#mike definitely swooped right in and got all protective

[monkee-mobile]

Do you think Davybaby ever regressed before meeting/joining the Monkees? Either in England or after moving to America

And if so how do you think he dealt with it?

I feel like he did but to a different level. he probably never really OFFICIALLY regressed and was really of seen as a little one during it until he came to the states, but when he was particularly stressed out while still in england he’d often go into a kind of weak state if his defenses were really down, he just didn’t process it through really regressing like he would later on. in england, he’d try his absolute hardest not to have that happen. he’d just feel really small and vulnerable and had no one there to protect him or help him through it except his sisters, but they didn’t jump right to babying him, they’d more just help him through the panic attack part of it all. usually he’d just lock himself in his room if he couldn’t brave through it and curl in on himself and sob until he fell asleep (poor thing). he’d often start sucking his thumb, but he just took that as a “weak” behavior that was just coming back from his childhood. He’d also often go pretty nonverbal for a while afterwards but he’d push through it all and move on (which definitely wasn’t the best for him, but it got him through that time. poor little guy didn’t face his own emotions at all). this kind of shutdown didn’t happen all that often cause davy worked hard to build a tough shell and braved it through all the way to when he moved to america and got out of the pressures of his family.

the move really did break him down because suddenly he was alone in a strange country so when the boys first met him he was definitely flighty and not the suave kind of guy he got to be once he became more comfortable, but they were all new to each other so davy didn’t really have a chance to feel super safe to just let himself feel things so he kept up the hard exterior he had built at first. but of course the monkees became very comfortable with each other and basically climb all over each other at all moments so davy started going “feral toddler mode” a lot where he would just go all silly and giggly and playful, so his comfort came through in a relatively childlike way, but he didn’t panic regress until a while after the guys were a group.

but eventually it happens and davy breaks down really hard at some point. it’s the boys who really start babying him when it happens. in the past he didn’t have anyone to really take care of him but things kind of clicked when he was held and talked to softly and he just sunk into the love that was given to him and it helped him process everything anew.

[calpalirwin]

Crush, Crush, Crush

Summary: As if having one crush wasn’t complicated enough.

Word Count: 3.4k

And away and away we go!

__

Delilah let out a loud shriek, flinching away as an ice cold water bottle was pressed against the back of her neck. “Mikey!” she kept shrieking as the boy burst into a fit of giggles, pressing the bottle firmer against the girl’s neck, water droplets running down into the back of her shirt. “I’m gonna kill you!” she laughed, turning around.

Michael dropped the bottle and ran for his life, Delilah giving chase, their socked feet sliding around on the hardwood floors, both of them screaming wildly. As a last ditch effort to catch him, Delilah pushed off with her right foot, launching herself towards Michael’s back, her arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, and his hooking under her legs so they wouldn’t fall.

“Um… wish I could say this usually doesn’t happen… But uh… that’d be a lie,” Calum’s voice sounded from in front of them and both Delilah and Michael snapped their heads to the sound, finding Calum, Luke, and a boy Delilah had yet to meet standing there.

“Didn’t know Mike had a girlfriend,” the boy said, rubbing at the back of his neck.

Delilah let out a high pitched giggle as she climbed off Michael’s back, who scoffed, “D’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” the boy said, brightening slightly.

“Yeah, she’s actually my girlfriend. Mike, how could you?!” Calum cried with fake dramatics.

Delilah fake gagged. “Not even in your dreams, Hood,” she told him before focusing her attention on the boy whose name she still didn’t know. “I’m Delilah. And you are?”

“”M Ashton,” he smiled softly.

“Oh, the drummer!”

“Heh,” Ashton giggled nervously, a dimple indenting his cheek. “Yeah, that’d be me.”

“Cool!”

“Yeah, and now that we have a drummer, can we get our other guitarist, and practice?” Luke quipped.

Delilah rolled her eyes at the boy. “I guess you can borrow, Mike. But you owe me one, Hemmings.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

As the group of five made their way into the living room, Michael nudged into Delilah, “Stop staring at Ash,” he teased, low enough so only she heard him.

“I am not staring,” she whispered back. “But if I was…?”

Michael chuckled, understanding her only the way he could. “Two grades above us. Different school. No girlfriend. Good drummer. Definitely sticking this out with us.”

“Fuck, that doesn’t help me not like him, Mike.”

Michael chuckled more. “Yeah, I know.”

~5 Years Later~

Ashton spotted Delilah and Michael already lounging in the sun, sighing internally. How was he ever supposed to think he stood a chance at having either of them, let alone make a move when those two were always joined at the hip? His phone pinged in his hand, and he hoped it was either Calum or Luke saying they were finding parking. Fortunately it was both Calum and Luke. Unfortunately it was both of them saying that something had come up, and they couldn’t make it. “Fuckin’ great…” Ashton muttered under his breath, trudging the last few feet across the sand towards Delilah and Michael. “Hey, guys.”

Both of them shielded the sun out of their eyes as they looked over at Ashton, bright smiles on their faces. “Oh, hey Ash!”

“Hey,” he repeated. “Um, did you see what Cal and Luke said?”

With frowns, they both looked at their own phones. “God damn it…” Michael groaned. “They do this all the time… They wanna hang out, and then they bail on us.”

Delilah shrugged. “Well fuck them. We don’t need them to have fun, do we?” With that, her fingers tugged up the hem of her shirt, to pull the fabric free from her body. “Can one of you help me get my back?” she asked, digging through her bag for a bottle of sunscreen.

Michael almost dropped the bottle, as Ashton gulped, both men sharing a glance. Taking the path of least resistance, they both shared the job of covering the woman’s back in shoulders, Delilah sighing in content as the way their fingers gently massaged her skin. “Thanks guys.”

“No problem…” they mumbled in a rush, their cheeks bright red.

“Um, I can do your guys’ backs if you want…” she suggested.

“Yeah! That’d be great!”

Delilah had to bite down on her lip as both men discarded their shirts, and all three of them took a small moment to clear their throats. “Um… Wanna help me with Mike first, ‘Lila? He might burn quicker than me…” Ashton all but squeaked.

“Good idea,” Delilah giggled, squirting the sunscreen in Ashton’s waiting hand, and then her own. She shared a covert smile with him as they started covering Michael’s back, their fingers knocking into the other’s.

When it was Delilah and Michael’s turn to get Ashton’s back, Ashton shuddered at the way his friends’ fingers carefully went over the tattoo on his neck, before moving to get the rest of his back and shoulders. “Fuck, that tickles,” he giggled airly. “Maybe you should think about getting a spray.”

“Aw, where’s the fun in that?” she started to flirt, then immediately felt bad at the way Michael’s face scrunched. “I don’t have a lot of faith in spray sunscreen. Every time I use it, I get burned,” she added quickly as an explanation.

After they finished applying the sunscreen to the rest of their exposed skin, Ashton glanced out towards the water. “Shall we?”

“Let’s go!” Delilah said, skipping off ahead of them.

“You should go for it,” Michael mumbled to Ashton as they walked together at a slower pace. “You and D… You’d uh… be cute together.”

“What? Pfft… Nah… You think?”

Michael shrugged. “I see the way you look at her. And if I trust anyone with her, it’d be you, ya know?”

“Thanks, Mike. That, um… means a lot. But, I don’t think she sees me that way. Pretty sure she’s into someone else.”

“Shit that blows…”

It was Ashton’s turn to shrug. “Eh, it’s alright. Can’t say I blame her. She has pretty good taste.”

“That she does,” Michael nodded.

~~~

“So, you ever gonna ask him out?” Delilah asked Michael as they sat on the shoreline, watching Ashton still out in the water.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean what do I mean? Ash! When are you gonna ask him out?”

“Uh… never? Cuz he doesn’t like me.”

Delilah snorted, “Yeah, okay. And I’m the Queen of England.”

Michael shook his head, then sighed. “I’m serious, D. Would it be great if Ash liked me the way I like him? Yeah. But that’s not reality.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he likes someone else.”

“Aw, fuck. Sorry, Mike.”

“S’alright. Can’t say I blame him.”

~~~

“You know,” Ashton said to Delilah as they waited for Michael to come back with food for them all. “With Mike, you might have to make the first move.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, c’mon, ‘Lila. You know him better than anybody. You know how shy he can get with stuff like this. Be brave for the both of ya. Make the first move.”

“Waves knock you around a lil too hard there, Ash? You’re talking nonsense.”

“You’re really gonna sit there, and tell me you don’t like Mike?”

“Of course I like Mike. He’s my best friend. But it’s… complicated. There’s a lot of layers that I haven’t figured out. That I don’t think I ever will.”

“You’re telling me…” he muttered under his breath.

Michael approaching with food put an end to the conversation, all three friends sharing a tight lipped smile, more confused than they’d ever been.

~3 Years Later~

Delilah checked the time on her phone, sighing and feeling tears of frustration brim up in her eyes. She had been five minutes early to her date nearly an hour ago. She wasn’t sure which stung more: her messages asking where her date was being left on read, or the look of pity in the waitress’ eyes as Delilah ordered her third glass of wine.

So, rejected, a little tipsy, and unsure of what to do, she called the one person she knew she could always count on.

“Hey ‘Lila,” Ashton’s voice picked up on the second ring that had Delilah feeling even more flustered.

“Oh… H-hey Ash… S-sorry I didn’t mean to call you… um…” she fumbled over her words as she scrambled to hit the end call button.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Aren’t you supposed to be on a date? Are you alright? What’s going on?”

The weight of concern for her in his words was the breaking point. “I got stood up…” she whimpered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Okay. Sit tight. I’m coming.”

“Ash-”

“Shh, it’ll be alright. I’m already on my way.”

“You’re heading out?” Calum questioned as Ashton placed Michael’s phone down on the table.

“I have to.”

“No. Mike has to. She called Mike, Ash.”

Ashton narrowed his eyes pointing into the sound booth where Michael and Luke were laying down tracks. “He’s a lil busy at the moment, and she needs someone now. What am I supposed to do? Not go to her?”

“No, of course not. It’s Del. But… Ash, it’s not a secret that things are all a little complicated between you three. I don’t want to see you get hurt because you played hero to her when it was supposed to be Mike.”

“I’m not doing this to swoop in, and take Mike’s hero moment away from him, Cal. She’s my friend too. And she needs somebody. So you really think I’m gonna let you stop me?”

Calum raised his hands in surrender. “Look, I’m only trying to protect you from getting your heart crushed if this doesn’t match up to the fantasy in your head.”

“And I appreciate that. You know I do. But I got this, Cal. Promise.”

“Alright. Go on then, I’ll explain to them what happened when they’re done.”

“Thanks, Cal.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now get out of here already.”

