#most updates will be hand drawn from now until the end of the holiday event so i cangive you more plot and string my little motivation along

[the-light-is-running-low]

... Wait... waIT I GOT IT! Jevil, you have a free hand, right? Also your neck is literally a spring? Just hold the tray with your free hand and stretch your neck out as far as you can. Maybe Seam can hear you then.

[ * This may take a few tries, but Jevil feels like he can get the hang of it. ]

[ * Seam doesn’t notice him yet, but it’s only a matter of time. ]

[ * Meanwhile, let’s check on Spade and Rouxls, hm? ]

[ * Coming next update. ]

[mamabearcatfanfics]

Dani updates something. The world must be truly coming to an end. Read below or here on AO3

Like most great wars, it was started by something small.

Kagome picked up her laptop from where it had been sitting on the coffee table and carried it into her bedroom, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Perhaps it hadn’t been a good idea to invite Inuyasha over for movie and pizza, but when she’d texted him earlier in the day and heard about his crap day at work, she’d extended an impromptu invite. Sango hadn’t minded, and it had been fun, even if he did spend most of the night using her laptop to debunk theories in the spy thriller they’d watched.

When he’d first arrived, he’d been his usual grumpy self, but by the end of the movie, he was in an excellent mood. It was nice to see him happy, although she wasn’t exactly sure what had caused the change in attitude. The pizza had probably helped. She’d never seen anyone consume pizza like Inuyasha could. It worried her sometimes, the types of food he ate, even though he argued that an inuhanyou’s metabolism was very different to a human’s and you couldn’t compare the two.

Anyway, it didn’t matter. If her friend was happy, then so was she. He had such a nice smile, and she tried to do her best to help it come out at every opportunity. They were just friends, she knew that, but his smile was just… it gave her butterflies.

Calling out a sleepy goodnight to Sango, she wandered into her bedroom yawning, wishing she could flop straight onto the bed and close her eyes. But unfortunately, she still had the proposed media releases for the Starlight Foundation’s upcoming fundraiser event to read through before a breakfast meeting tomorrow. She knew if she’d stayed to go over them at work she’d have to walk home from the train station in the dark, so she’d emailed them to her personal laptop before she’d left for the day.

Slipping into her comfy pj’s and snuggling under the covers, she opened up her laptop, then blinked slowly, her head tilting slightly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing.

Everything was upside down.

Her whole screen was the opposite of how it should look. She exited out of her email program, noting with apprehension that her desktop was also upside down, then opened it up again. Still upside down. Crap! Was this a virus? She’d let the virus protection on her laptop lapse because she’d had to buy a new dress to wear to the fundraising ball, and she’d seen the perfect dress and there’d been a sale, and she had to get the extra money from somewhere. What if it the virus somehow got back to her work computer? Shit, shit, shit!

Quickly googling ‘everything on my computer screen is upside down’, and tilting the screen and her head so she could read the upside down words, she breathed a sigh of relief when she worked out it was an easy fix. Using the Ctrl, Alt and arrow keys she quickly set it to rights, sending up a silent thank you prayer to the IT gods, with a promise that she would update her virus protection asap. She wasn’t sure how her screen had got that way, but right now she was too tired to care.

The next evening, when she sat down with Sango to watch the latest episode of Masterchef, the tv remote refused to work. With their cider going warm and the avocado dip congealing on the cheese platter they’d prepared, they both tried to get the remote to work, giving it a tap and shake to no avail.

After repeated attempts at removing the batteries and rotating them, while Sango went through the junk drawer in the kitchen in a fruitless search for new batteries, Kagome finally noticed the tiny scrap of black tape over the sensor on the remote.

She removed it, and the remote worked again. She looked suspiciously at Sango, narrowing her eyes. She smelled a prank. But Sango loved watching Masterchef as much as she did, and was complaining bitterly about them missing a souffle failure. Masterchef was one of the highlights of their week. Nope, it wasn’t Sango. But someone was definitely having fun at their expense.

Two nights later, when she bit into an Oreo from her secret treat stash in her bedside drawer, and found the sweet creamy filling had been replaced with toothpaste, she knew there was a prank war going on. And as far as she knew, there was only one person who knew about her secret stash, because he’d busted her one night stuffing her face when he’d popped his head in her room to say good night.

Inuyasha.

He’d had time to do all these things on their movie night. He’d used her laptop. He’d had access to the remote. And now that she thought about it, there’d been that suspicious amount of time he’d spent in the bathroom, which neither of them had questioned because he’d muttered a warning about steering clear of the bathroom for a while to give the air a chance to clear. But that would have enabled him access to both the bathroom and her bedroom while her and Sango were engrossed in the movie. No wonder he’d been so cheerful that evening when he left. Inuyasha had pranked her.

But what he didn’t know, was that Kagome was a seasoned campaigner when it came to prank wars. Her and Souta had it down to a fine art, coming up with bigger and better pranks all the time, to the point that one year her mother hand banned them totally, because things were getting out of hand.

The corners of her mouth turned up in a sinister smile, and she let out a chuckle worthy of a cartoon villain. Alright. If he wanted a war, he’d get one.

It was on, like Donkey Kong.

Inuyasha sighed moodily. It wasn’t that he disliked his job necessarily, it was just a job, and it paid the bills, and gave him enough time off to do all the other things he enjoyed doing. But on days like today, when the shop was empty as a tomb, and his phone battery had gone flat, he was ready to expire from boredom. He was just toying with the idea of using a charging cable from the one’s in stock, when a familiar scent drifted across his senses as the shop bell rang.

“How’s my favourite hanyou doing?” Kagome grinned, watching his ears perk up as she walked in.

“I’m fucking bored to tears”, he said, standing up from where he’d been slumped against the counter. He glanced at the clock on the wall, then looked back at her with concern. “Hey. Aren’t you home from work a little early? You’re not sick are ya?”

“No, no, I’m going to work from home this afternoon, seeing I’ve been going into the office so early this week”, Kagome answered breezily. “I just popped in to bring you something.”

“Huh?”

“I tried out a new recipe for chocolate chip cookies, and I know how much you like them, so I saved some for you. That should make your afternoon more interesting.”

Inuyasha sniffed the tupperware container she handed over appreciatively. Kagome was a good cook, and even though the plastic blocked most of the smell, he could tell they would be tasty, because everything Kagome made was delicious. And chocolate chip cookies were his favourites. Fucking sweet!

“Thanks Kagome! You’re the best, you know that?”

His conscience twitched slightly as he thought about the toothpaste oreo’s he’d hidden in her drawer. He’d had a crap day that day, and playing those little pranks on her had cheered him up immensely. He’d often played pranks on his half brother Sesshoumaru back when he’d come to visit Dad during school holidays, to see if he could budge the stick that the older youkai seemed to have permanently wedged up his arse. The oreo trick had been one of his favourites. But here she was baking for him. Maybe she hadn’t found them yet. Perhaps he could replace them with a whole new packet before she ate one, seeing she’d bought him these. He grinned at her.

“You wanna stay and eat some with me Kittycat?”

“I’m afraid I can’t”, Kagome said with a sorrowful expression. “Lots to do. But I’m sure you’ll enjoy them!” With a cheery wave, she walked out of the door.

Inuyasha smiled, looking down at the container in his hands. She’d put a post it note on the lid, with ‘For Inuyasha’ written in curly swoopy cursive. She was a good friend, had fit into his life so completely that he didn’t know what he’d do if she suddenly disappeared. He was so glad he’d helped her that day she’d walked in to the shop with her bad cold.

Taking off the lid and not even pausing to take a sniff, he picked up one of the delectable looking cookies and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth, chewing appreciatively, until a distinctive taste hit his tongue. He nearly spat the contents of his mouth out on the floor, but ended up swallowing the mouthful with distaste, knowing he’d be the one that would have to clean up the mess. Those weren’t chocolate chips…

 Fucking raisins!

The wench knew he hated them. What the fuck? Who would replace innocent chocolate chips with fucking raisins, the worlds most vile dried fruit – that was… was evil!

The post-it note fluttered off the lid, and he noticed a smiley face drawn on the back with some more of Kagome’s swirling cursive.

 ‘That’s payback for the Oreos dog boy!  ❤ K.’

He snorted, about to tip the cookies in the bin, then deciding to put them aside to give to Myoga. The old man had taste in his arse, he’d probably love them, especially if he told him Kagome made them. But Kagome. What was he going to do about sweet little innocent Kagome? It looked like he’d finally found a worthy adversary.

It had been two weeks since she’d given Inuyasha the cookies, and there had been no retaliation. She sniggered, remembering his face when she’d asked him how he’d liked his cookies – the rolled eyes, the huff of irritation. Sweet manna to her soul. But then he hadn’t done anything about it. Frankly Kagome was a little disappointed. It was a shame, because she’d really enjoyed baking the biscuits for him and imagining his face when he bit into one, but she guessed that not everyone liked pranks. The Oreo incident had probably been a one off.

She flicked on the lamp next to the sofa, ready to sit down and enjoy her book and her cocoa with the last of the tiny little marshmallows, and shrieked, slopping the hot liquid down her pyjama shirt. Sango came running.

“Kagome, are you okay?!”

“Cockroach!”, she shrieked, pointing at the lamp, ready to hurl her book at it. The shadow of the insect was clearly visible on the inside of the lamp shade. “Quick Sango, get the bug spray!”

“On it!” Sango hollered, running into the kitchen, clearly ready to unload half the can on the offending interloper. Kagome kept her eye locked on the insect, wanting to be ready in case it flew towards her, holding up her book like a shield. The insect was still. Very still. So still in fact she bravely moved closer to take a better look.

She pulled the cut out picture of a giant cockroach from the inside of the lamp and held it up for Sango’s inspection as she approached with a jumbo sized can of spray. Sango looked incredulously at the paper insect, and then back at Kagome, who was looking at the cut out with a strange expression of glee.

“Inuyasha?” asked Sango hesitantly, unsure exactly what was going on, but making an informed guess.

“Yup!” replied Kagome happily, popping the ‘p’ with relish. Looked like Inuyasha was playing a long game. She could do that.

They were strolling along the High Line, or rather Kagome was strolling, and Inuyasha was following along reluctantly. It was only the promise of beer and a burger at the end of this outing that had made him go along.

“Isn’t it lovely here?”

“Kagome, it’s a bridge. With plants on it. And tourists.”

“But it’s so nice! Isn’t it amazing? All these green things growing in the middle of the city.” She twirled around with her arms out wide, nearly taking out some backpackers, then grabbed his hand, dragging him over to a small garden filled with purple daisies.

“Can we take a selfie here together? Please?” She pulled her phone out of her pocket, and then pouted dramatically. “Aw, I’m all out of battery.”

She looked up at Inuyasha and gave him a sweet smile, and he rolled his eyes, shoving his hand in his jeans pocket to pluck out his phone.

“Fine, use mine”, he drawled, unlocking his phone and handing it over to her. “But don’t go filling it up with cutesy photos, alright?” He didn’t mind really though. Kagome was always taking photos of them together on her phone, and he didn’t have any on his. It might be nice to have at least one of them together.

Kagome smiled up at him, and they did the usual shuffle so they would both fit in the confines of the screen – her standing on tiptoes, and him curving his body downwards.

“Say cheese!”

He grinned automatically, his lopsided smile revealing one fang, his cheek resting on the top of Kagome’s head. She’d told him she was using a new shampoo, one that didn’t smell quite as much, after reading up on different scents that bothered youkai, and he appreciated the fact that she’d done something like that for him. He sighed, breathing in her sweet smell, which blocked out the usual stench of the city.

“Thank you” said Kagome softly, mindful of how close she was to his ears. She kissed his cheek gently, and he couldn’t help the sappy grin that crossed his face. “I’m just gonna message the photo to my phone, okay? That way we’ve both got a copy.”

“Uh sure.”

He straightened up, feeling his heart beating a little faster for some reason. He obviously needed to get to the gym more often if walking along a bridge and dodging tourists got his heart rate up.

She handed him back his phone and then tugged on his hand. He slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“C’mon! I promised I’d buy you a beer and a burger. There’s a pub just under the bridge that’s meant to be awesome. I was reading reviews about it last night.”

He smiled fondly at her, taking in her wide grin and the spring sunshine bouncing off her dark hair. Such a bubbly person. He honestly didn’t know what Kagome saw in him. But he was very glad that she liked hanging out.

He had such a fun afternoon talking, laughing, eating, then walking her back to her apartment, that he realised he’d never looked at the photo she’d taken. He pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it, then snorted when he looked at his screen. He didn’t know how she’d done it, but somehow, she’d changed every single app icon to different pictures of kittens. Nice one. His lips curled into a smile, already planning on what he could do to get her back.

