#my mom thinks that i have no idea what genitals look like

[oatmealmika]

FEM! TRAFALGAR LAW HEADCANONS BECAUSE I LOVE WOMEN

a/n : sometimes i just wish law was actually written as a girl cuz DAMN

first off, CLOTHES SHE'D WEAR!!

i'm getting major streetwear/chola style vibes from fem! law

like i mean ripped up baggy jeans, croptops, hoodies, oversized t-shirts, sports bras, long clickity clackity nails (if she really wanted to but very occasionally), and of course (his? her?) their hat

she got her earrings done when she was too little to remember so it's just annoying to have to redo them every so often

i have no clue who'd do her tattoos since she most definitely wouldn't trust some sketchy guy to do them

maybe herself but i don't think that's it either

and whenever you ask her, she makes up a different story (like that one blond guy in "ratatouille" who has a criminal record)

"woke up with it" "they're stick n pokes" "this guy i knew who would only wear bucket hats" and of course "nunya"

she is half german and half mexican (may or may not be self projection with the mexican part)

i get HUGE ymir from aot vibes with fem! law

she appears rude, hardheaded, and pessimistic, but she really does care about others and does have some hope in her (wishing her crew likes her horrendous hawaiian shirts)

her music taste is rock, rap, indie dream pop (tv girl), and then sad spanish songs that slap way too hard (i'm thinking "no me queda mas" by selena, a bunch of vicente fernandez songs my mom loves to play at full volume, and "amor eterno" by rocio durcal)

def not straight i mean just look at fem! law fanart on tumblr bro like honey... and man, am i glad she isn't straight cuz GODDAMN

if you go out with her, you need to order for her pls she can't do it on her own

but she will take the bill, no excuses

i think the type of person she needs as a partner would have to be okay with silence, they have to be outgoing and fun but mature with intense situations, and yeah

plays the bass guitar and has been for years

also plays the drums but her main instrument is bass

really wants to be in a band but not really since she hates the idea of having to be nice all the time for the public

at a mall, she either hangs out at hot topic, barnes and nobles, or justice the whole time

got a bunch of piercings all over her but that's a secret lol nobody knows...

UNTIL I TELL YOU: bellybutton, industrial, conch, ear lobe, tragus, bridge, middle tongue, hip, nipple, and then a bunch of genital piercings i will not be discussing any further XD

her most used apps are photos, notes, tumblr, pinterest, depop, and....... ao3

OKAY OKAY as hard as it might be to believe this, this is NOT self projection it is TRUTH

she doesn't religiously read fics or anything, just occasional oneshots about her nerdy crap when she's bored or something

my girl out here reading her "sora, warrior of the sea" 10k+ fics 💀

if you take her home to meet the family, at first they'll be thrown off by her intimidating looks, but soon enough they'll realize what a little loser she is! the cutie patootie she is <3

LOVE LOVE LOVES cringy 70s/80s/90s movies (think "grease", "the princess bride", "pretty in pink", "10 things i hate about you", etc.)

she doesn't know why. she hates the dumb stereotypes and all that stuff, but she just can't help it! she's so real for it too

idk why but i feel like she'd LOVE spiderman???? like as an obsession?

she is pretty normal about the live action movies, it's just SPIDERVERSE THAT MAKES HER GO CRAZY

she also wants to be good at art but never has motivation to do it

she def has an upside down smile (that what it's called? i think of it more as a "oh that's cringy look and stare y'all" smile)

is she scrawny? muscular? i can't decide honestly. like yeah guy law has some brawn, but he is still a pretty lanky guy, so that's why i see fem! law as a lanky chick. but i love muscular women... goddamn she is just lanky. she obviously has some meat on her bones, but not much.

that being said, i don't think she's very curvaceous either (let's pretend oda didn't draw her the way he did). she is no doubt an a cup, and while her butt is fairly larger, she's still pretty flat.

she also only ever wears sports bras since she thinks regular bras are uncomfy and a hassle.

for a va to replace masc! law's, i would say for japanese romi park. for english, i'd say either trina nushimura or elizabeth maxwell.

for one piece live action, i would want like zendaya as fem! law 😭 aye anything for queen zendaya

only bepo knows this, but she wears socks and sandals on sundays no fail.

has a tattoo somewhere of bepo's name inside a heart with an arrow through it (think those tattoos that tough guys get, with instead of bepo, "mom" is what's written)

fem! law still wears ugly ass hawaiian shirts, don't get it mixed up ✊

that's all for now :)

likes and reblogs are appreciated <3

have a good day!!

[cadybear420]

Cadybear's Reviews- Baby Bump

Welcome to the twenty-first official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about Baby Bump, which I have ranked on the "Gold Tier" at 8 stars out of a possible 10.

WHY DO PEOPLE HATE THIS SERIES!? WHY!? It’s FINE! 

Okay, I can maybe see why people may not like it because, let’s be real, accidental pregnancy is a very overdone trope. And apparently there were a lot of parts that were originally problematic when the story was released and had to be re-written, but I wasn’t around for that and I know next to nothing about the original lines, so I can’t say much about them. But even now, how does it get ranked as being among the worst so often? Even if you think it’s bad, it’s really not that bad. 

Like… I found it decent? I don’t think it’s nearly as bad as a lot of people have said it is. And I’m saying this as a GNC cis woman who experiences major genital dysphoria and absolutely REVILES the idea of becoming pregnant. Like, I would rather die than ever experience being pregnant. And yet I still quite enjoyed this story. 

I guess it kind of helps that the book is very clearly a pregnancy book from the beginning, so I kind of went in knowing what to expect and thus not self-inserting as the MC at all. Unlike something like TRH, which is a continuation that suddenly introduces a “MC gets pregnant” plot to a non-pregnancy series… but that’s a subject for a different day. 

I’ll be honest though, this story has a pretty awful start. In the flashback in B1 Ch1 where MC meets Mr. Covington, they try waaaayyyyy too hard to make the player swoon at the idea of having his babies. Like, did the guy they wanted to be MC’s baby daddy HAVE to be a celebrity company salesman, who is also the keynote speaker at MC’s graduation? 

And don’t even get me started on the Clint fangirls, who feel like they were written by someone who’s only ever been surrounded by the “Facebook Mom” stereotype and has never met (and probably never will meet) a real horny woman in their entire life. 

Literally, the scene is just all like “OMG LOOK!!! BIG FAMOUS CELEBRITY SALESMAN!!! OMG HE HAS *GASP* ABS!!! OH WOW, A MALE LI IN CHOICES WITH ABS AND BIG MUSCLES! THAT’S SO UNIQUE AND SPECIAL AND TOTALLY NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!!! OMG ALL THE OTHER WOMEN ARE CHANTING OVER HIS ABS AND WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES TOO!!! DON’T *YOU* WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES TOO!?!?!?! AREN’T YOU SOOOOOO LUCKY THAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE HAVING HIS BABIES?!?!?!?!?!?!?”. Like, how much intelligence do you think your wlm audience has PB? Really trying to pander to the “Facebook Karen Mom” stereotype here, huh? 

With that in mind, I guess I can understand why people may have gotten a bad impression of the book at first, because the story for how MC got pregnant in the first place (and her conflict with Cassandra in Book 1) feels straight out of one of those weird Instagram and Facebook ads. 

But besides that, it was an okay series! I found it mostly cute and wholesome. Literally everything else was fine! There were even a few moments in Book 2 that made me cry, like when MC can record a sweet message for the babies with a plush bunny she can get from the Baby Baskets. 

Besides maybe Book 1 Dr. Mariana Castillo who is just way too unserious (at least she gets better in Book 2), I honestly really liked the main cast. Even though MC is technically an outsider to the town, she still gets to be very driven and gets shit done rather than being the typical doe-eyed newbie who needs to be shown the ropes. Clint is a sweetheart and does get to be more than just “har dee har muscular celebrity salesman who knocks you up aren’t you soooo lucky” that they wanted him to be in the first chapter. Mayor Dixon is a nice mix of goofy and tsundere, and the female version Myra contributed to my bi awakening. Luisa is just a queen all around. MC’s sister… initially she could sometimes be a bit of a stereotypical “OMG girly girl talk best friend to talk exclusively about LI and diamond outfits” but she does become more than that too, and I really like her subplot with Bao. Speaking of, Bao is just the most absolute precious ever (and shame on PB for making him the sister’s LI and not one for MC /jk). 

The antagonist characters were… kind of a mixed bag, I will admit. They were memorable, but also kind of stupid. Like I said before, Cassandra’s storyline in Book 1 just felt petty and cheap, plus I’m tired of straw loser villain female antagonists who exist solely to compete with the MC over the LI. It never got too overbearing, but it was still stupid. Book 2 Cassandra is great though. 

Then there’s Craig, who wants to destroy everything MC and friends accomplish and take over Gracetown because… potatoes. I guess he’s alright as he is actually a threat in Book 2, but the townspeople can be pretty damn meek to him which is a little weird. But he was still a strong antagonist in that book. Book 1 Craig feels a lot more like he just exists to be an annoyance for the sake of being an annoyance, though. 

Jebediah is a lot more compelling as an antagonist character, and I did expect the Covington family conflict to be incredibly boring but it turned out otherwise. He’s a jerk at first, but it’s nice to see how he does genuinely try to change throughout the storyline of Book 2. 

Also, props to this for being one of only three Choices series ever (the others being OG HSS and ILITW) where the collectible system has some items that aren’t diamond-walled. The baby blanket collectibles are really cute, and it’s really refreshing to have a collectible system that isn’t “the first one is free and then the rest you have to pay for”. Like HSS, there are even some pieces that are determinant on your success in certain events. Why can’t more series do their collectibles like this??? (Oh right, because it requires actual effort). 

Would I say it’s a good or accurate portrayal of pregnancy? IDK, I’m not an expert. But it’s fine if you just want a lighthearted pregnancy story to chill out to. 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Thinking About Tiffany Pollard Today

Tiffany "New York" Pollard. I know that a lot of people have a lot of opinions about her, but I, for one, feel like we "came up" together. I watched her from the time she was just some girl fighting for Flavor Fav through many twists and turns, some of which happened for all of us to see.

I remember whenever she was facing backlash for her transphobic statements and how taken aback she was by it while everyone pounced on her, and whenever I saw the interaction, I immediately thought, "Oh. She thinks that this is just part of the gig, because of how she was handled when she arrived on the scene." And. Ultimately, I wound up being right, like I usually am (TS Madison confirmed for me basically everything that I had said about the situation).

Tiffany was frequently called a man, a tranny, transvestite, and a drag queen, and it was something that I remember her embracing and never getting mad or upset, saying that these people are fabulous, just like me, etc. So, whenever she's asking that woman about being a man and having certain genitals, she quite literally thought that this is just part of people thinking/saying that you are or look like a man.

Maddie had to explain to her that the people who were speaking about her in those ways were also being transphobic, to which Tiffany was confused, because 'How can somebody be being transphobic to you if you aren't trans?' They are conversations that she didn't seem to have had before, and her trans friends got her together about it and she was able to learn moving forward. (As of now, I don't think that since then she has ever had a similar incident and she still seems to have the support and following of her trans friends and loved ones).

But, one thing that I think about every time Tiffany makes her way back into the spotlight is the fact that we are essentially the same age, but when I was spending my first semester in college, not realizing that I was wasting my time and money, she was getting started on her tract to becoming a "problematic fave" and resetting the course of reality tv.

She did so much that SHE was the star of Flavor of Love, and these were the days before they even CONSIDERED mental health or support. This woman, my age. Early 20s, getting into one of the most exploitative tv situations in history for a man twice her age, who embarrassed her on national tv TWICE, by loving all over her and then selecting someone else in the end.

The years following this debut as the HBIC of reality tv, we got to see a lot of her mom and their shaky relationship, we got to see her attempt to find love multiple times, and do various jobs. We got to see this woman who entered the business in the reality genre sort of stay in that arena for 2 decades. She has so many iconic moments, lines, reactions. There are people who have no idea what her voice sounds like, but they know things she's said because her face has been popular for memes for all this time. She even gets paid to do all of this.

But, she also always plays the villain role. She's always seen as a foe or an antagonist, because she was a hotheaded 23 year old when she first got on camera (maybe younger if it took them a while to record the show). And, I have seen over the years people trash her up and down. Yes, she has a very large fan base, as well, but she's gotten a lot of hate from then up until now, and I don't know if people actually think about the fact that she was in her early 20s whenever VH1 found her willing to pimp herself out to Flavor motherfucking Flav, who once again, is twice her age.

Even her moments of supposed healing (VH1's Family Therapy With Dr. Jenn) was put on TV for our entertainment. This woman really had a weird adulthood, because reality stars simply were not famous whenever she became a famous reality star, and reality tv was not as big or important as it is today. She didn't become rich from her Flavor of Love fame. She has what she has now specifically because she's always out there hustling and loaning out her personality/persona for her fame and fortune.

She set the bar for a lot of the reality tv tropes that we see today. Many of the girlies do not even realize that when they get on camera and they're tryna fit a certain reality role to get screen time, that they are simply emulating a woman who was just herself in her early 20s and was used as a formula that an industry was built upon. There were not many reality tv shows back then, but there were some and even though she wasn't the first, she is one of the first people who others after her decided that they would pick up characteristics from. She hasn't been able to be a full person in front of us and the moment she messes up, she is either met with people laughing at her pain or dragging her to hell for her mistakes.

Happy Birthday to that lady. She ain't perfect, but she has given us a lot and none of our asses ever really seem to want what's best for her. She's a character to most people. An avatar of reality that they watch to see what wild shit she'll do or say next. When, I know that there's a human woman there who I hope does have some grace in her life. Ionknow, Man. I just think Black women deserve some grace, even if they are imperfect people, but especially when their imperfections have been fodder for national audiences to laugh and chatter about, and for almost half of her life now. 

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

How did you go about challenging your friend group's ideas on the trans movement? I'd love to be brave enough to do the same with mine (one is a TIM and another is married to one [immigration marriage, not a romantic one] so it's a pretty daunting task).

You see, the thing about me is that I lose all cowardice when I'm well and truly pissed off. You have to understand I was willing to lose all of my friends that day. I legit pulled my car over into a 7/11 so I could confront them. If you are not willing to do this, I don't recommend starting that discussion because not only will you back down, but you'll have created tension for no reason. You have to stand firm. It's not that I didn't/don't love them, but at some point you have to realize that surrounding yourself with people who only love you because they don't know your views is an awful way to live your life.