Ashton made it to the restaurant in minutes flat, hitting the ground running. He muttered a few apologies and “excuse me”s as he weaved through the people in his way, before finally spotting Delilah staring dejectedly at her empty glass of wine. He steeled himself from the thoughts swirling in his head about how if this had been their date he’d never dare leave her waiting on him. That wasn’t a road he needed to go down right now. “Hey,” he said softly as he took the seat across from her.

She raised her eyes slowly to look over at him, a tearful smile coming to her lips. “Hey…” she whispered.

“C’mon. Let’s get you out of here.”

“I have to pay my bill… Shoulda stuck with water…”

“That’s alright,” he told her, flagging down a waitress. While Delilah got lost in her mind, Ashton settled the bill in hushed tones. “Okay. C’mon,” he said, resting a hand gently on top of hers to get her attention.

“The bill…” she repeated.

“It’s taken care of. C’mon.” He helped her up from her seat, taking off his jacket to drape it over her shoulders, his fingers brushing against her exposed skin.

“You wanna know something?” she asked numbly as they headed for his car.

“What’s that?”

“If I told you how many times I imagined you rushing in to save the day like this… well… your head would spin. And now that it’s real… my head’s spinning.”

“That might be the wine,” he chuckled lightly, opening the door for her. “And uh… I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“How do you not know? Everyone else does…” she sighed, relaxing against the leather of the seat.

“Everyone else knows what?”

“That I like you.”

In his shock, he closed the car door with more force than he meant to. When he got in on the driver’s side, she was giggling. “What?” he asked nervously.

“Well that was dramatic,” she continued to giggle. “I like you, slam!”

“I- Wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. I thought you still liked Mike.”

Delilah sighed somewhat dreamily, and Ashton’s stomach churned. “Yeah. I like him too.”

“Yeah, I kinda gathered as much.  I mean… you did call him, not me. I was just the one who picked up. Still not sure why. I just saw your name and...”

“Had to?” she supplied the rest of his thought.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s you. I wasn’t going to not answer, even if it wasn’t my phone.”

“Just because I like Mike, doesn’t mean I can’t like you too, Ash.”

“Yeah, but it’s different kinds of like.”

“Says who?”

“Says the obvious. You two are the closest, you always have been. And look, I get it. I’m not mad. I get what you see in him, because I see it, too. I just also happen to wish sometimes you saw that in me, too.”

“I do! It’s…” she scrambled to find the words to finally lay this all out on the line.

“Complicated. I know. I remember.” The words came out bitter, and they both hated it. Delilah for not having the words to fix it, and Ashton for the crushed look in her eyes when she was already having a shitty night. He let out a slow sigh, collecting himself. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “We shouldn’t be doing this right now. This is a conversation we can have at a different time. I should be taking you home.”

“No,” she pressed. “I want to have this conversation now. Ash… I like both of you. I’ve liked Mike my entire life, and I’ve liked you since the minute I met you. And… the reason I haven’t been brave enough to do something about it is because I also know that you two like each other. And… I like you guys too much as my friends to ruin the dynamic I guess? When I don’t choose, it’s only me who gets hurt. Because I’d rather have neither of you, than have one and the other feel jealous.”

“Oh… Damn… That adds a whole ‘nother layer to this, doesn’t it?”

“Yep… They don’t have books or movies for how to deal with love triangles like this… this is… uncharted territory.”

“Yep… Well fuck. If all three of us like each other, why don’t we all just date?” Ashton suggested.

“How would that dynamic work?”

“No idea. But, if anyone could figure it out, I’d bet it’d be us.”

“And if Mike doesn’t… Would you and me still…?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

“You don’t… feel like that makes us consolation prizes to each other? Like we can’t both have Mike, so we’re settling for each other?”

“Nothing about being with you is me settling for you, ‘Lila. I want you.”

“I want you, too.”

“And we just happen to also want Mike,” Ashton couldn’t help but giggle at the absurdity of it all.

“Do you think he wants us, too? I mean, I know he wants you. I just don’t know if he wants me.”

“Oh, he does. Trust me, he does. Anybody would be stupid not to.” Ashton let out his next breath slowly, running his hands through his hair. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Please,” she breathed, leaning across the center console towards him. He met her in the middle, his fingers gripping lightly on her chin to guide her lips to his, her own hands coming up to cradle his face. “Thanks for coming to get me,” she murmured as they broke the kiss.

“Of course,” he smiled softly. “You hungry?”

“Starving.”

Ashton giggled and started the car. “Alright, we’ll grab some food, and then I’ll take you home.”

“We should get something for Mike, too. He’ll have known by now that I called, and that you came to get me, so he’ll be waiting for us. Right?”

“If he’s done laying down tracks with Luke, yeah. That’s probably a safe bet.”

They fell silent, Delilah finally breaking the silence only after they had picked up food for themselves and Mike. “Hey, Ash?”

“Hmm?” he hummed, reaching out to lower the volume of the radio.

“Are you scared?”

“Terrified,” he nodded. “It’s uh… not every day you tell the girl, and the boy, you’ve been crushing on for years that you’ve been crushing on them for years, with the follow up being if it’s cool if you can all date each other.”

Delilah giggled, “God, this is fuckin’ crazy…”

“100% certifiably nuts,” Ashton giggled with her as he pulled into her driveway, next to Michael’s car and spotting the man waiting for them on the porch. Ashton shut off the car and turned to look at Delilah. “Ready?”

“God, no.”

“It’s Mike. He’s our best friend.”

“I know. But I’m still…”

“Scared? Yeah, me too. His hands grabbed hers, brushing soft kisses across her knuckles. “But I’ll be right here with you. C’mon,” he coaxed. 

They left the security of the car, and walked up to where Michael was waiting. He rose slowly to his feet, eyes locking on Ashton and Delilah’s hands that were clasped together. “Oh… I see you two have uh… that’s great. Happy for you guys…” His gaze flickered over to the food bag in Delilah’s other hand. “And I’m intruding, so I’m gonna head out. Glad your night worked out.”

“Mike, wait,” Ashton said, reaching out to stop the younger man. “There’s something we wanted to talk to you about.”

“No offense to either of you right now, cuz I love this for you guys, I really do. But uh… I’m a little tired and hungry from the studio. I just stopped by cuz I saw you had called, D, and wanted to make sure you were okay. And you are. So um… can we save the ‘we’re dating’ conversation for tomorrow?”

