#my life is so lonely and boring im living through like the few shots of bolvar and Khadgar moments atm

[wp100]

why is his side profile so good

[eldritch-spouse]

Living Meat Anon here! ah Pinnie that wasn't gross at all! Id honestly love to smash the mimic! He wants to blend in so bad maybe he should learn more about what humans do for *fun*, cue his curious little human roommate teaching him about various sexual positions and kinks, which he insists will help him in the process of attacking his lunch when they're at their most vulnerable, which ofc he'd never actually do cuz these acts are reserved for him and his roommate (tho he'd never tell them) (1)

I also like the idea of him having no concept of space or boundaries. No you cant follow me into the bathroom! No you cant watch me shower! Do you even need to- wtf why are half of my clothes missing!? Sometimes having to be dominate, or keep him on a leash so to speak (oop- is that me projecting my tastes??) The closet scene with the regular mimic in the vid i shared tho did have me sweating haha...I could only imagine how his hypothetical heat would be like! Scary stuff...but still so fun! I also love the Host! I imagine him to be a touchy slut you have to be cautious about cause he has the potential to kill you if youre not careful or get him upset. I could see a human making a deal w/ a host in return for their life where theyd agree to bring him some humans he can infect w/ his spores or eat. Considering there are only a few hosts in the world, i can see him curious enough to try mating with his human accomplice to continue his bloodline even if theres a 0 chance itll work. Im surprised you didn't comment on the monoliths tho! Id smash them too, even tho we don't know much about them yet and they don't really move. They're tall asf and I'd worship the ground they stand on! Side note, I'd keep a Trimming as a pet, they're so ugly it's cute XD Anyways, sorry for the word vomit I just got excited to share my thoughts on this with someone! I haven't gone through everything myself either but ive been enjoying things so far! Love ya! - Living Meat Anon, Monsterfucker

I have to agree on the closet scene, that was fucking beautiful, I'm a sucker for chase scenes. And though it saddens me that we don't get to see clearer shots of them, I understand it's a production choice.

I don't know if you're going to have a lot of luck with leashes, or maybe you will, I bet it mostly depends on their temper.

I also like to think, although this has no scientific basis, that the mimics may enter a heat after they transform into an elder mimic (or the alternative route)- Because that might be their peak physical form, aka the state in which they're likely to attract more mates. And if there aren't any other mimics around, then chances might be high that the elder will snatch his little human up, given there's a lot of visual and behavioral compatibility. It's a good concept, in my eyes.

With all those roots, I have to agree that the Host is probably a touchy one. But you can make this scenario a whole lot more horrifying if you consider how clingy these beings may be. Putting hunting practices aside, I can imagine Hosts get lonely. Bored. And they wouldn't want their pretty human away for too long, right? Because what are you up to then? Moving expends quite a bit of energy, so why won't you just stay still next to him and be good? There's definitely always the threat of spores, which they'll probably use to keep their little bait-human compliant.

I didn't mention the monoliths, not from lack of interest, but mostly because we have so little to work with. Plus, they kind of look like stick men with very undefined bodies. I'm not shitting on the author/artist, they're talented, I just don't have a clear idea of what to do with monoliths yet. Imagine one of them was just ripped, like shredded. Lmao.

Trimmings remind me of hairless cats, I would also like to keep one. You could probably train one to alert you to the presence of mimics or other, more nefarious types of carnis. Plus, they're not that hard to feed. Good pets!

[bittywitches]

All Yours (Grayson Dolan Fanfic)

A/N: I’m so sorry I can’t really tell what this is anymore I just. Needed to finish it. This is absolutely way too long and prolly bad but here you go :)

Basically it’s just Grayson getting super duper jealous and paranoid of how close his girlfriend and Ethan are 

Hope everyone’s doing well. Love you guys <3

Word Count: 4.6K

“E you’re literally kidding me right now.”

“Bro it’s literally true you’ve been here the entire time you have EVIDENCE!”

“OH MY GOD ETHAN your life was not going to shit because of mercury being in retrograde! That makes no fucking sense!”

“HOW can you say that-“

“Do you know what retrograde even IS?”

“Y/N y-“

“Shut the fuck up im trying to educate you. ‘Mercury being in rEtRoGrAdE’ is just us seeing mercury’s orbit from EARTH-“

“Dude-“

“LISTEN YOU DUMBASS it’s SCIENCE we’re just OBSERVING another orbit while we are ALSO orbiting around the SAME THING-“

“BRO I-“

“Grayson tell him he’s a fucking idiot!”

“HOE he’s literally the one who found the store to buy us those stones!”

She whipped her head around in shock with a slight undertone of disgust. “GRAYSON!”

Grayson looked up from his phone. “Do not drag me into this.”

“Grayson you fucking dUMBASS-“

“Baby-“

“PLEASE tell me it was a joke. You were just committing to the joke.”

He went back to his phone.

“GRAYSON PLEASE-“

“Y/N THERE’S NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR HOW SHITTY THIS WEEK HAS BEEN-“ Ethan exclaimed.

“Oh I’m gonna-“ she jumped off the couch and lunged towards him, ready to pounce, but Grayson grabbed her waist to hold her back. 

“Honey you have got to chill.”

“It is not my fault that Ethan can’t understand BASIC TENTH GRADE SCIENCE-“

“JOKE’S ON YOU I NEVER WENT TO TENTH GRADE-“

“You FUCKER-“

“BABE CALM THE FUCK DOWN!” He yanked her back, and she fell back on top of his chest.

“Can’t you open your mind for one second Y/N-“ 

“E stop instigating her!” He said, trying to keep a growling Y/N locked in his arms.

“It’s a COINCIDENCE! It’s a  scientific phenomenon that happens with lots of satellites in space but has no relation to Earth or us whatsoever and has NOTHING TO DO with your SHITTY WEEK ETHAN! You are just incredibly unlucky!”

“Okay babe you’re actually scaring me maybe turn the rage down a bit?” Gray asked, trying for a soothing tone.

“And you on the other hand! Are you stupid? Are you literally stupid Grayson-“

“BABY-“

She bent down and bit on his arm and he yelped , letting go more out of surprise than in pain.

“Y/N WHAT THE FUCK?” He rubbed his arm and pouted at her.

“Everyone who lives here is a FUCKING IDIOT!” She yelled, storming out of living room and into the kitchen.

A few seconds pass.

...

“You’re not really mad though, right?” Ethan said quietly after clearing his throat.

Y/N walked back into the living room, now holding a bag of potato chips. “Nah, I’m just bored and wanted to argue.”

She plopped herself onto the couch next to Ethan and smiled at him, and he rolled his eyes, but it got a laugh out of Grayson.

“So we cool?” Ethan eyed her warily. 

“Of course,” she laughed, then pecked him on the cheek. “I just thrive on dysfunction.” She popped a chip into her mouth.

“Yea she’s right about that..” Gray mumbled from his seat, still staring at his phone.

“Shut up, asshole.”

“Bitchass.”

She laughed. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“So you do think our shitty week was because of mercury being in retrograde.”

Her laughter stopped when she turned around to look at Ethan. She blinked. “You’re kidding, right?”

“What? You just said-“

“Yea because I thought you were joking-“

“What? I wasn’t-“

“Oh my god don’t get me started-“

“LETS JUST WATCH THE MOVIE!” Grayson shouted, throwing his phone onto the counter.

Y/N snorted. “Jeez, Gray, it’s like you want us to stop fighting.”

“Yea, no doubt this is definitely turning you on right now.” Ethan wiggled his eyebrows, and Y/N spat from laughing so hard as she doubled over.

“EW what the F-” Gray screamed.

“It’s okay, you can be honest with us. It’s not your fault you’re into weird shit.” Y/N howled from laughter.

Grayson rolled his eyes. “Of course you two only stop fighting if it’s to make fun of me. I see how it is-“

“Bubba stop wallowing and start the movie!” Y/N threw a pillow at him, and it landed smack in his face.

“Nice shot.” Ethan remarked.

“Thank you, good sir.” She gave him a high five.

“God, this is one of those times I wish you guys weren’t friends first.” Grayson groaned, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on.

“Hey man, the one time I make a friend on my own and she ends up being your girlfriend. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, dude-“

“Don’t start with this shit again, E-“

“I mean I basically got you your girlfriend, you technically owe me bro-“

“Shut the fuck up E!”

“Excuse me,” Y/N interjected, shoving Ethan’s shoulder. “You didn’t do shit, okay? I honestly probably just got unlucky and ended up meeting you first instead of Grayson.” She smirked.

“Wow, okay, first of all, fuck you-“

“I'M PUTTING THE MOVIE ON!” Grayson shouted.

“Damn, baby, what’s got you in a bad mood today?” Y/N giggled, and Ethan snickered along with her. They constantly got into tiny fights about nothing just for fun, and it was what made their friendship so interesting. But they knew when to stop fooling around, and it seemed like now was one of those times.

Gray sighed. “Nothinggg, I’m just tired.” It wasn’t nothing, but he was tired. He kicked his feet up into the sofa and leaned back against the pillow. Ethan has already draped the big fuzzy blanket over him and Y/N.

“Baby..” Grayson whined. “Come over here. I wanna cuddle.” 

“But it’s so faaar..” Y/N groaned. “And I’m already so cozy.” She smiled at him sweetly.

Grayson couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy from the look she gave him, but he was still disappointed. He slumped his shoulders and turned back towards the screen.  “Whatever..”

“Aww, Baby, don’t be like that, then you’ll make me feel bad.”

“Jesus you guys are adorably disgusting.” Ethan cringed at you both, and Grayson groaned.

“Why, thank you, kind sir.” Y/N said, grabbing the blanket away from Ethan then scurrying over to Graysons sofa, making his eyes light up.

“Hey! I was using that.” Ethan grumbled.

“Sorry, it’s needed for cuddles which is more important than your lonely ass.”

“Why are you so mean to me?”

“Because you always forgive me right afterwards.” She gave him a cheeky grin, and he scoffed at her.

She turned to Grayson. “Okay, scooch over, you attention whore.” 

“Hey-“

“I looove you.” 

Grayson rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky I love you too.” He shimmied over, letting Y/N crawl over him so she could nestle up close into his chest. Grayson then threw the blanket over both of them. She laid her head in the crook of his neck, and pressed a kiss there.

“You’re not mad, right?”

He looked down at her, wary. A little, he thought. “No.. why?”

“Dunno..” she shrugged. “Just feels like you are.”

“Well, I’m not.” He said, not with much enthusiasm. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Would you two stop whispering and start the movie already?” Ethan said, putting his feet up onto the counter. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Gray reaches for the remote, and started the movie.

...

“There’s no way!”

Grayson groaned, finally waking up to the sound of chattering voices and giggling.

“He’d never do that.” He heard Y/N’s voice say. 

He grumbled, rubbing his eyes, but then noticed that he couldn’t feel the weight of Y/N on top of him. He cracked his eyes open and found her missing from his arms. He then turned to find her sitting back over on the couch, next to Ethan.

“You don’t give him enough credit.” Ethan said, grinning. 

“I’m not saying I blame him! It makes sense that he wouldn’t.”

He couldn’t explain it, but Grayson felt some sort of anger bubbling in his chest. Why did it seem like every moment he got with Y/N was being stolen? Was he no longer able to just fall asleep with his girlfriend in his arms? Did Ethan always have to be the one he saw instead?

“What’re you two girls giggling about?” He growled, throwing the blanket off of him as he sat up.

“Look who finally decided to wake up.” Y/N said, turning away from E to face him.

Grayson sighed. He couldn’t beat around the bush anymore, so he asked the obvious question. “Whatre you doing over there, baby?”

“Well, you fell asleep halfway through the movie. And you just looked so cute... I didn’t wanna wake you up.” She smiled at him, that familiar twinkle in her eye.

Gray tilted his head at her, unsure what to make of it. How did she always end up doing something sweet so he couldn’t stay mad at her?

“What are you guys talking about?” He asked again.

“Y/N was just telling me about this sex position you won’t try.” He snorted.

Grayson closed his eyes. “Please, dear god, tell me he’s joking.” He opened them again and looked at her.

She laughed, getting up and seating herself down next to him. “He’s joking, bub.” She gave him a side glance. “We were actually just talking about whether or not you’d give up your work for me.”

Grayson blinked, then turned to Ethan. “Are you trying to make me lose my girlfriend?” 

He laughed. “No, we were just talking about the podcast and stuff, and she said how she’s never seen you as happy as you are doing that kind of stuff with anything else. To which I said, you’d give it all up in a second for her.”

“Okay I’m not confirming or denying anything-“ Grayson pressed a hand to Y/N’s cheek, “-I love you,-“ he added, getting a smile from her, “but I don’t feel like you’re in a position where you can make that kind of comment while I am unconscious and unable to defend myself.” He directed back at Ethan.

“Baby, relax.” Y/N took his hand from her cheek and pressed a kiss against his palm. “We were just talking. I just said that there’s no way you’d just give up on all of this. On everything. And that makes SENSE.” She said to Ethan. “No relationship should demand that you give up anything that important to you.”

“Right but I’m just saying-“

“Ethan maybe just shut up.” Gray interjected. “Just a little. Just shut up.”

Y/N laughed again. She cupped Grayson’s cheeks, turning his face towards hers, and pressed a quick kiss against his lips. “Sorry, Baby. Didn’t mean to make you all flustered right after you woke up.” She giggled.

Grayson sighed, but smiled. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re worth all this embarrassment.”

“No, you don’t.” 

“Yea, you’re right. I don’t.” He grinned.

“Okay, it’s getting too cute again. I’m going to bed before I puke.” Ethan got up, making a gagging gesture with his finger. “Gnight.”

“Night, E.” Y/N said, laughing as he walked out of the room.

“God, I thought he’d never leave.” Grayson pulled Y/N into his arms and kissed her face all over.

She giggled, pushing his face away. “What are you talking about? You literally just woke up.”

“And I was expecting to wake up to my girlfriends pretty face, not his nasty one.” He snuggled his nose into her cheek as she rolled her eyes.

“What’re you talking about.” 

“I’m just saying that I don’t mind it when he’s not here to steal you away.”

“Steal me?” She finally got his face off of her and she looked at him, crossing her arms. “the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He gave her a mixture of a sigh and a laugh. “Nothing, babe.”

“Grayson.”

“Yes, Baby.” He pushed her hair back behind her shoulders.

