#me not doing Izzy gifs for once?

[deaderthandoubledead]

Other character sets: Buttons / Calico Jack / Izzy 

[djarin]

hi i'm sorry to bother you but do you have any tips on giffing dark indoor scenes? yours always look so good!

hi there! not a bother at all :) i can definitely try to explain the steps i usually take under the cut!

this tutorial will assume that you already know the basic steps of gif-making — if you don't, there are lots of great tutorials floating around on this site that can help you out! :)

here's the gif i'll work with to explain my steps, the bottom being the original and the top being the coloured/brightened version.

before we start, a general tip i recommend keeping in mind: if you want to brighten a dark scene, you'll want to get your hands on the highest quality download you can find. 1080p is decent, but if your laptop can handle 2160p 4k hdr files* without sounding like it's about to explode, that'll get you even better results!

(*colouring hdr 4k files requires a different set of steps — the scene will appear washed-out on photoshop, so you need to make sure that you don't end up whitewashing anyone if you do choose to work with this type of file.)

since most of my downloads are 1080p, i'll use this type of file in this tutorial.

the first step of my gifmaking process with 1080p files is almost always the same no matter what scene i'm giffing. i make a brightness/contrast layer and set the blending mode to screen:

now my gif looks like this:

depending on the scene and how washed out it looks after this layer, i'll play around with the opacity. for this gif, i didn't touch the opacity at all. use your best judgement for this, because every scene is different!

i find that dark indoor scenes are usually tinted in yellow or green. one of my first goals is to try to fix the undertone of this scene before focusing on brightening it any further. i go to colour balance for this, and play around with the midtones, shadows, and highlights.

again, every scene is different, so the amount to which you use colour balance will differ, but for this specific scene, my goal was to neutralize the yellow. i focused particularly on the midtones and shadows of the colour balance layer, moving the scales to the opposite of the reds.

doing so will help with neutralizing the yellow. the only reason i moved the scales towards magenta and blue (therefore making it a bit more red than less) rather than green and yellow in shadows was because i wanted a darker contrast in the blacks. moving them to green and yellow made the overall scene more yellow since there were so many dark spots that shadows affected. (you'll see what i mean when you start experimenting with your own gif — this part of the process really just depends on your preferences!)

our gif might not look that much better yet, but it will soon! our best friend channel mixer is gonna help us out. for an in-depth post about how to use this adjustment layer, i recommend checking out this tutorial.

i'm someone who prefers to make more than one layer for the same adjustment layer for a reason i can't even explain (i just find that it helps me stay more organized). so don't think of this process like i can only use this layer once so i MUST fix it NOW. you can create multiple layers of the same adjustment layer, because every layer on top will affect the ones underneath it.

since my priority is getting rid of the yellow tint, i went to the Blue section of the channel mixer and increased it in all of the scales:

this step alone has helped us out so much, because look at our gif now!

not only does the background look less yellow, but so does izzy's skintone.

now i'm going to focus on trying to brighten the scene even more without destroying the quality. the levels layer can actually help out a lot with this.

the amount to which i move each toggle differs per scene, and i think experimenting depending on your gif works best for this layer.

side note: i prefer not to use the ink droppers on the side because the contrast in the result usually ends up feeling too strong for my preferences, but if you find that this works better for you, then go for it! basically, the first dropper with the black ink should be clicked before you select the darkest part of the scene that you can find, and vice versa for the third dropper with the white ink — click it, and then select the brightest part of your scene.

curves is the next layer that does fantastic work! unlike the levels layer, i do actually use the ink droppers for this. it's the same concept, with the first dropper being used on the darkest part of the scene, and the third dropper on the brightest.

try to think of curves as something that not only further brightens your scene, but also helps with the colour neutralizing process.

i grab the first dropper, then click the darkest parts of the gif that i can see. depending on the undertone of the blacks that you're clicking on, the tint of your gif might actually change significantly. this is why i prefer to click once, then undo the action if i don't like what it gives me. izzy's leather jacket was the sweet spot for this gif.

when i'm satisfied, i make another curves layer and use the third dropper to click the bright/white parts of the scene. for this gif in particular, the lights in the background were a good fit because they carried a yellow undertone — this meant that my curves layer actually helped to further neutralize the yellows in the scene as a whole!

(i manually dragged the curves graph upwards for the third dropper to make it brighter. i don't need to do this if the dropper does this for me automatically, but since the lights were pretty bright, it only changed the tone of the scene and didn't increase the brightness — hence the manual step.)

pat yourself on the back, because this is what our gif looks like now!

this is good, but it's not great — there's still just a bit too much yellow in the scene for my liking (sorry, i'm picky! :P)

i created another channel mixer layer and played with the toggles until i was satisfied:

ta-da! the gif as a whole is much less red/yellow now:

this is when i start fixing the colouring now — namely, his skin tone. selective colour will be your best friend here. i wanted to make his face just a tad brighter and less of a yellow-ish magenta shade, so i focused on the reds and yellows.

then, out of habit, i created another selective colour layer and took out more of the "yellow" in the whites to make them whiter, and increased the black (just by +1, since the contrast is pretty good enough already).

note: i switched to "absolute" for these two colours. basically, relative = less vibrant colour manipulation, and absolute = more vibrant/stronger colour manipulation. i prefer to stick to "relative" for fixing skin-tone since "absolute" can be a bit too strong for that.

our gif looks like this now!

his face looks brighter and much less yellow, so i'm satisfied!

this next step is not mandatory at all — again, i'm just picky and despise yellow-tinted scenes. i personally believe that indoor scenes that are yellow/green tinted make them look more dark than they actually are, so i do my best to get rid of these colours.

i also don't always do this, but for this gif, i just simply went to hue/saturation, selected the yellows from the drop-down menu and decreased its saturation.

be careful not to do this too much. depending on the quality of your download, this can significantly decrease your gif quality. i tend to worry less about this when i'm working with 2160p files, but again, those files require an entirely different set of steps when it comes to brightening/colouring.

since this was a 1080p file download (and one that was actually less than 1GB, oops, don't do that), i played it safe and decreased it by -39 only.

note: you also want to be cautious of colour-washing skintone when it comes to this step. i find that another selective colour layer can help perfect the skintone in case the yellow drains out of it too much, but skip the hue/saturation step if it's too difficult to work with — better to be safe than sorry.

anyway, this is the final gif!

that's usually what i do when it comes to colouring dark indoor scenes! i hope this tutorial makes sense, and if you have any further questions, don't hesitate to reach out! :)

[celluloidbroomcloset]

"The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why."

"I don't. Enlighten me."

"Your feelings for Stede—"

This scene has been picked over a lot, but this is the first time I noted the speed with which it happens, including how clearly Ed himself knows what Izzy will say, and has from the moment he walks on deck. It's the culmination of an emotional violence that has been there since the start of Season 1 and that focuses on how and where Ed is allowed to express his feelings.

It's Ed who decides to make the discussion public, and Ed who challenges Izzy to say, out loud, in front of the crew, exactly why Izzy thinks the atmosphere is fucked.

Ed's acting unhinged a moment before, but as soon as Izzy speaks, he's very present—because he's been pushing for this to happen. The tone of voice he uses when he says, "Enlighten me," is similar to the sarcasm in his voice back in "Discomfort," when he says, "Sounds stressful, Izzy." He's not daring Izzy to say it's about his feelings; he's waiting for him to.

Izzy barely even gets Stede's name out before Ed is nodding and pulling the trigger. It's not at all what Izzy later says—"He took my leg because I dared to mention your fucking name." The exact words are "your feelings for Stede."

In Season 1, Izzy has insisted that his words to Ed about Stede be spoken in private. He never discusses it with anyone in the crew. The only time other people are present for those discussions is when Izzy insists that Ed send Stede to "doggy heaven," and then Fang has an emotional breakdown (and for a good bit of Season 1, Izzy treats Ivan and Fang as an extension of himself). The crew know that Ed is in love with Stede, but Izzy does not speak about that in front of them. Izzy's verbal violence about Stede, and his attacks on Ed about Ed's feelings for Stede, are always out of sight and hearing of the crew.

But he does speak to Stede's enemies about it, and Ed knows it. Izzy has told Calico Jack that Ed is "shacking up" with Stede. Spanish Jackie also knows, and so do the English, because that's how and why Izzy sold Stede out. Ed is aware, from the moment that Jack uses the term "shacking up," that Izzy has been speaking publicly about Ed's relationship with Stede.

Ed himself does not talk about his romantic or sexual relationships. Other people do—Calico Jack, Anne and Mary, Izzy—but Ed is not public with that information, even saying that “our private lives are our private lives” (echoing Stede’s statement to Jack: “Ed’s past is Ed’s business and I respect that.”). The times when Ed makes his feelings toward Stede known, even implicitly, are private—the “fine things” scene, the kiss on the beach, even the stabbing scene, all are between Ed and Stede. No one else is meant to witness those. After Stede has left him, Ed’s grief and the reasons behind it are clear, but he still conceals it with a song “about someone else.”

Ed keeps his softer emotions hidden and private, or tries to, because he’s been conditioned to believe that they’re dangerous to have. And they are—Jack makes them the subject of derision, and Ed is explicitly threatened when he makes his love for Stede too publicly visible. Izzy invades his private spaces (his cabin, his personal space) to berate and expose his emotions, mockingly calling Stede Ed’s boyfriend. The discussion of emotions that Ed tries to keep private are always initiated by Izzy, and the discussions are always violent and derisive.

The crew themselves do not know what has led to Ed shooting Izzy. They haven’t seen the escalation of violence and violation, going from emotional violence to physical—and the initial toe-cutting scene is very much Ed invading Izzy’s safe space to enact violence on him, just as Izzy did to him. They haven’t been witness to the threats and the danger that Ed has increasingly experienced and that in part led him to putting on Kraken in the first place.

The shift that happens in “Impossible Birds” is Izzy once again invading Ed’s space, where he’s caressing and then concealing the groom figurine, to prompt the discussion of emotions. What Izzy thinks is a result of him speaking Stede's name and ethos is actually a result of him invoking, again, Ed's emotions about Stede as a way of manipulating him. But this time, Ed is going to make him do it in front of the crew.

It is, in a sense, an expansion of "the love that dare not speak its name.” If “everyone knows why,” then Izzy is going to have to say it. So the moment on deck is Ed forcing Izzy to publicly expose the things that have been concealed: Ed's private emotions that Izzy has broadcast to his enemies but never to his friends, and the violence that has been attached to those emotions. They're going to "talk it through," but Izzy has made talking it through violent and unsafe. Now what had been private violence is going to be public.

[brigdh]

I want to talk about Izzy's rant to Ed in episode 10, the one that brings out the Kraken. I've seen a lot of different descriptions of what is going on in this scene – death threat, homophobic slurs, etc – and I don't think either of those are what's actually what's happening.

Let's look at it closely, line by line, and the way Ed reacts, from the very beginning of the scene.

Ed: Well, feels nice to tidy up a little. Can't believe I was living like this. Can you, Iz? Izzy? Izzy: I'm going to speak plainly. Ed: Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship.

Izzy, cont: This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death.

Okay. So there we've got what some have interpreted as a death threat. But does Ed seem threatened? He's startled, certainly, put on his back foot – literally – but he doesn't look afraid or alarmed to me. He draws in a slow breath, assessing the situation, but overall seems more confused than frightened.

In fact he laughs it off with his next line:

Izzy then escalates the level of aggression in the conversation:

But Ed, again, looks more confused than anything. Check out that furrowed brow, that head tilt! This is a man going "what is your deal?", not a man thinking "uh-oh, you might kill me!".

Extremely noticeably, even when Izzy storms right up into his face, Ed holds steady. He doesn't run, doesn't lean back, doesn't hunch his shoulders or drop eye contact – there is no vulnerability or defensiveness in Ed's body language at all. Ed is in supreme control of this confrontation – look at the slow way he deigns to turn back to the paper Izzy's holding! As though he's making the point that he chooses when to turn, not Izzy:

Then we have the "homophobic slur". But watch closely:

Ed does not react to "namby-pamby", "silk gown", or "pining" at all. He doesn't even blink. He barely seems like he's hearing Izzy. His entire attention is on the picture.

Ed's body language and behavior changes at one word and one word only, and that is "boyfriend". As soon as Izzy says it, Ed's furious:

(It's even easier to notice when you actually watch the scene instead of using gifs, because Izzy really draws out 'piiiiiiining', putting a lot of time between the first half of the sentence and 'boyfriend'.)

Why is the use of the word 'boyfriend' so important?

Well, what has Ed been doing all episode? He's been crying in a blanket fort and singing sad songs, yes, but he's been keeping a careful level of mystique about why he's doing it. Ed often uses distanced circumlocutions instead of directly acknowledging his emotions, but he's doing it in this episode even more so than usual:

Here are the lyrics to his song:

(Version one, with Lucius) Hanging on By a thread Hanging on Shouldn't let go If I let go, all will fall Fingers bleeding down to the bone now Can't let go Nothing makes sense Hold on Hold on Hold... on

(Version two, performed for the whole crew) Just let go Make yourself let go Make it go away Away, away today Life's a hard sad death And then you're Deaaad

Notice something? There is no mention of Stede, or love, or break-ups, or abandonments, or relationships in general. All Ed discusses is a vague life-sucks attitude, which could apply to basically anyone under any circumstances. He seems pretty okay with people knowing that Blackbeard is having some sort of weird emotional breakdown as long as he convinces himself that no one knows it's specifically from having his heart broken

This is true of everything Ed says and does for this entire episode. He never once even mentions Stede's name, unless "Farewell, Bonnet's playthings" at the very end counts. The only thing Ed openly admits to feeling bad about is a fictional character who's having a hard time "holding on" (holding on to what? he never says). There are no allusions to heartbreak or romance anywhere in his dialogue.

Now, Ed's not stupid. I'm sure he knows Izzy and Lucius and the rest of the crew can connect the dots and realize that something bad happened with Stede, even if Ed doesn't fill them in on the details. But Ed is also traumatized, and has a whole host of coping mechanisms set up to help him avoiding thinking about things that he doesn't want to think about. If he's not a murderer because "technically the fire killed those guys", then no one knows he's heartbroken because technically he hasn't acknowledged it.

Until Izzy says the word 'boyfriend'. Suddenly the secret is out, and Ed can't handle it. Izzy knows his weakness. That's why this word effects Ed more than anything else Izzy says in the whole scene.

At the end of the confrontation, he hears the crew calling for another song. Look at Ed here. He looks as haunted, as disturbed, in this moment as he does at any point in Izzy's rant.

This is an important part of the scene, not just a closing note. Because if Izzy (the Caribbean's most emotionally constipated man) can see through him, obviously the whole crew can too.

Obviously Lucius – who advised Ed on his and Stede's relationship, who played along with Ed's 'fictional character' claim, who wrote down Ed's lyrics – can do so most of all.

There's a direct emotional logic to Ed killing Lucius because he had a fight with Izzy, and it doesn't involve Ed having been threatened or hate crime'd at all. Ed doesn't deal well with his own feelings (from Stede), so he chooses to become Blackbeard/the Kraken and gets rid of all the witnesses who saw otherwise.

[winterchimez]

Starboy | Kim Sunwoo

SUMMARY: you always had one goal in mind: to do your job properly and call it day when it's done and dusted. until on one fateful night when you accidentally exchange phones with the one and only Kim Sunwoo, and your ordinary PR life is going to take a turn for both the good and the bad.

PAIRING: guitarist!Sunwoo x f!reader

GENRE: band au, fluff, angst, slight suggestive, some crack (bcs it's Kim Sunwoo we're talking about 💁‍♀️)

WARNINGS: nc-17, slow-burn, petnames (girlie, sweetheart, princess, kitten), man's way too obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun, both y/n and Sunwoo bicker A LOT, ofc he's obv flirty as hell here too, ngl he's lowkey kinda a jerk, alcohol, kissing, making out, they both get drunk 😃, they both go through traumatic experiences when it comes to relationships ❤️‍🩹 (so yknow a lot of figuring things out), arguments, mentions about sleeping pills, cursing, parties whoopie, a couple of flashback scenes, in this fic we say amen hallelujah to Eric Sohn (he's the friend we all need let's be real)

WORD COUNT: 21,742

A/N: happiest dearest birthday to my beloved dongsaeng @justalildumpling 💗 i remember we were once talking about sunwoo x starboy (bcs of this whole photoshoot he did for mediheal 😮‍💨) so here it is 🫣 once again, shoutout to @drunkdrazed @momhwa-agenda @from-izzy @sungbeam @kyaroscuro @mosviqu for literally helping me (from brainstorming, beta reading, hyping me up, keeping me in check ashnjsd, choosing the banner, and literally just being the best supporters ever yall are amazing ilysm 😙😙😙🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻)

Act 1 (하나): Starboy

“What do you mean you’re not going? It’s The Boyz, Y/N!” 

Your roommate immediately shoves the VIP backstage passes right back at you, convincing you that you’re out of your mind to reject such an offer. 

“You know me, Flo. I just don’t really get involved in work-related affairs. Frankly, I much prefer hanging out with my close circle instead.” 

“You’re no fun. That’s why you barely get to know anyone in the entertainment world. Imagine all of the big celebrities you could make! Hell, sometimes even get concert tickets for free or even attend after-parties!” Your roommate was now grabbing your shoulders and shaking them vigorously, not caring about all the excuses you’ve come up with to prove your point of just staying home after a long day. 

“Come with me, come with me, come with me!” Flo whined, and at this point, if you weren’t going to acknowledge her efforts, she might as well be shaking you till your head fell off. 

“Alright, alright! Just this one time, then; what even is so good about them? They’re just an ordinary band like the others-”

Flo immediately places a finger to shush you up. “Now that’s where I’m going to stop you, young lady. The Boyz are very much different than all of the groups out there, and I’ll make sure you realise how much you have been missing out this whole time.” 

“If you fail to impress me, you’re treating me to ten cups of black tea with cheese foam from Machi Machi.”

With that, your roommate simply just smirked. “Consider it done.”

It turns out that your roommate wasn’t kidding when she mentioned about The Boyz being a hotshot. 

You were now standing in front of Watcha Hall, a fairly well-known concert hall that wasn’t too big or too small. These halls were usually meant for rising artists currently out on the market. 

As much as you were taken aback (since you usually dealt with smaller bands or artists with smaller venues), you quickly shook your unnecessary thoughts away before entering the hall. With no time to waste, you hastily made your way backstage and greeted your team of colleagues you’ll be working with for the day. 

Thankfully, the organisers had sorted everything out beforehand, so there weren’t too many miscommunications or tasks that seemed too complicated to fulfil. You were pretty much enjoying your time going around the venue, making sure to check that everything was right before the concert. 

It was definitely slightly challenging compared to the smaller events you were used to, but it wasn’t too hard when you had a good team of colleagues working alongside you. 

Just as you were about to wrap things up, you clearly heard the backdoor creak open, and a few echoes followed behind. As soon as you turned to look, you noticed a group of individuals carrying their instruments began entering the venue one by one, protected and surrounded by their managers and bodyguards. 

It was The Boyz. 

Immediately, they wasted no time, quickly coming around and lined up in a straight line before extending their greetings to all the staff members they would be working with for the day. You noticed how they ensured that they greeted every single staff member without missing anyone, including you.

They would definitely pass as models if they weren’t in a band. 

Every single one of them was breathtakingly beautiful and had good mannerisms. However, one of them immediately caught your attention: the male with striking dark black hair with a kuromi band-aid on his face. 

Something about him lured you in, and you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly that was. Was it his aura? The good looks? Or the way he presented himself? 

You were snapped back into reality when one of your colleagues approached you to tell you about a minor issue that had occurred backstage and required your assistance. Instantly, you took one look at the band before each of them headed straight to their dressing room to change before coming back up on stage for rehearsals. 

Just then, you could’ve sworn that the male you laid your eyes upon actually gave you a little smile followed by a wink before he disappeared into the dark. 

What exactly did that mean?

Rehearsals went fairly well, and everything was done a few hours earlier than expected. You had some free time, so you took a little stroll outside at the park near the venue. Obviously, you exited through the back since you wouldn’t want to bump into the thousands of fans lining up to enter the hall.

The little walk was a refreshing moment for you, and you needed it badly, especially after going through months of endless events without having much time for yourself like this. 

While strolling through the park, you finally found yourself on an empty bench, perfect for rest while enjoying the breeze. Right then, you decided to whip out your phone and search for The Boyz. You were curious to know why exactly your roommate was obsessed with them. 

After some digging, you realise that they have built quite a reputation for themselves: winning multiple awards, being nominated for band of the year, and taking up the role of ambassadors of many beauty brands currently on the market. 

Once again, you couldn’t deny that they were all relatively good-looking and would strive to be a celebrity without a doubt. However, your eyes fall upon the man who caught your attention during rehearsals. As you scrolled further down, you came to learn of his name. 

Kim Sunwoo, the guitarist of The Boyz. 

That name now sounded slightly too familiar for you, though you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly it was that. As much as you tried recalling from the back of your mind, only a hazy recollection of that name rings in your head, and nothing else helpful popped up. 

Now that you know that this man had something to do with you, it is best to dig in further about him and ask your childhood best friend who knew you best—from your personality to your likes and dislikes. Immediately, you texted her before deciding it was time for you to head back to the venue to prepare for the show. 

“Hey Lyla, would you mind searching up about this man named Kim Sunwoo to see if you can find anything interesting?”

The venue was filled with fans from the front stage to the back, and the same went on the upper floor. You were surprised that their popularity wasn’t just for the show; they had fans ranging from teens to middle-aged. Moreover, you noticed a few prominent celebrities sitting in the crowd for the night, sitting in the VIP zone with their bodyguards, as if they were not just enjoying but also evaluating the show.

The band members knew exactly that those celebrities, besides their very own fans, had eyes on them. Hence, they knew that they had to give it out all for the night, and they did just that. Their performance was like no other and very different from the ones you were used to, and you were instantly captivated from the beginning of the show. Each member had their unique colours, and they all stood out in their very own ways.

As you continued to listen to their music in a much more precise manner, you noticed how each lyric meant something, as well as the choice of keys, instrumentals, and how each instrument and vocals just seemed to blend and create the perfect song to perform as a group.

Before you knew it, two hours passed so quickly, and the band was now lined up and giving their fans a final bow before going one by one backstage. At this time, it was also your cue to head there, meet them personally, and hopefully get to know them a lot better. 

Sure enough, the backstage was filled with snacks and drinks to fuel the artists and staff after a successful performance. You decided to go for the simple lemonade pop fizzy drink before taking it and heading into the room where everyone was. Once the director made everyone raise their glasses of beverage to do a loud cheer, everyone began dispersing into their groups to catch up with one another. 

Your roommate’s words constantly echoed in your mind: “Go and meet them personally! Do not let your VIP pass go to waste!”. 

That is only if your anxiety wasn’t up the roof. 

You have tried to walk up towards the idols multiple times but have only ended up retreating to the entrance. You had yet to learn what you would say to them upfront. 

Hey, the show was incredible I loved it! Oh my gosh, you looked absolutely stunning in that black leather jacket! 

No, that was way too common. You were sure that every fan would’ve said the same to them. 

After a good 10 minutes of internal battling, you decided that it was best to head back to your accommodations and call it a night. Instantly, you grabbed the phone lying on the glass table near the makeup station, assuming it was yours since you had been looking for it right before the show started. 

It wasn’t unusual for you to misplace your belongings; it was something both Flo and your childhood best friends back in Busan—Lyla and Bella had always commented about you. But since the phone was a dark midnight black, it must be yours since you were the only staff member with an iPhone in that particular colour anyway. 

Little did you know that all it took was one small mistake for you to end up in an awkward situation that would soon follow.

If you could yell at yourself out loud right now, you would certainly do it without a care in the world. Only now that you were out in the dark and it was slightly freezing, you're left squatting down in front of the twenty-four-hour convenience store with the mobile in hand.

How exactly did you end up in this situation? You should have checked the phone thoroughly before bolting out from the concert hall to your hotel. 

As soon as you returned, you tossed all your belongings aside and took a quick, warm shower. You couldn’t care less about wanting to have a nice relaxing salt bath—which you would usually do whenever you get booked into a luxury hotel. You were too exhausted, and all you wanted to do was lie in bed while scrolling through random Instagram reels for the night. 

Immediately after the shower, you wrapped your dripping wet hair up with a towel before plopping down onto the bed, trying to unlock your phone, which was encrypted with your Face ID.

Only this time, the Face ID wasn’t recognised, and the wallpaper differed from the one you had just changed a couple of nights ago. 

This wasn’t your phone. 

Instantly, panic rushed upon you, and you did not know who this phone belonged to. You could head straight back to the concert hall, though you will likely run out of luck since there would only be a couple of security guards left to clear out the space during this late at night.

Or you could try calling your manager or roommate if you remember their mobile numbers before this. 

You were tossing and turning around your bed, not knowing what to do, and worried that whoever had your phone must’ve probably hacked into your system by now. 

No no, they can’t do that! I have tons of important emails and work stuff in there-

Your train of thought was immediately cut off when an unknown number began calling the phone in your possession. You quickly shot up from the bed before taking a deep breath and answering the mysterious phone call. 

“Hey, I think you might’ve gotten my phone instead,” the voice on the other end of the line spoke. 

“Y-Yeah! I’m so sorry. I should’ve checked earlier before I left; I know it’s not right for me to steal-”

“No worries, man. Say, would you mind going to the convenience store near the hotel to exchange our phones back?” 

“C-Certainly! I’ll get dressed now and be there as soon as possible!” 

So all of that happened within the span of half an hour, and you were now waiting patiently outside the convenience store, waiting for whoever the owner is to come as quickly as they can because, frankly, you’re about to start freezing to death at this point. 

After what seemed like a long 10 minutes, you began to hear footsteps approaching your way. You shot up and squinted your eyes to see the individual slowly emerging from the shadows. The moment you landed your eyes on them, your jaw immediately dropped, now knowing who exactly the phone's owner belonged to. 

“K-Kim Sunwoo?!” You scream before the male quickly dashes towards you and cups your mouth with his bare hands. 

“Yes, it’s me. Are you trying to expose me right out here in public?”

“N-No, that wasn’t my intention-” You tried speaking in your muffled voice.

Sunwoo finally lets go before he gave you a little chuckle and reached through his back pocket to hand you your phone back. “Since you accidentally took my phone, why don’t you keep me company for a little while?” 