Delilah shook the bag of food. “We picked you up something, too. Please, Mikey?”

~~~

“So… let me see if I got this right. In addition to crushing on each other, you both also have a crush on me?” Michael asked, after Ashton and Delilah brought him up to speed.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Delilah nodded, leaning forward to set the now empty take out food container on the coffee table.

Michael looked over at Ashton with a raised eyebrow, “How drunk is she?”

Ashton giggled, while Delilah gaped at Michael and gave him a small shove with an indignant “Hey! I’m not that drunk. Anymore…”

“Well fuck! So we’ve all just been crushing on each other, and swallowing our pride, so nobody gets their feelings hurt except ourselves?”

“Can’t leave out the stupidest part of how all of us at some point encouraged someone to make a move on someone else.”

“Fuck, no wonder Cal and Luke bail on so many plans with us… This shit is infuriating… But now that it’s all cleared up, what do we do? How does this… work exactly?”

“I don’t know… I have enough trouble figuring out how to date one person…” Ashton admitted, making the other two laugh in agreement. “But if anyone can figure it out, it’s us, yeah?”

“Exactly,” Delilah smiled at him, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “We’re all friends first. There isn’t anything we keep from each other.”

“Minus the crushes we all had on each other, that is,” Michael amended. Then, “So… have you guys kissed yet?”

“We did, yeah,” Ashton told him, with a sheepish grin.

“Fuckers…”

“Aw, poor baby,” Delilah teased, leaning towards Michael to press a kiss to his cheek. At the last possible second, Michael turned his head, so her lips locked onto his rather than the intended target of his cheek.

He sighed in content against her lips, tasting the barest traces of wine still leftover, sweet and savory. “Can’t begin to tell you how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he murmured as they broke apart.

“Well, now you can do it whenever you want,” she smiled.

Ashton cleared his throat. “Still here.”

Michael’s cheeks flushed. “Right. Yeah… erm…”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Ashton groaned, hooking his fingers under Michael’s chin to get them to look at each other. “It’s a kiss, dumbass, not rocket science.”

“Calling your boyfriend a dumbass isn’t very nice of you,” Michael teased lightly. 

Ashton shuddered as his lips crushed into Michael’s, “Fuck, say that again.”

“Boyfriend,” Michael grinned against Ashton’s mouth.

“My boyfriends,” Delilah beamed proudly at them.

“Our girlfriend,” they chorused back.

__

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[ambitiousskychild]

Ooh how about Mike and Eddie? :)

ahhh i’m so sorry it took me FOREVER to get to this, but thank you for giving me these characters in specific and also i’m apologizing now for how long this is gonna be let’s begin

Why I like Eddie and Mike

They are HANDS DOWN the best characters of the 7 of them hands DOWN. 

Eddie in the book is the BIGGEST badass, not only did he LAUGH IN HENRY BOWERS’ FACE when he broke his arm at 11 years old, he KILLED bowers 27 years later right after bowers broke the same arm in the same place, by smashing his classy glass Perrier against his bedside table and stabbing bowers to death with the remains :) 

Mike Hanlon is the reason the book happens AT ALL. He’s essentially the narrator. And he is the final member of the losers club, they save his life from bowers and co, and he automatically knows he can trust them and they all know, like magic, that their group is complete and that was so fuckin sweet to me. He often puts his body in the way to protect Eddie and Stan and AHHH

Why i don’t like Eddie and Mike

bc i LOVE them next question

Favorite scene

For Eddie there are so many, here’s a bulleted list

“They’re gazebos! They’re BULLSHIT!”

THE LOSER/LOVER SCENE ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THE FACT THAT EDDIE HIMSELF TOOK THAT NASTY WORD GRETA BRANDED HIM FOR EVERYONE TO SEE AND DECIDED THAT’S NOT TRUE, AND CORRECTED IT TO THE THING HE LOVES MOST ABOUT HIMSELF IT MAKES ME FUCKING INSANE, EVERY TIME I WATCH THAT SCENE I CRY

when richie set his broken arm back into place and most definitely made it worse lmao

when eddie got puked on by pennywise and literally SHOOK with rage bc there was sooooo much of it in his tiny little body and he decided he was no longer afraid and swung at pennywise with those tiny HANDS

For MIke omg

In the book there’s this scene where he faces Pennywise as a giant bird that’s terrifying and I can’t describe it but Mike is just SO smart and brave

In the book when the losers decide to fuckin hotbox their underground clubhouse hoping to get high enough to see the origins of IT and it fuckin works, but Richie and Mike are the only ones who can stand it anymore in there to actually SEE anything

In the book when they’re fighting IT as kids and pennywise turns into that bird again and swoops down for Eddie, and Mike is so worried the bird will just take him that he rolls his body over Eddie’s

When in Chapter 1 they ran from the Neibolt house after Eddie broke his arm and Mike picked Eddie up all by himself and put him in his bike basket like a little puppy lmao

Favorite movie

Favorite movie for both of them is Chapter 1

Favorite Line

Eddie: “Get my bifocals, they’re in my second fanny pack”

Mike, tragically didn’t get really a lot of good lines butttt probably “I know the difference between what’s real and what’s not” bc that’s like,,, literally the only thing he got that wasn’t just sad lol

Favorite outfit

For Eddie it’s the pink polo shirt and red shorts with the rainbow stripes but ALSO the thundercats shirt with those same shorts both of those were LOOKS lol

And For Mike i love the outfit we first meet him in, his jeans and the grey shirt. i thought at one point he wore overalls, but i think i imagined it lol

OTP

For Eddie, obviously Reddie

For Mike, i like him with Bill AND Stan, but i also think he and eddie together would be adorable

Brotp

For Eddie- him and Bev! They’re so similar anyway i love to think they’re absolute best friends, aside from him and richie. And i especially love the idea of Richie, Eddie, and Bev as a trio. Eddie and Mike could be the cutest best friends, and Eddie and Stan, and Eddie and Bill omg, Everyone should be best friends with Eddie

For Mike, i like the idea of him and Richie being close tbh! Him and Eddie too and him and Ben! Also, everyone should be best friends with Mike

Head Canon

ummm i hc that Eddie develops an almost INSANE need for thrills after they defeat Pennywise for good and he wants to get tattoos and try smoking and he gets a motorcycle to go real FAST, and richie is not only supportive, but stupid, so they have a lot of dumb matching tattoos and a motorcycle they’re trying to get rid of like a year later :)

I hc that Mike always wanted to be a vet or something with animals, but he just never got to :( but when they finally defeat pennywise, Bill supports his dream to care for animals :)

Unpopular opinion

I love soft!Eddie! I know that’s like,,, not cool to say in the fandom these days but that’s literally the coolest most rebellious thing about Eddie is that despite it ALL he still chooses to be soft and kick your ass lovingly

And for Mike, it’s so hard bc he got so little attention or screentime or ANYTHING that actually let him be a character, so my main opinion for him is that he deserved better but that’s not unpopular lol

A wish

I wish that Eddie had been allowed to not be a raging asshole and then a coward for like all of Chapter 2, and I wish that Mike’s character hadn’t been somehow turned into crazy man who steals from Natives and “lies to his friends” lol

An oh-god-pls-don’t-ever-happen

Oh god, i would fuckin HATE it if Eddie died for no fuckin reason and then his friends just moved on 20mins later like he didn’t literally die for them, that would suck, thank god that doesn’t happen

And it would also suck if in the book, Mike, the whole reason they’re all even back in Derry, despite knowing the dangers of Derry during the height of IT being back and knowing he should be watching his back, put himself alone in harm’s way for no reason other than to be taken out of the game so he’s not even down in the sewers for the final showdown with Pennywise, that would suck and be infuriating, glad that didn’t happen either

5 words to best describe them

Eddie: brave, loyal, loving, funny, chaotic

Mike: sweet, kind, strong, brave, wise

My nickname for them

i usually just call them both sweet angel babey lmao but also spaghetti boy and farm boy lol

thank you for the ask and sorry i wrote you an essay

send me a character? if you dare lol i really snapped on this one

[randomvarious]

Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam - “Lost in Emotion” I Know What Boys Like! Song released in 1987. Compilation released in 1996. Pop / Freestyle

From an old biography on Billboard.com:

Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam were one of the most musically diverse and successful recording acts of the '80s. With hits produced and written by Full Force, the six-man performing/songwriting/production team from East Flatbush/Brooklyn, NY, they scored million-selling hits with dance-based tracks ("I Wonder if I Take You Home"), beautiful ballads ("All Cried Out"), and unabashed pop tunes ("Head to Toe," "Lost in Emotion"). They were one of the early exponents of what later became hip-hop R&B. With five gold singles, two number one singles on both the R&B and the pop charts, two platinum albums, and inclusions on various compilations and movie soundtracks, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam were the most successful act of Full Force's "One Big Family" roster of acts.

A constant theme throughout Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam’s history is the influence of Motown. Motown music is what seemingly brought them together and it’s what ultimately led them to achieve gargantuan levels of success throughout the 80s and early 90s. But it all started in 1984 with a struggling New York-based hip hop / R&B / funk / electro band called Full Force. They couldn’t get a label to bite and decided that they needed a change in direction. Having witnessed the success of R&B boy band New Edition, who were transparently packaged as an 80s rehash of the Jackson 5 (a new edition, if you will, of a Motown group), the members of Full Force formed an idea that they thought was sure to hit: an 80s rehash of The Supremes (an all-girl Motown group!). Full Force would write,  produce, play the music, and provide backing vocals while a group of girls would take care of the main singing parts.

Full Force percussionist and roadie, Mike Hughes, would then come upon a 17-year old girl named Lisa Velez at a New York club called The Funhouse, which is also where Madonna ended up being discovered. Velez, who had visions of pop stardom, was a member of a traveling troupe in school that performed Motown hits and showtunes. Initially impressed by her looks, Hughes would invite her to an audition at a house in Brooklyn where three brothers from Full Force resided. Velez wouldn’t tell her protective older brother (she had nine siblings, by the way!), probably out of fear of him denying her request that she be allowed to go, and hopped on the D train to chase her dreams.

But it wasn’t all initially hunky dory. In fact, Velez’s first time meeting Full Force was rather creepy. From a 1988 interview and profile of Lisa Lisa in Spin:

...”I sit on a stool in the basement, and I’m looking around, and I see pictures of these big, big guys. Six big guys. I’m saying to myself, ‘Oh shit, they’re gonna kill me.’ I didn’t know what to think. I had just met Mike. Enter the six big guys, and I almost shit in my pants. Paul Anthony was the first one to come up to me, and he bent down and he kissed me and he says, ‘God, you’re very pretty.’ That’s when I thought, ‘Oh Jesus, he’s gonna rape me now.’”

But her fears were soon alleviated.

...Lisa started to sing. “She was singing this song that Mike Hughes wrote for her to do,” says Lou George, “and it wasn’t kicking at all. It was horrible, plain and simple. Because it had her singing so off-key, because the way the song was written, she was singing all off. I was just laughing until my tears came down because of the fact that she was off and Mike had wrote it, and it was just so funny the way the notes was going. And I was by the bathroom crying in tears, and Lisa couldn’t see me.

“Then she sang ‘For Your Eyes Only,” [the theme song from the 1981 James Bond flick] and that’s what got it. Everything fell into place. 

Full Force would end up auditioning more girls, but in Velez they had found the Diana Ross piece to their 80s Supremes puzzle: an attractive young woman blessed with a high-pitched and innocent-sounding voice that MTV-watching teenybopper types could fawn over and try to emulate. Rather than wait to fill out the rest of the group with more singers, Velez and Full Force got to recording. She would be given the stage name Lisa Lisa, a sort of play on the Full Force-produced, 1984 breakthrough hip hop hit, “Roxanne, Roxanne” by UTFO. Mike Hughes and a guitarist and bassist who was associated with Full Force named Alex “Spanador” Moseley would make up Cult Jam. LL&CJ would then debut in 1985, finding decent chart success in a platinum-selling album with songs like “I Wonder If I Take You Home,” “Can You Feel the Beat,” and “All Cried Out,” the last of which would reach the top ten in the US. A couple years later, they followed up with Spanish Fly, achieving platinum status again thanks to two chart-topping pop singles, “Head to Toe” and “Lost in Emotion.” Both songs would be noted for their clear infusion of Motown influence.

