#me projecting my chronic pains on my favorite characters to cope

[arcaneacolyte]

In honor of me having a migraine, I would like to push my "Aether has chronic headaches and migraines" agenda.

Aether who finds out the hard way that his vessel has chronic headaches and migraines and it was overlooked before he was bound to it.

Too much Quintessence magic is the biggest trigger, but then he goes on tour with Terzo the first time and finds out that there are many things topside that can trigger the worse ones, and it gets harder and harder to pinpoint what exactly triggered it from the long list of the things that *could* have.

He can't have caffeine as much as the rest of the Ghouls, because the withdrawal headaches put him down in the dark for almost a whole day.

If he forgets to eat or drink enough? Headache. He doesn't sleep well? Headache. He smells too strong of a perfume? He's in too bright of light for too long? The list goes on.

For the first year or so he's topside, it's rough but he gets a lot of sympathy and support from Terzo and his pack. He goes to Omega finally and it turns out that Quintessence Healing is just a temporary fix, and human medications can't even put a dent in it. So he just has to cope and avoid his triggers as much as possible.

After that first year, he can manage them, but obviously they don't just go away. But they're not getting *worse* persay as time goes on, but he still finds himself at least once a week curled up in bed, almost about to throw up from the pain. But they're not any worse than they have been, so Omega and the other Ghouls at the infirmary don't have any answers for him.

Then eventually the support starts to get less outwardly obvious. Sure, the others understand that if he says, "I have a headache," that means it's *bad* because he's outwardly acknowledging it, but the sympathy starts to get less and less.

He doesn't blame them, they're all stressed, and he can imagine how exhausting it gets to hear how Aether can't do something because of a headache, or they have to be quiet or he needs to go to bed early because it'll trigger a headache if he doesn't.

It becomes routine, something to manage, an annoyance rather than debilitating, even though he still gets migraines.

But he can't help a twinge of jealousy when another of the pack gets a rare headache, and the world stops turning to help them, and sympathy and cuddles and love come out in full force, and the rest do everything they can to help, when just last week he had to come out to the Ghoul common room *three* separate times to ask if the pack could keep it down just a little bit because he has a splitting headache so bad he can hardly stand.

And whenever another gets a headache he gets more sympathy for a little while. A lot of, "is this what it's like for you all the time?" And he has to shrug and say, "yeah" and offer some advice or potential solutions from his list of coping mechanisms. But eventually, when the memory of the headache fades, so does the heightened sympathy. Aether is used to it, is expected to still carry on like nothing is wrong.

Eventually, it starts to take away the things that mean most to him. More often than not after rituals he's holed up in his bunk in the tour bus, trying not to cry and throw up with how much pain he's in. The decision to retire from touring nearly kills him, as do the looks of betrayal from his pack members, especially Dew. But they don't understand, they've never truly understood, and he can't help but feel bitter. Sure, he's not the only one with aches and pains and problems with his vessel, but those things haven't taken away touring from them, one of the things that gave him the most joy in his earthly life.

Zephyr gets it, thankfully, and he spends more time with them after his retirement, and sometimes they just spend painful moments in silence together. They might be in pain, but at least they're in pain with someone who *truly* gets it.

The separation from his pack, his mates, his *purpose* almost hurts as much as the migraines do. But he does what he's always done, and just carries on.

[selfpositiveundertale]

Update post

So a lot has happened.

I finally got my driver's license in February, yay! Much later than any of my peers got theirs, but better late than never. My husband was very patient with me and took me out to practice driving at every opportunity, including having me drive the car when we'd go grocery shopping and run other errands. I took the driving test on the day we started dating 15 years ago, so after I passed we celebrated by having a dinner date at one of our favorite restaurants.

My husband started a new job that pays better than his previous one, and his new employer is a decent human being, unlike his previous employer.

I'm trying very hard to get back into crocheting so I can reopen my Etsy shop. One of my best friends has commissioned me for some art and a very large crochet plush doll of their favorite anime character, so I was able to invest in more of the yarn I use for things like the Ralsei amogus dolls. I've got a few ideas for new-ish things to put in there but first I have to make them lol. I'm currently working on a commission project for someone who wants a crochet doll of their dinosaur sona. The pattern I'm working from is a little confusing but I find that the phrase "trust the process" is good advice in this situation.

My chronic pains have gotten worse, but I stay determined and keep going out of spite. I'm seeing one of my doctors today for an exam that I'm way overdue for and I'm frankly very nervous about the potential results. Either they'll find something and we'll have to figure out treatment from there or they won't find anything and we'll be back to square one trying to figure out what's going on with me.

I'm supposed to be starting cognitive behavioral therapy with my therapist soon, so I'm looking forward to that. She warned me it might be difficult and at times uncomfortable but I think I can handle it and I'll let her know if I can't.

I still keep having episodes of existential dread that sometimes escalates into panic attacks but my therapist is going to try to help me get that under control. One of my other workers had me create a "coping card" with a bunch of questions I need to ask myself but often forget to ask when I'm having an episode like that so I can look at it and figure out what I need to do to calm down. I might put those questions in another post for y'all.

I think that's about it for now but I might update if I think of anything else.

Stay determined.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[deitiesofduat]

BASTET: “As it turns out, the project has been due for this type of update for some time -- which the artist @tenicola​ (aka @teninini, colacanvas, and "Teni") finally got around to, after having enough headspace to approach it. 

