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green beetle black beetle
#star wars#the original trilogy#boba fett#darth vader#hi. sorry for star war jumpscare. genuinely#i feel like ive kinda been on an art hiatus lately due to health stuff#i got diagnosed with a parathyroid disease recently (wahoo) so now i know why i have been feeling so bad! need more tests though#anyway. in the mean time most of the entertainment my brain can handle has been like. youtube clip compilations of shows and movies#not even the actual shows or movies. literally just sections of them on youtube#i wish i was joking#the only reason i know what happens in succession is because i have watched it in disjointed order in youtube compilations. not joking#anyway so ive learned a lot more about star wars than i ever. thought i would#mostly just the original trilogy and prequels. some of the old comics & books are interesting too#(sick to my stomach) i like darth vader he has like the same personality as ganondorf except he had no good reason for doing anything#when vader/anakin does literally anything weird or unacceptable it like. makes me laugh so hard its like jerma when he sees a car accident#boba fett’s costume design has been rotating in my head a lot too it’s very good#he’s very colorful and like. matte/unpolished compared to vader and it makes them a cool duo visually#those 2 are my favorites. vader why is the space cowboy the only person aside from sidious or tarkin who is allowed to get mad at you#sidious is my 3rd favorite. he sucks so bad as like a person that you just. you have no expectations of him except just being evil#so its just really funny like everything he does is horrible and he’s so happy all the time like good for him#i’m making it sound like ive never seen star wars before. i have i just never really cared about it until i got an endocrine disorder lmao#but yeah idk art may continue to be slow while im figuring out treatment stuff#if anyone reading this also has or has had hyperparathyroidism im wishing the strength & radiance of 1000 beautiful horses upon you
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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“I can’t be angry with you…” Princess Alisa spoke before bending down to give a big kiss on Princess Anilaphat's clear cheeks. “However, you should never speak of renouncing your royal status again.”
“...”
“Can you promise me?” Princess Anilaphat only gave Mother a wry smile but didn’t say anything in response. “Hearing that, I almost suffocated to death.”
“...”
“You’re my heart and your father’s heart, don’t you know?”
“Whatever father and mother wish from me, no matter how hard it is, I’m willing to do it.” Princess Anilaphat moved her body away from the embrace to make eye contact with her mother easily. “Having to leave the country to study alone since I was a little kid and barely knew a thing, l did it. When I returned, mother didn’t want me to practice the profession I studied; fearing that I would be in dire straits, I continued my studies to become a teacher like father and mother intended me to be.”
“...”
“Why is the only thing I asked for… mother couldn't give me in return?"
“…”
“So, what is the point of having such a high rank if I cannot grab what I desire?”
“Anil… what you desire is inappropriate for you.”
“How inappropriate is that? Is it so easy to meet the person I love, Mother?”
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i have been personally loving the work on adaptation the loyal pin has done on the show. the show is extremely loyal (lmao) to its source and all the changes provided do feel in line with the orignal work which is why i cant wait to see the last few episodes.
that being said there is a few changes that sometimes collapse in itself if you havent read the book (prince anan mentioning a past forbidden love or once again prince anan already knowing about anin and pins situation and when he has to confront anin about it in front of their mother and aunt patt) which all could be discussed about how you adapt a book. but i personally want to bring up something that is as trivial as one line in the book but to me !! it is a little nuance that feels too bad to be left out.
anin wanted to find a job in architecture upon returning to thailand but her parents (especially mother) didn’t let her.
the show and books make a beautiful cases to demonstrate how misogyny, class and homophobia are all deeply connected as being the great obstacle for anin and pin, together and both separately, each navigating a cage that is held above them even by their closest relatives.
and so comes the question of independence. financial independence. financial independence is truly one of the biggest shackles to be taken down when mentioning Anything related to self determination. because seeing anin more than willing to drop what gives her the most security in life for pin who knows what that non security implies, means that you must have at least what you must to be self sufficient.
anin wishing for this before the whole mess of pin’s engagement both shows how she already wanted to be independent as early as possible and that her parents, despite specifically sending her abroad for ‘more honorable studies’ and such do see anin getting a job in architecture as a Lesser way to live. because she would not be a comfortable as her current situation and inflict again their wishes on her on which job she should aim for while still remaining tied to them.
this detail is trivial and just one more line in the whole theme of the book of how misogyny ties women down to their position theyre supposed to fulfil, and have other women keep you in check of that. but it also comes with the whole realisation for anin of how despite the looks and support and liberties her class allows her to get, her gender will ultimately always be what societal expectations throws her back into. and that wish of financial independence prior to pin’s engagement shows that she was well aware of that, or at the very least in part, and was once again trying to sneak out of this hold.
