The tent flap was closed, but there was a candle burning within. He coughed politely outside, and Rollo, seeing where they were, wagged his tail and uttered a cordial woof !The flap was thrust back at once, and Rachel stood there, mending in one hand, squinting into the dark but already smiling; she’d heard the dog. She’d taken off her cap, and her hair was messed, coming down from its pins.“Rollo!” she said, bending down to scratch his ears. “And I see thee’ve brought thy friend along, too.”Ian smiled, lifting the little tin.“I brought some grease. My aunt said your brother needed it for his arsehole.” An instant too late, he re-collected himself. “I mean—for an arsehole.” Mortification flamed up his chest, but he was speaking to perhaps the only woman in camp who might take arseholes as a common topic of conversation. Well, the only one save his auntie, he amended. Or the whores, maybe.“Oh, he’ll be pleased; I thank thee.”She reached to take the tin from him, and her fingers brushed his. The tin box was smeared with the grease and slippery; it fell and both of them bent to retrieve it. She straightened first; her hair brushed his cheek, warm and smelling of her.
Without even thinking, he put both hands on her face and bent to her. Saw the flash and darkening of her eyes, and had one heartbeat, two, of perfect warm happiness, as his lips rested on hers, as his heart rested in her hands.
Then one of those hands cracked against his cheek, and he staggered back like a drunkard startled out of sleep.“What does thee do?” she whispered. Her eyes wide as saucers, she had backed away, was pressed against the wall of the tent as though to fall through it. “Thee must not!”He couldn’t find the words to say.
His languages boiled in his mind like stew, and he was mute. The first word to surface through the moil in his mind was the Gàidhlig, though.“Mo chridhe,” he said, and breathed for the first time since he’d touched her. Mohawk came next, deep and visceral. I need you. And tagging belatedly, English, the one best suited to apology. “I—I’m sorry.”
She nodded, jerky as a puppet..“Yes. I—yes.”He should leave; she was afraid. He knew that. But he knew something else, too. It wasn’t him she was afraid of. Slowly, slowly, he put out a hand to her, the fingers moving without his will, slowly, as though to guddle a trout.And by an expected miracle, but miracle nonetheless, her hand stole out toward his, trembling. He touched the tips of her fingers, found them cold. His own were warm, he would warm her…. In his mind, he felt the chill of her flesh against his own, noted the nipples hard against the cloth of her dress and felt the small round weight of her breasts, cold in his hands, the press of her thighs, chill and hard against his heat.He was gripping her hand, drawing her back. And she was coming, boneless, helpless, drawn to his heat.“Thee must not,” she whispered, barely audible. “We must not.”It came to him dimly that of course he could not simply draw her to him, sink to the earth, push her garments out of the way, and have her, though every fiber of his being demanded that he do just that. Some faint memory of civilization asserted itself, though, and he grabbed for it. At the same time, with a terrible reluctance, he released her hand.“No, of course,” he said, in perfect English. “Of course we mustn’t.” I—thee—” She swallowed and ran the back of her hand across her lips. Not as though to wipe away his kiss, but in astonishment, he thought. “Does thee know—” She stopped dead, helpless, and stared at him.
“I’m not worried about whether ye love me,” he said, and knew he spoke the truth. “Not now. I’m worried about whether ye might die because ye do.”
“Thee has a cheek! I didn’t say I loved thee.”He looked at her then, and something moved in his chest. It might have been laughter. It might not.“A great deal better ye don’t,” he said softly. “I’m no a fool, and neither are you.”She made an impulsive gesture toward him, and he drew back, just a hair.“I think ye’d best not touch me, lass,” he said, still staring intently into her eyes, the color of cress under rushing water. “Because if ye do, I’ll take ye, here and now. And then it’s too late for us both, isn’t it?”Her hand hung in the air, and while he could see her willing it, she could not draw it back.He turned from her then and went out into the night, his skin so hot that the night air turned to steam as it touched him.
67 GREASIER THAN GREASE~ An Echo in the Bone
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Variations in Meg Giry's Sitzprobe shawl
Hannah Cadec, Restaged UK Tour
Hannah Florence, Reststaged US Tour
Sarah Grace Mariani, Restaged US Tour
Janet Devenish, original West End
Kara Klein, Broadway
Paloma Garcia Lee, US Tour
Maiya Hikasa, West End revival
Maiya Hikasa, West End revival
Laura May Croucher, Restaged Tour in Vienna
Unidentified, Japan
Lara Glew, Stuttgart
Unidentified, Hiroshima
Lee Ji Na, South Korea
Serina Faull, West End revival
Mietta White, Restaged Aussie Tour
Grace Horne, West End
Tandi Meikle, Cape Town
Emma Harris, West End
(original design by Maria Bjørnson)
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Your first look at Emma D'Arcy, Kayla Meikle and Ben Whishaw in Bluets 🔹
Bluets by Maggie Nelson, in a new stage adaptation by Margaret Perry plays in the Jerwood Theatre Downstairs 17 May - 29 Jun
Tickets are extremely limited. Book your tickets now at the link in bio 🔗
Via(@ royalcourt) on X.
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"I have been trying, for some time now, to find dignity in my loneliness. I have been finding this hard to do. It is easier, of course, to find dignity in one's solitude. Loneliness is solitude with a problem."
Reading Bluets by Maggie Nelson in preparation for going to see the stage performance this Friday. I will be going alone, the seat next to me that I paid for in hopes of having a companion join me unfilled, and I cannot decide whether this is poetic self fulfilment or bitter irony when considering my favorite line from the book...
Anyway, have the morbs, will be better after a front row view of Ben Whishaw on stage 💙
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