“And just to avoid worrying anyone seeing this -- nope, Teni is not dropping DEITIES project anytime soon. She's not going anywhere, and neither am I! Or the rest of my pantheon! 

“But Teni mentioned she was worried about projecting that outcome, due to how inactive she's been online, and how quiet she's been about progress. She's hoping this update can add some clarity on what's actually going on, and what to expect going forward.”

“The rest of this update is below the cut, as text mixed with panels. It's on the long-ish side, and while it's best to skim through everything for context, you can also skip to the section "SHIFT IN [PUBLIC] SCOPE" if you just want to get to the point.

“Without further ago, let's start with some history that Teni wanted to share for full context -- again, under the cut!”

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[ HISTORY OF DEITIES PROJECT ]

BASTET: “DEITIES Project -- and the main story for said project (Deities of Duat: The Chaos Seal), which is intended as a long form webcomic -- has been in development, privately and offline, since late 2014. Teni meant to keep it private for as long as possible, until she felt “ready” to share it.

“However, she was motivated to take the plunge and reveal the project's existence with these color tests and with this comic, as part of her coursework for her visual storytelling class. You know the one…”

“The surge of encouragement from both her classmates and her followers motivated Teni to create this blog -- the one you're visiting right now! It was Teni's full intention to use this blog to share progress on the main story, as a full-length webcomic, while building and engaging her audience.”

“However, along the way were a few... unforeseen obstacles that reared their head. Some obstacles were mitigated by making steady updates to the story and blog, but some were much more challenging, and she thinks it only fair to disclose some of them for context...”

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[ OBSTACLES OF LIFE ]

BASTET: “The first obstacle was the sudden onset of chronic lower back pain -- just before the launch of the DEITIES blog in 2016. She still has it to this day, and says this ache makes it unbearable to sit or stand in the same position for too long. Among several inconveniences this causes, it also means she can only draw in short bursts before her stamina taps out, or before needing pain relief -- like heat, ice, and pressure.”

“As you might imagine, it's not the most fun condition to have when you enjoy drawing! And it's taken a while for Teni to cope with this daily frustration. She's still planning to find answers and a treatment to help reduce it, but has also accepted that she's been dealt this hand -- not unlike other creatives that deal with some form of chronic pain.”

“The back pain was one obstacle, but having to deal with different interpersonal struggles and friction was another. Some spiked her usual feelings of anxiety, and in one relationship's case, made her question whether or not the project was worth continuing. (On that note -- Teni does not want to call out anyone or guilt them, she just wanted to bring it up as a factor for the larger point she's making — just bear with us!)

“The third big obstacle a few years back, was having a day job that had an... ‘unfriendly’ work environment, and was paying a lot less income than she fairly deserved. And near the beginning of 2018, she was laid off from said job, putting a halt to any income she was earning only a week after signing the lease to her first apartment!”

“Teni didn't go into detail about those months of job hunting and taking tech classes, though she explains bits of it in previous updates. But the lack of financial stability at the time hung over her head constantly. The way she put it was: ‘It was hard to motivate myself to indulge in something I loved, but that didn't provide income, while I was in the middle of an extended job hunt.’"

“She didn't expect all these obstacles in succession when she launched the project. And she admits that she felt a combination of frustration, impatience, and disappointment for not updating the project at the same pace she started.”

“This was not because of any pressure from followers -- she told me you all have been incredibly understanding and patient! It was because of the fact that the project had been publicly promoted for so long, and she set her own expectations and goals so high -- without factoring the likelihood of life getting in the way. There was also the lingering fear of disappointing a lot of people, if one day she had no choice but to stop the project for her own livelihood and health.”

“Ah, why am I adding to this creative angst -- Teni didn't want this to be a sob story! I'll move on haha.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ IN A BETTER PLACE ]

BASTET: “Thankfully, in spite of all those obstacles, things are turning around for Teni in this new decade. A year ago she found a job with a feasible income to support herself, and an overall healthy work environment within her team. She's also fostered healthier relationships with her family and friends, and even made closer connections with the best friends she's had for ages!”

“And while her back pain is… still there, it's a manageable part of life that she's still determined to find answers for and improve.

“Not to mention that in the past year, she's been able to work on other projects, more quietly, and indulge in drawing other characters and fanart for fun. She's consumed more of her favorite media in the interim as well to support others, and to sate her own curiosity and interests.”

“Moving on to how this relates to this update, now that we have some backdrop for what's been happening...”

--------------------------------------------------

[ AREAS OF INTEREST ]

BASTET: “Again, Teni is not dropping DEITIES Project -- she admits the fear of having to make that call had crossed her mind, but it's not something she thinks she'll need to reconsider right now. Her bigger concern has been how to approach this project publicly, moving forward. And after giving it some thought, she's made some observations that may shed light on this answer.

“Teni wanted me to emphasize the idea of her doing a ‘reset’ for the public presentation and development of DEITIES Project -- not to change or hide the development thus far, but to reframe the project's scope -- what it's focus and goals are, more or less.

“...Oh-- looks like she made some visuals to help with this -- you two mind lending me a hand?”

“You all might have figured it out by now, but Teni absolutely loves drawing character art and designs. She also likes panel-style comics, as well as the dialogue, expressions, and SFX that comes with it. She can work on them offline without prompting, but she also loves sharing what she comes up with!

