#maybe part two if people like thissssss

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

you and Ajax who have been friends for years, since you were both children unaware of the world. before everything, you were both sweet, quiet children. while most others your age had a large circle of friends, you and Ajax had only each other, but that was okay, because it was all you needed in your little town of Morepesok. days were spent at one house or another, inside or out playing in the snow to your heart's content. you even had a special song; an old lullaby you learned from a ratty book in the library. before that day, the day Ajax turned 14 and went missing, your life was quiet. when you finally found your friend, he had changed. gone was the sweet little boy from before, the sparkle in his eyes replaced by a hollow dullness. he began getting into fights- and winning, no less, with a type of horrid joy painted on his face. it scared you, scared you so much, but somehow he never turned his newfound desire to fight and defeat and win towards you- it seemed more like part of the reason he fought was to protect you. in a way you both grew up too fast- Ajax in the three days he never spoke of, and you from simply staying by his side. soon his father had enough and shipped him off to the Fatui, letting you say goodbye one last time. he promised to visit with tears in his eyes, the first time you've seen him cry in years. you grew into someone much like your childhood self- quiet, but kind- only now with the knowledge of life on your shoulders, and soon you found yourself working a good job with the Fatui. a desk job, perhaps, but it was peaceful and easy and paid well, and Pantalone, the head of your department, treated his workers well enough. you knew Ajax was a Harbinger now, going by the name "Tartaglia", but he was often away from home on missions. besides, who were you to expect him to recognize you after being apart for so long? you suppose his duties kept him too busy to visit much in the end, but you never were one to hold a grudge. your stride is easy and relaxed as you make the trip to Pantalone's office, a stack of papers due for review in your hands. idly you hum that old song from your childhood as you walk, before your peaceful monotony is broken by the sound of faint, inhuman screeches behind you. at first you wonder if someone displeased one of the Lords again, but it draws nearer, along with something akin to claws scraping at the floor. shivers run up your spine as someone- or something- makes its way towards you, your heart turning to ice when whatever-it-is lets out a deep growl. it's behind you. your world falls away until it's just you and the thing looming over you, and despite every fiber of your being screaming not to you slowly turn and look up. the monster staring down at you is beautifully terrifying- or terrifyingly beautiful- with its crimson mask and glimmering wings that seem to hold the cosmos in them. a final note from the lullaby you were humming escapes your throat, and the creature tilts its head, listening intently as you stand frozen, the papers in your hands crinkling under the force of your grip. the beast takes another look at you, and the light in its singular oceanic eye brightens as it kneels to your height. you stumble backwards, nearly falling, but are quickly caught by hands much larger than yours and tipped with razor-sharp talons. with movements much more delicate than you'd expect, you're gingerly lifted and set onto the monster's lap, the cold mask-like face now buried in the crook of your neck making you tremble from chill. purr-like noises rumble from the beast's chest, like it's trying to soothe you, as normal human footsteps approach from the same way the monster came. Il Dottore stands over you and the creature, looking down with apparent interest. his lips curl into a smirk when the beast snarls at him and tightens its grip around your body, before the Harbinger snaps his fingers and orders it to release you. the monster is unwilling at first, but something about the look Dottore gave it must've silently conveyed meaning, because suddenly it flinches and the arms curled around your waist retract. without another word Dottore shoos you back to your post, the mask on his face doing nothing to conceal the acute gleam of interest in his eyes. the next morning, you receive a note from your superiors. your position has been changed, and you're to report immediately to your new one, in Lord Dottore's lab.

[flutishly]

LBD rewatch, part 2

I’ll just update for a few episodes in one go, but in pieces.

1. Lydia in LA

Before I dive into Darcy Day whatnot, I want to pause for a moment on the way that Lydia presents herself in the two episodes between the Great Darcy Reveal. I remembered the existence of these episodes, but nothing about their content; I suspect that their placement in the story makes it hard to focus on that. I mean, DARCY is going to APPEAR in the NEXT VIDEO. And it’s hard to assign Lydia’s arc here to something fixed in the original Pride and Prejudice novel, which maybe also makes it fly under the radar a bit.

There’s an odd bit of performance happening in these videos that I again find more believable now than I did when it first aired. Lydia, notably, does not turn the camera off in “Runaway” once Jane starts pressing her, nor even once she starts answering Jane’s gently probing questions. It’s ultimately Jane who turns the camera off and forces the rest of the conversation offscreen. We don’t get a clear resolution to her line of questioning, either. The initially somewhat judgmental assumption that Lydia is skipping class in order to be with a boy is quickly supplanted by the more concerning reality that Lydia is skipping class in order to avoid a boy. But it’s reality that doesn’t get the spotlight (and I don’t believe this is raised again). Even when Lydia is controlling her own narrative, it’s not quite hers. Jane is sweet in how she talks to Lydia, but she’s still very clearly talking down from a place of “older sister” to “baby sister” (and I think it’s notable that Jane so often calls Lydia her baby sister, not just her youngest sister). And the unedited nature means that this does feel ultimately like Lydia’s approach is to let someone else decide what parts of her “image” get to go online. It’s fascinating.

And it’s also beautifully vulnerable. Lydia’s constant performance is something I associate with the first half of the show and her tiredness and isolation something I associate with the second half. Yet these two tiny episodes bridge the gap rather beautifully. I don’t think I fully appreciated it on first watch.

Interlude as “Are You Kidding Me!” begins: “Oh no, I forgot how awkward this is, I don’t want to watch thissssss”, pauses repeatedly, grimaces, writes this interlude, returns.

2. Darcy

Mm yeah, that was pretty much exactly as awkward as I remembered it. And it’s still really funny/weird to me that this episode tries to hew so closely to “familiar” phrases, because the episode overall ends up feeling the most old-fashioned and out of place. Which makes sense on Darcy, but not as much on Lizzie. It’s one of the episodes that feels most scripted and adapted, I think, which is not exactly to its favor. I’d forgotten how good some of Darcy’s expressions are, though. But yeah, super painful to watch, as expected.