You also have to understand that all of my closest friends are straight and cis and normie so that makes my situation drastically different from yours.

I don't mean to be discouraging, but I've gotta tell you the truth: based on what you just said, I don't think your experience would go anything like mine.

But I can tell you how it went, nonetheless.

One night, enough was enough and they said something I absolutely could not let slide. They were all in agreement about "super straight" being an idiotic thing and they agreed that it was a hateful movement against trans people. This, on its own, was not enough for me to challenge them. However, one of them was like "refusing to date trans people is you refusing to see them as the men and women that they are"

And

I

Snapped.

So fucking bad. I wrote a long paragraph being like "that doesn't make sense. That's homophobic." and I specifically used them to prove my point. I was like "[name], you're heterosexual, aren't you? Do you consider yourself bigoted for not liking dick? Do you consider me a bad person for only liking pussy? Do you think your gf is a bad person for only wanting to date males? We can agree that being attracted to both sets of genitals is bisexuality, right?" and that seemed to work wonders.

Calling out specific traits within them is a good tactic. Bring up their sexuality. Bring up their friend's sexuality. Ask them if they think that they're bad people for their exclusive sexuality. Ask them if their FRIENDS are bad people for their exclusive sexuality. Ask them if they think their mom or dad would ever date someone of the same sex. Ask them if they think their mom and dad are bad people because of that.

If they make an argument, counter it the best you can. These are not internet trolls or people looking to get a rise out of you. These are your friends. Talk to them. Give them good arguments.

If they decide to leave you then you know that your friendship was in the wrong hands.

That's what worked for me.

[pumpumdemsugah]

I’ve seen you post about the vagueness of ‘queerness’ in the past and tbh now I get it. This isn’t the only reason lately a lot of my friends who were queer have started dating men and it’s so interesting to me. Anyone can do what they like but as someone who has known I was gay since I was a kid—I cut my arm at 9, and when my friends mom hugged me to her chest and when her boobs pressed against my face?! Yeah that was the end of ‘straightness’ for me. Discovered a whole new world that day fr—and came out at 18, the idea of ever ending up with a man is a nightmare lol. Like sometimes I get these intrusive thoughts about men and honestly it makes me gag every time. For the most part I don’t even see them and that’s how I like it but a lot of my friends are like that and then bam, boyfriend. Granted these same people rebuke the lesbian title at every turn so maybe I should’ve seen it coming but it’s so weird to hear people go on and on about being gay and then come to find out they mean in an aesthetic way because ‘pussy is gross’ lol.

Lool how you knew you were gay

The problem with modern inclusivity is some of are just straight. Not ohh bi dating a man and considering how much easier it is to do that, it's going to happen but heteros that grew up on a social media that thought being straight is cringe and they aren't cringe and they think women are pretty so 🏳️‍🌈 when they actually aren't. The same thing goes for most American internet 'leftist'. Bruv you're just embarrassed of calling yourself a liberal because it's cringe

People don't want to admit that the current community is infested with heterosexual and hide behind are you saying they aren't bi? You think pum pum is off putting and the genital discourse has been a gift for these people. In 3 to 5 years minimum, many will look back and not want to admit that they encouraged straight people with entitlement issues to call them homophobic slurs because of " reclamation" and ran down anyone that rightfully clocked on.

[cordycepsfem]

Hello! You reblogged a post about "bi" women who don't like vulva (https://www.tumblr.com/cordycepsfem/743621467814674432). Your blog is one of my favorites and I was curious about your thoughts on my situation.

I'm a woman and I consider myself to be bi, but I am disgusted by penis. I do think it's weird when a woman who doesn't like vulva says she is bi, but then I feel like a hypocrite by doing the opposite. I don't think it would be appropriate to call myself a lesbian, though. I still find some men attractive, just not their genitals and I wouldn't be able to have a sexual relationship with a man because of that specific lack of attraction. When I am attracted to a woman, I am attracted to the whole woman. I've been told I just haven't found the right man yet, but there have been men I've cared deeply for. When I try to think about having sex with them, I feel sick. I don't feel sick when I think of women that way. I am a virgin, if that matters.

I always hear about the "bi but eww pussy" stereotype, but never the opposite. Do you think a woman can be unattracted to male genitals and still be bi? I don't mean this as a gotcha, I am just genuinely confused and value your opinion if you wouldn't mind sharing it. Thanks in advance if you decide to answer this! :)

Thank you for your kind words. While I am glad you enjoy my blog, I have to admit that I am not really a font of information on all things lesbian or bi, and would have a hard time telling you how best to proceed. I will move forward with the information I do have, and you may take what you wish.

I existed as a mostly-asexual being until I was in my twenties. When my same-age girl cousins or peers would say a boy looked "cute" or "hot," I never had any idea what they meant. I never saw something in a boy that gave me any special feeling, no matter how many movie stars or boy band members had captured their hearts.

My family was (and still is somewhat) Catholic, and when I was younger I could never see myself married to a man. I didn't know about gay or bisexual people, and I thought the only way to have children was to marry a man and reproduce heterosexually. I have always wanted to be a mom, and I look forward to that in my life now, but back then I was told the only way was marriage to a man. The thought of living with a man, sharing a bed with a man, and having sex with a man was utterly repellant to me when I considered it seriously at the age of 12 or 13. I gave a lot of consideration to becoming a nun.

I got really sick around the age of 14 and the treatments I had between 14 and 22 really fucked up those ages, so I pretty much just worked on surviving. But eventually I was maybe 23 or 24, and I went to a local store and saw a woman who was just... beautiful. She was nerdy, and ticked all these boxes that I now know are qualities I'm attracted to. I asked if they had a certain item I'd been looking for and she checked, spent time with me, offered to order it... nothing more than a great customer service representative, but I was... fascinated. I suddenly had all these feelings that I didn't understand.

But then I also had all of these experiences that suddenly made sense. I'd always preferred "strong female character" types in shows and movies and books. I always wanted to be best friends with the female lead in media, not dating the male lead. I had intense friendships with girls, especially in high school. And now here I was finding a woman attractive for the first time - realizing that I was attracted to someone blew my mind.

I now have a girlfriend for the very first time in my thirties. (It is amazing. I am a big fan.) She is helping me to think very openly about attraction and arousal and how to explore sexuality. Her work will now help me to come to my conclusion here, which is:

I think only you can be in charge of what you call your sexuality (obviously). But if you are only attracted to men by basis of looks or personality, and know that you would not have sex with them, to me that doesn't seem like a full experience of sexuality. Sexuality, for many people, involves the desire to have sexual and romantic experiences with a partner, and it probably would be really hard to have a full relationship with someone who you wouldn't want to engage in sex with, unless that was something you were both wanting, and you felt your connection was more emotional.

I have also found certain men appealing for many reasons - they're a good singer, or they're funny, or they look really sharp in a suit, or I liked them in that one movie - but I don't ever see, nor have I ever seen, a relationship with a man going further than a cherished friendship. I have no desire to engage with one romantically or sexually. If you feel the same way about men, and are wholly attracted to only women, I feel like that's your answer. But again, I can't label how you feel, only offer my thoughts.

People who say "You haven't found the right man yet" need to mind their own business, and perhaps look to their own homophobia. It is possible to do so, because my 88-year-old devoutly Catholic Irish grandmother has yet to tell me to find a man and I am in my mid-thirties. If you aren't looking for a man, why would it matter if you found the right one or not?

However you choose to identify your sexuality, you seem very certain of what you do and do not want, and that will help you figure things out. Please let me know if I can offer a listening ear. I am grateful you were able to share your experience with me.

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly Roundup: prompt reminders

It turns out Gray’s dislike being seen as a pretty girl and constant dysphoria ends up being a mundane gender thing just as much as a ‘my physical appearance and identity have been slowly and painfully overwritten by a long-dead woman’s by the hands of fundamentalists’ thing. Ideally, additionally include Waver and Reines being supportive and going out of their way to help find means to present more masculine even with the unique issues of a magically 'frozen’ body.

gudako becoming a ceo and joining the kengan association after retiring as master, not because they need money or have any interest in running a business/fight ring but because the kengan tournaments are the only place they can find dick from insane men who love to beat the shit out of each other close the level of what they had at chaldea

age gap, I come humbly asking for mash/morgan. specifically i want mashmorgan with an emphasize on the age gap. Mash is SO young and inexperienced compared to Morgan, barely even just reached adulthood by human standards. You get an extra kiss on the forehead if you play it as corruption, specifically as MASH corrupting Morgan, trying to get Morgan to fuck her good even if it can't be a good idea.

Guenivere falls for Lancelot because he's horribly vanilla and she just couldn't get into Artoria's huge raging knotted dragon dick no matter how much she tried.

smut, bestiality, Lobo and Hessian double-team Guda with lots of primal feral sex. Lobo keeps knotting Guda so they can't get away even if they want to. They don't want to.

smut, jing ke (accomplished hedonist who is "very popular with female servants for some reason") convinces qin shi huang (fundamentally cautious but also too curious for their own good and always gets complacent about their perceived superiority at the crucial moment) to allow her to "explore their body" and "show them some human experiences" which they believe is fine because its not like she can put the fear of death in them a THIRD time (incorrigible hubris) this obviously immediately turns into jing ke blowing their back out with a massive strapon and with qin shi huang's mind equally blown by the vast possibilities of human pleasure and ingenuity behind sex toy development that didn't exist in their lostbelt they're immediately absorbed into developing increasingly outlandish toys for jing ke to use on them and test the limits of pleasure this body can feel until they've looped right back around to a "human experience" that applies to zero normal mortal humans who would absolutely die from the violent fucknasty pervert sex they're having and/or don't even have the holes they're having things stuck into but jing ke's fine with it this time because they're not trying to govern other people about it this time and also she gets to fuck an extremely attractive person like she's trying to kill them on a daily basis. also you can do whatever you want for qin shi huang's genitals or swap equipment midway idc about that i care about shi huang di in their hubris willingly turning themselves into an incorrigible masochist with a crippling addiction to jing ke strap

smut, Caster Artoria is "forced" to go around town stark naked. It's definitely her decision and she totally isn't doing this because she wants to guys.

Gudao gets the most unique dysphoria moment of his life when he summons Jack on one of his ‘feeling like presenting as male’ days and is immediately greeted with ‘mom’ first thing in the morning. 

age gap, Future fic where Rin & Shirou keep getting weird looks from their neighbours because from a normie perspective they're a couple of 40yo fucking Saber, a teenage girl.

smut, castoria should fuck cu alter. it wouldn't fix either of them but I think Castoria can take him + she could use a man who doesn't care if she scratches back.

Xu Fu is forced to work alone with Xiang Yu, and accidentally ends up falling in love with him too

smut, Bedivere being really fucking awkward around Castoria, because she's an incarnation of Excalibur and he sure jerked off with his Excalibur arm back in the days.

AU where Akiha fully becomes Roa's latest reincarnation after killing SHIKI

smut, Guda free use anyone? There are so many servants with carnal desires going around, I think it'd be most efficient if Chaldea had a "anyone can fuck the master anywhere and we'll all turn a blind eye to it" system.

[intersex-questions]

Hey uh.. sorry if this is so rambly and long a lot happened and is going on. Also tw for talk of genitals, mentions of medical abuse and intersexism

So.. my (23 afab) balls dropped on me last April. Didn't know I had them ok lol. Anyways, I already suspected I was intersex for almost a year at that point as well.. the previous summer I was finally able to pull back my clitoral hood (the opening was and is way too small) and it looked /looks exactly like the tip of a penis. (Idk I guess I was in a weird state of denial before April? But I've also delt with a lot of medical gaslighting before so..) but since the ball drop everything's changing. More body hair, acne, appetite, fat n muscle distribution, period gettin weird, etc. Like I'm on a low dose of T which yeah duh testes finally dropped.

I honestly think I flew under the radar at birth. And my puberty was normal all things considered. I've always had a clitoris bigger than normal but I've looked and never found any surgery scars 1. And 2. My family on my dad's side has a VERY long history of medical abuse. We're rightfully VERY suspectful of doctors. Also my mom's a nurse and knows when doctors are bullshitting (sidenote but I actually did need braces and once they were finally off they tried to talk to us to get more work done. It wasn't necessary but they still tried cuz America and Capitalism hurray. She just said hmmm ok and we walked away and I never had another app. with them lmaoo). Anyways, yeah I can totally see this flying under the radar at birth. I didn't take any sorts of medications either growing up n had a pretty normal puberty. I haven't asked them yet tho cuz omg NO that's way too fuckin awkward. I've just been chilling rn for the most part. I also haven't seen the doctor yet cuz I also have my own medical trauma :D! (Also now's just not the time financially) And I know once that's on my medical record it's on my medical record and I'm not ready to deal with doctors not being normal about me.

Just.. Idk what to do right now. I don't even know what I have either. Like, no fuckin clue?? I've tried to research it but medical texts are not easy reads and are often violently intersexist.. I don't even know how to navigate this medically and to keep myself safe from medical abuse when the time comes. All I know is I don't want my testes removed or have any cosmetic surgery to make my genitals more "normal" and that doctors will generally fight me on that. I don't know even know if I want to tell my mother about it? I trust her with other medical stuff she's unironically been a lifesaver before (and helped me navigate through the medical system too) but like 1. One she's my mom that's fuckin awkward and 2. I know her she's going to blame herself. Wonder what she ate/drank while pregnant with me and that the intersexism that I'll face will be her fault. Idk I'm still debating that one

I've talked to friends about it and both my sister and cousin. They've all been amazing and supportive :'). I've found some community and some resources which have been really helpful too. Other then that tho I have no idea where to go from here. So uh yeah..

Thank you for reading this and thank you for your time!! I appreciate it :)

Thank you so much for sharing, and I apologize for answering very late. I appreciate your patience with me and your courage in sharing.

I'm very glad you've found and have a good support system, such as in people like your friends, sister, and cousin. But I hear and sympathize with you on your struggles as well. You aren't obligated to come out as intersex to anyone, and no matter what your reasons are, they are valid. And it can completely be an awkward topic to talk about. Everyone is different in what they are comfortable with talking about, especially regarding topics that delve into sexual health and sexual matters. If you do choose to tell your mom, or anyone for that matter, remember this: You are not responsible for their reactions! If you told your mother and she blames herself for it, that isn't your responsibility, nor is it your fault. You cannot control other's reactions.

