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romancing astarion with sorrow, who by level 12 had 22 charisma and +14 to insight, was very funny.
him, 10 cha and +1 to insight: i am a master manipulator
her: yes dear
#zanarai *is* sorrow as a dark urge#but i couldn't justify keeping her a bard to myself (so she can't put expertise in insight)#murder jesus kills people by. singing at them? that felt too silly#now i don't think so anymore but at this point zan is so developed as a sorcerer that i can't bear to change her#idk maybe i'll change my mind again#she speaks#zanarai#.sorrow#arctic plays bg3#maybe she can be a three-way multiclass sorcerer/wizard/bard lol#to get expertise she'd need 3 levels of bard#that leaves 9 levels of sorcerer over the level span covered by the game but let's say 8 so she can take 1 level wizard#and post-game she levels wizard for however far she gets as she and astarion search for a way for him to be in the sun#this would be a disaster build wouldn't it#kind of want to try it though#hold on going to set it up on paper let's see what fucking happens
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TiO - Bobby & The Buddies
Fandom: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)
Pairing: Bobby Brightside (OC) x Cliff Booth, StarBeep, DeepSpace,
Warnings: This is normal procedure now, Swearing, Faggotry, Gay shit idk, Homosexual tendencies, Another weird dark joke,
Notes: a ha ha...enjoy. Song used is TiO by Zayn. Dolly is an OC that belongs to my buddy, Dio.
Dedicated To: @mori-ohs
Bobby practically put his lips against his mic, crooning into it. “I can taste it on your mouth, and I can’t leave it. You’re a freak like me- can’t you see? We can work this something out, and I’m believin’...You get off on me, it’s like cheating” he shrugged, pulling away to let Deep take control of the song he mainly wrote himself- Bobby helped with the sound of it, but the lyrics were all him.
“I, I, I, I just want to watch you when you take it off” Deep purred, eyes falling softly closed. His fingers strummed against his guitar as he saw fit, just like how he planned. “Take off all your makeup, baby, take it off-”
Bobby and Beep caught each other glanced over at Ace. “You know?” Bobby mouthed to him.
“You do too?” Beep mouthed back.
“Did I not yell ‘hypocrite’ the other day?”
“Take off all your clothes, and watch you take it off~”
“Fair” Beep mouthed, shrugging.
Bobby, Deep, and Beep sang “take if off, take it off, baby, just take it off” twice, Deep controlling the next verse.
“Push me up against the wall, don’t take it easy” Deep grabbed his mic stand, shaking his head. “You like it hard like me...it’s what you need” he scoffed, smirk just about noticeable.
“Nice song?” Peep asked, appearing by Ace.
“Let’s get naked and explore, our inner secrets. For what it is,”
Ace crossed his arms, looking down at him. “Surprising coming from you- doesn’t your brother singing like that make you uncomfortable?”
“It’s what it is.”
“I mean, duh” Peep playfully rolled his eyes. “But, you gotta suck it up. You’re in a band with family, can’t get in the way of the fact that you’re in a band, full stop.”
Ace nodded in agreement.
Peep looked up at him, wondering if he truly was unaware that the song’s main element was the fact that Deep wrote it about him.
Deep repeated the chorus, Damien taking on the next line.
AKA, “Take it off, take it off, baby just take it off.”
Bobby carried on with “take it off, take it off, just-”
“Take it off, take it off, baby just take it off- take it off, baby just take it off” Deep sang, a hint of genuine pleading in his voice. His eyes were still closed, who knows what was happening behind his eyelids?
“Ow!” Bobby exclaimed, the Buddies giggling all around him.
“He always do that?” Gene asked, appearing beside Peep.
Peep jumped, holding Ace’s arm as if he was gonna protect her.
Ace grinned.
“Uh- yea. Either to make us laugh, or if it’s part of a- of a suggestive song- like this one. It’s kinda his thing, y’know?”
Gene looked her up and down, nodding and walking off.
“God.” Peep sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, Ace.”
“No worries, Peep” Ace pat her head.
Deep straightened out his fingers, trailing them slowly up his microphone stand in a suggestive manner. “I just can’t wait, to see it all- I’m so turned on.”
“And it’s all mine” Bobby purred.
“I just can’t wait, to see it all- I’m so turned on” Deep riffed ‘on’, Peep, Bobby, and Beep catching Ace’s impressed expression from behind his excessive makeup.
Deep delivered the final chorus, the other men of the Buddies taking on vocalizations, echoes, and backing vocals. He panted silently when he finished, hearing Frankie tap his drumstick together in applaud.
Ace joined in, with actual applaud. “Sick shit, Deep!” He called.
Deep chuckled, turning to look over his shoulder. “Ah, thanks” he nodded, the attention from the others slowly leaking off of him and onto other things. “Hey, Ace, wanna hear something?”
“You know it” Ace grinned, pointing at Deep with both pointer fingers. He walked towards Deep, towering over the man because of his platformed boots.
“I went to the store to buy some condoms. When I went to the checkout, the lady asked me, do I need a paper bag? I said ‘no, I’ll just turn out the lights.’“
Ace exploded in hyena-like laughter, some of the Buddies laughing along because they overheard. He doubled over, grabbing Deep’s shoulder to help him keep steady.
Deep looked at Ace’s hand on his shoulder, blushing lightly. Slowly, he put his hand over Ace’s to ‘keep it from slipping’, if he were to get asked why.
Ace put his other hand on Deep’s other shoulder, pushing on them to help him stand back up. “Wow, man- wow,” he panted, dumbed down to a fit of giggles. “You ‘n’ your siblings really know your shit, huh? Joke-making and lyric-writing...what more could anyone want?”
