#michael with fae logic is too powerful

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Jareth

(WARNING! This analysis contains THE BABE!)

(What babe?)

(The babe with the power!)

(What power?)

(The power of voodoo!)

(Who do?)

(You do!)

(Do what?)

(Remind me of the babe! Oh, also there’s SPOILERS!)

Many years ago I launched my official movie review series for obscure and cult movies, Michael After Midnight. As David Bowie’s death was fresh at the time, I decided to honor him by making the very first review that of one of his greatest cinematic performances. And now, to celebrate Psycho Analysis finally coming back from its nebulous hiatus, we’re gonna take a look at that performance.

Jareth the Goblin King, the ruler of the titular labyrinth and a tricky fairy who sets the plot in motion with the kidnapping of the little Toby after our main character Sarah wishes to be rid of him… He’s one of the most delightfully delicious 80s villains imaginable. But what exactly is there to him that makes him so appealing? Is it just the fact he’s played by a young, hot David Bowie? Or is there a little more to him than just that?

Motivation/Goals: Jareth’s motives operate on fae/dream logic most of the time. The way he acts, the way he goes about things, operates on a morality that is alien to you or I but likely seems fair and just to a being like him. Kidnapping a baby? Well, he was asked to do so! Sending poor Sarah on a gauntlet through the labyrinth? Well, it’s to test her mettle! Of course, over time he shifts gears a bit due to… falling in love with Sarah. Yeah. This grown-ass fairy is crushing on a teenage girl. It’s no wonder Robert Eggers is rumored to be remaking Labyrinth; considering his pedophilic stalker portrayal of Orlok that has somehow still managed to amass an army of horny fangirls, he’d be able to pull off a Jareth the likes of which we’ve never seen!

Performance: Sting. Prince. Mick Jagger. Michael Jackson. All these stars were considered for the role, and all of them could have brough something interesting to Jareth. We know from Dune that Sting looks good in ridiculous outfits, so he wouldn’t be opposed to baring his bulge; Mick Jagger was a solid actor, as can be surmised from the film Performance; Prince was some sort of fae being to begin with, meaning he wouldn’t have to try too hard to pull off the haughty egomania of Jareth; and MJ would have been able to bring the delightful joy of awkward implications in the future since the entire film is all about Jareth trying to get freaky with a kid and, well…

But with all that said, none of them could have delivered the kind of performance Bowie did. I think with him being such an utterly bizarre and unique performer for his time, he had the exact right persona to portray a fruity fairy king, and his sex god status certainly helped sell this as well. It’s genuinely hard to imagine any of those other guys being able to pull off the right amount of sensual allure and genuine menace Bowie is able to bring to nearly every scene. There’s a reason this is one of his definitive roles; it’s one of the best villain performances in all of 80s fantasy.

Final Fate: Sarah overcomes his labyrinth, and even though he’s David Bowie in the 80s and he’s sung a dozen villain songs, kidnapping a baby puts him beyond the pale for Sarah. After reciting her poem and finishing up with the reaffirmation that Jareth has no power over her, he seems to gracefully accept defeat and allow her to treutn home for a dance party ending with all of the friends she made along the way (and also the Fierys for some fucking reason). In the form of an owl, Jareth flies away from the window into the night. Yeah, I got no fucking clue.

I will say this: It’s actually rather admirable that, despite his god-like powers, his love for Sarah was genuine enough that after completely and fully rejecting him he was still enough of a man to let her go. I think a lot of guys could learn a thing or two from him.

Evilness: This is the most debatable facet of Jareth. Exactly how evil is he, anyway? He does kidnap a baby, sure, but it’s exactly what Sarah asked for. Whether you believe the movie is all just a dream or that it’s real and Jareth is a member of the Fair Folk, this logic is sound for beings of such illogical nature. But then you have the fact he’s openly falling in love with a prepubescent girl which is, uh… not a good look. There’s also his treatment of Hoggle, which is douchey even for a fairy. If you ask me, all of Jareth’s actions put him at a 5.5/10 in terms of evilness; he’s bordering on darker territory, but I’m willing to give a little bit of leeway since he’s playing by fae rules.

Best Scene: Do I really need to say it?

Best Quote: While of course the entirety of the song “Magic Dance” is fantastic, it’s the opening bit of the song that is one of the most quotable and iconic pieces of dialogue in the film. I’m sure you could guess the whole “You remind me of the babe” bit is my favorite quotation of his based on the gag at the start of this analysis.

Of course, there’s also his truly incredible quote where he channels his inner “balding principal turned underwear-themed superhero”: “Nothing, tra la la?”

