#mitsuba holds hearts in his hands grotesque and beating. do you get it

[sunnnfish]

Tbhk chapter 100 rambling you know how it is.

Tbhk chapter 100 and wanting to die and wanting to live and wanting purpose and making plans and wanting connection. Mitsuba who says he has no connections no reason to want to stay around the near shore but Kou is right there and he’s selfish and he’s making mitsuba stay. And mitsuba doesn’t want anyone else to be his end. Do you get it. Fake challenges and fake promises because kou never promised to exorcise mitsuba and he never planned to. Mitsuba says he wants to die but he just. Doesn’t want to exist like this. But there is an acceptance and an understanding that wasn’t there before between them. The same light playfulness and teasing but a knowing of that odd awful truth. Parts of mitsuba he thought he could never bear to anyone, acknowledged with that innocuous “hey. i’m hungry.” Do you understand. And it’s achingly normal. Inviting your friend to the school festival. A festival sousuke probably never got to see. Having nights out and giving each other keychains and having silly competitions. Mitsuba wants to be normal. To be human. And in that pursuit it’s like he already is. Mitsuba wants so much. He wants to be—

And kou knows. He’s known every wish of mitsuba and sousuke and he’s had to reconcile it all every time. He wants to take a picture. He wants a friend. He wants to be human. He wants to be understood. He wants to die. He wants kou to exorcise him. He wants. Kou also wants. And it’s a competition of desire that’s constantly at a stalemate. So they just exist. And make plans. And live. However unfortunate that may feel. The school festival is right around the corner.