Deep got his hopes up with that, eyes going slightly wide. “Wow, I mean- I dunno. Charisma? Looks? Good in the sack?”
Ace shrugged. “If you can make someone laugh, there’s a chance that’ll be all you need.”
Deep felt his hopes reach as high up as the heavens. “Y’think so?”
“I know so. Hey, you should tell that to your brother. He tryin’ so hard to get to Starchild? Crack a joke or two, funny is sexy.”
Deep nodded obediently, “yea, sure, I’ll tell ‘im.”
“Good boy” Ace purred, patting Deep’s head and walking away.
Deep watched, same as always. Blue eyes trailing from the broad shoulders of Ace’s silly spaceman outfit, to dangerously loitering around his narrow waist.
“Snap out of it” Maria scoffed, shoving Deep.
Deep rolled his eyes. He turned around, seeing Beep talking to Starchild a way’s away from the stage.
“How’s your lil’ crushy-dushy going?” Bobby giggled, chin on Deep’s shoulder.
“‘Crushy-dushy’?”
Bobby platonically kissed Deep’s cheek. “Uh-huh, and ‘crushy-bushy’ for Beep. I need a name as stupid as the idea that you two fell for a couple of our employers. Why can’t you be more like your sister-”
“Like I haven’t heard that enough in my life-”
“Shut up,” Bobby snickered, dragging out the ‘u’ in ‘up’. “Anyways, Derek, why can’t Benji and you be more like her, and simply be scared shitless of Gene, leaving him for Dolly to take care of?”
Deep scoffed. “Rats, my bad for falling for people using the feelings I can’t fuckin’ control. Whatever shall I do?” He dramatically apologized.
Bobby kissed his teeth, playing with the tassels on his jacket. “Steal a pair of my gogo boots-”
“You have more than one?”
“You don’t?” Bobby jokingly shot back. “Steal a pair and be closer to Ace’s height. Simple.”
“Then what?”
“Well, start playin’ this new single and start feelin’ and touchin’ and kissin’ and-”
“Okay, okay, I don’t need to hear what a usual night between you and Cliff is like” Deep teased.
“Oh, fuck you.”
“No thank you.”
“I’d shove you but clearly, I’m not the one you want pushing you against walls, eh?”
“...Touche.”
“Push me up against the wall” Bobby crooned as he turned around, smiling as he watched Ace talk to Peter. “Ace’s my favourite, but don’t tell the others that I said that. You made a good choice. Now you just gotta catch it.”
“I know that.”
Bobby turned Deep to face him. “I believe in ya, Deep. Honestly. I believe in you ‘n’ Beep almost as much as I believe in Cliff ‘n’ me. Cliff ‘n’ me, we’re eternal. I believe in us more than anyone and anything in the universe. You understand, don’t cha?”
Deep nodded. “Yea, I do. Each time I see that ring he got for ya, I do.”
Bobby waved his left hand in front of Deep’s face, remembering their first conversation about it.
Bobby hopped into the the seat behind the passenger seat of Frankie’s car. ”Onward, ho!” He exclaimed, his buddies hollering along as they drove down the street. ”What’s on the plate today, prostitutes?”
Penelope, aka Peep, leaned back in the passenger seat. ”We’re hitting the roads today, doing whatever in between, and ending it off on some good ol’ cliff jumping. Kapeesh?”
Bobby nodded obediently. ”Vague, exciting. Very fresh.” He counted heads, “where’s Maria?”
Benji, aka Beep, sucked his teeth. ”On a date. Some guy named, uh, Jim? James? Heck if I know” he shrugged.
Derek, aka Deep, sat between Beep and Bobby. ”Speaking of dates, I heard someone finally tamed the wild and chaotic Bobby D. Brightside~” he teased, nudging Bobby.
“No, no, no. Someone finally tamed Cliff goddamn Booth, that’s the feat” Beep corrected. ”The dude’s a unit, and you’re telling me he popped a nice ‘n’ shiny ring for for a scrawny motherfucker from Baltimore?”
Bobby smiled sweetly, blushing at the mere thought of Cliff..
“Aw, rats- we lost Bobby. Hey! Earth to Bobby!” Deep called, nudging him.
“Eh?”
“You were gone for a second. Got a Cliff-induced smile.”
“That happens, y’know that. You got an Ace-induced grin yourself. Like how Beep’s got a Starchild-smile.”
“Well...You’re right, but Jesus, you didn’t have to say it.”
Bobby laughed. “I know y’both mean well, I do. Just...tread lightly, alright? Love in the world of rock ‘n’ roll can prove to be dangerous at times, no matter the people involved” he sucked his teeth. “And trust me, people can do some...weird shit, for love” Bobby winced. “I happen know from experience” he added, remembering the adrenaline rush he got from the night he strangled Billie Booth, in that fateful alleyway, on the fateful night that he got away with her murder.
And to this day, not a single person knows he killed her. No one. Not Cliff, Rick, the Buddies, KISS, MJ, Dolly, Soup, Emil, Floyd, Bruce, no one. And it’s gonna stay that way.
“Don’t- Don’t fall into that weird, scary pit. Okay? Same goes for Beep” Bobby asked, pointing over at Beep and waving at him.
Deep arched a brow, but decided not to ask any questions.
Bobby hasn’t been very secretive about his past, so anything he hasn’t told the Buddies, Deep assumed it must be something too personal.
Deep understands that. He nodded. “Got it, Bobster.”
Bobby smiled, patting Deep’s cheek. “Atta boy, Deep.”