3. Lizzie and Lydia reset

I did not remember this at all, but the parallels and foreshadowing in “Letter Analysis” and “The D Word” are fantastic, even a bit in the preceding “Sister, Sister”. Lizzie and Lydia both talk and joke around their great insecurities - Lizzie about driving people away, Lydia about being left alone. (Which are extremely similar insecurities! And yet they don’t see it on the other!) Lydia again displays that intense loyalty to her family, even praising Lizzie by saying “Family first, bitches!”. And her loneliness is on display again, between leaving Jane in “Sister, Sister” and missing Mary in “The D Word”. Lydia’s episodes in particular feel like they’re meant to be transition episodes, but they’re shockingly good in adding depth to her character and contextualizing everything that’s coming. And Lizzie is clearly meant to be in some sort of post-climactic breathing space, but here too it feels like she’s also coming face to face with a lot of her real concerns. She’s worried about how she’s pushing people away. She’s defensive. And she’s suddenly no longer so confident in her judgements of those around her (Darcy to the positive, Wickham - unnamed - to the negative). It’s really good character work in moments that could easily have been cut. I’m glad they weren’t.

4. Charlotte’s relationship with the Bennets

I love how Charlotte is so clearly integrated into the Bennet household, to the point where she makes a point of standing up for Jane as well (yes!! wonderful!) and Lydia talks about hanging out with her, and she’s just... an obvious part of all three’s world. It’s so great. 

[fishnets-fingers]

“Well, I really didn’t think that I’d care about you this much when I met you at brunch.” She smiles.- well well well ;)

but yeah… Did I make sense?”- you did my baby, you did.

“You hang out here with Dolphin.”- Gladly!

I will not share mine, no matter how much you beg. So you better tell me if you want one.”- DAS MAH GURL

It was almost like it was a jelly silicone thing. He throws it on the glass and a chuckle escapes his mouth when they stick to the mirror.- I PLAYED WITH A TOY LIKE THAT (I know s not a toy here) ALOT BUT MY SIS IS SCARED OF THEM lmaoo

I still don't know how to chopsticks.. (tried ding it while watching shinchan -with forks lmao)

You can have mine, if you want,” he says, offering her the little he has left.- awwwwwh

You got a taste you over there mam (in music)

He gets her hair into three even sections but has trouble braiding them because she keeps moving her head listening to Mama.- pleaseeeee

“Your nose. Has anyone ever told you that it’s big? I mean it’s cute and it suits you. And I’m not one to talk with my long fat nose. Just wanted you to know that your nose is quite big.” She mumbles sleepily, eyes fluttering shut.- this made me laugh out and fucking loud, like a "HA!"....yeah-

“Sorry,” she giggles. Her apology does not match her demeanour one bit. “What do you expect me to do? It’s right there.” She raises her arms defensively. “None of this now. You go before me, you dickhead.” He pulls her up and pushes her towards the guestroom.- lmfaooo, loved this

That’s not a problem. Uh, I’d like it if you’d join in for a couple of pictures,” he blushes.- *melts into a pudle*

No cause: Her fingers popping in and out of his fishnets, basically playing. lmao

Please what?”- mommy? sorry. mommy? sorry. mommy?

where's Anne btw?

before Anne could come home- oookkkaayyyy

“It’s a bit crumpled now. Sorry,” he says, pulling out a swamp milkweed that was crushed.- *melts again cause doesn't remember when the fuck froze back*

She’s simply fucked in the head,” he retorts.- LMFAOO

The caption said ‘Gucci and Crocs’ followed by a black heart emoji.- yes please

Harry as her boyfriend to her friends, a few trusted Aunts and Uncles, and her maternal first cousins. She locks her phone and tosses it on the couch.- I hope she doesn't have to regret that later.

“Definitely gonna marry you one day,” she says softly and his heart flutters in response.- YES, YOU WILL HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!

---

THISSSSSS WASSS AS PERFECT AS YOU'RE!!! SO MY GOLDEN FISHY YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you mah-ma-maya, the readers out there are truly missing out on you.

Know that I would die if that meant I could meet you <333

AAAAH APRAJITA!!!! Looks like you finally finished huh, well done for balancing school and literally everything else.

- Well well well, indeed! Who knew mortified Layla in Part Two will end up liking this tall clown this much.

- WE DO NOT SHARE OUR CUP NOODLES CLUB.

- Chopsticks are super easy my child. I had a friend come in from Seoul when I was in fifth grade and I ate all the food she had to offer. Jjukkumi Gui was my favourite. She taught me how to use chopsticks. Just watch a YouTube video and pick up stuff using pencils.

- Thank you for the music taste compliment my queen! Do you like me linking it or do you think I should stop?

- The mommy? sorry made me snort laugh.

- The Gucci and Crocs as a caption was super cute ngl. I gave myself a mental pat on the back after I typed it out.

- Layla’s not gonna regret posting her boyfriend on Instagram because, knowing her, I bet her account is private and only let’s the cool people of the fam in. I can totally see her telling  Aunties and Uncles   - when they ask her why she hasn’t accepted their follow request on Instagram-  at family events that she ‘doesn’t use it much anymore’ or ‘she forgot her password ages ago’ lol. 

Thank you, my love. This part was my baby and I was a bit bummed when it didn't get that many notes but I’m over it now. Working on Part Twelve as I speak. 

Maybe we could meet if you ever find yourself in Chennai by any chance ;)

Also, I saw that in the tags when you reblogged it you put harry styles masterpiece 🥺 don't mind me sobbing in the corner.

[tricktster]

Honestly, I cannot say enough about my german study abroad program, in no small part because the people i met through it were the wildest bunch i have ever met. We had:

Me, a cursed American stumbling through increasingly unlikely and unfortunate situations, including:

getting arrested and hauled off in a cop car for the serious crime of not transcribing the five digit number printed on the back of my bus ticket onto the front of my bus ticket

slipping on dog poop on a crowded street while running late for class (leading a number of tourists to run over and photograph me in my undignified heap on the cobblestones) only to suffer one final indignity when i had to leave my poop shoe out in the hall outside the classroom, and subsequently discovered after class that it had been (correctly) identified as garbage by the custodian, and had been disposed of

spending the entire month of November with essentially no money after a bank error caused me to be cut off from my US checking account, thereby forcing me to figure out how to survive by my wits alone in a series of schemes, cons, and 1€ sausages

burning my thumb so badly on an oven in an attempt to make the world’s worst stuffing for the world’s saddest expat thanksgiving that my friends all had an intervention where they gave me a single black glove to wear because it was grossing them all out.