She swatted his hands away. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged. “I’m just saying that when I fall asleep with my girlfriend in my arms, it isn’t the best feeling waking up to see her giggling with my brother.”

She sat up abruptly, almost knocking him in the face in the process. “What?”

“Nothingggg, never mind.”

“Grayson-“

“I love you,” he said. 

“Ok we can’t keep saying that to avoid stuff!” She jabbed at him.

“I’m not avoiding anything, baby girl.” He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

Y/N hesitated. “Bub...”

“Mmm.” He bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips. She held him there, as if she was testing him for something. But she couldn’t seem to figure out what. 

They broke apart, and Grayson sighed against her lips.

“I hate that E had to meet you first.”

“Why?” She pulled away just enough to see his eyes.

“Because-“ he stopped, and breathed out. “Because I didn’t get to have you for as long as I could have.” He decided to say that instead, while pressing his forehead against hers.

“You have me now.” She said.

He smiled. “Yea...” he pulled back from her, a wistful sort of look in his eye.

Do I, though? He thought.

Grayson shook his head, then laid back on the couch, putting his arms back behind his head as he breathed out. He felt Y/N weigh down on his chest, propping herself up on her elbows as she looked down at him. She stayed like that for a while, watching him breathe and stare at the ceiling. He wanted to know what was running through her head, but he kept his eyes closed, knowing that if he did look at her he’d feel jealous all over again.

He hated the very idea of him being jealous in the first place. It was icky and weird, and quite frankly disgusting. What was he supposed to be jealous of?

Ethan.

He pushed that thought way, just thinking about it making him queasy. What the fuck was he thinking? How could he be jealous of Ethan when Y/N was his girlfriend? Sure, they were friends first, and yes that pissed him off to no end, but that’s all it was. They were just friends.

Right?

No.

Grayson brought his hands up to his eyes, somehow trying to rub the thoughts out of his head. He let out a loud sigh. 

Why did she have to be like this? It’s not like he had a problem with her being close with Ethan. He loved that, and he always wanted his partner to have a good relationship with his brother. Ethan was super important to him, and he wanted both his love and his brother to be in his life. And that’s what he got, so he should be lucky right? He should be happy at the thought that the three of them could just hang out and things wouldn’t be weird.

Yes it would.

No it wouldn’t.

They spend too much time together.

No they don’t.

She probably wants to be with him instea-

“Woah- okay.” Grayson mumbled, opening his eyes fast to pull himself out of his spiral. That went too far way too fast. He peered up at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on the blank white colour and clear his thoughts.

He felt Y/N shift on his chest, probably in response to his small outburst, and he prayed that she wouldn’t say anything. He waited a second.

Two.

Three.

She didn’t make a sound, aside from her soft breath. He relaxed.

This is Y/N. his girlfriend. The girl he loved, and the girl he was quite sure loved him the same way. Nobody else. Just him.

You sure?

“Fuck!”

“Baby, are you okay?” She finally said now, pushing herself up off of his chest gently to look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Yea, princess. I’m fine. Just.. a headache.”

She titled her head at him, a worried look in her eye. “You sure?”

You sure?

“YES!” He said a little too loudly, making her jump a little. “Yes, I’m sure.”

She peered at him with a look of unease, but she dropped it. He seemed tired, and she didn’t want to push him. However, she could tell there was something running through his mind, and it was bothering him.

His face looked pale for the first time, and it freaked her out. His eyebrows were all furrowed, and he just felt dark and unsettling.

“What’re you thinking about, bub?” She finally said, unable to keep wondering.

Grayson coughed. What was he to say? 

“...You.” He finally decided with, trying for a playful smile, but his eyes still seemed tired. Uneasy.

“Is that so?” She laid down, bringing her arms down flat on his chest and resting her chin above them. “What about me?”

“Just you.” He brought a hand up to brush a hair out of her face, and this time she let him. “Your pretty face.”

Just for me.

“Right.”

“And your sparkling eyes.”

For no one else.

“Mhm.”

“And your stupid little smile that literally makes me want to squeal like a little school girl.” He said now, a little frustrated, but making him realize once more that this was still Y/N. the girl he had fallen for, and loved with everything he had.

“Aw, I make you squeal like a little girl?”

“Constantly.”

“That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Shut up.”

They both breathed out, their anxious sighs mingling with one another. 

Grayson felt Y/N drag her finger across his chest, stopping abruptly right before touching his hand.

She knows.

Knows what?

Knows that you don’t trust her.

He took her hand in his, grabbing it tightly and pressing it against his chest.  

I do trust you.

I do.

It was like he could feel her smiling against his chest, and suddenly he relaxed once more. He rubbed her palm with his thumb, glad he could find something to focus on. It was as if she felt the same way, because he felt her place her head down against his chest. He closed his eyes once more, lining his breath up with her soft breath. His other hand found its way to her lower back, now gently rubbing up and down, the way he did whenever she couldn’t fall asleep.

Just fall asleep.

...

“Shit.”

Grayson stirred from his sleep, awoken by the sound of Y/N’s quiet voice. 

“Mmmbaby, s’that y-?” He went to sleepily grab Y/N’s waist, but sort of shook himself awake when his arms landed flat against his waist. 

He wanted to yell. “God, again with this shit?” He grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Her voice made him pull his arms away, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He finally recognized his girlfriend’s shape standing next to the sofa. He then saw the spilled water at her feet.

“What are you...” he glanced back up at her, and she ran a hand through her hair.

“I got thirsty. Didn’t wanna wake you...” She sighed. “But I couldn’t see in the dark, and I knocked into the stupid coffee table and spilled it all.” She rubbed her eye with the back of her palm and pouted.

Grayson reached for his phone, picking it up and squinting as the bright light shone in his face. 

It was 2am. 

He turned the flashlight on his phone on so he could see where the water had spilled. Thankfully, none had gotten on the carpet. He placed the phone down and sighed. “My clumsy baby.” He got up off the couch and carefully walked over to her, stepping over the puddle of water. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. “Okay, I’ll get the mop. Go to bed.”

She smiled. “Love you.”

...

About fifteen minutes later, Grayson quietly shut the door to his bedroom, and saw his girlfriend sitting up in his bed, her head laying against the backboard, and a pretty light shining over her face from the table lamp. Her eyes seemed a little glazed, as if she was about to drift off, but smiled and sat up when she saw him enter the room.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Grayson asked, getting into bed next to her.

She shrugged. “Didn’t wanna fall asleep without you.”

She laid her head on his shoulder, and sighed. “I know we kinda say it all the time, so it’s kinda almost lost meaning at this point, but…” she tilted her head to look up at him. “I really do love you.”

Her hand rustled under the blanket to find his, and their fingers intertwined. “A lot.” 

Grayson’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothin’.” She said, reaching up to kiss his cheek. 

“Well, whatever it is, I like it.”

Grayson pushed her back down onto her pillow and kissed her while she giggled against his lips. 

She pushed him back by his shoulders, giving him a funny look. “I’m just trying to show my appreciation for you.”

“So am I.” He pressed a kiss to her lips again, and this time she didn’t stop him, her hands finding their usual place at his jaw and neck. 

When they pulled apart, she kept his head in place, pressing their noses together. “You’re amazing.”

“You’re weird when you’re tired.”

She pecked his lips. “It’s strange that you use the word ‘weird’ instead of ‘affectionate’.”

She let go of him, letting her arms fall on top of the blanket. She stretched, and let out a yawn. She pushed him down onto the mattress, and laid her head in the crook of his neck, her arm against his chest.

Grayson leaned back, just watching the view in front of him. His wonderful girlfriend, falling asleep next to him, in his bed. Hearing her breathing as she drifted off to sleep, her chest slowly rising and falling as she began to dream. It was everything he wanted. 

Then why was there that nagging voice still in the back of his head?

This isn’t real.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

She’s faking it. 

What?

All of it.

What is wrong with you?

She’s pretending.

No she’s not.

She is.

She’s not.

She is.

She loves me!

You sure?

…

I have to be sure.

“Y/N…”

“Mmm?”

“Tell me the story of how you met Ethan.”

She looked up at him with a weird look. “Why?”

“Just ‘cause.”

“..babe?”

“I just wanna hear it.”

“But you already know that story.”

“I know..” He stroked her hair. “I just wanna hear it again.”

“Baby what is going on with you?” She pushed herself up off of his chest to look at him, sitting up now.

“Okay, fine. Just tell me what you really thought when you saw him for the first time.”

“What?”

“Were you really just trying to be friends with him?”

“Bub-” 

“Or did you want something else?”

“Grayson!” she shoved at his chest. “What is wrong with you?”

“Baby please.” He grabbed her arm. “Did you want him, ever?”

She flung his arm off of her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Just tell me!” He yelled, impatient and worried.

She blinked at him in astonishment. “Okay, so what if I did, huh?”

His heart sank. “Don’t play games with me, Y/N.”

“So WHAT if I DID, GRAYSON?” she was shouting now too, no longer caring about keeping her voice down so not to wake Ethan. 

“Don’t fucking say that.”

“Why would that even matter? I’m not with him, am I? I’m with YOU!”

“Y/N-”

“Grayson, please....” She put her face in her hands. Rubbing her eyes with her palms. “What is wrong? Do you have a problem with me?”

“What? No! I-”

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you acting like a jealous freak? Do you not trust me? Do you not believe me when I pour my heart out to you? When I say that I love you?”

“I’m not jealous-”

“Yes you are!” She threw her hands up in the air. “I’ve never said anything about it, because I didn’t want to. It’s weird, Gray. And especially today! What do you have to be jealous of? Do you not want me to be friends with Ethan? Is that it?”

“No…” His fingers raked through his hair. “No.”

“Then what, Gray? What is it that you want from me?”

She paused. 

“Do you not want me?”

His eyes widened. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He wrapped his arms around her aggressively, burying his nose into her shoulder. “You are all I’ve ever wanted.”

She sighed. “Bub…” she gently pushed herself away from his so she could look him in the eye. “No. I’ve never had feelings for Ethan. He’s my friend. My really, good friend that I care a lot about. But I don’t feel anything towards him like what I feel towards you.”

He gave her an exasperated sigh. “Then what did you really think of Ethan the first time you met him?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary! I just thought he was a nice person that I’d like to hang out with.”

Grayson gave her a weary look. 

“Babe, I don’t understand. You say that you trust me, but if you did why would you act like this?”

“I don’t know, Y/N! It’s not like I want to! It’s just- you guys are so close. And I’ve just never seen Ethan be that close to someone other than me, and, I don’t know, okay? It just. It just freaks me out.”

Y/N cupped his jaw. “Grayson.”

“Yea?”

“You know what I thought the first time I met you?”

“...what?”

“Wow. I didn’t know it was possible for someone to have a twin significantly more attractive than they are.”

Grayson blinked, but then almost spit all over her, doubling over in laughter, completely forgetting about the seriousness of the situation. Y/N couldn’t help but giggle as well, glad to see him smile.

“Shut up.” He said after controlling his laughing. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m dead serious.” She chuckled. “My hands were all sweaty the entire time, and you know how I kept completely falling off the track while we were playing mario kart?

“Mhm?”

“That’s cuz I was staring at your reflection in the tv screen.”

“Shut UP!”

“I swear to god I’m serious!” she laughed. “And after I gave up to let you guys play and I was just on my phone, I was actually imagining us making out.”

He grabbed her face and kissed her, surprising her, but she relaxed in his arms. When he pulled away, he said: “You are so good at lying to make me feel better.” 

“I’m not lying!”

“Mhm.” He kissed her again, wrapping one arm around her waist while the other held her neck firmly. She moaned against his lips, holding his face in both hands. When they pulled away, they were out of breath.

“Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little bit.” She smiled. “But the point is, I love you. Nobody else.”

Grayson sighed. “I love you.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

“Hey.”

“What? You should.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. You’re right.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been a huge dick.”

“You sure have.”

Then her nose. “I was an idiot to be jealous.”

“Mhm.”

And then a peck on her lips. “I love you. So much.”

She grinned. “I love you too.”

“Promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“You’ll always be mine?” he asked, his lips grazing against hers.

She smiled at him. “I’m all yours.” she said, then connected their lips once more.

[undinoble]

Crazy long text ahead i warn you, just explaining some process I went through while drawing this Frank and Julie low light dying thingie, probably gonna drop some wips along the way, you may want to see… idk, dealer’s choice

!TRIGGER WARNING! Violence, death, suicide. Proceed with caution.

Well where do we begin? The inspiration maybe?

Exploring the magical world of Spotify when a band came in, one of the first songs (if not the first one) of theirs I heard was Partners in Crime by Set It Off, you know, love at first sight, love for their voices, their music style, aaand the lyrics, OH BOI the lyrics, check it out:

“You’ll never takes us alive We swore that death will do us part They’ll call our crimes a work of art You’ll never takes us alive We’ll live like spoiled royalty, lovers and partners”

Dunno, for two passionate juvenil delinquents that just wants trouble this line really fits to me, the dreamy couple feels invencible.

“Everybody freeze Nobody move Put the money in the bag Or we will shoot Empty out the vault And me and my doll will be on our way”

It’s actually interesting to think of the Legion robbing a bank, it’s not like troublesome teens didn’t do that in movies c’mon, it’s a small city, they wear masks, ez!

“Our paper faces flood the streets And if the heat comes close enough to burn Then we’ll play with fire ‘cause

You’ll never takes us alive”

THIS. This is so a Legion thing to say. Can you imagine their masks all around the streets as a warning like “HEY, WE ARE HERE, FEAR US” I love this

“Here we find our omnipotent outlaws Fall behind the grind tonight Left unaware that the lone store owner Won’t go down without a fight Where we gonna go He’s got us pinned Baby I’m a little scared Now, don’t you quit He’s sounded the alarm I hear the sirens closing in”

The second big moment, the adrenaline along with the instrumental is crazy for real

“The skies are black with lead-filled rain A morbid painting on display This is the night the young love died Buried at each others side”

THIS. (again) is the main theme of the drawing, it’s where the inspiration flood over me, the scene was clear in my mind, c’mon if you read till here there’s absolutely no reason not to listen to the song you won’t regret im not even getting payed to show it off

ACTUALLY FORGET IT- i just won a sub on Cody Carson’s stream WHAT IS LIFE??????? Thanks Max!!!

