#my motivation is random and fleeting i write when i can manage it

[northern-passage]

Hi there! I was curious if there was any way to read the old version of TNP while waiting for the next update. I also wasn't sure if that was rude to ask about the old beta and I apologize if it was. I also just wanted to say that I love your writing and I have stayed up way too late too many nights rereading the snippets or Blood Choke, they're fantastic. Hope you're doing well and good luck writing!

hi! thank you, and dw, not rude :-) but unfortunately no, all that's available is chapter 1 currently. which is also going to be edited slightly once chapter 2 is finished and updated (not a lot it's just lore stuff)

i really didn't expect this chapter to take this long 😅 and at the time when i rereleased chapter 1 i didn't want there to be so many inconsistencies both with the content itself and also writing style, so i cut it off at the end of the rewritten chapter. i wish i could say it won't be much longer but truthfully i have no idea. i still have Lea's and Clementine's paths in Blackwater to finish, and then Duncan's introduction and the end of the chapter. but all of that is a bit more linear than the Blackwater branches so fingers crossed 🤞

[writerman]

For the prompts, could I ask for elbarduil where Bard is a half elf like Elrond but has had to keep it a secret so Thranduil and Elrond don’t know and Bard just kinda forgets to tell them, and then one day after something happens to Bard and he gets hurt, BAM they find out and realize Bard isn’t going to die of old age like they thought, they’re not going to lose him.

I did not mean to write all 2,773 words today but I figured I had kept you waiting long enough for my sorry butt to get some motivation in me to write...

Thank you for sending in the prompt, I truly appreciate it and I very much enjoyed this request and now I want more half-elf Bard.

—————-

“He lost a considerable amount of blood I saw it all,” Elrond began, his eyes scan the courtyard until his gaze fell to Bard who was sat fussing the stable cat. He looked as he always did only tired. “I feared it was the end of him, Thranduil. He was pale and weak, my heart knew he would not see the end of the day…” Elrond’s voice soft now as he relived the memory vividly in his mind. 

Thranduil, however, looked unconvinced as he turned to watch Bard with narrowed eyes. Of course, his entire demeanour and excellent health left Elrond to look a little… off his mark but it was not in the lord to lie. 

“Yes, he truly looks close to death, all that walking and talking and laughing. By the stars, he is on the precipice of life and death. I see it now.” Thranduil received a gentle nudge in the ribs from Elrond and they both shared a smile that slowly dissolved into quiet laughter. 

“I am sure whatever it is Bard will tell us.”

“If he even knows himself.” 

“You are right. It is best that we only remain thankful he is still with us at all.” 

They remained standing under the archway that led from the royal quarters to the courtyard and simply watched as Bard took in the summer sun blissfully unaware that his husbands were inwardly perplexed at his survival. 

It was not until they mentioned his injuries over dinner that night did it occur to Bard that they had no idea he was in fact half-elven just like Elrond. 

Then and there would have been the perfect chance to tell them, to dramatically reveal he hadn’t been human this whole time! 

Cue random gasps of surprise and maybe some applause. 

But the moment was gone before he could even fathom how to word such a thing. Thranduil had changed the subject to Elrond’s subpar wine and a light sprinkling of bickering flavoured the conversation for the rest of the meal.

All thoughts of the accident and Bard’s miraculous recovery had dissipated now, the conversation did not come up again until Thranduil appeared one morning dressed to kill in robes fancier than Bard had ever laid eyes upon before. 

“We are riding to Lothlorien today, will you join us?” Bard, still in his everyday wandering around pretending-not-to-be-king clothes, paled for a moment as his mind raced and his heart started beating faster than a hummingbird’s wing. 

Lothlorien, where his dearest naneth resided. It did open the floor to Bard explaining who he was and it would be easier with his mother there to back him up, even though it was rather unlikely that Thranduil and Elrond would not believe him.

“Yes, I think a trip would be nice. Why are you heading out that way?” He hoped the question was as casual as it should have been. It must have been because Thranduil sighed and gestured vaguely in the direction of Elrond’s voice that floated down the hall. 

“To visit extended family.” 

More than you have any idea about, Bard thought but instead of speaking he merely offered Thranduil a sunny smile that spoke of innocence where there was none. 

With a silent order to change Bard got up and hastily dressed in something more fitting to see Galadriel and Celeborn. Meeting Galadriel was always such a jarring experience though not at all negative… just jarring and she was always so kind to him and not at all surprised that he was aware of elven customs, unlike Elrond and Thranduil had been. 

It would be near 6 hour trip from Rivendell to Lothlorien and Bard found the time passed with the blink of an eye. How long had it been since he had been there to see his mother and how long had Galadriel pretending she had not known he was there? 

Regardless of who did know, he was more aware of who did not and just how they might feel when he suddenly springs it on them that he was not a frail little mortal man they needed to constantly worry about every moment of the day. 

That wasn’t fair, they knew he was strong and capable but there were time Bard forgot just who he was and allowed them to coddle him even if it was only in the slightest of ways. So used to being seen as just any other human living among humans it was easy to carry on as one would. 

And no one had yet commented on how little he had aged only that he looked good and healthy which was enough for him because it was safe and if not a little bit pleasing to hear. 

They were greeted at the gates by Haldir who called for the entry to be opened for their arrival. Bard gave a hearty wave which the elf returned which earned him a few peculiar looks but it didn’t seem to bother Haldir in the slightest. 

“Elrond and I must discuss elven matters, would you like to join us?” Thranduil sounded bored before he’d even attended the meeting and Bard truly felt for him because he knew Thranduil would have preferred to be doing something more interesting than reminiscing about a time so long ago it seemed inconsequential. 

“I shall leave you to your important matters and I will find something to occupy myself with for the time being.” All he wanted to do was get out of his riding gear and drink something cold and sweet to refresh himself before he slunk off to find his mother. 

It would be a pleasant surprise for her to see him and the thought of seeing her joyous smile spurred him on and he set off for the rooms he was usually given when visiting, he was well aware they would already be ready for them. 

“I shall just go on without you then,” Thranduil called out after him and Bard threw a smile over his shoulder his dark gaze meeting with Thranduil’s pale one as they share a fleeting moment of humour before Elrond took the blond’s attention and they strolled in a leisurely manner towards their welcome party. 

It might have been seen as bad manners not to greet Galadriel and Celeborn but he was sure they wouldn’t hold it against him. After all, he was a human and could not possibly manage to ride 6 hours on horseback and then sit talking for hours drinking wine strong enough it could knock out a full-grown cow. 

Once in private Bard stripped over the leather riding gear and smoothed out his shirt and tidied his now wild hair into something more presentable for his naneth. The anticipation of surprising her was unbearable and the jittery excitement inside him had him pacing the room as he tried to cool himself and give himself time to slip out of the guest quarters unnoticed. 

-----

“They do not know about me do they?” Leithriel asked her smoky voice was coloured with humour as she smiled to the point the corners of her eyes crinkled. A true and, almost, delighted smile. 

“No, and it isn’t as though I was trying to hide it from them, it just never came up in conversation and it took me being gravely injured for me to consider that, perhaps, they didn’t ask me about mortality because they were afraid mine was fragile.” Bard had his elbow on the dark polished surface of her living room table with forehead rested in palm as he stared at his own reflection. 

“You surround yourself with sons and daughters that have lives as quick and as wild as a raging sea. I can see why you would not recall your own heritage when I see rarely see you these days.” Leithriel’s smile faded Bard could hear in her voice that she regretted her actions. 

“You belong in Lothlorien. You would never have been happy in Laketown or Dale without Da. And I would not ever ask you to join me there, we both know I won’t be there forever. One day I might even come here for good.” Leithriel arched a brow at him in question, she looked wholly unconvinced by his words and shook her head. 

“You would leave your husbands and come here to live with me?” When she put it like that it did sound embarrassing but it wasn’t what he had meant. 

He sat back in his seat and ran a hand through his hair hoping the action would ease his mind. There was a genuine fear that Thranduil and Elrond would be unhappy even angry with him for hiding this from them. 

While the logical part of his mind told Bard that he was being ridiculous he still couldn’t help but worry that it had been too long and that it would appear as though he had hidden it from them when that really wasn’t the case. 

“You will not settle here if you do not tell them now.” She was right, of course, and she knew it. “Before you go, I had something made for you.” Rising slowly from her seat with grace Bard knew he’d never possess, Leithriel left the room returning moments later with a package wrapped in pretty silvery paper tied with string white string. 

“I had hoped to send this before your next visit but now is a better time than any to give you this. You married so quickly that I was unable to offer this to you for the wedding but I suppose it will do as an outfit for dinner tonight when you are with Galadriel and Celeborn.” There was a quiet sadness in her voice that Bard wanted to ask her about but before he could he was urged by her to open the package. 

Not wanting to argue or delay what seemed to bring her joy Bard unknotted the string and let the paper fall open revealing neatly folded fabric. He set it on the table so he could stand up and when he lifted the first piece from the set it unfolded revealing a striking burgundy outer robe. 

“The first robe your father ever had made for him by elven tailors. He was ecstatic about it, burgundy and black and he cut quite a fine figure in it too, though he soon became a slight bit too round to wear it as he got older. Morvan wanted you to have it, ion nin.” 

His father had never been the kind of man that had been interested in holding onto his possessions and had always favoured skills over things. There wasn’t much left to keep of his father’s after he had died, and his mother had found it too painful to house anything that reminded her of Morvan other than his picture which hung proudly still on the wall of her library. 