#Once Upon A Time In Hollywood#once upon a time in hollywood oc#OUATIH#ouatih oc#bobby brightside#starchild x oc#starchild x male#starchild x male!oc#ace frehley x oc#ace frehley x male#ace frehley x male!oc#clobby#male oc#oc#male x male#male x canon#male x oc#oc x canon#oc x male#canon x oc#canon x male
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sorry im kinda new to your blog and i dont really understand this drama or whatever with the people that keep sending you asks? are people mad at you for writing rpf or the shipping or something? i have no context for whats going on
Oh hello friend let me tell you
THE DRAMA
There’ll be a tl;dr at the bottom but i really wanna tell this story cos it’s so funny to me
also read more because it gets LONG
So once upon a time Natalie got into a group called TWRP. Amazing wonderful LOVELY group of aliens (aliens and robot, technically? lore is silly fun and also part of this story so get ready to return to this) from the future of the 1980s -glorious chorus of heavenly angels in the distance-
at the same time! natalie was also drafting up the VERY beginnings of her space pirate epic SWIFT LIKE MERCURY, the idea was this: Julian a space pirate, ding dong the reluctant alien space prince, but who would be in julian’s crew!? lots of suggestions were thrown around in YE OLDE DINGDULIAN CHAT back in august and none of them worked. maybe this wouldn’t be a fic, maybe it was all for naught.
and then the sexy sexy cone man hip thrusted his way into her life.
that IS to say I fell in love with TWRP at the NSP show i went to with my best friend. i didn’t know WHOMST the fuck they were so seeing them come out in stage in full costume HIGH OFF MY ASS was probably one of the most memorable things in my life. We drove back to the hotel, DD and Julian were streaming katamari, I bought tickets for ANOTHER TWRP show in my hometown that were twelve dollars and then I found
THE WIKI
COMMANDER MEOUCH SOMETHING SOMETHING SPACE PIRATE
I was flabbergasted. NOT ONLY was there lore for this amazing band BUT here was the answer staring me right in the face. JULIAN WAS A FURRY, HIM HAVING A LION MAN AS HIS SECOND IN COMMAND WOULD BE PERFECT. i quickly told the chat (to which they all went ??? and didn’t quite take to it at the time) and then promptly CRASHED until the following morning.
so! i woke up, our CO adventure continued (we saw IT) and I started to discuss some plot ideas with the chat. At the same time I started to actually glance at the tumblr fandom. Oh wow! Everyone HAD THEIR OWN IDEAS! It was open to explore! How fun! They created face canons and personalities and stories for the boys and I’d be damned if my crazy plot making ass (who years before had looked at supernatural and said “crowley become the first cross road demon by making a deal with judas which killed judas and brought jesus back to life, thus creating the resurrection story” and was going to write a whole past lives destiel fic spanning back to ADAM AND EVE) wouldn’t take that and run. I made the post. TWRP IS GONNA BE IN MY OP FIC!!! I was so excited to start this, to make something amazing.
“dont put twrp in your OP fic”
I looked at the ask in COMPLETE confusion. wait! they didn’t even know HOW I was going to put them in! they could literally just be playing music in a scene! my petty scorpio ass felt a rage of which i had not felt in months. “fuck you.” it said. “NOW I HAVETO WRITE THE FIC YOU BITCH.”
(spite was one of the biggest driving forces in creating SLM and to me that’s why i think you see the story and the voice of it change over time because it became a thing of love but thaT’S NOT THE POINT)
so here i am having a grand ol’ time and im coming up with my boys and im like YEAH HELL YEAH and all my dingdulian friends are like oh hey i actually LIKE TWRP? and i got a PM from someone who will remain anonymous but who is a close friend of mine now
“hey, loving all the new stuff you’re bringing to the fandom!” they started. there was a bit more conversation and then IT happened.
“Just be careful about shipping.”
I looked at the message and another quickly followed. “nsfw gets weird too”
my scorpio ass, also fueled by love of all things sexual and romantic, looked at this with a growing sense of dread. I HAD ACTUALLY BEEN SETTING UP A SMALL SUNG AND MEOUCH SHIP. WELL SHIT! THAT HAD TO GO APPARENTLY?! I told my friends and we all rolled our eyes but we ACCEPTED IT. That’s what it was apparently.
Until I thought about Havve fucking Ding Dong with his robot dick while Sung held him in place and played up to DD’s praise kink
“oh no.” i said softly because that one fucking day dream planted the seed of needing to do something. sung would be so loving and so wonderful and who was i to let that just slip through my fingers! so i just approached cremedoodle (creator of WW, RR, and FF) and went “haha uh, what about ww chris and sung for a threesome in the fic crazy right”
and it wasn’t THAT crazy
especially when it became just WW and Sung
and god damn it were they in LOVE
“we can’t do this.” i said after a few hours of us coming up with all this ROMANTIC shit and some sexy shit too let’s be honest, it’s me after all. “oh god we’re doing this, aren’t we?”
so we decided to do it. fuck it. all caution thrown to the wind. the moment sung and ww “met” over the vid feed in chapter 6 i got a feeling of intense dread in my stomach. i couldn’t believe it, i was really doing this, they were really going to be in LOVE oh my GOD.
no comments.
oh.
beach bonfire chapter where julian and dd point out how fucked sung was since he was obviously into ww
no comments.
CHAPTER WHERE THEY WERE DRUNK AND MAKING OUT.
NO COMMENTS.
In that moment i realized something very sad but also very liberating.
the twrp fans that were all fucking awful weren’t reading my fic.
i wanted them to read it. i had put time into it. i wanted them to see my budding lore and like it, but at the same time the OP fandom was taking to it so well and enjoying TWRP so i said fuck it, ill take it.
We started to talk about Ring Rang and Phobos, sarah and I started talking about Meouch and Liara. it was going to be good, it was going to be fun.
and then i fucked up
that’s right
me
i came home from a crazy trip in MN and I was in a shit mood and I accidentally published Sung/WW fluff drabbles in the tag
I got fucking ripped a new one. i was a piece of shit for even ever thinking that was okay. “YOU’RE BEING DISRESPECTFUL! THEY’RE REAL PEOPLE! DON’T DO T HIS!”
yeah you read that right.