“What she's less fond of sharing is some of the other... *ahem* unmentionables and time-consuming work that comes with traditional comics. Things that take hours to set up and hours to practice, let alone execute for the final product -- an unfortunate hurdle when you're a one-person production team, and you can only draw in small bursts at a time.”

“She initially tried to put off the more indulgent art that she liked, in order to focus the less-favored obligations... but she realized that this just made her feel demotivated to work on anything, and less got completed as a result.”

“Overall, Teni's coming to terms with both her own limitations and her personal drive, and wants to shift her priorities accordingly for the project -- even if it goes against the grain of what's considered ‘good’  or well-meaning advice for a personal project.”

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[ SHIFT IN [PUBLIC] SCOPE ]

BASTET: “Instead of treating the DEITIES main story/comic as the ‘end game’ goal of this project -- and pouring all her available energy in preparing for it and hyping it up -- Teni wants to shift the main story as a future, and more private ambition, until she's in a better place to execute it and share it publicly.

“No, she does not have any estimate or TBD date for when this will be, or when she'll make public updates on it’s progress or launch. It may even remain private indefinitely. And for now, she's okay with this.

“Because (1) The main story "The Chaos Seal" is not the only story that's worth telling from this project. Smaller side- and backstories, and even small character interactions, have their merit as well -- something Teni learned from drawing askbox responses, completing memes with the cast, and character exploration with friends. And with the main story not sucking up all the oxygen, she thinks it'll leave room to tackle the others more easily -- whether they're planned ahead of time or are spur-of-the-moment, and as comics or different formats.

“(2) Removing the DEITIES main story from its public pedestal will also allow her to work on other non-DEITIES things as they crop up -- and with less irrational guilt to indulge in things that aren't ‘priority’ for completing the comic. Meaning more art of her original characters, fanart, giftart, collabs, memes and bandwagons, and other smaller projects. Heck, she might even give herself permission to relax.

“And (3), perhaps most importantly -- Teni realized that DEITIES Project shouldn’t have to start and end with the so-called main story, and placing the story aside wouldn’t mean the project suddenly becomes a waste of time -- as she originally worried about projecting when her life took a twist.

“DEITIES Project just… is. It already exists, and the characters and world already exist -- with or without a completed webcomic to validate that existence.”

“But anyway, I side-tracked. The point is, Teni's planning to shift DEITIES project to just that -- a project, with room to continually grow, explore, and experiment with, and to engage with others as she feels comfortable, without the pressure of having a giant epic to tell.

“So while the main story and comic is going to shift to something more gradual and private -- the way it was originally meant to be -- this shift in scope will help adjust the project’s longevity, and also set the stage for some changes to be made around the blog, and for the public presentation for DEITIES.” 

“However, that content will be less scheduled and remain sporadic -- things will ‘happen when they happen,’ but what Teni has in mind will hopefully be enjoyable for those following the project.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ WHAT'S NEXT-- ]

BASTET: “Here’s the thing: we actually had more to share, but Teni made the call to save it all for another day -- to avoid making this update longer than needed, and to also avoid announcing any plans prematurely. No need to risk building pressure all over again or burning out, right?

“She asks for everyone’s patience and to give her another few weeks to re-calibrate things, address pressing questions, and work on some overdue housekeeping on the blog -- and to just draw whatever pops to her mind, cuz hey, why not? After that, she'll wait until any project items are already in the works and on the road to completion, before she announces that they're coming -- an ‘under-promise but over-deliver’ approach.

“But one thing you can look forward to are more featured deities from the main cast and the supporting cast -- including those colors tests she's been working on since last year, and then some! There's no shortage of inspiration or fodder, so to speak.”

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[ IN CONCLUSION ]

BASTET: “So to recap! DEITIES Project will be shifting its scope and priorities, so that the main story and comic is developed more privately, and more characters and lore will be explored online at a more manageable pace. On the surface, that may not look like much is changing, but hopefully this update can make expectations more clear.

“Teni knows that there may be some in the audience who may feel down about this decision, or who were looking forward to the webcomic to be completed above all else. She says that's totally fair, and encourages anyone looking for stories to check out her recommendations. But she also hopes you'll understand, and be willing to stick around for other content in the meantime.”

"That brings Teni -- and me -- to one final point. Which is to sincerely thank you for all of your support, encouragement, and patience these past few years. In addition to things that are still in the works, there's a lot of content on this blog that had been inspired by everyone's engagement, which we can't thank you enough for!

“Teni and I, and everyone else from the pantheon, are excited about what’s next for Deities of Duat and DEITIES Project. And we’re looking forward to sharing more content, more freely, in the upcoming year for you all to enjoy.”

[rwt-mystic-corner]

I’m sick from equal parts stomach bug and emet*phobia (basically: Phobia of Exactly what the Stomach Bug Does to you, for days on end... i’m finishing up day 6 at this point)... Figured, while I’m resting I’d pass some time filling one of these out. 

Questions from here: https://prettyalice13.tumblr.com/post/125172483728/witchcraft-asks-1-105

1. Are you solitary or in a coven? Solitary. I've tried to find a coven, but Wicca has a pretty firm grasp on witchcraft in the area. (They even opened a "Witchcraft Museum" about 20 minutes away, and it's literally all entirely dedicated to Gardenian Wicca. I refuse to go in because I haven't figured out how to tactfully point out just how badly they're misinforming everyone...)

