#means so so much! that literally matters so much to a horses mental state in a foreign situation- just having company

[luna-lovegreat]

I want. Four to get appreciation. Because

Four gave a ton of unnoticed help when Twilight was injured

The fight with Wild was difficult, and I know we're all concerned about his negative view of the shadow crystal

But Four did something that no one else really thought of to help- He took care of Twi's stuff

From the beginning he told Twilight to not worry about them

So Four took care of pretty much everything but the others (that Sky and Wars handled)

He took care of Epona

Which is so very important- he took care of Twilight's horse. After her arrival at the stable Four followed up on her

And for Epona, a horse so attached to her human, having some company can help so much for reassurance

He took care of Twilight's stuff

He got Twi's shield- his bags and equipment, and organized it into one place

And he was worried. He obviously found the shadow crystal while handling Twi's stuff, but his negative reactions to it were out of concern.

Also- because of his placement in this scene

I'm fairly convinced Four was ready to start cooking before Wild showed up (since he's beside the counter with food supplies). At the very least he had the basket of fruit out for everyone -but he was literally standing with food behind him- he thought of everything

And he did housekeeping!

Wars payed for the inn, so Four took care of the inn

Realistically these boys were probably not too concerned with tidyness. Four got all of Twi's things on one table, and took care of the room they stayed in

Organizing tables and Twi's things, having food supplies ready, and opening the curtains- overall he was the one tidying up the inn

Four helped in a huge way! He took care of Twi's horse (Epona is so important), his equipment and shield and bag, as well as the other rooms in the inn

Four filled in all the little tasks that others didn't think of. He helped in ways that were needed, but not obvious

There's a lot of problems with the shadow crystal and with Wild, and I don't know what's gonna happen in the future

But don't forget this- don't forget that Four was one who stepped up in an almost unnoticeable way

Don't forget that when everyone was barely holding it together, Four visited Twilight's horse and took care of his things

No matter what develops in the future- this amount of care shown is important ya know?

.

Art and comic from Jojo @linkeduniverse au :)))

[centeris2]

thoughts about the dark riders (headcanons?)

HAPPY DARK CORE DAY! Okay so this is something I was thinking about since doing the latest update with the Rainbow Festival with Katja. And I will say idk if the books have gone over this since I’ve only read the first one so far (although the books are divergent canon from the games, so pick and choose which one’s canon you’d want to go with)

For those who don’t know, in the original Starshine Legacy games, Sabine, Jessica, and Katja are known as dark generals and are quite clearly stated to be aliens. They were prisoners onboard the same ship as Garnok, their leader/god figure(?), and the forms the soul riders encounter on Jorvik are actually manifestations, mental projections given physical form but not the actual bodies of the alien generals themselves. Because of this I figured that while there may be tensions between them and different ambitions, they were still unified under serving Garnok and being prisoners together, and the only ones from their home planet (possibly the only survivors of the war) after thousands of years. Basically, it would take a lot for them to truly turn on each other or break them up.

But after the last two events with Sabine and Katja, I’m wondering if SSO is going in a new direction now: no more generals and no more aliens. (more under the cut it just got long and don’t wanna clog dashboards too much)

At the equestrian festival Sabine was talking about wanting a riding club, despite being with the dark riders, who by all rights should be a ride or die prove yourself group. Which implies that they aren’t. At the rainbow festival Katja says she’s always drained the life around her and prefers solitude. Chiyo looks and might actually be a literal child with a toy, who supposedly creates discord amongst the dark riders. What if they were all people who one way or another were found by Garnok/Dark Core and given powers? Originally humans, but possibly not anymore, who may have had powers that made them ostracized or targets. Katja could have been an example of this, if her Rogue/Elsa powers manifested as a human and the druids/local population wanted to kill her as a dangerous witch (or exile her or something)

In the Starshine Legacy games, Sands is shown to be the same age despite being over 100 years old, the oldest picture seen in game is him as a captain of a boat that found a strange sea creature, and then after that he goes on to become founder of Deep Core (later Dark Core). I wonder if they took that idea that perhaps somehow these different girls found Garnok, made a deal/bargain/gained power from Garnok somehow, and stopped aging. Or at the very least now age very slowly.

This may also be SSO leaning more heavily into the dark riders being dark riders, as in the evil twin version of soul riders: three (now four) people who were not friends before hand, are different ages and from (possibly) different time periods, and are all angry bitter and hurt at a world that hated them for one reason or another. They may be four people who thought they found someone or something that would help them (Garnok), only to find out that it’s a group project and you gotta work with these three other people and it doesn’t matter how much you hate each other or don’t mesh. Four no longer humans forced into the worst group project ever.

I mean you’ve got actual adult military level of discipline, precision, and perfection Sabine, angsty emo goth teenager Katja who just wants to sulk in a corner playing dubstep violin while waxing poetic about how cold her soul is, actual child Chiyo with her toy horse, and whatever Jay is gonna be. 

Like it’s certainly a direction SSO could go in by making the dark riders a very clear and obvious evil and opposite version of the soul riders friendship is magic. I’m not sure if they will, but who knows. It’d create an incredibly different dynamic from “alien generals who may be the last of their people, trying to free their leader, escape from prison, and get their revenge on their captors.”

[mulderscully]

"liv has grown so much without elliot." this keeps coming up in the tags of my edits and in peoples asks and it's driving me a little insane. i have watched every season of this god damn show and i feel like it's such a simplistic way to look at olivia both in the classic episodes and the newer ones.

one, the idea that liv didn't grow at all in the first twelve seasons is absolute horse shit. she says this to nick because the svu writers who took over after s12 actually hate stabler. it is not true and it's unfair to her.

two, yes, she did grow a ton in the last ten seasons. a lot of things have also happened to her. a lot of traumatic and horrible things happen to her and we almost never see her actually get to process them. she just straightens her back and carries on as the strong lieutenant/captain/mother. is this growth? or is it liv repressing her feelings?

elliot, her best friend, abandons her and then liv is abducted by a serial rapist and held hostage for days, assulated, her brother dies of an overdose, her son is abducted by his biological grandmother who she had thought was a friend, barba becomes her best friend and then ALSO leaves her, tucker marries someone else and then kills himself... and when do we have an in depth exploration into any of these things? never. we scratch the surface - like we did on last weeks episode. because we have gone from "liv" to "captain benson" lately.

elliot coming back gives liv a chance to just be a person again instead of just filling a role. she deserves to face and process all of these things starting with elliot leaving her. whether or not you ship them romantically (and i DO think they have always been in love) she literally said elliot was the single most important person in her life, and she absolutely has not healed from him leaving. she could barely talk about it without her voice breaking.

her anger and hurt still exists and are being space to exist, but she knows elliot is in a very fragile state. she can't push him away because if she does and he dies she will regret it forever, like she did with simon and tucker. and elliot wants to be back in her life but he also wants to push her away so she doesn't become a target. this is painfully obvious to me and yet people somehow are missing it and acting like he's just being an asshole for the sake of it and not actually going through a major mental health crisis. elliot has definitely changed as well and become softer and less confrontational in all the ways that matter, but he is also going through something very intense. we are only four episodes into something that is really an exploration into changing this big macho, toxic persona that elliot had. it will take time.

so yes, liv has grown and changed - in a lot of ways for the better. but that doesn't mean that growth will disappear if she is there for elliot or if she lets him back into her life. maybe helping him process his ptsd will finally give is some insight into her own. their reentry into each other's orbits was bound to be rough, and it would be disservice for it not to be - but maybe they can heal and grow together into newer and better versions of themselves and come out stronger in the end. not everything has to turn out negative. let us enjoy this.

[blindbeta]

Hi! I'm writing a blind character who uses (among other accessibility aids) a seeing-eye animal. This is science fiction, and they're on an alien planet, so I don't want it to be a dog exactly, but I also want to make sure it could conceivably fill the same role. My ideas are ranging from "generic four-legged mammal" to "scampering lizard beast" to "literal alien bird." Is there anything I should avoid? Anything I should be sure to include? Any tips are welcome!

Title: Creating a Guide Animal a.k.a. Way More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Service Animals, Emotional Support Animals, and Guide Dogs and Guide Horses Specifically

Hi! Thanks for the fun question! I wanted to apologize for the length of this answer. Take your time with it. Even if you already know most of the extra information I provided (which you probably do), I hope it can give you some idea of what might need to be emphasized or explained in your story. I wanted to be as thorough as possible for you and anyone else reading. Understanding more about guide animals will help you create one for your story.

Note: I use Service Animal and Guide Animal in this post. All Guide Animals are Service Animals (they are trained to provide a service to disabled people), but not all Service Animals are Guide Animals.

Okay, as always, this is going to be split into parts for easier understanding. Also, note: This is the perspective of someone who does not use a guide animal and is from a Western country. If someone who uses a guide or service animal AND is from a non-Western country with different laws, feel free to share them. Due to the nature of this question, I only want other blind people and/or service animal users to reply with information. I mostly focused on Western links and laws, as I feel these were easier for me to find sources for when I searched.

The Seeing Eye (trademarked) in an Alien World?

Fun fact! Seeing Eye dog is a specific type of dog trained in The Seeing Eye Inc in New Jersey, USA. The generic term is guide dog or service dog or service animal. I would stick with one of the generic terms, as Seeing Eye dog is specific to Earth. Not all guide dogs come from The Seeing Eye Inc. It would be inaccurate, possibly culturally strange, and take viewers out of the story if you use it. Unless you want someone to establish a Seeing Eye Inc on the new planet, although you could call it something else to avoid confusion, or address it in the text. The Seeing Eye is, thankfully, not the only training school for guide dogs. Although Vision Australia does call them “seeing-eye dogs”, I wanted to include this just in case it tripped a reader up. People will recognize the “seeing-eye dog” term if you decide to use it.

Question 12 on the Seeing Eye website says:

Only dogs trained by The Seeing Eye, Inc., of Morristown, N.J., are properly called Seeing Eye® dogs. The Seeing Eye is a registered trademark. The generic term for dogs trained by other schools is "guide dog."

Guide Dogs and Canes

This may not seem as fun to readers, but your character should follow most Earth rules when training. This is to avoid confusion for a public that tends to know little about service animals. You specificied the character would use other aids, which is great, so I’ll assume you already know this. Your character should already know how to use a cane before getting their guide animal. They will need to use these navigation skills because while the animal can help somewhat, they cannot replace the ability to navigate. For example, when crossing the street, the guide dog waits for the owner’s command to cross. In order to do this, the person must have experience with crossing safely.

Guide animals are also more expensive than canes, which can be free and easy to replace. Animals require food, toys, medical bills, and time.

My source on this is also the Seeing Eye website, which you’ll want to peruse because they have helpful information.

Other Helpful Research Tips

I have two links below about choosing to use a cane vs. a guide animal. They will provide you with information about the advantages and disadvantages of a service animal compared to using a cane. As I said before, blind people must know how to use a cane in order to qualify to get a guide dog. Therefore, it would be appropriate and helpful to have your character also know how to use a cane and to keep a cane on them often, such as in a backpack.