He flicked open his photo app and stared at the photo of them together, standing in the sunlight surrounded by purple daisies in the middle of a bustling city, the wind blowing their hair so the white and black intermingled. He saved it as his lock screen.

Kagome hated dusting. But she loved knick nacks, so dusting was a necessity. She just couldn’t bear to throw things away, and kept all sorts of little mementoes that wouldn’t mean anything to other people, but meant a lot to her. Spraying a little bit more polish on the rag, she ran it over the shelves of the bookcase in the hallway, picking up a photo frame absentmindedly so she could dust underneath. And then she double blinked.

Taking a closer look at the photo, she snorted with laughter. It was a photo of the four of them, one someone had taken when they’d won the pub trivia championship.

She didn’t know how he’d done it, or when, but somehow Inuyasha had used a photo editing program to replace all their faces, hers, Sango’s, Miroku’s and his own, with the features of Nicholas Cage. Not entirely original, but funny all the same.

She turned the frame over to find the original photo stuck to the back. Miroku had his arm carelessly around Sango’s shoulders and Sango was blushing – no doubt Miroku had just whispered something perverted in her ear.

She was standing next to Sango, and Inuyasha was standing directly behind her, bending down so his chin rested on the top of her head. It made her smile, the way he draped himself on her for photos – it was often the only way they both fit, because he was so much taller than her.

He was so amazing, he took her breath away sometimes, just like he had that first time in the store. It was like he didn’t know how beautiful he was. She turned the photo around again, giggling at how ridiculous they all looked. She had to hand it to him, that was tricky. Time to up her game.

Inuyasha was pulling his boots on when there was a knock on his front door, but it was expected. He’d ordered a box of Krispy Kreme’s to bring to Miroku’s regular card night, and it had arrived right on time. Salted Double Caramel Crunch. He always ordered a box, knowing the girls liked them, and having a not so secret love of them himself. Kagome was always at him to eat healthier, worried about all the salty and sugary foods he enjoyed eating, but he was half youkai – his metabolism could handle nearly anything.

Carrying the box carefully, he walked the two blocks to Miroku’s house, a tiny bit late because he’d had to wait for the delivery, but it wasn’t like anyone would care. They were already there, Miroku shuffling the cards, Sango sipping a beer, and Kagome sitting on the sofa, her eyes lighting up when he walked in the door. Sometimes she was so fucking cute, he couldn’t stand it.

He plonked the box down on the centre of the table, and walked across to Miroku’s fridge, opening the door to snag himself a beer.

Sango opened the box eagerly, and then laughed uproariously.

“Are you on a health kick Inuyasha?” she sniggered.

“Huh?”

Opening up the sides of the box, she revealed carrot, celery and cucumber sticks, along with a plastic container of hummus.

“What the fuck?!”

Kagome came to stand behind him. “Oh, good boy! You finally listened to me about eating healthier foods. You’re gonna feel so much better!” she said, patting him on the shoulder.

Inuyasha turned his head, raising an eyebrow.

“Really Kagome? Kidnapping innocent donuts?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, Kagome said, her expression all wide eyed and innocent. “Bu-ut if you wanted a donut as a little treat for being a good boy, after you’ve eaten some healthy veggies of course, there’s a plate of Salted Double Caramel Crunch ones in the kitchen. I know they’re your favourites.”

Kagome was tired. So tired. It had been a hectic week at work in the lead up to the fundraising ball, and all she wanted to do was curl up on the sofa with a nice cup of sleepy tea before heading off to bed. She opened the cupboard to reach in for her favourite mug, but her hand clutched on empty air.

Huffing impatiently, she stood up on tiptoe, unable to quite see onto the shelf. Sango was taller than her, and sometimes she pushed the mugs back too far in the cupboard for her to reach. But her hand still grasped at nothing. Were they all in the dishwasher?

She opened up the dishwasher, but it was empty. Sighing impatiently, she went into the hall cupboard to fetch the little step stool she used to reach the higher shelves, but it wasn’t there. Or in the bathroom.

Smelling a rat, or rather a dog, she walked slowly back into the kitchen, her eyes roving around for anything amiss. And then she noticed them. Every single mug, cup and glass was placed on top of the cupboards, way out of her reach. Kagome frowned.

This… this one hurt a little. Inuyasha knew she was sensitive about her height. At 5’2” she was the shortest person in her family, with even Souta towering over her now, and her height was a family joke.

When they first met, Inuyasha used to tease her about it all the time too, but he didn’t any more, knowing that it upset her. The only thing that had stuck was her nickname, Kittycat, which she didn’t mind so much, she kind of liked the way he said it. But…

She sighed, climbing up onto the bench top and balancing on her tippy toes, one arm stretched up to reach for a mug, the other windmilling frantically as she almost lost her balance. This game. It didn’t feel quite as much fun anymore.

Inuyasha sipped his beer silently, sitting alone in their regular booth at the pub. Miroku had tried to engage him in conversation, but had eventually given up when every answer was a surly one syllable reply, and had gone over to the pool table to join a game.

They were waiting for the girls to arrive for their regular pub trivia night, but his heart wasn’t really in it tonight. He was annoyed at Kagome. She’d called him a ‘good boy’. Offered him a treat, like a dog. In front of other people. And it rankled, especially since she was usually the one who would defend him when others poked fun at his ears or his inuyoukai heritage. Somehow it hurt ten times worse coming from her, because it was unexpected. She did call him dog boy sometimes, but that hit different, because it was a nickname, a term of endearment. Being called a ‘good boy’ felt derogatory.

Maybe it had been petty, putting all the things up out of her reach, especially when he knew she was sensitive about her height, but he’d felt like being fucking petty. This game they were playing wasn’t as much fun as it had been.

His ear twitched as he heard the raised voices of Sango and Kagome over the general noise. Sango was disagreeing with her over something, asking her if it really was a good idea, and Kagome was shushing her, moving through the crowd towards them. She seemed a little off balance somehow, like she was walking differently, leaning slightly to one side.

As soon as he got closer he saw why. Her arm was in a sling.

The mugs. The fucking mugs. He’d put them all up out of her reach and hidden her step ladder under her bed. And of course because she was the clumsiest woman on this side of the planet, she’d managed to hurt herself. And it was all his fault. Fucking shit. He was the worst person alive.

Gulping, he pushed himself out of the booth, moving over towards them. Sango was still glowering at her, probably telling her it was a bad idea to be out at a pub when she was injured. And she was right. Maybe he should take her home. He couldn’t see a cast, so maybe her arm wasn’t broken. But even if it was just sprained, that was bad enough, because he knew it was coming up to the busiest time of year for her at work.

When he got closer, Sango greeted him shortly and then moved off to find Miroku. She obviously was angry at him, because she should be. Because he was a shit friend, who’d done something to someone who he cared about very much.

“Kagome…”

“Hey Inuyasha”, she said, looking downwards, her voice dejected, her arm cradled against her side carefully in the sling. “How are you?”

Unable to stop himself, he wrapped his arms around her carefully, like she was made of glass, avoiding her injured arm. She was so tiny, so fragile. So breakable.

“Kittycat, I’m so sorry. I just didn’t think.” He stroked her hair gently, running his clawed fingers through her dark curls. “Does it hurt too much? Have you had it x-rayed? If you want, I can take tomorrow off and take you to out patients. What ever you need, okay? I’m such a shit, I can’t believe I-“

Kagome cleared her throat. “Inuyasha?”

“Do you need to sit down?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m okay, really.” He watched as she pulled her arm out of the sling, and he flinched, his own hands moving reflexively, ready to steady her. “I really am fine. I almost fell, but then I didn’t. I didn’t get hurt. This is just to… to prank…um, gotcha?” she gulped as the concerned expression on Inuyasha’s face turned to ire.

He blinked at her, stony faced, then marched out of the pub, uncaring about Kagome calling after him.

He marched down the street, anger fueling his long strides, uncaring that Kagome’s voice was getting further and further away. He could hear her running to try and keep up, and he was bitterly amused about her tiny little human legs not being long or strong enough, until he heard her misstep and almost fall. Fuck. If she really did fall, which was totally a possibility because she was the biggest klutz on both sides of the planet…

He turned and marched back towards her, then waited, his arms crossed. She ran up to him, panting, leaning over to catch her breath.

“That wasn’t fucking funny Kagome.”

“I’m sorry”, she gasped. “I should have listened to Sango. She said it was too much. I was just annoyed about you putting everything up so high. And when I almost fell it gave me the idea.” She sighed. “But you’re right, it wasn’t funny.”

“Damn right it wasn’t!” he snarled. “I thought you were injured, and you know I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt you. Between this and the ‘good dog’ comment, I’m fucking-“

“What! I’d never-“

“It was implied. I was a ‘good boy’, who could have a ‘treat’? And then I suppose when you faked an injury you thought the good dog would whine about it and look after you? What did you do, read up on Inu youkai protective instincts or something? I bet you had a good laugh about it, huh?” He huffed out a heavy breath. “I don’t like this game we're playing anymore Kagome.”

“Inuyasha, I never meant it that way. I was teasing, but I’d never…” She was openly crying now, hugging her arms around herself. “Please, I’m so sorry. Please.”

She looked so pitiful that he relented, wrapping his arm around her shaking shoulders.

“I’m still annoyed Kagome”, he sighed. “But it’ll be okay so stop crying. No more pranks, okay?”

“No more”, she sobbed, pushing her face into his side. “I promise.”

Seeing a bench close by, he tugged her hand over to sit down beside him, patting her on the shoulder as she continued to cry.

“Hey c’mon now. Stop crying. I said it would be okay.”

“I really am sorry”, she sniffled. “I guess I don’t know when to stop. Maybe that was why Mama banned me and Souta from pranking each other.”

“You used to prank your brother? Hey, me too.” He rubbed her shoulder as she leaned into him. “Not all of them were bad. Look see, I still got kittens on my phone.” Kagome smiled, her cheeks wet with tears, and pulled out her own phone.

"Look, our lock screens match", she said softly, showing him the photo of them both standing in the sunshine surrounded by purple daisies. She wiped away her tears, taking a deep breath.

“I put the Nicholas Cage trivia team photo on the fridge so Sango and I can see it all the time”, she said shyly. “It makes me laugh. Are you gonna tell me how you did it?”

“Nope, I’ll take my secrets to the grave”, he grinned, then sighed. She still smelt like guilt and sadness. “C’mon Kagome. Cheer up.”

“Inuyasha, please believe me when I say that when I said ‘good boy’ I didn’t mean it the way you thought I did”, she hiccuped, looking at him intently. “I promise. I just didn’t think. I promise I won’t call you that again. And if I ever say anything that hurts your feelings like that, please tell me.”

“Okay. And I promise I won’t hide your things up high again. That was kinda mean too.”

“Okay. Are we good now?”

“We’re good.”

Kagome reached out her arms and hugged him around the waist. “Good. Because I hate fighting with you.”

He squeezed her back affectionately, then pulled her to her feet. “You ready to go kick some trivia butt Kittycat?”

“You bet.”

"Oh, and you need to make some more raisin cookies for Myoga. The old coot hasn't stopped raving about them."

[celosiaa]

Submission by @entitynumber5: Hi Connor, I hope you’re having a WONDERFUL birthday and that you get to take a break from studying to do the things you enjoy and just have the lovely day you deserve!!! For this morning’s “write what I like” sprint (trying a new method of getting it all out before I have to put the brain into study mode), I wrote a lil something about 🎃 spooky season birthdays 🎃set in the Emmaverse… which turned out kind of long and a bit sappy. So there is no pressure to read it! I just love these characters :’) the working title is “Martin and Jon get proven wrong by an adorable five year old”.

Content warnings: brief mentions of blood, alcohol and minor injury (in relation to Martin working a Halloween paramedic shift); food.

Emma is obsessed with birthdays. Just not her own.

She turned five in May, and no matter how special they tried to make the day—with rainbow layer cake and carefully-selected presents and a visit to the roller-skating rink with her best friends—she didn’t seem half as excited as when it was someone else’s birthday. She would hardly sleep the night before friends’ parties. She spent hours wrapping the presents she picked for them with ribbons and bows and even confetti stuffed inside the paper. The only time they could encourage her to practice the piano for her weekly lessons was when she played the Happy Birthday song over FaceTime for her friends’ birthdays that were during school holidays.

The only thing Emma seems to have held onto from her own birthday is the notebook given to her Georgie and Melanie. Martin seems to remember there being two: one with little cartoon ghost drawn in the front by Georgie and the other with a scribble of the Admiral by Melanie. But Emma only carries the one around with her everywhere, and Martin is starting to doubt his own memory about there being a duplicate.

She has it with her now, as they sit outside the lecture theatre where Jon is currently teaching. In the too-big chair beside the door, her legs swing as she holds the notebook very close, staring intently at its pages while she wriggles her fluffy purple pen in thought.