“Lost in Emotion” really is just a perfect piece of sun-drenched 80s pop. And yet, despite the fact that it’s clearly such a bop, and that it reached #1, it still feels a bit overlooked today. Throughout all my years of listening to the classic pop and rock radio format, I feel like I’ve never heard it on there. Similarly, I also feel like I don’t see it included on all that many 80s mixes or playlists. I mean, this song has over 4 million plays on Spotify, which is a lot, but “Straight Up” by Paula Abdul, which hit #1 the following year, and has that same type of young and innocent girl vocal affect, has over 40 million plays. They’re both good songs, no doubt, but go listen to both of them back to back and tell me which one holds up better today. The answer is “Lost in Emotion” and I will fight you if you disagree.

Ultimately, this song reflects a fantastically catchy pairing of an in vogue and upbeat, poppy freestyle sound with old chunks of Motown mixed in. Alongside slapping percussion, flooding synthesizers, and twinkling, sort of tropical-sounding melodies courtesy of a combination of xylophones and bells, Full Force divine their main inspiration for this song from a pair of Mary Wells hits (she was a Motown star!), “Two Lovers” and “You Beat Me to the Punch.” And if you listen to those songs, you can hear the bits and pieces that ended up motivating Full Force to write “Lost in Emotion.” 

But this sweet 80s jam struts with more than just Motown flair. The main, funky bassline that undergirds the whole thing has a definite Ben E. King “Stand by Me” feel to it, which is still 60s, but not Motown, and the extended bridge section, which also contains a nice sax solo, showcases even more glints of non-Motown 60s sounds. The male bass baritone backing vocal that briefly swoops in the outro portion is a clear callback to doo-wop groups of the 50s and 60s, which wasn’t Motown’s lane, and Lisa Lisa also appears to give tribute to Del Shannon with her own backing vocal by briefly wailing an “aye-yai-yai,” mimicking the iconic “why-why-why” from the early 60s rock-and-roll-pop masterpiece, “Runaway.” It’s these combinations of Lisa Lisa’s naturally nubile voice, not to mention her sheer attractiveness, along with Full Force’s expert mixing of both old and contemporary sounds that would enable “Lost in Emotion” to be the most popular song in the US during the summer of 1987. It’s also a tune which proves that, when done right, Motown doesn’t go out of style. At least it clearly hadn’t by then.

Of course, there was a music video for “Lost in Emotion,” too, which plainly shows Lisa Lisa lip syncing the whole song as she and her friends move through a crowded street fair rigged with carnival games and a stage, which Lisa Lisa graces at the end. According to Wikipedia, it was the fourth-most played video in 1987 on MTV.

An absolute classic banger of an 80s pop song that shows Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam at their peak. You ignore this flawless summer earworm at your own peril.

[kimmyiewrites]

Case Closed ~ Chpt 7

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Mike stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to Bex’s apartment. She hadn’t allowed him to follow her the entire way up since he needed to get another cab to go back to the brownstone the bureau put him in for his current assignment. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I don’t have to be back on capitol hill until tomorrow.”

Bex sighed as she laid her bag down by her door so she could unlock it. “Yes, Mike. I’ll be fine. I promise.” She looked down at him with the best reassuring smile she could muster. Truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure how she was going to be. This was far from her first kidnapping while on assignment. It was a risk she took working with the mafia. She, however, had been kidnapped by the same man who killed her sister. Now that he was behind bars, she didn’t know how to feel but she knew she needed to call her parents. She needed to let them know that she was okay and that Hailey could finally rest in peace.

“Bex…” He trailed off, not really knowing what more he could say. He had been arguing this since they landed back in DC.

“I’m just going to call my parents and then take a shower until my hot water goes out then go to bed. I’ll come see you in the morning.” She opened her door, tossing her bag inside. “I really appreciate everything, Mike. I just need some time.”

He let out a sigh and nodded his head. “Okay, but if you need anything, call me, please.”

“I will. I promise. Good night, Mike.”

“Night, Bex.”

Once her apartment door was closed, Bex immediately tore off the scrubs and made her way into her bathroom. She stood under the spray of the hot water, letting it rinse off all the dirt and grime from the past few days. Soon the weight of everything grew to be too much and she placed a hand on the shower wall to brace herself. Tears mixed with the water running down her face as her sobs wracked her whole body making her appear to be shivering despite the hot water.

He had remembered her sister. He even knew who she was. But he was going behind bars now. She had finally caught him. No one else would feel like this because of that killer. She could now do the same for others if the bureau allowed for her transfer. She didn’t want to be around serial killers all the time when her sister’s had still been out there. Now that he was behind bars she wouldn’t feel as much as a failure and be able to do what she set out to do when she first joined the FBI.

She took a few shaky breaths before pushing herself up from where she had been leaning against the wall so she could wash her hair. She took her time, only hurrying when she felt the water’s temperature change. Wrapping herself in a fluffy towel, she made her way into her bedroom and pulled on some sweat pants and her sister’s favorite band tee.

Padding her way into the kitchen, Bex made herself a cup of tea before calling her parents. She curled up under a blanket on her couch, mug held close to her chest to feel its warmth, and her phone nestled between her ear and shoulder as she waited for her parents to answer.

“Rebecca? Please tell me that’s really you.” Her mother sounded worried beyond comparison that Bex didn’t even roll her eyes at hearing her full name.

“Yeah, yeah mom, it’s me. I finally did it. I finally caught him.” She had thought she had cried herself out in the shower but her voice cracked at the end and tears pooled in her eyes. Hearing her mom cry made her cry even harder and the two Morris women cried it out together over the phone.

“Oh, honey. Your father and I were worried sick when we saw the news.” Her mother told her through sniffles before calling for her father.

“Hey, dad.” Bex said when he got a hold of the phone.

“I can’t tell ya how good it is to hear your voice. You’re okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Bex shook her head despite him not being able to see her. “No, nothing I can’t handle anyway. Just some bumps and scrapes but I’ll be fine. I’m back home and I’ve got some really good friends here to help me out.”

“Good, because you know we’d come up there if you needed us.”

She sighed, laughing softly. “Yeah, I know but you don’t need to. I’m going to be hanging low for awhile anyway before I put in for my transfer out of organized crime. The guy who helped me out on my last case has a pretty bizarre case but it’s nothing too taxing so I figured I’d offer my assistance especially after he put it on hold to come help find me too.”

“Just don’t over do it, Bex.” Her father warned.

“I won’t, trust me. If anything this will just be good ol’ fashioned detective work to help him out since his cover can’t really leave a senator’s side. Plus the original agent that was supposed to be helping him out is being weird now.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Call us if you need us. Oh, and your mother wants to know when you’ll come home next?”

A small smile tugged at her lips. “I’ll make it down for Thanksgiving. Tell mom that I expect a pecan pie and her mac and cheese.”

She heard a bit of shuffling on the other end of the phone before her mother’s voice was once more in her ear. “You’re really going to make me wait until Thanksgiving? After you’ve put us through this?”

“If I come any sooner, I’m afraid you won’t ever let me leave. Besides, I don’t know when the trial will be yet so I don’t know when I can actually take off from work. Just because we caught him, doesn’t mean I can rest just yet.” She tried to explain. Her mother had never been keen on what Bex decided to do for a living.

Once more there was shuffling heard and her father’s voice came through the phone again. “Bex, you do what you need to do. Be careful and maybe we can give that facetiming thing a try again soon. We’d at least like to see your face before Thanksgiving.”

Bex smiled, her dad always swooped in and saved the day. “Yeah, we can most definitely do that. I’m gonna head to bed now though but I’ll be in touch, promise. I love you and give my love to mom.”

When the call ended, she tossed her phone beside her and let out a deep breath. Slowly but surely, she was feeling a little lighter. She stood from her blanket cocoon after she finished her tea and placed the mug in her sink. The weight of her exhaustion was now beginning to hit her. She crawled into bed, taking the picture of her and her sister from her nightstand with her. She held out the frame so she could see the picture it protected. She and her sister wrapped in each other’s arms, standing at the end of the pier as the sun set, grinning at the camera. Hailey was only 16 and Bex 19, spending their last day of summer vacation together before going back to school. It wasn’t the last day that Bex saw her sister before the tragedy, but it was the last picture they had taken together. “I did it, Hailes. He’s not going to hurt anyone else. You can rest easy now.” A lone tear fell against her cheek as she kissed the glass before returning the picture to its home.

“I can’t decide if I’m surprised to see you in my office Morris or not.” Director Marchant said as he walked into his office after grabbing a refill on his coffee. Bex sat with one leg crossed over the other as she waited for him to return, smiling at him as he sat down at his desk. “Shouldn’t you be taking some time off? I would be taking some time off after you not only accomplished what you did but after what you went through to do so.”

“I appreciate that director, but Agent Warren is still working on his case and since he’s helped me with my last two cases, I had to see if there was something I could do for him.” Bex told him, hoping that he would just give her the go ahead so she wouldn’t have to sneak about.

Marchant stared at Bex for a few moments, weighing his options. Onofrio and Blades seemed to have switched their stories about whether or not the head explosions were related to a terrorist attack. Congress was not quite on his hide yet but he could feel them inching closer and closer. Senator Wheatus changed to where he actually was doing his job now so Mike couldn’t investigate like he needed to. “Okay, fine. You’ll be brought on as Warren’s liaison but I need you to not get caught up in the politics. I need someone actually running an investigation.”

Bex gave a small salute, nodding her head. “You can count on me, director.”

“Good,” he stood just as his phone dinged to remind him of a meeting. “You can come with me to meet the other agents and they can fill you in on our side of the investigation before you go meet Warren.” He gave her a knowing look as he passed her. Of course, he knew that she would help Mike regardless of what he said. He knew after the Capello case that the two had formed a bond. If Bex hadn’t been so focused on catching her sister’s killer, he was sure that he would have seen a disappointed look like he saw on Mike’s when he had given them their latest assignments.

“Where is Onofrio?” Director Marchant asked as he and Bex sat down in Agent Blades office.

“He called to say he was running behind. Guess traffic’s bad. He didn’t give a whole lot of details.” Blades shrugged.

“Very well. Let’s go ahead and begin since I have a meeting right after this one.” Marchant nodded before motioning towards Bex. “This is Agent Morris. She has just returned from her latest case and she’ll be serving as Warren’s liaison since Onofrio seems to have forgotten about that part of his assignment. They’ve worked together before and took down the Capello family with ease.”

“I heard about that take down. Impressive. It’ll be good to have a new set of eyes on this. I know Warren’s been working with a hill staffer that’s involved but hasn’t gotten into any theories with her. She’s working with the daughter of the first head injury victims though, so I think if we could somehow get you connected so that Warren can keep his cover. We originally thought that it was a terrorist group but -”

“We still think it’s a terrorist group.” Anthony said as he entered the room. When he noticed Bex he looked her over, trying to figure out who she was. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

She certainly didn’t like the way he looked at her as if she was intruding. Before she could say anything Marchant introduced her and told him to sit down. “Continue, Blades.”

“As I was saying -”

“Is she really necessary, sir? We’ve been doing a good job without her.” Anthony interrupted once more.

