#my mind keeps saying 'ur being weird stop!!!' but ive been like this for YEARS [ gestures to the blog ] FUCKING YEARS

[tandytoaster]

Usually usually usually I'm not one of those, "i wanna throw him in the microwave" types of people but Fang deserves it. HE DOES GET THROWN AROUND A LOT. Luv that he gets what he deserves luv that for him

[canpandaspvp]

LET IT OUT GLARE LET IT OUTTTTTTTTT SPEAK UR MINDNDNDNDNDD

OK THANK YOU RANT TIME. i'll put it under the cut so i don't clog things:

I LOVE SABRINA CARPENTER. I LOVE MEG DONNELLY. I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT AND MCKENNA GRACE AND ELLE WOODS AND REGINA GEORGE AND ALL THE BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WONDERFUL BLONDE GIRLS IN MEDIA AND IN THE WORLD. I ALSO. LOVE. RAPUNZEL. and i understand why people would want a blonde girl to play rapunzel, but the same people who will cheer so loud for black actors and actresses taking on live action lead roles are the same people tearing down maitreyi and avantika for being considered to play rapunzel??? it just screams performative so bad because of course everyone wants to seem accepting when it's the most commonly marginalized community getting big roles, but when it's the race they don't take seriously then their true colors show. that's not to bring down any black actors bc god knows i will defend my fellow poc to hell and back, but why can't brown people in media get the same reaction? the second that we're considered for these prized "white roles" is when everyone gets pissed cause they don't see it as some kind of apology for how they've treated us in the same way they do for other races.

these aren't random comments i found that ive cherry picked. this is all ONE COMMENT SECTION ON ONE TIKTOK. and i could've kept going. SHES FAKE SHES FICTIONAL HOORAY EVERYONE!!! HER RACE DOESNT MATTER. HER HAIR IS FUCKING MAGICAL AND A BILLION FEET LONG. and i totally get wanting to stop with live actions so that you can make way for new princesses, but:

- most new animated films have been largely Shit

- their representation largely Sucks

- people don't care anymore. they don't get invested in new characters and the only reason anyone might tune into this is because they already have some form of connection to it.

i don't like live actions. i think they're stupid, poorly done, and a bad attempt at remedying the lack of representation for various communities over the past century and some. i also think it's weird that people only want to support poc actors when they know they'll be judged for how they react, because the second it's an indian? it doesn't fucking matter. these freaks don't care about racism they literally only care about how they're perceived, and they know they'll only be perceived as racist if they say something against certain races. if it's an indian it's ravi and baljeet and all these other fucking JOKES so they can say whatever they want. KEEP IN MIND THESE ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT SO HARD DEFENDING HALLE BAILEY (whom i love, adore, and admire) LITERALLY A YEAR AGO.

i feel like a broken record or something but it's just insane to me that people only care like this when they know that they can get away with it because at the end of the day, america thinks brown people are fucking jokes. they'll only defend whoever it looks good to defend and it's such performative bullshit that it actually makes me want to throw up.

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

happy new year yall

i have a lot to say, not gonna lie. im not sure im going to get to say it all, but here goes.

ive met a ton of people on this site this year, and I love you all so much. if i forget someone, which i probably will, i'm sorry. i love you all the same. this might get stupid long because there have been a lot of days where i genuinely didnt think i would make it through this year, but i did! im proud of myself, and i love my friends so much for the support theyve given me, and so thats what this is, i guess.

@catboygretzky : alex, i love you so much. so, so much. i dont know how to put it into words. it seems impossible we havent been friends all our lives; it seems impossible that you live across an ocean. i love love love you.

@butchtysonbarrie @steadyfreddie : hi im so sorry im grouping you together but yall are associated with each other in my mind so do with that what u will. become friends, youd love each other. but what i really wanted to say to you both is that being your friend has made me feel so much more myself. youve both followed me for fucking ever, and you know me really fucking well (unfortunately to follow my tumblr is to submit urselves to the mortifying ordeal of knowing me, oops) and youve both just accepted me for who i am, no matter my name or pronouns or hyperfixation of the month, and i cant put into words how loved that makes me feel. i love you both so much, and im so glad this year gave us the gift of becoming friends.

@mathewtkachuk @winnipegpatty : hi. i fucking love the hbg, and i love talking to you guys. we’re all living very different lives, which youd think would be weird but it isnt. i love you both, and i feel so so lucky to have met you.

@couturriere : im still honestly kind of floored that you talk to me. youre intelligent and resourceful and kind and such a strong person and mother, and every time i talk to you, im more and more glad for your presence in my life. i absolutely adore you and your daughter, and i cant wait to have lunch with you :)

@wejusthangingouthere : my lovely jb anon. ur still my favorite anon ever, maybe, even though i know who you are. i absolutely fucking adore you, and i love watching you get into hockey, and i love your questions and your curiosity and the way you love this stupid sport. im so glad you sent me those asks and im so glad for the messages we’ve exchanged since.

@pencilhoarders : another lovely friend ive made through anon!! i love you so much. even when you feel like youve made a mistake, know that i still love you. you work so hard and i am so in awe of the talent you have because of it, and more than that, for your absolutely genius mind. youre incredible. i hope you always know that.

@akutaguwa : getting to know you in the back half of this year has been an absolute treat. you always make me laugh, and youre another person that just stuns me with how smart you are. i love and admire your strength, and i love your voice, too. we should read soon lmao

@girouxes : my lovely beautiful wife. i love you so much, yknow? im so proud of who you are, and im so excited to get to know more versions of you as time passes. i cant wait to marry you, honestly. its gonna be a fuckin blast.

@fuzzyeldritchhorror : it was really hard for me to write this, because i got really choked up and couldnt actually see the keyboard for a few minutes, because i love you so goddamn much. im home when im with you, and i never ever want to stop feeling that. its been a while because of this goddamn pandemic, but ill see you soon, yknow? i love you to the moon.

@pattersonluke : i dont know what to say. i never know what to say. itll probably come to me if i keep typing, but every time ive tried so far ive just like. cried. so here it is: i love you beyond words, beyond poems, beyond everything ive tried to write down and it just never seems to come out right. we lose our shit a lot over the fact that love is a choice, and it is, and ill keep choosing you every fucking day, even when i want to stop breathing, because the friendship and love and trust we have is just. so worth it to me. i feel so lucky to have had this year with you, and even luckier to know ill have the next one with you, too, and tons more after that. i love you to the moon and to saturn.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 5

After dinner we stayed in the bar for a couple of drinks to pass the time, it was only 7:30pm.... too early to head back to the room and turn in for the night.

"So how are you liking our little town so far? You all settled?" Andy asked making conversation as new drinks were put in front of us.

"I love it, everyones so nice.... nosey, but nice" i chuckled thinking back at all the people who had come by to see the new girl!

"I remember being new to town,  i know exactly what you mean"

"How long have you lived in Newton now?" I asked taking a sip of wine.

"A little under 14 years, we moved there when Jacob was just a baby"

"So Newton is 'Home' for you and your family now?"

"Yeah i guess it is" he nodded slowly looking down at the bar lost in his thoughts before tipping back his whisky and ordering another.

The next hour or so we chatted about boring everyday things, it was nice to get to know Andy a bit more even if he was knocking back the Whisky like it was water while i was still nursing my 3rd glass of wine. When my phone started vibrating on the bar Andy looked at it shaking his head when he saw Franks name.

"So you and Frank seem to be getting along well?"

"Yeah his a nice guy" i shrugged "we've hung out a few times"

"Hung out?.... thats what they call it nowadays huh?" He scoffed shaking his head.

"I don't know what you mean....."

"That was Frank i saw leaving yours this morning right? His car was parked outside your place yesterday too when i picked you up" he took a mouthful of his whisky shaking his head "i thought you'd be smarter. I told you what Frank is like"

"Well maybe i'm okay with that" i shrugged feeling awkward, why was he acting like this?! Andy placed his hand over mine as he turned to look at me.

"You deserve better than fuckboy Frank!"

"Andy you've had too much to drink...."

"Probably, but its true" his free hand was suddenly on my thigh "id treat you so much better....."

"Andy stop!" I pushed his hand off my thigh "your married!"

"Urghhh" he moaned picking up his drink. I reached over and took the glass from him and moved it out of reach.

"I think you've had enough for tonight Andy".

"Tell me something Y/N" he said turning to face me "if i wasn't married.... would you still be telling me no?"

"This is just pointless.... you ARE married Andy...."

"That doesn't answer my question" he looked me over "we'd be good together..... id treat you so much better than Frank"

"Oh my god stop! Your making things weird...."

"Please" he begged grabbing my hand again "just admit things would be different if i wasn't married. Ive seen the way you look at me..... tell me its never once crossed your mind...."

He had me there, i had thought about it more than i should considering he was a married man and my boss! It was too messy.

"What good is that?? It doesn't change anything!" I snapped feeling my cheeks burn as a blush crossed my face.

"I just need to know. I need to know i'm not the only one thinking these things....."

"Fine! Yes okay!? the thought has maybe crossed my mind....."

"It has?" He smiled looking hopeful.

"Im not blind Andy! Look at you.... your gorgeous and so nice...."

"So why are you saying no?"

"Because your married!" I snapped getting up and grabbing my things "i'm going to bed. Lets just pretend this conversation never happened okay? I like my job i don't wanna have to leave because you made things weird".

"Y/N please, don't just walk away...."

He said getting up and throwing some money down on the bar before following me out the bar and to the elevator.

I stood in the corner of the elevator opposite Andy keeping as much space between us, eyes down on the floor as i felt my heart racing. Suddenly Andy was stood in front of me, his hand cupping my face making me look up at him.

"Im sorry for making you uncomfortable" he said quietly.

"Its fine, lets just forget about it okay?" I sighed looking up him. Andy nodded slowly but before i could stop him he leant forward pressing his lips to mine. It took me a couple seconds to acknowledge what was happening then pushed him away.

"Stop! We cant do this" i said breathlessly as the doors opened to our floor. I slipped around him and stormed off to our room, once inside i went straight to the bedroom and locked the door.

"Y/N.... i'm sorry, come out.... please?" I heard Andy calling from outside the door.

"Sleep it off Andy, we'll talk in the morning when your sober".

Falling back on the bed i pulled my phone out and opened the message from Frank.

Frank: Hey beautiful, how's ur day been?

Frank: Everything okay?

Was the second message i received when i hadnt replied back a few hours later.

Y/N:  Honestly....its been  so fucking weird!  

Frank: what happened?

Y/N: I don't really wanna  talk about it right now.

How's your day been?

I spent the next hour or so texting Frank before finally falling asleep.

The next morning i woke up and got ready for the day ahead constantly dreading being around Andy, it was gonna be so awkward! Taking a deep breath i opened the door and walked out, Andy was sat on the sofa already dressed for the day drinking coffee while looking at his phone. He looked up and smiled at me as i walked into the room.

“Morning, there’s coffee on the side”

“Thanks”

“How you feeling this morning? i feel awful, i must drank way too much. I don’t even remember getting back to the room!” He shook his head rubbing his temples.

“Im fine, i only had a few glasses of wine” i shrugged picking up the cup of coffee.

“Im so sorry, great impression huh....i guess i have you to thank for getting me back to the room?”

“Its fine, forget about it” i shrugged casually, Andy just nodded looking back at his phone.

“You heard from your friend yet?”

“Yeah he changed his mind, we’ll be heading home after breakfast”.

“You okay? You’ve been quiet the whole ride back?” Andy asked when he pulled up outside my house.

“Im fine, just tired i guess” i shrugged giving him a tight lipped smile.

“Well take the rest of the day off, get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Thanks” i looked up to see Franks blue Dodge rolling to a stop in front of Andy’s car. He got out giving me a smile as he walked over and got my door.