“I want to put this on now.” Bard didn’t wait for a response as he strode from the room with the clothing gathered up in his arms. 

The black tunic and leggings fit perfectly and those garments alone made him feel so noble how a king should look. As he slid the outer robe over his shoulders the picture was complete and for a moment Morvan stared back at him instead of Bard’s own reflection. Those same brown eyes and wild wind-ruffled waves of dark brown hair he had been the very image of that man and how he missed him for a moment. 

Returning to the living area Bard felt he could not speak, the air in his lungs held as though trying to stay in the moment for a while longer, to hold the feeling of pride inside him for as long as he could.

“I- my eyes would deceive me I swore on the stars I thought you were your father.” Her eyes shone as she spoke and Bard released the breath from his lungs and crossed the room to embrace his mother in thanks and in comfort. 

When they parted she shooed Bard from her home with a smile but he knew there was still pain there and should he have lingered his appearance would only have made it worse. With a quick farewell, Bard crossed the courtyard and met Thranduil and Elrond as they left their quarters to go in search of him. 

“Oh my, we leave you to your own devices and suddenly you have a sense of style that may even rival Thranduil’s?” Elrond leaned in to press a soft kiss to Bard’s cheek in greeting and apology for leaving him so long. 

The sun had set and the warm evening lay before them with the song of night birds drifting through the trees. 

“Where did you go to find such clothing. This is the finest tailoring I’ve seen you ever wear and it has the Lothlorien style stamped all over it.” Thranduil slid a hand around Bard’s waist his excuse was to inspect the quality of the fabric but he was definitely just admiring how well it was shaped to his body. 

“This is the perfect moment to tell you that my mother gave it to me.” His bright and airy response was certainly out of character and certainly put on but rather than question the tone of voice both Elrond and Thranduil share a quick look before allowing Bard to continue. 

“My mother lives here and this was my father’s robe she said he wanted me to have it. Which means, as I am sure you worked out in no time at all, I am half-elven.” Had his heart ever beat so fast in his life? 

Silence.

More silence. 

“We know. We realised rather quickly when you were near death and recovered in record time from something that would have killed any normal man.” Thranduil drawled yet he tempered the tone with a smug smile, his hand still planted on Bard’s waist. 

“However, we were not aware of which parent was elven and if they were still alive,” Elrond added as he moved to Bard’s other side. “What we do know is that we are so very relieved you felt comfortable to tell us this and that you will be with us far longer than we could have ever imagined.” 

Bard felt himself visibly relax as he was led back into the guest quarters. What could have been a tense and uncomfortable moment was breezed through leaving Bard with little to worry about though, there was something else on his mind. 

“You know, it is all well and good me being elven and all but you do still have to meet my mother and she still has to like you.” 

The sound of wine being poured into goblets punctured the silence before Thranduil scoffed.

“I’ve not met anyone who does not like me.”

“Do you enjoy saying such ridiculous things to those that know you intimately?” Elrond queried taking Thranduil’s goblet of wine from the blond’s and handing it to Bard before Thranduil could even begin to take a sip. 

“Your reputation precedes you, meleth. You are a ray of light to us but from the outside looking in you may be seen as, ah, tad wintry upon first meeting.” It was a gently as Elrond could put it without dancing around the words and Bard was so wonderfully entertained by it all. 

“What he’s trying to say is, sometimes Thran you can really be a bi-” His words were cut off as a cushion hit him in the face. 

“Alright, alright, I am quite aware of what you are trying to tell me. It just seems to me that there is nothing to worry about. I am charisma personified when I need to be.”

“Well, I have never once witnessed that.” Elrond quipped now taking the second goblet Thranduil had poured. 

“You don’t seem concerned about meeting his mother, why are you the embodiment of calm?” Thranduil questioned now crossing the room to pour his drink out of reach of nabbing hands. 

“Oh, I am not calm. I am positively terrified but at the same time, I had to meet Galadriel and Celeborn once upon a time. I sincerely doubt it can be any worse than that.” 

Maybe not but Bard was not going to let them know, either way, it was far more interesting to see them suffer the unknown. Both of them never knowing when Bard might spring a meeting on them and leaving them wholly unprepared. 

The trip to Lothlorien was truly not a wasted one.

[randomeditscreates]

Ready for a rant on The Rise of Skywalker, because I fucking forget some of the things I want to say, so let's continue

#1. Jar Jar Abrams must've hated Rian Johnson movie, because not only does he fix Anakin Lightsaber, but Kylo's mask, and if you remember it was both destroyed when Holdo does the Holdo's maneuver. So both Kylo and Rey must've really wanted these pieces so bad, they manage to get all the pieces. Oh don't forget when Rey went to 'The most unfindable place'[ actual quotes from TLJ, holy crap!] When Luke Skywalker catches the lightsaber, he says and I'm not shitting you, 'A lightsaber deserves more respect' RIP to TLJ remember when Luke literally chucked the lightsaber, Jar Jar really hated TLJ.

#2. Oh and on the mention of the Holdo's maneuver, because apparently Holdo is a hypocrite. Remember when Holdo kept yelling at Poe for his fuck ups, as it's bad odds, because apparently her move was a one in a million chance! And don't give me the crap that it was only Holdo's chance, because don't you remember the OT [Original Trilogy] where they can just jam their ship into other but I guess lightspeed jumping right at the ships was the best choice!

#3. Rose Tico wasn't in this movie and honestly I was pissed, because as much as I loath the writing in TLJ[The Last Jedi] I found her character interesting and someone they could develop but JJ doesn't even remember this character, she has to scan ship's interior structure. Can you tell why I hate this movie, they don't fucking develop anything, and its the last movie.

#4. Poe Dameron character was also destroyed in this movie, remember the fun loving character from the Force Awakens, well apparently he's always grumpy because that doesn't completely destroy his basic character. Then again, Poe is just another example of a meat puppet, they have no motives or personality, they just have to do what the director wants them to do.

#5. For anyone who is trying to defend this movie or heaven forgive, the characters, can I please ask you to rewatch the OT and then try to make those comments again. I have no qualms of people having opposing views but I will state my views and you can either agree or disagree, it will not affect me in any way. But I will not except people using the Issues of The OT as an excuse for the the New Trilogy, the issue's in the OT are either miniscule or don't ruin the movie going experience, for the New Trilogy it does!

#6. I just had to let that go as I make an amend, The writer of the ROS did state that Ashoka Atonna, was in fact dead but she could appear in other Star War product, I honestly don't care because she's not gong to be the same, but I will admit to my mistakes, that her death allegations are more on the fritzs.

#7. Kylo Ren finds out that Palps is apparently the voice of Darth Vader in his head, and it doesn't completely shatter his world because if you don't remember, Kylo is doing all of this to live up to the legacy of Darth Vader. So Anakin didn't try at all to tell Kylo that it wasn't him, and totally abandoned his family okay. But I will admit I found the scene cool, if only it wasn't in this movie.

#8. I don't remember if I mentioned this but Hux, my God! He was awful in this movie, he's the spy and we don't get any reason besides Hux hates Supreme Leader Kylo. Really I think Jar Jar was just pissed off that his character was turned into a mockery, so he just placed him as a spy to place the hero on their journey and help them when Finn and Poe were about to get executed. It would make sense if Hux tried to destroy the First Order from the Inside, as he would still hold his power, but what do I know

#9. Lando appears, for Fan service because what other type is there for this trilogy. And not only does he kill a random villager, and no gives a fucks about it. But he's also fucking here, he just decided to live here after his and Luke's mission, how many years ago? What about Bespin, the place you literally sacrifice the Rebellion for. We find out that Leia had notified Lando about their arrival, but that brings another question, why didn't Leia told them to meet Lando as he literally the only person who has more information on the Wayfinder. But who cares because his entrance was awesome, and Star Wars were all about the battles, it was definitely not because of the characters and relationship, no it was definitely the pew pew aspect of it.

So I read the Colin Trevenou, or whatever his name is, script and honestly I really enjoyed it, of course it's just the basics, but the concepts seemed interesting and wasn't copying the OT. It was both original and made sense within the expanse of both the SW world building and even the two movies before it and honesty I wished they could make his version into a movie, I think I could at least enjoy it. But hey, that's not how the cookies crumbled.

Now of course Dishonorable mentions!

DO is voiced by Jar Jar Abrams, but also he's just there to give Sith information to the heroes.

An actual Honorable mention- George Lucas appeared in this movie, and one second of him was just a masterpiece, but seriously I just want George Lucas to buy the property of SW again

Back to dishonorable

Kylo chokes slam one of his followers into the ceiling because he questioned the fleet of ships Creamy Sheeve[ Palpatine] is willing to give him, because Kylo can't except anyone challenging him.

The stupid scene of everyone but the characters were supposed to be connected to, mourning Leia death, just cut it out and keep the one with Poe, for God sakes. It so simple.

The plot Armour these walking infections are carrying, literally they cannot die even when one explodes, how is anyone invested in characters who we all know the director won't touch because they're the hero? [Except of Finn, he deserves so much more than this bullshit!, also come on Disney, you can allow a lesbian kiss why can't we pair Finn and Poe?]