TWRP fanDUMB thinks that my adorable sweet Lepid Phobos, with his big eyes and his missing wings and his penchant for romance novels, my hyperactive sung with his star singing and his empathatic core WERE THE SAME GUYS ON STAGE.
This is literally what all of this drama is about.
It was in that terrible slew of fucking stupidity that I realized I didn’t care. It was TOO late at that point. They should have seen it sooner. They should have gotten me sooner. I had somehow slipped under the radar and I had beat them, in a strange sense, because not only did I care
i was going to keep doing it.
FAST FORWARD TO THIS YEAR (i know, this story is still going) i make a nsfw, i start posting my sung/ww extra chapters there because im too much of a pussy to put them in the fic still. my friend gets me to write a meouch/dd/julian fic. im just about to post a havve/sung thing when IT happens.
The fake screenshot.
a blog that posted jUST this and a post about the device (an album by the band) put this out into the open and deleted IMMEDIATELY afterwards. the fandom went into shitstorm mode. i cried on and off the whole day because i was being harrassed by anons and my friends were too.
but the more i looked at it
the more i started to REALLY understand how it was fake.
not only does it not have the usual bubble to the right (it should show that twrp has seen the most recent message even if it’s their own) it doesn’t touch on the fact that the OP said something about lore? even to say “hey, lore’s cool! that’s not the problem” would make more sense
also
they never responded to any of my friends
sure they read it, but following a slew of desperate users trying to get answers they never made an official statement so my gay ass pulled out the wine and said YOU’RE GOING TO MOPE AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP DOING YOU.
So we’re here now, with the fact that I know things about the band irl and the fact that I have shipping and people are pissed and I really don’t care. the info i know about the band i keep safe and SIMPLY SAYING A GENERIC WHITE DUDE NAME IS NOT REASON TO START A WITCH HUNT (not going to elaborate on this, this is only posted for the sake of anyone who is on the hate train who may be reading this) this is where fiction does not equal reality. i dont look at havve and go AH YES THERE IS MURDER MAN, IF HE IS NOT MURDER MAN WHEN THEY GET OFF STAGE ILL BE UPSET because thats STUPID? Like literally the IRL band members created personas and lore that they then gave to the fans to expand upon and also sorry guys,,,, it’s the internet,, in the words of DD “it’s weird” but you can’t ask people to stop. it won’t stop. that’ll just fuel the fire
so yes, i like twrp shipping and i like shippng with my ocs and i like writing about how sometimes when you touch sung’s core it turns him on and about how meouch has a knot because im a fucking awful skanko but at least im having fun lmfao
so
TL;DR
shipping is apparently illegal and so is nsfw in the twrp fandom and i do both unapologetically and i hope i inspire other people to start doing it more often.
the twrp fandom is not like this anywhere else btw. this is just tumblr being tumblr, as usual. you’re not going to get brownie points because you didn’t let me write sung fucking his hot gf you absolute dumb dumbs, you’re not going to get anything from it except for an inflated ego which you’ll lord over everyone, so do me the favor of expiring in a trench and let the fandom do what it’s supposed to do
HAVE FUN!
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Celebrity Status
Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.
<– Previous / Next –>
Chapter Four
A month later, Jules had been down for a while. His depression was in full swing, with a baseball bat full of nails, directly in his face. He'd hardly even made it to class that day, let alone online, and hadn't even gone to work yet and felt like crying. It was taking a lot to do anything, and he felt awful because he wanted to talk to Not-Elías so bad, but couldn't think of words to say aside from
good afternoon
. And he'd hardly spoken yesterday or the day before either. He hated it.
Mason had been hearing less and less from Jules the past few days, even though he'd been sending an embarrassing amount of messages. Jules did message back most times, but when she did she was curt and sounded... off.
masonfucker1000: jules
masonfucker1000: hope ur days going okay
masonfucker1000: hey what if humans were like bees and we had smth like a fucking stinger and if we killed someone w it we died and it was the only legal way to murder
masonfucker1000: i was hanging out w some friends and we ended up playing nerf guns and i somehow got a foam bullet down my pants
familyjules: ah, the only other thing you've ever gotten down ur pants.
masonfucker1000: hey are you okay? im kinda getting worried
masonfucker1000: if someone else threw a salad at you ill kick em
familyjules: afternoon, not-elías.
masonfucker1000: afternoon!! FINALLY!! juliet hath emerged! hey what's been going on???
♦️
Juliet.
He called him Juliet.
Jules froze, staring at the message, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. He hadn't told him, no, but still... He was Jules. Jullian. Anything except Juliet.
He stared at it, then grumbled to himself. "Juliet. Not. Fucking. Juliet." He got out of the truck and slammed the door, angry now that he even had to go to work. He stood by his truck, still staring at the message, then accidentally threw his phone on the concrete in the parking lot and stomped on it.
Then he realized what he'd done. Fuck. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. God damn it! Whatever." He picked up the pieces and pocketed the SIM card, telling himself he'd just buy a new one tonight after work and ship it to his house. He was enough of a dumbass already.
He tossed them in the dumpster as he went inside.
Mason frowned when there was no reply. An hour passed, even. Nothing.
A day.
masonfucker1000: jules? are you okay?
Jules was still upset, and still had no fucking phone.
Two days.
masonfucker1000: jules, please if i did something just talk to me
And a day after that, he was still upset, but at least he had a phone.
Three. Jules had never gone three days without at least a half-assed two word message.
