#mounted regiment
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ltwilliammowett · 1 year ago
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Today a little excursion ashore and to a topic that may seem a little strange. But I'm currently working on a little project about the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment (dating from 1660) and the Navy (please don't ask any questions yet, I'm still collecting documents). You may have seen these gentlemen and a few ladies at parades in London or somewhere else. They are on horseback and perform mounted (and some dismounted) ceremonial duties at state and royal occasions and consist of two regiments: The Life Guards and The Blues and Royals (Royal Horse Guards and 1st Dragoons) and they are the King's official bodyguards.
You might ask me now: Yes, fine, and what does that have to do with nautical matters? Well, there is a small but subtle detail on the Life Guards uniforms.
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A Life Guard officer in full ceremonial uniform
You can see this hair-like detail on the helmet. That's the white plume, which in the past, but especially in the 18th and 19th centuries, was not made from hair, but from whale bone shavings from corset shops. Exciting what whale was used for.
I thought I'd share this little fact with you, maybe you'll find it as interesting as I did.
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thepastisalreadywritten · 1 year ago
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🖤🐴🤍
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clove-pinks · 2 months ago
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By this time the 41st Regiment was in a very poor state. All were at least six months in arrears of pay and lacked greatcoats or blankets against the approaching autumn weather; with a growing sick list they had not eaten properly for two days and now stood waiting for three hours, shuffled and reshuffled by Proctor, so that, as Ensign James Cochran noted, "the order of the lines was neither extended nor close but somewhat irregularly between both, and the trees were rather of a late growth but not sufficiently large to afford protection to the numbers that crowded behind them."
— Jon Latimer on the Battle of the Thames in 1812: War with America.
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Illustration by Peter Denis for The Thames 1813, depicting the 41st Regiment of Foot against the charge of Lieutenant-Colonel James Johnson's horsemen.
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a-modernmajorgeneral · 11 months ago
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#that info was dropped 2016#i suspect the incident was older even then#he is no longer in service according to the current service list#and please don't always say that the horses stand there all day#their service lasts one hour and then they change and a daily service lasts two hours for the horses and not even daily
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prattlinpeach · 1 year ago
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London Day 3: Changing of the Guard! Here we come!
It’s a new day, day 3 and we have lots to do! First, I want to take you on a tour of the restaurant in the hotel, it’s fun! It’s a nice restaurant, wide, open, and inviting, if that makes sense. They have a few walls with animal heads, but just wait…the animal heads are all made of newsprint! Most likely paper mache on the outside, if you look closely,  you can see headlines and typeset in the…
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rhk111sblog · 2 years ago
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The Army Artillery Regiment (AAR), Army Aviation Regiment (AAvnR) and Special Forces Regiment (Airborne) SFR(A) recently conducted their first Interoperability Exercise (IOX) in Nueva Ecija, which included the live-firing of the Philippine Army’s (PA) newest Artillery Asset, the Autonomous Truck MOunted-howitzer System (ATMOS)
SOURCES:
Army Artillery "King of Battle" Regiment, Philippine Army Facebook Page Post, 09/23/23 – 1119H {Archived Link}
Army Artillery "King of Battle" Regiment, Philippine Army Facebook Page Post, 09/22/23 – 2105H {Archived Link}
Check out the Links to my other Social Media Accounts at https://linktr.ee/rhk111
If you like my Work, buy me a Coffee to help support it at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/rhk111
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delirious-donna · 5 months ago
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story summary: Omegas had never been allowed within the ranks of the Scout Regiment, that was until Erwin took over as Commander. Now, it’s commonplace for Alphas and Omegas to work side by side and harmony has prevailed.
That is until one Omega slips up and triggers their first ever heat, that Omega is you…
“Shh, little one. Let me take care of you like you asked. Your skin is divine to touch… soft and smooth. It makes me want to bite it all over,” he admitted. “If you were mine, I would—” Erwin let the sentence falter, not knowing if it was wise to admit exactly what he would do if you were his. Nor did he want to admit just how badly he wanted you to be his.
pairing: Alpha Erwin Smith x Omega female reader
word count: 10.1k (brings snacks and get comfy)
warnings: omegaverse AU, no mention of titans, abundant mentions of heats/ruts, boss/subordinate dynamic, knotting, breeding kink, biting kink, aggression surrounding reader (they remain safe throughout), scenting, protector Erwin, internal conflict, mini appearances of Hange and Levi, spit, mounting, look… it’s a lot of smut and smutty thoughts all the way through 😆
thanks to @thesoftugly for volunteering to beta read this behemoth
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Before Commander Smith had taken over The Scout Regiment, Omegas had not been allowed to serve within the division. The school of thought was generally that it would not be safe for any Omega to be around a military division largely occupied by Alphas, and not just any Alphas, but some of the strongest and most ferocious. 
Erwin disagreed with that idea. 
“If any of my soldiers cannot control their nature and act accordingly around an Omega then they do not belong in my ranks. We must protect those that cannot protect themselves and do so without appearing superior. No Scout worth their salt would dare defy me.” 
He recalled the stunned silence he was met with when he laid out his reasoning for the draft of new recruits he was bringing into the Scouts. Even his closest ally, Pyxis, had glanced at him with doubtful eyes and a twitching moustache. 
It was a brave decision, and he knew that. However, history would not tell the tales of the meek and whilst Commander Smith was not looking for fame or glory, he was certain that this generation of Scouts would become infamous. He would ensure it was for good reason and not from disgrace. 
From that moment, Omegas were welcomed into the ranks and two years of peace and harmony ensued. 
“What seems to be the problem?” Hange asked, lifting their gaze from the clipboard in their hand to peer at you over the rim of their glasses. 
“You’re not a doctor. Where’s Doctor Hamilton?” 
Hange clicked their teeth and rolled their eyes in exasperation. “She’s out sick. I might not have a doctorate in medicine, but I am the best we have as a stand in until she returns. I have several other patients to see so I suggest you ‘chop chop’ and tell me what you need.” They made a chopping motion with their hands, and you wanted to die right then and there. 
This was exactly what you didn’t need.  
Hange couldn’t know. They mustn’t know why you were here. You couldn’t afford to be turfed back into the monotonous boredom of clerking for the Military Police. There were only so many transcripts of interrogations of clearly wrongfully imprisoned patsies you could write up. 
You had your limits and to go back to ‘The Pen’ as it was not-so-affectionately called, would be enough for you to consider calling your career in the military quits altogether. Then what would your mother say?  
The thought of her smug expression and the ‘I told you so’ that would be written plainly across her face was enough to sour the contents of your stomach. She couldn’t understand your desire to venture even a toe out of the safety of the MP and their dedicated Omega squad. It was like being herded sheep. Every second you had hated, once again being judged on only your position on the ladder of power. 
When the opportunity for non-alphas to join the ranks of the Scout Regiment arose two years ago, you had worked diligently to secure a transfer. It had not been easy, but was anything worth fighting for ever easy?  
It had been nearly a full year since your new post begun and, in your time here, you had never felt more fulfilled in your whole life. You had a job that you didn’t hate, you felt like you were actually making a difference, and most importantly, you had friends. Real, true friends that were not simply others considered of the same social standing.   
More so, your most recent post had put you directly into the path of a man you had admired quietly from afar for many many years… Commander Smith was everything you could ever want in a man.  
Passionate. Courageous. Eloquent. Assertive. Handsome. 
That last thought surprised you, although you had long admitted it to yourself. It was not your place to lust after a man of such high stature, especially not the man in charge of the entire division and your direct superior. What surprised you was that you had allowed it to escape into the frantic hive of your mind. 
It was something you had been suppressing since taking the promoted post as Commander Smith’s new personal assistant. You had made a vow to yourself that you would keep your wicked—carnal—thoughts about the blond hulk of an Alpha to yourself. Work was work and the filthy fantasies that played out when you were laying in bed in deepest nighttime were between you and your poor overused vibrator. 
“It... doesn’t matter,” you said, standing abruptly. 
“Uh, no no. Sit your butt back down and tell me why you asked for this appointment. I was told you indicated it was an emergency,” Hange countered with a frown. 
They moved to block your view of the door, eyes narrowing at how you were obviously considering a dash for the exit. This was not helping. A flush ran the course of your spine and spread over your head. Another minute or two and sweat would be leaking from your pores as if you had just emerged from a sauna. 
“Fever?” Hange asked curiously. 
“Yes! I mean, yes, a fever... that’s it. I think I’m coming down with something.” You clutched at the lifeline they had unwittingly thrown. 
Hange reached for a thermometer and the stethoscope laying on the orderly doctor’s desk. They approached slowly, the reassuring smile doing nothing to calm the racing pulse which would be discovered all too soon. They took the necessary measurements and drew back with their nose scrunched. 
“It’s none of my business, but a word of advice — you might want to consider using less perfume. The smell is a little overpowering and what with us having a keen sense of smell, it’s probably not wise.” 
Oh. 
“R-right, sorry,” you stammered shyly. 
If Hange only knew the truth of it.  
This perfume was the only thing masking the first bloom of your scent. It was faint right now, but soon it would be so potent that Alphas from miles away would catch a whiff on the wind if it was in blowing in the right direction. 
There had never been an expectation for Omegas to mask in the Scouts. Suppressants were not a mandated requirement to work here, and as far as you were aware, there had never been any incidents of Alphas overstepping. Of course, things like that could have been kept hush hush from the lowly subordinates, but there was something inherently honest in everyone you had dealings with here in Trost. 
You did choose to suppress; a decision you were no longer entirely at ease with. Growing up it had been expected; the monthly injections and daily medication started the very second you entered adolescence. It was tedious. 
Perhaps that was why you found yourself in this current predicament—out of suppressants and your monthly injection days away from expiration. Were you subconsciously rebelling? 
The more you considered it, the more it made sense. You were in your late twenties now and the thought of experiencing what was meant to be a large part of your societal culture and physiological needs… it didn’t disgust you as it once had when you were younger. 
It was just a shame that the only Alpha you wanted was well and truly out of reach. 
“Alrighty then. Your core temperature is slightly elevated but not enough for me to be overly concerned. There is no noise on your chest and apart from your pulse being a little quick...” They paused, cutting a curious glance in your direction and making you jump from your wayward thoughts. “I think the best course of action would be a day of bedrest and plenty of hydration. If it gets worse come back and we’ll see about referring the symptoms to Doctor Hamilton for antibiotics to be prescribed.” 
Nodding fervently, you stood quickly and surreptitiously steadied your balance with a palm on the wall beside you. The need to be out of this too small room was clawing nails down your skin, a wave of dizziness draining the blood from your face which thankfully went unnoticed as Hange became far more interested in a manilla folder in their hands. 
“Thanks. I appreciate you seeing me on short notice, please send my regards to Doctor Hamilton.” 
You had never dashed so swiftly to your quarters, only breathing a long sigh of relief once the door was closed behind your back and the lock clicked into place. Slowly, you slid to the floor and curled your arms around your knees. 
What am I going to do? 
Something stirred inside the depths of your brain, an entity shrouded in sleepy shackles that were ready to snap at any moment. A pulse of heat erupted in your stomach then vanished as fast as it had arrived. You sensed a smile stretching wide in anticipation.  
Sleep found you surprisingly easily that night, all your anxieties melting away into insignificance as your body prepared for what was coming. Your silly concerns mattered not to your beastly side, they needed you fresh faced and in peak physical condition. 
Your first heat was coming, there would be nothing to stop it this time. 
Erwin drummed his fingers on the polished cherry wood desk. He was already bored to tears by the man droning on and on about... something or other. Truth be told, he had tuned out soon after the speech started. For this was absolutely a speech and not the informal conversation that had been sold to him initially. 
His cool blue eyes glanced to the corner to watch you scribbling furiously on a secretary’s pad, your tongue between your teeth in concentration. He did not envy you this task, especially when he was certain you were under the weather. 
“I’m fine, Commander. Please don’t relieve me from duty, I need something to focus on and we both know you don’t want to have to listen to Commander Dok. I’ll scribe just fine, I swear it!” 
Erwin was fond of you, more so than he wished to admit.  
Only recently had you taken over as his personal secretary when the previous one had retired from active service after finding their mate, a feat he was more than happy to witness since it was far from guaranteed in the world they lived in.  
He enjoyed your sharp wit and dedication to the Scouts. Your smile had a way of lighting up the room, although he was certain that was not something he should have taken note of. You were young and enthusiastic, bright eyed and bushy tailed as some might say. 
Shakily, you pushed strands of hair that had fallen into your eyes back behind your ear and he felt a deep crease form between his eyebrows. Now that he was looking at you closely, he could see a thin sheen of sweat decorating your skin.  
He had to do something, and now. 
“Nile, I must apologise for interrupting,” he interjected, lifting a placating hand, “but I have another engagement that I must attend to. I had no idea you wished to take up so much of my time or I would have scheduled a longer appointment. However, given that nothing you have mentioned is especially pressing, I will endeavour to meet with you again next week. How does that sound?” 
Nile bristled at being dismissed so readily. “You’ll never not be a pain in my arse, Erwin Smith.” 
“Ahem, no need to include that in the transcript,” Erwin said jovially, casting a twinkling smile in your direction which was not returned, much to his disappointment. 
Another twenty minutes was spent negotiating with Nile, off record, before the man finally departed. When the office door finally closed, Erwin watched as your posture relaxed and your arm fell limp to your side with the pen still dangling between your fingertips. 
“You’re sick,” he stated matter-of-factly. 
The Commander rose from his chair and stalked closer, eyeing you carefully to assess your condition. He stopped a few feet from you, sniffing subtly before shaking his head. He was being ridiculous. He had to be. 
Your eyes cracked opened slowly to roam around the room before landing on his midsection and rose up up up until you met his piercing blue gaze. If he didn’t know better, he would say you were under the influence of alcohol or something far more illicit. A glaze coated your eyes and turned them… sultry. 
Erwin stiffened; his spine lengthened, and his stance fell back to one of familiarity from years in the military. He couldn’t help but watch your chest rise and fall, the rhythm unnaturally fast and it only drew his attention to the top three buttons of your blouse, ones that were normally fastened but were not today.  
He should stop. 
“I know you said you needed something to focus on, but I cannot have you falling over at your desk. Consider yourself on bedrest for the rest of the week—” 
“But Sir! I’m fine,” you interrupted loudly. The shock of his words jolted you upright in your seat and nearly had you toppling out of it altogether just as he had warned. 
“Since when do you answer back to your superior like that? This is highly uncharacteristic from you, and I refuse to allow it to continue. You are relieved of all duties until Monday morning, do you hear me?” 
He hated being strict when you were so obviously out of sorts. This was not behaviour he had come to expect from you, along with his growing affection, he silently cursed himself when your eyes turned red and misty. 
Standing, your head bowed in submission. “Yes, Commander. I apologise for my outburst.” 
Erwin clicked his tongue against his teeth and despite thinking better of it, he raised his hand so that two fingers slid beneath your chin. “There is no need for that. All I ask is for you to get better, okay?” 
It was a mistake, but one he only realised once it was too late. 
A soft purr seemed to emanate from your chest, an enticing sound the likes of which he had not had the pleasure of hearing for the longest time. Erwin pulled his hand back like he had been scorched. The heat of your skin increased tenfold, and for a moment he had the desire to look at his fingertips to see if they did in fact sizzle like how they felt. 
He watched you leave; dumbstruck and frozen to the spot as if he had taken root on the antique rug beneath him. It had been so long since he had first-hand experience of an Omega approaching a heat that he almost dismissed the signs as figments of his imagination.  
However, the animal inside would not be so gullible. 
That evening and the following day were a total blur.  
You had no real clue how much time had passed since you were dismissed by Commander Erwin, neither did you know what time of day it was currently. 