How did Palpatine get his resources, as Exegul, is stated to be a desolate place? Did he just steal resources, if so? Why is there no mention anytime of missing people, and resource, I know Jar Jar and Ruin Johnson doesn't like world building but come on how does half of the things you write work! The last time we saw these characters, the heroes won! They shouldn't be the minority or not know anything at all?

But who cares it's just a stupid Star Wars movie, right? I will make one of these for FA and TLJ, just you wait, those two movies are not spared of criticism.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

[scyllua]

While chap.203 hasn't stirred that much of a reaction in the Japanese fandom as the previous chapter did, it prompted many fans to emulate Sugimoto's art style. Nothing of this comes as a particular surprise, as the chapter serves as sort of a recap of the events from vol.14 (the Abashiri Prison assault)... and because Sugimoto's drawing talent would be on par with his sniping skills.

The highlights of this chapter have to do with the confirmation of the Russian sniper's identity and goals and the hint at Noda pursuing the plotline regarding the Partisans. It was rather obvious who that Russian sniper was from the very moment he (re)appeared in the manga, but given this is Golden Kamuy and the weird things that have already transpired in the plot made me think it's a very crazy Meiji era the one they are living in, I'd rather wait for the author's clear confirmation on ANY matter before taking anything for granted. Let us not forget that, for starters, I think most of us had already assumed our Russian sniper pretty dead. We can always speculate, however, and this chapter leaves enough room to reflect on a certain other sniper (this one, Japanese and now one-eyed) and how soon (or not) he could make it back to the plot.

I should work on my summaries so they aren't that long. In the meantime and to everyone who had the patience to read my previous chapter post: thank you very much and fear not, for I have no random movie comments to make here! There should be some fan comments, of course, and the usual warnings about mistakes and mistranslations apply as well. Onto the fun of two amateur artists sharing their Ogata fanarts then!

In short, as no further shots are made, Tsukishima believes Sugimoto got to the sniper and Asirpa runs off to meet him. Meanwhile, Sugimoto and the sniper -now confirmed to be Vasily- overcome the language barrier by using the latter's hand-drawn pictures to explain to each other the circumstances in which they crossed paths/met Ogata. Upon the arrival of the rest of the group and after Asirpa recognizes Vasily as probably one of the men who ambushed them in the frontier, Tsukishima explains to him Kiroranke is already dead and they don't know about the current whereabouts of Ogata, their only purpose in Karafuto being finding Asirpa and going back with her. As a rather annoyed Shiraishi complains to Vasily for shooting him, it's revealed he can't speak because of the shot wounds he sustained. As Sugimoto's group resumes their journey, Vasily keeps following them on horseback from a distance. They deduce he's now keen on meeting Ogata again and engaging in another snipers' duel, and that he's sticking around convinced the wildcat will eventually come after them. Questioned by Asirpa, Sugimoto says as long as they're still looking for the Ainu gold, there's always the possibility of Ogata coming back; as per his motivations, Sugimoto adds it might be that Ogata is simply messing with them as opposed to being after an actual goal. In their way back, the group visits Svetlana's parents to hand them a letter she wrote; even though Sugimoto would rather search for Sofia and find out the truth, he understands their primary purpose in Karafuto has been fulfilled already. The chapter ends with Sofia meeting Gansoku and Svetlana in a port city in Russian territory. After exchanging a few hits, Sofia invites Gansoku to come with her, but he turns down the offering, stating he'll travel west with Svetlana. Sofia then states she'll go to Hokkaidou in pursue of their hope... and revenge.

Ever wondered why streets are always so conveniently empty whenever there's a chasing or a shooting going on? I have, even if my question is probably answered in the same question already (because... they're so conveniently empty: easier to describe, draw or animate, and with a minimum of casualties, as well!) In any case, and even though our group seemed to be the only bystanders at the time the shooting began, there's now the usual traffic and activity you'd expect in a town street. In fact, a man in a sled is just walking down the street when, alerted by Koito and Tsukishima not to come that way or otherwise risk being shot, he good-naturally asked what the soldiers are doing. Tsukishima comments it seems as though Sugimoto has already done his magic, ie. he did what he's best at (hint: it isn't sniping or drawing, as we'll see in this chapter), and Asirpa runs off to meet him.

Here follows some good 4 pages of Sugimoto and Vasily proving the language barrier isn't an hindrance when it comes to relatively difficult tasks, such as explaining the events from vol.14 up to that point or how both of them have survived being shot in the head by the same sniper. It turns out Vasily has made enough drawings of Ogata to start his own Pixiv account -putting aside the fact that he's one century ago from that website being created-; actually, Vasily could begin posting full illustration logs, as he even took the care and time to draw the wildcat sporting different expressions, including one smiling. I'm suspecting he might have more study sketches of Ogata in the fiction than author Noda in the real world. This would pose a question for me: just how well could he see Ogata during their snipers' duel? In the extended passage as it was compiled in vol.17, they do spend many hours watching and studying each other... but let us not forget that Ogata's face was obscured in such a way, Vasily couldn't tell for sure where it was him or not. Well, following last chapter's caption at the end, I'm just going to assume here Vasily has nothing short of a photographic memory, sharpened to perfection through his sniping skills, and that he could commit to memory the features of a man he only seemed to have caught fleeting glimpses of partly because the wildcat is unforgettable. Being shot can arise that kind of reaction in people, after all. Going back to the chapter, and given the amount of Ogata portraits he has, Sugimoto asks him whether he's been requested to find him -bounty hunter-style, we may speculate-, but then Vasily uses some of his many (MANY) drawings to explain he went into a showdown with Ogata... and lost. This chapter's title could be translated as "portrait" (似顔絵, nigaoe), though its exact meaning would be more in the lines of a "drawn sketch/picture of a face". Why, yes, a portrait indeed, only that the term in Japanese suggests it isn't as precise as a taken photograph, but a close enough depiction.

I'm always making jokes and complaining about the cast in this manga being so prone to trust in others no matter what terms they might have been on in the past, but I have to admit that being able not to hold grudges, apart from preventing bitterness and anxiety in addition to other negative feelings, also helps greatly when it comes to pace the story forward. Remember how Sugimoto was about to kill Vasily in the best of Friday the 13th traditions (only that less bloody I might presume, given this is still a seinen manga and not a R-rated story), all of this happening in the previous chapter, 7 days ago in real time, 2 pages prior in the manga, like 10 seconds previously in the story's timeline? Well, let's put aside all that negativity for the sake of a couple of souls bonded by the same sniper (different bullet obviously, same rifle and all) sharing an artistic moment.

In addition to their fanboying over Ogata -for the wrong reasons, though, as they'd be both after the wildcat to settle some scores-, Sugimoto and Vasily manage to summarize the manga from vol.14 up to that point, using their respective drawings to explain to each other the events. "Explaining to each other" wouldn't be a wrong statement in this case because they do appear to be understanding the other quite well through the drawings, some gesturing, and the usefulness of somatic language, even though Vasily doesn't seem to know Japanese (as he's puzzled at Sugimoto's questions). When he produces drawings of Kiroranke, Shiraishi and Asirpa, Sugimoto explains to him the latter two aren't related to the Partisans: the bad guy here, no doubt about it, is Ogata, as he emphatically conveys by hitting his portrait with his fist. Now in quite the roll because Vasily is assimilating the ideas very fast (as he also hits Ogata's portrait), Sugimoto then explains he was also shot by the wildcat... and reveals his artistic sense might be on par with his sniping skills. ...and while I'll keep joking about his awful aiming until the day he finally manages to shoot anything down -as opposed to pummel or pierce it with his rifle or affixed bayonet-, I won't make much fun of his artistic capabilities because, I'm afraid, he might draw better than I. As I state in my blog's sidebar, I color manga panels partly because I can't draw a straight... or crooked... line for the love of it.

Sugimoto explains Ogata was in cahoots with Kiroranke -and as well as the readers, he doesn't how for how long-, shot him in the head in Abashiri Prison and then ran away taking Asirpa with him. Unlike their previous exchange, I can deduce Vasily didn't get a single word of any of it, as he mistakes Sugimoto's drawing of himself for a spider. And I must confess it took me some time to realize Sugimoto drew himself being shot: those tendril-like things sticking out of his head -that Vasily takes for a spider's legs, it seems- are meant to show the bullet's trajectory when impacting him. A parenthesis here: Let's just check Sugimoto's drawing of Ogata running away on horseback. I don't pretend to make fun of it, but I still find quite the noteworthy detail that he draws Ogata with an arrow sticking out of his right eye, and not sparing even the lock of hair that frames his face. Or at least, I'm assuming that's a lock of hair on Ogata's head. The caption Sugimoto writes in katakana reads, "Ogata escaped". That scene, may I add, has been a fan favorite -mine included- and a source of inspiration for many works in the Japanese fandom. Some speculative fanworks have to do with the circumstances Ogata runs away, and thus some fans have posed quite the questions, ranging from where he got that horse, to whether it didn't hurt too much to ride it in such conditions as, you might remember, he was wearing a hospital gown only and had no underwear to speak of. If you take a closer look at the panel, however, you'll notice Ogata is carrying a sack when he's riding away, implying he managed to gather his belongings and probably a couple more things for the road, and thus wouldn't be dying on us due to exposure or some painful horse riding to wherever it was he ran away .