Reasons one might want to use a cane while having a guide dog include:

They want to interact with their environment more, particularly if it is less familiar or has changed

They don’t want to use the guide dog that day because it is too hot, the dog is sick, they don’t want to have to clean up after the animal, etc

They are between guide dogs

Those are some of the reasons someone who already owns a guide dog may want to use a cane. Some people even use a guide dog and cane simultaneously.

For more information about the pros and cons of getting a guide dog, read these articles, one of whom is by a guide dog user. You’ll want to keep these advantages and disadvantages in mind while writing.

White Cane vs. Guide Dog: Why or Why Not?

Guide Dogs vs. White Canes: The Comprehensive Comparison

Things Your Guide Needs

This is not a comprehensive list, but I wanted to include things your animal needs and general tips on how to treat the animal in the story.

1. It needs the ability to follow commands. How you do this is up to you. For research, watch YouTube videos with service dogs. Pay attention to the commands they give.

Here is a list of some commands taught by a school for service dogs, which you can probably use as a base.

Command Central: Guide Dog Commands

2. It should be trained to avoid obstacles, like benches or people

3. It should not be touched or distracted by other characters or animals - people will probably try to do so, and your character should explain that the animal is working and should not be distracted

4. It should be taken care of an given time off-harness, such as at home. It should be well-behaved as well.

5. It should be able to go anywhere. Transportation, hospitals, royal courts, sports centers, whatever is on this planet. Service dogs can go anywhere and saying they aren’t allowed somewhere in a story would be a problem. Some people do try to bar service dogs, such as restaurants, but they do so out of ignorance and not because the law is on their side. Some countries do not have protections in place, true, but because you are creating your own planet, service dogs— or in your case service animals— being allowed anywhere should hold true no matter what. Why? Because even in Western countries where dogs are seen as culturally favorable, service animals are turned away illegally, particularly at restaurants, hospitals, doctor’s offices, and public transport. This differs from an Emotional Support Animal, who are allowed only in housing, dorms, and airports. For more information on the differences between where Emotional Support Animals and Service Animals can go, read the article below.

Where Can I Take Emotional Support Animals?

Who Can Be a Service Animal?

I wanted to discuss this as well. Again, there is a lot of misinformation out there and this leads to a lot of anger directed at people with service animals.

Service Animals and Emotional Support Animals are not the same. They do not serve the same purpose, cannot go to the same places, and are not bound by the same rules. You have probably heard at least one irate person claiming someone tried to bring their service monkey into a restaurant. That person is misinformed.

To start, Emotional Support Animals can be any animal. A dog, a cat, a bunny, a bird, a turtle. There is no limit as to what the animal can be, although it must provide comfort and be beneficial to your mental health. It should be easy to train and not harmful to others. It should also be able to live in a house or be otherwise domesticated. Emotional Support Animals need a letter from a Licensed Mental Health Professional in order to qualify as an Emotional Support Animal, which should hopefully keep people from trying to keep wild or dangerous animals as pets and claim them as Emotional Support Animals.

Here is an article that goes over things what an Emotional Support Animal does, what qualities and qualifications it must have, and examples of good ESA’s and what they can do for you.

Types of Animals As ESA’s and Their Benefits

Remember, Emotional Support Animals are only allowed in any kind of housing (such as apartments or dormitories) and airports. They are not allowed in other public places where animals would not otherwise be allowed. ESA’s also need to be registered through a letter of support by a mental health provider. This letter should be shown to a landlord, as Emotional Support Animals require proof.

Next, Service Animals. Let’s get it out of the way. Service Animals (usually dogs) provide services to people with disabilities. This means a guide dog, medical alert dog, psychiatric service dog, etc. Service Animals are owned by individuals and are not therapy dogs or other working dogs. For example, dogs you are providing therapy to children in hospitals are therapy dogs. Search and Rescue dogs are working dogs. I don’t know much about either of these, but here is an article that goes into more detail about the differences.

Service Dogs, Working Dogs, Therapy Dogs, Emotional Support Dogs: What’s the Difference?

Dogs and Miniature Horses

Service animals can only be dogs OR miniature horses. Many people only think of dogs, as dogs are more popular and common in public than horses. However, a miniature horse has the same rights as a dog when in a service animal role. In the United States, Federal law recognized miniature horses as accepted service animals in 2011.

Service dogs or service horses can:

-enter any public place dogs and horses are not usually allowed

-can be trained to guide the blind or provide services for other disabilities

-can go on planes without a pet fee (provided they can fit by the owner’s feet and not block the aisle)

If we take a look at this article again:

White Cane Vs. Guide Dog: Why Or Why Not?

we’ll notice that “being denied access” is not under the disadvantages of a Guide Dog section. I think it should be. Is denying access illegal? Yes. Does it still happen? Yes. And it would probably be even more likely when someone is presented with a miniature horse - at least in countries where dogs are more popular. On top of lack of knowledge about service animals, people are not often aware that miniature horses can serve in these roles as well. Vision Australia discusses this denial of rights and laws protecting blind people with service dogs.

However, The Guide Horse Foundation reports that many people expirience better acceptance of horses as opposed to dogs. This is because a dog may be perceived as a pet or be an animal that was denied access before. A horse may not have this problem.

Some Places Service/Guide Horses Are Recognized

Canada - with laws and protections varying by province and definitions differing slightly from the U.S and Australia. However, this site specifically mentions guide horses as service animals.

Australia - with laws varying by state, but wider protections in place, which you can read more about at Vision Australia and Australian Human Rights Commission. Australian Human Rights Commission also defines a service animal as a dog or any other animal, leaving horses as an option. According to this page, miniature horses are catching on in Australia, where people generally prefer dogs. The page lists similar reasons to those I included below that someone might want a miniature horse over a dog.

The U.S - According to this page, miniature horses are the one animal that is allowed to be a service animal other than a dog. They are required to be trained and are expected to behave as well as a service dog would. The requirements listed differ little from those required of service dogs.

The U.K - This page reports that miniature horses are making their way as service animals, but I could not find any other sources about this topic, such as official recognition.

I tried searching and could not find proof that miniature horses were catching on in other places, though I found many, many places where guide dogs were popular. The point is that guide horses exist as well, and I think this can help people understand what makes a service/guide animal with more clarity.

Why a Miniature Horse?

Here is an article that discusses this in detail:

A Brief History of Miniature Horses And the ADA

According that article, a major reason people might prefer a horse to a dog is for balancing purposes. The DeafBlind community often includes people with balance difficulties (which I discussed a bit in my last ask) and miniature horses are better able to provide support, having more strength than a dog. They can steady someone when walking or help someone stand from a chair.

Other reasons someone might prefer a horse:

They live in a rural area

They or a member of their household are allergic to dogs

They live in a place where dogs are not favored, seen as dirty, or religiously unacceptable

They or a member of their household has a fear of dogs

They want a guide that lives and works longer than dogs (who work for about 6-8 years)

According to the website for The Guide Horse Foundation, horses have high stamina, do not get fleas or shed as often as dogs, and are conscious about safety.

Qualities Your Guide Animals Should Have

Using the dog and horse guides as references, here are some qualities I think your creature should have:

Trainable, both for commands and so they don’t pee where they aren’t supposed to

It should be specifically trained for this purpose, preferably by a group of some kind - this is your equivalent of a guide dog school

Good eye sight, good hearing, and strong memory at least

Relatively small, but not too small (you can use Labrador dogs and miniature horses as a reference

Good stamina for walking

Not territorial, aggressive, or dangerous- dogs can possess these qualities so I think it is okay if a wild version of your guide has these qualities. However, your guide specifically should not have them. For example, wild dogs may be aggressive, but a trained guide dog would not be.

Your guide should not be used for protection, hunting, or attacking others who may be a threat. While the presence of the animal can certainly act as a deterrent in real life and in the story, that is not the animal’s function.

Your guide should be calm, docile, and able to bond with your character

Your guide animal should generally not be seen by the people in your world as frightening, dangerous, or religiously unclean. Note that sometimes guide dogs fit these qualities in certain cultures and so they are not used there. If possible, give your world and its cultures a good working relationship with a few different animals. Pick one or two of these as possible guides people can choose from. You can possibly draw from your own culture and history for this if your culture has had good working relationships with animals.

Your guide animal should be able to be harnessed (a leash is not enough) and possibly wear something that alerts others that they are working (such as a vest)

The animal should have good navigation skills and possibly natural guiding skills. Because you are creating a species, you can possibly make these qualities innate. From what I read, horses guide by nature, able to act as guides for other horses in the herd if they are blinded.

Your guide animal should probably not fly, unless people fly or float in your world. Since it should be small enough to enter buildings and not accidentally crush children, I don’t know if having it be big enough to fly on would be a good idea anyway, as fun as that sounds.

Small enough to enter buildings and sit at the character’s feet, such as at a restaurant if your world has those

It should be able to be trained in “babyhood” and work into adult life. Dogs typically work 6-8 years and horses have a much longer lifespan and thus work longer. Create an animal that can live at least as long as a dog and thus work for some, but not all of that time. Give it a retirement phase in life, if your book ever got to that. Basically, use dogs and miniature horses as a base and work from there.

The animal should be domesticated on your world and not strictly wild (such as a lion in our world).

The animal should be comfortable on land. The ability to swim is fine, but it should of course be primarily a land animal.

The animal should have a common, available food supply and vet care even if you don’t go into this. If your guide is domesticated and possibly kept as a pet in your world (or a neighboring world, however your story is structured), this will be much easier and being easy to care for will probably be implied.

It should be allowed anywhere, including hospitals, and it should be well-behaved in those areas

It should not run away from your character and leave them alone

That’s all I can think of at this time. Generally, I think if this were set on Earth or an Earth-like fantasy place, I might suggest creating a dog- or horse-like creature, or possibly another domesticated animal that the culture favors in real life. However, since this is on another planet, I feel okay with getting creative with the type of animal, provided it has the same qualities and can serve the same purpose as a real-life equivalent. Some of this you can create with your world-building and some with research on real-life animals to use as inspiration. If anyone with a service animal disagrees, please add your opinion. It would be beneficial to me and hopefully to the asker as well.

Thank you again for the question and if you need more help, feel free to send me another ask or a message. I hope this can benefit you in some way. Good luck with your story!

Edit: I wanted to add this sensitivity reader, who can read for working with guide dogs and other blind stuff.

[cheryldenson]

Any headcanons for Miss Denson?

Just like the Cheryl headcanons post I made awhile back, I have so many for Kate that I don't even know where to begin! Also as stated in my Cheryl post, most of these are directly taken from my fic Love By Daylight (I have pages of Kate headcanons in a physical notebook that I keep all my notes/plots/lore things for that fanfic).

I didn't do this on the Cheryl headcanons post but I'm gonna put the headcanons under the cut because this one might get pretty long-

-I'll start by saying while it's confirmed that while the skins in DBD aren't canon for the characters and are meant to be interpreted as AUs almost, I like many other DBD fans like to think the skins are at least a little canon or can at least still heavily relate to the canon characters themselves.

-While there's a lot of speculation about how famous Kate actually was, I personally like to see Kate as her world's version of Taylor Swift (Pre- 2012, when Taylor Swift's main genre was country/folk). The similarities between Kate and early-era Taylor Swift are uncanny, to a point where I'm convinced Kate was at least partially based off of her.