Enough about me. There were also my closest friends:

L , a horrendously wealthy New Englander who would drop lines in her stories like “so we were all smoking opium in my parents library,” and, “so every time my room gets too dirty, i just move to the next one down until the whole wing is filthy.” In spite of everything I’ve just said, she was also a genuinely good and incredibly fearless person who would throw fists without hesitation if she thought anyone was insulting her friends. She had a weird sexual relationship with her obscenely wealthy family friend in Frankfurt, which the rest of us suspected maybe been part of a business deal that their parents arranged at birth. It was better than Game of Thrones, honestly.

Y, a four foot tall Puerto Rican that I met when we were both walking down the street kind of near each other and some wild impulse called me to say to her, without so much as an introduction, “Yeah, you walk pretty cool, but if you wanna walk REAL cool, you gotta do it like thissssss,” while kinda lunging around. Just as inexplicably, she chose to continue talking to me, and several months later the two of us ended up making a harrowing 2:00 am escape from the private bar of a frat house that we had suddenly noticed had an awful lot of Nazi memorabilia on the walls for a frat located in a country that had criminalized the display of Nazi symbols. “Why are you leaving?” The frat-nazis complained as we bolted. “You will come back tomorrow afternoon for the barbecue, ja?” “Ahahhahaha nein fucking way, motherfucker,” Y muttered under her breath as we smiled and nodded politely all the way out the private garden, through the enormous iron gates, and out into the night. Once we were in the clear, we stared at each other, shaken, until Y broke the silence. “Welp. Those guys were Nazis. That actually just happened. I can’t.... man, I dunno, i’m still processing, let’s just go get some fucking falafel.”

We did.

S, the Australian, who one time invited me over to her apartment, opened the fridge, grabbed a plate of cheese, shoved it under my nose while going “HERE SMELL THIS!” and while i lurched away, gagging, cheerfully added “IT’S REALLY FOUL, RIGHT? ONE OF THE WOST THINGS I’VE EVER SMELLED!!” She was also absolutely obsessed with High School Musical, and was very disappointed every time the Americans shattered one of her illusions about the US public school system.

K, the girl from New Zealand, who had broken up with her serious boyfriend shortly before leaving for Germany, causing her to mourn his loss every time she got drunk by describing his penis with increasingly strange metaphors, such as “like a big wax candle but part of it’s gone,” and “like one leg off a spider.”

So, i had a pretty solid crew of five big weirdos. But there were, naturally, more people than the five of us in our program. For example:

R, from Minnesota, who dressed like she was about 72 and glared at anyone who was laughing too loudly near her because “i just don’t think jokes are funny.” More importantly, she would post facebook videos of herself reciting, entirely sincerely and in a steady monotone, the worst fucking poems that I have ever heard. She posted them under a pen name that was along the same lines as “the lyrical falcon.” She was in a feud with not one but two poetry clubs at her christian college, and while she never admitted this, all evidence suggested that it was because they both kicked her out. She was the Tommy Wisseau of poems. They were so bad they looped back around to good. Also, one time on the train she told me that she liked to think that she was a very good kisser because she played the french horn so she had strong mouth muscles. when i finally recovered from the mortal blow that she just delivered my soul, I asked her if she blew into people when she kissed them, and she got so insulted that she blocked me from her facebook poetry page. let me back in, R. please, if you’re reading this, let me back in.

They’re good poems, R.

Zoolander, from Pennsylvania, who was so, so handsome, but so, so, so dumb. One time he told me about this dream he had, and it was just an entire episode of Dexter’s lab. No changes or anything, he just... dreamed that he was watching that episode, and then the whole thing played in his head until it was done. He said it was the best dream he’d ever had. I once watched him pick up the same coin off the street four times because he couldn’t figure out that his pocket had a hole in it. When he noticed me, he said excitedly “Somebody left money everywhere!”

Juan, who constantly confused all the kids from Spain who went up to talk to him in their native tongue, only to discover that he was a very sarcastic man from Liverpool who didn’t speak a word of Spanish and was sick of everyone trying to bond with him. He only liked the Americans, because that’s where the tv show Family Guy was from, and only the Americans liked him, because we tend to like surly british assholes for basically no reason. At the end of the program while we were all saying our goodbyes, he came up to me, looking really upset. “I can’t believe it,” He said, uncharacteristically serious. “I can’t believe it’s all over and i’ll never...” He looked like he was about to cry.

“Oh, dude, we can keep in touch on facebook or something?” I fumbled. He blinked.

“What? No, no, ugh, it’s just the last day of the program and I’ve LOST MY FOOKIN SCARF!” he roared.

God, I know this is weird, but I still really miss that guy.

The Croatian: There was a dude from Croatia in my apartment building who outright refused to tell me his name, because, “It’s an embarrassing word in English. You’d laugh.” I badgered him for five months, until finally, his defenses down, after many earnest promises that no matter what his name was, I would not laugh, he relented.

“My name is Tin.” He said sheepishly.

His name was fucking Tin.

Beardy, Beardo, Redbeard, and Weirdbeard: four drastically different young men from all across our beautiful planet who had one thing in common: thinking that they’d try out a beard while they were abroad. We always admired them from a distance, and compared their beards’ various unique and bad properties, until one day Beardy (who was australian and had developed a sort of flesh colored goatee) walked up to S, his countryman, in a club. “DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?” he yelled, trying to get her attention, but she was in a dance-off with K, and didn’t notice, so he tapped her shoulder. She whirled around, startled, and upon recognizing him, said without thinking, “OH, HI BEARDY!”

The song faded out.

Beardy stared at S.

“...Did you just call me ‘Beardy?’” he asked quietly. S looked like a deer in the headlights. She glanced towards me, hoping for an out, but I, dear reader, was laughing too hard to be of any use.

“You did,” he went on, “you called me ‘Beardy!’ Why!?”

“Cuz of your beard, probably. That’s a better name for you than Josh.” Zoolander interjected from out of nowhere, strolling out of the club, a beautiful woman on each arm.

“My name isn’t Josh...” Beardy tried to call after him.

“Who’s name isn’t Josh? Oh! Beardy!” A drunk K could be heard deducing from the back of the room.

He shaved it a week later, but the damage was done. He was Beardy for the rest of the semester.

When I look back on that period of my life now, I can’t help but reflect - with the clarity one only gets from experience - that my time in Germany was not as weird as I thought it was at the time. I lacked the perspective to see that it was all, actually, absolutely bonkers batshit nuts. It was some sitcom shit.

All in all, I highly recommend it.

