#mostly social media but also like. idk it makes me feel isolated in social settings cause i always wanna look at it

[quaalussy]

guys real talk how do u actually break up with ur phone

[nahoyaglock]

WHEN I STOP BREATHING..

pairings! ushijima x reader

summary! sitting on the beach, so close to each other they can hear each other’s heartbeats. They both smile and they watch the world end right in front of them, reminiscing on all they’ve been through together. Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

genre! angst

word count! didnt bother actually counting so ill estimate maybe 2000+

warnings! end of the world, death, murder mention, slight ooc ushijima idk its the end of the world so pff

a/n! uh idk i wanna hurt people, sorry if this is bad i havent written in a while :p i feel like the beginning was really good, the middle was ass and the end was okay but hoh im happy enough w this. I also cried writing this ngl lmaoo also did not fix any errors so my bad

You knew it was coming, you both did. New reports, articles, it was trending on all social media platforms. It was unavoidable, what could you do but waste away your last few days, watching old shows you watched as a kid, harsh knocks and cries from your doors from friends and family. You couldnt face them, you just wanted to drown out the thought of what was coming the next few hours of the day.

You had woken up and sluggishly dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed to your dirty kitchen, littered with dirty dishes and some uneaten food that youd try to make, but didn't have the stomach to eat. Your phone rang atleast every hour or two, many unanswered calls and long voicemails you couldnt bother to listen to.

There was a knock on your door, and you sighed, not wanting to bother with facing the person at the door. You turned on your heels, about to head to your room when you heard the voice call out to you.

"y/n."

Out of all the people why did it have to be him. You bit your lip and let out shaky breaths. You took another step, freezing at another set of knocks. The last persom you wanted to see was your boyfriend.

"y/n let me in or ill tear this door down." His voice was stern, laced with seriousness and slight concern. You wanted to open it, let him in and crumble into his arms, but it hurt so bad.

"Go away." You spoke, loud enough to be heard through the door, but not loud enough to be a yell.

"y/n."

You hesitantly walked to the door, unlocking the bottom lock, the top lock remaining unlocked, too bothersome for you to have delt with anyways. At the sound of the click of the locks he opened the door with quick motions, while also being careful not to knock you over.

At the sight of his big frame you felt like the world had just stabbed you through the chest 28 times. You backed up with quick steps are your boyfriend reached out to hug you, scared that his touch would break down your facade. You tripped over your own feet, landing hard on your butt.

"Ush.. Ushijima," you started, not knowing exactly what you were trying to say, "Please dont touch me."

His heart sank when he saw you, lifeless and so frail. He guessed you havent been getting much sleep- or maybe too much sleep, and not eating as he took a quick glance towards the food littered kitchen counter.

It wasnt any better for you, seeing your normally cold and calm boyfriend with a worried expression and eye bags that made it obvious he hasnt got much sleep either.

You pull yourself up, your eyes boring through your boyfriends abdomen as you bit your lip, trying to think of what to say, and to also keep yourself from falling apart. "What do you want?"

"y/n. Dont be cold to me." It wasnt a question, but it wasnt a demand. "Sorry," you mumbled, leaving you two in silence for a while.

"Ushi, you should go home," you said, feeling your heart race, every second you spent in his presence, under his gaze, killed you. "You should call Tendou or something."

"Toshi." He said, making your head shoot up, looking him in his eyes, seeing a tear roll down his cheek, his face remaining mostly emotionless, fear slightly present in his eyes. "Please keep calling me Toshi."

You felt a pang in your heart, suddenly the reality of things hitting you. You were the only one going through this, you knew this but never gave it more than a mere thought. He was scared, he didnt know what he was doing, he just knew to find comfort in you, like youve told him to for many years into your relationship.

"Toshi," you breathed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, "Toshi lets go somewhere."

You never felt the need to go outside, wanting to be isolated, but being here with your boyfriend, you felt like running away, wanting to escape from the dark pit of your home. "Lets go to the beach"

"y/n–"

"Lets go. Lets go, right.. right now Toshi," you felt as if though youve felt shoked by lightning, like you suddenly got hit with some sugar rush.

"We dont have time–"

"We do Toshi, we do, we do," you saw the corner of his lips raise up into a small smile. He hated seeing you like this but he was glad you were more alive than you were minutes before. You knew this, what he was thinking, and you knew his smile had so much sadness behind it, "we have time, lets go, lets go!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out of your apartment, not bothering to change from your days out clothing or close the door behind you. It wouldnt matter in another hour anyways.

The ride there was mostly silent, songs playing quietly on the radio. You watched as you passed through the town, the streets were slightly empty, stores looked run down, some stores even tore up and empty.

"Has it been like this since.. since the announcement?" You mumbled, earning a hum for Ushijima.

"Yeah, yeah it has." He knew that you didnt go out, and he was slightly grateful for it. The world went to shit after the announcement, many lootings, murders and other various crimes being commited.

"Im glad your safe Toshi," you spoke into your palm.

"Im glad your safe too."