I completely empathize with you on how hard it is to find any resources and how hard it is figuring out where to go. When I learned that I was intersex, finding resources was incredibly difficult, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do after that. Was I supposed to tell people? Not tell people? Learn as much as possible and consider it in every medical decision? Not worry about it at all and never consider it? Everyone has a different intersex journey, and I can't tell you what's the right or wrong thing to do. With time and with lived experience, you'll slowly learn more about yourself and what you want to do with your experiences.

This isn't really exactly your experience, but hearing you talk reminded me of this TED talk I've listened to before. Maybe you'll find it interesting or useful.

Again, thank you so much for sharing. I wish you the best of luck during your intersex journey and experience.

[intersex-support]

hi, i hope it's okay to ask tmi questions haha.

in short, do you think it's possible that i (34 afab, born in oklahoma if that make a difference) could have been operated on as a newborn without my parents' knowledge?

a bit longer: i've never been able to orgasm. i'm ace and on an SSRI so i don't have much urge, but any time i've tried, i've found that i just don't have a lot of sensation in my clitoris. it's not remotely like what other afab people describe.

i'm diagnosed with PCOS, tests have shown i have elevated testosterone and i have a number of secondary male sex characteristics. it wouldn't take much of a logical leap to imagine that i was born with intersex genitals and operated on, but i've talked to my mom about my hormones and everything, and i absolutely believe that if she knew i'd been operated on she would tell me. my father is an ass i don't talk to and don't trust, so it's feasible he could know.

sorry for the rambling ask, but the idea that i could have been operated on as an infant and had my capacity to experience sexual pleasure destroyed is... a bit upsetting. appreciate your time, thank you.

Hi, so I think it is totally possible that this could be the reason for being unable to orgasm, but it is only one of many reasons that could exist. I would say it's not unheard of that someone could experience surgery as an without the full consent of parents/guardians, but if they saw absolutely no signs of it while you were younger then it seems unlikely (if they changed you as a child they may or may not have seen something, I can't be sure, but surgery is surgery and it needs to be taken care of so it doesn't become infected and heals properly).

Inability to orgasm can have multiple other reasons, it's not unheard of for intersex people to have pelvic floor dysfunction, generally pelvic floor issues. The use and strength of your pelvic floor muscles affects the arousal/blood flow of the clitoris.

You mentioned being on an SSRI, that definitely affects ability to orgasm as well, but anxiety and depression themselves can also be a factor because they may cause tension, or create a mental blockage.

Basically, I would not stress too much about possible operation if lack of orgasm is your only clue. I would say generally looking into pelvic floor health is good for EVERYONE, so looking into it might be helpful for you. Understanding how muscle strength/stretching, nervous system issues, digestion, breathing/diaphragm strength affects the pelvic floor can help a lot of people long-term.

Surgery could be a possibility, and an extremely distressing one at that, but even if that is the case it might be helpful for you to understand the health and needs of your body in general, and know what capacity for pleasure you do have.

[mycptsdrecovery]

hi! i’m sorry to ask this really because it feels like i’m doing something wrong, but i’ve kind of been obsessing over this lately because it makes a lot of sense, but also i feel like because i don’t have any memories of being touched it doesn’t really count as csa? if anyone could give me advice or an opinion i would be very grateful for it.

TW (kind of graphic descriptions of bad things, medical trauma, mention of trafficking)

* when i was like 10 i was in the shower while my mom was giving a bath to my brother, and after i got out and got dressed she said something like “i noticed while you were taking a shower, you have dark hair down there like me, i could teach you to shave it if you want.” which made me really uncomfortable because i didn’t think she would watch me, and now i try to avoid getting undressed around her at all costs

* she did something similar when i was at a medical appointment because i had to get an ultrasound and so they had to pull my pants and underwear down a bit, and i saw her looking at my area and i was really uncomfortable

* there’s a memory i have from around 5 or 6 where i had just gotten out of the bath and then either her or my dad put something really painful on/in my genitals, i think to clean it (i had a lot of utis when i was little)? i remember remembering that when i was little as well, but its only recently that i actually thought about it

* everytime our family friends come over she forces me to shave, she also made me get laser hair removal for a while when i didn’t want it. a while ago she said if i wanted to wear shorts in public i would have to shave (this one is probably the least close to csa but i mentioned it to a friend and he said it was messed up)

* when i was like 3 i remember my dad taking me to a scary doctor appointment place and they put a catheter in me and it hurt so bad and then i couldn’t control myself and pee got everywhere and it was awful

* a few months ago my mom made me tell her what i wanted to do in sex because she said she deserved to know, because i’m old enough to identify myself (as transgender) so i’m old enough to know what i want. she used some pretty revolting language even though all of it was medical (like vagina, anus, ect.) and it was incredibly clear that i was uncomfortable but she continued

* whenever i tell her about my issues with body image, she says she would kill to have my figure and talks about it in a sexual way (like saying i got the big boob gene from her)

* she told my medical issues (like the utis) to her friend which was humiliating and also when i was little she posted about them on facebook

* when i was a young teen i made an instagram account without her knowledge and i posted like, a photo of a rock, and then when she found out because my sister snitched, she talked to me for 1-2 hours about child sex rings

* this is probably normal but she doesn’t care to cover herself up before i enter her room. like i’ll knock and say can i come in and she says yes, and then i come in and she isn’t dressed at all (not even underwear)

* one time when i was around 3-4 i woke up and there was white stuff in my underwear, and i remember like taking a medicine the night before? i had no idea what it was at the time but looking back i see what it could have been

* one time she saw my amazon wishlist and then started comparing the clothes on it to sadomasochism and made me take them off

* she forces me to hug her sometimes and its really clear that the hug isn’t actually about hugging it’s about our bodies being pressed together

* when me and my sister were little she filmed (i think it was her) a video of is saying the phrase “i’m sexy and i know it”

* when i was like 7 i kept getting really weird sex dreams that were way to graphic for the knowledge i had at the time, also at that age i used to wet the bed a lot

now i’m hypersexual and i have a lot of other symptoms of csa but it still doesn’t feel like i was actually sa’ed and i think if i told anyone they would just disregard it. thank you for your time reading this and have a good day

.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #083

Are you more likely to go drive-thru or actually walk in to get fast food? Oh, drive-thru for sure. How far away is the nearest KFC? Uhhhh... maybe around like, 7-ish minutes? But it would vary with traffic lights. Have you ever met someone online and then met them in person? Once, yes. I want to do so at LEAST twice more, with Mazzy and Tez, and it'd also be really cool to meet Sam and his wife one day, which I think is really doable because they live in Jersey and it'd be a reasonable trip when visiting NY. Do you want to move out of your current house any time soon? Why or why not? Eh... I do wanna live with Girt honestly, but at the same time I don't think it's a good idea yet. I need to be more capable and independent. Have you ever nearly fallen asleep behind the wheel of a car? I've felt like nodding off in driver's ed once, after I'd been driving for a long time, but I absolutely didn't. I am way too terrified of driving and could not possibly take it more seriously.

Do you have any cool or cute keychains? I'm sure I have some cool ones, but tbh I haven't looked at my keychains in absolutely forever so idk. Is there a vacation spot that you grew up going to? Not... really, honestly. Our "vacations" were visiting family in either Florida or New York, not going to like, big tourist places. What do you think of the septum piercing? They're - USUALLY - one of my least favorites, personally. They look good on some people, but they generally don't appeal much to me. As the person I copied this survey from said, I dislike how crooked they can easily get, too. Is the house you live in older or newer? Newer, I'm sure. We live in a cookie-cutter development branching off a busy road... Have you ever lived in an apartment? Not legally, but I basically did on two occasions. Have you ever done a paint by number? Oh sure, I loved those as a kid. What are you listening to right now? I've started watching jacksepticeye's uploads of God of War: Ragnarok. I actually just finished watching Super Best Friends Play do the first game, so it's nice and convenient to be totally up on the lore, haha. Been a loooong time since I watched a playthrough of it for the first time. Did you like The Dark Knight or do you think it was overrated? It's honestly a movie I'd never watch again because trauma. The Batman franchise was Jason's "thing," Heath Ledger's Joker more than absolutely anything else, so even the mere idea of watching it honestly makes me feel sick. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? NO, I hate sprinkles on anything. Do you hide things in your underwear drawer? I have birth control in there, but only because it just doesn't feel proper for me to just... keep a box of condoms out. On the super rare instances I also have a lot of money from like holidays or my birthday, I also store that in there because I'm not comfortable carrying a whole lot of cash around unless I'm going to use it right then. Is your hair naturally straight, wavy, or curly? Do you like it? Wavy, and it's okay, but I wish it was straighter, honestly. I think. What is your opinion on tongue rings? Trashy or cute? I genuinely think my old snake eyes piercing was the cutest shit ever, and I still think tongue rings are really cool. I don't think any piercing, even genitals, is innately "trashy," honestly. Which subject are you better at - science or history? Definitely science. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? I openly admit that White Chicks is such a dumb fucking movie and yet I love it so much lmao Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah, but I genuinely disagree. Onion rings or french fries? Oh, fries by a longshot. I actually don't really like onion rings. When was the last time you ate a doughnut? Close to like a week back actually, my period was REALLY aggressive with making me want sweets and Mom decided to stop by Dunkin. Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No. Who is the best cook that you know? Probably my younger sister, really. She's quite talented. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can't juggle, period. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swings, for sure. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Uh, six or seven pounds and something ounces. What noise does your favorite animal make? If I remember correctly (I emphasize that I am not 100% sure here), meerkats have like, somewhere around 40 unique vocalizations, primarily consisting of bark and chirp-like sounds. What would you name your future daughter? I'd let Girt choose between Alessandra Rose and Miquella Lynn. The former is still my favorite name, but Miquella has really grown on me because it goes well with Girt's surname. Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? Yeah actually. What color are your mother’s eyes? Brown. Do you remember your first time on the internet? I actually don't. Have you had any of your wisdom teeth removed? What was the reason? (eg. infection, impaction, lack of space). I think I mentioned in a past survey that I'm getting my only two that exist taken out in the near future, and I'm dreading it. It turns out on BOTH ends of my bottom jaw, the teeth bordering the wisdom pair have bad cavities in tough locations and the teeth are in the way for a truly secure sealing of the cavities or whatever you wanna call it; taking them out is just the cleanest, safest method. What was the reason for your last hospital visit? Mental health reasons. How old were you when you first got internet access at home? Was it broadband or did you have dial-up first? Idk how old I was, but I know we started with dial-up. How often do you travel by public transport? Never. Do you prefer to give your pets human names or not? Generally, no. Not saying I haven't/never would, but it's not in my usual naming habits. Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? Would you know how to use one without reading the instructions? No, and idk. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job? Besides my own social anxiety, impatient people. Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. A picture of me holding my niece the night of her pageant, a Pokemon GO AR screenshot I took of my buddy Pokemon Ivysaur in a realistic setting to show the kids (they really like the AR function on it), two pictures of Roman, and a spooky/Halloween-y wallpaper. Have you got any half or step siblings? Multiple half-sisters, a half-brother, and technically a stepbrother but tbh I don't at all really consider him my "brother." Do you like kids’ movies? Yeah man, they frequently have very interesting, creative, and/or meaningful plots that just leave you feeling warm. Have you ever been to the beach? If so, tell me the name of the beach you last went to and when. Yeah, I only live like, two hours from the Atlantic Ocean. I know I've been to Carolina and Myrtle Beach, probably other more obscure in-between names, too. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? Covid earlier this year. Yuck. When people say some symptoms don't go away for months, they mean it, by the way. I still to this day have moments where I have to suddenly clear my throat of excess, runny mucus or whatever. What type of math are you the best at? Me? Acceptable at any form of math? Yeah right. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, honestly, not "wasted." There were dark parts, of course, but I feel very lucky that, until my depression and other psych problems started rearing up in my pre-teen years, I got the extremely lucky opportunity to just be a kid. [TW: SUICIDE] Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Oh jeez, not to my knowledge. I sure hope not. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? Uh, no... That is not something I'm interested in, especially not so much that I fantasize about it. Have you ever put gum in someone’s hair? Fuck no. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? I was abstinent for a very long time but haven't been for a few years now; I don't believe either way is even remotely wrong, it is absolutely just personal preference, but I myself think it's a better idea to be fully comfortable and familiar with the person you're romantically spending the rest of your life with. For some people, sexual dissonance isn't acceptable in a relationship and that is totally valid and okay. Do you watch porn? No, porn really grosses me out personally. I have zero desire to see random people I don't know going at each other. What do you want for Christmas? The top of my wishlist is my tribute tattoo to my late dog Teddy. It's bad though, I STILL haven't decided exactly how I want it to be designed... [TW: RAPE] Do you know anyone who has been raped? Tragically. I know even more people who have been molested, and it's fucking disgusting. Are you an atheist? I don't quite know, honestly. I don't feel like explicating my spiritual views for the millionth time, though, so I'm just gonna answer this with a shrug. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Yeah, as a kid, when I knew absolutely nothing about keeping fish and they were kept in horrible bowls. It's appalling just how overlooked proper fish husbandry is, PLEASE do your research before adopting any pet whatsoever. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? Girt. :') Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah, I remember I had to do this on one occasion in high school; I asked my then-best friend Hannia 'cuz I started unexpectedly. Who was the last person you read a book to? I want to say my youngest niece. I know it was one of the kids. Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? As a kid, yes. I will actually never forget this: in I want to say kindergarten, me and a male classmate kinda got into a shoving argument to be line leader and I ended up in the back of the line LMAOOOO. I remember this so clearly because one, it's so uncharacteristic to me now, but also because it was one of the extremely, extremely rare instances where I had to do that "pull your card" punishment in elementary. Like I think through pre-k through 5th grade, I pulled my card like... twice? I was generally a super good kid. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Nope. What does your town’s name begin with? "R." Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means. I actually really love the word "wunderschön" in German, which means "very beautiful," BUT I just really like how "wunder" (same as English "wonder") is the first part, it makes it seem like it literally translates to something like "wonderfully beautiful." Are you wearing shoes, just socks or nothing on your feet? Nothing; we don't wear shoes inside and I hate socks. My feet are actually quite cold though, I should get slippers. Do you know anyone who has messed up your life? I refuse to believe that anyone but me has literally, straight-on "messed up my life." There are people who have absolutely lead me down dark paths, BUT it all boils down to how I looked at and handled various things. Do you like zombie movies? Indifferent; zombies being in a movie doesn't make it more or less appealing to me. I care about the plot. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? No to both. I want to be absolutely nowhere near a hospital. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? Mom and I actually both enjoy (especially creative) writing; she semi-recently even wrote a poem she wanted me to read and give advice for. She doesn't write a lot, but when she does, you can tell she's into it and cares about what she's creating. I wish so deeply she'd do more creative exploration, like she loves making crafts too, and she does get joy out of making stuff. Who was the worst friend you ever had? Quite fuckin' frankly? Sara. She sure as hell showed her true goddamn colors. Do you want a church wedding? Absolutely fuck no. I'd rather just not get married than have religion even touch my fucking wedding ceremony. Are you proud of yourself? Not ultimately. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Probably if I'm ever truly, thoroughly happy and satisfied with where I am in life. If you could breed two animals together what new animal would you create? I would need to be educated on the potential biological repercussions of that. I would never breed a new animal not biologically functional enough to survive healthily. What's the most unusual conversation you've ever had? Oh I have no idea. Have you ever been professionally photographed? Yeah, on a couple of occasions. Do you prefer green or red grapes? Red, usually. The one real thing I care about though is whether they're crisp or not. Soft/mushy grapes super gross me out. Have you ever owned a yoyo? Yeah. Do you like dragons? I absolutely adore dragons, I have ever since I was a kid.

