#might affect your ability to play blah blah blah

[bluecrocss]

Another Yap-sesh: PJO CASTING for Season 2 (Please read)

In light of the recent casting announcements, I just wanted to remind the greater PJO fandom (not that I should have to), THIS ADAPTATION IS NOT CONCERNED WITH "BOOK ACCURACY" WHEN IT COMES TO PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

They are prioritizing personality and acting ability.

I shouldn't HAVE to spell this out, since none of the literal main characters have been book accurate, but I'm still seeing shit like, "Idc if annabeth is black, but Rachel BETTER have red hair", "Thalia HAS to have her blue eyes! It's so important in the book", yadda yadda yadda

If the main characters aren't book accurate, idk why y'all are acting like they're suddenly going to lock in with side characters based off features that y'all are pretending are more important than they are because in all honesty, you just don't like change (let's at least be honest).

Like... no, it doesn't matter that Rachel Dare's initials spell out R.E.D. The red hair, literally does not fundamentally affect her story arc in the original series (I know y'all are gonna come up with some dumb B.S. like "that's the first thing Percy noticed about her! Red hair is the ONLY thing that will make her stand out!" "We're losing redhead rep. Rachel is the only character that made me feel okay about having red hair!" blah blah blah lmao)

Listen, with the exception of characters like Nico, Bianca, Ethan Nakamura, etc. Where their ethnicity actually plays into the character or story arc, y'all need to let go of hair color, skin tone, eye color, etc.

The announcements that have been leaked for Thalia and Tyson are asking for actors of any ethnicity and have no mention of any particular physical features (just an age range, that Thalia will have a punk aesthetic and Tyson needs to look like a large teenager). So accept the following:

Thalia might not have dark hair or blue eyes

Either character may be non-white (that doesn't mean they'll be black, cuz I know some of y'all will automatically try to use this as an excuse to be anti-black [["Anti-woke" losers try not use black people as a scapegoat challenge, level: impossible]]. And also, they never actually described Tyson's racial identity lmao. Y'all just tend to default to white. I'm sure you won't be losing your minds about "book accuracy" when the actor doesn't have big, disjointed, yellow teeth either).

Anyway, I'm actually deviating from the point. I don't particularly have any aesthetic demands for the characters, believe it or not. I personally don't need either of them to be poc (but I will always stand by, that DEI is a good thing and white people can never lose "rep", since it's not something y'all were ever barred from), nor do I care about eye color or hair color. They could both be completely "book accurate" and I wouldn't have an issue with it (although, I kinda hope Rachel Dare won't be a redhead, so the last of the "book accuracy" as a shield for bigotry cry babies will finally drop this series once and for all, so the rest of us can enjoy it for what it is).

The point of the post is that there is a *chance* they might not be physically book accurate, and there is no reason for y'all to put another young actor through what you demons put 12 year old Leah through (feel free to read the pinned on my page, careful tho, I'm a yapper, to get a clearer idea of that whole mess).

Once y'all leave your little echo-chamber of false reality that is the internet, actors are working people who apply for jobs they are qualified for. If there are no physical or racial specifications for a role, these working actors, who are hoping for their big break have every right to audition (btw, it's not "race-swapping" if the auditions are open to everyone. Check my pinned). When they are given that role, that is the decision of Disney, the casting directors, and Mr. Rick Riordan himself. If you disagree, find the private emails of the people responsible and contact them yourselves. Harassing the actors for fairly earning the role, and complaining about their casting on public pages "(not based off their performance, solely on their looks), which will just incite more hate towards them for being a WORKING ACTOR and accepting a JOB, makes you a bigot. No two ways about it. It is just insane behavior.

What's that completely inaccurate adage about insanity, again? Something about doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.

Y'all have seen the first season. The author, show-runners, writers AND producers have spoken ad nauseam about the direction of this adaptation. The books have not been burned. They still exist in all their glory for you to read. If you need 1:1 book accuracy, this adaptation is not for you. Plenty of people have enjoyed it for what it is. Why are you making yourself miserable? Why are you making the fandom miserable? Why are you desperately trying to make the actors (most of whom are minors) miserable?

Nobody is holding a gun to your head. Simply, don't. Watch. It.

Cuz if they announce the casting for season 2, and y'all starting acting shocked that they're not "book accurate" and sending hate mobs to young actors and inciting racism and bigotry in the Fandom AGAIN... I think it'll finally speak to the true nature of this fandom. It was never about "book accuracy" it was always about hate. Whatever superiority complex the PJO fandom has been carrying over a certain *wizarding* series... y'all can just chuck out the window.

[vinyls-and-valentines]

Okay, before I get too invested in this: would anyone like to participate a horror-ish ARG themed around the Zone Five Funfair? It'd be an escape room type deal almost, but you're trying to escape from a "living" funfair keeping people trapped on its grounds, and that's the most I can describe without giving stuff away, so. Drop a reply/reblog if you'd be interested?

[adobe-outdesign]

If you could make a new pokemon game, what features would you include?

Disclaimer that obviously there's a lot that goes into the games regarding the size of the franchise and how it impacts other parts of Pokemon media blah blah. These are mostly for fun but I tried to keep them semi-realistic (assuming more dev time is given as well, like 3+ years instead of 1).

Also disclaimer that I'm not good at gameplay mechanics or RPG mechanics; if I was making the game for some reason I'd be hiring a ton of people to help with that obvs.

First, go back to sprite art. It's painfully obvious that the 3D models don't look as good and cause a ton of problems, so just? don't use them?? you could even do 3-dimensional sprites possibly

Now that so much time isn't dedicated to 3D models, spend time doing more animations; unique ones for each Pokemon for release, hit, attack, defend, victory, etc. Think like Colosseum or XD.

Fitting all the Pokemon is starting to get implausible, so why not just?? Split them across both games? So one game would have half the Pokes and the other game would have a different story line and the other half. Release one first and then the other to have extra time to work on it. yeah people will be pissed but they'd be pissed regardless as this is inevitable, and this feels like the most fair way to handle things

Second set of games should be sequels with different plots, not just more polished versions

For location maybe China or Australia? Australia has a ton of unique wildlife and China has a rich history and tons of Pokemon that fit the setting already

Retire all gimmicks, but bring back Megas. No two forms and restrict them to less-popular Pokes that are already fully evolved or have a reason to stay 1 or 2 stagers.

Following Pokemon is a must

Gameplay needs to be completely overhauled:

Your Pokemon can use up to six moves in a battle, and there's a "bank" of moves that you can switch around to be active between battles. No more forgetting moves to learn new ones.

You can carry up to 15 Pokemon at a time (though battles are limited to a max of 6 to avoid padding out fights)

You can train your Pokemon to fight a certain way, IE be more defensive, offensive, sneak attacks, ect. You can only choose one category per Pokemon and this affects how they attack during battle. Pokemon can also be trained to work together, which allows them to unlock combo moves during team battles

Moves are assigned to buttons

get rid of trade evos. no one likes those. or maybe there’s just an item that substitutes for a trade or something

When attacking maybe like a VATs system where you can aim the attack yourself, as well as an option to dodge? so there's more engagement to gameplay aside from just selecting moves, but it's still turn-based

Pokemon can have up to three types, but they're percentage based. So Dhelmise for example might be 50% Ghost, 30% Steel, and 20% Grass. Percentages change effectiveness so you're not ending up with 5x weaknesses.

Difficulty slider when you start the game. Why has this not been implemented yet??

Rework the entire dex. Longer entries and make sure all data is consistent (Charizard no longer being like 4 ft tall for example).

Voice acting??? literally it's 2021 why are things not voice acted yet. Give the Pokemon more range while you're at it, so they have a hit noise, an attacking noise, ect.

Wild Pokemon appear in the environment, and you have to use different techniques to approach them. Wild battles have a different mechanic than regular battles. (Legends seems to be going this direction maybe?)

A little thing in Pokemon-amie that lets you gain items from your Pokemon once you have a strong enough bond, like the gifts in Neko Atsume

A wider range of Pokemon abilities can be used in the overworld

Play as an adult because why not. Maybe a parent who's child got kidnapped or something??

Maybe a plot wherein the main villain is a Pokemon instead of a villain team, and they're trying to forcibly create a kind of Pokemon rebellion (Pokemon Rebellion would be a sweet title come to think of it)

There's probably more that I'm not thinking of rn but this is long enough as it is

[out-of-this-dimension]

Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others.  We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox.  Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better.  Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all.  Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually.  However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular.  Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive.  I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64.  I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return.  I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies. 

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story.  I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars.  Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky.  Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it.  An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.  

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault.  Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault.  This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids.  We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma.  We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma.  That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him.  While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels.  If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels.  Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are.  But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.  

- Revise the scene with Tricky.  I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done.  And why is he suddenly king now?  Did his parents die?  He seems not affected by this at all?  Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it.  Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big.  As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out.  Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously.  And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved.  I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again.  I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive.  This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids.  I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that.  Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask?  I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”.  Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest?  I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off?  They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back.  Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing.  Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning?  Or maybe back in Katina?  And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force.  It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival.  Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen?  I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission.  I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.  

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals.  Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies.  While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well.  While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray.  Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”.  As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion.  Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there).  But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this.  He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids.  Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo?  Are they safe somewhere else?  Where do they go?  How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs.  A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me.  While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out.  I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be.  “But why, Amalia?  Why are you disappointed by that?”  1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes.  2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy.  And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures.  Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later?  Where were the Krazoa in all of this?  Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers?  It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much.  Which I mean, sure.  Family, kiddo game.  I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant.  As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins.  Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations.  Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast.  Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened).  I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it.  I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria.  Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault.  Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible.  It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it.  Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion.  Why?  Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level.  Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team.  Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria.  The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short.  It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware.  I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place?  I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic?  Also where is my revised Adventures music?  Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t? 

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign.  I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints.  I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign.  Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels.  Self-explanatory.  Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.  

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points.  I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers.  It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good.  Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly.  I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it.  And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault.  But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot.  For variety’s sake.  

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind.  So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future.  I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading!  Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s?  Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

[missmentelle]

Hey. Can you please try to explain what is bipolar disorder? After reading some medical articals about it i still don't understand

Basically, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that causes people to cycle between very high highs and very low lows, without a whole lot of time in between. It’s a disorder that impacts absolutely every aspect of a person’s life if they have it, and untreated bipolar disorder can be a very unpleasant and scary thing to go through.  Everyone has ups and downs when it comes to their mood, but people with bipolar disorder experience a very extreme version of this. If a non-bipolar person is in a “blah” mood, they might have low energy, trouble concentrating at work, and be a little short-tempered with the people around them. A person with bipolar disorder who is going through a depressive period, on the other hand, might stay in bed for a week straight, unable to eat or shower, or otherwise be unable to do the things that they normally want to do.  Likewise, when a non-bipolar person is in a good mood, they might be more cheerful than usual and feel like they have a bit more energy for daily tasks. A person with bipolar disorder, on the other hand, might feel so euphoric that they’ll sometimes act without considering consequences. They might give away treasured possessions, engage in casual sex when that’s not the norm for them, or stay awake for more than 24 hours for no reason. Their behaviour will completely out of character for them, and may greatly concern their loved ones. 

People with bipolar disorder also have moods that aren’t really connected to what’s actually going on in your life. If you don’t have bipolar disorder, your moods are probably largely tied to the things that happen to you - if your partner surprises you by cooking you your favourite meal, you’ll feel happy, and if you get laid off from your job, you’ll be sad. You may have the odd day or two where that’s not the case, but it will generally be the way things go down. If you have bipolar disorder, however, your moods and your life events really don’t have much to do with each other. Mood episodes just kind of happen to you, and having good or bad things happen to you don’t really have any impact on you. Your best friends could all get together to throw you the most amazing birthday party in the entire world and you’ll still stay in a super-depressed state, or you could lose your job and have your cat die and still remain euphoric and on top of the world. Your moods become a roller coaster that you can’t steer, and without treatment, you can’t get off the ride. 

People with bipolar disorder experience their moods in “episodes” that may last weeks, days or hours, depending on the type of bipolar disorder they have. There are three kinds of “episodes” that a person with bipolar disorder may experience:

Depression. Fairly straightforward - this is a period of low mood, low energy and low motivation. You might feel like everything is hopeless and have no interest in things that are normally important to you. You might also experience crying, vague feelings of guilt or shame, overeating, loss of appetite, excessive sleep, insomnia, irritability, restlessness or suicidal thoughts. 

Mania. This is a state of such intense euphoria and energy that you may be unable to function. You will likely speak very quickly, struggle to stick to one topic of conversation, and find it hard to stay still. You may find yourself doing irrational, high-risk things that you’d never do ordinarily - racking up charges on your credit card, trying substances you wouldn’t normally try, even committing petty crimes in some cases, etc. In some people, manic episodes will cause psychosis. People having manic episodes may have delusions, like believing that God is speaking to them or that they are immortal. 

Hypomania. This is a period of elevated mood that doesn’t quite meet the criteria for mania. You don’t experience psychosis and you may retain the ability to function normally and keep attending work or school. However, you are still not yourself, and in your elated mood, it’s possible likely that you will act without giving much thought to the consequences - you may overspend, make an inappropriate comment to a coworker or make impulsive decisions you might not normally make. 

What kinds of episodes you have and how long they last depend on the type of bipolar disorder that you have. There are three different varieties:

Bipolar I. This type of bipolar disorder involves full-blown manic episodes that can last for a week or more - not every “high mood” episode will reach the point of full mania, but there’s a history of it happening. The mania can be so severe that the person requires hospitalization, as their actions while manic can make them a danger to themselves and others in some situations. It will be very, very obvious that something is wrong when the person is manic, even to people with no knowledge of bipolar disorder. Their depressive episodes don’t tend to reach “full-blown depression”; when their moods are low they will feel kind of crappy and low energy, but they don’t tend to reach the same depths of depression as Bipolar II. 

Bipolar II. People with this kind of bipolar disorder do not experience manic episodes - they only experience hypomania. Their depressive episodes, on the other hand, are long and very intense. They often experience depression that is more severe than what you’d see in “regular”, non-bipolar depression. It won’t necessarily be obvious that a person with Bipolar II is actually bipolar - they are often mistaken for having regular depression, as their hypomanic episodes are seen as them “having a good week” or “getting over the depression”. As a result, it can take a very long time to get properly diagnosed and treated. 

Cyclothymia. This is a disorder where people cycle quickly between high and low moods - their mood swings are less severe, in that they don’t meet the criteria for hypomania or depression, but they still disrupt the person’s life. The mood cycling tends to be more rapid than other kinds of bipolar disorder - each episode usually lasts only a few days or hours. 

Why do people get bipolar disorder? We have no idea. We don’t understand how it works, or why treatments for it are effective. The exact brain mechanisms at play are still a mystery. We do know that it runs in families and that there appears to be a strong genetic component to it - although the disorder isn’t entirely genetic. If your identical twin has bipolar disorder, you have around a 40% chance of getting it yourself. If your fraternal twin has bipolar disorder, your odds drop to 5% - which is still a lot higher than average, as only around 1% of the population is bipolar. The disorder affects males and females roughly equally, and it tends to come on in your mid-twenties - the average age to develop bipolar disorder is 25, which is typically when other serious mental illnesses emerge. 