“She’s here because I brought her here.” Marchant told the other agent, hoping that it was all that needed to be said.

“But she’s a woman. Has she even dealt with terrorist? No offense.” Anthony argued. Bex was a fresh face and that meant another hassle for the bugs.

Marchant was about to say something when Bex placed a hand on his back as she stood. “All the offense taken, Onofrio. I may not have dealt with terrorist but I have shared the same bed as some of the biggest mafia lords so I could get close enough to cut off their operations to keep America safe. I just got back from going under with a serial killer who has been close to the top of the most wanted list. I have dealt with domestic terrorism here so do not once undermine me because I’m a woman. I was willing to work along side you, to make sure I didn’t step on any toes because I have just returned from a case but you’ve just lost that privilege. I’m going to show you how a woman closes a case.”

She then turned to Blades, her expression turing from a death glare to an easy smile. “Would you be so kind to send me the case file. I’ll look over it soon.” When Blades nodded, she made her way to the door, turning to address the group. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some real investigating to do.” She gave Anthony a pointed glare before exiting, shutting the door a bit more forceful than needed but by no means, slamming the door shut. She only had to prove a point to one agent after all.

Both Blades and Marchant started laughing after Bex left. “Where did you find her?” Blades asked between his laughter.

“She’s not one of the bureau's best agents for no reason.” Marchant chuckled as he stood. “I’d take notes Onofrio. You just made the wrong woman upset. I won’t be surprised if this case isn’t finished in a week or two. Blades, I want you working closely with her. Let her know how your department operates. I want a report on my desk by the end of the day about updates.”

Blades looked over at Onofrio after Marchant left with a small smirk. “I’d get going if I were you or you’re really going to get chewed up and spit out. It seems like you messed with the wrong person and I cannot wait to see what she does to you.” He chuckled, dismissing Anthony.

Anthony slammed the door on his way out, frustrated and flustered. This Bex was a new variable in their plan that they didn’t know about. They needed to assess her and figure out if she needed to be converted or gotten rid of. They couldn’t have another Laurel on their case.

Bex stuck her head into Gareth’s office despite the intern’s protests but when she found him in a meeting with Red, she grimaced. “Oh, god, I’m sorry. I wanted to surprise you since I got back this morning. I’ll wait out here.” She motioned behind her but before she could leave, Red invited her inside.

“Nonsense, come on in. You came by just in time. Gareth just got back last night and boy did I miss him.” He gave Mike’s shoulder a squeeze before offering out his hand while still looking towards Mike. “I’m assuming this is Rebecca?”

“Yes, this is Rebecca.” Mike smiled at her as she shook hands with Red. “Did you even unpack your bags or did you come straight here?” He asked as they hugged.

“I’ll have to pick up my bag from the office but since I was this way, I figured I would see if I could steal you away for lunch?” Bex smiled as she looked between the two men for the answer.

“What is it that you do?” Red asked instead.

“I’m a curator for the Smithsonian.” Bex replied with ease. It was her go to cover story. She didn’t want Mike to potentially get made as an agent himself so she figured she would go with it.

Red nodded. “Keeping America educated, very good. Enjoy your lunch, buddy. I hope to see you around the office more, Rebecca.”

They shook hands once more before he went back to his office. When the door closed, Bex turned to Mike, an eyebrow raised trying so hard not to laugh. Mike snickered, not being able to hold it in, as he motioned for her to leave. The moment the pair stepped out into the hallway, they both began laughing. “That was something else.” Bex said in between her giggling.

“That was a calmer interaction than what I’ve seen. I’m just glad he didn’t ask you about the One Wayers.” He shook his head with a chuckle.

“That’s the extremist grassroots group, right?”

Mike nodded. “Yeah. I’ll probably have to look into them more after all of this. Did you really go into the office this morning?”

“Sure did. Marchant told me I could be your liaison.” She grinned over at him as they walked down the steps of the Capitol building.

“Thank god.” Mike laughed. “I haven’t been able to do anything since Red decided he actually wanted to be a senator. After we eat, I’ll see if I can introduce you to Laurel. There’s something I feel like she’s hiding from me when there’s talk of the head injuries but she won’t tell me so maybe you can try?”

“Yeah, of course. You can introduce me as an agent with her. I just didn’t want Red to get suspicious.”

“I was going to ask you about that.” He chuckled. “Thanks for that and sorry for the Rebecca thing. With him being so extreme now, I didn’t want him to try and do something because he thought Bex sounded weird.”

She laughed before giving him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it. So explain to me from the beginning, what’s all happened. I had the pleasure of meeting Blades and Onofrio this morning and Blades is all for me joining while Onofrio’s lucky I didn’t punch him in the face.”

Mike chuckled, shaking his head slightly. He didn’t even want to know what Onofrio said to Bex to warrant such a response. After ordering their burgers, Mike and Bex sat on a bench, a larger order of fries sitting in between them. “So,” Mike launched into his explanation, “a meteor crashed in Russia and brought over here. The people on the ship transporting it came back completely different. One of the wives went to Laurel Healy because her brother was the one who signed off on it being brought here for testing. The government shut down and the scientist who was researching this meteor gets infected, head explodes in the ambulance which Laurel is also in. A couple more people have experienced this same fate or have changed completely. Laurel is working with the daughter of the scientist and some unknown but I feel like they’re working on a theory that I don’t know about. Laurel called me last night but when I called her back, she gave the excuse of a drunk dial so I don’t really know what that was all about.”

She nodded, humming thoughtfully as she chewed her latest bite of her burger. “Sounds to me I need to meet this Healy girl then. You think she’d open up to me?”

He gave a small shrug, popping a fry in his mouth when he saw the woman in question walking up behind Bex. “Only one way to find out.” He murmured as he smiled over at the brunette. “Laurel, hey. You feeling better?”

“Hey. Yeah, I am. I guess you’re back in town. Did you find your friend?” She slowed to a stop, trying to figure out who the woman sitting next to Mike was.

Mike chuckled and motioned towards Bex. “I did. Even got to bring her home. Laurel, this is Bex Morris. Bex, this is Laurel Healy.”

The two women shook hands, smiling. “Welcome home. Gareth was really worried so I’m glad to see that you don’t even look like you went missing.”

Bex laughed. “You didn’t see me last night.”

“So how do you two know each other?” Laurel really hoped that she didn’t sound jealous. She didn’t even know where she and Mike stood. She just knew that they had been dancing around each other and now here this friend of his was.

“We met in college. I decided to go the political route while she went the crime solving route. Now she yells at me when she has to deal with red tape and I ask for favors.” Mike answered with a chuckle.

“Like getting information on Anthony?” Laurel asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Actually that was all me. I had already pulled up his file to look into him since he’s now a partner of mine on my latest case. Gareth had mentioned him and after reading his file, I just grew worried and passed along the information. I’m sorry if I interfered in anyway.” Bex spoke up, trying to save face.

Laurel looked between the two, trying to figure out if what Bex said was the truth until it clicked. Bex was Anthony’s new partner. She had to warn her about the bugs somehow, so she wouldn’t get infected too. “Are you working with him on his current case?”

“Yeah, I am actually. I know you’re a major player in this case and he’s not exactly the most forthcoming on any information, so I’d love to talk sometime, hear your take on the events.” Bex smiled.

The other woman nodded. “That’d be great. I’m meeting a couple of my friends for lunch but stop by my office in a few and I’d be happy to tell you what I know.” Laurel then gave a small smile and wave before continuing on her way.

“Well, that went even better than I’d hoped.” Mike sighed, eating another fry.

Bex nodded, popping one in her mouth. “Mmhmm, now hopefully she’ll truly tell me everything.”

Once they finished their meal, the pair walked back towards the capitol building. “I don’t want you to think I’m not glad that you’ve been placed on this case but -”

“Have I really been cleared for it?” Bex finished Mike’s sentence with a small laugh. “Yeah, I truly have. I went for my eval before I even went to sit in the director’s office. I’m field ready but will have check ins periodically especially once the trial picks up since I’m so connected to the case. That wasn’t my first rodeo with an unsub. But thank you for checking.” She smiled over at him. “I even promise to follow the same rules I make you follow.” She chuckled, bumping his arm with her shoulder.

Mike chuckled and draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side and placing a kiss to her temple. “Good because you’ve quickly become someone really important to me.”

Bex had looped an arm around his waist so she was nestled into his side despite the summer heat. A small blush tinted her cheeks as she looked at their feet coincidentally taking similar steps, their left feet stepped forward followed by their right. “Me too.” She agreed before she thought that it sounded odd. “I mean, you’ve quickly become someone really important to me too. I really don’t know if I could ever thank you enough for stopping things here to come help find me.”

“You did it for me once so how could I not?” He smiled down at her as he gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“Well, still, thank you. I truly appreciate it.” She smiled back up at him.

“Just don’t make a habit out of it.” He teased her resulting in them both laughing as she nudged him towards the stairs.

[alyricalberry]

And Did You Ever Feel Like They Were Ringing True || Rachel, Hiram, and Leroy Berry

Who: Rachel Berry, Hiram Berry & Leroy Berry

Where: The Berry home, Columbus, OH.

When: Saturday, May 5, 2018 (before Japan)

What: Rachel has some question for her dads, and she maybe doesn’t really like their answer.

Notes: Holy wow is this a late para :x The title is a continuation from this para bc this is kind of a continuation of that para. I also just really like the song okay??? Anyways this is pretty much The Thing so enjoy!

When Rachel went home after Fuchs’ trial was over, the atmosphere in the Berry house was quite different than what it usually was. Saturday mornings were usually full of cooking and singing, and Hiram and Leroy would show Rachel new spells they’d learned through their travels. Rachel would go help her dads out at the shop and afterwards they would order Chinese food and watch some sort of old movie together. That had been their tradition for so long, the three of them doing so much together. But this time... this time it felt different.

Rachel hadn’t seen either of her dads since the end of January. She’d hardly even spoken to them since then. Partly, she was frustrated with them since there was this seemingly huge secret that they’d kept from her her whole life. On the other hand, though, she was also kind of scared of finding out the truth. She had barely even thought the words to herself. She didn’t want to. She couldn’t be a... But she was willing to put her frustration behind her. Surely there would be some sort of explanation and everything could go back to normal. This was the longest Rachel had gone without speaking to her dads, and she missed them despite being angry. She tried her best to be optimistic that things were going to turn around.

But when Rachel took the portal from NYADA to Ohio, she could feel that something was... off. Hiram and Leroy weren’t as upbeat and happy as they usually were. Breakfast was cooked and eaten without much conversation. Both of her dads’ familiars were out, but instead of Chep perching on Rachel’s shoulder and nuzzling her hair to hopefully get a bite of food and Archimedes pacing around the table trying to snap up any crumb that fell on the table, they were both perched on their respective witch’s shoulder and sitting practically still, which was very uncommon for the two birds, especially Chep. That’s how Rachel knew things were serious. But she still wouldn’t let herself think as to why they were all so silent and serious. She was definitely overthinking it.

After they’d done the dishes, Rachel couldn’t take it anymore. “Can we talk. Please. I don’t like this silence,” she told them.

Leroy gave Rachel a pained smile and gestured for her to follow. “Let’s go talk in the parlor, hm? I know we all have a lot to talk about,” he said.

