#cuivienen elves are all crazy

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

The -we’s are all the friends who you would call if you murdered someone and you need help hiding the body. They might bitch about it, but they know all the tricks in the book.

They’re all lowkey pissed that they can’t act unhinged now that they’re royalty.

Finwe: *holding court with all the noble noldor elves*

Also finwe: *crouched behind a dumpster* *cell phone in hand* hey, i need help. We have a code “dead body” and i need clean up and an alibi stat.

Ingwe, standing next to him covered in blood, absolutely no fucks to give: i also want a coffee.

Olwe, on the other side of the phone: Guys, again?

Elwe, laughing in the background: oh my god-

[lordgrimwing]

Okay, you must tell us about αβΩ au

I'm going to call it an atypical alpha/beta/omega take on what Middle-earth could be like if the Valar didn't bring the elves to Valinor/the elves refused to go. This all came about when someone did some art of Glorfindel, Erestor, and Elrond and mentioned that it was for an a/b/o au with minimal explanation. Of course, I and @nighttimepatrons went a little crazy over it.

What I've actually written so far is mostly focused on Celebrian, Gil-galad, and Elrond, who are all married and very happy. Celebrian is a princess of the Noldor and Sindar realms and travels gracefully from diplomatic meeting to minor crisis. Gil-galad is a merchant and low-level politician in Lindon working very hard to make sure he's never connected to the High Family (Finwe's family) because thoughts of somehow becoming king haunt his nightmares. Elrond's a healer raised by the nomadic Feanorians who has the unfortunate habit of complicating Gil-galad's life because the path to political upheaval is paved with good intentions (re: bringing Avari Glorfindel to Lindon and picture).

[breaking here because this is getting Long]

The core idea for the au is that Elrond went on an expedition with Pengolodh and others to document one of the few Avari tribes that's been untouched by the outside world since leaving Cuivienen, but the tribe lives within another realm that is very set on keeping them free of outside influences so the research group has to promise to not interact or let themselves be seen by anyone in the tribe. Well, as one might expect, this doesn't go as planned. A great beast of the wilds attacks the group but an Avari they'd been watching (Glorfindel) steps and saves them but is grievously wounded and will die unless they help him. Elrond, being Elrond, insists on doing what he can in the field and on smuggling him back to Lindon on one of Gil-galad's ships when it becomes clear the Avari will die without in-depth medical care.

Really, it's an excuse for me to yank Glorfindel out of his home and shove him into a new culture because I love him being an outsider among the Noldor. (I'm basic, what can I say?)

Nightie and I also think A Lot about Miriel/Indis/Finwe and Feanor :) (spoiler: Feanor gets mirked by some Men which inspires the first Manslaying)

Anyway, you might be wondering what any of this has to do with a/b/o. Well, in the 'modern realms' like the Noldor and Sindar, very little importance is put on if someone's an alpha (Celebrian), beta (Gil-galad), or omega (Elrond). Sure, sometimes someone could have hormonal things that make them act a bit different (re: Elrond's nesting habits), but it's no big deal. HOWEVER, the Avari tribe has Very Different feelings on the matter.

The tribe believes that an evil spirit or force causes elves to become alphas or omegas (they don't use those terms but whatever). There isn't much they can do if someone becomes an omega, but generally omegas can live a normal life but just lose control of their bodies sometimes. So, omegas can stay in the tribe but don't have much respect unless they dedicate themselves to healing and or soothsaying etc. Alphas, on the other hand, are considered violent and dangerous and are not allowed to stay with the tribe after reaching adulthood unless they go through a ritual to cast the evil spirit from them. This involves a moderate degree of mutilation and pain and is very unpleasant and sometimes people die during it.

Glorfindel's an alpha. He went through that ritual and is a very good warrior/hunter/protector for the tribe. He is very proud of his scars.

This makes things a bit awkward in Lindon, where everyone is horrified by this thing that he takes deep pride in.

Anyway, that's a lot and there's even more but I should probably stop (warm hug if you read all that).

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

Hair Headcanons: Interlude

Part 1 (Cuivienen) here.