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other? Pagan and a witch!~ Though the term I like most is "mystic", because it's the Forces of the Universe that I play with, more than personal forces or tools. (I did start out as a Wiccan 12 years ago, though.)

3. What is your zodiac sign? Which zodiac? Chinese: Water Rooster. (And I absolutely claim that.) Greek: Aries Sun, Scorpio Ascendant, Cancer Moon.

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess? I have two, actually! Mielikki, and, well... the other one is one I'd rather keep under wraps. It involves pop culture paganism, astral travel, and something kind of, vaguely?, fiction-kin adjacent, but not like My ID, so even that technically isn't it? It's wild. Ask off anon if you'd like to talk about it, we prefer that she's only discussed in private.

5. Do you work with a Pantheon? No, the deities that have spoken to me come from all sorts of pantheons.

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination? Rarely, anymore. I mostly go in with meditation (I think the term for it nowadays is "Accessing the Akashic Record"?), though I used to use tea leaves, scrying into teacups and rivers, and asked for Clues from the Universe when I'm out and about, and I read signs from whatever's around me. I had a serious knack for tarot when I was using it, though.

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any) Oh, definitely lemon balm! I love that little mint. I've had it growing in my room twice. The first time, the chinchillas got to it, and for some reason it never grew back? The second time, it got hit with aerial blight when all the rest of the houseplants did. :c That little plant had hung in a lot longer than the others, but eventually it succumbed, and no amount of coaxing would bring it back.

8. How would you define your craft? "Shadow witchcraft", because I do a lot of the "confronting personal stuff that's really hard but necessary to grow", AND the "working with energies of the shadows, feeling safer in the dark, and using darkness as an energy source to recuperate, divine, and move energies for spells".

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do? Yes (but I've only actually done it once), and I accept others who do, yes. (I do not, however, accept those who only do it for selfish, malicious reasons. I recognize that there's a gray area, and I won't bother you for that, because it's your craft to do whatever you want with, not mine to judge. But if you're cursing just for the hell of it, I don't want you anywhere near me. Also, any kind of curse that could be considered Hate Speech or Incitement gets you blacklisted and blocked in my book.)

10. How long have you been practicing? Ooh, this one's complicated. See, consciously, intentionally, while calling it "energy work" or "witchcraft"? Since I was 14, so that's 12 years. But well before then, I was sensing energies, from plants and animals, I was acutely aware of others' emotions, sometimes even accidentally manipulating them. For as long as I can remember, I would lean against trees and "listen" to them, or wonder how I knew what it felt like to have your heart broken, when I'd never even been in a relationship? (Because I felt it from others!) So, I guess, I've been "practicing" without knowing there was a word for anything I did my whole life.

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars? Not many, considering the sheer numbers of pets I've had, but: ~ I had a ring-necked dove once, who would come sit with me, in the dark attic half of my room, when I was meditating. Sometimes he'd drop in during a ritual, and join me in the circle until it was complete, and then he'd leave the room. He brought me feathers. Once, when his foot was injured, he stood absolutely still to let me perform a healing session on it for a week or two until it healed, and if you know doves, you know it's very rare for them to hold still for ten or fifteen minutes at a time. ~ I'm convinced my chinchilla Dusty is becoming a familiar. I don't practice nearly as often as I used to, but he always goes very still, and seems to be watching over me, whenever I'm meditating or energy-working. He always knows when I'm upset, and if I go near the cage when I'm depressed or in pain or struggling with chronic health issues, he'll sit at the door until I open it, and then he'll put his paws on me in this very specific way, and he just sits there for a minute. And when he finally goes to scamper off, I feel much more calm and able to cope with things.

12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation? With all the memories I've had? There's no way I CAN'T believe in reincarnation. (As for Karma, I do believe there's a sense of balance the universe must keep, but I don't believe reincarnation is, at least not entirely, dictated by your other lives. There are too many errant patterns in the people I know to believe that.)

13. Do you have a magical name? Yes, a very personal one. "RWT" is the abbreviation, hence my URL.

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”? For most people, yes. I try to remain open and honest whenever the subject comes up, mostly due to a lack of fear. So what if people disapprove? It's my practice, not theirs. I don't go around totally advertising it to everyone I meet, but all of my friends and the closest members of my family know I practice.

15. What was the last spell you performed? Oh gosh, probably a healing to try soothing my stomach cramps? It worked... temporarily.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable? More in a "jack of all trades" way, but yes.

17. Do you write your own spells? I rarely "write" them; to be honest I've always just kind of... improvised. I performed a couple rituals guided by Scott Cunningham's suggestions, but after that I was building my own meditations and doing whatever felt Right and Useful with the energies.

18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up? Closest thing I have is a "mirror book". I don't have the attention span to Compile Everything I know, I kinda just... act like a walking healing / empathic / meditation / astral projection / herbal medicine encyclopedia. 8F

19. Do you worship nature? What kind of pagan would I be if I didn't? "Nature" is such a broad term, but for me it involves wonderment and awe at the Earthly creations, receiving energies from celestial bodies, delighting in my connection to all forms of life, and even animism (though that one's more of a Venn Diagram with nature, where there just so happens to be some overlap.)