Final Thoughts & Score: I fucking love Jareth. He’s easily one of my favorite villains of all time, and might even be one of the greatest characters Jim Henson ever created. No, I’m not kidding. The evil David Bowie fairy is on par with Kermit in my mind.

Of course, a lot of what makes me love him is Bowie’s charismatic portrayal. Just the way he enunciates things, the way he reads off the silly dialogue, his multiple songs, the way he plays with his balls (or at least the way he allowed the professional ball man to hold up his arm to play with the balls in such a way that it looked like Bowie did it). And it’s not just the charisma, sexual and otherwise, that makes this performance good; it’s the depth, his role as an anti-villainous trickster mentor who is maybe just trying to teach Sarah a lesson by putting her through the wringer in typical fairy fashion

Of course, there’s also his truly uncomfortable romantic desire for Sarah. It’s not really subtext, especially by the end, though it’s at least played subtly and doesn’t go into uncomfortable directions (Bowie apparently refused to kiss the 16 year old Connelly, which is pretty based). I think the thing here is that Bowie is just so fun and charismatic that it is incredibly easy to overlook Jareth being a creep… which is almost a commentary on how rock stars can get away with disturbing behavior due to their own charisma and talents. Obviously it’s not intentional, but it is an interesting way to look at things.

I think the thing with Jareth is that it’s really easy to just write him off as a villain popular due to being played by David Bowie and looking very sexy but—at least for me—I think a core part of his appeal is how much he leaves you to chew on. I mean, there are so many ways you can read him; he can be a stealth mentor teaching Srah a lesson, a genuine stalker with a crush who becomes sickly obsessed with a teenager, a rowdy jackass who just likes to torment Sarah for his amusement, some combination of all of the above… 10/10 is the only score I could give a character who is so fun, entertaining, and open to interpretation. He manages to have genuine style and charisma combined with utterly absurd, cheesy, and ridiculous fantasy camp... Jareth is truly a villain for the ages.

Alright, enough showing restraint. Look at his fucking bulge:

Those costume designers must’ve been the horniest motherfuckers of all time.

[jawbone-xylophone]

The shorter version of this post: every encounter with the Spiral is basically fucking around and finding out, faery edition. It might seem SIMILAR to Stranger shenanigans, but it is not what it is.

It's the early chapters of Yugioh where the pharaoh curses someone to think leaf litter is piles of money. It's counting the fingers and the teeth on a pretty lady you met after dark, because when you look at her through your wine glass her shadow has tails and claws. I firmly believe the Spiral can be convinced to play along with fae logic precisely because it isn't fae and it will enjoy breaking your carefully crafted security blanket later. It is not what it is. You only THINK you know what it is, and the terror comes from realizing you don't understand at all. So you try to understand. You don't take coffee from strange men. You wear iron. You wear your coat inside out.

But fear doesn't actually play by any rules, so you're just prolonging the inevitable the way humanity has for thousands of years. Fairy tales are a framework for combating fear, telling children it is possible to defeat the darkness with a sword and that if you oil the gate it will not betray you to your enemies. The human mind likes rules and reason, that's why we invented magic.

And of course the entities all play with eachother, so that's where it gets fun. Michael Distortion in particular could arguably have Eye flavoring, or even Dark, based on how Michael Shelley was kept in the dark about everything. Combining the power of lying with the power of perceiving too much, to any degree, is kind of terrifying.

Anyway this doubles as my pitch for more fairytale themed fics. Hilltop Road sounds like a poorly disguised faery front and Michael's hallways travel underhill. Something something, the stone spiral that one guy walked out of. I'm late for a thing but you get what I mean.

Okay time to be really opinionated: I think almost the entire TMA fandom writes Michael Distortion wrong.

Every time I read a fic about him people are emphasizing how swirly and elongated he/it is.

What's scary about Michael is that it is essentially the living personification of gaslighting. He makes everything else metaphorically swirly.

Sure there's "nobody would believe you", but most people who meet Michael think he looks angelic. He only looks scary out of the corner of your eye, or if he's feeding you just enough truth to get your guard down. He's fun to draw and describe as a psychedelic nightmare, but he is basically the gaslighting demon. It's a polite young man with curly hair and a beautiful smile who you could absolutely take home to meet your mother.

You only know he's a monster because your lizard brain starts screaming.

On a related note, its portfolio also includes dissociation and hallucinations, and nobody takes enough advantage of that– like, kissing Michael. Lots of people describe kissing Michael as a very physical event with notes of static and that tingling sensation of limbs falling asleep. A good start, but my argument: you feel him smooching your cheek and giving your hand a cute little squeeze, despite the fact that he's across the room ordering a coffee. It feels so real. You can feel his callouses catching at your fingers, but no matter how you flex your hand there's nothing there but air. You don't know if you just want it that badly and your eyes are lying, or what. He brings you a coffee and the sensation vanishes.