Whenever he was home, he just stared at the message, fuming. Not-Elías had called him Juliet. He had to know him somehow, then, and by his deadname.
On the third day, the anger got bad enough he ended up messaging.
familyjules: how the fuck do you know my name and why are you doing this
Mason had been having lunch with the band when he got the message. He dropped his slice of pizza, mouth still open in shock. His eyes widened, and he excused himself, muttering under his breath that he'd be right back.
masonfucker1000: shit dude, what? juliet?
masonfucker1000: I just sort of guessed that's what it was short for
masonfucker1000: what do you mean???
Jules scoffed, opening Rabbit as fast as he could and sending Not-Elías a link.
As soon as he entered the room, Jules glared at the camera.
"My goddamn name is not Juliet, so stop calling me that. I don't know who the fuck you are, but you must know me and want to get to me now for some reason, so just... fucking stop being a dick—"
Mason gaped at Jules as she immediately started yelling and threatening at him. Jesus fuck.
"—and tell me the truth before I have to figure it out myself and beat your fucking ass. I'm not in the goddamn mood to be led on some goose chase and deal with bigots like you or deal with people who hold some stupid grudge against me. Leave me alone if that's the fucking case, or I will figure shit out and do something."
Not-Elias: jules geez
Not-Elias: holy shit
Not-Elias: i dont understand why youre so angry but im sorry if i pissed you off okay?
Not-Elias: i wont call u that anymore
Not-Elias: message me when you've calmed down
Not-Elias left the room.
Jules was still angry when he left the room. He ended up closing it too, only to reopen it later that night, as well as the fansite. He private messaged Not-Elías a link, promising in some garbled text not to yell again.
familyjules: rabb.it/familyjules pls cone ib i promize not to yellll i midd u
familyjules: misa u
Mason had been thinking about.... whatever that had been with Jules. She'd called him a bigot and talked about grudges. And Juliet was a definite no. He had a theory he was a bit too freaked to think much on. He frowned when he got a just barely comprehensible message. God, was Jules crying or something? He immediately clicked the link.
Jules was leaning back in the chair, pouring himself a shot from the bottle of vodka, singing a Nosam song along with the YouTube video. "Not-Elías!" he exclaimed, speech a little slurred, grinning. He leaned forward too fast and spilled half the shot on his shirt. "Whoops."
He downed the rest to prevent more spillage and then took a sip of Coke. "Hi, I wanted to say I'm sorry for earlier and yelling at you because it's obvious you're not anyone from high school because you're good unlike them. They couldn't even fake it. And I wanted to explain— I'm trans and I was bullied, and I miss you a lot but I've been sad a lot lately and it's cold and cold is triggering and I'm gonna drink more now." He poured himself another shot.
Mason's eyes widened in surprise at the state Jules was in. And then he was concerned. Very concerned.
Not-Elias: is that vodka?
Not-Elias: careful!
And then he froze as Jules spoke. Trans.
Fuck. So, okay. Mason didn't know himself that well after all. That's fine. It was okay. He tried to convince himself of that even if he felt a little nauseous and increasingly out of control.
He'd been such a dick when he was younger. Defensive, reckless, disrespectful, not caring about anyone else and keeping emotions bottled in. He had pretended to be confident, created a version of himself for everyone else and believed it. And once he'd been called out by so many, by Chris, he'd realized what he'd turned into: this sexist, queer-phobic prick, like a jock straight out of a movie.
He worked so hard to figure out why and relearn how he thought about things, about people, thinking about things he said to make sure he wasn't hurting anybody. He spent so much time learning himself inside and out. Actually starting to like himself for once, no more surprises. And even if his chest was aching and he couldn't breathe from hearing Jules say that, he knew he liked Jules a lot. He knew he had to deal with it.
He wasn't straight.
But he didn't know what to think— his own secrecy had been different— but— of course they weren't dating, and online— and Mason couldn't possibly pretend he knew what being trans was like. Whatever reason Jules had had for not telling him was probably a good one, even though it hurt. Mason realized he hadn't responded, and frankly didn't know how.
Not-Elias: okay
Not-Elias: youve def been drinking too much
Not-Elias: jules
Not-Elias: why didnt you tell me?
Mason paused, biting his lip. He didn't want to sound mad, but he was kind of upset. And he deserved to know why, didn't he?
Jules knocked back the shot, then leaned forward to read his messages. "I said I was bullied... They did some online too and I'm super scared about the fansite being a lot of people who could gang up on me sometimes—" Jules's lip trembled a little and he shook his head and touok a deep breath. No crying in front of Not-Elías.
"I was scared when I started thinking more and liking you, 'cause you were new and different and I was having fun talking to you, but you said you were cis and straight and it was actually real hard to even tell you I'm bi. And it's okay if you don't like me now cause you're straight and I'm a dude, I understand that."
Mason frowned at how Jules looked close to tears, instantly angry at everyone who'd hurt her— who'd hurt him.
His stomach turned as he thought about all the times he misgendered him. Oh God, he suddenly felt really sick. All of those shes and hers crawling up his throat.
Not-Elias: oh jules
Not-Elias: no i
Not-Elias: i like you
He bit his lip. Get over it, Mason.
Not-Elias: i guess i'm just gay. go figure
Jules wiped at his face with his shirt, then remembered there was vodka all over it and pouted a little, staring down at it.
Whoa, there was a flash. Mason's breath caught. He definitely saw a nipple and— fuck. But, oh God, was Jules drunk.
Not-Elias: listen do me a favor, baby, no more shots, yeah?
Not-Elias: put the vodka away
Yes, it felt a little weird calling Jules baby for a moment, knowing he was a guy, but it still felt right. Mason was fucking gay.
Oh, poor Andrew. All alone.