Rachel followed her dads to the parlor, the birds swooping in behind them. Archimedes settled on his perch by the bookshelf while Chep settled on Rachel’s shoulder once she was sitting. The birds’ weight comforted Rachel a little bit. Rachel had a thousand memories of sitting in this room with Chep on her shoulder. Hiram’s familiar had been around Rachel’s whole life. While she loved Archimedes, Chep had appeared to Hiram when they had adopted Rachel, and so Rachel felt a close bond to the bird. However, as comforting as the weight of Chep on her shoulder was, the quiet around them was anything but. None of the Berrys were ever this quiet. Usually there would be music floating through the air, or Leroy would be reciting a passage from whichever book he was reading. There was always something happening. But now they were just sitting in the living room, Rachel across from her dads, and things felt so, so awkward.

“Rachel, we know you have questions about… the piece of paper you showed me back in January,” Hiram started.

“And we know that it’s confusing,” Leroy continued. “But… I’m afraid the only answer we can give you is quite unsatisfying,” he told her.

Rachel frowned. “What do you mean? It’s a simple yes or no answer. Am I a Bloodline or not?” she said, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. But it was a question she’d had for months, since she got the cards from Asterismos, since she destroyed Plue with her magic. She knew the answer, but she didn’t want it to be true. Mostly because she didn’t want to have to completely rethink her entire life and the opinions she had, but also because she couldn’t be a Bloodline. Aside from Mike and Sam, and Quinn and Hunter, most of the Bloodlines she knew were horrible. She absolutely could not be one of them. Her dads were tell her that it was all a misunderstanding, right?

The hard look Hiram and Leroy gave each other told Rachel that she definitely would not be getting the answer she wanted.

“Baby, we’re going to tell you what we can. But you have to listen to the whole thing. And you can’t interrupt,” Hiram said, giving his daughter a look.

Rachel took a deep breath and settled back on the sofa, reaching a hand up to pet Chep’s head. “Fine. I’m listening.”

Hiram nodded. “Good. When your mother came to us and agreed to let us adopt you, we were so happy. You know this. We were willing to do anything to get you. That included promising her, on our magic circles, that we would never tell you, or anyone else, about her, or her family. We honestly never thought you would ask about it. But now that you are… I’m sorry, Rachel. We can’t answer any of the questions you have,” he told her.

A thousand emotions were running through Rachel’s head, but one of them was at the forefront of all of them. “So you chose to lie to me?” she said, crossing her arms. “My whole life. You were just never going to tell me about who I really am?” Because it had to be true. Who else but a Bloodline would hide a child away with two New Age witches and make them swear on their magic circles to keep it all quiet?

“Rachel, we didn’t do it to lie to you. We thought it would protect you,” Leroy said. “We wanted to give you a good life, which you have had. If you want answers, you have to speak with the people who sent you those cards, but I really think it would be best if you just destroyed them and moved on.”

Rachel closed her eyes to try to keep the tears she felt prickling up away. “No matter how you spin it, you agreed to lie to me my whole life. How am I supposed to trust you?” she asked.

Hiram took a deep breath and went to sit beside Rachel, taking her hands in his. “You’re allowed to be upset, but none of what we did was to hurt you. You’re our daughter, we love you, and we want to protect you. I’m sorry that we can’t tell you what you want to know, but it really is better that way.”

Rachel shook her head and pulled her hands away from Hiram. “No, it’s not! I am a completely different person than I thought I was and you’re telling me I should drop it? I can’t just forget about it. And I can’t just forget about the fact that you agreed to lie to your daughter her whole life! ” She stood up quickly before either of them could respond, Chep squawking and flying over to her perch to not lose balance from Rachel’s sudden movements. “I have to go. I obviously am not going to get any helpful information here,” she said harshly, using her anger to cover up just how upset she was. “I’m going to Japan with school for the month. I guess I’ll call you when I get back,” she added before storming out of the room.

Leroy stood to go after her, but Hiram stopped him. “We have to let her get through her anger. Going after her now isn’t going to accomplish anything.

***

Rachel was almost in shock as she walked back to the portal to get to NYADA. Before she knew it, she was back in her room, thankfully empty. She’d only picked up her bag that was hanging in the entryway of her house, her duffel bag full of clothes and other things forgotten in her room. At least she had her grimoire. She pulled it out and took out the copies of the Asterismos cards she kept there, summoning a small flame to burn them away. She was so, so angry with her dads. But maybe they were right: it was best to drop it. After all, her unspoken truth didn’t have to be true at all if no one knew about it.

[filosofablogger]

Some days I think I have turned into a huge cynic, a shrew, and I remonstrate with myself about it.  Now, I’ve told you before about these three-way conversations with Me, Myself, and I, right?  Well, in this particular conversation. Myself convinced Me that it wasn’t my fault I was turning into an untrusting, cynical human being, and I thanked Myself, while Me felt a bit hurt and left out.  Confused yet?  Welcome to my mind!  Anyway … today I am feeling like a bit of mockery at the expense of Trump & Co., for they deserve it, and it makes me happy.  So … snarky snippets it is!

And the award goes to …

Donald Trump has mentioned a few times that he believes he will be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize.  It galls him to no end that his nemesis, President Obama, earned the award, and he has not a snowball’s chance.  However, there is one person in our government today who is being honoured with a prestigious award.  Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, is to be awarded the 2019 John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award. Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of the late President John F. Kennedy, said in a statement Sunday that Ms. Pelosi is “the most important woman in American political history.” Pelosi is being honored because of her efforts to pass former President Barack Obama’s 2010 health care law and for helping Democrats reclaim control of the U.S. House during last year’s elections.  Kennedy said Pelosi “leads with strength, integrity and grace under pressure.”

The award will be presented to Pelosi on May 19 during a ceremony at the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum in Boston.  I smile thinking of what Trump must have said when he first heard this news.  😊

And speaking of awards …

The James W. Foley Legacy Foundation, founded in 2014, advocates for the safety of journalists and the release of Americans held hostage abroad.  Each year at its annual dinner, the foundation issues a “hostage freedom award” to someone for “courageous work for hostage recovery, press freedom, and humanitarian efforts”.  This year, the award was initially planned to go to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, but the foundation changed its mind because of what it felt was an inadequate response by the administration to the killing of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi.

Pompeo did not take the loss of the award with good grace, however.

“I regret that there was pressure applied by the media for that award to be withdrawn.”

Ultra-conservative Washington Post columnist Marc Thiessen did not miss an opportunity to accuse and abuse the media, saying that the award was rescinded only because “media partners’ promised to boycott the event if Pompeo got the award”.

If you can’t somehow blame the democrats, then blame the media, eh?  However, the foundation published a “Letter to the Editor” of The Washington Post on Friday …

“The decision with respect to the James W. Foley Hostage Advocate award was mischaracterized in Marc A. Thiessen’s April 4 column … While it is accurate that our foundation intended to present our hostage freedom award to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and we extended the invitation to him on Nov. 19, 2018, we ultimately decided we could not present the award as planned because of the dramatic change in circumstances when the Trump administration did not press for genuine accountability from the Saudi government for the brutal murder of Post contributing columnist Jamal Khashoggi. We communicated the reason for this decision to the secretary’s team on Jan. 11.

Our decision had nothing to do with whether we received media pressure. In addition to advocating for the safe return of U.S. hostages abroad, the protection of free speech and promotion of journalists��� safety are key pillars of our foundation, and this award would have been in conflict with that key principle.”

Simple, straightforward, and honest, but Pompeo exhibits the same character flaw that his boss does … he is a sore loser.  Suck it up, Mike.

Even dumber than Kellyanne …

Donald Trump has a ‘campaign press secretary’.  I had never seen her until yesterday when she swooped across my radar.  As I read the headline, I thought … this one is even dumber than Kellyanne!  And that, folks, is a tough act to follow!

Her name is Kayleigh McEnany and she is actually just about to become 31 years of age, though I wouldn’t have guessed it based on what I’ve seen so far.  I think you can see, even before I go any further, why Trump chose her for his campaign press secretary.

She even looks a bit like Kellyanne … that is, before Kellyanne aged 40 years in a month from having to go behind her boss and pick up his messes.

But to the point.  McEnany has pulled some dumber-than-dirt moments in the past year or so, but this one takes the cake.  Yesterday, following the lead of Trump and Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, McEnany claimed that Trump should not be forced to release his tax returns to Congress.  She said that Congress doesn’t have a legitimate reason to ask for them.  (Forgive her, but she’s likely never heard of the word ‘ethics’ before).  Her reasoning?  Because Congress isn’t asking for the tax returns of other presidents.  Let that one sink in just a minute, folks.

“Ironically, the only person whose tax returns they’ve asked for — the only president — is Trump. So it’s a sham reasoning.”

Oh, Kayleigh … please … do go back to school!  I hear they offer GED courses at most community colleges?  You’re definitely not ready for this job!

Wow!  Really???

Now, as we all know, every other president starting with Nixon has released their tax returns voluntarily, so Congress never had a need to demand them.  And even if that weren’t the case … none of those other guys are president today!

President Barack Obama released his tax returns for every year between 2000 and 2015. President George W. Bush released his returns for 2000 through 2007. President Bill Clinton made public his returns from 1992 to 1999 (and then his wife, 2016 Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton released their returns from 2000 to 2016).  And Trump?  Not. One. Single. Year.

If you ask me, Trump is down to dredging the bottom of the barrel to find people willing to work in the chaos that defines the current administration.

And on that note, I shall go see what other mischief I can dig up.

A New Batch … Hot Off The Press! Some days I think I have turned into a huge cynic, a shrew, and I remonstrate with myself about it. 

[usatrendingsports]

Scorching Range: Discovering one of the best matches for all of the unsigned prime 50 MLB free brokers

Spring coaching is a bit more than two weeks away, and but, the free agent market has but to get going. Lorenzo Cain signed a five-year cope with the Brewers final week, so possibly that may get the market heated up. Then once more, we stated the identical factor when Shohei Ohtani signed, and when Giancarlo Stanton was traded, and when Carlos Santana signed.

In the meanwhile, solely 26 of our prime 50 free brokers have signed, together with solely three of the highest 10. In a “regular” offseason, possibly 5 – 6 prime 50 free brokers could be unsigned at this level, and 0 of the highest 10 could be unsigned. For no matter motive — and I am certain there are a lot of small causes, not one large motive — free company has been a slog this winter. Spring coaching is coming and a few legitimately nice and plenty of excellent gamers are unemployed.

So, with spring coaching coming and so many prime free brokers on the board, that is pretty much as good a time as any to seek out these gamers some houses. Listed below are one of the best matches for the remaining unsigned prime 50 free brokers. And by greatest match, I imply one of the best match for each the workforce and the participant. Let’s dive in.

A painfully apparent match. The Crimson Sox completed useless final within the American League in residence runs final season and Hanley Ramirez has been fairly underwhelming within the three years since he returned to Boston. J.D. Martinez would give the BoSox that fearsome center of the order energy menace they lacked final 12 months. First base could be slightly difficult with each Hanley and Mitch Moreland underneath contract, however that is a type of conditions the place the free agent is so good you signal him and determine the remaining out later.