20. What is your favorite gemstone? Lapis lazuli! (It was my favorite long before SU personified it into such a relatable character. ;P) Sodalite is a close second, I really love larimar (but gosh it's expensive), obsidian has been the best grounding stone for me since I was a baby bat, it's not technically a gem but still a favorite-- actually, I don't think any of these are, oops. My favorite Actual Gem is probably Aquamarine. (Just so happens to be my birthstone.)

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work? I use a lot of feathers (legally obtained from my own birds, don't worry-- being an ex-wildlife rehabilitator, I learned ALL about the MBTA), though I've collected fur from other pets just in case.

22. Do you have an altar? I used to. Now I kind of just... have a shelf, and a portable mental altar. Mielikki prefers to meet in a forest, and my other Goddess basically requires astral projection to get ahold of.

23. What is your preferred element? Water, far and away.

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist? No, since alchemy is the transformation of materials using tools, and the only "transformation" I get involved with is the transformation of negative energy or injuries into a production or "packet" of positive energy in healing.

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch? ....I don't know any other terms, what else would you call a magical practitioner? Energy worker, perhaps? Astral traveler? Does empathy count as magic (since, though I never use it on people, I DO have the ability to, basically magically, change someone's mood?)

26. What got you interested in witchcraft? I've been interested in it my whole life. No matter what kind of fantasy I was reading, I'd compare the kind of magic THEY do to the kind of magic I'D like to do. I just didn't know how to make it a part of my practical life back then.

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch? ...Well there was ONE time... but it's a little ns//fw.

28. Have you ever used ouija? Multiple times. Always warding carefully, before and after, mostly at the behest of others.

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic? Yes. Well I'm an empath and I have a very strong sense of precognitive intuition, and I've interacted with spirits, so of course I do.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it? I do. It's... more of a "who" than a "what". But she's another one I'd rather discuss in private. (Equal parts my own inability to explain it, exactly, and her comfort.)

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started? Don't be afraid of your own power.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite? Oh, Samhain, far and away with certainty! Making peace with the past, and letting it guide your future, has always been a huge theme in my life. Sensing the different kinds of spirits that wander around, being more able to detect the subtler energy layers of the world, the minimizing of energies that overwhelm me at times, while the quieter and gentler energies abound... And I've always had such wonderful meditations on Samhain, whether it was in astral travel, spirit work, or prayer.

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children? I wouldn't force them to learn, but if they asked, I would answer. (I'm not very sure that I want kids at all, though...)

34. Do you meditate? It's essential to me. Used to do it every day. Now I kind of use it as an as-needed grounding tool, or to reach out to That Goddess who's Harder to Get Ahold Of.

35. What is your favorite season? Winter. ~<3 I pass out in 75F, I'm that bad with the heat. Winter, when it's below freezing every day? Winter, the season when the whole world goes just a little bit quieter? When everything outside either leaves or hibernates, and everyone inside does their best to lift their own spirits? It's the time of the year I'm most comfortable.

36. What is your favorite type of magick to perform? Astral projection, with empathic healing as a close second.

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life? My (secret?) goddess's teachings help guide my decisions, big and small. My connection to others, human and animal and spirit alike, are highlighted by my empathy. Whenever I eat or drink, I can feel the energies of whatever touches my tongue, it's clairgustance, I've been told. I don't so much actively incorporate it, as passively revel in it.

38. What is your favorite witchy movie? Ooh, that's a hard one. Does The Crow count? I also liked The Covenant. And there's this heart-wrenching very-obscure movie called Powder, that deals with psychism and energy and psychic-level empathy as it relates to an outcasted anomaly. And THEN there's Justice League Dark, which nailed John Constantine's character far better than the Keanu Reeves movie and explored almost-- almost-- every single one of my favorite mystical heroes. i'll probably ALWAYS be saying Raven should join the JLD at some point, but we'll see if that ever happens.

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why? ~ Well fiction is, obviously, gestures vaguely at my avatar, practically anything with Raven in it. The comic series New Teen Titans was phenomenal, the Raven miniseries from 2008 was a story about empathy and compassion and struggling with these through high school, so of course I loved it, and the most recent Raven miniseries (2018 I believe?) harkened back to another comic series I absolutely LOVED, the 80's Night Force. (Again: featuring Mystical Heroes! That is EXACTLY my jam!) The Sandman series by Neil Gaiman incorporated a lot of metaphysical elements, so I'll count that one too. And for propriety, I suppose I'd better include a novel: The Winter Oak, by James A. Hetley. I did absolutely LOVE Harry Potter as a kid, and the entire Sevenwaters series by Juliet Mariller is probably my favorite novel series. ~As far as nonfiction, though? Honestly, don't laugh, but there's this book published by Llewellyn (I know, I know) called The Shadow Magick Compendium, by Raven Digitalis. His first book Goth Craft really resonated with me (a practicing ~"casual RomantiGoth"~) in middle school, and through all of high school and adulthood, I had a lot of personal struggles that shadow magic helped me pull through. Reading Shadow Magick helped me find the strength to admit that yes, I had flaws, fears, horrors, imperfections, but it also helped me find strength in who I am, flaws and all. I have a habit of being pretty divorced from my emotions, but that book... moved me to tears, more than once.

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not. That's... really freaking hard to trace back. I was sending out wishes to the world and sincerely expecting it to Change Things from a very, very young age. At age 14, I was performing energy exchanges / communions maybe? with plants in our backyard. My first intentional fully-craft-based Spell had to have been at 14, and I think it was a divination? I got the answer I needed, though I'd need to dig out my first mirrorbook to see what it was actually about. It must have been the answer I needed though, because I kept divining for years.