Jules read the messages and wanted to cry even more. He felt so silly for hiding it for so long, especially if it was going like this. "Are you sure?" he asked, staring at the messages.
And then the few about the vodka came through and he pouted, though he was blushing a bit at being called baby again. "But I don't wanna. Tomorrow's my day off and drinking is fun!" He grabbed the bottle, cradling it against his chest. "'S like my baby."
Not-Elias: im sure
Not-Elias: a hundred percent
Not-Elias: even if youre a complete mess
Not-Elias: and you've drunk
Not-Elias: youre drunk
Not-Elias: too much more and youll be poisoned
Not-Elias: ill be your baby instead
Jules grinned, leaning forward. His leg was bouncing now. He set down the bottle. "All right," he said. "But you're my baby now. You gotta come hug me."
Not-Elias: nice okay thank you
Not-Elias: u should drink water if you can
Not-Elias: oh i want to. i will
Mason hated this, not being able to talk to Jules. Especially when he was in this state. He needed comfort, and Mason wanted to give it and— damn it, he wished he could just turn on his camera. Maybe he should. He seriously considered it and— no, not right now, when he was drunk.
Jules tuned into the music again and gasped, grinning. He sang along a little, nodding and getting up to get water like he was told, completely forgetting he was in just a tank top and underwear— not even boxers, just underwear. He came back still singing, then lifted the water so Not-Elías could see it. "Water."
Mason whined a bit as Jules stood up, looking away a second later, staring at the tour bus ceiling. Why did the world want to be so generous yet so cruel?
Not-Elias: and you said you're not a singer
Not-Elias: good! drink up!
Jules grinned, taking a drink and leaning back a little in his chair. "Oh—uh— is there anything you want to listen to? Or watch?"
Not-Elias: uhhhhhh
Not-Elias: spongebob?
Jules nodded, opening up Amazon Prime and attempting to search for it. He misspelled it a few times, but got it in the end. "Oh, this is the best episode," Jules said, grinning and hovering over the Bubble Bowl episode.
They watched one and a half episodes, during which Jules had moved from the chair to his bed, putting the laptop on the chair. Mason honestly wasn't paying all that much attention to Spongebob. Jules was so cute, his drunk commentary endearing.
At some point Mason realized Jules had fallen asleep. He smiled, eyes going soft.
He barely thought about it when he turned on the mic.
"Goodnight, Jules."
Jules, fast asleep, groaned a little. "G'night," he mumbled. "Lub you."
Mason's heart jumped to his throat.
"Jules? Are you awake?"
He blushed hard, cheeks hot. He probably wouldn't mention that part to Jules in the morning.
"Nuh uh," Jules hummed, pulling the blanket over himself better. "'m sleep."
Mason laughed lightly. "Really? Sleeptalker, huh? I'll let you sleep. Talk to you in the morning."
Mason had turned off his mic and hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep.
"Mason? Why're you still on your computer? S' the middle of the night."
Mason jerked awake, blinking as he looked at Jules on-screen and then at Chris on the top bunk across, leaning over the bed and frowning at him sleepily.
Mason sighed, rubbing some sleep out of his eyes. "I think I'm gonna tell Jules," he said.
"What?" Austin grumbled from below Chris, turning and blinking wildly at Mason. His wavy hair was sticking up in all directions, like static or that kid from Meet The Robinsons.
"He said he's gonna tell Jules," Andrew growled from above Mason, grumpy from being woken up, but listening, blankets tugged tight over his otherwise naked body.
Chris supported his chin on his hand as he tried to get a better look at Mason's face. He was serious. "What changed finally?"
Mason sighed, panic returning as his brain turned the lights back on and told him he was supposed to be freaking out. "It keeps getting harder. And we didn't talk for a bit and— last night— tonight he— he's trans. And he was drunk— "
"Wait— "
"Did you say— "
Mason groaned, dropping his face into his pillow. "Don't--"
Andrew wheezed from above him. "Fuck."
"You're— "
"I get to say it! You dumbasses got to come out," Mason whined as he sat up. "I'm not straight. Probably, uh, pan."
Austin started laughing sleepily as he leaned up on his elbow to properly make fun of Mason.
"I saw it coming," Andrew mumbled. "But fuck you."
Chris bit his lip worriedly. "Okay, but remember when that one fan gave out your number and address even though the address was fake, but you had to change your number and— "
Mason sighed loudly. "Yes, I remember."
And he did remember. He'd thought about it quite a bit, all the worst case scenarios. Jules being pissed off at being royally catfished and outting him to the world in the worst way possible, or Jules being way too happy and outting him and not really caring about him, or Jules just completely cutting him off in shock and outrage. Mason shook the thoughts away. "Jules isn't like that. I just— I want her— him to know, I'm sick of lying."
Austin shrugged. "Okay. Your choice, man. Go for it."
Andrew hummed in agreement, giving the idea a thumbs up that Mason didn't even see, already falling asleep again. Chris sighed and smiled, "I'm sure you're right. You're a good judge of character."
Mason smiled, "Thanks."
In the morning, Jules woke up to find he'd fallen asleep on Rabbit with Not-Elias. He smiled, nuzzling his face against the pillow. He was so cute. So good. He remembered getting drunk and telling him everything, and he'd taken it in stride, just accepting...
He sighed, staring at the icon of Mason on the screen. He wished he knew him. This was just making him want to date him more, though he knew his own rules and didn't want to break them. It felt kinda shitty to feel like that, though, especially since Jules wanted to just... live, really, but it felt like there was always something holding him back. He wiped at his eyes, realizing he was crying a little. God, he was so pathetic.
