#my anxiety attacks are getting worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coffeeworldsasaki · 4 months

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Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears

#I'm dreading book 4 so much #my depression got worse while reading it the first time 😭#also I don't remember exactly what but multiple times he says stuff that i think too often and having a fictional character say that l #ridiculous stuff caused by mental illness made me feel even worse #it helped! because it hit me how stupid it is and that i should avoid that type of thinking at all costs! but didn't i feel like shit for a #while #now i almost finished book 1 and book 2 has Shallan's past 😬😬😬😬😬#can't wait to read again about her horrible childhood locked home with a violent father that take out his rage at her on others #that won't make me feel horrible at all!#it's not like i wasn't almost crying just at her getting an anxiety attack at the beginning #....these books feels awfully aimed at me fjskdks #the stormlight archive #cosmere

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da-proti-toku-grem · 5 months

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venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc)#and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk?#and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends)#which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does'#and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs....#venting #maca speaks

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thanotaphobia · 2 months

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jrwi ACTUAL nightmare blunt rotation, ill start. clockwise, peter sqloint. rand. william wisp.

#thanatos is here too but he cant get high so he j chilling #jrwi #weed ment #peter sqloint #it'd be his first time and he'd immediately have a panic attack (been there buddy).#timothy rand #hed be fine but i knew a guy like him once and Never Again #hes stonermaxxing and it gets ANNOYING #he finishes the blunt in 2 hits and dips. like bro #william wisp #now hed be fine normally HOWEVER.#now i'm trying help peter calm down and rand is gone so will would be trying to talk MY ear off while im helping #and therefore would make the situation worse #hed also probably unknowingly feed peters anxieties #peter would also feed his #tags on this one are insane jfc

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willowfey · 10 months

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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

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iero · 4 months

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Had a panic attack that literally woke me up in the middle of the night last night and lasted until the early morning and let me tell you, that shit is TERRIFYING. Needless to say, I think I'm ready to go back to work.

#personal #Am I still in pain? Yes. Is it controllable when painkillers are taken though? Also yes. Somewhat.#Breaking news!#Girlie who doesn't have their mental health under control feels 100x worse being holed up in the place they live alone under for FOUR days #I literally have not left my house since my surgery on Wednesday morning...#And then I'm wondering why my anxiety/panic attacks have been God awful these four days... Gee I wonder why!#Like I don't wanna go back to work because capitalism but I need to for like... A distraction.#My thoughts have been racing and I'm just begging for people to talk to me in my personal life to calm my anxiety down.#It feels debilitating at this point. It's literally taken over my life.#And I have my anxiety meds but I only just got them so I have to wait that 1-3 weeks for them to actually 'kick in.'#I really should have asked my new GP for the tiniest amount of benzos to get me through this recovery.#And I don't even have a follow-up appt. for my recovery but I am gonna call them on Mon. and ask for one for my own peace of mind.#I've called this office three times now over the course of three days to make sure what I'm feeling is 'normal.'#Anyway!!!

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girl-bateman · 1 month

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Big open spaces are the devil. Nooks and crannies are my friends.

#closets. under sinks. in between the small space of the bed and desk. under the desk.#these are some of the lovely places i hide when i feel an anxiety attack coming in or when i get too scared of the open room #idk if its a helpful coping mechanism but it does make me feel more safe #i dont like it when i think people might walk in and see me #also the shivers are worse btw for those of u that remember my disaster virginity losing escapades #im not thinking abt it as much since im on vacay which is nice. but ive started to shiver and twitch in temore general anxious thoughts #*in response to

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manasurge · 4 months

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#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it-#- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me.#not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao

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syn0vial · 4 months

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i wish i could enjoy leverage but so much of that show is watching bad people getting their comeuppance in terribly uncomfortable ways and rather than deriving any pleasure from this, my anxious brain just kicks into overdrive of "what if that happened to us"

#i watched a good number of episodes with my friend who's a fan #and that episode where they replace that guy's anxiety medication with caffeine pills and trap him in an elevator?#or something like that?#actually quite upsetting to me. even just remembering that scene makes me feel anxious #i guess shit like that gets under my skin more than say‚ straight-up violence‚ bc it feels more plausible in day-to-day life #like i'm probably never gonna be involved in some john wick style armed brawl #but the thought of someone intentionally driving me into an anxiety attack bc they hate me feels much more real and personal #it's kinda funny bc i think that putting the bad guys in Sensory Hell rather than doing anything ''worse''#is the show's way of keeping things light-hearted #but for me it's like ''NO THANK YOU‚ I'LL TAKE THE VIOLENCE PLS''#idk idk i'm weird‚ i just know i'd happily take a pistol whip to the face over caffeine pills during an anxiety attack any day

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agathabridgerton · 9 months

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trying not to anxietypost rn

#hashtag when the positive affirmations do not stop the body-wracking sobs #these are the worst bc they last hours and leave me kinda mentally paralyzed #just spiralling and beating myself up and not being able to stop thinking about my fuckups #and then beating myself up again for not getting up and at least getting other work donr #*done #trying to balance validating my feelings with rational actions #but i was already having a bad week and then a bad morning and now a worse afternoon #and so this attack wasn’t a sudden one it was weeks in the making and i just. i knew. and i couldn’t stop it #and then it’s like bc of the anxiety disorder i can’t gauge how accepting ppl will be when i tell them i fucked up #and i just can’t seem to completely stop crying so i literally can’t move on with my day #and i’m trying to balance between letting myself work through the stress with not indulging in the untrue negative ones #rambling

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sherlock-is-ace · 4 months

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