hello, friends! here is a collection of some of my favorite faces. i'll update this list as i come into contact with faces that i've been introduced to and want to interact with. please keep in mind that this list is just what comes to mind, i love new faces so feel free to suggest new ones to me !#happyroleplaying
ACTORS
a-e
aaron paul, aaron taylor-johnson, aaron tveit, adam dimarco, adan canto, alan ritchson, alberto rosende, alexander calvert, alexander skarsgard, alex fitzalan, alfie allen, alfonso herrera, alfred enoch, alvaro rico, andre lamoglia, andrew garfield, andrew matarazzo, andy samberg, angus cloud, antoni porowski, antony starr, armie hammer, aron piper, austin butler, avan jogia, ben barnes, bill skarsgard, blair redford, blake jenner, bob morley, boyd holbrook, brandon flynn, brant daughtry, brenton thwaites, brian j. smith, bright vachirawit chivaaree, cameron monaghan, casey cott, carter jenkins, chace crawford, chadwick boseman, chance perdomo, charles melton, charlie coxx, charlie heaton, charlie hunnam, charlie weber, chase stokes, cheyenne jackson, chris evans, chris hemsworth, chris messina, chris pine, christian navarro, christopher abbott, chris wood, cody christian, cody fern, cole sprouse, colton haynes, curran walters, dacre montgomery, daniel sharman, darren barnet, darren criss, david castaneda, david castro, david corenswet, dean geyer, dominic cooper, dominic sherwood, drey ray tanner, drew van acker, dylan minnette, dylan o'brien, dylan sprayberry, dylan sprouse, ed westwick, eka darville, eric dane, evan peters.
f-l
felix mallard, finn jones, finn wittrock, froy gutierrez, gavin leatherwood, gong yoo, grant gustin, gregg sulkin, gus kenworthy, hart denton, hasan minhaj, henry cavill, henry zaga, herman tommeras, hero fiennes-tiffin, hugh dancy, ian bohen, ian harding, ian somerhalder, itzan escamilla, iwan rheon, jack falahee, jack quaid, jack mulhern, jack o'connell, jacob artist, jacob elordi, jai courtney, jan luis castellanos, jared padelecki, jason momoa, jedidiah goodacre, jensen ackles, jeremy allen white, jeremy jordan, joe dempsie, joe keery, joel kinnaman, joel mchale, joe manganiello, jonathan groff, jon bernthal, jon krazinski, jordan fisher, jorge lopez, joseph gilgun, josh hartnett, joshua bassett, justin hartley, justin theroux, karamo brown, karl urban, kit harrington, kj apa, kyle allen, liam hemsworth, logan shroyer, louis partridge, lucien laviscount, luke evans, luke pasqualino.
m-s
manny jacinto, manu rios, matt bomer, matthew daddario, mark pellegrino, mason gooding, maxence danet-fauvel, max irons, max riemelt, mena massoud, michael cimino, michael trevino, michael vlamis, michele morrone, michiel huisman, miguel bernardeau, miguel herran, mike colter, miguel angel silvestre, miles heizer, milo ventimiglia, nathan parsons, nicholas galitzine, nick robinson, nico mirallegro, nico tortorella, nikolaj coster-waldua, noah centineo, nolan gerard funk, oliver jackson-cohen, oliver stark, omar ayuso, omar rudberg, oscar isaac, paul wesley, penn badgley, pol granch, rafael silva, rahul kohli, rami malik, richard madden, ricky whittle, riz ahmed, robert sheehan, rome flynn, ronen rubenstein, ross lynch, rudy pankow, rupert grint, ryan guzman, ryan kelley, ryan potter, sam claflin, sam heughan, samuel larson, scott eastwood, sean teale, sebastian de souza, sebastian stan, shiloh fernandez, skeet ulrich, steven strait.
t-z
taron egerton, taylor zakhar perez, theo james, thomas doherty, timothy granaderos, timothy olyphant, toby kebbell, toby wallace, tom ellis, tom hiddleston, tom holland, tom hopper, tom pelphrey, tyler blackburn, tyler hoechlin, tyler lawrence gray, tyler posey, wentworth miller, zac efron.