[suhosguardian]

Fic Recommendations...🙃

So I don’t know but this may be a little different to normal fic recs? I’m not really sure but I’m just gonna list my favourite writers and my favourite stories from them soooo this might be a really long post but you know what? WHO CARES THESE PEOPLE DESERVE OUR LOVE!!! 

@marshmallow-phd aka. my favourite writer on Tumblr - AN ABSOLUTE WRITING GOD, will take you on an emotional rollarcoaster - brilliant, just brilliant. Has so many more brilliant stories but I’m just gonna link my absolute favouritessss. 

The Experiments - EXO OT12 - LuckyOne!AU - The best fan fiction I have ever read. Hands down. Nothing will ever compare to this story. I can’t really say much about this story without spoiling it but just WOW. - It was because of this story that Junmyeon became my bias. 🤭 The sequel The Wanderers is just as good, but the Experiments just takes the cake for me. 

The Untamed Universe - EXO OT12 - Werewolf!AU - There is a personalised series for 8 out of 12 of the members, and each story is so beautifully constructed and so different from the last which is what makes it so goooodddd. You don’t have to read them in order, but I recommend that you do in order to get the full story. However, my two favourite stories within this Universe are undoubtedly

Fighting Instinct - Jongdae (Part One).  

Charming Instruction  - Junmyeon (Part Five). This one resonated particularly well with me because the protagonists life goals are almost exactly the same as my own which just made the read so much more enjoyable for me. 

The Sins of the Father - EXO - Junmyeon - Mafia!AU My favourite genre to read is MafiaAu’s so this was pretty much my ideal story. Again, the world crafting is brilliant, the use of language amazing. And has a Luhan spinoff that is currently being written. 🙃

Now I’m just gonna list some other favourites. 

My Soul to Keep - Demon!AU - Kris - EXO

My Soul to Burn - Demon!AU - Minseok - EXO

Prey in the Knight - Vampire!AU - Kris - EXO

Crimes of the Heart - Vampire!AU - Luhan - EXO

His Heart at Stake - Vampire!AU - Minseok - EXO

His Brightest Star -  Mafia!AU - Jaebum - GOT7

@krreader - she has like 1000 masterlists because she has written so much it’s amazing, it also means that I literally can’t pick my favourites. 

Diamond Maknae - BTS - The diamond maknae series is brilliant, 8th member of BTS and it also incorporates other groups as well. I highly recommend thissssss!!!!

Like a Butterfly - BTS - Yoongi -  NonIdol!AU/ SingleDad!AU - Again I can’t say too much without spoiling it but it is so soft but angsty and it has a really really good ending. 

Competition - BTS & GOT7 - Jungkook, Taehyung, Jackson and BamBam. Fluff and angst. 4 boys fighting over a girl. I really love this  story. 

Now we come to a group of writers I refer to as ‘the New Rat Pack’ (George Clooney Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Elliott Gould, Bernie Mac and Carl Reiner - literally anyone in Ocean’s Eleven) of Tumblr Writers because they are so freaking amazing you can literally identify their group by the EXO Customs Series because they are all each writing a section of that but just wow. Okay, I’m just gonna list the writers and my all time favourite piece because if I don’t limit myself we will be here forever. 

@ninibears-erigom-fics - an actual Queen 

Pretty Little Vixen - Jongin - I feel so predictable having that one as my favourite but IT’S JUST WRITTEN SO FREAKING WELL - carshop!au, gang!au, racer!au - smut, angst, violence. (ongoing) 

@suhoerections

Sinful Pleasure - demon!Kyungsoo, demon!Chanyeol, demon!Jongdae - SMUT 

@kimjongdaely - (her part of EXO Customs; The Art of Sin is fantastic!)

Alluring - EXO OT9 - Mafia!AU & Motorcycle!AU - I dare you to find a happy ending. 😉 

@kyungseokie

Dichotomy - Junmyeon and Baekhyun - arrangedmarriage!au -angst, fluff, smut (ongoing)  

@kpop---scenarios

Collateral - EXO - Mafia!AU - Violence, Smut (ongoing)

@fairyyeols

The Taste of Gold - Baekhyun - CEO!AU - Fluff - this is one of my all time favourites!!!

Diamond Freckles - the smutty kinda angsty bonus chapter! 😉

@yeoldontknow

Replay - Junmyeon - Superhero!AU, angst, fluff, smut

@mint-yooxgi - AKA THE YANDERE QUEEN

Monster Series - Yandere!AU’s - this series is so creepy but so freaking goooooddddd - my personal favourites within this however are 

I Own You - CEO!Baekhyun - Horror, Angst, Smut

You’re Next - SerialKiller!Jongin (this one is actually terrifying tho like I had to sleep with my light on) - Horror, Angst, Semi-Smut

Seal The Deal - Demon!Chanyeol - Angst, Horror, Smut (this one is probably my favourite one)

@baekwell--tart

Angelic - Baekhyun - Fluff

-------

@noona-clock

Untitled - EXO - Junmyeon - he’s a YouTube Travel Vlogger, its just so soft and beautiful. It’s just really happy and I think that is what I like most about it.

Rumors - EXO - Junmyeon - Office!AU

Look After You - SHINEE - Minho - Regency!AU/SingleParent!AU

Which One? - Ji Soo or Joo Hyuk - CoffeeShop!AU 

@vampwrrr - you could read through the entire masterlist and not find a dud story. 

Haunted House - Junmyeon - hands down one of the fluffiest things I have read and I love it so much - just read it, it’s so beautiful.

End of the World as We Know It - Junmyeon - I guess you could call this an Apocalypse!AU? Maybe? But again sooooo fluffy and is full of Myeon’s bad puns it’s such a great storyyyyy!!!!

@dovechim

the dark side of the moon   & all it’s side stories!!!  - BTS - Jimin - Werewolf!AU - Smut 

catch your death  - BTS - Hoseok - Hybrid!AU - Royalty!AU - Smut 

@optimizche - another of my all time favourite authors!!! The whole masterlist is brilliant! 

The Brat Trilogy - EXO - Sehun and Junmyeon - SMUT - I LOVE THIS TRILOGY SO MUCH

My Answer - EXO - Junmyeon and Kris - Smut, Fluff, Angst (ongoing) 

@soobadnoonecanstopher

I Give Up - Baekhyun - Fluff, Smut, ANGST OH LORD THE ANGST -I love this story so much like I have made all my friends read it! 😂(I stand by Chapter 22 being the best chapter, I love it so much.)