It took you a little while to process the thought before the alarms started ringing off in your head, and you quickly positioned yourself in defence mode. “Oh hell no, you ain’t touching me, mister. I don’t care if you’re an idol, there’s no way-” 

Sunwoo immediately burst into laughter, laughing so hard that he was now wrapping his arms around his stomach, and tears started forming in his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not a predator.” 

“Well, at least that’s not how it goes in certain cases out there.”

“Girlie, you watch too many crime documentaries. I can assure you that I’m a harmless guitarist who’s just craving for some Neoguri Ramyun.” 

Instantly, you lowered your guard down and straightened your position. “You’re here to eat ramen?” 

“Now, I have no idea why that came as a shocker to you. It’s very common for idols to sneak out in the middle of the night to head to the convenience store for some late-night snack.” 

“How do your managers not notice someone missing from the hotel rooms?” 

“Eh, I have my ways…and no. I’m not telling you,” Sunwoo immediately rejected your advances when you started walking closer to him. 

“Hmph, you’re no fun. Just when I thought I could get some valuable inside scoop from you,” you sulked. 

He scoffed. “You’re a funny one; I like you.” Right after that, he immediately grabs hold of your wrist before dragging you into the convenience store.

“Neoguri Ramyun with red chilli flakes. My treat, and I’ll show you how to cook it properly.”

Act 2 (둘): Party Monster

You were still baffled by that ramen date you had with the one and only Kim Sunwoo the night before. Well, you wouldn’t exactly call it a “date”, but you had no idea how else to describe it properly. 

He was a lot different from how you imagined him to be—very upbeat, someone who loved to crack jokes every chance he got, and hilarious as hell. Honestly, you enjoyed your time with him at the convenience store. He definitely taught you the proper way to make Neoguri Ramyun, even though you insisted that you wanted Shin Ramyun the entire time or some Mala Oden instead. You just never got the hype for Neoguri Ramyun after the countless times that your roommate Flo has forced you to try them. 

But that all changed last night, and you were about to add this to your cart whenever you headed out to do your usual groceries every weekend. You had never seen someone talking about ramen so passionately as he did, and what’s more interesting was that this was coming from an idol, not some random dude you would meet on the streets.

However, you had to constantly argue with the man about not consuming too much of it, and it would be better for him to get some protein in his diet. He would just shrug you off and stand firm with his answer.

“Hey, I once read an article about an elderly man who survived for 50 years by just consuming Neoguri Ramyun. He’s my actual idol if you ask me,” Sunwoo argued. 

“Sure, you’re gonna get high cholesterol the next time I see you,” you spat right into his face. 

“Watch me, girlie. I will still be as fit as I was performing on stage tonight. Or hell, even buffer and healthier than I was before.” 

“You’re insufferable.” 

“And that’s why I get all the girls to like me, sweetheart.” 

That last line would constantly replay in your head, as much as you didn’t want it to. You knew he was just saying it as part of his demeanour, but you couldn’t help but reminisce on your past. 

Because that was what your ex always said, and it turns out those weren’t just empty words. 

You were brought back to reality when you realised you had been overfilling your mug with cold milk, which was now splattered across the dining table. Not wanting your roommate to wake up screaming at the top of her lungs at you, you quickly grabbed the nearest cloth to wipe away all the evidence, chugging down the liquid before you dashed right out the door. 

As you made your way to the local subway, you suddenly felt a ring within the inside pocket of your jacket. You waited until you had gone up the train before taking your phone out to see whatever it was. 

It was a text from Sunwoo. 

As if yesterday still felt like a dream for you, so many questions lingered in your mind about how exactly he got your number until you remembered that you both had swapped phones for a couple of hours before giving them back to their rightful owners. 

As soon as you read his first message, you couldn’t help but form a smile before texting one back eagerly.

that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: good morning, princess. how did you sleep last night? I’m sure that hot warm ramyun definitely gave you a well-rested night. y/n: as if. i had to use the bathroom multiple times this morning because of how spicy you made the broth to be. that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: shame, you don’t have a strong and capable immune system like i do y/n: shut your mouth, mister. or else I’ll report you to your managers about your disappearance last night.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: you wouldn’t 🥰 y/n: try me, bitch 😄 that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: feisty. this is why i like you. say, do you wanna catch up some time for dinner? my treat again, of course 😙 y/n: what makes you think that i would risk my life to go out with you in plain sight? unlike you, i clearly care about my job and i wouldn’t want to risk that.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: now that’s just rude. i was going to treat you to the newly opened Sheraton Hotel a few blocks away from the concert venue since i had extra vouchers. i guess not anymore- y/n: now why didn’t you say so earlier!! count me in im coming!! 😍 that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: that’s what i like to hear. get yourself ready and send me your location later on, i’ll pick you up tonight at 8 😉

“What do you mean you’re going on a date with the actual Kim Sunwoo?!?!” 

Okay, on second thought. Maybe you shouldn’t have spilt the tea with your roommate just yet. 

“It’s not a date, Flo. He’s just treating me to a meal for returning his phone back to him,” you answered while digging through your wardrobe for what to wear for the night. 

“Umm, hello? The Sheraton Hotel? That’s a fancy place where people go for candlelight dinners! He’s clearly onto something.” 

“You read too many romance novels. There’s no way I’m getting involved in any of those fiascoes. I’m just there for the free food.” 

“Whatever you say, ma’am. You clearly want to impress the guy himself,” Flo pointed to the black slim-fit dress you picked and a sparkly cardigan to keep yourself warm. 

“Hey, what’s wrong with being all glammed up? After all, it’s been a while since I’ve felt this pumped,” you laughed before heading straight to your makeup desk to get started. “Besides, I think I’ve had enough moping episodes, and I’m ready to head back into the party scene.” 

“The party scene? Oh hell no, don’t tell me you’re going to bring Sunwoo to your favourite clubs-” 

You turned around to meet your roommate face to face while applying foundation with your beauty blender on your cheeks. “Why yes, darling, I’m going to do just that. I think it’ll be interesting to see if he can beat my alcohol tolerance.” 

“You’re just too much sometimes, Y/N. I don’t even know if that’s going to be a great idea, you know, after how that last one went-” 

“Flo, I assure you. I’m fine. I’m all over him. I’m no longer seeking a relationship; I just want to get out there and return to my safe space and have some fun.”

In return, your roommate could only sigh before walking back towards you. She grabbed your hairbrush right next to your makeup desk to start brushing out your hair before helping you style it with your curler. 

“Just promise me you won’t be crying in my arms again. I don’t wanna go through that hell of a phase you had back then,” Flo stressed, making sure that you listened carefully and that her words have gone straight into your mind. 

“I promise. My heart will be as hard as steel from now on.”

“You definitely don’t seem like the type of guy who would drive,” you commented as you sat comfortably in the passenger seat while Sunwoo rested one of his arms on the armrest and the other on the steering wheel.

“When will you stop looking down on me? I assure you that I have many hobbies and talents and excel in every single one of them,” Sunwoo pouted, which in return made you giggle. “I swear if I wasn’t driving right now, I would’ve charged right at you and taught you a lesson.”

“Like what? Tickle me? That’s so old-school, Kim.” 

“Whatever you say, Princess. But hey, thanks for accepting the offer. I knew you would be the perfect one for this little getaway I have during my free time.’ 

“I’m just here for the free food, sir. Nothing else.” 

“Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. Usually, people turn me down even if the food is luxurious and scrumptious; I’d like to think that you have some other motive-” 

“Look up at the road ahead and drive, Kim. You don’t even meet my standards in men, anyway,” you crossed your arms before extending your tongue out at him. 

“Damn, why did they even choose you to be part of the PR team? And I thought people who do events like you are a lot more friendlier and nice,” Sunwoo fired back. 

“I am friendly and nice to many people, but not to you, apparently,” you shrugged. 

“And how can I help change your mind about me?” 

“You can’t, and you won’t. Just hurry up and let me taste some luxurious seafood; I’m starving.” 

“Ungrateful.” 

“Not my fault that you’re flirty as hell. It just makes me want to drag you down some more.” 

With that, you both chuckled as the drive stopped before Sunwoo exited his vehicle, walked towards your side to help you open the door, and extended his hand to you. “We have arrived, Princess.” 

You gave him an eye-roll before resting your hands on his and stepping out of his vehicle. “You better be treating me to good food; otherwise, I will give you a rating of 1.5 out of 5 stars on Google reviews.” 

“Oh, don’t worry about that, darling. I aim to please.”

You retracted everything you said about the male himself; he definitely knew all the ways to a woman’s heart.

He actually made an effort to pull the chair away from the table and escorted you to a seat before taking the napkin placed on the table and draping it over your thighs before going across to have a seat himself. He ordered the best champagne for the both of you, paired with an 8-course dinner, and you certainly felt like it was your birthday. 

No man has treated you this way before, not even your ex. 

Another difference about Sunwoo was that he was willing to ask more about you and actually tried to listen to everything you had to say. He was the complete opposite of your ex—he presented himself well, knew how to read the room so as not to push the question further if it made either one of you uncomfortable, and always made sure to check up on you. 

He insisted that you give a proper review for each meal, for he would give feedback to the chef behind the meal planning and prep. Sunwoo often visited the hotel, after all, since the company would usually be hosting any sort of private events here, and all of the staff felt like home to him. 

At one point, he noticed a little stain on the corners of your lips, and he instantly took his napkin and leaned forward to wipe it away by instinct. This little action made you blush, and your cheeks turned pink to red within seconds. Sunwoo, being the man he was, had to point it out, making you feel much more embarrassed than before. 

Throughout the night, he would often call you pretty and cute, and each time, you would try to brush it off and think nothing much of it, but you just seemed to fail horribly each time. 

You won’t deny that he looked absolutely stunning compared to wearing a hoodie at the convenience store the night before. He made an effort to style himself tonight; his hair gelled and parted to the sides, and he wore this black suit with some hints of sparkle throughout the fit. 

This is definitely not the look of a guitarist from a band—he looked way too good for that. In fact, he could definitely pass as an idol or actor, and he was certainly on par with the top good-looking models you have previously worked with.

You were not planning to tell him that; his ego was already too much for you to handle, and you certainly wouldn’t be surviving his teases if he found out what you thought about him. Instead, you hastily chomped away your food and the dessert that finally came and suggested that you wanted to bring him to one of the clubs you often frequented back then. 

Sunwoo was reluctant, and you could see in his eyes that he was contemplating whether to go. That action intrigued you, and you couldn’t help but comment on it.

“Why? Are you afraid to drink? Or do you have horrible alcohol tolerance?” You smirked as you crossed your arms together. 

“Neither. Let’s go.” 

His response seemed slightly colder than usual, and he was up and ready to pay the bills before exiting the hotel. You quickly trailed behind and guided him to the club a few blocks from the hotel. You reassured him that nobody would bother him at the club since most people are just there to have fun, and usually, half of them are just busy making out with one another or tipsy. 

After going through the identification at the entrance, you guided him down to the section where you often stayed for the night. It was much quieter than the others around the area, and there was a little bar at the corners for those who preferred to chat while having a drink.

You offered to pay for Sunwoo’s this time and handed him a long island cocktail to fuel him for the night. Instead of drinking it immediately, Sunwoo spun the glass around with his hand, swirling his drink while staring at it. 

On the other hand, you chugged down your beverage almost immediately, and only then did you notice how Sunwoo seemed a lot quieter now. In fact, this is the most quiet he has been ever since you’ve met him. 

“Long Island is not suited for your taste, sir?” You joked before ordering another cup from the bartender. 

“No…it’s just…I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to drink tonight, Y/N.” 

That was the first time he actually called out your name. 

As the alcohol slowly enters your system, the tipsiness begins kicking in, and you are getting high at this point. Most importantly, you wanted to tease him more now. 

“Aww, a star like you can’t handle a little cocktail? Guess you’re not what everyone seems to label you as then~” you purred before leaning in close to taunt him. 

With that, Sunwoo finally looked into your eyes, and you noticed how they were slowly turning black before he chugged the entire cocktail down his throat. It took him a while to swallow everything and open his eyes, and when he finally did, he grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the nearest bathroom stall before pining you up against the door. 

You were startled by the sudden move he made, but the alcohol was just not making you rational at this point, and you just wanted to taunt him even more. “What is it now? You’re going to teach me a lesson? Mr Kim?” 

“Oh hell yes I am, Y/N.” 

With that, he was now holding both of your wrists with one hand before the other snakes down to touch your body before resting it on your waist. Sunwoo then leans forward to the point that both of your lips are now mere inches apart. 

“You’re going to regret making me consume alcohol for the night, Miss Y/N.”

Act 3 (셋): Rockin’

You were woken up with the sun blaring onto your face and the birds chirping outside the windows. You began rubbing your eyes until you felt something draped over your body. 

A blanket? 

Instantly, you jolted up and looked around your surroundings. You have no idea where exactly you were, and this was definitely not your apartment. Frantically, you looked around to take in as much information as possible, just in case you needed to report to the authorities. 

Okay…there’s a white curtain, a fireplace, a laptop-

“Ouch!” 

You suddenly felt something cold come into contact with your cheeks, and you quickly darted your attention towards whatever it was. That was when you looked up to see the familiar man holding a glass of ice water toward your cheeks. He immediately let go the moment you grabbed the cup into your hands. 

“Drink that. You need it,” Sunwoo replied before walking across the room to pick up your clothing tossed on the floor. 

Oh my god. 

You quickly placed the glass water on the nightstand before lifting the blankets to see if you were wearing anything underneath. 

“Calm down, princess. I have not stooped that low to do the nasty with a woman I just met. I had to help change your clothes into something a lot more comfortable because there’s no way you’re sleeping comfortably with that tight dress for the entire night.” 

So that was what happened. 

“B-But still! You changed my clothing without my consent-”

“And leave you all dirtied with splatters of alcohol all over that dress and then sleep in MY bed? Very unlikely and not gentleman at all.” 

You were not convinced just yet. “T-Then, you slept beside me the entire night!?”

“I slept on the couch in the living room, obviously. You basically had my bedroom for the entire night, a solid 8 hours, to be exact.” 

As soon as you took every information in, you plopped straight down onto the pillow, burying your face with your hands. You couldn’t believe your return to the party scene led you back to Sunwoo’s apartment. You had promised yourself and Flo that nothing would happen and that you knew how to stop before things proceeded further. 

Guess all of that effort went straight down the drain. 

“Look, I…I’m so sorry I’ve caused you so much trouble. I swear, none of this was my intention; it’s just the alcohol, and I was desperate and-”

“Oh, I know. Baby.” 

Just when you opened your eyes, Sunwoo was now sitting at the edge of the bed and very close to you. By instinct, you retreated and moved towards the side, but that only made Sunwoo come closer and eventually rest his fingers on your chin. 

“Whatever happened last night? Will stay between us, Y/N. Frankly, I did enjoy my time with you. I think it would be nice if you could attend the parties that I will be hosting from now on. I’m sure you’ll be a great addition to the party scene.”

It took a few seconds for you to process that thought, and you blinked as a response to that. Seeing that you were too stunned to speak, he decided to press on. 

“I’ll drop you back to your apartment in an hour, so get dressed and take a warm shower in my bathroom, hmm? I’ll be waiting outside in the living room.” 

Once he was done, he stood up before heading straight to turn the doorknob, leaving you alone to pull yourself together and get ready before it was time to go. Right before closing the door, he decided to add one more crucial detail that he had left out. 

“By the way, your lips tasted exactly like my favourite strawberry lip gloss that I often apply whenever I go up to perform on stage.”

“You did what!?” Flo was screaming right at the top of her lungs this time, not caring about all of the stares you both had been getting for the past 10 minutes since you arrived at the cafe before spilling the tea with her. 

“Look, nothing happened. He just happened to take care of me and made sure that I was safe-”

“Nothing happened!? How can you be so sure? Who knows, he might’ve touched you while you were asleep-” 

You grabbed her shoulders to calm her down. “Flo. Nothing. Happened.” 

Your roommate immediately swatted your hands away and crossed her arms as she laid back on the bench, giving you an immense side-eye while she was at it. “Either way, you broke your promise. You said you were going to be responsible, but look at what you did!” 

At times like this, you just wanted to vanish from the depths of the earth as you knew your roommate always had this motherly figure between the two of you. Ever since you moved out from your little hometown on the outskirts of Seoul, Flo was the one who managed to guide you around and became your roommate in the blink of an eye. 

She had moved in a week before you did, and originally the tenant wouldn’t let anyone enter the properties anymore. But you were desperate at the time, as you needed a space to live in as soon as possible before starting the following week, and Flo was the one who managed to talk it out with the tenant to give you a room. 

It has been a year, and you both managed to fit right into your studio apartment, becoming much closer than you thought you would. After all, Flo had made a pact with your childhood friends, who have always looked out for you throughout your time back home, ensuring you were always in good hands no matter where you went. 

“I think I’m going to have to report to Lyla and Bella,” Flo huffed before taking out her phone. She was about to make the call before you managed to stop her right there. 

“Do not. Call them over trivial matters like this. I do not need them to be on the train to Seoul right now,” you warned. 

“Clearly, you did not know how to limit boundaries, Miss Y/N. You said you were not looking for a relationship, then why did you even make out with the Kim Sunwoo in the club?” 

“Can you just- not say his name out loud,” you hissed. “Look, we were both drunk; it was just a one-night thing, okay? That’s not going to happen anymore. Hell, I’m even pissed at myself for falling for the guy so easily like that.” 

“Well, you should be. You have a lot of things to work on, young lady.”

“Okay, but first of all, can you just stop being mad at me?” 

“Not until you have learnt your lesson. No more boys and no more kissing. And most importantly.” Flo now stood up and cupped both of your cheeks with her hands. “No more alcohol. Understood?”

You sighed. “I’ll bake matcha cookies with you when we get back.”

Instantly, Flo let go of her hands before sitting back down and giving you a devilish smile. “Now, that’s more like it.”

Nothing much happened after that, and your phone has been unusually silent over the past week. There hasn’t been much going on at work either, so you have been working remotely and having much more time to yourself. 

You would laze around the apartment a little too much, but you were glad you could sit back and relax for a bit. All you had to do was respond to some work emails, and that was it. Most of the time, you would spend your time baking with Flo (because she insists) or just going through the list of shows you have meant to catch up on Netflix. 

Just as you were done clocking out for the week, your supervisor informed the entire department that you would continue working remotely the following week and would only be back in the office in a fortnight. 

Ever since that conversation with Flo back at the cafe, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to return to your hometown to visit your family and friends. You only need to bring your laptop back, and you can work remotely instead. With that, you quickly stood up, took out one of your smaller luggage and began sorting out the clothes you would bring back. 

That is until an unexpected message came through.

that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: hey princess, just checking up on you  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝 : how have you been feeling?

Really? A text from Sunwoo after a week of not saying anything? 

You honestly were just planning to leave him on read, but something within you said that you should give him a reply; he, in fact, was concerned about your well-being. 

You could definitely trust this guy. Right?

y/n: been good, burying myself with work.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: that’s unfortunate. but if you do happen to be free tomorrow night… 👀 y/n: whatever are you planning this time, Sunwoo that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: just the usual parties at Eric’s villa. you’ll come, won’t you? 

Tomorrow. But you were planning to head back to your hometown. 

Now you were in a dilemma; you know that you have only known this guy a little shy of just one week, yet there was this prominent mutual attraction between you two—at least, you wanted to think of it that way. 

But were you ready to ditch your friends and family over this guy? Over a party where you could potentially get drunk once again and make questionable decisions that you were certain you would regret later on? 

You contemplated asking Flo to help you choose, but given that she did not take your last encounter with the male well, it’s probably not a very good idea at this point. You could flip a coin and respectfully choose the side you’ve assigned the decision to, but why go through the lengths of all that? 

It was either a yes or no, simple as that. Yet, you were pacing around the room, scratching your head while at it, until one more text came from the man himself.

that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: y/n, you there? don’t leave me on read 🙁

Argh, goddamit we ball.

y/n: pick me up tomorrow, the usual.

“Damn, I had no idea your bandmate Eric was this rich,” you commented before taking a sip of your mocktail that you took at the entrance.

Yes. Mocktail. You weren’t ready to go down the same path you had in the previous encounter you had with Sunwoo. 

“Boy grew up rich, alright. He has one villa back in the States, too.” 

“And I assume all of you have been there?”

“Oh, we often stay there for a couple of nights whenever we’re in Los Angeles. I say it's a win-win situation, given that we have free accommodations. Besides, his mum has taken a liking to us all, particularly me.” Sunwoo nudges your shoulders as he says that last sentence. 

“Don’t be stupid. You look horrendous,” you spat.

“Now, that’s not what you said to me the other day, Princess.” 

You were baffled. “Huh? What did I say?”

“Oh, darling. You said many things when we were making out. You were pretty much a very vocal one at that, too,” he grinned before taking a sip of his drink, but you couldn’t just let this slip away easily. “Ow! Why did you pinch my arm for!” 

You pulled his shirt down so that you could whisper into his ear. “You’re going to have to tell me what exactly happened that day, and it stays between us and only us.” 

“Seems like girlie couldn’t remember a single detail from that night after all, hmm?” Sunwoo smirked before he took a strand of your hair and intertwined it around his finger. 

Again, you swatted his hands away. “Don’t play games with me, Sunwoo. Tell me everything right now; I need to know for the sake of my well-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Sunwoo immediately pulled you down onto one of the empty sun loungers scattered throughout the pool area, and little did you realise that you had just landed on his lap. 

“Stop wasting all of the unnecessary energy, Y/N. We’re here tonight just to relax and party, hmm? That heated make-out session is history. What matters is you’re here with me,” he cooed. 

Oh hell, this is going to be a long night indeed.

Act 4 (넷): Secrets

It definitely took you a while to break free from Kim Sunwoo’s arms. At one point, you were both just chatting—well, more likely bickering, and then the next thing that happened was the both of you got pulled towards the pool table located at the side of the outdoor swimming pool area where the boys and several other girls were playing beer pong. 

Eventually, you gave in and represented your team in a couple of rounds, only having to drink once or twice as compared to Sunwoo. He was a mess by the time the game got around to the tenth round, and he had his arm over you and slowly laid his head on the crook of your neck. 

It was fairly common as you saw the other boys and girls around you doing the same thing; people were just having fun, and a little skinship could do no harm. 

After some time, you decided that you needed some alone time and retreated into the house, where you found a cosy couch just to sit back and relax a little. Everyone was still in the outdoor area, with only a handful of people chilling and just talking with one another around the living space, so you didn’t really mind it at all. 

Slowly sipping your drink, you decided just to take in everything that had happened back in the past week. You were back in the party scene again, back to drinking (which you’ve definitely missed), and you actually felt that your life was lit up again after so long. 

It took you a while to get over your ex, and that previous relationship ruined you so badly that you couldn’t even drink or go to a club for quite some time. To think that you had met Sunwoo through one of the events you were part of, trading back each other’s phones just because you were the one who mistakenly took his, and then getting close with him until you were now part of the band’s social scene? It was wild. 

Suddenly, you felt a little thump as someone made their way to take a seat next to you, and you realised who it was the moment he brushed his hair back with his hands. 

“You must be Y/N? Sunwoo has talked a lot about you,” he lifted his glass of whiskey to prompt you to do a little cheer before taking a good sip of his beverage. 

“Thanks for letting me come tonight; I really appreciate it,” you responded politely to the male. 

“Oh no, thank you for coming, actually. Without you, our recent concert wouldn’t have been a huge success as it was.”

You chuckled. “You’re joking. All of your concerts do great all the time, Eric.” 

“Not always. There are usually a few seats left empty in our previous one. But this? We have been told that all seats were sold out in nearly ten minutes before the website crashed. You and your team made it happen, Y/N.”

You weren’t too sure if it was because of the alcohol or if it was getting a little too stuffy in the house, but you could only respond by giving him a little nod before downing your drink to ease the awkwardness. 

You didn’t seem to have to worry much because Eric was a sociable guy. He would come up with random topics that could keep you busy throughout the night, and frankly, you enjoyed yapping about every single one of them, and he did just the same. 

Before you knew it, laughter began filling the room, and it was from both of you (mostly Eric because he is one loud fellow). At one point, you laughed so much that tears had formed within the corners of your eyes, and Eric had to pull the nearby tissue box to hand them to you. 

“Oh my god, you can be a stand-up comedian, Sohn.” 

“I’ve been told multiple times if only the members would acknowledge that,” he pouts. 

“They don’t? How could they?” 

“You tell me! Clearly, they don’t know how to appreciate LA humour in the slightest. But now I’ve found someone who does,” he points his glass again at you to indicate another cheer before the two of you drink your beverages. “Say, Y/N. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot your shot, mister. I’m prepared for anything, even if it means I will be laughing my ass off until tomorrow morning,” you replied confidently, thinking that he was about to pull another lame joke. 

Only this time, he was going to press on something serious instead. 

“What are your thoughts about Sunwoo? Be honest with me.” 

Huh? Why are we shifting the topic back to Sunwoo? 

“I…umm…he’s just a guy, I guess. I don’t know him well enough to determine that much yet,” you answered bluntly, hoping it was enough to give him a satisfactory answer. 

It took Eric a little while to respond properly before you eventually caught him staring right at your collarbone, causing you to touch the very spot he was eyeing at. “Umm…is something wrong?” 

“No, not at all. But listen to me very carefully, Y/N. You will be needing this.” 

Immediately, Eric gently pulled you closer so he could whisper into your ear, ensuring that the coast was clear and nobody was around to eavesdrop before muttering those words that caused you to linger in your mind for the entire night. 

“Whatever you do, do not get yourself involved in Sunwoo’s affairs. Stay as far away as you can from him.” 

Just like that, Eric was up and ready to excuse himself as he had to tend to the other guests. He gave you one final smile accompanied by a single wave before he headed towards the exit. Right before he left, you could catch something he muttered softly under his breath, something you wished you hadn’t heard. 

“Kim Sunwoo, I guess you are still the very same bastard just as you were back then.”

It has been a couple of weeks since you were invited to the party at Eric’s villa in central Seoul. As much as you tried your best to ignore the warnings Eric had told you about Sunwoo, you couldn’t help but constantly think about it throughout the entire day.

Sure, Sunwoo was a flirt—but he wouldn’t go as far as to harm you physically or emotionally. 