Back to our amateur artists (because I'm assuming Vasily's main occupation revolves about being a sniper... with an eidetic memory for faces and some outstanding artistic talent as bonus) and resuming his recapping of the latter half of the manga and unabated by the debatable poor reception his drawing skills might be getting, Sugimoto explains Asirpa involuntarily shot an arrow that hit Ogata in the eye. Here comes a short passage -it's a single panel, in fact- that killed my Japanese pretty dead, so I wouldn't risk a translation of it... though I think, it seems to me, I could grasp that blah blah etc. etc., Sugimoto further and quite lively states Ogata's death would have "stained" Asirpa -meaning, would have dirtied her hands-, and thus he saved the wildcat because he'd do anything in his power to keep everything surrounding her pure for her sake. The actual word in Japanese he uses is 綺麗 (kirei), which you might know as meaning "cute" and "pretty", but it can also be understood in the sense of "clean", "pure" or "neat." Given Sugimoto literally uses 汚い (kitanai), "dirty", "unclean" or "foul" (used as a verb in this case) to describe how Ogata's death would have impacted Asirpa, I'm going with "pure" in my previous sentence. ...I'm aware my explanation of Sugimoto's statement makes it sound as though he's belittling saving Ogata, but I can reassure you that his lines are way more poetic and moving: it's just that my Japanese -and my English, come to that- is just that lacking, sorry about this! The scene is more moving because Asirpa arrives at the precise moment to hear Sugimoto's words, but he doesn't notice her.

The rest of the group arrives and cuts off Sugimoto and Vasily's artistically driven moment of plot exposition, though. And now, please allow me to state that God bless Tsukishima for being himself, acting as the sane man every story needs, accompanying the group in this journey, and knowing Russian, not in that particular order: I'm 100% convinced this manga wouldn't progress half as smoothly as it does weren't he around. And Tsurumi and Koito wouldn't be probably around either if he didn't have that presence of mind and swiftness of action, specifically when projectiles and explosions are involved. After Asirpa says she thinks Vasily was part of the group of men that ambushed them in the frontier, Tsukishima explains to him Kiroranke is already dead and Ogata ran away, his whereabouts unknown to them. Their only purpose in Karafuto was to find Asirpa and go back with her, he adds, and they have nothing to do with the Czar's assassination by the Partisans. Vasily says nothing in the metaphorical sense, as he keeps quiet and seems to accept the explanation. Now, and I've already written above, I've always complained about the GK cast for being this trusty and, let's say, think nothing of the repeated risk of a headshot by accepting in their ranks a traitorous character who left their previous party after shooting a couple people in the head, but I have to admit yet again the characters being this quick to understand, accept and come to terms with practically anything and everything does help move forward the plot. Very much so.

I wrote Vasily said nothing in the metaphorical sense because it's revealed -just as we were speculating- he can't speak due to the shot wounds he sustained during his duel with Ogata. Once outside, Shiraishi complains to him about shooting him; when our Escape King snaps whether he doesn't have anything to say or it's just that Russians don't know how to apologize (he literally asks whether there are no words for apologizing in Russian), Vasily shows him his face, prompting a reaction in Shiraishi that might make readers grateful we aren't shown the state of his lower face. Sugimoto comments at that moment he might not be able to speak due to those wounds. I was also wondering whether Vasily knew or at the very least could grasp a little Japanese. It seems to me he might not after all, as there are some panels throughout the chapter that show him with an interrogation mark -indicating he isn't understanding- when Sugimoto was talking to him. In the above panels as well, Tsukishima seems to be translating Shiraishi's complaints for him.

Just before the group resumes their journey, Shiraishi tells Vasily -in not so kind words- to go back to Russia, but he's shown to keep following them from a distance. Shiraishi ponders whether he doesn't believe Kiroranke is already dead, but Asirpa points out he used the back of Kiro's wanted poster to make some of his drawings, leading her to conclude he isn't interested in the latter anymore. As discussed by the our main protagonist trio, it seems Vasily is sticking to them under the belief they'll eventually cross paths with Ogata; as Sugimoto puts it, given he's still alive, he considers their snipers' duel to be not finished (I suppose a more poetic way to put it would be, "as long as he draws breath, he can keep fighting"). The immortal also thinks there's always the possibility of Ogata coming after them because of the Ainu gold, prompting Asirpa to wonder if that's actually his goal: let us not forget he showed quite the intent to kill her (chap.187) and thus, eliminate the one person who holds the key to solving the tattoo puzzle. A somewhat serious and pensive Sugimoto comments it might be that Ogata... is simply messing or toying around with them. Cue a full-page panel depicting a lynx (in Japanese, an ooyamaneko) crossing the path in the snowy forest. (I should point out I'm assuming it's a lynx because of its ears, making it very similar to the one shown in chap.169, vol.17.)

A not-so-random fan comment here: I always refer to Sugimoto as not being the sharpest knife in the drawer. Actually, I'd say he's the kind to smash the drawer against a wall and use the sharpest fragments of it to cut open whatever it is he might need cut, even if I'm compelled yet again to admit his approach, while not the most strategically planned, tends to work. But he also seems to be quite understanding of others in addition to his natural kindness, and it comes as not much of a surprise then that he could be the person with the better grasp at Ogata's personality. Or the only person who might have any grasp on it at all, in any case. I must say my opinion of Ogata's character pretty much coincides with that of Sugimoto as he stated it in chap.196 and now in this chapter: specifically, that Ogata doesn't have a particular motivation to act as he does (apart from being driven by the most negative and dangerous of his traits, of course). I think his character isn't meant to have any specific motivations or goals other than being chaotic for the sake of it; however, as Noda has given a background to every single recurrent and relevant character in the manga and spares no revelations for some of them no matter how far into the plot we might be (the most recent flashback regarding Koito's past should be an example), I can't discard the possibility of the author having in store some plot twist or equal revelation about Ogata.

Given Sofia is the only one who knows the truth now (I'm assuming here Sugimoto thinks Ogata might have sided with Kiroranke for a reason that lies with the Partisans' intentions), our immortal comments he'd liked to look for her. He's aware, though, that Tsukishima and Koito's mission was to find Asirpa and get back with her to Hokkaido, whereas Tanigaki joined in the entourage for the sake of the girl as well and thus, they should have no reason to pursue other ends at the time. They still stop by the lighthouse to hand Svetlana's letter to her parents, and just as the manga implies they won't be going after more subplots, Asirpa points out Sofia was planning to reunite with her comrades in the continent and then go back to Japan: she wouldn't just run away to Europe after everything that just happened.

Right in cue, Sofia meets Gansoku and Svetlana in a port town in Russia. Just as Gansoku seemed to be involved in yet another cathartic moment pummeling around men who can't put a dent on him, he's challenged by Sofia but refuses, stating he only fights other men. He's quick to change his mind and declare the world does have many surprises in store ("The world is so wide!") after Sofia not only punches him, but manages to get in quite the equal grounds with him. This yet again poses another question for me: given Gansoku is one of the toughest men in this story -in the strictest physical sense at the very least: we can't forget everything Nikaidou has gone through the manga, after all-, how come Sofia can beat him so badly? The obvious answer would be that Sofia happens to be just that tough -or the toughest woman of the Meiji era-, but since this is a Shueisha and a Jump-published manga, I also want to believe she might be using Haki to hit that hard. Just as Nami in One Piece, her blows manage to harm a man's heart and soul.

Before their fight can further escalate (but after Sofia has pulled off the almost obligatory Rip Open my Shirt scene, only that she isn't exactly wearing a shirt and the scene isn't that common when female characters are involved because of censorship), Svetlana intervenes and stops them, saying it'll be quite the problem for her if Sofia kills her bodyguard. Implying here she was at least sure of what the outcome of the fight would have been. The three of them have a talk then and Sofia invites Gansoku to join her, but he turns down the offer and explains both he and Svetlana intend to make their way to the west, to the cities where a larger population means a larger possibility to find stronger people (to beat the **** out of them in more cathartic instances, I'm presuming). As Svetlana asks Sofia where she's planning to go now, she replies that she's going to Hokkaido... for their hope and revenge.

I should note I'm not including any more panels of Sofia in this chapter because I'm assuming Tumblr would flag this entry otherwise. I was never told why they put my blog "under review" when I barely had any posts on it, so my best guess has to with an entry I wrote explaining about the terrorist groups that operated in my country. I made that post partly because to poke some fun at Sugimoto's wielding a hammer and a sickle in chap.145 (vol.15), and how that would have been merited a ban for this manga were some conservative Congressmen in my country to see the panels (the largest terrorist group operating in my country originally followed the Communist ideology). Well, as Sofia begins exchanging blows with Gansoku, she uncovers her torso and her breasts remain visible for the rest of the chapter, even when she's speaking with him and Svetlana in the freezing Russian landscape. Her breasts are so big, they cover part of the chapter's title in the last page... making me suspect Tumblr could flag this entry just because her nipples are equally big.

Some (more) fan comments on this chapter: The story is unfolding as I'd anticipated in a very broad way, as it seems Vasily will stick around with the group for at least some more chapters. While none has proposed an alliance, I don't think any will have any inconvenience cooperating with each other as long as their goals align: even if it's true Sugimoto's group isn't that elated at the possibility of meeting Ogata again, they're obviously expecting to cross paths with him in the future, and extra help is always welcomed. Specially if things come to a sniper against another sniper, I'd say: the manga is hinting at another confrontation between Vasily and Ogata. After all, Noda is a noteworthy narrator and all of his plot elements turn out to be relevant (even those related to food and cultural traditions which could have been seen at first as more trivia-informative to the reader than important to the plot), so I don't think he brought Vasily back to the story for no reason. Or just to show off Vasily's artistic talent, in any case, * ahem *. The plot would still have to take shape, but it seems to me all elements are aligning so that Noda can solve several pending subplots: Vasily's reappearance can tie up with the plot regarding the remaining member of the Partisans trio, Sofia, and also provides the proper scenario for Ogata to make it back to the story. It'd be a viable, solid and swift way to focus in the current open subplots before focusing on the main premise of the Ainu gold in Hokkaido.