I totally didn’t draw this while listening to the music when i should be working what are you talking about??

Hold the sketch, focus on the gun. It’s dope aint it?

Anyways, here goes the lore, along with the music lyrics I filled up the gaps, well, Suz and Joey are not around, maybe doing school stuff Julie didn’t feel like doing so she decides to hang out with Frank in the meanwhile, they’re on the lodge, bored, upset about the world cause it’s what teens do in their free time, listening to one of their mixtapes, probably Frank’s, the more hardcore one when the idea hit: what if they try some good mischief? “There’s a small banks a mile from here, want some adrenaline babe?” And oh of course she does, grab your mask, here we go

Sorry, not a big legs-drawing fan…

They grab their knives, put on the masks, get ready, drive to the bank. I didnt really think this part through, the song says it all. Long story short - they rob the bank, the police arrives, the action begins.

They brought their knives, didn’t expect the cops to show up with guns, damn they didnt even know little Ormond cops had actual guns. After long minutes of hiding on the bank safe the couple decides to fight their way out, they would be more useful alive than dead so laws could apply, but that went out of question once Frank stabbed the first bank employee on his triumphal way out, the police don’t think twice before shooting to protect the citizens inside.

Frank and Julie have too little time to react, the stress and anxiety kicks in, they go feral, crazy cinematic bullet avoids, for a moment it’s possible to get away. It all happened too quick, but in Julie’s vision it went slow motion. She just saw a cop leaning behind a car, aiming directly at Frank, even her fastest reaction wasn’t fast enough to stop the trigger from popping. With tears in her eyes she watches as the bullet hits her boyfriend right in the chest. 

She snaps. One target in mind, she sprints to the cop and stabs him over and over until she’s sure he won’t see the sun set ever again. She takes his gun and rushes towards Frank who is kneeling against a taxi holding his torax, she screams that they must go to the hospital immediately but he refuses, hospital would be just a quick stop on his way to jail. No fucking way. 

He demands to go back to the lodge, the cops are too busy helping their wounded partner to look for them, they think Frank may be dropped dead somewhere on the street after multiple shots, the two of them must flee before the cops realize the mistake and go hunting for them. NOW.

Julie side-carries Frank back to their car, the lack of a license of her own won’t stop her from driving as fast as the car can. Breathing heavily while constantly telling Frank to hold on, they will find a way out, they must do. Oh what a fucking stupid idea holy SHIT. 

The travel takes half the time it usually does and still feels like hours. The car gets all red with Frank’s blood that keeps leaking. Once they arrive, Frank wants to go upstair, Julie shouts at him to keep next the central campfire once he should grab some heat (and for god’s sake why is he still carrying the money bag they stole????), anyway he gets the last word and they climb the stairs up and lay on the bed, Frank hisses from the pain but also sighs in relief for the soft spot under him, ignoring Julie cursing besides him, saying she can still call an ambulance, she doesnt want to lose him, Suz and Joey will be devastated, although he just replies with the phrase they were saying sooner that day “They’ll never take us alive”.

After 20 minutes of agony, low whispers of memories of how they met, what they had been through together and a huge amount of blood moisturing the covers, Frank says he’s feeling light-headed, Julie looks at him and he’s paper white, the blood loss is finally getting to him, she wants to cry, scream, curse and stab that damn cop a hundred times again, but all she does is cuddle her head harder against his shoulder and tell him she loves him, that she will keep his legacy alive, with Joey and Susie, she will revenge him. He chuckles and slowly feels the life being drained from his weaked body until everything goes black.

Julie need a few seconds to process. Frank died. For real. He was good a few hours ago, he was right. They would never take them alive. Death could do them apart, but, he never said for how long they would be apart.

She reaches for the gun on the hand under Frank’s body. THAT DAMN GUN. She aims it to the side of her head, never leaving Frank’s side on the bed. Triggers it.

“Partners in crime”

Damn did I just write a fucking fanfiction? This shit is way longer than I expected, did anybody even get down here?

Well, this is the part of the drawing where i left cause I just couldn’t afford to work on it, have in mind everytime the file were opened the whole lore came in my head, and fuck did i feel dizzy writing it all down. Hell the bloody details get me, seeing Frank so white with a blue undertone simulating the lifeless body gave me headaches fr. My escape was drawing other things until the courage to finish it came back. It was easier because the story kinda faded away from my mind, the drawing became “lighter” to deal with.

Well, guess that’s it. I hardly have this big insight while drawing, to visualize the finished piece on my brain and it’s just so fucking cool, making art with so many mixed feelings along, and overall pride, cause i feel so proud with the result you have no idea. It isn’t perfect tho, but i like it anyway. So, thank you so much if you made it all the way here. gonna sleep now for fucks sake im gonna pass out bye

[darkshadow90]

Arthur Fleck x reader: Reader has ADD/ADHD

Summary: You have ADD. You joke about it and try to make the best of it, but in reality, it’s not at all easy to live with. You have a rough day at work. You vent to Arthur how hard it is to have this condition and just wish that people could understand. He’s there to comfort you.

A/N: Hey guys. This isn’t a request. I had this idea for a little while but I hate writing for self indulgence. I wanted to give this a shot and see what you think. I have ADD and it can be a fucking nightmare to live with. A lot of times people joke and try to see the humor in it. I understand. It’s a way to cope with it and get through it. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I also think because so many people try to put a lighthearted spin on it, it causes other people to not take it as seriously as they should or even dismiss it as a real condition. I can tell you it is very much a real condition and it’s something I struggle with everyday. It’s not fun. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have it. I hate that I have trouble doing the simplest things. I hate how I struggle through so much. I wish there was a cure. ADD is not a super power, it doesn’t make me a genius. Thank science for medication. I’d be so lost without it. I’m sure those of you who have it can relate. Anyway, I hope you like this 🙂

Your entire life you struggled with ADD. It wasn’t easy to live with. Sometimes you felt like people didn’t understand what it was really like to have it. They’d say things like “Everyone has attention issues and trouble doing boring things. You just gotta buckle down and do it.” Or “One day, you won’t need that medication. You’re smart enough to do things on your own.” Those are just a few things people had said to you throughout your life. They just didn’t understand and you wish they did. You were on medication and it seemed to help a lot, but it wasn’t always easy to get because it’s a controlled substance. Thankfully you finally had insurance that covered it. Living in Gotham sucked but being with Arthur helped make it a little better.

While you didn’t have mental illness like Arthur did, you were able to empathize with him. You two had similar frustrations in dealing with people and the medical system that was dismissive of the two of you and didn’t understand your conditions. You both needed medication to help you manage your symptoms.  They weren’t a magic fix or a cure. You still had symptoms but the medication made them easier to deal with.  It really helped to have those similarities because it felt lonely to feel like no one else would understand. Arthur had been there to help you stay organized, so things wouldn’t create clutter you could keep track of things easier. You were grateful  Arthur was such a neat freak and liked keeping the house clean. Sometimes you left dishes lying around, or left your keys lying on the table instead of hanging them on the key ring near the door. It wasn’t because you were lazy, you were forgetful. You expected Arthur to give you the “how many times have I told you/do I have to remind you” talk, but it never came. His patience was a blessing.

One day while you were at work, you thought things were going great. You were getting the things done that you needed to do. That was, until your boss told you you seemed slower at completing things than usual. She wasn’t harsh about it, she was just pointing it out to you. She told you to go home and get some rest. You felt like a truck hit you. You were having a hard time staying motivated with everything that was going on in your head, but you didn’t want to tell her that because you were afraid of how she would react. So you went home and beat yourself up over it. You usually became so focused on one thing, at it was hard for you to switch from one task to another. You were scared if you stopped even for a little while, you would fall behind and never catch up and things wouldn’t get done.

Arthur came home and saw you sitting at the table. He knew something was wrong. He came over to you. “What’s wrong, Y/N?” You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “Be honest with me, Arthur. Am I a fuck up? Do you ever...ever wish I wasn’t so fucking stupid?” “No. Why do you talk about yourself that way? Why would you ever think I think that way about you?” “Well today at work my boss...she wasn’t mean about it...she pointed it out to me. She said I’ve been slower at getting things done lately. I don’t do it on purpose, I just have so many things going on in my head and I’m so scared if I don’t get something done right away, I’ll fall behind and I’ll never get it done. I can’t switch from one thing to another. God, Im so fucking tired of putting five hundred percent into everything I do. I’m so tired of just barely getting something done on time and feeling like I’m gonna fall apart. Why does it take me so much fucking effort to do simple things? It’s so embarrassing that I need stimulants to get things done. I’m so tired all the time I hate it. Don’t you wish I was different? Don’t you wish you didn’t feel like you were looking after a two year old because you always have to clean up after me and remind me of things?” “No. Sometimes it’s not always easy to deal with, just like how I’m not always easy to deal with. But we have our quirks, we get through them.”

It meant a lot to hear him say that. He helped you make a schedule for work so could follow things easier and break up tasks. It helped you get things done more efficiently and in a timely manner. You don’t know what you would’ve done without Arthur. He was a lifesaver and this was just the many ways he helped make things a little easier for you. You wished more people could try to be more understanding like him.

@ajokeformur-ray

[cranehusbands]

for a charming guy, you suck at date nights

mirage | elliott witt/octane | octavio silva; established relationship; fluff; movie nights; adhd headcanons; 1388 words

a/n: 3 FOR 3! these just keep getting posted later and later, im so sorry about that, but i was trying out crossplay on apex today (!!!) and having a blast, i forgot how much fun this game can be with friends, hehe

anyways, day 3 for @apex-rarepairweek, movie night! featuring my very specific octane hcs about his hyperfixations where i am (we irritating) we Projecting. thank you again for these prompts guys, these were super fun!

likes < reblogs, any comments in the tags are appreciated

ao3 mirror in the reblogs!

Preview: “Uh, knock knock, comin’ through.” Octavio looked up, only just realising how badly he was chewing at his fingers as he saw Elliott struggling into the room, two drinks in hand and a bowl under his arm. “Oh, shit- sorry, didn’t hear you askin’ for help.” “You’re fine, babe, but thanks.” He gave a small smile of relief as the runner took the bowl from him, only for that to turn into a light scowl as he watched him scoop a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “C’mon, at least save it.” “S’good.” “Too hot?” Octavio didn’t reply, only slightly winced and turned away to put the bowl on the coffee table, and that was enough for the trickster to soften again, joining him on the loveseat (fitting, for a date night) as he slid the soda over to Octavio’s side, and kept the coffee for himself.

“You can sit down, you know that, right?”

The voice from the kitchen made Octavio look up from his shoes, kicking at the linoleum of the apartment’s entrance. He’d been standing there since Elliott had let him in a few minutes before, before he’d left to go make them drinks. “Uh, sí, just… waiting for you.”

“You, the Octane? Waiting? Thought hell’d freeze over before that happened.”

Though the legend scowled momentarily, hearing his boyfriend chuckle to himself from a distance was enough for him to relax the shoulders he didn’t know he was tensing, pulling his hands out of the pockets of his jacket to wring his hands. So he was a little nervous, sure. And he wasn’t coping well with it, yeah. But it was Elliott - just Elliott, not charming funny guy Mirage - and him here… though even that seemed like it was going to be a little too much.

 Like a lost and bewildered dog, he wandered into the living room, putting his bag down by the side of the sofa tossing his leather jacket across the back of it, fiddling with his gloves as he looked around. He’d been in this front room many times before, especially since they’d gotten together, though more often than not it had just been a segway to go out on a date, or further into the apartment, either option leading to a great time… but not tonight. Elliott wanted to stay in, do something cute (‘like normal couples do’ he’d said, as if they were anything close to normal), and had suggested watching a movie together. “You have a lot of those.” he’d chipped in, but he didn’t even know the half of it. 

 For a long time, Octavio had wasted his money on any old earth horror movie he could find. He had enough of it, seeing how as soon as he burned a hole in his pocket he earned back almost twice as much, but it made him happy - almost as happy as risking his life. He was sure Ajay was happy with the alternative, though impulsive spending was hardly an improvement. But for Octavio, the rush of happiness that came with another order or just watching the same movie over and over again was what he always needed, a tie over until the game the next day, or the stunt live on stream in the afternoon. 

 Maybe that’s why he was so wound up - he was baring his heart out here, and that wasn’t something he liked to do. He was the kind of guy to keep his cards close to his chest, and locked behind threads of chains, and the persona of a man who didn’t care what people thought of him, but still had no interests outside of what he did. And though, yes, the adrenaline rush and the cheer of the crowds was enough for him… movies like these kept him company on lonely nights with a nanny he didn’t care for, when his father had his nose too deep in work or another set of divorce papers.

 “Uh, knock knock, comin’ through.”

Octavio looked up, only just realising how badly he was chewing at his fingers as he saw Elliott struggling into the room, two drinks in hand and a bowl under his arm. “Oh, shit- sorry, didn’t hear you askin’ for help.”

“You’re fine, babe, but thanks.” He gave a small smile of relief as the runner took the bowl from him, only for that to turn into a light scowl as he watched him scoop a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “C’mon, at least save it.”

“S’good.”

“Too hot?”

Octavio didn’t reply, only slightly winced and turned away to put the bowl on the coffee table, and that was enough for the trickster to soften again, joining him on the loveseat (fitting, for a date night) as he slid the soda over to Octavio’s side, and kept the coffee for himself.

“So, you wanted to be in charge of picking, right?”

“Uh, heh… yeah.” He twiddled his thumbs a little, before reaching over the side of the arm to grab his backpack, self-branded and decorated with merchandise of himself and his fellow legends, zipping it open and showing the contents, almost entirely packed with old DVDs.

“Oh, uh… woah.”

“I… couldn’t decide.”

“Yeah, clearly.” Elliott chuckled a little, looking up at Octavio’s slight frown, which really didn’t sit right on his face. “N-not that that’s bad, it’s just very… fitting, for you. Well, let’s see ‘em and then come to a decm- decrom- ...we can pick together.”

 He did as he was told, slowly giving a basic synopsis of each movie he found, recalling odd details and memories he associated with each one, almost forgetting that when it came to these things, he always revealed his full hand and heart in his excitement.

“Oh, this one is a three-parter, kinda like Saw in that it got criticised a lot for being ‘torture porn’ - it’s not… actually porn, it’s just a term for movies with a lot of graphic violence - b-but the endorsement of the first one from this director dude really carried it to cult status with some people. Oh, this one’s a Wes Craven classic- he did, uh-”

“Uhhhh, Elm Street, and Scream, yeah?”