-Kate was big enough to be internationally recognized if we're taking her Tokyo Headliner skin into account, so I like to think she was pretty famous at one point.

-We also don't know how old Kate is currently or how old she was when she became famous, but I imagine she made it big as a teen star and is now currently dealing with the psychological aftermath of being a young star now in her early-mid twenties.

-Going off of that and based on her "Back to Zero" tome story, I definitely think Kate has a lot of mental health struggles including chronic anxiety (but also keeps much of it to herself out of fear of burdening others and keeping up her "happy songbird" persona).

-That's not to say her hopeful songbird persona is fake by any means, but her iron-willed determination to maintain it is both her greatest strength and her greatest enemy.

-I was never able to find the right word for it in the past, but I've always believed that Kate is a medium in some capacity.

-While Kate is really close with her mom, her and her father are... not so close. I like to think her father was either emotionally absent in her youth or didn't believe she would ever make it as a performer like her mom did. One of Kate's primary motivations for wanting to perform apart from lifting spirits was to try and gain the approval of her old man- eventually learning the hard way that not every dream can come true no matter how hard one hopes.

-Kate gives me strong "gifted kid trying her best not to burnout" vibes.

-As for siblings I've never been that sure but I could see Kate having a little brother that she is very protective of.

-Also nobody talks about how athletic Kate Denson is and I would like to rectify that.

-It's implied that she rides horses (which I'm not terribly knowledgeable in but I believe that lends to some very stronk legs) AND her Winter Wilderness skin implies that she just like?? Climbs mountains for fun???

-They got nerfed a little bit when her model was changed but her arms are so beefy??? And her back???

-This is why I believe Kate Denson is physically the strongest female survivor, or at least she's up there with Yui and Jill.

-So now we get into the fun stuff! Because Kate is the literal thematic antithesis of everything The Entity represents, I genuinely believe that The Entity is canonically intimidated by Kate Denson and was actively trying to turn her into a killer for years, but failed.

-I could make a whole separate post on that alone because I have so much evidence and points that I can make to support this based on canon DBD material (I literally copy-pasted Kate's bio and tome story and color-coded it and everything).

-This might be controversial but I really don't think Kate would have a country accent. Her in-game bio states that her home state is Pennsylvania.

-Her tome story revealed that Woodie Guthrie is one of her biggest role models (also this is one of the only instances where a real person is mentioned in DBD lore) but based on who Woodie Guthrie was I think it's a safe assumption to make that Kate is a socialist.

-While Kate is a lesbian in LBD, I also really like some of the pansexual Kate headcanons that I've seen!

-Many of the other survivors know who Kate is due to her prior fame, and I like to believe Kate knew both Jane and Yun-Jin before being taken by the Entity (Kate might have been on Jane's show in the past, and Yun-Jin she might have met just through the music industry).

-Kate has coulrophobia, also known as the fear of clowns. I explained it a bit better in LBD but basically it stems from the inauthenticity of their overdramatized makeup and routine, it kind of gives her some uncanny valley effect.

-Apart from The Clown for obvious reasons, Kate isn't really all that afraid of the killers. If anything, she kind of pities them (which could potentially also stem from her almost becoming a killer as well but who knows).

-I like to think that specific survivors have stronger skillsets than others in the fog, and Kate is definitely the best at distracting/looping the killer. This is based on not only her perk set but also from her personality strikes me as the clever-improvising type who wants to protect her teammates by redirecting the killer's energies away from them.

-While Kate did have her guitar when she was taken by the Entity, it is stated in her bio that her guitar was left behind. So the guitar that she's seen with in the fog might just be something she picked up from one of the realms (or Cheryl gave it to her :3).

I have so many more to share (and some I am unable to share until a later date because I don't wanna spoil anything for LBD's future) but this was a ton of fun to write out, so thank you thank you thank you for asking!

[teabooksandsweets]

Pandorian Problems

It’s time for my occasional, that is sporadic, what I mean is unregularly-but-now-and-then-happening post about SSO, and also SsL, and even OSS, which you can interpret as meaning Old Star Stable or Original Star Stable, depending on whether you consider those games the old games, or the original games.

As not-exactly-usual, but certainly as often, my current concern is Pandoria. You might have guessed so from the title. And it’s about some problems, which you might have gathered as well.

I really wonder just how pink Pandoria is supposed to be in Star Stable Online. And I also wonder how much it’s supposed to be the “pink hell” (which it really isn’t, but I’m not sure of SSE understand that) as commonly called on here.

The “pink hell”

Is Pandoria pink in SSO? I wonder. We see it as a rather muted purple, with some pink sky and details, but not nearly as pink as it is in SsL. But then again, it is described as extremely pink in the Soul Riders books.

Now there’s three possibilities:

Pandoria looks the way it looks in SSO and that is meant by the pink description in the books, because that’s clearly pink enough.

Pandoria used to be extremely brightly pink but somehow got darker and more purple.

The part of Pandoria described in the books is also the part that appears in SsL and therefore bright pinkt, whereas the darker, purpler part of Pandoria we see in SSO is an entirely different part altogether.

We know for sure that it is a different part in SSO. The part with the Fripp statue, and the old temple-ish building, etc. is obviously in a different area of Pandoria. Why shouldn’t it look different in different places? It’s a whole planet (we’ll get to that later) and one might expect a planet to have different landscapes. But is it like that for sure? And if it’s the second possibility, then what turned it so dark? (The first would be easy to explain—just as the nights are rather light in SSO compared to OSS, for instance, it’s just made to be better for the players’ eyes.)

The “pink hell”

This is a fact: Pandoria is not Star Stable hell.

It definitely isn’t in Starshine Legacy, and it couldn’t logically be in Star Stable Online. Not only does hell imply something at least loosely based on the concept of hell, which it clearly isn’t, Pandoria is not even, as usually claimed, an evil place.

Pandoria is different. Pandoria is not some sort of underworld, or just a magic dimension, it is actually a planet that could be physically reached, if one had the necessary technology. Even though SSO strayed far from the canon of the old games, and even though the UFO has been ignored by SSE for years, the references to aliens on Jorvik have never really ceased, they were even mentioned in the most recent quests.

Pandoria can also be reached on a magical or spiritual sphere, it is “a place within all of use” (and of course, that could be a sort of internal heaven or hell of mind or soul, or whatever intended here) and its connection to the Soul Riders is on a different level than just some other planet in space.

But Pandoria is not evil. It is, essentially, a different place. It has a different atmosphere (literally, not meaning a different mood, but an actually different atmosphere) and its different sense of scale and realness, etc. is not due to being evil but being simply and plainly a planet that works differently than Earth.

The only definitely Pandorian creatures we ever met in the game (aside from the rays) are Fripp and Ydris. Ydris is a definite example of a being that isn’t intentionally evil, but in every sense alien to our world, and unable to really function in accordance with another world’s nature and physical (as well as, yes, moral) laws.

I know there’s many theories about Fripp actually being evil, maybe because his entire demeanor is so different from his portrayal in the old games and comics, but even those don’t make sense with an “officially” evil Pandoria. If Fripp were evil, then why should he and his followers claim that his home was basically hell? No, no matter if Fripp is good or bad (or different, as he clearly is!) it’s clear that Fripp loves Pandoria, that he longs for Pandoria and that he would never consider it a place of an evil nature.

(In fact, I am quite convinced that Fripp needs Pandoria, and that his exile has a terrible effect on his physical and mental state, and that in order to recover him he might actually need to go there, but that is a different matter.)

The evil in SSO—or supposed evil, for those who love the “the baddies are good and the goodies are bad” theories—came to Pandoria and to Earth/Jorvik from a different planet altogether. Garnok and his Generals are not Pandorian, and they have a terrible influence on Pandoria as well as on Jorvik.

And I have to say, a real problem for me is the effect Pandoria supposedly had on Anne. If it was actually Pandoria. For Evergray, it makes sense, as he is a normal man from Earth, and therefore in a place so physically against his nature, that he simply couldn’t endure in the atmosphere of another planet without long-term damage. (This, again, is why I honestly think that Fripp needs Pandoria, and that Ydris might not be too well of on Jorvik either.)

But Anne is the Sun of Pandoria. All Soulriders are connected to Pandoria, in some ways, deep down, from Pandoria, and so are their horses. But Anne belongs to Pandoria in a whole different way, she is essential to it, Pandoria needs Anne, and Anne naturally belongs there. Of course, she does have a human body, and maybe it was damaged by the atmosphere over a long time (although not nearly as badly as one might expect) and I personally think that DarkCore did much worse to her than the place itself.

But Anne is practically a goddess to Pandorian people. If Pandoria were a “pink hell” then Anne (and Lisa, and Linda, and Alex, and we—and the horses) were evil. Anne would be the Sun of Hell. Which she isn’t—obviously.

But Anne can be negatively effected by the harm done to Pandoria. And of course, physically she is a human of our Earth. That’s absolutely clear. She isn’t a Pandorian, in that sense. But she isn’t unconnected to it either.

Pandorian Problemsolving

I know that SSE have strayed fundamentally from the storyline of Starshine Legacy. But they still use some old pictures, reference old places and plots, and even mention the extraterrestial parts of the game. The observatories still play an important part (they even brought an astronomer and an alien together) and they never really made a clear cut from the old stories.

I don’t see why it should be difficult to put it all together. I mean—I made up all sorts of plausible, interwoven storylines to fill plotholes in the gap between SsL and OSS for an imaginary MMO set on Jorvik before SSO even existed, and before I knew what an MMO is, and I continued to do so after starting to play SSO and could still logically put a lot together with all the new storylines and inconsistancies brought into the game.

It is still perfectly possible for SSE to make sense of it all, to show Pandoria as it truly is—not good or bad, but different, and deeply connected to the Soul Riders—and fit in the old aspects of the stories with the new.

As for Fripp, I know many dislike him—but he, too, is a being of Pandoria, and his concern is to fight a very specific evil (that is, Garnok, and his followers) and to protect Jorvik as well as his actual home, without having much understanding for every personal sensitivity of every single human being he works with, and who belong to a species he simply cannot really understand.

Pandoria is dangerous, but it is also endangered, and the Soul Riders are partly beings of Pandoria, their souls are connected to Pandoria, and the common enemy is of an entirely different nature altogether. Pandoria really shouldn’t be portrayed as safe or cute, but also not as a sort of evil otherworld, but as a connected, but different place of great importance, and with deep connection to the story and its actors, including the good and the bad.

