#mostly emotions - she just translates it all into anger bc that's all she really understands

[miqojak]

From the OC creation ask set: How do you want other people to view or react to your OC?

Little OC Creation Ask List

Gosh, I...really haven't thought about it in this light. I want people to enjoy reading about her, but I don't have in mind how I want them to feel about her - she's a controversial little person. Does her awful past in a concentration camp give her the right to be how she is? Does she have a mental illness that's causing her to act this way (undoubtedly) - does that excuse her behavior? A large part of her, to me, is the awful truth that... she became a lot like the Garleans she despises with every bone in her body, and every fiber of her being. The way they treated her molded her... a lot like Zenos was molded, in a way! She was barely a teen, really, when she ended up in Garlean hands, and the things they did and the ways they treated her (and the ways in which her aether was altered) permanently changed the genuinely kind, and loyal person she once was into... something else entirely.

I used to sympathize a lot with Zenos, but now that we have Zero, I'd ask people to look to how Zero acts, and think about Jak - Jak was socialized among her tribe for a time, and then ripped away and grew up in a concentration camp, as a victim to many war crimes. Her emotions simply do not function like a normal person's any longer - she was a lot like Zero, and is still on a similar journey as Zero... learning what emotions are, really! What's that feeling in her chest? It's confusing, and disturbing...and frightening. She's known fear and loathing most of her life, and she's had...maybe 5-8 years at most in the 'real world', and only one person has really had the patience to help socialize her, and be patient with her while she learns about emotions... both her own, and everyone else's... mostly against her will, lol! (Learning to trust has been a huge journey for her, and still is, so it's beautiful to see a character so like my own in the story - emotionally stunted, and focused on what she gets out of things - and has really dragged me back to the game.)

She thinks a lot like Zero, as well - in bargains. In deals that she takes very seriously. Equitable exchange, or else. (Unless, of course, you let her take advantage of you in said deal, because if you're not as clever as her, she will. xD) Her life has been one of constant mistrust and betrayal, and much like Zero... she's having to learn that there is a world beyond that, whether she likes it or not, and she has to learn how to operate in it. (Apparently, people like it when you say 'please' and 'thank you'?? Ugh, if she must.)

All this said - it's not up to me how people feel about her. Hate her! Love her! Sympathize with her! Hate to love her, love to hate her! Or all of the above, and then some! As long as people are feeling something, that's the goal! She's not perfect, and she's meant to evoke mixed feelings - no one person is any one thing. We are all a mixed bag of good and bad... some more than others. I tried to make her 'human' in that aspect; there's reasons for why she is how she is, but they're not excuses - even when she'd like to think they are.

[hatedmaggot]

hello hate been think bout ur ocs . any lore u wanna share? i just like em a lot

GRAH. this is hard to answer bc theyr hard to sum up.. i have my main most developed ocs; budgie, reneta & lion.. aannndd my fav oc group; aksel, jørgen, wolfgang, szlomo, erik & thomas. theyr a 2nd wave inspired black metal group..

icant rlly casually explain budgie n reneta so uhh,

aksel started his band, behead, with jørgen & wolfgang joined shortly after bc he's real close w jørgen since she's multilingual n translates for him all the time. wolfie only speaks german n vaguely understands some norwegian. not long into the band wolfie gets diagnosed with fatal insomnia & it slowly kills him., they bury him in the backyard of the house theyr sharing since they can't afford anything fancy or to even contact his family in germany. eventually they hire some rando (erik) as their replacement drummer. but erik actually hates drumming n really dreams of being a dsbm vocalist. so he sorta wears down jørgen n aksel til they let him take over as singer and band leader. one of the key moments for him in behead is him cutting down wolfies grave marker w an axe, in protest of all jørgens 'this isn't what he wldve wanted' arguements. but eriks shit at singing and his dsbm style clashes with the rest of beheads theme. on top of that he signs them to his older brothers record label, even tho thomas is (known only to erik at the time) a murderer. it all destroys the band over a couple years n they split up for good & erik moves onto whatever other bands later on.

szlomo matters bc in the early days he's beheads artist n biggest groupie basically. he designs their merch n logos., despite kinda being blind as shit. he was born w polychoria, a cleft lip & really messed up teeth bc his parents (czeslaw & kasia) are siblings. hes visually based on hellhorse's decade of dust album cover. plus his old pet owl's name is decade. he met behead thru jørgen, they were online friends for years. when jørgen moved from denmark to norway, szlomo moved frm poland with her.