The ride went on in silence until you got to the beach. You both climbed out of the car, the beautiful blue sea sparkling under the sunny sky. It was funny how such a depressing day could look so so beautiful.

"Hmm, this is the beach we went to with the team our senior year, remember?" He asked and turned to face you. The fear in his eyes was much more evident in the light, along with signs of personal neglict. He hasnt been taking good care of himself either.

You walk around the front of the car to grab his hand, your small hands tracing light circles on his rough palms before linking your hands together, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I remember."

He let out a shaky breath he didnt know he was holding in, and you two found a nice spot on the beach to sit and watch the sky. "Toshi, do you remember the time goshiki got gummy bears stuck in his nose?"

He looked at you, and his face softened, "yeah. Yeah i do." He let out a small chuckle at the thought of his old teammates. "Do you remember when Tendou took my water bottle and filled it with really sour lemonade?" He asked, you could hear his voice unravel into a more comfortable tone, instead of one holding in so much hurt and fear.

"Ha, i actually helped him with that you know?" You spoke up, a small grin on your lips as your boyfriend grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him. "We'll its okay, because it was 2 years ago."

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you had become shiratorizawas manager, 2 years since you made the number 1 ace fall head over heels for you, 2 years since you had went on your first date with him.

"2 years, its been so long." You laid your head on Ushijimas arm, feeling tired. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss atop your head.

"Thats when we first started dating," you spoke, shoulders shaking with a small laugh, "i would've never imagined to have the nations number 1 ace fall so madly in love with me." You laughed and turned to your boyfriend to continue your teasing, but stopped when you saw him looking back at you.

He couldn't respond with anything more than a mere chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. You bit your lip, scooting closer to him so you were in his lap, wrapping your arms around his large stature.

"Toshi, I love you." It was no more than a whisper and he placed a warm, loving kiss to your temple, rubbing your back softly as he let out a shaky laugh.

"y/n god, you make it so hard not to cry." He whispered in an unstable tone, resting his head atop yours. "I love you too."

This was how it was, clinging to the other and sharing old tales of your days spent with Ushijima and the boys, tales of times tendou had snuck out of the dorms and got caught by washijou, or when goshiki cut his bangs too short, or how Ushijima brought your parents a half eaten watermelon as a gift.

Those last moments spent with laughs and tears, kisses and hugs, warmth and comfort, those were your best memories. Despite the fate to cross you, Ushijima and everyone else in the world, you felt like you could smile for the first time.

You would smile alot, but it felt different this time. You convinced yourself that it was just because you had been withering away for the past days, but you knew it was because you felt free.

You had no worries in the moment with your lover, you didnt need to think about getting up for work the next day, or how you would afford next months rent. You felt like the largest weight had been lifted off of you, and you could really smile for the first time.

There was a slightly rumble if the ground that had made you and Ushijima go silent. You pulled away from your spot in the crook of his neck to look at him, fear still in his eyes.

"I dont wanna die," he chuckled out, "but im not sad." He drew small shapes into your hips with his thumbs, looking onto your laps instead of your face, and you just stared at him.

His usually stoic face was calmed, relaxed, his jaw unclenched and his eyes soft. You hadnt seen so many emotions from your boyfriend so much, it was almost scary. But he looked so gorgeous, he was your world.

"Wakatoshi Ushijima, you know," your placed your hands on both sides of his face, "it doesnt matter what happens to this world, because," you placed a passionate kiss to his lips, the tears finally falling from your eyes, "you, you're my world Toshi."

He let out a noise that was similar to a choke, tears rolling down the apple of his cheeks as he placed his forehead to yours, letting his shoulders shake with hard sobs. Loud crashes, screams and car alarms had let you know it was coming, the end of the world.

The last thing you saw was Ushijima, smiling snd crying, mouthing out one last 'I love you'.

Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

© tomura-heart — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, or copying is not allowed. do not translate. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

[jyndor]

I swear, WHY are these people harassing MINORS. The atla fandom is mostly adults at this point, that they're SEARCHING KIDS OUT is just so absolutely disgusting. Those kids got to miss the initial ship wars, let them go through 2020 in peace.

Anon I feel you. Full disclosure, I have had a bottle of wine and spent four hours talking to my family on zoom so I’m heated. Okay, here we go. Let me say this. I am 29 and neurodivergent/ADHD so I prefer explicitly-stated social rules of engagement. Like I don’t always pick up on social cues and that has gotten me into interpersonal conflicts in the past with my peers.

BUT. I am 29 so I also understand that I am in a different place than I was when I was 15 or 12 or 17. I have different needs, different expectations, from those who interact with me than I did when I was a kid. Fuck, I know how it might have felt back 15 years ago to hear adults say “she’s a kid, she doesn’t know what she needs, her brain isn’t fully developed and she can’t legally consent” yeah that pissed me off and in some ways it wasn’t true but with regard to consent it was. Of course it was. But what I’m hearing from these minors, these teenagers who I don’t know if they’re 12 or 17, but they’re not asking to be treated like adults - they’re asking to be treated with respect.