Mike Montgomery needs to begin and has made it no secret he needs to begin, however he’s extra useful to the Cubs in a swingman position. Yu Darvish would value Chicago nothing however cash, which they’ve numerous, and he’d slot into the rotation properly alongside Jon Lester, Kyle Hendricks, Jose Quintana, and Tyler Chatwood. The window to win is not getting any extra open on Chicago’s north facet. Darvish is an enormous rotation improve over Montgomery and he helps get the membership nearer to a different World Sequence title.

Of all of the unsigned free brokers, I believe Jake Arrieta is most definitely to enter the season with out a contract as a result of he is but to obtain what he considers a suitable provide. The Nationals appear to signal no matter prime Scott Boras shopper stays on the board on the finish of the offseason, and let’s not child ourselves, this could be Washington’s final 12 months as a World Sequence contender. Bryce Harper and Daniel Murphy will likely be free brokers subsequent offseason, and Max Scherzer and Stephen Strasburg will not be of their primes eternally. This season could be this group’s final greatest probability to win. Arrieta would change both A.J. Cole or Erick Fedde within the rotation, which might be a transparent improve even when he is not the 2015 Terminator model of himself.

I believe it might be fairly enjoyable to see the Rockies swoop in to signal Eric Hosmer, however realistically, this comes right down to the Padres and Royals. Hosmer is a rock star in Kansas Metropolis and he is younger sufficient that he ought to nonetheless be in his prime by time they’re able to contend once more. That stated, the Padres have a dynamite farm system — ESPN’s Keith Regulation ranked it the third greatest farm system within the recreation just a few days in the past (the Royals have been 27th) — and are theoretically nearer to competition than Kansas Metropolis. How lengthy does Hosmer need to wait to win once more? Plus, it is San Diego! Cannot beat that metropolis or the ballpark.

This looks as if such an apparent match. The Braves have an incredible large opening at third base and their prime two prospects on the place, Rio Ruiz and Austin Riley, aren’t the kind of prospects you are worried about blocking, particularly when Moustakas could be accessible at a reduction this late within the offseason. Within the rebuilding hellscape that’s the Nationwide League, the Braves are mainly an excellent third baseman and one or two younger pitchers breaking out from being related within the wild-card race in the course of the summer time.

In our hypothetical, the Twins are shedding out on Darvish, reportedly their prime pitching goal. Lance Lynn is the subsequent neatest thing. He is an enormous time fastball pitcher — greater than 90 % of Lynn’s pitches have been some sort of fastball final 12 months (four-seamer, cutter, sinker) — with fly ball tendencies who would match greatest in an enormous ballpark with an excellent outfield protection. That is the Twins.

The Brewers added Christian Yelich and Cain final week, and in our hypothetical free agent world they got here up brief within the Darvish chase. They nonetheless want a pitcher although, and Alex Cobb is a fairly good backup plan, particularly because the finances acutely aware Brew Crew would not have to interrupt the financial institution to get him. Miller Park is just not a enjoyable place to hit, although Cobb should not have a lot bother in a troublesome atmosphere after spending everything of his big-league profession going by way of the AL East grinder.

I am certain numerous people are penciling Todd Frazier in for a return to the Yankees, however the crosstown Mets make extra sense. David Wright is an entire unknown and there is no manner the workforce can depend on him being wholesome this 12 months. They want a backup plan, and Frazier could be an incredible one, particularly since he’d assist shore up their second base place by transferring Asdrubal Cabrera over. And Frazier would get to remain near his New Jersey residence. A win-win.

It is onerous on the market for a power-hitting first baseman. Logan Morrison put up a .246/.353/.516 (135 OPS+) batting line with 38 residence runs in 2017, and but nobody appears to need him. The Rays’ present first baseman is … Brad Miller? Brad Miller. Yeah. LoMo, return to Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay, deliver again LoMo. It makes an excessive amount of sense.

The Diamondbacks certain do love Jeff Mathis and his protection at catcher, although they want an offensive complement behind the plate as properly, and Lucroy is one of the best backstop in the marketplace. Chris Iannetta, who had a nice season a 12 months in the past, signed a free agent with the Rockies, leaving Arizona with Chris Herrmann, John Ryan Murphy, and Josh Thole as backup catcher choices. The D-Backs ought to signal Lucroy. They will thank me later.

One other apparent match. The Cardinals haven’t got a more in-depth in the intervening time — just a few weeks in the past president of baseball operations John Mozeliak stated Luke Gregerson could be the man if the season began in the present day — and Holland is much and away one of the best accessible free agent reliever at this level. St. Louis did properly so as to add Marcell Ozuna just a few weeks in the past. Now they should care for the pitching employees, and that begins within the ninth inning.

Powerful to discover a good match for Carlos Gomez, until he needs to play for peanuts with the skeleton crew the Marlins will run on the market in 2018. The Indians have an all left-handed hitting outfield (Bradley Zimmer, Michael Brantley, Lonnie Chisenhall), so the right-handed hitting Gomez would give them a middle subject succesful platoon choice. Additionally, Brantley has missed a number of time with accidents the final two seasons. Lots. Gomez could be insurance coverage and likewise a late-inning defensive alternative. He’d fill the Austin Jackson position, mainly.   

The Yankees have openings at second and third bases, and will very properly go into the season with extremely rated prospects Gleyber Torres and Miguel Andujar on the positions. (MLB.com ranks Torres and Andujar because the fifth- and 65th-best prospects in baseball, respectively.) That’s fairly dangerous, particularly with Torres getting back from Tommy John surgical procedure on his non-throwing elbow. Neil Walker has been a second baseman the majority of his profession, and final season he performed some first and third bases as properly. He’d give the Yankees a switch-hitting bat, safety at second and third, and likewise depth at first base in case Greg Chicken will get damage once more.

The D-Backs have an incredible large J.D. Martinez-sized gap within the outfield, and the entrance workplace would not appear notably keen on Yasmany Tomas. Carlos Gonzalez would transfer from one hitter’s ballpark into one other, and he’d assist Arizona change a few of the thump they’re shedding in Martinez. Not all of it, however a few of it.    

The Crimson Sox may actually use a top quality reserve infielder. Dustin Pedroia is anticipated to overlook the beginning of the season after present process knee surgical procedure, and whereas third baseman Rafael Devers appears like a future stud, he had some large ups and down final season. Nunez would fill in for Pedroia and supply a security internet behind Devers. Additionally, Nunez had large success with the BoSox after coming over on the commerce deadline final 12 months. He appeared to suit the roster and the ballpark completely.   

Does not Andrew Cashner simply really feel like an Orioles pitcher? They desperately want rotation assist, and it appears Cashner’s low strikeout fee — he fanned 86 batters in 166 2/Three innings in 2017 (four.6 Ok/9) — is scaring groups away. That is the kind of free agent pitcher the O’s are likely to pounce on. The large-ish identify veteran with questions. Suppose Yovani Gallardo and Ubaldo Jimenez. Cashner is subsequent in line.

Jaime Garcia spent about 5 minutes with the Twins between stints with the Braves and Yankees final 12 months, so Minnesota’s entrance workplace preferred one thing about him. Even after including Lynn in our hypothetical free agent world, there may be nonetheless room within the rotation for an inexpensive fifth starter that pushes guys like Adalberto Mejia and Aaron Slegers a bit additional down the depth chart.

Matt Wieters is coming off a brutal 2017 season and Washington’s backup choices (Pedro Severino, Raudy Learn) aren’t all that interesting. I do not suppose another contender provides Alex Avila a higher alternative to wind up with a starter’s workload, a minimum of not with out damage. And once more, the Nationals ought to be doing all the things doable to win proper now, and that features taking at-bats away from Wieters.

The Indians misplaced Bryan Shaw to free company this offseason and subsequent winter each Andrew Miller and Cody Allen will hit the open market. That’s fairly scary for a workforce attempting to win the World Sequence on a finances. Tony Watson would assist change Shaw and likewise give the workforce some late-inning bullpen insurance coverage going ahead in case they cannot afford to re-sign Miller and/or Allen.

Like I stated, it is onerous on the market for a power-hitting first baseman. Particularly one who has missed as a lot time as Lucas Duda over the previous couple of years. The Astros strike me as a workforce mendacity within the weeds ready for an excellent cut price deal for a DH. Proper now that job belongs to some mixture of Evan Gattis, Marwin Gonzalez, and Derek Fisher. Duda would assist stability the lineup with an enormous lefty bat — George Springer, Carlos Correa, Jose Altuve, Alex Bregman, and Yuli Gurriel all hit from the appropriate facet — and provides the workforce a defensive different to Gurriel at first. A sneaky good match.

The Orioles have outfield our bodies behind Adam Jones and Trey Mancini. The query is are any of them any good? I am speaking about Joey Rickard, Austin Hays, and Anthony Santander. Hays is a prime prospect — he hit .329/.365/.593 with 32 homers in 128 minor league video games final 12 months — although he ignored Triple-A fully earlier than making him MLB debut late final 12 months, and slightly extra time within the minors would not be the tip of the world. If nothing else, Jon Jay could be a confirmed depth/platoon choice, and a extra pure leadoff hitter than the hacktastic Tim Beckham.

The Giants needed to enhance their outfield protection this offseason and so they did that with Austin Jackson and Andrew McCutchen. Jarrod Dyson would enhance it much more. He can platoon with Jackson in middle subject on a budget, and provides the membership a extra viable late-innings defensive alternative. Given the strikes they’ve made this winter, it would not make sense for the Giants to cease now. Hold including items and attempt to win.

As with Cashner, Jason Vargas simply feels like an Orioles pitcher. They’re woefully brief on beginning pitching and an innings man like Vargas — excuse me, a 2017 All-Star innings man — would symbolize a fairly vital improve over tentative starters like Miguel Castro, Mike Wright, and Gabriel Ynoa. The O’s have a historical past of ready till late within the offseason to chop free agent offers. Choosing up a veteran depth starter with the phantasm of upside like Vargas (and Cashner) feels inevitable.

I believe it is time for Chris Tillman to maneuver on from the Orioles. His stuff hasn’t been the identical since his 2015 shoulder damage, and at this level, he’d match greatest with a Nationwide League workforce in an enormous ballpark. That is the Giants, who’re at the moment have Ty Blach and Chris Stratton slotted into their rotation. Even when Tillman is available in on a minor-league contract as a non-roster participant, chances are high he’ll be wanted sooner or later. Getting out of the AL East and into spacious AT&T Park makes an excessive amount of sense for Tillman, and the Giants can use the pitching depth.

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[associatevidiot]

Things I, a Moderate Liberal, Actually Like Quite a Lot About America

Hello! Moderate liberal here. I happened upon this post detailing a list of things that I, a liberal, supposedly hate about America. So I thought I’d quickly run down it, point by point, to see how it checked out. 

1. The U.S. Constitution I love the U.S. Constitution so, so much. The First Amendment in particular. I love the Constitution so much that I even respect the parts that make very little sense to me. (The Second Amendment could, at the very least, have used a decent copy editor. So much confusion just from a couple of awkwardly placed commas.)

2. Liberty Love it! 

3. Freedom Same thing as liberty, but hey, I also love it!

4. Success I have no problem with success! Success is great! I wish success for all who strive for it. Now, conflating success with virtue -- saying that you must be a good person just because you succeeded, or a bad person because you didn’t? Not a fan of that.

5. Big Trucks Eh. I don’t see the point of them unless you need one for your job, in which case I’m all for big trucks. But I don’t hate them so much as roll my eyes at them. Also, I think we can all agree that monster trucks are awesome, and the world is a better place for having them.