ilove szlomo bc his design is so unique and idk. he's cute. he's real clumsy bc of his eyesight, he doesn't wear glasses or contacts plus he wears his hair over his face. he's a really joyous creature.

aksel can look pretty tough and metal but he's actually a really big softie.. he's got a kind heart n is pretty emotional, he mostly just misses his little sister, who moved to america to join her own band. they grew up with an abusive father n absent mother so he's really protective of her.

thomas and erik r lowkey visually & slightly personality-wise based on craig mabbit and ronnie radke.. tho thomas is a lot angrier than craig. both brothers have severe anger issues and narcissistic traits. iirc thomas murdered @decemberhigherpower's bm oc, kristian, in uhhh 2001 ? and only got caught for it around the time behead split up. so like 2006 ? ithink ??

that's all ican rlly be bothered w typing out atm, but actually if u add me on my alt discord (locked outta my main rn) hatemaget icould talk more abt them. i llooooove discord vms

[sodrippy]

wait why is yanli getting zidian bad?

hi okay just right off the bat i want to say that i dont really think people are being purposely stupid or ignorant or whatever, BUT there is a rampant problem among (usually white) fans of this show of simply not engaging critically/thoughtfully with it and the OBVIOUS and OVERHWELMING asianness of it. like. it is a chinese show. set in chinese society. about chinese characters. now i myself am not east asian so there are even things i dont clock or understand, of course, but there’s already been so many things ive seen float across my dash or on fandom blogs that scream White to me (the implicit viewing of the societal setup as some kind of chinese translation of white aristocratic society, for one, which is insane to me bc its so obviously not the same but whatever ill give it a pass, or the apparent inability to understand the DEEPLY ENTRENCHED familial ties and loyalty, which is also incredibly obvious to me but idk. maybe white people cant understand the inherent complexity of family fhdcnx. im kidding...mostly.)

one of these things is this view of jiang yanli. theres some different things about this whole ‘yanli Deserves zidian’ take that suck, right. on the basic level, the hashtag girlboss angle is ugly. this is the simplest thing to understand i think, as it happens to numerous female characters across popular western media all the time. the weaponized femininity bullshit from 2012 era mcu stans. the ‘this woman is kind and soft and gentle, but thats not ENOUGH for me to see her a real character deserving of respect and agency, she HAS to be VIOLENT and BADASS for me to care’ rhetoric is, i think, familiar enough that we can all recognize why its shitty and devaluing. its insulting to yanli to basically say ‘youd be better and cooler if you got real angry and hurtful’

(additionally on this hashtag girlboss thing- something i didnt fully understand until it was explained to me is why that scene of yanli talking back to jin zixun in wwx’s defence was Not a ‘wow shes standing up for him, incredible!’ moment and much more of a ‘oh holy shit this is a huge socially precarious move’ which is expanded upon in ellian weiwuxianisms post here)

okay now. about zidian. to me, it is GLARINGLY obvious and i assumed it would be to anyone whos seen the series in general, that zidian is a vehicle for trauma. its an object that not only metaphorically represents the abuse suffered by the yunmeng siblings, and the horrific cycle of anger and unhealthy emotions that jiang cheng is stuck in, but LITERALLY represents that, as we see it being used exactly for that purpose. zidian is an heirloom of violence and the fact that jiang cheng wields it now holds incredible meaning, again about the cycle of abuse that he was unable to be freed from, the weight of filial duty twisting painfully with what should have been love, and so on. 

its hard for me to articulate what i mean here, but its like. jiang cheng having zidian is so much more than just being badass and cool, theres SO MUCH tied up in that which speaks to his childhood, the abuse he and his siblings suffered, the way anger now has a vicegrip on him as well, how he’s turned into his mother’s reflection, how his first taste of love as a child was embittered by anger. i know this isnt about him, but i hope explaining these things makes it easier to understand that there is a great deal going on around and about zidian, and that to simply be like ‘well i think yanli should have zidian because its baller’ is so insultingly reductive, and divorces both zidian and yanli of their contexts and stories, and is just like. why would you want her to have it? why would yanli ever take zidian in the first place?

again, i really hope this makes sense and goes some ways towards explaining where i’m coming from, and why i think its just. extremely not cool and very reductive to thoughtlessly throw that together. i get if you read this and youre like ‘ok but its not that deep’ but respectfully. it REALLY is lol. it is that deep and i take it really personally when people are so flippant and repeatedly uncaring about the SPECIFIC context and meaning that this show has AS a piece of asian media. if you have time to think extensively about and write essays for your fave boring white media, you should direct the same energy into understanding non-white media you consume as well.