I'd just speculate then about how soon the subplots would meet a resolution. I'm wondering whether we'll see the rest of this arc taking place in Karafuto, as Sugimoto's group has already made their way back to its southern region, whereas Sofia is in Russian soil, but making her way to Hokkaido. If Vasily doesn't have any trouble with following them to Hokkaido -given he's already in Japanese soil-, then I see no reason as to why the action might not unfold in the island that is the main stage of this manga, but I'm thinking this arc could wrap up while the group is still in Karafuto. We'd need to see at least one more chapter to see how things progress from this point on; unless Noda suddenly feels like jumping back to Hokkaido and showing us what Hijikata has been up to since vol.18 and whether Tsurumi reunited with his men already, with the arc “introduction“ over and the situation laid out to both the cast and the readers, chap.204 should serve as the starting point for the resolution of the current subplots.

My last fan comment of the entry has to do with Vasily. While I'm happy to see him back in the plot and sticking to the protagonist cast for the time being (and hoping he stays in the plot and with the cast for at least the remainder of this volume), his personality as shown in the current events has caught my attention. I wouldn't say he's that different or plain out-of-character in comparison to his first appearance in vol.17, but it's also true he now acts carefree enough as to join Sugimoto in a fanart-sharing moment, and is more emotional as opposed to his cool-headed demeanor during the ambush in the frontier. And adding to his minor hairstyle change, he also looks more youthful now, even if the only we get to see of his face are his eyes. We'd need to see more of him in upcoming chapters to have a better grasp at his character... but if you'd ask me, I'd say Noda has made some changes to his personality, or rather, is shaping his character in a different, though not drastic, way. Why? Well, it seems to me Vasily would fit our protagonist cast and all the weird things bound to happen in this convulsed Meiji era just fine and even better now; in comparison, the group he first appeared as part of acted colder, more focused and serious. Until we see more of him, I'm just going to assume Noda decided to give his character another direction because Tsukishima was plenty of a sane, serious man for the group. Any more sane men in the same group at the same time and I might begin doubting what happened to this manga.

[allofmycrushes]

Bananafish ending pt1

Are we still treating Banana Fish ending like the only possible one with Ash being better off dead instead of a forced cliché emo sob story it was? It was most disappointing I as far as story resolutions go. It felt so disjointed from the plot like starting a new arc after neatly finishing the plot just to end it in the first act with an easy and abrupt death of the main hero. It managed to spoil and finally sour things, with a sloppy writing on top, not any close to satisfying and the characters didn't deserve to go through all of this for nothing. Ash character especially, for him it reversed his growth, it nullified everything he fought so hard for. Could we at least stop convincing ourselves it was so fitting and that misfortune would come anyway? It's disturbing enough without bringing fatalistic nihilism further into it. Life isn't that way and especially in fiction there isn't one possible solution. It didn't have to be like this and it's not great despite the pain it causes or rather as people like to say "realistic because of the pain" nor was it perfectly set up, we don't have to at least accept it as right however it feels for it showed us "harsh reality", it's not and was not realistically done either, no need endorsing we all have to abide it as such. Ultimately we have to stomach already damaged character getting senselessly tortured for nothing till we are fed this miserable end and I don't think at this point it's something to admire as representational. It's like clipping wings of a butterfly for the drama and then having it presented as just showing a slice of our unfair life. Or better yet, watching a nature documentary that shows only prey being hunted and torn apart, nothing else, none of its other side, no counterpoint and then being told that's it, that's only what Mother Nature is. This is the reality we speak of when talking about Banana Fish ending which unfortunately cements that it showed beauty specifically to crush it. There's no balance when you continue to show loss triumph and if there's no other way I'm inclined to think Banana Fish takes place in Hell rather than in real world.

I don't think it was a rightful ending for so many reasons coming from the way the story was written, for the issues of this ending in itself and ideas it brings forward. But I want to go further into one thing I observed, namely the prevalent narrative having people who say BF ending wasn't good labelled as naive sentimental idealists who can't take it just because they could only accept a straightforward happy end while its ~greatness and realness lays in how grim it is. We are told we may not like it (and that we only don't because it upsets us with not being fluffy) but however out feelings are we have to acknowledge it was objectively inevitable, well written, only logical and plausible one. If not our delicate sensibilities can't handle serious real life themes. Well thank you for letting me not enjoy it but also I still won't agree that despite my dislike it was like all the previous adjectives mentioned, it wasn't legitimate and the best possible while being realistic and in other posts I scratch the surface of why not but here I just want to say I feel uncomfortable with how this pointless end is validated as the sole one which could be credible while any opposition to it framed as irrational fantasy wishful thinking. I think people who read it this way take the text painfully at face value and maybe can't see it is highly disputable but it's not fair trying to impose on others the idea how common sense and true to life it was and misrepresent other's dissatisfaction as being in denial. In general I see posts on the ending enforcing the view how it happened as if by some objective laws of the universe, you might not like them but they're binding anyway, it is sad but anything else would be delusional. I'm sorry but no, this is fiction and as a whole it is composed and based on a subjective set of ideas and values and in BF's particular case they're not even always coherent as a whole both within the story and in relation to our real world. Popular interpretation is that Ash couldn't possibly escape his fate and so we can't escape such ending. He works hard to do it the whole time but this struggle is denied and nothing matters in the end anyway and I am to believe his conclusion always would have been the same as if a neutral mathematical truth brought it. Destiny. It is hard to justify such concept especially when talking about fiction where by default you have basically the author making certain choices and then trying to construct the story around them. You can only argue it was well founded, coherently coming from the story and working in context of what we see but in BF case it totally scratched out what it previously established, this construction wasn't even especially flawless, unquestionable and successful. It's like the internal contradictions in the plot and character actions are being ignored and the fatalistic motives that are pushed forward are like a voice of the omniscient god narrator forcing this way of thinking into us and forbidding to think critically about what is repeated and compare it with how it relates to what’s been actually happening. So when they're finally realized you're to be amazed how rational it is despite many of the things under the surface aren't necessarily pointing in the same direction. You could only call it unequivocal if there were no holes in the storytelling and causality so that it would have been the only justifiable conclusion but no one can tell me that despite all the forced omens purposefully scattered around there couldn't have been a somewhat different ending without it being a nonsensical, unbelievable fix it. The story and the flawed execution of the given ending easily lets you imagine other probable possibilities.

There were clumsy deliberate attempts in the plot to lay the background for it, how it was fatalistically coming but the stabbing timing itself was obviously convenient and contrived thing that didn't feel fluent and organic, more like an abrupt event in precisely calculated moment by the author for maximum shock that's why it feels so fake. Then Ash has a turn around and goes to the library, there's much talk that he Did It For Eiji but it's hard to believe it to be the case since the BF affair has ended and he for the first time in his life gets a chance to live freely plus gets the letter which is a hopeful promise for a better future. To have the random stabbing suddenly make him dismiss all this and give up promptly is a weak excuse. He finally has something to live for, is at a good place for the first time in his life. It made no sense coming from unconvincing situation and for his character, it’s such a waste to make him decide that because he felt happy for a moment, he is so strong but now suddenly submits and stops fighting for all he did before. It’s like he is chastised for even  trying to escape, for a fleeting moment believing he could have something as we are told there’s no hope for him. It was miserable and not emotional or moving in a good way, how even a tragic end is supposed to be. Truth is Ash is in the best position at the end- allies, money, biggest enemies dead, can possibly start anew. Others did. I doubt it'd have been worse for him than what he's already been put through but one of the manipulative things BF does is that we are at some point beginning to be deliberately pressured into not believing he could have it better because of all the gratuitous violence and abuse and bad luck he has thrown on him during the timeline (I think it's one of the long term purposes of some otherwise pointless scenes besides the direct one which is to shake us), also as I've claimed people tend to give him no future in any case to compensate for the ending.

[tgcnews]

Scott R Smith Inducted Into TGC Hall of Fame

Scott R Smith has been inducted into The Game Crafter Hall of Fame because his game, Dungeon Drop, won the Game Parts Only Challenge. Congratulations! Their designer interview is below.

Tell us about yourself and how long you've been designing games.

Like many other designers, technically I’ve been designing games since I was a kid. I designed a “mercenary shop” to hire pet monsters for Hero Quest and a Monopoly extension (yes, an extension) that included a hospital for accidents that occurred when two pieces landed on the same space. One summer, my cousins, brother and I completed a fully original space combat game in which each player controlled a fleet of fighters that leveled up with home-baked clay tokens. It was epic. At some point I “grew up” and started turning my energy into creative writing (which I still do), but over the last five years I rediscovered my love of game design. I began teaching a board game design class at my high school, formed a weekly game night with friends, and started churning out my own rough prototypes. This year, I decided to commit more seriously after admiring the work that was happening at The Game Crafter.