“Daddy,” Emma says, in that voice that means she has a Very Serious Question, “When is your birthday?”

Martin is still a little dazed from nearly a week of night shifts. It’s the first time in six days that he hasn’t been working or sleeping at this time in the afternoon, and while walking with Emma to Jon’s work to surprise him at the end of the day seemed like a nice idea in practice, he really wishes he was lying on the sofa. They could be watching Peppa Pig for the thousandth time. Or getting started on dinner, which he isn’t going to let Jon make after a long day of teaching. He’s been mentally calculating how many hours it is until he can go to bed, how many tasks he has to do before then.

This feels like a selfish thought, though, and he pushes it aside quickly in favour of smiling at Emma. “My birthday?”

“Yes,” Emma replies, still very grave, “That’s what I said. At school today, Miss Jones made us all put stickers on the big calendar on the wall for our birthdays. I wrote down all of my friends’ birthdays.”

“That’s nice.”

“And now I want to write down yours.”

“Okay, well, my birthday is next month.”

Emma frowns. “Next month. That’s…” she counts on her fingers until she seems to reach the answer she’s looking for. “October?”

“It is!” Martin grins. “Well done.”

Emma’s little frown doesn’t ease. “What day?”

“Well, do you know how many days are in October?”

Emma thinks. Shakes her head.

“There are thirty-one days in October,” Martin tells Emma, “And my birthday is on the very last day.”

Emma nods and returns to her notebook, slowly enunciating the words as she writes them down: “Oc-to-ber three-one.”

Martin wonders if Emma realises his birthday coincides with Halloween. Besides birthdays, she still doesn’t seem too interested in dates, no matter how many times her teacher makes her write them at the top of every page in her workbook. And during previous years, they celebrated Martin’s birthday the day before or after Halloween itself, so they can separate the two events, although perhaps she doesn’t remember.

Before Martin can ask, the door of the lecture theatre opens and students start filing out. Emma puts away her notebook and pen, her frown of concentration replaced by a glowing smile as she waits, bouncing excitedly in the chair, for her Baba to notice them waiting just outside.

*

“Jon,” Martin whisper-shouts as he tiptoes into the house after his shift, hoping he doesn’t wake Emma—but that his husband knows it’s urgent. “Jon, Jon, Jon.”

Jon emerges from the kitchen, wearing a pair of yellow washing up gloves dripping soap suds and a look of alarm. “What’s wrong?”

Martin ushers him back into the kitchen and shuts the door as quietly as possible, hoping it won’t wake Emma—or, worse yet, the cats, who will sit outside any closed door and cry to be let inside no matter what activity they were engaged in before.

“Martin,” Jon says, “What’s going on?”

“They just released the shifts for the next few weeks,” Martin replies, “And I’m working.”

“Well, good. I should hope so.”

“On my birthday.”

Jon’s expression merges into one of comprehension: Emma. And her newfound obsession with birthdays. “Ah.”

“Yep.”

“I don’t suppose you could swap shifts with someone?” Jon asks.

Martin sits down at the table, lowering his head into his hands. He wants to shower, change out of his paramedic uniform, but he knows he won’t be able to focus on anything else until they’ve had this conversation. “No one’s going to willingly take a Halloween shift. For a start, Andrew is terrified of clowns. And people are usually drunk, and it’s actually really hard to tell the difference between real and fake blood.”

“We could celebrate the day after,” Jon says, taking off the washing up gloves and sitting opposite Martin. He reaches across the table to take Martin’s hand. “I mean, you were born five minutes before midnight. It wouldn’t be a lie so much as a… slight shifting of the truth.”

“Jonathan Sims.” Martin gapes across the table at him. “Are you suggesting we lie to our daughter?”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“No, Martin,” Jon says again, “I’m simply suggesting we separate your birthday from Halloween, as we have done every year, and not draw attention to the fact because our daughter is currently obsessed with other peoples’ birthdays.”

“And it might upset her if she knew we were actually celebrating on the wrong day.”

“Exactly.”

Martin sighs. “I don’t know. It feels… sort of wrong.”

“Apparently, children under the age of seven have no concept of the passing of time and—”

“Did Tim tell you that?”

“No.”

“Oh, god. It wasn’t Helen, was it? Please tell me you haven’t been having philosophical discussions about parenting with Helen again.”

“Martin,” Jon interrupts, “It was in the parenting book you gave me.”

“Huh. I don’t remember that chapter. Oh, god, maybe I should re-read it. The whole thing. Beginning to end. I—”

“Martin.” Jon squeezes his hand. “You deserve a day of your own. Tim and Sasha already agreed to take Emma trick-or-treating on Halloween. She will be focused on that for most of the day; she’s already talking about how excited she is. Let us spend the day after that treating you to all the wonderful things you deserve on your birthday—and every day.”

Martin manages a small smile, although every instinct inside of him is telling him not to accept Jon’s proposal. Not because he is worried about the ethics of manipulating their daughter’s concept of time—although this is a concern, too—but because he doesn’t want Jon to feel like he has to do any of this. To make a whole day about him, even if he takes great pleasure and care in doing the same for Jon on his birthday.

“Thanks, Jon,” Martin murmurs.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Now, why don’t you go and have a warm shower? I’ve put the hot water on so it shouldn’t run out while you’re in there this time.”

Martin smirks. “Are you saying I smell?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” Martin presses, teasing now. “Because I did have to treat a farmer who’d been kicked by one of his cows this evening.”

“Okay, alright, yes. Yes, you smell. Please go and have a shower.”

Martin laughs and gets up from the table. “I’m going, I’m going.”

“That really is disgusting, Martin.”

“It’s actually a pretty funny story. About the farmer, I mean. He’s fine, by the way. I’ll tell you about it when I’m out of the shower.”

Jon shakes his head. “Why today, of all days, have you abandoned the notion of showering before you sit down at the dinner table?”

“I had something important to tell you!”

“Fine. Alright.” Jon shakes his head again. “Now please have a shower. For your sake as much as mine.”

“Love you,” Martin sing-songs as he exits the kitchen. He hears Jon’s gentle laugh chase him into the warmth of the bathroom, where Jon has put on the radiator and left him a fresh towel. He smiles, feeling his love for Jon balloon in his chest, and settles into the sensation being home.

*

Martin’s Halloween—and birthday—shift is so busy that he barely has time to check his phone. Tim has sent an album of photos of him, Sasha and Emma out trick-or-treating, dressed as Mike, Sulley and Boo from Monsters, Inc. Jon has been updating him on the number of trick-or-treaters who have visited their house (fifty-four, as of ten thirty p.m.), and how Iris and the cats are holding up with the constant ringing of the doorbell.

On his break, Martin quickly texts Tim to watch his glucose levels and not to forget his insulin (to which Tim replies yes, sir with a number of yellow heart emojis). He also texts Sasha to say she can take home any of the Skittles they get on their expedition, since they’re her favourite but Emma hates them. He tells Jon he loves him and to give Iris a pet on his behalf and that there’s some spare sweets under the sink, if they’re running low. Then it’s back to work.

The shift passes quickly, in the end. There is so much to do and no time to think about anything other than their patients. He does get given a toffee apple by someone dressed as a Minion at a student house party, and he narrowly avoids getting his face painted by twins who are the same age as Emma while his team are checking their mother’s twisted ankle after a fall trying to get to the door in time for a last-minute delivery of sweets. It’s not an awful shift, but it is, like always, exhausting and difficult in the same measure as it’s rewarding and hopeful.

By the time he gets home, all he wants to do is sleep. Emma is tucked into bed, fast asleep, while her nightlight projects solar systems onto the ceiling. Jon, too, is sleeping soundly with the cats for company. Iris barely looks up from her bed when he comes inside, but she gives a little wag of her tail each time he passes down the hallway to shower or get a drink of water. There’s a plastic pumpkin full of Emma’s sweets on the table, next to the empty bowl that had once been full of treats to hand out to their visitors.

Martin’s smiles—it looks like a night well-spent for his family—and this thought carries him through an exhausted shower before he crawls into bed next to Jon. Jon must be tired, too, because he doesn’t stir. Martin makes a mental note to check his joints aren’t playing up from all the getting up and down from the sofa during the trick-or-treat visits.

Sometime later, Martin wakes to the soft click of the door as it opens. He squints against the light bursting around the edges of the still-shut curtains, expecting to see Jon tiptoeing to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Instead, Emma is creeping inside, holding a tray of pancakes while Jon follows behind, balancing two cups of tea.

“Happy birthday!” Emma says, as she places the tray down on the bed next to Martin. “We made spooky pancakes!”

Martin rubs the sleep from his eyes and sits up fully. He glances at the alarm clock next to the bed: 11:42 a.m. He’s been asleep for just over six hours, but it somehow feels longer and yet not enough. “It’s not—”

Jon clears his throat.

“Oh. Oh, thank you, Emma! These are wonderful.”

The pancakes are, indeed, spooky. Emma has used a pumpkin cookie cutter to shape them and then drawn on funny faces with fruit and syrup. No longer responsible for balancing the tray, Emma looks at Jon, a little uncertain, and Jon nods in encouragement as he places their cups of tea down on the bedside table.

“I made you a present,” Emma says almost shyly.

Martin smiles gently at her. “That’s very kind of you. Thank you, Emma.”

Emma pulls something off the tray. It’s the second notebook, the one Martin thought he’d imagined, wrapped in a glittery silver ribbon and some confetti streamers. She offers it to Martin, and he takes it carefully, holding it as if it might fall apart in his hands.

“You can open it,” Emma tells him seriously.

Martin unwraps the ribbon. Emma takes it from him, along with the confetti, perhaps to reuse for another present. Slowly, Martin cracks open the notebook to the first page. There is Georgie’s ghoulish sketch, alongside a new inscription in Emma’s handwriting: Sorted Poems By Emma K. Blackwood-Sims. For Daddy’s Birthday. October 31.

Martin feels something tender and soft unfurl in his chest, until he’s certain he is going to cry. He begins to flick through the pages, but Emma says: “Wait!”

Martin stops. “What is it?”

“Look.” Emma climbs on to the bed, elbowing her way into the space next to him, and reaches across Martin to open the notebook on the first page again, where her inscription is. She points at her name.

“It’s meant to say assorted poems,” Jon says, “But neither of us were sure how to spell it.”

Martin laughs, the sound a little wet and shaky with the tears he can feel building. Jon hates spelling. It’s his least favourite type of homework to help Emma with.

“Look,” Emma says again, “I wrote my name like yours!”

Martin smiles. “Blackwood-Sims? But that’s your name, too.”

“No,” Emma insists, “Emma K Blackwood-Sims. Like you! Like a proper poet.”

“Oh,” Martin murmurs, “Oh.”

He’s sure he and Jon will laugh about this later. Martin doesn’t actually have a middle name. Emma does, but it certainly doesn’t begin with K. But right now, he feels tears on his cheeks as he takes in his daughter’s hard work.

Emma reaches for his face, patting away his tears with the palms of her hands. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise,” Martin replies, sniffling in an attempt to draw back the tears, “I’m happy. And I love you so, so much.”

Emma frowns. “Will pancakes make you feel better?”

“I’m alright, Emma. I promise. These are happy tears.”

“Pancakes always make me feel better,” Jon announces, climbing onto the other side of the bed and sliding back underneath the covers. He settles Emma down in the middle of them, handing her a mug full of juice. She doesn’t drink tea yet, but she doesn’t like to be left out when they do, so she has her own mug.

“These look wonderful,” Martin tells them, arranging the tray so they can all reach. Emma takes a plate and hands it to Jon, then does the same for Martin, before grabbing the final one for herself. “You’re getting very good at pancakes.”

“Baba said we can learn French toast next,” Emma says.

“Wow. That’s big.”

Emma nods. “It’s more difficult than normal toast.”

Martin chuckles. “It certainly is.”

They distribute the pumpkin-shaped pancakes between them. While they eat in bed, they tell each other stories about their Halloween night. Jon talks about the costumes of the people who visited their house, how many compliments they got on their pumpkin carving skills. Emma narrates her trick-or-treating adventure with Tim and Sasha. Martin shares the safest tales of his nightshift, the funny costumes he saw and the extravagant decorations at the parties they visited.

Martin is exhausted again by the time they’ve finished the pancakes. Jon insists on taking their empty plates back to the kitchen and making them another cup of tea, while Emma snuggles against Martin’s side. She rests her head on his shoulder.

“I know it’s not your birthday, Daddy,” Emma whispers.

Half-asleep until now, Martin grunts himself awake. “What was that, sweetheart?”

“I know it’s not really your birthday,” Emma tells him, not moving from where she’s clinging to his arm, “Your birthday was yesterday. On Halloween.”

“Oh, Emma, we—”

“It’s okay,” Emma says, “It’s like when we had a party on Saturday even though my birthday was on Wednesday because I had school.”

