#miriel and thranduil babysat the we’s when the we’s were kids

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

The -we’s are all the friends who you would call if you murdered someone and you need help hiding the body. They might bitch about it, but they know all the tricks in the book.

They’re all lowkey pissed that they can’t act unhinged now that they’re royalty.

Finwe: *holding court with all the noble noldor elves*

Also finwe: *crouched behind a dumpster* *cell phone in hand* hey, i need help. We have a code “dead body” and i need clean up and an alibi stat.

Ingwe, standing next to him covered in blood, absolutely no fucks to give: i also want a coffee.

Olwe, on the other side of the phone: Guys, again?

Elwe, laughing in the background: oh my god-

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

How Miriel and Finwe met

Finwe’s mama: here, Miriel and Thranduil are going to look after you while i go hunting.

Bby Finwe, hiding behind his mama’s leg: *shaking head* No! Don’t wanna!

Miriel, knealing down: hey, it’ll be ok! You’ll see your mama in no time!

Finwe: *peeks around his mama’s legs*

Finwe: *sees Miriel* *blushes bright red* p-pretty

Miriel: thank you!

Finwe: *blushes even more*

Miriel, getting kinda concerned now: ahh, are you ok? You aren’t sick are you? *puts hand on finwe’s forhead to check the temperature*

Finwe: *a fucking tomato at this point**passes out*

Miriel: aAAAAHHHHHHHH THRANDUIL, COME QUICK! I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A CHILD!!!

Bonus:

Thranduil, holding his daughter while the other -we’s are hanging off him, sees the crush finwe has on Miriel: *i’m gonna yeet the child* MIRIEL STOP SCREAMING, he’ll live.

Thranduil, mumbling: unfortunately.

Miriel: what was that?

Thranduil: please help me with these demons.

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Just a question, based on the last post you made, how many baby daddies does thranduil has and who are they?

No hate our anything I’m just curious.

Np, np!

My Thranduil (whose trans) sleeps around a lot (partially bc he was born at lake cuivinen and before marriage and chastity were really A Thing, and partially bc the silvans genuinely don’t care about one’s sex life as long as it’s consensual) and well, sometimes things happen and he gets pregnant.

He has 4 kids (significantly less than what he could have, but they all have different “spermdonors” as they’re usually referred to as) biologically and 1 adopted.

The eldest is Lasgen, a girl (and head of Mirkwood’s black ops/assassination unit). She was also born at lake cuivinen and Thranduil had her when he was 38 (teen parent) mostly bc at the time the elves were still trying to figure out things like “age of majority” and since thranduil and his sisters were the first elves ever born, no one really knew anything about children, childhood, when they’d be an adult, etc. Basically it’s a mess. She’s also the only one who they know who the sperm donor is (i’m sorry for bombarding you will all this lore of my au).

Her dad is Ingwe’s dad. And ingwe’s dad (Ingen) is a JACKASS who has a habit of ding-dong-ditching. (Knocking elves up and then, when they refuse to sibmit to him when they find out they’re pregnant, he abandons them to find another victim) let me put it like this: Ingen was the OG conservative. And naturally, he’s a shit father.

Which leads us to the next (and only adopted) child: Ingwe, who is 2 months younger than Lasgen. Long story short: Thranduil and his sister (Miriel in this au) basically babysat elflings (mainly the -we’s) and Ingwe’s mother (who’s friends with elwe and olwe’s mom) drops inwe off there, not knowing at first that her husband also knocked up thranduil. Basically: drama. Ingwe’s ma is also a bitch, she follows her husbands lead on everything. So when Ingwe was about 28 he disowned his bio parents and was formally adopted by Thranduil.

Skip all the way to the end first age/beginning second age and Thranduil gets pregnant again. No one knows who the other parent is. And, tbh, no one cares.

This child is Lirion. He’s the most stoic of all his siblings, but don’t let the deadpanned face fool you: he’s just as crazy as the rest of em. He’s a scientist who regularly breaks every law of physics he can get his hands on. Very curious with questionable morals

A thousand years later and Kleoyia is born. Again: no idea who the other parent is. The only clue they have is that her pupil is shaped like a diamond, indicating that she’s of ckeoticn’ar descent. This does not make knowing who the daddy is any easier. She’s the head of information gathering. Either through espionage, T&I, or other means. She travels all around middle earth constantly. She also, like her dad, sleeps around a lot. (Lasgen is gay, gay, homosexual, gay and has been married since the age of the trees, Lirion is Ace).

Last, but not least, our favorite: Legolas. He was born 2002 SA. Not a clue who the second parent is. He’s in a polyamorous relationship with his wife, Sukanra, and his husband, Iznake. He’s a fixer. Basically, when there’s smth going on that’s big enough to be important, but too small to have primary focus, he’s sent out to deal with it. Whether it’s diplomatic relations, scouting, battle, it doesn’t matter. He’s the jack of all trades. He also switches regularly between a male and female body.

The reason is bc he had 1 daughter SA 3007, and later on they wanted another kid but Sukanra did not want to give birth again so legolas went “if we can find away for me to be pregnant and give birth safely, i’m willing to do it” (w husband). In short, by the end of the 3rd age, Legolas is the only one of Thranduil’s kids to have kids (though the others do get kids later on down the line)

But yeah, 5 kids in total, 2 who know who the sperm donor is (and it’s a jackass) and 3 who are clueless but also don’t really care.

And all the baby-daddies are still lowkey interested in Thranduil (even jackass, though he’s still an asshat) and finding out that he had their kid and other elves’ kids ruffles their feathers a bit.

But Thranduil’s fine. He’s not that interested in having a partner, so the only reason he’s freaking out a bit is bc it’s a bit awkward to say “hey remember the time we hooked up millenia ago? Well -*plops a full grown elven warrior with a reputation in front of babydaddy* tada!”

Sorry for rambling! This was simply the perfect opportunity to info dump.