“Hey beautiful”

“Hi Frank, what you doing here?”

“You said you were nearly home and i missed you, so i thought id come say hi” he smirked before looking over at Andy “hey Andy”

“Hey”

“I need to grab my bag from the trunk...”

“I got it” Frank said quickly going to open the trunk.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Andy” i said as i got out the car.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for coming with me, i’m sorry it was a wasted journey”

“No problem” i replied before shutting the door, Frank slung an arm around my shoulders as we walked across the front yard. I turned to look back at Andy and saw him drop his head down and sigh before starting the car again and leaving.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig

[bloopbyoop]

weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 

x :D

[kweebtrash]

Hey, not necessarily a sex question. But as someone who loves reading fanfic and appreciates fanfic writers, I still can't bring myself to write it. How did you get into writing fanfic, and was it ever weird for you? Do you have any advice on how to feel less weird about it? Especially smut about real people? (To be fair I can't bring myself to write smut in general idk why)

I started writing naruto and yu yu hakusho fanfiction when i was ten and it was just a regular oc and the character i liked. It wasnt good at all but i thought it was the greatest. When i met my sister (non biological) in middle school we decided to come up with our own "anime story". We would write it in notebooks and pass it to each other during class and get in trouble for it. So i guess that was the first time ive written an "original" story. By the time i was 12 i knew what sex was (mostly) and i knew teenagers did it (my characters were teenagers) so i was like oh if they like each other then they should do it. But because i was 12 i was like THATS ICKY TO WRITE ABOUT (in detail) so i made them get in bed and then skipped ahead and wrote THE NEXT DAY 😂😂😂

Then when i got access to a laptop and internet thats when i round "real" fanfiction online and smut back when it was called "lemon/lime/citrus" whatever the fuck that means. I still remember my first one was about neji hyuga LMAO.

I started reading more fanfiction throughout my teenager years and kept writing for anime, wrote bandfiction, created a bunch of OCs to rp with my partner at the time and i think by the time i actually started having sex that i was like ok this isnt so weird to write about anymore. So when we would rp we would just text each other sex scenes and i guess it became normalized because we were doing it irl so writing about it was just like hey! We sorta know what were doing! Oh i also used to watch a lot of porn as a teen? Idk why. That stopped after like a year or so but i found out shit through that, like bdsm, squirting, how utterly gross blowjobs are, what a hitachi wand was, how much i hate spit, etc. So that actually helped me discover like my beginning kinks. Porn is still terrible tho.

I think the first time i wrote smut was with a wrestling fanfic? And i had been reading a bunch of fics that had smut and with my basic knowledge and slowly finding out what phrases i liked in order to describe things it flowed a little more naturally but it was still hard.

Then i think i didnt really write much until i wrote my pentagon story which i think is terrible but other people like it. I guess with my practicing, experience, and sex education it started becoming easier? You can tell in my pentagon story that i was still getting back into the swing of things bc my sex scenes are atrocious and ridiculous 😅

I never really liked reading series myself bc i didnt want just prose and build up. I wanted smut. I was like THATS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR. So i made it a point to write smut in every single chapter so that way people stayed interested. In doing so it also helped me practice and get better. Then i read A LOT of bad kpop fics and was like....why dont these people know that sex isnt like porn??

There is a lot of copying in kpop fics in the sense that a lot of them are written the same way and we get the usual; some u realistic giant dick, "ministrations, pussy, cunt", kitten every other word, thigh riding, everyone confusing abuse with bdsm, "daddy" popping up left and right without going in depth to what meaning that holds, random weird shit. And i realized WOW I REALLY HATE KPOP FANFICS lol. So when i started writing messy i was like OK FUCK THIS IM GONNA WRITE SEX LIKE HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO. Then i starting writing smut where the condom broke, they talked about birth control, having a mental breakdown during sex, sexual assault, accidentally wacking each other while moving around, giggling, talking, explaining what you want. This i think helped me a lot, especially with my mental trauma that was associated with sex. I wanted to make it fun and real while also possibly teaching my readers about sex and maybe influencing other fic writers to not just regurgitate what they read.

As far as advice, im not quite sure if i have any?? Maybe i do lol. Take it with a grain of salt maybe?

With writing i would suggest

Read fics you like and highlight key phrases or actions you think are sexually appealing

Practice writing shorter scenes, you can even do time stamps or drabbles, things like that-people love those on here

Look into things. Honestly i knew what a cock ring was but someone requested i USE it in a fic and i was like shit guess i gotta google how to use a cock ring and while awkwardly watching videos of guys putting these things on i learned about metal ones, cages, silicone, rubber, rings, how long you should keep it on for, etc. So RESEARCH! is key too

If youve never had sex before that also helps if you research. Porn can give you a little bit of knowledge in generic motions or toys to use but by no means is it great as far as realism and sometimes its just plain icky.

So porn can be a basis, research can be a middle layer, reading other fics and seeing what you like and dont like is on top, and writing ur own is like...idk frosting lol.

As far as being weird with real people; since i wrote bandfiction and wrestling fics i was used to writing about real people for a little under ten years or so. Also i have a really active mind at night and i have tons of sex dreams that fit into like a story based setting. Thats where all my ideas for prose, dialogue and smut come from. Not everyone ofc has a brain like that but writing down things here and there might work. Lets say you have a favorite idol moment-like some really slutty dance move during a performance, you could time stamp that for inspiration. Save a lot of gifs and pics of them looking *chefs kiss*, listen to some music (i like alina baraz, sabrina claudio, galant, alex tbh, and jooyong for softer, gentler scenes or if you wanna get freak nastie listen to some dumbass jae park, or pretty ricky, or any sex related song thats not pretty lmao. Like rude boy by rihanna or something with a hard beat).

I think its also good to try and picture yourself in a sexual situation. You dont have to look like you, you could make up however you want to look in the scenario, its fantasy after all. Also think "would i like this?" Like i wont write about some idol spitting in my mouth or slapping me or peeing on me or something because thats not stuff that im into and i would be forcing myself to appease someone else and the writing woukd end up sucking big time. This also doesnt help the lack of good fics bc people are just following the requests they get even if they dont like it. I would write about what i think id feel in the moment. Id probably be nervous or if im pretending i could be a cool badass, i would think about things that i find attractive like his (imma use his bc i do write mostly about boy idols) face in the shadows of the light, how nice or soft his lips look, they way hes conveying emotions and looking at me if we were in love or if we were angry, the hold he has on me, why would it be going slow? Is it sad makeup sex? Is it a first time together? Is it just comforting after a bad day? Why would they be rough? Are they angry? Had a fight? Had a slow burn relationship and its culminated into a big explosion? Did they hate each other but hide their true feelings?

So i would suggest not just thinking about sex but thinking about the moment and all the things that lead up to, happen during, and the aftermath of it.

And of course if you don't understand anything or need more info about sex you can always ask me!

I hope this help and sorry its long😅😅😅😅

[boy-porridge-vent]

April 9 2020 Twitter Thread Rant

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out"  no youre putting them in danger. I'll only come here to vent or talk about my issues 

 Future TW// self harm ed suic*dal thoughts abuse idk, other stuff that is bad ig lmao This is my space to do with as I please

Even blocked my partner and best friends :) Happy now? Scum.

In fact, even just to make my abusive ex and my other cheating ex happy, I not only blocked them but blocked every from school I could find There. Now truly nobody knows me. Are you guys happy now? Forcing your victim to stay quiet & hide AGAIN? Like youve always done to me?????

Fake ass.... you claim to be my friend yet anything I tell you goes straight to my ex and drama starts again bc you pretend to be on my side hating her, then youre on her side against me Now youre taking screenshots from my friends and sending them to my ex... shady shit

call me a hypocrite yet youre being hypocritical on your story. I see haha

telling people to write in a diary instead of online, yet you've written how you feel online, you made 9-12 public posts for ~460 people to see, all with rants and venting about me, made 5 public stories about my friend and brought my name into it. When will you learn.

you say something like "you can talk shit and its ok, but when it do it, its not ok?" no, here's the problem. You do it in the wrong way. We actually keep it private and resolve our anger with friends that are also struggling bc of you and understand the situation

most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out"  no youre putting them in danger.

when my friend posted to his story about you, it was on his PRIVATE VENT account.... what it's supposed to be used for....? Venting about how he feels abt my other ex copying him, and you giving into my ex simply bc you both dislike me. It's childish. 

You and my ex go on public ramblings for everyone to see and use direct names or usernames as if people are gonna hunt us down? Ive never done that to you. I talk about you with my friends at school sure, but online? I NEVER shared your username. NEVER shared your name. Nothing.

The only info people could use to figure out who you were was me calling you a cheater, using the word "whore" because thats what you CALLED YOURSELF as we were breaking up!!!!! And talking about your pet that you only have because of me

You also say me and many of my friends are cowards for blocking you, bc if we werent blocking you you'd be "all up in our dm's" is that why you made a whole new twitter account dedicated to calling me a clown and immediately blocked me so I couldnt find it?? Okay "coward"

I blocked you bc you've admitted to people that you stalk my instagram, you stalk my twitter, yet when i block you to make you stop (bc ive had issues with stalking before) you get mad??? youre like "ok coward, if you had nothing to hide then why did block and private"

because 1.) i dont like stalkers and you know that 2.) i made everything private bc you were literally throwing a fit about how my months and months old rants were pUbLiC and anybody could see them, so I made it private so ppl dont read about you,

now now youre mad bc you cant go through my twitter anymore without following  and you cant find anymore of your sacred screenshots. again, i have nothing to hide. thats why i havent deleted my old tweets. bc I stand by what I say.

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it

the other time i deleted was march 31? bc you decided to use your NEW bf to get onto his old account (which hadnt been active since 2017....) and retweet a vent of mine. I was like "yea no im not gonna have you stalk my twitter through your bf thats ridiculous"

after he retweeted, you went on that posting spree on instagram about how all my stuff was public. So i deleted the tweet he retweeted just to make you happy. It's either leave them public and you shame me for public tweeting, delete them but ur mad that im being fake? or make my account private and now youre mad bc you cant search through my account of 4 years like the gross rat you are

it's funny how you can also post public tweets about me for your followers to see, and when I find out I didnt say shit to you, didnt start drama with you, i took my screenshots and left. then you deleted them..... i bet if someone called you out for it you would pretend you didnt say shit until someone pulled out the screenshots bc that's what you do, you act like you did nothing until somebody proves you wrong w the evidence, then u pretend like "ohh those tweets! Um yea, uh..."

wit yo fake ass you were all our friend, you were in the friend group bc we cared about you, until you dated me on and off over and over, tried to fuck one of our friends after prom, crushed on one of my friends and your coworker, bitched at me if i didnt invite you to hangout.. even if you ween invited, dated me again while also dating someone from discord while also being sneaky with one of your neighbor guys. Calling me a crybaby for being upset about the breakup even tho you vented about your military ex for months and months..... you even went to your online discord friend who was now your ex and told him how shitty my friends and I were for not inviting you to the Halloween party..... funny thing about that... you chose to opt out. You wanted to spend halloween with your new bf, the one in college, but guess what? He left your ass to go to his own party, so after that THEN you changed your mind and wanted to go to OUR party

OUR party, which had maxed out the guest limit. You said you didnt want to go, so you got removed and replaced with somebody else who COULD and WANTED to go. Tough luck. You leave the line at the BMV, you get sent to the back. Thats how it works.