All you knew was that you were too hot and that even the thinnest bedsheet was too much for your overheating body. You writhed atop your mattress, naked and unbearably uncomfortable. The cotton from the fitted sheet was clammy from your sweat, droplets rushing from places you never dreamed of.  
For the millionth time, your hands passed over your body and you hissed like a wounded animal when you grazed the stiff peaks of your nipples. You tweaked at them in turn, the painful pleasure echoing between your legs… 
Speaking of which, your cunt was completely soaked. 
After ruining four consecutive pairs of underwear with the rivers of slick flowing easily from your aching hole, you had endeavoured to remain entirely naked. Nature was preparing you for the only thing that would calm your mind, lift the fog that had descended and satiate your body. The abundance of lubrication present to help your Alpha ease into your body, to feed you their cock and eventually their knot with minimal discomfort. 
Except, you didn’t have an Alpha.  
It was funny how you knew the symptoms and process of a heat, but the theory was nothing compared to experiencing them first hand. You had no idea how those who chose not to suppress dealt with this routinely. It felt like hot knives were carving through your insides, shredding you apart until you didn’t recognise yourself. The reflection in the mirror would be someone—something else. 
Distantly, you heard knocks coming from the door to your quarters, but you paid it little attention. It wasn’t like you could walk the short distance to it anyway, nor were you in any state to answer. Voices followed the knocks which grew in determination.  
Hange, maybe? You couldn’t be sure. Although, you wouldn’t put it past Commander Smith to send someone to check in on you, especially if he discovered you had visited the temporary doctor recently as well as your outburst in his office. 
All you could do was roll over onto your side and press your palm between your thighs, stimulating the bundle of nerves with the heel of your hand in an effort to ease the continuous throbbing sensation. You screwed your eyes shut, the black of your eyelids turning into a kaleidoscope of colours until they formed a figure—a figure you were well acquainted with—and had no right to be thinking about in this context.  
Commander Erwin Smith’s silhouette shook like a desert mirage until it thickened and materialised in your mind’s eye. If you strained enough, you could smell the scent of his understated cologne and beneath that, his unique musk that was all him.  
Those natural pheromones that dominated all others and highlighted his status as Alpha. Not just any Alpha, but one of the most powerful Alphas in Trost. The Alpha you admired the most if you let the little voice in your head speak freely. 
Your nose twitched again, and your eyes shot wide as you realised it was stronger when you moved your head closer to the edge of the bed. 
On the floor lay your blouse and skirt, the ones you had worn during his meeting with Commander Dok. Without hesitation, you grabbed up the blouse and held it beneath your nose to inhale deeply.  
There it was. 
A spicy scent unlike any other. It was warming and comforting, for the first time in, you didn’t know how long, you could breathe a little easier and the heavy feeling in your heart and gut lightened. You nuzzled the blouse. Holding it against each cheek in turn before returning it to your nose. 
Why couldn’t you scent it directly from his skin? It wasn’t fair. You could bury your nose in the hollow of his throat. Lick lazily at the prominent bob of his Adam’s apple. Grind your feverish body against his until he was hard and ready to take you.  
You should stop pretending. 
Gods… what were you doing? 
There was no denying the primal desires swirling like a building vortex in your brain. You wanted to be full, stretched to the breaking point. You needed to be bred like the good little Omega you were. You wanted a knot so badly you could cry.  
None of these were thoughts you had experienced before and had you been in your right mind, they would have shocked you right down to the core.  
Delicate shaky fingers sought out your aching hole, two slipping easily past the ring of muscles until your knuckles were lodged against the gumminess of your walls, but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.  
Without an Alpha here to pin you down and split you wide, you would suffer. Without Erwin here to smother you with his impressive weight, you would continue to feel bereft. Wronged by a universe that danced to its own tune without thought for those affected. 
Yes, it would pass eventually, but you doubted your sanity would be intact when that time finally arrived. A hurt-sounding howl escaped your throat, a lament aimed at a world that was proving to be unfair and unjust. 
With a final wail, you curled in on yourself and fell into a pain-filled sleep. All the while, the commotion on the other side of your quarters door continued unabated. 
Erwin had not needed to be notified of the ruckus kicking off in the living quarters assigned to secretarial and support personnel. He could hear it from all the way in his office. At first, he assumed it would be dealt with as all other little scuffles were, but after ten minutes, his concern heightened. 
He was met with a very red-faced soldier whom he could not recall the name of. “Commander! We have a situation. Captain Levi sent me to find you… there is, well—” 
“Spit it out, we don’t have all day.” Erwin demanded, barely halting in his purposeful strides in the direction of the noise. He could hear arguing, but almost above the rabble, a soft howl of distress caught his attention. It sounded familiar, and his pace quickened. 
“An Omega… they are going into a heat. It seems to have riled those living in close proximity.” 
Erwin stalled. “What?” 
Fury bleed from his pores. Had they all lost their damn minds? This wasn’t the first heat to happen since Erwin’s command, and there had never been this level of disorder. He rounded the final corner and was confronted by six men in various states of dress, some with visible injuries on their faces and hands and at the door which he assumed led to the Omega in question, Levi stood on an overturned chair looking equal parts haughty and furious. 
“Enough!” Erwin bellowed over the heated voices. “Pull yourselves together or I will be forced to take further action.” 
An awkward silence descended almost immediately. The power of his voice along with the blast of authority he projected towards the troublemakers was more than enough to have their metaphorical tails lying limp between their legs. 
“About damn time,” Levi snarled. 
He leapt to the floor and shouldered past two engineers with matching bruises blooming purple beneath their eyes. They dared to bare their teeth, but remained silent, nonetheless. Levi seemed oblivious, or more likely he considered them so far removed from a threat that he took no note. 
Levi’s eyes cut up to Erwin, an eyebrow arching at the high blush that was slowly coating the Commander’s cheeks. He knew what had caused the pandemonium and what shamed him the most was his inability to remain unaffected.  
A first heat. 
They were special for most Omegas and could be extremely traumatising if not handled delicately and in the right way. From experience, Erwin knew that it was commonplace for Omegas who were unattached to seek out help from other Omegas in their family or close friends. They could ride out the worst of the heat whilst knowing they were safe and being cared for, but this… he couldn’t imagine what they were going through whilst trapped in a den of literal wolves. 
“You can smell it, right?” Levi whispered out of earshot of the others. “It’s a first heat and I must be honest; I am barely hanging on myself. Hange sought me out when they couldn’t raise an answer at the door, and by the time we returned… well, this was the scene. Some of the men were tearing at each other to get to the door and they had started to break it in places. Apparently, she presented at the clinic three days ago under the guise of a fever, Hange now suspects that they were suppressing and had run out of the drugs. She seemed unwilling to admit it to Hange, perhaps because they are an Alpha and Doctor Hamilton is not.” 
A fever? Oh no. With alarming clarity, the puzzle pieces fell into place. Erwin knew why the howl he had heard seemed familiar, why the scent of arousal mingled with pheromones tickled his nose in such a way that he was struggling to stop himself from huffing the air like the men now forcibly being returned to their rooms. 
It was his sweet little personal assistant. You weren’t sick, you were in need, and he could help you.  
No! He mustn’t. He would control himself, but he could at least ensure you were safe. 
“You there,” he gestured to the bloodied men who were starting to disperse. “Find cots in the dormitory for tonight, I cannot trust that you won’t try this again and I will personally cut down anyone who tries to enter these quarters without express permission. Captain Levi will escort you.” 
Erwin turned to Levi and ignored the scowl emblazoned across his face. “See that the dormitories are guarded by those you trust the most and have everyone in this part of the wing relocated for the next night or two.” 
“Don’t go in there, Erwin.” Levi’s warning was barely above a whisper. 
The Commander clapped a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder and moved past him towards the barely intact door. “And Levi? Ask Miche to replace this door within the hour,” he asked calmly without acknowledging the words of warning, stepping directly into the breach. 
For once he wasn’t going toe to toe with powerful enemies, he was facing a different beast altogether and somehow, he was more nervous about this situation than any battle he had participated in… 
Your small apartment space was orderly with minimal decorations, but he noted a family photograph nailed to the wall and an arrangement of plush cushions resembling animals piled up on the cramped little couch. 
His gaze swivelled absently around the room, in truth, he was doing everything in his power not to make a direct line for the bedroom. Your scent hung like thick molasses now that he was inside, hands fisting by his sides to remain where he stood. Erwin was the master of his body, not his instincts but the fight was not a fair one on this occasion. 
He had never smelled anything quite as inviting, and that was entirely the problem. Whilst, he had had partners in the past, even gone through a heat or two, none of them tempted him in the way he felt tempted right this second. It was as if the scent was visible on the air, seductive tendrils writhing around him and beckoned him to move closer to the source. 
It was as if all his favourite sweet treats from his childhood had melted into one tantalising scent crafted especially for him. Saliva gathered behind his clenched teeth. German chocolate cake. Fire roasted marshmallow. Raspberry jam straight from the jar. He wanted to drink it down like a man discovering a bountiful oasis after days without water. It made him feel younger, though he was hardly past his prime, but the scent invigorated his heart until he was certain he could best the top cadet in a foot race. 
If someone told him that the vapour was tickling him beneath the chin, he would believe it. 
After several moments of calming breaths which did little to actually calm his nerves, Erwin dared to venture deeper. He told himself that he needed to assess your condition, which was true, but if his instincts could speak, they would announce loudly their desire to catch a whiff of your scent directly from the honeypot. 
The bedroom was dark, though it mattered little given his ability to see well in low lighting, and what he saw on the bed, stopped his heart for what felt like a full minute. A huddled mass lay in the very centre, your body in the foetal position with a hand buried between your legs and the other arm covering your naked breasts. 
He should look away.  
He should stop staring at your skin glistening with dewdrops of sweat and sticky slick pooling beneath you.  
He should cover your vulnerability and walk away, leave this to someone else, but there was no one he trusted to handle this situation in his stead.  
Your breathing was even and deep, a blessing given your predicament. As voices approached in the hallway outside, Erwin snapped out of his drunken stupor and did the first thing that came to mind. He pulled off his jacket and laid it over your body. It barely reached mid-thigh, but it would do. 
With your modesty protected, somewhat, he retreated to oversee the work on your door being replaced. What he didn’t see was the smile of contentment on your face and the visible relief of being draped in his scent loosening the tight ache of your muscles.  
In sleep you burrowed into the jacket warmed by his blood. 
It was the sound of pages being turned in a book that roused you. It shouldn’t have, given how carefully the reader was being to not make noise, but the ache in your gut had returned and the fatigue was no longer severe enough to allow you to sleep on. 
For a long moment you kept your eyes carefully closed, wondering what it was that weighed so nicely over your body and kept the worst of your current dilemma at bay. It felt like being held by a loved one, as if you were young once more and your mother was wrapping you in her protective and caring embrace. 
“You’re awake.” 
Commander Smith’s rich baritone rumbled from somewhere behind you. It froze the very blood in your veins until another wave of desire pulsed through you, causing you to writhe and buck, to your shame. Not him. Anyone but him. 
Lies! You want him most of all… don’t deny it. 
You couldn’t look at him—not now. Instead, you steeled your voice and spoke to the wall. “Commander Smith… why are you in my bedroom?” 
“I apologise if you have the wrong impression, however, my presence was rather necessary given your… predicament,” Erwin supplied, sounding more uneasy than you had ever heard him. “I must be honest with you because that is only fair.” 
He sighed and the sound caused a moan to bubble inside your throat, barely caught before it slipped out. Biting down on the inside of your cheek, you waited for him to continue not only because you needed to know, but the sound of his voice soothed you in ways you didn’t wish to examine closer.  
“Your heat triggered some displays of aggression amongst your neighbours. There may have been attempts made at getting to you, but do not worry,” Erwin stressed when he saw how you tensed on the bed. “Your door has been replaced, and I will personally ensure your safety until it has passed.” 
“Aggression? You’re telling me that—oh fuck.” All rational thought and ability to speak coherently died on a single spasm between your thighs. You should be absolutely appalled that anyone had tried to get inside your quarters without permission, but that animalistic instinct reared its head and grinned wickedly into the dark space of your mind. 
It was what you needed. To be taken, filled, consumed… bred.  
“Don’t speak right now, it’ll pass so just breathe for me,” Erwin coaxed softly whilst the sound of a chair creaked as it was dragged across a wooden floor. “A first heat can be very difficult. I assume you have suppressed since adolescence—you don’t need to answer. I-I don’t have any personal experience to draw upon, but I will do whatever it takes to help you through this.” 
Fuck me�� you thought, enraged that you wanted it so badly that you were chewing your lips bloody from speaking it aloud. Your spine bowed at the ripples of heat spreading outward from your centre to the ends of your fingers and toes, to the top of your head. 
“Can you walk? I’ve run a lukewarm bath which might help cool you down.” 
“No. Commander—you shouldn’t…” You broke off on a sob, wracked with another wave of scorching fire attacking the insides of your thighs at the steady drip of slick covering your skin. 
“Please, it’s Erwin. Given the situation, I don’t think formalities are necessary right now. I’m going to lift you into my arms, okay? I’ll be gentle and you may hold on as tightly as you need to. Once I’ve got you in the bath, I will step outside to give you some privacy.”  
The bath water was just cool enough that you sighed happily as the water sloshed over you. It was no comparison to the relief you felt whilst held in Erwin’s careful arms, but simply thinking of how easily your arms had wound around his neck gave you shivers of a completely different kind. 
You did your best to refute all those lustful thoughts from months of working closely with the Commander. Of course, you hadn’t noticed how broad his shoulders were or how the short undercut at the nape of his neck tickled your fingertips when you held on. Nope. Nada.  
Your nose was growing at an alarming rate with all this lying. 
Through drooped lids you watched whilst he glanced around your meagre bathroom looking for goodness knows what. He was too large, too imposing for such a cramped space but despite it all, you liked him in here—wanted him to stay. 
Where others may have taken full advantage of having a naked Omega within reach, not to mention an Omega in heat, Erwin had shown you nothing but diligent care. It made you wonder if your state bothered him at all, and somehow the thought that it might not… well, that bothered you.   
He was an Alpha; shouldn’t he want you?  
“Stay… please?” You purred when he made to exit and give you the privacy he had promised. 
Erwin paused in the doorway. His piercing artic eyes roamed your face and dipped towards the fluttering pulse in your neck but ventured no further. You could see the tic in his cheek work at the same time his jaw tightened, and his nostrils flared. He was fighting himself. 
One soapy hand reached for his clenched fist, bubbles dripping across his knuckles until the fingers finally—finally—loosened and gently entwined with yours. 
“I shouldn’t,” he breathed more to himself. 
You hummed in a half agreement, bolstered by the need thrumming through your body. “But you will, won’t you? Sit here.” 
Erwin awkwardly perched on the corner of the tub before reaching for the towel he had laid out for you to wipe his wet hand. There were wrinkles in his normally crisp shirt, the top buttons unfastened and the bolo tie that rested around his throat suspiciously absent. This was by far the most casual you had been afforded to see him. You guessed not many had received such a luxury. 
“Does it hurt?” he asked whilst he began to roll his sleeves towards the bend at his elbows. It was hard to follow the movements given he was sat near your shoulder, but you twisted enough to keep some of him in view, sloshing water in the process. 
You took a second to assess, listening to the competing demands being screamed in your mind and body. This was certainly the most lucid you had felt since the heat had started, and you had an inkling that Erwin’s presence had a lot to do with it.  
Would you ever be able to express your gratitude? 
In short, yes it did hurt. However, there was a will to prove that you were not so easily overcome or beaten down. A sly voice echoed around your mind, purring and shunting you to ask for more of your Commander—far more than you had any right to. 
“Not badly, I guess. But you could make it better… if you were inclined to. I think I would like it very much,” you urged gently, once more finding his hand and leading it towards the rippling surface of the bath. 