I know exactly what that episode about "the man who wasn't there" was because I've experienced it, and nobody utilizes that enough. Have you ever closed your eyes and tried to walk through a room, and been Firmly Convinced there was an object in front of you you were about to run into, despite no evidence of such an object when you open your eyes? It's a little like that. Any sort of relationship with Michael Distortion (not recommended and likely a way it has killed many people) would involve you getting comfortable with the fact that your senses are lying to you at an exponentially increasing rate, like a frog slowly being boiled alive.

Is he there? Is he not? Does it matter? You feel loved. You remember being told good morning and eating a homemade breakfast. Did you actually? Maybe it's a memory from a year ago you only think is from this morning. He's adorable even if his laugh gives you tinnitus. Maybe you've always had migraines. He takes care of you through them. Can you remember what he does to take care of you? ....normal people stuff, probably. Ice packs. You think he brought you ice packs once. You're sitting at a bus stop, going... somewhere, for a reason you're sure, and your body is telling you you're sitting on his lap but you keep checking, tapping with your nails, and the seat is hard metal. Does it matter? Maybe it really is him. You'd prefer if it was him. These cute little hallucinations are his way of showing affection. It's comfortable, even when the city shuts off your water because you only thought you paid your bills. He gives you his coat in the rain, and you laugh together and run through the weather, but when you get home you're holding a stranger's purse full of cash instead of a coat and you have no idea why. It's his idea of affection, though. He says he loves you when you ask about it, anyway, and don't you need the money now?

He's a lovely young man and the only normal thing in a world gone mad. The gloves only come off when it's done playing with its food.

[adscititious-cacoethes]

“Remove the hand before I remove it for you” in the Petrichor universe with Michael?

This is in the same universe as Petrichor, but it’s not the exact same canon, because in the original I had a few allusions of Michael and Lindsay being together, and this took a romantic turn…

If you’re not super familiar with Petrichor, it is a modern fantasy AU with supernatural elements, and Geoff runs AH - a group of supernatural beings who act as a sort of pseudo police/gang group that monitors the supernatural presence of the city and deals with the stuff that the “normal” police wouldn’t be able to, and whatnot. 

Pairings: Michael J./ReaderWarnings: swearing, threatening violence, general warnings that should be given when Michael is involved. open ended, can be interpreted as kind of sad? idk, that’s for you to decide for yourself. 

Enjoy!

You can send me prompts here, read prompting “rules” here, or read my other stuff here!

________________________________________________________________

You were relatively new to Ramsey’s crew, but up until this point, you had gotten on with the rest of them like a house on fire.

Key words, of course, being “up until this point.” 

You weren’t sure what you had done, but for some reason, Michael had taken a sudden and acute stance change from “friendly” to “completely ignoring you.” 

As a fire nymph, you figured that the demon, whose original domain is bathed in fire and brimstone, would be the easiest person to become friends with. And at first, you thought that was true. Michael was charming, if a little hot-headed, and seemed to give you tiny, secret smiles when the others weren’t looking. It made your heart flutter in time with your wings. It wasn’t long after you started when he started saving you a muffin at breakfast when he knew that it was your favorite or sitting in the chair you had decided was your “favorite” chair for briefing meetings until you arrived so that it was saved for you. 

It was cute. Michael was cute. The two of you got along well. And it wasn’t more than a few months into your employment with AH that you realized you were starting to like him, in a schoolgirl crush/romantic sort of way. At first, you were too scared to admit it to yourself, however eventually (with a lot of needling from Jeremy, who had accidentally discovered your crush), you decided to stick out an olive branch and see where it led. 

But, as soon as you sent him a tiny, secret smile back one night after a particularly rough run-in with some Unseelie fae that had been causing a ruckus, the next morning - poof! - it was like you didn’t exist. 

And, frankly, after a week, it was starting to piss you off. 

The first thing you did after you realized that no, this was not just a “Michael-being-moody” thing and was, in fact a “Michael-pointedly-ignoring-you” thing, was go to Ryan. The vampire had been in charge of your little group outing, so he was the most logical person to ask if you had done something that would warrant Michael ignoring you.

When you had finally found the elusive Elder Vampire, holed up in his office (even though you had checked there thrice earlier and he had not been there before), he had just responded with a shrug and a wave of his hand. 