“Yeah.” Martin stokes his hand through Emma’s hair. “It is a bit like that.”

“I still get to say happy birthday.”

“You do.”

“But can we have a party on the right day next year?” Emma asks.

“For your birthday?”

“No, for your birthday.”

“Oh.” Martin laughs. “Yes. It might not be a party, if I have to work again, but we can do this. This is lovely. Thank you for being so thoughtful. And I’m excited to read your poems.”

“Baba said they were good.”

“Well, that’s high praise indeed.”

“It was fun.”

“That’s good. That’s what matters most when you make things.“

Emma wriggles around until she’s grinning up at him. “Can I read your poems now?”

Martin sighs, barely supressing a laugh. This isn’t the first time she’s asked. “Emma.”

She sticks her bottom lip out, pouting in a way that breaks Martin’s heart to the point where he can never turn her down when she’s looking at him like this. “Please.”

“Alright,” Martin gives in, “I’ll read you one tonight. Before bed.”

“Yay!” Emma’s grin grows even wider. "Thank you, Daddy.”

“Thank you. And I love you very, very much.”

“Love you, too.”

They settle back down. Martin dozes a little again, a smile on his face, as he thinks about telling Jon later that their daughter very much does understand the concept of time. There really are some things parenting books don’t prepare you for—like the way his love seems to grow with each day he gets with Emma and Jon, even when he thinks it’s impossible, that he already loves them more than any person can.

Some things are gifts even when they are not given as such, and Martin is beginning to allow himself to think of his life with his daughter and his husband as one. He didn’t ask for it with words or lists. He doesn’t know, even now, if he deserves it. But it’s his. And he will treasure it always.

Not featured: Martin realising what he’s agreed to and frantically trying to find a non-angsty poem he can read to his five-year-old daughter. Jon thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

<3

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph, me again, I'm on a bit of a streak here: I just spent until midday in bed with such a brilliant Johnlock ghoststory, I simply had to share it and ask for more. So, the story, giant rec: The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria on AO3. (can't include link in an ask, ugh) And then the question: please please please give me more Johnlock haunted house case fics or the like. Ghost cases. Gah. October has me in its paws.

@miss-marvel95​ said to inevitably-johnlocked: Halloween fics? :D

HI GUYS!! 

Hope it’s okay I put both of your fic reqs together since they’re both for a theme of Halloween, LOL!! 

Thought it would be a good time to update all my Halloween-y fics and all the ones I have MFL’d over the past couple years. Note that I am posting JUST Ghost fics or fics labelled Halloween! PLEASE check out the masterpost I made last year to a HUGE list of supernatural-type fics, so there will be some Vampires, werewolves, creepy fics, etc. on that list for you @dreamingbrownie if you want more than just “Halloween” fics, LOL! 

I hope you guys enjoy this list, and PLEASE add your own Halloween fics!!!!!!

GHOSTS & HALLOWEEN

See also: 

MASTERPOST: Halloween Fics (October 2018)

Ghosts / Figments

Dies After the Fall and Becomes a Ghost

By the Graveside by CraftyLion (K, 1,505 w., 1 Ch. ||  Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Death) – But what if Sherlock never really survived The Fall? What if the Sherlock in the graveyard was merely a spirit, forlornly watching his friend from the Other Realm?

33 by Indigo Blue.x (K+, 2,936 w., 1 Ch. || Humour) – "I haven't made a zombie," Sherlock says scathingly, which would be more convincing if there were not a zombie in the flat.

Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E,  3,834 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Public Sex, Coming in Pants, Humour, Halloween, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple's costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn't agree and exacts sweet revenge.

Electric Potential by pygmymeese (T, 5,011 w., 1 Ch. || Supernatural) – It's not clear why everyone in the world suddenly gets a ghost only they can interact with. All John Watson knows is that he's stuck with a brilliant, if smug, ex-consulting detective, and that life is definitely looking up.

London's Ghost by JustlikeWater (K+, 5,642 w., 1 Ch. || Tragedy, H/C, Angst, Post-TRF AU, Sherlock POV) – "Today, it's been weeks since Sherlock died. Other times, years. He doesn't know for sure, though. Time passes differently for the dead"

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68 (M, 10,388 w., 2 Ch. || Post TRF, Halloween / Ghosts, Pining Sherlock, Ghost Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Angry Sex, Ghost Sex, Love Confessions, Open / Ambiguous Ending) – In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

To See You Again by Arisprite (T, 11,255 w., 1 Ch. || Suspense, H/C, Supernatural) – When John wakes to a world where no one can see or hear him, it takes everything he has, including the upheaval of past mistakes to find out what happened in time to save his own life. No slash.

The Red Dianthus by kinklock (T, 11,382 w., 3 Ch. || Supernatural Elements, BAMF!John, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Romance, Halloween, Dev. Rel., Case Fic) – The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get much more than they bargained for.

Fear Itself by KCS (K+, 12,289 w., 3 Ch. || Suspense, Friendship) – John is accustomed to being kidnapped by now, but he never expected a criminal to adopt Mycroft's method of doing so, to ensure he comes along without a fight.

Hallowed Eve by EventHorizon (T, 14,750 w., 6 Ch. || First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Halloween) – It probably wasn't the smartest idea to let Sherlock choose the costumes for Halloween, but John never considered himself the smartest man in the room, anyway.

I Think I’ve Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

MARKED FOR LATER:

A Spirited Companion by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel (T, 3,124 w. || ASiP AU, Ghosts, Crack) – In which John is a ghost haunting the skull on Sherlock’s mantlepiece.

In a manner of speaking I’m dead by fellshish (T, 6,372 w., 1 Ch. || Halloween, Mystrade, Angst With Happy Ending, PIning, First Kiss, Drunk Idiots, Drinking Games, Humour) – Sherlock and John accidentally dress in matching outfits for Lestrade’s Halloween party. Things only get worse: someone pushes them to play ‘Never have I ever’.

Let’s Say I Let You In by kedgeree (E, 9,972 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Halloween, Costume Kink, Est. Rel., Humour, Smut, Vampire Sherlock, Bloodplay, Biting, Romance) – It’s Halloween and Sherlock’s vampire costume is turning John on, but Sherlock doesn’t quite get the idea of a sexy vampire. At least…not at first. Part 4 of the Holidays series

Hallowe'en Homecoming by earlybloomingparentheses (T, 12,594 w., 1 Ch. || Unconventional Relationship, Halloween, Sherlock’s Childhood, Family Videos) – Sherlock and John are solving a case when Mycroft turns up and persuades Sherlock to return home for his mother’s Hallowe'en celebration. John thinks that seeing where Sherlock grew up will help him understand the detective better; instead, he finds himself more confused than ever. But it’s John Watson’s job to look after Sherlock Holmes, come hell, high water, or Hallowe'en, so that’s just what he’s going to do.

Balance by Laur (E, 13,939 w. || First Time, Alternate Universes, ASiP AU, Soulmates, Ghost Sex, Supernatural Elements) –  Each stuck in a universe where the other does not exist, a distortion of space allows Sherlock and John to meet each other through touch alone.

The Halloween Party by XistentialAngst (M, 19,044 w., 3 Ch. || Halloween, Sexy Sherlock, Vampires, Costumes/Disguises, Mutual Masturbation, BAMF John, First Time, Humour, Romance, Frottage, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John attend a Halloween party on the trail of a vampire killer – a man who’s been seducing his victims and taking all their blood. Sexy costumes, bad puns, hideous danger, frantic sex in hidden places and some Halloween-flavored fluff are all on hand to “treat” you. Boo.

A Spirit In 221B by bbcatemysoul (T, 19,359 w., 8 Ch. || Ghost Sherlock, Past Drug Use / Overdose, Humour, First Meetings, Paranormal, Fluff, Pre-Slash) – John rents a flat, only to find that it’s already occupied by the ghost of a previous tenant. Part 1 of the A Spirit In 221B series

The Haunting of Sherlock Holmes by MapleleafCameo (E, 25,333 w., 9 Ch. || Ghosts, First Kiss / Time, Supernatural Elements, Mysterious Disappearance, Ghost Sex, Hauntings) – Forced by his interfering git of a brother to the countryside to recuperate, Sherlock stumbles upon a 60 year old mystery. Captain John Watson, returning after WWII mysteriously disappeared one night. Bored, Sherlock investigates, but what if Watson didn’t disappear? What if he’s still there? Sort of a ghost story. Eventual Johnlock

The Afterlife of Doctor John H. Watson by flawedamythyst (G, 31,103 w., 1 Ch. || Ghost!Watson, ACD Canon) – An account of Doctor Watson’s actions in the years following his death.

The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria (T, 47,679 w., 11 Ch. || Post-TRF, Angst, Fluff, Sussex Downs, Ghosts) – Ten years after meeting Sherlock Holmes, John Watson has successfully kept only one secret from the world’s only consulting detective: the most important secret he’s ever had.Now, drawn into an impossible web of murders at Latham Hall, John learns the terrible price a man must pay for keeping certain things secret.

FictoberLock 2018 by FinAmour & unicornpoe (M, 60,875 w., 31 Ch. || Halloween, Protective John, Smitten Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Injured Sherlock, Various Prompts) – 31 different prompts, 31 Johnlock fics: one every day for the month of October! Each chapter is a stand-alone story. Some are written by unicornpoe, some by FinAmour, and some are written by us both! They range in length from ~500 words to ~3500 words, and there’s something in here for everyone.

Skeletons by flawedamythyst (T, 174,262 w. across 3 works || Implied Character Death) – Sherlock’s refusal to talk about his past hides far more skeletons than John could ever have guessed at. Halloween-esque AU.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

A week full of weaving, sewing, and embroidery

It’s been a while since I’ve done arts and crafts. Lately I’ve been focused on drawing - traditional and digital - and improving my skills in that area. Journaling helps a lot in terms of that, especially when I’m trying to come up with creative spreads so it’s not just a wall of scribbled words. It’s amazing to see how much your art style has shifted over the course of several months.

I don’t know if I’ve found my art style yet but I’m starting to see what I tend to gravitate towards. I still have a lot to learn and the possibilities are endless. Who knows what my illustration style will be like a year from now?

Until Cecelia came to visit the camp earlier this week I hadn’t realized that it’s been forever since I last touched my sewing machine. Back in the day I used to make plushies with Cecelia for her shop when it was just starting out. It was a lot of fun creating cute plushie designs and then bringing them to life with fabric, thread, and stuffing. 

That’s what I love about art - taking a bunch of stuff and creating something new and unique with it. With nothing but a pencil and paper, anything’s possible!

Daisy Jane and Cecelia have been working together a lot now that Daisy Jane’s becoming more serious about opening her own shop. Cecelia’s been running Coconut’s Grove for over seven years, selling handmade goodies like jewelry, keychains, art prints, pins, stationery, and knitted goods. It’s a lot of work running your own business so mad respect for Cecelia being a pro at it.

To help Daisy Jane get some exposure as well as have a taste at what it’s like being an independent business owner, Cecelia wants her help to release some limited products for the holiday season. So for the past few weeks they’ve been designing notepads, clay pins, and sticker sheets.

By now most of the designs have been finalized so they’re pretty much ready for Cecelia’s next shop update. Daisy Jane’s art has really flourished since coming to the camp! It’s hard to believe that what was once a pipe dream for her is slowly becoming a reality.

With Cecelia here, I figured we should have an arts and crafts week. Since campsite events became a regular thing, arts and crafts day has been kinda put on the back burner. I didn’t realize how much I missed doing them until we started planning out this week.

Since I wanted it to be chill and low-key, I decided to spread it out to a week instead of just a weekend. I actually like it better that way, probably since my inspiration tends to come in spurts. So spreading things out over the course of a week gives me time to really get inspired as I prefer to think things over before starting. Also that means we can take on crafts that’ll take more than a day to complete like ceramics and textiles. 

This week’s arts and crafts themes are embroidery, sewing, and weaving. Other than cross stitch, I’m a newbie when it comes to embroidery. I don’t know why, but I never got around to learning how to embroider. I mean, I can do some basic stitches like the running stitch and blanket stitch but for whatever reason I never actually made something. It’s just one of those things that’s always been on my to-do list but ends up getting lost in the shuffle. At least now I got to finally give it a whirl!

In a way it’s kinda like drawing. A lot more freeing and enjoyable than cross stitch - probably because I don’t have a pattern to follow. It’s been years since I’ve done cross stitch and maybe I’ll pick it up again someday, but it looks like today’s not the day. Speaking of which, my mom’s picked up the hobby again after taking a break for a couple years. Now she’s halfway done with the project she’s working on and it’s looking great!

Weaving’s a new thing for most of us, except Cecelia and Maple. I’ve done basic weaving like with paper and the elastic band thingies as a kid, but not like with legit looms and such. It’s fascinating to watch and learn about, as well as watching those threads weave together into fabric. It takes patience but the end result is worth it! 