[erinoddly]

Why does everyone think that I have no idea about anything sexual just because I’m ace???

[btssavedmylifeblr]

Void - Part 7 (M)

title banner by @rude–jude♡

Genre: Sci-fi with a little angst and a LOT of smut

Pairing: BTS x Reader (yup - all seven)

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

Word Count: 10.9k

Part 7 / ?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Warnings: explicit sexual content, alcohol masturbation, voyeurism, more non-monogamy

The men at the table stare at you, dumb-founded. Jungkook’s mouth hangs open. Hoseok hides his mouth behind his hand; his eyes are wide with shock. Jimin spins around, trying to gauge the others’ reactions. Namjoon leans back in his chair, face unreadable, his chin resting on his hand as he looks from you to your powerpoint. Jin laughs uncomfortably then clears his throat and silence falls again.

Yoongi speaks first. “You put sources on your powerpoint about how we should all start fucking?”  

“It’s important to cite your sources,” you mutter, shuffling your feet.

Taehyung sits up straighter on his cot. “Are you saying we should start fucking you or each other?”

“Well, the bonobos do both. They are fully bisexual. Almost all aggressive contests are settled by sex. Even when two males squabble over a female, they often resolve it by rubbing their genitals together.”

“What?” Hoseok injects. “You want us to start rubbing our genitals together?” His cheeks blush.

“No, no, no.” You shake your head. “I meant you all should have sex with me.” Your own cheeks heat up as you say it. “I can’t control what you do with other people. In an ideal world, it would be both. But it seemed best to start with me.”

Jungkook mouths the words “start with” to himself, still staring at the table.

“But like, how would that work logistically?” Taehyung asks.

“Well, there are seven of you, so that could be like one per day. Take a week off for my period.”

Jimin splutters, whirling to face Yoongi. “Did you put her up to this?”

Yoongi shakes his head, frowning.

“No one put me up to this!” you argue. “This is what I think is best for the mission.”

An explosion of opinions pours out of all the men at once. Hoseok is swearing under his breath. Taehyung is trying to get Jimin’s attention, but Jimin is arguing with Yoongi. Jungkook wants to know how you decide who goes first. Jin says something to Namjoon that you can’t hear.

“So, um…” You struggle to regain command of the room over the chatter. “My period starts tomorrow, so take a few days to think about it.”

“Officer.” Namjoon’s deep voice cuts over everyone else and the conversation at the table ceases. “You and I need to speak privately. Now.”

The commander stands up from the table and gestures toward the door. The rest of the crew looks back and forth between the two of you wearing expressions of shock and confusion.

You avoid their gazes as you follow Namjoon’s direction out into the hallway. He steps out after you, closing the door behind him. A flurry of chatter resumes after the door shuts, but it’s too muffled to hear what the rest of the crew are saying. You and Namjoon stare at each other.

“So…” you say, shifting your weight between your feet.

“Let’s talk in my office,” he says, squeezing past you and moving in the direction of the sleep pods.

You examine him from behind as you follow him to his office, trying to gauge what he’s thinking. Are his shoulders tense? Is he angry with you? Are you about to be scolded?

His office is also his bedroom. And you did just offer to fuck him, no strings attached. But of all your crew, Namjoon is the one that you have the most strictly professional relationship with. His walls are almost as impenetrable as yours. But he is a man, right? And men like sex, right? It would have been more awkward to not include him. This wasn’t about personal feelings. It was about the mission. And you were all in the mission together.

________

Sweat pools at the base of your spine under the hot studio lights. A reporter drums her long red nails on her clipboard as the sound technician adjusts the microphones between interviews.

Press junkets are your least favorite part of the job, made all the worse by your mission director insisting you all dress in full launch gear, despite the launch still being two weeks away.

“This is the last one.” Namjoon turns around from his front and center seat to whisper to the rest of the crew.

Yoongi groans, rubbing his face with his hands. “Why do we have so many of them when they all ask the same questions?”

The eight of you have been trapped in this room all day as a parade of different reporters trail in and ask the same inane questions.

This new reporter opens with a softball. “How’s the food?”

“Good!” Namjoon patiently answers this question for the third time today. “The ICSE has recruited the top food scientists to figure out which foods hold their flavor and nutrition best in long term storage. And our chief botanist here is going to keep us well stocked with fruits and vegetables. Right, officer?” He gestures for you to chime in.

“Yup!” You are grateful to Namjoon for pitching you a question that isn’t about you being the only woman in a crew full of men. You’ve already had to explain how periods in space work twice today (short answer: pretty much the same way they work on Earth). “We have lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, bean, soy, carrots, cabbage, chilis, potatoes, lemons, oranges and strawberries, plus a bunch of fresh herbs. They even found a way for us to grow mushrooms out of our culinary compost.”

The reporter makes a disgusted face at the idea of compost mushrooms and pivots to a new line of questioning. “What will you miss most about home?”

“Why don’t we go around the group?” Namjoon prompts. Even your commander seems to be fading in enthusiasm by this point. “I’m going to miss long walks in the fresh air, and my family, of course.”

Most of the crew answers with some variation of friends and family. Yoongi will miss his brother’s cooking. Taehyung will miss his dog who is going to live with his parents. Jungkook will miss long showers and his mom.

“What’s one personal item you’re taking with you?” she asks.

Namjoon is bringing a Chinese elm bonsai tree that he calls his tiny friend. Hoseok is bringing a stuffed Earth plushie given to him by his niece. Jin is bringing vodka.

The reporter narrows her eyes at the mention of alcohol and leans forward. “So what do you do if you feel a crew member’s judgement has been compromised?”

“We have protocols in place,” Namjoon answers. “Tests of cognitive impairment and such. We’re also coached in what we call “expeditionary behaviors” which are key to maintaining peace and cooperation on board.

Yoongi chimes in. “The key to solving all disputes is our ability to be honest with each other. When there is a problem, we sit down as a group and discuss it.”

“Our readers are saying what a tragedy it is that we are shipping seven of our most eligible bachelors off to space for a decade.” She laughs. “Any broken hearts being left here on Earth?”

“Oh!” Namjoon draws back and looks unsuredly at the rest of the group. This was not a question he was expecting to be asked today. “Umm…” he laughs nervously.

“My mom is devastated!” Jin cracks from the back row and the rest of the crew laughs in relief.

But the reporter doesn’t want to let go of this idea so quickly, so she turns to you. “Well, you must certainly enjoy having such handsome crew members.”

“Uh…” To your complete mortification, you actually blush in response. You clench your fist to try to get a grip. To your right, Hoseok’s hand flinches, as if he can feel the need to hold you back. “I’m going on this mission to find life on other planets.” You grit your teeth. “My only interest in my crew is whether or not they do their jobs.”

The woman shakes her head, laughing. “Doesn’t hurt that they look good doing it.”

_______

Namjoon opens the door to his office and gestures for you to enter. The number of papers on his desk seems to have multiplied, which theoretically shouldn’t be possible.

“I’m going to say three words to you,” Namjoon says as he closes the door behind him. “And then I need you to repeat them back to me: banana, river, finger.”

“Namjoon,” you cross your arms. “I’m not cognitively impaired right now.”

He mirrors your closed stance. “Please repeat the words.”

You sigh. “Banana, river, finger.”

He pulls a piece of paper from his desk and wipes it clean, before handing it to you, along with a pen. “I need you to draw a clock face.”

“Seriously?”

“Set it to quarter past eight.”

“This isn’t necessary, commander,” you grumble as you take the pen and paper, drawing a rudimentary clock face and setting the hands to 8:15. “See?” You hand the paper back to him and he inspects it.

He nods, rubbing his chin. “Repeat the three words again.”

“Banana, river, finger.” You put your hands on your hips. “You think my judgement is compromised?”

Namjoon sighs. “Everything seems to be in order. You must admit, your behavior recently has been uncharacteristic to say the least. Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Well, no, everything is not okay, that’s why I’m doing this.”

He leans against his desk, looking you up and down. “I fail to see how fraternizing with the entire crew will improve things.”

The back of your neck heats up in embarrassment, but you press on. You need the commander to be onboard with your plan.

“You admit we have a morale problem, right?”

He nods. “Hard to suggest otherwise. What with all the recent events.”

“Okay, so I was going through the principles of expeditionary behavior last night as I figured out what to do. Principle One:  Communication - talk so you are clearly understood, talk about intentions before taking action, share information freely.”

“I know the principles.” Namjoon interrupts.

“But don’t you see? That’s why I had to call the meeting. Why I had to get everything out in the open, share information freely.”

“That explains why you needed to inform the crew of your relationship with Jimin. It doesn’t explain why you think it would be good to involve everyone.”

“Principle Two: Self-care - manage psychological and physiological health, balance work, rest, and personal time, be proactive to stay healthy and mitigate stress.”

Namjoon arches an eyebrow. “A lack of sex doesn’t damage your health.”

“With all due respect commander, I think it does.”

“There are outlets to relieve sexual urges other than exploiting our only female crew member.”

“Well, they were all trading porn with each other. That’s how this whole thing started.” Namjoon purses his lips in thought. That seems to be new information to your commander. You continue your argument. “Principle Three: Team-care - monitor team for signs of stress and fatigue - which we have a multitude of, cooperate rather than compete, encourage participation in team activities.”

“Are you considering this a team activity?”

“Well, yes. Like the bonobos do.”

Namjoon shakes his head. “Let me speak so I am clearly understood. I can’t prevent you or the rest of the crew from doing what you want to do with your personal time. But I can’t participate in it either. I’m the commanding officer on this ship. It’s inappropriate. We can’t have an equitable relationship.”

“That’s why it’s not a relationship though, it’s just sex. And if everyone involved is consenting...”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Let’s be honest about intent for a minute. Is that really what you want? You want all seven of us?”

“Umm…” Your stomach churns as you are unable to admit that, yes, that is what you want. “I think it’s best for the mission.”

“Part of principle three is to volunteer for unpleasant tasks if they benefit the team. Are you sure that’s not what you’re doing right now, officer?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Though embarrassing to admit, boning your attractive colleagues is not an unpleasant task in the slightest.

“You should also consider the fact that whatever forms do get signed will have to be sent back to mission control. And may get out to the press.”

“I thought HR decisions were confidential.”

“Juicy stories have a tendency to find their way out. Especially when they distract from failed missions that added years on to our trip.”

“I understand, commander. Information must be shared freely. I still think this plan is necessary if we’re going to complete this mission successfully.”

“Okay.” Namjoon sighs, dropping his hands to his sides. “It would seem there is no talking you out of it.”

“No, sir. I intend to implement with full commitment.”

The two of you stare at each other for a minute. An immovable object and an unstoppable force.

“So… should I go?”

“Yes, you’re dismissed.”

________

After the press junket is mercifully over, Hoseok catches you in the hallway.

“Hey, you coming to Tae and Jimin’s quarantine party tonight?” Tonight is the last night you all are allowed to see other people before you enter your two-week quarantine prior to launch. “Seems like you could use a drink.”

“I don’t know,”  you sigh, leaning against the wall.

“What’s on your mind?” He leans next to you.

“That last reporter, she got in my head.” You rub your forehead.

Hoseok rubs the back of his neck. His jawline tenses as he mulls over what to say.

Hoseok is so handsome. And smart. And newly single. He broke up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago before signing the final mission papers. And now he was going to be the one of only seven people in your whole world.

In another life, you would want to date him. You’d be dying to go to a party with him and plot how to get him alone for part of the evening. In another life, you would have fallen in love with him. But in this life, he’d been dating someone else for the whole time you’ve known him. And you have a mission.

What’s most grating is that the gossip columnist isn’t wrong. You’d be hard pressed to find a better set of men anywhere on Earth than the seven you were leaving with. They were all attractive, smart, kind, disciplined, athletic young men. It would be much easier to be entirely professional if you had a crew of balding middle-aged men.

“Do you think it's a mistake? Me going on this mission?” you finally ask.

“What?” Hoseok gasps. “No! Why would you think that?”

“The mission director said it was supposed to be only men. That mixed gender crews are too complicated.”

“Have we ever done anything to make you feel like we don’t view you as a professional?”

“No, no, of course not.” Other than being ridiculously good-looking.

Hoseok’s fingers twiddle nervously. “And we won’t. We’re a team. You’re our colleague. This mission is so much bigger than any one of us. And you’re the best candidate for this position.”

“I’m the only candidate.”

Hoseok smiles. “Well, that’s exactly my point. We’d be lost without our biologist. Besides, you were better than all the male candidates even before they dropped out.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh yes, I do. Are you forgetting how badly you kicked my ass all over organic chemistry? And I was the chem major! It was such a disgrace.” You both laugh.

You smile at the memory: early morning study sessions, Hoseok bringing you coffee in exchange for your homework help.

“Come on,” he insists. “I know you. You can’t not go. You’re going to be the first woman on Europa. It’s been your destiny since college. Don’t you want to see it with us?”

Yes, you wanted to see it so badly. You picture the two of you looking out over the icy surface together.

“Come tonight.” Hoseok insists. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. We won’t mess this up for you.”

“Thank you, Hoseok.”

_______

You leave Namjoon’s bedroom and climb into your own sleep pod, the question of what mission control or the press know about what’s happening on this ship weighing on your mind.