Please tell us about Dungeon Drop

Technically, it’s a dungeon crawl, but it takes a uniquely spatial approach to the genre. Players start by selecting characters and dumping a randomized bunch of colored cubes to the tabletop representing a variety of loot and monsters. The game hinges on the “pillar” cubes that players connect to form possible rooms in the dungeon. The idea is simple: find an awesome room and collect what’s inside. I recommend it to anyone who likes a good puzzle.

Where did the idea for this game come from?

For this one, there’s no question the idea came from the contest. I’m a story/theme driven person (I actually have my MA in English), and if I was going to make a game with no printed components, I wanted to be able to infuse the pieces with as much theme as possible. Once I began to imagine a physical dungeon taking shape on the tabletop, I was able to dive into the design.

What makes this game special/unique?

Dungeon Drop’s hook is its visual puzzle. Once players grasp the few rules, they’re able to pour over the possible patterns the pillar cubes present. The best moments come when a player discovers a way to grab a specific slice of loot their opponents missed.

Did you create a design journal for your game? If so, did you publish it somewhere we can link to?

I don’t have a design journal online, though it’s something I’d love to do at some point. I do all my brainstorming on a large graph paper notebook (below is a fragment of some early notes on Dungeon Drop). So much of the design of a game needs to be done on the computer, but I really do enjoy the ease and fluidity of sketching first. Any time I reach a roadblock with a design, I go back to my notebook. It’s home base.

Did you already have the idea for Dungeon Drop in your head before the Game Pieces Only Contest was announced?

When I read the description for the Game Pieces Only Challenge, my reaction was Oh, too bad. Have to wait for the next one. No art? No theme? Just pieces on a table? Not for me. Full abstraction isn’t something I’m usually drawn to, but then again maybe that’s why it was a good contest for me and a good lesson about stretching myself beyond my comfort zone.

What made you decide to enter your game into the contest?

Dungeon Drop was born for the contest. There was no way I was going to miss the deadline!

Would you have been motivated to work on the game as much as you did without the contest?

I can’t thank TGC enough for provided the platform both to self-publish and to create this genuine community of game creators (two incredibly important motivational resources). My first test run was the recent 18 card Hook Box Challenge. I dove into that contest late and learned a lot from the attempt—but one of the big take-aways was discovering the 18 card Facebook group (thanks to Odd Hackwelder for establishing and administrating). That’s something I never would have thought to look for without the contest—I love the micro-communities you come across in the board game world.

Has winning inspired you to enter more contests or design more games?

Of course! Contests are dicey things—the chances of winning are always slim with so many talented people entering and such a wide variety of creative designs. In this one, I really admired the playful energy of Brian LaPorte’s “Ghost,” the unique theming of Aron Emerson’s “Macaw” and the elegance of Gerlach Games’ “Antahpa,” just to name a few. However, the opportunity for real feedback and support from the outside world is worth the risk.

Could you describe any influence The Game Crafter has had on your success as a game designer?

Jumping into the 18 card challenge first helped hit the “design small” concept home for me. Thinking in a compact, limited way first, asking myself just how few elements I need to transmit my core gameplay experience, is enormously helpful. I’d also add that I’m seeing just how important the art of rule design can be. I try to remember that my game is only as good as the version my players understand from the rulebook—the goal is to create a set of rules that is both clear and as fun to read as possible.

What’s next for you?

The only thing more exciting than winning the contest is thinking about what’s next. I’m happy to say that I just signed a contract with Jason Miceli and Darrin Horbal about a future for Dungeon Drop v2.0 with Phase Shift Games. We’re already throwing around some great ideas for new twists on the concept, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to be working with them. In the meantime, I’m playtesting a possible entry in the Solo Game Design Challenge.

Any last words of encouragement or advice to all of the designers reading this?

The deeper I get into game design, the more clearly I see the balance between designing for “me” (meaning designing the kinds of games I would want to play myself) and designing for an audience. Get caught too far in “design for me” mode, and I get lost with an unapproachable product. Get caught too far in designing for an audience, and I lose my creative drive to produce something new. Managing this balance is key and it helps if you have a trustworthy playtesting group that does not involve your own family. My wife is wonderful, creative, critical thinker, but there are real limits to my expectations for her to give me feedback (no game is worth a marriage!). My small game night group at home and larger playtest group in Boston (Game Maker’s Guild) are invaluable resources. Like many designers, I’m an introvert, but finding other people to share the experience with is, after all, what board gaming is all about.

[ambiguouspuzuma]

I’m just an amateur trying things out, so my advice probably counts for very little, but as I’ve also recently made the transition to longer works I thought I’d share my experience in case it helps. I can say I definitely understand what you’re talking about. Following an outline feeling too much like you’re just doing a join-the-dots exercise rather than the fun of drawing the picture for yourself, but the risk if you start without any dots on the page is that your lines go nowhere and you don’t end up with a coherent picture at all.

Why I first started out writing, for four years all I could manage were short stories and novellas, with the idea of writing a whole novel impossibly daunting. I never outlined. Mostly I came up with premises but didn’t have the motivation to flesh them out and explore them, so I would write a scene full of exposition and do it as a stand-alone short (only about a thousand words each). The inspiration could also have been a cool line of dialogue that I then needed to build a scene around to justify.

When I was feeling less lazy, I wrote novellas. There were four of them in those four years, at anywhere between 25k to 50k words each. The first ones started similarly to the shorts, with me coming up with random jokes and turns of phrase I liked and wanting an excuse to write them, so I built a story around them. The increased length came when I started collecting those fragments, the seeds of inspiration, and joining them together. 

That’s the first step. Instead of writing a new short every time that piece of dialogue pops into your head, you could store them all up, and then when you have a few you could try to write a story that includes them all. That doesn’t limit you in terms of plot and ending any more than the previous method, but it gives you little milestones to aim for in terms of getting into a situation to justify the next cool line. 

I still didn’t outline: I just made characters and places up as I needed them and then let the plot unfold at its own pace, with my protagonist taking each step at a time, and then having to decide what they would do next, what they might uncover. I didn’t know my destination, but now I had these stops I needed to hit on the way, a direction I needed to head in. I didn’t found that sapped my motivation at all, and if anything having another cool bit you wanted to write up ahead gives you something to look forward to.

Those first books were rambling messes, a sort of unfiltered unpouring of words from my head as I wrote about whatever came to mind. But as I worked on each project I had more documents of inspiration seeds growing in the background. Each started with one line of dialogue or an idea for a premise as before, but the next time something interesting came into my head I would try to link it to one of the existing ones, and so on until I had loose ‘plans’ consisting of various random ideas and dialogue and scenes I had linked together into a sort of plot. 

Having these projects in the back of my mind also meant I started coming up with more specifically tailored detail in those fleeting moments inspiration hits, and the random cues I used to get in the showers now came in exactly the flavours I needed, because those were the settings and characters I was thinking of. So I jotted those down too, and soon the seeds had germinated without any active attempt to sit down and come up with a plan.

If I’d tried to write the books when I’d first had the initial idea, no doubt I would have run out of steam and inspiration mid-way through. But as it was, by the time I came to do something with the stories I already had a decent sized document of rough material to work with. It was by no means a strict outline, just a wishlist of things to include, a curated collection of all the times I’d read about a cool concept or been in an atmospheric setting and jotted it down to write about but found a way to shoehorn them all into one story.

By the time I’d picked up enough courage to attempt my first novel, the ideas document had been gestating for about two years. I didn’t plan an outline in the sense of this is an order of when things happen, this needs to happen in this chapter, anything like that. I just had a bulging document of random paragraphs, a block of marble for me to chisel into something recognisable, and so I slapped it on the slab and set to work. 

I started writing at the top of the whole document, with all the bits and pieces available below, and removed them as I used them. When I started the next chapter, I did so in a new document and carried forward all the material that was left, and so on, writing in whatever direction I needed to to cover it all, until it was all used up. It was sort of the opposite of a structured outline, a rolling collection of stuff that I just dragged with me as I made my way through the story, but it gave me everything I needed to cope with its length. 

Stuck for what to do next? You’ve got dozens of places you can go to, all these scenes just waiting for an opening, all those settings and characters ready to be introduced. Stuck for motivation? Here’s that great imagery you were excited to write about, and if you can write the next chapter you’ll get to a place where you can use it. That gave every chapter the focus and the passion of a short story, because they were all sprinkled with those little nuggets of inspiration, the bits that came to you in the shower, which are what drive you to write everything around them.

I wrote two novels using this accumulate and roll-forward method. But I’m now working on my third, and for this one I have decided to try properly outlining. Not only do I know exactly how it ends, I know exactly what needs to happen in each chapter. The length and unusual structure to the novel makes this necessary, with different POV characters needing to follow each other’s actions, and whilst it has been slower to write I haven’t found it a massive burden. I’ve still got various cool facts and characters shoe-horned in to the plan to give me boosts of motivation when I approach them, so maybe that’s enough.

Something else you could try is a howdunnit approach, where you know the ending, but not how you’re going to get there. Then you’re still guiding your characters one decision at the time, but the challenge is to get them to end up at a point far removed from where they began. If your detective has to reveal the person you know to be the killer, how do they find them out? If your poor orphan has to end up on the throne, how do you get them there? That should keep your interest, without the story ever drifting aimlessly, because the ultimate goal is always in mind.