MUSICIANS
austin porter, benito ocasio (bad bunny), brandon arreaga, charlie puth, dominic fike, edwin honoret, harry styles, jack gilinsky, jack harlow, jaden smith, joe jonas, lil nas z, machine gun kelly, nick jonas, nick mara, omar apollo, shawn mendes, troye sivan, zayn malik, zion kuwonu.
EASTERN
bang chan, choi chanhee, choi minho, christian yu, han seungwoo, jackson wang, jay park, jung ki-suck, kim jennie, kim jisoo, kim jongdae, kwon hyuk lai, kuan-lin, lalisa manoban, lee dae-hwi, lee tae-min, mark yien tuan, ong seong-wu, roseanne park, taehyung, wong kunhang, wu yi fan, xiao dejun, and yan an.
MODELS
adam senn, adil haddaoui, adrien sahores, agustin bruno, arthur gosse, billy vandendooren, bo develius, brad skelly, brooklyn beckham, cameron dallas, casey jackson, christian hogue, daniel abohzira, daniel bederov, david gandy, derek chadwick, desire mia, diego barrueco, francisco lachowski, gage gomez, gui fedrezzi, harvey newton-haydon, isha blaaker, ivan kozak, jacob bixenman, janis danner, jamie dornan, joe collier, jordan torres, juan betancourt, julian schratter, kit butler, lenny izaguire, manu rios, marlon teixeira, marvin cortes, matthew noszka, matty carrington, maverick mcconnell, michael yerger, neels visser, nick bateman, nicolas simoes, nyle dimarco, ollie loudon, owen lindberg, rafael lazzini, rafael miller, reese king, richard diess, robbie satchwell, sean opry, simon loof, simon nessman, tanner reese, tom webb, vinnie hacker, will higginson, xavier serrano, zander fitzpatrick
UNCLASSIFIED
gus kenworthy, noah beck, ryan garcia, vlad hoshin.
CHILDREN: In Lost and Found: Amelia Grace Drummond/Rake. In the main series, Amelia, Tyler James (TJ), Tanner, Declan, Adeline, Brooklyn, Takota (all Rake)
PET(S): In the main series, dogs Macaroni and Saju
PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: first husband Mark Sullivan
Source: the Bay Area Reporter, 11 September 1986
So glad to learn that Les Miz was recognized early on for its gay rage.
MISERY LOVES COMPANY
Although the plot to Rossini’s opera is little more than a piece of fluff, the musicalization of Les Miserables by Alan Boublil, Claude-Michel Schonberg, and Herbert Kretzmer has so much meat to it that one sits in awe of this show’s cumulative theatrical impact. While the socially downtrodden in Victor Hugo’s novel can muster any strength at all, their misery is accompanied by extreme anger and bitterness.
The Royal Shakespeare Company’s production of Les Miserables (adapted for the stage and directed by Trevor Nunn and John Caird) is, to my mind, the most powerfully concise piece of musical theater to emerge since Fiddler On the Roof. Although its score is not as lyrical as one might wish, the overall production details the course of history with stunning dramatic momentum. Andreane Neofitou’s period costumes and John Napier’s massive (yet extremely fluid) sets contribute to the show’s vast panoramic sweep.
Wonderfully touching performances came from Colm Wilkinson as the protagonist, Jean Valjean, Jackie Marks as the waif Famine, and Frances Ruffelle as Eponine. Alun Armstrong and Susan Jane Tanner were amorally entertaining as the Thenardiers (France’s answer to Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett). Michael Ball’s Marius and Rebecca Caine’s Cosette handled the romantic chores quite nicely, while Ian Tucker’s performance as the young street urchin, Gavroche, was remarkably strong for a child actor.
When one seeks superlatives to describe musical theater at its finest, let’s just say that Les Miserables is to Cats what Maria Callas is to Marie Osmond. As I left London’s Palace Theatre. I had that exhilarating feeling which comes from receiving a good swift kick in the ass to remind you just what you’ve been missing for far too long. The American premiere of Les Miserables is scheduled for December at Washington’s Kennedy Center prior to the show’s Broadway debut in February of 1987.