Erwin didn’t stop you.  
He didn’t seem to breathe or blink. Blindly, he allowed for his fingers to skim the water before breaking the surface and slipping over the wet flesh covering your shoulder. His cock strained against his underwear and trousers; the rigid length trapped along his thigh whilst thick pearls of precum oozed out to stain the heavy fabric. 
He had been aroused since he first identified your scent, more so when he felt your heat descend over his like a vaporous fog. Finding you naked in bed had not fed his desire, if anything, it infuriated him and roused his protective nature.  
Now that you were awake and calm enough to speak without letting out whines of distress or angry expletives… now he was truly struggling to maintain his composure. 
“Do you have any idea what you are asking of me?” he murmured, wet fingertips tracing swirling patterns over your collarbone and across your clavicle. One pad dipped into the hollow of your throat, eliciting a soft moan that nearly broke him. 
If you responded, he didn’t hear it.  
You were sweltering to the touch; the lightly perfumed oil he had added to the water slicked your skin so the journey down your chest was made all the easier. His fingers skirted over the mounds of your breasts, avoiding your nipples although you did your best to thrust upward and force his hand so to speak. 
Erwin’s tongue clicked against his teeth in a commanding tsk. “Behave.” 
He continued to explore you, slowly and methodically. It was bliss. It was torture. Your head rested against the tiled backsplash; eyes closed as you concentrated solely on the sensation of his hand on you. Erwin traced the sides of your breasts down to your soft stomach; he circled your navel then ventured back up to give attention to your neglected nipples. 
His breathing was more of pant when he tweaked your tender little nub between a rough finger and thumb. Your eyebrows creased when he pulled it taut and tugged firmly, the echo of the sensation causing your clit to throb in unison. It was difficult not to wriggle but you wanted to be good for him, to behave as he had asked. 
“Com—Erwin… please? It hurts so bad.” 
“Shh, little one. Let me take care of you like you asked. Your skin is divine to touch… soft and smooth. It makes me want to bite it all over,” he admitted. “If you were mine, I would—” Erwin let the sentence falter, not knowing if it was wise to admit exactly what he would do if you were his. Nor did he want to admit just how badly he wanted you to be his. 
“You would… what?” You tried to cajole, moving just enough so that his fingertips brushed the opposite nipple, and you let out a long exhale of relief. 
He couldn’t deny you, not in this matter or any other, not right now. It was funny how there was a systemic flaw in society’s hierarchy. Alphas were meant to be the ones on top, but it wasn’t always true and especially not for those who found their mates. Omegas held the power and never was it more evident than this moment here. 
Erwin Smith was your superior in the literal sense. He was the Commander of the Scout Regiment, and he held responsibility for every soldier and support worker under his command. Yet here he was in the tiny bathroom of his assistant—his direct subordinate—with his hand submerged to the elbow and his cock so hard he wanted to tear the damn thing off.  
You held all the cards, and you didn’t even know it, because if you did then there was no way you wouldn’t have already pounced given the instincts running through you. 
“I shouldn’t be saying this, but,” he enthused when you started to whine pitifully. “I would not have allowed for you to become as delirious as you did. It must have been agony, and you were alone—I don’t like that. Any heat can be torture to endure if you deny yourself the only plausible relief, not to mention this is your first. If you were my… mate.”  
Erwin paused again; aware his hand had moved without his prior notice. He was cupping your cunt in his palms, stretching and flexing his thick fingers along the seam of your labia. With ease he sought and located your jittery bundle of nerves, circling the pad of his thumb with slow, deliberate strokes. 
“Tell me, Commander— ‘wanna know how you’d treat your mate.” 
“Mm. I’d have taken a leave of absence the second the signs of your cycle came to light. I’d bite that lovely creamy skin at your neck where the scent gland resides, hold you in my jaws whilst I fed my cock into your drenched cunt. I’d have loved you exactly as you deserve—worshipped every inch of your scorched skin with my mouth and hands. Whispered words of devotion into your ear until I was ready to give you my knot, and more importantly, when you were ready to take it. I’d have you come time and again until you were properly sated,” he admitted with a heated growl. 
You mewled at the images he fed you, his words dripping with hungry conviction and accompanied by the ministrations of his skilful hand playing between your thighs like a damn savant. 
Your imagination ran at full speed imagining the knot he would give you, of the painful pleasure from his sharpened teeth piercing the scent gland at your neck and how you wished it was the mating mark he was leaving you.  
As two thick digits worked inside your aching, needy hole you thought of the fullness that would come with having his cockhead buried against the neck of your womb. Gods, you wanted to be split in half until his name was carved into your gummy walls. The searing heat of being stuffed to capacity that would be far more pleasurable, unlike the current stinging sensation you were experiencing. 
You grasped at Erwin’s forearm and revelled at how the muscles flexed as he continued to pump two fingers into you, his thumb aggressively rubbing at your swollen pearl. It was just enough to bring you to the peak, the waters barely disrupted, Erwin working furiously but only from the wrist down. 
“You’ve no idea how badly I want to climb into this damned tub and make you take me. I won’t. I swear it. I’ll protect you and keep you safe… from me. It’s okay. That’s it—there we go. Feel it consume you.” 
He was babbling—switching rapidly between commanding and anxious. His large frame threw a shadow over you; bending more he buried his nose into your hair and inhaled deeply. You thought he might have whimpered but you were too far gone to be certain. Your nails dug bloody marks into his arm, encouraging him on until you gave one final shuddering spasm and broke apart like a star finally imploding. 
Tears burned in your eyes. Your stomach contracted over and over whilst you rode out a high that didn’t last nearly as long as you had hoped it would. The desire in your gut rekindled like a dying fire fed oxygen. 
 What had been enough no longer was. 
“Erwin… please. I’ll be so good for you, don’t hold back. I want—I need it all. Everything you described! The fullness. The bite. I want to feel your weight pressing me down, dominating me. Can you...? I just want to know what it’s like,” you wailed in utter misery, absolutely convinced that he would deny you. 
“I’m a nobody,” you continued, releasing your grip on his arm to wipe at your tears. “I appreciate you even going this far. I’ll never be able to look you in the eye again, but I’ll always be grateful for this. You’re a good man, Commander Smith, I’ve admired you for years.” 
His laughter warmed your heart just a little. It was robust and genuine, and whilst you wanted to turn and see for yourself what expression he wore, you didn’t want to witness pity—not from him. “You can go. Just leave me a towel and I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll sleep it off or—” 
Erwin’s hand twitched and you almost yelped, biting into your tongue until you tasted coppery blood. His fingers slid along the wet pulsing length of your gummy walls and slowly rose from the water. You closed your eyes, turning away when you felt him rise to his feet.  
You didn’t expect him to say anything.  
You certainly didn’t expect two muscled arms to plunge into the waters and lift you up and out in one smooth action. Dripping wet from shoulders to toes, you soaked his pristine uniform shirt. Only then did you dare to peek up, and the look Erwin levelled at you… it stole your breath. 
Those clever blue eyes were alight with cool fire—the flames licking around his swollen, lust-blown pupils. The thick set of his eyebrows were draw close together and he looked positively furious, but in a way that only made you squeeze your thighs together all the more. 
“Don’t you ever—ever—call yourself a nobody. I may be the Commander here but behind every great figure are those in the shadows who make that figure shine brightly. My ma—I mean, my assistant is brave and beautiful,” he declared with absolute conviction. 
Words alluded you.  
Every single thought, other than the animal voice begging you to cling to this Alpha with every available ounce of strength and never let go, had fled. Not that you needed to speak, not when he strode from your bathroom with determined steps. 
Erwin lowered you to the stained sheets of your bed and stood back with an apologetic look. “I’d offer to change them but there would be no point. We’d merely end up ruining a second set.” 
The heat of your body had dried most of the water from your skin, all except the thick, tacky arousal coating your tender pussy and streaking the insides of your thighs. His head canted left when you spread your legs, bending at the knees so that he could see the most intimate part of you on full display. 
“Little minx,” he teased with a wry smile. His fingers fumbled at the buckle of his belt and your gaze raked him in hungrily. “Warm yourself up for me, won’t you?” 
There was no modicum of inhibition left in you. You were working on pure instinct and when you were told to warm yourself, you did just that. The heel of your palm rotated against your clit whilst you spread the lips of your pussy apart and let the fingertips fuck an inch into your cunt. 
Your eyes remained glued to the man at the end of your bed. He was a powerhouse of strength and virility, thick chested and decorated with battle scars. You longed to run your fingers and tongue across each faded silvery scar—to show him just how much you appreciated his every sacrifice. Erwin shucked out of his trousers and underwear in record time, but it was not before you noted the large stains on both thighs. It made your smile turn saccharine, sultry and feminine. 
The length of his cock sprung upward to smack wetly against his abdomen, but the weight was too much to stand, which left the impressive sight to hang heavily between his thighs. The golden hair on his torso seemed to glisten despite the lack of a light source in the room, and perhaps it was a trick of your eyes. He rolled his neck from side to side, never once breaking his concentration on how you were toying with yourself at his command. 
He fisted his swollen cock, rolling the foreskin back until the beating red tip shone from the arousal dripping out the slit. Thick veins pulsed beneath his calloused fingers as he gave a few cursory pumps, moving his grip to his heavy pendulous balls to tug them loose from where they had nestled tightly near the base. 
Muscles that only came with age, experience and dedication rolled beneath his skin, smattered by those lovely coarse hairs that you wanted to feel against your cheeks. Erwin was a handsome man, that you had always known, but naked he was even more glorious—a chiselled God.  
Saliva pooled in your mouth, and you swore it seemed like your teeth elongated at the simple thought of biting into the solid wall that was his chest. His biceps. The cords in his neck. His strong jawline. Everything. 
Your appreciation did not go unnoticed. If anything, it made his chest puff with pride that you would find him so attractive. For the first time in years, he had no desire to put aside his wants in favour of someone else’s.  
Erwin wanted you entirely, and whilst he was certain you didn’t understand the full implication of that, he would take his time. Courting you would be a slow waltz, not some frenzied race to the finish line. 
He appreciated how contrary that was given he was about to fuck you into a drooling coma, but the situation called for a drastic intervention to alleviate the both of you. It had been many years since his instincts ruled him. Your intoxicatingly sweet musk had bewitched him thoroughly.  
Erwin felt like a young man again—in his prime. Back when his mind did not rule his body with an iron fist. 
“If you want this,” he tugged on his shaft for emphasis, “you’ll get on your knees and present like a good Omega.” 
Stepping close enough that his shins met the edge of the mattress, he observed you scrambling into position, his tongue wetting the plush of his bottom lip. He hadn’t tasted your mouth yet, something he would remedy at the earliest opportunity. Right now, you would nip and bite and snap at him, something he liked, but your first kiss should be more restrained than that. 
“That’s it. Good girl… look at you dripping for me. Fuck—sway your hips like that again and we won’t leave this room until you’re round and full of my pups.” 
You dropped to your elbows when you felt the bed dip behind you. Your molten cheek came to rest on the sticky sheets, the angle just enough to cut your eyes up and see him approach.  
Commander Smith. 
Erwin. 
Alpha. 
He filled his broad palms with the fat of your rump, stretching you wide until your cunt flexed in want, pushing out slick in anticipation. Erwin thumbed at your entrance before raising a hand to his mouth and licking the flat of his palm right to the tips of his fingers. The saliva felt that much hotter when it connected with your needy flesh. 
You’d be mortified by the obscene squelch of your juices and his spit mingling together if you were in your right mind. It was filthy—pure and simple.  
What you couldn’t see was Erwin coating himself in your abundant arousal, viscous strands succumbing to gravity to drip over his balls. He was breathing heavily now, the muscles taut in his neck and shoulders with the restraint of not being inside you. A wide mitt of a hand rested at your hip, massaging whilst he shuffled closer and let the weight of his tip notch at your cunt. 
“Erwin—please! Need it now. I might di—oh my fuccccckk!” 
The stretch was immediate despite how well primed you were. You knew he was thick, heavy, long… but the girth was the real killer. His cock bullied into you, inch by slow inch. 
“Ha-! Don’t… squirm. You wanted this, right?” 
Erwin clenched his fist to prevent the warning smack he nearly inflicted on your peachy butt. He was a lot to take, he knew that, and you were not accustomed to him—not yet. 
You would learn in time. He would ruin you for anyone else. 
Sweat dripped along your spine at the sweltering heat of his body engulfing yours. Erwin draped himself over you like a personal blanket, his lips and tongue and teeth exploring your skin and marking you in places you would have to contort to be able to see in the mirror come tomorrow. 
“Taste divine. Smell like nirvana. Gods, your cunt is moulded to me, sweetheart. Can you feel me here?” he asked with a thrust that made your knees wobble and stars spark in your eyes. He was lodged right at your cervix, just as you had imagined when all this began, although not from the man in question. 
“Uh-huh!” 
It was all you could manage, drool slipping past the seam of your lips as Erwin set a pace that suited him. It wasn’t the frantic fuck you expected, neither was it slow nor deliberate like his fingers had been in the bath. What he managed to achieve was a combination of pace and force that knocked the air from your lungs each time he impaled you fully. It left you whining for him when he retreated, and soon the sensation of his balls swinging directly against your swollen little nub became so overwhelming that you were certain you wouldn’t last long. 
As if he sensed your dilemma, he grunted mid-stroke and reassured you as he said, “Follow your instinct. Let your body do what it wants, what it needs. I want to feel you try to milk me.”  
Erwin grunted; jaw clenched tightly. His knot was inflating, and he didn’t feel anywhere near ready for this to be over. Rationally, he knew that once would not be enough for you. There would more time to kiss and fuck and touch and learn, but he still clung to this first time like it really was his very first time. 
In a way it was. It was his first time with you. It would not be his last. 
The intensity of your orgasm nearly had him lose his bearing, if his wrist hadn’t caught the brunt of his weight then you would have been flattened into the mattress beneath him.  
Your cunt was a greedy little thing—sucking and pulsing around his cock with little room for him to retreat. All he could do was ride out the pleasure through gritted teeth and determination not to blow his load like some young pup. 
“Bi—Bite. Bite me!” 
Christ… you were temptation and sin, and love and beauty all wrapped in one body.  
Erwin scented along your back, mounting you like any animal would and dragging the prominent ridge of his nose over the fluttering pulse in your neck. It was beating wildly, a rhythm unique to you and he hummed his appreciation when you turned to give him more access. “Here?” he asked unnecessarily. 
You chewed your lip, near delirious from the warmth and continued fullness of his cock sawing in and out of your core. He was licking the scent gland that attracted all Alphas to Omegas and Omegas to Alphas, but it was not the one on the other side that only those considered mates would bite and mark. 
“Y-yes.” 
A lie. He could smell it. 
“Are you sure?” 
“I-I… of course!” 
Erwin smiled into your skin and sighed, knowing he was reaching his limit. “You are not being honest with me, but that’s okay. I won’t press you right now, we will have time.” 
“Oh god. This won’t be enough?” You whimpered in realisation, shame coating your features and you were glad he couldn’t see how flushed your face was. 
“Can you feel my knot growing?”  
You nodded once, meekly, and he continued. “Once I plug you as nature intended, you will be fine for a good few hours, certainly until we can part safely. It’ll be enough for you to sleep and actually rest, but no… it will not be enough. I’m not going anywhere, darling.” 
“But you have duties! You’re the fucking Commander… why are you laughing?” you asked with an evident pout. 
“I think you’ll find you’re fucking the Commander.” 
“Really? We’re really going to do dad level jokes whilst you’re balls deep and I’m desperate for you to bite my damn neck and knot me? Hey—mmm.”  