Then u told your discord ex how shitty we all were & made us out to be shitheads bc we "didnt invite u" we did invite you. u chose not to go until it was too late. that was ur fault. not to mention u had been starting drama & being weirdly sexual w ppl in the group at the time

you wanted to fuck my friend after prom despite knowing he was crushing on a girl & wanted to make it work??? Wanted to suck my friend's dick in the back of the culinary room despite knowing he was with another girl? flirting w girls online despite having a partner? disgustang

even now, u JUST got w a new dude & youre already telling people abt the weird shit yall do. Ur sending him to spy on ppl from the friend group. Getting him involved even tho he's really chill & I have no problem w him??? I hated J bc he was w you, I dont wanna hate this guy too

like damn shawty u say im a hypocrite for not lettin u shit talk.... i do let u. Ive caught u saying shit on twitter & insta but Ive never made any posts abt it like u did. i saw what u said on twitter, or even our dms when u call me a crybaby? but i never posted about it like u

i couldve totally taken a screenshot of your immature dm of insults and no actual argument and posted it all over the place, but I didnt. I couldve posted your vents and rants from twitter, your main insta, and your vent insta all over the place, but I never did. Yet you can??

[warmau]

hiii! i really love ur sci-fi/apocalyptic aus and would LOVE to see some of that for nct dream!!!

 people really wanted more sci-fi so here it is!!! find yuta, johnny, sicheng & haechan (here) find taeyong, taeil, mark, doyoung, ten, & jaehyun (here) 

Jeno 

extremely clumsy time-traveler 

the ability to travel through time and sort of skip back and forth between it is distinctive to jeno’s family

so when he inherited it ,,,, everyone in the family expected he’d just you know ,,,,,, be GOOD at it

turns out - he’s not 

as good at everything else as jeno can be,,,,,,the one skill he’s born with - is the one skill he can’t exactly harness

do you know how many time he’s accidentally time warped in the middle of doing his homework?

he ends up in 17th century france and is like bonjour,,,,uh,,,,,,anyone here know how to do algebra 

or that one time he jumped into the future and almost got hit by some dude on a hoverboard

life is hard when your one weird hiccup can send you propelling through the space-time continuum 

and whats worse is ,,,,,,,, he’s sworn to secrecy 

which is not great because “oh jeno, what’d you do this weekend - why didn’t you come play video games at jisungs?” oh well i just was hanging out with dinosaurs or whatever

like you can’t say that

and jeno is bad at lying because he gets all smiley and cant stop it and mark is always like bro are you good

jeno smiling so wide it hurts: fine! i uh,,,,,,,,just had homework to do!

and one time,,,,jeno trips over the top stair in his house and it sends him to the future

except he’s still,,,,,,,in his neighborhood,,,,,but everything is just,,,more technological

like the stop signs are holograms and the cars are just tinier versions of themselves all hovering above the ground

and then

and then there’s you

with your hoverboard under your arm - your hair a wacky bright color - and your talking to a tiny little person whose inside the watch on your hand

and jeno is like ,,,,,,, just gaping in the middle of the street

and unfortunately you walk right into each other 

and you’re like HEY didnt the motion detector we all have in our brains tell you to move LEFT

and jeno is like the what in my brain

and you look him up and down and you’re like wait

where’s your receptor button? why arent you wearing the geo-transmitter? where’s your hoverboard or inline skates?

and jeno is like i ,,,,,, i uh,,,,,,left them at home

and you’re like what you can’t leave them at home - tap your watch and they’ll appear in your hands like any normal persons stuff does

jeno just shrugs and is like oops left that watch at home too

and you’re like how it’s like,,,,,locked onto your hand when you’re five

jeno in his head: the future is freaky

jeno out loud: it,,,,,broke?

you stare at him for a while,,,,,,,,,,for one he’s got dark hair. no one has had that color of hair in a while

he’s wearing an outfit that scream 2018 which was like fifty years ago

and 

“ARE YOU FROM THE PAST?!?!?!”

jeno jumps, pulling you closer and shaking his head frantically as onlookers turn for a second but then focus back on their watches

“no what are you talking about how could i be from the past i -”

“siri 107 - locate this dudes profile.”

“siri 107?”

suddenly there’s a loud beep and from your watch a ray of blue light scans over jeno’s body

after a tinkering second there is a beep again

“unidentified. no profile. perhaps he’s a senior citizen?”

jeno’s eyebrows furrow “i am NOT a senior citizen”

you grin, “then you have to be from the past. everyone under the age of thirty has a profile. when your born doctors upload your info into the database.”

you come closer and closer till your centimeters away from jeno’s face

he tries to pull back but something stops him

past the wild hair and clothing he doesnt understand,,,,he has to admit your face is damn near perfect 

maybe - he thinks - it’s that the future has perfected genetics or something 

but then again everyone around you two still looks different,,,,,,you just,,,,,,you look so angelic 

and his frozen stare makes you tilt your head to the side

“why are you staring at me?”

jeno gapes, blushing down to his collar and looking away

“n-nothing i just,,,,ive never i,,,,,,uh -”

your giggle cuts jeno’s sentence off

your watch does some kind of noise and jeno asks what it means

“it’s reading your mood - it says you think im cute.”

jeno opens his mouth to protest, but again he’s a bad liar so all he gets out is a “wh-what?”

“it’s fine, i think you’re cute too!”

you reach up to touch his hair 

“this retro style is actually my type -”

you peer down into his eyes again

“and if you are from the past that makes you interesting. i like that.”

jeno feels his heart beat a little faster in his chest 

and just as your about to let your hand drop, and jeno reaches out to catch it

thinking he might as well just admit it, if you think it’s cool that he’s from the past then maybe you wouldnt mind talking to him more

and its not like he has anything better to do

what, go back to his time and do homework and miss out on a cute date with you - a cute person from the future?

but just as he opens his mouth, your eyes wide with anticipation 

everything begins to warp 

and jeno groans because

goddamnit, he time traveled back! right at the most important part!

standing at the top of the stairs of his house, jeno touches the spot on his cheek

your warmth is still present as if you’d been there with him only seconds ago

“great, now this stupid family gift is even interfering with my love life.” jeno grumbles

but maybe,,,,just mabye,,,,,the next time he sneezes he’ll find himself back in 2068

on that date

with you 

Renjun & Jisung 

mecha pilots! 

they were both scouted by military personnel while attending school

renjun, who’d been an avid member of engineering club and robotics, had been chosen for his ability to work and operate machinery way beyond his experience 

jisung, who was part of track and archery, was chosen for his agility and aim 

renjun’s mecha is large and looks more like a lifesize gundam figure, painted a rich forest green and nicknamed ‘giant’ 

he has tweaked it to be able to turn both of its arms into high powered canons and even installed a system in the cockpit that would let him infiltrate other mechas and haywire their internal systems 

he takes ALOT of pride in keeping his mecha perfect and any bumps or dents or broken parts he fixes

even before going to get himself checked out by the doctors

his body suit is green to match his mecha and he wears a pair of goggles that have built in alerts from the mecha database 

jisung calls renjun ‘the nerd pilot’ because renjun really only ever reads instruction manuals on tech and doesnt enjoy doing tricks during practice or during fights

jisung on the other hand,,,,,,,,,,

his mecha is smaller than renjuns - but it transforms into a jet whenever high speed chasing is involved

it’s a bright, flashy silver and has stickers and spray paint all over it 

jisung calls it ‘lightening’ while renjun calls it ‘scrap metal’ 

since jisung is slightly more of a ,,,,,,,wild card in battle

his mecha is built to chase and surprise enemies, it doesnt have as many setups as renjuns but it is faster and more agile 

so whenever he can jisung does tricks like spinning it upside down or flying circles around renjun to piss him off

his suit is the same silver, but with stripes of gold down his arms and legs and he wears a motorcycle style helmet with the same silver gleam

he usually comes out of a battle with some kind of busted lip or broken arm

and his mecha in pieces

but he still manages to jump around and party and dance and high five the squad leader like they’re old buddies

he’s the energy of the team - but he also kind of annoys everyone (in the best way possible, even though renjun disagrees) 

you’re a part of renjun and jisung’s unit, you became a mecha pilot to follow in the footsteps of your parents who are now both retired from the field

you somehow get along with both of them, keeping up with jisung’s unhinged energy while also being interested in renjun’s intelligence 

the three of you are an unlikely trio and no one outside of the squad gets it

but in battle - you guys are perfect

renjun always has the best plan and firepower, jisung can hunt an enemy down to the ends of the earth and you - have the knowledge of a true mecha pilot 

no situation goes without jisung and renjun getting your approval in their own different ways 

there’s been a string of attacks by an intergalactic bandit in your city, he keeps sending meteors full of poison down onto the city

the mecha unit has been put in charge of stopping the meteors from hitting the city below

and so you, jisung and renjun are out on patrol of the skies when you spot one 

you send out a location signal to the other two guys and soon enough all three of you are on the meteor, getting ready to catch it

but at the last moment the meteor glitches, and suddenly you realize that the bandit disguised his ship as a meteor and is planning to land in the city

right away jisung starts firing, swirling around in the air trying to hit the ship

renjun is yelling over the coms that he needs to stop - he could hit the ship and send it crashing down onto the building below

but before jisung can decide to listen to renjun, that’s just what happens

and in the moment - you’re the one rushing down after the ship in your mecha

using the arms of your machine to catch the ship and land it safely into the middle of a grassy park nearby sending all of the civilians scattering in shock

the only problem is, the bandit hops out of the ship - pointing a alien looking weapon at you and through the shield of your mecha 

he shoots 

if you wake up and see renjun - you sit up fast

only to realize your head is throbbing and you fall back against the bed

renjun is pacing back and forth in your ER room, muttering to himself

and you try to let out a small sigh

rushing to your side you only smile at renjun, but he shakes his head

“your stitches” he motions to the side of your face and you blink

“di-did the bandit get me?”

“he got a shot at your face, but thankfully it wasnt a gun - so it was a bullet but some kind of outerspace weapon. it cut into your skin, but im running tests on it right now and ill figure out what is it and i will get him. i will make him pay for this.”

renjun’s usually calm, studios attitude turns serious

the soft browns of his eyes turn almost pitch black with anger when he thinks about it

and you have to put your hand over his to make him return to normal

“but im ok, right?”

“you could have died ,,,,, you could have caught his ship and he could have broken into your mecha and killed yo-”

“but im alive!”

you try to make it sound happy, but there’s pain in your voice 

renjun quiets down, watching you

“is my mecha ok?”