Now all of what I am about to say is not me excusing this behavior, but analyzing why it happens. And yes, I am about to say that all of these anons are white I can smell the entitlement in the air.

I know why these fools are targeting minors and poc zutara shippers. I know why. You know why. We all know. They are EASY fucking targets. It’s sick, picking on kids. Absolutely sick. Harassment, predatory. And they are also acting in bad faith - if they were working in good faith, they would come off anon and say, “hey x I truly believe that zutara is harmful and I am confused as to why a poc would be cool with something that other poc say is harmful to them, can we have a discourse?” now granted, this is fucked up and essentialist garbage, and no one is entitled to discourse~ with random people on social media.

Now I want to make something clear before I get to my next bit: the zutara fandom is not the r*ylo fandom. First off, the zutara fandom has experienced hateful shit from TPTB since early on in fandom; we don’t have a lot of support from the creators. In fact, the creators have been outwardly misogynistic and hostile to us. Okay, Dante Basco and some of the writers MIGHT ship zutara but that’s like, not institutional support. And also there is a history of SOME fan creations being really fucking racist. That shit, the “dark enemies hate sex” shit that zutara is stereotyped as being about, is almost completely purged from fandom. Not that it doesn’t exist still. And not that it shouldn’t be corrected and that we shouldn’t try to grow as a fandom. Have I seen shitty politics from zutara shippers? Yes. And I cringe every time, but like I don’t expect every person to agree with my politics. We have grown so much as a fandom - and you can tell by the fan creations. Fanworks are not about non-consensual domination anymore (like they often were in the early days of atla), they are about respect and reconciliation. And they have been for YEARS, like I’m talking s2 onward, when zutara took off. *sips wine*

‘cause here’s the thing. Fandoms are groups of people. People, as a result of centuries-old imperialist/racist constructs, are racist. We have to actively unlearn so fucking much. And any fandom is going to have its shitty elements. This is not something non-zutara shippers are exempt from. Actually, the zutara fandom has done a lot of work to make the fandom safe for poc and minors over the years and I am so proud of it. I have never seen that in a fandom. Ever. It’s not to say it’s perfect, of course not.

We did that on our own. Not because kataangers or sokka/zuko shippers were like WTF RACIST lol no because poc in the fandom were like, HEYYY before you write capture fic please learn about x, y and z, and the white parts of fandom were like, oh shit let’s get educated, this ship is about reconciliation and growth, let’s live up to that. I mean honestly from what I’ve seen from the larger atla fandom, which has a hard time dealing with the criticisms about why atla is racist (lol shocking that bryke appropriating cultures for their financial benefit would be considered racist but /s) could learn from the zutara fandom. js.

Honestly I assume most of these anons are just fuckin white asshole anti-zutara trolls who have never actually interacted with the zutara fandom. As a white person I do think that we white people have a certain level of entitlement to spaces that are not ours. Like, I don’t see poc who have had to be in more collectivist or communal settings as a result of colonialism and white supremacy invading spaces they don’t belong to in the same way that white people do. This is a LEARNED behavior, not an essence or in our DNA. Like, many white people get pissy about not being allowed by social contract to say certain slurs, but like... A) it’s not a legally enforced LAW lmfao and B) those white people only get annoyed when they realize they aren’t allowed to say it. That’s an extreme example, but I think it’s emblematic of a larger problem - because of colonialist ideology, white people feel entitled to ALL spaces and ALL things. We get annoyed when things don’t work how we feel they should. I grew up expecting things to change when my social class put pressure on those things, so it is always going to be somewhat jarring for me to know that that isn’t the case for marginalized communities.

I know some of my friends who are black have said things like, “lol cait why are you so shocked and appalled that x is the way it is, that’s how it always has been.” Not always, and not all of my friends, but like it happens. In those instances it’s like, I see something happen that is racist or fucked up, and they’re like... yeah. Obviously. But for someone who is not exposed to something, they might find it hard to swallow. When it comes to fascists and capitalists, I don’t have any sympathy left to offer - just get fucking educated or have a fist to the nose. But ships are not at that level. And like people work with political bubbles, where they often get isolated to what discourse is happening in other bubbles, fandoms and subfandoms (like ship fandoms) also exist in bubbles. (I am not saying that fascists/capitalists are soul searching in their bubbles, but they do exist in clear bubbles on and offline and that is terrifying to me; their discourse cannot be GOOD and I hate not knowing what they are plotting).

Example. I don’t interact with r*ylo unless it interacts with ME, and what I see, I don’t like. (let me be clear, I am not comparing zutara with r*ylo because they are NOT equivalent; I would not be a zutara shipper if I thought they were similar). But I don’t go into shipper tags and harass children who support r*ylo. I hate it, I really do it fucking sends me up a wall, but I only ever interact with anti-r*ylo content. and in that way, I don’t know what discourse the r*ylo fandom is doing to correct its horseshit. I only know what I see, and I see r*ylo shippers being toxic and racist.

