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#me to myself: ain't i a stinker
sans-guy · 8 months
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my dumbass really made up a man for the sole purpose of kissing him and then i went and made him emotionally distant and scared of closeness
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explosionanon · 3 months
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yeah ..if theres anybody who knows how much cats can be a pain in the ass its me
dogs are cool too i just prefer cats. was raised in a family full of cat people, soo…also dogs scare me a little bit
Hah, I get'cha! Always been a dog girl myself, but learned to grow on cats — prefer em now compared to when I was younger. They can be a real pain, honestly.
Dogs ain't too bad. Just gotta get used to being around them — even if they can be little stinkers.
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ask-dark-monita · 4 months
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"Uhh... Why isn't it working? I thought her singing a song by Christopher Williams would have ended the entire world by now! Where's the destruction and chaos?! Hellooooo?!?!?! I did my homework on the multiversal internet and it specifically says that her singing that song would end the entire world as we know it!"
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"Ehh, hate to break it to ya, doc, but... That's actually made up. All hell ain't gonna break loose because she sang a song by Christopher Williams. In fact, I even made the myth myself for you to foolishly fall for!"
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"WHAT?!?!?! YOU TRICKED ME?!?!?!? HOW DARE YOOOOUUUUU?!?!??!! YOU BARNACLE HEAD?!?!??!?!?!!"
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"Ehh, if it makes ya feel any better, doc... It does do this..."
Perfectly timed, Bugs Bunny snaps his fingers as Immature Frieza begins to fade away from existence like Thanos.
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"What the?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
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"Ain't I a stinker?"
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howlingday · 2 years
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Nora: We're killing Ruby tonight, so Jaune can be the main character!
Jaune: Nora, that's ridiculous!
Ren: I'm not getting involved in this. (Walks away, Jaune follows)
Nora: Cowards! Fine, I'll do it myself!
Ruby: I'll help you, Nora!
Nora: Thanks, Ruby! I can always count on you! ...Wait a minute. You'll actually help me?
Ruby: (Nods) If you help me find a shovel.
Nora: (Cackles, Wicked smile) Oh, I know just the place...
Nora: (Gestures to cannon) Here we are!
Ruby: (Incredulous) Uh, are you sure?
Nora: Oh, totally! You just have to get in there reeeeeeally deep!
Ruby: Hmmmm... (Shrugs, Smiles) Okay! (Climbs in)
Nora: (Cackles) Now, where did I put those matches?
Ruby: (Holding a shovel) Here you go!
Nora: Thanks! (Strikes match with a smile, Pauses and waves it away) WAIT! Where did you get that shovel?!
Ruby: In here, just like you said! It's next to... well, I shouldn't say.
Nora: What?! What is it?!
Ruby: (Leans in, Whispers) Well, just between us, I think I saw... pancakes.
Nora: Really? ...Wait a second. I'm not falling for that!
Ruby: (Shrugs) Suit yourself. I'm gonna go dig a hole. (Walks away)
Nora: How stupid does she think I am? There's no way there's pancakes in there! ...But what if there was? Ngh! Okay! Just a little peek! (Climbs in)
Ruby: (Digging) Diggy diggy hole~! Phew! (Climbs out) Three... Two... One... (Hears explosion)
Nora: (Screams as she falls in the hole, Smoke trailing behind her)
Ruby: (Giggles) Ain't I a stinker?
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cham-chammity · 3 years
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BlitzStrike Smut Oneshot ;-;
AHAHHAHA OMG so I saw this amazing drawing of Striker in a swag leather outfit and I am totally about to write a seggs scene of Blitz and Striker off of it ;-; I would share the image but out of respect I know some people dont appreciate their art being sexualized, althooouuugghh I did a quick google search of the outfit items so yall can get a better understanding of what Striker's outfit looks like~~
Aaaaaand so basically I think this made a wonderful smut starter for the two XD enjoy lol enjoy bottom Striker cause we don't have enough of him
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*******
Blitz lazily stumbled through his apartment door, throwing his keys and phone on the counter. He headed straight for the fridge, grabbing himself something cold to drink. A long day of work, and nearly a week since he'd last seen his mate, Striker. As tired as he was, he recieved a text from the imp earlier, making him eager and excited.