“don’t worry, you know i can fix that.”

you let out small laugh, “yes, mechas are your specialty.”

renjun watches you - he’s never really known what to do when he feels like this

every battle - he worries about everyone, but you ,,,,,, with you it’s another level of anxiety

before he can think to stop himself he leans down to kiss your forehead gently

“please be careful”

he whispers and your heart stops

but having renjun close like this feels right and you let your eyes fluttr close

“renjun,,,,,,”

“yes?”

he pulls away but you keep your eyes close out of embarrassment at your next statement

“can you kiss me,,,,,,,”

you gently tap your lips

“here?”

renjun feels his skin boil under his suit,,,,,, “w-why”

“you can fix a mecha with tools but fixing a persons heart usually means a kiss,,,,,,or two”

renjun swallows, leaning down again and pressing a chaste - nervous kiss on your lips 

maybe, he thinks, that feeling of worry about you isn’t just worry maybe it’s what people talk about when they mean love

if you wake up and see jisung - you wince at the pain in your head 

but sit up anyway, throwing the hospital blanket to the side and trying to throw your feet over the side of the gurney

“hey hey hey - where do you think you’re going ????”

jisung jumps from his seat beside your bed and takes a hold of your legs - pushing them back

and urging you to lay down again

you scowl at him

“jisung, that bandit is still out there.”

you can tell from jisung’s multiple bandaids and dirty suit that even after you’d passed out that the unit when on to fight

but jisung huffs

“yeah, he is. but unit 4 is on it. our unit’s priority is you now! making sure you don’t get hurt anymore!”

you narrow your eyes, but let out a sharp gasp

your fingers reach up to trail the stitches over your eyebrow and jisung tells you that the bandit cut you with some kind of alien weapon

“whatever, im not dead and unit 4 will need our backup-”

you try to sit up again but jisung takes a hold of your wrist

“listen, you know that i would love to get you out of this stupid hospital bed and back out into the battle. we could pull up in our mechas like cool ass superheros!”

the spark in jisung’s eyes makes you smile a bit 

“but,,,” the spark dulls again 

into a serious expression that you haven’t seen on jisung’s face since one of the mecha pilots had fallen in battle last spring

“but you are more important then that. you know me, i love impulsive crazy things. but there’s one thing i love more than that.”

you shift in the bed, suddenly hyper aware of how red jisung’s ears are becoming

the chair where he’d been sitting is his mecha helmet 

a half disheveled blanket is thrown over the arm and you wonder how long jisung has been here

in this room

waiting for you

“what is it,,,,,,,the one thing you love more?”

your voice trembles, but you think you might know the answer

jisung crosses his arms, trying to rack his brain with some kind of little lie

but he flings his arms up

“it’s you! YOU! There I said it, are you happy!”

you manage to let out a good laugh this time, despite the pain in your head

“hey don’t laugh at me confessing my -”

“come down here so i can kiss you”

jisung jumps a bit, startled at your words 

but with one look to see if the doctor is coming, he obliges and you put your hands up into his hair 

kissing him gently and softly and for the first time

energetic, wild jisung is timid and shy

you can’t believe it,,,,,,it’s so cute

(but when you tell jisung that - he insists that there isn’t anything cute about him - a suave, cool mecha pilot)

(but maybe he’ll let you - only you - call him cute. as long as you don’t tell renjun)

renjun who witnessed the kiss from behind the hospital curtain: ill never let him live this down

Jaemin

the “winged” boy 

born after a unique mutation in his genes while he was in the womb, jaemin’s white feathers sprout from his back in full glory when he turns only ten

now, as he is much older, he is hailed by scientists and people all over the world as a ‘real life angel’

but more than anything

jaemin’s wings are a bother 

they are too large for him to be able to get through doors without a problem - revolving doors are out of the questions

all of his clothing has to be torn for wings to fit through

in the summer - all the feathers make everything ten times hotter

he cant enjoy anything like a normal person. not without everyone gwaking in awe

the weekly tests conducted by doctors and scientists from around the world are not fun, at all

and worst of all

if anything,,,,,,,,,,,,,anything at all,,,,,,,,get stuck in his wings

he can’t pick it out - his arms won’t reach

but,,,,all of these struggles are kept under lock and key by jemin

who is always smiling and being kind

and acting just like the ‘angel’ he is nicknamed 

because he doesnt want others to be let down, to know how much of a hassle being different really means

and although he can fly, he much prefers to walk - its the only thing human about him that he can control

but ,,, ,as much as everyone is marveled 

and thinks he looks like he’s just come to life from a biblical painting 

there are people who deem him 

a “freak”

at least that’s what the neighborhood bullies call him when they smear paint and gum in his wings in the back alley of some street

horrified and unable to even spread his wings out because of the stickniess

jaemin tries desperately to claw out any gum or paint for his feathers

but it’s hopeless

he must look so pathetic alone here like this,,,,,,,

“are you ok?”

jaemin closes in on himself at the sound of someones concerned voice

you can see a shadow, but it doesnt quite look like a persons 

you come closer and closer

and jaemin tries to curl in on himself

but it’s too late

your gasp lets him know that you’ve seen him

how ugly he looks, his wings all a mess and his body shaking with fear

but instead of calling him another insult, instead of running away

you bend down and  begin to pick out the wads of gum

“who would do this? they’re so cruel,,,,”

jaemin’s shoulders relax slightly as he comes to figure out that you have no intention of hurting him

he turns a little, his face which had been hidden behind his wings is revealed

and you smile at him

the expression makes something warm fill up inside jaemin’s chest and he tells you meekly that you don’t have to help

“what do you mean? your wings are big, you couldnt possibly clean them yourself. ill get all of this gunk out - don’t worry!”

jaemin’s heart skips a bit as you reach over beside his cheek - reaching to the feathers behind to pluck some gum from there

jaemin thanks you quietly as you work, humming the tune of a song you like

so careful and sweet it nearly lulls jaemin into a comfortable sleep

“the paint won’t come out,,,,ill need some water,,,”

jaemin’s eyes meet yours, wide and worried

you stand back and think, before snapping your fingers

jaemin feels awkward, standing in the shower of your apartment

but you’re also there

“sorry,,,but youll have to keep some of your clothes on ,,,,” you flush pink and so does jaemin

but it’s the only way you’ll be able to get all of the stuff out of his wings

jaemin nods, but then pulls at his shirt - giving you just enough time to look away

and when you turn back

he’s curled up with his knees to his chin, his exposed back and wings looking cramped in your tiny bath

you turn on the water, cupping it and gently lathering it into the wings where theyve been stained with purples and greens

it is tedious and take a lot of time, but somehow you manage to get jaemin’s wings looking pristine again  

and you offer him some sweats as he gets out of the tub, his jeans faded dark from the water

it’s awkward, but after having you do something like that for him - jaemin just doesnt know how to thank you 

you dont even know him all that well, but you sacrificed all this time and effort

“don’t thank me, it’s only natural to help someone in need.”

you say - as if reading jaemin’s confused mind

you set down some tea in front of him but jaemin suddenly does something that nearly makes you knock it over

he pulls a feather out of his wings - with a tiny wince

but then he hands it to you

you stare at it, flabbergasted

until you get up, find some string and knot the feather throughit

placing it over your head you grin as you show the makeshift necklace to jaemin

who turns a scarlet color and closes his wings around him in a large, swooping motion

you giggle and ask him to open them up

and when he does, peeking through them you lean in to kiss his cheek

and jaemin nearly faints - his first kiss - of any kind 

and it feels so warm and nice that he can’t help but open his wings open a little more and in a whisper ask,

“again?”

Chenle

talks to ghosts

let me correct myself, ghosts talk to him and chenle is like 

“please stop nagging me you were born in the tang dynasty what do you know about millennial fashion”

the ghosts that stay around him and in his house tend to be ancestors 

but when he goes anywhere,,,,he can see the spirits that are attatched to others

and since those people cant communicate with their loved ones

they tell all their problems to chenle

who looks a little weird having a conversation with thin air

when in reality he’s telling another sad ghost aunt that their niece is fine - she’s standing right there minding her own business no he’s not going to go over there and tell her that auntie misses her little honey and NO hes not going to ask if her cat ‘muffins’ is still alive

muffins spirit who is meowing in chenles left ear: meow

the only time chenle gets a break from all these ghosts is when he’s sleeping

or when he’s really focused on something

so sometimes he’ll practice martial arts for hours, worrying his friends and family

but it’s just because it helps keep the ghosts away

and no one else can understand because who would believe him??? 

even hanging out with mark or haechan is work 

because they have ghosts around them - everyone does

so its like trying to talk to his friends AND their dead family members 

“no one understands me,,,,,” 

chenle murmurs one day as he’s walking to school - being followed for like three blocks by a wandering spirit of an old women who isnt sure where her husband is

“isn’t this where our farm was?”

she asks and chenle groans, looking over to the rows of apartment buildings

“not anymore i guess.”

he says aloud and catches some glances from passerbys

he keeps walking but the women is insistent on chatting and chenle is not having it 

not with that chem quiz coming up and the fact that he’s already late

turning around on his heel, he glares at the ghost

“listen, three hundred and fifty years has passed! you are dead - your husband is too and i don’t know where -”

“don’t talk to her like that!”

surprised, chenle turns and sees you standing there

you have the same uniform as him, but he’s sure he’s never seen you in school before

you march over to stand beside him, looking over at the women who floats above you two

“ma’am, this boy doesnt know where your husband is. but im sure he is resting somewhere. you should go there too, let go of worry. you will find him there.”

your voice is calm, nurturing

the ghost stares back at you before breaking into tears and slowly, slowly disappearing 

chenle blinks, turning to you 

“wait - you - you - could see her?!?!?!”

you huff, “did you think you were the only person who could see ghosts in the whole world? believe me, you’re not that special.”

you turn to head back on your way

but chenle catches up

“are you a transfer?”

“yep!”

a spirit that peeks out from inside your backpack sticks its tongue out at chenle and he blinks again

“whose that?!?”

“he’s a kid i knew back home, passed from an illness and has been with me since then. he’s kind of -”

the ghost glares back at chenle

“don’t bother them!”

it chimes and hides back into your bag

“he’s kind of protective.”

you finish and chenle lets out a kind of “huh” noise

you two keep walking and chenle asks how you deal with the ghosts, all they do is nag him

you agree - they are naggy but it’s all about convincing them that they need to pass and not linger

“animal ghosts are the worst though, they don’t know about passing,,,,,and then they just-”

“meow nonstop in your ear? believe me i know.”

chenle motions to his leg, where a fluffy apparition is weaving between his legs

you laugh 

and chenle suddenly forgets about your weird introduction and instead sees how cute the sound of your giggle is

but snapping back into it you two reach school

and chenle goes, “what class are you in?”

“ummm 5-A.”

“cool, youre with me!”

chenle smiles and suddenly - another spirit appears on his right

“wow so smooth, you wanna impress them and you go ‘cool youre with me!’ might as well just tell them you’re a big nerd-”

chenle groans

“this is the school ghost, he’s an ass.”

the ghost grins at you and tilts his head

“hey chenle, they can see me can’t they?”

“i can!”

you grin back

“huh, well let it be known here that chenle is a big nerd and probably already loves you-”

chenle nearly shouts from the ghost to shuttup, but notices the looks of students and keeps it back

you just laugh, “well us ghoul translators or whatever have to stick together don’t we?”

you reach out, offering your hand to chenle

who takes it, red blush and all 

the school ghost makes a gagging noise and the ghost from your bag pops up again to chastise chenle for touching you

but for the first time their voices fade

and all chenle sees is your smile 

and he can see that you’re thinking the same thing 

im so happy there’s someone else like me ,,,,,,, 

[xp-egg]

paranoia/mental illness/disturbing tw.. related to the post i made on my main blog

