. That’s what being nonbinary is all about: reshaping the world and its words in order to better fit yourself!

Further resources: Genderqueeries, Genderqueerid, AVEN’s gender subforums or their lexicon or this other lexicon, or the Queer Dictionary.

#slight repost #helpful things #gender identities #resources

23 notes · View notes