So I hate fucking r*ylo but you don’t see me going out of my way to interact with r*ylos about their ship. I can’t begin to tell you how much I am ANTI-r*ylo. It is antithetical to everything I believe. But again, I am not going into the tags, searching for r*ylos to harass. Maybe the r*ylo fandom is working on its toxic shit, maybe it isn’t. I have no idea, and I am not going to harass r*ylos about it in their inboxes unless they come into my inbox and harass me. And by the way, even then I am not going to have private conversations with shitty people - that’s all gonna be public, bitch.

Wow... IDK if this is coherent because like I said, wine. At best, these anons are racist white people who think that they are helping the anti-racist cause by attacking people who they think are pushing racist narratives... but are not challenging their implicit biases and so are picking on the most vulnerable people, who because of essentialist garbage, they feel like are traitors of the Cause or whatever, and also are minors so they assume are incapable of fighting back.

It’s racism, my friend. I’m drunk, but it’s racism. Hopefully I don’t have much to edit in this tomorrow morning lmfao. Please tell me if anything doesn’t make sense.

[matt-skc-rp]

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me and You)|| Swiftimer AprilAU

Matt and Suzy couldn’t really find time on their schedules to go out anymore, between their schedules and their own personal things popping up, so they found the perfect thing to get them together doing something they both enjoy, video-making and giving to those who can’t. The Gamma house had a few charity streams set up for the holiday season and Suzy said she can get him in one of them that she was doing with the Grumps, where she’d be off camera as well as on camera. They mostly needed someone to toggle the viewer’s screen.

Matt came over and Suzy met him at the door, they excitedly embraced and walked over to where the stream was going to be held. “You eat lunch yet?” Suzy asked, while she grabs the food she was eating, “We got some Chinese food over there you can heat up.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll get to it in a second. You have a uhh...like a wrap sheet of what kind of cuts I’m going to be making and how to transition into the different screens and minimizations. I know StreamLabs is gonna kind be on top of all of the donations and stuff,” he said.

“Wow, you’re really straight to the point about the work..but you’re volunteering,” Suzy pointed out with a giggle.

“Well once I know what I’m doing, then I can relax and have a little fun...But uhhm..I see you’re not looking like the Queen of Darkness much today,” Matt said with a nervous giggle. 

“It’s not like that’s all I do, or all I’m about it. I actually do a lot of my activities wearing a bunch of Game Grumps merch,” Suzy explained while Matt poked through the Game Grumps Twitch channel and its setup in OBS. 

“Well I figured as much, I do follow your social media, I just thought that you’d be a tad more done up for the stream,” he clarified, “I think your loungewear is what you look cutest in, you definitely are sexy when you’re modelling clothes or you’re dressed up.”

Suzy giggled shyly at his compliment and tucked her hair behind her ear, “Well thank you for recognizing I’m still a lazy girl gamer like everyone else in Gamma.”

“Aaaannd done! So, when’s the stream starting?” Matt asked, looking at the girl leaning on the table and gave her a warm smile.

“Uhhmm..tomorrow?..At 3 in the afternoon?” she replied, shrugging slowly.

“I’m actually not mad you did this..It means I’m much more prepared for this and can catch if something goes wrong..Thanks Suze,” he said, chuckling and standing up, “Was this your idea?”

“Yeah, the other guys are so busy with getting the rest of their finals and videos done that they forgot they needed to get a volunteer live editor for the stream since they’re gonna be completely hands-free on camera. Even their editor is gonna be in front of the camera or working props and other staging,” Suzy explained, grabbing her drink and sipping it, “Well, since you’re here, what do you wanna do?”

“I’ll be generous and ask what do you want us to do, because I blocked out literally all day today and tomorrow for this. I can stay here, we can go to my place and watch movies,” Matt suggested.

“Awwhh, but it’s still so cold!..Why don’t we stay here and play some arcade games?” 

“What games do you guys have?” he asked, turning to her.

“Uhhm...we can just go check,” Suzy said, dancing around the chair slowly moving toward the hall where they held their systems and coffins. Matt followed, smirking at her and walked normally. She opened the door to a colourful and loud room, full of classic cases of games and some new ones they obviously brought in for fun, and tables of pool, foosball, and air hockey all aligned in a slightly dim room. Suzy gets the rush of air that is only distinctive of walking into an arcade and thinking about what is your first move after getting your cup of tokens. “Yeah whatever’s in here is what we can use..Did you wanna get beat in something?” she teased, nudging his side.

Matt was still surprised that this is what Gamma does for its students, and he’s been stuck playing off his consoles in his room. “It surprises me that any of you study with this just down here,” he scoffed.

“It gets locked during class times during the semester and at like 1am too, but since we’re in the middle of winter break, it’s open 24/7!” Suzy explained, propping herself onto one of the unused pool tables. She watched Matt take a tour, and she noticed that he was...different. He wasn’t hanging on her or trying to be as intimate as possible, not even in his questions and answers! It’s almost as if he’d welcomed whatever looming loneliness and let the ideas of being close to anyone repulse him. It was comforting, in a way, but it tugged at her mind that it’s not like they hadn’t started their chemistry, so why the distance with her?

