#my hypothesis is that with practice and introspection one can learn to work with their psychosis as opposed to being told its bad and scary

[nya-crow-lepsy]

Thinking about my post a little bit back about feeling susceptible to delusions and trying to purposefully induce one tbh i've been kind of experimenting with states of what I call "generalized psychosis" where i feel this kind of openness to psychotic experiences (kinda like generalized anxiety when it’s nonspecific and often ends up bouncing from worry to worry?), and try to purposefully steer it in a helpful or interesting direction to see what control I might actually have over my own mind and over what I feel are not inherently bad neurodivergencies.  Like, culture has been proven to play a part in the ways that people talk about, categorize, and deal with things like experiences labeled psychotic. And while I can’t make generalizations and say this is The Answer to all the problems being on the psychosis-spec can bring, I have seen people talk about how not seeing their hallucinations and voices as always bad and scary and tormenting them for no reason and instead listening to what they might be actually indicating (like a voice telling you bad things will happen if you leave the house being your mind’s way of expressing that you’re nervous about something outside the home like a meeting?) or trying to make peace with them or understand them.  I’ve personally had some positive hallucinations in my life. Once I even hallucinated the presence of a woman who real-time helped me when i was having a flashback.  Plus there’s always the point of like. If non-psychotics get to take drugs that induce psychosis in order to have deeply meaningful or fun experiences, why can’t I try to purposefully train my mind to experience meaningful natural psychosis? Idk this was a big long ramble but it’s food for thought from someone who feels like psychosis is a naturally occurring neurodivergent experience and can be cultivated into a gift. Or at least something that’s not entirely unpredictable and hard-to-understand and constantly stressful. Not everyone has to like it, I just think it could be easier to deal with if there was something in the way of acceptance of it.  If anyone else has experience doing this or thinks about these kinds of things or wants to talk about these kinds of things I’d be interested.

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[lcgeog2260]

Final Reflection

Throughout the semester this course has worked to build our skills in conducting qualitative research in human geography. Overall, I have noticed that my research techniques have greatly improved after incorporating what I have learned in this course.

What I Know for Certain about Human Geography

Prior to taking GEOG 2260 I had not taken any human geography courses and did not have a proper understanding of what it means to be a human geographer. Luckily, the first sentences of the textbook answered that question, stating “contemporary human geographer’s study not only tangible people and place [but also] intangible objects such as discourses, identities, and places of inscription” (Hay, 2016, pp. 1). With this understanding of human geography, and from what we have learnt throughout the course I now know for certain that human geography is subjective. Subjectivity refers to being based on or influenced by personal feelings or opinions (Hay, 2016). While subjectivity is generally a negative thing to incorporate into your research, human geography as a discipline is inherently subjective. Since it is based on qualitative data, researchers are seeking to interpret their information, which is not a concrete science and will results in a difference of opinions. Since human geography is subjective, researchers must always consider their invisible backpack to prevent bias. 

Leading to my next area of certainty, human geography requires the researcher to be critically reflective. Critical reflexivity requires the researcher to continuously be self-critical, introspective, and self-conscious of how their personal beliefs have influenced their research (Hay, 2016). This is to prevent any bias that may stem from their invisible backpack.

Lastly, human geography requires more structure within its research. This is because qualitative research methods rely on human participants, and therefore the researcher must account for ethical considerations, and structure the interviews and analysis to prevent biasing the research.

Three things I’m still confused about

First, I need to work on differentiating between the varying approaches to research. In week 2, we learnt about the basic approaches such as Empirical-analytical, Historical-hermeneutic and critical (Hookyaas, 2021). While I understand their basic definitions, I am still confused about when it is best to use each one and why.  

Second, I am still confused about the grounded theory. In lecture 9, it is said that the researcher serves as both a data collection instrument and analysis method, where the research builds theories upwards from the data (Hooykaas, 2021). I am confused about how to apply the theory, and how exactly it would differ from other top-down approaches. I understand that it requires analyzing connections between your hypothesis and the data, but to my understanding top-down approaches do that as well or do something very similar.

Similarly, I am confused about when to use each type of analysis. In week 9, we briefly discussed dialectical analysis, metaphor analysis, and fantasy theme analysis (Hooykaas, 2021). While I understand the basic definition of each of these, I am not too sure the benefits of each, and what type of research would use which analysis type. I understand that the grounded theory is the most common, and possibly the most useful form of analysis, however since we were introduced to other types of data analysis I would like to be able to better understand when each one would be the most useful.