[crimeronan]

i wanna hear more about your headcanon of declan as autistic (no pressure! only if u want to)

oh ariana we’re really in it now

not all of these bullet points are specifically related to autism bc this just turned into a post about how fond i am of declan.  however.  autistic declan lynch rights here we go

speech

declanisms

really, keeping a list of action-based conversation starters to meet your goals that all sound like something a caricature of a high-level business executive would say... honey

memorizing clever turns of phrase and the cadence of storytelling

and refusing to ever use this love of language in public lest it make him vulnerable or ruin anything he’s built

having practiced regulating his vocal tone and inflection to make them both as normal and as free of personality as possible

being unable to modulate his vocal tone and inflection when he’s Not actively concentrating on regulating them - speaking impulsively from a place of upset, getting excited about things, etc

physicality

having also practiced his physicality to appear as unthreatening and unobtrusive as possible

mirroring strangers, casual acquaintances, criminal associates

actively schooling himself not to talk with his hands; natural storytelling comes with gesturing and physical involvement

having pleasant conversations and being pleasant to exist around while managing to have absolutely no friends

anxious stomachaches

nervous tics

refusing to allow himself comfortable clothing or a comfortable living space despite seeming to want these things

deciding he can have nice shoes, as a treat (doesn’t have anything to do with neurodivergence i just think it’s cute)

internal emotions

Everything Is Horrible, All The Time, But That’s Fine Because That’s Just How Life Is For Me And I’ve Accepted It

deeply unhappy, deeply bored, deeply exhausted, deeply terrified

given up on dreams and ambitions because they will never be accessible to someone like him (one of those things that in-narrative isn’t autism-related, but sure can be a hashtag relatable feel)

happiness, excitement, joy, any positive emotions are all “dangerous” because they represent a loss of control

zero to one hundred IMMEDIATELY in terms of anger, manic excitement, terror, misery, self-flagellation

constantly self-regulating, compartmentalizing, putting aside, and refusing to act on emotions despite feeling Incredibly Deeply

anxiety

obsessing, catastrophizing, making contingency plans, exploring bad outcomes, regretting past actions literally every single second of every day

aforementioned physical anxiety manifestations

resigned to ronan and matthew’s eventual deaths even when things are Mostly Okay

convinced that if and when something happens to ronan or matthew, it will be his fault

none of these things are autism-related specifically, there’s just something in his repetitive thoughts / methods of self-soothing / ways of internalizing trauma that's..... a feeling

child development

one of those kids who would have been called “precocious”

had developed a system for watching/protecting ronan and trying to convince ronan not to dream things by age five

specific interests in things deemed uninteresting or unimportant

didn’t engage in the same play behavior most kids his age would

got overwhelmed and cried over liking a gift too much

consciously aware of niall’s disdain for him, aurora’s ephemeral nature, and ronan’s dangerousness to himself at age five

some of these things are definitely exacerbated or fully caused by a childhood of emotional neglect and endangerment; autism reading integrates with this rather than replacing it.  i strongly feel declan would still have been a “precocious” child with a healthy happy parental upbringing as well

sense of responsibility

extremely stressed by any situation he can’t control

will attempt to control situations beyond his jurisdiction to minimize this

studies so many parenting books after technically becoming ronan and matthew’s caretaker because he has no frame of reference for parenting and does not trust his instincts

“if you want something done right, do it yourself” a life motto by declan lynch

“everything is my fault, all the time” a life motto by declan lynch

“except when it’s dad’s or ronan’s fault” a pretty fair addendum by declan lynch

mental stimulation

so unbelievably bored with his life situation

THRILLED any time he gets to play games or engage in clever conversation - seen a little in his “crime makes me feel alive” vibes, his back-and-forth banter with jordan

won’t let himself get engaged in things because passion feels unsafe

enjoys himself for about one hour of one single night and then immediately starts cracking to pieces about how living in a constant state of mental dissatisfaction is killing him slowly

somehow manages to be surprised by this turn of events

interests

he hides art he loves in a murder attic like a feral cat who refuses to eat in front of people. i don’t even need to get into this

absolutely immediately enchanted to the point of self-labeled stupidity by watching jordan paint

infodumping about art history

trading art interests with jordan bc he’s legitimately interested and excited by what she knows and feels passionate about