As far as treatments go, there’s really only one thing that works consistently - medication. Lifestyle adjustments are also hugely important for managing bipolar disorder, but they are not enough on their own; most people need medication to control their symptoms, typically for the rest of their lives. Typically, you would be on a mood stabilizer like Lithium, and if you experience mania, it’s likely that you may also be on an antipsychotic.  The most challenging part of managing bipolar disorder is making sure that the person with bipolar disorder is consistent in taking their medication and managing their lifestyle. This is a huge struggle - more than 75% of bipolar patients do not take their medication consistently. The medications that are used to treat the disorder can unfortunately come with unpleasant side effects, and as with every type of disorder, it’s very easy to reach a point where people think “I feel fine now, I don’t need these anymore” and simply stop taking them. Bipolar disorder is a disorder with low insight, which means that people who have it often don’t recognize that they are sick, even when they have symptoms - when a person goes off their medication, they often won’t noticed that their symptoms have returned, even if it is seriously impacting their life, and once you are fully manic or depressed, getting back on a regular medication regimen can be extremely challenging. 

The lifestyle component of managing bipolar disorder can also be difficult to stick to. Even with medication, you can experience symptom flare-ups if you don’t make some serious lifestyle changes, and those lifestyle changes are not fun for most people. To keep symptoms in check, you generally need to live a very healthy and regimented life, with a strict routine, consistent bedtimes and mealtimes, no oversleeping, lots of healthy foods, daily exercise, no alcohol, and healthy stress-relief routines like yoga and meditation. If you’re a free-spirited 20-something who was used to going out with your friends until 3am and eating random junk throughout the day in place of solid meals, it can be hard to accept that you need to be in bed by 10pm every night so you can get up early to eat a balanced breakfast.  Bipolar disorder can be managed, however, and many people who have it do eventually find ways to control their symptoms and lead full, healthy lives. If you suspect that you may have bipolar disorder, it’s important that you speak to a medical professional right away for a proper assessment and diagnosis.  Hope this answers your question! MM

[sammaelsin]

Star Trek DarkSide: Get to know Mr. Spock [X4]

past1: Kid Spock and Lu'ne[Kid Mirror Spock]

We don't know how much there is a difference between Spock and Mirror Spock, because we know very little about Mirror Spock. So many people are trying to imagine him and I am one of them. However, this Mirror Spock in the event is the only character in my universe, "Star Trek Darkside".

1. Talk about your home planet.

Spock "Vulcan planet, also known as T'Kashi, does not have a moon as its satellite. It is a planet of magnitude xx, gravity xx, orbits the sun xx, orbits itself xx, atmospheric pressure xx, atmospheric composition xx, planetary composition xx, magnetic field xx,... There is a desert, hot climate like Terra's equatorial region...blah blah..."

*Sarek: [He's proud of his son, but he won't show it.]

Lu'ne "Sethna is a planet that orbits a red dwarf in five days and has a plane axis. The days and nights are therefore longer than Terra. But because of the strong magnetic field, we are little affected by heat and solar wind. The weather there is hot and humid, it rains a lot. Sometimes there are mushrooms growing on the clothes I wash and dry in the sun.

*Mirror Sarek: "That's because you forgot to pack your clothes."

2. Describe yourself as half-human, half-vulcan.

Spock "My father is a Vulcan and my mother is a human being. I was not recognized by other students. I expected to be able to be a complete Vulcan like my father. Although my human blood is at my disadvantage, I believe I can train as much as anyone if I had self-discipline."

Lu'ne "I am the invention of the empire's greed. But it doesn't matter as long as I know who I am and how I want to live in this world. I've learned to feel the human equivalent and control like Vulcan. So, whether I am welcomed by humans and Vulcan or not, I will not be shocked for."

3. What do you think about T'Pring?

Spock "Our minds have been bound together since the age of seven. It was a logical and a Vulcan way that had to be prepared for the future when my time came. After that we will be completely married and bond with each other for the rest of our lives."

Lu'ne "She is cute! [Looking at her photos] I should have invited her on a date once!"

4. What activities do you enjoy?

Spock "Vulcan is not enjoy"

Lu'ne "Watching anime or reading manga is fun. I go for walks in the forest, paint, sing, or play music, sometimes making toys. Of course, I find entertainment from many things, including imagining fun things. ”

5. Your opinion when your mom reads "Alice in Wonderland" to you?

Spock "That's the most unreasonable story."

* Amanda: "It might not suit you, my son. Some of us should read about Surak's philosophy"

Spock "No, Mom. Because it doesn't make sense, we need to keep reading to know how Alice will find a way to get home."

Lu'ne "I wonder if Alice might be dreaming."

* Amanda:...... (-_-")

6. Please explain about your sister...

Spock “Michael was adopted by my father and mother. She is a human with curly hair and dark skin. Her eyes are black. She is older than me."

Lu'ne "Judah is a cross between Vulcan and El-Aurian. She is two years younger than me and as lovely as an Asian girl. "

7.What you do when you have nightmares

Spock "Vulcan doesn't dream", (he's ashamed for not answering. In fact, he had nightmares at times and he believed it was a mistake that came from the weakness of the human side in him.)

Lu'ne "I will write down a very detailed story to examine and find psychological reasons. My father always taught me that I can't act like my problem doesn't exist, because I won't be able to control my emotions if I don't fully understand it."

8. Tell us about your pets.

Spock "I-Chaya is a loyal servant and friend. It is an honor for me that my father has entrusted me to supervise and train it.”

Lu'ne "My house never lacked a cat. Of course they were cute."

9. What are your feelings about your family?

Spock “Feelings are emotions and are not taken into account. However, I respect them properly and properly.”

Lu'ne "I think I love them. Even I don't have a clear knowledge of what love is."

10. What do you expect in the future--when you grow up?

Spock "I expected me to be a complete Vulcan with logic and control. Another Vulcan who looked at me would find that I was just like them. And I wish to grow up to be a good citizen of society and do what is good for the public.”

Lu'ne "I would like to pool every potential I have, learn independently and do what I want--which of course--the ability to control emotions and a strong mental shield are needed--to Unaffected by the emotions and opinions of others."

*Thank you for giving us time.

Spock "Thanks aren't necessary."

Lu'ne "with pleasure"

[moneypedia]

By Drew Shepherd

“You’re so judgmental!!!”

That’s the response I get when I delve a little too deep into my analytical side.

I’m somewhat of a perfectionist myself, so it’s no surprise that I hold others to my own lofty standards. And that’s one of many flaws I’m still working on.

There are certain times, however, when I’m unapologetic in my ways. And as you can see by the title of this article, this is one of those times.

The ability to screen out promiscuous women is one of the most valuable skills any man can have. It keeps you from wasting precious resources on a girl who couldn’t care less about you, and it protects you from being yet another clueless man in the dark.

A girl who sleeps around is never a good choice for your investment. And no matter what our culture tries to prove, the truth is that past sexual experience will always affect future relationships for the worse.

That’s why I created this list of 15 red flags to look for when you evaluate a potential partner.

This list is by no means exhaustive, and I’m sure there are plenty more signs you should be aware of too. But this one is intended to be a relatively quick check, and I’ve tried to limit it to signs you can notice within a few weeks at the most, or that you can easily find out with a scan of her social media.

Now I’m sure both you and I will catch some flak here for being “judgmental”, but remember, it’s not wrong to look out for your own interests. And in order to protect those interests, you need to discern the character of the people closest to you.

Being judgmental is assuming people’s character based on qualities outside their control. Discernment is deducing their character based on info they freely provide.

Only a fool would need a DNA test on an apple tree to confirm what it is…

Smart people just look at the fruit.

The 15 Red Flags Every Man Should Know

#1 She can’t stay at home. / She’s a party girl.

What it means: She needs excitement.

If she can’t enjoy a quiet night at home, walk away.

These kind of girls seem fun and interesting at first, but their lifestyle gets old fast. Plus there’s no telling how many intoxicated guys have taken their shot at her.

So find a girl who would rather read a book, watch a TV show, work out at home, cook a new meal, or talk to her friends on the phone.

“But that doesn’t sound like fun…”

No, most guys would say it doesn’t. But you know what’s more important than fun in relationships?

Stability.

A girl who runs out of her place every night has a need for excitement. And that need will find a way to bite you.

Sure, everything will be great when you’re both in a good mood, but what happens when she gets bored, or worse, when she’s unhappy?

If she needed excitement before she met you she will need it afterwards. And those thrills won’t be limited to a few drinks with the girls.

Most people are plenty fun when you get to know them anyway. So instead of worrying about that, ask yourself some more important questions:

Will she be there during a rough patch in your life?

Will she say “no” when a bigger fish comes along?

Does she avoid situations where she’ll be unnecessarily tempted?

Those are the questions you want answered (indirectly of course—actions speak louder than words).

Work on all those first. Then you can talk about fun.

#2 She has too many male friends.

What it means: She’s addicted to male attention.

Notice I said friends here and not acquaintances.

There’s nothing wrong with a woman having a conversation with a man. And if you do have a problem with that, you’re too possessive. A woman making small talk with her male coworker isn’t cause for concern.

But if she has close relationships to other guys, and she consistently talks to them about personal issues, that’s when you should be worried.

The true number of platonic male-female relationships is very small, and most of them only exist due to special circumstances.

But for the most part, men and women do not just become friends.

The truth is that the two sexes are equal, but different. And it’s tough for us to form close bonds outside of a romantic or sexual relationship.

Any girl who has tons of guy friends is bad news because almost all of them are attracted to her. And since she hasn’t made an effort to turn them down, it means she’s addicted to their attention.

If you don’t meet the requirements of such a popular girl, she’ll eagerly pick a replacement from her pool of waiting “friends”.

#3 She has tattoos or piercings on interior body parts.

What it means: She’s impulsive.

I’ve never been a fan of tattoos, so I wouldn’t look for a significant other who has any. But this red flag is more about the positioning of the ones she has.

If a girl has tattoos or piercings on any interior body parts (i.e. her upper thighs, torso, etc.), it is not a good sign. And here are only a few reasons why:

Someone had to put it there

People don’t get tattoos to cover them up

She makes long-term decisions based on short-term results

It’s just a terrible choice all around. Why would you taint the natural beauty you have with a man-made distraction?

It doesn’t make sense to me.

But in a way, I guess you should be happy when you see a girl like this. She’s made your job easy by effectively saying, “Don’t take me serious.”

#4 She’s a (moderate to heavy) drinker. / She does recreational drugs.

What it means: She allows unnecessary temptation.

Contrary to popular belief, human beings are not inherently good. And when given the choice, we will always be inclined to do what’s morally wrong.

Many times our conscious thought overrides this inclination, but whenever alcohol or drugs are involved, that inhibition goes out the window.

The point here is related to the first red flag about party girls—she allows herself to be tempted. And why would you ever trust a girl who intentionally lowers her self-control?

You are playing with fire and you know it.

Yes, crimes like theft will always be wrong, but we all have a responsibility to lock our doors.

#5 She’s a man hater. / She tests you to see if you’re man enough.

What it means: She lacks healthy relationships with the men in her life.

“All men are blah blah blah…”

“Guys only care about blah blah blah…”

“Men don’t deserve blah blah blah blah blah…”

Yeah, it’s annoying.

Man haters are the worst. I understand that some of us really are terrible, but if every guy she meets is like that, take a look at the common denominator.

Yes, I’m tough on the opposite sex sometimes, but even I know that there are fantastic women out there.

You can’t let the good ones convince you that all girls are sweet and innocent, and you can’t let the bad ones blind you to the praiseworthy women either.

The same is true about our side.

So if a girl always complains about the men in her life, she’s either still bitter about a failed relationship, or she presents herself as an object for men to lust after.

#6 She can’t put her phone down. / She’s addicted to social media.

What it means: She craves attention and drama.

The online version of too many male friends.

A smart girl knows that male attention doesn’t result from her “amazing personality”.

The number of friends and likes she gets is directly proportional to how attractive people think she is.

This stuff is honestly common sense by now but you still see the same thing all the time. A fairly attractive girl only has to post a few pictures, and boom, she’s got 50 dudes trying to hit her up.

She probably won’t give any of them the time of day—unless one of them is like, so hot—but at least she got her daily attention fix. Plus she’s found a new group of reliable “friends” to support her.

It’s ridiculous. And don’t even get me started on the drama.

If she’s more interested in her phone than she is in you, don’t try to change her mind.

#7 She’s comfortable in revealing clothes. / She’s insensitive to male touch.

What it means: She’s used to it.

Do you really think she dresses that way for you?

Do you honestly believe it’s normal for guys to hug and hold her like it’s no big deal?

She’s used to it, man. And even if she isn’t promiscuous now, it won’t take much effort for her to get that way.

But going back to her style of dress, you might believe her choice of clothes doesn’t matter anymore. You think that times have changed, and this girl is different. So different in fact that she’s above all of human nature.

Yeah, keep believing that.

The reality is that men are visual creatures. And both men and women instinctively know that the way a women dresses determines the type of attention she gets.

Our society doesn’t like to acknowledge that fact nowadays, so we try to ignore it as best as we can.

Instead, we say she has high self esteem, that she deserves to show off her body. And if you don’t like it, you’re living in the past.

But please don’t buy the “I’m-proud-of-my-body-so-I-need-to-be-half-naked” excuse.

People who are comfortable with a fit body, or great wealth, or whatever else they have don’t feel the need to show it off. They rest assured in the knowledge that it’s there.

The only people who show off are the ones who need validation. And they always need it from multiple people.

So if any girl shows too much skin, or if she’s fine with being hugged or touched any kind of way, you need to reconsider.

#8 She believes that things just happen. / She follows her heart. / She’s in love with “love” and relationships.

What it means: She lacks emotional control.

These girls are tricky for inexperienced guys, so let me explain.

It feels great at first to be the focus of a girl’s undying love. And the highs of having a beautiful woman enraptured by you is something straight outta the movies.

But guess what?

You will never be the only one.

You just happen to be her drug of the month. And all it takes is a more attractive or manipulative man to change her loyalties.

That is the dark reality of girls who “follow their heart.”

So instead of chasing a girl who’s crazy….about you, find a girl who tempers her heart with her head.

Don’t be afraid of love. Just make sure it’s the real thing first.

#9 She uses profanity.

What it means: She doesn’t value purity.

I don’t like profanity.

Sure, I went through a phase where it was cool to sprinkle in some “sentence enhancers”, but even then it still felt wrong.

Pure speech is something I value now, and it really does bother me to hear people—male or female—casually drop f-bombs. I don’t give them a stare or anything, but I know that profanity usually indicates that something is off in your life.

That’s one reason why I never use profanity on this site. Out of all the posts on HFE, I haven’t used a single curse word, and I plan to keep it that way.

But getting back to the meaning of this red flag, it just shows a lack of class.

If a girl doesn’t have the decency to control something as simple as her conversation, think about how ugly the rest of her lifestyle is.

#10 She’s friends with known promiscuous women. / She takes an interest in promiscuous celebrities.

What it means: She won’t be shamed for sleeping around, and she will probably be encouraged to do so.

Men compartmentalize their friends.

Of course not every guy is the same, but usually he’ll have his videogame pals, his college study group, his boys from work, his basketball squad, his fantasy football crew, and so on.

And what’s funny about all these friend buckets is that they usually include men from all walks of life.

You’ll have a mix of low income guys, wealthy guys, smart guys, dumb guys, you get the point. But as long as they all have that one thing in common, they don’t really care about much else.

Women are different.

Almost every girl I know has friends who are very similar to her. Everything from the way they dress, to the grades they get, to the income they earn, to the guys they like, and even their political stance—it’s almost always the same.

While men care more about the one activity they have in common, women focus more on similar lifestyles.

And now you see where I’m going.

You may not be able to tell if she sleeps around, but if you know her friends do, it’s a giant red flag.

Even if this girl is completely innocent, she knows her friends won’t look down on her if she does indulge, and that’s why she’s surrounded herself with them.

It’s even worse if she takes an interest in promiscuous celebrities. They’re just like her friends who get around but with additional influence and social status.

If [blank] can do [blank] and still be [blank], why can’t she?