Unfortunately, googling it for yourself won’t work. It takes between 10 and 20 minutes for a single signal to get from your ship to Earth, depending on exactly where you both are in your orbits. Then it takes another 10-20 minutes to return. Usually if you wanted to research something, you’d submit a formal request to your research assistants back on Earth,  who would gather a collection of relevant documents for you and send you a bundle of them all at once. But asking your research assistants to assemble a dossier on your rumored sex life was out of the question. You need someone you can trust.

You pull out your laptop and compose the following email.

Hi Dianna,

How are you doing? I’m sorry I’ve been slow to respond to your messages lately, things have been a bit messy out here. I was wondering if I could ask you a favor. Are there rumors about my personal life going around the ICSE? Or in the press? I was wondering if you’d be willing to run a quick google search and let me know what you find.

Thank you! I hope you and Melissa are doing well.

Dianna should have been on this mission with you. You wish you could talk to her in person. You’ll have to send her a video message when you have more time. But you are interrupted in your thoughts by a knock on the door.

“Who is it?”

“Jimin.”

You hit send on the email and open the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks.

You nod and stand to one side to allow him into your pod.

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “So I’m confused.” He runs a hand through his hair as he steps into the pod. “Last night you were mad at me for suggesting you date Taehyung. You said you wouldn’t be passed around between crew members. But now you want to have sex with the entire crew?”

“I’m not being passed around. This is my plan. I’m in control.”

He shakes his head. “The end results seem to be the same though. I don’t understand.”

“This way we don’t have to pretend this is something it’s not. It can just be sex, just release. We don’t have to pretend it means anything more than that.”

“But it means something to me.” Jimin frowns. “I have feelings for you.”

You sigh. “They’re not real though. It’s hormones and boredom. It’s just because I’m the only woman here.”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is! You didn’t feel this way about me on Earth, right?”

Jimin stammers for a minute. “People can change. Relationships can change.”

“Jungkook and Taehyung didn’t have feelings for me on Earth either and now that they’ve seen me naked they’re suddenly 'in love' with me. That’s not real. That’s just biology. We’re just apes in space with too much time on our hands.”

“Jungkook’s in love with you too?”

“I don’t know. He thinks he is.”

Jimin frowns, but seems less sure of himself. “Is this because I suggested sharing? Cause that was a dumb idea and I take it back.”

“No! You were right. It’s what’s best for the mission.”

“So what? It’s like this or nothing? I have to share you to have any of you?”

You don’t answer him. Currently, no one else has actually signed, so Jimin might get you all to himself anyways.

“Am I… am I not enough?” Jimin asks. “I can be more. I can do better. I can do whatever Yoongi does that you like so much.”

“This isn’t about Yoongi. It’s about the mission.”

“You said you liked me. You said you wanted to be with me. Was that just about the mission?”

“It’s not about what I want.”

“Yeah, yeah… it's about the mission.”  

He turns to go, but you catch his hand in yours. His thumb rubs across the back of your hand. All the men are just as touch-starved as you are. It’s probably unfair that you are playing to that now.

You see an idea flash across his face right before he scoops you up into his arms, kissing you passionately. “I’m going to show you,” he whispers between kisses. “I’m going to show it's real. I’m going to be what you need. My feelings are real.”

Then he places you back down and leaves. You lean against the door breathless.

________

Mistake number one: You should not have challenged Jin to beer pong.

Mistake number two: You should not have said goodbye to your parents and dog right before going to a party full of strangers and booze.

Mistake number three: You should not have gone to find Hoseok when you are this drunk and he smells that good.

You collapse onto the couch beside Hoseok, too tired to stand up anymore. Hoseok smiles to see you, face flushed red.

“Hoseok,” you whisper, even though he’s already looking at you. “Hoseok, I have something important to tell you.”

He leans in closer. “Yeah?”

“Europa’s oceans are ninety-six kilometers deep.”

He laughs. “Of course, I know that! I wrote my graduate thesis on Europa’s oceans!”

“Yeah, but like…” You wave your hand. “That’s like soooo deep. Like not intuitive, you know? Like that’s ten times deeper than any ocean on Earth. I can’t even conceive of how deep our oceans are, let alone Europa’s.”

You scoot closer to him on the couch. “That’s like…” You pull out your phone to do some basic math. “That’s like 120 Burj Khalifas!!”

Hoseok nods. “Yes… It is super deep.”

“Stacked on top of each other!” You slap your knee in emphasis.

“Yes, I know!” He laughs again.

You sigh. “Can I tell you a secret?” You lean in closer and put a hand on his thigh. He leans in too. “There just has to be life down there. I know there has to be.”

“I hope so.” He rests his hand on yours.

“We’re going to find it together, you and I.” You grab his hand and squeeze it.

Hoseok looks down at your joined hands and you worry that maybe you’ve gone too far. Maybe tomorrow this will be an awkward and embarrassing moment. But right now it feels nice. His hand is warm. You wonder if it would be too much to lean your head on his shoulder.

But then Hoseok’s phone buzzes in his lap. His ex-girlfriend’s name flashes across the screen and you drop his hand.

“Sorry,” he mutters, getting up off the couch. “I should take this.” He leaves and the couch next you is colder.

“Hey!” Jin stumbles over to your seating area. “Have any of you guys seen Namjoon?”

“I think he went to meet that girl he won’t tell us about,” Yoongi answers from a chair a few feet away. When did Yoongi get here?

“So everyone is getting laid tonight, huh?” Jin laughs.

“Not everyone,” Yoongi mutters, nursing his beer.

“Don’t be such a grump, Yoongi. It’s basically our last night on Earth! Take advantage!” Jin laughs before wandering back into the crowd.

“I’m not getting laid tonight either!” You yell across the room at Yoongi. More direct than you would be when sober.

He cracks the first smile you’ve seen from him in days, raising his beer into the air in a little clinking motion. You do the same with your plastic cup full of what Jimin had described as “Tae’s jungle juice”. It was red and smelled like tequila.

“Why aren’t you getting laid?” you ask, taking a swig of the juice for courage.

“Got dumped, not really over it yet,” he answers matter-of-factly. “What about you?”

You shrug. “The only men here are about to be my only companions for the next twelve years. Seems like a bad plan to fuck them.”

Yoongi laughs. “Suppose so.”

“Well, don’t you worry. If that reporter is right, we’ll all be having space orgies in a month anyways.”

Yoongi chokes on his beer. “Shit.” Beer dribbles down his chin as he laughs. “I think we need to find you some ice water and a cab.”

“Probably a good plan,” you mutter as you lie down on the couch and close your eyes.

________

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think any of them were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal.

There are two other things waiting for you to notice though: your period and a calendar reminder that today is chili pepper pollinating day. After dealing with the first of those problems in the bathroom, you head for the lab to find Hoseok.

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee tucked up against his chest.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed.

“Oh, you don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

“Um, was I? Yeah. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor.

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t.

“I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit too rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.”

You should disagree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him.

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if the plants didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it.

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The initial set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than enjoying the chili peppers, this was also one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands periodically. It always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

"I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“I outlined it all in my presentation. Plus Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off by Hoseok's derisive snort.

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.”

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.”

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone ever treating you that way. And now you want all of us to… to… use you like that?”  He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.” He leaves you alone in the greenhouse.

Your lower lip trembles and you bite it to stop it. He’s disgusted by you. Yoongi was wrong; Hoseok doesn’t want you. It takes you the rest of the day to finish the pollinating on your own.

_____

There are no forms waiting for you when you wake up the next morning either. Perhaps this was a mistake after all. If the men aren’t looking for release in the same way you are, then there’s no point to any of this. Even Jimin has been keeping his distance, so all you’ve done is mess up the one relationship you did have and offend your commander and colleagues.

Your tablet buzzes with a notification. It’s a reply from Dianna.

It’s great to hear from you! I hope things aren’t too crazy up there. I haven’t heard any rumors at work, but I’ve not been directly involved with your mission. We’ve started the plans for Titan and it’s taking most of my focus. I can ask around though if you want me to. I was surprised to find this article when I googled. Is this accurate? I assumed you would have said something.

Hope you are well! Melissa and I are going to send you a video of our new puppy.

Dianna

There is a pdf of a magazine article attached to the email entitled “Love Amongst the Stars”. At the top is one of the official launch photos of the whole crew that has been zoomed and cropped so that it’s only you and Jimin sitting next to each other. The tagline reads “How two astronauts had to leave Earth to find each other”. It makes you cringe so hard you have to put the tablet down for a minute before you can read on.

It’s some sort of fluff piece about a secret affair between you and the mission specialist. You scan the article, trying to figure out what they know. “A source close to the couple spoke with us...” Who is their source? You haven’t told anyone on Earth about what's going on with Jimin.

“Coworkers said they always sensed a special connection between the two…” This is nonsense. Jimin is one of the crew members you knew the least about prior to launch.

“Other crew members are very supportive…” Uh, sure.

“Maybe we’ll even get our first space wedding…” You groan out loud, closing the pdf.

Maybe that seals it then. You’ll just be space-married to Jimin for the next 12 years and that will be that. The idea makes you feel a bit claustrophobic in your tiny sleep pod, so you throw on your exercise clothes and head for the gym to try to clear your head.

_____

What you call “the gym” is actually just a bunch of resistance bands and cardio equipment stashed into the walls of one corner of the hangar. When the gravity was off, you had a variety of different choices for which equipment to use. There was a treadmill in the ceiling and an elliptical in the wall so multiple people could use the equipment in your off hours. But with the gravity on, the stationary bike on the floor is your only option.

As you begin your warm-up on the bike, you mull over your next move. Why hadn’t any of the other men come and talked to you yet? Jungkook had confessed to you, why wasn’t he signing up now? And Yoongi? Yoongi said he wanted a form only a few days ago. Why did it feel so different now?

Were you stupid? Had you embarrassed yourself in front of your entire crew for no reason? Maybe Namjoon and Hoseok were right and this was a bad plan. You pedal faster, trying to burn out some of the tension in your lungs.

The radio buzzes and Taehyung’s deep voice sounds in your in-ear. “Looking for a location for our biologist.”

“I’m in the gym,” you radio back, pausing your bike ride to catch your breath.

Moments later, Taehyung pokes his head in the door of the hangar. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling.

“Hey.” He steps into the room, adjusting his hair with his one good hand. “I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.”

Oh my gosh, is it finally happening? Maybe Jimin was right. Maybe Taehyung is more interested in you than you had realized. He fishes into his pocket and pulls out his tablet. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man.

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form as he walks closer to you. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower.

Taehyung has nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigate the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest.

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing  Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know it's a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now.

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.”

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

“What?” He puts down the tablet. “Why would he want that?”

“He, um…” You rub your arm. “He thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us.”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” you ask. If Taehyung wasn’t jealous of Jimin, then...“Who are you jealous of?”

“Nevermind…” Taehyung stumbles backward, putting his tablet back in his pocket. “Forget I said anything.”

“No wait,” you get up off the bike to chase after him, catching by the sleeve. As he turns around, you make a show of turning off your microphone. He does the same. “Are you jealous of me?” you ask. “Do you like Jimin?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen and he bites his lip. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter.  But now he’s attempting to peel the tank top up over his head.

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” He answers. “Shit, can you give me a hand?” In his attempts to remove his shirt, he seems to have forgotten he is wearing the arm sling and is now stuck with his shirt over his head. His injured shoulder is black and blue from his accident with the ROV.

You gingerly try to disentangle him without getting too close to his warm, bare skin. You succeed in freeing him from his shirt and he tosses it up and over the camera.

��You want them to think we’re having sex?” you ask.

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole ‘save the mission with bonobo sex’ plan.” He zips his jumpsuit back up as he turns around.

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

Of course, Taehyung is in love with Jimin. That makes so much more sense. They’ve been so close for so long. And Taehyung has always paid very close attention to anything going on with Jimin. “You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.”  There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years.

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile.

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…” he continues.

Your mind flashes back to your own moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

Taehyung sighs and leans against the ice drill. “But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels that way about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.”  Maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings.

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…”

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”  

Taehyung purses his lips. He can’t argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “I like him. Lord knows he’s attractive. And he wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You could have that with any man on this ship though...”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

Taehyung pulls his tablet back out of his pocket. “Do you really think that if everyone just like, banged it out, that it would help morale?”

“Well, it certainly couldn’t get any worse.”

“And Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?” He reopens the HR form and stares at it.

You nod.

“What if I signed this? And we let him think that for a little longer? Just until I figure out how to tell him the truth?

“Like we’d pretend the two of us are involved?” Maybe that would help you get the other men on board with your plan.

Taehyung nods. “Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, that would work.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. “Thank you,” he says before he leaves you to resume your workout.

______

Other than Taehyung, no one else approaches you over the next few days. If anything, the crew seems to be treating you more professionally than they did before you announced your plan to fuck them all. You have signed forms from Jimin and Taehyung and have been rejected by Namjoon and Hoseok, but you’ve heard nothing either way from the other three. What are they waiting for?

By the time you reach the end of the Monday morning weekly meeting, you’ve had enough waiting.

Namjoon finishes his debrief of the week’s goals and claps his hands. “Anyone have anything else mission related we need to discuss?”

“My period is over,” you announce to your assembled crew.

A muscle pulses in Namjoon’s jaw. “Officer, I wouldn’t consider that mission-related.”

You cross your arms and lean back in your chair. “Just freely sharing information.”

“Already?” Jungkook asks. “I thought you said it would take a week.”

“No, finished this morning. It varies a bit from cycle to cycle.” you answer. Hoseok’s leg begins aggressively bouncing up and down next to you, but you press on. “I need to make a schedule. So I need to know who’s in and who’s out.”

“Ooh, what if you shared out your tracker info so we’re all on the same page.” Taehyung enthuses.

Yoongi scoffs. “Why don’t we just add it to our mission task list then?”

“I’m not clear on why menstruating means we can’t have sex,” Jimin interjects.

“Enough!” Namjoon regains everyone’s attention. “We need clear boundaries between what is personal and what is professional. Right now, you all have jobs to do. Dismissed.”

________

By the time you finish your chores for the day, you have convinced yourself that getting the rest of the team on board is essential to your successful completion of the mission. So you go in search of Yoongi.

You find him in his workshop. Pieces of an air filter are spread out on the workbench and he’s in the middle of cleaning it. You had forgotten that is the actual purpose of the workbench. So much for climbing on top of it and seducing him that way.

He looks up when you enter and you decide to cut to the chase. “I haven’t gotten your HR form yet.”

“Yeah…” He goes back to inspecting the clogged tube in front of him.

“You said you wanted to sign one with me.”