#the loyal pin#if you get what i mean !!!!!! just saying stuff i woke up at 4am for a train and all i have in my brain is aninpin.#<- tags written when i had my draft down#but i am now refreshed and i slept and now i g]can post it after review#but yeah honestly i think this is a part that even the book should have developped on#of What does dropping your title implies for you to survive without everything that you grew up with etc etc#like i kinda get it why it didnt but could have been a nice add on#but once again loving the show and the books and seeing how they compare#also sorry for the weird formatting i dont have my laptop with me lnao
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long
#talkys#im gonna say some more stuff here which is i dont think its ever going to happen for me which is like#it should be fine right...i dont think im even meant to be in a relationship it sounds exhausting and like another#constant neverending performance...#but its like that one post...''im happy by myself but also where's the love of my life''#ykwim...i wish i could at least make an informed decision#but that would also be tragic as it'd require me to go thru more heartbreak so i could know for certain#is it better to do it or not do it at all...#anyway ive also been having a hard time putting this into words#but. i like my alone time! i can live with myself. + nothing will ever beat the peace and romance in my brain#but. it also feels so weird to think this way. in the sense of like. yeah. you're only thinking this way because you Have To.#because that's your reality. other ppl don't have to think this way because they are capable of finding love.#other people dont have to reaffirm themself of this in the wake of not ever being desired and valued....#does that make sense...? it feels really weird.#like of course u have to like being alone and spending time with yourself. you have no other choice lol. you lost.#and also... idk. idealized romances in my brain better than anything maybe i would like to be held just once by another living human being.#🌺
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….i just realised i want to be trans…is that weird? Can I even be trans? No if I did that then people would think I’m weird and shit..but people think trans people are okay! So I think it’s okay? I don’t know
#uhhhh my head hurts idk man#questioning hmm ugh brain keeps hurting#my head thinks stupid stuff at night hmmm…#but like..I wanted to be a guy from when I was legit 9 ;-;#does that mean something? or am I thinking too deep into it?#no wait#maybe I’m just stupid#am I tho? is wanting to be a guy weird?#yeah probably#my family and friends would probably tell me I’m stupid or something so yeah totally#sorry guys#brain got a bit funky there!
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one each a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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Authentic Story of the Shining Force - Saint Fencer Max - Chapter 4
Translation notes:
This is the last boob joke. We're free at last.
Here's the retranslation of every scene with the Spring of Recollection in the game. Overall, her speech here is fairly close to what she says in Waral in-game, with a few details from her final appearance sprinkled in, like her care for Cain. It does misses a few nuances though, like the Legacy being more than just Dark Dragon.
I don't think I've ever seen art of the Spring, but notably, she gets a portrait in the GBA version, and it looks a lot like the manga design, with the slightly wavy hair and especially the blank eyes.
Obviously, the manga rushes through the plot since it's short, thus a lot of places are skipped. I didn't even feel like pointing them out before. However I will point out Waral not being here this time, because Waral happens to not be in the beta map either, and it has very contradicting lore between the ASCII guide and the World Book, meaning it might have not been well developed. Besides, Chapter 5 is very weirdly structured. You get two ship battles that are basically the same, you get to Waral by accident, you advance the plot by going to Ring Reef for no reason and everyone telling you it's off-limits while letting you waltz in anyway, and hardly anything happens in the shrine besides you hearing about the Manual, which is not even a big deal because you get to Rudo by accident later (two ship accidents!! why repeat this plot point!!) and would go to Dragonia anyway to help Bleu. Basically, I obviously can't prove it, but it wouldn't surprise me if the ocean shrine was initially thought off as only a plot scene, and the battles/town added much later for gameplay reasons.
Perhaps worth mentioning, the GBA version also makes a point to mention that Max got lost in the shrine alone, and everyone was worried about him, which does remind me a lot of the ship scene here.
uh oh. i hit image limit for the first time and i don't wanna remove either of these pics. more notes on a reblog later.