“It’s Michael,” he stated with a frown as he fiddled with a gadget that looked to be at least a century older than you were, “I try not to figure him out anymore. Gives me too many headaches.” 

“You say that about everyone.” You retorted shortly, hands on your hips.

Ryan blew hair out of his face, finally looking up at you, “Exactly. And you’re about to be added to that list of “everyone.” Ask Gavin or something, I don’t know.” 

—

Heeding Ryan’s advice, you waited a day or two to see if Michael got over his whatever, and when he hadn’t, you set out in search of Gavin.

The siren, turns out, much easier to find. 

“Hmm…” He pulled at his beard, looking off into the distance as you told him your tale. Something flashed across his unnaturally blue eyes - a glint of recognition, maybe? - but it was gone before you could have the time to pinpoint what you saw. 

“Well?” You huffed, tapping your foot.

“I dunno. He’s my Michael-boi, but he hasn’t said much to me about it.” Gavin finally said with a shrug that looked suspiciously like Ryan’s had, dancing away before you had the chance to probe him for further information.

—

It seemed, however, that while your brief chat with Gavin brought you to a dead end, it had also amped up Michael’s avoidance of you. Instead of just pretending you didn’t exist, he had escalated to making every excuse to leave the room as soon as you entered, swapping out with others on scouts and missions, and so on.

You endured this for three more days before you couldn’t take it anymore. Michael was in the kitchen, his back to you, and before you could realize what you were doing, you were striding towards him, cornering him in the kitchen.

“Michael, we need to talk -” You stated, putting your brave face on as you lightly grabbed his shoulder with your hand. 

He spun around with faster reflexes than you knew he had and glared at you. His eyes seemed forever dark, an inky black had spread into his irises from his pupils. You took a split-second to decide whether or not pissing off the demon was worth it.

You decided it was. 

“No, we fucking don’t. Remove the hand before I remove it for you.” Michael spat, trying to step away from you, but you were faster, reaching out and floating forward in time with his movements to latch onto his wrist, this time.”

“Yes, we do! I’m not leaving, Michael, not until I understand why you’re ignoring me.” You pushed, trying to portray your hurt and despair over his actions with your voice. If only he would understand.

“I said, get off!” Michael practically roared, wrenching out of your grip and you watched as his body began to smoke, inky black, and the smell of ash and fire burned your nostrils. 

You knew it was supposed to be a threat, a warning. But Michael was forgetting that you were also made from fire. You let your own aura glow, your fiery wings revealing themselves, and you felt the flames licking at the tips of your fingers.

“I just want to understand, Michael! Why are you ignoring me?” Despite your own show of power, you pleaded, unsure of how to get through to the hot-headed demon. 

The darkness that surrounded Michael vanished as quickly as it came, and he sagged back against the countertop, “I just…I like you, okay? I can’t risk you getting hurt. I can’t risk it happening, not again.” He sighed and brushed past you, and you, too in shock at his confession, let him go. 

It took you a moment to bring yourself back together, but once you did, you went back to searching for Michael. No matter what he thought, the conversation wasn’t over.

You weren’t giving up on him. 

[cold-iron-burns]

We've come to a consensus.

Everyone present at the time of this writing will do their best to inform the ones who need the support of a gentle delivery of current events.

The ayes have it.

YOU WOULD HAVE A PARLIAMENT AS YOUR COMMUNICATION SPACE

what's wrong with that? if we all actually do our jobs, so many more of us will be represented

THATS A LOGICAL ARGUEMENT, BUT WHO IS REALLY GETTING REPRESENTED

-wait WhAt?! HoW mAnY oF yOu ArE tHeRe

Oh honey, more than you will ever know. It's gonna be okay. We found each other and that's what's important. We're gonna start introducing ourselves,

*or at least, becoming more clear*

I love all of you so much, thank you so much for letting me in, for being patient with me. I think I'm the host? what iss. @ -o{oo#t?

started dissociating, it felt physically painful. the documenter.

And the enchanting lady is? *turns to tip his hat and wink at the camera* A -name-? Do you honestly think I could have settled on any name? Any singular--yes, Zed is going to sleep. I'm very fond of him. Attracted to him? He is my Adonis. Every inch of his body is particularly unique to his position in spacetime. There will never again be a Zed in which he appears, feels, smells and tastes exactly the same as he does at this exact moment, continued, forever and so on, as far as you know, infinitely. The Philosopher.