I’m definitely going to look more into weaving and textile making. I wasn’t sure if it’s something I’d be into but it’s got my attention. Maybe if I’m brave enough, one day I’ll tackle making an entire roll of fabric or a rug or something big. Maybe I’ll even try to make some intricate patterns if I’m feeling extra courageous. That’s something to consider in the future once I master the basics of weaving.

Sewing’s one of those things I occasionally enjoy doing even though I’m not the best at it. My mom’s like a professional, as in people - family, friends, acquaintances -  used to pay her to alter clothes. She’s the reason why me and my friends never had to get our clothes taken to a professional - because she’d alter our clothes for free. For someone with short legs - like me and my mom - pretty much most of our pants have to be cut. Same with Daisy Jane, Emmaline, Robin, Serena, etc. - short people who would be constantly tripping over pant legs if it wasn’t for my mom.

Aside from making plushies, I rarely use my sewing machine. I’ve learned the basics of altering clothes from my mom so if I need to, then I’ll use the machine. For the most part I prefer sewing by hand just because it’s easier. Aside from fabrics the only other time I’d sew is for bookbinding, usually a basic saddle stitch or coptic stitch. I think I do a decent job at sewing but compared to my mom, my stitches aren’t the most straight or even.

I try, but sometimes it just doesn’t want to come out right. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so reluctant to try embroidery. At least with embroidery the crooked stitches add to the charm, which I quite like. I find myself drawn to an art style that’s imperfect and clearly handmade because I think it gives character.

In between crafting sessions, we enjoyed the fall weather as much as we could. It’s getting cold now and most of the leaves have fallen. Maybe I’ll pick up knitting again and make mittens, scarves, or hats. If I’m really feeling it, maybe I’ll finally try to make a pair of socks.

Is it weird that I’ve been knitting for like, what fifteen years, and never ever made socks. Like most people associate knitting with socks because socks are, well, knitted. Except a) I don’t really like knitting with four needles and b) I’m not into socks. Also the yarn I have on hand isn’t suited for socks. Speaking of which, what yarn type/weight do you use for socks?

The weather this week has been on the warm side, so I’ve been embroidering outside. I’m living out the cottagecore aesthetic - as if I wasn’t kinda already doing that by living at the camp. There’s just something so peaceful about doing needlework outside, especially when inspired by nature. I can now see why embroidery is associated with fall - it just feels right.

Think of all the possibilities one can do with a needle and thread! I’ve just opened the door.

[daylilysirius]

Arms Unfolding: Year Four

A/N: part four! sorry it took so long but hopefully the word count makes up for it lol. I don’t really have a schedule for this anymore, hopefully I can update it every two weeks at least but with my irl work being so hectic atm I can’t really make any promises :( but hey, we’re halfway through and you guys are still liking it and that’s all I could ask for really! enjoy <3

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin! Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, Draco being Draco, fluff if you’re patient...

Word count: 2793

The summer had dragged on even longer than usual. Your bad mood probably made matters worse, but you were desperately trying to avoid even thinking about Draco so you busied yourself with studying and any other household tasks you could set your mind to. Your holiday with your parents was fun and you went to the Quidditch World Cup with your friends but yours and Draco’s argument seemed to slip itself to the forefront of your mind whenever you had a free moment, so more than anything you were just tired. Tired of overthinking, tired of Draco’s ignorance, tired of missing him.

Your heart had plummeted when you came home and your father informed you that you had all been invited to the Malfoy’s residence for dinner the following evening. You hadn’t told them about what had happened between you and Draco, you didn’t want them to pry, so you had no choice but to put on a brave face as you took your mothers hand and apparated to Malfoy Manor.

If anyone knew about the animosity between Draco and yourself they didn’t mention it. Nobody seemed to notice that neither of you were your usual chatty selves, or that you weren’t sharing silly looks or jokes across the table. Clearly, they thought that just this once you were both riveted by your fathers’ discussions about the goings on at the ministry. You both sat in silence, avoiding each other’s gaze like it was the plague and doing a good job of it too, that was until Lucius started discussing the upcoming school year.

“The Yule Ball is coming up, what with it being the year of the Triwizard Tournament and all… Draco and Y/N should go together, don’t you think?”

Your head shot up, finally facing Draco as your parents nodded and hummed in approval. He was peering at you cautiously, as if he was waiting for you to make a fuss but you stayed quiet. He wasn’t going to get a rise out of you, especially not now.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you Y/N?” Your father asked.

You plastered on the most convincing smile you could whilst still looking Draco dead in the eyes, “More than anything.”

He huffed a quiet, disbelieving laugh but everybody was already too engrossed in their own conversation to notice. Draco leant back in his chair, arms folded across his chest as he continued to stare at you. Your parents’ chatter about finding complimentary attire and which colours suited the pair of you was drowned out as you glared back at him. If the cruel smirk hadn’t spread across his face when he realized you were calling his bluff and not backing down you would’ve thought that his eyes almost looked apologetic.

The weeks leading up to the Yule Ball were dreadful. You and Draco were still barely speaking, the most interaction you had being exchanging letters from your parents so you both knew what arrangements were being made. To put it simply you were miserable. It was only made worse when Dean had asked you to the ball and your only response was to start uncontrollably sobbing. In the end Hermione had to come and take you somewhere quiet, and after she had reassured you several times that your little outburst wouldn’t scar poor Dean for life you were forced to tell her about your whole predicament.

“You don’t have to stay with him the whole night, just for a dance or two. I’m sure Victor won’t mind you dancing with us, and Ron and Harry will be there too!”

“That’s hardly the point though, is it?” You sniffed.

She gave you a sad smile, understanding completely. You always told her the things Draco would say as it didn’t seem right to keep it from her, and even though he was so horrible to her at times she would still let you drone on and on about how he isn’t really a terrible person. At least not in your eyes.

“Boys, eh?” Hermione joked.

You gave a short, breathy laugh in response, “who can live with them?”

“Are you going to sulk all night?” Draco murmured in your ear during the second dance of the evening. He sounded bored already.

You huffed and pulled back to scowl at him, “if you’re going to keep being a dick then yes.”

He snorted before twirling you round to the rhythm of the music.

“I don’t know why you’re making me out to be the bad guy, Y/N.”

“You know exactly why, Malfoy.”

He sighed back at you, accepting his defeat and staying quiet for the rest of the song. The music died down and you went to pull back from him but he dragged you back gently. You shot him a confused glare and he sighed again before muttering almost inaudibly, “You look really nice tonight by the way.”

A shy smile spread across his face at you being visibly taken aback.

“T-thanks?”

He shrugged as his cheeks turned rosy, “fancy a drink?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “let’s get a drink.”

You let him take your hand and lead you over to the buffet table and the hour and a half that followed almost made up for the frosty beginning. He definitely wasn’t forgiven but you figured if everyone else could have some carefree fun for a few hours then why couldn’t you? There was no point in you both being miserable when everybody else was having a good time, so you danced and laughed as if nothing had ever happened. He even sat and joked with Victor for a bit whilst you danced with Dean, who would hear nothing of the profuse apologies you kept trying to give him, and then Hermione in turn. It was nice. Fun, even. Much more fun than you had been anticipating. 

That was until Harry came over and asked you for a dance. You had been sitting next to Draco at the time, his arm slung lazily around your waist as he chatted with Blaise. His grip instantly tightened when Harry had come over but you thought nothing of it. You didn’t even notice the fiery look in his eyes as you took Harry’s hand so he could pull you over to the dance floor. Not until Draco stalked over barely halfway through the song and uttered a stern “Can I interrupt?”

Harry shot you a confused glance but didn’t protest as Draco began leading you away.

“What is your problem?” he hissed as you both swayed half-heartedly to the beat.

“What is my problem?” you replied, “You’re the one who just barged over, I wasn’t doing anything wrong!”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

“You’re here with me, the least you could do is not drool all over Harry for the evening.”

“We were just dancing, Draco! He’s my friend, I’m allowed to spend time with him. I’m not your property!”

“Just your ‘friend’?” Draco mocked.

“Yes. Just my friend. Not that it’s your business either way.” You withdrew your hands from him and crossed them over your chest. You should’ve known that tonight was a mistake, Draco’s pride would always come before anything else, even you. You were foolish to have ever thought otherwise.

“You still haven’t learnt, have you? Your friend is a blood traitor, just like the rest of his little gang. I would say being around them is beneath you but I suppose you’re just like him now. You and your little mudblood best friend-”

Draco’s cruel speech was cut short by your hand colliding with his cheek. A few quiet gasps and giggles radiated from the small crowd that was drawn as a result. He looked back up at you blankly, his resolve was almost broken by the tears threatening to spill from your eyes, but then he remembered where he was. He couldn’t show any weakness here.

“Just like her.” He sneered, and with that you turned and began striding towards the door. You couldn’t be here anymore.

“Y/N!” Draco called out, following you out of the great hall, “don’t walk away from me!”

“Why not, Draco?! So you can taunt me and my friends some more? So you can project all your bullshit prejudices onto me?”

Hermione, Harry and Ron had followed you out and were watching on in silence as you and Draco stood a few stair widths apart, entirely unphased by any onlookers.

“I’m trying to help you!” he yelled back.

“No, no you’re not!” you laughed in disbelief, “you’re trying to shove your family’s insane beliefs down my throat! Just because somebody’s different to you it doesn’t make them any lesser, Draco!”

You could no longer hold back the tears and they flowed freely down your cheeks. Draco inched forward slightly but then froze, as if he was going to wipe them away but then thought better of it. Instead you both stood on the stairs, your eyes trained on his face whilst his were suddenly very interested in his shoes.

“You know… I loved you,” Your voice was barely above a whisper but Draco still sprung to life, wide eyed and mouth open in a silent gasp at your words.

“Loved? Past tense?” He all but choked out, his own eyes becoming glassy.

“Yeah. Past tense.” Your body stiffened, “I don’t know who you are anymore. Why don’t you go and dance with Pansy instead, I’m sure she isn’t as much of a disappointment to ‘your kind’ as I am.”

You turned and left him there. A rogue, unwelcomed tear falling down his own cheek.

Evidently, that year had started as it had meant to go on for you. You hadn’t known Cedric all that well, having only spoken to him at various quidditch events but he was always kind to you. His death had rocked the entire school. Your sadness was only made worse when the students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons went home. You had spent the majority of time since the ball with your friends from the visiting schools. They didn’t care about Hogwarts gossip and whilst yours and Draco’s little fiasco was still a hot topic for many of your classmates you very much appreciated the fact that your visitors turned a blind eye to it all and cared for you despite the turbulent year you had all had.

You sat at the top of the astronomy tower looking out at the castle grounds. You liked it up here, it was peaceful despite all the whirling in your brain. One of the bigger turmoil’s being that you had actually told Draco you loved him. Christ. Why did you do that? It was bad enough that you had caused a scene in front of not only your entire school but two others as well, let alone the fact that you had actually admitted you loved the guy who you had been crushing on for four damn years.

You hung your head in embarrassment as you fiddled with the laces on your shoes. You still weren’t quite sure if you were more embarrassed about the fact that, yes, you were in love with Draco Malfoy in the first place or the fact that you had told him at the worst possible time. You knew that in a lot of ways you shouldn’t be in love with a guy like that. He was mean and bigoted and didn’t care about who he hurt. But you knew a side of Draco that nobody else saw. One that was humble and thoughtful and loving. But would he ever let go of his pride long enough to show the rest of the world that side?

A sharp cough startled you from your thoughts. Draco stood a few feet away, hands dug deep in his pockets and an almost guilty expression etched upon his face. It made him look almost identical to the 13-year-old who had tackled your books from you in second year just to get you to speak to him. It would have been sweet if it wasn’t another reminder of how he still couldn’t grow up.

“Can I sit here?” He nodded towards the space next to you. You shrugged but said nothing so cautiously, as if you might turn around and hex him at any minute, he came to sit cross-legged to your right. You sat like that for a few minutes. Neither of you daring to look at the other. The only sound being Draco’s occasional huffing, you guessed he was trying to think what to say but was not coming up with anything good enough.

“Why are you here, Draco?” You finally asked.

His head whipped round, like he couldn’t believe you had actually uttered words to him, “I… I uh… Blaise told me you were here.”

“That’s how you got here, not why.”

He sighed before heaving a large breath. If you couldn’t tell any better you would think that he was anxious.

“I wanted to apologise – and before you say anything!” You had laughed and opened your mouth to retort but he stopped you, “please, just let me say what I need to say.”

You looked at him curiously for a few moments before nodding your acceptance.