“That’s good to know, but then you guys just go into your rooms..Whatever, we have something similar in Theta with the editing and shooting booths. We perfectionists tend to lose track of the time, so they lock the isolated editing and shooting rooms when we need to study, but it’s not like..we can’t just ask the president and vice, because the actual school security monitors that. And they only do that because our president has a horrible habit of putting work and results above all else,” Matt explained as he hovered at the air hockey table, “Let’s start here.”

Matt sets up the game and they wait for the puck, a gust of air blowing in Suzy’s face from the rink. It lands on Matt’s side and he starts the volley, “How have your classes been, Suze?”

Suzy defends herself well, and they get a hot volley going, “I really liked the anthology classes and courses in the dead and dying...what say you?”

“Taking a bunch of production and set detail courses, I’ve also started taking management and busniess courses just in case i don’t work out as an artist of some sort. Gonna start my business- Ah!” Matt exclaimed and as he saved his goal, darting it into Suzy’s. She nodded, retrieving the puck and serving hard and fast until the volley ended with a point from her.

They both looked at each other, then he dropped the puck and served her nicely. Again?! What’s his deal?

“Uhhm...well I mean ” she asked almost forgetting they were playing a game, “The whole taxidermy and bugs thing is gonna be like, my marketable skill, I also like to model sometimes. You know, I do all of that when I’m not working on my own gaming channel. I wanna start getting into jewelry-making..”

“Oh that’s dope! I love that you don’t settle for less!” he said, grunting as he was competing, then Suzy sliding a point past him, “You definitely are not afraid to get your hands dirty...I think that’s so great!”

Ping ping Ding Ding Suzy let the puck hit the wall and then slide in. She really wasn’t used to being praised like this. It was so refreshing in some way knowing that he was still willing to just talk to her. Even if she doesn’t really say what she really feels or thinks. “Haha..I was letting you catch up!” she blurted out as she bent down to pick up the puck and looked at Matt who looked at her as they stared intensely at each other before dropping the little plastic puck in front of her and checking it off the side towards him. 

“Tell me more about your Christmas stream you’re having here instead of in the saftey and comfort of your family,” Matt had said after scoring another point and allowing her to start the volley again.

“I’m gonna hang out, and probably oversee some of the challenges we do on screen, then I’m probably going to just read comments and donations and just interact with my audience,” Suzy explained, “But if you were wondering why I haven’t joined the exodus from this facility like everyone else then that’s because I’m flying out on the 22nd or 23rd so I’m not missing out on all the cute cuddly family fun.”

“Oh...that’s nice,” Matt responds, focusing on the puck. He was interested, but he really only wanted to know about the stream, since Christmas for him was a touchy subject. He would be watching her work and he guesses he could get her food and water and such, but she could’ve asked anyone. Why him? “I already flew out and saw my family. I decided to come back to just have more time to think...At least that’s what my sister wanted for me,” he explained as he dodged her attempts to score, his hands were getting sweaty but he couldn’t let up. Then he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

[From: Gabbie Babbie] Hey, are you still with Suzy? [From: Gabbie Babbie] I don’t mean to bother you, just was thinking about you I think... [From: Gabbie Babbie] Idk have fun. Maybe we can try to grab dinner together tonight again.  [From: Gabbie Babbie] I just wanna touch your beard lol

Matt scored another point, but then Suzy retaliated with the last 2 points of the game and they both sighed as the game went back to its normal state.

They played another round and then moved on to other games in the arcade. One being a two player game with only one joystick and set of buttons. He had allowed her to mess with him while he was giving a grand effort of a turn to get a higher score. So he had no problem returning the gesture as safely as he could. When the girl was gaining a lead and even past his score, he warned her that the game is going to get really hard. He started to tickle her sides. Fun little finger pokes at first while she beat his score. They set up another game. Suzy lightly feathered Matt’s arms and actually caused him to finish with a score better than either of them. Suzy received air being blown in her ears and her freaking out causing her to jump back into Matt’s arms. She looked up with a giggle, and he looked down, checking her eyes and saw a softer look. Where was her fear of falling? Where was her blind rage that he cheated?

She felt her heart start to jump a little, not from their frolicking, either. His arms were a lot more welcome than she last knew. His touch was gentle on her body, and she felt cradled instead of caught. Is this how his sisters feel? Who would have thought this creep and weirdo would have such a light touch. He’s told her once before that he’s played with his sisters (moreso Hollie) and he would make sure not to hurt them so they knew how to have fun, but that they wouldn’t get hurt because of them. His glasses shining against the lights of the cabinet and the dim light gave it a galactical shine. She was lost in his eyes and gripped him for her fear of falling, but she still felt drawn to him.

This whole ordeal was throwing Matt off balance and it felt like they only stayed like that for a moment. He watched them almost from above himself as they crash back into the game cabinet they were playing, Matt towering over her, his hands propped up on either side of her. He dodged hitting her in the face or falling with his whole weight by simply shifting, and landing on his hip at angles to the other girl still gripping his shirt on his sides. He immediately moved back from the cabinet to let the girl stabilize herself, her hands now going to the ends of the game cabinet, to stabilize herself, while he took her hands off of his shirt. “I...I am so sorry, Suzy. I didn’t mean to make you jump like that, are you okay?...” he said, a clear 5 feet away from her and edging towards the door. 