“I did say that, yes.”

“And now you don’t?” You thought if anyone was going to be supportive of the plan, it would be Yoongi.

He sets down the part he had been inspecting. “Have you really thought this through?”

“Yes!” You put your hands on your hips. “I made a whole powerpoint! With sources!!”

“I think it's a bad plan.” He picks up another long tube full of dust and threads a brush through it.

“I thought you’d be onboard with this plan. You said if I was fucking everyone, there’s no need for jealousy.”

“Yeah, well, I was wrong.” He sets the tube down and turns around to look at you directly. “ Is that really what you want?”

Why is he questioning you now? He was the one who put this whole idea in your head. He was the one who knew all your fantasies. “But you said…"

“I know what I said.” He begins pacing back and forth in front of the workbench. “But there’s a difference between a fantasy and a reality. You really want to have sex with a different man every day for 12 years on some kind of rotating daily schedule? Like how we water the crops?”

“You’re mad there’s a schedule?” You try to come closer to him, but he backs away from you, turning back to the air filter.

“Sexual desire doesn’t run on a clock, you know,” he says as he starts to pack up the equipment. “What if you’re not feeling it that day? What if they’re not?”

“I’m just trying to be fair to everyone.”

“But nobody actually gets what they want!” He throws his hands up in exasperation.

“And what do you want, Yoongi?”

He pauses, then deflates, dropping his hands to his sides. “Nevermind, forget about it.” He grabs a wet wipe off the shelf and begins cleaning the dust of his hands, not looking at you.

“No!” He’s the one who has been egging you on this whole time. “You were the one who was all ‘you have to fuck Jimin to save the mission’. You said you didn’t care if I fucked Jimin too. What do you want from me, Min Yoongi?”

“I’m going to go get some dinner.” He mutters, throwing the dirty wipe in the trash and turning to leave.

Oh no. He’s not going to escape you that easily. You need some straight answers. “You started all this, Yoongi! You said every man on this ship wanted to fuck me and none of them do! What was that?” You follow him down the hall toward the kitchen.

He stops and turns around in the middle of the hall. “This isn’t all on me! You made choices too!”

“Because of what I thought you wanted!” you yell back. “What is your deal? First you want me to fuck you, then you dont. Then you want me to fuck everyone and then you don’t. What do you want from me?” Your voice is echoing down the hallway but you are way past caring about it.

Yoongi opens and closes his mouth, then spins back around and heads for the kitchen, with you trailing behind him.

Jungkook is sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of ramen. He looks up, startled as the two of you barge in.

“And what about you?” You fire the question at your youngest crew member. “Don’t you want to fuck me?”

The poor boy nearly chokes on his noodles. “I, um…” He swallows, wide eyes glancing between you and Yoongi.

You lean against the table next to Jungkook as Yoongi steps around the two of you to head for the pantry, but you see his fist clench as he walks by. You lean closer to Jungkook. “Didn’t you enjoy my video? Don’t you want to see the real thing?”

“Uh...” Jungkook glances at Yoongi again. “Maybe the two of you should talk this out…”

Yoongi’s hands tremble, but he doesn’t turn around, intent on starting the rice cooker. You turn your focus to Jungkook instead. “This isn’t about him. Whatever the flight engineer wants to do is up to him. He knows where I stand. This is about you and I.”  You are going to get a man on this ship to fuck you. Today.

“It’s not like I’m not interested…” Jungkook’s knee bounces up and down rapidly as he watches you. “But I told you I was in love with you and you literally had a panic attack.”

Oh right. That was back when you thought you still had a shot of stopping all this. Before half your crew had seen you naked. Before all of them had heard you having sex. Before you’d announced that you wanted all of them to fuck you. But you can still control this, if you can get them onboard with your plan.

Your tablet buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out to give yourself a moment to think. There’s a message from Jin.

Hey, come find me when you get this and we can talk. I’ll be in the kitchen.

You brace yourself for yet another rejection note. But you click on the attachment to instead find your HR form, Kim Seokjin’s signature scrawled right next to yours.

Holy shit. He signed it. Under no false pretenses. What do you do now?

“What is it?” Jungkook asks.  

But then Jin appears in the doorway. He startles when he sees you. “Oh! I thought you’d still be on shift.”

You shake your head. “You signed the form.”

“What? He did?” Jungkook asks.

“Oh, um, yeah,” Jin answers, laughing nervously. “That’s what you wanted right?”

“Yes, that’s what I wanted.” You stand up and move closer to your pilot. Jungkook crosses his arms. Yoongi finally turns around to observe the three of you.

Jin. Jin with his broad-shoulders and plump lips. Your friend. Your very handsome friend. He’s going to help you save the mission.

“You’re the first one I’ve gotten, so you can go first.”

“Wait, what?” Jin stammers. “But you and the commander?”

You shake your head. “He didn’t sign.”

“You and Taehyung though? I saw him take off his shirt and then cover the camera.”

“Oh right… sorry… I guess you’re the second one. But Tae’s still on shift.”

“Don’t forget about Jimin.” Yoongi helpfully chimes in.

Jin takes a step backward. “But I thought for sure these two…” He gestures at the other two men in the kitchen.

“Nope,” you move toward him. “Not yet.” You suddenly see a way to get them all on board at once.

“Oh, well, um...” His ears are bright red. “Maybe we can talk more about this after dinner?”

“That’s one option…” You lick your lips and find the top of your zipper with your hand, blushing as the next part of your plan unfolds in your mind. “Or you could fuck me now.”

“What?”

“Holy shit.” Jungkook mutters beside you.

Jin dives around you, moving toward the other side of the kitchen. “There are people eating here!”

“Nothing they haven’t seen before.” You begin unzipping your jumpsuit in what you hope is a seductive manner, rolling your hips as you follow him across the kitchen. You have both Jungkook and Yoongi’s rapt attention.

You take a cue from Taehyung and peel off your tank top, throwing it over the camera behind you, leaving you in a bra and the bottom half of your jumpsuit. “Though if these two are going to stay and watch, they better sign the forms as well.”

“Stay and watch?” Jin swallows, hands clenched at his sides.

You grab the waist of your jumpsuit, teasing it down just slightly as you make direct eye contact with Jungkook and then Yoongi. “What do you think boys? In or out?”

Jungkook lunges for his tablet. A satisfying ping on your own tablet confirms that this plan is working. Yoongi just crosses his arms and leans back against the counter.

You drop the jumpsuit, leaving you in nothing but your bra and underwear. You prop yourself up on the kitchen table next to Jungkook’s now cold bowl of ramen.

“What are you doing?” Jin asks, whole face beginning to turn red.

“Look…” You shimmy out of your bra straps so that your bra is only held in place by your hand. “I’m going to need you to fuck me right here on this table, Kim Seokjin. For the good of the mission.”

“Why does putting your bare ass on the surface where we eat help the mission?!”

“No more secrets. No more jealousy. Everything will be out in the open. Like the bonobos do.”

Your fingers tease at the clasp of your bra. All three men stare at you. You lock eyes with Yoongi, daring him to look away. Implement with full commitment. You drop your bra to the floor.

“Stop, stop!” Jin moves toward you as you slide your fingers into the band of your underwear. “Just hang on for one second.” He picks up your jumpsuit from the floor and comes closer, draping it around your shoulders in an attempt to cover you. “Look at me.” He grasps your chin and turns your gaze to meet his. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

You lick your lips. “Yes.”

He kisses you, hard. It’s aggressive, urgent even. His hands are on your shoulders, then sliding down your back, pulling you toward him. Your eyes close as you momentarily lose yourself in it. Despite you begging him for it, it still surprises you how insistent he is. His hands keep sliding down your back, until they reach your buttocks, running over the thin cotton of your underwear and scooping you into his arms. You wrap your arms around his shoulders for balance, and then he is lifting off the table.

He breaks out of the kiss to pick you up even higher and then proceeds to throw you over his shoulder.

“Jin! What are you doing?” You kick your feet into the air.

“I am a man, not an ape,” he says, picking up your jumpsuit and bra and tossing them over his other shoulder.  “And if I’m going to fuck you, it’s going to be in the privacy of my own sleep pod, where the only man enjoying it is me.”

He hauls you ass first out into the hallway, with Jungkook and Yoongi both watching wide-eyed as you are carried away.

“I can walk,” you argue as Jin turns for the sleep pods.

“Nope,” replies Jin, readjusting you on his shoulder before carrying you down the hall.

As you reach the junction to the bridge, your ass runs into something warm and firm.

“What the-” says Namjoon. Your whole body flushes hot as you realize you’ve run butt-first into your commanding officer.

“Shit, sorry commander.” Jin laughs. “Excuse us,” Jin says and continues down the hallway, not setting you down or stopping.

Namjoon has pressed himself up against the wall with his hands in the air, a look of shock on his face. He looks like he is about to say something, but then Jin reaches his sleep pod and sets you down inside and you can’t see the commander anymore.

“Well, that was the best thing that has happened in a long time.” Jin chuckles as he closes the door. “The looks on Namjoon’s and Jungkook’s faces will power me for a year. You okay?” he asks, handing your bra and jumpsuit. “For the record, I’m not expecting anything else to happen here.”

“You don’t want to do anything else?” You hold up your jumpsuit to cover yourself, more disappointed than you would like to admit.

Jin eyes you up and down. “I mean… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested, but that wasn’t my intention in bringing you here.”

“You hauled me half-naked to your bedroom and your intention wasn’t to have sex?”

“I know, I am such a gentleman, aren’t I?” He laughs, then shrugs. “Seemed like maybe you needed an out. Things were getting kind of crazy back there.”

“But you signed the form? Doesn’t that imply a sexual relationship?”

“I guess I’m not really a ‘sex in front of two other men before we’ve even been on a date’ kind of guy.”

“How about a ‘sex in the sleep pods’ kind of guy?”

“Are you even actually interested in me?” Jin asks, getting more serious. “Because none of what happened in the kitchen felt like it was about me. I don’t want to be some pawn in your plot to make Yoongi jealous.”

“It’s not about Yoongi!” You groan. “Why does everyone think this is about Yoongi?”

“Have you seen the two of you interact recently? There are some seriously repressed feelings going on there.”

You bang your head into the door of the sleep pod in frustration, before looking up at him. “You’re a very attractive man. Maybe I have feelings for you?”

He sighs. “Yeah, but you don’t. You can’t swap us out for each other.”

Shit. The way you’ve been treating the men is exactly how you feared they would treat you. While you fear being wanted because you’re the only woman, you’ve made all the men on the ship feel as though you think them interchangeable simply because they’re men.

“It never occurred to me that any of you would have real feelings for me.”

“Well, you are very dumb.”

“Hey…” You hit him gently on the chest. He catches your hand in his.

“Amazing they would trust such a crucial mission to someone who is so very stupid,” he teases, still holding your hand.

“I’m not this stupid about mission related stuff, just all this relationship crap.” You laugh softly.

“So tragic. Someone with so much training ought to have better sense.”

He squeezes your hand and you look into his eyes again. He smiles a soft reassuring smile and for the first time in weeks, you feel like maybe everything will be okay again at some point in the future.

“You’re a good man, Kim Seokjin.”

“Best man on the ship.” He chuckles.

“Kiss me again.”

He arches his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Look there’s no one else here right? This is only about you. I want you.”

He kisses you again, tenderly this time. His warm arms wrap around and you realize you’re still naked except for your underwear. You curl into his embrace. He smells good, warm and manly, like good cologne. You run your hands over his muscular shoulders that you can feel through his clothes. It’s slow and leisurely, like you’re savoring each other.

“You sure you’re not a ‘sex in the sleep pods’ kind of guy?” You tease as you slide your thigh in between his legs and feel his erection pressing against you.

He groans, resting his head on your shoulder as you grind against him. “I’d like to think of myself as more of a ‘sex in the sleep pods after the third date’ kind of guy.”

You pause and look up at him surprised. “You want to go on a date?”

He nods. “At least three of them, in fact.”

You smile. “That would be nice. I’d like that.”

He kisses you behind your ear. “So are Mondays my day then? Can I take you on a date next Monday?”

You gasp as he rolls his hips against you, the heat of him seeping through his clothes. “That’s a long time to wait, especially if you’re going to make me wait through three of them.”

“I’m sure we can find other ways to entertain ourselves.” He cups your naked breast in his hand, massaging gently.

“Is there anything in particular you want to do today?” You palm his erection through his pants and he gasps.

“Stop that, you temptress…” He grits his teeth. “I’m trying to be a gentleman.”

“Aww, come on, there must be something I can do for you.”

“Well…” He bites his lip. “I will admit that I am awfully curious what was on that video that got five of my crew members suspended.”

“I could show you.” You start to shimmy down your underwear. “But there was no touching in the video.”

He kisses you one last time on the cheek, before pulling away and pressing himself into the opposite wall of the sleep pod. “Okay, show me. I’ll be good.” He puts his hands up by his head in mock innocence.

You finish removing your underwear, spreading your legs apart as best you can. You trail a hand down between your legs, finding yourself wet already. “It was me masturbating.” You tease around your clit without touching it directly.

He groans, hips kicking forward as he stays up against the wall. “Show me.”

“Well, first I took my fingers and sucked on them.” You narrate your actions as you wet your fingers. “Then I touched my nipples.” Your nipples harden before you’ve even touched them, but you continue to tease them for his benefit.

His eyes dart back and forth between your face, your breasts, and your spread legs, as if he can’t decide where he wants to look first. He licks his lips like a man starving. “Keep going.”

“I’m very wet.” You continue your narration as he clenches his fists. You run your fingers through your wet folds, then hold them up to show him. His hips buck again as he groans, still fully dressed and pressed to the wall. “And then I touched my clitoris.” It’s your turn to moan as you finally touch your swollen pleasure center, stroking slowly and keeping your eyes fixed on Jin.

“Goddamn…” He drops to his knees, hands resting at his sides, eyes fixed on your hand as it strokes around your clit.

“Do you wish it was your fingers right now, instead of mine?” you ask.

He nods, tongue darting out of the corner of his mouth. He begins inching toward you on his knees. “Do you think… maybe…?”

“I thought we said no touching,” you tease when he gets to your feet, his head level with your hand, eyes fixed on your wet cunt as you continue to touch yourself.

“I just…” His eyes flick up to meet yours. “I want to smell you.” A pulse of arousal rocks through you at how eager he is. You nod. He moves his nose right over your pubic mound and inhales a long slow savoring breath, tickling your hairs.