Given the current political climate in the United States, I would urge each and every one of B.A.R.’s readers to see this show as a means of getting in touch with his own sense of gay rage.
9-1-1 Lone Star : charlie ryder. gabriel reyes. gabriella reyes (oc). marjan marwani. owen strand. t.k. strand.
Alexa & Katie : alexa mendoza. katie cooper. lori mendoza.
Bella and the Bulldogs : Bella Dawson. Newt. Sawyer.
Degrassi : zoe rivas. zig novak.
Emergence: Piper
Family Reunion : ami mckellan. jade mckellan.
The Fosters: jesus foster. jude foster. mariana foster. sophia quinn.
Full(er) House : donna jo tanner/fuller/hale. jackson fuller. joan gladstone. ramona gibbler. max fuller. michelle tanner. roxanne mahan. stephanie tanner.
General Hospital : brook lynn quartermaine. cameron webber. charlotte cassadine. emma scorpio-drake. josslyn jacks. michael corinthos III. oscar nero. violet barnes.
Gilmore Girls: lane kim. rory gilmore.
Girl Meets World/Boy Meets World : auggie matthews. ava morgenstern. cory matthews. isadora smackle. maya hart. riley matthews. topanga lawrence/matthews.
✦ AYÇA AYŞIN TURAN, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER✦ AYLIN POLAT the TWENTY-SEVEN year old has been in Hidehill for FIVE YEARS and was a STRANGER to Miyeon Kang, the murder victim. Whispers on the streets are that the FLORIST AT BLOOMING TRAILS who lives in HARTLEY AVENUE. She is said to be METICULOUS and GUARDED but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves.
ABOUT AYLIN: I caught you sleeping before, and now I'm in your head.
CHARACTER BASICS
FULL NAME: Aylin Ela Polat
NICKNAME(S): Aylin
AGE: Twenty-Seven
GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cis woman, She/Her
FACE CLAIM: Ayça Ayşin Turan
EYE COLOR: Blue
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT: 5′6″
DATE OF BIRTH: September 6th, 1994
ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo
HOGWARTS HOUSE: Hufflepuff
OCCUPATION: Florist
HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, CA
FAMILY
MOTHER: Isra Polat ( née Kucuk )
FATHER: Selim Polat
CHARACTER HISTORY [TW: PARENTAL FINANCIAL ABUSE, ADDICTION, DRUGS]
As far as being born was concerned, Aylin wasn’t planned. Isra Kucuk thought her relationship could withstand anything, but within the first year of Aylin’s life...he vanished. Her mother’s job could only provide so much, but Isra saw a bright future ahead of her daughter. Putting her into acting seemed like the logical choice seeing as a baby didn’t have to do anything more than sit there. (Think Full House, Aylin played the part mirroring Michelle Tanner but there’s no spin off.)
Growing up Aylin thought everything was under control, not needing to want much other than to know where her mother would disappear to late at night. She’d learn when she was 10 that her mother was battling an addiction to heroin, but it wouldn’t be revealed how severe the addition was until her show came to an end at age 14.
The air at home changed causing Aylin’s focus to be all over the place, especially when she found difficulty trying to land another show. She looked for any chance of a bright side, but all her hopes went out the window once there was no more money to spend. Throughout the years Isra was using the episode royalties to cash in on her addictions, not worrying how the two of them would end up if things ever went sour. There wasn’t enough money to keep their house and the debt she was still piling up. 9 years later, Aylin was 23 and they’d officially ran out of money but that didn’t matter to Shane, Irsa’s dealer. They two women packed up their things and took the car as far as it would carry them until the gas meter reached empty. There were a few strangers along the way that helped them, but Isra figured it’d be easier to be caught if they stayed together and decided to leave without leaving any other sign than a brief note.