So im about to drive up to see my mama for hanukkah, alone as i do each yr. redacted THING happened a few summers ago but essentially bc of it she believes ppl from [Japanese automobile corporation] tried to m*rder her on the job nd now cant keep a job or a place to live so she lives w my baba . i havent talked to her in a year for reasons i will explain ...so we r texting abt my travel plan, cooking plan, talking for the first time all yr besides birthday wishes n stuff, shes talking normally, we say our goodbyes/cantwaittoseeyous. bht 12ish hours later she sends me, un-explained with no preface, a cryptic list of what i slowly figure out are license plate numbers out of nowhere n says ppl are trying to run her over n cackling (this is not new.. just i havent had to deal w it all year and i was hoping she could let it go for just a few days....), i ask if she has gotten to a safe place and ofc she says shit like 'well unfortunately natasha i will never be safe. they follow me at all moments and one day you will read abt ur mother having been killed, etc etc.' like omg i just cant talk to u. At all. Anymore. can i not have one day.. without this... please g*d... she cant be around ANYONE bc she thinks they are all working w [car company] conspiring to m*rder, slander, whatever her.. shes lost 12 jobs in the past 4 years. everytime we go out in public she screams at people for even glancing at her/smiling at her and claims they were [doing some weird threatening thing they certainly werent ? .. like sometimes ppl with certain names or wearing A CERTAIN COLOR is enough to be a SIGN and she loses it and starts telling them loudly to fuck off and stop looking at her.... my non-hallucinating brain as a witness] and im mildly concerned someone WILL kill her in retaliation for her being insane in their face.. (she had some guy start yelling back at her and she recorded it as 'proof'. He was clearly very annoyed at her saying terrible accusations at him when he was trying to mind his fucking business.....it was indescribably scary but like can i blame him? she was being highly inappropriate publically.. SHE was prob scaring HIM. she scares me lmao) like she has been so mild mannered and rational her whole life.. she has a degree in chemistry and a literal genius IQ. its like watching a loving animal slowly go violently rabid. It Sucks

last year she finally accused ME of also being paid off/threatened by [company] to conspire against her JUST bc i went to visit her older brothers family (my aunt n cousins who are the family members ive been closest to our whole lives aside from my mother nd baba) w my bf at the time bc i wanted him to meet my non-insane family members..... JUST FOR VISITING MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BC THEY ARE EXPECTING ME TO VISIT N THEY LOVE ME ? Like they love my mom too but multiple years of being accused of being bought off, or [company] threatening to m*rder my cousins (she always says the most brutal and disturbingly specific details too) if they didnt do whatever thing would intimidate my mom, [in this case purchasing the most affordable reliable new family car they could from [company] ..it WAS right after she told them about her initial event but likethey needed a new car and her claims are literally delusional. i rly dont want to disown my other family for that but its a hard decision.. terrible situation], but being accused to conspire to m*rder her gets tiring so they gave up a while ago. when she accused ME even tho i have been the literal last person to stand by her for the past 4.5 years.. i never made her feel like her claims were impossible even when literally everyone else did bc i figured she needed a buoy.. i said fuck it i can't talk to you anymore. i will start going insane too . we have all tried to comfortingly reason w her (well i didnt for a while, i just wholly accepted her story without trying to reason with her INSANE JUMPS IN CORRELATION.. fully bizarre and delusional.. bc i wanted to support her), i spent so much more money getting a less reliable car just to avoid buying from [company], supported her contacting the authorities (obviously they can't help bc she is making insane claims), make her feel as safe n protected.. did as much as we possibly could but like... theres a limit. this is year 4.5 of this, every day, every hour. EVERY year she says well the dirt on [company] will get out this year.. youll see.. ill be validated (essentially). she went to inpatient treatment and she said they accused her of having barbituates in her system when she arrived (what) nd the only diagnosis they gave her was 'rule out paranoid delusion' (bro come on... she thinks EVERYONE is trying to k*ll her.. help) so she wont get any more help. i want to at least try and save my baba bc she is old and puts up w this every single day. but on top of having my own problems, by saving my baba id be damning my mother, or myself. i never know what to do....

but well anyways i love driving hours into a fucking hornets nest each year. at least there are latkes ig

[dreammutual-remade]

high school!donghyuck

request: idk if you’re taking reqs but i really like ur highscool aus so if u want to write one abt hyuck ill be :^))))))) - anonymous

word count: 5.1k

a/n: oof its been awhile unnies!!!! ive had exams for the past two weeks and I still have exams now so im sorry for not posting anything but reblogs with headassery in the tags!!! we are continuing the high school series n renjun is next!! since I got like 3 requests for him !!!!! hhehhehehheheh its gonna b cute <3 anyways hope u enjoy this I love my lil duckie baby

masterlist

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

big oof i’m gonna cry while writing this

i’m running out of creative ways to say let’s dive in

let us take the plunge

okay!!!!!!!!!! so you’ve been an editor/writer for the school paper for pretty much all of your high school career

you’re not super well known though because you don’t try to take any credit for anything and always sign your pieces like “- the daily newspaper team” or smth 

anywhom you’ve always loved writing about the stuff around you or making up little short stories

one of your hobbies is just going people watching and trying to write down a brief description of people you see and what you think they’re on the way to do

you’ve befriended the baristas at your favorite spot, lucas and mark, and they always beg to read them but you never let them because mark is too nice to tell you it’s shit and lucas is too dumb to at least say it nicely

you’ve got at least 6 notebooks FULL of these little stories but you’ve never really ? showed anyone because wow showing others your work is Scary

criticism ???/$&/&:&:&:

it’s midway through the first semester of the school year and you’ve been super busy since it’s football season and you gotta write about all the games

and you haven’t had much time to write your cute little stories for yourself and you miss it a lot :/

this weekend though the chance of rain is SUPER high so the football game is cancelled and you have plenty of time to yourself !! :D

there is, a setback tho

THUNDER!!!!! IS SO SCARY !!!!!!

u fckin softie

you decide to tough it out though and get suited up in some polka dot rain boots and a rain jacket and set off to find somewhere to chill

as you’re walking to the nearest lil greenhouse/cafe thing it starts raining ,, ,,, hARDER

when you started it wasn’t rlly raining it was just like that weird tension in the air right before the air pressure drops and it starts to rain and you were already on edge OOF

but then it’s raining so you clutch your notebook to your chest and dash

usain bolt had nothing on you girly you were ZOOM ZOOM

broom broom- doyoung

unfortunately you don’t make it though because with you head down to keep the rain out of your eyes you run RIGHT into someone’s CHEST !!!!!!

hehe u know i’m a sucker for these god damn TROPES

your notebook goes flying and and the arms attached to the Chest That Caused Your Grief come up to catch you by the arms

“oh gOD sorry are you okay ??? i wasn’t looking and i was trying to keep my journal dr- MY JOURNALSDJDDD”

you fling yourself out of this boys arms and pick up your soaking wet journal sadly

:((((((( you had so many stories in there wtf

“oh shit i’m sorry do you uh want me to buy you another one ???”

“no that’s okay it wasn’t your fault :( and it’s just a journal i’m only sad because all my stories are gone :(((((“

you finally look up from your Ruined journal to see , the prettiest boy

you can’t tell for sure cause his hair is soaking wet but it’s a bright red that looks a bit faded and his skin is tanned and golden like HONEY OOF

he meets your eyes and awkwardly smiles and he looks so GUILTY AW

“no really it’s fine don’t feel bad!!”

“okay but i feel bad what can i do to make it up to you?”

“hMMM you could come help me think of wacky stories about people who walk past”

“well if you INSIST m’lady”

“aw, never mind”

“IM JUST KIDDING SJDJJD”

so in the pouring rain you both walk to cafe and find a little corner to people-watch in

on the way there he tells you his name is donghyuck but his friends call him hyuck

“dude that’s the sound goofy makes when he laughs your friends are terrible”

“oh my god i don’t even think they know what they’re saying HsjdjHEHHS”

after a couple minutes of bad goofy impressions you decide to call him duckie instead because ,,,, GARSH MICKEY 🤠🤠🤠

also because it’s cute

you didn’t hear this from me but he uwued so hard rip his street cred with the Boys

anyways right before you settle in you’re like hey uh did you have somewhere to be like weren’t you heading places

and he was like nah i like the rain it’s nice to just walk around feels GOOD

your eyes widen so big and he snorts because what’s so ridiculous about that

and you’re like uh UH NO NOPE NO SIR I DONT FUCK WITH DEMONS

your dramatic ass tries to get up and LEAVE but he grabs your wrist and is like noooo we haven’t even written any stories yet why do you hate rain so much ??

you explain how thunder is the work of the devil and that lightning could strike you down where you stand at any moment and storms are EVIL

he chuckles and side eyes you

“aW you big wimp you’re afraid of thunderstorms aren’t you”

“yES. like any sane person would be”

“you know a lot of people actually like storms”

“like i said, SANE people do not”

and then you change the subject right quick because your face is getting RED with embarrassment

you n donghyuck spend like 2 hours just sitting in the corner and writing little scenarios on napkins

“oh shit that girl over there with the french braids is TOTALLY gonna marry hipster beanie guy in two years. mark my words”

“idk y/n she lowkey has the hots for the barista”

“ ew you mean mark??”

“yeah. now THAT man is a work of art”

MARKHYUCK RISE

“god what is wrong with you maybe you should buy me another book”

“too late now we’re FRIENDS and i don’t owe you ANYTHING”

“being friends doesn’t work like that at all but, okay”

at the end of the day you’ve got a stack of napkins with scribbled notes on them

(one of them has donghyuck’s number on it skdkkfjd)

he leaves you with a bright smile and you’re in awe this boy is so golden and lovely

oof and when you were still in the cafe his hair had dried to the unnatural red color that he ? somehow made look good ugh not fAIR

and it was a lil curly and fluffy and looked very soft :(((((

as you walk home you drift along the sidewalk with a stupid smile on your face wow please get a little less obvious hunty

when you get home the sun is setting and the rain has cleared and you are so Happy that was the best day !!!

you weren’t even scared of the thunder because whenever the sky would fckin CRACK OPEN hyuck would subtly try to keep your attention and distract you with questions

the sky: AAAAAAAAAAA

duckie: oH Hey uhhh so hOW do you even come up these stories ?):$:$ theyre so good

such a sweet boy uwu

when you get home your mom eyes you suspiciously as you drift down the hall towards your room but doesn’t comment

she didn’t need to though because you immediately return and tell her everything !!!

she encourages you to befriend him at school and see where it goes from there ;))) or just TEXT HIM

so you do

both of those things !!!

you: hey!! it’s y/n btw

duckie: hey! u make it home alive without the sky cracking open and killing u

you: stOP MAKING FUN OF ME

you send him memes and he sends , even better ones back this boy is Husband Material

the next couple weeks you realize that hyuck is actually in like a lot of your classes

and he’s like yeah i don’t blame you for not noticing since your nose is always in one of those Damn Journals

can’t believe u smh

anywhom

you start actually interacting with people in class

and by people i mean donghyuck and any of his friends who happen to be there

you literally get thrown into their friendgroup like one day you know donghyuck and have vaguely heard of jeno since he’s on the soccer team

and then the next you’re a part of the group message and jaemin begs for your math homework during lunch ????

“jaemin just dO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK FOR ONCE ???”

“ugh but i don’t know how”

“hey you know what maybe if you didn’t sleep in class you WOULD”

“IM TIRED GOD DAMN IT”

this is usually when duckie interjects with

“hey now girls, you’re both smart <3”

“i know im smart but , jaemin , i don’t know about him 😔😔”

poor jaemin leave him alone :(

jisung is , extREMELY awkward around you because he’s a Baby Freshman and you’re a Female Senior hsjdjf it’s so cute

and chenle is the complete opposite he IMMEDIATELY latches onto you and is always like

“y/n !!!! wanna watch this video of me singing and playing the piano when i was thirteen on live national television !!!!”

“y/N !!!!!!! can you drive me n jisung to get ice cream plEASE !!! we won’t even play PSY this time”

“okay,,,,, pinky promise?”

his pinky hooks around yours at an incredible speed as he jumps up and down with excitement

“pinky promise !!!!!!!!!!”

hyuck overhears and insists upon coming with for , unknown reasons

renjun and jeno keep snickering to each other across the lunch table too uGH

sneaky bastards !

after school you wait in the parking lot for the Babies with hyuck who looks rather flushed considering his skin is pretty tan and it takes a lot for him to visibly blush ??

“hey duckie boy you good?”