“Sí, sí! This one kinda flopped, though. I still think it’s neat. Little boring sometimes.” He shuffled in his seat a little, carrying on digging through his bag. “Ah, this is a good one! Aliens in the school faculty tryin’ to kill everyone. Oh, oh, and this one’s got alien’s too, but it’s like… British, so there’s that - think it was important back then, ‘cos of stereotypes and- ah, shit, I brought Saw 6 but not Saw 7, I didn’t bring ‘em all ‘cos the first one is boring-”

“Tav, Tav, relax, buddy. Catch a breath.” Elliott laughed, watching Octavio’s expression shift to one of embarrassment as he deflated a little, movies still in his hands, leg bouncing.

“...Sorry, mi amor, you probably don’t-”

“Hey, of course I care. C’mere.” He wrapped his arms around the runner before he could finish, leaning in to pepper his cheek with kisses, making the man giggle a little, though still somewhat sheepish from his unhinged ramblings. “You’re so cute when you get excited, you know that, right?”

“You remind me every day, amigo.”

“I better. Just look at you.” Giving Octavio a playful cheek pinch, Elliott only laughed when the gesture was returned in kind by a soft shove. “Listen, we have all the time in the world. Just you and me tonight, remember? Pick your favourite, and let’s go from there, for as long as we can go. Sound good?”

Octavio slowly nodded, leaning into his boyfriend’s touch, the tension in his body relaxing a little at the comfort, sifting through the rest of the DVDs that he could barely fit into his backpack before he pulled one out from the back, a small grin on his face, showing the pumpkin on the cover to Elliott. “This one?”

“Gotta love the classics. You know where the player is.”

He practically shot off the sofa, almost dragging Elliott with him with the force as he launched himself towards the TV cabinet, pulling open the glass door where the old DVD player sat and prying open the case, barely able to contain himself as he put the disc inside and watched the machine eat it up. He’d seen this movie thousands of times before, he practically knew it by heart at this point, and his impression of the final girl was top-notch, but somehow, he knew watching it with Elliott would be so much better.

 Octavio crawled his way back onto the trickster’s arms, resting himself against his chest with his knees curled up, brought closer by an arm around his shoulder. He felt a gentle kiss on the top of his head and grinned to himself, focused on the moving image on the screen, any worries he had before seeming to drain away. Elliott has that effect, it seemed - enough that in the fourth movie in, they fell asleep in each other’s arms, even the sounds of snuff film murder and screams down the phone not enough to wake them from a lover’s embrace.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Love Lockdown

A/N- Just a little one shot about being stuck in lockdown and having to video chat with Bucky.

Im not sure what this is to be fair, the boredom has set in!💕

Being ordered to stay home amid the virus outbreak meant having to work from home for the foreseeable future. Id only been working with the newly formed Avengers team for a few months, id been hired to run psych evaluations on the team.... make sure they were all stable enough to be working with the public. Of course the one person the higher up's were concerned about was Bucky Barnes.

He had been a tough one to crack, we spent many sessions in silence before he started to finally open up. Because of that reason it had been agreed that we would still hold our sessions via facetime, i didnt want him closing himself off again.

"Hey doc, hows quarantine treating you?" Bucky asked on the first video chat.

"Its not been to bad so far, its given me some time to get some things around the house sorted. But its only been a week" i chuckled "hows it going over there?"

"Its a nightmare, Sam is driving me crazy. I dont know how much more i can deal with" Bucky rolled his looking bored.

"Try not to kill each other okay"

"Im not making any promises".

Two weeks into lockdown and i felt like i was loosing my mind stuck indoors alone. Bucky was checking in every couple of days for his sessions and i started looking forward to that. We spent most of the time chatting like old friends, there wasn't anything else to really talk about right now.

"So Sam's still alive?" I asked smiling while topping up my wine glass.

"For now, i'm actively keeping my distance. I dont even know why i have to do this damn lockdown i cant get sick anyway"

"Joys of being a super soldier huh?"

"Yeah, gotta have some perks"

"Your lucky you have the company, im going crazy stuck here on my own. Im gonna need a psych evaluation myself by the time this is over"

"You getting lonely doc?" Bucky smirked through the camera.

"Yes! But i'm getting through it with wine" i smiled raising my glass to him before taking a mouthful.

"You'll be an alcoholic by the time this is over"

"Im being sensible Buck i promise"

"You can call me anytime you get bored or lonely, its not like i have Avenging stuff to do right now"

"I might take you up on that" i smiled resting my chin in my hand "so your definitely doing okay? 

"Im fine doc, i actually feel pretty good. I haven't been having nightmare and I've been training, for the first time in ages i feel like me"

"Thats great Bucky, really. Im so pleased your doing good, soon you wont need these meetings"

"But what if i want them...... talking to you helps"

"Well i'll always be there for you"

""Thanks doc....."

"Yo Buck! We're late for the conference call with Ross..... get your ass moving!" I heard Sam Wilson calling in the background, Bucky closed his eyes shaking his head.

"Well id better go"

"Yeah sure, im gonna go shower and watch a movie or something.... thats what my life has become"

"Okay well have fun, i'll speak to you soon"

"Bye Buck" i clicked end call and pushed my chair back from the desk.

I grabbed my wine and phone and opened up Spotify, i selected my 'getupandgo' playlist, a mix of songs that just made you wanna dance! I went upstairs and quickly showered, singing loudly and probably very offkey!

It wasnt long before i was dried off and dressed in panties and a tank top, my hair still wrapped in the towel. I noticed my wine glass was empty so headed downstairs for a refil. As i went down Camila Cabello's 'Liar' started to play and i was instantly dancing around and singing.

Bucky's POV

I walked back into my room after another pointless conference call with Ross and instantly heard some music playing.

"I don't care, if you're here

Or if you're not alone

I don't care, it's been too long

It's kinda like we didn't happen

The way that your lips move

The way you whisper slow

I don't care, it's good as gone (uh)

I said I won't lose control, I don't want it (ooh)

I said I won't get too close, but I can't stop it"

I didnt leave music on.... where the hell was it coming from....

"Oh no, there you go, making me a liar

Got me begging you for more

Oh no, there I go, startin' up a fire

Oh no, no (oh no)

Oh no, there you go, you're making me a liar

I kinda like it though

Oh no, there I go, startin' up a fire

Oh no, no (ooh)"

Shit! I gasped when i followed the music to my desk and there on the screen i could see the Doc dancing and singing in her living room! She was in a pair of panties and a tank top, her hair wrapped in a towel still while she swayed her hips and drank from her wine glass..... i shouldn't be watching this! But damn she looked cute! I couldnt help but smile.

"You're watching, I feel it

I know I shouldn't stare

I picture your hands on me

But what if, you kiss me?

And what if, I like it?

And no one sees it

I said I won't lose control, I don't want it

I said I won't get too close, but I can't stop it"

Seeing this side to the Doc made me like her more than i already did! But i shouldn't be watching this, it felt to wrong. I should call her.....

Readers POV

"Oh no, there you go, you're making me a liar, Got me begging you for more

Oh no, there I go, startin' up a fire

Oh no, no

Oh no, there you go, you're making me a liar, I kinda like it though

Oh no, there I go, startin' up a fire....Oh no, no" i was singing loudly while dancing around my living room.

My phone started ringing causing the song to stop. When i looked at the caller ID and saw it was Bucky i instantly smiled.

"Hey Bucky, you okay?" I asked smiling like an idiot.

"Hey Doc" he said sounding a little amused, i was confused by the sudden echo in the room.

"Why can i hear you twice...."

"Look up"

What?? What was he on about.... oh!

My eyes fell to the screen where i could see a grinning Bucky.

"Oh no.... how much of that did you see?"

"Enough.... you look like your having fun" he chuckled.

"Shit! I dont even have pants on! This is so unprofessional of me im sorry...."

"Calm down doll, im not complaining. I was actually enjoying the show"

"Haha Buck, very funny" i shook my head at him.

"Im serious, im just thinking about how much i wanna come join your party now"

"Yeah? Well your more than welcome" i laughed knowing he wouldn't come round.

"Dont tempt me....."

"As if you'd come here" i rolled my eyes "well im gonna go get some more wine and maybe put on some pants! I'll make sure to hang up this time" i laughed and said goodbye once again making sure it disconnected. If i hadn't been drinking i'm sure id be more embarrassed about this whole thing but I just shrugged it off and headed to the kitchen for a refill.

20 minutes later and i was in the middle of making some chilli nachos when there was a knock at my door. For a second i panicked thinking it was Bucky but then remembered he didn't know where i lived. It was probably Mrs Harper from down the hall asking to borrow a cup of flour for some extravagant cake she was making!

But as i swung the door open there stood Bucky Barnes still wearing the hoodie and cap from the video call we had.... oh my god he looked good dressed so casual, he looked so relaxed it made me smile.

"Bucky.... what are you doing here?"

"You invited me" he shrugged smirking at me.

"How'd you even know where i live huh?"

"I may have hacked into your employee file"

"Stalker much" i teased making him laugh "come on in" I opened the door wider to let him in and took the chance to take a calming breath.

"Never did put on those pants i see" he smirked looking me up and down, it was then i realised i was still in my panties!!

"God damn it!" I said loudly feeling my heart start to race "let me just..." i pointed down the hall towards my room.

"Dont put them on on my account Doc, i dont mind at all" Bucky said walking over and standing closer to me "Look im just gonna say it how it is and hope it doesn't ruin our relationship..... i like you Doc, alot. Like im crazy about you, cant stop thinking about you....."

"What?.... Bucky thats not funny...."

"Dead serious. I mean its hard to think very clearly with you standing there looking like that but..... what are the chances you feel the same?"

"I think the chances are in your favour...." i smiled feeling my cheeks burn. Bucky suddenly closed the distance and kissed me, pulling my body tight against his..... his flesh hand slipping down to my ass.

"Mmmm i'm glad you forgot those pants" he smiled before picking me up and leading the way to the bedroom.

@barnesandrogersworld

@dumblani

@xxloki81xx

@jesseswartzwelder

[taexual]

HOLIC - 21 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angst + strong language

words: 4k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

      prev / next

You woke up the next morning, knowing very well that the apartment was empty without having to get out of bed to check. Everything just felt different when Jaebum wasn’t here with you; emptier, even, somehow. Even if the two of you haven’t gone to sleep fighting, you still felt lonely in the apartment without him but in today’s case, your confusing exchange last night certainly made everything feel worse.

Forcing yourself out of bed – because you craved water after all the drinking last night – you checked the time on your phone and were surprised to see that it was well after ten in the morning. Since it was Sunday today, you didn’t put it past Jaebum to go out jogging early in the morning, but he should have been back by now.

Not wanting to think that he was avoiding you again – maybe staying out with his friends was starting to become like second nature to him and he was this close to actually moving out of this apartment – you focused on preparing your breakfast instead. However, you didn’t have any plans today and you could only stay focused on corn flakes for so long before you got distracted by the most useless stuff – this time, it was a new notification on your phone.

It was just a tweet that one of your favorite artists had just posted, but your heart rate already picked up. You couldn’t lie to yourself; you were absolutely hoping it was going to be a text from Jaebum but, of course, it was something else. You should have known how unlikely it was for him to text you right now.

Ever since you went out to see Jiho and ended up at Mark’s bar, Jaebum had been acting weird. Starting with his random burst of anger when you mentioned hanging out with Mark, and ending with his seemingly pointless statement about how you and Mark were “friends” last night, you were more confused than ever.

Kiera’s words from last night replayed in your head – she thought that Jaebum might have been acting weird around you because he was uncomfortable with you knowing so much about him—and his friends—and perhaps she was right – but, even though Kiera’s observations made sense 95% of the time, you had a feeling that Jaebum fell into the remaining 5% category.

You couldn’t figure him out and you were living with him – and sometimes it seemed as though Jaebum couldn’t figure his feelings out himself – so there was virtually no chance of Kiera knowing better. Then again, perhaps you’d been blinded by your constant arguments and your—as much as you hated to admit it—budding feelings for him, so you couldn’t see the situation clearly. Not to mention, you’d already come up with so many theories of why he was the way he was, it was starting to become difficult to find the real him -- the Jaebum that you were perhaps yet to fully meet.

And while it always upset you to realize that even after seeing him every day since you moved in together, you still barely knew the real him, what was truly annoying about this situation was that your job was, essentially, to capture people’s emotions. To understand them. You were a photographer – well, you wanted to be one but, clearly, it was taking some time since you haven’t been able to find the time to photograph anything lately – and you always thought you were somewhat good at reading people’s faces. And you failed profoundly when it came to recognizing what Jaebum was feeling.

It was hurtful and unfair that you had to try to hard so figure Jaebum out – while your emotions always showed on your face as clear as day – but perhaps you—and the hidden masochist inside of you—enjoyed the continuous pain he caused you by being cryptic and refusing to talk to you. Maybe just like Jaebum, who – at least, according to Suji; although God knew how much you could have trusted her words – was attracted to people who could “put him in his place” or he was going to get bored, you were also attracted—and intrigued—by the mystery surrounding your roommate.

At the end of the day, it was clear that Jaebum never let people in and you basically forced your way into his life with a damn sledgehammer. Perhaps you’d really left him no choice but to open up to you and now he was slowly distancing himself from you because he wasn’t actually ready for you to enter his life like that.

The saddest thing was, you weren’t sure if he’d ever be ready for you and you absolutely weren’t sure if falling into the mystery that was Jaebum wasn’t going to kill you.

And there went your corn flakes. You could never focus on anything else; Jaebum always lingered in your mind.

Since you assumed Jaebum was with Jackson again – therefore, it was very likely that he was recording his music – you figured you could use this alone time to catch up on your own photography that you’ve neglected because you were too busy dealing with Suji. And Jiho. And, honestly, everyone.

Because you haven’t taken any new pictures recently – for shame; you couldn’t remember the last time you’ve gone this long without photographing anything – you were stuck digging out old ones, especially the ones you’ve chosen to ignore for the time being as you weren’t able to fix the coloring in a way that you would have liked.

Having nothing better to do, you arranged yourself – and your laptop – into a comfortable position on your bed – anticipating the inevitable back pain – and then turned Photoshop on. To ensure that, this time, the thoughts about your roommate did not interrupt your semi-productive mood, you put your headphones on and started a playlist of old favorites to distract yourself from anything that was going on in your life at the moment, and to take your mind back in time instead.