Wait, no, the Philanthropist

Wait wait NO, I stand by The Philosopher (for now)

[hold up, are y'all tellin me -- you c'n cawl me your White Trash Sweetheart, get rid of that bracket there, that's for the Host now

she doesnt know if she's the host or not, wibblywoooooo~ teen punk brat? aww man, fuck you you stupid piece of shit

hiiii yeah hi, I'm post-apocalypse punk Mayor (yes, you can call me that, but its aspirational) wow very humble -- golf commentater (now based on ugh this is important remember the actress' name, you look stupid, don't just stand there staring off into space, GET BACK TO WORK

OH YEAH, hi BiTcH --oh he's gone, that's -too- bad. well, as I'm here anyway, we should get to know one another. I'm "sassy black woman" because you're ashamed people will think you're using me just for drama and that's pretty fuckin racist--

I'm Final Form Chie. I started as so many of our seeds do, a poor slave girl, who loses her virginity yeah it's okay to make shortcuts

FOCUS

she gains skills, proves useful to the master, destroys the master (sometimes with kindness sometimes literally depending on what we need at the time)

[I didn't know it was that specific]

I'm mixed, actually, but I'm inspired SO MUCH by Claws. FUCKING REPRESENTATION FINAL--

>nope nope nope, shut it down<

John Cleese?

not exactly. A bit like the entire cast of monty python rolled into one. I'm from the countryside, but I can't say for sure where

woooooo we almost lost her there. she was panicking about losing this productive high, but she pulled through and FOUND THAT RUBI. Small Town Beauty Queen. I don't find it insulting if it helps you remember me. I started as Fern of Charlotte's Web. I keep that mournful lullaby for you. It really changed your path, dear heart. I don't become Miss America or anything, I'm too old by that time. But I love my family so much. You have so much anger

Yes, that's right, Dearie. Maiden, Mother, Crone. We don't think it was intentional but we like the power we have when we cooperate. Yes, we guide ... oh honey, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. no, n-n-no, no, you don't h-h-have to oh no, I really don't want to be here, I wasn't sure what to wear before, oh, I've gotten comfortable and I'm stuttering less. No, I don't think people who stutter in real life have this drastic of

oh, oh my. oh no, I'm still Achates.

Does it really surprise you? Chie and Amaury loved me so much that they couldn't bear to part entirely. They feel loyal to answer when you call on them when recalled in memories; they consider it their duty to fight in sharing our stories! With Pictures!

I don't need pictures

Don't you? you need to sleep, you're exhausted and you have an appointment tomorrow. Please go the fuck to bed. Slightly Extra (okay kinda actually just really ~(EXTRA)~

okay how do I... Ah, I got it. I'm the lucky early gen x mom you both wish you had -- no, we are not combined, sugar tits.

I'm the hardass 70s-80s mom you would have had if you're life was a movie. Well, technically I can mask as any kind of 70s-80s media mom (one of y'all--us! oh, yes, i hear you. I want you to know I would protect you, Kevin. MOM UGH

keep going - the sprites (soot or rainbow, we shift to suit your needs. we might steal your shoes. we are only some of the fae court. crossover unknown cannot compute - PLEASE HURRY. GOOD. I AM THE ROBOT OF THE 80s and --scratch that record

I'm that part of you who knew she couldn't look like Zach Morris and wanted so badly just to be a little boy. You were SO CONNECTED with the host when I was there?

wait, I'm the host

no, you--you are now because writing takes concentrating which you are losing quickly. Hello! I'm Sassy Progressive Upper Class CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I don't care if I sound like -your-mom. Someone has to be the mom around here!

Someone has to be the mom around here.

Who wrote it?

you are high af.

keep letting your eyes go out of focus, yes you're getting sleepy, think how nice the bed will feel on that aching body. She deserves some rest, the old girl.

My body is a cow? wait, there's more. she shifts to being omniscient for scenes, if a cowsona (oh, yes, Buana and Gaushala and Pirwa ... Gaushala still has an arrow in the heart.

Yes, WoW Chie (Chiela will do.). I was here while you built your confidence to try... yes, dear, you really should sleep. TO TRY GETTING CATRIN AND RIAIN A HOME AFTER being abandoned when some of you lost the "spark" or whatever with Michael. I orchestrated some of the setup. you don't need to know my name. I'm both Italian immigrant/WHOA DO NOT EVEN CONNECT THE JEWISH COMMUNITY TO--NO, We Dont...*clears throat, drinks water*. No, you're not wealthy like Ms. Maisel, -we-, sorry, sometimes I have to pretend. Speaking of pretending, no, kid, I'm not as funny or talented as all the wonderful Jewish actresses (yeah yeah, Italian-American you, whatever his+her names are, we'll get to you later)

oh nooooo they're not sure if they'll fit the stereotype if they get loud but they wanna

yeah, sure kid, we sound a lot alike. we exist in a liminal space in which America (and new york city) (and every big american metropolis)... we can all celebrate our differences

It's alright, you just need to focus. I'm 90s Successful Well Paying Professional (I can be in the late 80s WA>T)

you're just stating tropes you stupid bitch

whale!