Mason woke up again to see that Jules was awake. He smiled, then noticed he seemed kinda sad. Mason got up, washing his face and brushing his teeth, looking at himself in the mirror for a moment. Well, he looked as good as he usually did, he guessed. He guessed? Fuck. He was nervous. He groaned and put on a hoodie, yawning as he walked past the bunks and sat down, putting his earphones in.
Not-Elias: good morning! how're you feeling?
Jules jumped a little at the message tone, wiping his eyes again to make sure any trace of tears was gone. He disguised it as sleepy rubbing his eyes and smiled. "Morning, Not-Elias. I feel..." Jules considered telling the truth, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He settled on one thing. "Hungover. Kinda tired. My head hurts a little. How are you feeling?"
Not-Elias: a little flipped upside down, honestly
Not-Elias: but uh, overall, pretty good
Not-Elias: okay, actually im a little nervous
Not-Elias: hey
Not-Elias: do u know what would be cool
Not-Elias: u should play me some bass
Jules smiled. "I'm glad you're feeling okay, though. I mean— What happened is... a lot, probably. If you need to talk, I'm here. And you really want to hear me play right now? I— uh— okay." He leaned over, picking up his bass from the stand by his bed.
"I wonder if I can play it laying down." He plucked a few strings, then shifted his hands to play it. He laughed a little. "I guess I can... God, you have no idea how many times I've dropped this thing. I'm shocked it still plays." He lifted it up, grinning.
Mason smiled, watching him fondly as he grabbed the bass and played around with it, rambling and laughing. What was he even going to say? 'Hi, I'm not Elias, I'm Not-Elias, with a dash' or 'I'm Not-Elias, AKA Mason Hill AKA masonfucker1000 AKA an asshole?' or even 'Hey, it's Mason, please don't be mad at me or post about this?'.
God, everything he could think of was woefully lame. It was like his nerves had turned him into Chris.
"There's actually a really bad scratch somewhere on here, I think it's on the back... I dropped it when I first got it because my parents told me some shit, I don't even remember what, but it scared me. Oh— oh, I think it was when my grandpa died. They told me and I just... dropped it. It's funny now, because like... y'know, that was my grandpa, but— "
Mason couldn't take it any longer. He moved the mouse, cursor hovering over the camera icon. It seemed easier to do it when Jules was occupied, it made Mason less nervous than when he was looking at the screen. He turned his mic on first, then his camera, smiling. "Uh, hey," he said softly to get his attention. Hey wasn't exactly what he had wanted to say first, but fuck it. His heart was thumping in his ears.
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Reread Review!
Title: The Knights of Crystallia
Author: Brandon Sanderson
Illustrator: Hayley Lazo
Summary: In this third Alcatraz adventure, Alcatraz Smedry has made it to the Free Kingdoms at last. Unfortunately, so have the evil Librarians--including his mother! Now Alcatraz has to find a traitor among the Knights of Crystallia, make up with his estranged father, and save one of the last bastions of the Free Kingdoms from the Evil Librarians.
Rating: ★★★★★
Review:
“It felt right. Serene. That, of course, meant it was time for something to explode.”—Page 22
Brandon’s logic for all his books.
“(Note: This word can only be used to describe fish stick themselves, as nothing has yet been found that is equally crapaflapnasti. Though the unclean, moldy, cluttered space under Brandon Sanderson’s bed comes close.)”—Page 24
Ew.
“‘Imagine the chaos if gravity stopped working across the entire world!’ I don’t have to imagine it. I’ve lived it. But then, we’ll get to that. Eventually.”—Page 30
Wait, has that happened?
“But…what if she was worried about me? What did that mean? Suddenly I found myself blushing too.”—Page 34
Can you feel the love tonight?
“We’ll have to act with daring recklessness and an intense vibrato!”—Grandpa Smedry, Page 36
So act normal.
Attica, Kazan and Pattywagon. One of these names is not like the other. Also is there a prison called Pattywagon? If not. I’ve got an idea.
“Besides, stories such as this one always have at least one hidden member of royalty among the core cast.”—Page 59
A more accurate truth has never been written.
“‘You done being affectionate with the young knight there?’ she asked me. ‘Cute thing, isn’t she?’”—Page 68
This series is great but it needs more Pattywagon.
“I sat back, feeling a little bit disturbed. Not because of what Patty said—I was used to Free Kingdomer rationalization. No, I was disturbed because I’d somehow managed to talk about both excrement and flatulence in the course of two chapters. If I could somehow work in barfing, then I’d have a complete potty humor trifecta.”—Page 71
Truly the best series.
“We’re like an unholy mix of Brady Bunch and the UCLA honors department.”—Page 72
Pretty much.
“Once when I was very young, I was being drive to the public swimming pool by my foster mother.”—Page 77
Oh no…this freaking quote. I still can’t believe Brandon did this.
“‘Fantasy novels,’ Aunt Patty said, shaking her head. ‘Ah well. Rot your rain if you want.’”—Page 89
Fantasy novels are great.
“If that’s the case, then why does she need a guard to watch over her?”—Page 90
He’s in love.
“‘The prince is a novelist?’ I asked. ‘his father was terribly disappointed to hear about the hobby,’ Folsom said. ‘You know what terrible people authors tend to be.’ ‘They’re mostly social miscreants,’ Himalaya agreed.”—Page 99
Yeah…
“I stopped in place. The two of us looked at each other. My father had a large group of people doting on him, and most of them—I noticed—were attractive young women. The types who wore gowns that were missing large chunks of cloth on the back or on the sides.”—Page 103
Weird.
“Once there was a boy named Alcatraz. He did some stuff that was kind of interesting. Then one day, he betrayed those who depended on him, doomed the world, and murdered someone who loved him. The end.”—Page 107
Wow, I haven’t sobbed in a while.