In fact, you have been in close contact with the man himself almost every weekend. The band was off-season for a little while, which meant he would be back in Seoul during the weekends, as his schedules were free. Hence, he had a lot of time to bring you around Seoul and to all of his favourite restaurants that he frequented either as a celebrity or where he often went during his trainee days.

He has built up a reputation for himself, and all of the owners of the restaurants near his old dormitory with the members treated him like their own son. At times, certain owners would even treat him to a free meal, so that basically meant you were getting a free ride, too, since you were his acquaintance.

You just couldn’t seem to fathom that a guy like Sunwoo was someone comparable to your ex. 

Your ex has done multiple things in the past which made you feel like an outcast for a while. You stopped going to parties, being the sociable fairy you once were, and hell, even let yourself get close to a man ever again. 

Your previous relationship traumatised you to the point that you needed a break from everything and everyone, including your best friends and family. 

That was why you fled to Seoul—you wanted a new life, a new beginning, and a little escape from everyone for a little while. The moment you received a call back from your current agency about hiring you to be part of their PR team, you were astounded. You have always loved meeting new people and wanted to do everything you could to help them until your ex-boyfriend changed everything.

It just so happened that your encounter with The Boyz was meant to have several chapters down the line. Usually, you would work with a group or artist until the day of the concert or event, and then you would return to your normal routine. There were no meet-ups or getting close to the celebrities or their acquaintances. You’d like to think that it was fate that you had become close mutual friends with The Boyz. 

Until that fateful night when Eric warned you about Sunwoo. 

You couldn’t believe it, or rather, you didn’t want to believe that. 

All you wanted was to have someone like Sunwoo come into your life again—to drag you out of your shell and back to where you truly belong. 

That is until a phone call came from your best friend. 

“Y/N. I think I’ve found something that should piqued your interest,” Lyla announced on the phone.

Act 5 (다섯): All I Know

It seemed that the days of relaxation had ended when the band finally received some sample songs for their upcoming album. As the group's lead songwriter, Sunwoo was already in the studio at 3 a.m., going through each one with his team of producers. 

When it came to his job, Sunwoo poured his whole heart and soul into them, and he can be very meticulous when selecting the song that would suit the team best. He was cautious and ensured that each member had time to shine and portray their unique skills throughout the song. 

This is also a time when he would be the hardest to contact if there ever was a situation in which someone needed his presence as soon as possible. Technically, he would always leave his phone on silent mode throughout the day but opt for the do-not-disturb mode when in the studio. He just disliked it when he got interrupted during his train of thought while in his creative mindset. 

But hunger would never escape him, and his tummy began making growling noises. Then, he finally checked his phone for the very first time since he stepped into the studio. It was already 9:30 in the morning, and he hadn’t had any food since 6 p.m. the day before. 

If he wanted to get back on his feet, he obviously had to do something to satisfy the grumbling noises that would soon fill the entire studio if he had left it just there and then. So he quickly took his hoodie and was off to the nearest convenience store near the company. 

As usual, he walked straight towards the ramen aisle and quickly grabbed his favourite Neoguri Ramyun, which had to be the spiciest one. To top it off with a beverage, he went straight to the freezer box to grab an ice cup and paired it with his favourite chocolate milk drink that came in a packet, which he would then empty the continents into the cup itself after purchase. 

He was going to walk straight to the cashier until your voice suddenly rang in his head. 

The hell do you survive on just ramen all the time? Add on some healthier carbs, will you? 

Just like that, he turned his heels back towards the aisle and grabbed an onigiri that looked pretty decent enough to pair with his noodles and coffee.

There. I’ve added rice. It’s more than enough. He replied mentally towards your voice. 

Usually, he would bring his so-called “breakfast” back to the studio and eat while working, but he decided that it wouldn’t hurt just to sit down and chill in the store while admiring the clear blue skies for the day. It had been raining for the past few days so it was nice to get a little sunlight in a while. 

As he chomped down on his food, he just couldn’t stop thinking about that very first time when you both had met back at the store that was located near the concert venue and how you were doubting his ability to actually make an ordinary cup of ramen taste just as good as Sunwoo acclaimed to be all the time. 

“What, you’re just adding chopped green jalapeno and sesame seeds. That doesn’t make a difference,” you argued, having done the same with the noodles at your apartment. 

“Not just any jalapeno and sesame seeds, it has to be the one that specifically comes with this spiciest addition that you can request at your local convenience store for the add-on,” he proclaimed while throwing all of the ingredients together before mixing it up well with the wooden chopsticks. 

Still unconvinced, you gave him an immense side-eye as he pushed the cup of ramen to you and insisted that you try it. You reluctantly took a few strands of noodles with the chopsticks and started chewing until you stopped halfway, which made Sunwoo lean in close to reply with a grin. 

“See, told ya.” 

It really did make a difference. It turned out that Sunwoo was serious about this whole Neoguri Ramyun business he was running. He had always insisted that the people around him had to cook the noodles the same exact way as he did, or else they would be better off thrown into the trash. 

“Honestly, I should’ve become a ramen connoisseur instead of a guitarist. I would’ve made loads of money from this alone. Hell, I think Neoguri should even hire me as their ambassador.”

“Nah, you don’t have the looks to be plastered across Neoguri advertisement boards. Heck, I don’t think I would wanna consume a cup ramen with your face on the packaging.”

“Hello? We just met and were having a good conversation together?” Sunwoo protested. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m usually pretty blunt and straightforward with my words.” 

“Ouch. You’re a monster.” 

“I’ve been told,” you stuck your tongue out at the male. 

That conversation would often bring a smile back onto Sunwoo’s face. It was the way you could be savage for one second, and the next thing that happened was you were slurping away the noodles that he had just made for you (note: the noodles that he deemed were far beyond perfection). 

Just like you thought that it was fate for Sunwoo to have entered your life, he did the same, too. 

It had been a long time since he had found someone who could connect with him, be on the same level as he did, and even tolerate his flirtatious remarks and behaviour. Most importantly, it had been a while since he had gotten this close to a girl. 

Like everyone else, Sunwoo had a past that wasn’t of the best to be on his history books. He had been through many things, more like things that he wasn’t too proud of. All he wanted was to cherish his time with you and to let go of the things that have haunted him in the past. He would take it if it meant being with you could bring him temporary happiness. 

And that he would ensure that you would never find out about the Kim Sunwoo of the past.

You couldn’t believe it when your friend Lyla had just dumped all the information towards you on just one FaceTime call. 

It all started a couple of weeks back when you first got her to find out more about Sunwoo, especially ever since you just couldn’t fathom the thought of why his name sounded so familiar to you. 

Even after all of the dates and parties you both had been to, nothing alarming stood out from the guy, and he was a normal celebrity who just wanted to have some fun. Yet, there was something at the back of your mind that just knew there must be something about the guy.

Something mysterious, but harmless. 

However, after that video call with Lyla, you couldn’t be so sure anymore. 

Instantly, you texted the Sunwoo and said that you needed to see him as soon as possible because you needed answers.

Desperately. 

y/n: hey…do you happen to be free for the night? can we meet? that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: never would I have expected for you to text me firsthand…are you finally taking my love proposal into consideration 😘 y/n: sunwoo…not right now please, i just need to see you.  that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: wait. y/n you’re not like yourself. did something happened? are you okay?  y/n: we’ll talk more when we meet. please that one guy obsessed with Neoguri Ramyun 🦝: i have a schedule tonight, but i can totally meet you at Han River if that’s okay with you y/n: deal. I’ll see you then.

Given that you were out of town for work earlier in the day, you glanced at your watch to see that it was already 6 in the evening. Hastily, you excused yourself from the little afternoon date you were having with your co-workers and quickly took the subway to return to Seoul to meet Sunwoo. 

The usual 45-minute train ride back felt like an eternity. You had no idea why you were so nervous, anxious and even terrified about the ordeal. You were still trying your best to take in everything Lyla had said over the call, but you refused to believe that everything—all of the memories you had made with the man himself until now—had all been a facade. 

Why go through to this extent? Was everything had been a lie all this while? Were you just a pawn in his games?

The moment you stepped out of the train, your legs guided you straight to where you were supposed to meet. At this point, you were running on autopilot, and you felt that your energy and consciousness were slowly drifting away from you.

By the time you reached the stairs up to the bridge, you lay your eyes upon the familiar figure who was already there. Though, he wasn’t alone. 

As you closed in your distance with him, you had just picked up one sentence from the conversation—one that was more than enough to confirm all of the doubts and fears you’ve had up to this point. 

She’s just another one of the girls. 

“Y-You meant what you said?” You squeaked, and that was enough to make both men turn their heads towards you. 

Instantly, tears began streaming down your face as you turned your heel and started running in the opposite direction, not caring if he was chasing and screaming your name out loud in the middle of the night. 

I’m done with men.

Act 6 (여섯): True Colors

If you talked about being one’s soulmate, Eric Sohn knew that best when finding the right friend with whom you can connect on a whole different level. The word “soulmate” meant a lot to him—someone who is more than just a friend, one that the universe has just seemed to create specially just for you. 

Sunwoo and Eric go all the way back to their trainee days when they were both training to become idols instead of a band. They clicked right off the bat, and the first thing they did was sneak out in the middle of the night to get some ramen at their local convenience store.

They have got in so much trouble together in the past, to the point that they had to be placed in detention by their managers and company staff multiple times, but that was all the joy and fun with that for the both of them. 

Eric had always wanted a brother, and so did Sunwoo. Even though they weren’t related by blood, their chemistry was incomparable to the others in the company. They did everything together—songwriting, sharing their meals together when they had barely enough to survive, and even taking the late-night buses to travel to another town or city during their breaks. 

Eventually, they decided that being in a band would better suit them as idols, and they did everything they could with the little amount of cash in their pockets and left. Of course, it came as a shocker to everyone, be it from their family members or friends or even to the company since they would potentially debut in their next upcoming new boy group. But both of them knew that there was a much better place and opportunity for them. 

They have spent countless of days sleeping in the local parks or subways, each taking turns to look out for one another while job hunting in the local restaurants or cafes while they were at it to earn some cash. Eventually, both of them bought their very own instruments from a second-hand store and started busking on the streets. 

Nobody knew how to appreciate their music at the beginning, but their hard work has definitely paid off in the long run. They never once gave up, eventually earning ten and hundreds of pedestrians who would stop by to enjoy the music while giving them some tips. 

At the same time, they ventured around Seoul to find similar members who were willing to share the same dream and passion as they did, and that was when they encountered the rest of the members. With Kevin's help (since he had some contacts within the music industry), they were able to sign with their current company and eventually debut as a successful band.

Since both Eric and Sunwoo had already been on the internet for quite some time before debuting, they already have garnered enough fans to start off fresh and strong, which earned them their very first win on the local music awards show that very same year.

Years passed, and they were now one of Seoul's biggest and most successful boy bands. Eventually, their words spread out, reaching almost every entity in South Korea. They had everything, and there was nothing to lose. 

But there was one thing that constantly bothered the man himself: Sunwoo’s past. 

When it comes to romance, Eric often takes it seriously, and frankly, he knows best about it. Both Eric and Sunwoo had something in common: they were flirtatious as hell, and they knew how to get the girls. But there was a significant difference between them: Eric knew when to draw the line.

Given his profession, getting into a serious relationship meant trouble for his career and company. If he really wanted to find love, he would definitely have waited for the right moment to do so because he knew that both personal and business relations should not co-exist in the same duration. 

Sure, he knew how to satisfy a woman, but he would never stoop as low as to play with their feelings. He always loved being fully transparent about them, which has always worked out for him. 

However, Sunwoo didn’t, which frustrated his friend all the time.

Eric knew about his past with his ex—it made him the way he was when it came to romance. He couldn’t blame Sunwoo after all of the traumatic experiences He had gone through, especially when he did not deserve any of those in the slightest. But yet, it angers the male, and he has been trying to do something to help him get over it for years. 

It just so happened that you had to come into the picture. 

Eric and the rest of the band thought nothing much about your “encounter” with Sunwoo; they often brushed it off as a silly and hilarious experience because you accidentally took his phone instead of yours. However, things changed when Sunwoo started hanging out with you more often and even invited you to their parties. 

There was nothing wrong with you joining their scene, but it was how Eric noticed how Sunwoo had been treating you. 

Just like he did to all of the previous girls. 

Though, Eric knew that you were different to all of the other girls who had gotten involved with Sunwoo in the past. You seemed a lot more mature and outgoing, and you were never afraid to voice your honest yet brutal opinions about the guy—which is also why the band had taken quite a liking towards you. 

Unfortunately for the previous girls, they wanted to get close with the band—specifically towards Sunwoo—and get involved with all of the games he was about to pull. That was why many of them seemingly fell too easily into his traps and manipulation. 

Because of that, Eric wasn’t ready to see a pure and humble girl like you crumble down. As his best friend, he was going to try his best to make things right. 

To make sure that history wasn’t going to repeat itself.

“Alright boys, let’s take it from the top!” Sunwoo announced, after going through with everyone about their latest hit, that they would make it into their latest album. 

They had been in the studio since noon, rehearsing nonstop. They insisted that they would push through to get this new album out for their third anniversary. They wanted to try out a whole new concept this time—something that portrayed all those years they had been through as trainees. 

This new track, Hurt Me Less, is all about the end of a previous relationship and the beginning of a new one. 

As the co-writer of the song, Eric himself found it ironic that Sunwoo decided to use this as the title track, given that he knew exactly how Sunwoo had treated all the girls in the past, including you.

So many things went through his mind when he first heard it and he was allowed to co-write it with him. Was this Sunwoo’s way of finally acknowledging his past mistakes and that he was ready to move on and see romantic relationships from a different perspective? 

Eric had wanted to confront his friend for the longest time, but it just wasn’t the right timing to do so—especially when the both of them often get caught up with work, and nothing else would come to mind when they’re in the studio. 

Since they finally had a little time before their next schedule later at night, Eric decided to take Sunwoo to Han River for a little stroll and perhaps finally get a glimpse of his friend’s thoughts after so long. 

“Don’t you miss it?” Eric nudged his friend's shoulder as they walked through the river. This used to be their favourite place to escape from reality, after all, in their earlier days. 

“The hell are you being so sentimental today? I’m pretty sure you have got something up your sleeves to call me out like that,” Sunwoo spat. 

Apparently, that angered Eric, and he quickly slapped his friend in the arm. “Can’t we just go back to the good old times and take things slowly for a bit? We have been so busy preparing for the new album lately and haven’t gotten much time to hang out like we used to.” 

“Sure, but it’s finally our third anniversary, and I really want to make it special this time,” Sunwoo chuckled as he buried both hands in his jacket. 

Since Sunwoo has touched on the topic of interest, it was time for Eric to get to the point gradually. “Say, about this new song and album…what inspired you to choose this theme?” 

His friend thought about it for a while and gave an open-ended answer. “Nothing much. I just felt it would be nice to do something different. After all, music is all about experimenting with different genres.” 

“Are you sure it’s just that?” 

That was enough to make Sunwoo stop in his tracks as he narrowed his eyes towards his friend. “Youngjae-ah, what exactly are you trying to fish out from me?” 

Eric knew that whenever Sunwoo used his birth name, the conversation would turn 180 degrees as there would be no room for any jokes or mischievous acts. The gig was up, and he knew he had to speak out his deepest thoughts. 

“Sunwoo. I’m going to ask you a question, and you’ll have to answer me truthfully.” Eric then walks up to his friend, grabs hold of his shoulder and takes in a deep breath before he poses his question. “This whole new album…the title track…are any of these meant to be about your past?” 

“Or more specifically, about Y/N?”

That was enough to make Sunwoo widen his eyes and stare deeply into his friend’s. Given that his response was merely a sigh and lowering his head, he probably knew this would happen sooner or later. Eric knew Sunwoo best, after all. 

“What exactly have you deduced this time, Mr Holmes?” Sunwoo mocked. 

“Don’t play games with me, Sunwoo. I need to know the truth.” 

“Why? Are you interested in Y/N?” He scoffed, and that was enough to make Eric’s blood boil. 

“No. But I do not like how you’re dragging her into your unnecessary mess, just like you did with all the other girls.” 

Now, that was when Sunwoo was the one who got all worked up, and he immediately pushed his friend away roughly. Rage began to overtake his way of thinking logically, and he was now balling up his fists while trying his best to contain himself. 

“We don’t talk about that.”

“Well, we have to! Sunwoo, you need to stop running away from your problems and face them head-on. You’ll never overcome your fears if you live like this daily!” Eric raised his voice, and Sunwoo returned the favour by grabbing onto his collar. 

“It’s not your life. You have no rights or say so based on what I have experienced in the past. So I suggest you shut your mouth before making me do something I regret.” 

“Fine by me. If that’s what your true colours are. If only Y/N is here to see you in this state-” 

“The hell are you bringing up Y/N again in all of this? Why do you care?” 

“Because you’re in love with her, you goddamn idiot!” 

That was enough for Sunwoo to let go of his friend’s collar finally, and he began pacing around while ruffling his hair in frustration. 

“So I was right,” Eric panted. 

“T-That’s not true. I don’t have feelings for Y/N.”

“How can you be so sure? Your actions have proved otherwise these past several weeks, Sunwoo. Stop lying to yourself.” 

“Never. Romance and dating no longer exist in my books. She’s just another one of the girls.” 

With that, Eric suddenly gulped before he directed his attention to something, or rather, someone that was now behind his friend. 

“Y-You meant what you said?” 

Oh god, this was now much more messed up than it should’ve been. 

Before either of them could have a say in all of these, you instantly turned your heel towards the opposite direction. You began sprinting away, not even caring when Sunwoo was screaming for you and about to dash towards your direction. 

Until Eric gripped onto his wrists forcefully and yanked his friend back. 

“You scumbag.” That was all he said until Eric tried his best to keep up with you. 

Kim Sunwoo, what an actual jerk you are.

Act 7 (일곱): Love To Lay

Sunwoo couldn’t remember when was the last time he actually got proper sleep without having to rely on his sleeping pills. It wasn’t by choice; rather, it’s something he has been struggling with for over a year now. 

Being obsessed with shoujo mangas, there’s no doubt he absolutely enjoys romance novels and films, which was also one of the reasons he could click on Eric so well. They would often have book or film talk sessions after practice, discussing the latest trend and evaluating the way the characters proposed to one another in their respective ways. 

Also, being a social butterfly himself, he had been on the party scene for years now, and there was no doubt he had gotten a good handful of female friends he would often hang out with his group of friends in the past. 

Which was also where he met his first and only girlfriend, Miyeon. 

Miyeon was known as the beauty queen of the town, as the locals would dub her. She was well respected in the community as she was at the top of her class and often participated in volunteer work during her semester breaks from university. 

It was ironic to see a top student visit a club during the late weekday nights. Still, Sunwoo figured that everyone would eventually venture into the party scene at least once in their lifetime, no matter how good their upbringing was. It was part of youth, after all. 

It all started with them having a little conversation, followed by a bit of alcohol in their system, and then straight onto the dance floor before they ended up with a little makeout session at one of the stalls. It was Sunwoo’s first relationship, and he thought the pace they were going for was pretty reasonable. 

Miyeon was everything to him, and he would work around his tight-knit schedule to spend as much time as he could with her—even if that meant he would be getting less sleep or rest after a show. 

After all, he had never found someone who came as close as she did. They had the same interests and hobbies and could talk about any topic for hours on his couch. Miyeon would often come over to stay at Sunwoo’s apartment since it was much more convenient for them both. 

She even had a set of her own clothing, skincare and up to having her makeup products at his place. She was pretty much treating his place like her second home, and Sunwoo was completely fine with that. 

They even talked about getting engaged once, and Sunwoo was ecstatic about the thought, and he couldn’t stop giving her cuddles and kisses that day. Ever since then, he started working tirelessly to get the engagement ring that he’d had his eyes on for a while, and he knew that it would suit Miyeon’s taste.

However, Miyeon started getting a lot busier not long after as she had recently changed her job, and she wasn’t able to meet up with Sunwoo as often anymore. Hence, their dates slowly dropped down to having three to only once per week, or sometimes only meeting each other just once a fortnight. 

As much as Sunwoo was worried that she was working way too hard she should, there was no reason to doubt her since she always excelled at everything that she had done. She was still texting Sunwoo every day without fail on Kakao, so everything was under control. 

At least, that was what Sunwoo thought. 

Since it was going to be her birthday soon and he finally had gotten his first paycheck after a successful first The Boyz concert, he was able to use that to get his hands on the engagement ring that he had asked the shopkeepers to keep for him for a couple of months now. 

Eagerly, he walked out of the store with the blue Tiffany & Co. bag in his hands as he made his way towards her apartment to surprise her. 

Until he focused his attention on the couple on the other side of the road. 

The couple both held ice cream in their hands as they played around with the dessert playfully, taking some with their fingers and smearing it across each other’s noses. They were also laughing and having a lot of fun—way too much fun, actually. 

At least, Miyeon was. 

Sunwoo wasn’t sure how he would confront Miyeon about it—in fact, he couldn’t. Sure, he was confused as hell, but the thought of Miyeon potentially having an affair outside this relationship seemed unlikely. He couldn’t fathom the thought of her doing that, and he refused to believe it and was convinced that it must be a sick joke. 

That night, Sunwoo tried his best to make everything seem normal as he entered Miyeon’s apartment. Miyeon was showering him with kisses and telling him all about how she was sorry for being late as she was out shopping for ingredients for their sukiyaki dinner date. 

Lies. 

At that point, they hadn’t seen each other for two weeks, and Miyeon went on and on about how she was away for a business trip and had just returned to Seoul that evening. It was hard for her to hail a cab as they were all pretty much booked until she needed to contact one of her colleagues to give her a ride back into the city and return home. 

Lies. 

After that, they had a little movie night and spent much time cuddling on the couch. It would’ve been a lie to say Sunwoo didn’t miss her scent. He just couldn’t help but rest his nose into her soft brunette hair and savour as much of the scent he had loved so deeply over the past year of their relationship. 

“I miss your scent too, Sunwoo. It’s been hell without having you beside me for weeks,” Miyeon sulked as she hugged Sunwoo tighter. 

Lies. 

Even as they went to sleep that night in Miyeon’s room, Sunwoo could clearly feel a distance between the two. Miyeon was sleeping on her side, so her back was facing him. As much as he wanted to touch her, to carry and hold her in his arms, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

We are just strangers in a bed. 

Sunwoo went on like this for a month, ignoring all of the red flags that he had been getting and seeing for the past several weeks—he kept convincing himself that he was living in a horrible nightmare and it would soon be over. 

As Miyeon started getting busier again with her “work,” Sunwoo returned to focus more on his career. Ultimately, this was a huge failure, as his performance started deteriorating horribly, to the point that it was affecting the other members in the group. 

Every time the members confronted him about it, Sunwoo just shrugged it off, saying that he hadn’t gotten much sleep because of their busy schedule. However, they knew deep down that something was very much off, and Eric was determined to find out exactly what had happened. 

One night after their pre-recording at Music Bank, Sunwoo went out for a little walk around the area, and Eric followed behind discreetly. It didn’t even take Sunwoo more than five minutes until he had come to a halt, and Eric did exactly the same until his eyes travelled along where Sunwoo had landed.

Miyeon was accepting what seemed like an engagement ring from the very same guy Sunwoo had his eyes on the other day. 

Rage instantly filled him, and this time, he couldn’t help but confront them straight ahead. He desperately had hoped that Miyeon would feel a little remorse or at least appear shocked to see that her boyfriend had caught her red-handed. After all, Sunwoo just wanted answers as he wasn’t in the mood to make this a huge deal. 

But apparently, Miyeon didn’t think of that in the same way. 

The heated conversation between the two of them would always come to haunt Sunwoo, and he would never forget about all of the things Miyeon had just spat right into his face back then. 

Love is just a pretend. 

Your love for me is crazy. 

You’ll never be the right one for me. 

Since that day, Sunwoo’s hatred for romance has constantly grown, and he often has a couple of outbursts, especially when he is alone in his apartment. How couldn’t he? Especially when Miyeon’s stuff was scattered all throughout his comfort space. 

To make matters worse, Miyeon even had the guts to contact Sunwoo after all that she had done to make him return all of her things that were still left in his apartment. 

Did Sunwoo do just that?

Absolutely not. 

He got rid of every item she owned— throwing them into the trash or burning them in his fireplace. Anger would always accompany him whenever he did so, and it frustrated him that Miyeon would betray him like that.

It was then that Sunwoo decided that romance was just total bullshit and there would never be such a thing of true love for him. He blocked her number and deleted everything that reminded him about her. 

Sunwoo felt like he was on autopilot for the first couple of months, and he would just go out to the nightclubs every day and pick up every girl he could find and tease them a little. Eventually, when the girls started having feelings for him, he would run away before anything further than that could happen. 

Love was like a game for him now, and it didn’t matter if he would break those girls' hearts. All he wanted was to feel the thrill of being loved and wanted, and if he had gotten what he needed, then that was fine by him.

He couldn’t face rejection again. What happened with him and Miyeon has left a deep scar within him, and he’ll never be able to fix it. He has learned it the hard way from that breakup. 

Until you came into the picture. 

It was definitely the first time someone mistook their phone as theirs and accidentally took his instead. He found it amusing, and he absolutely found your reaction back during the first encounter hilarious. He genuinely just enjoyed your company that night. 

But there was something different about you—you weren’t like all the other girls he had encountered at the nightclubs. You were just so pure and genuine, and you didn’t want him just for his flirtatious demeanour and good looks. You were savage as hell, and you always spoke the truth and made him laugh. 

It has been a while since someone could put Sunwoo back into his place. 

That’s why he couldn’t bear the thought of doing the nasty when you brought him to the club that night. He knew that the moment he got a sip of alcohol into his system, he wasn’t going to be able to hold himself back from doing something he was going to regret.

Miraculously, he did. He was able to stop himself before things got too far. The both of you only had a heated makeout session before Sunwoo finally grabbed your wrist and stopped you in your tracks. He had no choice but to drag you all the way back into his vehicle before driving off to his apartment. 

As much as he wanted to bring you straight back home, you were already sleeping so soundly on the way back, and he knew that he was definitely going to get killed by your roommate if she saw her friend in this state. Ultimately, he did what he thought was best—taking you back into his apartment and helping you change into much more comfortable clothing before tucking you into bed. 

Sunwoo slept on the couch next to his bed that night, and he couldn’t stop looking in your direction as you tossed and turned around all night. It was clear to him that you were having a horrible nightmare, and you kept mumbling incoherent words as you began sweating profoundly. 