She reached out to her cousin, the one she’d grown close to over the years during summer vacations: Alara. It was a breath of fresh air when she offered Aylin a place to stay and to cover the travel costs it would take to bring the two of them back together. The brunette was thrilled to finally get away from all the mistakes and debt her mother left behind and start over in Hidehill. It’s been 5 years and she’s found a home at a florist shop called Blooming Trails, loving the feeling she gets from putting beautiful visions of flowers together. Things have seemed to really turn around for her, though she can’t help but think Shane could be lurking around the corner trying to draw out her mother.
WANTED CONNECTIONS
cousin/roomate: alara
cousin: nadia
the almost boyfriend: it started out as a summer fling, quickly turning into more as they spent more time together. seven summers ago she finally got the nerve to have the ‘what are we’ talk and let the sparks finally fly, even if it meant things had to be complicated once she returned home, but what she found was the man she’d developed feelings for was in a relationship with someone else. now she’s been back for five years back to stay for good and she’s been doing everything in her power to avoid his existence. avoiding having an awkward conversation to find closure on what happened that summer.
the awkward hookup: last year aylin ran into jordan at a bar, ending in a hookup and her phone number landing in his phone. she hasn’t heard from him since. (jordan hayes)
Barbara Anne Storey Gates, 84, a very beautiful soul entered Heaven's gates on April 5, 2022.
Barbara is the beloved daughter of the late Hazel English Powell, stepfather, Herbert Powell and father, Bernard Gordan Storey. She was born on October 12, 1937 in Hopewell, VA and attended Hopewell Public Schools and Bob Jones University. At an early age, she professed her faith in Jesus Christ and had a dream of working in missions. No matter life's challenges, she always remained a woman of very strong faith. She was a faithful member of Woodlawn Presbyterian Church where she worked as the church secretary for many years.
Barbara was a very skilled secretary, and over time, also worked at J. W. Enochs, Continental Can, Prince George Dept. of Social Services, John Randolph Hospital, and Hopewell Community Center. She always greeted everyone with the beautiful, genuine smile that she was well known for. As a result of her loving spirit and friendly personality, Barbara, known to many as "Bobbie" or "Barb" was well loved by many and her positive influence will live on in all the lives she touched.
Her beautiful life will forever be cherished by her children, Keith G. Gates and wife, Amy; Lori M. Jones; and Kevin R. Gates, and wife, Michelle, along with loving grandchildren, Austin Gates Brock, Colleen Hirn, David Hirn, Tyler Cebula, Ryan Jones, Emily Jones, Tanner Gates, and Maggie Gates and great-grandchildren, Mason Hirn, Marlee Hirn, and Lily Cebula. She also leaves behind her very beloved sister, Patricia S. Hines, and devoted nephew and niece, Josh Hines and Katie Nowak and forever friend, JoAnn Hill and her family. Barbara will be missed by the rest of her dear family and the many cherished friends she has made over the years.
Visitation will be held at J.T. Morriss & Son Hopewell Chapel from 6 pm - 8 pm on Sunday, April 10, 2022. A memorial service will be held at Woodlawn Presbyterian Church in Hopewell on Monday, April 11, 2022 at 11 am. Condolences may be registered online at www.jtmorriss.com
Was that [OLIVIA HOLT]? Oh no no, that was just [STEPHANIE TANNER], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [FULL HOUSE]. They are [TWENTY FIVE] years old, use [SHE/HER], and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long
Stephanie is known for her perky personality. She was a blabbermouth in the earlier seasons, but got over that eventually, though her younger sister Michelle received that trait as well (but she also grew out of it at an earlier age than Stephanie). Stephanie is often defiant with her sister D.J. in the earlier seasons, but they eventually become much closer and bicker less as the series progresses, though her nosy habit of reading D.J.'s diary never really faded, though her snooping on D.J.'s phone calls was gone by then; the diary reading habit was already gone by the final season. Stephanie is the most excitable of the girls—a trait she inherited from her mother, and the most talkative—a trait from her father. She often struggles with being the middle child and wanting attention (as seen in season 2's "Middle Age Crazy").