#11 She uses New Age lingo. / She’s into horoscopes.

What it means: She won’t take responsibility for her actions.

If you meet a girl who always goes on about people’s “energy”, the workings of karma, or the meaning behind her horoscope, you need to run and run quickly.

I have numerous reasons why I wouldn’t get with a girl like this, but one of the more practical ones is that she won’t take responsibility for anything.

The stars are what drive her behavior, and she will be justified in spiting you because her negative-energy-sense was tingling.

It’s bad enough dealing with people who can’t control their impulses, but if she truly believes that “the universe” is causing her actions, avoid her at all costs.

#12 She has no discernible skills outside of her physical appearance.

What it means: She’s going down the wrong career path.

Everyone needs money. And if that need is not met, people will resort to all kinds of evil to meet it.

If this particular girl doesn’t have any marketable skills outside of being “hot”, she is going down the wrong road.

Eventually she will…

A. Find some way to make money off her appearance

B. Get bailed out by another man, or…

C. Be left in a financial hole when her beauty fades

Now you could argue that A wouldn’t be too bad of a scenario depending on the work involved (e.g. innocent modeling), but none of these are favorable to her developing a solid set of skills when she had the chance.

Not only has she put herself in a position where her beauty can be abused, but she’s also shown that she’s fine with being a drain on people’s resources.

That’s not good.

Everyone needs a strong work ethic, no matter who they are. And if she doesn’t have one, she’ll be pressured into compromising situations.

#13 She rushes the relationship. / She’s a little too perfect. / She tries too hard to seem like a good match.

What it means: She’s overcompensating.

Another tricky one here.

The average guy won’t deal with many girls like this, but the name of this site isn’t Hunger for Average, so you need to look out for this one.

As you start to care more about your appearance and get your life in order, you’ll notice that girls will seemingly come out of nowhere. And the ones you were invisible to before will make it obvious that they’re interested.

Sounds great right?

But the problem is that some of these girls won’t have the best intentions.

Almost every semi-attractive girl has been treated like a princess her whole life (and that’s one reason why a man who’s trained himself to be immune to beauty is so attractive to them).

But the side effect of this treatment is that many women expect partiality from every guy they meet. So now when they see you—a man who’s in good shape and has his life together—they don’t see a person, but rather, a tool who has the means to carry “her highness” through life.

This is particularly an issue with a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s. Her internal clock is ticking and she knows she has to find a man before her beauty fades.

But you can’t let her clock dictate your life.

People get burned all the time by making hasty choices. And it’s a known manipulation tactic to rush people into big decisions.

Yes, there will be girls who genuinely like you, and they’ll be eager to start something special together. But you need to be aware of the other scenario too.

Beauty doesn’t get ignored. And if an attractive girl hasn’t locked down a man by this time in her life, it’s very possible that she used her beauty for other means when she was younger, and now she’s scrambling to find a man who doesn’t know any better.

Of course this isn’t always the case. Breakups happen and some people just have an unfortunate streak with relationships. But barring any significant change to her appearance, and without any other special cause, the former is a real possibility.

Remember that your interests are important too. And you are not obligated to take any dude’s leftovers simply because she needs a man now.

“But she’s changed! She’s not like that anymore! And she’s committed to doing better!”

That’s great. And I applaud her. But that doesn’t mean you owe her a relationship.

I’m all for acceptance and forgiveness, but I also know that forgiveness isn’t the removal of all consequences.

#14 She accuses you of being promiscuous, or worse, tries to prove you are.

What it means: She’s telling you how she would act if she was in your position (a.k.a. projection).

A girl who makes accusations like this doesn’t understand how any decent looking person could say no to their suitors. Especially since she could never hope to do the same.

You’re just a stupid boy who couldn’t possibly deny easy pleasure, and it’s her job to prove that assumption right.

It’s all so silly.

I’ve dealt with girls who tried to find faults that weren’t there and I had a real good laugh afterwards.

But while it is funny that a former acne-faced, overweight, emo guy would have to convince anyone he’s not about that life, I am very serious about guarding my integrity.

So if any girl accuses me of something like this, I know we need to part ways.

#15 Your gut tells you so.

What it means: You’re not comfortable with her.

Attraction is weird.

The first time anyone sees a person they like, comfort is nowhere to be found. There’s excitement, there’s anxiety, and there’s interest—not comfort.

But that all changes as time goes by.

The more you get to know someone, the more comfortable you feel around them.

The guy you thought was an antisocial creep just happens to be the life of the party. The girl you thought was such a snob before is actually kind and warm-hearted. And this new familiarity generally leads to more comfort.

But if time passes and you still don’t feel comfortable around this girl, it’s a bad sign. Your body is subconsciously telling you that something about her is off. And you know deep down that you can’t trust her.

“But didn’t you just make fun of girls and their ‘negative-energy-sense’? So how is it okay for guys to do the same thing?”

Because what I’m talking about here isn’t just a feeling. What I’m describing are physiological changes that happen solely because of this person.

Yes, it sounds far-fetched, but if you are fine around every person except her, something is wrong. And I’m not talking about a few butterflies in the stomach here.

If you start breaking a sweat when she shows up, if your sleep schedule suddenly changes, and if you’re always on your toes around her, your body is in alert mode. And instead of being able to work, or perfect your craft, or do anything else, you will constantly be thinking about her.

But again, don’t confuse this with some middle school crush obsession. This is about a girl who won’t give you any assurance that she is committed to you.

You will have to do everything to keep the relationship afloat, and that always leads to disaster. The minute you fall short in her eyes your worst fear will come true.

Of course you still want to be as attractive as possible to make her decision easy, but if the success of the relationship depends solely on you, find someone else.

Good leaders set an example for others and create a vision for the future…

They don’t do all the work.

Successful relationships will always take effort, but if you can’t relax at all with her, it’s a bad sign.

Weed ‘Em Out

So if you read this whole post, you’ve probably noticed a theme here.

All of these are signs that stem from a lack of one character trait:

Self-control.

This list is all about discerning if a girl has that one critical trait.

If she doesn’t have it, don’t try to change her, don’t make excuses for her, and please don’t waste time thinking about her. Just walk away.

And if you have a hard time doing that, ask yourself if you would help a man who acted the same way.

Sure, this may all seem cold-blooded, but when the stakes are this high, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. There is simply too much at risk when you choose a long term partner. And if you can’t trust someone you’ll eventually think about marrying, you need to end it as soon as possible.

No amount of beauty is worth the headache and embarrassment. If a woman’s actions show that she doesn’t respect you, move on and find a girl who does.

Just remember that nothing here is foolproof either. Some girls are crafty and they won’t show many of the signs listed here—but that’s okay.

The point isn’t to catch every girl who’s like this. The point is to save time by weeding out the easy ones. And once you do that, you’ll be closer to finding a girl who’s worth the investment.

So be smart, stay strong, and have a little fun too. It’s easy to get too serious about things like this, but keep a good attitude and you’ll be fine.

If you know what all to avoid, just imagine how much you can cherish a keeper.

-Drew

[softbuckismykink]

Like a Stranger (Finally Found)

X-posted on AO3

Summary:

Evan Buckley never wanted to be a guide. Opening up empathically fucks you up. It happened to his Dad, it happened to Maddie’s ex. That’s why he chose to be numb. And he’s doing well up until for some reason their Captain decided they need another member of the team. Something is wrong with that Diaz guy. Buck is not sure what but the moment he laid eyes on the guy, there a strange feeling blooming in his chest. It must be loathing he decided. Because anything else would mean his empathic suppressants are failing and he can’t have that.

Eddie Diaz figured if throwing himself in a literal war didn’t activate his sentinel genes then there’s a high chance that it will never happen and he made peace with that fact. That’s why he moved to LA with his kid, less people knowing he’s that Diaz. The one who did not live up to the family legacy. Everything is going so well until he joined 118 and met Buck, the cute young firefighter who without a doubt hates his guts, which is really annoying Eddie because he can’t seem to find it in him to hate the guy back because every time Eddie looks at him he can’t shake this feeling that he finally found home.

Notes: Okay before you start reading please be warned that I'm a slow writer with so read at your own risk. I might update this tomorrow or it might take me a while to do it. Also this is not the fic that I'm supposed to post today but I'm not done with my firstson!Buck AU yet so here's another fic instead.

Chapter 1: What is this Feeling?

“I looked at him like a stranger, someone I’d never seen before, and he looked at me like I’d been lost to him for a thousand years and finally found.”

― Emme Rollins

*****

Evan Buckley never wanted to be a guide. Because in his experience nothing ever good happens to guides. Opening up empathically fucks you up. It happened to his Dad, it happened to Maddie’s ex, Doug. Guides equals crazy as far as Buck was concerned.

His dad was a good father up until Buck was ten and his father came online after meeting his Sentinel. After that the guide center had his father sequestered in the facility for months. And when he finally was allowed to get out six months later it was to serve his high school sweetheart and wife of eighteen years divorce papers to sign.

Doug Kendall on the hand seemed like a nice guy, at first. Doctor, rich but unassuming. Then he’ll start to open his mouth and you’d know something’s not right with the guy. Buck met Doug well Doug was already an online guide so he’s pretty much already a douchebag when he met him, and maybe that’s just Doug being Doug but Buck can’t help but think Doug is the way he is because guide instincts fucked him up.

Buck was thirteen when he started feeling emotions that he knew are not his own. He’s feeling so much anger at being betrayed, emotions that he suspected came from his mother, because that was after his dad served her the divorced papers.  Buck was afraid of being taken away from his family, from his mother and sister Maddie; like what happened to his dad. That’s why he hid. He pretended not to feel other people’s emotions even if it’s suffocating him.  

Buck decided he won’t end up like Doug or his Dad. So Buck played dumb for the sentinel and guide pair that evaluated him in senior year in high school.  It was a standard screening interview that all seniors went through to determine whether they have either a sentinel or guide traits. Fortunately, he was able to fool them. The Sentinel and Guide Center were looking for potential sentinels/guides not completely online ones. Buck had developed a fool proof idiot façade to hide the fact that he’s an online guide. Back then there’s no DNA testing for it, since scientists have yet to isolate the SgA series gene, so it’s easier to skate by.  

By the time they had a more sophisticated way of screening for sentinel and guide genes, Buck managed to escape to South America to avoid detection. There he was introduced to a more effective way of hiding his guide nature: suppressant drugs, specifically, Emphazepam, or as the locals call it “Amansalocos” literally means “to tame the craziness” because that’s what guide instincts are, a bunch of crazy fucked up compulsions.

When Buck tried amansalocos, he felt absolute relief. Like he got so used to the noise that when it suddenly stop he felt overwhelmingly light. Gone were the suffocating feelings that bombarded him constantly. So Buck chose to drug himself up. Amansalocos are highly illegal in the US but Buck managed to find a discreet supplier by the time he moved back home. With the steady supply of guide suppressants, he’s able to go undetected by even the sharpest and skilled sentinel.

The only downside (because of course there’s a downside there’s always price to pay) of the drug was it while it shut down his psi receptors so he wouldn’t feel other people’s emotions, it also affects is own psi channels enough that he could barely recognize his own emotions. But Buck didn’t care about that, doesn’t need emotions. He is not like the typical guide who chose a job that needs them to use their abilities like a teaching or nursing. He chose to be a firefighter because it's easily the most unlikely job an omega would have. No need to use guide instincts, see the fire, put out the fire the rest is blah, blah. Or so he thought.

Sometimes he could feel an itch that needs to be scratched but pretty soon he figured a cure for that too. Sex. Lots of fucking sex. Buck doesn’t even care who with, he barely feels attraction anymore, so he’d have sex with anyone willing to do it with him. Sex allows him to feel pleasure despite his dull sensibilities. When ever someone touch him, kiss him, fuck him, Buck swears he could feel someone else's emotions echo in him. It's euphoric, that kind of feeling. So it really isn't surprising that Buck got addicted to it. He craves sex so much that it almost cost him his job as a firefighter. If it wasn't for Athena, a cop he used clash with on scenes, vouching for him and his abilities as a firefighter, he would have. So he vowed to himself that he'd keep his addiction separate from his work. And he managed to trudge on long shifts despite the cravings.

Then he met Abby and for the first time he wanted to feel something more than the dull fleeting intimacy his one night stands provide. Because he can see she’s special lady and she makes him feel safe and curious about life. For the very first time in his life he felt inadequate. For the first time felt that his inability to feel emotions a burden rather than a relief.

Buck thought about going off his guide suppressants for her.  She’s not a sentinel and she won’t be able to shield him from the suffocating feeling that would descend upon him the moment the suppressants wash out of his system but Buck thinks she deserves that kind of sacrifice, she deserves Buck being truthful to her.  It’s a  big risk though and he needs to think long and hard if he’s really ready for it. He tried skipping some doses, not long enough for the drugs to wash out his system, but long enough to have some of the effects wear off. Just long enough to test the waters so to speak.

Going off suppressants felt weird at first. Then it got worse. He soon realized that while he can manage being off suppressants while at home with Abby, working without suppressants is a freaking torture. He didn’t even manage to last one call. There car accident involving multiple vehicles, no one was seriously injured but still people’s emotions during an emergency situation like that can ran high and for an untrained guide empath it can be a torture. The moment Buck step into the scene he got knocked by wave of emotions it took him a while get his bearing. Thank god he managed to bring with him an emergency dose of empazepam. He dry swallowed the pill and luckily for him it takes only a few minutes for it to take effect. So he decided to keep taking the suppressants but maybe he could skip when he’s with Abby.

His new found system worked fine. He’s having an even more meaningful relationship with Abby. Then Abby’s mom died and by god Buck could feel the grief like it was his own. He tried to comfort her even though being around her and her grief is suffocating him. Buck thinks he owes her at least that much. Slowly they both heal. Though soon enough Buck felt Abby slowly pulling away. He might have only a bit of empathy left in him but he thinks even a mundane can sense when someone is on the verge of letting go.

Buck wanted to ignore it, wanted to just cling on to Abby tight. Because she’s the one thing, the one proof he could show the world, his friends, that he is not just Buck anymore, that he has a life beyond the confines of station 118. But reality is that Abby is an independent woman who is ready and eager to go out and discover the world. She won’t let anything or anyone stop her from going after what she wants. And Buck just wants her to be happy, so he said he’ll support her in whatever she wanted to do.

So the next thing Buck knew she already has her foot out the door, she said she’s leaving to find herself. But the end result is still the same though, he’s being left behind. Intellectually he knew Abby needs this, and that’s why he put up a brave front. He escorted her to the airport himself, when even letting her out of his sight hurts him. He just hopes she finds herself soon and comes back to him. Cause she'll come back, Buck will just have to wait.

He’s doing well up until for some reason their Captain decided they need another member of the team.

It was one of those days that he's looking for the slightest positive thing in his life to keep him going cause it feels like crumbling around him but he still needs to keep his head up because the team needs him to be functional. He knows that as much as he needs the team to be okay and happy, that they need him to be okay and happy too. He can't show up to work despondent and sluggish, because while the drugs suppresses his ability to feel other people's emotion it only marginally suppress his ability to project his own unto others. He knew from experience that him showing up with less than his usual cheery self would basically trigger foul moods amongst his colleagues.

Luckily for Buck, he has one thing that is going good today that he could focus on. He finally reached his weight goal and just in time for the submissions for the Hot Days, Smoldering Nights: Men of the LAFD wall calendar. So he came in to start his shift with a grin on his face like always, and goes on to brag about his achievements to his team, which he kind of knew they would just laugh at but exactly why Buck is acting like the way he is to keep the team's spirits up. Buck is reveling at his success in spreading joy to the team when Chim started to look past him to the locker room behind him.