2am - Minseok -  Romance, Smut, Angst - its kinda happening at the same time as I Give Up I think? 

@readyplayerhobi

Run Little Rabbit Trilogy - WolfShifter!Hoseok - Smut, Angst, Fluff

A Court of Curses - VampirePrince!Hoseok - Smut, Fluff, Angst

20 Things (and Counting) I Hades About You  - Hades!Jimin - Crack, Angst

I worked on this for 24hrs fkn help. When I said that this would be long I didn’t expect it to be 1000+ words I’m so sorry.... If I’ve missed anyone I’ll add them in when I remember! 🙃 ❤️❤️❤️

[smores100]

once again we’re in full agreement lol. What’s your take on s3 remakes you’ve watched? Wondering how you feel about Skam FR as it’s kind of a similar situation to me where the chemistry & beauty is there but the writing and style is iffy (overwrought &overdramatic). My favorite s3 is druck. As a wlw I had high hopes for españa but it was p slow/v desexualized—a whole discussion, but my other gay friend & I were disappointed given how remakes with guys don’t hold back in that respect.. Thoughts?

Honestly re: wtfock tho I really do wonder if they had like one good writer in the room surrounded by fools. Bc it really does feel like some group projects I’ve been in where I feel like I’m the only one who’s not a fucking fool and carry the whole thing while having to fend off bad ideas (but when the majority rules, those bad ideas/execution get put in). I wonder if that’s what happened w wtfock.

re: wtfock, lol group projects are the worst….idk what wtfock’s writing process was like, but i’d love to know it. according to their wiki there were 3 writers this season? all seem to be male, naturally. did the two other writers have good ideas but there was a main writer who overruled them and did his own thing? or maybe they’re the rl one brain cell squad, that would explain a lot :p in any case, i’m unimpressed (friday’s clips did not help with that).

as for the other part of your ask….oh damn i have so many Thoughts on that, lol. this is probably gonna get long and messy, but you asked for it!

* druck - my absolute favorite. it’s the only one i’ve watched since s1, so that definitely played a part in my emotional investment and attachment. still, there was more to it than that. it was the closest to og imo in vibe and style (it felt small, real, lowkey, quiet, natural like og, as opposed to - as you said - overwrought and overdramatic + overproduced like the others); they cast an actual trans guy to play a trans character, if you wanna talk about a skam remake doing something REVOLUTIONARY? druck is the one; i loved matteo’s and david’s characterizations, how they both had a bit of isak and even in them, and the role reversal in some scenes, made things feel fresh *and* fit their characters/story; i LOVE that teens matteo and david were played by actual teens michi and lukas!! they’ve completely ruined me for all other remakes, bc thissssss is how it’s supposed to be! thisssss is how it should look like! THEY ARE KIDDOS. and they (druck and michi/lukas) truly captured what it’s like to be young and fall in love for the first time, the awkwardness and the nervousness and stuttering and fumbling around, the softness and pureness and innocence of it all!!! also they have THE BEST dynamic - other people might prefer all the hot kissing and steamy making out and the smouldering looks, but me? i just couldn’t get enough of their dumb chaotic energy, best friends who love each other deeply and are also constantly little shits to one another. gimme them pranking each other and playfighting every day! and then being soft and THE HANDS and matteo being a clingy koala basking in david’s affection :3 i also loved how for the most part they didn’t just copy/paste og’s storyline, they made some changes and knew how to make *other* changes accordingly for it to make sense and fit the story *they* were telling - for example, replacing the ‘call your gf’ scene with matteo’s panic attack/breakdown (one of my fave scenes), or their reunion at the end of ep 7 (replacing the desperate kissing + sex with a comforting and relieved yet also bittersweet and melancholic hug), or even matteo getting advice from his drug dealer instead of the school’s doctor, lol. also THE BEST BOY SQUAD, hands down. and matteo is my favorite isak bc to me he felt like his own character instead of just another isak, he was different and reletable and a constant Mood. that being said - it wasn’t perfect and it had its issues. there were a few times when i did feel they stuck too close to og scenes and it didn’t *entirely* work for me, just felt a bit off; i will forever be disappointed that they didn’t directly address and acknowledge matteo’s mental state/depression, bc there were enough signs imo to indicate that he did suffer from something. they mentioned ‘therapy’ in mia’s, alex’s and kiki’s cases, i truly thought they would with matteo as well, but alas, they dropped the ball on that one; i was extremely upset with david’s outing, but i’ve since calmed down and have managed to see it in a more positive light, tho i still have mixed feelings about it and am not fully on board with that decision, still wish it had been done differently (but at least! it wasn’t brushed off and was addressed immediately and eventually led to david having agency and yelling out his pain!!! which was good and important and cathartic); also eps 8 and 9 were pretty messy writing-wise, things either didn’t make sense or would’ve made more sense had the clips were organized differently (that random ping pong clip….?). overall tho, the good outweighed the bad, and it remains my fave