“Any story, no matter how good, will sound really, really dumb when you shorten it to a few sentences.”—Page 107
By the power of eating metal, a group of thieves try to kill god. Exchanging souls by breathing with a hint of rom com. Zombies. Sandbenders get genocided. A plant full of fucking dementors. Stormlight Archive is too complicated to sum up in one sentence.
“That’s when my betrayal happened.”—Page 108
The amount of pain I’m in.
“‘She Who Cannot Be Named?’ I asked. ‘Why can’t we say her name? Because it might draw the attention of evil powers? Because we’re afraid of her? Because her name has become a curse upon the world?’ ‘Don’t be silly,’ Himalaya said. ‘We don’t say her name because nobody can pronounce it.’”—Page 109
I like a lot of things about series but I think my favorite thing is the jabs at Harry Potter.
“My reputation only grew more daunting after the events at the Library of Congress and the Spire of the World.”—Page 127
Foreshadowing!
Given the fact that Truthfinder and Truthwatcher are so similar, I wonder if Renarin can see when people are lying.
I still don’t want to know what gerbil snorting is.
She Who Cannot Be Named is so terrifying.
“‘Grandpa,’ I said. ‘Yes?’ ‘You’re crazy.’ ‘Thank you!’”—Page 163
A conversation that happens a lot in Sanderson’s books.
“In fact, many people think that if they like mac and cheese rather than fish sticks, the best thing to do is ban fish sticks. That would be a tragedy. If we let people do things like that, eventually we’d end up with only one thing to eat. And it probably wouldn’t be mac and cheese or fish sticks. It’d probably be something that none of us like to eat. You want to be better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. Don’t argue with them, just listen. It’s remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.”—Page 194
Favorite quote ever.
“But…but I’m recovering! I’ve been clean for months now! You can’t ask me to go back, you can’t”—Page 197
Why are there so many drug references in this book? I mean, I don’t doubt that Brandon was on drugs when he was writing this but doesn’t mean he needs to write about it.
“I am a good Librarian!”—Page 203
Whoo!
“This is the middle book of the series. And as everyone knows, the heroes always lose in the middle book. It makes the series more tense.”—Page 215
Hey, Oathbringer is technically the middle book in the first arc…shit.
“Bastille rolled her eyes. ‘How can you be so clever sometimes, Smedry, but such an idiot other times?’”—Page 220
How? Why can’t they? I don’t understand why Alcatraz is an idiot for wanting to say the obvious. Even if they do admit their love for each other, Alcatraz can still (weirdly) marry them later on. This just seems so contrived.
Also, Alcatraz like Brandon Sanderson is stoopidly clever. Get it right, Bastille.
“‘Why speak such harsh words about Librarians if you’re so fascinated by out lands?’ Sing fell silent.”—Page 239
Oh snap.
I really hope we get more of Shasta Smedry in the next book.
“And you are all to blame for this, in part. This is what your adoration does. You create for yourselves heroes using our names, but those fabrications are so incredibly, so elevated that the real thing can never live up to them. You destroy us, consume us. And I am what’s left over when you’re done.”—Page 242
Please end my suffering.
“I mean, why is it that you readers always assume that you’re never to blame for anything? You just there, comfortable on your couch while we suffer. You can enjoy our pain and our misery because you’re safe. Well, this is real to me. It’s real. It still affects me. Ruins me.”—Page 243
Jesus Christ this is so heartbreaking.
“I am not a god. I am not a hero. I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t save people, or protect them, because I can’t even save myself! I am a murderer! Do you understand? I KILL HIM.”—Page 244
No! No you didn’t! Sweetie, it wasn’t your job! Attica was the adult, it was his job to protect you. It’s okay.
Just, let me hug Alcatraz Smedry. Just, one hug. That’s all I ask for.
Marrying Himalaya and Folsom is still weird.
I always forget that Swcbn nickname. She’s my favorite villain.
I’m guessing that Dif corrupted the Mindstone. Didn’t they pick him up at the World Spire?
“The seats on the north side were now completely empty, save for Swcbn. The grandmotherly woman looked up at me, smiling. She held up the afghan she’d been knitting. It depicted a blood skull.”—page 269
God, she’s so cool!
I got teary eyed during the Archedis-Bastille fight.
“Swcbn finally put down her knitting. ‘You,’ she said, ‘are very bad children. No cookies for you.’ And with that, she vanished—replaced with an exact statue of herself, sitting in that very position.”—Page 274
God, she’s so bad ass.
“I feel I should have died years ago. Instead, I proved myself to be a coward. You’ll see what I mean eventually.”—Page 275
*choked sob* No!
“He certainly did have a charm about him, when he wanted to impress people. In that moment, looking at that smile, I could swear that I’d seen him somewhere, long before my visit to the Library of Alexandria.”—Page 282
Oh, god, don’t tell me that Attica visited Alcatraz before his 13th birthday. Don’t do this to me, Sanderson.
“I imagine a world, not so distant in the future, where everyone has a Smedry Talent.”—Attica, Page 283
That is really insane.
“‘And you let her steal it?’ my father demanded indignantly.”—Page 285
Oh, Attica…I want to like you, but you’re so difficult.
“We can control them,”—Attica, Page 285
Huh, it appears that both Attica and Shasta want to control Smedry Talents.
Last-Paging is great.
“No, we’re not done yet. Be patient. We’ve only had three endings so far; we can stand another one.”—Page 291
I imagine this is how the final Stormlight Archive book is going to go.
“I won’t warn you when my big failure is about to arrive. It will hurt far more when it’s a surprise. You’ll see.”—Page 291
DAMN STRAIGHT IT WILL.
#Knights of Crystallia#Brandon Sanderson#Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians#reviewsdaytuesday#2017 Reviews#Alcatraz#Reread Review
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