Still, she is quite well-behaved and very hard on herself whenever she did something wrong. For example, in season 3's "Honey, I Broke the House", after accidentally crashing Joey's car into the kitchen, she considers running away from home, and after being punished, is still hard on herself that she hides under the covers of her bed. Danny assures her that there's always the chance of building a new wall or even buying a new car, but there's only one Stephanie Judith Tanner that can never, ever be replaced.
Although often noble and trustworthy, Stephanie has her weaknesses, which include being able to be swayed by her peers into dangerous situations, and prying. Like D.J., Stephanie is a good student. Her favorite color is pink. Stephanie is very athletic, as she also loves to dance and she performs ballet very well. Like D.J. and eventually Michelle, Stephanie is a member of the "Honey Bees" (an organization similar to Girl Scouts) in the first few seasons. Stephanie shares a room with D.J. until season five, when D.J. moves into Michelle's room and Michelle moves in with Stephanie.
Throughout the series, Stephanie has gone through many tough issues (possibly more than her sisters), such as smoking (in "Fast Friends"), "make-out parties" ("Making Out is Hard to Do"), joy riding ("Stephanie's Wild Ride"), witnessing child abuse (of a friend in "Silence is Not Golden"), as well as the death of her mother when she was only five years old.
Stephanie has struggled with drugs, eating disorder and her sexuality.
[JENNA ORTEGA, CISWOMAN, SHE/HER] Oh, them? That’s SUZIE BINGHAM, the NINETEEN YEAR OLD. They are currently a [STUDENT STUDYING BIOCHEMISTRY AND A PART TIME ATTENDANT AT THE PALACE ARCADE]. I hear people say they are CURIOUS, INTELLIGENT, TENACIOUS but also CONCEITED, SELF-CONSCIOUS, JEALOUS. I always think of PASSIONATELY SINGING NEVERENDING STORY TO SAVE THE WORLD, BEING ABLE TO RECIETE PLANK’S CONSTANT, HAVING AN EXTREMELY CHAOTIC FAMILY. I wonder what their favorite scary movie is?
BASICS:
Full Name: Susanna Marie Bingham
Nickname(s): Her mother started calling her Suzie when she was younger and it just stuck.
Age: 19
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Hometown: Salt Lake City, Utah
Current Town: Hawkins, Indiana
Length of Time in Hawkins: a year
Hair Colour: Black
Hair Style: Suzie isn’t very adventurous with her hair. It’s either down, or in a ponytail/braids.
Eye Colour: Brown
Piercings: Just her ears.
Tattoos: A small daisy on the inside of her left wrist.
Scars: A tiny scar in her eyebrow from roughhousing with her siblings when she was younger.
Preferred Style of Clothing: Suzie can most often be seen in a t-shirt, flannel and ripped jeans.
Frequently worn jewelry/accessories: A silver necklace that her grandmother gave her when she turned 18.
Occupation: Biochemistry student at MIT.
PERSONALITY:
Good personality traits: intelligent, kind, resourceful, compassionate.
Bad personality traits: anxious, selfless, arrogant about her intelligence.
FAVOURITES:
Colour: Light blue
Music: Suzie is a sucker for movie tracks. One of her favorites being the Grease soundtrack.
Food: Spaghetti
Film: The Wizard of Oz
Drink: Homemade lemonade
CHARACTER PLAYLIST:
Neverending Story - Limahl
I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Hopelessly Devoted To You - Olivia Newton John and John Travolta
FAMILY:
Father: Edward Bingham
Mother: Michelle Bingham
Siblings: Eden Bingham, Tabitha Bingham, Cornelius Bingham, Sterling Bingham, Tanner Bingham, Tatum Bingham, Peter Bingham
hey! i'm sending this to a couple people (so please know that you don't have to answer) but i'm looking for some inspo :) who are your favorite fcs over 30? thank you!
Okay please bare in mind that I don't know very many and some I do know I've 100% forgotten but like I hope this helps? I have weird taste according to people so like ALDFLFAFL but here's my over 30's faves!!