He had enough and decided to get up and sit right next to you, and that was when he heard your words loud and clear. 

“Please don’t hurt me…I’ve done nothing wrong…Don’t leave me…” 

Instantly, you grabbed his wrist and hugged it tightly as you adjusted your sleeping position towards him. Sunwoo had no idea why that made him go all soft for you, and he instantly began rubbing away the tears from your eyes and leaned down to give a little peck on your forehead. 

He wished he could’ve done something to relieve your pain and that he would snuggle with you to bed if that would have made it a lot better for you to sleep soundly for the night.

But he knew that once the sun rises the next day, he would go back to being the playboy Kim Sunwoo that the public had labelled him to be.

You’re in love with her.

Those words pierced right through Sunwoo’s heart every single time his mind flashed back to that night when Eric confronted him right before you came.

He hasn’t spoken to his good friend since, and it has been close to a week now. Sunwoo decided to call in sick for the week, and the rest of the members went on with rehearsals without him—he wasn’t in the right mindset to put on his idol persona anyway. 

The couch right next to his fireplace was his go-to for the past week, and Sunwoo would just sit there for hours staring into the flames, thinking about those words that his friend had said right to his face that day. 

It was as if those were the words that needed to be said straight to his face, for he knew that his relationship with yours meant something—a lot more compared to all of the other girls that he had gotten involved with in the past. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, you were slowly breaking down his steel heart, which had been sealed shut for years. Little did you know that you were slowly healing his broken heart day by day. Sunwoo adored everything about you, and you were constantly on his mind throughout the day. 

You have officially taken over his mind; everything he does daily reminds him of you. 

But Sunwoo just couldn’t admit that out loud. After he had sworn that he was done with romance, he couldn't. 

However, Sunwoo had been sitting at his fireplace for days, and he kept thinking throughout the day and night. 

What if you were the key to fixing him? 

What if you were finally the one who would make him realise it’s okay to fall in love again? 

What if…you were the right one that was meant to be with him?

With that, Sunwoo leaned back against his couch with his hands covering his eyes as he grunted for the hundredth time of the day.

Stop messing things up, you good-for-nothing idiot.

Act 8 (여덟): A Lonely Night

You couldn’t recall when was the last time you actually got a proper meal. Ever since that day when you overhead the conversation between Sunwoo and Eric, you were dashing straight towards the streets, not caring if people were giving you weird looks in the slightest. 

You quickly hail a taxi and give the driver your apartment address—you just don’t have the strength to take public transport anymore in your current state. 

The moment you opened your front door, your roommate was already expecting your return, with her arms crossed and feet tapping the ground. However, her expression softened when she saw that you were an absolute wreck in your current state. She immediately opened her arms wide, and you quickly slipped into her embrace and started crying again. 

It hurts so much, and you don’t know why exactly that is. 

Sunwoo was just a casual friend. You were both hanging out a lot more often these days, and he just so happened to be the very first man after your ex to have treated you exactly the way a woman should be treated. That was it, and there wasn’t much more to add to that. 

But deep down, you were expecting—no, hoping—that perhaps there was something a little bit more to that. 

Maybe you’re the one who was insane for thinking that way. 

He was a celebrity, and you are just a girl working in PR who happened to be able to work with renowned artists many times. 

There was absolutely no way that there could’ve been something more to that. 

You quickly wiped away your tears as you slowly pushed Flo away, trying your best to muster up whatever strength you had left within you to talk before your tears were about to flow again for the hundredth time tonight. 

“Flo…I just…I wanna go back,” you sniffled. 

With a sigh, your roommate began rubbing your back to comfort you. “I know. But rest up first for the night. Maybe I’ll make you some chamomile tea with extra boba to calm you down while we watch a little bit of Netflix? I’ll help you pack tomorrow morning, and we’ll call Lyla and Bella.” 

You chuckled. “What would I ever do without you?”

“By the way, I’m not doing all of these for free. You better get me VIP tickets to your next upcoming show with whoever celeb that you’re going to be working with.” 

“Deal.”

“Alright, let’s go have some girls’ night, shall we?” Flo gently flicked your forehead before dragging you into the living room. 

You couldn’t recall when you last enjoyed the countryside view from the train. 

You usually take the subway within Seoul, but it’s been a while since you took the train that goes from one province to another—especially where you grew up. 

Leaving Busan a year ago was a huge step for you, especially since you have always lived with your friends and family—basically being in your own comfort zone. You loved everything here, and there wasn’t much reason to move since Busan practically had almost everything Seoul had. 

The nightlife here was how you’ve always loved—going out to clubs while you knew almost everyone in your little town on the outskirts of Busan, and everyone just looked out for each other often. 

However, after the way things ended with your ex, you needed some time and space alone and thought that perhaps a location change would benefit you. The past year has been amazing in the city, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’ll never give you the comfort you loved best when you were back home.

And that was something you desperately needed right now. 

As soon as the train came to a halt and you stepped out of the vehicle, you quickly dashed right through the door and into both of your friends’ arms—they had been expecting your arrival since this morning. 

It’s been a while since you had spent time with both Lyla and Bella, so the three of you took the time to walk slowly back to the countryside while dragging your luggage behind you. As soon as they helped you settle down in your old home, the three of you quickly dashed out of the house to get a quick bite of local food down at the town centre. 

The three of you had fun browsing from store to store and filling your stomachs to the brink of possibly throwing up everything you had just consumed. You would constantly laugh at one another about how Lyla and Bella would look silly with ice cream smeared all over their mouths, and they would fight back when you accidentally got Malatang all over your shirt. 

These were the kinds of bickering that you’ve missed so badly. Sure, you always bicker with Flo, but both Lyla and Bella were the OGs constantly coming for your neck. You’re still holding onto the hope of bringing Flo to visit your childhood best friends someday. 

Now that the three of you had your own flavours of churros in hand, you decided to take a little stroll at the nearby park right before exiting the town and returning to the countryside. As soon as you found a comfortable bench that was more than enough for the three of you to take a break, Lyla was the first to start the conversation you have been dreading talking about since coming back.

But you knew that you couldn’t hide much from them any more; they knew all of the details by now (thanks to Flo, who would constantly keep them updated) and were this close to heading straight to Seoul with their pots and pans to head straight up to Sunwoo’s apartment to give him a lesson. 

“I honestly don’t know what to tell you guys. It all happened, and he just so happened to be the same as my ex,” you shrugged as you took a bite of your churros. 

“Men are all the same; they suck,” Lyla commented with her mouth full. 

“Trust that I’m tying him up and throwing him straight into the Egyptian river if we ever cross paths with one another,” Bella threatened as she pointed her churros straight into your face. 

“But wait…didn’t you mention that they were preparing for an upcoming comeback?” Lyla asked. 

You sighed. “That’s the problem. And I am again part of the PR team's line-up.”

“Damn. That’s brutal,” Bella spat. 

“It sure is,” you replied. 

“Well, what are you going to do about it then?” Lyla asked. 

You contemplated for a little while before telling your friends about your decision: “I am thinking of quitting the company.” 

Immediately, both Lyla and Bella shot up from their seats, not caring if the whipped cream on their churros fell straight down to the ground. Frustration was slowly creeping up to them and you were stunned by their reaction—you had no clue why they would be mad about your decision. 

“What do you mean you want to leave? You do know that means that you’ll never get to meet celebrities any more-”

“That’s not the point, Lyla. Look, Y/N. I don’t want to jinx anything, but you’re treating this issue as running away again, just like you did with your ex. You know, escaping from your problems will never help you to put a proper closure to them.” 

You hated the fact how much that truth hurt—it almost felt like you were being stabbed with a bunch of needles all at once. As much as you wanted to face them properly, you couldn’t. You couldn’t bear the thought of going through all the pain once again, and you wanted to omit all of the horrible outcomes that could potentially happen after all this. 

You also didn’t know how to feel about Sunwoo. Clearly, it wasn’t his fault for saying what he did back at Han River. Celebrities are not meant to date as to adhere to their company rules. If they did, they would get into big trouble, and you would be partly to blame. 

But why did that matter to you so much? 

Why did those words sting as hell? 

Most importantly, why did it matter to you anyway?

As you took a deep breath, you finally stood up and threw your leftover churros into the bin before placing both hands on each side of your friends’ shoulders. 

“Look, I appreciate both of you constantly looking out for me, even in different cities for work. Frankly, I don’t really want to talk about this anymore, and I will venture out to find something much more fitting for my current well-being. Let’s just go home now, hmm?” 

Both Lyla and Bella could only soften their eyes as they looked at you, who was close to shedding tears again. They could only pull you in for a hug before taking you back to your home and giving you some time to rest up since you have been out all day since you stepped down from the train. 

Your parents were away visiting some family members, so you had the entire house to yourself. You were used to being alone, and you enjoyed some peace and quiet occasionally, but it all just felt too eerily quiet. 

The emotions were creeping back to you, and you hated how you were slowly becoming overwhelmed with them again. 

Everything you saw reminded you about Sunwoo—how you both would sit together on his couch to watch anime, the way the leftover instant ramen in the kitchen reminded you about your little convenience store dates and how you slept in his bed when you were passed out drunk. 

As much as you tried your best to get him out of your head, you couldn’t.

And you hated that so much. 

Just as you are about to turn to sleep on your side, your phone lights up on your nightstand, so you extend your hands to check the notification that you have received.

managing director: Lads, be ready for our online briefing tomorrow at 10 a.m. on Zoom about The Boyz's upcoming showcase. 

Frustration began to consume your thoughts, and you just threw your phone onto the other side of the bed before burying your face into your pillow, screaming into it and wishing that you could quickly escape from this horrible nightmare. 

Kim Sunwoo, this is all your fault.

Miles apart back in the heart of Seoul, Sunwoo was once again staring at his ceiling as he lay down on his bed. There was nothing much that he could’ve done other than thinking about you wherever he went. With that, the bed was nowhere near as good as his fireplace, especially when he was the one who tucked you into his bed when you were drunk. 

Sunwoo hasn’t come up with a conclusion after all that thinking at his fireplace throughout the week, and it frustrates him that he doesn’t really know how to feel about all of this. 

Actually, scratch that. He clearly knows how he feels about you, but he refuses to admit it out loud. 

The only thing that has been helping Sunwoo to cope is that he would feel inspired to write songs about his emotions, and he did exactly just did right before hopping into bed.

The music score was situated right on his nightstand, and he groaned before taking it quickly and sat up to read the lyrics that he had just written down an hour ago.

Better when we’re both apart.  We’re no good for each other.  A lonely night, Baby girl, I loved you on a lonely night.  It was the only time If I led you on I apologize. How can I make you rethink your decision?

That made Sunwoo’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know that he wrote all of these the hour before—it was as if he was on autopilot, and he clearly wrote down his deepest thoughts about the whole situation.

I loved her? Did I really just write that down? 

Sunwoo kept staring at those three words, and he was now sitting frozen in bed, thinking that if that was really what he had been meaning to say out loud for so long. 

Without thinking much, he quickly grabbed his phone and began frantically searching up about something. 

Or rather, your location. 

He needed to get this off his chest, and he needed to talk to you right now. If he doesn’t, this will continue to haunt him for months, and he wasn’t going to be his best self any more. 

Immediately, he jumped right out of bed and rummaged through his wardrobe to take whatever he needed for the little short trip he was going on for a while.

He didn’t care if his manager would lecture him about skipping the morning rehearsals and meetings—it was the most important thing to him right now. 

Even if that meant he would be miles away from Seoul, he would get his message straight and clear to you this time.

Act 9 (아홉): Nothing Without You

If it hadn’t been for Lyla and Bella calling you nonstop for thirty minutes, you would’ve been in big trouble and missed out on your online meeting with your colleagues. 

You did your best to stay focused during the meeting—jotting down all the information required to run the show successfully in three days. It was a lot to take in, and all of you were expected to perform your very best, considering that this would be a rather crucial showcase for the artist, and many important figures from the industry would also be there. 

It seemed as if their company decided to go all out to make sure that the showcase was going to be as grand as possible, and the only thing you could assume was that they had to keep up with the image that they had painted in the industry and continue to keep their artist’s popularity at its best. 

Certain things did frustrate you a little, and so many questions ran through your mind as you questioned their company's decisions. But you were just someone who works in PR, and all you had to do was adhere to the rules and regulations and nothing else. 

After all, you decided you would quit after this one last show. 

The moment the meeting was over, and you decided to shut your laptop down, you could briefly hear some muffled noises coming from your front porch. You were confused as hell since you weren’t expecting any visitors for the day. Other than that, you told your friends that you would only be available during the night for some get-together at dinner since you needed some time alone in the afternoon to sort out the upcoming event. 

Curiously, you slowly stepped to your front door before pulling the sliding door apart, only to see that both Lyla and Bella were far from your house. It seemed as if they were arguing about something…or rather, with someone.

Now, you were more concerned than before. The only person who could get both your friends this riled up was your ex, and that confrontation between them did not go down well the last time it happened—which was also the last time you saw him.

As far as you know, your ex was long gone from your village, and he had moved all the way to Jeju to settle down with his new fiancé. So, who exactly could it be this time? 

“Guys, what did I say about having a heated argument in front of my house-” 

You were about to break your friends up from the commotion until all three of them turned back to look straight at you. 

And you were certainly not expecting the one in the middle of your friends to be here at all.

“S-Sunwoo?” 

“N-No! Y/N, you must be real tired from the meeting, hmm? Why don’t I take you inside to get some ice-cream that’s left in your freezer? Yeah, let’s do exactly that!” Lyla began panicking as she tried to lure you away from the scene, but she should’ve known how persistent you could be and that you were already breaking free from her grasp. 

Neither of you could say anything and just stared at one another for a good ten seconds. However, your friends definitely did not take the situation well, and they were not ready to see you cry your eyes out for the hundredth time. 

“You don’t belong here, Kim. I say you should leave, and don’t you even dare try anything stupid,” Bella hissed. 

“Look, I’m going to leave, that is after I talk to Y/N-”

“What is there to talk about? Was hurting her not enough for you? You men truly are scumbags-” 

“Lyla, enough.” 

Your response was short and simple, but it was enough to make everyone stop what they were doing and divert their attention towards you. You slowly walked up to Sunwoo and gently grabbed his shirt to gesture to him to walk in the other direction. 

“Leave us alone for a couple of minutes. I believe there’s a long-overdue conversation that both of us must get out of the way for weeks. I won’t take long, I promise.” 

With that, you excused yourself and tugged Sunwoo’s tee to walk him through your neighbourhood and slowly towards the park where you often hung out with your friends. Neither of you could start the conversation, and it was just pure silence throughout the ten-minute walk from your house. 

However, Sunwoo figured food was the best option to start the conversation. Thankfully, there was a convenience store near the park, and the two of you quickly went in to grab a little snack to break the ice between you hopefully. 

He went for his Neoguri Ramyeon as usual, and you decided a little matcha latte would do the trick. You don’t think that you’re able to stomach anything for now, just in case you will cry once again and could potentially throw up everything you had just consumed. 

As much as you detested that he once again paid for everything, you reluctantly accepted the offer and quietly held your warm cup of beverage in hand as you both sat down at the bench in the park, keeping a distance from one another. 

All you could do was stare down at the lid of the latte, your fingers tapping on the hot cup while trying your best to calm your emotions down. Sunwoo was busy slurping away his noodles, and it was slowly starting to annoy you slightly. 

“You still have the appetite to eat?” You scoffed. 

“Look, I had to get last-minute tickets for the earliest train from Seoul to Busan. Be grateful that at least I’ve arrived on time,” Sunwoo protested while stuffing his mouth with the noodles. 

You wished you could respond to his sarcasm the way you usually would, but it seemed that the enthusiasm you once had for all that was now long gone, and you could only clear your throat in response. 

Sunwoo was now clearly reading the atmosphere, and he swallowed the last bite of his noodles before tossing the cup into the trash bin beside him. Instantly, he placed both hands together and began rubbing them nervously as he leaned down to look at the ground. 

“Y/N, I…I’ve been such a jerk to you after everything we have been through. It’s unfair for you, and I have been deceiving myself after all these years.”

That last line caught you off guard. “Excuse me?” 

“I once had a girl whom I loved so much that my world revolved around her. She was my everything, and I wouldn’t hesitate to drop whatever I was doing to be with her and to make her the happiest girl in the world. But betrayal and lust are definitely not planned in the books, and they are truly the most unpleasant things that happen to someone in life.” 

You knew those two words very well. After all, you were also a victim once. 

“She…did unthinkable things, which has made me the person I am today. I ignored it long enough, thinking it was fine to continue living like this. That is, until I met you,” Sunwoo’s voice softened at that last line, and he finally lifted his head to look straight into your eyes. 

“Y/N. You showed me what true friendship is, and I fell in love with how you could always be so pure and honest with your feelings and emotions. You made me realise that what I have been doing wasn’t just hurting and deceiving others and myself. I can’t live on like this, and I desperately want to change.” 

Sunwoo took one of your hands and intertwined his fingers with yours, giving you this soft puppy look to show his sincerity.

“Y/N. I need you. Will you please accept this offer?” 

You were too stunned to give him a proper response. You were certain that you probably spent a minute just staring at him before you felt that your cheeks were suddenly wet to the touch, and that’s when you realised that tears were streaming down your face again.

Sure, you have expected Sunwoo to travel all this way to see you and to talk things out, but you weren’t expecting a confession from the male himself. 

Relief swept over you, and all the worries troubling you were gone. Unfortunately, the heartbreak was far stronger than the latter, and you don’t have the room or strength to go through the turmoil again. 

With that, you gently pushed his hands away and stood up from the bench, wiping your tears away before turning your heel in the opposite direction. 

“Maybe you should’ve thought all that through before placing the nail in the coffin.”

Act 10 (열): Die For You

Coming back to Seoul was a lot harder than you expected it to be. You were this close to potentially ditching your final job and just calling in sick, but you knew it wouldn’t be ideal, and you had promised to work together with your team for one last time. 

After dropping by the office to hand in your resignation letter, you made your way towards the concert hall and went straight to work without having a proper break before everything. It was all fine by you; after all, getting yourself occupied was the very least you could do to keep your mind off things for a while. 

However, you underestimated the workload you would deal with, as their showcase this time seemed a lot more complex than the ones you were used to. There were a few mishaps here and there, but that didn’t stop you from continuing your task. 

T-minus 12 hours more till I’m done with all of these. 

Having that as a constant reminder has proven to be a lot more helpful than before, and slowly, your motivation was coming back to finishing up things as quickly and detailed as you could before the showcase was about to begin. 

Journalists and newscasters flocked to the venue first, and your PR team had to deal with them firsthand. It wasn’t too bad, as talking to people has always been your forte. Just like that, it was time for the fans to enter the hall slowly. Soon enough, you and your team headed backstage to help the artists and other staff prepare for the show. 

The band members slowly stepped out one by one and started putting on their in-ear pieces and getting their instruments ready. Of course, Sunwoo still had that same puppy-doe-eyed look as he had the day before back in Busan. 

He was constantly trying his best to grab your attention—giving you a hiss or a little wave, but you had no desire to return those to him. Instead, you flat-out ignored the guy and constantly got yourself busy by going around to each station to check with the other staff. 

It wasn’t long before the members were scheduled to go up on stage, and Sunwoo gave you one final look and mouthed something towards you before taking that step up to greet the fans. 

Watch me. 

You could only sigh and cross your arms as you watched from backstage as The Boyz first greeted all of their fans and the reporters before positioning their instruments to prepare for the first opening act. They started with their title track, Hurt Me Less, and soon followed it with a few more tracks from the album before having a little Q&A session with the fans.

Finally, they ended the showcase by performing one last song before all of the members walked up to the front of the stage and bowed towards the audience. One by one, each member was exiting the stage and started to take off their in-ear pieces. 

That is, all except for Sunwoo.

He stood frozen for a few seconds on stage, and immediately, whispers filled the hall, thinking that everything was alright with the artist himself. 

Not for long, Sunwoo lifted his head and walked back to the centre of the stage—adjusting his microphone and slinging his guitar on his shoulders again.

Obviously, everyone backstage started panicking and tried their best to get Sunwoo off the stage, as it was not going according to the schedule. You, too, were trying to hiss at the male to get his attention, call it a night, and end the performance right there and there.

But it seemed the male had something in mind, and he wouldn’t budge. 

Instead, he turned to look straight at you and gave you a little smile before diverting his attention towards the crowd once again.

“I apologise for the sudden change of plans, but this is something that I have been meaning to do for a while now. You see, we performed all seven tracks in our latest album, but one hidden track has not yet been released to the public. So here I am tonight, revealing the hidden track to all of my precious fans, but most importantly, to a special someone.” 

Just then, Sunwoo began strumming his guitar and started playing the song's tune. As he slowly finished the intro and was just about to start singing the lyrics, he turned to look straight at you and smiled at you as he mumbled a few more words. 

“This song is specially written and dedicated to you.” I'm findin' ways to articulate the feelin' I'm goin' through I just can't say I don't love you (Yeah) 'Cause I love you, yeah It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold But tonight, I'm gon' let you know Let me tell the truth Baby, let me tell the truth, yeah

No. That can’t be.

You know what I'm thinkin', see it in your eyes You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry You're scared to be lonely, 'specially in the night I'm scared that I'll miss you, happens every time I don't want this feelin', I can't afford love I try to find a reason to pull us apart It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect And I know that you're worth it I can't walk away, oh

“W-What…What are you trying to tell me, Sunwoo?” You choked on your words.

Even though we're goin' through it And it makes you feel alone Just know that I would die for you Baby, I would die for you, yeah The distance and the time between us It'll never change my mind 'cause Baby, I would die for you Baby, I would die for you, yeah

As he finishes the first half of the song, Sunwoo takes some time to strum his guitar, letting the audience follow along with the rhythm as he takes a deep breath before making another speech. 

“These lyrics…I have been thinking about them for a while now. These feelings have haunted me for weeks, and now I know I must convey them properly to the special someone,” Sunwoo spoke softly before he continued with the second half of the song.

You had no idea why that was the last blow before tears began streaming down your face uncontrollably, and you dashed right through the exit, not caring that your co-workers were calling you from behind. 

You continued running through the night, not caring where you’d end up; you just needed some time to be alone and let out all the feelings you had been bottling for so long. 

Eventually, you ended up back at Han River, and you immediately went to the nearest bench and lay there helplessly. Your emotions were far stronger than your ability to think logically right now, and you just wanted to cry out loud for as long as you could. 

You have no idea how long has passed since then, but you were pretty sure that you had at least cried for half an hour before you dozed off. By the time you woke up, you felt that the rock-solid bench suddenly felt way too soft and comfortable. 

And how warm it was. 

It was then you realised that you weren’t just lying on the bench but rather on someone. 

“S-Sunwoo!?” You screamed as you realised that you had been lying down on his lap for God knows how long, and you quickly tried to sit back up, but the male decided to push you back down instead.

“Now I’m very heartbroken, Princess. How could you leave in the middle of the spectacular performance I’ve spent so long working on, especially for you?” He sulked. 

Those last words stung you again, and you lifted both of your hands to cover your face once more as you felt that you were about to cry again. But it seemed that Sunwoo wasn’t buying it this time, and he quickly grabbed both of your wrists to stop you. 

“Look at me, Y/N. Stop running away from me,” he commanded. 

“W-What makes you think I’d listen to you? You have done nothing but lie to me all this time. You hurt my feelings, and you treated me like one of the girls that you have always sought comfort from. You’re an idiot to think if you’d stand a fair chance-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Sunwoo sealed your lips with his and gently lifted your head slightly to make it easier for him to gain access. It’s been a while since you tasted his soft, plump lips, and you immediately softened up when you tasted that familiar strawberry lip gloss that you used the same one as he did.

As he slowly pulled away and placed you back onto his lap, he caressed your cheeks and wiped the remaining teardrops away. “Sorry that I was rough with you. It was the best thing I could think of to get a woman to stop crying.” 

“S-Sunwoo…I-”

“Y/N. Please. I need to hear your thoughts about how you truly feel about this. I know I’m the worst jerk alive and that me going to Busan to apologise to you wasn’t enough. Words aren’t my forte, so I conveyed my feelings through performing. But you have to know that whatever I’ve sung back there, those really are the words that I desperately wanted to get across all this time and that I’m done playing games.” 

Just then, he slowly moved his hands from your cheek to your lips and gently brushed against it. “Y/N, I can now confidently say that you mean a lot to me. You’re more than just a friend, a companion who eats Neoguri Ramyun with me all the time at the convenience store, and also the one who just happens to get me all the damn time.” 

With one final deep breath, he leans down again to plant a kiss on your forehead before muttering those simple words.

“Y/N, I’m in love with you.” 

It was so simple, yet captivating enough for you. 

You have so desperately wanted to hear those words from him—to know if it has helped you finally cleared all of your suspicions and doubts from the beginning. To the public, it was absurd for a commoner like you to fall in love with a celebrity and vice versa, but you were certain that those memories that you both have made weren’t just for show, and Sunwoo’s actions and words for the night have proven that enough to you. 

Nobody would’ve thought that a simple encounter between you both, exchanging your phones and meeting up at a convenience store to eat, would lead to the current situation that you both were in. 

Was it fate? Or just purely a coincidence? Neither of that matters to you right now. 

Instead, you snaked one of your hands back up to his neck and pulled him down to connect your lips with his again, taking your time to savour his sweet, plump lips truly. Sunwoo was initially taken aback, but he slowly blended in and began picking up his pace, his tongue swirling around yours. 

As soon as you both broke apart to get some air, you realised you had just returned the sneaky and flirtatious Sunwoo as he brushed his fingers on his lips and gave you a sly smirk. 

“You could’ve just told me you wanted me this bad,” Sunwoo hummed. 

“You’re sick in the head,” you replied as you finally sat back up. 

“So…I take it as a yes to my proposal?” Sunwoo grinned. 

“What proposal?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Frankly, I don’t.”

“Is that so? Maybe you want to reconnect your lips with mine again? Maybe it’ll then give you a better insight of what I was trying to tell you all along-”

“Your breath stinks,” you stuck your tongue out at him. 

“No, it doesn’t!” Sunwoo quickly lets out a breath onto his palm before sniffing it himself. “You liar! I just used my favourite citrus mouthwash before the show!” 