“Okay.” Draco took another big breath, “Here it goes. I know that you have shown me nothing but kindness since we met, even at times that I didn’t deserve it, and I appreciate that more than you know. More than I show you. You were right. You defended me against everything and everyone no matter what, and I… I took advantage of that.” He looked up like he was expecting you to interrupt but you just motioned for him to keep going.

“I expected you to see things from my perspective but never extended that courtesy to you. I should have tried harder to do that. I’ve never had a friend who actually cares for me the way you do, one that actually wants the best for me and I guess… I guess I just didn’t know how to deal with that. And the things I say about your friends, I’m sure they say similar things about me, not that that makes it okay but we’re just never going to get on. But I am sorry about the things I said and I promise that this time I really will try to do better.” He turned to you again with a hopeful look in his eye, you gave him a small smile which promoted him on even further.

“And with – with Harry. The things I said at the ball weren’t true and that’s not why I was upset. I was upset because he is the kind of person you deserve, you know? He doesn’t hurt you the way I do, and I know that, and it makes me jealous.”

You looked at him quizzically, “Jealous?”

Draco sighed, “Yeah. For a long time, I thought it was just because you were my friend but it’s not… like I said he is the kind of guy you deserve so when he danced with you at the ball, and you looked so happy, I just saw red. Because I… I want to be that guy.”

“What do you mean?” You murmured, wide eyes trained on Draco’s pale face. He looked very nervous and just a little… hopeful.

“I’m in love with you.” He whispered, “and when you said you loved me at the ball, past tense… it hurt so much I didn’t know what to do with myself. I love you Y/N, and I want to be a guy that is worthy of you to love, to love in the present, if you’ll let me?”

The hopeful glint in his eyes grew despite your bewildered expression. You had just gone through about twenty emotions in two minutes. Draco loved you. Your Draco. He actually loved you back.

“Of course, if you don’t want to I completely understand, I just –”

You cut him off by pulling him into a bone-crushing hug and he chuckled lightly as he cradled you head against his shoulder.

“I love you, Y/N. And I’m sorry for everything.”

“I love you too, Draco.”

You felt him smile into your hair as he gently pulled you back to look at him. He caressed your cheek for a few moments before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on your lips.

You still had a lot to talk about, a lot to work through, but you were together. You could get through this together. He was yours and you were his, and as you sat cuddled up in the astronomy tower exchanging sweet nothings and tender kisses, that was all that mattered.

S E R I E S  T A G L I S T : @callie-bear15 @marvel-th @uirene @fandomscombine @songforhema @bi-mama @itsfeliciatime @deansperfectbody @21bruhs @thegreat-annamaria @bellaagates @mhftrs @missingthered0426 @fallsicarus @aanaxxo @bellagrayson-wayne @that-weird-kid-charlie @micheladakenzo @xalmostxtherex @xiuminsdyo @oliviaharddyy @cynthianokamaria @babylon-uncrowned @iridescent-daniel @feysand-trash @awkwardnesshabitat @itsp-erf @luracantspell

[snowbellewells]

Face to Face in the Broad Daylight: Prologue

(Here we have a sequel to my werewolf, alternate season two and beyond fic from last year’s CSSNS. This one partially exists just because I wanted to revisit these couples and enjoy a bit more of their fluffy happily ever afters. However, we may also see them get into some new surprises and challenges, and of course we need to see if Rumplestiltskin is still under control or back to his usual scheming and plotting. I hope you will enjoy.  I’m so glad to be part of this event again, and this is just the opening chapter. I hope to update once a week until it’s finished.)

Thank you SO MUCH to @branlovestowrite for the amazing story banner, which I just loved. All four of our main characters look so happy and in love, which just makes me grin looking at it.

Tagging: @cssns @kmomof4 @hollyethecurious @searchingwardrobes @laschatzi @spartanguard @revanmeetra87 @teamhook @darkcolinodonorgasm @resident-of-storybrooke @winterbaby89 @ilovemesomekillianjones @bmbbcs4evr @jennjenn615 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @let-it-raines @therooksshiningknight 

If you missed last year’s story, to which this is a sequel, you can find it here: ff.net, AO3

“Face to Face in the Broad Daylight”

by: @snowbellewells

~~ prologue: altogether in one place

As a cooling breeze blew in off the water of the harbor to combat the bright heat of an early May afternoon, Killian Jones smiled easily, enjoying the trace of air over his neck and ruffling his dark hair as he headed back up the street from the docks toward the center of town. It was a perfect day for the celebration he was on his way to attend, planning to meet Emma and Henry at the pretty little two bedroom cottage not far from the harbor that they moved into some weeks past, before the three of them walked the rest of the way to Granny’s together. The rest of their family and several friends were doubtless already gathering at the diner’s outdoor tables for the planned picnic. It was Mother’s Day, and the first which Emma would be able to spend with her mother, and with her boy as well. Killian smiled fondly at the tentative joy mixed with nervous anticipation on his love’s face as they’d spoken of it laying side-by-side that very morning. His heart had warmed right along with dawn’s first rays peeking through the curtains, glad that Emma could have her loved ones surrounding her, as she always should have. Though his own mother had been gone so long that he only retained the barest memories of a gentle voice singing to him and the twinkle in kind, loving eyes, he still felt not a fiber of his being to be jealous or begrudging of the wealth of love and belonging his lady had found. Emma deserved it all, and more besides.

It helped, he admitted to himself as he neared the front walk, their yard surrounded by white picket fence that he could now see Emma leaning on casually with Henry at her side, that he too had been welcomed into the fold gladly. With the wolf born inside him, his horribly checkered and painful history, and how long he had wandered alone in the world, Killian could never have imagined being accepted as a part of something so good, nor feeling that he mattered to others again. Despite his stunned disbelief, however, he could only continue to be grateful.

As he drew nearer, Henry caught sight of him and waved enthusiastically, a wide grin stretching across his face. “Hey, Killian!” the youth called out. “Are you ready for this?”

“Aye, lad, of course,” he answered with a chuckle, smiling to Emma as well, his heart swelling still further at the blush which rose on her cheeks as he waggled his eyebrows playfully. He turned his attention back to Henry quickly, not wanting the young man to feel dismissed, but instead leaning forward to whisper secretively to Henry, “We wouldn’t want to miss your grandma’s famed cherry chess pie, now would we?”

Henry agreed emphatically with Killian’s winking query, then scampered on ahead of them as Killian pulled Emma into a quick embrace while she stretched up to press a chaste kiss to his lips before they joined hands and followed her son the rest of the way to Granny’s before they were late.

Not many minutes later they were turning into the front seating area of the diner, entering under the arch and being greeted from all sides by family and friends. Ruby bounded over to gleefully wrap Emma in an exuberant hug, whispering in his love’s ear that she wanted to hear what they’d been up to at the new house in a blatant enough way to have the blond blushing once again. Killian followed Henry’s urging over to his grandparents’ table, shaking David’s hand and easing into conversation with Emma’s father thankfully.

He liked the people gathered around him very much, but so often in the past he had kept to the shadows, on the outskirts of society, either due to prejudice and ostracism or his own attempts to insure others’ safety from the beast within him. Having at last found his home in Storybrooke, and also a peace within himself that he had rarely known, Killian felt as stable as he had ever been in both parts of himself. His wolf had room and freedom to run, even a pack of sorts with Ruby and Graham nearby, and he rarely feared the howling need to break free he had sought to hide or contain in his youth and throughout his years of bitter, aimless wandering.  All that being true, he still sometimes preferred to ease into larger groups one person at a time. Once Emma’s slightly overprotective and traditional father had gotten to know him, Killian found the man quite easy to talk to and good company, so he naturally went to speak with him first.

Their friendship hadn’t taken long to develop once things had settled down around the holidays, some six months ago, after Regina, Cora, and Rumplestiltskin’s defeat. Both David and Killian served as reinforcements to the sheriff’s department when needed (though in sleepy, calm Storybrooke they rarely were) and so had spent many long afternoons when there were no calls sharing long chats, wadded up paper ball free throw contests in the desk trash cans, endless one-upping games of darts, and - if they grew truly desperate - filing of the somehow never ending stacks of paperwork. Their little town had been free of most trouble beyond cats in trees and neighboring fairy tale characters’ squabbles since Thanksgiving. None of them had forgotten that Gold was still simmering impotently in his shop (surely wanting revenge, but hands tied by the fact that his dagger forbade it, thanks to Emma’s brilliance).  In fact, the citizens were enjoying an everyday normality most of them had never been able to experience before - in either this realm or the Enchanted Forest.

So, though there was often hardly enough work to keep one person busy, Graham had remained Sheriff, and kept Emma on as his deputy. Killian’s eyes found his sandy-haired fellow wolf amidst the happy crowd of partygoers, attentively leaning to whisper something in Belle’s ear where she sat talking to Granny Lucas herself, along with Nova, Leroy, Bashful, and Doc. The Sheriff was clearly happy to watch over his girlfriend, glad just to see her in high spirits, having brought her a drink and standing behind her chair to listen and look on. Graham had always been a good and competent lawman, but now that he was completely free to act of his own will and as he saw fit, it became even more clear just how kind, compassionate, and worthy a man he was. He no longer had to glance over his shoulder at each turn, fearing retribution for his choices. The townspeople liked and trusted him even more than they had before, seeing how dedicated he was to their causes and thorough in handling problems immediately and lawfully for the good of all to the best of his ability.

Watching just a moment longer, Killian saw Belle pause in her conversation, looking up over her shoulder at Graham with an adoring expression in her eyes, resting her hand over his where he had placed it on her shoulder. Something passed between them wordlessly, so slight that it went unnoticed by most around them, but to Kilian’s honed and heightened senses, it sent almost a frisson of intense feeling all the way across the space to where he stood. He didn’t know what it meant, but he found himself more than a little curious, and happy for his friends whatever the cause of their joy.

His attention was drawn back to his own immediate circle when David threw his head back in a booming burst of laughter as Henry finished relating how Killian had recently taken he, his mom, and his friends Grace, Nicholas and Ava out fishing and swimming on the Jolly. It wasn’t the first time Killian had dropped anchor in the harbor where the preteens could dive off the bow and bob in the waves to cool off while he and Emma sat in the sun watching over them and talking, but what had gotten such a reaction from his grandpa was the mental image of Ava’s disastrous practice at casting and somehow catching her hook in Grace’s hair. The ensuing noisy melee had caused quite a commotion until they’d gotten Grace free from the painful tangle, reassured Ava that they all knew it was an accident and gotten back to catching fish rather than each other.

As the afternoon wore on, Killian relaxed into the atmosphere of easy camaraderie around him, graciously complimenting his hostess on the lightness of her dinner rolls and the fine quality of her rum - to which he earned a sniff of begrudging thanks but also a sidelong smile. He exchanged a few words with Belle on the last book she had recommended to him and what he thought of it so far, and though she carried an obvious glow of satisfaction and practically radiated good humor, he was no closer to the reason that it seemed so especially prominent today, even after conversing with her. He exchanged pleasantries with Graham, and let Henry drag him into a ridiculous game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey that Snow had organized to hilarious results with the assorted dwarves’ poor aim and inebriated states by that hour of the waning day.

Despite what else he was doing however, his eyes were continually drawn back to Emma wherever she was. There was the simple fact that he couldn’t help but marvel at her beauty, for one thing. Her golden hair stood out like a beacon in any gathering, this one no exception, and the very sight of those flowing waves cascading down her back against the red leather of her favorite jacket made his hand itch to brush through its silky softness.  Her long, lean form, her throaty chuckle, and the sparkle in her jade green eyes all made hunger rise in him that had him aching to pull her out of the party and into the first empty room he could find. A long life of practice made him able to rein in his desires, but it certainly didn’t slake them in the least.

He remembered too that it was nearing the full moon, which made all his more canine traits closer to the surface. As intensely protective as he would have been anyway, because he loved her, the animal instinct within demanded he be aware of his mate and her safety at all times. Especially when they were out in the open and not alone, whether or not those with them were friends and the gathering innocent. There was possessiveness as well that he could contain, but not vanquish completely. Between those two impulses warring inside his average human faćade, Killian was rather proud of himself for managing to eventually retreat to a corner table with his drink, lean back in a chair and observe the goings on around him with at least the air of calm.

Still, needless to say, he was relieved when the festivities did begin to break up an hour or so later. Many called out a friendly goodbye to him, and he waved back jovially to them.  Some, like David, came over to say ‘good night’ and make plans for when they’d get together next. When Emma finally came up to him with an easy smile and an outstretched hand, asking him if he was ready to head home for the night with a teasing tilt of her head and playful “Captain?” he was on his feet in a moment. With Henry in tow, they headed back toward their house on the shore as the stars came out above.