#shining series#shining force#saint fencer max#saint fencer max translation#sfm max#sf cain#so. gamers. fans. friends and followers. are we good? are we normal? are we normal about the last pages? i'm not#unfortunately my typesetting does not do it justice but at least i put up a fight#those unending creaking noises mess me up so good#it's just. so good. all of this#why did the gba version wasted time with boring villain epilogues#when it could be giving me the Good Stuff (angst of a long haired anime man)#also is his hair dyed? the eyebrows kinda imply that. i'm not sure i like that but i'm not sure i dislike that either#his hair is so good tho#anyway i could talk about him forever and i will but i gotta talk about the spring too#i really like the sword of light being here. it works aesthetically at least. the mishaela plot is very dumb#i had a whole thing about the sword of light typed but i took it out for later cause it doesn't have much to do with the manga#will probably come though! the three max cain plots are the same basically but there have some difference in the details#that has mashed together in my brain#so i wanna pick that apart at some point#anyway back to the mango. i dearly miss the nuance about the legacy even though it took me a while to notice it in the game#between this and the pseudo-magic introduction the manga does suck a bit at portraying the ancients#but i like how despite the weird pacing of the manga this part kinda flows better#with the spring's revelations all here in the middle#instead of popping in manarina like 'yeah boy you're hero of fate wait three chapter until we elaborate on that though'#naturally the game has good battle content to keep you happy through it#but the manarina scene feels kinda useless to me#anyway i probably had more to say about this while translating but i'm very sleepy#i will never shut up about this chapter though. mark my words
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having an oc story set this year is really fucked up bc i look at the calendar and i'm like "oh shit we got [character]'s death in a few days waow..."
#oc liveblogging#<- NEW TAG FOR DUMB SHIT!! ive decided. im going to speak ominously and with no context about things going on in my head#i really really reallyyyy wanna post more oc stuff soon bc theyre consuming my brain but i cannot draw cool refs and stuff fast enough#bc im busy as FUCKK 😭 BUT IM AN EXPERT AT SPEWING NO CONTEXT BULLSHIT SO LETSGO itll be really funny guys trust#i had to change timeline shit bc i realized a major plotpoint element would've been impossible bc it wouldnt have existed? so i had to shif#tho this does still work out to my benefit bc as im doing a huge overhaul of things i can draw on more recent experiences for inspo#bc lowkey funnily enough it IS recent circumstances that inspired me to start revamping a bunch of this shit in the first place#BUT YEAH NO IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD LOL. just knowing like a character's new bday is in a few days. and that they die like a week afterwards#biting shaking my cage UOUGGUUHHH i wanna say more but i also am notoriously bad. at actually saying more. theres a lot going on in here#i think if i do more of these it'll be funny bc its like 'what the hell is she talking abt' YOU'LL FIND OUT :3 maybe
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at it again with MORE fnin stuff!!!
(felix and net are arguing about fnaf lore btw)
#my art#fnin#felix net i nika#laura:)#fnaf is f&n shared interest#felix enjoys the gameplay mechanics and animatronic designs#while net is all about the LOOOORE#they argue about it constantly#nika doesnt understand half the words theyre using#laura does(shes fascinated by the plot and characters)#this is very specific and kinda dumb but.#i think laura is really into fandom#idk why i have NO IDEA why this is the headcanon my brain chose but here we are ig..#like. the dyed hair. the horsegirl vibes. that girl was in the mlp fandom as a 11 year old#im so sorry#shesa warrior cats girlie too. yeah.#i know this stuff is propably getting too weird and niche for anyone except me im sorry
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Me: *goes to get checked for ADHD*
The therapist, 20 minutes in: ... Have you looked... Into autism?
*Session continues*
The therapist, at the end: ... Yeah I'm... Going to talk with some colleagues who specialize in autism... Hope you don't mind...