Three things I know for certain about me as a Human Geographer

The first thing I learnt about my self as a human geographer is that I do not want to pursue a career in human geography. I originally took this course because it was required to graduate with a B.A in geography and did not have high hopes that I would be interested in the content. However, after taking the course, I feel as though I gained valuable skills that can be transferred to my other courses. Though it did make me further realize that I do not want to focus on human geography.

I also learnt what exactly my invisible backpack is. This is essentially all of the personal beliefs and opinions one brings into their research (Hookyaas, 2021). My own invisible backpack mainly consists of being a white, middle class, female. Which can either help me to identify with my research subjects, if they are also female, but can also hinder my analyses if I were to be studying a topic that has to do people of color, or anyone from the opposite gender.

Lastly, I learnt that as a human geographer my main area of interest is the connection between human interactions and the environment. In week 10 we discussed what it means to be a geographer. This discussion gave us varying points on what a geographer does, and I realized that all of the topics I was interested in we in relation to human interactions with the environment. Specifically, this includes, identifying societal drivers of environmental change, and evaluating different ways human impacts on the environment are theorized (Hooykaas, 2021).  

Areas I need to spend time developing

I want to spend more time developing my interviewing skills. For the digital storytelling project, my group conducted a short interview with a professor at the University of Guelph. However, I feel as though we did not take into consideration enough about the types of questions asked, and the order of our questions. Overall, I did get some practice with interviewing in this course, but I think I need to practice creating more interview questions.

I also want to spend more time developing a research proposal. I have never written a formal research proposal before, so this course was my first introduction to the concept. Specifically, I struggle with understanding how to create a good research question and deciding which conceptual framework I should use. This is because I often make research questions that are too broad, and have never had to formally consider conceptual frameworks in any of my research.

I need to spend more time on using different types of data analysis. My group and I used memos on the side of our shared document for the digital storytelling project, as well as the coding method described in the lecture. However, I think that I need more practice at coding because I have a very surface level understanding of when to use each coding technique. The textbook notes that there are context analysis, descriptive codes, in vivo codes, and analytic codes (Hay, 2016). However, I have only used the deductive and hierarchical method of coding discussed in the lectures. I think that learning to effectively code my sources will be very useful for my future projects, and I plan to continue this technique.

Works Cited

Hooykaas, A. (2021). Week 2, University of Guelph

Hooykaas, A. (2021). Week 9, University of Guelph

Hooykaas, A. (2021). Week 10, University of Guelph

Hay, I. (2016). Qualitative Research Methods in Human Geography: Chapter      2 (4th ed.). Oxford Univ Press.

[foruneyti]

Okay, here we go! Disclaimer: Managing a proclivity for feeling intensely is going to differ from person to person. Feeling intensely is an incredibly personal, and for me at least private, experience. I cannot possibly presume to entirely understand your particular situation, and what I say here is tailored to my own lifestyle, personality, and emotional triggers. So please feel free to dissect what I say here to hell and back, and if along the way any of it helps you then I will be glad of it.

There is a list, then a caveat, and finally a conclusion. One thing that incites high emotions in me is my “intake” levels: how much reading, watching of films/shows, enjoying of food, etcetera. I have found it is important to balance my “intake” with my “output”: writing, talking to others, exercise, chores, helping other people. If my day is full of “output” I find that sometimes intense emotional periods will neither last as long nor be so debilitating.

This relationship is so predictable I treat it much the same way I do my vitamin intake: “I have been experiencing problem X [unfocused and cranky/particularly uncontrollable emotion] lately; hmm, have I been [forgetting to take my vitamins/isolating myself]? Yes? Ah, there is the problem.”

Point 2: If I have some short-term thing I MUST do, I know that at least at this point in my life I must avoid emotional triggers that set me off. This is not a suppression tactic, just the acknowledgement that if I encounter a triggering story I will be nonfunctional for hours afterwards. “I can be nonfunctional later; RIGHT NOW, I have a research paper to write.” Global politics and climate change are two topics I can think of that should not be ignored but perhaps, at times, avoided.

Point 3: Sometimes I just have to accept that extreme emotions are worth it—honestly, not just “worth it” but INVALUABLE, for I would not be the person I am without them. Intense emotions go hand-in-hand with a vivid imagination (my hypothesis is imagination develops early on as a first-line-of-defense coping method), and nothing in this world could compel me to give up my imagination.

Point 4: Surround yourself with people who will help you when you cannot help yourself. This is NOT to say you should abandon your own responsibility to yourself. What I mean is you can take advantage of the fact that people often fail to notice when emotionally intense people are distressed. Friends and family will show up on your doorstep unawares, wanting to do things, and they will probably not realise (and thus not respect the fact) that you are in an emotional turmoil.