Your wits scattered once again as Erwin spread his weight further, mounting you more fully than you thought possible. He braced one palm at the small of your spine and his jaw snapped wide. 
His teeth grazed your earlobe, the sharp points travelling past the carotid artery until his hot breath huffed out in a wave of heat that tickled down your spine. He was losing his pace, hips beginning to snap harsher against your perfectly plump rear in a faltering tempo. You held your breath as you sensed the moment near. 
 He was so deep—so damn deep in your guts. Erwin lunged for you, his jaw stretched, and his perfectly pointed canines pierced into your flesh like a hot knife through butter. It made you tense all over, your walls clamping down around his ready to burst cock and it tripped his orgasm with a blinding flash. Heat unlike anything you had ever experienced speared your insides, and for a second it felt like your innards might be cooked alive. 
Wave after wave of cum painted the neck of your womb. Your neck throbbed from where he held you in his beastly maw. His tongue lapped at the skin trapped between his teeth, soothing the hurt in any way he could whilst he grunted and growled spilling inside you endlessly. 
You could feel the knot ballooning. It travelled further into your body, and you’d be damned if you could accurately describe the sensation. In simple terms it felt like you were being filled and stretched to the very limit of your body’s elasticity. 
Finally, it came to rest right where it was needed most. A stopper for any seed escaping and you knew that it could be some time before you could untangle from each other. The orgasm from having Erwin’s potent essence flood your cunt was unlike any other.  
It felt like it soothed the animal inside and sent it into a tranquil slumber. With a final cry of bliss, your knees slid out from under you and sent you both falling the final few inches to the mattress below. 
Erwin licked over the wound he had inflicted, wincing at the harsh purple bite mark and dribbles of blood oozing sluggishly from the shallow wound. Hooking an arm around your front, he shifted you both, so his weight was no longer suffocating you, shushing your little whimpers when the repositioning slightly moved how you were joined. 
“Sleep, my pretty little Omega. Let me watch over you.” Let me trace my fingertips over the curve of your shoulder, memorise the position of every freckle and divot in your skin. 
He left those parts out, afraid of overwhelming you. Fearful that you might agree to things simply because of his power and position. There was no doubt in his mind that you were his mate, but could you say the same about him? 
Erwin listened to your breathing even out, the heat dissipating from your skin until you were comfortable enough to nuzzle your face into the crook of his elbow beneath you. Strands of your hair fell across your eyes, and he was careful to move them aside to watch your eyelashes flutter in sleep. 
What a lie it was… that an Alpha had all the power. 
You could make or break him completely. You were the Goddess in his world and the fear of not being enough for you tore at his heart. He dropped his head to your shoulder and closed his eyes, willing sleep to come and soothe him like it was for you. 
“I can’t wait to kiss you under the moonlight. When you accept me as your man, your mate, your Alpha. 
I will change this world for the better… for you.”  
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josefavomjaaga · 1 year ago
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And this time on the correct blog...
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Agreed.
Of course this now begs the question in how far Eugène was incompetent and undeserving.
Or: More incompetent and undeserving than others who did tag along, or were even put in charge of operations (infirm Louis commanding in Holland in autumn 1805, Joseph soon pretending to be a general in Naples ... Junot dashing across Europe to do ... what precisely at Austerlitz?)
"...I will not dare look anyone in the face..."
In a letter from 8 October 1805, right before the beginning of the Austerlitz campaign, Eugène opens up to his old mentor Bessières about his desperation and shame at seeing himself excluded from this campaign:
[…] I won't tell you about myself, my friend, you can read my heart and see the deep regret I have for not actively serving. I will even tell you the truth. Well, if I am not employed militarily during this war I assure you that I will not dare look anyone in the face. But you also know my attachment to the Emperor, and whatever it may cost me, I will keep quiet and resign myself entirely to his wishes. I am already too overwhelmed by his benefits to think that he himself does not know that it would be dishonourable for a young soldier who needs to go to war as much as I do, to remain inactive during a campaign which is going to decide the fate of the world. Farewell, my friend, I am jealous of the fate of you all, and this does not in any way, I assure you, lessen my old and sincere friendship for you. Le Pce Eugène
(Not even greetings to Marie Jeanne this time which he almost always adds in his letters.)
This will become characteristic of Eugène's attitude towards the marshals. He felt ashamed and saw his task in Milan as a humiliation. Apparently, he assumed, Napoleon did not consider him competent enough to take part in the military operations.
It would be extremely interesting to know if and what Bessières may have answered.
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ruoyuart · 3 months ago
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Recently did an art test for Games Workshop! Was asked to design an original Imperial regiment and a special Orc/Goblin character with a mount for The Old World. Unfortunately I was on holiday, so I had to do most of this on iPad :)
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enviedear · 10 months ago
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⊹ ࣪ ˖ got what i wanted, but it's never enough for me
⤷ jacaerys velaryon ⊹ ࣪ ˖
౨ৎ synopsis— battletorn and bruised, you’re one sword swipe away from death when jacaerys finds you. if the wound searing into you isn’t causing enough annoyance, then surely your prince’s reprimanding will.
౨ৎ warnings— w@r, injury, canon divergence (isn’t it always), brat!jace (he’s so stressed, he’s taking it out on reader sorry), bastard!velaryon!reader, arguments, reader isn’t fully trusted by team black. 2.1k words
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request ⊹ series masterlist
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your entire body sears with pain, not at all akin to anything you've felt before. above you are the sounds the roars of dragons, around you the sounds of dying men. moaning and weeping, praying and making peace—it drills an ache deep into your skull.
you glance down at your torso, wincing when you see the large chunk of armor missing. gritting your teeth, you brace before pressing your fingers to the exposed flesh underneath the gnarled metal. your armor has left deep scrapes along your side, the patch of flesh filed down to the very muscle.
with great effort, you rise, fingers still pressing into your own wound. the sword at your side is sheathed, afraid your arms could not bear to hold it any longer. there's a white cast across your vision, a chill to your flesh.
you wish immediately to have stayed atop vermax with jacaerys. you have no doubt that he is handling himself with grace, every bit the deliberate warrior prince he's described. yet here you are, grounded and wounded— haunting a maelstrom of a battlefield.
you shut your eyes momentarily trying to steady your mind at the very least. it provides no aid.
you're the bastard of a dead man, what use is masquerading as if you won't inevitably meet the same fate. you still sense the slightest bit of contempt from the queen, court meetings often ending before you can speak— her eyes watching you, as if daring you to break out of line.
sometimes, you truly want to, to step into the role of 'master of complaints', but this is war. you funnel all resentments into your fighting. the words you want to spew at the roundtable reshape into the cuts tore into each of your foes.
vaemond velaryon could afford his grips until he couldn't, and it seems his daughter will do the very same. you began too incensed, angered at a comment by the prince.
jacaerys shares his mother's unease of you. rightfully so, you are a bastard to the man who sought to revoke the late prince lucerys’ title. your allegiance to her grace has never wavered. you are and will always be, a faithful servant to the crown. your own mind far different than your father's.
perhaps that is why the prince's comment etched itself so deep within your heart.
like always, the dragonpit had been scarce for company. entering only to be met by the prince and one of the keepers.
“my prince.” you had greeted, bowing your head slightly until he had addressed you in return. tasked to ride out with him as the head of your secondary regiment, you nervously approached his dragon.
“my lady.” his voice had been sharp, albeit princely. “vermax is ready, we’ll leave shortly.”
he had turned from you right after to whisper something to the dragonkeeper, his hands on the grip of his sword. he had looked back at you one last time before mounting his dragon.
you neared, “i have never had the privilege of a dragon ride. anything to note, my prince?” your words had been meant to ease any tension but when the prince simply offered out his hand without reply, you began to second guess your choice.
jacaerys helped you upon the dragon's back, and you took your place behind him. there was a long pause before he replied, his muscles taut, “keep your hands here,” his own hands directed yours toward ropes attached to the saddle. then, whispered and almost indiscernible he added, “and away from your blade.”
that's why you fled, as soon as vermax dipped low enough toward the battlefield— you jumped. you forwent the ease of watching the battle from above for the challenge that is an open combat. it was easy at first to guard off attacks on foot. but you must have made it look a bit too easy, as swarms of knights threw hits your way, you're lucky all they managed is the gory gash at your side. your life remains, slowed and tense, but there regardless.
you catch your breath, shallow and uneven, pushing through the blinding discomfort. determination fuels you, and it is the only thing propelling you forward. the chaos of the battlefield doesn't pause, doesn't show mercy, and neither shall you. the prince's words still echo in your mind, a bitter reminder of your place in this war. let it be a foolish wish, but you want more than anything to rise above the mistakes of your father.
your eyes scan the area, seeking any sign of jacaerys, but the prince and his dragon are nowhere to be seen. you grit your teeth, frustration mingling with worry. you can't afford to think about him now. survival comes first.
a sudden movement catches your attention, a knight of the usurper is charging toward you, sword raised high. you reach for your own weapon, but your fingers barely grasp the hilt as he nears. the knight's blade descends, and you scarcely manage to roll out of the way, pain flaring in your side. you stumble to your feet, using every ounce of strength to stay upright.
with a desperate lunge, you unsheath your sword, parrying the knight's next strike. your movements are sluggish, each one sending jolts of agony through your body. but you fight on, deflecting blows and striking back with whatever strength you can muster.
the knight's eyes are wide with surprise as you hold your ground, and in a moment of hesitation on his part, you find an opening. you drive your sword into his stomach, feeling the resistance as the blade cuts through armor and flesh. the knight falls, a choked gasp escaping his lips.
you lean on your sword for support, breathing heavily. the battlefield is a blur of motion and noise, but you force yourself to stay focused. you can't afford to falter now, so close to breaking through their lines.
the taste of blood is on your tongue, metallic and bitter. you don't know if it's yours or someone else's. the battlefield is a mess with death, every step a reminder of your own fragile mortality. you press forward, each step an exercise of sheer willpower.
a roar sounds overhead, louder than the fighting below, and you look up just in time to see vermax swooping low, flames spewing from his maw. jacaerys is astride him, his expression fierce and determined. for a moment, relief washes over you, but it is quickly replaced by the realization that you are in the path of his attack.
you dive to the side, narrowly avoiding the scorching heat. the fire engulfs the enemy soldiers ahead of you, their screams piercing the chaos. you struggle to your feet, the adrenaline surging through you, numbing the pain.
jacaerys spots you and directs vermax to land nearby. he dismounts swiftly, eyes scanning you critically.
"you're hurt." he forces out, voice tight with concern.
"i'm fine, my prince." you manage, though it's clear you are anything but.
he steps closer, his hand reaching out to steady you, "you shouldn't have jumped. you would have been safe."
"you did not want me there.” you snap back, the hurt from his earlier words still fresh.
jacaerys recoils at your harsh words, his eyes flashing with dismay, "my words were reckless," he says, trying to defend himself. "i was anxious... but i never want to see you hurt."
you stare at him, torn between anger and gratitude, "that moment may have passed us, my prince. perhaps you could help me instead by finding a way out."
jacaerys nods, his focus shifting back to the battle ahead. "we need to reach the castle's gates. there's a concealed passage that will get us through to our own lines."
you swallow, the pain in your side flaring up again. "i can't go on like this. you need to ride vermax back to the lines yourself and get help."
jacaerys shakes his head, his face set in determination. "i won't leave you behind. we'll make it together, just as we promised the queen."
with renewed urgency, he helps you move forward. the city gates loom ahead, a beacon of hope in the midst of chaos. but your strength is fading fast, every step more difficult than the last.
"almost there," jacaerys murmurs, his voice a lifeline. "just a little further."
you nod, clinging to his words. the gates draw nearer, and you can see the secret passage jacaerys mentioned. it's a narrow opening, just wide enough for the two of you to slip through.
jacaerys helps you inside, the walls of the passage providing some relief from the battle outside. he guides you through the dark, winding tunnel, his hand steady on your arm.
once inside, the confined space seems to press in on you, amplifying every breath, every heartbeat. the flickering torchlight casts long shadows, making the passage feel even more claustrophobic.
"you shouldn't have jumped." jacaerys echoes his earlier words suddenly, breaking the tense silence. his voice is blunt, riddled with frustration.
"i couldn't stay." you retort, your own temper flaring despite the pain. "not after what you said."
"i had one moment of unease!” he snaps back, his eyes flashing with anger. "do you have any idea how dangerous it was to go off on your own? when i am meant to protect you.”
"protect me?" you scoff, your voice rising. "by treating me like a traitor? alluding that i, of all people, would gore you in the back?"
"i was mistaken, my lady.” he admits, his tone drops but his ill-temper shines through, your weak title sounds foreign on his lips. "but you made it all worse by acting so carelessly."
"carelessly?" you laugh bitterly. "i was proving something. i am not my father, jacaerys. i have never challenged you or your mother." you drop his title, speaking to him as a peer now, "i deserve to be here."
"and your demonstration nearly got you killed!" he shouts, the sound reverberating off the walls. "do you think that would have proven anything?"
"maybe not," you reply, your voice shaky with emotion. "but at least i would have died fighting. an honorable death."
jacaerys steps closer, his expression fierce. "i do not wish you to die." he says, voice low and intense. "i need you alive. we all do."
"then stop doubting me." you breathe out, words barely audible. "stop treating me like the enemy."
his anger dissipates, replaced by something subdued, more vulnerable. you’re completely unfamiliar with such a look upon his face, "it is not your loyalty i doubt, nor you. not truly." he says quietly. "i doubt my own ability to keep you safe... to keep this entire kingdom safe. this war has become utter perdition."
the confession takes you by surprise, and for a moment, you seem to feel the weight he carries, the burden of leadership and the fear of failure. your anger ebbs, replaced by tentative understanding. in all the years you’ve known the prince, never have you both been at such a state of understanding— albeit frail.
"jacaerys…" the name escapes your lips like a question. you reach out, almost instinctively, touching his arm lightly. his gaze meets yours, a mix of strife and resolve swirling in his eyes.
"i am sorry." he says, his voice a ragged edge of emotion. "i did not mean to contest you. i just… worry."
"i know," you reply softly, your own anger dissipating with each passing heartbeat. "i know you didn't. it's just the war getting to you, it muddles my head just the same."
silence settles like a shroud around you both. for a moment, the world outside the narrow passage wilts away, leaving you and the prince in this fragile sanctuary.
"we should keep moving," jacaerys finally breaks the quietness, his hand still lightly resting on your arm. "the passage leads to safety, to maesters."
you nod again, grateful for his steadying presence. together you navigate the dark tunnel, your body pressed against his. his strong hands never once leave you, providing constant support.
when you emerge from the passage and into the relative calm of your own lines, relief washes over both your features. people rush to tend to your wounds, their movements efficient and practiced. mostly blurs to you, head still pounding. jacaerys stays close, fingers pressing slightly into the pulse at your wrist.
"you need rest." he insists softly, his gaze beating down on you.
"and you need to go be the prince. go lead your men." you reply, not willing to let him linger over you while the battle still rages.
he hesitates, brown eyes flicking down to your wrapped wound, "promise me you will rest?" he finally requests, monotone.
"i promise." you assure him.
jacaerys nods, pulling away to attend to his duties. you watch him go, your mind a mess of emotions.
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titanomancy · 6 months ago
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If anything, that roadmap Krieg tease undersold how much the Death Korps would be getting in the new year. Between the existing tanks and Veteran Guardsmen, this is at least as much of an army as any of the old pewter regiments had in the '90s. Arguably more.
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Starting from the top, Lord Marshal Dreir is a great alternative to the Lord Solar for the role of, "general on horse mount," and stands in his stead among any of the classic regimental heroes.
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And if your gonna have one guy on a horse mount, you really ought to have an entire cavalry charge. I think they might have gone a little ham on the Krieg steeds' claws, though - I liked them better a more like goat hooves, so that they look nearly like horses be not quite. Somebody at the studio clearly decided that's insufficiently brutal.