The music seemed to work like a spell and you found yourself humming along as you toyed with your pictures, slowly drifting away from reality and allowing your unconscious mind to do most of the editing for you – this used to be your favorite state when you were in university; just dissociating until real-life problems called for you again.

You never liked to listen to music on full volume because you never owned headphones that wouldn’t make loud songs sound like the screeching of a pregnant cat, but today you needed to tune out the sound of your thoughts, so you were listening to music louder than usually. And that is precisely why you didn’t hear the door of the apartment close and the door of your bedroom open.

Since you weren’t expecting Jaebum to come home while you were still awake – you knew of his tendency to avoid his problems, he’s shown it to you quite a few times before – you were absolutely horrified to see him standing by your bed, watching the screen of your laptop.

Squealing in surprise, you nearly tossed your laptop at him as you threw your headphones off.

“Jesus Christ, would you knock?!” you yelled, trying to calm yourself down while Jaebum snickered – what an unexpected sound – and sat down on your bed, nodding his head in the direction of your abandoned computer.

“Did you take those?” he asked, obviously meaning the pictures you’d been editing.

You were still recovering from the shock of seeing him home but now you were left wondering what had gotten into him – after days of cryptic responses to all of your questions, he was now striking up a proper conversation with you? That boy needed help.

“I did,” you told him, keeping a wary eye on him in case he burst out again. “Why?”

“They’re beautiful,” he said, repositioning your laptop so he could see better and then, even taking it as far as using your mouse to click on a specific picture – the one that showed the reflection of the city lights on the glass of a dark window. “I like this, where did you take it?”

“My old campus,” you said, leaning in closer to him to see the picture in question. “I used to take most of my pictures there before I ran out of spots to photograph and had to look elsewhere.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, clicking through other pictures – it didn’t upset you much even if he was doing this without your permission. “Oh, this one’s good. Really good. Could you send it to me? I’d love to have it on my phone.”

Surprised – no one’s asked you to send them a picture you’ve taken if it wasn’t a picture of them – you glanced at the screen of your laptop and were confused to see one of your much earlier pictures, taken almost immediately after you bought your newest camera that you’d been using for three years now.  The picture, actually, wasn’t anything special: it was a shot of your shadow—the only distinguishable shadow in the dark picture—surrounded by various darker, rectangular shadows—the buildings behind you—and a small puddle of water—reflecting the street light above—in the spot where your heart was supposed to be.

“You like it?” you asked somewhat awkwardly. Not only had he chosen a picture you took when you weren’t as confident in your photographing abilities, but it was also a picture that literally had a part of you in it.

“Yes,” Jaebum nodded. “Does it have a title?”

You pulled away from him before continuing. You never felt confident about the titles you gave your pictures – they all seemed to make no sense when you said them out loud – and you were even more insecure now that you were in the presence of someone who essentially lived on words, being a songwriter and all.

“Alive,” you ended up saying. “That’s the title I gave it when I took it in about three years ago. It sounds stupid now – why would a lonely puddle in the place of a heart symbolize someone’s life – but—”

“I think it’s beautiful,” he stopped you, zooming in on the picture. “I love the idea behind it and I think the title fits the mood of the picture, too. Will you send it to me?”

Swallowing, you decided that now was the time to confront him about what’s been going on with him these past few days.

“I will,” you promised. “If you answer one question.”

Jaebum wasn’t expecting this but he merely shrugged. “Sure. What is it?”

“What’s been going on?” you asked and, after noticing that confusion started to slowly descend upon his features, proceeded to explain, “I-I mean you’ve been really cold to me out of the blue, and I know you’re generally not a warm person — and we’re not best friends or anything – but this was, well, unusual. And I know you know what I mean because you almost told me what was wrong last night but then… you shut me out again.”

You looked away from him in the middle of your explanation, despising the neediness in your voice. If he was going to remark about how you shouldn’t have been “waiting up for him” like he’s written in his note before, you swore you were going to hurl the first heavy thing you found at him. Because you’d looked away, however, you did not see Jaebum look away from you as well – masking the guilt that flashed across his face once he heard you speak out about the way he’s treated you.

“Yeah, uh…” he started to speak and then cleared his throat, thinking of what to say next. “This obviously isn’t something I want to talk about.”

“Obviously,” you agreed, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

“Right,” Jaebum took another long pause before finally saying, “I actually wanted to apologize about all of that. Mark – I sort of talked to him on the phone today, he’s a lot more level-headed than I am – let me know how big of an asshole I’ve been to you, so, yeah, uh… I’m sorry.”

You appreciated the apology – and made a mental note to thank Mark because, obviously, he must have found a way to subtly approach Jaebum about the issues you’ve mentioned at the bar last night – but before you could say anything, Jaebum continued.

“I don’t want to constantly complain about the same things,” he started to say and then cleared up, “not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just prefer not being a nuisance to other people—”

“You’re not a—okay, maybe you’re a little bit of a nuisance,” you said, earning a small smile from him that almost made you believe that his explanation was going to make sense and the two of you were going to move past this and return to another calm period of your lives, however short-lived it would be. “But it’s not like I’m much better. I’m fine with listening to you complain if that means you’re actually talking to me.”

After a quiet moment – God, did your words sound too much like a compliment? Should you have said something else to lower his ego? – Jaebum’s smile completely disappeared and you knew he was back to business. His serious expression unsettled you, somehow, and it felt as though you knew what he was going to talk about before he even opened his mouth. There was really only one thing that nearly ruined his life, after all – what else would he complain about continuously?

“I went through this thing with Suji,” Jaebum started, “she’d always tag along whenever I went out with my friends. She was all over them and most of them liked her because—well, you know why. She had something about her that fooled you and pulled you in. She always insisted on coming to see my friends with me, and before long, I was starting to suffocate with her everywhere. I had even asked her to stay home so I could have a guys’ night out once, and she still showed up at the club.”

You wanted to know more about his relationship with her but, at the same time, you were struggling to understand how Jaebum’s coldness to you related to his ex-girlfriend. However, after remembering everything he’s asked you – “how long have you been hanging out with Mark without me?” – you were slowly starting to see what his point was.

“Hold on for a moment,” you stopped him. “Are you—do you think I’m doing this, too? Do you think I’m trying to—I don’t know—corrupt your friends somehow, too? Steal them from you, even?”

“I—no,” he said and then sighed. “I don’t know. I just know that I’ve already been in a position where my friends had to pick sides before and I don’t want to go through that again. And, you know, I’ve already experienced someone take over my life for me. I know we talked about you dealing with Suji already but that still happened. And I-I get that our situation is different now, we moved on from that, and I moved on from Suji, but sometimes the lines blur for me.”

“The lines blur,” you repeated, your pulse quickening. “So, essentially what you’re saying is that, sometimes, you think I’m just like Suji?”

“No,” Jaebum was quick to realize how big was the pile of shit that he’s just stepped – or, flung himself – into, really. He closed his eyes for a moment, regretting opening his mouth as if staying quiet and shutting you out – as you’ve put it – would have worked out better. A minute later, he continued, “I’m just saying that I—maybe I get a little insecure about this sometimes. I talked to Mark about you today and he was the one who told me I was being unfair to you by expecting you to do the same things Suji’s done, so I realize it was wrong of me to—”

“—to compare me to your so-called psycho ex-girlfriend?” you finished for him. “Yeah, I’d say that was wrong.”

Every word he said only seemed to make this worse. Jaebum had absolutely no clue how to communicate with anyone without ruining everything, but he still tried – although he was slowly starting to forget why he even bothered.

“I’m not comparing you to her,” he said. “But you have to understand where I’m coming from. You know—better than anyone—about the kind of shit I had to experience with her, so, forgive me for being cautious so history wouldn’t repeat itself.”

“History wouldn’t—what the fuck, Jaebum?” you got up from the bed, no longer feeling comfortable sitting so close to him while he looked for parallels between you and his ex. “You didn’t know me for very long, sure, but didn’t I ever show you that I’m actually, you know, a completely different person from Suji? We’re both girls – and that’s as far as our common features go.”

“You’re—”

“I know I met up with her to get her to leave you alone, and I get that I shouldn’t have done that because it’s not my business – I’m not expecting your gratitude for that – but, shit, I didn’t do it to take over your life! I did it because I was looking out for you in whatever messed up way I could manage,” you continued, noticing how he covered his face with his hands, only getting more frustrated. “I understand your insecurities but, for fuck’s sake, have I not shown enough of my support to you? Have I not hyped your music up even though I’ve never even heard it? Have I not put up with your seemingly endless stream of one-night-stands? Did I ever lie to you about where I was and went out to hang out with your friends behind your back? Did—”

“No!” he cut you off, showing the first signs of anger, no matter how hard he’d tried to restrain himself. “You never did any of those things but how am I supposed to know you’ll never do them in the future?”

Both of your faces contorted painfully as soon as he said this – yours, because you suddenly knew just how little he trusted you; and his, because this was the exact opposite of what he should have said to you.

“Do you treat all of your friends like this?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest when he got up from your bed as well. “Do you expect this kind of behavior from everyone? Do you immediately assume every new person you meet is going to take everything you’ve worked so hard on from you?”

“No, I—”

“Are you still waiting for me to fuck up, then?” you were shouting but it was nothing new – the two of you could never have a calm conversation – and you were sure your neighbors had already gotten used to it. “Did you tell me you forgave me for meeting up with Suji, when you actually didn’t?”

“No!” he said. “I did forgive you. I thought I did. I don’t care a-about that. I care about you.”

“You care about how similar to her I am.”

Jaebum groaned. “I care about how similar to her everyone is! And I’m not fucking waiting for you to fuck up.”

“Well, then what is it?” you questioned, your voice loud and piercing. “Why is it that you don’t assume every person you meet will ruin your life, and yet, you think I might?”

“I don’t think you—fuck, you’re important to me,” Jaebum shot back, equally as agitated. He was obviously struggling with his words. “I wouldn’t care about anything that you do if you weren’t. I’m just trying to make sure—”

“—I don’t turn out to be a psychotic bitch?” you guessed, the conclusion you’ve reached making him groan because it was mostly true – he was always making sure he didn’t end up meeting another version of Suji – but it sounded ugly when you put it like that.

“N-no, I just want to be sure I know the real you,” he said. “You can’t blame me for not trusting people easily after all of this.”

“I’m not blaming you for that,” you countered. “But why the fuck did you expect to get to know me better by not talking to me? You’re not even giving me a chance to show you that you can trust me because you distance yourself from me every time you start to have doubts about me. We don’t have mutual friends, Jaebum, we’re still virtually strangers – so who the fuck is going to clear these doubts for you if you won’t let me do it?”

“I… I don’t—”

“It sounds to me like you just want to escape me and you’ll take any chance you get to do just that,” you said, your heart slamming right into the sharp edge of your ribcage until you nearly doubled over in pain. It was true, you weren’t just paranoid. Jaebum was indeed trying to get out of the cage your close presence had put him in. “Every time I do something wrong – even if I don’t realize it – you disappear on me as if I’ve cursed your ancestors by making a mistake. I’m not perfect. If anything, I’m the furthest thing from it, but you have to let people make mistakes and believe that they won’t ruin your life, Jaebum. You have to let people apologize for them, too. And if you don’t think you’ll have it in yourself to forgive them, then tell them that and let go of them. Tell me to leave if I fucked up so bad that you think I’m exactly like Suji—”

“Did I say you were exactly like her?” he was frantic now as the fight progressed into something that no longer involved just the past couple of days, but also covered the entirety of your relationship with each other. “Or did I ever say I wanted you to leave? Fuck, I’m spending almost every moment of my free time at home just so I could spend more time with you — and I don’t fucking do that. I go out, okay? I like to have fun, I like to drink, and I like to be out when it’s dark – whatever. I don’t do that as much anymore.”

“Oh, well, thank you so much for making these sacrifices for me.”

The sarcasm in your voice made him want to punch the closest wall.

“Those are not—I can’t—you’re not fucking hearing me,” he stumbled around different arguments. “I’m telling you about all the shit I do for you – the shit I’d never done for anyone else before – just to prove that I don’t think you’re like Suji in any way.”

“Well, then why the silence?” you countered. “Why did you not talk to me about what you were feeling?”

“I didn’t know how to put it in words so it’d make sense,” he said. “Clearly, I still don’t understand any of this myself. A part of me might never be able to fully open up to anyone and, fuck, I sure as hell don’t want my past relationship to influence my decisions about my future but it does, okay? I am going to be paranoid and I can’t fucking help it.”

“Do you think that’s fair to others? To me?” you asked, shaking your head. “You’re not even giving me a chance.”

“I’m not—chance after chance is exactly what I’m giving you!” Jaebum protested. “And that’s why I’m scared. That’s exactly why I’m fucking terrified – because, suddenly, I don’t care about anything that you’re doing. I’m fine with all of it. I forgive you for everything and I open up to you about everything without sitting down to think if that’s the right thing to do. And then, the next second, I’m hating myself because, fuck, why am I even doubting this? I have every right to tell you shit about myself. I have every right to forgive you because, technically, you didn’t do anything wrong. But, then, how could I not doubt this? I’ve already been through something similar, I don’t want to go through that again. I’ve already experienced a period of my life where I forgave everything. Where I opened up about everything.”

“Alright,” you said, your lips forming a straight line. You knew the words he said had a different meaning – he wasn’t trying to hurt you – and yet each sentence that left his lips seemed to dig painfully into your chest. “You are making sure I’m not Suji 2.0. That’s fine.”

“That’s not fine,” he voiced the obvious. “And I get that it sounds bad but it’s—fuck, I’m being really fucking open with you here – I literally don’t know how to deal with myself. If I get the feeling like I’m about to get burned, I-I pull away because I’ve been there before. I can’t keep on trying to calm myself down and ignore the bad feelings in my stomach because I know those bad feelings can turn into a bad reality. That’s how I fucking deal with my problems – I leave. I can’t cling onto something that will potentially rip my heart out and force me to swallow it raw.”

You hated how deep the argument had gotten. You had not prepared to pour your entire soul into this and Jaebum hadn’t either – that’s why he looked almost nauseous – but there was no going back now.

“And you think I could do that to you?” you asked.