"Okay, That is a beautiful man."

"Where's the lie? And I like girls."

“Who the hell is that?” Buck asked frown beginning to form.

“It's Eddie Diaz. New recruit. Graduated top of his class just this week. Guys over at Station Six were dying to have him, but I convinced him to join us.”

“What do we need him for?”

“He served multiple tours in Afghanistan as an Army medic. Guy's got a Silver Star.” So the guy’s a super star then, Buck’s not liking where this is going already. “Plus he’s a latent sentinel. It's not like he's wet behind the ears.”

Fuck really a sentinel, just what Buck needs.   Not.   This is bad. Sure Diaz is latent but Buck avoids sentinels for a reason. The fact that they are all (yes even his sister Maddie) sanctimonious know-it-alls. The only sentinel Buck was able to tolerate was his sister and that’s because he loves her and she took care of him when their parents practically bailed out on them. All sentinels are pretty much smug bastards, in Buck’s opinion. They get away with pretty much everything because of their so called talents. Even as a latent they get privileges of an active Sentinel just because of a quirk in their DNA.

“Come on, I'll introduce you to him.” His captain smiled as he said, “He likes to be called Eight Pack.”

“Wow. Silver Star.” Hen whistles clearly impressed, unlike Buck who just adds to Buck's ire.

“Better drop some more body fat there, butch.” Chim teased quite rudely, which on a normal day Buck would just roll his eyes at since he kind of treats the older man like a mix of a weird uncle/annoying big brother but today it's just throwing him off for some reason and he felt hurt by Chim's harmless comments.

Buck looked towards where the rest of his team is greeting the new guy, and his frown deepened.  Something is wrong with that Diaz guy. Buck is not sure what but the moment he laid eyes on the guy, there a strange feeling blooming in his chest. It must be loathing he decided. Because anything else would mean his guide suppressants are failing and he can’t have that.

[in-tua-deep]

Does Reginald ever get ahold of Five in your Responsible Luther AU? And how does he plan to stop Five from causing the apocalypse once he does? I just really want to see a scene where the siblings team up to save their little brother and stop their father once and for all (and possibly the commission by extension).

good question!! i haven’t decided lmao but I mean probably?? Reggie has four years to try and get at Five after all and Hazel and Cha-Cha are professionals (though at some point Hazel defects and is probably adopted as the weird murder uncle who on at least one occasion babysits bodyguards Five while the sibs are off doing stuff - Agnes things he’s a sweet young man while Hazel has vivid flashbacks of the time Five consumed a boatload of sugar and made his powers go on the fritz right before a kidnapping attempt which was,, not pretty to say the least and Hazel is somewhat traumatized)

awful bold of anyone to assume i actually have this au mapped out when it’s literally a bunch of asks duct taped together whenever inspiration hits my fragile muse with a sledgehammer and tbh just typing my way through asks helps me figure out things like later on in this ask lmao

While the most intelligent thing for Reginald to do is hire Hazel and Cha-Cha to assassinate Five, this is also the man whose grand plan to stop the apocalypse was a task force of superpowered children that he abused so i’m not assigning him any brain cells at all BUT he does think that he’s all powerful with his plots and tends to assume everything is going to go according to his plans and overestimates his own intelligence so

he thinks he can contain Five which probably would involve using the same drugs (or a modified one because idk if it would affect all the kids the same) that he used on Vanya since that’s a more long term solution that just restraints after all and then?? probably a lot of mind games and messing with Five’s reality to try and make sure that Five is not going to be ending the world

of course, given the chance Five would probably point out that his power is jumping and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t know how to end the world with that power?? unless he like? managed to jump himself into some place he could use,,, idk,,, nuclear launch codes or something?

though now that I think about it, it’s entirely possible that Reginald isn’t the one who wants Five alive. It’s entirely possible that it’s the Handler who smiled with too many teeth as she told Reginald that Five was the catalyst for ending the world. After all she’s with the Commission who help the timeline. Of course they don’t want the apocalypse to happen. Why, then there would be no people to help! But if Reginald handed Five over to her, over to the Commission - well. He’s young, he’s already half-trained, he knows how to survive, and he has the ability to jump through time without a suitcase which is very interesting to the Commission.

and Reginald doesn’t really want to kill anyone and get his own hands dirty otherwise he would have disposed of Vanya years ago so he’s down to grab Five and do some gentle experimentation regarding drugs and then hand a Five (with an off switch) over to the Commission and save the world! yeah that makes sense to me we’re going with that because it also gives the Handler a dog in this race so we get to see her

honestly probably the culmination of everything is Five getting finally Officially Kidnapped and handed over to the Commission and finding out at the Commission about the apocalypse, the Commission’s role in it, and probably the Handler monologues about it not being the end of everything and Five getting in the way but with him removed the family will fall apart and Vanya causing the apocalypse will be back on track blah blah blah all they have to do is pull some strings, get Harold Jenkins released from prison right on time, and bam we’re back on schedule ladies and gents

(plus some general weirdness a la the handler plus a deeply uncomfortable and not-inclined-to-be-very-cooperative Five who might not have his powers but he doesn’t exactly need them to be dangerous thank-you-very-much)

and the squad 100% run down weird-sort-of-honorary-uncle Hazel who is in possession of one (1) suitcase that is capable of taking the whole squad on over to the Commission building with a sort of reluctant Hazel because Agnes is attached to the kid now (Agnes is the best honorary aunt and you can’t change my mind) so he guesses he has to help out

someone send me an ask about weird uncle Hazel and aunt Agnes that is 100% an avenue I need to explore at some point

but yeah team up to invade the Commission and wreak absolute havoc and Five probably ends up worming his way into some air ducts because he’s a skinny little thirteen year old with narrow shoulders and then no one has eyes on him including the Handler/Commission agents so just picture a really comical series where the squad are trying to find Five and keep only just missing him while Five isn’t really sure why all the alarms are going off but he’s trying to figure out more info about the apocalypse as well as figure out a way to get home (find the suitcase room??) while also having a panic attack at the same time!! fun times!

eventually what probably happens is they catch the Handler and try interrogate her and she’s giving them non answers and then Five literally falls out of the ceiling with like, a whole bag of files that just scatter around and everyone just stares at each other for a solid minute before Five is pulled into a frantic “YOU’RE ALIVE” hug by the closest person who isn’t Hazel

but Five ALSO has a whole bunch of explosives and weapons that he may or may not have obtained from the Handler’s office because he’s a secretly petty little shit and he’s been using them to take out Commission agents along his way but the point is the whole squad blow the Commission sky high?? or perhaps Five discovers another aspect of his power

after all, the Commission sits outside of time. It’s a pocket, and Five is capable of tearing through space and time, but most importantly he closes that tear after him. It’s not an aspect of his power that he thinks about often, in fact no one thinks about it. He doesn’t just make tears, he also repairs them. And what is this pocket but an open wound in time, sitting outside the time stream as it is? The Commission is not supposed to be and Five has the power to fix that

(he’s been on edge since he arrived, a crawling feeling under his skin. he assumed that it was because of the kidnapping, because the Handler kept touching him and making comments, because he just saw his father who scares him more than even the apocalypse, because his power is out of reach and reminding him of when he pushed and pushed amongst the rubble and there’s an itch under his skin from the drugs. there’s a million reasons for him to feel off that he doesn’t realize that it’s the wrongness of where he is, the rip carved into the world that begs for him to close it, to heal it)

so i think that might be a cool climax, destroying the Commission and then making sure it can never return ?? 

Vanya would absolutely fuck up the entire commission first though looking for Five it would be hilarious and mildly terrifying and Klaus is just behind her like “yeah i’m going to say training her powers was a good thing otherwise we (the other hargreeves plus Hazel) would probably be paste right now” while Ben frantically zips through the walls trying to find Five while the other losers are limited by walls (of course, Ben probably doesn’t think to zoom up in the vents whoops)

and then, when they go back with the one remaining briefcase (that they probably all destroy as the last remnants of the commission idk) they get a confrontation with Reginald

because I really liked Klaus’s whole thing with Reginald (“We were just little kids.”) and feel like the rest of the family?? probably needs that closure as well tbh 

and i mean,, also the general spite of them informing Reginald (with proof a la the documents Five obtained) that it was Reginald’s fault the apocalypse happened in the first place due to his abuse and drugging of Vanya which caused her to have no support network and be influenced by Leonard Peabody/Harold Jenkins and that lmao Five was never the reason the world ended and in fact there was a lot riding on removing him from the equation so that it could happen in the first place

the satisfaction of telling the man behind the curtain, the man who thinks he holds all the cards, the man who thinks he’s the puppeteer, that he was played like that’s satisfying

(Reginald, verbally eviscerated and pale as milk in the face of the kids accusations and revelations

Five: hey so like if we’re all saying our piece then uhhh I want mom in the divorce. the disowning? whatever this is

Diego: seconded

Five: and also dad?? i never want to see you again

Luther: also seconded

Five: also i want us to be able to get our stuff like luther’s records ‘n stuff

Vanya: you know what let’s just put Five in charge of the official family split seems like he’s got all the right stuff in mind)

but yeah this is all vague story climax stuff that I haven’t gotten anything down in concrete yet?? i should probably put together a timeline since it seems like i’m eventually going to be actually writing this au and probably making a whole ‘verse to do little side stories for as well goodness

so yeah keep the questions and suggestions coming y’all i’m slow at responding but they do very much help me figure things out and since nothing is concrete by any means i’m always open to suggestions on what people do and don’t like about any directions I take or suggestions on how to make it better/make more sense ;3c

[mellz117]

Hello all and welcome to part 4 of my playthrough of KH2 on the PS2. If you haven't seen the previous entries please go do that.

[ _1_ ] [ _2_ ] [ _3_ ]

To recap: The Wonders of Twilight Town are boring as hell. We spoke to Namine again, Roxas finally realizes his life this week is a lie and starts to remember his life in the Organization. DiZ is racist against Nobodies but we already knew that. Roxas and Axel fight, I wanted to cry. Roxas meets Sora in his sleeping pod before disappearing, I wanted to cry.

And the adventure continues

I wanna know how Sora wakes up in the real world when Roxas merges with him in the virtual one. How in CoM does Sora go to sleep in Castle Oblivion, the whole-ass chamber and then some get transferred to Twilight Town, Roxas meets him in a virtual version of the mansion, and Sora wakes up in the real mansion in KH2? Nomura please explain this series. Is Final Fantasy ever this convoluted?

Donald and Goofy call out to Sora and we're once again reminded this is a Disney game. I don’t know why but the fact that Disney owns the original Kingdom Hearts characters bothers me. It means, unless DISNEY gives the OK, Sora will never be in Smash Bros. and that makes me sad.

I don't know much about comas but after a year of total inactivity, wouldn't your muscles atrophy like, A BUNCH? At least is wasn’t 7... OR VENTUS WITH A WHOLE DECADE WTF?

Again WHY COULDN'T JIMINY JUST KEEP EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN CHAIN OF MEMORIES WRITTEN DOWN IN HIS JOURNAL INSTEAD OF A CRYPTIC MEMO TO THANK NAMINE?

The trinity trio wanders out of the mansion, loot some chests, and find their way to the back alleys of town.

Hayner is rude RIGHT outta the gate, wow. Ok I remember that Pence actually met Roxas in Days, and so to me he seems to recognize Sora through his memories of Roxas despite the two sharing like, one visual similarly: blue eyes. But KH3 to my understanding reveals that the virtual versions of characters affect the real version so I dunno!! WHAT IS THIS SERIES?

"Have you finished the summer homework yet?" Olette asks Sora and his two ANIMAL COMPANIONS as if seeing two anthropomorphic animals is fucking normal in a town comprised entirely of humans and exactly one moogle.

Sora doesn't have any homework. For over a year he's been away from home and his mom couldn't make him go to school. I wonder how she's doing? Does she miss her son? Kingdom Hearts and parents don't gel.

I like how.. When Pence describes this cloaked figure who was looking for the trinity trio, as having big, round ears, they have to think about who it could possibly be. They’re not too bright.

Why is “sofa” capitalized? Also they weren't even sitting on it, neither of them were!

HAYNER IS A RUDE BOY! He tells us so ask Seifer about the town, as we are new. Bruh, if you’re this rude to us I’m sure how much worse Seifer and his posse are.

Seifer is immediately confrontational. “You here to pick a fight with us?” and Sora’s all like “No, we’re new here.” and DONALD FUCKING DUCK! INSULTS SEIFER AND NOW EVERYONE’S READY TO THROW DOWN! THANKS TO THIS DUMB FUCK DUCK!

But thank Christ big chungus appears out of nowhere and stops the children and two adult furries from causing a scene.

This dude is WAY too into the Struggle tournament. Seifer has an unwanted faaaaan! Bro, go away, you’re creeping on a teenager.

I wanna fight Seifer.

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I'm not working on this like I should be. I'm going on vacation soon and since we're all in quarantine I can't really do anything fun so this is the opportune time to catch up.

Moving on! We make our way to the train station and oh no, we're ambushed by Dusks! Because of COURSE we are. Who could've seen THAT coming? /s

I- I like how, even after hearing his voice, and seeing his fucking mousey silhouette, the gang STILL might not be sure this is their stupid rat king. One brain cell between the three of them, I swear, and Goofy is the primary carrier, and it only sometimes works.

Why do we need to purchase tickets to travel on a magical train embarking to an ethereal plane of existence? I guess it's the principal of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S CRYING!

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Pence is so cute. I didn't care much for him when I was younger but he's such a cutie. 

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I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S SAD!

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It's fat cat Pete. For like ever, I had no idea he was a cat. Wonder what Maleficent saw in him to ally with him.

The trinity trio laughing about killing (or at least taking part in killing) Maleficent. "She's toast!" this sure is early 2000's dialogue...

Heartless everywhere! "You mean the worlds aren't at peace after all" well, no sweetie. It takes time for things to recover from horrible events. *looks at current state of the real world*

So like, I had no idea Yen Sid was a Keyblade warrior??? I had read about that in his Wiki page when I googled if any Keyblade warriors were left handed. (Ven might be, but more likely ambidextrous) But I guess being Mickey's teacher would imply his Keyblade wielder roots but whatever, I didn't pay attention when I was a teenager.

Yen Sid's decor is baffling. What are these bookshelves? What are these BOOKS? They're huge!

Good on Yen Sid for using singular “they” pronouns in 2005.

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On to our change of wardrobe. Without a doubt Sora's best look in the whole series, in my humble opinion. Lookit my handsome boy. 

And Sora learns about drive forms, blah, blah, blah, powerful forms, gotta sacrifice something like in Duel Monsters, in this case an ally.

Yen Sid is so boring.

All seriousness and tension is just broken as soon as Goofy’s name is uttered, at least Sora and Donald have normal names wtf.

It’s interesting how like, 15 years later, Union X explains how Maleficent was able to return after her defeat. Something about, as long as someone from your original time remembers you and you have a physical object to represent you you’re able to basically some back from the dead. Right? Am I right on that? I haven’t played it but I’m hanging by a thread on this loop.

Sora’s hard work down the drain...

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Hollow Bastion! And of course there’s trouble. Heartless, Nobodies, and Yuffie, oh my!

A problem sequels have to work around is when the protagonist needs to relearn their abilities. KH does a well and good job with this one. In CoM, it’s a different battle style, in KH2 Sora’s been asleep for a hear prior.

Also, Merlin “leant” Sora some magic spells? How does that work? Like, once you learn it you can’t just... give that knowledge back...?

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How old is Leon? He has no right being this pretty.