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Combat engineers are another adaptation of an existing Forge World kit that looks great. Loving the little screw drive remote mine, although it looks like it's about twice as big as it ought to be to read better on the tabletop.
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Artillery emplacements are big Krieg energy and these new heavy guns certainly deliver. The quad mortar is back again, as are two flavors of cannon and a rocket battery. Wouldn't look at all out of place alongside the classic Basilisk platforms (which, who knows, may still make their way to plastic), or the next entry in the new lineup.
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Classic heavy weapon carriages, once again in the 2nd Edition style. These are all a little bit more in tune with the nostalgic approach to Imperial Guard than the more modern take on the concept found in the Cadian Field Ordnance Battery, and I think helps them to fill a unique niche from the standard heavy weapons teams.
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Rounding things out are a brand new command squad featuring not one but two Commissars (Lord and cadet), vox, standard and chemyst. I think adapting the quartermaster would have probably been a better pull but they seem to be leaning hard into the harsh environment specialists aspect. That combat accountancy servo skull goes hard, though.
Overall, solid. Very happy to see, and when taken alongside the many Solar Auxilia tanks now or soon to be available, represents one of the most comprehensive updates to a range yet seen.
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trexalicious · 1 year ago
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Looooove this!❤
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ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇʜᴏʟᴅ ᴄᴀᴠᴀʟʀʏ ᴇxʜɪʙɪᴛɪᴏɴ ᴡᴇᴅ 6 ᴍᴀʀᴄʜ - ꜱᴜɴ 21 ᴀᴘʀ
We are delighted to be displaying four portraits of the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment by @ripleyfineart exhibition.
Twelve portraits were gifted as the official Coronation present from the Household Cavalry to His Majesty King Charles III. They were presented by Ripley and senior Officers from the Household Cavalry to King Charles III at Buckingham Palace on 15 June 2023.
The museum is currently open Wed-Sun (10am-5pm) and from 1st April we will be open daily (10am-6pm).
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todaysdocument · 1 month ago
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Deposition #1 of Solomon Brown, Jonathan Loring and Elijah Saunderson of Lexington, Massachusetts Regarding the Events of April 18 and 19, 1775 at Lexington and Concord, Massachusetts Bay Colony
Record Group 360: Records of the Continental and Confederation Congresses and the Constitutional ConventionSeries: Papers of the Continental CongressFile Unit: Massachusetts State Papers
N. 1 11
We Solomon Brown Jonathan Loring & Elijah Sanderson All of Lawful Age and of Lexington in the County of Middlesex and Colony of the Massachusett Bay in New England do testifie & declare that on the Evening of the Eighteenth of April Instant being on the Road between Concord & Lexington and All of us mounted on Horses we were about ten of the Clock suddenly surprized by Nine Persons whom we took to be Regular Officers who Rode up to us Mounted and Armed each having a Pistol in His Hand, and after Putting, Pistols to our Breasts and seizing the Bridles of Our Horses, they swore that ^if^ we Stirred another Step We should be all Dead Men, upon which we surrender ed Our Selves they Detained us untill Two o clock the Next morning in which time they searched and Greatly abused us, having first Enquired about the Magazine at Concord, whether any Guards were posted there and whether the Bridges were up and said Four or Five Regiments of Regulars would be in Possession of the Stores Soon they then brought us back to Lexington, cut the Horses Bridles and girt[h]s turned them Loose and ^then^ left us Lexington April 25 1775
Solomon Brown
Jonathan Loring
Elijah Sanderson
Middlesex SS April 25 1775
Jona Loring Solomon Brown and Elijah Sanderson being duly Cautioned to Testify the whole Truth, made Solemn Oath to the Truth of the above Deposition by them subscribed
Coram
Wm Reed
Josiah Johnson } Just.
Wm Stickney } Pacix
I Elijah Saunderson abovove (sic) named do further testifie & declare that I was on Lexington Common the morning of the Nineteenth of April afore said having been dismissed by the Officers abovementioned & saw a Large Body of Regular Troops advancing toward Lexington Company, many of whom were then dispersing -- I heard one of the Regulars whom I took to be an officer Say Damn Them we will have them, & immediately the Regulars shouted aloud, Run and fired on the Lexington Company which did not fire a gun before the Regulars Discharged on them Eight of the Lexington Company were killed while they were dispersing and at considerable Distance from Each other, and many wounded, & altho a spectator I narrowly Escaped with my Life
Lexington April 25 1775 Elijah Saunderson
Middlesex SS April 25 1775
Elijah Saunderson above named being Duly cautioned to Testify the whole Truth made Solemn Oath to the Truth of the above Deposition by them subscribed
Wm Reed
Coram Josiah Johnson } Just.
Wm Stickney } Pacis
Province of the Massachusetts Bay Charlestown ss
I Nathaniel Gorham Notary & Tabellion Puplic by Lawful authority duly admitted and Sworn hereby certify all of whom ^it^ doth or may concern that William Reed Josiah Johnson & William Stickney Esqrs are three of his Majesty's Justices of the Peace for the County of Middlesex and that full faith and credit is to be given to their transactions as such in Witness whereof I have hereunto affixed my Name & Seal this Twenty Six Day of april Anno Domini one Thousand Seven Hundred & Seventy five
the foregoing are true copies attest
Nathaniel Gorham Noy Pubc
No 1 [sideways, in left margin]
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boinkingbattlemechs · 6 months ago
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Phoenix Hawk IIC
Though in many ways it resembles the combat prowess of the Inner Sphere's Charger, the Phoenix Hawk IIC is a fixture of many second-line Clan Clusters and front-line Successor State regiments during the Word of Blake Jihad.
During the reign of the lackluster Khan Jacob Masters, Clan Steel Viper entered a period of stagnation in all areas, including technological development. In a rare fit of innovation at the time, though one many observers considered oddball at best, the Steel Viper Scientist Caste decided to base a new assault BattleMech on the venerable 45-ton Phoenix Hawk chassis. At 80-tons, the resulting design was almost twice as heavy as the original, though it is severely undergunned for an assault 'Mech due its incredible speed for a 'Mech its size. Following the introduction of the OmniMech by Clan Coyote just three years later however, the Phoenix Hawk IIC largely saw itself relegated to second-line status.
Built around the Type 79 400 XL engine mounted on an Endo Steel skeleton fitted with five Jump Jets, the Phoenix Hawk IIC features as close as possible ground speed and agility to the original Phoenix Hawk as can be reasonably achieved on an 80-ton assault 'Mech, making it an effective fast interdiction unit. Ten and half tons of ferro-fibrous armor provide eighty-one percent of the maximum possible protection at its weight class, while ten Double Heat Sinks are sufficient for the weapons array.
The main armament of the Phoenix Hawk IIC is the paired Ultra Autocannon/10s, each of which has a three-ton ammunition bin it can draw on. The cannons are mounted in twin pods on either side of torso to the rear, a feature allowing technicians easy access to the weapons and reducing maintenance time both at base or in the field. A pair of Machine Guns provide extra firepower that is most useful against unarmored infantry. Despite the Clans' disdain for it, the 'Mech's weaponless arms are almost ideal for physical combat.
The Phoenix Hawk IIC would gain a new vitality following Clan Jade Falcon's ejection of the Steel Vipers from the Inner Sphere in 3061. Seeking to rapidly rebuild their weakened touman, Khan Perigard Zalman approached Clan Diamond Shark offering captured Heavy Laser technology and the plans for the ancient design in return for the production of a new variant for the Steel Viper's second-line clusters. Initially observers were curious why the Sharks dealt so fairly with such a weakened "customer", but the rapid development of even more deadly variations not included in the deal agreed with the Vipers provided some explanation, with production of the visually reworked chassis initiated at both Auxiliary Production Site #5 on Babylon and the rebuilt Trellshire Heavy Industries of Twycross.
By 3078 six variations of the Phoenix Hawk IIC were walking off Trellshire's production lines for the garrison forces of Diamond Shark as well as for sale to both Clan and Inner Sphere buyers. While some among the Clans opposed such sales to Spheroids, the focus on designs like the Phoenix Hawk IIC that are considered mediocre by Clan warrior but are still outstanding by Inner Sphere standards appears to be a conscious choice by the Sharks. Many of the variants also utilize ammunition-hungry weapons, a decision Clan observers wryly note ensures Inner Sphere buyers either make steady munitions purchases or are forced to more frequently buy replacement parts from the accelerated wear caused by using inferior Spheroid ordnance, both ensuring frequent repeat business for the Diamond Sharks.
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pinkkittysaw · 1 year ago
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CHAPTER II
- MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?
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← chapter one
series master-list can be found here!
summary: the night of your brother’s annual birthday ball takes an unexpected turn
paring: knight! clive rosfield x princess! reader
word count: 9,613
content: NSFW (minors + ageless blogs DNI! you will be BLOCKED!) heavy plot, oral (f! receiving), fingering (f! receiving) handjob, power imbalance, dirty talk, spit, slight humiliation kink, parental loss.
disclaimer(s): although this series is inspired by the medieval and regency time periods, they are not 1:1 representations. although i will always do my best to represent both as accurately as possible, there may be some minor changes.
some of the plot points in the original game story have been altered or taken out to fit this au better. there are no eikons
a/n: i want to dedicate this chapter to my AMAZING friend, and fellow writer, jordy (@cryptictongues) who not only let me bounce ideas off her constantly, but also beta read some of this chapter as well. thank you for everything!!!!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻
dividers by @/saradika-graphics and art is by edmund blair leighton
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A month or so passed since your last tryst with Clive, leaving the relationship between the two of you to be strained with pent-up tension. In light of the momentary heat of passion, you both agreed that such conduct would be better kept private, in places where no wandering eyes could intrude, so as to not arouse any more suspicion. There were to be absolutely no dubious behaviors in public, which proved to be undoubtedly difficult.
With every promenade you'd take around the castle grounds, you'd see him training, all sweaty and flush in his fit form, and all you'd be able to think about was mounting him then and there, riding him until you were both run ragged.
Your confidants and lady's maid have caught your prolonged glances during your strolls in the sunshine, but you've always met their accusations with a dismissive flap of your hand fan, stating that you were "simply curious about the training regiment that the knights were conducting," even if your eyes always lingered on one knight in particular. Baddies
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There was talk around the palace for a while about the sudden disappearance of a certain scullery maid, but seeing as the crown had more pressing matters to deal with than the loss of a single maid, one who could easily be replaced, any investigation resulted in the conclusion that she had simply "fleed her duties," and it was left at that.
In reality, though, you had visited her late in the night after your passionate affair with Clive many moons ago, offering to pay off her debts and then some if she swore to secrecy that nothing she saw that night would make its way into the ears of the public.
The amount of gil being offered was unlike anything she could have ever imagined. Seeing as your father amassed insurmountable fortunes during his reign, idle gossip wasn't worth the consequences if she were to be found out as the source of the rumor, so she took the small fortune and fled the palace walls that very same night.
Now you find yourself sitting in another store room, one that's presumed to be in less use than the previous one, perched upon an old barrel.
A royal ball was in attendance, and all nobility within the realm were invited. The occasion? Your younger brother and future heir to the throne's birthday. He reached the tender age of one and twenty, which just so happens to be the legal age of marriage in your country, so, of course, your father invited all the reputable debutantes in the realm in hopes that your brother would secure a future queen, though he'd never admit to such schemes out loud.
You were hoping that tonight would be another secret rendezvous with your lover, but you haven't so much as gotten a single word with him all evening.
All you had thought about during the preparation was how you were going to tease him throughout the night. The gown you had selected to wear was chosen with him in mind. The silhouette hugged your figure to perfection, and your cleavage was heavily accentuated in the lavender muslin. The hem was detailed with a layer of tulle tulips, and crystals of various sizes decorated the bustline. Put simply, you looked ravishing—the epitome of the most elegantly cut diamond.
Your father would spare no expense when it came to his son's birthday ball, so you were in luck to some degree, but the only man whose eyes you wanted on you was nowhere to be found.
The ball was supposed to provide perfect cover. All the orderly staff would be at your father's beck and call all evening, and he'd be too busy showing off your brother like a prized chocobo to notice your disappearance, leaving you to your own devices after a certain amount of time.
You and Clive would be able to sneak off without a trace or care in the world, but for some reason, every man of nobility just happened to be extremely insistent upon getting in at least one dance with you, all whilst having meaningless conversations regarding topics you couldn't bother yourself with caring about.
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The ball started off well enough. You knew you couldn't immediately disappear into the shadows; you owed both your father and brother a dance to start the evening, as was tradition for the royal balls in your country.
The three of you walked out into the ballroom together. Your father went first, then you and your brother in succession.
The room was lavish, as it often was whenever such events were hosted in your kingdom. Multiple chandeliers holding long wax candles filled the ceiling, and the light reflecting off the gems on your gown made you shine beautifully. A golden hue encapsulates the entire room, casting wispy shadows and twinkling shapes on the hardwood floor. Your family emblem was painted in stark white chalk at the center of it. Various flowers from the royal gardens hung in sconces around the perimeter of the room, with vines filling out the empty space in between. Fine fabric in your kingdom's colors was draped over the windows in high arch shapes.
Scanning the room, you look for where to make your grand escape. After a few dances and perhaps some intermingling at the refreshments table, you'd be skittering along the ballroom walls, hiding in the shadows, before making your exit.
There was still a short amount of time before the guests started to file in, so after the final touches were made to the decorations, you took your place on the dais next to your family, with your father in the center and your brother to your right.
The royal knights line up in front of the small stage, and though Clive is always the pinnacle of orderliness while on duty—excellent posture and great form—you swear that you catch his eye as he files inside the room. He's not so careless as to let his emotions wear on his face while in the presence of others, especially your father and the Lord Commander, but you're certain that the slightest tinge of pink floods his cheeks at the sight of you.
As the knights continue to get into position, your gaze falls upon Clive's shaggy hair, reminiscing about how the thick yet soft tendrils felt between the length of your fingers as he made his presence known between your legs moons prior.
Your father's voice reels you back from your fantasies as you clear your throat slightly and hope that the bright lights of the chandelier won't give way to your previous thoughts.
Nobles from all across the realm begin to file in and make their greetings, some familiar and some new. A part of you is surprised that all these people traveled from their home countries just to visit your brother, but you supposed that none of the nations wanted bad blood between your kingdom and theirs.
After all the introductions were made, your father began his long-winded speech about your brother, the future of the country, and how proud he is of how far his children have come. The smile plastered on your face feels stiff, and your thighs feel as though they're about to collapse from the amount of curtsying you've been forced to do.
Finally, after what felt like hours, you're granted some relief from the spotlight while the band sets up on the stage where you and your family previously resided.
You make your way over to the refreshment table, nodding and curtseying to the fellow noble ladies as you make your way over to procure yourself a glass of iced lemonade.
It was not even three seconds later that your father was introducing you to some nobleman.
"Dearest daughter," he starts. You take a deep breath and settle your princessly smile on your face once more before turning around.
"I'd be pleased to introduce you to the Archduke of Rosaria and his mother." You gaze upon the both of them; this is the first meeting you've had with the current Archduke of Rosaria. You met the previous archduke, Elwin, when you were still of tender age, before your brother was born. You scantly recall the details of the meeting, only that he gifted both you and your mother bouquets of Rosarian wildflowers and that he had a penchant for making you laugh (as later on confirmed by your mother).
It's clear, though, that the man standing before you bears no resemblance to his father, sharing the same icy eyes and pale hair as his mother.
"His Imperial and Royal Highness, Joshua, the Archduke of Rosaria, and her Imperial and Royal Highness, Annabella, the Dowager Archduchess of Rosaria," your father continues, giving you room to make your formal introductions.