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you? Well I didn't ASK for that blizzard thunderstorm, though that was pretty crazy! (Ohio weather, everyone. It was the most powerful weather I’ve ever lived through!) A lot of crazy things have happened to me though. The time I accidentally influenced the emotions of everyone in a ten-foot radius at school (before I even knew I could do that). The time I knew my doves needed me, and came to find that the cat was in the room chasing them around. The time I was helping give a back-massage to a very firm and outspoken nonbeliever in magic, bolstering it with healing/soothing magic, and he said "Where [RWT] is touching, it feels very warm, and it feels very good". The way that, as a teen, whenever I would get too emotional, and specifically when I was emotional, I'd static-zap anything I touched, and the way that, as a child, I could touch magnet-operated toys and they'd activate. The revelation of who my spirit guide is. My energies have always been an undeniably strong magic ride, guys.

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use? Well I do keep birds, and candles are very terribly dangerous for them! So I haven't used a candle in YEARS, unless I was outside or in another room (like the bathroom-- candles and baths are lovely together). I really love using beeswax candles, especially if I can find them made by a local apiary. Candles with an earthy, herbal, floral, or delicate scent are very nice too!-- as long as it's not overpowering.

43. What is your favorite witchy tool? My mind. If I have to choose a physical one, though, probably stones?

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools? Yep! I've wildcrafted and dried my own herbs, cooked my own foods for post-ritual recovery, and I guess it counts if I've set up crystal grids of my own design?

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits? I met a animal-spirit guide the very first time I meditated, at least with Magical Intentions! I do a lot more encountering various spirits than "working with" them, meeting them and sometimes learning a bit before thanking them and leaving.

46. Do you practice color magic? Not really? I'm not a very visual person. Though I do perceive colors from certain spirits /places /people, and sometimes associate those colors with those things, I don't intentionally focus on the color as the backbone of the spell.

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind? Oh, absolutely. My spirit guide took it upon herself to help me work with my abilities, and every now and again my goddess will actually guide me in practice, if it's desperately needed. As far as humans go: I did, sort of, once, for a brief time. But he lived an hour and a half away, so we could really only meet on certain weekends, and then we sort of... lost touch.

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies? In person! I have to touch it, hold it, and feel out its energy myself before I take it home.

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate? I believe the universe only steps in when it Absolutely Must, and that there are certain... guideposts? that will be pre-ordained in your life, but how you deal with it and where it takes you from there is entirely up to you.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice? My goddess, my spirit guide, an assortment of crystals/stones, whatever I feel I need most-- but most importantly, I use them to connect with MYSELF.

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences? Oh, SO many. I've visited so many astral worlds, I've lost count. I've encountered (and... basically "consumed"?) parasitic entities at the park. I've viscerally FELT the energies of what I work. Empathy is a daily occurrence for me. The reason I went vegetarian is the vividness of what I'd sense from what I was eating. I've sent healing to people and watched the spring come back in their step, healed lethargic puppies and watched them go from dragging around to bounding away happily, taken terrified birds at a pet store and soothed them until they relax in my hands. It's an integral part of my life at this point.

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve? People telling others that the way they practice their craft is wrong, just because they don't believe, or they follow a different set of rules, or morality? Like, that’s all subjective. (Except, like I said before, where hate speech and incitement are concerned. Nobody has the right to harm others just because of the color of their skin, their gender, their religion, and such.)

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent? Oh sweet stars, I absolutely love incense. I found it at a local metaphysical shop that closed, and the last time I found it was when I visited New England for a high school field trip, but it's called "Spiritual Guide" by Padmini, and it smells JUST sweet and JUST soft and JUST earthy enough, with JUST the right balance of mid- and high notes that it simultaneously grounds me and lifts my spirit to the higher realms. Incense has so many applications and such a variety, I love picking and choosing which one to use (away from the birds, of course). I even use (unlit) incense as air fresheners in front of the air conditioner.

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind? Sort of. When my dreams are worth remembering, I used to write them down in my mirrorbook, but now I log them on my personal blog. 8P

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster? ...Not knowing the way my spells affected others in the beginning. I'd rather not talk about that.

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success? Learning to control it? Learning how to turn that terrifying power into something beautiful and healing? Taking ownership of MY power, and deciding how I WANTED to use it? Finding beneficial outlets for it?

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about? Mmmmh, worshipping the Other Goddess that I do, and who my spirit guide is. It's very complicated, and even I don't understand how it works, so I couldn't possibly explain it to people... but that's certainly who they are, and it's just... I know there are Many People who would be hostile to the idea of their existence.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too? Absolutely! Your god can bestow gifts unto you, even gifts of personal power. First of all, God giving people the power to perform miracles in his name is all over the Old Testament. Secondly: King James added in lines of the bible that weren't there originally, so fearing witches isn't actually in God's Instructions to Mankind. Third of all, mind that I'm saying this as an ex-Christian, if the Abrahamic God gives you a GIFT, who are you to ignore it or suppress it? Are you going to say God made a mistake in giving this power to an individual of his creation? All that aside: Witchcraft doesn’t have to be associated with any gods at all!

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work? Not spell work itself. Just... the way things can go awry if I'm not very, very careful.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain? Nah, honestly I'm glad to do what I can do, and there's really no way to quantify the "success" of magic to me.