Another ambush by Nobodies. Give it a rest, would ya? Battle ensues, Leon deals the final blow against an enemy, and as the camera usually does, zooms in on the victor and we get a nice slow-mo crotch shot of Leon. Thanks, game... Then, Xemnas’s very sexy, very manly voice echoes across town and the organization appears before our protagonists. I’m weak.

Demyx’s laugh, dude. I love it. Sora is ready to throw hands with anyone in his way. Honey, you’re barely out of a magic coma and this dude is like, two whole feet taller than you. Not to mention very fit.

I’m done thirsting over Xemnas...

After a few taunting words, the new villains depart, Donald attempts to give chase somehow? Where you gonna go? They disappeared behind dark corridors. It seems Goofy is still holding onto that shared brain cell.

The Bastard

I like the majority of the Organization. Xigbar is definitely one of my favorites based on this next scene alone. He’s so snarky and full of shit. I love it. He’s great. He was definitely a stoner at some point.

I’m confused though. “He used to give me that same exact look!” the Wiki says Xigbar’s talking about Ven but I always thought he was referring to Roxas? Did Braig and Ven have a history? That’s implied in Days (which released before BbS) IDK dude. I’m surprised I’ve gone this long without spoiling myself too much on BbS. Like, a few story beats here and there but a lot of it isn’t gonna be known until I play it.

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The dialogue for KH2 was so different from the first game. It dates itself so much in comparison.

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Xiggy stands like this for 7 whole seconds parting with a condescending “Be a good boy now!” before disappearing. I love this fucker.

Leon, who’s been sitting on the sidelines this whole time, joins Sora and the others after the real threat is gone. We chitchat for a little bit and say our goodbyes. It’s time to leave this place and move on to one of two available worlds.

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At the Beast's Castle. After fighting a hoard of Shadows, the least intimidating enemy in the series (although the demon tower in kh3 is quite frightening nlg), the Beast himself makes his appearance, takes out the Heartless that suddenly stop multiplying upon his arrival, disgracefully shoves his supposed friends aside, and takes his precious rose to the west wing, which is where it SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. ADAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

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No joke one of the funniest actual gags in the whole series is:

*Donald Duck manhandling Cogsworth*

Cut to Sora saying "I'm glad you're OK." to Lumiere

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OK the minigame where you gotta light the magic torches, why do we have to make sure Cogsworth  has enough strength to keep the lever down when we have two perfectly capable companions that can hold it down instead? I remember this sequence being a lot more annoying when I was a teen.

Xaldin's voice makes me feel things. Ahhh he sounds so tired lol. He peaces out and we fight the Beast. I remember getting him to calm down being harder.

"Xaldin used my anger to control me!" Says Beast. He angers very easily so this must have been a cinch. Xaldin's been obsessed with him since Days so I would imagine this intel would come in handy.

More fodder to fight and on to the boss. Phase one is just an angrier version of the Darkball Heartless. Phase two is just skinny Ganon. I like its design though.

“Belle, I’m sorry. I wasn’t myself, being all rude and overall kind of a jackass to you and my servants” Except that’s kinda how you’ve always been lmao. Just because you couldn’t choose not to be an ass here doesn’t change that this IS in character. Still gotta work on that a bit.

“You don’t have to apologize” No, no he still does.

They all reconcile and the Trinity Trio departs until Xaldin shows up again to wreak more havoc.

Time to move on to the next world.

[bassimelwakil]

GDS3 Essay Answers for Round 1

So the Great Designer Search has begun. Several people I follow on twitter who were eligible to enter put up their answers to Round One, an essay contest (which meant I now knew the questions). (http://sarpadianempiresvol-viii.tumblr.com/post/170001140404/the-great-designer-search-3-trial-1-essays and https://mtgcolorpie.com/2018/01/22/gds-3-round-1-essay-answers/)

I thought it might be fun to answer them, despite my ineligibility to actually enter GDS3. (I don’t live in the US). 

Unfortunately, a lot of the essays’ questions irked me and most of my answers end up containing a level of snark I’ve tried to tone down so I don’t end up sounding like this...

1. Introduce yourself and explain why you are a good fit for this internship.

2. An evergreen mechanic is a keyword mechanic that shows up in (almost) every set. If you had to make an existing keyword mechanic evergreen, which one would you choose and why?

I am presuming the following:

I cannot change the mechanic anyway, not even in name. (Otherwise, this question may as well ask me to invent a mechanic.)

I can’t choose ability words, as they’re not the same as keyword mechanics. (Similarly, I couldn’t pick hybrid mana.)

I can pick keyword actions. (I’m being pedantic, but since the hypothetical is asking me to make choice, I’d rather know what my options are... or are not.)

So I’m picking Crew.

There’s no good candidate for a Blue/Black keyword (an obvious circumstance for selecting a keyword), and really the two mechanics that ought to be evergreen are Crew and transform for this same reason:

Every Magic world needs them.

It’s why Equipment became evergreen; mechanics are either necessary to gameplay or creative (or both). Some story elements cards ought to capture, such as swords and shields. But Magic cannot capture other basic creative needs because the evergreen keywords needed to represent them don’t exist. I can think of five such tropes currently absent.

Vehicles remained absent until Crew.

Transform carries logistical issues and walks the tightrope of being too broad, like Kicker.

The complexity of Crew may be a concern, but that can be offset by its intuitive and independent natures; the mechanic piggybacks on creative resonance and doesn’t need to appear more than once or twice, nor even at common, to do its job.

And it’s so much fun.

3. If you had to remove evergreen status from a keyword mechanic that is currently evergreen, which one would you remove and why.

Defender.

It’s a downside mechanic that does nothing.

It can just be written out, the game text is three words.

It’s annoying because creatures with defender don’t count as creatures in design skeletons, and they wheel in draft because they can’t attack. And sometimes they’re a trap; newer players take them and miss that one little keyword without reminder text and end up with a dud in their decks.

And R&D don’t even use it when they could: most effects that stop a creature attacking don’t even give the creature defender. Pacifism-auras say “it can’t attack”, not “it gains Defender”. Auras that say “it can’t attack or block” can’t give defender because it would look counterintuitive; “it gains defender and can’t block”.

It’s a keyword that got grandfathered in because of walls, and really, that’s this keyword’s purpose: to consolidate a tribe around specific gameplay.

Walls are cool. Buffing your walls/creatures with defender remains silly fun and was a theme in Iconic Masters. One of my best friends loves doing this. I made a commander deck I adored which sat behind lots of walls and forced everyone’s creatures to attack (this was before goad).

So write the mechanic out, de-keyword it, and create a new creature type. “Guardian” will do. Then make creatures that say, “Guardians and Walls you control...”.

Yes, other evergreen keywords might be a problem, such as Hexproof, but Defender demands players actually remember what it does; the actual number of evergreen keywords MtG can sustain remains precious, and Defender doesn’t need to be one of them.

4. You’re going to teach Magic to a stranger. What’s your strategy to have the best possible outcome?

I’d ask them to pick two of the following:

Soldiers and honourable knights

Wizards of water and air

Necromancers and zombies

Goblins and pyromancers

Elves and big monsters

Then I’d get the two welcome decks they picked and tell them to shuffle them together. I’d then pick two other decks they didn’t pick and shuffle them together and start explaining how the game works with broad strokes, animating the game’s rules by picking up cards and focusing on the fun.

I want to focus on why I’d make them pick decks: I want a new player to immediately notice the personal customisation of the game by making them pick two colours and smooshing them together. After one game they will immediately wonder what would’ve happened if they combined two other decks together or one of their chosen decks with a deck they didn’t pick, because once a player realises how much customization Magic has, they’re hooked.

I was the first person in my town to play MtG so I taught most of the people in my area.

That’s how I did it. They picked two colours (no sample decks back then) and I gave them what cards I could in those colours so they could have a deck.

5. What is Magic’s greatest strength and why?

As I pointed out in my previous answer, the customization Magic offers. Players can truly make Magic their own in a way almost no other game has. Thanks to the versatility of the mana system and the faction distinction in the colour pie, players get to essentially compose the colours of their deck, making it an intensely personal game.

Right now, one of my best friends is getting hooked to this game, and this is what’s drawing him in. We draft and he loves playing colours he’s not played before, combining them in new ways, finding new strategies to explore.

The modularity of the game creates the opportunity for players to invest themselves in it.

6. What is Magic’s greatest weakness and why?

The community.

Players can customise Magic so completely that what matters to them becomes the only thing about the game that really matters and anyone who disagrees isn’t “really” playing Magic.

Players will happily dismiss cards as rubbish if they won’t hit their chosen format. That negativity drives people away because, hey, that card might be a lot of fun in another format.

Other players, deciding Magic must be serious, don’t like silly cards, and so cards that aren’t powerful or even sensible get mocked.

And that’s if you can even find players who want to play the same format as you.

Players who take the time to invest in Magic can easily become stubborn, and won’t play outside their comfort zone. My (now former) playgroup was at first, all about serious tournament constructed play. Then it became about Commander, playing their decks against each other, but the politics was always very Spike-y. But I I loved diversity of format. I loved trying new things: Planechase, Archenemy... just recently I played my first ever Pauper tournament. I don’t like constructed formats, but I’ll play if that’s what everyone wants. My new playgroup, amusingly, made of friends in the same group who were put off Magic because they “weren’t good enough” and never found it that much fun, are finding it to be fun precisely because I show up with different sets to draft and different formats to try; Wizard’s Tower, Explorers of Ixalan, and they’re getting hooked as I show them that Magic isn’t just one game.

And then there’s the community that doesn’t even play Magic but their existence drastically affects other people’s capacity to get cards: Investors oft-times turn Magic from a card game into a stock market game, that casual players now find themselves embroiled in as unwilling participants. You can’t play Magic without playing the market anymore... which is why I make decks for my friends.

As I cultivate my new gaming group, I’m simultaneously inoculating them from the community’s problems.

7. What Magic mechanic most deserves a second chance (aka which had the worst first introduction compared to its potential)?

Tribute.

It’s not fun in a standard-legal set pushed for competitive play because no one wants to do that at tournaments, or even in 1v1 games.

But Conspiracy sets would love it. It’s the kind of mechanic you absolutely want to debut and delve into in Conspiracy or Commander because the whole joy is you get to pick who pays tribute. You get to make a great deal, “pay the tribute and I promise you [blah].” It causes players to make alliances, break alliances, create grudges, end grudges...

That’s what you want in a keyword for multiplayer Magic.

8. Of all the Magic expansions that you’ve played with, pick your favourite and then explain the biggest problem with it.

My favourite expansion is probably Khans of Tarkir.

I love Morph. I love the creative behind Khans, a war-torn dragon graveyard makes it so unique. I love the real world influences for the clans. I love the five clans. I love the enemy-three-colour combinations more than any other colour combinations. And my favourite clan might be the Temur.

My biggest problem with it... Ferocious.

The Temur deserve better than that mechanic. I remember spoiler season: we’d seen the creative for each of the five clans, but the last clan mechanic to be spoiled was the Temur. I was expecting something to fit the art for Savage Punch because lookatit.

Bushido!

That’s what I expected. The finally renamed Bushido. “Duelling” maybe. It would work when they attacked, blocked, or fought. It would be perfect.

And instead we got this reprint of the Naya mechanic from Shards, which was boring back then too.

Ferocious. And then in Dragons of Tarkir you failed me again ad gave them the way too similar in both name and function keyword, Formidable...

It still drives me crazy.

9. Of all the Magic expansions that you’ve played with, pick your least favourite and then explain the best part about it.

Dragons of Tarkir.

That list I made of why I loved Khans? Yeah, you got rid of all that. Except Morph. And it managed to make Dragons boring.

But the best part? There are four cards I love.

Zurgo Bellstriker because I love how he plays and I love the character.

Dragonlord Silumgar because he is fat and cute and he steals things while on his chez-long being petted and adored.

Narset Transcendent because this one of the most beautiful pieces of art in the game.

Sarkhan Unbroken because he is the most metal planeswalker and it’s about time he got back to being a badass and look at the art shut up.

10. You have the ability to change any one thing about Magic. What do you change and why?

Some things I would love to change remain to speculative on my part because they restructure the way in which certain decisions regarding story or reprints are made. But... since I’m not privvy to those discussions, I’d rather save those suggestions for another time.

Instead, I’ll look at a problem that needs solving.

Commander.

MaRo’s blog continually floods with the demands of Commander players that fights against the demands of every other format. These demands basically stem from two issues:

The Legendary rule

The colour identity rule

A “Tribal Commander” showcases both of these issues.

Commander players want a legendary creature that grants a tribal bonus so it can lead that tribe, and the commander needs to be in all the colours of that tribe.

But Non-Commander players want the creature to not be legendary, so its tribal bonuses can stack, and in few colours as possible, so it can go in different archetypes of that tribe.

I have some suggestions for fixing the colour identity side, but since Wizards doesn’t control the format, I’ll focus on the change Wizards could implement: get rid of the Legendary rule.

I was expecting the rule to go when Ixalan debuted Legendary Planeswalkers, yet it remains. The Legendary rule has changed multiple times and it’s gone from being a cool bit of flavour to an irrelevant nuisance.

What formats actually care about the rule?

Limited players don’t care, neither for cube, draft or sealed, since most cubes are singleton and Legends are rare or mythic, appearing infrequently.

Constructed formats like standard or modern don’t want to care. Constructed formats want to be able to make their decks as consistent as possible and the legendary rule aggravates.

Most damningly, Commander itself, the format that cares most about whether a card is legendary or not, doesn’t actually care about the legendary rule. You’re only allowed one copy of any card.

The rule just gets in the way; people ignore it but enjoy the flavour behind it.

I’d argue the flavour of legends would survive and does not rest in that rule.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

[anditendshowyoudexpect]

these two look so good side by side that i can’t help shipping John Smith and Wyatt Prince, whoever the fuck he is - and i’m not even sure they’re going to share a scene. so different and both so handsome, it melts my heart.   but poor Jason, he can’t even really talk about his character before Amazon finally lets us see the new season, and Rufus can talk about John Smith for hours - and i can listen to him talking about John Smith for hours (or to him talking period). once RS gets going, there’s no stopping him, he digs into Obergruppenfuehrer (Oberstgruppenfuehrer!) and into the relevance of TMITHC so deep and with such gusto, it’s contagious. i mean, look at Jason watching him. it’s the same look i usually have, watching RS, minus the sheepish grin.

i can’t make a full transcript, because i can hardly make out most interviewers’ questions, but that’s okay, the answers are pretty self-sufficient. 

JOM: disclaimer up front, because there’s just a lot of things i can’t talk about, unfortunately. my journey really on this has been about how i fit into this incredible world that has already been created, you know, i had the time. and i really enjoyed watching season 1 and season 2, i watched them sort of like a fan would, you know, i binge watched them, so i’m really just finding a way into the world for my character. the writers have come up with quite a rich backstory, so i’m able to use that, especially as the story deepens and he does and says certain things that will affect the actions and the choices are made. i can say though that he’s not a Nazi, y'know, he’s Irish, his name is Wyatt Price, or at least that’s one of his names, and we discover him in the Neutral Zone. but he won’t stay in the Neutral Zone forever. so that’s just about all i can tell you.

*

RS: he’s not someone who’s ambitious for ambition’s sake, and for me that’s very important, that distinction. he’s someone who… for reasons that he believed were the right reasons, no matter how misinformed or skewed that was, he picked the side that he thought was the safest for his country and then realized, quite over a bit of time, that he’d aligned himself to something really terrible. his way of coping with that was just to pull the mask tighter. so, he has these feelings and he realizes, at the same time that he’s going higher and higher up in that world, his downs only grow because of what’s happening in his life, but the downs that were always there. and one reason why it’s an advantage for him to be more powerful - he has no choice but to get more powerful, because of what’s going on in his family, his genetic makeup, they’re coming for him, unless he makes himself completely safe. so he has to, in one way, align himself ever closer with the machine that’s asking to take his children one at a time. so he doesn’t feel good about that, it’s very very complex for him. so, that’s the journey that kind of continues, he continues (makes gestures indicating upward movement)… and for me, the more powerful he gets, the more difficult it is to find drama - because you don’t want him to be so powerful that he can just fix it all. but there’s always someone more powerful, there’s always someone out there to get him, and as far as i’m concerned, i hope there always will be, otherwise it gets a bit dull, you know.