Suzy wasn’t sure what had happened there. She had frozen, but she had also had something come over her. She hadn’t realized that she had been pulling them down until they were falling, their awkward recovery being salvaged by Matt, and he wasn’t being weird about it. She just noticed him scooting to the exit of the game room, and opened her mouth to answer the question, “NO! N-no...I think you should leave..” She hadn’t expected it to come off that way, or those words rather, but there he was, nodding in understanding and escorting himself out of the room to gather his things.

He wasn’t fighting to say it wasn’t that bad. He wasn’t trying to say that she was crazy. He wasn’t trying to touch her again to see if he could make things right. He wasn’t even offering to buy her something special to eat or to drink after the stream when they’d ultimately meet again. He’s just...leaving. Suzy sat and thought about it and knows she made the right choice. He shouldn’t have blown into her ear like that, fucking perv. He’s disgusting. No. NO. She followed him just to make sure he had everything and to maintain some level of their acquaintance with one another...at this point.

Matt walked away, knowing he didn’t do anything wrong and his intentions were good, but the whole thing became a jumble and he’s done trying to make sense of those. His sister said If you want a girl to make up her mind, be nice! And go with the first thing that comes out of their mouth. It’s usually their most clear answer. Then never talk about it again. Don’t make her feel bad for not being able to make a choice, just encourage the girl to have a better one in mind next time. And even though it’s advice from a 17-almost-18-year-old girl, it sounded right. It was easier, too. Better than his approach. His approach branded him as a creep. This one gives him some nobility. He could hear Suzy following behind him and he kept checking his phone and replying back to Gabbie.

[To: Gabbie Babbie] Lmaooo you can touch my beard anytime uwu [To: Gabbie Babbie] Dinner sounds cool, how about tonight if you aren’t busy? Nothing fancy? Just some Thai, I feel like spice tonight [To: Gabbie Babbie] I’m about to leave Gamma now. Just had a super weird interactive moment with Suzy and she told me to get out so I could use a distraction. [To: Gabbie Babbie] Call you when I’m back in Theta.

Suzy stood there, not understanding why she felt so...off. He was smiling into his phone, probably texting a girl, making separate plans for the evening because theirs had just come to an abrupt end. He’s not accepting his loneliness. He’s not even lonely. He’s just indifferent. Suzy knows for him to brush it off and walk away is what he usually does now, but now it also seems like he’s not even that interested in her. All because she snapped at him to leave. She was more so thinking the room and not leave her, but he’s okay with either gesture. She almost feels embarrassed he reacted so politely and jealous that he had another person he’d rather spend his time with- BUT SHE ASKED HIM TO BE HERE. “Uhm!” Suzy blurted out with a small voice, keeping her hand to her mouth, causing Matt to look at her and realize he hadn’t moved.

“Oh..I’m sorry, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t died in there from the beating I’d given you...We should do this again sometime after the charity stream, and under...uhh..better circumstances- which, again, sorry..about that...in there...” he trailed off as he began to hurry through the Gamma common area. 

“You didn’t want a t-shirt?” Suzy asked, her face donned a broken smile, her whole body was conflicted on what her curse was to be around Matt like this. Maybe she just like dreamy guys treating her like a cool kid sister. Maybe it’s the beard he’s growing. Or the haircut. Or the glasses. It’s gotta be the glasses. He’ usually doesn’t wear them and he just thinks he can walk in here with them on like it was okay. “Yeah...uhh all participants of the charity stream get t-shirts and merch and stuff to wear, so do you want your t-shirt? Cus I can’t promise you any tomorrow, you know, with Mark and all-”

“Yeah, yeah, I do know,” Matt’s appearance of a deer in headlights quickly subsided when she mentions a t-shirt and an inside joke about Mark, “Uhh..I mean I can still hang here, if you’d like..and get that leftover chinese..and the t-shirt of course.” He agreed and knew exactly how this was going to pan out. It had to get better. Matt had to be able to hold some type of human interaction. He walked over to the kitchen with Suzy and she pulled out the food and let the other take his pick. “So uhh Suzy....is..it okay if I get personal?” he asked carefully filling a dish with food and then putting it into the microwave, pressing in the settings and starting it, leaning back against the counter. 

Suzy was surprised he wanted to speak to her and dig into a topic. Here she was thinking that he was almost forced to come here. Whatever, maybe he’s just trying to keep his mind off of what happened earlier. “Yeah, yeah sure. What’s up?”

“Soo..I don’t usually let gossip affect my friendships and relationships, but, and I don’t know how to put this, but uhh..are you Pewds’ concubine or something? I’ve heard a lot about it, but I wanted to check with you on the validity of it,” Matt said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“WHat?!” Suzy spat, she looked around and walked closer, “Is it that obvious?”

“It’s that true?” he asked back, matching her hushed speech.