You immediately giggled at the sight, and Sunwoo was delighted to see you returning to the Y/N he knew. Just then, he places his arms over your shoulders and rests your head against his chest as you both take the time to admire the sky filled with dozens of stars. 

“Say, you’re not supposed to be here, are you?”

“Hey, I’m still a model employee, okay? I quickly wrapped things up at the showcase before rushing to find you sleeping like a baby here.” 

“I’m not a baby,” you sulked.

“Your sleeping position says otherwise,” Sunwoo retorted as he shoved his phone right into your face, showing you a picture he had taken just seconds after he arrived to see you sleeping soundly on the bench. 

“Hey! Delete that right now!” You screamed as you tried your best to reach for his phone while he was retreating to make you fall right back into his arms again.”

“You’re a persistent one, aren’t you?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Kim Sunwoo. You’re insufferable.” 

“Be honest, you love me.”

“Only a fool would love a guy like you.”

“Oh, so you’re the fool now, then!”

Sunwoo immediately regrets saying those words as he earned a hard slap from you in return. “I’m leaving if you make one more flirtatious remark.” 

He then lifts his hands to show that he surrendered, and you give him a pout before resting your head back onto his chest again. As you finally take in everything that had happened today, a smile plasters across your face before you close your eyes and mumble the words you have wanted to say to him. 

“Thank you, Sunwoo. For giving me a chance to love again.” 

“Anything for you, my Princess,” Sunwoo replied before kissing your forehead again. “Neoguri Ramyun date again later?” 

“Does your life really have to revolve around Neoguri Ramyun on a daily basis?”

“Can’t blame me; that’s my daily energy source. But so that you know, I will be bringing you to a lot more dates from now on, and I’m never going to let you leave my side again. Be prepared for that, Y/N.” 

You scoffed. “Tempting. Add on a matcha-day only date to the books, too.”

With that, Sunwoo smiled at you and rubbed his nose against yours. “Consider it done.”

The sounds of the fire crackling were the only things that filled the room for the past half an hour, as Sunwoo spent the entire time writing whatever came to mind in his trusty, worn-out notebook in front of his fireplace. 

The Boyz’s latest album has proven to be their most successful comeback, and who would’ve thought that the hidden track was the most beloved song out of all of the songs from the album itself. 

It definitely wasn’t his intention for it to be more well-received than their title track. Still, the members were more than happy that they were getting the recognition nonetheless, and of course, with Sunwoo, who’s finally back on track and much happier. 

News immediately made headlines when the public found out that he has been seeing a non-celebrity, but both of you were thankful that his fans were supportive, and Sunwoo has managed to keep you out of the spotlight most of the time. 

It was crazy to think that a few months had passed since then, and you had decided to move in with Sunwoo for the past month. You’ve quit your PR job; instead, you are now working as his manager. 

You both have made it clear to establish personal and business relations and most of the time, everything works out. There are times when both of you have to give up one thing for the other, but you have never failed to talk things through and make it work.

Just as Sunwoo was deep in his creative mindset, his train of thought was cut off when you climbed into his lap and cuddled with your boyfriend.

“Seems like my kitten misses me a little bit too much, hmm?” 

“Don’t be stupid. You’re sitting on my couch, dumbass.” 

“Hey, this is my apartment; who said this couch belongs to you?”

“This couch was from my old apartment, so it’s mine,” you stuck your tongue out before trying to see what he was up to. “New song?”

“Yeah. Was feeling a little inspired,” Sunwoo hummed. 

With that, you could only look straight at his side profile and admire how he looked when working. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you have come to love the guitarist Kim Sunwoo. He always put in a hundred percent when he worked, inspiring you to do the same as his current manager.

“Care to share with me what the new song is all about?” You pinched his cheeks, but he gently pushed you away. “That’s not fair. I’m your manager, so I deserve to know.” 

“Now now, it’ll just ruin the fun if I tell you all about it now.”

“Fine then. No Neoguri Ramyun for you tonight,” you crossed your arms before he finally gave in and hugged you tightly.

“You can’t use my source of nutrition against me,” he sulked. 

“I can, and I will if you don’t tell me now.”

Sunwoo sighed. “Fine. It’s titled Starboy. I guess it gives a little glimpse into the current fame that I have gotten over the past several years.” 

As you took in what you had just heard from your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but snort at his comment, earning a little smack on your shoulder. “How dare you mock me?”

“Nah, it’s nothing. I just think that it’s absurd that you want to write a song about that.”

“Yeah no, you’re looking down on me, Y/N. I’m going to make sure you-” 

Before he could finish his sentence, you cupped both cheeks and brought his lips to yours, giving him a kiss that made his heart beat ten times faster than it already was. He definitely did not expect a sudden move from you since he always initiated a kiss with you.

As you pulled apart from him, you gently laid your forehead against him, and you caressed his now red flushed cheeks. 

“Kim Sunwoo, you’re already and will forever be my Starboy.”

A/N: i def struggled writing this yes...but i hope i did it justice nontheless 😭

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @djidfk @daisyvisions @stealanity (join my permanent taglist here!)

[follows-the-bees]

Izzy taking the blame for Stede's painting being ruined is leading to some deep character study.

Let's look at the painting first.

Not only are the eyes crossed out, but the dark marks around the eyes and mouth are exactly the greasepaint makeup that Blackbeard and the whole crew use.

There is a bloody handprint over Stede's hand holding a sword and there is a knife stabbed into the left side of Stede's abdomen - the side without the important bits.

All three of these suggest that it was Blackbeard who mutilated the painting. He used the makeup to bring Stede down to his level of darkness, the bloody handprint to show the violence happening, and while the knife is violent, it is on the left side. It shows the warring emotions Ed is feeling about Stede right now, no matter how much he's drowning, trying to become a flightless bird, he ultimately can't truly stop loving Stede.

Now let's move on to Izzy.

Stede asks about the painting (oh, Stede I love your insecure yet vain ass) and Izzy responds right away.

He automatically steps in to say it's him with that smarmy smile he uses around Stede. Izzy choosing to say this can be due to two things. 1) He is taking the blame for/ covering up for Blackbeard, or 2) He is trying to protect the crew from getting caught from mutiny. Which still means that he is taking the blame off of Blackbeard, so there isn't any evidence of why they would mutiny. (There is the third option that Izzy DID do it, but I think that is highly unlikely and you can tell in Con's performance.)

Stede reacts to this response by rolling his eyes, sighing, and then walking away. Izzy looks surprised by this, he was clearly expecting to be yelled at. Or be called an asshole like Stede has done in the past. But instead he is met by quiet despondence, which happens once again this episode.

When the crew are jailed for mutiny and Stede comes to the jail, Izzy tries to provoke him once again. "Go on, Bonnet. Give me your worst."

But once again, Stede is quiet, shakes the bars, and walks away. We see Izzy make the same face as last time: he has tears in his eyes, visibly upset and slightly confused. He isn't getting yelled at, he is getting disappointment and silence.

Besides showing exactly how Stede responds when he is completely heartbroken, we see how Izzy responds when he expects violence and gets the opposite.

It is heartbreaking and Con's performance is superb.

Gif source!! Give them the love.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I am learning just how powerful white tears are in this fandom. Like I've seen multiple posts in the OFMD tag like "I'm sorry for hating Izzy" "I can't hate Izzy anymore" after he made a noise which is equivalent to heem heem whimper that we have very little context for but is clearly meant to be comedic and much worse, (like Izzy hate means nothing to me I don't care) people are declaring Ed an abuser and saying his actions are unforgivable when Jim merely used the words "toxic relationship." You're acting as if that motherfucker did not orchestrate the situations which lead up to Ed looking like fucking this

Do his tears mean nothing to you? yall have a moral backbone composed of fucking silly puddy and the long term memory of a gold fish I swear to god. Once again Ed's big bad brown violence in one scene sticks out more to you than Izzy's whole season of characterization and it's suspicious as hell.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Human!Scar x Younger!Fem!Human!Reader || Drabble

Plot: Scar loves to rub your relationship in the rest of the prides faces since he knows it bothers them. He's a Brat, but you love him.

Warnings: Age difference relationship (/people around you disapproving of it) and a lot PDA. Also sexual references.

Tagging: @asperol-with-izzy , @disney-android-foundation , @lady-love88 , @marinerainbow , @ryantryan6969 , and @thecourtofgraywaves .

As soon as you see Scar approaching the rest of the pride, you hop up from where you were resting, dozing, out in the warm sun and quickly meet him a few bounds away from the others- you know he's here for you, he never visits the pride for anything else. Immediately you greet him with a loving kiss to the cheek and a bright smile.

He mutters something intimate in your ear with a smirk while the other lionesses all watch, and you go hot under everyone's judgemental gazes. God damnit, old man, not these antics again!! You flash him a warning glare, but of course he doesn't care. "Scar, just once, can my boyfriend visit me and not make it a spectacle??"

"Oh, my dear, what's the fun in that??"

"Hello, Scar," Sarabi pipes up in a measured, joyless tone from behind you and you turn around to face your queen, out of respect. The rest of the lionesses refuse to even meet his gaze, but Sarabi's known Scar since they were kids- he's her brother-in-law after all- and she's just... classy. And kind. You like her for that, as well as her dry sense of humour, so you certainly done blame her for disliking him. So long as you can act hospitable, not make your distaste anyone's problem, then you can dislike whoever you want on as little grounds as you want, as far as you're concerned.

... the rest of these bitches, though... Your eyes darken a little, giving the gossipy judgy women all a frustrated, disappointed look as they all look mildly irritated just by Scar's presence. And his body stood so 'inappropriately' close to yours. They're just ridiculous.

When Scar's arm slips around your waist and rests there lazily, you give a surprised gasp; neck snapping so you can look at him. Seriously!?? Honestly, yes, you don't care what these old biddies think about you relationship- but m u s t h e make it so hard on Sarabi?? She's trying!

Yes, apparently, he must, says the mischievous lethargic grin on his handsome face. "Sarabi... you look lovely today. My, what a lucky brother I have."

Sarabi rolls her eyes almost all the way up into her skull, while you stand there quite awkwardly. Scar, shut up. "Scar, don't be brutish."

"Simply stating a fact, Sarabi. Anyway... " Scar's gaze falls on your head so close, and the next thing you know he's nuzzling you; making you freeze. You love it, you love Scar's touch, but r I G H T NOW!?? "Going on a hunt today, are you all?... "

"Did Y/N tell you that?" One of the other lionesses cuts in (Snaps); a very sharp tone in her voice that you don't like at all and causes you to glare daggers at her even as Scar completely lacks a responce to it. His arm around your waist does squeeze for a moment though, as if telling to calm down, now, I'm fine dear...

"I did." You respond shortly, instead, but leave it at that; turning fully into Scar now and letting him do whatever he wants. If they cant act cordial, then neither will you. He gives a devious smirk at your actions, and gently catches your chin between his thumb and his curled forefinger. His eyes bore into yours, so impossibly-venomously-prettily green, and as always you lose yourself in them.

"She did, and I'm just here to bid her goodbye for the afternoon~ So if you'll excuse us, thank you."

Instead of walking you away from the group though, despite his excuse, Scar merely removes his attention from them completely and he's all yours. God, he loves doing this, being intimate where the rest of the pride can see what he's doing. What he does to you. Every time he seems to take it a step further, too; getting more and more shameless in his old age as you've told him before.

Oh? 'Old'?? He'd asked, a look of mock offence on his face.

... practically ancient, you'd told him back; digging your hole in even deeper and smirking about it. Then he'd approached you, or prowled towards you more like, with that predatory look on his devastatingly striking face, raised your chin up, rubbed the tip of his nose roughly against yours, and then kissed you. Then you did some things that the ladies here would definitely drop their jaws over.

With the memory lingering in your mind, you give a quiet sigh; lowering your voice so only Scar can hear. "... you're here to say goodbye, huh?" You ask quietly, holding onto the sides of his clothing.

"Well, that's true. I am."

"Oh, you are a gentile suitor, huh?" You tease, sarcasm gently filling your whisper-voice even as Scar cups your face now; brushing his thumbs methodically across your cheeks and making you feel weak. With all this happening, you almost forget you're being watched by almost the entire pride sans Mufasa. "When'd that happen?"

"I assure you, my dear,.. " He comes in close to your face, so close your noses almost touch. "I'm still a rogue." He growls, then swoops in the rest of the way and presses a hot kiss to your mouth; making you feel a bit, embarrassingly, weak in the knees. Its a deep kiss, but not obscenely long in duration before he's pulling away, letting you go and strolling off. "Goodbye, have a good hunt."

You're left Kissed, warm all over and alone in front of the lionesses- the realisation that they were there that entire time crashing back over you all of a sudden. You give them an awkward smile and a waive, before returning swiftly to your spot among them and ducking your head down; pleased and embarrassed at once. Oh lord. Damnit Scar.

[sgiandubh]

Last minute Swifties

Contrary to what many thought and some posted, I do think the OL cast's Taylor Swift experience was a last minute promo idea, very much monitored by *** and Tall Ships. I was wrong about minder/security guy (still, eerie...) and I never have a problem publicly admitting it. But quite unlikely I am wrong about this one. And sorry for the length, but you know how I am when I am looking for something, right?

Let's unpack: cast thanked the 'organizers' (and minders, really) in very specific terms, leaving NO much doubt:

Louisa McCulloch. Remember this name, we shall meet her in one hot minute. So thank you Louisa and Maril for organizing this: ask yourselves why did Maril, who (as far as I know) is based in the US, have to come to Edinburgh just for the gig. Damage control, perhaps?

And Sophie S., with a remarkable choice of words:

'Thank you ***, TS and her team for making it happen'. In my book, this means a strong, common effort to secure the box last minute. Because 'making it happen' means exactly that: 'need to do everything you can to facilitate it'.

Clearly Skelton, who is a Swiftie in her own right, was particularly appreciative of the efforts it took to ensure everyone could attend the concert. If that were a long planned event, her enthusiasm would have been more temperate, I think. 'Adding more Swifties to the clan' - LOL, Sophie, you mean S and C had no idea of the lyrics and were unable to sing along with you, John Bell, Izzy and Co (I keep forgetting their names and I like them a lot, in the show)? People of my generation are already too damn old for Taylor S. And this different sort of music might be more of S's real preference: otherwise why post it in his stories, as if to say ' TS is a different thing altogether'?

James. A Manchester rock band, formed in 1982, popular in the Nineties. I see no lies: he was clear 'JAMMF is a Swiftie'. And we are, after all, Children of the Nineties, not TS's crowd. And yes, I knew S was into the same kind of music as I was, in the Nineties (he seems to have stayed put, right there, unlike me, LOL):

Anyways, back to the mysterious woman up and front on three pictures in a row, that got many speculating. Nope, that was not Wendy, the MUA and S's bestie:

Once...

... Twice...

... Three times a lady:

Her name is Louisa McCulloch, née Radcliffe and she is the one S thanked, along with Maril (see above). It was a bit hard finding her, because her IG account is private. But I found her alright on Facebook, and then LinkedIn (of course):

Based in Lockerbie, Scotland. 20 years experience as a media publicist:

Worked with *** and Tall Ships since Season 3, after a short stint as Head of Publicity at the Paramount Pictures London Office. Got promoted from Unit Publicist to Publicist during COVID, for Season 6. So yes, she is the one who made it happen, locally, on what I think was a quite short notice.

Attention successfully diverted. Impeccable timing and giving a younger crowd what it wants. Trying to capitalize on TS's huge Instagram fan base: 283 million followers (wow! I had no fucking idea she was so huge). A win-win situation for just about everyone and an elegant way out from sordid waters:

And it worked. Lost among the hundred of thousands of likes and comments, look who's jumping on the bandwagon:

Sharon Stone. With a Blue Check and her 3.9 million Instagram fanbase. A Nineties deity, need I remind you (this blogger spotted her during the Berlinale 2007, while I was going out for drinks, blissfully unaware we were all staying at The Adlon, LOL)?

They mutually follow each other on Insta, by the way. I wonder why *urv did not pounce on that one. I feel robbed, for once, of a wonderful fanfic.

[Later edit] Several comments take on this person without a proper justification. I am editing this post to remind you she is only responsible for the implementation (in Scotland) of decisions taken elsewhere (in the United States of America). She is NOT a decision maker and as Publicist, was probably responsible for the local implementation of a hasty decision to attend an event (secure VIP box at Murrayfield, sell content to the local press). The direct contact with TS's team was, very likely, Maril and upwards, in the hierarchy. In all fairness, she has nothing to do with a billboard spotted in Los Angeles, USA - nothing of the sort in Europe. I am all for taxing, but let's tax people who are really RESPONSIBLE: she is just a very well paid underling. Thank you all, I am sure you understand fairness can only add to our credibility as a group.

[vaginalsauce]

Short lived

Warnings

Unprotected p in v, oral fem and male receiving, spanking, drooling, pet names, mentions of cigarettes, mentions of alcohol and drinking, hair pulling, jealous slash, cum eating, flirty Izzy, degradation, dirty talk, slapping, really fucking rough, slight cnc?, Biting, choking, dacryphilia, lil bit of fluffy angst at the end idk

A/N

I kinda got carried away I am so sorry 🪨💨

Word count

2.5k

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Walking from the kitchen with armfuls of beers, you set all of them down on the coffee table with a huff. You plopped right down in-between Izzy and Slash, craning your head back, bored of Steven and Duff messing around with cameras, and Axl yelling about pointless things that weren't relevant to anything.

You couldn't help but turn your head as Izzy moved to pull out a cigarette from the pack on the table. He placed it between his lips, and was quick to light it. He took a long drag before turning to meet your eyes, letting out a chuckle.

This caused Slash to turn his head towards the two of you, eyeing Izzy carefully.

"You want one, or are you just gonna keep staring, honey?" It caught you off guard but you only shrugged. Izzy pulled the cigarette from his pretty lips, placing it between yours gently.

Before you could even inhale, Slash wrapped his arm around your shoulders and took the cigarette from your mouth, putting it out on his own jeans. He stood, and without a word, left the room, slamming the door to Axl's bedroom.

It was no secret that you and Slash had feelings for each other, especially with Axl's big mouth around. But ever since you and Izzy had been getting closer, becoming better friends, Slash had become more distant, pissier towards you.

You sighed, letting your head fall into your hand as you began to rub your temples.

"What's his deal?" Izzy questioned, eyebrows raised in a bit of surprise. You shook your head.

"I don't have a clue. I'm gonna go talk to him." You stood, stepping over the empty beer bottles that were scattered across the floor.

As you reached Axl's bedroom, you gently knocked on the door, listening closely for any signs of his presence. "Slash? Can I come in?"

No response.

You knocked again, but there was still no response. Turning the doorknob, you gently pushed the door open, greeted by the sight of Slash getting off the bed and walking over to you. He pulled you into the room and closed the door harshly, his body pressing yours against the door.

"Slash?" You questioned, your breathing quickening as his hand ghosted down your arm to the lock on the door, flipping it and jiggling the door handle to make sure it was locked.

His face was so close to yours, you could smell the smokey breath that fanned over your face. His eyebrows furrowed. "Why do you have to do that?" He questioned, but it sounded more like a demand.

"do what?" You whispered, scared to raise your voice. His hand came to rest on your neck, giving a small squeeze.

"Fucking flirt with every guy that looks at you. You know what the fuck you're doing." He spat, before spinning the two of you around and pushing you roughly into the bed behind you. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you forget Izzy ever existed."

You couldn't find your voice, letting out a small whine as you pushed yourself back, making room for Slash to crawl onto the bed with you, but he only stood at the edge of the bed.

"Tell me if you don't want this now, because I'm not gonna stop once I start."

You nodded quickly in response to his words, and he landed a firm slap across your cheek. "Use your words, whore."

You turned your head to look back up at him, bringing your own hand up to the forming red mark on your face, feeling the warmth radiating off of it. Your eyes were watering, but you couldn't deny the pulsing ache between your legs. "Please, Slash, I want it."

"Such a dirty fuckin' slut." Slash huffed, his hands coming down to unbutton his jeans. He slid them down his muscular thighs, already starting to palm himself through his boxers. "Gonna suck my cock? Show me how much you want it?"

You crawled closer, and slash gripped the back of your head by your hair, pulling your mouth directly onto his clothed bulge. You let your lips glide over the print, looking up at him, a single tear falling down your cheek from the pain he was inflicting on you, but you couldn't even mind.

"Fuck, you're a little minx." He used his free hand to tug his boxers down, discarding them with his pants. His hardening cock was right in your face, and you brought your hand up to pump him gently.

He grabbed his dick and rubbed it against your lips, and you opened your mouth. He was quick to shove your head down onto his cock, already fucking your face at a rapid speed. You gagged around him, drool spilling from the corners of your mouth as you tried your hardest to breathe.

You watched as he threw his head back, and you brought your hand down to your clothed heat, rubbing yourself through your pants.

His hips were relentless, pistoning hard into your throat. You knew it was gonna be sore for a few days.

You were a bit worried about the rest of the guys in the living room, but their cheers and laughing and indistinct yelling just told you they weren't paying any mind to your missing presence.

You were caught off guard by the sudden feeling of Slash pushing your head all the way down his dick, and you lifted your hands up to dig your nails into his waist as he held you at the base of his cock.

Your nose was brushing against his happy trail, and you began to panick as you lost your breath. Slash pulled you off his cock by the back of your hair, throwing your head back as he leaned down to kiss you.

"Gonna make you mine, make you scream for me." He grabbed your hips as he leant over you, flipping you over and swiftly tugging your pants and underwear clear off your legs. You to let out a gasp when the cold air hit your leaking cunt.

"Oh shit, look at that... So fucking wet, just from sucking my dick? You really are a whore." He paused to pull his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. He leaned over your back, pressing his lips to your ear. "But you're my whore, aren't you?"

You couldn't even let out a whimper before he pushed himself into you, stilling as soon as he bottomed out inside of you. You let your arms give out, your front side falling into the comforter on the bed. Your sudden moan was muffled by the bed, but then he grabbed your hair from the base of your scalp, tugging your head back towards the ceiling. "My whore, aren't you?"

He repeated himself, and you sobbed loudly. "Y-Your whore, fuck." You muttered, scared that if you were too loud the other men would hear, and that was endless teasing you didn't want to endure.

Slash pulled his hips back, and you whined, pushing yourself back into him in a desperate attempt to fuck yourself on his cock. His hand raised, and before you could even think about what he was doing, a red handprint was forming on your ass.

You yelped, pushing your body forward as an attempt to get away from the sting, but with his grip on your hair, you couldn't move. "T-Theyre gonna hear, can't be loud, please--"

Slash cut you off with a hard thrust, and you let out a loud moan, mixed in with a choked scream. You couldn't contain it. His dick was so big that it hurt, and he was so deep inside of you that he was pushing painfully against your cervix.

Slash leaned down again, finally starting at a slow and rough pace. A bite was pressed against your still-clothed shoulder, and with the pinch, came the realization that you weren't gonna be able to be quiet. "Let's get this off." Slash pulled you flush against his chest, rocking back onto his knees. His hands rushed to lift your thin shirt over your head, not once missing a single thrust.

Once your shirt was discarded, he didn't waste any time in trailing his hand up between the valley of your breasts, coming to squeeze your throat roughly. "You're so fucking tight, squeezing me so hard."

You were lightheaded, eyes rolling back as your head fell onto his shoulder, mouth hung open. Your fingers dug into his hips, and your other hand coming behind you to tangle and tug on his hair. "You like feeling me so deep in your tummy? Right... There." He questioned, his hand pressing roughly against your lower abdomen, easily feeling himself through the flesh of your stomach. The applied pressure caused you to squeal, fighting to get off his cock, the pleasure becoming too much for your foggy little brain.

"Oh, that's it, isn't it? Right there?" His voice was so sweet and alluring that you almost melted into his rough grips. "Answer me, bitch." He grabbed a fistful of hair again, pulling your lips closer to his as he sloppily pressed his open mouth to the corner of your own mouth. You were too busy trying to escape the dizzying feeling of your orgasm approaching to even mumble a response.

You nodded, but he only slipped the hand in your hair to your open mouth, his middle and ring finger pushing past your lips and onto your tongue.

His fingers were salty, but tasted so good in your mouth. He shoved them back further, and you gagged quickly. You screamed loudly as your orgasm hit you like a freight train, thrashing around in Slash's hold. You balled your hands up into fists and started to beat against his hips, back arched as you desperately tried to escape the overstimulation.

"Hold the fuck... still." His words were cut up between thrusts and grunts as he fought to keep you held down, your pulsing walls sucking him in deeper than he already was as an attempt to drain his cock.

"Already cumming, baby? Such a pathetic little body, jus' can't take what I give you." He hummed, faking that sympathy that he knew you would soak up.

He snaked an arm around your waist, holding you down as he completely ruined you from below. Your cunt was already sore, and the tears spilling from your eyes had no end, similar to the moans leaving your throat and vibrating around his fingers. Drool coated your chin and chest, and the entirety of his hand, and he didn't even care.

"Look s'much better stuffed full of my cock than you do sitting next to Izzy." Slash shoved you forward again, but this time he placed his hands on the small of your back, pushing down roughly to keep your back arched as he continued his assault on your poor cunt.

"N-No more, can't take it-- Please, s'too much!" You yelped.

Another harsh slap came down onto your ass, and you wept loudly into the bedding. You were squeezing his cock so tight that his hips began to stutter, so his pace slowed and his thrusts got impossibly harder. The steel rings he wore on his fingers were making bright red welts on your ass with every smack he gave you, and you couldn't help but let out the crying and screaming, it hurt, but he didn't care.

With his balls slapping against your clit with each thrust, you came once more, bringing your arms back to try and push his hips away from you, but he only grabbed a hold of both of your wrists, using them to pull you back onto him. Your weeping and moaning finally died down, and you just let him use you, limp from the overstimulation.

You were so fucked out that you didn't even feel the hot cum coating your insides. Slash pulled out as he was cumming, the last little bit of his spunk landing over your red and abused lips.

He released your arms, letting you fall forward.

"My fucking pussy, isn't it?" He shoved your thighs up so your ass was back in the air, and his thumb came up to run through your slick folds, practically shoving his cum back inside of you. You jumped when his finger brushed against your clit, letting out a small whine.

"A-All yours, Slash." You mumbled, and he brought his face to the red wounds and marks on your ass, pressing gentle kisses to the welts and light specks of blood that had begun peeking through your skin, already bruising.