Merritt Patterson
Katie LeClerc (has Meniere's disease)
Taylor Cole
Dominic Sherwood
Harry Shum Jr
Isaiah Mustafa
Nicola Correia-Damude
Jamie Lee Curtis
Shanola Hampton
Laurie Holden
Casey Deidrick
Adepero Oduye
Ana Brenda Contreras
Ashley Callingbull
Bridget Regan
Christine Adams
Daniel Dae Kim
Tony Leung Chiu-wai
Meng'er Zhang
Danielle Harris
Scout Taylor-Compton
David Ramsey
Elsa Hosk
Alexandra Daddario
Jessica Stroup
Jenna Coleman
Ashley Madekwe
Shelley Hennig
Jessica Alba
Kristin Kreuk
Jamie Campbell Bower
Liam Hemsworth
Emmy Rossum
Katie Cassidy
Zawe Ashton
Manny Jacinto
Erika Ishii
Clark Backo
Tala Ashe
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
Erin Cahill
Willa Fitzgerald
Shraddha Kapoor
Zahn McClarnon
Wunmi Mosaku
William Petersen
Jake Gyllenhaal
Evan Rachel Wood
Samira Wiley
Idris Elba
Elliot Page
Penn Badgley
Ben Barnes
Theo James
Emily Ratajkowski
Richard Madden
Kit Harrington
Domhnall Gleeson
Candice Patton
Steven Yeun
Alfie Allen
Javicia Leslie
Daveed Diggs
Cress Williams
Kayla Compton
Charlie Barnett
Daisy Head
Lily Rabe
Jessica McNamee
Lewis Tan
Tony Todd
Tobias Menzies
Timothy Omundson
Sophia Bush
Tanner Novlan
Serkan Çayoğlu
Robert Mesa
Rick Gonzalez
Phoebe Tonkin
Nico Tortorella
Nick Sagar
Raymond Ablack
Michelle Dockery
Martha Higareda
Mandy Patinkin
Lyndsy Fonseca
Lucy Hale
Laura Harrier
LaRoyce Hawkins
Kim Cattrall
Jordan Calloway
Teyonah Parris
Gina Torres
Amy Adams
Dev Patel
Daniel Henney
Thank you for all you do for the fandom. I saw where Kiowa was back in Santa Fe, but not for Roswell. Which brings me to the question, who all is known to be filming for season 4? Aside from Vlamis and Jeanine who are going to let the universe know they're back, along with Tyler, Trevino, Nathan, Heather and Lily. I could've sworn I heard somewhere Tanner was coming back, but I haven't seen anything actually confirming it.
So far, we only know about 7 out of the core 8 (no sighting or confirmation about Amber being on set yet, but I don't read anything into it, S4's only just started filming). Also on set just yesterday: Quentin Plair. We haven't met his character yet, but he was cast as "Dallas, an enigmatic preacher" in S3, looks like he'll also be in S4.
So far, I haven't heard anything about Tanner, neither about Kiowa (probably unlikely to appear in S4, at least this early in S4 since he's filming his own new show, but who knows, maybe they'll manage a Flint appearance regardless??? He's in Santa Fe at least, so nothing's entirely impossible, I guess), Dylan, or any of the adults (like Papi Ortecho or Michelle Valenti f.e.).
In her IG live with Chris recently, Jeanine revealed that they're trying to bring David DeSantos (Eduardo Ramos) back for S4. He took a flight to an unknown location last weekend but didn't reveal where he was headed, and if he's in Santa Fe now (I looked up the airline tho, and they operate flights from LAX to Albuquerque, so... mayyyybe he's also in NM xD).
So, yeah, apart from 7 out of the core 8, and Quentin, there's been no confirmation about anyone else being back, or newly being cast for S4 yet. Probably a bit too early for that.
I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me.
Hi! did I start my blog with a quote from "Pride and Prejudice"? Yeah, I did. Like every other "hipster overly emotional 20 something female who clung to classic literature as an escape in high school", I'm kind of in love with Jane Austen's writing. And the scene where Lizzie tells the snobby annoying rich lady that she is, "Going to live her life in a way that makes her happy! with zero regards of anyone else's opinions or society's standards" just kind of felt like a good introduction to what you're getting into if you somehow landed here on my blog.