“We don’t...I-I mean we haven’t..I just...*sighs* Yes. I’m in cahoots with Pewds,” she admitted after getting frustrated about not being able to sugar coat it. He was the Gamma President after all, “Shane is fine with it and Harlan doesn’t see it much. They just figure it’s a..rough dry spell until they can cuddle up and vacation in the summers and such. It’s really the only time they get to have off. Shane’s always busy with schoolwork and Alpha work and taking care of Harlan, but he knows Felix is busier and needs to relax, and he can’t be there, I guess this is how they figured it out.”

“Oh ok,I understand that. I was seeing a girl who was a double major double minor 5.0, and so she would like only talk to me when she couldn't focus on studying and so I’d like hang with her, we didn’t like have sex very much, but it was fun while it lasted. The only reason I’m not with her right now is because she got picked up by UC Berkley and transferred to go straight into grad school,” Matt explained.

Suzy’s hand was trembling. He was okay with it? It’s not like his opinion mattered that much, but coming from a guy and being told that what she was doing didn’t damn her, felt odd. She listened to him talk about the girl he saw and she couldn’t help but think that he must have creeped her out and she stopped talking to him. However, Suzy had a strange pull that he wasn’t lying. She got the school bulletins, too, and there was a double major double minor 5.0 student at this school that had gotten picked up on scholarship to UC Berkley. Maybe he’s just that good of a liar. She was brought out of her thoughts by the beeping of the microwave and followed the man to the island nook. He sat and started eating, nodding as he slid Suzy his phone, showing pictures of him with the girl, who clearly looked tired and nothing like the polished one in the picture, standing together in a mirror together, another of them getting coffee at the cafe, and another with the two in bed in their underwear kissing. She nodded back, raising her brows in surprise, “You like prodigies,” she commented, “Well, you like them smart, at least. Interesting..eh..You’d have to prove it. And I’d thought that you’d have more of..an opinion about me..doing what I’m doing.”

“Well, it’s not that I like prodigies or that I even like them smart- I mean, well, I do..but that’s not the point. What’s more important is that you expected me to judge you, the only cis-female in an all cis-male house, that it’s wrong you’re having sex with men...in college. Jeez, you’ve gotta relax. Don’t take yourself so seriously, or don’t act like you have to around me. I think it’s hot as hell to have something like that to look forward to...I mean, is he anything like me? Do you guys like talk about things and be there for one another? Cus I understand it’s not a whole big thing, but I’d hope you two are friends. I’d hate to have to be standoffish to Pewds because he’s just being a fuck boy to someone as great as you,” Matt said between bites, carrying the conversation, getting up to the refrigerator and grabbing a drink, then sitting down to continue. He felt that Suzy probably expected to be judged, or she gets off on defying it, either way he knew he just wanted to make sure his friends were happy. At the moment, he looked at her as she had tensed up, “Look at me, talking about me and being overprotective of your well being. You can talk if you’re up to it,” he mentioned, sipping his juice. 

“Pew-Felix and I are friends,” Suzy began, fighting the blush on her cheeks, “He comes to me about his marriage and his house problems. Him and Cry going at each other over it and things. Planning events and things. He also just asks me for creative input. Sometimes I’m the babysitter. Oh yeah, I’m definitely more than just some cheeks for the man,” she blurted out in defence. It had been going on long enough that she could say normal things they’ve done, and that doesn’t count for the numerous instances of raunchy flirting. “Yup, your regular brand of rebel!” she joked, sitting back, proud of herself.

Matt giggled at her and cleaned up where he was completely, before going back to her and his drink at the counter. Suzy had came over the counter and was sitting, watching the man move around to cover his presence in her house. He looked at her, cross-legged on the countertop, and leaned back on his elbows next to her, “You’re not a rebel here until you get thrown out of a party, and you barely go to those!” he joked back, nudging her, “However, it raises your quality. You’re usually busy at work anyway. And babysitting would explain some of the times, especially between finals. That’s super duper kind of you. You’re definitely a real well-rounded friend!” he explained, listening to her and watching her face flush with pink. He looked at her and scoffed, “A real horny well-rounded friend. Pull yourself together, Suze!..All jokes aside that was cool how you were able to get in where you could find and got accepted for it. You get to have fun how most girls think they’d be having fun in college. You think you really like him?” he asked, looking at her.

Suzy grunted nervously, "Matt, you're putting a lot of thought into it, when...it's really really not that deep...I'm just friends with Felix sometimes and it's none of your business to be honest. So, like, can you please respect that?" The room rang with silence, causing Matt to withdraw. He stood on the other side of the kitchen now, looking through his phone and finishing his drink.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I haven't been the most respectful of people. It's mostly because I'm not around anyone anymore, so I tend to...obsess. And I really don't mean to be that way. That's why I wanted us to hang out more so that it doesn't happen anymore. I'm just..tired of being isolated."