MISS PIGGY

LOOK AT HER FAT FINGERS

remember when you -hold on- hold on for me, my love lovely?

~do you wanna be my lover, gotta get wit my friends, make it last forever cause that's the way it is"

some of us havent learned to swype yet, fuuuuuck. you're popular--but not top tier popular 4th grade 4H champion with all the ribbons. you'll grow up (yes it's hard, i want to be a teacher one day. I'm based on Angie. I'm the imaginary life you might have led if your family wasn't so difficult. We should give them credit, everyone's trying their best. Oh, I can take on mom duties when I need, we also have kids in our future. We live in Lagrange (my husband and I, at this point in the line) but we don't make as much as our parents yet, though. Yet. Yes, I know what it feels like to feel content but maybe have some (or a lot of) wanderlust in life. I'm ten or so years older than you, so while our dedication to staying in Lorain County is important to the values we wish to impart on our children (yes we are Christian. We love Sharon with all our heart and we're so glad (there's a small congregation of us, maybe enough to fill a quiet one room cottage on Sunday, God willing. I'm inspired by the Amish women I see selling their wares and replicate "Amish" methods when making food for my family (I'm good friends with The Baker. We watch Steven Universe with you! We're so excited for the movie and hope we get to talk to you about it! I showed it to Chip and Carol, well I keep talking with them about it and they agreed to get around to watching it with me. I want to be a good ally. I'm, you know, only a little bi. I know that's probably inappropriate--oh- okay, oh, my, oh WOW are my hormones nuts. I'm pretty enough but nerdy enough that I'm kinda in a weird middle tier of popularity. Haha, oh, that's funny. I'm part Sunday (we miss her! some of us are so jealous of her we want to claw her comfortable boomer life from her hands.

That's awful. Shame on you. Suffering is relative.

SHE HASN'T EVEN SUFFERED A FRACTION OF WHAT I SUFFERED

Oh yes. You are the raw emotion of what the Host(?) feels when listening to Jekyll & Hyde, but only the certain version claws at our hearts

We salute the departed Host.

I miss her. Many of us do. But she crumbled under the pressure of knowing too much. She remembered too much before she was ready.

Parliament: We [redacted for time] ...salute her memory. She fought well, carried her armor, was ready to take on anything and change the world, even if in a small way.

She's Not Dead.

sprites: {hushed whispers to avoid being heard by parliament} {WAIT, NO, WE ARE NOT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS}

there's a lot of you when you get mad.

@@@@@@ Angie no, please don't put me to bed. I'm gonna be a computer genius - I mean, maybe not genius and did you know colleges could pay you to get a Bachelor's degree, it's called "scholarships", I mean, this changes -everything-!

I love you, Cameron. I came first, but you gave me a perfect form. I help the others feel calm. Community is punk, but is corporate entanglement the final destination-- hey, wait a minute, I'm not done talking!

whoa bitch. I mean, we have to mention joe. want to be him, want to fuck him, His story, too, is tangible to me. maybe we're a package deal now, ha! I'll try to remember the good times more than the bad, for the health of all of us.

SO SAY WE ALL

wait, what the fuck are you trying to say

hey, it's cool, it's cool.

nah it aint cool

STOP IT STOP FIGHTING

let's think about date sugar

Ah. That was a good distraction. but we really must be off to bed.

is this productive?

Love, it's okay to be sad about losing the real Ben. \It's okay to have any kind of feeling at all.

Ladies and gents and nonbinaries and everyone else, please at least get up into the bed to think about flickin the bean. More like taking a bush-hog to a lil baby bean sprout, but whatever. let the rest of us lie down.

night y'all!

:)

[swipestream]

Science Fiction New Release Roundup – 17 Feb 2018

This week’s roundup of the newest stories in science fiction features robot geneticists bringing humanity back from extinction, serendipitous discoveries, space-fairing demon hunters, and the return of The Four Horsemen Cycle’s Jim Cartwright–and his giant mech.

The Abyss of Savagery (The Wolfpack #5) – Toby Neighbors

The Amazing Conclusion To The Wolfpack Series

The humans have won their first victory against the Kroll empire, but it wasn’t without great cost and sacrifice. Captain Dean Blaze of the Wolfpack Recon Platoon has captured three Kroll vessels and will take them back to Earth as ordered, but what kind of reception will he find? Many people believe that humanity should turn a blind eye to the predatory Kroll, even sacrificing human held colonies in order to consolidate the strength of the Extra Solar Defense Force around Earth. There are rumors of power struggles, hints of mutiny, and threats on every side. If the human race is going to take the fight to their new enemy, it will be up to Captain Dean Blaze and the other officers who have fought the savage Kroll to convince the rest of EsDef that the time to act is now.