#it's so funny#like literally 20 minutes after and me explaining my symptoms they were like:#'yeah I've been watching them since the beginning and autism seems to fit the bill better'#like.... a therapist that never meet me clocked my weird little ass in 20 minutes amazing#they still did the ADHD test and nop i don't have it. I'm completely the opposite of someone with it as they said#like i was like. YES yes i have looked into autism (has done so much research and quizzes) and i was here more to get that answer than#the adhd diagnosis#so!!!! i might get a diagnosis and I'm fucking thrilled!!!#if it isn't the tism i also don't care!!! at least i can finally put a name to why the brain works as it does!!!!#manyrambles#too many thoughts#sorry for the more personal posts#tumblr is my journal for the more harmless stuff <3#personal stuff yee haw#<- you can block that tag if you don't want to hear my personal stuff
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it does kinda feel like everything im in is dead. all the roleplays, all the games, its all kinda. just nothing. idk it just kinda feels bad
#and i know logically why most of these things are dead#but like thats not stopping my brain from being like 'ok but actually its not cause of everyone including you being busy'#'its because everyone Secretly Fucking Hates You :)' and i like 'would you stfu you stupid pile of tapioca'#but yeah i do kinda feel like ive been really annoying folks lately between like some really insane interests lately#everyone kinda falling out of the shaed interest at once leaving the group kinda>????#and like. every time a shared interest died so does the friendgroup but also like this friendgroup existed before the interest! it just#existed w/o me cause i was the added on member who kinda just kept tagging on and wouldnt fuck off#but i dont have like. any other friends atm so thats like. concerning? idk i feel really isolated lately#i wish i could contribute more to things but i just dont have the talents required most of the time and when i do i have some sort of#technical issue or time issue that prevents me from doing it#man idk i just wanna do things again but i dont wanna bother folks#and i wanna feel like im not bothering people when i focus on weird stuff cause like im deffo bothering people rn when i spam asks n shit#im deffo bothering people when im infodumping about 2b and radioactivity and tornados n shit too but like. man idk#maybe i should take a couple days maybe a week and like. kinda just do my own thing alone for a while#play some single player games n shit watch my documentary videos and not share weird facts from them
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Tbh kinda having an identity crisis rn bc ive been having random thoughts in spanish
#istg this is the first time i think smth in spanish when im not speaking spanish#or yk thinking about a conversation id had/would have in spanish#but after a week of a math summer camp in which i becsme friends with ppl all around spain#who obv dont speak catalan so i had to speak almost exclusively spanish the entire week#(luckily my roommate was catalan i would be dead by now otherwise)#but yeah after one week of speaking a lot of spanish im having like random lines in spanish thrown around which doesnt make any sense#in english it does happen sometimes my brain just rewires and starts thinking in english#but most of the time its only for fandom stuff#but istg it feels so weird to think in spanish how do ppl do it#so yeah im kinda having an identity crisis rn bc fuck spanish#mine#life#rant
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Evangelion, Danganronpa, and Utena: the holy trinity of genre deconstructions that nobody realizes are genre deconstructions, and whose fandoms produce the coldest takes imaginable.
#my and kes were talking about end of evangelion last night and its still on the brain#the point of the movie opening with THAT SCENE#is that shinj's shame from THAT is what is both motivating him and discouraging him throughout the whole film#he is both disgusted with himself and feels unworthy of doing anything except curling up in a ball and dying#but also he feels like the only way he can possibly redeem himself is by helping asuka#BUT NOBODY KNOWS THAT BECAUSE HE WAS ALONE AND ASUKA WAS IN A COMA#thats the point#he has his own stupid 14 year old stuff to worry about#and in regards to the part where misato sexually assaults him#and yeah that was the intention it wasnt supposed to be romantic thats the point#any sympathy and maternal affection misato has for shinji is trumped by her goal to save humanity#so even as she is literally dying her final action is a last ditch effort to manipulate shinji#by playing off of his own affections for her#she could have done anything but she does THAT#but main take on the movie people have is#'wow cool robots sure was weird how misato kissed him also why did it open with shinji whacking off'#nge#shiv.txt
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#ghosts rambles#rambling before i go back to do stuff#i have thought of an atsutodo scene in my brain for the fanon s4 with shinrei...........#it wont leave my brain so ill dump it here rq#shinrei asks todo if he knows anyone who could help with her financing and business department since the prev manager of it got fired#and he's like “well i do know someone *in the middle of texting atsushi ab it* i doubt he'll answer back tho” and he immediately does#and he replies “yeah i can help. what's a good day to meet up for this” and todo's like “this cant be happening........”#so they set up a date blah blaaahh day comes and they start working stuff out at the same cafe the choro incident took place at#and todo is like. internally monologuing this whole thing (he's sitting next to atsushi while shinrei is across from them if that helps)#and when todo asks shinrei if they wanna take a break to get refills she says sure and goes with him and shes like......#“ok drop the act i Know u like this guy” and it's all a mess from there#hes like “no i dont. wdym. ur crazy haha! ^-^” but he's quickly folding and its so obvious. like yeah okay#and he cant stop thinking about that possibility for the rest of the cafe date and he's like “well fuck maybe i do... but that's weird!!...#that's all i have. maybe atsushi asks him something super gay but idk. i have to go do things now baaaiiii
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