He looked down. “I don’t know.”

“Alright,” you said, your voice calm all of a sudden. You wanted this conversation to end now. “I appreciate you telling me this.”

Immediately understanding that you were done, Jaebum tried to find one last way to magically mend the scars on both of your throats after you’ve yelled at each other. “Fuck, I’m—”

“Look, maybe we should be alone for a while,” you cut him off, not wanting to hear him say anything else because you could only shout so much before tears finally showed up. “I don’t want to deal with this and, obviously, neither one of us can think clearly right now. Maybe we can just ignore this conversation like you’ve been trying to do before I brought it up.”

His hands were on his face again as he tried one last time, “I’m sorry.”

You swallowed thickly – the lump in your throat letting you know that you were either about to suffocate or cry, and you didn’t know which one you’d have preferred.

“Okay,” you said, turning away from him in case tears appeared in your eyes before he left. “Thank you. I’m sorry, too.”

Jaebum wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t sure where the two of you were standing – he’s revealed so much of himself to you in the past ten minutes and he knew he’s never been this honest about his feelings with anyone before – and he knew now wasn’t the time to ask.

If he could turn back the time, he’d change the sequence of his words to you – first, he’d tell you how much you mattered to him and how much he loved being with you, and only then would he mention how hard it was for him to be around you. How afraid he was to open his heart up – how much he resisted it, even – and how easily he allowed his feelings to defeat him, in the end.

He was getting more and more scared by the second because what if he ended up getting himself into something he could not get out of? What if he’d start something he’d never be able to end again? Even if these fears sounded irrational – even more so after he saw how wildly you tried to get him to see that you hated being compared to Suji – he still couldn’t escape them. And he was afraid he never would.

Jaebum didn’t wish to take his words back. He’d said all that he’d been dying to say to you for the past few days. He just wished the two of you lived in a world where the past could have been left in the past and all the words spoken in the present – and all the confessions hiding underneath those anguished tones and desperate eyes – were all that remained between you and him.

     chapter directory

[4fates-4dorks]

Jackunzel Month Day 25: High School AU

This is definitely one of my favourites :). I also wrote a one-shot to go with it under the cut. Not sure if I’ll expand it to a full fanfiction yet.

Rapunzel had written a list of goals for the new school year:

Finish the painting in time for Jack’s birthday

Convince the librarian to order new books

Get Jack to wear shoes during winter, or at least thick socks

Try not to miss class more than once a week

The list was written on the inside of the cover of her sketchbook. It was brand new; a present from Jack. She had already covered it with stickers.

It was a sunny day, and her braid thumped against her back as she biked down the street. She passed by kids with backpacks and bright eyes and adults leaning against bus stops smoking. She passed telephone poles with posters stapled to them advertising garage sales and missing kids. She passed by dogs waiting for their owners outside grocery stores and crows fighting over a spilled packet of fries.

When she pulled into school and parked her bike she was greeted with a cheerful “Hey Punzie!” as an arm wrapped around her shoulders. She smiled and kissed Jack on the cheek.

“Hey babe.” Her gaze swept down to his feet and she gasped. “Are you wearing shoes?!”

Jack sighed and shuffled his feet, which were inside a pair of bright yellow converse shoes.

“North bought them and made me put them on. Apparently I get a prize if I can go a month wearing them.”

Judging by his grimace, it was unlikely that he would be getting that prize.

Jack was a beautiful boy with snow-white hair and an aversion to footwear. People didn’t like him. Anyone who looked at him got the sense that there was something...off about what they were seeing. He looked normal, but he looked the furthest thing from it. His skin was too pale, his hands were too cold, and there was something about his eyes.

Rapunzel quite frankly loved the heck out of him, bizarreness and all.

The fifteen minutes before the bell rang were good. They held hands as they walked to their lockers and sat in the library where no one could bother them. But after the bell rang, they had to separate for class.

“See you at lunch,” Jack said.

“Yeah.”

Rapunzel sat down in her Math class. At first, it was okay. People were too preoccupied with catching up with their friends, asking about summer activities and plans for the weekend. Rapunzel was able to focus her attention on the lesson and questions the teacher gave them.

But as the day wore on, the staring started. The whispered comments. The hands shoving her in the hallway and feet trying to trip her. She ducked her head and grit her teeth as the clock ticked closer to noon.

By lunch, Jack was missing his shoes.

“You couldn’t even last the day?” Rapunzel asked.

“No! They’re awful, okay?! I threw them onto some power lines.”

“What about your socks?”

“They’re in my locker.”

She sighed and shook her head. “Y’know, part of pretending to be human includes pretending to be normal.”

“Too boring. Unrealistic. Probably thought up by pretentious old men.”

“Did you go to both your classes?”

“Yeah, yeah. I did.”

“Good.”

Jack was a smart guy, probably the smartest in the school. But that just meant he got so bored. Everything was too slow for him, too dull, not enough fun. Everything had to be fun for him. But they were in high school, so that wasn’t something they were going to find lots of. So, he acted out a lot and got detention. He skipped class when he got bored. North and Rapunzel were trying to keep him in class and out of trouble. Of course, Rapunzel had to try to do the same herself. While Jack skipped class because he was bored, Rapunzel skipped because she was too anxious to be around lots of people. She got in trouble because she read ahead or doodled on her tests and homework.

Yeah, high school sucked.

They found a quiet corner outside to sit and eat lunch. Jack’s daily supply of marshmallows was already half-gone, a sign he had started stress-eating already.

The shining light of the day for Rapunzel came after lunch: art class. The only good thing at high school, minus Jack and the library.

She could sit quietly in the corner and paint or draw and no one would bother her. She could doodle on her homework because that was the homework. The teacher didn’t scold her when she drifted off daydreaming.

Things didn’t stay so good after art class. During English she was able to spare a few minutes to draw in her new sketchbook. After a minute she could feel someone’s eyes on her. A quick look up confirmed it wasn’t the teacher. Rapunzel dropped her gaze back to her paper. She didn’t want to know which of her classmates was judging her this time.

The thing was, Rapunzel couldn’t understand her classmates, and they couldn’t understand her. She suspected this was due to being homeschooled for most of her life (boy it had been an uphill battle to get her mom to agree to a public high school). This resulted in a certain animosity, much like Jack and his being not human.

After class, three girls cornered Rapunzel in the hall and ripped up her sketchbook.

Jack found her huddled in the library, trying to tape it back together again.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “You just bought it for me and…”

“Don’t apologize, Punzie. For fuck’s sake, it’s those girls’ fault!” He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “Do you want me to go track them down?”

“No, don’t. Please. I’ll just...ignore them. I’ll be fine.”

Jack sighed. “Like always, huh?”

Rapunzel checked out some books to cheer herself up while Jack finished taping up the sketchbook. He held her hand as they walked outside.

“Do you need me to walk with you?” he asked. They lived in opposite directions of the school, and Rapunzel’s mom didn’t let her go out after school or bring friends over.

“No, I’ll be okay. And my mom would be upset.”

Jack made a face but didn’t argue. He kissed her and promised to text her later before he took off running. She smiled and unlocked her bike. Her backpack was heavy with homework and the books she’d checked out.

Unfortunately for her, she found that there had been an accident, and part of the road was closed off. The detour to her house meant she arrived home almost half an hour later than she meant to. Her mother was waiting for her. Her hands clutched at her greying dark hair and she glared at Rapunzel as she approached. She was absolutely furious.

“Do you know how long I have been waiting?!” she shouted. “Where have you been?! You could have been dead for all I knew! How could you worry me like that?! Why can’t you think of anyone but yourself?!”

“I’m sorry, mother. There was—”

“No respect! You have no respect for me! You never listen to me!” Rapunzel shrank back as her mother continued to shout. She waved her arms and jabbed her finger at Rapunzel’s chest. She criticized ever agreeing to her going to a public school. She criticized Jack, calling him a bad influence. Eventually she dragged Rapunzel inside and slammed the door behind her. Rapunzel held her breath and watched as she took a deep breath and smoothed her hair. Finally, in a calmer voice she said “Rapunzel, I’m trying to raise you as best I can! But you have to make an effort as well!”

“I know. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Her mother smiled and hugged her.

“I know you won’t, dear. But, I do have to ground you for this. Just to your room, and just for tonight. So that this won’t happen again.”

Rapunzel’s heart sank; she had been looking forward to eating supper with her mom and telling her about her day. But she understood and went obediently to her room.

After her mother brought her her supper, she got a text from Jack.

north was pissed abt the shoes. rip me

saw it coming you should have saved them so you could wear them home

punz youre a fuckin genius goddamit

how’s your punishment

no wifi i wasnt done wachng that vine complaton

i’m grounded because I got home late.

o shit what hapend

road was closed mom was really angry i didn’t mean to make her worried i didn’t know it would take me that long

it wasnt even your fault tho!!!

i should have called her to let her know

did you tell her wat happened

i didn’t get a chance

punzie

don’t start she’s just worried about me

k fine u okay

yeah

not lonely?

no

reallly???

okay, a bit and i’m still upset about earlier i couldn’t even make it through the first day without one of them starting something

yeah i almost lost some fngers to a slamed locker door

what!! are you okay!!

yeah im fine

promise

i promise

jack

yeah?

this is unfair why is life this way

let’s drop out

no

:/ you’re no fun

[aceyanaheim]

What are your Kaiba thoughts for the Send Me a Character ask?

hmm

I’m guessing you mean Seto Kaiba but..imma do all 3 because i can.

Seto Kaiba

First impression

What a BAMF!

( I was a child and very tiny and kinda fairly very bullied and Seto was...well he broke into his own house and jumped out a window. And he could fight. I was sold. I wanted to be like him.) I also sided with him over Yugi on most things...including friendship and speeches.

Impression now

Maaaaaaaaac freakin dork ass curt ass dramatic af  child with anger issues and trauma someone help him someone help him Now.

I also ( obviously) now side with Yugi over Seto on the whole friendship deal. (But I get Seto’s reaction on an almost instinctive level and still love him a lot.)

( Like..dont get it wrong. I poke fun at him because of how much he reminds of me as a kid but...I adore him and I’ll defend him from near anyone. Okay no I won’t because im a coward who goes into fight-or-flight at the mere thought of char-disc-0urse but like still 

I love the kid.  Him good child. Deserves all the happiness and good fortune. I want to see him grow up healthypng.)

Favorite moment

hmm. I haven’t seen him since the show was new so its foggy but..Imma say any time he either shares screen time with Mokuba or snarks at Joey. ( at Joey specifically because oh lord “Mokuba make sure Wheeler’s late” still sends me into a laughing spell. ( mind you I adore Joey too but  uh..yeah. Snarking Seto is best Seto)

Idea for a story

Right now the one I have is a crossover with xmen where Laura Kinney becomes his and Mokuba’s bodyguard. It has ended up becoming 3 separate verses because i couldn’t decide between comic!book Laura and Logan!Laura and also at what time in both their stories I wanted them because I am the opposite of competent and know no hubris.

It’s eking along kinda slow-like tho. Because writing Seto’s hard for me. I feel like a lot of people have done it better already. So I don’t know that it’ll get done.

Also I don’t know how to keep her from killing Pegasus.

I also had an idea for him and Tea becoming friends in like therapy or something but that never kicked off. Although it’s worth mentioning I’d like to explore the concept of what it would take for them to get along.

Unpopular opinion

He’s a good person I guess? I’ve heard that’s unpopular but haven’t seen it. He deserves a shot at a happy life. He’s a good person? He has never ( to my knowledge) been unkind to Mokuba and even if he was being angry in one moment in your life isn’t some kinda morality indicator especially when it comes to children. Especially traumatized to high heaven children who just keep getting traumatized so no Mokuba didn’t “deserve a better brother” or w/e both Seto and Mokuba deserved better period and can people just enjoy the show which is about forgiveness and friendship anyways good golly. 

I mean..yeah I guess I got a few.

 Another one that I think might be unpopular but I don’t know due to not really publicizing it is that Seto and Yugi....actually aren’t that different at the core? Like if you took Seto away from a lot of the Tragic Backstory stuff he might end up..not exactly like Yugi but not that different either. They’d have a lot in common.

Favorite relationship

Him and Mokuba. Hands down.

Favorite headcanon

Ohshoot do i even have one hm. This ask covers a lot of the headcanons I have for him..but I guess my favorite is him liking children followed by the one that he does math equations and formulas when he’s bored.

I also share a lot of the ones @iced-blood has posted due to most of my exposure to the character coming from his fic after I stopped watching the show so a lot of his headcanons are up there too.

Mokuba Kaiba

First impression

He’s adorable. Protect him.

Impression now

He’s adorable and tiny. Protect him.

Favorite moment

Either him in the beginning of the Noah arc since we get to see him know how to operate the computers in KC or when he’s telling Alistair off in Awaken The Dragons

Basically any time he’s not getting captured again for the plot tho.

Idea for a story

I have a couple drabbles based on @kintatsujo‘s age swap AU...and her In The Back Of My Brain AU, alot of her AUS give me ideas actually ( which of course id ask for permission before pursuing)  but nothing concrete.

Oh and the xmen crossover mentioned above.  Mokuba’s a fair share of that since in one of them Laura’s his bodyguard rather than Seto’s. ( in another Gozaburo gets Laura as protection for Seto while still being abusive and they both shake him off. Like I said it’s..it’s splintered into a lot)

Unpopular opinion

I..don’t think I have any? I don’t really know what opinions are popular tbqh. I guess if anything i saw here is then that.

Favorite relationship

Him and Seto. 

Favorite headcanon

His hair’s a liability I speak from experience.

I guess I’m a fan of the shared headcanon that Mokuba wears heelys. I like the idea that he’s not a genius like his brother and maybe he doesn’t get HIgh HIGH grades and maybe that’s okay ( as someone who has a complex relationship with academics I guess thats something I wish i saw more often yknow) because he’s smart in different ways.

I like the idea of Mokuba being athletically inclined like skate boarding or parkour or being involved in some sport at school I mean he roped climbed out a window in his intro episode so its not that outlandish.

I actually don’t have that many headcanons for this kid. I should fix that.

Noah Kaiba

First impression

Yikes. What  a freakin loon. ( first episode) Oh no..he’s lonely and abandoned. Oh no oh no oh no. ( later episodes in the arc) Okay but he’s still a mean dude ( when he turns ppl to stone) Oh no...he died...and he turned around at the last minute WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DONT GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN. ( at the end)

( yeah Noah took kid!Me through the freakin wringer)

Impression now

He was a child. And his father left him to rot. 