Hair colors! This isn't so much about culture but it's important to my headcanons nonetheless! Cowards are out here drawing elves with boring hair when it could be so much better /lh! I (tragically) can't see hair dying as being very common since: 1) bleaches and chemical dyes (which the Noldor totally could've invented) damage your hair which elves are all about keeping healthy, and 2) that's not applicable for natural dyes, but so many elves have dark hair and I'd imagine having your natural color would be considered more attractive anyways, especially with how long they typically keep it (which would take an absurd amount of dye to color) the roots would grow out like crazy once you stopped keeping it up. But just because they wouldn't dye their hair, doesn't mean they can't have interesting colors! Especially once you take a little poetic license on what Tolkien canonically described... This post was a big inspiration on how elves would think of Aesthetics re: hair, and also just fits the Vibe.

Onto pretending to know stuff about biology! Elves are mammals (I assume) which means that they can't have naturally blue or green hair, since mammals don't produce the right forms of pigment for it (though this is magic so ignore that if it sparks joy) but we get lots of elves described with silver or grey hair, clearly not from age, and Galadriel's hair is described as being both silver and gold- the impression I got was that it was streaked, not all one color, which gave me the idea that elves can have patchwork-hair: not just natural highlights and lowlights but streaks of different colors (Also brought to you by my dad's galaxy brained take of 'elves can see in ultraviolet wavelengths and have patterns in their hair like flowers have to attract bees'). How does this work? Codominance? Doesn't matter, it's cool. Elf genetics don't work like human ones. I also think that elf hair has different- finishes I guess? Not just based on texture. So while Super Shiny is an option, there are also elves with a more diffused shine that looks more matte, and a whole range in between. While Shiny is probably preferred, and more common in those who've spent time around Ainur or their stuff, I do think there are Looks that they'd like more with matte hair. (This is the big difference between "grey" and "silver"- even if they're the same color the shine is different.)

Some notes on the colors: Vanyar/part Vanyar are canonically the only elves with golden-blond hair, but I also think that elves get way more specific with hair colors than we do, so while only Vanyar have golden hair other elves might have colors that we'd consider blonde (i.e. platinum blond, strawberry blond, or dirty blond for Teleri) and some might have gold adjacent (red-gold, bronze, copper for Noldor). Also, I know the only elves explicitly with red hair are Nerdanel's family, but I think taking that at face value is boring (especially since I don't see Mahtan as being Unbegotten). I made sure that all the hair colors were at least mostly-plausible for humans, so if hair is described as "shining blue" I'm just taking poetic license, don't go around imagining them glowing electric-blue (unless that sparks joy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), but rather the blueish shine some black hair has. Same with "greenish"- it means ashy blond/brown, not algae growing on them like a sloth.

Anyway! Onto the overly descriptive headcanons! (With tl;drs at the end of each section)

The Vanyar all have hair like light. Gold is the usual, all different shades from the pale brilliance of the reddest stars to the warm orangey glow of a hot fire, to the pure shine of Laurelin's rays. Some have silver hair as well, like a haze of light breaking through clouds, or Telperion's radiance. They are the only kindred to see the rarest of colors: pure, brilliant white that shines nearly blue, like the crackle of lightning. Their hair is often darker at the roots, like a gradient display of ambient light. (Most common: Thematically Appropriate gold. Fanciest: Pure white thanks to OxiClean (not sponsored). Most attractive feature: the Shinie)

The Noldor have hair like the earth and its treasures. Black seems most common, but often it will look plain at a glance, and in the light its true colors will be revealed- deep greys and rich soil brown and dark dark bronzes and coppers, and sometimes even the barest glint of sapphire- though true black is not uncommon either. All shades of brown and dark-russet red can be seen, sometimes metal-shining, sometimes flat and deep like stone. Silver is rare and prized. Hair often grows out streaked in different shades of their color, or even of others. Silver streaks in dark hair are considered quite attractive, but the rarest and most beautiful color is shining true-reds- like forge fire and magma and molten metal- closely matched by true black subtly streaked with blue-black and red-black and every other color giving a near iridescence like the oil found underground. (Most common: Off-blacks. Fanciest: Fire red but literal. Most attractive feature: Pretty color- shinie like magpie nest, want to touch, Steal.)

The Falmari have hair like the sea shore. Silver like light glinting off water, or the morning mists over the sea. Greys like clouds rolling in- near white to deep and dark like a brewing storm. Pale creams and browns are most often seen, like sand or driftwood, some nearly greenish like seafoam. Their hair can be darker too: the deeper greys and browns of a stormy sea, sometimes greenish again, and rarely blue-black. The favorite colors, though, are those like seashells- the Falmari's hair tends to streak like the Noldor's, which lends itself well to the artistic stripes and gradations that inspired the comparison. Cream and tan, grey with silvers, and most attractively a pinky-yellow and rosy brown. The rarest is a shiny off-white mixed with the lightest creams and silvers and almost-pinks, the iridescent pearl to contrast Noldorin oil-slick. (Most common: Ashy/dirty blond. Fanciest: Light pinky strawberry blond with rose brown streaks (ideally in a pattern). Most attractive feature: Pinterest cottagecore colors.)