"It is an honor, your Highness," you state, giving a swift curtsey to the both of them, and although Annabella merely nods to you in acknowledgment, her son gives a full bow in return.
"Come now, Joshua. There's no need for that," she chastises, as if her son were still a child and not a grown man.
"But mother, how could I not marvel at the beauty bestowed upon me?" He responds in full. At your astonishment at his bold declaration, he takes your gloved hand into his own and presses a delicate kiss to the back of your knuckles.
"Might I say that your gown looks exquisite tonight, my lady? You shine bright like a diamond." Both you and the Dowager Archduchess share a similar look of shock on your faces, and even though you can't see your father's expression from behind you, you're sure that he mirrors both of yours.
Heat floods your face as your eyes meet Joshua's, then his mother's, and although their eyes bear the same shade of cerulean, her gaze pierces through you like daggers of ice, whereas the strawberry blonde beside her carries a lot more warmth.
Time stands still, and you wonder if such flirtations were a product of his father, seeing as his mother held very little kindness or regard in her heart.
You feel your father's hands on your shoulders and realize you've spent the last minute or so gawking at Joshua and his display.
"Please forgive my daughter; she isn't used to such blatant declarations of affection from esteemed gentlemen." It's at your father's statement that your brain kicks back into gear. Your hand is withdrawn, and an immediate curtsey follows in its place.
"My sincerest apologies, Your Highness." As you raise your head, your eyes meet Clive's just across the way from behind Joshua, but he's quick to refocus and march forward in front of him.
"No apology is necessary," the Archduke smiles, "though if you truly wish to win my forgiveness, you'll allow me your hand in a dance."
Before you even get the chance to respond, Annabella interrupts, "Joshua, you mustn't. Think of your health."
"Mother," a domineering smile plasters itself on Joshua's face, "certainly I have enough energy to last me at least one dance with the most elegant princess in all of Valisthea."
Annabella sends another harsh glance toward her son before muttering, "Of course," and  taking her leave elsewhere.
Joshua heaves a heavy sigh before extending his hand, silently asking for your dance card. You raise your wrist and allow him to pencil himself in before he gives one final bow, and retreats toward his inconsolable mother.
Your father exhales the breath you were unaware he was holding when the band gets in position for their first song. Both you and your father take place in the center of the ballroom as the first dance of the evening.
You couldn't help but notice as you scanned the faces in the surrounding audience that someone was missing. As the starting notes boomed from the instruments, you whisper to your father, "Papa, where's Dion?"
Prince Dion, next in line to be the Emperor of Sanbreque, had grown to be one of your close friends—well, as close of a friend as a princess could have when confined to castle walls for most of her life. You were close in age, and given that there weren't as many young heirs throughout the realm at the time of your childhood, it was only natural that the two of you would become fast friends.
Rumors quickly spread that you and Dion would become betrothed when you were older, securing an indisputable alliance between both nations, but as the years trickled on and both of you came of age, no such proposals were made. After he became leader of the dragoons, it was apparent that one such proposal would never come, but you weren't deterred; if anything, you were relieved.
You held love for Dion in your heart; you'd known each other since you were children, but the love you held wasn't the type of love fostered between two individuals who were passionate about each other romantically.
Your father's face held a quick grimace before lowering his voice as the two of you prepared to take your first steps in tune together. "Dion is busy preparing for a war effort; he sends his regards."
"What?" You mutter, trying to keep the look of shock from developing on your face.
Though you and Dion couldn't frequently meet in person, the two of you penned missives back and forth. In none of your most recent correspondence with each other, had he mentioned anything in regards to an oncoming war.
Your father wasn't a gossip, but being the ruler of an entire kingdom, one must be well knowledgeable about the state of other nations.
He lowers his voice even further: "It seems that the King of Waloed is insistent on reclaiming his territory from Sanbreque."
"Dion never mentioned anything of the sort in his letters."
Your father gives you a lopsided smile in an attempt to reassure you: "He probably didn't want to worry you unnecessarily, especially with the ball coming up."
Your father was more than likely correct in his assumptions, but you couldn't shake the sinking feeling in your stomach.
"I'm sure Dion will be alright," he adds, brushing his thumb over your hand after noticing the newfound stiffness in your movements.
You nod. Dion was and is strong; he turned the tides for Sanbreque in battle many a time before. This was a fact, but something about him having to go against Waloed's army shakes you to your core.
Your father and the king of Waloed, Barnabas Tharmr, were amiable allies for the most part, but you've heard stories, many in particular when he visited your kingdom after the death of your mother. You were still young then, so you couldn't quite grasp the weight and meaning of the whispers your handmaidens had shared in secrecy upon his arrival.
He visited annually for some years after his initial visit before they died down altogether, though you could never ascertain what the meetings were for besides the first one.
Barnabas was kind enough, as one of his nature could be on his trip, but you could never help the feeling that something more sinister lingered beneath the surface when your young eyes met his.
You did your best to quell the unease in your heart and continued to dance with your father. Although he had gotten up there in years, he still moved swiftly across the ballroom floor, even if you had to slow your steps a bit.
It seemed that just as soon as the dance with your father began, it was over, and you were anxiously anticipating the next dance with your brother. You go hand in hand with him while the band begins to play.
"So, Crown Prince," you begin, filling the air in an attempt to quell your nerves. "Future heir to the throne, how does it feel to be Papa's favorite?" You smile, albeit teasingly.
"Surely you jest, dear sister. For without you, I'd be hopeless."
"Now who's jesting?" Your grin graces your face once more as the two of you glide across the ballroom before a somber expression soon replaces your previous jubilant one. "It pains me to think that this ball may be the last time we see each other like this."
"Whatever do you mean?"
"Look at all the people here," you whisper to him, "surely you don't think Father is just merely celebrating your birthday. You're twenty-one years of age now, dear brother; officially legal to be wed."
"You don't truly think he'd see to it that I'd be married right away, do you?
You both twirl around, and your father comes into view, standing next to the royal guard.
"Maybe not right away, but you know how he is. Ever since Mama died, all he's wanted is to see our futures secured, and in your case, our bloodline. If that means marrying us off early, then so be it, I suppose. At least you have the luxury of choices in who you'll marry."
"Then how come you weren't married off as soon as you came of age?"
"Because you still needed me. You had no mother to set an example, so I needed to be in your life to show you how proper noble ladies should act," you snirk as he rolls his eyes. "If I'm speaking honestly, I feel the answer is more sentimental than logical. I don't think Father wanted to lose another member of our family before we were both of breeding age."
"I suppose you're right. It's more than what most fathers would do. Now that I'm able to be wed, do you suppose that'll hasten his plans for your marriage?"
You sigh, the thought has lingered in the back of your mind since your brother grew out of being a child. "I'm not sure, but who knows?"
"Don't look so down," he smirks. "If you reach spinsterdom, you'll always have a place here with me."
You smile kindly. "Thank you."
As the instruments die down, signaling the dance coming to a close, you once again find yourself on the outskirts of the ballroom. You snag a look at your dance card to check where Joshua has penciled himself in. A waltz, of course. He'd undoubtedly use this opportunity of close quarters to flirt with you some more.
His name was listed far enough down the line that you could make a break for the storeroom now, and...
"Your Royal Highness!"
The next hour and a half was filled with nothing but dancing, with only a few minutes of rest provided in between.
You had been skirting along the edges of the ballroom when you just so happened to catch the eyes of an old presiding duke who resides in your kingdom, and it was all downhill from there.
What was supposed to have been a "romantic" evening was turning into a disaster. At every turn, you were swept into the arms of yet another elderly gentleman looking for a younger and more agreeable wife.
As you twirled and spun around the hardwood flooring, you were afforded only mere glances at your lover from afar. Every time you laid your eyes on him, he always appeared to be preoccupied with something else. Not that any of your concurrent dance partners would've noticed your wandering eye, as theirs were doing much of the same.
If there was one thing that all these men had in common, it was the ogling. Some of them "tried" to be more polite about it than others, going for glances at your cleavage in between the minimal required time they had to actually look you in the eye instead of blatantly staring at your chest the whole time.
It was clear, though, that all of them were oblivious to just how obvious they were being with their gaping looks, not realizing that you could tell when people were talking to your chest instead of your face.
Though you're certain that a drink limit was set for this ball, it was becoming quite clear that a majority of the "gentlemen" had imbibed to their pleasure, the smell of port lingering on their breath whenever they'd lean in close. 
After a while, you had managed to escape all your suitors and camouflage yourself in a nearby group of gossiping noble ladies, the majority of them being mothers, who were well-equipped with an onslaught of questions about your brother and the future of the kingdom.
After quelling their curiosity, you nestled yourself in a corner, facing the wall of the ballroom, and let out an exasperated sigh, taking a few moments to collect yourself.
You were beyond frustrated, both sexually and mentally. All you desired was to climb between the sheets with your lover and have him pleasure your body until your thoughts were reduced to a mindless fog. To say you were having intense urges was an understatement.
It'd be easier to deal with if Clive wasn't a member of staff that you saw often, like a cook or a coachman, but being your sworn shield, he was in your presence a majority of the time. So close, yet so far.
His touch was often the source of your fantasies at night. Your mind wanders, flitting between thoughts of his scruff against your neck, his breath on your skin, and how his strong hands would grip your body.
You were never able to help but wonder what your first time together would be like. What does he look like when he comes? What does he sound like? Does he moan, grunt, or whimper? Would he be gentle with you? Similar to how he grasps your hand when helping you step down from a carriage, slow, languid thrusts into your heat as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, both of your bodies clinging onto each other for purchase. Or would he be rough? Similar to how he fights: powerful, unrelenting thrusts into your cunt, overwhelming as he batters into you, stealing the breath from your lungs. You were often unable to decide which scenario you liked better as you reached your climax, whispering his name as you came down.
You know you shouldn't have such intense lust for someone who's working in your service, but knowing that just excites you more.
"Princess!"
You release another deep exhale as you turn around. You're really starting to get irritated at the word "princess."
"Your Highness!" you exclaim with a half gasp. Apparently, Joshua was set on keeping his promise of a dance.
"My sincerest apologies," you curtsey.
He gives a dismissive wave of his hand before extending it toward you. "You owe me no such things, my lady. Are you still willing to accept my dance proposal?"
"Of course, Your Highness," you place your gloved hand in his as he walks you to the dance floor, and you can't help the smile that rises on your face as you take your place together.
"I know it's against propriety for you to deny me a dance, but I'm not so cruel to force a lady when she doesn't want to."
"It's a pleasure, Your Highness. I assure you. You're perhaps the most polite man I've danced with thus far, besides my father and brother, of course."
His hand makes its way to the small of your back as more couples fall in toe behind you and the Archduke. Your conversation lulls until the music picks up, your hand delicately resting on his shoulder.
"Although I am most disappointed to hear that these gentlemen would treat a beautiful woman such as yourself with little regard, I can't deny that I'm pleased to be the only one who's seemed to win your affections."
This man.
As much as you try not to fawn over the attention, his words are like silk in your ears, as if they're the most natural sound you've ever heard.
It doesn't register that you're smiling so brightly until he comments on it: "You have one of the most radiant smiles, my lady."
You shake your head from side to side as if trying to regain your composure. Despite all the time you shared with Clive over a month ago, you weren't used to such blatant flirtations in front of so many people at once. Even if they couldn't hear your conversation, the smiles on both your faces single you out from the other couples on the floor. It leaves you feeling exposed, as if a bright light has been shone on both of you.
"Forgive me if I speak out of line, Your Highness," you inhale, "but where on Valisthea did you learn to become so charming?"
He offers a chuckle and a swoop of his strawberry-blonde hair. "I'm quite a fan of the written word. It was often one of the few escapes I truly had as a child, so I may have picked up a few techniques after reading a romance or two."
"Perhaps you could lend your novels to some of the other gentlemen here so they can learn how to properly woo a lady."
"And risk losing being the sole recipient of your affections?"
"Feeling insecure over your abilities?" You cock your head to the side, a small smirk appearing on your lips.
Joshua ponders the question for a moment, putting on a good face of deep thought as if he's truly rolling the question around in his head before responding, "More so like...I don't want to give the poor blokes false hope when I'm sure to come out on top anyway."
"It seems that you're very confident indeed."
The two of you chuckle as he twirls you around, only to be met with the scorn of Annabella's icy gaze after locking eyes with her from the other side of the ballroom. The joy in your expression quickly dies off, and the figurative noose tightens itself around your neck, suffocating the life from your lungs.
With your newfound stillness, Joshua has to guide you back into his arms. He looks off in the direction of your eye line and sighs before speaking once more, "I apologize on behalf of my mother."
"You needn't do so for my sake," you're quick to respond, attempting to reassure him that you were unaffected by Annabella's glare.
"Do you think I can't sense the dread in your eyes?" He smirks, and you offer a strained half-laugh in response while waiting for him to continue.
"I was frequently ill as a child, thus it was very rare to step foot outside the archduchy," he clears his throat, "after my father had passed, it seems that her protective nature only grew."
"I'm sorry about the loss of your father. I've only met him a handful of times, but he was always very kind. My mother once told me that I frequently laughed in his presence." You understood Joshua's pain well, having lost your mother during the birth of your brother years before the former Archduke passed. 
A solemn look graces his features before he relaxes once more. "He was a good man, from what I can recall from my memories of him," he pauses, "I can only hope that I can be half the man he was when it comes to ruling the archduchy."
You take a moment to mull over your words before voicing them. "It seems like you've managed to capture his kind and generous spirit. I'm sure you're already well on your way to living up to his name."
"You're very kind," he nods, and a genuine smile fixes itself on his face, unlike the charming one he's graced you with before.
The music slows to a stop, indicating the end of the waltz, and Joshua walks you back to the fray of the ballroom as slowly as possible. "Perhaps this is inappropriate to say given the present company, but I'd love to call upon you some time."
A part of you is surprised, not expecting a courting proposal from someone you could actually tolerate. Being thoroughly charmed, you agree.
"There's a jousting tournament within the next fortnight. It's always an invigorating time. You should attend if you're able."
He takes your gloved hand in his, raising it until your knuckles graze his lips. "I'd be most delighted to attend. Until then, my lady." He releases your hand and turns off in the direction of his mother, who looks all too unhappy with him, and you, by extension.
You sigh, ready to be completely done with the evening. You move toward your father, ready to meander around where he sits near the dais, hoping that any lingering suitors would see him situated nearby and turn the other direction.
Once you've raised your head and made your way toward your father, Clive comes into view. He's moving toward you at a fast pace, and before you can stop yourself, your feet turn to guide you in his direction instead. Momentarily forgetting your place, you call out his name, though it's difficult to hear over the chatter of the ballroom.
At the same time, two overlapping voices call out to you. One is Clive's; the sound of his voice is more familiar to you, but there's another that cuts through the air.
A gruff "princess" is all you're afforded in terms of a greeting.
Both you and Clive come to a halt and turn in the direction of the unknown voice.
The man has a familiar face, though you can't exactly place from where you know him. He's around your father's age, with wrinkles lining his eyes and forehead as well as dashes of grey in his facial hair, so you conclude that your father must be how you've made his acquaintance before.
The man is decently handsome, more so than the other creeps you've had the displeasure of dancing with. He has stark eyes, almost crystalline in nature, which are a sharp contrast to his raven-colored hair.
These traits prove to be startlingly similar to those of your current lover, but you decide it's best to dissect that later.
Clive is the one who breaks the silence. "My sincerest apologies, Your Majesty."
Your majesty?
You offer the man a curtsey in apology while Clive bows, but the stranger pays you no mind, choosing to focus on the knight instead. 
"Is something the matter?" Though it's merely a question, his voice carries a wealth of command behind it.