Ideas / Theories / Suggestions / Whatever

maybe Pandoria got darker because its sun was darkened

Garnok and his Generals are also from a different planet and also of a different nature than Earth and Pandoria and maybe that could be important for future storylines, except I don’t know how

Mario is an astronomer and Ydris is an alien and I want to see how that plays out in the future

does it make difference to travel to Pandoria by actual space travel rather than through portals/rifts, and if yes, how?

really, what about Fripp’s physical state, and what could bringing him to Pandoria (I know he’s in exile) or bringing him something from Pandoria do to him (e.g. food, medicine, whatever)

what about Pandorian people, more Pandorian people, especially horse people

I still wonder if those Pandorian horsepeople work like Egyptian gods—maybe they don’t have human bodies with horse heads, but can actually appear as humans or horses—who would be seperated into a human and a horse on Earth

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

so everything’s bothering me again. one, school, to be expected, i hate school. literally would rather just not do it whatsoever. the thought of having to go through 8 more fucking months of near pointless information makes me want to go into hypersleep, and come back when i can leave and get a job and not have to do school anymore. i dont even need pre-cal?? I plan to do what I want with my future, and thrive in a business that I created, or enjoy working for, not slaving away to the machine that is capitalism. i dont want to be a doctor, or a CEO, or anything like that. i just want to be happy, at whatever job I’m at.

and im not getting “dragged” per se, into fandom shit, but it really just stresses me out seeing people leaving, or being unhappy. and still not being able to get all of my feelings across the way. hurting someone’s feelings is the last thing i want to do, but withholding how i feel about certain things hurts me a lot in the long run. I was doing just fine, but it seems like I keep getting hit with blow after blow. it makes me not trust people who i feel like i should. and i hate that. and i try my best to be respectful, and be nice, but I just feel like i’m being looked down upon.

georgia is the state with the highest COVID rates, or one of the states. my city was on national fucking news, CNN, to talk about how fucked we are. the only two times i’ve seen my city on the fucking news were both times talking about COVID, and high rates of deaths. and low vaccination rates. i dont get it. i really dont. it’s not that hard to go and get a fucking shot that’s free to save not only your life, but your neighbor’s life, and everyone else’s. and people are taking fucking horse medicine to get away from taking the fucking vaccine. it’s FREE for a reason. people are just so fucking stupid sometimes. what does it take to save your fellow fucking neighbor? or hell, since us americans are so fucking selfish, YOURSELF??? i dont get it.

and my dad also fucking pissed me off too. he’s fully vaccinated. so he decided to go out of state to go see a football game with a group of friends, who run a social club. they go to every football game the local team goes to, but im really upset. do they have no respect for the worldwide PANDEMIC at hand? there’s people dying day in and day out, and that’s what they do in response? go away and cheer on a team, and completely disregard everything else. i just cant anymore. why would he do that? put himself and his family in danger? i hate that. i cant do that. i refuse to. i cant willingly put myself at risk of literal death. and he masks up, and socially distances, but i just cant see why he would do that. or why the team would do that. people are dying, and you’re out here just?? going out.

i feel this weird sense haunt me when i think about people going out and getting back to their lives. i mean sure, go out and have fun, but there’s still so much going on right now. i really just cant see how they do that. and schools reopening and all that. my county does school on a case by case basis. like i mentioned earlier, georgia has the HIGHEST rate of COVID, literally every single county has high rates. and kids are still in school? people are still traveling? not wearing masks. i fucking hate it here. yes, go have fun, but people are DYING? i dont get it. sure, you’re doing it safely, but i just dont know. maybe i’m bitter because i literally have close to no people to go out and see because all of my IRL friends go to in-person school, and i just dont feel comfortable being around them with such high death rates and such.

also i got some like...really potentially bad news from a close friend that i cant even talk about so thats great.

im like really touch-starved, and im sure that im losing it at this point. which is everybody, i guess? i just feel really shitty close to all the time, not being able to go and see people, or do fun stuff.

nobody talks about a lot of the bad stuff in being a teenager, because it’s all glamourized. im not sure if it’s normal or not, because nobody fucking talks about it, but ive got bad anxiety, paranoia, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, the whole fucking nine yards. but it’s all partying and “teens need to stop doing this and that” and i know that social media is a lie, i get that. but outside of that, nobody talks about how fucked up some things really are. or maybe it’s just because it’s not normal whatsoever to feel this bad, and have this many bad thoughts, and all that. im convinced that all this anxiety isnt normal (i mean, i do have an anxiety disorder, but y’know) the intrusive thoughts, all that. i really just dont think enough people talk about mental health, still, after so much has been done and talked. especially not teens, and definitely not teens of color. it makes me feel even more alone in the struggle to find out what’s normal and what isnt.

society doesn’t give a shit about teenagers, this much i know. i never see people talking good about us. it’s always “there’s a new tiktok trend about kids doing xyz” and “teens need to stop being in blank fandom space”. and it hurts my feelings because i feel like there’s a lot of good kids out there. but people are obsessed with painting us as bad people, and monsters, and it makes me feel like there’s no potential anywhere. for any type of change. because nobody thinks that we can do anything but fuck everything up colossally. so those are my thoughts on that.

i wish i had something good to say, but i really don’t. i want to punch a wall and scream at the top of my lungs that i literally hate everything about everything, even if it isnt true. i feel trapped. that i cant say everything i feel to the people who matter most. and it’s not my fault, i know it isnt. but thats not stopping me from being in this tiny bubble.

[twdbegins]

A Little R&R

__

Simon x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Some sexual references.

Word Count: 2,110

“Mmhm, well, you’re gonna see a noticeable change if you keep that up.”

__

Nobody has ever said that being a doctor is easy work. As a matter of fact, being in any job in medical field is probably one of the most demanding jobs there can possibly be. However, you had gone through a lot of school to become a doctor and while it was hard work, it was rewarding work. Nothing filled you with more joy than helping others. It was something that made you super passionate. It reminded you that, despite the fall, there’s still good in the world. 

With that being said, there were still times when the workload did sometimes get to be a bit much. At least before, when you were in a legit hospital, you had nurses and other doctors to provide their hands-on help. Now, it was pretty much just you. If you were lucky, Simon or another savior might be able to offer some minimal help, but in an overall sense, you were on your own. Another challenge refers to the more sanitary side of things. Since you weren’t in a hospital, the infirmary wasn’t as sterilized as you wanted it to be. You cleaned the infirmary from ceiling to floor every single day and as often as you could. You always deep cleaned your tools and sterilized them, but at the end of the day there was no way for everything to be completely clean. 

The worst part of it, though, was the fact that you had every single solitary patient. Obviously, if you’re the only doctor, then everyone is going to come to you. Some days you would have one person come in and some days you would have 40 people come in. It just varied from day to day. Your absolute least favorite day was check-up day. After you had been at the Sanctuary for about a year (and Negan realized you were there to stay) he found it necessary for every savior to have an annual checkup. Everyone. On the same day. 

The first year you had to do it was absolute hell. Everyone showed up at random times during the day and there was no order whatsoever. However, the next year, you put a system in order. Every savior would have to come at a specific time, starting with the highest in command to the lowest (this was per Negan’s request). So, Negan always went first, Simon next, and so on and so forth. You usually averaged about one savior every fifteen minutes. Which doesn’t sound that bad, but considering there’s an average of about 150 to 200 saviors, it makes out to be a long day of work. 

It was checkup day, November 11th to be exact. You had made sure to hydrate plenty the day before and get a good night of sleep, because you were not taking any breaks to try and get this over with quicker. Sure enough, you heard Negan’s familiar voice in the doorway at 6:00 A.M. sharp;

“Well, good morning, doc!” He chirped. 

You gave a smile;

“Negan.” You said acknowledging his presence.

Negan always went first because he was indeed highest in command. He also liked to just get it over with so he could still get a useful day of work. He knew the drill. He stripped off his signature leather jacket, setting it on the chair in the corner with his beloved Lucille. He had this rather unsettling smirk on his face. As much as you respected him as a leader, he could be quite disrespectful to you. Not in a “I don’t respect your feelings kind of way”, but he was known as a ladies man (his multiples wives as evidence to that). It didn’t at all offend or bother him to have a woman put her hands on him, in a professional way or not. He sat on the table as you began his checkup exam. He stayed silent for a little while, but you knew it wouldn’t last. As you were listening to his lungs and overall breathing, he spoke;

“You know, if you really want to see how I can handle myself, you can close that door and I’ll just show you.” He prided. 

You hushed him, waving a hand in front of his face. You couldn’t properly hear what you were listening for if he was talking. You stayed quiet as you finished listening to his lungs before you answered. You hung the stethoscope around your neck as you tested his reflexes.

“Now, that’s not a very professional thing to say to your doctor is it?” You said grabbing the reflex hammer off of the counter. 

He shrugged;

“I mean, doctor-patient confidentially, right? Or does that not apply anymore?” He asked. 

“No, it does...depending on who you are,” You said truthfully. 

You tested Negan’s reflexes on his knees, noting that his response was a little slow;

“Reflexes are delayed,” You said taking the back of his hand and checking for dehydration. Nada. “Did you drink last night?”

He nodded as you wrote it down on his chart. He was healthy as a horse. 

“Well, other than the reflexes, you’re good to go,” You said truthfully. 

Negan smiled;

“Sweet,” He said getting off of the table and retrieving his jacket and weapon of choice. 

“Will you send Simon in, please?” You asked.

Negan zipped his jacket;

“As long as you two promise to behave in here.” Negan said approaching the doorway and motioning for Simon who was right outside. 

Simon walked in, Negan giving him a slight glare as he left. Simon raised a brow and looked at you;

“What was that about?” He asked. 

You rolled your eyes;

“Turned him down. Again.” You said referring to his advances. 

That wasn’t at all an uncommon occurrence. Negan was always trying to pick you up and had even thrown a marriage proposal your way before. All to which you denied and continue to deny every time. It was kind of a running joke between you and Simon now;

“Shocker,” He said pulling you to him, “Mornin’, baby.” 

You gave him a quick kiss;

“Hi.” You replied. 

He sat on the exam table, eager to get this over with. He hated going to the doctor, although he was willing to make an exception. You checked his eyes and ears first, both in perfect condition. You checked his lungs and breathing next, as you had done with Negan.

“Take off your shirt, please.” You asked. 

He smirked as he lifted it over his head;

“Yes ma’am.” He set his shirt aside and winced at the cold metal of the stethoscope against his back. 

His hands were on yours hips, rubbing in circles as you listened to his breathing and heart beat. His heart rate was a little elevated, but that was most likely from the fact that he was raking you over. You were asking just some general questions (all of which you knew the answer to) along the way. You had your hands at his neck, feeling for any swollen or tender lymph nodes;

“Have you had skin irritation or any noticeable changes to your body lately?” You asked as you felt his neck gently, his skin sensitive to the feel of your touch.

He groaned;

“Mmhm, well, you’re gonna see a noticeable change if you keep that up.” He said. 

You pulled your hands away and tried not to laugh;

“Sorry. I’m almost done.” You said reaching for a tongue depressor.

“What time do you think you’ll be done?” He asked curiously.

You shrugged and gave a questionable look; 

“Late for sure. Open wide,” You instructed, “Maybe midnight?” 

You checked his throat for any signs of inflamed tonsils or strep throat as he attempted to speak a response that was just muffled;

“Huh?” You asked taking the depressor away. 

“I said to come to my room when you do get off. I’ll be up.” He repeated.

You nodded, jotting the final notes on his chart;

“You don’t have to wait up for me.” You kindly said.

“Sure, I do. I want to.” He retorted.

You smiled, and sighed contently when you finished his examination;

“Well, my love, you are in perfectly good health.”

He laughed at your monotonous tone and slipped his shirt back on, before standing back up;

“Do you have any breaks today?” He asked.

“Nope. Straight shot from start to finish.” You replied.

He nodded with a slight grimace. He hated seeing you work yourself too hard. But you wouldn’t do it any other way. He kissed you again before leaving;

“I’ll see you tonight. Don’t work too hard.”

__

The day went by horribly slow. Person after person came through. You repeated the same tests over and over until you felt like you’d freaking pass out. Finally, low and behold, you examined the very last savior at around 12:15 AM. Basically 18 hours of straight work with no breaks. Honestly, it should’ve been longer than that, but some exams didn’t take as long as others. You were exhausted and drained. You cleaned the infirmary as usual, used the shower, and finally were lights out at 12:45. You locked up and straggled to Simon’s room, which felt like miles away. You walked into his room and, sure enough, he was awake and waiting for you. 

You looked tired, to say the least. He offered a comforting smile;

“Hey. All done?” He asked. 

“All done.” You affirmed. 

Your legs and feet had never hurt so bad in your entire life. You quite literally collapsed onto the bed, letting out a sigh of relief that you felt in your soul. He sat on the end of the bed as you just took a moment to mellow out. Your feet were a horrible shade of dark pink, borderline red from the heavy blood flow from being on your feet all day.

“126. 126 saviors came through. That’s a personal record.” You said with a laugh.

Simon shook his head in disbelief;

“I don’t know how you do it. Anybody that you think will kick the bucket this year?” He asked slightly joking but also not. 

You scoffed;

“From a physical health standpoint, no. Mentally though, that new guy Derek might be in for it if he doesn’t change his attitude,” You stated honestly. 

“Oh, yeah. The tall redheaded guy, right? I think Richie got into a tussle with him a few weeks ago.” Simon said recalling the big fight that went down. 

You hummed in affirmation as you watched him trace circles on your leg lazily with his index finger. You groaned and rubbed your face;

“My feet hurt so bad. I feel like I’ve been standing and walking all day.” You growled. 

Simon got up from the bed and laughed;

“That’s because you have,” He grabbed a bottle off of the dresser and sat back down. You suddenly felt a cold presence and rubbing sensation on your leg. You looked down and let out a groan of relief upon realizing Simon was rubbing your legs and feet;

“You are an absolute angel, you know that?”

He smirked;

“I do my best.” 

His hands worked wonders on your aching lower limbs and appendages. You raised a brow;

“Where did you get lotion from?” You asked examining the dark red, label-less bottle. 

His hand gently gripped and slid down from your knee to your ankle;

“I have my ways,” He grinned; “I thought you outta know that by now.”

“You’re still full of surprises. I never know what tricks you have up your sleeve.” You laughed heartily. 

He still grinned;

“Yeah, well, I gotta keep it interesting,” He joked, “No, but I found this last week. I’ve just been meaning to give it to you.” 

The lotion’s scent was so good and so calming. You definitely could’ve fallen asleep right where you were.

“At least I know I’ll sleep good tonight.” You stated. 

“Speaking of, I think it’s time to call it a night.” He said rubbing the last bit of lotion in and returning the bottle to the dresser.

You groaned and rolled over to your side of the bed with him quickly sliding into his side. You rested yourself against his side, immediately feeling like you were about to fall asleep. Before you drifted off, however, he softly said a few last words for the night;

“You really do keep this place running,” He said kissing your head, “I love you. And I’m really proud of you and everything that you do.”

You looked up at him sleepily, kissing him softly before falling asleep in the arms of the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

[xxrat--punkxx]

JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON

Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse

(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.

Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.

Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.

BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.

But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.

Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.

Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.

So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!

Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day

🥺💕

[westheirlands]

                elyas lefford , thirty - one . the heir . 

candlelight  casting  shadows  larger  than  life  ,  the  crash  of  waves  upon rocks  , the  clang  of  a  blacksmith’s  iron  , a  rage  that  threatens  a  legacy  .

potential triggers : mentions of ‘madness’ (westeros really hates mental health) , violence & infidelity , & death . 

elyas lefford was born the heir to a man, he knew from a young age , had expectations that his son would never be able to live up to. the threat of the shadow that brannon lefford created forever altered him. he knew that his father expected greatness of him , but greatness felt an elusive concept - something so difficult to attain , he did not even bother to try . 

without the guidance of a support system beyond what tutors and septons could offer him , elyas became a very quiet child . his every emotion he internalized , and as he grew , quietness became replaced with bitterness & sarcasm that he played off as wit - -  a trait in an unusual personality rather than a means of coping with a life of unanswered questions, frustration.  he pursued his ‘lordly’ studies for the sake of propriety alone , finding true solace & pleasure in the outdoors , and in the pursuit of knowledge.

much to his father’s chagrin, as elyas found opportunity to escape the confines of the westerlands, citing ‘bettering himself as a lord’ as a reason for travel.  t was through these ventures across the narrow sea that he became a man -- where he truly learned of what life could be. he fell in ‘love’ one too many times , made friends & enemies , but for the first time he truly had the opportunity to LIVE .

this respite from a bleak existence was all too brief , as elyas was called back home . it was time for him to grow up. to be the lord that his duty & destiny called him to be. his father secured him a betrothal, and in quick succession he was to marry.  she was beautiful , he was told.  charming , even . the most important factor was that she held power in her name. 

the prospect of a companion excited elyas . perhaps he could right the wrongs of a difficult family by creating one of his own.  perhaps he could grow into the man he was meant to be. the pair had little contact before the wedding itself , and it was true , mariya was beautiful . she was alluring in ways elyas could have only dreamed of in a bride.

what ought to have been wedded bliss was quickly revealed to be the beginning of a time of toil . convention was thrown aside without any explanation to elyas.  the conditions of the arrangement that  had been made with the young bride’s father insisted that she remain within the confines of casterly rock until his death . these unusual circumstances were all part of a greater plan of which  neither elyas  nor his father  had been informed

the bride’s cloak was placed on her shoulders , and elyas noticed something in her eyes that frightened him . blissfully sweet in one moment , something vicious would overtake her visage in the next . when the time for the bedding came , all sweetness left her , and she lunged for him in a rage , clawing at him , screaming , until she was removed from the room .

the following morning , it was as if nothing had transpired between them . she pressed a kiss to his cheek and disappeared into the gardens or the remainder of the day. these fits became more and more frequent . despite what efforts he could make to soothe her , mariya seemed unreachable to him , appearing only in fleeting moments before violent tendencies returned . she was capable of moving about the keep unnoticed , once scaring elyas’ horse so severely that it threw him , leaving him with a longstanding injury.  after the event , she laughed & laughed , before sitting vigil at her husband’s side.

brannon lefford had not been informed of the  bride’s condition. it had all been carefully constructed subterfuge to create a ‘comfortable prison’ for a woman who had committed no crime.  the leffords had been used as a pawn to save a house from shame & rid another lord of his ‘mad’ daughter . 

elyas was ill-equipped to care for his wife, but he did his best , keeping a permanent septa at his home to assist mariya. he offered her what affection he could , knowing that whatever her affliction , she was not responsible for it . he loved her in the best ways that he could , protecting her as his wife .

bitter and angry at the way he had been used , elyas  spent more & more time away from casterly rock and the frustrations of his station , making friends in the reach & stormlands, and  spending extended time as house guests of other lords and ladies. he did not discuss his wife & when he was asked , he made apologies for her , excusing her for a vaguely defined illness that often left her at home .

it was during this time that  elyas’ entered into an affair with a noblewoman from the westerlands , desperately seeking seeking comfort in the arms of another -- searching for the compassion absent from the majority of his lifetime . he fell terribly in love with her . it seemed, that she fell for him too.  she became pregnant , and in his time away, was sent away to deliver a child. 

 while elyas tried to sift through the ramifications of the birth , the majority of the ‘fixing’ fell to the burden of brannon. the lady was settled comfortably in lannisport, with express instructions not to contact elyas. elyas swiftly ignored this order, making frequent visits to see his child. 

he began split his time between caring for both his  ‘daughter’ & her mother, and his wife , giving little regard for the ways in which it was unraveling him.

a fever coursed powerfully through casterly rock, taking his wife after a great period of illness. 

elyas grieved mariya far more than he imagined . perhaps , more honestly , he grieved the loss of his life - a life he never had , and never would have . he became reclusive , maintaining the duties of heir for the sake of appearances , and the memory of his wife. any quiet anger in elyas was now transformed into an outspoken rage, a defiance towards the forces that sought to control him.

with his child now in lannisport and no marital ties to bind him, elyas thought it was the opportunity he was looking for to marry & build the life he had dreamt of. brannon had other ideas, thinking about the state of the house rather than the state of his son. plans for a new betrothal were carefully formed, and clear expectations were set for the man elyas was expected to be. 

TIDBITS

elyas is capable of such intense emotions. he does not necessarily know how to properly channel them. in his youth, it was repression of them. as he has grown, he has began to be more vocal about his feelings, even bordering on outward defiance. 

despite what he pretends, he cares very much about the state of his people, he just doesn’t care for the posturing & games that comes with being a lord. he’s kind, but he doesn’t know how to express anything. 

gifted swordsman !! he keeps threatening to join the night’s watch but never does. 

he’s so smart , and so capable , but he literally does not know how to apply himself.

he intends to legitimize his child no matter what his father says, and cares so much for the mother of his child. 

to those he loves ( and those who show love in return ) he loves fiercely and with extreme loyalty.

despite everything he says, he wants his father’s approval, but knowing that he will likely never receive it complicates the relationship significantly. 

he’s a social chameleon as a means of coping with everything . he pretends that everything is fine and is exceedingly charming in social situations . he plays a good lord , even if he does not think himself one.  

broody boi

[florbelles]

3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27, 30 + lyra 💕

thank you airika!! sorry this is so late xx | xi answered here

iii. did they have a good childhood? what are fond memories they have of it? what’s a bad memory?

she doesn’t feel especially entitled to consider it a bad childhood, since she was enormously privileged in terms of wealth and position ( or, rather, her parents were, which meant she got the best education that could be afforded and materially wanted for nothing, including extensive opportunities for travel ), but she was miserable. she loathed her status, she loathed her father for the way he exploited both it and her, she loathed the company he kept, she loathed being complicit in it; she wanted to loathe her mother for her complete apathy towards her, but she pitied her; she was constantly running away or getting expelled. she was consumed with feelings of powerlessness, and that turned to bitterness, and that turned to fury.

she does have some fond memories; despite her resentment at being shipped off and unwanted, she enjoyed her time abroad, particularly in france; she enjoyed summers on the island, when she would befriend the summer people and spend her time with them, on the periphery of some semblance of normalcy, friends, or family, no matter how temporary her glimpse into domesticity was; her numerous runaway attempts were exhilarating, and she developed a fondness for being on the road that would carry into her adult life, which she spent almost entirely on the road ( or on the run from herself or lingering ties that could connect her to her work ) prior to hope county. she liked the days she spent on the beach by the ocean; she liked the evenings she spent in the forest or stables. she liked the time lawrence took her out for ice cream without ulterior motives or one of his mistresses about ( she’d cancelled, but lyra didn’t care about that at the time ). it wasn’t all bad. never all bad.

ix. do animals like them? do they get on well with animals?

lyra adores animals, and they love her back. they were often her primary companions as a girl, and that fondness and familiarity never left her. they’re innocent. they’re simple. she understands them. if she ever weeps for the old world, it’s for them.

xii.  what is their favourite food?

she loves fresh baked bread, pastries, raspberries, and pomegranetes. her favorite is sushi, though; it’s the one thing she misses about her past life. yes, she has contemplated hope county gas station sushi in desperation. no, she did not ultimately resort to that. that’s how you know she hasn’t hit rock bottom just yet.

xv. are they good at cooking? do they enjoy it? what do others think of their cooking?

she’s a passable chef, but she doesn’t have much need or opportunity to cook for herself with the exception of the occasional evening she spent on her own in her home of the moment ( her loft in san francisco was her longest place of semi-permanent residence, so most of the cooking she did for herself were nights at her loft ). she doesn’t have any interest in letting on that she can cook once she joins the project; given shaggy’s questionable track record, she doesn’t want to get stuck with that responsibility. she wouldn’t have the time, even if the desire was there.

xviii. what’s their favourite genre of books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else?

she primarily reads classical or literary novels; she enjoys romantic elements, secretly being a romantic herself, but she’s mostly interested in expressions of emotion and the human condition, the more visceral the better ( her favorite story as a child was hans christian andersen’s the little mermaid, her favorite as an adult was leo tolstoy’s anna karenina ). musically she favors the 60s or older; her favorite album is fleetwood mac’s rumors, preferably the vinyl, and her second most listened to artist is billie holliday. she loves jazz, classical compositions and opera, but she prefers all of those live; she insists that recordings simply aren’t the same, they’re not raw enough, it doesn’t gut you the same way. yes, she knows it sounds pretentious, yes, she knows she deserves it, no, it does not change her opinion. she has little time for television or films later in life, but her favorites as a girl were always film noir or old hollywood; that’s something she picked up from isabela, though she doesn’t remember that part. she similarly doesn’t have time or much interest in video games, but she’s absolutely abysmal at arcade games. it’s one of the few petty things that enrages her. she doesn’t understand it.

xxi. do they have a temper? are they patient? what are they like when they do lose their temper?

yes. yes, she does. lyra carries almost all of her pain as rage, both emotional and physical; she’s constantly trying to outrun it before it consumes her, finding ways to redirect her energy, to use it. the project helps with that, it gives her an outlet for catharsis. it gives her passion a purpose, a direction. she was spiraling, before. she can usually manage to suppress temper flare-ups, but she dislikes doing it; it will come out another way later on, and it will come out worse. she’s an extremely impatient person, but she’s also fairly specific with what will set her off; she’s unconcerned about most irritants, so while her temper is fast and explosive and dangerous, it’s also not likely to be provoked over petty grievances or upsets.

in other words, it’s always there, but it takes something extreme and severe for her to actually take it out someone. she’s not going to throw a tantrum because someone cut her off or her drink order was wrong.

xxiv. what is their sleeping pattern like? do they snore? what do they like to sleep on? a soft or hard mattress?

pattern-wise, nonexistent; she sleeps when she can, which after the reaping sometimes means in the middle of the day face down on a spare mattress in black horse silo for fifteen minutes. she doesn’t snore unless she’s sick, in which case no one else in the house is sleeping, either; fortunately this is a rare occurrence. she’s actually not particular at all, she can sleep anywhere on anything, even if she does initially tell john she’s moving in because he has the only decent goddamn thread count in the county.

he’s her only sleeping condition, tragically; joseph’s prophecies have her paranoid and she can’t sleep without him. very inconvenient as the holy war approaches. catch her passed out in his lap while he’s trying to do some goddamn paperwork.

xxvii. what makes them sad? do they cry regularly? do they cry openly or hide it? what are they like they are sad?

sadness cripples her; she experiences all emotions in an extremely heightened state, she feels very deeply, and with the exception of anger, which she can externalize and use to fuel her, the affects of negative emotions can literally physically incapacitate her. fortunately — perhaps in part because of this — sadness isn’t something she feels often; when she does, it’s profound and soul-crushing, but she can generally either fix and remove herself from the situation ( running away when she was fifteen when she was crippled by her misery ) or repurpose it and experience it as bitter rage ( which is why she mentally snaps and burns the world down in a fury when she’s grieving ). if there’s no way to redirect it, and it’s something she’s left with, she’s gone. she’s done. she couldn’t function or move for months after the collapse. ( after that she doesn’t cry anymore; the worst has happened, she has no tears left ).

she doesn’t only cry when she’s sad, it also can be when she’s overwhelmed, including by positive emotions; her reaction to being told she was loved was to go cry in the shower for an hour. she generally won’t cry in front of others if she can help it, not because she considers it a sign of weakness so much as she doesn’t want to make it their problem or make them feel obligated towards her.

xxx. do they exercise? regularly? or only when forced? what do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

not exactly for the sake of it prior to to joining the project, when she began training with jacob; she’s always been in good athletic form, she’s had to be with who and what she is — even before the project there was always the chance of needing to make a getaway, needing to defend herself, needing to attack, so she always kept up her physical strength and endurance, but she never had a gym membership or hit a treadmill three times a week. she’s always had an active lifestyle that’s kept her on her toes. she over-exerts, always, and because of the fact that she doesn’t have that disciplined routine, she easily burns herself out; she’s great in the moment, she’s a force of nature for short bursts of time, but she’s going to crash hard.

[jacksonianlibertine]

thoughts on andrew jackson specifically on how hes remembered vs how he really was 🤔

Ah yes, one of those guys that no matter what you say or think, people are never going to completely agree with ya. Super complicated man. Oddly enough, his complexity is part of why he’s kept himself in the top of my interests. 

So, nowadays, he’s usually remembered as an insane genocidal maniac. Well, at least that’s the tone a lot of people give off anymore. I don’t think *everyone* views him in that black and white of terms, from what I can tell though. 

Jackson was a man of contradictions. He was a wild gentleman (my favorite way to refer to him). He had a rough time growing up and suffered MUCH loss in his life. He had a fiery and passionate attitude. We all know he fought many duels in his life. When he loved, OH BOY did he love. When he hated, OH BOY did he hate. He also had the ability to totally go off unhinged one moment and have perfect gentlemanly composure the next. 

He inspired a whole chunk of younger people. James K. Polk was HEAVILY influenced by him. Franklin Pierce was too. 

He was a horse of a different color as a politician. He wasn’t like the others before him. While he came into his own fortune and became a rich man himself, he still gave the regular working class white men hope. I get it though. A self-made man is much more appealing and something to aspire to than that of a man born into the elite class. 

But Kenny, The Indian Removal Act.

Yes, I was getting to that. Truly a huge, unsightly scar on our nation’s history. I remember when this was discussed in my college US history class, we did look at multiple angles, as our instructor preferred us to. He liked debate and hated the idea of telling us what to think. Love that style. Anyways, as we know, many natives died because of this Act. Was that the intention? Well, I feel like that is varied. Some people felt it would be better for the natives to have their own way out west, away from the white men. I’m sure some just didn’t give two shits about the natives and just wanted more land. Some people legitimately thought getting the natives away from the white man was BETTER or them. See, now we can look back and we see that it was not the best thing because of what happened. 

In fact, from what I can tell, Jackson himself at least gave off the image of this being the best bet for them. He felt if they stayed where they were, the white man surely would spell the end of them. To be brutally honest, they were fucked either way. Do I support the Indian Removal Act? No. Like I’ve said, it’s a giant, gross scar on our nation’s history. The attitude of the white man in the US and colonization in general was dooming them though. There’s really no good way to look at what happened or what could have happened to the Native Americans during this time. Even today, they get royally shat on. 

Jackson did, of course, right on fight against natives. He also fought alongside natives. He adopted one as a son that he cared for. Many other “war heroes” in our history slaughtered natives. Our nation’s history is full of sinners. Humans tend to be a nasty creatures. 

If I sound like I’m justifying things, I’m not. If anything, I’d prefer to be showing that I’m critical of stuff humans do in general. I am against the idea of elevating human beings to the level of saintly Gods. Yes, George Washington, John Adams, Alexander Hamilton, Abraham Lincoln, etc were all deeply faulted human beings that we should never look at with rose-tinted lenses. Can we appreciate things they did that we like? Yes. Can we point out their flaws? Yes, we should keep them in mind. Does this mean we can’t take inspiration from them? No, we can. If anything, we can learn from their faults and build on their strengths. 

That’s a lot of how I look at my favorite historical figures. Do I find a lot of “problematic” figures interesting? Yes. But pretty much every historical figure is problematic, if we want to be realistic. I also just have a tendency to be drawn to immensely complicated figures. 

Jackson certainly was a president to stop and invoke some sort of feeling in people. Good, bad, or somewhere in between, we all have some sort of feelings and thoughts on him. He did things I admire/agree with and he did things I detest/disagree with. Literally any historical figure I’ve ever been drawn to has. If I only had interest in those I completely match up with…. Well I would just never have interest in anyone.

He certainly left his mark. And honestly? I think that was one of his goals in life. Leave a mark on the world. Make some waves. Cause some change. Funny I mention change, since his last words involved telling everyone to be ready for the change. He knew society was changing. He may have been a hot-headed Western man who didn’t have *formal* education and probably suffered from lead poisoning that probably affected his mental state, but he was smart in some instances (well, I mean, duh, we’re all smart when it comes to something). And honestly, the way he was reminds me of many of the men I grew up around, which is probably another reason I’m drawn to him. That’s probably why I don’t understand why people seem afraid of him. Like, nah, I’ve been close to men like him since I was an infant. I mean, I’ve also faced the barrel of a gun, been shot, and lived. My scope of what I should be scared of is a bit different, perhaps. If Jackson was an earwig or a centipede, I’d then be afraid of him, to be honest.   

But yeah, Jackson was complicated as hell. People can disagree with me all they want, but it is my conclusion that the most realistic way to look at him is in various shades of gray. Though, I’m probably going to tell you that’s the way to look at any figure. Except James Buchanan.

Honestly, at the end of the day, we’re all gonna take our own view. Best we can do is look at the facts and context as much as humanly possible and go from there. Our own personal views are going to affect that as well. I don’t know if we’ll all ever fully agree on Jackson, and perhaps it’s best that way. As complicated as he was, I think it would be impossible anyways.

[sodrippy]

How do you find the motivation and will to go to the gym and work out with depression? I'm finding it hard to just get out of bed....

oh babe thats a big question, and im so sorry youre dealing with this in such a rough state. right off the bat, the major reasons i can go to the gym regularly is i have a job that means i have to wake up on time 5 days a week no matter what, and i genuinely love my gym. in saying that ive gone months where i just stop going and cannot find the mental energy to do anything but the bare minimum of function, and i think the most important thing is not to beat yourself up about it.

on the second point, trying to recenter Why you want to workout and figure out the best way to get there can help a lot too, for me it got MUCH easier when i shifted my focus from "i should lose weight" to "i want to get strong" bc it finally felt like i was working out sincerely for myself, and i didnt have the added angles of pressure and self-loathing from trying to fit myself into some kind of fitness box. youre already struggling with depression, theres no reason to compound it further by making working out a stressful and negative thing right. maybe you want to be able to do chin ups, maybe you want to run a mile, maybe you want a reason to get out of the house, whatever it is you need to take some time and talk to yourself and see what motivation works to give you the push to get up, bc thats the only way itll stick.

i know it can sound kind of stupid to think this deeply about working out but motivation is a really hard thing, and this can be a good jumping off point for tackling bigger issues later. also, working out WILL make you feel better and have an impact on your mental health i promise. i always feel clearer on days i exercise and the mental boost is something i hold onto to push me to go the next day and so on. for me its also a phenomenal anchor when im really going through it, if i can push the rest of it away and work out ill feel better for that part of the day if nothing else.

personally i find a gym is a much better way to keep myself accountable than working out at home bc i can easily say "no" 5 mins into an at home exercise, but once im at the gym im There and i Have to follow through. my gym is a circuit style, so i can just go there and do whatever exercise theyve got set up, so i dont have to think at all, which is also why its easy, bc i can have a blank brain the whole time.

but hey you say you cant get out of bed some days, so gyms and schedules are a ways down the road and thats normal. in my experience routine is imperative. but youre not gonna just wake up and be consistent, bc thats stupid and not realistic and thats also normal. you can just do it once and thats still okay. if you workout one day and then not again for another month or three thats okay. youre not starting from scratch every time even if it feels like it. it took me literal years to begin working out regularly and honestly sometimes it takes that long, and sometimes you cant help it, but i think the key truly is just getting back on that horse even if it takes you months or years to get back up.

dont push yourself when youre starting bc it WILL make you hate it and youll want to quit. just do what you can honestly. walk down your driveway or your block and when you feel "god this sucks" turn around and go back home, literally just do a bunch of stretches in your room if youre not up for anything more bc as boring as they are they will 100% make you feel just a little better.

christ its 3am and i hope this has made sense and been helpful. its a process and its ongoing and the best way is to let yourself reset every 24 hours and take it on anew in the morning.

the two things unfortunately go hand in hand, and the hardest thing is to try and build new routines and safety nets while youre at the bottom, but you absolutely can. motivation and willpower are difficult elusive things bc legitimately the only person who can find them for you is YOU. its hard as shit but babe, at some point, you just have to get out of bed, even if you cant. theres just no way around it. i really really hope you can take the time to think and chat to yourself and find the thing that sounds good to you and use it to pull yourself up, and if you want to figure it out together im here!! 💕💕

[ritchiebrock]

With the effects of 2020 on society as a whole I fully expect an unprecedented uptick in cases of Demonic Oppression and Possession in the years to come. The entire world has been forced into a giant liminal state. A strange place in between the way things used to be and the horrors of the new normal on the horizon. If the way the Demonic gain footing in our lives is through weakening the will and wearing away at the spiritual and mental fortitude and you add in the the Infernal Trojan Horse that is the Paranormal and the Occult, how can you look at the world today and see anything other than a powder keg ready to blow?! This. Should. Shake. You. To. The. Core!

There has been a huge paradigm shift. The Pagans have been waiting for these days. The end of Christian Dominance and the Rising of The New Age, The Age Of Aquarius, The end of Religious Dogma and Structure and all the madness that follows. Church, we are to blame for this most terminal cancer. Being Salt and Light, We are responsible for the spiritual pulse of the world that is now fluttering towards a flatline. We have sat there idle and watched as the patients charged to us for their spiritual well-being wither away. This is also not something that has been suddenly thrust upon us. This fall into ruin has been gradual. A steady drip that has rotted away at the foundations and now the whole structure is on the verge of coming down.

Out of unfounded fear and ignorance we have sadly remained silent on these matters and in the vacuum and festering void left in our absence, we have left the door wide open for darkness to come flooding in unchecked. We have literally stood on the sidelines in this New Age Arena while lesser idols have taught doctrines of demons to the masses and controlled the narrative.

Church, the stigma surrounding these topics in the Paranormal has to stop! The taboo that keeps so many faithful people in chains and silent in the face of rampant evil has to come to a swift and final end. When I was a practicing Occultist, there was no church reaching out to me. There was no alternative exolainations being out forth for the very real phenomena I was experiencing. The only thing that did come was a cold shoulder and a door slammed in my face. I realize these things are hard to hear and this is not meant to be a scathing rebuke but a most humble and desperate plea for a much needed change in approach.

Thankfully there is currently a call to arms echoing through our halls and from our steeples and things are changing! God is raising up men and warriors who are willing to step out of the comfort zone and take back the ground that has been stolen from us, if stolen is what you can call it.

In truth, we have gifted this territory to the enemy. In the inch of slack that was given the darkness has taken 100 miles and is now hanging us with it. Enough is enough!

This is absolutely essential! This is not some secondary, back burner issue that we can afford to debate and agree to disagree on. This is absolutely going to the heart of The Gospel and whether or not we are going to be the Church and live out the great commission in its entirety! Your pulpits, podcasts, blogs and outreach ministries and everything in between should be ablaze with these conversations RIGHT NOW.

You have to look at it as if the souls of your family, friends, neighbors, the world are on the line because they most certainly are!

Friends, we can't afford to miss the mark on this one. If we fail in this hour of need and let the Occult Community maintain their overwhelming presence in these areas, we are going to see a fall into a new dark age the likes of which the world has never seen. My heart is heavy. The world is burning, the alarms are sounding and the smoke is rising before our eyes. To remain willfully ignorant and blind to the truth of what's happening will absolutely mean betraying all that has been set before us in Christ. It's absolutely unacceptable.

God have mercy. I'm praying, I have hope, God is sovereign over all but that still doesn't mean we sit this one out!

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:5 ESV

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”― Edmund Burke

[weptfire]

THE IMPERIAL COURT.

This was originally asked by @extravagantliar​, but tumblr fucked the formatting so I’m reposting.

THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT Louis XIV, the more of an inspiration he becomes for Celene. They’re not exactly like each other, of course, but there are similarities to be found not only in the historical figure but in how he’s often portrayed in historical fiction. The sun motif, the uncompromising vision, the “I am the state” mentality, the desire to make their nation an example to others, the arts and the way they managed power — not identical, but there are VIBES. Some inspiration is drawn from his court in this matter as well.

         The thing to understand about all aspects of Orlais since Celene was crowned is that she is Orlais. The empire was brought to the brink of collapse by Florian, and when she took the throne, she not only pulled it back, she reinvigorated it. Some believe her overtures of peace and emphasis on art / scholarship over war weaken Orlais; on the contrary, she’s made the nation strong. She’s not expanding, but expansion is not what Orlais needs, in truth. Instead, she’s made it stable, peaceful, and prosperous. She made the University of Orlais (previously a dumping ground for the kids no one wanted) the envy of Thedas. She reinvigorated its culture. Orlais, as we know it, is all her. (Well, not ALL, but so much of it.) This isn’t to dismiss the rot in the empire, merely to note how she’s shaped it.

         Her court was far from exempt from this. In many ways, she reshaped it to not only reflect the Orlais she wished to build but to give herself the upper hand. “The nobles in the crowd were fickle, bloodthirsty, and vain, but above all, they were hers. As much as they would have enjoyed the scandal of a bloody duel, they admired a good display of wit.” This is not to say that it is full of only people she believes to be allies. She purposefully keeps enemies or those of dubious loyalty near her — and even in important positions, when appropriate — for a number of reasons. She’s not the type to arbitrarily banish anyone who displeases her or to even make her displeasure overtly known. That is not how she plays the Game. Rather than remove disagreeable nobles publicly, she either wins them over or finds a way to ensure they slip up and essentially remove themselves. Every day she is walking in a minefield, and she knows it.

         Back to Louis: Versailles really concentrated power with him. If you wanted absolutely fucking anything from him, you had to make your request in person which meant a trip to Versailles. But, actually getting an audience took AGES, during which time you’d be obliged to take up residence there. Seems harmless enough, yes? Except life at court was so fucking expensive, and these expenses were in addition to expenses from your actual estate, but you weren’t at your estate to manage finances in the most effective manner. Many nobles ended up falling into debt trying to keep up with their peers, which played right into Louis’ hands. You couldn’t actually take up a job, so the only option for additional income was through royal posts, etc. which could only be granted by Louis. Even leaving Versailles wasn’t a very good option because among the benefits of living there (and there were benefits) was that your property couldn’t be seized when you didn’t pay debts. If you left, you lost what was yours; if you stayed, you kept it, but you were still in this hole. And, there were other benefits, such as keeping all these nobles right where he could spy on them with ease. Prior to this, the nobles held quite a bit of power, but by making them dependent on him and instituting stringent rules of etiquette, he kept them all walking on eggshells.

         Obviously, Celene’s court isn’t quite at that level. It’s not the same trap as his — and isn’t as large as his — but similar principles apply. The nobles of Orlais still hold considerable power and are not trapped at court. However, she’s found ways not to centralize power exactly but to accumulate it at court. Part of this comes from gathering all manner of noteworthy nobles to her regardless of whether they’re her allies; even if your business isn’t with her, you’ll likely still have to make your way to court to find the noble you need or else wait until they retire to their estate. Additionally, it’s the place to be to strike a decent match, forge a worthwhile alliance, really accomplish anything of note. Sure, you could survive and even do well away from court, but if you want to thrive, if you want to rise, if you want to play the Game, you have to go to court. And, that is what every Orlesian wants. Being away from court, even for a short time, can put a person a few critical steps behind in the Game. (Which is why sending Gaspard off to do things like hunt Darkspawn can be so effective.)

         It should be noted, however, that one can only make their way to court by invitation, and presumably, this invitation can only be extended by Celene. I think that’s one of the things she would’ve tightened — that those who are at court are there at her pleasure — because it’s a subtle way of giving herself power. “Oh, you want to bring your daughter to court so she can strike a good match? Dance, monkey, dance.”

         There are undoubtedly other benefits like tax cuts or exemptions from / leniency with regards to certain sumptuary laws, but that’s a rabbit hole for me. I’ll end up trying to write laws and shit, and nobody wants that.

         Along that same vein, though, a place in Celene’s court is expensive — not as expensive as Louis’, I’m sure, but nothing to sneeze at. Her court is the height of art and fashion. In addition to normal expenses (i.e. servants, horses, etc.), there is no end of functions to attend and things to know. Balls, salons, hunts, books to read, performances to attend, scholarship to know, art to display: the empress values learning; thus, the empire does as well. To enter court uninformed in any fashion would be to enter stark naked; knowledge is power. But, one cannot be literally naked either. Fashion is wearable art as well as a language unto itself.

Celene smiled. “Always. The sapphire hairpin, do you think, or the Antivan diamond-lace?”

Briala frowned and held both up for a moment, looking at Celene critically. “The sapphire suits you better, but to meet the merchants . . . Antivan diamonds are a reminder of our trade.”

Celene had been thinking the same thing. “Then we sacrifice my fashion upon the altar of appropriate symbolism.”

          Under Celene’s rule, Orlesian fashion reaches its height not just in terms of what styles to wear but in terms of its language. There is so much more to Orlesian fashion than mere ornamentation. Although the empire is often said to place aesthetics over function, it does serve several functions; it’s never comfortable, but it’s worth the pain. Even something as small as the placement of a beauty mark can give away one’s allegiances or intentions. They can have a whole exchange with each other without speaking just by how hair is arranged and fans are held. More than that, Celene changed certain rules of etiquette, introduced new ones, and impressed on the court their importance. She changed the rules of the Game and made herself its mistress. It’s complex and expensive to navigate court life. Most nobles are too busy trying not to misstep to pose a real threat, and many lose the Game simply forgetting their manners.