The Sindar have hair like their forest. It's similar to the Falmari who split from them, but frequently darker and with less of a shine. Star-silver is rare- far more common is tones of grey like stones and tree bark, often with streaks in varying shades- most beautifully demonstrated in "birch hair": near-white patterned with near-black. Grey-and-silver like aged wood is equally prized. Green tones appear as well- in greys like lichen and in browns like the forest floor. Browns in general are often seen, from fresh-fallen timber to dying leaves to mushroom brown-and-cream, though the more saturated shades of chestnut appear more frequently to the east, among the ranks of the Laiquendi. The Iathrim typically have both the lightest and darkest hair: stars and loamy soil are more frequent within Melian's boundaries, though among those with purely Sindarin heritage, true hair like shadows was only found in her descendants. (Most common: Grey like Thingol's lack of humor. Fanciest: Very light silver (bonus if it's got a subtle pattern). Most attractive feature: Patternpatternpatternpatternpa-)

The Nandor have hair like trees. All shades of greys and browns like branches and bark and the creatures that live between them: most beautiful when they mimic the animal, gradient like squirrels and streaked off-whites like deer and striped darker like owls. Also often found are creams and tans and yellows like raw wood, sometimes tinted greenish with growth, sometimes silvery with age. And vibrant reds and oranges and yellows and browns like nuts and fruits and berries, which rarely dapple and stripe together into the brilliant blaze of an autumn forest. (Most common: Brown. Fanciest: Chlorophyllic forest-fire cosplay, the more colors the better. Most attractive feature: Pattern pattern CARNIVAL!)

The Avari-true Avari, who have remained East and Easter still- have hair like hidden things. Blood and bones and obsidian stones. Browns and reds and yellows striped like jasper, the grey of cave walls and still deep water, the pale cream of polished ivory left forgotten, the near-green tan of an antler weathered on the ground. Their hair does not often shine like those who followed the gods, or pattern the same as the groups who have remained as one over the long-years, but the colors in shadows that some wear are no less beautiful for it. (Most common: Dark reds probably. Fanciest: Black with very thin stripes of color. Most attractive feature: The AestheticTM)

[iminye]

oooo all of your WIPs sound so interesting!! I'm restricting myself to only two, so can I ask about xanatos on crèche duty and how it (almost) saved the galaxy and sci-fi cuivienen elves?

Ohhh! These two are fun.

"xanatos on crèche duty and how it (almost) saved the galaxy" is as the title suggests an AU.

I always wondered how one could fix Xanatos without doing too much crazy stuff and all I could come up with after looking after my nieces and nephew for a day was: Babysitting!

Look he doesn't like children, he thinks himself above that, so when he takes advantage of kind strangers on a mission by letting himself be paid for helping them the council puts him on detention and crèche duty. He has, you might have guessed, to watch over a small group of Jedi Initiates and Younglings by the names of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Reeft, Garen Muln, Bant Eerin, Luminara Unduli and Quinlan Vos and help them with their assignments and duties until his Master comes back from a solo mission (which was supposed to be two weeks but it gets longer because we're talking about Qui-Gon here when do things ever go according to plan for him?)

Here are some of my favorite snippets:

1 -

"It will only result in my being stuck here longer, I know," Xanatos sighed. He didn't even possess the energy to get angry anymore, because it was late and the conversation with Master Bhiladan about the rough draft of his essay had completely worn him out. The result? 'A good approach, with many possibilities for improvement’.

The list with suggestions for improvement was almost as long as Xanatos' whole essay.

"The point is for you to develop a sense of responsibility, my young padawan," his master replied. Qui-Gon looked over at him briefly, then glanced at the bag on their dining table in front of him, which so far contained nothing but a spare robe, a few datapads, and other odds and ends which might or might not be useful. Sometimes Xanatos wondered how his master always managed to live on nothing more than a proverbial grain of rice. "Besides, I also think some time with the younglings will do you good. They are like little supernovae in the Force, bright and pure. It's always gratifying to watch them discover the world around them."

"You made the suggestion that I assist Master Dolan, didn't you?"