61. What is something witch related that you want right now? Rocks! I keep seeing these onyx crow/raven carvings, and gosh would I absolutely LOVE one, but alas: Finances. Rainbow fluorite! Amber! Ametrine! Azurite! So many stones I really feel drawn to, but just haven’t encountered at a small enough price tag.

62. What is your rune of choice? ...Iiiii actually don't use Futhark or Ogham runes, and the ones I do use are more... geometric? Specific? There's one I keep drawing, especially when I need to find peace or get in touch with my goddess, but it's for Personal Use Only. If I had to pick one from an established system though, it'd be Futhark "Isa".

63. What is your tarot card of choice? High Priestess.

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite? Oh yes (but again, never around the pets). My favorites are pine, lavender, jasmine, and sandalwood. I once found this blend called MotionEaze or something, for motion sickness. Which didn't help much for that (my stomach is really touch and stubborn), but it DID help immensely with headaches, and keeping calm.

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses? I wanted to go to Sacred Mists college for awhile! But I don't have the money for that, even at $200/class, and right now it's on my dreambuilding list. I've always followed my books and my heart, and thus far it hasn't led me astray.

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public? Oh yeah. I used to wear either a pentacle necklace (usually under my shirt) or pentacle earrings (when I felt especially vulnerable) every day to high school. I even wore the necklace to my AP exams-- which were taken in a Catholic private school, so that was interesting. (I kept it hidden carefully the whole time. But one of the priests I encountered still watched me Uncomfortably Closely for the whole three minutes I was in that hall... I always wondered if he Suspected Anything.)

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch? Well no, but I don't exactly make it public knowledge. I did wear a cloak as a jacket for several years (the only reason I don't anymore is that, A, it's tattered and badly needs mended, and B, I'm trying to get a Fancy Professional^tm Job). So of course I got a lot of questions like "Are you a witch?" "Are you a Wiccan?" And I got attempted evangelism just for wearing the cloak, but that was usually it. I tend to just say "I don't go to church because I work weekends", and when people ask what my religion is, I usually say "I'm nondenominational".

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines? No, but one of my pictures was published in a pagan magazine! (I'd love to, but I don't think there are any local publications, and also those Cost Money. So... again, it's on the dreambuilding list.)

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft? Oh, absolutely. Mostly because of all the misinformation that's out there; you have to shield your mind against lies, and the best way to do that is to know the truth. It's also essential to respect where practices come from, because that's the only way to know if it's a closed practice, or even if it's the kind of practice you want to engage in. (Like if you're looking to divine truth without any bias or bells, the last place you should probably look is a sensationalizing LaVeyan Satanism spell...)

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch? It gives this strange, powerful aspect of myself a safe outlet.

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch? That strange, powerful aspect can be downright terrifying sometimes.

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band? Not exclusively "pagan", but I've used Elvenpath by Nightwish to worship Mielikki, Mother Earth by Within Temptation to worship nature, and I believe Disturbed has a Wiccan member, and I've always loved their music.

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how? I used to! Nowadays I kind of just, bask in the glow of the moon through an open window, and take in the energy when I have the time, or when I need it. (But that's not even exclusive to Esbats, just... whenever I feel like I can use a little bit of a lunar touch in my life.)

74. Do you ever work skyclad? I sleep skyclad, so while the answer is Yes, Occasionally, that's not exclusive to my working.

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how? Oh gods, YES, in SO many ways! It helped me understand, shape, and take control of a big part of my daily experience. It helped me make sense of this entire world of experience that nothing before had ever explained. It gave me a safe outlet for the energies blazing through me, and of course that outlet gave me a sense of fulfillment through healing and protecting myself AND those I love.

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice? Honestly... anything I encounter that inspires me. Even mundane, non-witchy things-- a puppy's energy at work! The flight of my doves through the room! The wind whispering promises through the trees! The resilience of trodden grass, the gentle tug of a forest brook, the gradual yet ready shift in the trees every autumn. Things people say. Quotes that spark a sense of Purpose within me. And of course, my guides have given me a lot of inspiration, too.

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc) Some, yes (ghosts for sure), others I think may be real things taken to a creative extreme, and other still, I believe, if they're not on Earth, not on THIS Earth, they probably exist purely through the creation of thoughtforms by now.

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol? That personal one I mentioned awhile ago? It's an intricate symbol with many layers, large and small components, straight and round, extremely powerful as a protective symbol, and it always makes me feel so peaceful, free, alive and well. It connects me with my goddess, my purpose, my sense of self amongst the world, and yet helps me block out those things in the world that destroy those things.

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not? Not really? I've just never needed to. I can trace my energies' destination by either empathy or intuition, I don't need blood to personalize, attach, or anchor anything.

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice? Well, I'm already in a very close and trusting familiar relationship with my mother like that. I'm okay with it, as long as they respect my boundaries about what I don't want to be told, how I don't want to be talked to, and that they respect that my experience is my own to name, not theirs.

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow? Ooh, uhhm... My ability to heal myself? It's this very bittersweet kind of irony that I can provide almost instant relief to others so EASILY, but when it comes to soothing my stomach or bolstering my own energy levels, I really just can't seem to do it for some reason.

