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quinn-loki-02 · 1 year

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I love you and I will never let you go

The team is on a trip. It's something new for them. It was kindly offered by Shepherd. It's seen as a team bonding thing. A cement allowing the bond between the team to grow even stronger.

It is in fact a time y/n find herself appreciating. When there is no mission pressure, no war, no weapon, no fighting, no threat. Just a moment to relax, enjoy life. It feels like these moments are rare.

These vacations were at first very... new to some in the team.

Ghost never went abroad when he was a kid. Vacations? Free-time? Fun-time? Never heard of. The first time he went abroad was with the army. And of course it was not to get a tan.

Even today, there is a part in him that seems unable to accept letting go of the pressure. He is constantly on the lookout. Probably afraid his demons are gonna crawl back to him. Probably afraid an ennemy is planning something in this moment of peace.

The first days are especially difficult. His reflexes kick in ; he doesn't sleep much, any sound wake him up, his body is tense, he is always looking behind his back. Nevertheless, as the second week goes on, he gets more relaxed.

Price had not taken a single break from work in months. In the first place, these vacations had been instaured for Price to ease off on the pressure ; but Shepherd had never had the gutts to tell him.

He had said “the team needs vacations. I think it could be a good bonding exercice. You could hang out without the pressure of missions. I've already booked you 3 weeks on a island in the Bahamas.”

“Who is going?” answered Price

“All of you ; Ghost, Soap, König, Gaz, y/n, Alejandro, Rudy and you, Price.” replied Shepperd.

The team spends a good amount of time at the beach. Gaz and Soap really enjoy sunbathing and swimming.

The swimming pool at the hotel is also a team favorite. Ghost often goes there with König and y/n.

The team rarely entirely split; they often stay at least in pairs. A military thing ; never be alone.

After a day spent at the beach, with dinner for everyone brought to Price's room, where the team had decided to spend the evening, y/n craves a sweet tooth.

She decides to go downstairs where some automatic distributors offer her favorite chocolate bar.

“I'm coming with you Liebling if you want” offered König

-----------

König had always been kind with y/n. He constantly wants to make sure she is okay. In fact, all team members lookout after eachother. But y/n had grown closer to König, Soap and Ghost in the last months.

König and her would often have late night talks about anything and everything. They confess to one another; about their past, fears, past relationships. They also evoke their future, the homes they would like to live in, the numbers of kids they would want.

Their relationship has always been platonic, König sees y/n as a sister... well, he would want to only see her as a sister but never build up the courage to confess his feelings.

Soap brings happiness in y/n life. He is always here to cheer her up and she does the same to him. You're feeling sad? Let's grab a glass in the nearest bar. Let's do karaoke. Let's cook...

He is his sunshine in the darkness.

Ghost and Y/n never thought they would grow close. But after an unsuccessful mission in Kazakhstan that left mental damage to Y/n, Simon couldn't help but feel the necessity to help her through this difficult period.

As she was helping civilians getting out of a building, she took a severely harmed child in her arms. She made it to the car with the little boy but he died in her arms, scared and in pain. His blood was all over her body. She always told herself she should have done more. What if she had been run quicker, what if she had told the driver to drive faster? She took the full blame of his death.

Simon had seen her at her lowest, crying, wanting to committ suicide to not feel this pain anymore, having panic attacks. He had never judged her, was always there for her, even in the middle of the night when she knocked at his door tears rolling down her cheeks.

They sometimes slept in the same bed. Simon was afraid her suicidal thoughts would push her to do something irredeemable, so they would sleep together. He hold her tight in his arms to make sure she wouldn't escape, she wouldn't leave him. This is the best sleep he ever had.

Being held close, tight in his arms brought y/n a safety feeling, as if Simon protected her from the horrors of the world and from her demons.

She enjoyed his compagny, he was the one she pictured in her future, but would never dare to admit it. Afraid that the confession of her feelings would break the bond they have.

---------

“No it's okay, thank you, I'm just going to get a chocolate bar. I'll be back in two minutes” y/n answered kindly, a soft smile on her face.

She exited the room and took the stairs. As she arrived at the first floor, she heard a kid asked her mother for a bag of sweets.

“please mommy. Can I have some? I swear I won't ask you for anything else ever” asked the little boy.

“No, we have sweets at home” answered the adult.

“but please... please, mommy, we don't have this type of candy” tried the kid.

“I said no, stop now” she replied, a bit more coldy.

Y/n was starting to feel unease. Eversince the mission in Kazakhstan when the kid had passed away in her arms while she told him that everything was going to be fine, she had trouble being around kids.

She felt like she did a promise to this kid and was unable to keep it.

“but please mommy”

“I said no” shouted the mother while taking the boy by its arms and dragging him violently. At the same time, a father entered the hall where the distributor was with a crying baby.

Y/n was walking towards the distributor, her vision getting slightly dizzy and darker. As if the walls of the room started to constrict her.

When she arrives in front of it, she puts her hands on the machine, one on each side, trying to get a hold on something, a grip on reality.

She is not on the field. She is in a safe place.

Her eyes are now closed, her hands holding on the distributor as if she was holding on a life rope.

If she let the fear seize her she would have a panic attack.

“breathe, come on... 1, 2,3... it's okay” she mutters to herself.

But, it was getting worse. She already had had panic attacks. But she was never alone when it happened. Soap or Ghost had always been there with her. They would hold her and calm her down, keeping the wave of panic under control.