“haha yEAH uh just wondering where the boys are hhhh”

“oh yeah ! they should’ve been here like 10 mins ago”

your phone buzzes in your pocket and you go to check it to see a text in the group message

lele: hey y/n~ me n jisung can’t come we totally forgot we joined a frisbee team and there’s practice today !!!

blueberry: yeah ! have fun w/ hyuckie tho

moominluvr96: sjdjd i’m so proud of them

jenomunomunomu: absolute legends have fun at ur frisbee practice my sons

you: 🅱️ro i wanted to go home and SLEEP

blueberry: sorry ! xoxo :*

duckie: chenle my son ? how could you 🅱️etray me this way???

you: ur dead to me

you: literally what’s a chenle ?? sounds like a poisonous fruit

lele: NO IM SORRY

but tbh you’re just being Silly you don’t mind just going with Sunshine Boy

hyuck has only gotten redder as the texting went on though what’s his deal 0.0

you agree to take his car !

actually you insist because you don’t wanna drive but, let’s say you agreed

you find out that hyuck exclusively listens to hipster bands and the occasional troye sivan song because we love a gay legend

actually his music taste is ALL OVER THE PLACE but we r still boppin ladies

you roll the windows down even tho it’s Chilly and let your hand float in the breeze until your fingers start getting numb and you pull your hand back in and roll up the window

okay maybe that was a Bad Idea your fingers almost hurt they’re so cold and you’re rubbing the feeling back into them when hyuck clears his throat

you look up at him and he tilts his chin toward the hand he stretched toward you

you’re confused bc like ? i don’t have anything to give u duckie

he sighs anxiously

“just. give me your hand. mine are warm because i didn’t try to be cool and stick my hand out the window like this is a teen coming of age movie”

“have you ever just been nice and not followed it up with a weirdly specific insult”

“nope. now gimme”

you cautiously placed your hand in his and felt heat bloom all over your cheeks and trail up to your ears and down your neck

he gulps and interlocks your fingers and tucks them in the pocket of his hoodie

you have to lean against the console in between you a little so that your arm isn’t strained but it’s,,,,, Warm and Nice

you’re quick to continue the conversation like normal but your voice sometimes goes in and out since he is subconsciously rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand or tapping his fingers against yours

when you arrive you awkwardly pull your hand from his grip to get out of the car and he cringes a lil :(

you decide to be bold for once in your life and run around the car to catch up with him and shove your other hand into his

“this one’s cold too”

he ducks his head and smiles but gives your hand a lil squeeze :3 uwu

eventually though you do have to let go and enjoy your ice cream

you just make small talk with him about the newspaper and whatever homework is due the next day when a man walks in wearing BRIGHT RED CLOWN SHOES

the weirdest part though is the fact that other than the clown shoes the man is dressed like a body builder and has the hulking mass of one

and also there is a PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER ???

you and hyuck whip to face each other and then look back at the man

without looking away you slide your notebook to the middle of the table and flip open to where you’ve bookmarked the next available page

needless to say you both have a field day making up storylines for this man

“hey hyuckie i missed this it’s been forever since it’s been just the two of us and my journal”

“me too, sunshine”

“heY now you’re the sunshine in this relationship”

both of you choke at your use of the term “relationship” but continue with the conversation JSKSK

“alright but then you have to be the rain”

“aw you know i don’t like the rain”

“yes i know that’s why YOU are sunshine”

“kay but you are so much more like sunshine than i, an Emo”

“how bout i be sunshine since you like sunshine and me, and you be rain since i like rain and you”

OOF ????????

you blush for the Millionth Time and nod shyly and duckie is about to turn purple YIKES

you leave the ice cream shop and climb back in the car and the whole atmosphere is very Tense

you sigh because you miss holding his hand and then turn up the song on the radio which just happens to be, Walkin On Sunshine

THE !!! IRONY !!!

you giggle into your hand and he snorts and you both break into laughter

you plug your phone into the aux

“alright time for some Real Tunes”

“i swear to GOD if you play Bad Boy one more time i’m gonna LOSE IT”

“fuck you red velvet are LEGENDS”

“the only reason you know who they are is because mark tells everyone with a pulse that one of them is from canada just like him”

“okay and ??? i can still appreciate that they produce iconic songs only”

“LISTEN I LOVE RED VELVET TOO BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”

you playfully bicker the whole way back and when you get back to the school to pick up your car you realize you never even got to play your song

“for your information, i was in fact NOT going to play bad boy i was going to play the bop of the century, what is love by twice”

and then, with heavy sarcasm

“well gee why didn’t you just sAY SO”

“IM SICK OF YOUR GIRL GROUP SLANDER LEE DONGHYUCK”

then he giggles and grabs your hand to keep you from getting more than halfway out of the car

“okay okay you know i’m just messing with you”

“yes but leave my gorls out of it”

he releases your hand with fake disgust and wipes it on the passenger seat headrest

“ugh go home, gru”

“it’s a good meme and you can’t even deny it duckie boy”

you blow him a half serious half playful kiss as you bounce over to your car and climb in

you play bad boy and roll the windows down as you drive by his car just to spite him and he laughs good naturedly

it’s only when you get home that you’re like heyyyy nOW

WAS THAT A DATE ??????

you tell your mom about it and she’s like uHHH sounds like a DATE to me ???

but you’re Unsure so you don’t say anything to the others or hyuck just the usual goodnight texts and whatnot

although it could be argued ,, that goodnight texts are a little, relationship-y

it could also be argued , that you do have his contact name as , duckie☼♥

but those can be discussed another time

you continue to hang out with the boys although you refuse to allow them to sit with you at football games because they’re so DISTRACTING

jeno and jisung just fckin yell the whole time while you try to jot notes down to turn it into a story later for the paper

but you can’t concentrate or even figure out wtf is goin on because they’re scREAMING and jumping and messing you uP !

so you sent them elsewhere although,,, hyuck stayed with you

he always does “just in case you get cold or smth”

ur not fooling anyone hyuckie baby

and would you look at that time has FLOWN and it’s time for homecoming !!!!

you plan on going in a big group with hyuck and all The Boys and jaemin has even scored a date !!!

it was highkey through trickery but that’s okay

chenle and jisung are gonna wear matching shirts because they’re headass like that

you’ve already bought a dress and you haven’t ….. shown hyuckie……. just in case……… he asks you

since he…… hasn’t …… YET

renjun keeps assuring you that you don’t need to find a date and that everything is covered but ???? inch resting how duckie has done nOT ONE THING

alright the day of the dance you wake up feeling a little off but go through your normal saturday routine of eating a waffle and absentmindedly watching old gossip girl reruns

but later in the day you feel SHITTY

you’re flushed and your head hurts and it takes so much EFFORT just to get up and get a glass of water

you , comrade, are sick :-(

you text in the gm to let your boys know you can’t come

chenle thinks you’re faking until he calls and hears you sniffling and how rough your voice sounds

“hEY THOT I KNOW UR FAKING BC U DONT HAVE A DATE”

“chenle if it didn’t hurt to speak i would yell at u but my eyes are watering please just text me”

“oh,,,,sorry love u”

and then he hangs up real fast lmao

so you decide to just wallow in despair in your bed and rent overpriced movies on demand

there’s a half drank mug of tea that has long gone cold that contains the medicine you’re supposed to be taking but,, you can’t be bothered tbh lifting your hand is so hard

after a few movies and the sun setting there’s knock at the door ???

you barely hear it since you’re in your room with the door closed but /sigh/ you gotta go answer

you drag yourself out of bed and stumble to the front door and open it, immediately slumping against the frame

this whole time you have still not opened your eyes because light hurts a lil and you know your house well enough

in hindsight that was probably dumb considering you don’t know who’s at the door

you try to open your eyes but they only turn half lidded and droopy so you can just barely make out donghyuck looking Concerned on your front porch

“duckie? what are u doing here?”

“uhhh i uh came to take you to homecoming ??”

he then holds up some flowers and smiles awkwardly

“duckie. baby. sunshine. did u not read the texts i sent ? also it is VERY late to be asking me to homecoming. also, i am a little high on cold medication”

“srry princess, can i come in? you look like you need company and soup and possibly some Sarcastic Banter”

“sounds good duck”

“okay duckie was already incorrect please don’t shorten it to duck”

“you know i didn’t have to let you in”

“so what kind of soup do you want? :-)”

he busies himself attempting to make soup while you have melted into a chair at the dining table with one eye cracked open to watch him

he is very obviously Struggling so you wobble to your feet to stand behind him at the stove and maybe lean a little too much into his back to prop your chin up on his shoulder and reach a hand around him to turn the heat down on the stove

you’ve reached the point of I Don’t Give A Shit and have given up on trying not to be affectionate with him you’re too tired and sickly to restrain yourself and his heart is just steadily beating faster and faster

after your soup you drag him into your bedroom to force him to provide you warmth while watching another movie

but he digs his heels into the floor and tugs on your hand to turn you around

“since you’re missing homecoming….. wanna dance?”

“in my bedroom. while i’m dying. with no music.”

“i’ll take care of the music. cmon don’t be difficult”

“i’m not being difficult i’m just-

you’re cut off by him pressing a finger to your lips and going shhhhhh

you open your mouth to curse him out bc hOW DARE HE

but then he gently pulls you by the waist into his chest and does his best to tuck you under his chin

you’re too comfortable like this so you don’t bother admonishing him for earlier and just settle into his embrace

you loop your arms around his neck as he starts to sway you back and forth

after a couple seconds he starts humming, quietly at first and then louder

and then he starts singing and it’s so sO SWEET AND SOFT

you can feel each breath he takes under your hands and the vibrating of his vocal chords against your forehead and you just close your eyes and press closer to him

you’ve literally never been this content in your whole life binch

he is so warm and ever so often smooths a hand up and down your spine whenever you shiver a little or shift in his arms

when the song finishes you keep swaying with him a little while longer

you’re leaning against him so hard that like the majority of your weight is on him yikes

“babe are you asleep”

“mm”

“no?”

“mmm”

“pretty close though?”

“hm”

“alright”

he chuckles and presses a barely there kiss to the top of your head and sort of waddles the two of you over to the bed

you don’t even have to ask him to climb in with you that was The Plan, Stan

(that’s a saying and also i’m calling u a stan wow queen of puns)

as soon as he settles in you tuck yourself under his arm and throw an arm over him to play with the fingers of his other hand

you’ve got the breakfast club on and it’s Real Nap Hours

hyuck’s arm falls asleep pretty soon tho so instead you switch to laying on your sides facing each other with your face pressed into his neck and your arms draped over each other

right before you fade into unconciousness, he tilts his chin down and nudges his nose against yours to get your attention

your eyes flutter open and you look up at him while he smiles gently down at your sleepy expression aWE ???

“hey wanna be my date when you’re not on your death bed?”

“god, what a romantic. is that a shakespeare quote?”

“shut up and say yes”

“alright fine”

“with more enthusiasm!”

“YES!! GOD DAMN IT”

he shakes his head but then leans down to press a lingering kiss against your cheek before tucking you back against him and evening out his breathing

you fall asleep and dream of boys with beautiful voices who love to dance in the rain

a couple hours later you wake up to a forehead smooch and your Boy whispering bye angel

you sit up and whine and he’s like bby i have to go it’s like midnight n my momma wants me home :(((

you pout and he giggles and taps your lips with his index finger

“go back to sleep and i’ll text you something nice to wake up to yeah?”

you nod and grab his hand to kiss it before flopping back down and passing The Fuck Out

the next morning you wake up still feeling a bit shitty but smiling anyways bc you’ve scored the cutest boy in the universe uwu

he even kept his promise and left you a cute message to wake up to ;((((

duckie☼♥: good morning bbg i hope ur feeling better today and that the sun shines all day for u !!!

you: JEKDKDJ DUCKIE IM STILL SICK BUT TAKE ME ON A DATE RN

you: 💗💗💗💕💌💞💞💗😤💖🤧😔💗😔🤧😔🌺💐🌺🌺🌸💐😔💛😔💛💐🤧💐💐💖💖

duckie☼♥: noooo ur gross

you: you ruined it :(((

duckie☼♥: i mean noooo u gotta get better

you: okay :)))

you finally get over your cold like 4 days later and insist you’re fine to be Taken Out And Treated Like A Princess

he tells you to dress warm except gloves bc he wants to hold youR HAND CAN YOU BELIEVE

you’re weirdly not nervous ? like you thought you would be but you’re just excited and very happy !!!! uwu

he picks you up about an hour after school and reveals that he’s gonna take you to all the cafes in town to people watch and write stories which is !!! your favorite activity !!!!!!

“is it lame??? oh god you think it’s lame i’m so sORRY”

“nO!!! no i love it you did good”

“are you sure?”