As for the tags... for me writing is definitely an ongoing process of self-discovery, all about finding what works best for you, your own method, your own style. You’re never going to find a set of instructions you can just read and then follow. It’s a skill, and you need to hone it through your own experience, constant practice and experimentation.

I’ve been working on a short story this week; it wasn’t a really strong story, but I was getting content down and these days that’s a win for me. Until one day I started to get the feeling that “this isn’t going anywhere.” I had two characters bantering but not doing much else. I had no end point. And that thought triggered something that I don’t think I’ve ever nailed down before.

Usually when I start a story, especially short ones, it’s because I get a random scene/moment/dialogue in my head and if I feel like it’s strong enough, if I can picture it pretty well, then I start to write. Typically, most of the time I have no end in mind because what usually happens to me is that the end occurs to me as I’m writing. But sometimes I’m writing and writing and an ending doesn’t occur to me, and the story starts meandering like a dizzy drunk.

That’s when I get frustrated/demoralized and don’t finish, and why I’ve so rarely written long things like novels.

I’m wondering now what would happen if I brainstormed the end of a story first but nothing else. Would I still be able to write the story? I can’t outline; I bore myself if I try it, because it’s like telling myself the story already. Would knowing the ending ahead of time ruin it for me?

[topicprinter]

Hey guys, I've built a Hackernews-inspired newsletter containing the top 10 articles relevant to founders that were on the HN front-page last week.Why HackerNews? Because it's one of the last places on the internet with meaningful discussion & quality topics. See for yourself below if you don't believe me. Btw, if you want to get this via email every week, go here.1. Patio11's Law: The software economy is bigger than you think (1022 votes)There’s a thrill in finding quiet companies, operating in the background, cashing checks. Software has exploded the number of these businesses. Ten people working remotely can make millions of dollars a year.Austen Allred shared how, when matching Lambda graduates to jobs, he’ll discover software companies he’s never heard of in Oklahoma pocketing $10m/year in profit. Doing things like “making actuarial software for funeral homes.”3It’s not surprising. Of the 3,000+ software companies acquired over the last three years, only 7% got TechCrunch, Recode, HN, or other mainstream tech coverage.4Also, markets like SAP, worth $163B. There is a term for these companies, they're called Hidden Champioons, and you can see a few of them on Wikipedia.Some other useful quotes:I’ve had four jobs in my life and have always been stunned by what is still done by hand. Every company had a task which could be heavily automated but was instead consuming 4-30 people. So if you think the software market is large, consider all the stuff software never reached.I applied for a job at a company in my city, and they told me their product was entirely API connectors for the local banks. In fact all of the companies I've worked for here have been making software for local industries! From solar installers, energy efficient lighting manufacturers, local commerce and POS systems, mechanics software, creative market places, local lead generation.Oh yes, there are tons of giants creating software for health applications you never heard of, defense purposes you cannot hear about, logistic you would never consider (managing competitions, port services, private jet traffic, truck fleets...) and so on. I should know, I make half of my income going from company to company to train their team. They are everywhere. They make billions.Don’t require a user to be interested twice: lessons on reducing signup friction (390 votes)Long story short: A guy made a SaaS prototype and he got a few users by posting on forums. Thing is, his "flow" was to get them to "sign up" to the waitlist and then he manually sent them an invite hours or days later.His success increased when he changed the flow so people get an automatic email to register immediately after they sign up.Kind of obvious, but there's an important principle here:Don't require a user to be motivated twice. Instead, make use and ride of the motivation wide when they sign up. This is pretty obvious if you read BJ Fogg material.Some useful notes from HN comments on users:Treat signups as a leading indicator of success, not the ultimate goal.Asking for an email up front is already too much. Let the user use your service, they'll create some "content" or "configuration" in it. Once they do that, they'll want to preserve / persist it, and then you can ask for an email address. They're much more likely to give you a real email address and validate it, because they're already invested.I'm convinced one of the reasons Zoom is so successful (besides being a great product) is that there is no sign up required at all. Someone invites you to a conference and you just click the link, enter your name and go.Ask HN: What is the best way to target restaurants and small businesses? (28 votes)I really like these threads where you have very bright minds giving advice for a common pain point. Here are some amazing answers:Almost every brick and mortar company’s website includes a phone number. Call 5 of them and order a meal, when you pick it up ask to talk to the manager for a minute. Elevator pitch: you’ve got 5-10 seconds to get them to ask for more time. “When I was ordering food I noticed that I couldn’t prepay online, I almost thought of going somewhere else, how come you don’t have a way to pay before coming in?” “Don’t know how to do that”. “I built a plugin that takes 5-10 mins to set up and people can pay while they order so I don’t have to come inside, can we do a Skype call when you’re not busy to walk through this?”. Once you’ve gotten a handful of trials like this you can start calling but your options with restaurants(especially mom and pop) are to walk in the door or get to them directly on the phone.or this:You can also try to target other companies thay already have large restaurant customer bases, but then you become a SKU in their offerings. It may be more about lead genertion than anything else.​OnlyFans, influencers, and the politics of selling nudes during a pandemic (133 votes)While sites like AirBnb have huge loses, OnlyFans grew 75% during last month. It was launched as a result of platforms like Instagram shutting out adult entertainment workers.I wonder if there is any way to integrate into this platform as a developer and "ride" on its growth :D​The coming disruption of colleges and universities (82 votes)Scott Galloway is a man who predicted a lot of things. He predicted Amazon’s $13.7 billion purchase of Whole Foods a month before it was announced. Last year, he called WeWork on its “seriously loco” $47 billion valuation a month before the company’s IPO imploded.Now, he predicts something happening with universities. . The post-pandemic future, he says, will entail partnerships between the largest tech companies in the world and elite universities. [MIT@Google](mailto:MIT@Google). iStanford. HarvardxFacebook. According to Galloway, these partnerships will allow universities to expand enrollment dramatically by offering hybrid online-offline degrees.How will this disrupt education? Well thousands of brick-and-mortar universties will go out of business.At the same time, more people than ever will have access to a solid education, albeit one that is delivered mostly over the internet.If this is true, it may open a lot of opportunities for makers in the edu space.​Ask HN: Mind bending books to read and never be the same as before?Here are some recommendation for "brain expanding" books:"Rework", "Getting Real", the other books by the old 37signals crew, and of course "The Lean Startup" really changed the way I thought about software development and business. I credit them for much of my startup/programming success.Taleb's Incerto series changed how I thought about investing, risk, and life in general. "Fooled by Randomness" and "Antifragile" are especially good."Basic Economics: A Citizen's Guide to the Economy" by Thomas Sowell. I read this as a teenager with only limited exposure to economics and it cleared up many misconceptions I held."Alchemy: The Dark Art and Curious Science of Creating Magic in Brands, Business, and Life" by Rory Sutherland. Explains why we choose brands over cheaper alternatives, why we're willing to pay a lot more to lock in a deal, why we hate registering before buying the thing (but are more than happy to do so right after), why Sony removed the record button from the first Walkman, and much more.Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. This book makes every bit of life advice you receive afterwards feel shallow. It feels like a reference to western thought.​Scraping Recipe Websites (461 votes)Do you do scraping as part of your job? Then you may want to read this how this site scrapes 99% of recipe website using a logical template.An interesting thing they mention is the concept of LCA (lowest common ancestor) and how they use it to identify part of the HTML most likely to contain all of the ingredients/instructions​My blog is now generated by Google Docs (398 votes)Over and over and over again, I see businesses succeeding just because they tap into people existing habits.Most people are familiar with typing in Google Docs. If you can make a tool where they just press a button and 'voila', it turns it itno a blog post, they're way more likely to use you vs. someone who creates a separate interface (see BJ Fogg and his behavioral design theory).US video game sales have record quarter as consumers stay at home (376 votes)Video game sales are at historic hights. Traffic on gaming-related services like Discord, Twitch, Mixer, and others have hit historic highsThe current crisis probably accelerated video games adoption by 10 years.Ask HN: How to stop anxiety from too many choices? (286 votes)The best advice I've seen here is:Stop shopping start doing. All these decisions I call shopping, where you do a lot of research but never commit. At some point you have to start working on something.Have an ideas journal. Write new ideas down there, and don't start with any of them in less than two weeks. This lets you get over the initial enthusiasm - and perhaps new better ideas will push less useful ones out of the way in that time. If something stays at the top of your list for weeks, then perhaps it is useful.My advice is to lower the value of ideas. A lot of time people think, "If only I had a good idea I would be successful". You will see other people saying things like, "Buy my good idea!". But really, good ideas are a dime a dozen. Good ideas, bad ideas... it actually doesn't make much difference. What makes the difference is execution and timing.To be successful, really what you need is execution and to have the patience to wait until what you are doing is relevant. Of course there is the fear that it will never be relevant. However, if you accept the thesis that the good idea is not valuable in itself, then you realise that it is not really valuable to pivot without a really good reason. A good idea that is never relevant is just as worthless as a bad idea that is never relevant. However, even a bad idea that is executed very well and ready when the opportunity arises can be successful.see the first step, the very next step, and that's it. You don't need to know what step 2,748 is about let alone how to solve it to take the next door. (formally: no premature optimization).Make a decision, and stick to it. In other words, be quick to decide but slow to change. The trick in life is not to "do what you love" (or make the decisions you think are right: spoiler, you'll be wrong 50% of the time). The trick is to "love what you do"I have similar problems sometimes- and remind myself the power of "good enough". Striving for "the best" will often leave you unsatisfied. So instead of thinking "which is better?" think "is this one good enough?"If you want to get this via email every week, see http://founderweeklys.com/

[kristablogs]

I Found My Voice As A Writer In Justin Timberlake Fan Fiction

Simone Noronha for BuzzFeed News

At 13 years old, there was one thing I knew for sure: If ever I were to meet Justin Timberlake, it would have to be under the pretense that I wasn’t a fan.