But at this moment, she starts to feel like she is drowning. She is drifting away from the shore, getting in the abysses of darkness. The room is getting black around her, tight, uprising...

Another person enters, the bell of the door sounding like gunshots to her ears.

She knows it is it... she is having a panic attack, the symptoms are there and she wouldn't be able to stop it by herself. She has to go back to Price's room, where everyone is.

Y/n opens her eyes, her breath short, shaky, unsteady. She looks at her hands that are in front of her... horror vision. They are covered in blood.

The same blood from the kid in Kazakhstan she wasn't able to save.

There is in fact no blood on her hands, she knows it, but her mind is playing tricks on her. It's too powerful. She cannot think straight.

“shit, shit, shit” she thinks, trying to srcub off the blood from her hands.

There is now only one thing on her mind ; run to go to Price's room.

But her feet are not answering as she wants them to. She is moving way to slow to her opinion.

Each step is a torture, her lungs filling with few air that seems to cut her insides like razor blades. She barely sees anything, cannot hear.

She has not realized it but she is crying, shaking. Her eyes are filled with tears, mascara dripping, cheeks red.

As she arrives to the steps taken earlier she tells herself she is not going to make it. She will die here.

Climbing each stair is an ordeal. She feels like an alpinist, arriving at the top of the Himalayas, where the air is rare and each movement gathers all the strenght her body has.

As she finishes going upstairs, there are 10 meters until the door to the room, her salvation.

She tries to speak, scream, shout, squawk, but no sound comes from her throat.

Her feet drag her to this door, she feels like she is dying, her body giving her out. She is on the verge of falling to her feet and give up.

She raises her hand and knock to the door, bang at it. She uses her last strenght and is now madly banging at it with her two fists.

After 5 seconds that felt like eternity, Ghost opens the door, concern written over his face.

“gosh... y/n what happened?” he anxiously asks.

But she falls on the floor, unable to answer. She curls up, closes her fists. Her heart is beating a thousand times per minute. She cannot breathe and feels like she is being buried alive.

Simon picks her up. The whole team is now running towards the door to see what is happening.

He holds her tight in his arms, her face in his neck.

“shhh... everything is okay. You are safe now. No one will hurt you” Ghost whispers in her ear.

Ghost is now inside the room with her, the door has been closed by Gaz.

Soap, König, Alejandro, Price and Gaz are now around Ghost and y/n.

They all seem on high alert. What happened? Has someone attacked her downstairs? Has she seen someone, an ennemy? What could put her in this state?

Ghost goes to sit on the king size bed at the right of the room.

Soap and Alejandro kneel and pat her back while Price and Gaz seem unaware of what to do.

In fact, Price and Gaz had never seen someone having a panic attack. They have no idea of what is happening.

“are you hurt?” asks Alejandro, anxiety filling his voice. He starts patting her body, looking for any visible wound, any evidence someone has attacked her. But there is no blood, no sign she is in physical pain due to that.

Ghost's smells starts to ease her. She tries to breathe as best as she can.

Soap takes her left hand in his and caresses the back of her hand with his thumb. “Her hand is cold, jeez, she is freezing” he thinks to himself.

“it's okay. Come on, breathe, please, breathe. Inhale... 1, 2,3 and exhale... 1,2,3” says Ghost in the calmest tone he can. He is, in fact also panicking and trying to calm himself down.

Y/n do as told, she has taken Ghost's huge biceps in her right hand and squeezes it. She tries to focus on her breath.

After a few minutes she is able to see and fully hear again. As she opens her eyes and looks at the two men kneeling to her and Price and Gaz standing a few feet away she starts to realize what has happened. They are looking at her, sadness, concern, pity, fear written over their faces.

Soap is the first one to speak.

“hey... do you feel better?”

She is still holding his hand. She wonders when he had taken her hand, she hadn't realized it before but now feel warm expanding in her hand and arm.

“I don't know” she honestly answers. She doesn't know what to feel. She felt like she was dying, she really thought is was her end.

“what happened? Did someone hurt you preciosa?” asked Alejandro

Ghost was now lightly stroking her hair and holding her waist as she was still sitting on his thighs.

“No. I got a flashback of what happened in Kazakhstan. I thought I was able to control it, but there was a baby crying and... and” panic was threatening to bubble to the surface again

“Shhhhh, don't worry, you are safe now” adds König, now close to her.

Her eyelids were getting heavier. Panic attacks always drained her out.

“I think I should bring you back to your room. You seem exhausted.” states Ghost

“yes please, if you don't mind” she responds in a whisper.

Ghost stood up, carrying her in his arms, bridal style.

“I will bring her to her room, I will see you tomorrow at 9 for breakfast” he adds while looking at the men.

“sure, take care of her” concludes Price.

-------

Ghost is putting her in her king size bed, drapping her in comfortable sheets after taking off her shoes and coat.

“Please, don't leave me” she asks while looking in his eyes

“Never. I'm not going anywhere” he tells her

He takes his shoes and pants off, sliding under the sheets with her. She turns her body to face him. He brings her closer to him and wrap his arms around her body. She can feel his heartbeat in his chest and it is the most relaxing feeling ever. She falls asleep in a minute, but think she might have heard him whisper “I will never leave you. I love you and I would never let you go”.

#callofduty #ghost #simon ghost riley #könig #könig cod #hurt #comfort #mentionofsuicide #mention of death

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