He deserved so much better. 

I love him. I cry and screech about him needing things monthly and sometimes weekly. 

Favorite moment

When he turned around to fight Gozaburo. Also the scenes where you see Mokuba getting to him.

Idea for a story

I guess-no I know a lot of people have done it better but I like the idea of a canondivergence where he’s spared and/or rescued by Seto.

I also like the idea of crossovers with shows like Digimon or Code Lyoko where you have digital worlds.

I just don’t want to be alone and i want him to have nice things okay. That’s..that’s all i want..from life.

Unpopular opinion

Probs that he was an actual smol child and got a raw deal and Deserved Better. ( tm) ( you’ll find thats..my beat with a lot of characters ^-^:) 

Favorite relationship

He...doesnt have any? In fics where he gets brought back like Paved With Good Intentions ( specifically Blue Eyes Violet Eyes) I like seeing his relationships with the other Kaibas. But as far as Canon goes...yeah there’s none.

Favorite headcanon

He’s very tactile. He liked running his hands through his dog’s fur and it always got to him that digitized it..wasn’t the same.

Following that he used to be very physically affectionate before Gozaburo started discouraging it.

Following that if he was to be brought out of the digital place/rescued I think he’d be pretty clingy. I mean because of the tactile thing and because..he’d need to reassure himself the world around him is real.  

If he had been allowed to live he’d probably think he didn’t deserve it/that he has to Atone for the stuff he’s done.

His whole world was his father and even when he hated him he loved him. He wanted nothing more than to be held by him again. That’s why the abandonment stung so much, there’s nothing like hating and being hurt by someone you love...and still having a part of you love them. A part of him still wonders what he did to get left behind. That’s a big part of what drove him to the deep end.

Character Asks Meme

[vocallykaix]

Lost and Found {4}

genre: mostly fluff, tad of angst??

requested: @tenjaehyunsehuntaemin

length: 2.4k words

pairing: Johnny Seo x Reader

summary: The best time of the week was the weekend when you can see your 4 year old niece but one close call led you to meeting a certain handsome man

It had been a few months since you had first met Young Ho and you’d gotten so close you’d even surprised yourself, you’d always either be out around the park with Sun Hee watching Young Ho chase her around the fields or lounging around your place watching movies or finishing assignments you’d both left till last minute. Just in these last few months It had become routine to have Young Ho with you and you were worried how accustomed you’d gotten to his presence and how lonely you’d now feel when he wasn’t there, it would feel too quiet watching a movie on your own now and painfully boring to do your assignments in solitude.

Your time with Young Ho had mostly been great but you’ve lost count how many times your hangouts had been cut short by a phone call that makes him flee the scene every time. You’d tried asking about it but he’d always find a way to change the subject. It was clear to you whatever it was, he wasn’t planning on telling you any time soon. It made you feel uneasy, that there was something he was hiding but you didn’t think it was your place to demand to know, from your months with him you knew he was wonderful so it wasn’t that you thought he was a bad guy because he was far from it, it just the fact that he was so against talking about it making your curiosity bloom.

It was Thursday, 1pm when you got a text from a familiar contact

Young hoee :p - do you have plans for tonight?

Young hoee :p - wait it’s you of course you don’t, me and my friends are going to a night club later, you in?

You roll your eyes and scoff before typing back

(Y/n) >•< - first of all, rude but true and second idk, I haven’t met any of your friends

Young hoee :p - just trust me, they’re cool, isn’t your friend back from vacation now? Bring her

(Y/n) >•< - I’ll think about it

Young hoee :p - nope, see you at 8 ~

You shake your head, these uni boys only know how to party and now they’re dragging you into it, you don’t even think you have any night club kinda clothes.

You still had some time before you had to go to work so you decided to call Min Seo before you forgot. Her parents lived in London for most of her life and she just moved back here around 4 years ago and you’d always seemed to have the same classes so you became best friends by default but any chance they got they’d fly back over to England to see her grandparents who still lived there leaving you to wallow in your pity back here alone, well until you had Young Ho.

She picked up after the second ring and her yelling almost shattered your ear drum

“SHUT UP AND GET OUT! IM ON THE PHONE” she screamed

“Umm Min?” You move the phone away from your ear just in case but you were met with her usual soft voice

“Sorry, this family drives me up the bloody wall” she sighed

“Don’t be dramatic, how was England!?”

“It was so cold, but I loved seeming my grandparents? And What did I miss? I heard there’s a boy that’s taken my place?”

“How has he taken your place?” You laugh

“So there is a boy? You better spill the beans! Is he hot?”

“Very but that’s not why I’m calling you, he’s invited us both to go clubbing with his friends, can you come? Please say you can come?”

“Umm I’m not sure, I’ll ask my mom if she can take her little shits back, what time are we talking?”

“Get to my place around 7”

“Okay, I’ll text you when I know what’s happening”

“Okay, I better get ready for work, talk to you later”

“Later~” you hung up and hopped in the shower to get ready for work.

Working at a convenience store was indeed pretty convenient, it was a pretty laid back job that almost never caused any problems other then the odd drunk guys who go in to buy more alcohol on the way home so most days you would just sit behind the counter on your phone, you didn’t slack but there was just never much to do, so your shift passed pretty quickly

Min seo <33 - you still at work?

Y/N :3 - yup, five more minuets

Min seo <33 - I’ll pick you up on my way

Y/N :3 - this is why I love youuu ~

You packed up all your things and waited for Jungwoo, he always took the shift next to yours, he was a really nice guy and you were pretty close, he’d always say hi with a smile whenever you saw each other and you’d often go and get coffee together. He strolled in at 7 on the dot “ (y/n), how are you?” He smiled putting his things in to the locker

“Great now I can go home, how are you?”

“Amazing! My boyfriend is finally telling his parents about us” he was practically glowing, he’d always been telling you how much he’d love to freely date his boyfriend but his boyfriend hadn’t came out to his parents yet because his parents were religious, you had always been the one on the phone to him as he cried about how stressful the situation was becoming and at one point he was ready to call it all of if his boyfriend didn’t do something soon which you guess was what had led to his boyfriend telling his parents after a long year. In return he’d also act as your councillor with the boys you’d previously dated and would take you out when Min Seo was gone so overall Jungwoo was another pretty big part of your life.

“Jungwoo that’s so amazing! I’m so happy for you” you cheered

“Girl I know! But anyways how’s that Young Won guy treating you?” He smirked tying his apron on as you took yours of

“Young Ho, and he’s invited me and my friend to go clubbing tonight”

“For the love of god don’t get drunk and embarrass yourself” he said pointing at you, you shook you head and laugh.

A car beeped it’s horn outside and you saw Min Seo inside waving you over

“That’s my lift, I’ll see you later, make sure you tell me how it goes with his parents”

“Of course, see you later. don’t embarrass yourself” he sang as he waved.

You and Min Seo rush to your closet to try and make you look semi-decent for the night in the little time you had. You’d thrown half your closet across your room before deciding on a black off the shoulder shirt and a skirt that stopped mid thigh, Min Seo curled your hair while you did your make up,

“Not going to lie, I’d fuck you like that” Min Seo nodded looking you up and down through the mirror “I’m good at this” you rolled your eyes and slipped on your heels on

“They’ll be here in few minutes, quick pre drink?” You said jogging over to the kitchen and pulling a few bottles out

“How could I say no” Min Seo smirked.

Half a bottle of vodka later a knock at the door echoed through your small apartment, you walk over to the door and reveal Young Ho looking stupidly good again “you ready?” He said putting his hands in his jeans pocket “yup, care for a quick shot on the way out” you didn’t give him a chance to reply as you tugged him inside by his hand “here” you held out your shot glass now filled with the strong smelling vodka

“Have you guys already drunk half a bottle?” He laughed throwing the shot down his neck

“What’s a night out with out the pre drinks” Min Seo giggled already feeling a buzz “you better have some hot boys with you” she pointed slipping her jacket on

“I have plenty” he put the shot glass in your sink “where’s your coat?” He said turning to you

“It’s just by the door, I’m just gonna put this away” you nodded toward the bottles. You put them back where you found them making sure the lids were on properly and as you stood up you felt something being draped over your shoulders “come on” Young Ho wined securing the jacket on to your shoulders

“Thanks” you avert your eyes to the floor as he pushed you towards the door by your lower back.

You could feel the heat from your cheeks as you made your way to the taxi but it was dark so you were just preying they wouldn’t notice, it was such a simple, friendly gesture but because it was from Young Ho it made your stomach churn and it wasn’t the first time it had happened either. You were sure you were attracted to him but you weren’t sure how deep these feeling went and you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself and assume he felt the same way.

“The boys are already there” young Ho said looking down at his phone

“ is it weird I’m nervous to meet your friends?”

“Once you get a few more shots in you I’m sure you won’t be” he said wiggling his eyebrows.

The floor was vibrating from the strong bass of the music as you followed behind Young Ho weaving between the sweaty body’s until you saw someone run up to him “Johnny! What took you so long?” He slurred and laughed hitting him on the chest, young Ho sighed and turned to you

“(y/n), Min Seo this is Ten, Ten this is (y/n) and Min Seo”

“Ohh so your (y/n)! Johnny said th-“ young Ho quickly pulled him away and toward a group of boys sitting at the bar leaving you confused and curious as to what he’s been saying behind your back. the boys at the bar all yelled greetings to him and You slowly made your way over “Johnny please tell me this is the chick you brought” you look over to one of the boys with his eyes locked on to you

“Yes she is Jaemin” young Ho pulled you next to him and put his arm over your shoulders “this is (y/n), please don’t do anything stupid and make her uncomfortable” it was too late for that but you were happy he was trying,

They all laughed smirking at johnny who still had you under his arm

“Here” Min Seo came from behind you handing you a fruity looking drink

“And who is this” one of them asked

“Hi, I’m Min Seo” she spoke with a not so innocent smile

“Hi, I’m Yuta, do you wanna dance?” The same one asked holding out his hand which she gladly took and they both made their way to the dance floor

“Wow that didn’t take long” you sigh

“Yuta has always been a flirt, I’m Taeyong” the boy closest to you stuck his hand out for you to shake, they didn’t seem too bad.

There was 5 people that had come with young Ho, it was that Yuta guy who stole Min Seo, the other flirty one was Jaemin, the drunk one was Ten, the sensible one was Taeyong and the cute guy with dimples was yoon oh. They were pretty cool like Young Ho had promised and not long after you met them you were clutching your stomach from laughing so hard. They all worked at the Radio place with Young Ho except Jaemin who had just left school, he was still young and the boys weren’t letting him drink a lot.

“Want to dance?” Young Ho asked as the other boys talked

“Sure” you tip back the rest of your drink and followed young Ho through the crowed until he turned to you satisfied with the space. He placed a hand on your hip and you laced your hands around his neck as you both swayed to the beat of the song. You saw him say something but couldn’t make it out over the loud music “what?” You shouted, he said it again but you still couldn’t hear “I can’t hear you” you shouted and shrugged your shoulders, he rolled his eyes and went down to your ear

“I said are you enjoying yourself?” He talked into you ear and you could feel his hot breath on your neck before he pulled away laughing, you pulled him back “I’m having a great time, why do they call you Johnny?” You felt his neck vibrate as he laughed

“I used to live in America and that’s my name there, I use it when doing broadcasts to”

“Shall I start calling you Johnny?”you laughed

“No, Young Ho sounds good from you” he smiled

“why don’t you show me some of your moves anyway, mr DJ” You laugh releasing him and giving him some room. You wish you’d never asked, he was throwing his limbs around to his own rhythm while you doubled over laughing “stop! Your embarrassing” you laugh, he just raised his eyebrows and continued “ people are looking” you hold his arms and shake your head

“Didn’t you like it?” He pouted trying to hold his his laugh placing his hands back on you sides and continued to sway to the song

“No I did, I just think I should keep it to myself” you put you hands back on his neck and he was just looking at you, the smile on his face slowly dropping and his eyes went from your eyes to your lips. The mood changed so quickly you could barely tell what was going on, You blame the sudden surge of confidence on the alcohol but you pulled him down slowly and connected your lips, it was a still kiss, both of you testing the waters before pulling away

“How much have you had to drink?” He asked keeping close so your noses were still touching

“I know what I’m doing, Young Ho”

“Did you like it” he asked more quietly, you just smiled pulling him to reconnect you lips. This time the kiss was more rushed, both of your lips moving together as he pulled your waist into his, keeping his hands planted on your hips as you tightened you arms around his neck making him lean into you. He tasted delicious.

part: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6

a/n

heheh i know i’m evil for ending it like that but this is where this series will finally pick up, thank you for all of you that have been reading so far, i hope you continue to enjoy the series <333

[redditnosleep]

The Aftermath

by Sergeant_Darwin

On October 16th, 2009, a boy by the name of Finn Carlton walked into the band room of my high school and closed the door behind him. He pulled a pistol from his coat pocket and fired six shots. Then he tied his belt around a pipe on the ceiling and hanged himself.

Six shots; seven bodies. That’s what the authorities found when they entered the room. Finn’s victims were apparently made to kneel in a straight line before they were executed, and their half-eaten lunches had been spoiled by the carnage. Six rounds. Six heads. One bullet each.

Chloe Cannon—15 years old, loved the color blue, played the French horn. Cute in a mousy sort of way. Murdered.

Xavier Mayweather—15 years old, on the track team, always rode his bike to school. Murdered.

Ronald “RJ” Saldaz—16 years old, had a notebook he sketched in, already bought his tickets to the midnight premiere of the new Harry Potter movie. Murdered.

Zach Trainor—15 years old, 280 pounds, played the tuba. Refused, several times, to join the football team. Murdered.

Marianne Ortega—15 years old, barely spoke English, liked horror films. Murdered.

Christopher Carlton—16 years old, played the French horn, secretly dating Chloe Cannon. Murdered. By his older brother, no less.

I didn’t know any of these students in life. But I know them all too well in death. And I hate each one of them with my whole heart.

This all went down during my junior year. Our school was closed for a few days, but it’s amazing how quickly business as usual returns. A grief assembly, a memorial plaque in the band room, and bam—it’s like everyone’s forgotten. Everyone’s moved on. Everyone except me.