His kisses trailed right back to your cunt, and he didn't hesitate in sticking his tongue right out and into your heat, from your clit to your hole. He hollowed his cheeks when he found your clit, sucking with so much intensity it caused you to lean back into him, despite all that had went down mere minutes before.

He was eating your pussy so carefully and intricately, it was a stark contrast from his previous tone and actions.

It took you minutes of him sucking and licking your poor cunt to realize that he was eating his own cum out of you, and the pure thought had you whining yet again.

He'd groan into your pussy, the vibrations going straight to your clit. It didn't take much for you to cum yet again, so sensitive from your previous torturous orgasms, and you shoved your face down into the bedding once more as you whined, squirming away from Slash's face. He held your hips and pulled you back into him as you rode out your orgasm, finally pulling off of your cunt and gently shushing you as you turned over to meet his gaze.

You suddenly broke out into tears again and Slash crawled back onto the bed pulling you up into his arms. You couldn't form proper sentences, your words simply coming out jumbled and choppy.

"s'okay. I'm sorry, I know. It's gonna be okay." You clung to him for dear life, your sweaty, naked bodies pressing together as your threw your arms over your neck.

All he could make out from your sobs was small "I'm sorry"s, "thank you"s, and "so tired"s. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head as he gently rocked the two of you back and forth.

"Did so good f'me, sweetheart, I'm sorry." He cooed, but it was too late, you were already asleep in his arms. He sighed, resting his head on top of yours for just a few more minutes before slipping you under the blankets of Axl's bed, and following close right next to you, wrapping an arm over your waist.

He buried his face in your shoulder as his eyes closed, feeling just a little guilty for the way he treated you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You woke up to the sound of banging, looking around to see slash tugging his boxers on, and you immediately felt a surge of shame run through your body when Slash unlocked and opened the door to an incredibly red and upset Axl.

"You're washing everything on that fucking bed. No, actually, you're buying me a whole new one."

And with that, you sunk back under the covers, not daring to make eye contact with the fiery redhead.

[gaypiratepropaganda]

Izzy's apology in the finale seems to have taken some people by surprise. During the break between seasons, I tried a few times to politely bring up the fact that Izzy was technically abusing Ed. Not because I wanted anyone to stop liking him (you can like a character who's doing abuse! it's not real. who cares), but because I was worried about the reaction when season two came out. I love this show very much and I know how tumblr can get. Most importantly, I love fucked up fictional relationships and cannot abide people making these two boring. So here we go. (I also love lists)

First. Emotional abuse can occur in intimate relationships, family relationships like father and son, or in the workplace (Ed/Izzy triple threat!). Second, it has to be an ongoing thing. Someone doing one of these things once is not abuse. Abuse is a pattern of cruel and frightening behavior in order to control the victim.

(Don't feel bad if you didn't notice this stuff! It's relatively subtle and we're kind of trained to ignore and forgive it, especially from characters like Izzy. I wasn't 100% sure I was right about this either until season two confirmed it. I think a lot of people don't even know what emotional abuse is, at least where I live.)

Below are some pretty solid warning signs (this said "criteria" before but I changed it to be more accurate) for emotional abuse, followed by examples:

•Monitoring and controlling a person’s behavior, such as who they spend time with or how they spend money.

One of Izzy's main motivations in season one was trying to force Ed to act more like his image of Blackbeard. To achieve that, he bullied, belittled, and threatened Ed. He attempted to kill Stede because Ed was spending too much time with him and he felt that Stede was a bad influence.

• Threats to a person’s safety, property, or loved ones

He tried to kill Stede (Ed's loved one) or get him killed several times. Once trying to get Ed to do it himself with the doggy heaven situation, once directly with the duel, and once by calling in the navy.

He didn't directly threaten Ed's safety until episode ten, but he did seem to have Ed convinced that the crew would kill him if Izzy wasn't there to protect him and then when Ed did things he didn't like, Izzy threatened to leave. It's indirect, but has the same result: Ed felt he was unsafe unless he did what Izzy wanted.

• Isolating a person from family, friends, and acquaintances

Izzy seemed to keep Ed isolated from the crew, act as a go-between, and control their perceptions of each other to a certain extent. In the first few episodes, Ed was always shown alone in his goth cabin with Izzy as his only contact. When he started to make new friends Izzy tried to make him kill them.

After Izzy was banished, he secretly sent Ed's ex in to manipulate him and get him away from his new community. Then he got them all arrested, culminating in the deal he made with the English that would have made Ed his prisoner. Not sure that was on purpose, but it was so fucked up I had to mention it.

The bit that really got me, for some reason, was when Frenchie asked after Ed and Izzy told the crew he was sick.

• Demeaning, shaming, or humiliating a person

Izzy is often shown berating Ed and yelling at him. The way Ed reacts suggests to me that he may be used to this kind of treatment from people in general, or from Izzy in particular. He never leaves or asks him to stop, he just takes it.

• Extreme jealousy, accusations, and paranoia

He was so jealous of Ed's relationship with Stede that he got the literal military involved. His explanation to for why Ed enjoys spending time with Stede was that he has "done something to [Ed's] brain." Like, what magic powers do you think he has, Izzy?

• Making acceptance or care conditional on a person’s choices

Izzy made it very clear that he would only support Ed if he conformed to the Blackbeard persona. He also seemed to have Ed convinced that there was no way he could survive without Izzy's support.

I just realized that if you subscribe to the headcanon that Izzy acts as a sort of caretaker to Ed (I do not) then all of this is way more fucked up.

• Constant criticism, ridicule, or teasing.

In season one he criticized everything Ed did, all his plans, even while telling him to come up with more plans. He ridiculed Ed and called him names pretty often: "twat, namby-pamby, insane." Even in season two when he's doing better, most of their interactions consist of Izzy teasing and making fun of Ed for being mopey or in love.

• Refusing to allow a person to spend time alone

I didn't think of this until now, but Izzy is often around when Ed thinks he's alone. He knows about things that happen in scenes he isn't in. Izzy's always sort of lurking, though? And he does it to everyone. So I'm not sure if we should count this one.

• Thwarting a person’s professional or personal goals

He's ok about piracy related goals, but as soon as Ed tried to do something other than that he got so weird about it. "This crew is so talented, why are we even being pirates?" is what got Izzy to threaten Ed. Which is interesting because he was fine with the retirement idea before, when he thought he'd get to be captain.

• Instilling feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness 

"insane unpleasant shell of a man merely posing as blackbeard." "I should have let the English kill you. This... whatever it is you've become is a fate worse than death."

• Gaslighting: making a person question their competence and even their basic perceptual experiences.

He called Ed insane and implied that the crew would mutiny if he wasn't there to stop them. This is clearly untrue, as we were already shown that his method of "massaging the crew" consisted of calling Ed half insane and pulling Fang's beard even though Fang hates that. The fact that he calls Ed insane more than once while at the same time trying to get him to act more insane seems like basic gaslighting to me. Then again, Izzy's definition of "insanity" may be like, depression, crying, showing emotions, loneliness, and enjoying softness.

[can't find a gif of this so just imagine Ed in the gravy basket with Hornigold saying "you're worried you're insane."]

Something that wasn't on this specific list but is generally considered part of emotional abuse is manipulation: the use of indirect tactics to change someone's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors in an attempt to influence them for personal gain.

I think Izzy often tries to be manipulative. He's not the greatest at it, but it's the thought that counts. He manages to be surprisingly successful through persistence and repetition.

He's got Ed convinced from the first time we see them that he is useless as a captain without Izzy. That's why Ed feels like he needs him. He tells him that the only thing standing between Ed and a crew constantly on the brink of mutiny is Izzy. Then he tells him that he will leave if he can't live up to his expectations.

He has a pattern of lying to Ed or not telling him the whole truth. He threatens him directly and indirectly in an attempt to influence him and control his behavior. He wants power, whether he gets it by becoming a captain when Ed retires or by making sure Ed remains powerful by any means necessary.

this is what he was apologizing for, along with the years of being terrible to Ed before Stede came into the picture. I never expected him to admit it so clearly like that. He fed Ed's "darkness," poked at his trauma for so long because he needed Blackbeard. It was something they did together, and he enjoyed Blackbeard's dominance and cruelty.

Of course there are other things that can be part of this kind of abuse, like infantilization, silence, and harassment. There are more examples of abusive behavior from Izzy at the start of season two, especially in the scene where Ed's asking Izzy to kill him. but I am not ready to get into that right now.

Anyway, Ed and Izzy's storylines in season two only make sense to me with this in mind. Ed is recovering from not only the suicide attempts but also this fucked up situation he was in, whether he realizes it or not. Izzy learns to stop being such a shitboy and admits he was wrong. ~growth~

if you interpret their relationship differently that's obviously fine. but I think this is the most interesting interpretation, as well as what was intended. It's no fun for me when people make them both equally awful to each other. I like it better as it is in the show: Ed fighting back against Izzy's emotional abuse with physical violence, which only ends up traumatizing him further. It's such a unique and fascinating story.

[jpmarvel90]

Absent

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Relationship: Scarlett x Reader

Summary: Scarlett is away more than she's at home, leaving her wife with the kids. When a project means that Y/n is once again pushing back her own work, tension builds and a fight is soon to follow.

Word count: 5550

Y/n's POV:

From the outside looking in, we look like the perfect happy family. A wife and three kids, a nice home and lucky enough to not have to worry about money. What people don't see is the strained relationship and the exhaustion that I feel with every passing day.

I have been married to Scarlett for 6 years and we have three beautiful children. Noah who is four and our 18 month old twins, Izzy, and Mia. We met through a photoshoot she was doing for the Avengers. It wasn't my usual gig, but I'm friends with Kevin Feige and he had asked if I would do photography for the movies. It worked well as I could fit it around the work at my studio and I met the love of my life.

Due to Scarlett's work schedule, we agreed that I would carry any kids that we wanted. So, I closed up the studio when I had Noah and it's been closed ever since. This wasn't the plan though. When Noah turned one, Scarlett was supposed to slow down with her work so it would allow me to return part time. However, she was at the height of her career and was getting offers she just couldn't turn down.

At the time it wasn't the end of the world. I loved being with Noah, he was such an easy baby. Just being in his presence made me so happy. Knowing we wanted another kid. I agreed that I would wait before returning to work until our next children were one.

Once the twins were born our family felt complete. Scarlett took time off for a couple of months when they were born, and it was perfect. Just the five of us living our best life. But then more projects started again for Scarlett, and she would be away filming for all these different projects. We made the decision to stay in New York as we would be close to her family. But it meant that she was often having to go to LA or Atlanta for filming.

I love Scarlett more than anything in this world. Well, level with the kids. But I sometimes feel that she loves acting that little bit more than me. The twins are a lot more work than Noah was which has in turn caused Noah to act out as he feels like they get all the attention. I'm often enemy number one for him. Then Scarlett comes home and she's his saving grace.

I'm exhausted. I barely sleep as the twins still like to wake during the night. I then find I spend the day being a kid herder to make sure they're fed and happy. I'm hoping that once Noah starts school, it'll come a little easier. But at the moment, my time when the kids are asleep isn't spent on me, it's spent on cleaning the home, doing the laundry. I need my wife to help me.

Now you're probably thinking, don't suffer in silence. How is she supposed to know if you don't tell her. Well, I have. We had a long discussion about it before she left for her last project in Atlanta. She has promised that everything is going to change once she's home. She's going to be more present and we're going to be that happy, perfect family again.

She's due home today, and I'm excited to get back to where we were. I know the kids miss her so much whilst she's away. She's missed a lot with the twins, their first words and steps. Both happening whilst she was in Atlanta. It's almost like they're different kids to when she left.

As soon as she walks through the door, she's practically knocked off her feet as Noah runs to her, his little arms wrapping around her legs tightly. I smile as she bends down and picks him up, peppering her face with kisses. "My little prince! I've missed you so much!" She coos, holding him close. "I missed you too mommy." He responds with a big grin.

She notices me holding both twins and her eyes sparkle. I place them down on the floor and they both waddle over to her and I see tears brim her eyes at how much they have grown. "Wow! Look at my babies! You've grown so much!" She says excitedly as she bends down to scoop them up in her arms. Their giggles ring out as she peppers their faces with kisses like she had with Noah. Who was still clinging to her leg by the way.

After she's greeted the kids, she makes her way towards me and gives me a quick peck as her hands are currently full. "Hi babe. I missed you more than I can express." She shares. Looking in her eyes, I can see it's the truth. "I missed you to my love. I'll take your bags upstairs and join you in the living room." I tell her, which earns another kiss in thanks.

That evening is perfect, we spend it together as a family for the first time in a long time. The kids are so happy to have their mom home and are attached to her at every minute. I happily make us dinner so she can enjoy the love from the kids. Knowing that I'll get my chance this evening.

The excitement of having their mom home makes it easy to get the kids to sleep today. I watch with a permanent smile on my face as Scarlett says goodnight to each of them. Grateful that she's finally home.

We get into bed early ourselves and enjoy being back in each other's company. She fills me in on all the excitement of her filming and how Lizzie is planning on a visit soon to come and see the kids. Apparently, she needs some niece and nephew time.

The next few weeks are amazing. Everything is how we had planned it. Scarlett only had a couple of meetings here and there, but otherwise she was around, being the amazing mom that she is. For the first time I feel like I'm not run into the ground. Getting time with the kids, but also for myself and with my wife.

Once evening, we're sat having a glass of wine after the kids have gone to bed and I'm shocked at what comes out of Scarlett's mouth. "I want another baby." She admits, her eyes burning into me as she waits for my reaction. I choke on my wine at her comment, looking at her and seeing that she's totally serious. I take a moment to think of my response. We had talked about having three kids but didn't expect the twins. I just assumed we had finished.

"Are you ready to carry?" I ask. She had always wanted to carry for herself, but her schedule just never really enabled her to. Maybe now she's slowing down she feels like it's time. "I thought you could carry them. You've done an amazing job with them, and I love when you're pregnant." She smiles at me. "But my studio is opening back in two months. It would be bad for business if I were to close it again within the year. I thought you wanted to carry anyway." I ask her.

"I do. But with this next project taking me to the Czech Republic, it'll be difficult and I'm getting older. I'm not as young as you remember." She responds with a chuckle. "What project in the Czech Republic?" I ask her, shocked as it was the first I had heard about it. "For Jojo Rabbit. I had the meeting last week. I told you, didn't I?" She says as if I just forgot that my wife had another project away from home.

"No, you told me you were having dinner with Taika. Nothing more. But I thought you were taking a break for a while so I could get back into work." I return, not really believing that she's done this. "Can't you just postpone it? This movie is something special and I'm really excited about it." She says as if I'm not excited to finally be getting back to work. "I've already postponed it once Scarlett. When you went to New Zealand for Ghost Shell. We talked about this. It was my turn to be able to get back to work Scar." I try not to raise my voice, but the frustration is there.

"It's just three months and then I'll be home." She tries to defend. "Which is when you'll then be doing reshoots for Marvel and back in Atlanta for a month. We're not just here for you when you want us you know." I say, the frustration getting the better of me. "Excuse me?" She asks offended. "When was the last time you were home for more than a month at a time?" I question her, standing from my seat and starting to pace.

I look to her when she doesn't answer. She doesn't remember. "I love the kids more than anything Scar but they are a lot of work. The twins never sleep through the night and Noah hates that they get a lot of my attention. Which would be fine if there were two parents here to even the load but there's not." I huff and she let's out a low laugh. "Oh, come on Y/n, they're as good as gold when I'm home." She defends.

I just scoff at her assumption. "Because they miss you and want to be on their best behaviour for you. I'm always the bad guy. The one getting yelled at by Noah because I can't take him to the park because the twins have tough and tumble. I've lost count of how many times he's shouted that he hates me. Still hurts each time though." I start to ramble, all the stress and anxiety seeping out of me.

"I'm constantly exhausted, because I'm either with the kids, or cleaning up after them. I don't get time to myself. And on top of that I miss my wife. We were meant to go through the journey of having kids, together. But I've never felt more alone. My own needs and dreams always come in behind the kids and you. Starting work again was something for me. Not just something I want, but something I need. To show me that I'm more than just a mom!" I yell my rambling thoughts and I can see that they are shocking Scarlett. She's not even responding anymore.

"Do you even want to be apart of this family anymore or are we just a chore? Because as soon as you're home, it seems like you're always looking for a reason to leave." Sadness fills my voice with my last question. Tears falling down my face as I admit how I've truly been feeling.

"How could you even ask that. I love you and the kids more than I can express. You own my heart and the thought of not having you physically hurts." She defends. "But you barely have us Scarlett. A couple of weeks here or there and you're off again." I shot back, once again stunning her.

We sit in silence, just the sound of a clock ticking breaking it. I'm sat on the sofa opposite her, the physical space between us representing the gap in our relationship. "I don't know if I can keep doing this." I whisper, almost afraid to admit it. Scarlett's head snaps up at my words, fear filling her eyes. "I feel like I have given everything, and I've not got anything left." The admission rolls of my tongue without me even meaning too. "What do you mean Y/n?" She asks, panic lacing her voice as she stands and takes a seat next to me. "I have been more than accommodating for your career. I understand that you love it. But I'm asking you to love us more." I look her directly in her eyes as I speak.

"I won't let you pick work over us again." I state firmly. "What? No, Y/n. Please. You can't leave me. I love you so much. I love the kids! Please what can I do." She pleads, cupping my face as we both cry. "Put us first." I reveal. She looks at me unable to answer and it's my fear come to life. She's going to pick her work over her family.

We're interrupted when we hear little footsteps on the floor. "Hi my prince. Are you ok?" I ask, quickly wiping at my eyes and going to him. "Why is mommy crying?" He asks, pointing at Scarlett. "Did you make her cry?" He turns to me with a fierce look in his eye. "No buddy we're just..." But he doesn't me finish. "Don't make my mommy cry! You'll scare her away like you always do! I hate you!" And there it is. The words he loves to say to me these days.

I fight back the tears of pain and move towards him, but he hits my hand away. "NO!" He shouts. "Noah, please. Let me explain." I try but he shakes his head again. "NO! Why can't you be the one that goes and not mommy." His words feel like a knife to my heart. I hear a gasp from Scarlett as she walks towards us. "That is not how you talk to Mama, Noah!" She tells him off. He just stomps his foot and rushes back upstairs repeating his hatred for me as he goes.

Scarlett places a hand on my shoulder, but I shake it off. "He doesn't mean it." She speaks softly but I just scoff at her words. He does. "I can't do this. I'm going to bed. I'll take the guest room tonight." I say, not giving her time to respond before dashing upstairs and shutting myself away. I've never felt so lost, and I don't know if I'm ever going to find my way out.

Scarlett's POV:

I'm shocked at how Noah just acted with Y/n. He's always such a sweet kid. I could see how much his words hurt Y/n as the light went from her eyes. I tried to offer some comfort, but she shrugs me off. Before I know it, I'm alone in the living room with my thoughts. I've fucked up.

I've been so blinded by my love of my job that I've failed to see the damage it's doing back home. Y/n has always been so accommodating, but I've really taken advantage of that kindness and I think that I may have pushed her too far. I think I may have lost her.

I know that Y/n needs time and me rushing into her room will just start another argument. So, I decide to deal with the gremlin first. He should never talk to Y/n like that. Not that I have anyone to blame but myself. I head up to his room and find him sat pouting on his bed. I smirk a little as he looks just like Y/n in this moment. I take a seat next to him on his bed and he goes to cuddle me, but I stop him.

"We need to talk Mister." I tell him firmly. "Why did you talk to mama like that?" I question him. "She is always busy with the twins and makes you sad, so you go away." He responds. His pout still firmly on his face. "Mama isn't the reason I go away bud. I go away for work. Which means that mama is the one that is here to look after you and your sisters." I try to explain. "I wish you were here and not her." He repeats his point from earlier.

"That's not a very nice thing to say, is it? You'd be sad if mama wasn't around, wouldn't you?" I probe and he thinks for a moment. "But you would be here so I would be happy." He turns to look at me. Wow, I have really managed to make my kid hate his mama because he thinks she's the reason I'm not around. God I am so stupid. "Noah. Come on. I know that you don't want her to leave. Do you understand that what you said to her earlier hurt her and made her sad?" I ask, hoping his sympathetic natures comes through.

His eyes look to mine with worry. "I don't want her to be sad." He mumbles. "I just miss you and want to have more time to play with her when you're not here." He defends. "Oh buddy. That is all my fault. I am away too much and that is all on me not mama. And because I'm away, it means she has to work twice as hard to look after you all so doesn't always have the time to play. So, if you hate anyone it should be me." I admit. He shuffles closer to me and cuddles to my arm. "I could never hate you mommy." He comforts me. "You should never hate mama either." I say with a firm tone, making his gaze drop. "I know. I just get sad." He admits. "And that's ok. But you should never be mean to mama ok." He nods and pull him into a hug. "Tomorrow, you're going to apologise to mama, and we'll do something nice to make her feel better." I tell him and he agrees.

I tuck him back into bed and make my way back downstairs to clean up. It's not too late, but it feels it without having Y/n with me. I miss her. How ridiculous is that? She's only been gone an hour and I miss her. She's always here when I'm home. It's what I love so much.

I can't stop thinking about everything that she said. I hate that she could ever question that I don't love her or the kids more than my job. I know that's all on me, I should have made the effort to show her that more. When it comes to it, I can live without acting, but I can't live without Y/n.

I end up calling my mom and she spends most of the call scolding me. She told me how much work Y/n had done to start getting ready for the studio to reopen and how she had managed to get a few big name clients. It makes my guilt only grow. I am the worst wife.

That night I barely sleep. I spend most of it staring at the empty space beside me, replaying what Y/n had said over and over. The pain in her eyes, the question of if I still love her and want this family. By 5am I give up and start on the day. Once I'm showered and check on the kids, I head downstairs to my laptop. Trying to work out how to fix this.

When the kids start to stir, I get the twins up and sort out their breakfast. Luckily, Noah is still asleep, after his late night, so I can focus on them. Whilst they're playing on their mat, I grab my phone and call Taika. I explain that I need to drop out of the project and put my family first. He's disappointed but he does offer me one option. To take Y/n and the kids with me. That he would arrange for us to have a house near set so we can be together when I'm not filming. He said that he wouldn't look to recast until I confirmed with him if I want to take that offer or not.

This movie really did appeal to me. It's so unique and I think it would be really good fun to do. But that doesn't matter to me anymore. I would still be asking Y/n to postpone her studio opening by a month. I don't think she would go for that. I'm putting Y/n and the kids first. Like I always should have done.

When Noah gets up, we have breakfast together. Which is not a fun experience. I don't make his pancakes the right way and I gave him the wrong fruit, so we're off to a good start. I'm surprised Y/n isn't up yet, but I don't want to rush her. She deserves some time to herself. I can put up with a sulky four year old for the day. She's done it for months.

Throughout the day I realise that there is a lot I don't know about my kids, and it hurts. They have changed since I was last home, and without Y/n's subtle guidance, I'm left to fend on out of date knowledge. The only brightside is that Noah is starting to realise how much he needs his mama.

By the afternoon, all three kids are craving time with their mama. Hell, I'm craving time with my wife. I manage to get the kids somewhat settled in the living room whilst I grab my laptop once again. Maybe a family holiday would be a good place to start. We always talked about Disneyland and Y/n has always wanted to go to Hawaii. I call my mom to see if she would come as well, that way, Y/n and I could have a mini holiday ourselves. She happily agrees, saying that she will do anything to stop my stupid ass losing the best thing that ever happened to me.

By dinner, Y/n finally comes out of the guest room. I give her a big smile, but it soon drops when I see how tired she looks and the tear stains down her cheeks. Her eyes bloodshot and puffy. It makes my heart ache that this is all cause because of me. "Hi my love." I great her, to which she hums in response. She goes to head towards the kitchen, but the kids don't let her get to far. "Mama!" Izzy shouts when she sees her, holding her arms out to be hold. "Hi there my little princess." She smiles at our daughter, resting her on her hip as she goes through the motions of making herself a coffee.

I admire her as she moves around effortless, keep Izzy happy, whilst still managing to sort a drink and some food for herself. It makes my heart grow when I hear the little laughs from the baby when Y/n tickles her after she stole a raspberry from her bowl. Y/n moves into the living room and places Izzy on the mat, but she instantly moves to Y/n and is joined by Mia, both climbing up onto the sofa to be closer to their mama.

Noah, however, stays sat on the floor with his toys. "Hi Noah. Do you want to join our snuggle?" Y/n asks but Noah shakes his head. I frown when I see his reluctance after our talk last night. I see a flash of hurt cross over Y/n's face, but she quickly hides it when the twins start to ramble at her.

I quickly text my mom and ask if she could pop over to take the kids for the evening. I know it's short notice, but I need to save my marriage. It's holding on with a thread and I don't know how much longer it's going to hold. Thankfully, she agrees, restating her comment from the call earlier and I hang up just in time to see Noah, once again, reject Y/n.

Y/n sighs, getting up from the sofa and handing me Mia. Izzy now with her brother on the floor. "I need a walk." She mumbles, grabbing a coat and her phone before leaving the house. I wanted to stop her, but I also need to talk with Noah.

"Noah buddy. Why are you still being mean to mama?" I ask him. His eyes go wide and he's quickly shaking his head. "I'm not being mean!" He defends. "Yes, you are. You're ignoring her." I stay firm and his little lips trembles. "I didn't mean to! She looks sad and I felt bad cos I made her sad. She's not going to leave forever is she?" He admits before the fear of his mama leaving takes over. He burrows himself into my side for comfort. "Oh sweetie. She's not sad because of you. She's sad because of me. Your hugs would make her feel so much better! And no. She isn't going away. She's just gone for a walk." I try to reassure him. I have done a stand up job of screwing things up for my wife and our son!

I spend the time explaining to him why Y/n is feeling sad and how we both have to do our best to make her feel better. He seems to understand and is now patiently waiting for Y/n to come home. As the clock ticks on, I panic, worried that maybe she's left me. Left us. I've pushed her so far that she's gone. When mom arrives, she has to deal with me freaking out and just as I feel like I'm about to totally break down, the front door opens and Y/n walks in. I let out a sigh of relief, knowing she's come home.

"Mama! You're back!" Noah shouts as he rushes into the hallway and collides with Y/n's body. "Of course, I am buddy." She smiles, running her hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, mama." He apologises. "I don't hate you. I love you a lot." He tells her, complete honesty in his eyes. They have a moment together as Noah tells her why he was angry and that he knows it wasn't Y/n's fault.