“yes duckie”

“okay good i mean i knew you’d like it”

“but you just-“

“hm?”

“,,,,, nevermind”

you both hike around town until it gets late and you’re tired and you end up on a bench in the local park with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair

you lightly scratch his scalp and hum and he practically PURRS like a cat

(furry ????? it’s more likely than you think)

his eyes are closed and you trace your fingers over his features lightly until it tickles and he scrunches up his nose aw bABY !!!!!

then, without opening his eyes

“so when are you gonna man up and kiss me?”

“first of all, i will never man up i prefer being female thanks. sECOND WHY DO I GOTTA DO IT”

“i asked you on the date !!! you gotta do something!!!”

“i held your hand first!!”

“after i literally offered my hand to you”

“uGH fine come here”

“no i’m not gonna ‘come here’ you literally just made a disgusted noise at the thought of kissing me”

“it wasn’t at the thought of kissing you it was just at you”

“this isn’t helping at all”

you roll your eyes playfully and then yank him up by the collar of his shirt to press your forehead against his

“does this help?”

aND THEN YOU LAY ONE ON HIM ??????:$&:&;&;

QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE

he sighs against your lips and sits up a little more so he can reach you better, smoothing a hand up to cup the side of your jaw and neck

you pull away and his eyes are still closed

“hmmm,,, yeah”

you scoff and drop him back to half laying on your lap

“you’re such a dork”

“yeah but i’m your dork now so it’s embarrassing for both of us”

“aw i wouldn’t have it any other way <333”

“is it just me or was that sarcasm”

“just you <3333”

renjun, who has been rOOTING FOR YOU GUYS THIS ENTIRE TIME

screams when you call him that night lol

literally SCREECHES

chenle happens to be with him and screeches eVEN LOUDER

basically the whole group screams simultaneously they’ve been shipping it since day one

hyuck is a bit prideful so when you guys are out in public he’s not super affectionate but ,, when you’re not out

he’s wrapped around you like a koala and will never let go

you have to go pee? hold it

you’re dehydrated and dying? you can live off of his Love

your favorite activity to do together is BAKING because it never goes well no matter how hard you try

and although it usually ends in DISASTER it’s also a good time and afterwards duckie lets you curl up between his legs on the couch and nap uwu !

dating really didn’t change the dynamic between you two other than affection you still read each other to DUST on the regular  lmao

no one gets too harsh tho bc you love each other and whatnot

ugh love ruins all the FUN doesnt it :/

donghyuck makes it his business to know exactly when it will rain and makes sure to be with you when it does

at the first sight of clouds he is in your house with board games and movies and snuggles to distract you !!! what a sweetheart

on days when it’s really bad you just climb into bed and bury your face in his chest while he talks about whatever comes to mind and distracts you

he also takes to slumping down and falling asleep on your shoulder whenever you have movie nights together and it’s so CUTE

his little heart shaped lips and his cheeks always end up smushed and he just looks adorable wow rip you

he’s obsessed with your cheeks he loves to cup your face while he talks to you and press gentle kisses to them during Sleepy Time or when you part ways in the school hallways

if he’s excited he’ll bound up behind you and wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek real hard and then start babbling about whatever’s got him so worked up

basically, hyuckie is a boy full of sunshine and passion and sarcasm and he’s the best boyfriend you could ever ask for :’-)

[hanjisungz-archive]

ghost time~ so as a kid my family always said I had this weird energy and I always brushed it off bc I thought they were joking,, like a weird energy how do you feel that am I a light bulb ?? but y'know nothing ever happened I never saw demons or anything of that nature so I sort of forgot about it over the years until my mom went to this like fortune teller,, we Asians love going to them 😔✊🏻✊🏻 a bit after my grandpa died so yknow the wound was still fresh and stuff but.. -cosmic🌙

(im putting this under the cut bc its Long but its such a good story thank u for sharing dsjkfhsdj)

so the lady mentioned AGAIN about me having a weird energy but it wasn't negative or anything she was just like "your kid most likely can see stuff" and I was like HAHAHA youre funny what's going on, now fast forward probably a week or so I'm like home with my mom it's like in the middle of the night probably around 3 and ive always never been able to sleep at regular times so I was up and about so I go downstairs and look something to snack on keep in mind my mom's fast asleep

so as I was looking for food,, I was downstairs for a good 15 minutes ?? and suddenly I hear SUPER LOUD BANGING like it was so sudden and loud I thought I was about to die from inturders or something but like nothing else happened,, just three super loud bangs coming from the stairs so me being a dumb nut goes to investigate and there's absolutely nothing,, I go to check on my mom she's asleep and snoring so ik she's out cold, at this point I'm SHAKING IN MY BOOTS

THEN I HEAR MORE except this time it's just three light knocks that sound right next to me (I was standing next to the stairs) and I was freaking tf out like what is GOING ON I forget about my snacks and suhdaddle my little butt back into my room and try to forget what just happened bc no one will believe me if I say anything so that's what I did until I get a dream that INCLUDES my grandpa and it's extremely weird bc I was never close to him and he says lots of odd things

alrighty tumblr im sick of ur shit pls send my stuff// so okay i have a dream abt my gramps and ik it's a weird one bc i usually never my dreams in full detail bc im a dumb nut with no memory span but this one i can still recall every detail to the T to this day,, it felt like it truly happened while i was awake probs why i got so freaked when i woke up thinking i was already awake now the thing that struck out to me was my gramps asking me why i didn't let him in n i was like wym dream gramps

so yknow i was like wym dream gramps and he was like "ik you heard me, why didn't you let me in?" and still im shook bc i never knew how to answer him even in the dream i was like what did he mean? and lots of people think im lying that i was never awake to begin with (for the knocks) BUT I WAS BC MY MOM HEARD THEM AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ME KNOCKING now it's happened more than once too and that's when i started believing in this "weird energy" that ppl say i possess

it happened when i lost one of my friends,, and it happened when i lost my dad recently except for him it was completely different,, it was really close after his death maybe like a day or two had passed and i started hearing whispers and taps and not just at the middle of the night it was all day but more so at night i was in the garage one night moving things around bc i had to take some of my stuff from his house back to my moms and i heard lots of tapping i didn't think much of it atm

then it was whispering,, like my name and yknow i get FREAKED bc it was pretty late at night i thought i was going mad due to the amount of crying i had done but the tapping and whispering got louder and then it all stops and i BOLT inside i was like hell N O im not dealing with no demons tonight no THANK Y O U and then just like before a dream happens and i knew it was coming too bc i could feel it i lost a bunch of sleep bc i didn't want it to happen but eventually i sleep and see him

he doesn't ask any questions,, it's just him and we were sitting in a field and he asks questions that no one else was wondering like why i wasn't sleeping or why i didn't want the dream to come,, yknow i woke up in tears bc i didn't really know that myself,, i didn't know why i didn't want to see him in my dreams it was just my dad why was i scared? but soon my mom brings up the dream abt my gmpa and now i know why ppl were saying i have a weird energy

in buddhist culture people believe that the dead roams for a bit before going to their afterlife (idk how true this is bc 1. im not dead 2. its just something my family says so big shrug) and while they roam they visit one or two people before leaving to the afterlife for good,, so if it happens to you you're special,, something about it only happens to one person in the family and ppl somehow knew it was me and now i always get those dreams,, my mom says im lucky to be this person

i honestly never thought of it as a good thing to be visited bc why me? what's so special abt me? especially when ppl hear its me and get sad,, like how my mom was devastated and sobbed when she found out my gmpa visited me and not her or my gma,, idk ghosts are weird,, i happen to see them in my dreams yet they feel so real that i question if im actually dreaming- ghosts are real idc what ppl say so uh yea that's my experience with ghosts and the dead dfnvdofivns u.u

omg like i dont even know what to add on except that was so interesting !!!! the fact that it ties in with your culture and stuff like that it amazing and woah you were one of the special people !!!

[basic-banshee]

Mind Games (part 6)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | [completed]

tagging: @cactus---daddy  @ughthatsprettygay  @its-the-ultimate-fangirl-101 @alive-alive-alive @their-lego-hearts @cant-stop-shipping-people @katterpillar @thatbitchnora @emo-turkey @rachelaredhead @thestrawberrymusicnerd @mirkwoodelven @violetsummers23254 @nyx5683​ @fucking-echo @its-okay-that-ur-not ** sorry if ive forgotten someone**

BAZ

In the fourth year I had this recurring dream — or fantasy, more accurately — that Simon and I would find some common ground to unite us, and we’d become friends. Allies. We’d work together for some greater goal and through that process we would, inevitably, become best friends. By the fifth year, I imagined we’d fall in love. By sixth year, I dreamt that we would tolerate each other.

I never thought my sixth year fantasy would come true.

I always assumed that the common cause would be fighting the Humdrum, or saving Watford, or solving a mystery. I never thought the thing that would bring us together would be being gay.

Or rather, “not straight,” as he repeatedly insists. Apparently thirty minutes of reflection is enough to make Simon realise he likes men, but not enough to make him comfortable with a queer label. I will never understand him.

But, despite telling him I’m gay, he’s still sticking by his theory that the hat’s selection was based entirely on sexual preference, and not because I’d jump him in a heartbeat.

“We can just say it was me that caused us to get paired,” he said on the way back to the room. “I don’t know if your family knows or if you want them to know, or if they’d be disappointed or something shitty.”

“They would have to acknowledge it in order to be disappointed,” I answered, but I didn’t argue with his offer. If he wants to be the openly bisexual Chosen One, I’m sure as shit not going to stop him.

“Sorry your family is weird about...you know,” he said when I got out of the shower the next morning. I stared. Apparently we were still discussing this.

“Is the Mage going to be bothered?” I asked him instead of answering. He paused in the middle of picking out a shirt. (He has four identical shirts. Why does he do this every day?)

“Why the fuck would the Mage care who I like?” he asked, surprised. I shrug (I’ve picked it up from him.) (I hate it.) (But it’s a gesture that says so much, while saying nothing.)

I didn’t have an answer.

Apparently Watford isn’t as fascinated by Simon’s sexuality as I am, because there wasn’t really any backlash. No one cared. No one said anything. And so I assumed it had blown over. This unfortunate occurrence had passed, we had both survived, and things could go back to the way they were.

Except they didn’t.

“How long have you known?” he asked as we walked down to breakfast one morning.

“Longer than you,” I responded.

“Right but like, how long?” he pushed as he got in line behind me for coffee.

“I’m going to rip your tongue out,” I responded.

I keep waiting for him to figure out I’m in love with him. I had thought this would become blindingly clear: the hat put us together, he knows I like men, and I called him fucking exceptional. I practically put a sign on my forehead screaming “I’m in love with Simon Snow, set me on fire and laugh” and yet somehow he’s completely missed it, and is still trying to take responsibility for it.

I don’t understand the mental leaps he had to do to convince himself that somehow my intense hatred for him fucked up the spell. But then again, I don’t understand anything about the way Simon thinks.

He’s so stupid, and yet, I love him.

SIMON

“Have you ever fancied anyone?” I ask Baz. I’m lying on my bed with my feet up on the wall, trying to study, but I can’t. It’s warm out, and we’ve got the window open, and it’s an afternoon that should not be spent trying to teach myself Greek. Honestly, if I don’t have it by now, I’m never going to.

“We’re not talking about this,” Baz snaps back from the other side of the room. He was working, but I saw him give up a few minutes ago, and he’s just been staring out the window ever since.

“So that’s a yes,” I say, throwing my book to the floor. “And considering how prickly you’re being, that means he goes to Watford.” It’s a shot in the dark, but I like to throw out wild theories sometimes to see how he reacts.

“This is not even remotely a subject that’s up for discussion,” he responds, putting in his headphones and turning back to his book. I hate when he does that.