*

RS: when i first read the first episode of season 1, i had grave doubts. because he seemed so… i mean, it didn’t have a scene with anyone who wasn’t hanging upside down in chains, which is not normally a good sign. and… i mean, it might be on a weekend, but generally not in a TV show. and the fact that he’d been added compounded my suspicion that this might be a kind of one-dimensional creation to kind of anchor the evil of the show. so i spoke to Frank Spotnitz, he was in Paris at the time and he said, well, actually there is a second episode already - because it was written as a two-hour first night. and in that second episode, you saw him with his family, relatively, you know, calm, a father, you saw a gun fight from his perspective. and i was told about these potential upcoming stories, and what appealed to me was the idea of him as a kind of an every man who’d taken the wrong path. and nazism, as far as i’m concerned, is designed to bring out the worst in people. not just bad guys, but it takes people, and it makes Nazis of them. and it gives them opportunities to look away from certain truths and blah blah blah and that’s how it can happen. and i’ve always pushed for that, and that’s what’s been… and occasionally scripts would come in and they’d veer towards classic villain, and i always try to find something to… you know. it’s a balance.

*

I: i watched the trailer for the new season, and what i find interesting is you’re introducing this concept of a multiverse…

RS: i think it’s more of a clip that a trailer, isn’t it? just to be clear, this doesn’t represent the whole show. i mean, i’d love it if it did, but there’s other people and stuff… apparently.

I: but you’re struggling with accepting what’s been told to you. is that a way of keeping the anchor of reality?

RS: absolutely! i mean, if i… you know, sometimes in scripts, especially if there’s any genre side to it, you can go into a thing when people accept the jargon as a given, they don’t do what they would do in real life. i mean, you watch a vampire movie… it’s different now, since Tarantino. before then, people would say, oh, it’s a vampire. vampire? what’s a vampire? and you say, what fucking world are you from? have you not seen films? by the same, it’s the opposite that’s true, you know, when someone introduces interdimensional travel to someone from the 1960s. they’re not going to have seen all these shows, they’re not going to know, they haven’t seen… Lost. so it’s very important to get out of the shortcuts, avoid the shortcuts of writing and of acting, because, you know, you’re going to take the audience in there.

I: as actors, does working on a show like this make you look at current events, the political events differently, in a different light?

JOM: well, it makes us look at them in a different light but i think the idea is to remind people… well, the idea is just to make a good show, but i mean, i think the show serves to remind people that these things could still get worse, and this could still happen, and why we’re still talking about Nazis. i wish we were talking about Nazis as if they were something that just happened a long time ago…

RS: yes, i often say to people, like, you know… people say, oh, your show’s really current, and i say, well, i could do with being in a less current show in a better world, frankly, i’m not that keen on being of the moment in my TV choices… but i think what’s also very useful about this show, it’s from my perspective, is to tell the story of how you can bit by bit, incrementally get used to horrors and distract yourself with the minutiae of your life, and this way these things are possible, you know. the natural ability we have, which is, for a good reason, to get used to stuff, to find our balance… if that becomes too strong, then horrors are possible.

JOM: when horror becomes mundane… it’s very dangerous.

RS: absolutely, that’s how Germany… you know, Germany did not contain all of the worst people in the world in a particular period. it could happen anywhere, because people incrementally… look at what people get used to! look at what is shocking one day and then, “ah, yeah, it happened again”, to - doesn’t even come up in a conversation. that happens in a matter of… weeks. you go from the worst thing you’ve ever heard to not even mentioning it in a room. and that’s just how it’s current, i suppose that’s how. but it was true in 1962 when he wrote it and it’s still unfortunately very true now.

*

and some goofiness

JOM: yeah, i played Batman in a few of the DCU original animation feature films… it’s completely different, you know, standing in front of a microphone, using completely different drawers of your toolkit than when trying to play a character in flesh and blood

RS: different tools from your back belt

JOM: yes (chuckles), thank you, Ruf

[docboots]

On Social Security Disability/SSI

    Now let's get to the crack team of people working on our disability cases. Least in the California/Nevada side. So before my first denial, my case was apparently tossed back and forth between an office in my current home state of Nevada, and my birth state of California. This made it difficult to contact them. In fact, even when they kept sending me letters to contact them, they never answered the phone nor returned my calls when I left a message with my claims handler. I kind of wish I was back in that lovely back and forth. At least I wouldn’t be concerned they are gaslighting me.

     Throughout this process I am trying to send them blood tests (as this is a blood disease technically, so the proof is in jittery intern needle pricks), pictures showing my swollen hand held up next to my non swollen hand, document after document that they sent me constantly badgering me for my day to day activities of not stressing out about my day to day activities (which eventually lead to a chart explaining my disorder as they clearly were not getting how being allergic to stress is at all an issue in the job market, and how going to college to get a degree for a less stressful job is shockingly counter-intuitive), and some other important medical documents. That was a year ago. I found out a couple months ago they never got those documents. Remember that, as this part of the story happened a year or more ago.

     Eventually, I get notice I need to go to a doctor and a shrink for my physical and medical evaluation. The ones they picked out and asked me to go to, mind you. This is also something you should remember.

     As I still couldn’t get a hold of my claims handler at this time and being naive and innocent to the idea they may be actively fucking with me, I brought every bit of proof I wanted them to have and ask them to send it to them. As I imagined the doctors would have a quick, foolproof method of getting in contact with Social security and giving them all these papers. They do this all the time after all.

     Now that you are back from the surgical procedures your insurance won’t cover from busting your gut laughing at the poor sweet innocence in that thought, I am sure you will be not at all surprised that, a year later, I found out they never got those files. Remember how I told you to remember those previous bits? Well, sadly we ain’ done with this chapter of the future explanations of why I have an aneurysm, so continue remembering and lump this lunacy in with it. The doctor didn’t even make note of me giving them those files. Not surprising. She did nothing to help her figure out my disability and instead had me do stretches meant for a back problem and limb issues. I wasn’t swelling at that time. I had pictures showing me swollen, showed them to the doc myself. NO mention in the notes though. How strange.

     So, after what felt like an eternity I got my first denial letter. Back in October 2016. I almost felt like framing the damned thing, as strangely enough spite seems to be the main thing that keeps me functioning these days. The reason in this denial letter is 1) they didn’t see me having it for longer than a year. As I have had it for 27 years and had it plaguing my life for 11, I think I ruined my eyesight in one eye a little from the frequency it twitched. PRactically heard the click of an ancient movie camera. The second reason was 2) because they didn’t see it affecting my ability to work. Which after a long line of being fired, fucked with, or ignored about my disorder until forced to quit due to pain and danger to my health... As I was still working with the assumption they had the papers I had all but sent a herd of owls to get to them. I might even be subjected to finding stamps (Of the licking and mailing variety)! Surely the email had sent it to them, but shockingly no.

     So I get a lawyer. Correction, I try to. After countless calls that end in a ‘we’re booked up’, ‘we can’t take your case’, and one getting me to stop going to community college (graphic design at the time. I was swollen almost 24/7.. Better than culinary, computer science, and engineering before that! But nah. Clearly fine to work) because “no lawyer would take you as it is considered work’. No one fires me from school. Any job I could actually get? Not as lenient I am afraid. Not to the guy in his twenties who smokes pot, is hyperactive, and has this weird allergy to stress. I am sure EVERYONE fucking believes me when I say that. Can you sense the sarcasm? CAN YOU READ THE AGITATION AND PAST EXPERIENCES IN THE SUBTEXT? Well, now you do whether you wanted to or not. Quite stressful really.

     Finally, someone agrees to help me, even files the appeal for me same day I meet them. You think this is where the triumphant trumpets would play. Nah. Turns out after seeming like he would be helpful, getting me to have my doctors and such fill out paperwork, get more blood tests to prove I STILL have the damned thing, blah blah, all of which were sent to him. (-sigh- Remember that) to send to the main office. Suddenly, I get a call from my claims handler! Losing the bet with myself that it was a cardboard cut out in an office chair with a voice recorder taped behind it, I got a physical being for once.

     Turns out they had been trying to contact my ‘lawyer’ for the past few days and they weren’t answering. I tried to call them, still not answering. Weeks go by and we still can’t get ahold of him nor can I get a hold of the tiki god that has apparently cursed my bloodline for dishonoring their totem. Claims handler, in an eye-twitchingly HILARIOUS turn of events, is actually answering my calls now. Sadly, my lawyer still isn’t. Minus answering my voicemail complaining about all this with an ‘I’ll get right on it’ voice mail.

     Also, this is when I learned they don’t have any of my blood tests, files, or pictures. The ones I have been sending them, been giving to lawyers and doctors they sent me too, is not in their files at all.

     As well, in order to fire my lawyer in the case of being unable to get them to pick up your calls, you apparently need to write a handwritten, signed note. Then mail it to them. Which I did, folded over the countless things they should have had ages ago.

     Week later? They have those files, nothing about that handwritten note that was literally folded around these things. Whatever, clearly, they just haven’t processed it. I never found out what happened to this magic letter and then I am left to wait after I ask if there is anything they need, and I go on the hunt for a new lawyer. Turns out, since the previous one didn’t send me a withdrawal letter, lawyers won’t help me! Cause that one might still get my money. Seems like quite the legal issue! If only there were a professional whose career it was to help people when a crooked fucker preys on the disability cases. I’ll tell you when I figure out what the name of that profession is, but to finish up this lawyer tidbit, with a bunch of letters out I still haven’t gotten a response back. I have gotten too mentally exhausted to explain this over and over.

     They got a shorter, cliffnotes rant. This one is more cathartic than anything. As well, in the very least if I die from my throat swelling up, brain swelling up, dehydration from gastrointestinal tract swelling up, or something to that effect then the likely cause is at least known to any willing to read me complain.

     We are getting to the end, as only a couple more hiccups have caused me headaches. That come to memory. I call my claims handler see where my case is at. While my Dad is trying to help me (which Social Security even asked me why my Dad just can’t support me for the rest of my life. Casual and flat tone too. Pricks.) with my medical costs, giving me a place to live, ect, I don’t like burdening him. I have seen plenty of posts bout a similar plight, so I am sure you can gather.

     So I pestered them. My claims handler said my claim had progressed, but she didn’t know to what point and I needed to call the main social security office in my city for more information... So I really don’t know what that person’s job description is, but she ain’ handling my case well as she implies. SO, I do just that. After waiting 45 minutes for what has my vote as the most obnoxiously repetitive hold system I have ever been put through, I get told that it is in the ‘identification phase’, that they are having trouble verifying something, and that I am not allowed to know what that thing is. I never found out, but they repeated this when i tried to ask more questions, and as I got annoyed that I was apparently not allowed to know about my own claim, I was abruptly hung up on.

     The week later, I get my denial letter. Claiming that while my disorder does hinder me, I can and I quote from the letter, “We have determined that you can adjust to other work”. Eventually, I am able to get a new lawyer, who I have had for a few months. After being told that it was never in their policy to have a handwritten note sent. (Well fuck, who was phone then?!) and that they had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned being in the ‘identification phase’ I was able to convince them to help me. They even managed, after much struggle, to get my old lawyer dropped! Sad thing is they haven’t sped matter up. Even after more photos and proof and blood tests. Even as my stomach acid rots my teeth to the point I can hardly eat anything harder than bread or a baked potato without having to fight through pain. Doesn’t stop me, because I am forced to deal with pain so I might as well agonize my way through something delicious.

    I am on year three. I am still waiting. I still get little if any word from SSI or my lawyers without pestering them, and even then it is a stretch. Months tick by, and I am forced to find out that the fairy tale about the government that cares, the sect of it that is made just to help those unable to make it is nothing more than a fantasy. Next to Santa and the Easter Bunny lies Uncle Sam.

[ask-eris-morn]

The Matrix is about:

One of the many things the matrix is about

lit rev lol jk: This adds to many story archetypes, but for now I’ll start with this one. The story goes where the hero works so hard that they transcend the known boundries of human ability... right? Well, the matrix is about a world where your literal human physical capacity had nothing to do with your ability. Rahter, it was your will power that gave you power. The more will power, the more buddha af you can get with the new tech scene you get, the more power you get is related to will power. Also, this is totlaly Sword art online. I’m watching it rn, and realizing ye, not the whole second season is esspeeeeeciilay about that. And its interesting, I started to think about it in regards to the system of SAO. Gilard, gillian, i don’t remember but I know it started with a G. -- Gary! But ye, the system as Kirito has always said, is fair. Cruel but fair.  SEason two is about an unfair world. A false quest with no chance to win. A lie to occupy your time. (insert bread and circuses refference and then were all like, holly fukc thats deep.. yep)... with ulterior motives.  In the end, (i haven’t re watched it yet, I’m on the second to last episode but I remember, and I’l post about it after I watch it again, but the rules are cheated right, like in  agame console sort of way hwere they take away all your agency wthorugh the oncolse of just taking your shit. right, but here lets look at it. He turns up the gravity, the pain, all of it. and kirito is like fuck all this shit im muther fuckin kirito mutha fuckas, and then the other dude is like, but how even. high turnt it up all the way, how could anyones zen af (budhha super power shit be over 9---1 so much that he grew really fucking long ass goku hair - metaphorically) and mentally blocked out the signals from the gear helmet and the server and continued to send the kirito signals effectively overriding the games lock out because the signal from kiriot was literally stronger, as in connection speed. 