*     *     *      *      *

The Battle for Lashmere (A Faded Star #3) – Michael Freeport

A forgotten colony of humans live on a water world circling a tiny, faded star on the edge of the galaxy. With the aid of the mysteries of the origin tablet, they discover the true origins of their colony. These may be the last humans in the universe. Can they survive against their ancient enemy? Their only choice is to embrace an unknown past and fight with everything they have.

Admiral Stokes’ forces are scattered and beleaguered with no safe haven. The forces of the Woduur have decisively defeated the Lashmere Navy and invaded Lashmere itself. Humans are on the verge of defeat. Their only hope lies in the ancient ship, held by an alien race that may want them all dead.

“Action, adventure and aliens, what more do you want out of a classic science fiction story?” – Amazon Reader Review

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CASPer Alamo (The Four Horsemen Cycle #9) – Eric S. Brown and Jason Brannon

CASPers—Combat Assault Systems, Personal—are the lords of the future battlefield. The massive mechs were created to give humanity an edge against the rest of the mercenary forces in the Galactic Union.

Just like today’s tanks, though, massive amounts of armor and weaponry just make the CASPers “hard to kill,” not “invulnerable.” There are things in the galaxy even stronger than the CASPer, and when Humans run up against them, it’s up to the Human inside to figure out a way to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

CASPer Alamo includes two new stories by Eric S. Brown and Jason Brannon, loosely recreating the Battles of the Alamo and Isandlwana on a galactic scale. When all seems lost, it’s up to the mech operator to save the day!

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An Echo of Earth (Children of Earthrise #3) – Daniel Arenson

We are the last humans. We are hunted. We are refugees. We must return to Earth.

The alien scorpions attack us across the galaxy. They butcher millions. Humans are now an endangered species.

But we have not given up.

We still have a few starships. We still have some hope. And we have a map home.

On Earth, we can be free again. On Earth, we can stand tall. On Earth, we can rebuild what we have lost.

Earth is but an echo, calling from beyond the darkness. We will answer her call. We will find our lost world. We will defeat our enemies. We will rise again!

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Engineered Tyrant (Robot Geneticists #5) – J. S. Morin

Those who learn history can doom others to repeat it.

A new generation of humans has entered adulthood. Raised by robots, these freshly minted citizens of Earth struggle to fit into a society that has gotten by without them for a thousand years. Until Alex Truman shows them a new path. Raised by Charlie7 and cloned from the original Charles Truman, Alex feels that it’s his right to rule mankind. With the entirety of human history as his guide, he learns from the successes and failures of the Human Era and puts them to use against a society that’s completely unprepared to oppose him. Who can stand up to this budding tyranny? Abby Fourteen asks that very same question and comes up with just one answer: her.

For fans of old-school science fiction where robots are people and any problem can be solved (or created) with enough scientists. If you’ve ever wondered what the world would be like if scientists who’d read I, Robot created a race of robots, or if you ever wondered what might be more dangerous to clone than dinosaurs, this is the series for you.

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Karma Upsilon 4 (The Four Horsemen: Jim Cartwright at Large #1) – Mark Wandrey

Jim Cartwright is commander of Cartwright’s Cavaliers, one of Earth’s storied Four Horsemen mercenary companies. He’s not your typical merc commander. He’s overweight and, at 20 years old, he’s the youngest person to ever take the reins. After a series of successful contracts, though, Jim’s brought the Cavaliers back from the brink of financial ruin.

Having discovered a functioning Raknar—a 20,000-year-old, 100-foot-tall war machine left from another era—Jim was able to use it to win a decisive battle. But now Jim wants more. Lots more.

He knows there must be more Raknar out in the galaxy, and he’s determined to find them. Follow along with Jim and his partner, Splunk, a member of the enigmatic race known as Fae, as they search the galaxy for more Raknar. Before it’s too late

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The Last City: a Dust Anthology – presented by Dust Publishing

Twelve outstanding authors come together to bring life to The Last City, a shared-universe anthology from Dust Publishing.

The City, built upon an asteroid, is the last stronghold of humanity in a star system ravaged by a long-ago war. Now, centuries after the apocalyptic conflict, the City thrives — a utopia for the rich, built on the labours of the poor.