Be quick to get home, sugar. I'll be waiting~
Since Striker was out on a hitman job it'd been awhile since the two were able to do anything... physical together. (And yes, almost a week without non-phone sex was a long time for them.)
Blitz took a few chugs of his soda before trashing the can, and took off his shoes and jacket as he headed for the bedroom.
"Striker, I'm home!"
"I'm in the bathroom."
Blitz followed the sound of his mates voice through the bedroom and towards their conjoining bathroom. Before he reached for the door knob the door itself opened and Blitz's jaw dropped.
Striker had tight, short black leather shorts on with a fitted black leather jacket. His rock hard abs were exposed to the open air with nothing underneath the jacket, and he had a black o-right choker around his neck.
"I don't get how you wear these all the time," Striker adjusted the choker that was securely tightened around his neck. "I feel like I'm gonna unintentionally choke myself to death--"
Striker's eyes momentarily widened as Blitz aggressively yet subtly pulled Striker close to his face by the ring on the choker. He quickly shifted his expression to a more seductive gaze as Blitz looked him up and down, soaking in the sight of Striker in front of him.
"My hell, babe, you look sexy as fuck," Blitz's breath was hot against Striker's neck. He breathed in a sharp breath as a red finger dragged itself down the side of his face.
"Oh, yeah? Does my new outfit turn you on, sugar?"
"Oh fuck yeah. I might as well fuck you right through those tight shorts of yours."
"Talk about tight~" The two went in for a deep, hard kiss. Their tongues went right for each others mouths as they wrapped their arms around each other, pressing their warm bodies together. Blitz brought a hand down and tightly squeezed Striker's ass, earning a moan against his mouth in response. Never letting go of his grip on the choker, Blitz moved his free hand slowly to the growing buldge at the front of Striker's shorts. He ever so lightly rubbed his crotch. Striker moaned louder and made an attempt to grind up against Blitz's hand, but whined as Blitz pulled away.
"Ah, ah, ah, Stinker. Be patient with me babe."
Striker growled and met his lips with Blitz's again. Blitz led them to their bed, never breaking contact, and sat down as Striker eagerly staddled him.
"No--" Blitz pushed him off and forced him down on his knees. "You're gonna suck my dick like it's the last cock in hell."
Striker's eyes widended. "But Blitz I--" the Envy imp was cut off as Blitz pulled Striker by the choker to his face, yanking harder this time.
"Gag reflex? I know," Blitz gave Striker an evil grin. "Now won't you be a good boy and suck off daddy for me?" Striker tensed under Blitz's grip and narrowed his gaze, but nodded. He watched as Blitz stripped off his shirt and pants with his underwear, his large, patchwork cock springing out. Blitz took Striker by the horns as the paler imp slowly took the full lenghth in his mouth inch by inch. He started bobbing his head, trying to relax his throat as much as possible. Blitz started to thrust, gagging sounds gurgling up in Striker's throat. With that he face-fucked him harder, tightening his grip on Striker's horns as he came closer to cumming.
Striker's throat burned and he desperaely wheezed for air. Giving in he did the signified two taps on Blitz's leg, tapping out of the blow job. Blitz immidiately stopped and gazed down at Striker as he gasped for air and coughed.
"You ok?"
After catching his breath Striker rubbed his throat as he looked up at his mate. "Yeah, yeah. Bit too much for me. You're the blowjob master here," Striker weakly grinned up at Blitz.
"Hah! Well, you got good hands. Why don't you use them, cowboy?" Blitz leaned backed and supported his weight with his arms.
Striker chuckled and shook his head. "As you wish, b--, daddy."
The gruff, aroused voice of Striker's made Blitz squirm as the cowboy wrapped a hand around Blitz's cock and started stroking.