A deep sense of satisfaction warmed Killian once again at the very idea that this could be his life, while Emma leaned into his side as they walked and Henry pointed out the various constellations that he had learned to recognize through Killian’s tutelage. It was more happiness than he once could have imagined having in his life on a regular basis. In a few days he would need to prepare for shifting about three nights in a row, as was his monthly due, but for tonight, he could sense it was still safely far enough off to take his time seeing the two most important people in his life home safely and enjoy that they saw him as one of their own.

Once they reached the front gate, Henry hurried on up the walk and into the house with a “See you tomorrow!” for his mom’s boyfriend. Alone at long last, Emma turned to him, her face tilted up to his with a devious glimmer in her expression. Only moments ago, he wouldn’t have imagined things could get much better, but when she ran her hands up his torso to rest on his chest and whispered invitingly, “Wanna come in for a nightcap, Sailor?” she blew his mind all over again. 

A couple of drinks, an entire bowl of popcorn and a movie later, they were cuddled together on the couch in Emma’s living room, making out like two teenagers.  Killian didn’t leave his love’s arms again until the next day dawned. Slipping out to his boat before Henry could walk up and begin scavenging through the cupboards for his breakfast cereal, Killian stooped to place a kiss on Emma’s groggy forehead as she mumbled a sleepy farewell. No one else in the house was stirring as the former pirate headed away down the walk, and he was too cheerful and relaxed to be on his guard, so the eyes watching his every move from the shadows as he moved toward the docks, went unnoticed…

~~***~~***~~

Far removed from the cheerfulness and revelry of the rest of the town and their holiday celebrations, Mr. Gold was holed up in the dim, shrouded back room of his shop, scowling silently at a clouded orb with its contents swirling inside. He hadn’t bothered to unlock or open his shop doors today, not wanting to see the idiotic smiles of the townsfolk, nor to waste effort pasting on a smile and haggling to make sales that mattered little to him, all things considered. No, all that mattered now was possessing the one item which could free him of the Savior’s binding order stoppering his Dark One powers to set things right. He would be loosed of her interfering magical hold; it was merely a matter of tracing the artifact to its hiding place and summoning an accomplice he knew was powerful enough to aid him in the ritual needed to slip the noose of his Dagger’s control, and therefore Miss Swan’s meddling command.

All the pieces were in place; once the crystal showed him where his former compatriot could be found, he would set the ball rolling.  He would make Belle see sense, return her to her place by his side, where she clearly belonged. That Sheriff who had dared to try taking his place in Belle’s affections would rue ever having his heart put back in his chest. And that wretched cur ...that wolf he had nearly finished off before - and the woman who had prevented it, who had the audacity to tangle with him and think she could defeat the Dark One - both of them would pay, once and for all.

[closetofanxiety]

I have a fondness for Survivor Series, because it was the first ever wrestling pay-per-view I watched. Our neighbors across the street ordered it in 1987, and a bunch of families came over after Thanksgiving dinner and crowded into their rec room to watch it. I reflect that all those kids have moved away, and I am still in the old neighborhood, and still watching WWE pay-per-views. Boy! What a mess I’ve made of my life.

With the WWE’s third or fourth biggest show of the year coming this weekend, I thought I’d stroll down memory lane by looking at some poster design.

1988: This is about as meat and potatoes a wrestling poster as you’re likely to find. This is a barely updated version of the pre-cable TV posters that would just list the matches, assuming that would be enough to draw a crowd. Whatever happened to the old Richfield Coliseum? Do you think it’s still there? Well, I just checked Internet, and no; it was purchased by the National Park Service and demolished. It is now a meadow. A meadow where perhaps echoes of the great clash between Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake and Outlaw Ron Bass still shimmer in the night air.

1993: As far as I know, this is the only Survivor Series poster to capitalize on the connection to Thanksgiving, although by now they were no longer scheduling it on the holiday itself. “The Thanksgiving Tradition All Americans Wait For” is a hilariously overblown statement about a WWF pay-per-view, especially because there are lots of Thanksgiving traditions that many Americans wait for. I really like the illustration here, though. It’s a subtle reference to a famous Norman Rockwell painting called “Freedom From Want.” For some reason, though, Rockwell opted not to include a single Steiner Brother in his work.

1996: Look at that four-headed monster! That’s unwholesome. It’s like something out of a Stuart Gordon movie. Terrible poster art aside, this was a hugely significant show in that it featured the WWF debut of The Blue Chipper, Rocky Maivia, and the match versus Bret Hart that really established Steve Austin as one of the top guys, although their most important meeting wouldn’t come until the following Wrestlemania. This was in the early stages of the WWF dumping the cartoony, kid-oriented style that had curdled by the mid-1990s, by which time WCW was slaughtering them in the TV ratings. It’s weird to think, in light of how insanely popular Rock and Austin would become, that Sid Vicious was one half of the main event duo in this.

1997: GANG RULZ, MOTHERFLIPPERS! One of the main RULZ in this gang is that we don’t spell simple words correctly! Look at this moody poster art! It’s like something that would have been designed for a TV cop show in 1985. Vince’s aesthetic sensibilities have never exactly been current, though. Anyway, this is not a terrible poster, and it’s worth noting how far they’d come in terms of design from the “Here Are Some Wrestling Matches” menu style of the 1980s. This show itself was weird; they still had one foot in the goofy bullshit from earlier in the decade, but were also experimenting with “edgier” storylines and characters. God, remember The Truth Commission? Recon! Sniper! Don “The Jackyl” Callis! I had totally forgotten that Callis had been in WWE in the 1990s. Anyway, obviously this is infamous as the site of the Montreal Screwjob, which we’ve all heard enough about by this point, probably. 

1998: I barely remember anything about this pay-per-view except for the fact that it was the first Survivor Series that did not feature a single Survivor Series elimination match, and the way the commentary team said “DEADLY GAMES” about five million times during the broadcast. The DEADLY GAMES in this case meant a single-night tournament for the WWF championship, which The Rock won. I’m not a fan of tournaments that happen in a single show, I feel like they’re always boring and the match quality suffers. This is a superb poster, though.

2001: Hold the phone, folks! Are those WOMEN on the poster for the dang Survivor Series??? What the heck was going on in VinceWorld at the time?? Actually, a lot: WWF had purchased the bankrupt WCW and ECW earlier that year, creating a virtual monopoly on big-time wrestling in the United States that persists to this day. Vince and his creative team celebrated this momentous occasion by crafting one of the worst storylines in the history of modern wrestling, the “Invasion” of WWF by WCW and ECW, which left millions of dollars on the table as it hastened to its dispiriting climax at Survivor Series in Greensboro. The Wrestling Recession was in full effect, too: a year before, Survivor Series had drawn nearly 19,000 to the Ice Palace in Tampa; for 2001, they got barely 10,000 paying customers, the worst attendance at a Survivor Series since the trough of 1994. Also, despite their presence on this bland if fetching poster, Lita and Torrie Wilson were basically afterthoughts on the show, with Lita being one of the five losers in a six-woman match, and Torrie being Tajiri’s valet in his unsuccessful match against William Regal.

2006: This is a great poster. The scrimshaw motif on the skull really makes a fresh spin on a familiar trope. I would wear this as a T-shirt. The event itself is mostly notable for being the occasion of Lita’s last match, losing her WWE Women’s Championship to Mickie James. I was not paying attention to wrestling at all during this period. I had just moved to West Virginia and my head was elsewhere.

2010: Boy this is a time capsule. Not a particularly inspired cover, it’s remarkable for the fact that sole billing for the event is given to Wade Barrett. Man, they were pushing him huge back then, huh? Can you think of a less likely Survivor Series poster star? Maybe Tatanka from 1993, although he shared space with the Steiners and Lex Luger, and in cartoon form to boot. The Nexus! Boy, what a missed opportunity all that was. This event was originally not going to be Survivor Series; earlier in 2010, Vince announced that the Survivor Series ppv was coming to an end. Fan outcry apparently changed his mind, although this only had a single Survivor Series style match on the card.

2013: I like this cover a lot! This takes me back to the glory days when the Wyatt Family was still weird and mysterious and compelling. A lost age. Very good use of alligator props here, too. This doesn’t scream “wrestling event” to me, which I usually like in a poster. Not sure, from a fan standpoint, if these guys in 2013 were the faces you’d use to sell tickets, though. And in fact, the final Survivor Series of the pre-Network era was the lowest-selling Survivor Series, in terms of PPV buys, of all time. The main event was Randy Orton vs. the Big Show, though, so maybe that’s not too surprising.

2017: I’m not even sure this is the final poster design, but it’s boring as hell. Give us scrimshaw! Give us GANG RULZ! Give us something that doesn’t look like a postcard for a video game that gets handed out at comic cons. I haven’t been watching Raw or Smackdown for a few weeks, so I’m not even sure what the card is for Sunday. At least the Big Show isn’t on it, I think. I hope??

[volubrjotr]

Keith Neumeyer, the CEO of First Majestic Silver Corp returns to dissect the documented manipulation of the silver market in 2016, and the road ahead. As we post this interview, the stated US debt is on the cusp of $20 Trillion, Bitcoin just surpassed $1,025 yet silver sits around $16. But the hard numbers outlined at US Debt Clock.org show that the REAL silver price in today’s dollars should be $1,005/ounce. Only the clear and present manipulation of the precious metals is keeping them from reaching Bitcoin’s heights. We also get an update from Keith on Silver One Resources, First Mining Finance and First Majestic Silver. Published on Jan 2, 2017

United State’s Biggest Threat Is Still Its Banks

You May Never Get An Opportunity to Buy Silver & Gold at This Level Again

Kraken Queen’s Silver Opium

ONCE UPON A TIME AT THE COMEX

An Elephant In The Room November 22nd, 2016 at 2:11 PM (CST)

by Bill Holter:

Here we are again, just six days away from a major COMEX gold (and silver) delivery month with a huge outsized amount of contracts outstanding versus deliverable inventory. For a background, COMEX holds 2,083,000 (nearly 65 tons) of registered gold. This amount is much higher than it was last December when it stood at a miniscule 152,000 ounces (4.7 tons).

Since May of this year, something has drastically changed in the monthly amounts delivered. For all of 2015, only 51 tons were delivered which amounted to about 4.25 tons per month.

Here’s the FACTS [Second Quarter 2016] from the Office of the Comptroller of Currencies (OCC)

(Table 9) Precious Metals aka Money = Mostly Silver

JP Morgan = $16.7 Billion Citibank = $8.3 Billion

Bix Weir

If you recall, many months would arrive at first notice day with a huge amount of contracts open, only to see the contracts evaporate before the close of the delivery period. I postulated then and still believe, contract holders were offered premiums to “just go away” and not take delivery.

I cannot prove this but you must ask, why someone would FULLY FUND their account to take delivery and then not follow through. It makes no sense other than if they were enticed not to take delivery after placing the full amount of funds in their accounts to settle delivery.

So far this year, 191 tons have stood for delivery, 168 of those tons since May. The average delivery since May has been over 24 tons per month with only two of the seven months being a traditional delivery month. June and August amounted to nearly 93 tons alone. The change since May has been astonishing.

Breakdown

Found Dead: JP Morgan Bank Administrator And Her Sister Added To The Growing List Of Dead Bankers By Unnatural Causes 9/30/2016

Rather than contracts being “bled down” each month (enticed by premiums offered?), nearly every single month has had more standing by the end of the month than were at the beginning of the month (nearly double in some cases).

China Moves To Physical Only ~ Derivatives Not Allowed.

China Escalates Crackdown On Corrupt Banking: 370 People Arrested In Illegal Foreign-Exchanges Totaling $64 Billion.

Another big change is, previously, the bulk of deliveries would be withheld until just before the end of the delivery period. Now, massive deliveries are being made on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th delivery days of the month. Please remember, it makes no sense to “wait” to make a delivery as storage fees add up for each day …it seems to me that it is now known that many contract owners cannot be enticed with premiums!

Chinese Gold & Silver

So why has this begun to happen, why are more contracts demanding delivery and why are they jumping queue and opening more contracts during expiration?

I believe it is simply because there is either a greater “need or desire” for gold. If I had to guess, I believe the new and different demand is in large part a function of the Shanghai Gold Exchange opening in September.

Immediately after opening, we saw close to $4 premiums for gold (versus COMEX and LBMA pricing) and around .50 cent premiums for silver.

These premiums are now recently much higher! For the last few weeks these premiums have grown to the $10-$12 range for gold and over $1 for silver. The premiums shot up on Monday to $20.33 for gold and $1.35 for silver. This is obviously more than generous enough to allow massive arbitrage to occur.

As a side note, I have been asked why we are not seeing arbitrage en masse? Simply put, I believe there is a great risk here where you sell something for delivery without knowing positively you will be delivered on the buy side. Should the game end, an arbitrager might be contracted to deliver something (sell side) they cannot attain in a runaway upside market (because of the failure to deliver on the buy side).