Qui-Gon was silent, but the thin smile on his lips and the twinkle in his eyes said all Xanatos needed to know.

And he had been so naive, believing his master to be on his side. Urgh.

2 -

"Is it true that the council grounded you?" Reeft blurted out. [...]

"Yes, that's me," Xanatos admitted, not lifting his head from his hands. He had already embarrassed himself now anyway, so there was no point in trying to restore his dignity. "Just don't break any rules on your missions no matter how loose your own master is with them and you won't end up like me."

"But isn't it a master's job to be a role model? And as his Padawan, shouldn't you then do exactly what he sets for you?" asked Luminara, confused. Oh how naive? Had he ever been so in awe of Master Qui-Gon, too?

"Not if the master is Qui-Gon Jinn. Then it's best to just do the exact opposite of what he does," Xanatos replied dryly. That wasn't entirely true, but what were the chances that his master would choose one of these children as his next Padawan?

It only almost saves the galaxy because I have not yet figured out how Xanatos staying good could mess with Palpatine's plan and to be honest I quite like the idea of maybe writing a Fix-it that doesn't fix everything. Maybe some things are better but others stay the same you know?

"sci-fi cuivienen elves" is basically a retelling/reimagining of the awakening of the elf fathers and their wives in an alternative universe.

They (Imin, Iminyë, Tata, Tatië, Enel and Enelyë) were the leaders of a mission to a recently discovered planet that was assumed to be habitable. With them were the other elves aka members of their crew

After their not so smooth landing most of them fell into a deep sleep and when they weakened they basically had no memories and only over time can pierce things together by going through old mission logs.

A mix between fantasy, sci-fi and something like post apocalypse (think botw vibes) with a major focus on rediscovery and solving the secrets of one's own past.

Oromë is the leader of the search party who went looking for the crew once they go missing

The Valar are all probably Aliens of some sort and maybe have been working with the people of the original home planet if the elves? And now feel responsible for losing them? Also they're all pretty eldritch looking because why not

Melkor and his minions are the evils that lurk on this new planet ready to devour the newcomers or they are an intergalactic crime organisation that is staging a civil war im not sure yet… maybe both?

Hm Ungoliant could be that evil thing lurking in the shadows, I'll think about that.

And it will end like it did with Finwë, Ingwë and Elwë taking parts of the crew back home, while parts remain on the planet they discovered because they feel more at home there now.

I have no idea how Elwë and co go missing but idk it happens they chill on a forest moon somewhere. And Elwë gets an alien wife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not much in terms of plot it's mostly just vibes

Ask me about my wips!

[light-of-the-damned-stars]

Graceful white hands slid over a slender body passing over seductive lines of a boob being rounded and large by elves’ standards, touching nipples, descending into alluring hollows, sliding down to a thin waist and lower to wide hips, passing to bulging elastic buttocks. Supple fingers grabbed the thinnest fabric carefully but persistently, straightening a transparent dress stretched on the chiselled body and having right-ordered punch work and delicate applique. Fire-colored hair scattered in unbridled curls along the inviting curve of a back, hiding a deep neckline for some time to come.