* skam france - now that’s a tricky one. the way i felt about it in the first half of the season, is different from the way i felt about it in the second half of the season, is different from the way i feel about ever since watching druck’s s3. it’s funny you should say how similar it is to wtfock for you, bc i’ve been thinking the same thing for quite some time. those neighboring countries sure have a shared flair for the dramatic! fr’s s3 was pretty much the first s3 i watched (i gif-watched half of skamit, couldn’t get into it). i wasn’t planning to (i was extremely unimpressed by the couple of s1 eps i tried watching, and same by axel’s acting in those first two seasons), but even is the loml and they got me gooood with their eliott pov trailer, which might have affected my excitement over it during the first half. back then i really enjoyed it for the most part, despite some clips being rushed or missing the point thus not fully having the required effect (their locker room scene, for example, or the ‘generalizations are bad’ convo), or how much i hated basile (a character so obviously written by a man it’s amazing), or the cheesy piano music. there were enough good things for me to focus on instead (more in a bit) that i could ignore the things i didn’t like or weren’t as good imo. however, all the positivity got sucked out of me when yann noped tf out after lucas came out to him bc WAY TO MISS THE POINT OF SKAM!!! and things went downhill after the director’s IT’S NOT DISNEYLAND IT’S FRANCE 2019 comment. i’m getting all upset just thinking about it, but to say *that*, to explain that horrendous decision bc lowkey homophobic reactions are realistic!!! only to THEN be all ‘haha jk yann isn’t homophobic! we just wanted you to *think* he was! he’s actually an awesome friend who took several days to reflect on all his past wrongdoings while his bff was at home having a nervous breakdown bc he believed his bff hated him!’ ughhhhhhhhh, miss me with that shit. great that they had yann apologizing for his past comments, but the way in which it was done was for pure shock value and angst, completely ooc for his character (all season he was all ‘tell me tell me tell me let me help let me help let me help’ only to do *that*?? nahh), and interesting how out of everyone the only black character was the only one with a negative reaction (remind you of anyone), highlighted even more during ep 7 aka the ott lucas coming out tour. then ep 8, that should have been 100% all lucas and eliott and building up to eliott’s manic episode suddenly had that weird random pov changing clip in the middle of it which truly wtf, basile was still basile, lucas thanked chloe for outing him, more scenes felt rushed, they had sex in school where people could come and go in front of huge windows in broad daylight and luckily didn’t get poisoned from licking all that paint! and i did not like the flatshare, i absolutely hated mika and lisa kicking lucas out of his room - which he pays rent for! - and manon not even trying to put up a fight, and them being like ‘roommate isn’t just a place, it’s a way of living. that’s a family, and you’re more like a cousin.’ ‘a second cousin.’ ughhhhhh and then when eliott was recovering from his depressive episode, they *still* didn’t give lucas his room back or at least let eliott stay there, he was sleeping on the couch, i’m aldjlajdafj. can’t believe i’m gonna say it, but TAKE NOTES FROM WTFOCK. tl;dr there were some good moments in the second half, but i was feeling bitter more often than not about certain things, so my enjoyment wasn’t as high as when it first started. and after watching druck, druck’s brand is definitely much more my style. plus, i was already struggling with making myself believe axel and maxence were in their teens, but after druck it’s completely impossible, so i just pretend they’re in college or something lol. all my issues with it aside, i’d still rate it higher than wtfock, bc overall the writing was better, more coherent, and made much more sense. i also liked lucas’ friendship with the girls; i loved that instead of copying the underwater kiss + 21:21 like some others have, they came up with their own thing i.e. polaris, which i thought was lovely; the lucas/manon crying in the middle of the night together in front of the tv was one of my fave scenes of the season; also love how we were introduced to eliott on the first week! and they spent time together! and specifically the piano playing scene, ohhhh; and in general elu are sweet and i reeeeally like axel and maxence and their friendship. so yeah, it had some major issues, but i’d rather have a coherent story with something done for shock value and drama ONCE than an incoherent story with several shock value moments.

* skam espana - sorry to hear you girls were disappointed! i only watched half of it, so i can only comment on what i saw. i decided to binge watch s1 and give s2 a shot when i heard they were giving cris isak’s story - it felt a bit weird to me, but it was also something different and new, and i did have an appreciation for their decision to have a wlw season (also much more revolutionary to me than showing a gay bashing), so i was intrigued and willing to try it. sadly i didn’t really vibe with s1? it’s totally a personal preference i think, maybe even a cultural thing idk, but it felt very fast and loud and hectic to me, idrk how to explain it. i was just more into the chill more lowkey vibe of druck and skamnl. but i still gave s2 a shot, and idk, it still wasn’t my cup of tea. i thought it was ok for the most part, but there were some things that bothered me - joana/cris felt underdeveloped to me? and things b/w them felt like they were moving so fast from the second they met, like jona was so intense and forward ALL THE TIME, they had like 6 almost kisses in a really short time, like shhh slow down. i remember disliking their ‘call your gf’ scene, it felt really petty and kinda mean to me? bc i felt like joana came on to cris *really* strongly and *very* frequently, so cris was more than entitled to feel hurt and betrayed when she found out joana had a bf, but then cris was kissing a dude and joana positioned herself and her bf in front of cris so she’d see them kissing too, and i just didn’t like bc seriously?? cris is valid, just apologize to her and explain?? idr much else tbh, they had some really cute and sweet scenes afterwards, i’m still against doing the underwater kiss + 21:21 so i was kinda meh about that (tho aesthetically speaking it was BEAUTIFUL, and i’m like, fiiiiine girls deserve an underwater kiss too, i’ll allow it just this once!), and that cuddling clip in ep 6 i think was sweet and the last one i watched. like i said, i was less vibing with this remake, and iirc it was going on during druck’s s3 and skamnl’s s2 - which were my faves, plus skamfr was on too i think and i was lowkey following it too, so….there was just too much all at once and something had to go, and it was skamesp. it was also around the time when panaphobia-gate happened, so *shrugs* i’m not wlw myself so your opinion on it being desexualized is probably more valid than mine? i just know when i did watch, there was a lot of kissing and making out and being cute and touchy with each other, so i thought it was ok? as i’ve mentioned before, i don’t need to see a naked butt or anything like that to *get* it lol, i thought they were lovely! but that’s just me. i will say that my faaaave part was most definitely the cris/amira friendship. they were so wonderful! one of the best skam friendships imo. i might one day go back and finish the season just for the heck of it, but they didn’t do anything major or highly offensive that made me have negative feelings towards it, it was just a personal preference + circumstances (too many remakes!) that made me be less into it and drop it before the end.

[iheartsurveys]

190

Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Mexican

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I’ve been in a grand total of 0 relationships in which I’d introduce the other person as my boyfriend.  So yeah.

I have to ask: What does the last text you received say? <3

How about the last text you sent? Night <3 to my momma lol

Have you shared any kisses today? Sure haven’t unless you count Theo, Britt’s dog lol

Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? Last actual person and not a dog had soft lips

Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? A year from now I’ll (hopefully) be at my new job for a year! Maybe making more money/getting promoted? That’d be cool.  Also idk where we’ll be living we’ve talked about maybe moving more east.  And it’d be nice to be in a relationship for once but ya know who tf knows

How many windows are in your bedroom? 2

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope

When was the last time you went to the doctor? Few months ago

Are you going out of town anytime soon? Leaving my town to see my mom and pups on Wednesday, and then Thursday for work I need to go to DC in the morning.  Not sure if we’re going anywhere for Christmas, but I’m going to Cali in January!

Do you hate your ex? Nah

When are you going to get a haircut? Idk I’m into growing it out currently even though the ends are looking meh

Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yep 

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? No

When was the last time you applied chapstick? A few days I keep misplacing my chapstick and lost a bunch too

Are you a coffee person or a tea person?