6. Capitalism It’s got its downsides in its rawest, least fettered form, but it’s also been responsible for unleashing unprecedented human prosperity, and lifting millions out of poverty. And it’s way, way better than, say, the idiocy that is Communism. Capitalism, like pro sports, simply needs good referees.

7. Free Markets I love free markets! I’d like to see more of them. Free markets in health care. Free markets in broadband. Free markets everywhere, without regulations designed to protect established incumbents at the expense of scrappy up-and-comers. I’d like to see free markets filled with companies that work hard every day to do right both by their employees and their customers, lest a competitor swoop in and outperform them.

8. Wealthy People I like wealthy people! Good for them! I don’t begrudge anyone the ability to live in comfort. And, hey, if they’ve got a little money left over to reinvest in the country that helped them become wealthy, that’s great, too!

9. Economic Prosperity You caught me. I actually favor grinding poverty and misery for all! Ha. No. I love economic prosperity. I’d like more of it for myself and, well, for everyone. Which is why I favor things like single-payer health care and investments in education and infrastructure to help said economy prosper.

10. The Rule of Law I love the rule of law! I love the way it protects the powerless from the powerful. I love the way it allows appellate courts to overrule bad laws made by bad or misguided people! I’d like to see the rule of law applied equally to every citizen of our great nation.

11. Traditional Values As a married guy and a father, I have to say, I love devoting my life to the woman I adore with all my heart, and working with her to raise our children to be kind, thoughtful, polite, compassionate, inventive, thrifty, and hard-working.

12. The American Flag Love it. The stars. The stripes. The color scheme. The swell of pride and awe at the thought of all the sacrifices made and all the greatness achieved and all the hope inspired by that banner. 

13. The Founding Fathers They certainly weren’t perfect. But they gave us the Constitution, which was pretty amazing. Also, Ben Franklin alone is impossible not to love. Dude took air baths in the nude and slept his way through the wives of the French aristocracy, AND invented bifocals. 

14. Guns As a fan of firearm-intensive cinema from John Woo to John Wick, I can confidently say that guns are freaking awesome. In real life, I prefer my guns in the hands of people who’ve been thoroughly trained in how to use them in defense of others, and not, say, indiscriminately placed in the hands of troubled people who might shoot up a movie theater or an elementary school or their families or themselves.

15. Limited Government Depends on your definition of “limited,” but I can certainly see places where too much government is both possible and undesirable. Next!

16. Religious Freedom A Mormon acquaintance of mine recently posted about how her stake had opened their place of worship to Muslims who needed a place to pray because someone who didn’t like religious freedom had burned down their mosque. That story choked me up. I love religious freedom, and the moment someone proposes a law to dictate what you can and can’t say or do in church, I’ll be right there to oppose it.

17. Homeschooling Eh. Doesn’t seem necessary to me, but hey, it’s a free country. 

18. Private Schools See No. 17.

19. Christian Schools See No. 17. Plus, if your faith is so strong that you need to shield it from the outside world wherever possible, maybe your faith is not that strong?

20. Entrepreneurs Steve Jobs, whatever his failings, is a hero of mine. Ditto Jim Sinegal, founder of Costco, and Warren Buffett, head of Berkshire Hathaway. I love people who take risks, start businesses, and create jobs. 

21. Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan is, alas, kind of a dirtbag. The Screen Actors Guild elected him to lead them, and he promptly sold them out to get a sweetheart deal for himself. Then he spent the Blacklist era casually tossing his professional rivals to the Congressional wolves to further his own career. That said, he had the guts to advocate for reasonable gun control after being shot, and he really got the danger of nuclear war and worked hard to prevent it. For that especially, I’ll always be grateful to him.

22. Donald Trump Guilty as charged. Mostly because Trump has a demonstrated history of treating other people horribly. But you can’t get that messed up without a really awful childhood, so deep down, I just sort of feel sorry for him. He doesn’t seem like a truly happy person. I wonder if he ever got down on the floor and played with any of his kids when they were little. I really hope he did.

23. Mike Pence Guilty as charged, but again, mostly because Pence has a documented history of not taking good care of the people he was elected to serve. But that said, I hope Mike Pence lives a long, happy, and prosperous life! I just hope he does so far from any position of political power.

24. Country Music Johnny Cash is a freaking genius. June Carter Cash is amazing. Patsy Cline is gorgeous. Darius Rucker has an amazing voice. Garth Brooks’ “We Shall Be Free” gives me a lump in my throat every. Dang. Time. Hank Williams was awesome. I could go on.

25. Rush Limbaugh That poor, sad man.

26. The Tea Party I may disagree with them, but hey, good on them for engaging in democracy! That’s the way to do it.

27. Lower Taxes I would love lower taxes. I just don’t want anyone else to suffer so that I can have more money.

28. Old-Fashioned Light Bulbs Actually, yeah, I do hate these! Why would anyone want to waste money on something designed to break way, way sooner than it needs to?

29. Jesus The idea that one man would lay down his life to redeem the sins of all mankind awes me to my core, and inspires me to try to lead a more Christlike life myself. I wish everyone acted more like Jesus!

30. The Bible There’s some pretty good stuff in there! Definitely don’t hate it.

31. The Christian Faith I was married in a Baptist church by a Methodist minister who is, no foolin’, one of the best people I know. Christians can be really great people, and any faith that inspires them to be that way is A-OK in my book.

32. The Drudge Report Well, OK, I’m not a fan, but I also roll my eyes at the Huffington Post, so...

33. John Wayne I can’t recall a more thrilling introduction to a character than the way the camera swoops across the landscape to reveal young John Wayne in “Stagecoach.” And “The Searchers” is just fantastic. Like Vin Diesel, Wayne simultaneously manages to be a kind of bad actor and a really good actor, and I love him for that.

34. Alex Jones ... Yeah, guilty as charged. Mostly because he claims murdered kids were fake actors. That’s not cool, man! I know you’re a red-faced amalgam of beef sweats and conspiracy theories, but have a little decency.

35. NASCAR ... They just go around in a circle! Over and over and over! 

36. Tupperware Why would anyone hate Tupperware? It’s great!

37. Big Cheeseburgers I will fistfight anyone who maligns big cheeseburgers. They’re one of my favorite food groups.

38. Football Three words: “Friday Night Lights.” So good.

39. Clint Eastwood If for nothing else, I’d love Clint Eastwood for “Unforgiven.”

40. The Army

41. The Navy

42. The Marines

43. The Air Force I’m the very proud son, brother, and grandson of Air Force vets. My grandfathers flew with bomber crews in WWII and Korea. My dad was a fighter pilot for 30 years. I grew up on Air Force bases with the Sound of Freedom overhead. If you say I hate the Air Force, you and I are going to have words. I love the other branches of the service only slightly less. (: Also, does this mean liberals love the Coast Guard? Because those guys are great.

44. Ron Paul Eh. I don’t think he means any harm.

45. Rand Paul Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, especially about government overreach in regard to the surveillance state.

46. Marriage

47. Family

48. Babies For the above three, please see answer 11. Also, don’t these kind of overlap with “traditional values”?

49. Wal-Mart Every Wal-Mart cashier I’ve ever spoken to has a story that will break your heart. Every single one. Every time. 

50. Flag Pins I have no problem with wearing the flag, as long as you act in ways that honor it.

51. Steakhouses For my bachelor party, I went to a steakhouse and ate a tomahawk ribeye the size of my head. Don’t you dare tell me I hate steakhouses. I’m from Texas. Them’s fightin’ words.

52. Chuck Norris Seems OK to me.

53. Bottled Water  I drink it all the time!

54. George Washington Owning slaves is about the only blemish I can think of for this otherwise sterling example of humanity. And he was at least less of a jerk about that than most people at the time. On the whole, Washington was a great man who truly loved his country and did right by it.

55. The 1st Amendment

56. The 2nd Amendment

57. The 10th Amendment We have already established that I love the Constitution. All of it. Even the parts I disagree with.

58. The Pledge of Allegiance Eh. It’s kinda silly when you learn the history behind it, but it does no harm, and I like the idea of having shared cultural touchstones that unite us as Americans.

59. McDonald’s I applaud their clean restrooms and tasty smoothies.

60. Coca-Cola Not my favorite, but I don’t hate it.

61. Fried Food Fried okra is perhaps the best possible form of any vegetable.

62. Muscle Cars I’ve seen all but one of the “Fast & Furious” movies. Muscle cars are awesome.

63. Charlie Daniels I would prefer not to live in a world that didn’t have “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Come on, that song is great.

64. Dolly Parton Who hates Dolly Parton? Who could possibly hate Dolly Parton? She’s great.

65. Duck Dynasty Eh. Kinda dumb idea for the TV show, but hey, good on those folks for starting a successful business and enjoying its benefits.

66. Johnny Cash We have previously discussed this. 

67. Sarah Palin I’m very happy that Sarah Palin can live her life in freedom and ease, far from the levers of power. I wish her and her family nothing but the best.

68. Cheesesteaks Again, who could possibly hate cheesesteaks? They have meat! And cheese! And bread! 

69. Sean Hannity ... yeah, guilty as charged.

70. Rodeos They’re pretty fun! And man, it takes a LOT of skill and hard work to be good enough to compete in one.

71. Cadillacs What am I supposed to hate?

72. Barbie Dolls Shrug. 

73. Ted Cruz ... Okay, for real now, does anyone like Ted Cruz? I mean, John Boehner called him “Lucifer in the flesh.”

74. Fiscal Sanity I love fiscal sanity so much. I’d like to see more of it. I try to practice it in my own life and budget.

75. Charlton Heston Ben-Hur and Touch of Evil exist. Your argument that I hate Charlton Heston is invalid.

76. Israel I’m of Jewish descent, and I’ve seen pictures of Dachau just after it was liberated. Nope. Don’t hate Israel.

77. Benjamin Netanyahu Don’t hate the guy, but fine, I dislike him -- mostly because I think he’s bad for Israel.

78. Miners Brave, hardworking folks doing an awful job to dig up stuff we need? Good on them.

79. Loggers As long as they plant more trees than they cut down, we’re cool. People need wood. I get it.

80. The Coal Industry The folks who dig coal out of the ground? Nope. The folks who profit off their misery while cutting corners on their safety? Kinda, yeah.

81. National Sovereignty In order to hate this, I would have to fully understand what it implies.

82. National Borders Well, I mean, I’m not dying to return to the age of the supercontinent Pangea, so no, I don’t hate borders.

83. Uncle Sam Love him.

84. The Washington Redskins The name, yes. The actual players, no. Lotta Redskins fans among my in-laws. I respect that!

85. Small Businesses Love ‘em. Want to do more to help them thrive.

86. Self-Employment My brother’s self-employed. I love my brother. Ergo, I love self-employment.

87. Harley-Davidson Motorcycles They’re pretty cool. And made in the USA. Don’t hate ‘em.

88. Military Veterans Please see 43 above,

89. The Phrase “Islamic Terror” Well, yes, but only because it makes life more dangerous for the soldiers trying to protect us from radical Islamists like ISIS.

90. Big Families Eh, it’s a free country. They can do what they like!

91. The Bible Belt Is this even a thing anymore? Whatever. Don’t hate it. Free country.

92. The Creation Museum Mostly I just think this is kinda dumb. But then, I think ignoring science gives God and his majesty short shrift.

93. The 10 Commandments I love ‘em! Especially “thou shalt not kill” and “thou shalt not bear false witness.” 

94. Anyone That Is Pro-Life I have dear family friends who are pro-life. They adopted two kids and gave them a fantastic, loving home, and they volunteer to help give other babies that same chance. I couldn’t be prouder of them.

95. Anyone Who Disagrees With Them See above. Also, I’ve had some great discussions with people who disagree with me on Facebook. If you really listen to people without trying to judge them or change their minds, you can learn a lot!

96. Hard Work It’s not, you know, always fun, but it’s definitely a good thing!

97. Patriotism I refer you to the Sound of Freedom above.

98. Winning I like winning! It’s fun! I just think when winning becomes your highest goal, you’ve lost sight of more important things.

99. The Truth I went to journalism school. The truth is my religion. 

100. The American People How could I hate myself? I’m an American person, too! In fact, last I checked, 53% of the American people either were liberals or were willing to vote for one to be President. We are large. We contain multitudes. And that’s beautiful.