When Nerdanel, a beloved daughter of master Mahtan, the most diligent Vala Aule’s follower, was growing up, there was the change of fashion epochs in Aman in “decorating oneself”, primarily thanks to Miriel Therinde, the first Noldor queene. An expert with the needle spoke extremely harshly about any canvases without patterns, be it curtains, tablecloths, napkins or bed linen, arguing that fabric had right to be beautiful and there is nothing to justify your laziness with silly words about elegance. “Silk and velvet make homes cozy, highlighting uniqueness and individuality of each home! Embroidered canvases are beautiful and sophisticated! You can and should wear them on yourself!” At first, Aman elves didn’t use clothes because Valinor was safe and warm unlike the Cuivienen shores, there was no need to protect a body and it was possible not to spoil their pristine beauty with ineptly-curried animal skins. Of course, it was required to cover especially vulnerable skin areas and wear shoes for working in mountains or smithy, during hunting or long-distance travels but the elves who weren’t engaged in such matters rejoiced at an opportunity to walk naked and chased themselves only with elegant jewelers’ creations. “Skillfully embroidered fabric isn’t worse than stones and metal!” Miriel more and more often repeated these words to her followers and subjects. “And they who can’t create beauty with a thread and doesn’t want to improve skills let them go naked but doesn’t claim in a matter-of-course manner! This isn’t correct but indicative.” Noldoran Finwe supported his queen’s opinion unexpectedly eagerly, assuring with a languid smile that “it’s very interesting for a man to move graceful curtains behind which a beloved desirable woman is hiding.” Styles of “the curtains” began to change, the clothes covered the body more and more, emphasizing its beauty and creating atmosphere of mystery. Nerdanel grew up and saw how some women wear only jeweleries, others hid only boobs and hips with the clothes and still others even covered their hair becoming like flowers with many thinnest petals. It looked marvelously beautiful in any case but man’s reaction was main for the young daughter of the famous master of copper in choosing her image. Seeing how elves’s views change when the fiery-haired beauty appeared became a favorite pastime, Nerdanel dreamed that many would fall in love with her and she would choose the best one and drive him crazy. Let the rest suffer from understanding that they aren’t worthy of the most desired her-elf of Valinor! “No wonder,” young golden-haired Vanyar maidens turned up their noses, “if you don’t shine with beauty of your face, you have to bare your boobs. Poor girl!” “She's probably wise,” Noldier sneered. “Modesty decorates the best!" Teleri she-elves poured their lips. Nerdanel didn’t notice them defiantly and caught with special delight Aman men’s admiring glances. Unfortunate victims couldn’t sometimes take their eyes off the mockingly leerily located jewelries on fabric of a dress which seems to be missing at all. The clothes became more and more accustomed, an attitude to nudity changed, new generations didn’t remember Cuivienen and almost no one was naked even to the waist including men, however, Mahtan's daughter was one of those whose desire to decorate themselves with the clothes didn’t develop into embarrassment of showing the body.

https://ficbook.net/readfic/6544987 Miriel by @bellabergolts

[anthropologyarda]

Elves Can’t Evolve

...at least not the way people think they can.

If your elf is adapted for low-light environments - the ever popular Cuivienen elves with pale, almost translucent skin, excellent low light vision and photosensitivity - then they will never, ever be able to adapt to living under the sun. And their children, and their children’s children, and their children’s children’s children won’t either.

The trouble is that Evolution Doesn’t work Like That, and elves are immortal, which is a Problem. 

Evolution takes many, many, many generations for even tiny changes to become ‘fixed’ - 100% present in a population.  The elves cannot just jump from having night adapted eyes one generation, and having day adapted eyes the next. They need to pass through many generations of half-adapted eyes first. 

Think of evolution like a color spectrum, with blue on one end, and green on the other. Each generation, we move one color shade toward the green. It takes a really long time to get to the green, and at what point is the color more green than blue?

Sight is an incredibly complicated system. Like, crazy complicated. And the more complicated something is, the less you are going to want to mess with it. Evolution doesn’t just produce successes - it produces even more failures. It’s random, like reaching into a grab bag and hoping you get what you want. So evolution is a crapshoot, and you’re going to get elves with bad mutations that cripple them as well as mutations that help them.

Our color spectrum metaphor left out the places where we jumped back two spaces or took a sudden detour into red that ended badly. And sometimes things go so differently we never make it to green at all. 

Even with something simple that takes a single gene, evolution can only happen over the space of many many many generations. The new gene does not make the old one disappear. Rather, the new gene simply becomes more and more common - its frequency increases. Sometimes it never disappears, just becoming very rare.

Then there’s the fact that elves are the worst candidates for evolution ever. Their immortality means that the old versions of genes will never pass out of the population. So an elf with translucent skin suitable for a dark environment could have children 5,000 years later that aren’t adapted for sunlight, and bam! Now that version is back in the gene pool. It’s almost like struggling to push a rock uphill. And elves breed so slowly and have so few children that evolution would barely have any space to work, anyway.

Are elves are even capable of cell mutation - copying errors that produce new gene forms? Okay, so elves can live to be super, super old. Cirdan is around 10,000 years old, and he’s hale and hearty and quite well in LOTR. If his cells can produce copying errors, why hasn’t he gotten cancer by now? Or picked up some kind of nasty mutation? The only solution that makes sense is that elves have mechanisms for preventing or eliminating nuclear, mitochondrial and epigenetic mutations that are 100% accurate. Which means no mutations, and no new genes added to the elf gene pool.

So whatever genetic variation the elves started out with, that’s it. No more new genes added in, only lost. But to adapt, elves may be able to change the way those genes express themselves - to turn switches on and off. Or they may be like octopus and squid, and can edit their RNA.

But mostly elves will have to use cultural adaptation to deal with new environments and challenges. Like wear different clothing, or go around in the dark carrying candles.