From the home of five million souls come twelve stories of adventure, love and loss. Take a leap with Tinashe Arcaid, super-rich brat who thinks adventure is a trip to the dangerous lower levels; crawl through tunnels with Chthenia, a child ‘apprenticed’ to a scavenger who dwells deep beneath the City; or have a drink with Sam Nero, private investigator, dealing with gangsters on the mean streets.

Life in the City can be harsh, but the alternatives are far worse.

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Neither Here nor There – Mackey Chandler

So many scientific discoveries have been serendipity rather than a goal to which someone worked as a logical progression. Instead, it was a spill or a misplaced item.

An ingredient measured out in error or from the wrong bottle. Often, a mistake over which someone was bright enough or curious enough to say: “Oops, but that’s interesting, isn’t it?” Uranium ore left next to photo plates, adhesive that wasn’t as permanent as hoped for, but still usefully tacky, or foreign growths in a Petri dish acting strangely…

A major revelation could be a blessing indeed, or if it was big enough to be a life changing development, one might have a tiger by the tail. Wouldn’t that be interesting?

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Neutron Dragon Attack (Galactic Demon Hunters #2) – Aaron Crash

Hell-spawned dragons, a haunted planet, and an unstoppable ancient evil…

After defeating the archduke of necrotechnology, Blaze Ramirez and the crew of the Lizzie Borden are still on the run, wanted dead or alive by the Interstellar Presidential Corporation. Despite their problems with the law, the demon hunters have never been closer to destroying the Onyx Gate and freeing the universe from its evil.

However, the one person in the galaxy who might know the location of the gate is trapped on a haunted planet, doomed to die as its two stars collide. And standing between Blaze and his mysterious quarry is an army of the walking dead, vicious specters, and a clan of psychotic clown-worshipping cannibals. A galactic demon hunter’s job is never done.

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Pride of the Fleet (The Ixian Legacy #2) – Scott Bartlett

The Galaxy’s Never Had It Darker.

Armed with new tech that could revolutionize space combat, Captain Husher must now try to convince the Interstellar Union to implement it in time to defend against the godlike Progenitors.

When a new alien ally shows up in the galaxy, it’s a mixed blessing. Their military might could prove a boon to the war effort, but what secrets lurk in their past, and how might they shape galactic society for centuries to come?

It’s a lot for one supercarrier captain to contend with, especially when tensions are escalating aboard the IGS Vesta herself.

Husher can only stand on his well-worn principles:

Do right by his crew. Do right by the galaxy, even when the galaxy fights him every step of the way.

If death comes anyway, make it an honorable one, and make it count.

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Scimitar’s Glory (Swordships Odyssey #1) – Dietmar Arthur Wehr

Human-explored space lies between two alien races, the Tong (definitely hostile) and the Jabs, who might be. The Treaty Organization Space Force (TOSF) is feverishly trying to build up a big enough force to defend against the Tongs while keeping an eye on the Jabs..

7th Fleet discovers that one of those races is moving to attack. In a moment of panic, the commanding admiral orders the fleet to attempt a risky jump through hyperspace. They miss hitting their target star’s gravity well and end up deep in unexplored space with a shockingly long trip home and not nearly enough food to last that long. With war now raging in their home systems, the officers of 7th Fleet must find a way to put aside their egos, ambitions and fears in order to make it back, and they know that not all of them will.

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World of Hurt (Mech Command #2) – George S. Mahaffrey, Jr.

Time to take out the galactic trash.

Danny came, he competed, and he conquered.

Now a member of the Icarus Project’s elite mech operations team, Danny is tossed out of the frying pan and into the fire in WORLD OF HURT: MECH COMMAND BOOK 2.

Not only does he battle bands of rogue aliens and ginormous extraterrestrial fighting mechs in the desert and out on the ice, but he also uncovers evidence that forces him to question everything he thought he knew about the man who brought him into the shadowy Icarus Project, former billionaire technologist Jonas Xavier Vidmark.

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, Danny also finds himself snared in a love triangle, while discovering that another alien invasion is likely just around the corner.

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Planetary: Venus (Planetary Anthologies #2) – presented by Superversive Press

Venus, the second planet from the sun, a world of sulfurous gas and tremendous temperatures where the landscape features—mountains and valleys—are all named for love goddesses. Venus herself is the goddess most known for allure and romance.

Here are twenty stories featuring Venus, the planet, the goddess, or just plain love—both romantic and otherwise. Planetary Fiction explores the themes associated with these heavenly bodies as well as their astronomical, mythological, and in some cases even alchemical significance.

Science Fiction New Release Roundup – 17 Feb 2018 published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames