i love when tragedies are like “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there”
-Starpeace, tumblr
This isn't my normal type of post, but I just closed my high school's production of 'Puffs, Or: Seven Increasingly Eventful Years at a Certain School of Magic and Magic', and I can't stop thinking about it. This show broke me and put me back together and I don't know what to fucking do about it.
I played the role of Megan Jones, and she taught me how to be a person again. Skip straight to the next heading if you just want to know what the hell I'm talking about, otherwise, here's my Love Letter to Puffs: you deserve the world and the world doesn't deserve you, but every person reading this deserves to see this show at least once in their life.
First of all, this show is hilarious. Like, 'laugh until your stomach hurts and you can't breath and you start coughing up your sanity' hilarious. Your abs will hurt after seeing this show and your tear ducts will struggle to keep up with demand. But, despite that, or maybe because of that, it is also heartbreaking. Maybe the best kind, I think. The kind that rips your heart into pieces but then sews it back together, tells you that you have to carry on, but somehow that's worse, because hope hurts more than anything else.
And to see Puffs is one thing, but to be in it?
I don't know what to do or how to feel. For the rest of my life I will have carry this grief nestled next to my soul. The characters have the faces of people I know, and goddamn that makes it so hard to think about but just as hard not to.
I am changed, for this show. I am a different person at the other end of this nine week love-stained, obsessive hell. It found me when I was in a very vulnerable place, only halfway to healing, and picked me up and straight up told me to my Megan's face that I "shouldn't have to be alone"! Told me safety is love and loneliness is a lie we tell ourselves when we hate ourselves too much to see reason. That justice is the only pursuit that brings both self-love and heartache.
Live theatre is a powerful, powerful thing and yes, a professional recording of Puffs is available on Amazon Video and some pretty good bootlegs are up on YouTube, but if this show is open anywhere near you at a local high school, college, or community theatre, then I'm begging you to go see it in person. High school-age actors are uniquely suited to this show so don't let that make you wary!
If anyone, ever, wants to talk about Puffs, I'm more than available. PM me, ask me, tag me in your post. I don't care if you're seeing this post 2 months or 2 years or 10 years from now, if I am still on this hellsite, I will respond.
Go see Puffs. If everyone on this planet did, I think the world would be just a slightly better place.
Okay, hold on, what's Puffs?
Puffs tells us the story of a certain badger-aligned house during the seven years a certain orphan boy wizard attends a certain school of magic, plus ✨it was the 90's✨. If you can't tell, Puffs is technically a Harry Potter parody, and it very intentionally gives JKR no money and is not licensed with Warner Bros. Maybe that's a small part of why it spoke to me so much, because in the simplest terms: Puffs won custody of me in the great JKR/Fandom divorce. I really felt betrayed by JKR's transphobia and treatment of representation issues and this show was a bandaid and a kiss better for my aching, eleven year-old heart.
The story follows the Puff Wayne Hopkins, a young British orphan who was raised by his uncle in New Mexico. Wayne is the nerdiest, 90's-est kid you've ever met and well, as a fan of Star Wars and Dungeons & Dragons and Lord of the Rings, when he gets his school letter he gets this idea in his head that his life is about to become as awesome as that of the average fantasy protagonist. That he's gonna be a hero! Of course, he isn't. That's Harry. It's Harry at every single turn and Wayne and his friends are constantly being screwed over as unmentioned side characters in Harry's world-shattering and school-wrecking life, not to mention that the Puffs are the laughingstock of the school anyway, constantly failing classes and being bullied by the Snakes.
The Puffs work hard to become better but it rarely turns out. I mean, just look at Cedric, who plays a huge role in mentoring Wayne and his classmates the first act. Yikes. As the Puffs grow into their teen-hood it even gets a little spicy (in the hilariously awkward, teenage way), and eventually, they each come to understand that Puffs matter, Puffs are the best, in fact, Puffs are the "Mighty Ducks of wizards. No. The Mighty Ducks 2 of Wizards!"
Alright so, me and my IRL friend @somanylocks we're doodling on the bus and did I ended up giving said Doodles an entire story and plot line and now you're going to have to listen to me talk about it because no one's going to see this post because no one looks at my blog so here we go.
Story title: Stuck in the rain.
Limburt Pouliá, died in the mid 1970s due to wild experimentation that caused him to become a demon in the afterlife. He ended up being locked away in a place that resembled his hometown did to him being deemed unstable even after death. The one difference about this place is that it was always raining no matter what.
One day while Limburt was pacing up and down the sidewalk he heard a loud splat sound and first met Megan. Megan is supposedly a human that was sent down to make sure that he didn't go fully insane, didn't really have a role other than to be entertainment for him. But their role was quickly replaced as a child role as Limburt ended up becoming attached to Megan and more of a father like way!
That's really all I have for now except for this reference sheet of Megan! ↓
Megan Jones is a fun female leader character that really brought some much needed new energy partway into this serial to really help keep the plot and narrative moving.
About Online Threats Abuse & Misogynoir Towards Black Women in the Entertainment Industry...
Susan Wokoma appeared on the Woman's Hour on BBC Radio recently and she bravely spoke out on the letter of support she and Somalia Seton put together to support Francesca Amewudah-Rivers, as well as speaking candidly on the effects the online abuse that Black women face have...
I IMPLORE people in these fandoms, especially where harassment of Black women happens to listen to this podcast to understand what it does.
Listen below:
There is a very white tendency to either make the focus their own sympathetic reaction to a Black woman entertainer being bullied/harassed like this (crying or feeling bad for it happening to them) or minimize what's happening. "It's only one or two" or "They'll probably never see it."
And I get the tendency to want to either distance or somehow equalize it to the harassment white women face, as well...but there is a particular nastiness that comes with misogynoir that gets at literally wanting to dehumanize and punish a Black woman for existing.
The intention is to destroy them completely, rather than put in place.
Anyway, I encourage anyone who cares about Black women in fandom to give the segment interviewing Susan Wokoma, a listen.