Curious that these large premiums exist as they should never exist …unless the players do see risk in a supposedly risk free trade! The premiums are now getting to large to ignore and look more like the elephant in the room.

VIOLATORS OF ANTITRUST LAWS: MERGING CONGLOMERATES INTO FASCIST CORPORATE DICTATORS!

As we approach the final days of Silver Market Manipulation ~ it wasn’t surprising that the Financial Stability Board has named JP Morgan and Citibank as the most Systemically Dangerous banks in the World!!

Forget Deutsche Bank: These 2 US Banks are the Most Systemically Dangerous in the World

Yes, this is a very big deal as the two largest holders of Silver Derivatives in the United States are…JP Morgan and Citibank!

Bix Weir

So where are we now for December expiration? Currently with only six trading days left before FND (first notice day), 217,000 contracts representing 21.7 million ounces versus 2.08 million registered to deliver. At the very same day last year, there were only 133,000 contracts outstanding or a difference of 84,000 contracts (8.4 million ounces).

The Comex ~ Comex Gold & Silver “Deliveries”: Comex Con’s Last Breath ~ The Noteworthy Trend

While we certainly cannot say the COMEX [Crime Scene] will default and not be able to deliver for December, we can say the numbers are much larger …AND so is the pressure (via arbitrage)!

To again put this in perspective for you, the entire registered category holds well less than $2.5 billion worth of gold. I would ask you this, “how many $2.5 billion events have occurred”? The answer of course is too many to count and they happen every single day in many markets, and all over the world.

China Reset

The spread in silver is getting close to a 10% number, how long will the spread be allowed? The problem of course is this, when the arbs do come in to close the gap it will create buying.

The buying will require delivery as the sell side in Shanghai will demand metal for their purchase. This poses the problem, COMEX inventories cannot meet Chinese demand.

To finish, please keep in mind that the global credit markets are now experiencing extreme liquidity tightness.

Previous “credit events” were ugly and all ended the same way …with more debt and more currency units issued.

As we have seen in India, as gold has not been available since their recent kamikaze currency move, gold was changing hands at $2,900 per ounce on Friday and $3,600 over the weekend due to lack of supply.

Ask yourself, at what dollar price will gold be available should someone (or collectively) put up $2.5 billion to clean out the COMEX?

Yes I know, the COMEX is not the only market in the world:

But a run on the COMEX will be a run everywhere and will result in finding available gold nowhere.

A “run” can start for any number of reasons. It can be “intentional” or not.

The problem from a visual standpoint is this, the amount of physical gold behind the paper gold edifice is like a “BB” in relation to the financial Earth.

If you don’t believe the global debt can ever be paid back in current currency values …dig into this one as it’s even more lopsided, paper gold can never be delivered by the real thing as the real gold simply does not exist!

That will do it for this holiday week as I plan to take a little time off. Unless something really big breaks, Jim and I do not plan on our weekly interview and will resume next week. We wish you and your families a Happy Thanksgiving!

Standing watch,

Bill Holter

Holter-Sinclair collaboration

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United States CFTC & Comex Abnegating Their Duty: Exchanging Counterfeit Derivatives For Non-Existent Gold & Silver.

France: Entire Swiss Branch Of Rothschild’s Banking Empire Under Criminal Investigation Following David De Rothschild Indictment.

2017: $20 TRILLION US DEBT, $1,025 BITCOIN, $1,005 SILVER, $9,096 GOLD Keith Neumeyer, the CEO of First Majestic Silver Corp returns to dissect the documented manipulation of the silver market in 2016, and the road ahead.

[trishgibsontx]

we are slated for magical times (and other updates, + my holiday party)

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

we are. we are slated for magical times. if you have been reading my blog post by post up until this point, it may be clear why. the earth’s energy is changing and hence has rattled and will continue rattling all of the people on it. for many of us, there will be relief in what the rattling is bringing to the surface: truth. for others of us, there will be despair in what the rattling is bringing to the surface: truth.

as I was listening to The Leo King recently, I learned that we have not been in this astrological space since 1284. here is his dissertation on that topic. the fact that our planet has not seen the kind of alignment that we are about to step into since the dark ages makes so much sense to me on many levels. on just a weirdo base human level, it makes sense to me style-wise. I have always been, but way more so as of late, drawn to dark ages and Renaissance styles. clothing, churches, music and art. this, of course, bleeds into the past life topic arena. my sensory memory of other lifetimes during / around the dark ages is high. with all of this in mind, there is a knowing within me at the most rooted level that the current timeline we are about to step into (the one that mimics the alignment around 1284) is representing some of my most powerful, happy and accomplished lifetimes on this planet. and as our experiences of time and space collapse (see the movie Arrival starring Amy Adams for more on this concept), and such is more palpable to me than ever, my purpose/joy/power condense into a linear awareness of what magical times are to come for me/us (those of us in truth). the difference between the “then” timeline with said planetary alignment and the “now” timeline of planetary alignment is simply dimensional in nature (I highly suggest Neil deGrasse Tyson for more on dimensions) as obviously we have left 3d (which is only what we can see touch and hear) and are moving into truth, love and conscious manifestation or 5d (what we may not see touch and hear but what we either intuit or interact with in an unseen realm i.e. internet signals). ok that is all pretty complicated I suppose and not the point of this post, but I had to throw that in there as a means for SOME kind of explanation. for more on that, check out my eBooklets because I go into greater detail in those as to the 3d and 5d variances.

but think about it. we are entering (for this lifetime) completely unchartered territory (and at the very least proven astrologically), coupled with some primal unconscious awareness that we have already “been here” before, long ago, and the OPENNESS around that time period, combined with the fact that we are in the most expansive dimensional 3d<5d (and therefore technological) space ever. HOW EXCITING. this is magic. love is magic. we are entering a love space. not because of the revelation of human detriment and behavior, but because physics. physics reveals all. human detriment and behavior are simply physics and evolutionary driven. 3d = ego and fear. 3d is where our planet was. 5d = love. 5d is where we are going. where our little spaceship is landing. as we all freak out and think the world is turning to shit when really it is NOT turning to shit. rather it is shedding. do some digging on the facts that I am not presenting in this post, if you want to get more excited about it.

as we see old concepts and detriments drop like flies, there is something replacing that void. for all that has been contrived and forced, it is now being replaced with power and sustainability. psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, physically and beyond. interesting things to watch change and “lose power” (p.s. true power never fades) are things like instagram models (honestly, I thought it was a joke the first time I heard that reference “instagram model” OMG. it literally did not register. it will never register for me. no matter how far we advance technologically. because it’s unsustainable. also I was way late to the instagram party. but to think that there are people who live their life via an electronic in pure 3d form and that’s it? with no tangible mission? — I feel very old saying all of this but it is true), fake companies built upon 3d physical appearance and suggestion only while missing actual substance and messaging, unsustainable (aka unkind or unhelpful) ideas, and so forth. we might think that this is all changing or dying (and trust me, it is) because humans are “waking up” — but it is because of our position on this planet in terms of physics. forcing us to expand. into love. into magic. RIGHT AT THIS TIME.

we are starting to crave goodness. at least those of us who are making it to our planet’s next destination physically alive. because the only thing that will support physical life at our upcoming destination point through time and space is goodness. we are starting to become less comparative (i.e. wanting what others have, wanting “fame” for nothing at all, etc). we are starting to become hopeful and craving about life and ways of being that we have never experienced before because they are joyful. it’s going to actually become cool to be kind. lol. but yes, seriously. and the thing with kindness is that it can’t be faked. kindness is typically an inherent quality that one either has or does not have that can either be dulled or fostered. we are fostering it. and it will be hard to tell which came first: the acceptance of kindness (not to be mistaken with weakness) or kindness itself. but I will say kindness itself comes first. not bullshit veiled in kindness which has been everywhere. but actual kindness. because it’s what is sustainable. acceptance and excitement over kindness are the byproducts.

we’ve realized that we are no better than the person standing next to us in terms of our “success”, money, job title, heritage or otherwise. even if we aren’t acting upon that realization, we do realize it. it’s what the compression of social change and upheaval over the past decade has represented. we’ve also realized that not all energies are created equal — and it’s ok. contrast is what keeps us growing and expanding. so if we come from an environment of evil, and we are not that, it is ok because we have expanded as a result. everything is relative. we know ourselves now, and we don’t need to match other energies — while knowing that each is equally entitled to its sovereign experience, with or without us, and for better or for worse.

I say all of this because it represents my streamlined endeavors next year. this is the forecast for those endeavors. and as I have been writing about, I’ve met my tribe already. this group of people could not be any better, and per alignment with Dr. Hawkins’ book power versus force, one light of goodness is worth more than a million lights of the opposite — this is what will make my/our mission possible. somewhat strong in numbers, but strongest in love and truth and hence the power of those qualities. no bots needed for this mission.

next Friday on 12.22, I am doing something that people have been asking me to do for years. and now just happens to be the right time to do it. I will be entertaining a large gathering of my tribe slash holiday party slash coming out party that someone is throwing/hosting for me (and this tribe). I met this person via my work and we will introduce our coming together at a later time. I realize that not all one or two thousand people I’ve worked with over the last decade will be there in person, but they will be there in spirit. some folks don’t live in the city. some folks will be away for the holidays. I also did not send out a mass email blast for this gathering. and I invited a handful of outliers who are not former patients but whom I feel are part of this tribe and the bigger picture. and on account of the fact that the physical space for the party will probably hold 200 max, it’s worked out perfectly! if you have not followed my social media pages regarding this event and want to come, please send me an email (only if we have worked together, please). I want everyone I have worked with to feel included. and there will be more (many more) events to come in 2018. I am currently assembling things like my board of directors, industry champions and many prongs and legs to a business which our human condition is ready to receive — a ministry of sorts, without the church, and with the sustainability to match it. by attraction not promotion. but we will make our presence known. here I go again with my cryptic descriptions. if you’re on board, you get the point and it needs no explaining. I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU ALL.

tomorrow (or tonight, depending on how you want to look at it!), we have a new moon on 12.18.17 at 1:30am EST. on Tuesday, 12.19.17, Saturn moves into my sign of Capricorn (YAHOOOOO!!!) for the next 2.5 years. on Thursday 12.21.17 at 11:28am EST, we have our winter solstice. and on Friday 12.22.17, Mercury leaves retrograde — and my coming out party slash holiday party happens! that’s a lot of stuff this week. for me, this week is a personal turning point and transition into a brand new way of life. this very weekend, I quit the yoga studio that I have been going to for nearly a decade (still 100% a hot yoga fanatic though! just a matter of geographical logistics now). I’ll leave out the details as to why (some of you will laugh because you already know), but this is part of the imminent change ahead. with great change also includes a total shift in meridian lines — this might include or be as simple as the physical way that we travel to work or travel home from work. or it can mean an actual move of residence. but meridian lines must be changed to accompany great change. sometimes things are just supposed to end. if we want to foster or encourage change, we might end something “just because” we want to switch things up. and, it’s like a workout — the body will adapt to a workout to the point where it no longer changes or improves because the meridian lines of said workout are so ingrained. it’s that way with all physical activity, flow, and relationships with people. we might ask ourselves where we are too ingrained, where we might switch things up so as to see clearer opportunities for growth and purpose. and if we don’t like where we are, in any sense, we are not a tree — we can MOVE. I’ve found myself at times like the elephant chained to the tree during its first year of life only to have the chain removed but still acting like the chain is there. it’s important to realize there is no chain anywhere.

for those of you with businesses that you are happy with, and mean something to you on a soul level, but which maybe have not done so well in the past (back when we valued bullshit like fake products and people in the press), know that that is changing and maybe it’s time to give your business another shot. a new look. a new release. because it is YOUR time. it is time for all that is REAL. all that is TRUTH. even if you sell fucking pens but you believe in those pens because they mean something very specific to you that resonates on a sustainable or loving level. go out and sell those pens and I bet you do GREAT now. I know I keep repeating myself, but it is so important that we realize what kind of a time we are stepping into right now — the cusp of magic, because love = magic. if you come from love, if you are love, and if love is your true core spore of origin, I promise that you will not fail now.

The post we are slated for magical times (and other updates, + my holiday party) appeared first on The Medical Intuitive Blog: Healing Elaine™.

from Trisha Gibson http://www.themedicalintuitiveblog.com/2017/12/18/slated-magical-times-updates-holiday-party/

[endlessarchite]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

A Most Thankful Year published first on http://ift.tt/2qxZz2j

[sherlocklexa]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from car2 http://ift.tt/2BzcG85 via as shown a lot

[chocdono]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from mix1 http://ift.tt/2BzcG85 via with this info

[darwinbigelow]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from Home Improvement https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/a-most-thankful-year/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[lowmaticnews]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

A Most Thankful Year published first on http://ift.tt/2hUI8pL

[prokred]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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