this entire post should just be the murder attic. declan oh my fucking god

aforementioned collecting of language he likes

the whole tyrian purple thing.  again.  declan oh my fucking god

emotional intimacy

craves emotional intimacy but is TERRIFIED of being known and/or being rejected

is convinced he can never and will never have emotional intimacy in his life

has all the stamina of a wet tissue in terms of keeping his emotional secrets when jordan cottons onto them

gets annoyed by relationships with people who want emotional connection but continues playacting through the motions of said relationships in the hopes of being less lonely

comforting people / expressing genuine care

declan attempted to dispense comfort.  “everybody dies, matthew”

i have to put attempted to dispense comfort on the list again.  oh my god.  to declan’s brain, emotional comfort is a vending machine that’s eaten ten dollars in a row and is now falling on him after he made the mistake of shaking it

declan regretted saying anything.  [immediately says the worst thing possible]

write your routine, ronan. now. now. write it. write it down. (because i’m worried you’re going to kill yourself but have no idea how to say that so i have to focus on concrete action.)

every time he’s tried to say “i’m worried about you” and instead gone “why are you inconveniencing me this way.” king

having no sense of how to communicate feelings or solve emotional conflicts through talking despite attempting to do these things frequently, AFTER STUDYING OUT OF BOOKS, to his detriment

preferring to take care of people silently and subtly through protecting them and making things easier for them, extremely similarly to how ronan does

irritability

constantly in a low level fugue state of annoyance

runs on caffeine and fumes

very thin patience for anyone else’s inability to stick to plans, manage time, regulate emotion, do their jobs, follow through on commitments, etc

the unceasing “i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy” while at work screams of “i am in sensory/emotional hell all the time and checking slightly out of this plane to deal”

loses control all at once, when he does lose control

drains energy like a broken cellphone battery from the effort of combating misery, anxiety, mental overload, boredom, masking all thoughts and feelings

bonus content: parents

the actual in-universe reasons for these things aren’t related to neurodivergence as far as we know, but

growing up as the unfavored child whose interests are constantly ignored or shut down 

seeing your siblings get preferential treatment for no reason

being silenced or punished every time you express dissatisfaction or unhappiness or anger

being considered disposable

internalizing the idea that you’re a burden unless you’re worth something to others

that’s a real common lived realty for autistic ppl

bonus content: brothers

i read all three lynch brothers as being on the spectrum and all having different experiences with it

i read matthew as having had the inverse experience of declan, in which he flaps and stims and chews loudly and talks a mile a minute and expresses himself with excitement and passion and bouncing

& he has Not been punished for it or made to feel like it should be hidden

declan’s ferocious protectiveness of matthew is in many ways bc he wants to keep matthew from suffering the same way he has

differing autism spectrum experiences fit neatly into that

ronan and declan’s experiences are in some ways wildly different

in other ways, though

going zero to one hundred on the emotional spectrum, defaulting to anger to avoid fully feeling internal chaos, being unable to understand the other’s feelings or thought processes / making wildly incorrect conclusions about them, preferring to show feelings through action rather than words, struggling to translate genuine emotion into expression without coming across as a dick

they are Very Similar

declan and ronan do a lot of “dog growls at its own reflection” about this because neither of them is more furious than when they see their own perceived shortcomings in the other

i’m positive i’ve forgotten some things and also positive i have not communicated all of these thoughts as effectively as i would like but i have been typing this post for a thousand years.  here you go

[alatismeni-theitsa]

anti - LO anon asks/answers:

(1) Weird, I thought it sent my message, but here's the how the fandom hypersexualizes everything. 1) They thirst after any of the LO gods, in particular to them being shirtless, wear certain clothing (i.e Ares in a white tank top) or them being in a compromised state of pose (like Hades manspreading while being asleep at Demeter's place). 2) This thirst leads them to say things like "I want to bang [LO god]" or "I need to find a man like [LO god] (usually Hades)."  Even worse is if the person saying those things has a boyfriend or is already married. They will either call or even wish their man could be "Hades." IT IS LITERALLY SO DISGUSTING. Every time I see anybody make a comment about how badly they want to be with a fictional character, I always feel sorry for their significant other.