ye Im’ high 

But where is the signal coming from that interacts with this world... the signal is his brain. The technology interface is just transmiting that movement. The movement your character makes is transfering the desired mental movemnt you want to make wth your mental image of the 3d surroundings, so, its not vr right, so you actually feel the touch of stuff, you can -connect- with tthe world. But there, thats it exactly, the connection. The touch to the object and the signal sent back to the brain to decode the information from the program into an undertandable format.... see, the concepts that this boils down to is a battle of wills. The human computer, it can change. A regular computer would have a bit more difficulty rearranging their literal hardware. The human brain’s hardware can literally change. Thats where we have machines beat... for now. The point is, the world’s influence on your character is a signal in response to your signal, your body affects your perception of what you believe you can do based on the conclusion you came to about the stimulus from your perception on reality.  Basically, will power in this context is trying to overpower the machiens return signal. Its basically jesus shit hacking “reality”. But here that gets deeper, because the later matrix movies addersssed that, albeit, it was not popular, and I didn’t really like it either. Buuut. the point is here now, wtf is reality. Is reality what we can see, touch, taste and feel... no.  Those are chemical reactions in the brain synthesizing this sensory input and then decoding these messages into some form of conclusionary understanding.  thats literally reality. This can be compared to so many things with different nuances and parralles.  but the mother fuckin matrix.  Neo does the ihack The Matrix (tm I don’t know how to do that), in “the real world” in the movie the matrix, nd its still actually in the matrix. thats when they realize they are still in the matrix, even when they previously thought they were out of the matrix... blah blah dream within a dream, blah blah connection connection trope trope archetype archetype new camera angles edgy 9-’s and societies new facination into gay culture and then boom ahead sisters wakoski’s we see that very much fits. This is some deep shit. And Now I know why when we went over this film speciically in my cerebral science fiction class, that expalins why the professor was getting high af.... Cause thats what I’m doing now and I’m hella analyzing it. but, I mean, I do that anyway. But ye, weed is dope Guardians, I highly suggest you get into this if its legal where you live, and if not push legislature to make it legal and then smoke a shit ton cause its great.  from a game logic standpoint it would seem that first and foremost before any locking codes, at the core level, the avatar in world would be able to do anything.  The constraining game code is designed to trick the mind into thinking it has these limitations. But kirito reveals this (I haven’t actually seen the episode again, I’m just recognizing where it looks like its gonna go, and that I think I vagually remember thats what it might touch on, or that the previous reason was the one, or both. idfk fuck it But ye, heavy on the mind over matter.  at the end of it. the message is that the digital world does not have the limitations that our perceived physical or material world holds. And that even putting constraints on these people, there will always be a human spirit strong enough to break free and create a revolution.  Because thats what its about. Its a story about revolution.  About freeing your mind. Its the myth, and reason. Myth and Reason, as archetypes. Myth being something that is our understanding of the universe, scary, witches, shamans, medicine people, but then “reason” sweeps by. Reason just being a new regime. A new understanding of the world. A constructed ideology about how the past beleives are bad, and that reason usually brings a great deal of violence. But eventually reason turns back into myth. Reason here is the development of what we consider to be the modern technological world, brought to this reason from myth such as ancient stories across the earth.  We have recontextualized our world.  But here in the matrix we see so clearly the archetype that so many of us recognize.  Its the reason returning to myth. Reason lied the whole time. They were lying, and wrong. Some of them knew they were wrong, but went with it, some of them, just were shits.  Pointing back to myth and the matrix,  this is the world of reason. Technology, but we see this as a common theme that I think should be looked at more closely as to the significance of it and not just philsoophical bullshit, because what we are talking about actually, is socialogy,, its the study of psychology, communication, folkloristics, history. We are studying why humans do the things they do and why and what led them to these conclusions and what can we learn from that to not fuck shit up as much in the future.  returning totopic of reason and myth, myth here is the concept of mind over matter.  When we talk about code as a metaverse, anomalies in code, you can see it in games when ai does things that are fucking wierd, like for exampel that video of the reef guard walking off the edge. Its the myth that there are aspects of this universe that we cannot fully understand just because of the sheer amounts of data. Very similar to our current physical reality.  Its the works like alphaville, .HackSign, ergo proxy, and so much more that I’m missing righ tnow, but this is.... some deep shit.  Myth is just that. A myth. but its also so much more.  See, the biggest myth of them all. The point of all of this so concisely.  The biggest myth of them all is that reason is anything but just another myth. In this sense, the archetype of reason is a lie.  The archeytpe of reason is to create meaning of the world.  But is it possible, that in our efforts to create meaning in the world, that we actually destoryed or could no longer see the actual meaning of the world. That our creation of reason and our labeling of our previous existence a “myth”. Is that not actually just a power play creating a new set of myths.  What does that say when this “reason” is completley constructed, and so fragile. thats a part of that biggest myth. Reason as the construct is not strong. Its not “reasonable” at all.  I think it would be beneficial to reexamine the myths of the past to try and understand them better. And approach them from a perspective that they might actually teach us something about ourselves.  If our reason continues to be so fragile that it returns to myth repeadetly perpetually. Maybe we should actually fucking stop and look at this shit.  Its like a bill. Eventually were gonna open one of them and then your mind will be blown and your reality shattered and you’ll be like, damn Toland, you shoulda told me that sooner, and Toland will be like, fuuuuck you, I told u so long ago you piece of shit.  and then the guardian will be like, ... yeeee......

[lindafrancois]

Should I Go Back to the Gym When It Reopens? Is Going to the Gym Safe?

Gyms across America are slowly starting to open back up.

Is this safe?

Should you go?

We’ve been flooded with questions on gym safety from our Online Coaching Clients, so we decided to dive into the topic today with this guide.

Learn how NF Coaches are helping clients train during the pandemic.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

Is it safe to go back to the gym? (Gyms as a high-risk environment)

What to research when your gym reopens

Should I wear a mask to the gym?

How to clean gym equipment (Proper hygiene) 

How to make the most of your time at the gym (Efficient workouts)

How to create a home/gym workout hybrid

Should I go back to the gym? (Next steps)

Important Notice: I am not a medical doctor! This should not be taken as personal advice on whether you as an individual should go back into the gym. I’m merely creating a discussion on the questions all of us should be asking.

In addition, with friends who are both scientists and doctors, and then others who are small business gym owners, this is a challenging thread to navigate. So we’re just going to stick with the facts.

Talk to your physician and blah blah blah, you’re an adult and you can make your own decisions. 

Okay, let’s get right to it.

Is It Safe to Go Back to the Gym? (Gyms as a High-Risk Environment)

Even before our recent pandemic, many gyms weren’t exactly the cleanest.

One study went out and tested common surface areas in four different gyms, and found that 25% contained ant-resistant bacteria, flu viruses, and other pathogens.[1] 

Yikes.

Dr. James Voos, the senior author of the study, told the New York Times why:[2]

“When you have a relatively high density of people exercising and sweating in a contained space, you have conditions where communicable diseases can spread easily.” 

Dr. Voos points out the equipment itself can be hard to clean. Metal barbels, dumbbells, and kettlebells often have textured surfaces, to make them easier to grip.

This also allows plenty of tiny nooks and crannies for germs to hide.

That’s why Dr. Jose Jimenez, a University of Colorado professor who studies the coronavirus, calls gyms a “high-risk environment.”[3]

I don’t point this out to make you paranoid of ever stepping foot in a gym again. It’d be kind of like saying “driving a car puts you at significantly higher risk for car accidents, so you should never drive your car again.”

But this context is important for weighing the safety of the gym in a time of a pandemic: 

Should you continue working out in your home gym?

Or if you’re determined to get back into a public gym, are there actions you yourself can take to lower your chance of catching a disease?

What to Research When Your Gym Reopens

If you do make the decision to return to a reopened gym, you’ll probably notice that things have changed. 

They may limit the number of people who can enter at one (some gyms are requiring appointments).

Equipment might be spaced out so people can stay separate. 

Common areas that are harder for social distancing, like a locker room or sauna, may be closed. 

Disinfectants and cleaners should be more abundant.

You might even be required to sign a waiver.[4]

It would be good to find out exactly how your gym has reacted to the COVID-19 outbreak.

Call them before your first trip, and ask them about the bullets above. Also, make sure you specifically ask about what sanitation procedures they have created. 

However, even if the staff of the gym is wiping down all the equipment between each use, it would still be best practice to clean everything you touch before and after use. 

Your gym’s response to the coronavirus is not the only thing you’re going to want to research. 

Before entering the gym, think about:

How are you going to get to the gym? Driving, walking, public transportation, etc. Your routine may be different today. 

What are you going to wear? Locker rooms may very well be closed. Are you coming before or after work? Make sure you have a plan on how to get into and out of your gym clothes. 

What do you plan on doing at the gym? We’ll talk about efficient workouts and home/gym hybrid routines shortly.

For your first time back, DON’T keep it business as usual. Have a plan for getting to the gym, working out at the gym, and making it home.

Next, let’s talk about wearing a mask.

Should I Wear a Mask to the Gym?

Don’t be surprised if you’re required to wear a mask when your gym reopens. 

While every gym’s procedures will be different, some like the national chain Equinox will require all visitors to wear a mask.

Why face masks?

Although research is ongoing, as of June 2020 the coronavirus is believed to be spread through respiratory droplets, passing from one person to the next through exhalations of breath. Which is exactly what happens during a strenuous workout, especially in an enclosed environment.

A face covering like a mask will help contain some of these droplets.[5] 

Dr. David Thomas, director of infectious diseases at Johns Hopkins Medicine, supports the idea of masks within gyms. 

“I would want the person working out next to me to be wearing a mask,” states Dr. Thomas.[6] 

Thomas continues: “We now understand that the degree of expiration, which is how hard you’re forcing air out of your mouth—to sing or shout or exhale—is a major factor in the amount of particles that get forced out of your lungs.”

In other words: people breathe heavily in the gym. If someone has the virus, they’re flinging it even further when they’re running on the treadmill.  

So, having all gym patrons utilizing a face covering can help reduce the spread of respiratory droplets. 

Requiring people to wear a mask is one thing. Actually training with one strapped to your face is quite another. 

Compared to normal breathing, any mask you wear will constrict your airflow. 

How much it does will really depend on the type of mask. 

If you wear an N95 mask, like the kind hospital workers use, it might restrict airflow to the point of affecting performance.[7]

You need oxygen to create energy, so it makes sense a properly worn N95 mask might lower your ability to generate power.[8] 

On one hand, they provide the most protection. On the other hand, you have to know what you’re doing to wear it correctly. 

Hospital staff regularly perform tests to make sure their N95 mask is properly attached. 

The wearer is presented with a strong-smelling solution, and if they can’t smell it, the mask fits. 

If you wear a cloth or more DIY type mask, your breathing will be less impacted but it will still help contain the reach of your exhalation. Just know that it’s probably not going to stop you from breathing in any germs.

Additionally, I find that wearing a mask makes me hyper-aware of each instance in which I reach for my face, and helps remind me that I should be doing things differently and NOT touching my face, eyes, ears, or mouth. 

At the end of the day, the decision to wear a mask will come down to you and the rules of your gym. 

It’s still probably a good idea, especially if you’ll be training right next to people. 

The next good idea on our list would be to sanitize your own equipment. 

How to Clean Gym Equipment (Proper Hygiene)

The cleaning staff at your gym are probably great.

I bet most of the people at your gym are courteous too, and wipe down all equipment after use.

However, I prefer the “better safe than sick” approach. 

Although experts believe the coronavirus isn’t transmitted through sweat, if somebody coughs into their hand and then touches some equipment, it could result in the transmission of the virus.[9] 

That’s why we are going to take a quick lesson on how to clean gym equipment, which you should know even in non-apocalypse times! 

Technically, we are going to “disinfect” it.[10]

While soap and water will remove germs from the surface, to really kill the little buggers, we’re gonna need some chemicals. 

The Environmental Protection Agency provides a list of disinfectants to use against the coronavirus.

To clean gym equipment:

Wipe down and clean the equipment for any grime or dust. A wet towel will be fine here.

Apply the disinfectant and make sure you follow the “dwell time,” or how long the surface is supposed to remain wet. This is often a few minutes for most products, but make sure you follow the manufacturer’s instructions.

Optional: wipe down the equipment again to remove the residual cleaner, which may cause iteration to the skin. Don’t use the same towel as before. 

If you use a lot of equipment at the gym, it’s easy to see how much of a pain this can become. 

You might spend as much time cleaning as you are lifting.

In our next two sections, we’ll talk about getting the most bang for your buck at the gym.

How to Make the Most of Your Time at the Gym (Efficient Workouts)

Even before the outbreak of the coronavirus, I’ve always been a fan of getting it and out of the gym quickly.

There are video games to be played, after all.

With gyms a “high-risk environment” for exposure to viruses, today this is even more important.

IF you decide to take the chance, here’s how to make the most of your time at the gym:

#1) Prioritize compound exercises and movements. 

At Nerd Fitness, we’re big fans of “compound exercises,” which require more than one muscle group working together to complete the movement.

Think of exercises like squats and pull-ups.

With a pull-up, you’re training all of your back muscles, biceps, lats, traps, and abs.

Compare this to bicep curls, which will more or less just train your biceps.

In our guide to functional fitness, we recommend doing compound exercises because they will more closely resemble how your body moves in day to day life.

The other benefit: since you’re training multiple muscle groups at once, you get more done in less time.

#2) Focus on exercises that minimize your body’s contact with communal equipment.  

This is part of my personal philosophy with regards to training anyways, but even more so during a global pandemic. In other words, avoid machines you sit on/in, and focus on movements that don’t require you to lie down or sit down:

Do standing shoulder presses rather than seated shoulder presses.

Don’t lie down on communal mats for sit-ups, do planks outside. 

Do alternative push exercises (ring push-ups, handstands against a wall) instead of bench presses.

Focus on exercises that use the same piece of equipment repeatedly (grab one barbell, and then do squats, then overhead presses, then bent-over rows.)

Spend most of your workout standing, not sitting or lying down.

#3) Consider doing your warm-ups and stretches outside or before getting to the gym (if your commute is short).

An enclosed space allows for easier transmission of a virus since everyone’s breath is trapped together. 

You can solve some of this by going outside for part of your workout.

Maybe your warm-up is doing jumping jacks outside:

For your post-workout stretch, maybe you find a nearby grassy area, as I do in this video:

#4) Know what you’re going to do before you step inside. 

In our guide to the gym, we always recommend having a plan of attack for what you’re doing in the gym. Doubly so now.

Here are some questions to think about:

What are you training today? Plan your workout, write it out, and bring it with you to the gym. 

If someone is using a piece of equipment, or it’s too crowded around a certain area, what’s your Plan B?

How long are you planning on staying at the gym? This will make sure you’re moving fast enough from one exercise to the other. 

Not only do you want to create a plan for entering the gym, but review it when you get home.

Any hiccups? Did you do everything you set out to do? Would you do anything differently next time?

This will help you better prepare for your return visit.

Next, let’s talk about some ways to utilize your time away from the gym, so you need to visit a little less frequently.

How to Create a Home/Gym Workout Hybrid

One of the things we are recommending to our coaching clients, if they are debating going back to the gym, is to create a home/gym workout hybrid.

Meaning some days they train at the gym, and on other days they train at home.

There are all sorts of things you can do to create a home gym, but I’ll give you two recommendations that will go a long way:

Get a pull-up bar.

Invest in a kettlebell.

With bodyweight training, you can actually get a full-body workout with no equipment at all.

The only thing is, working your “pull” muscles can be a bit tricky.

Granted, you can use a doorway to pull from:

Or even a table can help with inverted bodyweight rows:

But with a pull-up bar, you’ll have all you need to round out your bodyweight training and work towards getting your first pull-up.  

The next thing to buy for your home gym would be a kettlebell. 

A kettlebell will offer you a lot of versatility. 

For one, you can do kettlebell swings. This will help work your “hinge” muscles, just like you would in a deadlift:

If you do pick one up, make sure you check out our 20-minute beginner kettlebell workout, which can be done with one single bell in your living room.

Your new Gym/Home Workout Hybrid can look like this:

On your home workout days, do pull-ups with your new bar and some push-up variations:

On your gym day, you do barbell squats and deadlifts, since a power rack and all the related equipment might be harder to squeeze into your house:

For more ideas on creating a home/gym hybrid schedule, check out How to Build Your Own Workout Routine. 

OR, you can look into having one of our coaches build a program for you and adjust it each month based on outside circumstances:

Have a Nerd Fitness Coach design a custom workout for your home or gym!

Should I Go Back to the Gym? (Next Steps)

The choice of when to return to the gym will ultimately be a personal one, and heavily dependent on where you live and the status of your state or country.

Yeah, gyms are absolutely “high-risk environments,” and if you can thrive in a home workout environment, your decision will certainly be affected.

Personally, I have built my home gym over the past few months and do not plan on returning to a gym for the foreseeable future.

But exercising is really important for health, including a strong immune system.[11]

Even some experts have returned.  

“I still go to the gym,” says infectious disease Dr. Saskia Popescu, who currently supports HonorHealth.[12]

Dr. Popscu argues you can too, as long as you’re smart about it and still understand the risks.

As an individual, performing the following can help keep you safe at the gym:

Washing your hands frequently.

Not touching your face while exercising.

Sanitizing the equipment before and after use.

Remaining six feet away from others.

It’s not an easy decision, so perhaps you want to create a pro/con list. 