Somehow he managed to bring in an illegal mobile. I was surprised last week when he used it in front of me — normally I would have jumped at the idea of finding something that could get him in trouble. But lately I’ve been focusing a lot less on trying to catch Baz doing something shifty — maybe because he’s now doing the shifty things in front of me — but maybe because I don’t think I care.

And I think… I think I know he’s not a monster. He’s just a boy. A shitty boy, who can be an extreme prick. But still, just a boy, who got outed in front of his classmates. Who listens to Radiohead and eats crisps at night. Who has siblings, and gets bored while doing his homework.

Lately it’s been hard to be in the room with him, because I’m hyper aware of his presence. I always am, always have been. I always have this list in my head about him. Usually it reads something like 1. What is he plotting? 2. Is he going to hurt someone? 3. Where is he going? 4. Does he know I’m following?

But right now the list is reading more like 1. Does he fancy anyone 2. Has he ever kissed a bloke before? 3. What does kissing a boy taste like? 4. I wonder what colour his eyes are right now.

Staring at the back of his head, as he bobs slightly in time to his music, I wonder what he’s listening to and what his hair feels like.

“My money is on Niall,” I say, even though he can’t hear me. “He’s kind of fit, isn’t he? Or maybe it’s Gareth. I’ve seen the way you stare at his belt buckle.”

“There’s literally no way to not stare at it when he’s shoving it in your face,” Baz snaps. I guess he can hear me. “Now shut up or I’m throwing you out the window.”

“Have you ever kissed a bloke?” I ask. Because I guess this is what I think about now. I don’t know when this started, or why. Part of me wonders if I’m only thinking about Baz like this because we both like blokes, and some part of me is reacting to that.

But then part of me thinks I’m only thinking about Baz like this because I’m finally getting to know him. He let down some walls — not many, but a few — and now...I guess he doesn’t seem that scary.

“Get up,” he snaps, slamming his book closed and advancing on me. He’s trying to look terrifying, but the edge of his mouth keeps turning up. I think it was always doing that, all the way back to first year, and I just always mistook his smiles for snarls.

“Why?” I ask calmly. I’m still lying on the bed with my head hanging over, and from this angle he’s upside down.

“Because I’m chucking you out the window.”

Normally I’d growl, and start to get worked up, and we’d end up in a fight on the stairs. But instead I just grin at him, and I see the smallest hint of a smile on his face in return.

And I think I want to kiss him.

And I think, possibly, he might want to kiss me.

The whole “exceptional” thing aside, there’s small things. Sometimes I catch him looking at me when he doesn’t think I can see him. He’s been a hell of a lot nicer to me since the psych lab, and he even helped me with homework once.

But the big sign was the time I walked out of the bathroom after my shower, and he had a full metal breakdown. I’d done it on a whim — I didn’t think through it all, just dashed out with my towel around my waist to grab my shirt — and he tensed up so much he broke his pencil in his hand, and then his face went about as red as it can get.

So yeah. I think there’s something there.

Neither of us is going to do anything about it though. He sure as shit isn’t, at least. But I guess I’m the brave one, of the two of us. So if it is going to happen…

I guess I’m going to have to nut up.

Crowely, we’re fucked.

BAZ

“We could pretend to be dead,” he says glumly, his feet dragging as we walk across the courtyard. For once, Simon might be on to a good idea. I think I’d rather be dead than go to the next Magickal Psychology lab tomorrow.

“It’s required. For a grade,” I snap. He looks so dejected that I want to throw my arm around his shoulder and spell him happy.

“I wish the Humdrum would attack,” he mutters. I sigh and hold open the door of Mummers House.

“It will be fine. We’ll just go in, find out what the control question is, and lie,” I tell him as we trudge up the stairs. He pauses on the middle landing and stares at me.

“Lie?”

“Yes, Snow, lie,” I snap when we enter the room. He throws his bag to the ground and collapses onto his bed in a dramatic heap, and a small contented sigh escapes him when he shoves his head into the pillow. “For example, I am neither allergic to cats nor colourblind. And yet I have successfully gotten out of those experiments by lying.”

“You’re not colourblind?” he sputters, turning his head to look at me. The stricken expression on his face makes it seem like I’ve just turned his world upside down. “I thought that’s why you always wear black,” he mutters, then turns his face back into his pillow.

It’s the makings of a lazy afternoon outside. It’s warm, we’re on the verge of a weekend, and somehow Snow and I have spent the entire day together thus far. We ate breakfast together, talked on the way to class, and actually got scolded by Miss Possibelf for laughing during her lecture. It’s been perfect.

So I sit on the floor between our beds with my back to the windowsill and tip my head back just a bit so it’s resting against the ledge, and close my eyes. I like this spot because it allows me to feel warm without being in direct sunlight, and it makes me feel like a bit of a sleepy cat. I never would have sat here before Snow and my’s strange gay truce.

“Put on music,” he mumbles sleepily from his bed.

That’s another thing we do now: we listen to my music. I’ve been using my mobile with him around — I only have to listen to music and text Fiona — and I figured he would just ignore it, consider it a casualty of our strange new tolerance of each other. But then one day I was doing work and he just came over and picked it up. I almost kicked him out of reflex, but he just squinted at the screen, put it down, and shrugged. “I want to see what you were listening to,” he said. He started doing that every time he walked by, picking up my mobile and running his stumpy freckled hands all over it (Crowley, I’d kill to be my mobile) and then one day he goes, “You can play it out loud.”

And now we listen to music.

I barely glance at the screen as I hit play on whatever I had up last, and pull out my wand. “Come Mr. DJ won’t you turn the music up!” I cast, and the speaker on my mobile grows louder, unleashing some Radiohead song on our room. I throw the mobile on my bed then close my eyes. Maybe I’ll give in to the cat metaphor and take a nap.

My head’s tipped back and I’m on the verge of truly falling asleep when I feel a small puff of air on my cheek and hear Simon whisper, impossibly close, “Baz.”

My eyes fly open and he’s there, he’s right there, his unexceptional blue eyes staring into mine, and I can’t look away, even though there’s no spell holding me here. Just him. Just Simon. His face is centimetres from mine and there’s no possible explanation for why he’s this close, except for —

“Do you remember that question from the experiment about dying that night and what you would regret not doing or saying?” he asks. I can feel his breath on my lips because he’s that fucking close, and the soft rumble of his voice is reverberating through me. I nod, slowly, because this feels like some kind of hazy spell and I think that quick or sharp movements will dislodge it.

“I said I’d regret not having killed you,” I whispered. His lips — fuck, his lips — quirk up and he smiles at me. It’s ruinous.

“I said I don’t really have regrets,” he whispers back. And then he tilts his head. “But that’s not true. I regret that I haven’t done something.”

Aleister fucking Crowley he’s being so cool. When did he get so cool? He’s going to, I know that’s what he’s doing. I know that’s why his head is tilted and he’s leaning even closer. This is going to be it. He’s going to kiss me or kill me, and I’m happy for either. I’ll take whatever he offers, just—

Why isn’t he doing it? His mouth is so close, I can see it, he’s closed his eyes, and he’s just…. Here. Is he waiting? He keeps dipping closer and closer, his mouth ghosting along mine, then he pulls away, and I’m going to explode. I’m going to scream.

“Simon,” I snarl, because I’m ready to fucking kill him, and his eyes pop open just as I grab the back of his neck and kiss him.

I hear — no, I feel — him hum against my lips, and then he’s doing something with his chin, and he captures my bottom lip in his, and it’s—

It’s sweet. It’s soft. It’s kind and gentle and everything that we aren’t. Everything that I never imagined we could be. He’s kissing me like I’m something precious, like I’m something sacred. No one has ever treated me like this before.

“Simon—” I start as our lips break away a bit, but he just makes a shushing noise and leans in to kiss me again. He’s on his knees in front of me, his hands planted to the ground on either side of my hip.

“I know, I’m exceptional,” he whispers, then kisses the corner of my mouth. I laugh — I can’t help it. This is the moment I’ve waited for my entire life, and I feel drunk off of him.

I want more.

“Let’s just—not overtalk this. Let’s just do this, yeah? I want to do this, all of this, the whole thing, us, let’s just do it,” he says, then flicks his tongue over my bottom lip. He could probably have asked me to set myself on fire after that and I would say yes. I have no idea what he’s talking about — snogging? Sex? Dating? I don’t know. I don’t care. I’ll do anything if he’s involved. I try not to think about what he’s suggesting, and instead I just turn off my mind, like he would. He’s gotten pretty far in life so far, there’s got to be a benefit to it, right?

“Absolutely,” I mutter, bringing my hands up to grasp his hips, and it’s like some kind of sign or permission to him, because suddenly his hands are in my hair and he’s gathering it up in chunks and pulling on it slightly, wrapping it around his fingers as his nails lightly scratch my scalp and it’s a sensory overload. I push him away, but his hands are still in my hair, he’s really got a strong fucking hold on it, and so we both go kareening backwards and he lands on his back and smiles up at me as he laughs breathlessly.

I go for the mole on his neck like a target.

“You’re exceptional too,” he whispers. He’s wriggling beneath me, his whole body tensing and relaxing as I kiss every mole and freckle I can find. There’s two hiding under his collar, I know, and so I’m focused on pulling his knotted tie off so I can get to them.

“Of course I am,” I snap back. His tie is really, truly, astonishing tangled. Does he just hang himself every morning in the process of getting dressed? I should just set it on fire. It would serve him right.

“I think that that stupid spell must have known that I—” he’s saying, breathless, as I work at the knot. This useless piece of clothing is keeping me from his Adam’s Apple and there is absolutely no bigger injustice in this world right now.

“Simon,” I snarl. I’m angry at his tie, and I’m taking it out on him, but I don’t care. Nothing matters. “Shut the fuck up. It paired us together because I’m obsessed with you, and I’m going to set you on fire if you don’t learn how to tie your tie like an adult.”

His smile blinds me. His eyes scrunch at the corners and he reveals all his teeth — not perfect and uniform, utterly unexceptional, just like his eyes, yet endlessly adorable — and it’s a smile full of joy and surprise and more than a little mischievousness.

“Just get my clothes off,” he says, and it comes out with magic even though it’s absolutely not a spell. It’s some kind of fucked up horny compulsion, and I feel myself pulled back to the tie, ripping it from his neck, my fingers running under the buttons of his collar and popping them. I feel out of control, ruled by a force that’s not me, and it’s terrifying.

But it’s giving me the courage to do what I’ve wanted to do for years.

“Sorry, sorry,” he gasps. He’s seen the panic in my eyes. “It does that sometimes, my magic. When I feel… a lot. Do what you want! You don’t have to!” he gasps out, and I feel the compulsion lift.

My fingers keep working at his shirt though, and I can’t stop myself from giggling. It’s not funny — he just forced me to do something with magic, I should be horrified — but this is surreal and I feel like I’m drinking in the galaxy everytime my lips meet his skin.

“I guess Greg’s fucked up experiment worked,” I say between laughs. His breath gets faster as I kiss at his collarbone, and he frowns at me.

“Don’t,” he stutters, then shakes his head. “What the fuck Baz? Don’t talk about Greg,” he pouts. “Greg can get stuffed for all I care.”

“But it worked, didn’t it?” I say, nuzzling at his neck. He growls, grabs my shoulders, and turns me forcefully, so that I’m on the ground he’s above me. This is a first — I’m always above him. By at least three inches.

But then he grins.

“He can never know,” Simon says, and I nod.

“Absolutely fucking not,” I agree, and lean up to meet his mouth again. He laughs against my lips and pushes back at the kiss. I can taste the smoke of his magic in my mouth. It’s going to be there for the rest of the day, I know. Not even brushing my teeth is going to get the taste of Simon out.

Maybe psychology isn’t the worst.