“Ah…” He releases a long, loud satisfied moan. His knuckles turn white, but his face is relaxed. “You smell amazing.” He inches even closer, just millimeters separating you from his face and inhales again.

“Oh shit.” You feel the pleasure skyrocketing as your orgasm catches you off guard. You grab him by the back of the head to stabilize yourself and his nose bumps firmly against your clit.

He groans again, loudly right against you as he grinds his nose into you, letting you ride his face as your orgasm washes over you. You thread your fingers through his hair to hold him in place. He wraps his hands around the back of your thighs to press himself into you harder. You cry out as waves of muscle contraction course through you over and over.

“Fuck…” you both say in unison as you collapse back against the door. Your eyes meet and you both start laughing. He places a light kiss right below your belly button before he gets up.

“Well, I see why that was worth getting suspended for,” he says, unzipping his jumpsuit and using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face.

“And you didn’t even come yet.” You slide your underwear back up, wondering if he would consider a blowjob to be a step too far before your first date.

“Um, actually…” he gestures down at his crotch and the new wet spot you find there makes your pelvic muscles clench.

“You came in your pants? Over me?”

Jin laughs. “God, you have no idea how sexy you are, do you?” He picks up your clothing off the floor, before kissing you softly on the forehead. “I will have a hard time waiting for Monday.”

“Me too.” You mutter and get a sudden sinking feeling. You don’t want this to be over right now. You want to stay here with him, to cuddle and be held by him, but you have made this very clear to everyone involved that these dalliances are not relationships. It’s just sex. And now the sex is over. Until next week.

You slip back into your clothes and give him one last kiss. You tablet pings as you head out into the hallway and you fish it out of your pocket.

Yoongi: Okay, I’m in.

Below his message is his signed HR form. A swell of smug satisfaction makes you smile as you cross the hall and climb into your own pod. You open up a group message for the five men whose signed forms you now have in your possession and type out the following:

Mondays: Jin

Tuesdays: Jungkook

Wednesdays: Taehyung

Thursdays: Jimin

Fridays: Yoongi

“Saturday and Sunday to be determined,” you whisper to yourself as you hit send.

____

Next part

[finkisun]

i should actually try to share my undertale concepts here instead of discord. so here are some(more like many)!! mostly skeleton-centric(like 99%)

wingding, papyrus, and sans are all siblings and were born before being trapped in the underground

for some particular reason i only refer to gaster as wingding and i personally use only they/them pronouns for them. refer to my next concept for kinda why?

in general knowledge cis and trans are opposites but their most common way to differentiate by definition depends on "what is your gender now, compared to what your assigned gender at birth is". i don't think these terms are possible for skeletons because i don't think they have a sex, therefore cannot have a gender assigned at birth. pronouns don't really have anything to do with that and i personally think sans and papyrus use he/him and wingding uses they/them

skeletons are actually very sensitive to more damp weather or cold weather. warm weather is the best for them. the reason for this, is because for extreme cold weather, ice can potentially build up in their joints and that can be excruciatingly painful and cause damage(maybe be permanent). more damp weather is more likely to actually grow other bacteria like mold which can most definitely also damage bones and joints. i understand that this can be unrealistic as in my head, it can be affected by weather similarly to wood

undyne and sans have australian accents

papyrus is will wood, go to hell. he wrote love, me normally

papyrus crash lands when he flies for fun

sans has gravity magic so he can like- climb walls. and stuff. ask him to change a light bulb

skeletons don't have genitals. i cannot tell you how much i hate the ecto concept

grillby has an ability to absorb fire which actually is really helpful in case of an actual fire that isn't him!!

when fire elementals don't feel safe or are overwhelmed or anything, they can revert to a form i call a "spark" where it's like a tiny flame. looks like a dollop. refer to my spark cover

the riverperson is a skeleton!!

papyrus plays the piano(yes this is directly related to the will wood thing). sans plays brass instruments!!

i actually think that the skeleton siblings are very odd looking compared to other skeletons. i think in "skeleton culture", birth defects and deformities are actually very common but can still be considered "abnormalities". sans and wingding have fused skulls so do not have a detachable mandible so it's very hard for them to speak. sans is extremely short for a grown skeleton while most skeletons are very tall. papyrus has extremely small and asymmetrical eye sockets which make him sight-impaired. wingding also has cracks/slits up and down their skull

(in monster years(question mark)): wingding is the oldest. sans is 4 years younger than wingding. papyrus is 6 years younger than sans and 10 years younger than wingding

a skeleton is born with their font; names are not given by the one who birthed them

more story/fic related concepts now

someone(can be anyone) has been attempting to communicate with wingding after they've passed through the void. that person takes echo flowers, speaks into them, before throwing them into the core which supposedly passes them onto the other side to the void. this person actually has no idea if these messages are making it through. but there's no harm in trying. there's also no way(maybe) for wingding to communicate back

sans has always referred to wingding as "ma" since they were little because he's always joked that they baby the younger two and it just became a fun nickname that stuck. however, papyrus has been hearing this referral since near birth without ever knowing the context actually so he just assumed that wingding was actually their mom. eventually he found out but that's a big change, isn't it? "hey your mom that you've known your whole life, isn't actually your mom". it's no one's fault in particular and it may not seem like a big deal but that's a big change in information

[heyitsyn]

Prince Iwa-Chan

Oikawa!Sister x Iwaizumi Hajime

a/n: it aggravates me that my mans bara-arms-iwa-chan is so UNDERRATED!!!!

requests open!!

like look mom, im in love

ofc youre an oikawa

tbh, i dont think iwa wouldve been comfortable w you when yall first met

lets say youre a year younger than tooru

its a well-known fact that theyve been friends since they were really young so you, being oiks’ baby sister, was also part of your little trio

like lets say they met when they were 6

that would make you about 5

since yall have an older sister, you were exposed to the girly girl stuff like dolls and princesses

ngl, tooru was too thats why hes so flamboyant

but seems his fashion style refutes that

ya didnt hear that from me

anyways

tooru had already developed a deep fascination w volleyball bc he saw it being played during the 2000 summer olympics

but you remained w your sister and continued letting her treat you like a princess

im not really sure how old his sister is but lets say she was about around middle school when you were 5-6

however, tooru still made you play w him even though you didnt know how but you didnt care bc you were close w your brother so you would play ball w him

then came along iwaizumi hajime that tooru met from school

he found out that this boy also liked volleyball and tooru yeeted them both home so they could go and play at the back yard

you peeked from your window and you just thought iwa was the most handsome boy youve ever met

ofc, you just bolted down the stairs to where your brother and his friend was

oiks saw you standing by the door w a red face and him, being still a child and not understanding crushes, thought you were sick

he went to you and beckoned hajime to follow him inside

tooru sat you down and asked if you were okay but you just kept staring at hajime

he figured that you were just confused as to who this person was

‘oh! iwa-chan! this is my little sister, y/n! y/n, this is my classmate, iwaizumi hajime!’

cue iwa hitting him at the head

‘i can introduce myself perfectly fine, bakakawa!’

iwaizumi hajime,,,

iwaizumi hajimeee,

iwaizumi y/n

that thought made you turn even redder and you squealed in embarrassment before running back to your room

lmao what

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

he be getting the oikawas though

iwa was actually concerned but oiks waved it off

‘don’t worry, iwa-chan. shes weird like that. lets go toss the ball!’

so that was kinda how he met you

now, since hajime basically lived in your house by how much him and your brother hung out, youve slowly mellowed out and gotten to be friends w him

despite your hatred w bugs, you still went w them to explore just bc you wanted to be around hajime

lmao tooru youre now irrelevant

hajime didnt mind and he always made sure you were okay with the adventures of the day

even though you were only like a year younger, he cant help but baby you bc of your much smaller height than him and overall cute baby face

one day, they both came home from school all sweaty bc they raced home

‘iwa-chan! you can settle in the living room while i go shower!’

‘don’t call me iwa-chan, bakakawa!’

‘then stop calling me that!’

he sat down on the couch and started doing his homework when he heard you come home from school

lmao how do little japanese kids go back and forth from school to home at the age of 6

idek how to cross the street

‘tadaima’

‘oh, okaeri, y/n’

you perked up at his voice and you ran to the living room, seeing him

‘iwa-chan!’

he grunted and you threw yourself to him in a hug

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

part 2

tbh it doesnt even faze him anymore since you do this to him every time

he continues doing homework and just wraps one arm around you and starts patting your head

‘tooru-nii?’

‘shower’

‘okay’

then silence

but its the good kind of silence

you and iwa just sit there with you snuggled up on him while he continues to add numbers

then it was ruined

by the pterodactyl oikawa tooru who comes flying down the stairs and glomps on to iwa’s other side

‘y/n-chan! stop hogging iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine, tooru-nii!!’

you pout while iwa turns and gives him a glare

‘shut up, bakakawa! and stop calling me that!’

‘aahh!! you were mine first, iwa-chan!’

‘i was never yours! be quiet!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine forever! we’re going to get married so butt out, nii-chan!’

‘HAH?!’

once everything calms down, yall actually start your homework and work

‘anything happen today, y/n-chan?’

oikawa always asked that question bc he believes its his duty as older brother to be caught up in your life

thats actually annoying bruv

‘hmm, me and the girls in my class were playing princess tea party today and a boy asked to be my prince.’

‘WHAT!’

oikawa is 7 now and he faintly has an idea about crushes and his father made him promise that he would protect you from nasty boys

‘calm down, bakakawa’

iwa mumbled, continuing his homework but also paying attention

‘WHAT!? NO! WHATD YOU SAY, Y/N-CHAN! YOUR BROTHER IS THE ONLY PRINCE YOU NEED!’

‘i told him i already have a prince’

oikawa was so smug and crossed his arms

‘hm, serves them right-’

‘prince iwa-chan and i are going to get married and live in a castle so there’s no room for anybody else’

iwa had to double check and turned red really fast

like who was this iwa-chan

wait, what his name?

his name has iwa in it

is he iwa-chan?

y/n’s prince iwa-chan?

was he really iwa-chan?

‘NO! YOUR NII-SAN IS YOUR PRINCE! IWA-CHAN CAN BE YOUR KNIGHT OR SOMETHING! BUT IM YOUR PRINCE!’

you glared at tooru and shook your head

‘no. iwa-chan is my prince’

you were so shamless about this fact

lmao i want your confidence

from then on, youve called iwa as your prince

like his name on your phone is literally prince iwa-chan

then when you were in middle school, you’ve started calling iwa as haji-senpai

there wasnt even a large event that spawned this

well,,, actually,,

youve noticed that iwa hated the nickname ‘iwa-chan’ a lot and he hit tooru many times bc of it so you stopped calling him that bc you didnt want him to be mad at you

so you started calling him senpai bc he was technically an upperclassman

when you first called him this, iwa was lowkey shook

‘haji,,,, senpai?’

you nodded from your spot on the couch, not looking up from your homework

‘see? i can only call iwa-chan, iwa-chan! OOF!’

that was iwa hitting tooru at the face with his pencil case

‘y/n, you dont have to call me that. we’ve known each other since we were little so you dont have to call me by an upperclassman term’

you shrugged

‘i know. but you dont like it when you’re called iwa-chan, do you?’

‘not if it’s by this trash’

he jutted a thumb to the fallen tooru

‘so,,,, iwa-chan is fine?’

your eyes sparkled at the permission of being able to freely call him that without worry

he gulps at your face and turns away to hide his red face before nodding

‘my prince iwa-chan!’

‘no! my iwa-chan!’

‘shut up shittykawa!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

keeping up with the oikawas

this nickname will forever be stuck

since you went to the same middle school, you were known to be around your brother and iwa and even staying behind for practice to walk home w them

it became a bit of a joke to the team of you picking up your prince

one day, a teammate called iwa, ‘prince iwa-chan’ and he almost busted a fuse

was ready to square up bc only his babie can call him that

but when you came through the door

‘prince iwa-chan! your princess is here!’

he turned all soft and squishy and pats your head so gently that they couldnt believe this is the same boy who is the ace

you were interested in volleyball so you were kinda friends w the team but you didnt really care for the sport, mainly focusing on your academics

thats how it really was for you three

they focused on sports while you studied

oh my here comes highschool

oikawa and iwa were already known throughout the FREAKING PREFECTURE bc of how TALENTED THEY ARE AT VOLLEYBALL

and you were already known by your pretty face and your cute personality

basically genderbent oikawa

and just wanted to stop you from reading by telling you that you are beautiful and you are a KWEEN and you are a GODDESS and confidence is the most beautiful thing to wear and best of all, it’s free!!

ofc, youd have to go to aoba johsai bc your brother was there

‘y/n-chan! you need to go where your brother is! you love him, don’t you?’

‘sure, tooru’

you actually went to seijoh bc you would see iwa 

you didnt hear that from me

your first day, boys (and gals) were already flocking towards you when they saw you walking with iwa and tooru

still being the overprotective brother since day1, oikawa was just snarling at anyone getting close to his baby sister

lmao what baby

hes only like a year older

but iwa was being terrirorial protective bc he finds it as an obligation as tooru’s best friend and your childhood friend

when oiks wasn’t paying attention and being drowned by his fangirls, iwa was your bodyguard

there was this one boy who started walking towards you as yall were going to your class but hajime placed an arm around your waist and pulled you closer

‘oh? i’m only at the first floor, iwa-chan. don’t get all clingy now’

lmao, girl hes trying to show that boy that hes your unofficial mans and will cut off his family jewels if he tries to even BREATHE in your direction

umm,,, iwa’s not yandere in this one yall

iwa just rolls his eyes and makes you walk forward until yall are at your door

‘i’ll see you later, iwa-chan!’