Trust, I’d given it a lot of thought. Imagining all of the possible ways I could end up in the same room as JT was at the top of my list of favorite pastimes, right next to listening to NSYNC. I knew the most likely way to meet him would be in the capacity of a fan, maybe at a meet-and-greet or by winning backstage passes, but I also understood that if I wanted Justin to take me seriously — and that was key, if we were going to fall in love — I couldn’t come across as some embarrassing, giddy, fawning fan. Which, of course, I was.

So I spent hours imagining our possible love stories — as I was falling asleep, when I was daydreaming in class, wherever. These were PG-rated rom-coms, starring future me and (somehow) 1998-era Justin Timberlake. The scenarios were convoluted; they had dialogue; I knew what I’d be wearing and exactly how I’d win him over. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was creating fanfic — more than a decade before I knew there was such a thing.

I fell hard for NSYNC, and Justin, in 1998, right around when the “Tearin’ Up My Heart” video came out. Before that, I’d been dismissive of boy bands. I was raised primarily on rap and R&B, my parents hailing from what my dad called, to my great embarrassment, the “Boogie-Down Bronx.” So I knew what good music was, and this pretty-boy stuff was not it. But then TRL became a thing, and these boys were unavoidable. And then I saw the video. More specifically, I saw Justin’s arm in a tank top, bent over his glossy blond curls and pouting lips — just so.

I am not hyperbolizing when I say something deep within me shifted in that moment. I’d had celebrity crushes before, but I was mostly too embarrassed to even admit them to myself. (In a fill-in-the-blank journal from when I was 8, I’d crossed out an “I have a crush on ____” prompt and substituted in tiny letters above it, “I sort of think the Fresh Prince is cute.”) Those were the fleeting interests of an amateur; this crush — this passion — settled into my core. As a chubby, bespectacled middle schooler who had heavy bangs long past the time everyone else had grown them out, I was scared of people in general and terrified especially of boys. But man, those biceps sure seemed like they’d be fun to touch.

Part of loving a famous icon is the acute agony of knowing he is unreachable.

Within months, I was all in. I owned approximately 40 pieces of NSYNC merchandise: multiple posters, pins, one giant pencil, a journal, a folder, pens, stickers, patches, every magazine with the band on the cover, lip balm, their official book, textbook covers, dolls, shirts, and, of course, CDs. I recorded (on actual VHS tapes!) every music video and MTV appearance, as well as their HBO special, and I watched a random segment from those tapes with a bowl of cereal every morning before school. I went to two concerts and cried both times. I read every bit of trivia. I memorized Justin’s birthday (Jan. 31) and favorite movie (The Usual Suspects). And when MTV linked up with Star Wars for a trivia sweepstakes, the prize for which involved a one-on-five date with the boys, I saw The Phantom Menace in theaters four times to try to answer their list of questions. I didn’t win.

People who’ve never experienced this specific brand of boy-idol love might be baffled by the fact that it often brings millions of girls to tears. What they don’t understand is that part of loving a famous icon is the acute agony of knowing he is unreachable. I loved Justin Timberlake so much, just like millions of other girls in the world, and not only would I never be with him, but I’d never be able to appreciate a real relationship, because I’d know the person I ended up with would not be the man I loved the most. [Quick note to say hi to my boyfriend, whom — I want to be clear — I love much more than I love Justin Timberlake.] I felt this massive injustice as a true, powerful, physical pain. The only way I was able to mitigate it was to distract myself with stories that placed me and JT in a universe where we could be together.

By the time I was fully under siege by NSYNC obsession, I’d begun writing, and abandoned, three novels. I loved reading, I wrote in my journal every day, and I knew I wanted to be a writer when I grew up — either that or a singer (still on the fence, to be honest). But when I tried to write fiction, I hated what came out. I’d suddenly lose any imagination I had. The dialogue didn’t make sense. Nothing sounded as real or natural as the stuff I was reading. I didn’t know how people got ideas, and, if they were lucky enough to come up with one, how they didn’t get bored with it.

But love stories about me and JT? Those came easy.

One of my favorites: I’m 18, finally, and super hot (finally). NSYNC is still touring because they will never ever break up, and they’re holding a contest (a singing contest), and the winner gets to sing a song with them onstage. I’m not planning on trying out, but I go with a friend who is. When we get to the audition room, after my friend sings well but not too well, Justin (who is, obviously, judging) asks what I’ll be singing. And I say, Oh me? No, no, I’m just here for support, I couldn’t possibly.

And then my friend says, She actually has a great voice.

And Justin smiles wryly, and I’m like, Well, if you insist, though I’m hardly prepared!

Justin, the rest of the boys, and my friend needle me until finally I close my eyes and just go for it, belting (usually, though, this detail changed from time to time) some vintage Mariah Carey. I nail it, a cappella, and everyone — especially Justin — is blown away. And then I win, and then we fall in love.

In these imagined futures, Justin played an important role, but the real star was future me.

Or: I bring my younger cousin to a concert, and we wait outside afterward because she wants to meet the guys. When they come by to say hello (because of course they do) I kind of smirk and shrug and say, I’m sorry to bother you guys — she’s just such a fan. And Justin, who is floored by the fact that this cool (and hot, so frickin’ hot) chick isn’t remotely impressed by him, says, And you’re not? And I say something so chill, like, Pop music isn’t really my speed. And then he asks if I want to hang out. And then we fall in love.

The fantasies were many and varied and provided a vital, immersive respite from the life I was actually living — one consisting mainly of wondering what made the popular kids popular, how people mustered the courage to speak up in large groups, and why I’d gotten stuck with a body all plump and wrong, so unlike all the others I saw on TV. In these imagined futures, Justin played an important role, but the real star was future me. And she was everything I needed to believe I’d become — attractive, witty, and, above all, bold. If I could trust that self was waiting for me, those in-between years seemed a little more manageable.

There is a name for what I was doing, though I didn’t know it at the time. I was creating fanfiction — those amateur, fan-written, oft mocked stories featuring characters created by other writers (or real pop stars) as well as first- or second-person narration, which have found vibrant communities on websites like Tumblr and Wattpad. But I kept mine to myself. The stories I actually wrote down, and eventually showed to other people, never starred dreamy pop idols. It didn’t seem like something a "Real Writer" would do, as if “good” writing and joy were mutually exclusive. But I now find kinship among those who contribute to these platforms. To say fanfiction stories are nothing but personalized soft porn for horny girls (which, to be very clear, is an important part of what they are, and which I’m 100% for) is to greatly underestimate their power.

That fanfiction has real commercial power is now well-acknowledged; Fifty Shades of Grey, originally written as Twilight fanfic, is probably the most mainstream, but Anna Todd also turned her One Direction fanfic After into a six-figure book deal and a wildly successful trilogy. Then there are the “retellings,” i.e. fanfic approved by the literati: Gregory Maguire’s Wicked, the series and musical about Frank L. Baum’s Oz witches, or Jean Rhys’s Wide Sargasso Sea, an imagined prequel to Jane Eyre. Which is to say, writers pull inspiration from all manner of sources; sometimes the result is a love story that asserts the validity of a young woman’s (often dismissed) desire. Sometimes it is a channel through which a burgeoning writer can deliver and refine her talent.

My stories, like those of many fanfic writers, were as much about building a narrative as they were about enacting a fantasy.

My stories, like those of many fanfic writers, were as much about building a narrative as they were about enacting a fantasy. I can remember how problems of character motivation seemed so much less abstract when they were considered through the lens of an imagined, but possible, future — Justin Timberlake was a real (if mythic) person, and structuring the narrative became a sort of problem-solving. What could a person like me do to meet a person like him? I struggled to figure out what an 8-year-old would do if she found a secret portal to a fantasy world (my second abandoned novel), but I loved putting myself in conversation with my ultimate crush and asking, What next? What next?

There is a simple, dizzying joy in writing (or reading!) a story in which you and your dream crush are the stars, but also intrinsic to that setup is the understanding that you — the writer, the reader — deserve the star treatment you’re receiving. If this is something you don’t believe (and certainly, when I was imagining my own love stories, I didn’t believe it), it can be comfort enough to pretend you do, to indulge the notion that you might be good enough to be the protagonist of your own story for long enough that it no longer feels that far-fetched.

I didn’t meet Justin Timberlake (and haven't yet). But I did grow into my confidence and my voice — a voice which I know was honed by the stories I told myself. Without those stories, there would be no writing career, no novel, no unrepentant gushing over the things (and people) who drive my creativity. There’s probably a lot more of 13-year-old Arianna in me now than 13-year-old Arianna would have wanted. But, at 30, I can see she was always cooler than she believed, anyway. I like to think, had Justin met me then, he would have at least been kind of charmed. ●

Arianna Rebolini is author of the novel Public Relations with Katie Heaney. She was formerly a deputy editorial director at BuzzFeed. You can follow her @AriannaRebolini or check out her writing here.

Learn more about Public Relations here.