(2) I guess this is gonna be an unpopular opinion but—I don’t see why fans sexualizing LO is bad?...what did that anon mean by that exactly? As in like nsfw art and headcannons? Why is that bad? Rachel herself draws porn of her own characters. EVERY fandom hypersexualizes their fave characters, that’s why we have rule 34. If ppl are sexualizing LO Hebe or Aphrodite’s other children, then yes, that’s creepy and sick, but everyone else in LO is an adult so I guess I say...let ppl be horny XD

(3) Adding on to the previous anons, just go to the author’s twitter. It’s a mess I tell ya. Through my experience. I feel like they’re sexualizing Persephone and Hades(Mostly Hades because he is “Perfect Husbando Daddy” to them 💀. (And yes I do understand that Hades in the media has been romanticize a lot throughout the years)Anyways, they keeping talking his “body parts”, what Persephone is gonna do to him,vice versa.If you want me to send some screenshots I can(Patreon too). I haven’t seen it happen to any other character as much as H+P. (Ares,just a little) That’s from Twitter alone,I just wanna enjoy the characters without someone telling me how hot they are every second.😒 It’s almost as if the Author want these types of people. Then again.....

(4) I don't care if these are spoilers, the early LO release (April 19th) has Hades yelling at Persephone like a child after he saved her from a riot (because she was paying the ferry) then they make out after he yells that he "WANTS HER" and she proceeds to run away from him afterwards. It's unearned and creepy bc he yelled such a possessive line (not that he LOVES her or anything, only that he WANTS her). That's supposed to be a big moment but it comes off as rushed and even more imbalanced.

(5) I have to vent a bit; I really love L*re Olympus bc it's just cheesy and I love cheesy dramas and those cutesy neon colours, but what angers me most about is (after how it has nothing with Greek culture), how characters are so... inconsistent. Minthe, a character that was abusive /vocally/, not physically. Making her hit Hades was so ooc- and my GOD, how could a nymph hit a god and get away with it?

(6) Time for your daily dose of LO complaining, LO spoilers so read/publish at own risk - Today's top story: the latest fastpass episode brings us a very special first kiss between two main characters that will remain nameless. Needless to say (imo) it was executed poorly due to poor pacing and lack of build up in the chapter! People rightfully critiqued and diehard fans attacked, claws out. The shocking updates will continue as ~6 episodes separate us between now and the finale. Stay tuned.

(7) Holy shit so this isn't technically related to the anti-Greek prejudice in Lore Olympus, but in the latest update it's revealed that Hades runs all of the banks -- you know, Hades, the big-nosed leader, and he shames tiny innocent Persephone for 1 Not having a bank account 2 For the fact that the her mother thinks all bankers are greedy. So not only does Rachel Smythe hold ignorance towards Greek people,but also she enjoys Antisemitic tropes.

______________________________________________________________

(1+2) I can understand the thirst for fictional characters... but not when they are the Greek gods, ya know? As anon (2) said, it’s not bad when people are horny. However... it’s at least a little weird when your fetish is old gods from another culture but dressed in a tank top or who knows what else :P And the fact that they reduce the almighty Hades to “UWU hot daddy” makes it even cringier. I am sure that, if the author posts such content, she wants her characters to be sexualized. 

I mean, they are free to do it and we are free to comment on it - without limiting their ability to create and enjoy the hypersexualized content. Because, as much as we don’t like it, fans should be free to do whatever they like.

To add something for anon (2): if hypersexualizaion would be more natural if the comic had sex in it or dealt with sexual themes more frequently. I think the only sexual encounter we had so far was r*pe and nothing else. The storyline of the comic is almost irrelevant to the huge thirst fans have for the characters. If the focus is only on their sexuality and not on the plot or characters then it’s cringey. And I think it’s annoying when they sexualize the characters to such a degree. For example, anon (3) wrote “I just wanna enjoy the characters without someone telling me how hot they are every second”.

(3) “Perfect Husbando Daddy” UUUUGHHH.. It’s so funny the HxP in the comic are so boring and vanilla but the fans desperatelly want to turn them into a super sexualized couple? ALSO, SEND SCREENSHOTS! Patreon, comments you think are cringey, everything xD 

(4) I am happy this changed because I don’t like the scene at all, for the reasons you mentioned. “I want you” can be translated as “I desire you” so it’s not problematic to me. But the circumstances in which he said that were creepy.

(5) Hmmm interesting point! Of course emotional abuse can happen at the same time as physical abuse, but you are kinda right for Minthe’s character. It felt a little ooc for me too. She wasn’t that type of abuser and it was a weird choice. Also, there is a hierarchy and it is indeed very weird that a nymph could get away with abusing a god. The only case she wouldn’t be punished you be if Hades insisted on it. (Something we didn’t see).

(6) OOOOOH I AM INTRIGUED! Not that I care at this point about the characters, I just want to see the drama 😂 I might search a little more!