Coffee fo sho

Do you have a weird laugh? Nah I don’t think so

What kind of deodorant do you wear? Secret

Do you have videos on YouTube? Nope

When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? The other day talking to my dad probably

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? I have before but I try not to, I’m typically a decent person

What’s your fast food restaurant of choice? I just answered thissssss

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? A, B, C, Z.  Not in that order but I realized and was like wow maybe I should start talking to the middle of the alphabet, maybe the ends are my downfall lolol

Are you in any kind of pain right now? Nope

Are you the jealous type? Eh it depends, I have my moments

What did you and your ex fight about most? As I’ve mentioned, no real bf, but I count guys I’ve dated as ex’s I guess for the sake of surveys because literally 10000 questions are about relationships and it’s annoying skipping them all soooo yeah.  Anyways.  Bren and I fought about him being stupid and lying about stupid shit.  Literally the dumbest shit ever like ugh idk.  He’s really the only guy I’ve dated that I’ve “fought” with

Do you have a foot phobia? No but I don’t particularly like feet 

Well, are you a germaphobe? Yes and no, it depends

Do you get frustrated easily?

Again, it depends.  Mainly with traffic/bad drivers

Don’t you love long hugs? Sure

And long kisses? Also sure

Have you ever purchased condoms?

I have not

Do you have a dirty mind? Sometimes

What’s your favorite soda? Coke

Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? I do more than Britt

Did you think braces were cool when you were little? Not really cool but there was a kid I liked in middle school that had braces and like I thought the braces were part of what made him cute lolol

Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair? Yeah

Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I’m currently listening to my music on shuffle so I’ll just hit next.  Blastoffff by Joywave

What is the last song you added to your iTunes library? Ummmm Trampoline by SHAED

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? Nah

When was the last time you were sick? I had a stomachache earlier today if that counts.  Sick sick, in the summer

Did you get anybody else sick? No either time

Have you had your flu shots? Yeah a month or two ago

What brand is your camera? I just use my iPhone these days

Do you like raisins? Nope

Who was your valentine this year? My dogs

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? April of 16

And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? June of 16...oy 

Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? Nope

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Water

Do you like to swim? It’s okay

How many vacations have you been on in the past year? Only one really

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Still singleeeee! Andrew and I did go to the beach but it was for a school thing not really vacation

Are you supposed to be doing homework, young man/lady? Not in school

Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? I don’t have to but I should to get used to it for work...but I’m not gonna lol

Do you have any prescriptions currently? Yeah

Are you upset about anything? Not really

[searchforvitality]

5/20/2017 2:52AM

MIND DUMP

I should get used to it...

I need to stop having such high expectations. Well, very particular expectations at least. 

We’re only a month in, and I’m feeling this weirdness tugging within me.

I wonder if it’s because this quarter is just super easy for me. Or I wonder if we’re just two different people. Two different lifestyles. 

I told myself that I wanted him to be the one. I told others that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Can that really happen though? 

Will I feel this way when I actually have things to do? Or is this just within my character? I value connection and communication over all else. And he’s always been so studious. He’s always been that student who works very hard for his straight-A’s. Until we started dating. Then he started taking late days. Turning things in two or three days late. Not studying for his tests. Because of me. 

We’d stay messaging each other until 5 in the morning until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. There was even this one time he wanted to focus on messaging me that he stood in his bathroom for four hours just messaging me, midway through his long skin-care routine. I thought this was because he liked me too much. But now I think he was just doing that because he didn’t want me to feel sad or neglected. Because now he just turns off his phone and sleeps. He doesn’t bother to tell me he’s sleeping. And lowkey? I do feel a lil bit of sadness. 

So basically... I think I need to realize that every lovely thing he did for me within the first month, he did it solely for me...He didn’t stay up because he couldn’t bear to stop talking... He didn’t have multiple conversations with me via Facebook AND snapchat because he wanted to...He did it because I wanted to. And if I didn’t want these things, they probably wouldn’t have happened. I thought he did these things because love makes you do crazy things. Things that are out of the ordinary and out of character. But I think he only did it because I did it. and he was just reciprocating.

Of course. I should’ve known this. He’s a boy who doesn’t socialize all that much. I mean, when he’s put in social situations, he’s funny and captivating and everything. But on his own, he doesn’t make conversations. He doesn’t text people. Just the fact that he messages me back is a sign that he cares. I shouldn’t wish for those long text conversations that last all the way until the sun comes up. I should be happy that he replies to my longass novels through text. I should be happy that he keeps a conversation with me on multiple social mediums simultaneously. I shouldn’t be picky. I shouldn’t be greedy.

I don’t know why I feel this way though. It feels like... things have changed so quickly. Ever since I told him, “you don’t have to worry”, things haven’t been magical anymore.

Whyyyyyyyyy

I hate thissssss

I hate this feeling

It’s not even like a dreadful feeling. It’s not like a sadness that overtakes my mind and body. It’s like this nagging little voice that won’t shut up, even though I feel pretty normal for the most part. 

The voice says, “He doesn’t care the way you do!!! Leave now!!! Abort mission!!!”

It makes me insecure. It makes me think I’m not the one for him. It makes me angry at him. And it makes me angry at myself with situations go awry. 

I wish he was crazy enough for me to do stupid things. But I guess that’s just a character trait that I have alone.

I’ve always done crazy things for love... Even when Chris and I were nearly two years into our relationship, I’d always stay up for him. When Chris worked from 11PM-8AM, he’d usually have his breaks at 1AM and 3AM. I’d always try to stay up that late to talk to him during his breaks. Two years into the relationship, and I was still doing crazy things to be able to talk to him.

Why do I value conversations so much? Why is it that when a conversation doesn’t go according to the script inside my head, I start to panic? Why can’t I just sit back and watch life unfold? 

It’s only a month into the relationship, and I feel like I’m losing. Idk what I’m losing. I just feel uneasy. I can’t love him the way I want to love him. I can’t get the attention I want. Whyyyyy

Why am I like thisssss

Do I have to change? Am I being stubborn? Am I being demanding? Is it wrong to feel this way?? Is it wrong to want him the way I want him? 

Relationships mean compromise. I have to compromise. But I lowkey don’t want to. It’s like he said... he does so much for me, and I can’t do anything for him..........