"Nothing that can't wait," Clive begins, his eyes flitting between you and the unknown—at least unknown to you. "Please pardon my intrusion." He bows to the both of you before stalking off toward your father.
You suppose you'll be informed later if it's truly so important.
The silence fills between you and the man again before he asks, "May I have this dance?" His mouth quirks up in a smirk.
“It's only a country dance; nothing too intimate,” you think to yourself.
If you were being honest, the last thing you wanted to do was begrudgingly endure a dance with this gentleman after having more than your fair share of imbeciles indulge themselves in your assets, but propriety comes first. So instead of telling this man to kindly fuck off, you put on your best princessly smile and place your hand in his.
"Of course," you reply, and he leads you toward the floor.
You stand next to each other in between other couples before the band begins to pick up once again. The melody starts slow enough, so you take this time to ask the man exactly who he is, keeping your tone light and polite.
"Forgive me, Your Majesty; it seems that I remember the face but not the name.”
He must've made his entrance later on in the evening after the formal introductions, because you certainly would've remembered him during the greetings.
He offers a light chuckle before muttering, "Barnabas, King of Waloed."
King of Waloed. The very same king who's planning to go toe to toe with one of your closest confidants. He's aged quite a bit in the fifteen-odd years it's been since you've seen him last; it's no wonder you didn't recognize him. 
Your body language gives you away despite your best efforts, and his laugh pierces through you. "It seems my reputation proceeds me."
The disdain is thinly veiled in your voice. "Don't you have a battle to prepare for?" you grit, and he laughs again as if the prospect were beneath him.
"I'm not worried," is all he offers in response. His presence must've been what Clive was trying to warn you about.
You take a deep breath, seeing it best not to stir anything up in the public eye.
You get a better look at him when the succession of people in the line with you turns around. He certainly doesn't dress like a king—definitely not one like your father. There are no bells and whistles to his outfit, no ornate capes lined with exotic furs, or gilded crowns.
If anything, it seemed like he'd dressed down for this event, and you can't tell what pisses you off more: his pompous attitude toward heading into battle that may surely send Dion to an all too early grave or his nonchalance in showing up to a royal ball in only a blue tunic and black leathers. It felt like a jab. Though his pompousness in battle may be deserved, this blatant display of disrespect was not.
He gave the impression of a venomous snake, intriguing to look at but ultimately best viewed from a faraway distance.
It takes everything in you not to grind your teeth together and overemphasize the stiffness in your movements.
As if sensing your irritation with him, Barnabas probes, "Are you enjoying yourself?"
No, you're quite simply NOT!
"I've gotten to the age where these sorts of gatherings lose their luster."
It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. As you got older and balls became more about finding matches, you started to dread them. You were hoping that it being your brother's birthday would be enough to spare you from marriage prospects, but alas, you were clearly wrong.
"A shame," he mutters, his words lacking enthusiasm.
The group moves along to the beat of the tune when Clive comes into your view, talking to your father.
"Who's that brooding fellow you're staring at?" Barnabas asks, trying to cut off whatever is taking your attention away from him.
The two of you move in succession toward the back of the group when it registers just how much you've been gawking at Clive in Barnabas' presence.
"Him? He's my first shield," you answer nonchalantly, letting no indication of fondness slip into your voice.
Barnabas snickers, "I had no idea noble ladies were so heavily invested in the lives of their shields."
"I know naught of what you mean," you scoff, acting like the princess you are.
His voice rises in volume as he declares, "Why don't you let a real man take care of you?"
Heat floods your body at his words, and you do little to hide your disgust.
"Excuse me?"
"He's nothing but filth," he continues to say, and the rage inside you reaches a boiling point.
"You speak of him as if he's nothing but a lowly street rat."
"He might as well be, compared to us. You could have an entire kingdom of knights protecting you as well as one of the most powerful men in the realm, instead of just one lowly feeble knight."
"Are you always so incorrigible toward those who are beneath you? It's a miracle that your kingdom still stands."
He laughs out loud, beside himself. You were sure he'd have your head. Instead, his volume just gets louder, so those dancing alongside you can hear.
"I've heard rumors that your precious first shield is actually a royal bastard, but from whom he's a descendant, I've no idea. A man of his standing is simply not fit to be in the position of protecting a princess. I'm just looking out for you."
If you were feeling rage before, now you're furious. As much as the people in your dance group tried to be respectful, heads couldn't help but turn at Barnabas' accusations.
Whether Clive being a bastard was true or not didn't matter; you refused for someone who valiantly defended your life to be made a mockery of over such trivial matters in your eyes.
"I was the one who held the sword that knighted Clive!" You start off loud, similar to him, but your voice gets lower as you draw near.
"My father gave him a title under his tutelage. Clive's been protecting me since I was the tender age of twelve years old and is the only man I'd trust with my life outside of my father and brother."
There's a pause before you continue.
"If you wish to win my favor, it'd be wise to watch what you say in regards to him," you grit.
You're not sure when the rest of the group stopped dancing alongside you, but by the time you realize it, all their eyes are on you. Though the people outside of the circle couldn't hear your conversation, the crowd caused those on the fray of the ballroom to turn their attention toward you.
Barnabas only snirks, scanning your face plainly when you turn back to face him. Your glare is prominent as he escorts you back off the dance floor once  the music dies down.
He speaks in a low voice, right in your ear, "You're a feisty one, but don't worry, I enjoy a challenge." He smiles menacingly before releasing you.
All the wandering heads seem to return to their original activities upon the group's dispersal. You don't want to cause any more disturbance, something you're sure you'll get a lecture for later on, so you give a curtsey to Barnabas, lowering your head.
"I shall bid you adieu, Your Majesty." The words are choked out, and not a moment later you're turning on your heels and making your exit out of the ballroom.
Which is how you ended up in an old store room, with nothing but your various frustrations and the ebbs n flows of silence to keep you company.
You're not sure how long you've been sitting there, but by the time you hear the door open, you're convinced that it was a servant sent to escort you back to the ballroom, but instead, it's Clive.
There's no hesitation in his movements as he steps toward you, catching your face in his gloved hands as he reads your expression.
"Are you alright?" He asks. Even if there's no threat of physical danger, that doesn't mean emotional scars weren't left after your interaction with the king.
"I tried to warn you...I tried to-"
You cut him off, "I'm okay, Clive. A little embarrassed, but it's nothing I couldn't handle." You smiled softly at him, which he returned in full.
"What were you two talking about?"
Warmth flows throughout your body once more, and you don't want to admit that the cause of the outburst you had was because of him, so you act nonchalant.
"Nothing of importance."
He raises his eyebrows like he doesn't believe what you're saying at all, but he doesn't press you on it, not now at least, and you won't give him the chance to when you ask, "Jealous?"
He smirks, shaking his head back and forth slightly. "Do you enjoy tormenting me, my lady?"
"I beg your pardon."
"Do you enjoy watching my torment? Does it give you pleasure?"
"I'm afraid I know naught of what you mean. Have you perhaps forgotten your place, knight?" You put extra emphasis on the word as you toss a smirk his way.
He backs up from where you're sitting on the barrel. "All those men, dancing with you, ogling you. All the while, I'm forced to stand by and watch them all make a pass at you."
You offer a faux pout. "Aw, come on. They're not all bad."
"Enough of them are."
"Are you truly so jealous of those who're above your peerage?" You can't help but snirk in amusement. This was the first time you'd seen him act like this.
"Yes, no!" He takes a deep breath to collect his thoughts: "The Archduke and that bastard king."
Your eyebrows rise at his declaration. "You hate them so much that you've forgone proper titles?"
He rolls his eyes at your statement, and you're unable to hold back your giggles. You hop off the barrel and take his face into your hands.
"There is absolutely no affection for that king in my heart, I assure you. As for the Archduke, though he is roguishly charming, I happen to prefer meaner mugs to delicate pretty features like his," you move to press a kiss to his cheek.
His head hangs low in shame. "I cannot deny that jealousy and resentment burn in my heart at the thought of you with another."
"Believe me," you say, stroking his cheek, "I'd much rather spend my time with you than with stiff men who smell of port. I've been looking for an escape practically all evening.“
"They don’t deserve you at all, my lady. Those men don’t deserve to know the softness of your skin,” he lowers his mouth to place delicate kisses on your neck, then moves toward the exposed flesh of your bosom above your gown.
"Clive," you gasp, tangling your fingers in his thick locks.
“They don't deserve to know the sweetness in your voice when you cry out in pleasure," he whispers, pulling away from your skin to trace his thumb along the frame of your face.
“I’ve missed you," he states.
“I’ve missed you too.”
He pulls you into him for a kiss, one full of hunger and desperation, eager to taste each other once more. The kiss is sticky; the clear gloss painted on your lips transfers onto his. He’s licking into your mouth as your lips brush against each other, tongues wrestling each other for dominance.
You're moved backward until you're pressed against the storeroom wall. Clive reaches down, grazing your bum with his palms over the fabric of your skirts before lifting your legs in the air. The back wall holds you steady as he wraps your legs around his waist.
Desperate to get close to him once more, not even wanting to separate for a second, you pull him back into you and kiss him fervently, not wanting to be parted from each other. He angles his hips toward you, teasingly grinding himself into your heat, causing you to whine into the kiss.
“Looks like you did miss me, hm?” He separates from your lips, moving to kiss down your neck once more.
“Let me make it up to you for being so neglectful of your needs.” He continues kissing down your neck, moving over to your décolleté, and then finally down the swell of your breasts.
“Founder, how I wish I could mark these tits,” he murmurs, dropping your legs back down onto the floor so that he can skim your torso and squeeze at your chest through the fabric of your gown.
“You have an intense infatuation with my breasts, don't you?” You giggle, laughing at his awestruck countenance while he continues to knead the fat in his hands.
“You've no idea." He smirks at you, then suddenly kneels before you.
“What are you doing?” You pet his hair softly as he looks up at you.
“I’m just being a good knight, my lady. On my knees for you, like I should be.”
"Oh, really now?"
"Mhm," he mumbles, taking your gloved hand in his. “I truly did miss you, and I plan on showing you just how much.” He reaches towards the hem of your gown, bunching it up over your navel.
"If you'd be so kind as to help hold up your skirts, my lady."
"I suppose I should be so kind." You lift the hem of your dress over your hips as Clive places your leg over his shoulder.
“Now this is how I shall swear fealty to you,” he leans towards your bare mound, planting a few kisses upon your mons before blowing cool air onto your cunt.
“I’ve missed your taste. I dreamt about it for so many nights." His thumbs trace slow circles into the skin near your pelvis as he continues teasing. He trails his tongue where your thigh meets the stark white stocking covering the majority of your leg.
"Fuck." He leans his face into your pussy once more, inhaling the rich scent before finally dipping his tongue into your wetness. He groans into your cunt.
Holding up the skirts of your gown the best you can in one hand, you snake the other into his shaggy locks, taking hold of his roots. Your chest heaves in anticipation.
“Please, please, Clive, don’t tease me," you whine, "it’s been too long.”
“Aw, did my sweet princess miss me?” He goads, sticking his tongue in your entrance and greedily sucking up your arousal on his wet muscle.
“Did her princess pussy miss how good I made her feel?” He kisses up the seam of your cunt until he reaches your clit.
"Did she miss how I made love to her with my mouth?” He spits on your pussy, the glob of saliva sticking to the hairs that cover your mound, some of it dripping to the ground.
He's quick to remove his gloves, tossing them aside before he takes his thumbs and spreads your folds apart, watching as your quivering hole twitches in anticipation.
“She must have missed me, with how much she’s leaking just for me."
All you're able to do is bite your lip and nod, feeling embarrassed as his words generate heat in both your cheeks and core.
He plugs your warm hole with his tongue, not wanting a single morsel of your essence to be wasted.
“It’s alright, princess; I’m right here.” He speaks directly into your cunt, looking at you with a deeply enamored gaze.
"I’ve missed her too, you know," he says, sliding his tongue all around your sopping pussy.
“I’ve missed her wetness, her sweetness, and her warmth. I missed how she clenched around me as I gave her pleasure," he groans.
Making his way to your clit, he gives it sweet kisses and drags the length of his tongue along the entirety of the bundle of nerves before pulling it into his mouth. His teeth graze the nub, causing your hips to jump forward, pressing more of yourself into his face.
Your fingers curl into his shaggy locks, struggling to keep your dress in your hold as you lose yourself in the feeling of pleasure, his pretty face proving to be useful for more than just gazing upon.
His teeth nip at your inner thigh, “getting greedy now, aren’t we princess?” He traces the divots of your thighs with his fingers, enjoying the feeling of your skin.
You don’t say anything, choosing to instead respond with an angry huff and pull his face back into your cunt by his hair.
“Point taken,” he smirks against you before pulling your clit back into his mouth again.
He moves his hand from your thigh and down to your pussy, sliding his middle finger back and forth between your folds, coating it in your slick. He slips to your entrance, circling the quivering hole and waiting, drawing out a whine from you.
“Please,” you exhale, your head rolling back against the wall, desperate to have him deep inside you. Though you’d much prefer squeezing down on his cock, that’d have to wait for another day.
He chuckles, the vibration from his voice moving through you, causing you to keel over slightly. Clive breeches your warm hole, slowly, letting you enjoy the feeling of his thick finger stretching you out.
“Fuck yes,” you whimper.
“That’s it, princess; you’re so wound up. Just take what you need," he coos, murmuring against you, his breath hot on your skin.
He curls his finger into you, the pad of his digit hitting the spongey spot along your walls.
“Looking for another audience? Was the poor maid not enough the first time?” He’s smirking against you now as he begins to pump his finger in and out of your cunt.
“What if your father were to catch you with me, hm? How do you think he’d react to his little girl stuffing her cunt in the face of someone he deigned worthy enough to protect her?"
Your breath is ragged, unable to form words due to the sound of his voice, deep and gravelly as he spews more filth at you.
“Keep moaning like that, and we’ll soon know the answer yet.”
He moves to your clit once more, slurping and sucking at your swollen pussy, desperate to push you over the edge. He fucks his finger into you at a rapid pace now, and his tongue is quick to catch whatever dribbles out onto his fingers, dining on your essence like it’s the finest ambrosia known to man, and to him, it might as well be.
Your head is lulled back against the wall as heat creeps onto your face and into your core. You don’t dare look down at Clive, who's nestling his face further in the hair that covers your cunt, knowing that you’ll surely come undone at the sight.
After the night you’ve had, you more than deserve this a thousand times over, and if it were up to him, he would happily oblige in all your desires.
The tips of your fingers cinch into his scalp, tugging him impossibly closer to your core, your orgasm building rapidly.
Clive pulls no punches, suctioning his lips around your clit and sucking it like a piece of hard candy. His index finger has joined the middle digit, fucking in and out of your cunt.
With practiced strokes, he contorts his fingers until your climax is upon you. Your lips part with a silent scream as your eyes roll into the back of your skull.
Your thighs shake as they try to close around his head, and his steady palms hold them apart as he removes his fingers from your pussy. Every drop of arousal that leaks from your womanhood is lapped up by his tongue til your hands are pushing his face away.
Clive gets the hint, removing your thigh from his shoulder and setting it back down on the floor. You attempt to move away from the wall, but he holds you in position until the jitter in your leg ceases.
He wipes the remnants of your spend from his face onto your inner thighs, and the roughness of his facial hair sends a shiver up your spine.
Once you've settled, he moves to help with fixing the skirts of your gown.
"Do you like it?" You smile brightly. "I wore it with you in mind."
You twirl slowly, your dress billowing slightly, wanting to show off all the detailing. His face warms at the gesture, and he presses a soft kiss on your forehead.
"I think lavender may be my new favorite color."
You allow yourself a moment to indulge in the blissful feeling before Clive speaks up once more.
"We should get moving. The break for supper will be happening soon, and we don't want any whispers of our whereabouts if we're not in attendance."