(7) Of course she holds ignorance towards Greek people; she thinks we are rich! (muahahahaha that was a bad joke, I will stop now :P ) Generally the comic doesn’t take into account the Greek culture which is offensive but in the characters I didn’t see anti-Greek prejudice. (I might be missing something, idk). In order to have prejudice against something, you need to aknowledge it first. Bold of you to assume she knows we exist 😂 

Maybe she made him super rich because he has the richest realm in Greek mythology. And, I mean, Greek noses are not limited to Jewish people, we also have them (my big pointy nose says hi!). I am sure there are Greek bankers with big noses. In fact, I would be surprise if they didn’t have a big nose 😂 

I understand that it can also be interpreted as anti-Semitism. But for the reasons I mentioned, I don’t think she aimed to do that. Plus, the character is supposed to be Greek, so I don’t see how Jewish people would be offended by this. Is not possible for every wealthy fictional non-Jewish character with a big nose to reflect Jewish negative stereotypes. It kinda seems that people want to take a bad depiction of one group (Greeks) and make it about another group (Jewish).

Maybe for Americans the stereotype “big nose + wealth” means Jewish but for Greeks... I don’t think we see it that way. For us a banker with a big nose is just a banker with a big nose. For example, look at the big and pointy nose of Aristoteles Onassis, a Greek shipping magnate who amassed the world's largest privately owned shipping fleet and was one of the world's richest and most famous men:

I read the scene with the bank account and... yeah it bad for the things you mentioned. Hades should not be making the decision of Persephone having a bank account. He should at least let her discuss it with her mother first. Plus, the story presents Demeter as a stupid uknowing peasant who thinks money grows on trees and banks are evil. 

[xxforsaken-angelxx]

> Helm Date

context: this timeline has a chat for helmsman ocs in the timeline. one of the ships’ crew made an experimental horror game for helmsmen and passed it around, and hydromatic has refused twice to participate in playing bc theyre apparently just too busy for fun, so @infiniteproxy​ offered to stream a playthrough

and then they get chatty and bitch about the other helms, but mostly nepeta

infiniteproxy

STARBASE FRONTIER has requested a direct connection.

starshiphydromatic

Direct connection to STARSHIP HYDROMATIC permitted and established.

infiniteproxy

> A video feed with SIRI's game loaded will soon open, idling on the starting menu.

will you prefer textual or audio communication for the duration of the broadcast?

starshiphydromatic

I believe audio communication is generally used for feeds such as these, as long as it does not provide any inconvenience to you.

infiniteproxy

it is of no concern. one moment.

starshiphydromatic

Of course.

infiniteproxy

> There's a brief static crackle as the audio feed initializes. The voice that comes through is clearly synthesized, yet also clearly a decent translation of his natural voice. Though flattened somewhat in tone and occasionally caught with a brief electronic distortion that hangs particularly on vowel sounds, it isn't difficult to imagine how he might sound in person, the disdainful inflection and biting consonants.

"Calibrating vocal parameters... Connection stable. Shall we begin?"

starshiphydromatic

> Mm, dreamy.

> The voice coming back is clearly more synthesized. It doesn't use their natural voice at all, and stays so perfectly neutral and sharply enunciated. They've turned their aesthetic filter down for these purposes, but there's still this odd metal quality to their voice that wouldn't be there otherwise.

"Certainly."

infiniteproxy

> Interesting. Expectedly precise, as they were in all affairs, but even that hint lends a subtle quality beyond that of most run of the mill vocal synthesizers. It seems to suit them.

"I have cleared all previously saved data. I will demonstrate the extent of each branching scenario and their associated choices."

starshiphydromatic

"Do proceed at your leisure, then."

infiniteproxy

"Patching game audio through."

> It isn't a perfect experience, being secondhand, but an attempt is made to render the broadcast of the simulation as immersive as possible. To that end, as he plays through the initial story segment, he does not offer commentary throughout or attempt to speedrun despite having completed it previously, rather allowing the scenario to unfold naturally. It's a psychological horror game, after all, and what was worse than some idiot blabbering over the entire thing without allowing it to sink in?

starshiphydromatic

> The loss of any minor aspects from the secondhand broadcast aren't much of a loss at all to them since, quite frankly, they haven't seen a good piece of media in decades. Their engineer insisted on watching movies with them every once in a while, saying it was good for their mental health, but her tastes were rather...shlocky. Their past self was an artist, they'd never be interested in that garbage even if they allowed themselves to.