It’s ONLY ONE MONTH INNNN

Why am I feeling this way?

How can we continue? How can I continue to feel this way??? I just want to love him the way I’ve always loved people. 

Why can’t I just love people...without having to devour them? Why can’t I just love people without giving my whole self to them?

Love is patience. I guess I’m not very patient huhh.

I’m probably not being understanding right now. He’s a HARD WORKER TAMMY. You should be more like him. He has priorities. School is so important. More important than you!!!! calm downnnnn

I really don’t like this feeling though. How can I alleviate this feeling? Am I being selfish? It’s not like he doesn’t love me. He’s liked me for two years for god’s sake!!!!!! What’s wrong with meeeee

As we got to know each other, he’s expressed to me that prior to dating, he already had a lot of concerns. “I didn’t go for you because I knew I couldn’t give you the same attention that Chris did. I don’t have enough free time to take you on adventures. I was afraid of boring you”

I’m not going to lie, those are the very same concerns I have now. Give or take. 

He didn’t even know me yet, yet his predictions were so exact. 

Recently I’ve told him I felt worried and doubtful. Yet he’s so optimistic and he has so much faith in us.

If he knew what I was thinking... would he still have that faith? Or would he start doubting, too? Would our short-lived relationship start to crumble? Is that when we decide that our characteristics are too different??? Fuck

So basically... the first month of this relationship was everything I wanted out of a relationship. But realistically, that can’t happen. 

I can’t make him want to talk to me until the sun comes up. I can’t make him this person that he’s not. It wouldn’t be genuine.

Realistically, I am going to have to adapt. Most definitely. What would that look like for me?

Am I capable of loving someone like that? To wait on the sidelines until they are finished with their homework? To wait out on their schedule and exhaustion that school brings them? What about all the love that I have to give??? How can I put that on pause until he’s done with his stuff? Am I able to do that? Maybe later as the relationship settles... but right now? When it’s fresh and new? All I want to do is shower him in love, but I can’t. Where does that love go? Where do I put this love when he’s not able to receive it? What if it goes somewhere else? 

People have told me that it’s going to be okay. HE’s told me that it’s going to be okay. but is it?

Maybe it will, and I’m just drowning myself in these negative thoughts right now.

Trust me... I want to be understanding. And I’m trying the best I can.

It’s kind of hard when you expect your bestfriend and boyfriend to be the person you want to pour yourself into. But you can’t. Cause he’s unavailable.

I want to be able to not feel disappointment. To not feel disappointment every time 1 conversation out of our total of four conversations gets dull. To not feel a certain longing when I look at his name on facebook and it says, “Active 3min ago”. To not feel my hopes shot down whenever I feel a notification on my phone to find that it’s only an email from school. I want to be the girlfriend he needs me to be. But what about these left over feelings?

I’m trying my best to be understanding. I think i’ve already been at least a little understanding. But at the same time, I’m not.

I’m not understanding when I finally get his attention and I ask with microaggression, “Why didn’t you say good night last night?”

I’m not being understanding when I’m constantly saying, “LOVE MEEEE”.

I’m not being understanding when I can’t help but get sad.

I’m sorry, Andy :( 

I’ll try to get used to this...

[ladyakahiko]

Once again I find myself up late on a moonlit night, overthinking my life...

Things are going well for me, but I’m utterly exhausted.  I want to put more energy into exercise and improving myself physically, but at the end of the day I am absolutely spent.  Am I lacking in some vitamin or mineral?  Or were those moronic Japanese doctors right and my problem is simply that I’m too heavy?  I really try not to let that get to me and be body positive, but that is so extremely difficult to do when you’re the giant American girl living in the land of tiny Japanese people.  

Instead I’m really making an effort to focus more on the other positive changes that I’ve been making in my life.  I’ve been cooking more lately (well, in an effort to be healthier after the doctor gave me a diet plan) and that’s made me feel emotionally better.  The simple act of cooking and taking care of myself has been quite zen.  I just need to add the other layers, piece by piece.  I’m doing a better job of keeping my kitchen sink dish-free (it’s not at the moment but I’m planning to do a big cleaning day tomorrow before the Magome lantern festival).  I’m also keeping my daily essentials better stocked.  Next comes actually putting my fucking laundry away instead of throwing clean shit into a pile in front of my closet, and in general just keeping my apartment in a cleaner state.  I love entertaining people and I really want to have people over more often.

That’s kind of a good segue into the next thing that’s on my mind--people.  Love and romance.  I’m crushing so hard, and I just know I’ve got it bad for this guy.  His name pops up on my phone and my heart jumps through my chest.  I’m planning what I’ll wear the next time I see him, and plotting things I can say to tip him off that I’m into him without being overbearingly obnoxious.  Somehow I think saying “oh hey when I drove two hours north last week it totally wasn’t random at all, I was just hoping that maybe on the off chance I would get to see you” would scare the dude off.  Maybe I’ll ask him to dinner or to one of my upcoming shows or something.  Definitely has to be done face to face, because online messages are pretty fucking cowardly.  Yet I used that medium when I was in Takayama... FUCK.  Why am I so awkward and bad at thissssss?!??!

Anyway.  Topic change.

My performing life is going really well.  I got asked to do guest vocals at a show next week, and then my band’s regular show is the week after that.  I’ll also be singing at graduation, and doing a small dance in the 3rd year students’ farewell video.  A few nights ago at one of the local live houses I joined in on “Johnny B. Goode” with a different band and they said they want to perform with me again.  I just hope I can juggle it all, because rehearsals for the play in Nagoya are going to rev up come March.  Granted, my character doesn’t speak much so maybe my rehearsal time will be somewhat sparse in the first few months.  

Even if I am busy though, it will be busy doing things that I love.  Performing, acting, creating, making music and entertaining.  These things are so much more fulfilling to me than that RPA bullshit... only a little over a month and I’m doneeeeee weeeeeeeeee.

...though part of me worries that no matter who my successor is, I’ll be rolling my eyes at them when I feel like they’re fucking up and think that I would do a better job because I’m a competitive little shit like that.  I really need to keep myself in check and know my limits and not strain myself.  There were a few times this past year when I could barely keep myself afloat (just ask my counselor about my stress levels...)

My curry better be done cooking... yes, I’m cooking curry at 2am... I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT WHO CONTRIBUTES POSITIVELY TO SOCIETY GODDAMN IT.