Y/n looks at me suspiciously when she sees my mom with the kids' overnight bag but allows it when she takes the kids back to hers tonight. "I want us to be able to talk without the worry of the kids." I explain as she gets comfortable in the living room. "Do we have anything more to talk about?" She questions through a sigh. "You may not. But I do. I have a lot I need to say. I hope you'll give me the chance." I say, looking at her with pleading eyes.

When she nods, I take the seat next to her, holding her hand in mine. "I've fucked up. There is no excuse. So, all I can say is that I'm sorry and I promise that I am going to change. This family are my priority. The thought of never acting again makes me sad. But the thought of losing you or the kids makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know that I would never cope. My life wouldn't be worth living." I start off, setting out my thoughts early so she knows where I'm coming from.

"I am so sorry that I made you feel like you were going through this alone. I'm so ashamed of myself that I couldn't see the pain you were in and allowed you to continue making the sacrifices for this family when I was making none. I will stop acting and focus to being a mom and a wife so you can get back to doing what you love. I'll find another passion that accommodates both of us." I promise her. But my words seem to have the opposite effect than I had hoped. My heart stops when she starts shaking her head at me.

"Scarlett. I don't want you to stop doing something that you love. I just want you to prioritise better. To put us first. I would never ask you to quit acting. But these last few years, you've been away more than you've been with us. We just want you in our lives more. We miss you so much. Then as we get used to you being home, you're gone again." She explains.

"We have a lot to work on, but I know how important this project with Taika is for you. So, I spent this morning rearranging some of my clients so I can start once you're back." I can't believe she would do this for me. After everything I have done, she is still putting me first. "No, babe. I can't ask you to do that. I meant what I said. It's time for me to put you first and allow you to follow your dreams..." I start to ramble, but she cuts in. "It's too late. It's already done. But things need to change when you're back Scarlett. It's not fair to me or the kids." She interrupts.

"This project doesn't mean more to me than this family Y/n. I actually called Taika this morning to pull out of the project." I admit and she looks at me shocked. "Really? But you were so excited for it." She replies in shock. "But I'm more excited to support you in your work and be around with the kids more." I come back, wanting her to know that nothing is as important to me than her and our children.

She sits for a moment and looks to me. "I don't want you to resent me because you're missing out on roles that you want to do." She says shyly. I place my finger under her chin and lift it so she can look at me. "But it's ok for you to give up on your dreams instead?" I question her with a raised eyebrow. "When I married you, my dream was to have a family with you. But when we achieved that, I got greedy and wanted the best of both worlds. I never should have taken advantage of you like I did. I promise that I'll never do it to you again." It's not a baseless promise and I hope that she can see that. I think she does when she pulls me into her and holds me close, letting out breath as she does.

"I bet Taika was annoyed to lose you." She says after we've sat in silence for a while. "He understood. Scolded me a little for screwing up. Even offered for the four of you to join me and live out there whilst we film. But he gets why I made the decision I did." Her head snaps up to mine when she hears what I said. "He offered for us to live in the Czech Republic whilst you film?" She asks and I nod. "Yeah, he said he'd arrange a house close to set so I was away from you as little as possible." I reply, whilst running my hand through her hair, enjoying being this close to her again.

"We should do it." She mumbles into my shoulder. "What was that babe?" I question, not sure I heard her right. "We should do it. I've already moved my work around. Noah doesn't start school until you're back. This way you can do the project and we can readjust once we're home." She sits back to look at me as she talks, and I can see that she means what she's saying. It's not just to make me feel better. "Are you sure that's what you want? I really don't mind if I step back from this project. I don't want you to do this for me and it put us even further back." I admit.

"If I hadn't moved work around maybe I wouldn't be saying it. But it's a chance for us to live abroad. The kids would learn so much from it. Besides, you said yourself that you think this is an Oscar worthy film. Who am I to deny you that opportunity." She smiles, placing a kiss on my cheek.

"I'll only do it on one condition. Well two actually." I say, trying to be firm, but the nerves taking over. "I'm listening." She smiles. "First, we have a holiday. I was thinking Disneyland, then the two of us head to Hawaii. Mom already said she'd stay at the parks with the kids." I start off and feel more relaxed when she laughs. "Ok, and your second condition?" She pushes me to continue.

"Well, it's not really a condition. I guess a promise from my part. I'm going to step back from filming for a bit. I want to be the supportive wife you deserve. I'll only pick roles that really appeal to me. Besides, I always wanted to start my own skincare line. I can do that from here in New York and be around all the time. Being the mother and wife that I am supposed to be." I keep eye contact as I talk so she can see how genuine I'm being.

She doesn't respond. Not verbally anyway. She leans in and captures my lips in a loving kiss. One that shows me everything that I could have lost. I can't believe that I allowed my own desire to live my dream, to damage my family so much. Seeing the pain on Y/n's face is something that I never want to see again. I will do everything in my power, to make sure that I am the best I can be for this family. 

[stedefxckingbonnet]

Moonlight Meetings | Izzy Hands x Reader

Summary: You knew Stede Bonnet from his days of being married to your dearest friend, Mary. Although Mary was your best friend, you were still there for Stede during his conflicting feelings about his marriage and wanting to sail the seas and explore the world and, well, become a pirate, and without judgment, too. You wished you had gone with him when he had left, but you stayed loyal to Mary. But upon Stede's return and him and Mary giving and getting the closure they mutually needed, as well as her assisting him in faking his death so he could truly go and live the life he's wanted to pursue without guilt, you do end up going with him this time. You actually reveal yourself to be a skilled navigator and trader, but even before this knowledge, the crew accepted you with open arms. Even a certain first mate who was weary at first (you are Stede's friend, after all) comes around, although you tried to take over his late night thinking spot as your own. You end up sharing said spot and looking forward to your encounters and conversations every night, even throughout the days.

Warnings: slight inconsistency with plot of OFMD (just the stuff with when Stede returns after leaving again, it's really not too evident or bothersome i don't think), some strong language, briefest mention of blood ever, some light angst, brief mentions of troubling past, brief explorations of anxiety, kissing

This honestly took me a few days to write, and Tumblr didn't save some of it, so that was frustrating, anyhow—I truly hope you all enjoy this! I enjoyed writing it. I have a few requests that I will be fulfilling hopefully tomorrow as well, or at least in the next couple of days especially after recent events if you know what I mean...I love you all so dearly and I cannot thank you enough for all the love you've shown me so far. I've enjoyed talking with you all whether it's through the comments or my inbox or even messages :) Keep the requests coming, and have a wonderful day (or night!)

Word Count: 5461

You had never fathomed that the sun could even shine this brightly. For once in your life, its beams didn't berate you but rather seemed to engulf you in a warm embrace as a sort of sendoff on your new endeavors, encouraging you, almost—reassuring you that this was in fact the right choice.

Ever since Stede had taken off to start his new life as a pirate amongst the ocean, you couldn't help but feel envious. You would have given anything to be able to do the same, to leave everything behind and start fresh, especially upon the saltwater seas. Barbados was all you had ever known and it never truly felt like your home. But even just the thought, the daydream of sailing the seas and discovering places you never imagined existed, felt like absolute bliss and paradise. You were sad to see Stede go, too, but you knew it would be good for him. You knew he would be happier than he was living here with Mary and his children, living the life his parents designed for him. You were undeniably happy for him. But you couldn't help but also be extremely jealous, too. Though of course, you would never express these feelings harshly—you really were over the moon for Stede. You just wished for something beyond the life that was handed to you, too. You knew he understood that, too.

Whenever you and Stede would whisper about his plans in corners at all of those socialite gatherings in the rare moments when no one was watching, he would always suggest for you to go with him, but you felt like you had no choice but to stay, especially with Mary. She was your dearest friend, and you felt strongly about your loyalty towards her. You'd never admit you were also terrified of your name being slandered and that your new reputation would follow you out there forever if you had left with him, at least at that time, in those circumstances.

But, Stede returned briefly, and all had been rekindled with Mary. They sincerely wished each other well, and she even helped him pull off a grandiose stunt—faking his death, and you knew that now, he was finally able to live the life he yearned for in peace and free of guilt. He killed off the Stede Bonnet of Barbados, and truly began to grow into the person he wanted to be—Stede Bonnet of the sea, The Gentleman Pirate.

Once he pulled it off, you walked over with him to the sand to send him off once again. There was a lingering moment between the two of you, both knowing that this would not be farewell.

"I'm going to ask you again," Stede started. "Do you want to come with me? Please, come with me, it's amazing out there. And the crew, oh!—you'd just love the crew! Please?"

How could you resist this time? Even before he had formally asked again, you were already on board, ready for whatever awaited you on this journey.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The first few weeks aboard The Revenge had been nothing short of wonderful. You already felt well acquainted with your crew, and there were even a particular few you felt yourself getting closer to already, and hoped you all would continue to. But there were parts of it that were terrifying, too—it would hit you in the most out of nowhere moments that you just up and left your last life. It's not like anything, let alone anyone was waiting for you back there, but nonetheless it shocked you from time to time that you had even left. You felt like an entirely new person—you knew that in your core you were still you, but your identity felt a bit lost in this new environment somewhere. You hardly mourned this, as you were excited to explore a new you, but that didn't erase the fact that it was frightening. There were nights where you found yourself confiding in Stede about this for hours, but you eventually stopped as you noticed Ed would already be in his quarters when you arrived and you wanted to give them privacy. Still, you couldn't stand to be alone in your own quarters, but you weren't sure which of your crew mates' doors you could knock on just yet. The only place left was to check out the main deck, see if there were any nooks and crannies you may have missed.

After a few minutes of searching, you found the perfect spot—you couldn't really be seen by anyone else on the deck, if anyone decided to walk onto it, but you could still stare out at the water and the moonlight. The moon's reflection rippling across the ocean was one of your favorite sights—it brought you such peace, so you were honestly glad that you strayed from being holed up in Stede's room and wound up here instead. You were about to sit when you felt someone else's presence beside you. You jumped, immediately turning around to see who it was, your hand instinctively reaching for your sword.

"It's just me," Izzy sighed. "You can put your fucking sword away. Just me.

You let out a sigh of relief upon the sight of the first mate. You knew that his presence unsettled, or really just annoyed the others, but not you. His presence made you feel safe and looked after, even if he was a bit harsh a lot of the time.

"This is my spot, you know," he sighed once again.

"Your spot?"

"It's where I come to think every single night, even when I'm not on watch," he explained to you surprisingly patiently.

"Do you want me to leave?" you pondered, almost frantically. You didn't want to feel like you had invaded yet another space. You knew you would start spiraling, start thinking that maybe there wasn't a place for you aboard The Revenge. And honestly, Izzy wanted to be alone, but the look on your face almost pierced through his heart. He didn't have the heart to tell you off.

"You don't have to," he shrugged, sitting down beside you. "It's fine."

You both stared out at the sea. You were beyond grateful to have some company, honestly—company beyond the moon itself. Not long after, a sigh escaped your own lips. Izzy tried to fight off the urge to talk to you, but he couldn't deny that he felt so drawn to you, even when you first arrived on the ship.

"Something wrong?" he finally asked, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. He intended to keep you in his periphery.

"I guess I've just been feeling kind of like an outsider," you shrugged, continuing. "Being here is all I've ever wanted and more, but I just feel like such a burden to everyone all the time. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and even when Stede left our village, I only had one friend. Now I just feel even more alone...It's silly, I know."

"It's not," Izzy protested. "I get it. I do."

"You do?"

Izzy nodded. "You don't ever see me talking to anyone, do you?"

You paused to ponder. "Not unless they need something."

"Exactly."

"Do you ever get lonely, Izzy?"

Such an innocent inquiry was enough to almost make Izzy's heart stop. Looking at you from the corner of his eye wasn't enough anymore. He turned his head to face you, witnessing the genuine expression on your face. You truly cared, and you truly wanted to know. No one had ever looked at Izzy this way before, and he wasn't sure of how it was supposed to make him feel—frustrated? Sad? Sorry? Joyous, even? He subtly put his gloved hand upon his chest, thinking somehow it would slow his quickly-paced heartbeat. He wasn't used to this, he couldn't even believe this was happening. He even felt he was reading too much into this—but, you cared, and he knew it right away. He didn't know what to do with that. But it was a pleasant feeling, teetering on bittersweet. Upon realizing your question was still hanging in the air, he quickly spoke again, his mind not exactly in sync with his mouth.

"I suppose."

Izzy's response hung in the air just as your query had. It felt relieving to put such a thing out into the universe, but it also felt dreadful facing this reality. Was this the reason behind the occasionally random sharp pains in his chest, almost reminiscent of someone stabbing him right through his heart with a sword? These physical sensations never came without a looming feeling of gloominess, after all. He almost exhaled at the thought. He wasn't sure whether or not he was ready to explore any of this, let alone if he even wanted to do so. His gaze was still fixated on you, as if he were awaiting to hear something from you as well. For once in his life, hope could be seen in his eyes, though he didn't know it.

Finally, you spoke. "I'll be the moon."

A laugh almost boomed from Izzy's chest. "What?"

"I'll be here every night, if you'll have me. If there's ever a particularly hard day, just remember that the moon will rise at the end of the day and be there for you to lament all your sorrows to," you stood up by this point, speaking sort of dramatically, but it was apparent that you meant it sincerely. "And even during the day, did you know you can still see the moon? So, I'll be there during the day, too."

Izzy was in complete and utter disbelief in the best way possible. He was truly at a loss for words, and he swore his head was going to hurt from how much he was nodding. You smiled at this sight, and held your hand out to help Izzy up. He looked at you, confusing written all over his expression, but you kept your hand there. Finally, he allowed himself to put his hand in yours and before he knew it, he was back on his feet again, in more ways than one.

"Goodnight, Izzy."

"Right. Yes. Goodnight."

The thought of Izzy didn't leave your mind even as you retreated to your quarters, nor when you succumbed to sleep for the remainder of the night's reign. Little did you know that Izzy thought of you, too. That you weren't just going to be his moonlight, but also, his sunshine. But he didn't know that just yet.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You rose right as the sun did the next day, never having been more ready to take on a day until now. Something was even more enchanting about watching the transition of grey hues into orange into light blue, but this process in reverse would always have your heart. The rest of the crew woke up shortly after you, some still yawning, some stumbling upon the main deck from exhaustion. You couldn't help but giggle at such sights. None other than Izzy Hands followed behind them and your heart almost skipped a beat. Usually when this happened it was because you were overcome with worry, but, not this time and you knew that deep down. When you swore no one else was looking, you glanced over and sent a grin his way, to which he slightly returned—blinked, and you would have missed it. Your smile grew even larger, and you had to turn away to conceal it. Before you knew it, you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, causing you to gasp.

"Someone's chipper this morning."

"Stede!" you exclaimed, laughing so hard that your stomach would probably hurt later. You swiveled around to face him. "Scared the ever living shit out of me."

"Sorry about that," Stede couldn't help but chuckle. "I just wanted to check in with you...are you feeling happy here? You settling in okay? I know it's a lot to just up and leave your life."

"Honestly, I've never been better," you admitted, your smile still existing upon you. And your smile was radiant—it had almost everyone's head turns toward you, their hearts feeling warm. Even Izzy. Especially Izzy. "I am so glad I did this. I regret not joining you sooner, but I—"

"I know," Stede jumped in to assure you, which you were endlessly grateful for. He knew of your tendency to spiral, and he wanted to cultivate a space where you didn't feel like you had to do so. "And I admire your loyalty. It's been an asset on this ship so far."

You sent a glance of gratitude his way before he walked off upon the sight of Ed emerging from his quarters, finally. You laughed as they made their ways over to one another. You were beyond happy to see your dear friend so happy, so in love. So in his element, where he truly belonged.

"Everyone, get to work!" Izzy suddenly shouted, to which the crew immediately scurried off to their designated areas. This didn't startle you, though. You made your way over to the kitchen to assist Roach in organizing the rations, accidentally brushing hands with Izzy as you did. You stopped in your tracks and looked at him from over your shoulder. He was looking at you, too, the smallest smile on his face. He couldn't look away, even though he wanted to just in case his face flushed or he smiled any further or, gods forbid, anyone else saw. You weren't afraid to keep smiling, and after what felt like forever of engaging in this staring match with the first mate, you finally ducked into the kitchen, so as not to keep Roach waiting. If you had, he would know something happened and he would pester you about it for the rest of your life.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Night fell sooner than you could realize it and for that, you were entirely grateful. You had been distracted the entirety of the day; the thought of whatever you and Izzy may have to share later dancing around in your mind, causing your heart to do pirouettes whenever you daydreamed about it. You almost couldn't even wait until everyone was asleep—but you knew this would run the risk of revealing your and Izzy's secret spot, and that would be less than ideal for the both of you. The last thing you wanted was to ruin a good thing that was only just beginning to blossom.

But tonight, Izzy was early. He found himself inhabited in the very same spot as the previous night, just as he had promised. Without a word, you plopped down right beside him, sending one of your signature smiles his way.

"I've never wished a day away like I had today," you laughed breathlessly.

"Nor have I. Yet, here we are." You could tell that there wasn't resentment behind Izzy's statement, but rather, a sort of joy. You discreetly moved a bit closer to him, your knees almost brushing against one another. Izzy also moved toward you at the same time, causing said collision. You were grateful for the dark concealing the rose tint creeping upon your cheeks. Izzy was grateful for the dark concealing the smile creeping upon his lips.

Izzy exhaled almost sharply, preparing to speak again, really speak. "I don't mean to scare off the crew, you know."

"I don't think you scare them one bit," you were quick to reassure him. "It's just how times were in the time where you sailed with Blackbeard, right?"

Izzy nodded almost rapidly, in utter shock that you already had such a good read on him. "Times were different, that's for sure."

"I can tell you care," you told him sincerely. "You just have a way of showing it that the crew isn't used to. I mean, they have Stede fucking Bonnet as one of their captains."

Izzy didn't hesitate to laugh at that. "Yeah. Stupid fucking Stede Bonnet...but what was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Being a part of...that world. His world."

You rolled your eyes somewhat playfully. "It was...a lot, all at once. Lots of uncomfortable clothes, powder on my face that made me look sickly but everyone would swear I was beautiful. But I never felt like a real fucking person. Ever. It was honestly exhausting."

Izzy listened intently, leaning in a bit to further demonstrate this. He nodded as you spoke, nods that spoke: I understand. That does sound like a lot. That does sound exhausting. It's amazing that you left that life behind. You're destined for so much more than what you were given. But all Izzy could manage to say, was, "No wonder you left. That sounded awful." He was mentally punching himself for not thinking of anything better to say. You deserved words in which were beautifully and artfully strung together. He knew that.

But, you laughed, knowing he empathized just by the way he looked at you. You were no stranger to these sorts of glances—sure, no one had ever looked at you that way before, but it was all you read about in your favorite romance novels, described so vividly that once you did encounter a moment like this, you would immediately recognize it, and, you did. "I'm better now. Much better. Where I need to be."

Once again, Izzy nodded. "You've been a great addition to this crew."

"Really?" you asked, almost in disbelief, but you were flattered to say the very least.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." To anyone else, this would have sounded harsh. To you, these were the most reassuring words you had ever heard. He looked over at you, insecurity rushing through his bloodstream and you could see this. Even in the light of the moon, you could see the paleness of Izzy's face.

"Thank you, Izzy." You spoke sincerely, and suddenly all pigment re-entered Izzy's once ghostly features. Such words felt so foreign and out of reach for him, until you had confidently brought them into existence. From you, this declaration wasn't a whisper—he could tell that you meant it with your entire heart. He couldn't even recall the last time someone had shown him a shred of gratitude, or if anyone ever had at all before this. Just those three words were enough to send warmth all throughout his body even as the breeze threatened to send shivers down both of your spines and force you underneath the warmth of your blankets in your respective quarters. This would be a warmth that would carry on every time he saw you from this point on—you would be the start to the fireplace in his heart, and part of him knew this was going to begin to happen from this moment forward. As long as you were going to be around, he knew he would at least never be entirely freezing again.

All Israel Hands could manage to do now was look at you. There were stars in his eyes paired tears hat threatened to cascade down his cheeks like waterfalls and he hoped so much that you weren't able to see, that the moon would spare him at least a bit. But you so badly wanted to reach out and wipe away the water from the corners of his eyes, though you wanted his complete trust even more, and that seemed like the last way to get it, at least this early on.

"My eyes just get dry," Izzy quickly defended in case you had seen anything.

You stifled a quiet laugh. "It is pretty windy out here."

"So, see you tomorrow, then?"

"Tomorrow," you confirmed, not even trying to conceal the corners of your lips rising to form a smile.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Tomorrow's would unfold every single night, not one ever missed. There were even a few nights that you happened to be in the midst of a cold but you insisted to be in your spot with Izzy, to which he would protest and you would compromise by allowing your meetings to happen in your quarters as he got Roach to make you soup, and you were better within the next few days. And even on the days where Izzy felt like absolutely screaming and cursing at the world, perhaps directing this to Blackbeard and Stede, he would still eagerly await your time together—it would be beyond enough to get him through those days.

It had now been quite some time since these meetings began. You were really beginning to solve the riddle that was Izzy Hands, and you quite liked what you were finding, and it only made you yearn to uncover even more. But, there were many nights and even days spent where you worried—worried that perhaps Izzy was ashamed of the connection that you two had formed, and that was why your encounters took place at night. Or, perhaps he was just lonely, or he had nothing better to do. You did your best to push these thoughts to the back of your mind but you usually had no luck. And, it was even harder to deny the blossoming feelings you had for the man.

Even before the first time you two had really conversed, you knew there was something about the first mate that you were drawn to, and these nights with Izzy had only confirmed that.

Little did you know that the same fears, and probably even more, existed within Izzy. Of all the people in the crew, why had you taken interest in him? He knew that even Stede Bonnet was probably of more interest, with his fancy wears and his everlasting bookshelves. Or Frenchie perhaps, with his instrument and his voice that the crew never got sick of hearing. Or Lucius with his sketches and his wit. Or hell, even Blackbeard himself, with all of the anecdotes he had up his sleeve—but why him? Why Israel Hands? This thought often plagued him to the point where his head would begin to hurt just a bit, and whenever it did (and, you knew when it did—he wasn't the best at hiding the wincing at all), he would just cake it to the changes in weather, or something that had happened that day, or even not drinking enough water. You always knew these excuses were, well, excuses, but you also knew it wasn't best to press.

Sometimes, part of Izzy wished that you would press. It was you, so he wouldn't mind as much. It wasn't likely that he would pour out his concerns, but he would appreciate yours.

As soon as you arose, you already spotted Black Pete and Lucius, who absolutely qualified for the cutest couple award, if there were such a thing—you wouldn't be surprised if Stede had established that just for them. But, your heart sank just a bit, knowing you couldn't express your growing love for Izzy like that. You weren't even sure you would know if he returned your feelings, and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin such a beautiful thing between the both of you with such knowledge, especially if he truly didn't feel the same. But every morning, your heart would ache, and it became harder and harder to keep all of this love to yourself. You wanted more than anything for it to pour out of you like a fountain that never stopped flowing. You reserved such ardor for Izzy and Izzy alone. Never had you carried such affection, such fondness for another, and not only did that excite you, but it also scared the hell out of you.

The crew noticed this after the first few weeks—oh, you were far from subtle. You practically glowed whenever Izzy entered a room, even if you appeared completely composed.

Finally, Izzy rose from his quarters and your heart leapt in your chest. You couldn't hold it in anymore, and there was no way you were waiting for the moon to rise tonight. You waltzed right over to Izzy, gently pulling him aside. He didn't resist your touch at all—it felt almost familiar, and peaceful.

"Do you have a moment?" you suddenly asked.

"For you? Always. For anything else? Probably not," he chuckled.

Before you were about to speak once again, Stede had announced that the ship had docked. You sighed, slumping against the railing that you and Izzy were propped up against.

"Can it wait?" Izzy asked you sheepishly, his eyes apologizing.

"Oh. Yes. Yes, it can," you sighed.

"Not for long," Izzy assured you as he rushed off in order to ensure the ship's safe docking. It only took a few moments before he gestured for you to follow him off of the ship. You perked up at this, grabbing your satchel and running over to him.

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" he asked as you walked along the pathway of the Republic of Pirates.

"I...It's nothing. Not here, at least."

"Then where?" Izzy sent a playful smile your way.

"Could we actually head back to the ship? Just for a moment?"

Izzy pondered this—for just a moment. "I suppose no one would really notice, and if they did, they wouldn't care all that much."

This time, Izzy followed you. You were already beginning to regret this quite a bit, and beads of sweat were forming upon your temple. You wiped them away carefully, fanning yourself with your hand. You led Izzy to your shared spot, barely being able to breathe. Nor was Izzy with the way you were practically running back, and he had to do his best to keep up the pace. But the thought that something could be wrong was beginning to plague him.

"I couldn't wait until tonight," you finally admit, nervous laughter bubbling out of you.

"Most days, I can't either," Izzy sent a reassuring, but equally as nervous smile your way. "All of the time, actually."

All you could manage to do was sit there and just glow. You glowed underneath the sun's beams and the sight of it made Izzy absolutely melt, and not from the heat.

"Is everything alright? Just wanted to talk?"

Your eyes stayed fixated upon the man before you, the person whom you carried so much love for that it almost overflowed out of you. And, it was no secret that you had never felt this way about anyone before, and Stede Bonnet himself could and would be overjoyed to confirm it. You were often urged to find some sort of attachment toward a plethora of potential "worthy" suitors, but none of them ever caught your eye, nor had much to offer you despite all of their pleas. You always had this feeling deep down that none of them were truly suitable, and so you bore no hesitation saving yourself and your heart for someone that was. And Israel Hands was beyond anything you had ever dreamed of. He suited you so perfectly. He was worthy of all of the love in the world and so much more—you just hoped yours was enough for him. You hoped he would want any of it—it was his if he did.

And oh, did he want it. He yearned for you. Izzy's heart ached when the two of you were forced to retreat to your quarters after hours of conversation. He could spend forever just sitting there with you, his arm wrapped around you as you witnessed the sky's change every day, together. To him, that would be absolute paradise. Every second he spent with you, and even when you were apart, he knew in his heart that he held this special sort of feeling for you. Dare he call it love, as he didn't want his heart to shatter into a million pieces that he wouldn't be able to pick up. But, you were it for him, and he knew that deep down. He could see it in your eyes, or at least, he hoped that was what he was seeing. You did look at him with stars in your eyes, and you knew that.