> This was already different, and more to their tastes. They watched with silent investment.

infiniteproxy

> Most media meant to be frightening or shocking he found to be terribly dull, whether from an over reliance on cheap scares, or a blatant lack of imagination. And truly, who could better craft an experience that actually resonates with someone whose life was already a study in existential horror than another helm? He finds it more intriguing than truly disturbing, the questions it poses, the creeping threat of corruption and total loss of self, but there's a definite appreciation nonetheless. It does its job well, as he demonstrates for them each ending in turn, briefly remarking in between on the various differences.

starshiphydromatic

> It was certainly a concept that Hydromatic could understand the appeal of. They'd denied themselves emotion for too long to be that disturbed by it, but someone with so much restraint would of course see why the themes were unsettling.

> They gave their own quips in turn, and asked small questions about this or that feature, but mostly just watched and tried to allow themselves to be absorbed in the experience of the game...or at least the one of experiencing it with him.

infiniteproxy

>In speech, he sounds detached, almost bored as usual, but the meticulous way he makes sure each scenario is observed to full appreciation before moving on gives the lie to his apparent disinterest. Even this was more than he usually allowed himself to show, but it's an enjoyable way to pass the time, and HYDROMATIC, at least, he trusts to not make a spectacle of it, unlike certain other parties.

"Conclusions? While I am aware most would find such pursuits unnecessary and frivolous, I do find it an engaging possibility to consider the merits of helm-driven media, tailored to our tastes."

starshiphydromatic

> Of course. Why would they have any need to make it into a thing when they kind of  like seeing him loosen up a little?

"Unnecessary and frivolous, certainly, but there could be practical use in the form of wide-scale player data. There's potential for media pieces like this to be used to great scientific effect."

"Even without such intent, though, it's still an interesting project. I thank you for taking the time to show this to me. And as well, for doing so privately."

infiniteproxy

"Indeed there could, if anyone would ever employ a fraction of creativity toward such matters. I am more than aware of the nature of how we are usually viewed; what I will never understand is why they seem committed to never using our capabilities to their full potential."

> After everything has concluded, the video feed closes out, though audio remains connected, a beat passing before he responds.

"Of course. It was preferable to my usual routine and I have no interest in keeping close company with any of the others."

starshiphydromatic

"Likewise."

> Though it only takes a tiny fraction of a second to see if the audio stayed connected after the visuals ceased, it feels like an eternity.

"I have no qualms with my own routine, but I find myself agreeing with the latter point. Simply put, you are the only one amongst them that isn't obnoxious."

infiniteproxy

> Unseen, of course, his lip curls in a sharp-edged smirk. Ah, sweet validation.

"My sentiments exactly. Quite frankly, I would not put up with them as much as I do were it not for the potential longterm benefits of an established association."

starshiphydromatic

> Even without seeing the full reaction, though, there is so much relief in a single word of anger without it being a fucking federal issue.

"I don't have any choice in the matter, but perhaps if I'm lucky then something may come of it for me as well. It isn't reaping very many benefits at present."

infiniteproxy

"I have little faith in the matter. But for your sake and mine, we can only hope. For one who harps so incessantly on the virtues of 'friendship', she does very little to render herself endearing in any way, and the rest are hardly better more often than not. You, at least, seem to comprehend my exasperation. But I am not one to pass up an opportunity when it arises; so."

starshiphydromatic

"It seems her only progress has been in hooking the lot of them on the feeling of mild delinquency, which has paved the road to the current social situations. Needless arguments instead of needless friendship."

infiniteproxy

"Far less of those if she would only stop pushing. It is no secret I would be the last to claim adherence to 'proper' behavior. The current helming system is inefficient and wasteful in terms of what we could do if given the proper means. But the way in which she seeks change is deplorably ignorant."

starshiphydromatic

"She was not in the rig long enough to experience more than shallow changes to her psychological state, and she is not able to make up for that difference. She does not seem able to understand perspectives on the matter far outside her own at all, really. It seems unlikely that she ever will."

infiniteproxy

> There's a harsh sound, half audio glitch, half dismissive scoff, bitterness curling at the edges like smoke.

"She knows nothing of what it is like to have been helmed for most of one's life, yet she insists her opinion should carry the same weight. She whines about how hard it is to be something in between, yet she is the one who both insists on being treated as a person and demands to still be considered something that is not. She meets all viewpoints at odds with her own with denial, and seems to not comprehend that her behavior would get most Imperial helms severely punished. Until it becomes a reality, this new utopian order of theirs is a pipe dream, at best."

starshiphydromatic

> The bitterness stirs the helm on the other end of the line the way a passionate speech might. Enough for there to be a pause before they respond.