‘yea yea. i’ll pick you up’

he starts to walk down the hallway but you poke your head back out and shout

‘i miss you already, prince iwa-chan!’

he turns red all over and freezes for a 0.0002 seconds before raising a hand without turning around

now ladies and genitals

this is when iwa-chan starts to catch feelings like he catches them spikes

your cute smling face and saying his dumb nickname that he actually loves was like a recipe for a stroke for him

it has come to the point at the mere thought of you would make him all flustered and red

it tripled over when this happened:

puberty was kinda late for you and you actually just woke up looking like a goddess one day and you were like, lmao what

your chest just ballooned up and your height just skyrocketed that your skirt was now very short

ew i dont know what i would do in this situation

you were self-conscious about this and was kinda scared 

obvs, you would scream for your mother and she and your father and brother bolts up to your bedroom thinking there was a whole michael meyers in your room

but when you explained that your uniform doesnt fit anymore, she starts making appointments to get you fitted for another one

but you had to wait for a few days

so you went to school looking like a whole snacc

more of a snacc than you did before

when iwa saw you, he had a literal nosebleed in the middle of campus and runs to the bathroom to get all cleaned up

why in the name of asahi do you look like that?!

when you saw your prince look at you in horror and run away, you cried

you were already very self-conscious and him doing that just topped the cake

cake that tooru doesnt have

oop imsorry

tooru reassures you that he had a nosebleed and he was just sick and ran to not get any blood on his clothes

but you just walked away with your head down low

it didnt matter to you if this caught all the student body’s attention

that their precious oikawa y/n, little sister of the oikawa tooru, was a walking perfection goddess Venus

all that you cared about was iwa’s opinions bc he was your prince and your best friend

girl, accept that you actually like the mans

this was the worst day of your entire life and you went straight to your locker to get your gym clothes out and wear it for the day

it was tight but at least it covered skin

and it still attracted enough attention to be catcalled and whistled at

it felt violating

the entire morning, there was more attention and more people flocked over to you and guys were staring at you as if you were a piece of meat, not a girl

‘harry potter is a boy! not a piece of meat!’

sorry i cant help it

you were so uncomfortable that you called your brother during lunch time to come pick you up for lunch bc you were too scared to walk alone after being catcalled during your walk to your class

tooru sends out iwa to go help you as an apology from this morning and he just runs to your class bc you were in trouble and he was going to protect you!!

go iwa-chan!

he finds you sitting on your chair, looking down at your desk as there seemed to be boys piled up on top of each other, trying to get your attention

first world problems, amirite

‘OI!’

that angry grunt but at 2x bass boosted

hearing his voice, you were still embarrassed from earlier but you were so relieved

‘iwa-chan!’

iwa pushes people away and he grabs your hand to pull you up before wrapping an arm around your waist, protectively

‘if i see you idiots making her uncomfortable or even trying to touch her, i will destroy you’

protection and the feeling of safety is my fave

he leads you out of there to the stairway where him and his teammates were eating

he held your hand tightly and you squeezed it, trying to show that you were grateful

even if they were still male, your brother was there and if something happened, they were both strong enough to take them on

besides, its just mattsun and maki anyways

tooru saw you and he hugged you before leading you to the 2 others

‘guys, this is y/n, my sister. that’s mattsun and that’s makki.’

you slightly smiled and raised a hand in greeting

‘yo’

‘hello’

to be safe, iwa made you sit a step down from him so that if something happens, he could protect you

idk how but you do you boo

‘i can protect her too, iwa-chan!’

‘shut up, shittykawa. youre literally sticks and bones’

‘so mean! iwa-chan, you’re so mean!’

you giggled, head leaning down to rest on iwa’s right thigh since you were full and tired and he runs his hand through your hair

mattsun and makki shared a look before asking

‘are you dating our ace, y/n-chan?’

at the mention of dating, you both turned red and you sat up

‘OF COURSE NOT, MATTSUN, MAKKI!’

iwa shouts but his red face and ears betrayed him

‘iwa-chan grew up with us so he’s naturally like that. we’ve adopted him into our family!’

oikawa explained but you looked at him and he gave you a knowing look

oh he noticed everything

the lingering looks during practice

the bashful smiles during hang outs at home

unnecessary touches during the walk to school

oikawa may be annoying but he’s observant and he is smart

after that fiasco, the two boys were a little wary of letting you walk home alone so iwa offered to take you since he was already making more progress and didnt need extra practice while tooru wanted to practice more

‘iwa-chan, can we go to your house this time?’

he turned to look at you curiously since you never ask to go to his place

‘i miss your mom and ive been meaning to go visit her. so can we, iwa-chan?’

you squeezed his hand and showcased your pleading look making him agree

‘fine’

his house wasn’t a frequently hung out spot since your house was closer but you were still familiar with his home since his mother was fond of you

‘tadaima’

mama iwaizumi peaked from the kitchen and greeted him home before squealing at the sight of the youngest oikawa

‘oh my, y/n-chan! hello!’

‘hello, auntie!’ 

she gave you a big hug and you returned it with a laugh

iwa just standing there to the side with a smile bc his mom approves so all is good in life

‘you’ve grown so much, y/n-chan! so much prettier too!’ you turned bashful at her compliments.

then she leaned forward to whisper in your ear but made her voice loud

‘say, has my son finally ask you to be his girlfriend?’

omg mama iwaizumi really ships it

iwa turns red and complains to his mom about being in his business too much

‘don’t be so timid, hajime! y/n-chan could be taken from under your nose any minute now!’

‘dont you think i know that’ he mumbles but very lowly so that no one hears him

but you decide to tease him more

‘no. but i’m waiting for it. i’ll tell you once he does, auntie!’

fed up with the teasing, he grabs you and drags you up to his room to change into comfortable clothing

you sit on his bed while he rummages through his closet for a sweatshirt and sweatpants

‘here! change into these!’ he shouts, still flustered and refusing to look at your eyes

youre an oikawa and you lived to tease so you stood up, tossing the clothes to the side and wrapping your arms around his neck

ooo gurl you want iwa to die today, don’t you?

he gets even redder and scowls

‘oi, y/n, what are you doing’

you shook your head

‘nothing. i just miss my prince iwa-chan. you were so brave for saving me today, prince iwa-chan’

the nickname used to not affect him that much but now, he watches the it fall from your cherry lips

‘say my name’

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘iwa-chan?’

he gently shakes his head no

‘my real name’

‘iwaizumi hajime’

you say, distracted at the way his mouth moves

‘and what’s yours?’

‘iwaizumi y/n’

you breathed out

he growls softly before taking your sinful lips

wowza jesus took the wheel bc he stepped on that pedal

we going straight 100 mph up in this bih

iwa really said, ‘skip the confession. imma go straight for my babie girl’s lips. also, proposal who? let’s go get married in vegas!’

it wasnt even been literally 15 minutes until you came bounding the stairs wearing hajime’s signature grey hoodie with his seijoh sweatpants and calling for your auntie to announce you were now dating are going to get married

‘WHAT!?’ 

she screams and comes running from the kitchen, holding a ladle

you flashed a grin while iwa shows a small smile with red cheeks from behind you before telling you that you were both too young to get married

‘i told ya you would be the first to know’

after dinner, you call your brother and hes like, ‘okay, since you’re not at home i’m assuming youre at iwa’s’

‘omgomgomg, nii-chan! i just had dinner with my boyfriend’s family! they accepted me!’

‘BOYFRIEND?! DOES IWA-CHAN KNOW!? HOW COULD YOU BREAK HIS HEART?!’

oikawa just has that special type of voice that even without being on speaker phone, it sounds like he is

iwa laughs at his friend’s worried questions

‘better hand over your princess to the prince, grand king’

oikawa screamed

i hope i did my mans justice 

[connieshusband]

She’s Perfect

Maybe Tooru's eyes wandered a bit when it came to his best friend, maybe he'd picked up on how jealous Iwa was when it came to his fan girls, maybe he'd caught Iwa wearing panties in the locker room. Maybe it had surprised him when Iwa didn't contact him after Highschool. But it wasn't a surprise when his best friend since forever had told him she was trans.

________

*smut under the cut

*not beta read

cross posted on ao3

Sup, got an idea for a trans fem Iwa and had to write it. Oikawa uses male pronouns for iwa until he finds out (thought I'd mention it in case it's triggering)

Trans rights are human rights. Whatever gender you say you are, you are. Gender ≠ genitals.

________

Tooru sat in a cafe in Tokyo by himself, the coffee he'd ordered had gone cold long ago. He'd been visiting home from Argentina and had finally convinced Iwaizumi to hangout with him.

After the 3 year long drought away from his best friend he was certain that he hated him. He always thought he knew Hajime best, but when he started declining phonecalls, ignoring texts, and refusing to let him see him, he couldn't deny it hurt his feelings.

Had he finally worn him down when he'd sent a hasty text to Iwa a bit tipsy the previous week, suggesting they meet up?

It had been over an hour and Tooru was debating on giving up. His body had been turned towards the door, scanning every face in and out since he'd arrived. A few he recognized, but none his best friend.

Feeling a little heart broken, Tooru rubbed his tired eyes and stood up without looking.

He'd bumped into a taller girl, he'd bowed and excused himself without thinking. She called his name, making him turn around. Maybe he'd forgotten something on the table? She was kind of girl the Tooru would have shamelessly hit on in high school. It took him a moment to recognize the kind but intensely determined eyes behind the mascara.

"what do you think?" She asked, pulling at her fingers nervously, as if it was taking all her strength to stand in front of him.

Tooru blinked dumbly before pulling his best friend into a tight hug.

"so you're not mad?" She'd been gripping her arm in her anxiousness, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, her face still pressed into Tooru's shoulder.

"why would I be mad?" He asked, pulling away but not letting go. I'll never let you go again, Hajime.

"i- I don't know..."

"Hajime, you always wanted to be the mom when we played house together," offering Hajime a seat as he sat, still holding her hand.

Hajime laughed meekly, feeling more at ease, taking a spot opposite Tooru.

He couldn't help but think the light blush covering Iwa's cheeks suited her well.

Tooru smirked to himself. "What?" Hajime asked, the blush making a reappearance.

"you're a liar Iwa-chan~" he sing-songed, "you said you'd never be one of my fan girls~~"

"and I'm still not!"

Tooru had always admired Hajime's feistiness, and now was no different.

The two sat in pleasent silence for several moments, Hajime breaking it.

"you never answered my earlier question?"

"and what was it again?" Tooru asked, still coming out of his love struck daze.

"what do you think?" Hajime repeated.

He shamelessly looked down at her cleavage, "those I like a lot."

Hajime laughed, it filled his heart with joy, "I figured you would."

"I think you're beautiful, Haji," he said, meeting her eyes. He could see the stars in his eyes in the reflection of hers.

Tooru took in her features. Her wavy black hair was past her collar bones, she was wearing the jean jacket Tooru had bought the summer before their 3rd year, a flowy greyshirt and a black skirt, her makeup was simple, but screamed Iwaizumi Hajime. The woman in front of Tooru screamed Iwaizumi Hajime.

"how long did you know?! Why didn't you tell me Iwa-chan!? When can I take you sundresses for when you come to Argentina-?!"

"hold your horses, crazykawa, one question at a time."

Tooru's mouth opened, his excitement to be let back into his best friends life had overwhelmed him a bit. Hajime must have thought he looked like a fish out of water with how much his mouth opened and closed because she answered for him.

"I started hormone therapy in highschool," Hajime began, "just before we lost to Karasuno, actually."

Tooru felt his face flush with shame, how had he not noticed??

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't really know how."

"I'm sorry," Tooru mumbled, "I should have been there for you-"

Tooru was cut off by Hajime's hand giving his a squeeze. "If you're buying, we can go dress shopping whenever."

Tooru smiled.

---

It had started out innocently enough, going back to Hajime's apartment to continue to catch up after the coffee shop had closed. She'd planned to show Tooru the collection of pictures and little gifts from the kids she coached then find a rom com to hate watch. But it had hardly been 20 minutes into a film with a negative rotten tomatoes score when they'd slipped back into their usual friendly competitive selves.

As if they'd never taken a break from each other.

Currently, Tooru was snuggled into Hajime's side, rubbing slow circles on the back of her hand that was lazily draped over him. Her muscular thighs providing a cushion.

"I bet I'm still the best spiker you've ever played with," Hajime smirked.

"oh yeah?" Tooru mused. Briefly scanning the room for something ball shaped. Deciding on a popcorn kernel. Sitting up, he attempted to set it, which didn't work amazing, but Hajime still managed to flick the kernel back with her palm against Tooru's face, just missing his open mouth.

"spiker of the year," Tooru laughed.

"did that on purpose," Hajime laughed, turning back to the movie.

"can I ask a weird question, Haji?"

"shoot."

"did you have a crush on me in school?"

Hajime snorted, "you're cluing into that now, dummykawa?"

Tooru laughed, "maaaybe."

"how about me?"

Tooru turned to face his best friend better, scooching closer to her. "A little," he admitted, slowly trailing a hand to rest against her jaw, "definitely do now."

He closed the gap between them.

Her lips are soft against his chapped ones as Hajime kisses him back. And Tooru can't stop thinking about how much he loves her. How much he's always loved her. Seeing Hajime as her truest self makes his heart feel full and heavy in his chest.

"fuck it," she mutters under her breath. Tooru is vaguely aware of Hajime's tongue down his throat and his hands grip her soft hips. She pulls away to pull her hair out of her face.

It's at this point that Tooru comes the realization, with Hajime's flushed features and breathlessness, that he will never meet a more beautiful girl for the rest of his life.

"you're so hot," he breathes. "Haji, can I touch your boobs?"

Hajime's eyes flutter for a moment as she stiffles a small moan, Tooru takes that as a yes, and pulls her shirt off.

Her A cups are the perfect size for Tooru to take her into her mouth.

"T-Tooru, I need t-to tell y-you something," Hajime says between moans.

Tooru pulls away, " you want to do this, right? I totally get it if this is too fast-"

"Ihaven'thadbottomsurgeryyet."

Tooru blinks, not quite sure what to do. His brain runs with a hundred questions trying to find the best phrasing. Stupidly all he utters is "anal?"

He's about to correct himself, suggest they can do whatever Hajime wants, when she nods shyly.

Tooru can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he helps Hajime strip.

Hajime is big even though she isn't hard. Tooru makes a mental note to get a strap the same size so she can top him like she tends to in his fantasies.

"you have the prettiest pussy, Haji," his eyes widen, a flash of panic hit him as he looks up at her, "was that okay?" He asks under his breath.

Hajime nods as she connects their lips again.

---

As the evening comes to a close, the stars as their nightlight. Hajime lays with her bare chest against Tooru's, tracing the lines of his abs. His own hand absentmindedly tracing the muscles in her back inbetween twirling her hair.

"I've missed you a lot, Tooru."

"I've missed you too."

"I guess I didn't have to be worried that you wouldn't like me anymore."

Tooru hugs her tighter, "you will always be enough to me, Hajime."

"love you, Shittykawa," she smirks against his chest.

"love you too, iwa-chan."

____

A/n: am I feeling sad and confused about my gender? ✨yes✨

did I write this as a self indulgent form of mini therapy? ✨yes✨

do I hope you enjoyed? ✨yes✨

Comments, criticism, and reblogs are always appreciated