Myself, I never experienced the grief. I didn’t know any of these kids, and while I felt for my peers who were close to them, my life wasn’t really affected by their gruesome ends. Sure, there was the existential shock, the “life is fleeting” realization, but I’d already lost a sibling in a freak accident years before. I was familiar with death. That’s why, in the weeks following the tragedy, I didn’t have any trouble sleeping.

So there I was, a month after the shooting, on a school night, not having any trouble sleeping. I had forgotten to silence my phone, so when I got a text, it buzzed on the wooden nightstand near my bed. Groggily, I rolled over to check it and was instantly jerked awake by what I read:

IM GOING TO KILL HER BOTH OF THEM SURE WHY NOT

“Jesus,” I muttered, eyes fixed on the macabre message, a threatening collection of black pixels backed by a heartless electric glow. I found a morbid fascination then, as I do now, in letters—meaningless squiggles, by themselves, which can combine to strike with more terror than the steepest cliff or the most menacing beast. The combination of these particular squiggles drilled a strangely familiar fear into my heart.

I glanced to see what number the message had come from, but that field was blank. It appeared as though the text had not been sent by anything at all. Frantically, I hit reply: “What? Who is this??” I waited for a few minutes, but received no response. Unsettled, I got out of bed and turned on the light. I wanted to do something, I just didn’t know what. Finally, after staring around my room for a moment, I decided I’d splash my face with water.

I went to the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. A good, long, hard look. Staring myself down, willing myself to get a grip. Finally, I splashed my face with the icy pour from the tap. I patted dry with the hand towel and went back into my room. My phone’s LED was blinking from the nightstand—I’d received a text message. I shut the door, turned off the lights and took a step toward my bed, wondering somewhat anxiously if the new message was a reply from whoever had sent the previous one. But I’d barely moved before I stopped dead in my tracks.

I wasn’t alone. There, hovering in front of my nightstand, faintly luminescent and barely visible, was a girl—a tiny, mousy-looking girl, a girl who was strangely pretty in a non-obvious way, a girl who would never celebrate her Sweet 16 or stretch her undersized legs to reach the pedals of a car. A girl who was dead.

Chloe Cannon wore a thin blue nightgown that reached her knees. Her feet did not touch my floor. She bobbed slightly, up and down in the air, seemingly staring not at me but at a point in the wall directly behind me. She appeared both solid and not—her skin had a distinct silver pallor yet I could see the light on my phone blinking through her torso. Her face looked vaguely sad. I could not move; I could not speak.

We remained still, together, for what felt an eternity. Finally, I convinced myself that I was imagining things. I took a step toward her. Then another. Another. But not another. I could not bring myself to step closer, because as I neared her, her face began to change. Her left cheekbone began to sag. Her skull began to dent. Her eyeball began to rotate and protrude from its socket. A dark spot began to appear amid her fine, silvery hair. I backed away in horror and the bullet’s fatal blow faded from sight as quickly and seamlessly as it had appeared. In desperate panic, I flicked the light switch up.

She was gone. I heaved a sigh of relief. I had been seeing things. I thought perhaps the shooting had affected me more than I’d let myself believe. Still, my knees wobbled—I could barely even stand. Bracing myself against the wall with my arm, I stared at the blinking notification light on my phone. Eventually, my curiosity over who had sent that morbid message was too much. I flicked off the light—no hovering girl, that was good—and scrambled into bed. Safely under my covers, I grabbed my phone and opened the second text message. This time, I found no morbid fascination in the squiggles before me. These five letters and two punctuation marks, backed by a harsh glow in the comfortless dark, carried only dread.

CHLOE :)

I didn’t know Finn Carlton. To this day, when people hear what high school I went to, they usually ask me if I was acquainted with the scrawny kid who murdered his brother and five others before stringing himself up in the pipes. They ask it with a sort of reality-show fascination, and it feels like they’re only asking so they can later tell their equally fascinated friends that they knew a guy who knew the guy. And their face always falls a bit when I say no, no I didn’t. I’d never seen him before.

Of course, that’s not entirely true. Finn actually didn’t live too far from me, and we both walked home from school most days. I was a year younger than him, and we truly didn’t know one another in the least. Not a word was ever exchanged between us. Still, I knew who he was. I stared at his backpack some days on my way home—black, with bright green trim. The green was my favorite shade. I have to admit, it was a pretty cool backpack.

I suppose part of the reason I tell people I didn’t know Finn is that it’s simpler than going into detail about how I really didn’t know him but I knew of him and sometimes stared at his backpack when I walked home from school. But there’s another reason, too, and I’m reminded of it every time his victims come to me, when I’m scared and cold and in lonely moments: I’m ashamed.

I checked myself into a loony bin (oh, pardon me, a psychiatric hospital) the year after I graduated. That’s how bad things had gotten. I’d never seen Chloe again, but I’d seen all the others. By this point, Xavier and Zach chilled in my room practically every night. They never hurt me—but if I got too close, their faces would fall out of place and their death wounds emerge.

If I’m being perfectly honest, they didn’t scare me that much. They didn’t seem to bear me ill will—apart from that bizarre message the night I saw Chloe, they seemed content to merely hang about, and their presence had become almost comforting. If they were real, I figured I could handle that. No, what truly frightened me was the idea that they might not be real, that I might in fact be out of my fucking mind. All I wanted was to live a normal life. Xavier, Zach and the others weren’t getting in the way of that, but a mental illness certainly would.

I thought it would be an easy process—“Hey, doc, I’m going nuts, can you lock me up for a while and hit me with some meds?”—but it’s not that simple. As it turns out, there’s a lot involved in admitting oneself into the farm, not the least of which is a series of probing interviews with psychiatric professionals. I know they mean well, but in my experience, chats with these quacks usually do more harm than good. They drag up stuff that your mind hides, and sometimes your mind hides that stuff for a reason. I must have met a dozen people who went in for a five-minute checkup and came out remembering how their uncle used to touch them when they were kids.

For me, it didn’t happen quite that way. I was in my third and final interview, this one with the head of the institution herself, when I finally remembered. It wasn’t gradual. It came all at once. I broke down sobbing, realizing what I’d done, what responsibility I bore. It’s a surreal experience, to forget. Not just to have something slip your mind, like where you put your keys, but to really, truly, forget. I wish I had forgotten forever.

Seeming a bit taken aback by my outburst, the hospital administrator signed a piece of paper and tried to hand it to me, telling me it would account for at least a ninety-day stay. But I barely heard. I wiped the snot from my nose, blinking back tears, and stared behind her in horror, where Chloe Cannon hovered, the strange sad look still etched on her face. It was the first time I had seen her since that night, long ago, in my room. I pointed behind the lady, shrieking.

“She’s there! She’s there!”

Now thoroughly alarmed, the administrator whipped her head around, and then, apparently seeing nobody, pressed a button on her desk. The paper she had been trying to hand over fluttered to the ground. As the men in the white coats came to restrain me, I wrenched my gaze from Chloe and looked at the paper, face up on the concrete floor. And as they dragged me from the room, I saw a message written, in the unmistakable handwriting of a teenage girl, where the administrator had signed:

WITH MY DADS GUN I GUESS OF COURSE I KNOW WHERE HE KEEPS IT

Chloe’s face, twisted in a cruel smirk, was the last thing I saw before all went black.

October 15th, 2009. Chloe Cannon and her friends had less than 24 hours to live. Of course, they didn’t know that then. Nobody did. It was just a regular day in our regular town.

School had been out for half an hour, and I was on my way home—and who was right in front of me? You guessed it, boys and girls, Finn Carlton. I walked a few dozen paces behind him, my feet crunching the leaves on the sidewalk, my breath barely visible in the brisk autumn air. I stared at the green trim on his black backpack. God, it was a good-looking backpack.

His head hung and his shoulders were slumped. That was odd. I mean, the kid never had great posture, but on this day he looked like his books weighed a hundred pounds. He was sniffling a lot, too. I can’t be sure, but I think he was crying.

I didn’t care much about that, though. Finn Carlton’s problems were none of my concern—at least, that’s what I thought at the time. No, most of my thoughts were on my mother. She didn’t have work that day, and that usually meant she had a damn fine meal waiting for the family at home. And I know you all think your mothers can cook a damn fine meal, but trust me, they wouldn’t even compare.

Anyway, Finn had barely even crossed my mind until he reached in his pocket. He pulled out a ringing cell (a flip phone—2009 was a simpler time) and answered it.

“What do you want?” His voice seemed thick, like a guy trying to sound more masculine than he felt.

At first, my ears barely even registered the first half of the conversation.

“No, I can’t . . . I can’t ask her . . . Because, man, I think you already know . . . Dude, she’s with Chris . . . Yes, my brother Chris, what other fucking Chris would I be talking about?”

My ears perked up a bit. Drama. Just what I needed to take the boredom out of this brutally dull walk. I quickened my stride somewhat, hoping to get a bit closer and catch more of the conversation. I took care to avoid the leaves on the sidewalk, not wanting to draw Finn’s attention to my presence. He continued:

“No, I’m not guessing, I saw them kiss . . . I don’t know, next to the band room . . . Are you fucking high? Of course it was her . . . Yeah, you’re telling me. I feel like shit. I’m losing my fucking mind over here.”

I didn’t know who the girl he mentioned was, but I did know of his brother Chris. He was a year younger than me, and it always struck me as strange that he and Finn were related—while Finn was quiet, scrawny, and a bit morose-seeming, Chris was a handsome, upbeat kid who gave off the impression that he was going places in life.

“Oh yeah, dude, that was the last straw,” Finn continued, his voice shaking with rage. “You have no fucking idea how done I am with this shit.” Then he was silent for a long time. Finally, he spoke again, and his voice sounded different. Lower. Meaner.

“I’m going to kill her . . . Both of them, sure. Why not?”

My blood instantly turned to ice. I stopped dead in my tracks. Did he just say what I think he just said?

Finn laughed, a harsh, excited laugh, then spoke again. “With my dad’s gun, I guess . . . Of course I know where he keeps it.”

My head was reeling. I stood, alone, on the sidewalk, my breath short and my heartbeat quick. I tried to force what I had just heard from my mind. Surely he couldn’t be serious. But God, he sounded like he was. He sounded deadly serious. I don’t think I’ve heard that tone of voice from anyone else in my life.

Finn had continued walking and was almost out of earshot. He stepped further and further away, and I had no interest in hearing any more of his conversation. I felt sick to my stomach. I was only close enough to hear one final sentence before he trailed off:

“I don’t know, man—tomorrow’s as good a day as any.”

It happened the next day, at lunch. I was in the cafeteria, sitting at the usual table with the usual people, when a pop, muffled but clearly audible, rang through the air. A few seconds passed, then another. Another. Another. By the third pop, the cafeteria was silent. By the sixth, pandemonium had ensued. Students trampled over one another in their flight to the west exit, away from that sound. Teachers tried unsuccessfully to give the mob order. Everyone—myself included—was getting the hell out of there.

As I ran with the crowd, my thoughts were with Finn Carlton, who was presently undoing his belt and staring at a pipe on the ceiling of the locked band room. Those pops rang in my head, grisly echoes playing over and over and over, getting louder and louder and louder. This is your fault, is all I can think. This is your fault.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang!

The final knock on my cell door awoke me. Perhaps cell is too harsh a word—it was a nice room. They took good care of me. Still, when I climbed out of bed and saw those beautiful words on my calendar—DAY 90—I dressed with a little pep in my step.

I could have left at any time, of course, but the paperwork would have been so complicated. That, and I couldn’t think of anything better to do on the outside. So I stayed, for three long months, talking to therapists and swallowing pills and sharing my feelings in hilarious group circles with other inmates who were actually crazy. And that’s the thing, the one thing I learned from my time in the funny farm: They were crazy. I wasn’t.

No, Chloe Cannon was real, in life and in death—as real as my fingers flying over my keyboard right now, telling you my story. Her secret boyfriend, Christopher Carlton, he’s real too. So is Xavier Mayweather, and Marianne Ortega, and RJ Saldaz, and every last pound of big Zach Trainor. They’re all real, realer to me than they ever were alive, even though they’re all lying in the frozen December ground with traces of lead still in their heads. They’re all real, and they won’t leave me alone, and why should they?

I’m the reason RJ never got to use those Harry Potter tickets. The newspapers reported tirelessly on the victims after the shooting, and one of the details they really harped on was that RJ was a huge Harry Potter fan and that he’d bought tickets for the upcoming midnight premiere months in advance. I think J.K. Rowling even sent some nice shit to his family. I didn’t catch the movie in theaters, but I got it on Redbox a few months later. I wish I could say I was alone when I watched it, but RJ didn’t miss a single frame.

I’m the reason that the kiss shared between Chloe Cannon and Chris Carlton, the kiss they meant to hide but that was seen by a jealous brother anyway, was their last. I’m the reason Xavier never broke five minutes in the mile, the reason Marianne never learned better English, the reason Zach never lost all the weight he’d meant to. I’m the reason they’re all dead.

I got Chloe’s final message in an email two years ago:

TOMORROWS AS GOOD A DAY AS ANY

--CHLOE :)

Though I see her every night, she hasn’t spoken to me since. There’s so much she could say, but I think she’s choosing—somehow, some way—to let it remain unsaid. Isn’t it better if I fill in the gaps?

What’s it like to still be alive?

How can you live with yourself?

You could have saved us.

She never says it. None of them ever do. I don’t even know if they can. But as they crowd around my bed every night, all six of them, I can feel it in their stares. They all want to be alive, and they’ll haunt me as long as I draw the breath they crave. I’m not crazy, I’m not hallucinating, I’m not a freak—I’m simply and overwhelmingly consumed by guilt.

I have a gun that I keep in the corner of my closet, a gun not unlike the one Finn Carlton stole from his dad’s dresser, in a box that you could only find if you’re looking for it. I look for it sometimes. I pull it out sometimes, too. And every once in a while, I put a bullet in it, close the chamber, and hold it to my temple with a trembling, sweaty palm. Every time I do, I feel my six friends, my six tormentors, cheering me on. But I’ve never pulled the trigger. Not yet. I guess the time’s just never seemed right, but perhaps there’s no sense in putting it off any longer. From where I sit now, I can see the box—just the corner, peeking out from the top of my closet. Taunting me. Daring me. When will I give in?

I don’t know, man—tomorrow’s as good a day as any.