In this case that is actually a GOOD thing, because social pressure/presence of others will trigger all kinds of instinctive responses that force you to get outside your own head. It is different from just hiding the emotions from strangers: it is DIVERTING what is at this point a neurological habit (trigger >> high emotional response). For all the power my feelings seem to have, they tend to scoot aside when someone asks for my help, or reminds me that chores need doing, or my friend shows up at my door wanting to see if she can climb to the top of some roof somewhere and she needs a “partner in crime.” Afterwards, it is hard to get “back in the zone” of whatever emotion I was feeling.

Point 5: Have you ever read Goethe’s The Sorrows of Young Werther? I hated it. I cannot help but resonate a bit with the poor fellow’s overwhelmingly introspective and emotional response to life as a whole, but he is practically drowning in emotional constipation and that really does not work out for him in the end. I highly recommend it to any emotionally intense person as a cautionary tale.

So there you go, five big things that have helped me a great deal. I should probably also mention that I am JUST talking about intense emotion here. I am not adding in depression or any of the other things that commonly go along with people who experience intense feelings. If those things are involved, medicine, therapy, or even little things like diet changes can be very helpful.

Also, and I touched on this a bit in point three: whatever we do to manage our emotions, it CANNOT be something that just shuts them down completely. If you and I just “stopped” feeling intensely we would no longer be ourselves, and our personalities would probably grind to a halt. Furthermore, because emotionally intense people HAVE to develop their emotional intelligence to such a high level, I think feeling intensely gives people like you and I a powerful ability to mend others’ emotional pain and when needed speak to others’ innermost thoughts. For example, while your character in Foruneyti is not perfect, her sympathy for others plays a major role in her initial friendship with Loki. I think that is why many readers call her Healer; it is not just after her trade, but because of her genuine compassion and ability to heal others from the inside out. I only wish I could be so good a person.

I loved your story Foruneyti because the main character is keenly aware of how emotionally complicated life can get (e.g. her musings over Audun’s friendship) and instead of getting cynical, she just becomes more generous. Nowhere is an emotionally intense person’s power for good more evident than when she has every reason to wallow in self-absorption and self-pity, and instead she consciously decides to be more selfless and kind.

That is the takeaway message here: that we actually have so much power when it comes to feeling intensely. In the moment of an episode, yes, definitely, we are out-of-control. But we are beings capable of rational thinking as well as high feeling, and it is possible to regularly experience things intensely in a way that compels us rather than cripples us. Getting there requires clever thinking, a boatload of self-awareness, and some clear goals, and probably neither you nor I will ever master it perfectly, but that the relationship between EVERY human being and his/her particular quirks! And I know, I really do know, how awful a struggle it can be. But how awful and wrong would it be to shut ourselves away from life just because we do not like how it makes us feel? Much better to get out there, and make mistakes, and maybe do some good, than to do nothing at all.

And if Foruneyti gets finished along the way, I will be thrilled (and probably emotionally overwhelmed for a while, too…). If it does not, I will be equally happy if my words here were helpful to you in anyway. Thank you for letting me share; I wish you the very best of luck!

Here is a real-life example: when I was in university, my “intake” was very, very high. I sat in classes all week, taking in lectures on everything from the Uncertainty Principle to alliteration in Beowulf. I had loads of reading on the weekends. It was fantastic and sad and beautiful and incredible. By evening I could be so wired that doing homework was impossible. I would just pace and pace, or walk out to the nearby park and scream lines of Shakespeare at the sky, or at worst lay paralysed on my bed. I lost hours of sleep. As school went on, I learned to offset this issue by exercising (running and strength training) in the morning or afternoon, and taking time throughout the day to “output” something: have a good long conversation with someone, do something I had never done before (often exploring around the grounds), or spend some time writing. I would still feel the intense emotions, but they would not last so long.

As a bonus, I would probably have created some good memories or learned something interesting! For me, personally, it also helped to find a specific focus for the day: if I had a goal to accomplish, it was sometimes easier to set aside my feelings to get it done. So sometimes my “intake” can be so emotionally overwhelming that the only cure is to increase my “output”; sometimes, the only “output” that works is to do something that specifically addresses the thing I am feeling; sometimes I feel emotionally stuck because someone I know is in trouble and I feel like I cannot do anything: in that case, I had better well get CREATIVE or else I will be indefinitely nonfunctional.

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Thank you so, so much for putting so much time and effort into writing all of this!! I am beyond grateful. I will reply to all of it in a reblog so others can read this original post without my particular experience and opinion.