Varric: I have a serious question for you, Iron Lady. Vivienne: I can hardly wait. Varric: In the Imperial Court, if someone uses the wrong fork at dinner, is that worse than death or just social suicide? Vivienne: It’s impossible to say, my dear. Anyone who is ever so mis-stepped would be stabbed to death with the proper fork.

          It is interesting to note that if Gaspard is made emperor in DA:I and Michel is sent to court, Michel will comment on how starkly different it is. This could lead into an interesting discussion of gender roles in the empire. Celene and Gaspard, at the cores of their character, are strikingly similar, and I believe that if they had been able to play by the same rules, they would’ve developed in a similar fashion as well.

It had been Celene who had taught Briala to watch, since a girl, especially an elven girl, could not act as a man did. A man who acted quickly and aggressively was praised as bold and daring. A woman who did the same was foolish or desperate.

          To be honest, the Game is stacked against Celene — a situation which the deaths of her parents did nothing to help. She is forced to behave very differently from Gaspard by virtue of being a woman, and her courtly persona is as much a mask as the gold on her face. When she came to power, she didn’t so much change the rules that bound her as stacked the odds in her favor by forcing others to play by them as well.

         Going back to Louis, though, one thing I think he managed to do better than her is handle his relationship with his military. By which I mean that Louis, although not a soldier himself, found other ways to earn his troops’ loyalty. This included building the Hôtel National des Invalides. (He was knowledgeable in war, but it was more Philippe’s realm than his.) In fairness to Celene, Gaspard was always going to be favored over her in that regard, and his inability to play the Game at court with the same effectiveness as, say, Florianne is undoubtedly why he sought power via becoming a chevalier. Celene and Gaspard are counterpoints in this respect.

          Louis’ lack of military acumen was made up for by his brother with whom he maintained a close relationship, but Celene was at odds with Gaspard from the start. And, it’s interesting because his inability to woo the court is why she was able to seize the throne via the Council of Heralds, and her inability to get the military (namely the chevaliers) on her side is why he’s potentially able to seize the throne via civil war. Courtly intrigue vs. military prowess has been the difference between them from the start, which also comes back to Orlais’ gender roles! I’m getting off topic, but it’s neat.

         Final point: Celene only has the three ladies-in-waiting which is unusually low. I haven’t decided what families they come from, but they’re likely from House Valmont’s four cadet branches. It would be a way to secure those family’s loyalties; perhaps the fourth is loyal to Gaspard or doesn’t have any daughters. In addition to a lady-in-waiting’s normal duties and acting as some of her closest confidantes, they are trained to perfectly mimic her voice, speech patterns, and body language. They were chosen in part for their incredible resemblance to her so that, should the need arise, they could take her place. Think the Queen of Naboo and her handmaidens. This is not well-known, however, leading several nobles to become irritated because she won’t take on their daughters — won’t even seem to consider it. Her standards are high not only in terms of their aptitude and loyalty but in terms of their very appearance.

[razberryyum]

My Two Cents on the Ending of The Untamed/陈情令

From chapter 111 of MDZS (novel translation by Exiled Rebels Scanlations):

“It was what he hoped all this time. Each to their own path. But now that the day really came, watching Wen Ning and Lan SiZhui’s figures walk slowly, slowly away until they finally disappeared, he felt somewhat dejected.

Lan WangJi was now the only one who stood by his side. Luckily, Lan WangJi was also the only one he wished to have by his side.”

(spoilers for novel, episode 50 and ending of Guardian, Eternal Love, I Will Never Let You Go, and Story of Minglan)

If I’m going to be honest, part of me wishes the show had ended with that scene above. That would have been, imho, a PERFECT ending because it would have been an obvious one. We wouldn’t have to think any further about if they actually did reunite at the end, if that white glimmer in Wei Wuxian’s eyes is indeed the figure of Lan Wangji, etc etc.  

Now before I say anything further, for the record, I am freaking GRATEFUL we got the ending we got…especially the original Tencent version. Even though the WeTV version is a little more questionable, fact remains things could have been so much worse. I mean, God, imagine if we were left with THIS as the last image we ever see of The Untamed.

Or this:

The fact that Team 陈情令 took it one step further and gave us Lan Zhan’s “Wei Ying” followed by WWX’s glorious, teary-eyed smile is already a straight-up miracle. But, because I’m a lazy ass by nature, I wish I could have shut off my brain and just be spoon-fed a definitive ending that would have left me completely satiated, and that’s really the only reason why I wish they had ended the show at the scene where WWX and LWJ sad their goodbyes to Wen Ning and Lan Sizhui. Plus, there’s just something a little more satisfying about seeing our two leads together as a couple on screen one last time.  A teeny tiny bitter part of me knows that had WangXian been a m/f couple, we would’ve undoubtedly gotten that last shot of them together, much like we did for the main couple in shows like Eternal Love or I Will Never Let You Go or Story of Ming Lan or basically any other c-dramas with happy endings and a hetero couple at its core (which is like, what 99% of the c-dramas anyway? And sorry for spoiling those shows). But I know, censorship, I understand, so I should stop beating that dead horse and just be glad what we got. I mean, I’m still suffering from PTSD due to Guardian’s ending so trust me when I say I am entirely thankful.  

After all, from a thematic point of view, it’s not like the ending doesn’t make sense; it actually does. The idea of both WWX and LWJ living clear of conscience has been reiterated time and again throughout the show, so the fact that LWJ would decide to abide by his duties instead of going off and having fun with WWX does indeed go along with the values established for him. In fact, one might say that during the 16 years of WWX’s absence, he was probably acting the most out of character since he seemed to have more or less shirked his duties as Gusulan Sect’s esteemed Hanguan-Jun. As Jiang Cheng mentioned in the second episode, LWJ has spent most of the past 16 years time just wandering the world, looking for someone, which of course we know who. Even Jin Guangyao mentioned that he never attended any of the big cultivation meetings. So for the past decade and a half Lan Zhan’s really been just living his own life, off on his own quest, and probably leaving all the major responsibilities of his sect to his brother and uncle. Now that WWX is back and the main villain is conquered, I can see how his guilt at abandoning his duties might have finally caught up with him and he realizes he might have some amends to make. After all, his uncle’s old and constantly spitting up blood, and his brother—dear poor Xichen who just makes my heart HURT when I think about him—is definitely in no condition to become Chief Cultivator. I thought about Jiang Cheng briefly, but he’s probably in the same unstable emotional state as Lan Xichen at this point. Hell, Lan XiChen, Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling should probably all sign up for some intense group therapy; can’t imagine how they could even function otherwise considering the emotional battering they just went through.  

Anyway, getting back to the role of Chief Cultivator, in the novel, it was implied that Nie Huaisang was gunning for that position, but honestly, I actually thought that was a bit odd in the book because even though we know he’s the mastermind behind everything, it’s hard to imagine that he would want to step up to the plate and be in the limelight instead of staying in the shadows as he has been doing. I actually think the drama’s change to his ending made more sense.  Not to mention, since most of the cultivation world has known him as the know-nothing coward, if he were to suddenly do a 180 and become this strong, intelligent, assertive person, wouldn’t people be pretty suspicious of him as a person and be too wary to follow him? For better or worse, LWJ IS indeed the best candidate for that position at this specific moment in time. The scene at Lotus Pier where the other sects found out about Jin Guangyao’s heinous activities was illuminating in more ways than one since it also showed how wishy-washy and easily influenced the majority of the other sects were. Those guys are a bunch of dumbasses who need to be led, otherwise, if left to their own devices, the cultivation world would be in total chaos.  

I also appreciated the fact that even though WWX looked downright heart-broken when he realized LWJ wasn’t going to explore the world with him (yet), it seems like he had actually stayed with Lan Zhan until he became Chief Cultivator, which probably didn’t happen overnight. I’m assuming this based on WWX’s wardrobe change from their scene with Sizhui and Wen Ning. I think it’s sweet that despite his disappointment, he still stayed with him for a bit.

The logic part of their parting holds water, but it’s the emotional part that I’m not entirely sold on. I mean, what the show is essentially trying to tell me is that a man who looks at Wei Ying like this:

And this…

And this….

…would actually be ok with being separated from him? Again? Yeah. Right. Siubian.

Just the thought of Wei Ying having no one to protect him now from all the scary fluffy puppies of the world is probably enough to keep Lan Zhan up at nights. In terms of the bond between WWX and LWJ as it was established in the show—not even getting into how they are in the novel because then the notion of them separating would be downright ridiculous—it is pretty hard to accept that LWJ would be ok being away from Wei Ying. Even if the call of duty is loud, the siren song of WangXian has to eventually overpower everything else. The question is when, of course, and even though Wei Ying goes through yet another wardrobe change by the last scene, I can’t imagine that much time passed…I would like to think no more than just a year or two. At a certain point, LXC, being the generous, loving, understanding older brother that he always is, would probably realize how much LWJ misses WWX and offer to take over the Chief Cultivator role from him. But big bro does need time to emotionally recover so I think a year or two is a fair timespan. It’s not enough time for LXC to heal completely of course, God knows a decade probably would still not be enough for that, but a year or two probably would allow him to at least be able to pretend to be fine enough to function somewhat normally again. Ugh. Again, poor big bro.

Actually, if I think about it, one thing good about Wei Ying and Lan Zhan being separated for a short time is that this time around, WWX can be the one missing and pining after LWJ instead.  I can easily imagine him making detailed mental notes of every place he has visited and everything he’s done that is fun for when he finally reunites with Lan Zhan, he can take him through all of his journeys so that they can then experience together what he had to experience alone during their time apart.  

I also like that when Wei Ying hears his name being called, he actually looks shocked…

…which clearly indicates he never expected Lan Zhan to appear at all, which means they didn’t plan this reunion, that Lan Zhan just magically found Wei Ying again. That is seriously so romantic. I’m sure Lan Zhan kept tabs on Wei Ying’s whereabouts all the time, I refuse to believe that he wouldn’t at least do that, but still, that hilltop looked pretty out there in the wilderness so it’s truly beautiful that he still managed to pinpoint where Wei Ying was to surprise him. Or maybe the energy he shared with Wei Ying acts as a sort of GPS now so he can always easily find the other man no matter where he is? That’s romantic too.  

So at the end of the day, I feel pretty satisfied and content. Since I fell in love with the show, I’ve literally been on pins and needles worrying about how the show will end, if Team CQL would somehow lose their minds and just screw everything up or be forced to screw everything up because of censorship. I can finally breathe easy now…well, somewhat…there’s still movies to worry about, but I’m just a worrywart by nature. With their splendid track record so far, I’m sure Team CQL will continue to deliver and make us happy in terms of WangXian.

“After we went to travel the world together everything was spread into the world as ‘rumors say’”.- from WWX’ character song 曲尽陈情 (“Songs end with Chen Qing”)

“With you by my side, I hope you’ve been well since the last time we’ve met”.  -from LWJ’s character song 不忘 (“Won’t Forget”).