Suzy looked at him and sighed hard, he very well could be lying. She can't doubt him, and given all the other times he's been very sweet, respectful and accomodating, maybe she was being a little too judgemental of him in that moment. She couldn't blame him for not being around anyone because she wasn't the most socalized person on campus either. She bit her lip and twirled her hair, feeling her chest tighten as she heard the familiar voice in her head. She was briefly conflicted and really thought she had gotten her voice up to tell Matt that she was sorry too, but had just been sitting there pulling at her hair. "Are you okay?" he asked from across the kitchen, scrunching his eyebrows. Suzy looked up and their eyes met, Matt looking at her blankly still waiting for a response. She had softened her stance, looking at the other person. He was so simple and strange and rugged. It all seemed so frustrating in her head, why couldn't he just be one way all of the time?!

Suzy still sat there and Matt grew concerned, but he was really about to leave because he had been totally blowing it. She quietly took in his frame, his energy. He was so soft and non-threatening, it felt nearly easy to be around him, and almost ignore him. Is that what he felt around everyone else? He didn't let the rumors become him, but it had isolated him because people like her would jump to so many conclusions. He'd believe anything you said, and wouldn't fight. Even though he's out for his gain of something so huge for him, she feels like it's not reaching her like that. "W-what about Gabbie?" she said, looking around, jumping off the counter, "Word around town is that you guys are becoming an item." She felt proud to have something to say about him.

"Gabbie and I are hitting it off. However, it's not what I'm used to," Matt began, "She's..as she described..going through a lot of things and she isn't always up for interacting, but if she cares about it in the back of her mind, then it'll show, but it takes some time."

"So...you think..maybe if you spent-"

"She specifically told me to leave her alone unless she asks for me- I usually don't know what it means until I get to see her, and from what I've been into so far, we're taking this...very..very slow," Matt replied, "SO..with that being said, I'll wait for her. Doesn't mean I'm tied to being around just her and when I can't I keep myself isolated; I spoke to my counselor and she said I shouldn't do that."

"Oh.." Suzy was so surprised, and felt rather lousy because of the explanation, and her lack of a rebuttal. He was put together and accepting of the different types of relationships. Maybe it really is lack of socializing. Matt looked at her and then looked at his phone again, then back to her. She felt like she wanted him to look at her, but maybe not look at her. She was so conflicted.

"Are you okay?"Matt asked, leaning over a little.

"N-No.." she said, pulling at a strand of her hair.

"Do..you...want me to leave you alone? Like leave?"

"N-No!" Suzy blurted out, trying to catch her breath.

"How about...we sit in the common area? Is anyone home? They gonna mind the noise down here?"

"Mmm-mmm...everyone's home on break or they're hard-wired into their streams and editing. I'm one of the only like...3 people here."

"Alright. Let's watch a movie or binge a series or something...this silence and everything are cutting into my psyche." ----------------------------------------------------------------- The two made some pizza rolls and settled in to watch an anime. Suzy sat close with him with his arm around her as they watched the show. She would elbow him when something made her jump or she reacted to a twist in the show. Matt would occasionally squeeze her arm and glance over at her as they casually spent hours together. Suzy hadn't realized, but she was so settled into Matt and his hand had moved from the top of her shoulders to the lower middle of her back, which felt amazing. His hand resting on her side ever so nicely, Matt felt so at home and relaxed. He really missed being able to hang out without that apprehension or air of doubt in the way. It was all clouded by the anxiety from him worrying about his hand going too far up or down, whether or not Suzy was comfortable, or even if she'd let him know what to do next.

Suzy had started it: "So..weird question, but..and you don't have to answer, but what's the best sex you've had...by category?" "By category..uhh..you mean like by position or like..by person? Bc either way that list is small and a bit arbitrary," Matt replied, jutting his lower body forward to lean back. "No...I mean like...well, obviously you start by orifice and work your way around to where and who...but like..for example..like...best head or something, then best penetrative sex then the subcategories of front and back-" "But I don't...I don't want it back there..." Matt joked, making them both laugh. "It's..it's fine, but in all reality it's not that bad. You just gotta really want it and stuff." "Ok, I think I get it...So...like the best head I've given was to the girl I was talking about earlier..you know the grad..I don't know why, but everything felt so right and I was in the zone. It may or may not have been because we'd taken adderall, may have not been. She was really into me, though. It was a good study break...Uhh best head I've received was hands down my first ex when I was 19 and she blew me in my mom's truck bed on a date." "Oh wow...Uhhm..well everything I did was mostly with Arin, and like maybe the person I dated a little after...but uhm..yeah I'd known him and been with him since we were teens," Suzy explained, "So it was really good and he didn't mind doing it upon request.." "You guys ever get caught?" he asked, looking at her, "Also I bet you all of your subscription payments that I give better head." "Hmm...well, I wouldn't say better, I don't like the idea of competition..How about if I cum more than once in like 30 minutes? Since sex on average is supposed to be a healthy half hour or so before a break," Suzy suggested, looking up at Matt. She wasn't too serious, at least not consiously, but sitting under him maybe had an influence because she couldn't think. He smelled so good and it just felt so comfortable to be wrapped up in him. Comfortable, though, isn't attraction; so what is she to do?