When evaluating when to return to the gym, consider:

The cases in your area. Are they going up or are they relatively low?

Are you in an “at-risk” demographic? Do you have any pre-existing conditions, or are you in an age bracket that raises your concern? How about the people you live with?

Your own health. If you’re sick, stay home.

Do you have other options for exercise? Perhaps building a home gym or maybe you have space in the neighborhood for a run. 

What do you feel is right? Personal preference shouldn’t be ignored here. 

Just be safe in whatever you end up doing.

If you want some more specific help, I got you too.

Here are three ways to continue your journey with Nerd Fitness.

Option #1) If you want a professional coach in your pocket, who can do video form checks, provide feedback, and adjust your workouts based on the equipment you have available, check out our Online Coaching Program! 

For example, let’s say you want to go to the gym once a week, and the rest of the time you want to train at home. Your Coach can build that workout for you!

Personally, I’ve been working with the same online coach since 2015 and it’s changed my life. You can learn more by clicking on the box below: 

Our coaching program changes lives. Learn how!

2) Exercising at home and need a plan to follow? Have questions you need answered? Join Nerd Fitness Prime!

Nerd Fitness Prime is our premium membership program that contains at-home exercise routines, live-streamed workouts with NF Coaches, a supportive online community, group challenges, and much more! 

Learn more about Nerd Fitness Prime!

Option #3) Become part of the Rebellion! We need good people like you in our community, the Nerd Fitness Rebellion.

Sign up in the box below to enlist and get our Rebel Starter Kit, which includes all of our “work out from home” guides.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

Alright, now I want to hear from you:

Is your gym open again?

Are you going back anytime soon?

Already been? How was it!?!

Let me know in the comments! 

And please, we humans are GREAT at projecting our individual experiences onto everybody else’s experiences. 

With this being a worldwide community at various stages of lockdown, let’s have a civil discussion based on what’s happening in your specific location.

Thank you!

-Steve

P.S. If you are still going to avoid the gym, that’s totally cool. Check out our guide, The Ultimate Guide for Getting Fit at Home.

###

Photo Source: How are YOU social distancing?, Dangerous Material, Hazmat Team, LEGO Ninjas, N95 Testing, Hotel Gym, Morning run with the FitBit, Scientist, 

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Read, “Infection Risk Reduction Program on Pathogens in High School and Collegiate Athletic Training Rooms.” Source, PubMed.

You can find their article right here.

As quoted in the Washington Post.

As highlighted in Fox Business, Pure Barre, YogaSix and Club Pilates will all make clients sign a coronavirus-specific waiver of liability.

The Mayo Clinic has more on this.

As quoted in the Wall Street Journal.

Read, “Respiratory consequences of N95-type Mask usage in pregnant healthcare workers—a controlled clinical study.” Source, Nature.

Read, “Variation in the link between oxygen consumption and ATP production, and its relevance for animal performance.” Source, PubMed.

The CDC discusses how the coronavirus is spread right here.

You can check out the CDC’s article on cleaning, disinfecting, and sanitizing right here.

Read, “The compelling link between physical activity and the body’s defense system.” Source, ScienceDirect.

As quoted in CQ.

Should I Go Back to the Gym When It Reopens? Is Going to the Gym Safe? published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

[youdecode]

I don’t know what to do with my life|What am I meant to do with my life?

You are like I don’t know what to do with my life?

Is there a way to get a dream job? I can almost hear you questioning what I should major in?

Here is a quick guide to calm your confused mind.

Walk away with just a few tactics and see for yourself that you won’t be disappointed.

A fairy godmother won’t solve the what do I do question by just flipping the wand.

Just take a few steps . . . (There is a ninja tip in the end)

My time of : I don’t know what to do with my life

I have always been towards computer science . . . school and high school.

Thus, opted for a major in computer science.

In university, my brain finally threw some pity by confirming a thing.

Chill, not about my career choice or what do I do with my life.

It signaled that I should never go for a master’s in computer science ever!

It was not until my sophomore year when life happened and things changed.

I began to feel that my heart was not content with what I was doing. I was just dragging.

This risk-taker friend of yours ended this dissatisfaction and switched a major to communication and design.

This major completely aligned with my values which I failed to see ever before. Why?

Because I have never self-reflected.

I chose computer science because my grades were great, it offered financial security and it was so considered “a wise decision”!

Now I am in a position to tell you, not to repeat the mistakes which I did.

I want you to choose the best career option. it all starts with value and how to choose one?

But before that let’s dig into top 3 problems which one faces in career selection process:

1# Problem before choosing the best career : futile advice

Admit you had steam coming out of your ears when upon asked how to choose a career, someone says,

‘Do what you love.’ . . .

‘Get the career which is something you believe in.’ blah blah and blah.

All these ‘blahs’ are vital but never enough. This statement will still leave you hanging on what I do!

Statistical proof of doing JUST what you want:

Here is a fact that just may come as a surprise to you. According to Rettenmayer, the advice of career counselors is least helpful.

Even Myburgh in his study shows that the lecturers’ advice was of no use when visited schools.

Contrary, ever tried to confess to the parents that I don’t know what to do with my life? If not yet, then seek the pivot of motivation from them.

Granger researched that they can give the best advice.

Arthur Miller’s play proves that an unresolved question of what should I do with the wrong choice of career will only lead towards a lasting regret.

I am sure you won’t want to wish for a nap after five minutes of showing up at your future office! Then a question will pop up from nowhere hey man what am I doing with my life?

2# Problem during choosing the best career : heart betrays

Here’s something we can both agree on…

The most common problem with what I do with my life is that your dream careers keep fluctuating as if they were mood swings.

Leaving you confused about what I want?

The switch from one career interest to another seems to me like a honey bee who keeps resting over several plants! Isn’t it?

Confess to yourself that we crush our dream career for a handsome salary package offered in other boring jobs. I am an example!

And instead of just fluctuation, Many a time, various career fields interest us.

Do you wish to do everything together?

That’s when you might hit a snag…

In such cases, we may become a jack of all trade in best careers but master of none.

Like a hardworking wind which flows in every direction . . .

Would you want to be one? I can see you nodding a No!

3# Problem after selecting the best career : Dissatisfaction

Why do people remain unsatisfied with career choices?

Because they dive straight into a domain without self-assessment.

Every field is satisfying if it aligns with your values. Without self-test and assessment, the stress is sure to follow and mount in the future.

Solution: You need to weigh down your likes and dislikes.

How to choose a career while I don’t know what to do with my life?

STEP 1: Values:

This was the major mistake that I made when I was diving into computer science. I did not reflect on my values.

If you are looking for a career change then you need to tap into your value system. What is the value?

The thing which keeps you moving – the pivotal force. Every goal which you have stems from your value

Value → goal [accomplishments & milestones] → purpose [your true calling & the passion which ends when you die]

Next time when you weigh any career, weigh the meaning (value) the career has for you.

What most people do is take the opposite route. They will dig into the career first and then attach a value with it.

The reality is the value is a compass.

The first element in the career selection chain. There are so many values that a person can get lost.

The values are meaningful directions.

The study shows that values rank differently for different individuals when making explicit decisions.

This blogpost not only lists the basic fundamental values but also details 3 strategies on picking up yours. Read more here . . .

For now, these questions can somewhat give a reflection of your career values.

15 Things to question when choosing a major: Resolving I don’t know what to do with my life!

Which job should I have if I want a financial reward matching my expectations? 2. How important is status, promotions, and job titles in my eyes? 3. What do I want to do with my life? Independence in work or working under guidance? 4. Which job is best for me in terms of job security? 5. Will I prefer carrying the responsibility of other people? 6. How well can I handle everyday challenges and do I own stamina to overcome it? 7. Can I list some of the enjoyable technical skills in my dream job or the best careers I listed? 8. What job should I have if I have certain preferences for working atmosphere/culture or geographical location? 9. Are market conditions of my dream job favorable? 10. Do I know anyone who is working in my dream career? If yes, then you will have to book a one to one meeting for getting better insight. 11. What sort of job should I have if I want a positive prediction about the career field in the next decade? The future developments of my dream job? 12. Which major should I choose if I don’t want the social and economic factors to affect me in any way possible? 13. How will I fulfill my emotional needs by the career I choose? At certain hours will you have to be present at home? 14. Which career should I pursue that will not get automated shortly, decreasing the demands of skills learned? 15. What job should I have if there are issues with my physical health?

Practical steps:

List down the careers along with their meaningfulness in your eyes (the values) the magic is bound to happen when your values will get combined with your career path.

Still confused about values and how they are different from the career?

Below are just an example for you to see how values differ from the career options.

These options are only presented so that you could get the importance of “using value” in your career decision.

Agriculture and Natural Resources

If loves plants, forests, animals or mineral resources for agriculture, horticulture, conservation, extraction:

Try farming, forestry, landscaping, mining, fishing, and similar fields.

Experiment with physical work outdoors (a farm or ranch, in a forest, or on a drilling rig)

If owns scientific curiosity:

Try studying plants and animals by analyzing biological rock samples in the labs

If you have management ability:

Try owning, operating, or managing a fish hatchery, involve in a landscaping business or a greenhouse

Architecture and Construction

If loves designing, assembling, and maintaining of buildings components:

Try drafting design of buildings and rendering plans

If loves organizing and planning:

Try managing the projects of finished buildings (plumbing, carpentry, masonry, painting, or roofing)

Preparing the building site by operating heavy equipment

Installing, maintaining, and repairing important building systems (electricity and heating)

Business and Administration

If loves the idea of a business organization which runs smoothly . If you own the nature of power and authority:

Try Choosing an environment where you could work without a dictatorship Exercising leadership position in a nonprofit organization Making a decision for a government agency.

If enjoys working with people:

Try working in human resources

If loves accounting, economics, budgeting, or billing:

Try assisting in any field of administrative

If loves word processing:

Try entering in the field of data for managing business

Education and Training

If loves to preach and appreciate being famous for lecturing in a friends circle:

Try Working in a library

Making people understand about the world by working in a museum

Owning a profession of a teacher, professor or dean

Finance and Insurance

If loves assuring people of a financially secure future:

Try working in a financial/insurance business in a leadership or support role

If loves collecting and analyzing information:

Try becoming a financial analyst or a data scientist

Dealing with data at the clerical level

Providing customer services on one to one basis by being an insurance clerk

Government and Public Administration

If loves serving government agency and public needs:

Try working in a position of leadership

Specializing in any role of government

Working as an inspector examiner for enforcing standards

Health Science

If loves helping people, wants to keep animals be healthy or enjoys seeking knowledge:

Try specializing in the health care team (doctor, therapist, or nurse) for human or animals

If loves technology and medical:

Try studying bio-science for owning satisfaction in working with x rays or new methods of diagnosis

If loves the healthy lifestyle:

Try devising a diet plan for people as a nutritionist

Hospitality, Tourism, and Recreation

If loves catering the needs of others, feels constricted in working in a packed office environment or enjoys adventure even by risking your life:

Try servicing the convenience, care, and pampering of others in hotels, restaurants, airplanes, beauty parlors, and so on

Arts and Communication

If loves expressing ideas in communicating news, fond of creative, verbal, or performing activities, needs to experience a change in an openwork setting or can’t sit every day 9-5:

Try directing or performing in drama, music, or dance

Paintings, sculpting, graphic designing

Writing literature or editing

Pursuing Journalism and public relations

Performing arts

Photography

Digging in production

Sports

Artistic Values: Being a creative soul is way too much to handle! Talking about myself, I love to inspire creativity by exploring new avenues.

Whether it be on writing, art, or design. I chose computer science which made my artistic neurons stagnant. Thus, I realized now that it was the wrong option.

Human Service

Helping society and others: if living for others is all you want then you will want to choose a business field where you can direct your profits to the wellness organization.

You won’t prefer a 9 to 5 job in this case. You will never remain content with it.

If loves improving people’s social, mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being or enjoys socializing and interaction with people:

Try being a counselor, social worker, or religious worker caretaker for very young.

Information Technology

If loves designing, developing, managing, and supporting information systems:

Try working with hardware, software, or integrated systems or multimedia

If loves organizational skills:

Try becoming a system administrator or a database manager

If loves solving complex problems:

Try becoming a systems analyst or software engineer

If loves hands on the hardware:

Try servicing computers, peripherals, and information-intense (ATMs)

Law and Public Safety

If loves upholding people rights/protecting property:

Try involving yourself in law enforcement, firefighting or the military

If loves mentally challenging task together with intriguing:

Try investigating in crimes

If loves verbal skills and research skills:

Try defending citizens in court, wills, and other legal documents

If owns management ability:

Try a leadership position in law enforcement

Manufacturing

If loves shaping or processing materials into final products or likes maintaining and repairing products by using machines or hand tools:

Try working in any mass-produce goods industries

Going for a utility that distributes electric power or other resources.

If enjoys manual work (hand tools for assembling engines of electronic equipment) or loves maintaining the efficiency of machines by fixing them when they break:

Try installing or repairing copiers, aircraft engines, cars, or watches

If loves to operate machines, enjoys cutting or grinding metal:

Try manufacturing of food, glass, or paper products

Retail and Wholesale Sales and Service

If loves personal persuasion or promotional techniques:

Try selling and marketing your product

If love’s voice calls

Try telemarketing or becoming a part of customer service

Scientific Research, Engineering, and Mathematics

If loves discovering, collecting, and analyzing information about the world. Enjoys applying scientific research findings to problems in medicine.

Owns skills to imagine and manipulate quantitative data. Loves applying technology to manufacturing, transportation, economic activities:

Try studying engineering and help create new machines and processes Finding a career in researching in a testing laboratory.

Transportation, Distribution, and Logistics

If loves operations that move people or materials:

Try managing a transportation service by facilitating automobiles keep on their allotted timetables

Getting into the rail world or air traffic controller

STEP 2: Go the extra mile:

Point to be noted by my friend, a college degree will never guarantee you success. Or any sort of job guarantee in the market.

There are about 12.5 million people who leave college without a degree.

So better force those creative neurons for making your mark in the world.

Creativity in any field will give you a sense of accomplishment.

Be ready to feel real pride to the fullest. Come up with innovations instead of working in a divide and labor environment.

For real satisfaction, you need to choose your career carefully else the result will be just hard work. Devoid of happiness . . .

Creativity Tip: Combining two areas of work proves a very effective career choice.

Consider a mix of computer science and fashion designing. Like with professional training in computer science, you can establish your business online or a fashion brand.

Consider the option of technician + businessman, interior designer + architecture, film director + motion graphics designer, etc.

Get a professional degree in one and choose another from your bucket of interest.

People not only dig into theory or research but also see the practices in their career exploration process.

With the establishment of a combination in your practices, you are ready to blast an exciting trend in the market.

But wait, there is more!

Final Words for I don’t know what to do with my life:

Before you gooooo!

It was a lot I know!

But by now you must be sure that I am constantly stressing on the satisfaction which can only come if you will work towards your larger why?

You need to discover your WHY in life for a successful and satisfactory career.

Question yourself that what would be the phrase that you want to be carved on your tombstone when you die. Imagine that after death when you can, as a soul, see what’s written on your tombstone.

“A Person who did”

Yes, these are the values that you stood for your entire life. Now think which career path can move you closer towards this phrase, “a person who”

This is such a powerful technique, to begin with, the end in mind.

No doubt assail in the fact that career determines your happiness.

Lack of fulfillment at work contributes to zero levels of confidence which in turn undermines your future opportunities.

No matter how highly skilled you are, but if you don’t have self-esteem then you will be unable to acquire career goals.

If you have already made a career decision then don’t forget to share!

I Love to connect with the decoders. Please share what you are visualizing to be carved on the stone?

What is your definition? The core value? Waiting!

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