"Mm, yeah buckeroo, you know how it's done," Blitz breathily praised Striker as he started to buck his hips up against Striker's grasp. Eventually Blitz finally had his sweet release, slightly tilting his head back and letting out a deep throat moan. Striker's hand was coated in white as Blitz bucked through his orgasm. Once he finished he bent down and took Striker by the choker again.
"Guess we don't need the lube now we've got my sweet juices to pound your ass."
Striker grinned as he stood up and was finally able to straddle Blitz.
"Ya want me ta bounce on yer dick like I'm ridin' the most furious rodeo-bull in town, bossman?" Striker leaned down and gave Blitz a deep, heated kiss as Blitz ran a hand through his hair.
"Oh fuck yeah, babe. I fucking missed you."
"So did I, darlin'," Striker muttered as he started passionately kissing Blitz again. Blitz slid his hands up Striker's firm torso and slipped his leather jacket off, tossing it to the floor.
Striker whined as he started grinding up against Blitz's hips, the tightness and friction making him harder by the second.
"Mm-- Fuck, Blitz I-- I need it--"
"You need what, babe? Tell me what it is and maybe I'll give it to you," Blitz whispered against Striker's neck before licking from the collar bone up his neck.
"Just fuck me! I need it! I need your cock in my ass so bad right now!"
"If you so desperately need it, Stinker,"
Striker sighed in relief as Blitz undid his belt and unzipped the tight shorts.
"What? You went commando?? That's my thing!"
Striker chuckled as Blitz tore his shorts the rest of the way off. Striker sat up taller on his knees, keeping a steady grip on Blitz's shoulders as Blitz spat on an scissored two fingers inside his hole.
"Nngh, ah," Striker painfully moaned as Blitz finger-fucked him. Blitz soon added a third, going deeper but not hitting his sweet spot just yet. Once he felt he was loose enough, Blitz took out his fingers and Striker's hips were guided down on the crimson imp's dick.
The feeling of being filled made Striker hitch his breath in pleasure. He started to rock himself on Blitz's dick, grunting and moaning at the feeling.
Blitz met Striker's thrusts with his own, quickly forming a brutal pace as he tried to aim for Striker's sweet spot.
"Ah! Hah, hah, harder! Harder Blitz pound my ass harder!"
Blitz obliged and placed both of his hands tightly on Striker's hips.
"Right there! Right there, darlin, fuck!"
Keeping the angle Blitz continued to hit Striker's sweet spot dead on. Striker's grip on Blitz tightened. He was close. He found himself grinding his hard-on agaisnt Blitz's stomach. He felt a lenghtly tail wrap around his cock, moaning louder--and more high pitched--as Blitz stroked him with his tail. Blitz had never heard him moan like this before and fuck was it hot.
"C-close! I-I'm so close Blitz! Fu-ck!"
"Striker! I love you! H-holy shit!"
Both imp's visons whited out as they came together. Their hips and lips sloppily met as they rode out their orgasms, the room filled with the sound of their pleasure-filled screams and the squeeking of the bed beneath them.
Panting, Blitz fell on his back as Striker collapsed next to him. Their tails subconsciously intertwined as their heavy breathing slowed. For awhile they sat in silence, the afterglow of their highs washing over them in a sweet bliss. At one point Striker managed to take off the choker, it was way too tight for his taste.
"I love you too," Striker broke the silence as he lovingly gazed at Blitz. Blitz smiled and scooched himself closer to Striker, cuddling up with his mate.
Striker cuddled himself in as well, their bodies respectively intertwining as they ignored the sweaty, sticky mess of their bodies.
"Dear Satan, I've never heard you get vocal like that before."
Striker blushed as he kissed Blitz's forhead. "Well I ain't ever bern fucked like that before,"
Blitz smiled and kissed Striker's chest in return. They sat silently for another few minutes.
"No more week long jobs. It's too long."
"Agreed."
With no other commentary Blitz purred as Striker gently rubbed circles below his spines. Soon enough they passed out, sleeping deeply in their lover's embrace.
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This took my way longer to write than it needed to be it's almost midnight and i have school tomorrow wtf
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