I should probably introduce myself but I've got to get this all down before I lose it. Why am I here? What is this blog about? Is there a plot? Not really...
I have a lot to say... like a lot. All the time. But I don't really have a place to spill all of those words and thoughts. So if you need to label this blog. I guess you could call this 'My Shout into the Void' or just a virtual journal. Either way, I'm talking about life and trying to be relatable.
(Yes I also love full house...I basically was Michelle Tanner as I child)
Like I said I have a lot to say all the time. And I guess I just want to know I'm not the only one.I'm about to start college again. Or trying to anyway. I went right after high school and things were good but it just wasn't the right fit for me. I applied to transfer to another school. I was going to finish my freshman year and then transfer out. Then... My dad died. Losing my dad broke my whole world. I maybe should have quit then. It was so hard to keep going. But I did. Then I got an email. I was accepted at the new university. I was so excited. My dad had gone to school there and worked there years later. It felt like fate. I still wasn't in the right mindset to be in school but I ignored that. This felt right. I thought being close to a place my dad loved so much would be good. I should've listened to the people who were telling me to take a break. but I didn't. I was afraid if I took the time off I wouldn't be able to afford to go back and then I would be stuck in my small town forever working a job that I hate. So I went to school. And I failed out. Now it's been 2 years since I've been in school and I still live at home, in my small town, and I'm working a job I hate.
I'm telling you this because I'm so torn and lost. This job I'm working makes decent money and eventually, I would be able to move out on my own. But I don't want to do this forever. It's mind-numbing and the environment is so negative. That isn't me. No one can be positive all the time. But I am an outwardly positive person that tries to see the good in people. I want out but it is just so impractical right now. I'm not going to get another job like this at my age without a degree. Now, most people would say "Why are you complaining. You're in your early 20's and you have a good job and a roof over your head and you're making it! Be grateful." yeah ..but I'm SETTLING. I'm 22 I don't want to settle! "You're young you have your life ahead of you." Life is short my dad died at 59 years old by that science my life is almost half over. But I like to be more positive than that so let's say realistically I have two-thirds of my life left. Either way, I don't want to feel like I'm wasting it by surviving!
I do feel lucky to have this job. But it's not what I want to do. I want to write! I wanna help people! I wanna teach! "Okay, Alayna then do that." I'm TRYING but as I've learned very quickly. Things like that don't happen overnight. Opportunities aren't just handed to you. You've got to work for them. Which again, I am taking steps in that direction. What I really want for you to understand. Is that I know that I'm young. and I know that I have to work for what I want. and that I am trying my best. I just need you to know, because you are human too, this is frustrating and draining. I feel stuck and lost. Even though everything I'm doing is another stepping stone, it feels like they lead nowhere. Not everyone can put those feelings into words. Sometimes when I feel like this I just want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum like a two-year-old and hope it just all goes away. and I know I'm not the only one that feels like this. I know a lot of people my age and younger and older feel this way. I know my generation feels this way. Sometimes we come across as lazy but it's just their way of trying to do what they dream of doing and not getting stuck surviving. Or maybe they just don't know where to start so they never do. Not lazy just...lost. I'm not the only one. And I guess I'm hoping someone finds this and realizes that they aren't alone. Or finally found someone who could put it into words. Maybe I just needed to know I'm not alone. Maybe I need someone to wrap their arm around my shoulder and tell me I'm doing okay. That they're proud of the progress I'm making.
That said. I'm going to go back to school and work towards something to break this cycle so I can do something I want to do. Maybe that's the first step. Or maybe this blog is that first step. Either way. "I'm going to do what makes me happy. and I'm not going to let my job or my negative thoughts or people who are not invested in my life but want to share opinions anyway take that away from me." ...or something like that ~Elizabeth bennet ~Jane Austen...Okay fine that quote was mine.
Hi My name is Alayna, I'm 22 years old and this is my blog