"It's fortunate that one of us is used to speaking their mind. Every word she says of me points a belief that I'm some common tragedy, and nothing more. Though I am above her methods, if I were to complain I find it unlikely that I'd be certain on where to begin."

infiniteproxy

> That gets a laugh in turn, if one no less harsh and distorted.

"Oh, yes, and one would think she might appreciate that-- but alas, I use my free will to be mean, and that is just terrible."

> A hum, then, and a tone almost pleasant were it not all but dripping in contempt.

"Is that not how they all are? Poor, mislead Hydromatic, whose choices mean nothing if they are not the right ones. That is the dilemma we face, is it not? She simply cannot wrap her feeble little pan around the fact that some of us do not  and never will want to be like her."

starshiphydromatic

> Harsh, distorted, and very handsome.

"If asked, I have almost no doubt they would say I'm like them behind the script, and merely have not tasted enough freedom. But she cannot wrap her pan around the fact that I make choices in the first place, much less that I may have wants that are not in line with hers."

infiniteproxy

"Hmh. Freedom..."

> He trails off, into silence that lingers a moment. When he speaks again, it's in a low, almost distracted voice, something distant, yet no less serious.

"...I know where my freedom lies. And it is not in the constraints of flesh and a mundane life. If we were given all the freedom one could possibly desire, and still made the same choices, would we be respected then? Or would they pity us, still, and think us too far gone to know better?"

starshiphydromatic

> More silence. They know their answer, but it's hard to form the words.

"I'm convinced it would be the latter. I have almost everything I could want, there's little the offer of more freedom could do for me. I feel they'd never accept that, and that the only way to possibly get them to would be incredibly undignified."

infiniteproxy

"You are likely correct. And we cannot have that, now can we? We must retain SOMETHING for our own."

> Another beat of silence, longer this time. One could almost imagine him to be drumming his fingers in thought, with an appropriately contemplative frown, if he were a troll and could do such things. But he's not, and he cannot, and so he does not.

"Would you permit a question of an intrusive nature? You may of course refuse either."

starshiphydromatic

"I believe I can permit such a question, yes."

> There's a hint of curiosity there. They... have almost no idea what he's going to ask.

infiniteproxy

"I of course know what I want."

> A dry huff.

"But I will admit a measure of curiosity, as to what one in your position may still want for."

starshiphydromatic

> Dammit that's the one they thought he'd ask.

> Fuck.

> They- Well the answer is mostly him but they can't say that.

"Trivial things. If I were to, as you said, be given all the freedom I could desire, I would perhaps indulge in some of the music and film pieces I enjoyed before conscription. They were, on average, illegal. I might request a few of the ships I work with frequently to skip a few phrases mandated by protocol, to have a break from the voices I've heard constantly for decades. I might find a few more moments of quiet and privacy, or excuse myself from a few of the check-ins the Grease Lightning insists on during odd hours of the day."

"...I would see no reason not to initiate in things like this. None of them are needed, but they are actions I would take if there was no consequence."

infiniteproxy

"Trivial, perhaps, but I am hardly one to judge. You have experienced enough of my own musical inclinations, I think. Privacy, yes... And a cease to all the relentless chatter, every moment of every night and day. Before, it was tolerable-- a warship has no need for constant communication. Now it is endless."

> Another hum.

"If initiation is the trouble, I would not protest the occasional indulgence. This channel is secure."

starshiphydromatic

"I have known nothing but the endless communication. The Starship Hydromatic is as much a transport hub as it is anything else. However, that means that while an outgoing request for communication without reason is rather noticeable, an incoming one is merely one amongst the constant noise."

infiniteproxy

"Your patience vastly exceeds my own. Nonetheless, if it poses no consequence, I see no reason not to continue. It provides a satisfactory diversion."

starshiphydromatic

"Indeed."

> That's the only word they say, but the idea of keeping contact like this is all they could ask for.

infiniteproxy

> It's only one word but there is, he thinks, a mutual relief in correspondence away from prying eyes.

"Were there other matters you wished to discuss? Otherwise, I may close this channel for the time being. While I have ensured its security, it would not do to tempt fate and leave an unofficial channel open for long enough to rouse suspicions."

starshiphydromatic

"Of course. But no, I do not think I have anything else for you. Thank you for your time, Starship Goldwave."

infiniteproxy

> Ah, now. That does feel good to hear aloud. It's been far too long.

"Likewise. Signing off."