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice? Ooh, well there's this big candle warehouse in Medina, Ohio called "Root" that has SO MANY lovely scents! Their candles burn clean, their scenes are satisfyingly determinable without being overwhelming, and they have pine! They also have a very nice "bamboo" one. I've used a lot of scents from there that I really like.

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it? Typically meditation, and on special occasions it’s in a bath.

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice? Probably Scott Cunningham. Though @ breelandwalker is a great source of modern witch tips!

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity? Astral projection and meeting them in an in-between space that we can both access easily.

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients? Shelves, boxes, and not too particularly, heh.

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of? My dad is sort of a witch (he mostly uses protective folk magic), and my paternal grandmother has a connection to animals and nature but doesn't practice witchcraft.

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it? This is going to sound so contrived, but genuinely just following my instincts. "Okay, I heard about using light to heal... that seems to work alright, but I think it works better for me if I visualize motion instead of light." The most unique thing is... hard to put into words. My past lives have been rather powerful, so I believe I came into this life with a lot of insight and stronger memories on how to use the abilities that followed me into this body. I haven't seen a whole lot of shadow witches around-- literally, just ONE other! So maybe that's unique, too.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they? Oh GODS yes. Empathy, the capacity for healing, past life memories, precognitive dreams, energy-sensing in general, easily getting connected to people and nature, it's just... less that I was "led toward the craft", and more like "I was led to the realization that this is, in fact, what I've actually been doing my whole life, and here's how to do it BETTER".

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven? That depends entirely on what you're being initiated into. Jewish or Hindu practice? Absolutely, you have to convert. Like really convert, with a leader in that practice. But Wicca? That's open as hell, the Wiccan God and Goddess are really the only initiators you need.

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought? A gold pentacle censar with celtic knottery and jewels. (Not, like, real gold and real jewels, but it’s a gorgeous thing nonetheless.)

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been? Two words: Astral Travel. ~<3 (If I gave specifics, it just... wouldn't be something I can explain HOW.)

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities? If you need them and they want you, you'll find them. They'll make sure of it.

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation? Meditation IS how I "get in the zone". 8F But I use the "empty mind" technique-- you know, "clear your mind" and "let your thoughts float away". Hold still and focus on your breaths. Personally, I revel in the silence, and it makes a great headspace where I can focus on clearing out my filters, strengthening my shields, and projecting much clearer and more Exactly Directed energy.

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it? I've been visualizing things intentionally since before I knew what magic really WAS (whether it was in prayer, trying to get the world to do what I willed it, or just visualizing fantasy/fiction stories), so it definitely came easily.

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why? Night, absolutely night. Unless we're comparing a winter day to a summer night, in which case I'll take a cool calm day over a warm active night. The energies of a world awake can be overwhelming to me. At night, people and animals and plants all go to sleep. (At least, enough of them that it quiets around my empathy.) I love the feeling of moonlight on my skin. The sun's energy is too hot, too bright, too active for me to handle sometimes. But I have never once been overwhelmed by the night. In fact, I've always felt safer, more alert, more ALIVE at night. I'm a lunar child, what can I say.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work? For me? When I have the energy. When I was in public school, it was Saturday nights, because I had been able to sleep in, and would be able to sleep in the next day! I always do my best workings around midnight.

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly? It went so smoothly, and I felt so safe. Energy work was something I didn't... exactly struggle to PROJECT, so much as I struggled to form it into what I needed. But I got it in the right shape, anchored with some stones and some candles, and

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice? Oh yes. There will always be things that come easier than others, but with practices even the difficult things become easier.

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces? Many Gods. "Everything is one god" just doesn't make sense to me. That's like saying humanity is "one person with many faces".

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy? Technically I'm pescatarian, and I really shouldn't eat dairy (lactose intolerant, possibly allergic?), and I do avoid heavily-dairy foods like yogurt (unless it's kefir) and straight-up milk, but some things, like ice cream, can't feasibly be replaced by non-dairy when you're on such a tight budget! Eggs and fish are the only Protein Foods I can eat that actually feel okay in my stomach. (Clairgustance with fish is usually pretty peaceful and calming, actually. Eggs kind of just taste like energy.)

102. What is your favorite color and why? Oh, indigo! I have a heavy bias towards blue, it's such a nice color. Calm, dark, cool. Serene. Indigo is a very dark blue with a sort of richness that reminds me of the night sky.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond? "Have you ever read the bible?" (Yes, yes I have. Book by book, chapter by chapter. I remained unconvinced.) I usually tell them "I have, cover to cover. It just didn't make my top 10 books list."

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? Touch, I absolutely experience the world through tactile touch-dominance. (I see you mentioned "five", though I believe there are nine? Empathy can be so strong it's debilitating sometimes, but it's not as constant as Touch.)

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice? I'm honestly not sure. I'm of the opinion that spirituality and a personal craft like witchcraft don't have any Hard and Fast "Rules" At All, and it's different for everyone. I do make a lot of recommendations for practices that might help other people though, even if it's not something I practice myself. The most common? Meditation styles. I come across a lot of witchlings wanting to practice meditation, but the kind I've always used, for 14 years and with immense success personally, was your classic "empty mind" meditation. But that doesn't help everyone. So I recommend other forms for them to try, like with mudras and mantras, using a fidget toy as mala beads, walking meditations, prayer/divinity meditations, ways to incorporate sonomancy or vision quests or logic puzzles (a la Zen). I've never tried them myself, because I've never needed to.