He moves to make a break for the storeroom door when you grab his forearm.
"Surely you're not going to go out there with your... predisposition," you flit your eyes down to the front of his trousers, where a prominent erection has made itself known.
"I'll take care of it myself, later."
"Let me help you..." There wasn't much time for you to return the favor with your mouth, and any other activities would leave you disheveled in a way that everyone would know of what happened between the two of you, but you could provide relief with your hand.
Despite the time restraint, you wanted to tease Clive a little, putting the tips of your silk gloves into your mouth and pulling them off of each hand slowly with your teeth before setting them aside nearby, so as to not be sullied with bodily fluids.
You wanted to get a good look at what you'd be working with, so you sink to your knees and pull his trousers down to his thighs. You give him a wide-eyed expression as the appendage bobs free, hitting his stomach gently.
His cock looked a lot different than those pictured in the medical texts that you've snuck from the royal library. He had extra skin and hair and garnered a much bigger girth as well.  
As tempted as you are to swallow the whole of him into your mouth, you settle for a simple kiss right on the tip, and his cock twitches back at you cutely in appreciation.
You rise to your feet once more with his aid and grasp him in your hand. His fingers are quick to cover your own, the size of them dwarfing yours.
"Are you positive that you want to go through with this? I truly don't mind taking care of myself," he asks.
"And not return the favor?" You chuckle. "I promise, I am doing this out of my own desire." You move to the column of his throat, placing soft and delicate kisses on the skin before moving toward the junction of his jaw.
"Now just relax," you coo, running your fingers delicately up and down his shaft.
He's so pent-up that it won't take long for him to climax, but you do your best to be as teasing as possible. His head lulls back as muffled sounds are delivered from his throat, and you can't help but admire how pretty he looks like this.
Not only does he have an impressive amount of girth, but his length is nothing to scoff at either, with a protruding vein running along the underside of him. The sheer size of him fills up your entire palm as you continue to pump slowly, the softness of your skin akin to silk upon his cock.
"So tell me, Clive, how many nights have you been fucking your fist to the thought of me?" You whisper in his ear, and his eyes shoot wide open as he takes in a gulp of air.
His hips buck lightly against you in response, giving you all the permission you need to continue your questioning.
"Come on, tell me. It can't be that bad." Your kisses continue on his neck as his hips continue to rock.
He takes in another gulp of air before answering.
"E-every night.”
"Every night? How cute," you tease, speeding up your movements on his cock. He bites his lip in an attempt to hide his noises while the rhythm of his hips meets your hand every time.
"I touch myself thinking of you too. Except my fingers are nowhere near as filling as yours," you chuckle to yourself as he groans out.
"Founder, above."
His cock is fully slick now, and at any moment, he looks like he's ready to burst, taking to wrapping his fist around yours and creating a vice-like grip with your fingers. All his movements are hurried and rushed as he chases his release.
For the final blow, you mutter to him, "Fuck my fist like you would fuck my pussy."
Clive full body shudders, tightening his grip once more before thrusting wildly. It's only a few short moments later that he's removing your hand from himself and laying his seed on the floor below, groaning your name in the process.
Afterward, the two of you take a few moments to collect yourselves and tidy your appearance. Old rags were used to wipe off the remnants of Clive from the floor, and you were just about to make your exit when the melody from one of your favorite songs played through the door.
"Clive, may I have this dance?" You extend your hand toward him, giggling to yourself.
From looking at your dance card earlier, this song was the second-to-last song to be played before the break for supper.
"And don't give me the excuse of not having enough time. We'll make it back to the ballroom before everyone's filed out for the evening."
"Even if that is true, my lady, I assure you that I know nothing of ballroom dancing."
"Did I ask you if you knew how?"
There's a momentary pause, one that he fills with a shake of his head. You nod in return.
"No, I did not. I simply asked you to dance with me. I'd still wish to so even if you had two left feet."
There's another pause as you extend your hand toward him again.
"I even saved you a spot on my dance card," you smile, shaking the parchment in front of his face, where the line for this dance is indeed left blank.
In his indecisiveness, you take his hand in your own and press yourselves close together.
"It's just you and me," you whisper, resting your head against his frame, the sound of the music filling the silence. His opposite hand moves to the small of your back, and the two of you end the evening in each other's arms, swaying to the sound of muffled music. 
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ecoustsaintmein · 3 months ago
Text
covet, part ii of ???
part i here | part iii here | part iv here | part v here
pairing: paddy x eoin; rating T (so far), slow burn. hurt/comfort. angst. unreliable narrator (paddy i'm looking at you)
based on this tumblr post by @cloudyfacewithjam:
"Canon Divergence AU: Paddy gave the Claddagh ring to Eoin as a friendship gift back in Ireland, and Eoin kept it during and after the war despite their falling out (because they were both stupid and emotionally compromised). They eventually reconcile, but after a while, Paddy notices that the ring has changed its placement - and he promptly loses his mind, while Eoin is stoically silent about it."
--
he returns to ireland with some fanfare. his name is in the press. in public, his sisters tell their neighbours that paddy's never been better. their lives in mount pleasant have never been better. in private, paddy tells them that he's coping. just. in private, his sisters tell him that there's something wrong with their mam. she's more forgetful, they say. she's more withdrawn. she's different.
come home soon, they'd pleaded. if not for us, then for her.
then paddy thinks of eoin, who hasn't followed him to antarctica, because his mam's asked him to.
so maybe he does, understand, after all.
maybe.
--
he did reply to eoin's letter, eventually, though it is dry and crisp and has none of the lyrical quality of their usual conversations. he doesn't talk of poems or songs, because such things remind him of siobhan, the pretty little thing that ambrose keeps writing about. funny, eoin never talk about her in his own letters to paddy. he wonders why that is.
it's as if they have pieces of their souls they're attempting to hide, between the smudged ink and the squiggly lines of their scrawny handwriting.
eoin's in dublin and paddy's in belfast. south is south and north is north and never the twain shall meet.
he's got things to worry about. his sisters and his mam need taking care of. the war at home begins and paddy thinks, i don't have the situational awareness for this. he's the man of the house and it's nothing like herding an unruly regiment.
he's got nothing to kill here but time.
--
his mam told him that he needs to stop moping. strings were pulled and paddy's got a respectable job, which, yes, it does mean that he'll likely marinate behind a desk and a towering pile of paperwork. who in their right minds would've given him a job as a secretary?
the incorporated law society of northern ireland.
now that's a mouthful.
as one wise man once said, well i am cock-a-doodle-fucking-do that they are cock-a-hoop.
well, close enough.
--
congratulations, eoin writes.
and then: does this mean that if i'm admitted to the bar in belfast, you'll be keeping an eye on me?
and later on, towards the end of the letter: i'm coming up to see ambrose. i'd like to see you too.
i miss you.
--
i miss you, eoin's written.
paddy doesn't reply.
--
paddy doesn't reply, not because he doesn't want to. no, he'd been giddy with excitement. maybe even did a jig when no one's looking. there's something in eoin's tone in the last letter that's different, cheeky, hopeful. paddy's wanted to write back. he's just struggling to find the words. he's a poet, but not today.
not for things like this.
there are no words for this. not even to say, i miss you too.
because then the pain overwhelms him, after that brief moment of elation, a little dance, a jig. paddy doubles over, screaming, and his sisters find him in the study writhing on the floor. almost choking on his own dry boak from the severity and the sharpness of it. he thought he'd been shot in the back with a mortar. his legs cramping and shaking. even the drink and the morphine won't touch it.
that night, he's back in the hospital in belfast to revise the botched first op.
eoin's last letter remains on paddy's writing desk, untouched.
--
paddy wakes up in july, to bright fluorescent lights, and a tube shoved down his throat. he coughs in panic, tries to move but he feels paralysed. being half-awake, knowing that he could see and hear everything moving around him, but he couldn’t move a muscle. he thrashes about the bed, until the alarm goes off and a group of nurses and doctors come running by his side.
he remembers little else until the next time he wakes up.
--
there are at least four or five ‘get well soon’ cards on the bedside table, and a vase of fresh carnations that must have only been changed either yesterday or today. paddy looks to his right. francie is sleeping on the chair, head tilted to the left, a tattered copy of elizabeth gaskell's north and south lying askew between her fingers.
there is a sharp ache in his chest that has nothing to do with his physical injuries. he feels like he’s missed something, or someone.
he remembers his first jump, and eoin was there, and the wind was in his eyes, and --
a makeshift grave, holding eoin's limp, dead, hand.
then he mumbles something about pianos and graves and the desert and fucking reg and fucking stirling and eoin, dead, dead, dead, raving like a madman. the doctors and the nurses had to pin him down. injected him with barbiturates.
then he sleeps a dreamless sleep.
--
so quickly does sleep take him that paddy barely remembers why he's gone mad. something about eoin. dying? but eoin's alive. isn't he?
paddy wakes up again and his mam is by his side. he thinks he sees the doctors in white, then his sisters.
mouth cottony. his memory is foggy.
dazed, he thinks, ah, i see you too, eoin.
you're here too.
you're alive.
--
this is not how he wants his reunion with eoin to be.
not like this, when he wakes up and he sees eoin in his civvies and a girl by his side. 'paddy?' he hears eoin call out his name, but he's not sure if this is eoin or a vision of eoin and who is this girl that he's never seen before?
she's pretty, with the strawberry-blond hair and the blue dress that brings out her eyes. soft, demure. she's the kind of gal that eoin often writes about.
this is not how he wants his reunion with eoin to be.
--
when he's able to hold a coherent conversation, paddy says to eoin: ambrose always writes about you and siobhan.
does he now? eoin asks.
aye, but you never really write about her.
eoin breathes sharply, then, and looks at paddy. rests his elbow on the railing of paddy's hospital bed, chin on hands. eoin's wearing his claddagh ring, the same ring that paddy's gifted him when they were boys in ballymena.
the position's still the same as paddy's remembered it. with the heart pointing out.
so your heart's still free, eh, eoin? paddy wonders.
i do, eoin says. oblivious that paddy's staring at his ring, and not at him. i do, eoin says, write about her. just not to you.
paddy glares at eoin. why not? he asks.
because, paddy, eoin blinks, i know you're going to react like this.
react like what paddy wants to ask, but he bites his tongue because -- yes, he sees what eoin is trying to say. instead, he asks, so, when's the wedding?
eoin throws his head back and laughs, really, really laughs. oh, paddy. she's just a friend.
uh uh, paddy narrows his eyes. he chuckles, too, though it's humourless. tries to make light of the situation, because eoin is easy and light and bright.
but paddy's heart lies heavy.
still, he carries it with him. the darkness of it. even if it's torture.
--
eoin's staying in belfast for his summer holidays, while paddy is recuperating from his back operation. he visits mount pleasant often, and his sisters fuss over him more than they fuss over paddy. over tea, they ask him:
so how's siobhan?
why isn't siobhan here?
will we be hearing wedding bells soon?
eoin says, she's good, aye. she's back in dublin, with her family. and no, we're only friends. he's sheepish, coy. the same way he's acted when paddy posed a similar question, when he was still in hospital and eoin came to visit. paddy watches this interaction with some disgusted interest.
he grunts loudly in the background, for extra effect. his sisters roll their eyes at him, though not out of malice.
eoin, the ever-serene, continues smiling like a wise sage. unflappable.
it annoys the hell out of paddy. so he grunts again. louder.
eoin lets out a gentle laugh, then, though not quite meeting his eyes.
as if to say, oh, paddy. oh, blair. what do i do with you?
--
But truly, what does one do with someone like Blair 'Paddy' Mayne? Eoin wonders this all the time that they've been apart.
He searches for answers in the letters that Paddy never sent him.
They never come.
--
An Interlude:
“Why are you here, Eoin?”
Eoin grits his teeth. He continues serving soup in their bowls like he hasn’t heard the question, but he’s aware that Paddy is watching him curiously. Paddy's sisters are far away, on the other side of the house, and they now have only themselves to themselves.
“I just wanted to see you. It's been -- a while. Since the end of the war and you going to Antarctica," Eoin replies, careful, lest Paddy will bite. "I was coming up anyway, and when I didn't get a reply from the last letter I asked Ambrose how you've been. He told me that you were in the hospital. I didn’t want to barge in uninvited, and if I’d known what you've been through I would’ve—,” he trails off, before his shoulders fall into a defeated posture.
“What could you have done, Eoin? There's nothing you could do for me. I'm just a sad old grizzled dog,” Paddy offers to finish Eoin's sentence, sounding hurt in the process.
“It’s your choice, Paddy. To let me into your personal life or not,” Eoin replies, before he realizes how sharp the words sound. He shakes his head. “If I’d known, I would have come sooner," he says, lips curving into a soft smile, now. Tries to soothe Paddy's wounds a little.
“Sorry,” Paddy says, then. Still without maintaining eye-contact, his gaze fallen upon his lap. “I should’ve told you. I just--don't want you to see me like this.”
“I know how you are now,” Eoin softly replies. “Doesn’t really matter, Paddy. I've seen you at your worse. This is not it. And I’m here now anyway.”
They finish their lunch quietly. Eoin helps to wash the dishes while Paddy stays at the table, gulping down cold water. “Thanks for today. You must want to get home soon,” he says.
Something inside Eoin snaps again. “What makes you think that I’m leaving so soon?"
Paddy looks at him blankly, dark circles around his eyes making him appear as if he’s decaying from inside. Eoin knows the answer without Paddy having to say it.
Because the rest of them always do.
They've always been good at this sort of thing, though it's a bit rusty now and Eoin thinks, he needs more time to practice. He needs to spend more time with Paddy, to relearn him, to recalibrate.
To communicate.
I speak dog, Paddy's once said.
Paddy's old friends who have visited Mount Pleasant must have been uncomfortable; must have been afraid of the changes they’ve witnessed. Paddy has always been wild, untamed, free -- some may say violent, aggressive, volatile. The volatility is still there, Eoin could taste it. Feel it in the air -- it's one of the reasons why he's drawn to Paddy. Eoin's mostly average on a lot of things, but one thing he's actually excels in, is to be the unfettered vessel that contains Paddy. His chaos and his rage. The one to hold him there, his quintessence. Keep him still, in one place.
But the Paddy in front of him now is a hollow shell of what he once were, in the post-war world. As if life has been zapped out of him.
His bark has no bite.
Instead of offering sincere help, some of them may have decided to distance themselves. All while saying that they care. Some folk at the Law Society has been supportive, but it's difficult when they've not been through the things that Paddy's been through.
The things that Eoin and the SAS have been through.
Eoin gradually begins to understand why Paddy hasn’t reached out for him for help – even if that has always been the most natural thing for Paddy to do during the war; in the heat of battle. Eoin's always been next to Paddy for advice and support, even when GHQ made them execute idiotic orders that could have cost them their lives.
Paddy didn’t tell him about this, because he’d been afraid that Eoin would notice the change.
Feared that Eoin would shun him like everyone else did.
--
That night, Eoin decides to stay at Paddy's family home, because Francie's asked him to. She says, 'There's something you should know about Paddy. I know that you know, but I think you should see. He's-- different, now. And I don't know what to do.'
In the ornate reading room, Paddy lies on a chaise longue that wouldn't have probably helped with his back pain. A book of AE Housman poems limply held in one hand, mouth muttering the words on the page, again and again. They listen to 'Whiskey in the Jar' like the good old days when they were preparing for D-Day. Eoin's rereading Dickens, just for the sake of it.
Then, Eoin hears a thump. Paddy's fallen asleep. The book he held has fallen to the floor.
Paddy’s crouched in a foetal position; knees to chest – arms positioned as if he’s holding something against his chest – a rifle, Eoin realizes, only that there is no rifle.
And then, the grouches start.
--
tbc
part iii here
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