"Please, don't hate me," you started, biting your lip so harshly that it almost drew blood.

"Hate you?" Izzy repeated, absolutely puzzled. "I couldn't hate you even if I tried."

You inhaled so sharply that you almost choked on air. You laughed it off, though Izzy instinctively placed his arm on the small of your back, tracing small patterns into it. With this, you collapsed into his arms and he was already set up to catch you. Sobs escaped your lips as he moved one of his hands to the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair in an attempt to hopefully soothe you. These weren't instincts he was familiar with, yet, he felt as if he was meant to do these things. "You can tell me. Take your time, of course," he assured you as you continued to cry. After a moment, you managed to compose yourself a bit and you felt okay enough to pull away, but Izzy kept his hands on your upper arms gently, just in case. He was really starting to grow concerned, his stomach churning.

"You won't hate me?"

Izzy laughed, to which you managed the smallest of smiles. "I could never."

"I...I feel very connected to you, Izzy," you began. "And our conversations have really confirmed that for me. I don't just think about you at night before we talk—do you know that? You are the first thing that enters my mind each morning and then I can't wait to see you, really see you and talk to you and be close to you. And some days on this ship are hard, Izzy, but you make things so much easier. You take so much weight off of my shoulders."

"The thought of getting to talk to you gets me out of bed every day," Izzy admitted. "I've been doing this a long time and sometimes I don't know what it's all for anymore, why I even bother. But if I get to see your smile, it's all worth it."

You swore you were about to become a blubbering mess if you opened your mouth to speak at all. As you took a step forward towards him, your fingers intertwining as you approached. His other hand gently landed upon your waist, and your eyes met at the same second. The gap between you both was too much, too much, and neither of you could take its existence anymore—he gently reeled you in and you pressed your lips against his. He quietly gasped in surprise, though it was quickly followed by a sort of sigh of relief as he returned your kiss, returned your sentiments. You smiled against his lips and he couldn't help but do the same, there was no denying that your smile was contagious. He felt as if he were meant to do this, meant to show you such tenderness and care and love. And you would do anything in your power to show him that he was worthy of all of yours.

"I..." Izzy whispered against your lips. "I love you." The words almost got stuck in his throat—they felt unfamiliar, and unfamiliar was rarely not terrifying or dreadful. Right now, unfamiliar was exhilarating. Those three words were the truest he had ever spoken. You lit up more than the sun, the stars, and the moon combined.

"I love you, Israel." You had saved those three words for someone special, someone whom you truly adored without any question, and Izzy happened to be that someone. Anyone else would never, ever compare. He engulfed you in another embrace, your shirt becoming slightly stained by his tears. "I was meant to."

"Meant to what?"

"I was meant to love you. Made for it, probably," you laughed.

Izzy took hold of your hand once again, disentangling himself from your embrace to face you. With his free hand, he cupped your cheek and his thumb caressed it softly. "I think perhaps the moon knew to bring us together. But I loved...I loved you even before then. Or at least, I had a strong feeling I was going to. That, I'm certain about."

"Think we still have some time before everyone notices we're gone?" you asked, hope wavering in your voice.

"Oh, we've got ample long as they're at Spanish Jackie's," he couldn't help but chuckle. "We've got all the time in the world, my love."

"All of the time in the world," you repeated. "I love the sound of that."

[celluloidbroomcloset]

I'm gonna push back a bit on the idea that Stede and Izzy share the blame for Ed's spiral.

Stede and Ed are both victims of violent masculine culture and specifically of abusers who do not have their best interests at heart and never did. Stede made a massive mistake. It was based not in him trying to hurt Ed or even in a lack of love for Ed, but in his own fears and insecurities, his guilt, his lack of self-knowledge, and in the actions of an abuser who tried to kill him and who did actually prevent him from going to join Ed. All of which drive him to run from the good thing that is new and unknown into the bad things that he knows.

Ed is entirely justified in his hurt, but his hurt is very much not anger at Stede for leaving. Even at his angriest, his major complaint was that Stede ditched him "without a note or anything." So a big part of what Ed identifies as his hurt is based in the lack of explanation. There's a reason Ed forgives Stede as quickly as he does, and it's not just that Stede's a sweet, earnest guy. Ed believes fairly quickly that Stede never intended to hurt him, that he's truly sorry that he did, and most importantly, that Stede, in fact, did not turn Ed into the Kraken.

We keep repeating that Ed's spiral is not a result of Stede but of Izzy, yet still caveat Izzy's statement "you and me, we did this to him" as having some merit. And the fact is...Izzy is wrong. Stede did not do this to Ed. Stede's departure was maybe the thing that left Ed without much needed protection from Izzy and that hurt Ed enough for him to lower his defenses, but Izzy is the one who pushed Ed back into Blackbeard and subsequently into Kraken.

The fact that Izzy transfers any blame to Stede—who, once more, does not know that Izzy did actually attack Ed in his cabin—indicates, at best, that he's not dealt with his culpability. His words are also an echo of his earlier accusation that Stede "did something to my boss's brain" and are part of the fabric of Stede's own guilt, repeated by Chauncey, that Stede himself "defiles beautiful things." Izzy is using the language of abusers.

Stede didn't do anything to Ed.

[collinrobinsonsglasses]

Too Soft to Be a Pirate

Izzy Hands x Reader (GN)

I have never written fan fiction before, but over the past few weeks these amazing blogs have been absolutely keeping me fed:

@raggedy-dxctor @run-me-through-but-not-like-that @stedefxckingbonnet @dragon-kazansky @gonzo-rella @izzyhandswhore @seafoam-inserts @hard-to-be-the-bard @brwnicons

Thank you all for your amazing stories and for your inspiration. I figured I would give this a shot. I am hoping this is going to be a series. I really am writing it for myself and if someone else likes it too that's a win. It's a slow burn. The slowest burn of all time.

{Masterlist}

{Next Chapter}

Summary: The story of how you end up in Blackbeard's crew.

Chapter 1: Little Mouse

You stood on the quarterdeck, your arms resting against the weathered wooden railing of the ship as you gazed out at the vast expanse of the sea. The rhythmic dance of the waves was a peaceful distraction from the anxiety that had weighed on your chest all week. You had followed your best friend to a life on the sea, and along the way, you had fallen for him. You thought he had fallen for you too. As the moon hung low in the night sky, casting its gentle glow over the ship, your mind couldn't help but wander to the tender moment you and your best friend shared your first kiss under the same moon. But now, you could see he was falling for someone else on the ship, and the pain was like a storm surging within you.

He had barely spoken to you all week, despite living on the same ship. It’s hard to avoid someone on a ship unless you’re really trying to. Your loyalty to him and the promise you made to stand by his side kept you here. You actually grew to love a life on the sea, but it was tearing your heart apart to watch the person you loved fall for someone else.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the figure approaching from behind until a strong hand gently rested on your shoulder. For a second, perhaps out of pure habit, you felt your stomach fill with butterflies at the sight of him. But reality came crashing back, a cold pit settling in your stomach as you remembered why you were out here alone in the first place.

"Hey," he said stoically, "I've been looking for you." 

“That’s a surprise”, you shot back, before taking a deep breath to regain your composure. 

As the moon ascended, casting a cool, silver glow over the ship, your best friend's gaze settled on you. You could sense the frustration in his eyes as he took a deep breath, preparing to speak.

"Listen," he began, his voice a mixture of regret and pain. "I think you realize I’ve found someone else, and it's difficult when you both are here” His voice hardened, and he continued, "They mean the world to me, and I don't think it's fair to anyone involved for you to stay on this ship. I need to see where this goes, and it can't happen with you constantly by my side."

You reluctantly tore your gaze away from your friend, tears welling up in your eyes. His words stung, but deep down, you knew he was right. This ship, once a safe place, no longer felt like home. In a soft voice, you whispered, "I’ll leave at the next port we dock in, I’ll find a new ship"

As if acknowledging the weight of your decision, his strong arms enveloped you.. You leaned into the hug, your eyes closing as you sought safety in the warmth of his embrace, as you were so accustomed to doing. You felt his breath against your ear as he whispered “That’s not soon enough. I’m sorry, but you’re getting off the ship now”. The arms that were gently holding you wrapped tightly against your waist, squeezing the wind from your stomach, as he hurled you towards the edge of the ship. As you tumbled backward, his whispered words still echoing in your ear, the sea greedily welcomed you. The waves wrapped around you, their embrace tinged with the sting of saltwater, and you descended into the depths of the ocean.

The next moments were a blur. Amidst the crashing waves, you remember fighting the tumultuous current and trying to keep your head above water. After a while it was impossible to tell how long you’d been treading water. It felt like hours. Before you could truly process what was happening you felt your body being lifted into a dinghy. The next few moments were hazy and felt like flashes, 

Your eyes fluttered open to find two formidable pirates peering down at you. One of the men had a long white beard, but what drew your attention the most were the gentle depth of his eyes. Soft and understanding, they betrayed a kindness, immediately putting you at ease. The second man had sharp, calculating eyes, locking onto you with an intensity. 

“Ivan. Look what I found when trying to catch some fishies” the man with the beard exclaimed. You slowly sat up on a large ship, adorned with black sails. You noticed the ship was empty on deck, except for the two men still staring at you. 

“Izzy is not going to like that you brought them aboard” Ivan remarked with a hint of concern in his voice. 

"I am so sorry if I’ve caused you any trouble, Thank you for helping me" you murmured apologetically, still trying to process what was happening. As your body realized it was on solid land, no longer at the will of the sea, exhaustion overtook you. Your eyes began to close as strong arms wrapped around you once again and the quiet sound of the continuing conversation between the two men lulled you to sleep. 

When you awoke again, you found yourself nestled behind some barrels and quickly assessed that you were likely in the galley. Your clothes had dried and you were wrapped in tattered blankets. Eventually, the two familiar faces from the previous night greeted you. They introduced themselves as Ivan and Fang. They handed you a few pieces of bread and a cup of water before beginning to speak.

“We’re keeping you here until we figure out what to do with you” explained Ivan. “Fang is worried that Izzy is going to throw you right back into the ocean if he finds out you’re here”. 

“Okay” you whispered. Not having the energy to ask any follow up questions. You felt numb and shrunk back against the barrels wanting to feel as small as possible. As the men stood up to leave you grabbed both of their hands and thanked them again. Lost in your thoughts, you failed to observe the softening of Fang and Ivan's expressions at the gentle squeeze of their hands. 

These interactions continued over the next few days, with both Ivan and Fang stopping in to bring you food. There wasn’t a lot of conversation exchanged between the three of you. You admired how both the men seemed to look out for each other and now for you, for some reason. 

Two days passed, then one night Fang slipped into the galley, maneuvering behind the barrels to join you. “You mind if I sit here with you?” he asked gently, “Captain is playing knife parade again. I don’t like that game”. 

"Please do," you said, shifting to make space for him to sit. "What's a Knife Parade?"

“Oh, it’s a game where the Captain chases you around the ship with a knife, screaming that he’s going to kill you,” Fang explained matter-of-factly, but you could sense the fear in his eyes. 

“That’s terrifying” you frowned, squeezing Fang’s hand. “I would be hiding back here too”.

Fang flashed a smile, then playfully bumped his shoulder into yours. "I knew it was a good idea keeping you on the ship. You seemed too innocent and helpless to leave behind”

"I feel like that's not a positive thing," you chuckled, exchanging a smile with Fang.

 “I think it is. I knew you wouldn’t be a threat", he said back to you gently. “You’re too nice to be a pirate”

"I could say the same thing about you," you began, but your words were cut short by the abrupt sound of the galley door being flung open.

"Fang! Your Captain is looking for you," a gruff voice called out, interrupting the moment, and the man's eyes narrowed as he spotted both of you sitting on the floor. "What the fuck is this?"

Fang swiftly rose to his feet, his demeanor taking on a more rigid stance under the scrutiny of the man. You, too, slowly stood up to meet the intimidating figure before you. He wasn't overly tall, but still taller than you. He wore leather trousers and a leather waistcoat. His green eyes were piercing into you. Despite the fear you were feeling, you couldn’t help but notice the striking handsomeness etched into his features. 

"I found them tossed overboard, boss. They weren't going to last much longer," Fang explained.

The man scrutinized you, assessing your perceived threat level. "You know the rules, Fang. Blackbeard doesn’t allow pets on board," he sneered, casting a mocking smirk in your direction.

"Blackbeard?" you whispered in disbelief as the man seized you by the arm, forcefully pulling you away from the safety of the galley.

“How the fuck did you not know whose ship you’re on. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to be that clueless” he muttered, casting a disdainful look at you. 

The next few moments you were being pulled across the length of the ship with Fang following closely behind. Ivan's nervous gaze caught your attention, but you averted your eyes quickly, not wanting to draw him into the unfolding scene. The captain's cabin door was forced open abruptly, and your body was forcefully yanked to the ground. You gathered you had finally met Izzy. It became clear why Fang and Ivan had been hiding you from him. 

“Look at what I found, Captain,” the man said smugly. “Fang was hiding a little mouse below deck. Sneaking them food”. You shot a glare at the man who had forcefully brought you to your knees.

The imposing figure standing before you was a tall man with piercing brown eyes, tan skin, a long curly beard that added an air of ruggedness to his presence. His long salt and pepper hair cascaded down, framing his face. Like the rest of his crew, he was dressed in dark colors, and the unmistakable gleam of a gun and a knife at his side hinted at the formidable reputation he carried. Blackbeard looked you up and down with a measured curiosity before speaking. "Leave us," he commanded sternly, then, directing his attention at Fang, mumbled, "I'll deal with you later."

“Captain,” Izzy said with a condescending tone, “Do you think that’s wise?” 

“Izzy. They’re fucking tiny. What do you think they’re going to do?” Blackbeard scoffed, rolling his eyes at his first mate. 

Izzy left in a huff, and Fang trailed behind him. As Fang closed the Captain’s door he cast a pleading look at you, his eyes betraying his worry about what was going to happen. The knot in your stomach tightened at his look of concern. 

As the door shut, leaving both of you alone, you noticed Blackbeard's face soften. He reached out his hand to you. "Here," he whispered, lifting you to your feet. "Sit down, little mouse," he said, guiding you to a chair in front of his desk. Blackbeard's eyebrows furrowed, and he stared at you for a while, as if formulating a plan for what to do next. “Have you worked on a ship before?” he asked. 

“Yessir,” you answered quickly, “For a couple of years”. 

"Do you fall off ships pretty often?" Blackbeard asked, raising his eyebrows and giving you a sarcastic smirk.

As you allowed yourself to finally think about the event that brought you to this point, the emotions you had been suppressing for the past few days began to overflow. Tears started streaming down your face, and you hurriedly tried to wipe them away. “Um”, you stammered, “I didn’t exactly fall. I got pushed off the ship”. 

"What could you have possibly done to deserve that?" Blackbeard asked, his expression a mix of confusion and curiosity.

You gave up trying to wipe your tears, your voice shaky as you continued. "My friend knew about my feelings for him, but he started seeing someone else. I guess he wanted me off the ship as quickly as possible, so he pushed me overboard."

“Shit” he muttered, lips pursed, squinting in contemplation. "You got dumped... quite literally, right off the ship." He glanced down, noticing your distress, and knelt beside you, gently patting your hands that rested on your lap. "Breakups can be rough, mate. I once had a guy stab me after I broke up with him," Blackbeard chuckled, “Calico Jack”, his eyes glancing away as if lost in that particular memory. “Luckily, he missed all the important bits”

Blackbeard stood back up in front of you and walked back around behind his desk, his eyes glancing off, like he was in deep contemplation. "Iz would probably want me to throw you back overboard to teach Fang a lesson. That would be the usual," Blackbeard mused. “But we’ve lost quite a number of our crew in raids lately though and I’ll be honest, I’m tired of the usual. It’s fucking boring.” 

You looked at Blackbeard curiously as he mulled over different ideas. This wasn’t the pirate you had envisioned from the stories you had heard during your time at sea. He was more charming than you expected him to be, yet you sensed how quickly he shifted from one emotion to the next. He seemed tired and disillusioned with the life of a pirate. . 

"You can join the crew, little mouse," Blackbeard said decisively, a smug grin accompanying his words. "I need you to do me a favor. First mate Hands is going to be waiting outside those doors for my decision. I need you to tell him something for me."

You exited the Captain’s cabin and found the first mate exactly where Blackbeard predicted he would be. “First mate Hands?” you said cautiously, “Blackbeard wanted me to tell you that I’m the newest member of the crew, and it’s your job to keep me alive, Captain’s orders”. 

The first mate glared at you with a look of disdain. “Fucking twat”, he muttered, heading back into the cabin you had just left.

You locked eyes with Fang and Ivan on the deck, and gave them a small grin. You rushed over to them. “The captain said I could stay,” you said with relief. 

Fang and Ivan visibly relaxed, and Fang gave your arm a playful nudge. "Well, look at that—the friendliest pirate on the seven seas," he remarked with a grin.

{Next Chapter}

[angelst4re]

heyy!! so I was wondering if you could do a like a oneshot of being enemies with jace and him teasing you about liking him and then it ending with him eating the reader out?? IM SO SORRY ITS VERY SPECIFIC LMFOOAOAOAOOA 💀💀

hi love!! ahh i had so much fun writing this!! i was tired when i wrote this so i got a bit carried away at the end and kinda turned this into an enemies to lovers... but i hope you like it!!

Heavenly Fire- Jace x Fem!Reader (he has too many last names.)

summary: in the request!

warnings: NSFW!! smut! porn with minimal plot... oral (f recieving)(jace is the king of giving head), fingering, first time(?), but no actual sex </3

notes: i couldn't think of a title for this :( fun fact: my shower isn't working right now that is what inspired me to write this! also i feel like i nailed jace's personality in this one, i always find it hard when i'm writing for jace because of his personality but this one...

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“God! Do you ever shut up?!” You turned around to Jace, who was following you towards the kitchen as Isabelle had just made lunch. 

“Now, I know I’ve been called heavenly, but a God? I’ve not heard that before.” He teased, earning an evil stare from you. 

“What are you talking about?” Isabelle asked, placing some bowls on the table of what appeared to be soup? 

“Jace is being a-“

“Y/n confessed her everlasting love to me, we’re getting married next week, I better go and inform Alec and Magnus-“ 

“Oh shut up, Jace! You know I don’t like you!” You gave Jace a shove before you sat down at the table. He snickered as he sat down opposite you, clearly happy with your reaction. 

“Keep telling yourself that, love.” He said under his breath before Isabelle joined the two of you at the table. 

There was no denying Jace was attractive, it was almost annoying how he always looked perfect. His perfect blonde hair and his perfect eyes and his perfect smirk and his perfect body- But that wasn’t why you hated him. You hated him because he was such an asshole all the time. He knew he was good looking, and he was overly confident- or so it seemed to you. He never had an issue when it came to one night stands, but you noticed he could never hold down a relationship. You would never see him with the same girl more than once, sometimes twice on the odd occasion. Even you had longer relationships than that (although Isabelle would say being together for 5 days didn’t count as a relationship.)

After finishing the soup Izzy had made, you gave Jace one last glance before standing up and placing your bowl by the sink. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After a long day of training, it was no surprise that you were sweaty and needed a shower. So, naturally, you headed to your bathroom, locked the door and began to undress. But there was a problem. 

Your shower wasn’t working.

You sighed and stepped back out, taking your robe which was hanging up by the door and slipping it on, tying it up, and unlocking the bathroom door again. 

You hoped that Isabelle would let you use her bathroom, as the spare bathrooms were tiny and quite frankly disgusting. But as you got closer to her room, you could hear music being played, and as you put your ear to the door you heard not only Isabelle’s voice but also Simon’s. You quickly dismissed this idea. 

But that meant you only had one more option. Jace. 

Alec was most probably at Magnus’ apartment, so you could use his shower- but you wouldn’t want to do so without asking him first. So you had no other choice. 

You felt a strange buzz of anxiety in your belly as you knocked on Jace’s door, all you wanted to do was have a shower, there’s nothing to be anxious about!

As he opened the door, you were met with a shirtless Jace, his hair damp and slightly wavy, his-

“Come to discuss our wedding, love?” He teased you, eyeing you up and down, trying to figure out if you were actually wearing anything beneath your robe. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding and shook your head. 

“Jace, look, my shower isn’t working and Izzy has Simon over. I didn’t want to have to bother you but-”

“You want to take a shower with me? Without taking me to dinner first? Wow-”

“No, no! I meant, I- You-” You suddenly became quite flustered, unable to think of anything other than the sight of him in the shower, hair dripping, the way the water would fall on his body- Stop! You were sure you were blushing now, and as you looked back up at him, he confirmed it with a devilish smirk. 

“What’s got you so pink in the face, sweetheart? I thought you hated me?” He taunted you, and you couldn’t take it any more. The throbbing between your thighs was becoming almost painful as you wrapped your arms around his neck and captured his lips with yours in a needy kiss. You couldn’t help but think about what this would do to his ego. He was going to become unbearable to live with, but in the moment you couldn’t help yourself. He was so fucking hot, you could never truly hate him. 

You pushed him backwards a little, so you were both in his room with the door shut. If Isabelle saw the two of you right now, she would never shut up about it, telling you I told you so. You always denied your feelings towards Jace, hiding them with hatred, and he always expressed his feelings through teasing you, causing you to ‘hate’ him even more. 

Quickly, you pull away from Jace before he had the chance to rest his hands on your waist. 

“Oh, fuck!” You hid your face with your hands, turning away from Jace. You were such an idiot. 

“What is it? Did I do something wrong, I-” Jace genuinely seemed confused, and quite panicked by your sudden change in attitude. 

“No. Well, actually, yes you have. You’re such an asshole, Jace. But I can’t help every time I see your perfect fucking face, or your… What I’m trying to say is this was a mistake. I-” You were shut up by lips crashing into yours once more, this time more passionate than the last. His hand cupped your face as the other held your waist, leading the two of you closer and closer towards the bed. He must have seen the way your eyes were so lust-blown only a few moments ago, as his hand creeped towards the place where your robe was tied, and within seconds it had fallen to the floor. 

You would have felt nervous, even anxious about your body being on display like this, especially in front of Jace as he pulled away from the kiss, but as soon as you saw the way he was looking at you, your worries disappeared. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes half-lidded, his chest rising and falling as his breathing became heavier. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, his hand gently placed on your shoulder. He slid it down your body, touching you for the first time. He gently caressed your breasts, massaging the soft flesh as small whimpers left your lips and your eyes fell shut. He took a moment to toy with your nipples, and that was when you let out an almost pornographic moan. At that, he dropped to his knees, his hand sliding down your torso until it rested just above your cunt. 

He placed kisses along your thighs before looking up at you, as if asking for permission. You eagerly nodded your head, you desperately needed him to touch you. 

He moved slightly and took one of your legs, lifting it over his shoulder to put your slick pussy on full display for him. He parted your lips with two fingers, before leaning in and swiping his tongue along your clit. The action was so sudden that your knees buckled beneath you, so he moved once more and pushed you down onto the bed. As your back fell onto the mattress, he pulled you closer to him so your knees were hanging off his bed. Then, he resumed his attack on your clit. 

“Oh fuck! Jace!” You groaned, slapping one hand over your mouth and tangling the other in his hair as he ate you out. 

He sucked you clit between his lips, earning a string of moans to fall from your lips, and that’s when he decided to trace his finger over your hole, before replacing it with his thumb. He eased the tip of his thumb in before pulling it out again, watching as your hole pulsed, begging for more. 

Without any warning, he slipped his middle finger into you and curled it upwards in a ‘come here’ motion as he continued sucking, lipping and nipping at your clit. Your back arched and your legs wrapped around the man between your thighs, pulling him impossibly closer to you. 

“Shh, it’s okay, angel. Think you can take another one?” He teased, bringing a second finger to your entrance. 

Jace had assumed you were a virgin, and he was right. However, he knew you had touched yourself before. Occasionally, you would think you were home alone and your hand would travel between your thighs, small moans and whimpers would fall from your lips as Jace passed by your room. It took all his strength to simply walk past, especially when you would moan his name.

He slipped the second finger in, and you felt that familiar feeling in your belly. However, this time it felt ten times stronger. You were worried that you would actually explode when you reached your high. 

“I know you’ve been wanting this, angel. Coming undone on my fingers, my tongue. Pretending you hate me, but I could see straight through you. I knew all along you were just a little slut, isn’t that right? I knew just how jealous you would get whenever a girl would come home with me, just how angry it would make you. But it’s okay, they never meant anything,” his thumb replaced his mouth on your clit as he spoke, and his words went straight to your core, “I knew all along you wanted to be my girl. Cum for me and I’ll make your wish come true, cum on my fingers, darling, I know you’re close. 

Just as your orgasm washed over you and your thighs began to tremble, Jace leaned down and captured your lips with his. You couldn’t help but moan against his lips, followed by strings of profanities as his fingers continued to pump inside you, working through your high. You had never felt so… wonderful. You were gasping for air but Jace’s lips were still on yours, you could even taste yourself on his tongue. 

You wrapped both of your arms around him and held him close, hoping he would lie by your side when you finally came back to reality. However, he escaped from your arms and went into the bathroom to retrieve a soft, damp cloth to clean you up with. 

“Stay still for me, darling.” He chuckled as he spread your legs to clean up your messy cunt, but your thighs kept pressing together. However, he managed to clean you up and threw the cloth to the corner of the room, to a pile of clothes that needed washing. 

He helped you up the bed, so your head was against the pillows, and lied beside you, pulling you close to him in a warm embrace as your head rested on his chest. 

He stroked your bare back, causing you to shiver slightly as it tickled, which seemed to amuse Jace. 

“So what does this mean?” You asked, moving your head to look up at Jace who was sitting against the headboard, one arm behind his head. 

“What does what mean?” 

“Everything you said, about being yours?”

Jace took a moment to think, and you were filled with a sudden panic that he didn’t mean what he said, that it just felt right in the moment. 

“You can use my shower, sweetheart. When you’re finished, get changed into something nice, or not- but I don’t think you’d want to wear leggings and a hoodie on your first date.” He said, a smirk creeping up on his lips. 

“Are you, the Jace Herondale- who never dates- asking me out on a date?” 

“No, I’m not asking you,” he chuckled, playing with your hair, “darling, I’m telling you.”