#my numbers on my socials have suddenly started to sharply drop. which is scary when this is the only way i can earn money

[arcaneyouth]

small vent art thing below the cut. just getting thoughts out

[inyournightmares97]

SugarDaddy!au Mark

You had never imagined that this would happen.

Mark Tuan had been nothing to you throughout your childhood, except your older brother’s handsome friend. You habitually caught glimpses of him when he came by to pick up your brother, and had peeked at his fancy car and expensive clothes. You even blushed whenever his intense gaze chanced your way. You had often wondered why someone as rich and handsome as Mark even hung out with your brother; but as you grew older, their friendship never wavered.

“I would trust Mark with my life,” your brother told you abruptly one evening. The two of you had grown up without parents, and had struggled throughout your teenage years. You were proud of your brother for managing to take care of both you, despite the unfortunate circumstances you’d been placed in.

“I never asked how much you trusted Mark,” you muttered with a roll of your eyes. “Why would I care about your friends?”

“Because I’m going abroad. And I’m trusting him to take care of you.”

Your brother had gotten an offer to go abroad; something he simply couldn’t turn down because there was too much money at stake. He promised you that he would earn as much as he could in a few years and return home. Personally, you were terrified. You had recently started a job as a receptionist at a large company, so you were making some money of your own. But you’d never lived without your brother before. He assured you that Mark would be there for you, that he would come if you needed anything. But you weren’t so sure. You could barely look the man in the eye without blushing madly, how could you rely on him?

But you couldn’t tell your brother that. So you smiled calmly and saw him off at the airport. Mark came to see your brother off as well; once he was gone, he turned and gave you a soft smile. “You know you can call me if you need anything, right? Your brother is like my family.”

You saved his phone number politely, almost positive that you would never use it.

Except that you did.

Things at your workplace started going downhill fast. There was a particular manager who’d had his eye on you and his groping and lewd comments had grown increasingly intolerable until you finally decided to complain to HR. Except HR didn’t give a damn. They created a huge issue out of your complaint and things went badly for a few days until you finally got fired for making ’false’ accusations of sexual harrasment. You had lost your temper when the manager gave you a sly smirk so you’d reached out and twisted his nipple painfully to compensate for the many times he tried to grope your breasts.

So, yes.

The first phone call you made to Mark Tuan was from a prison cell.

Personally, you were terrified. Mark had always been a little scary because he never talked much. You were positive that he was going to be furious at you for creating a ruckus at work and making him drive down to the police station. But Mark bailed you out calmly and without blinking an eyelid. When you finally came out of the prison cell, he wrapped his arms around you and gently rubbed your back.

“Are you okay?” he asked you softly.

You nodded, unable to speak. You had no idea what to do with yourself. You’d lost your job, you could no longer afford to pay rent and now you had an assault case against you. Before you could speak, Mark answered for you.

“We’re going to drive down to your place and get your stuff. Stay with me for a while. I’ll handle all of this.”

You were shocked by how easily Mark welcomed you into his home, how he dealt with the police smoothly and used his influence to get the case against you dropped. You had never bothered to ask what Mark did for a living earlier; but now you learned that he had inherited his father’s business. Mark worked long hours and rarely complained. The longer you stayed in his home, the more you learned that he was extremely lonely and didn’t socialize with other people well. Your brother had been one of his few friends. Mark spent most evenings in front of the television and watching the most absurd soap operas with a glass of wine.

“After listening to people talk about market values and estimations and crunch numbers all day, it feels better to watch something mind-numbingly stupid,” he admitted to you with a smile, as you both watched one of the soap opera villians attempt to fudge the results of a paternity test.

Your idealized version of the rich, handsome brother’s best friend Mark slowly faded away. You came to understand that he was a human being too. He had extreme sides to him; he was either suggesting that you both go out skydiving or windsurfing, else he stayed in bed all day and refused to get out except to eat. He developed this odd habit of buying something extremely expensive for you whenever he had a bad day at work. It was a designer handbag the first time. The second time, it was a lipstick imported from France. The gifts made you uncomfortable and you didn’t know what to do with them.

“Mark, you honestly shouldn’t do this. I’m intruding on your hospitality enough by staying here and mooching off you when I don’t have a job…”

“It makes me feel better to see you happy,” he admitted quietly. He gave you a gentle smile. “You can ask for whatever you want. You know I’ll always take care of you.”

You weren’t an idiot. You knew that whatever had developed between you and Mark was not a healthy friendship; nor did it resemble a sibling relationship in any way. But it wasn’t until the night he came home slightly drunk from an office party that you both officially crossed the line.

“I hate work,” he admitted to you, his words slightly slurred as he struggled to drunkenly take off his shoes. “I hate everyone there. The only person I want to see in the whole day is you. I want to see you happy. I want to see your beautiful smile. That’s all.”

You froze, heartbeat thudding as Mark walked over to you. His hands grasped your shoulders and he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. You had never been kissed in such an adoring manner and you wondered if your heart would explode. “I don’t feel as lonely when you’re around,” he told you, his voice cracking.

Once you both fell into bed together, there was no stopping it. Mark was an excellent lover and you loved how he worshipped every part of you and made sure you were pleasured. There were moments when he dominated you slightly; but it only excited you more. Before you realized it, you were sleeping in his bed every night and he was bringing you more gifts. He bought you clothes, took you to fancy restaurants and on weekend tripa to resorts. You were gliding on the high of luxury until one of your friends saw your designer handbag and knocked you back down to earth.

“Boyfriend?” she asked with a scoff. “Darling, you’ve got yourself a sugar daddy.”

You were quick to refute. “No, no, it’s not like-”

“Like what? You don’t have a job or any financial stability of your own. He’s lonely and miserable so he buys you stuff and you sleep with him. You’re telling me you guys are dating?”

You felt nauseous. Was this what you were doing? You had been enjoying Mark’s attentions and pampering so much that you didn’t stop to think about it. Did you even really like him? Or were you only doing this because he was taking care of you?

Either way, it needed to stop.

“I’m going to bed early,” you told Mark that night as he tried to put his arms around you and kiss you. He blinked at you calmly. You never turned him down.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m fine. I just… I realized that I can’t live here forever. I can’t rely on you like this forever. I have a couple of job interviews in the morning. I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

Mark frowned at you. “I told you, you can stay here as long as you want. Your brother is-”

“My brother,” you replied carefully, “probably didn’t intend this when he asked you to take care of me.”

Mark’s eyes widened briefly. You saw a hint of panic in them before his expression suddenly went soft and he turned away from you. “You can do whatever you want,” he told you gently. “I just want you to be happy.”

It wasn’t as easy as that. Finding a job was hard, especially considering the undignified manner in which you’d had to leave your last job. No employer looked happy when you told them about what had happened there. There was only one place that called you back for another interview; but even they turned you down in the end.

“One of your references didn’t check out,” they told you simply.

You waited for Mark to come home, sitting stiffly on the sofa in his luxurious apartment. He smiled lightly at you as he entered and toom off his shoes. “Hey,” he greeted you lightly. “How did that job interview go?”

“Not well,” you replied stiffly. “And I think you know why.”

He paused. “What?”

“Apparently one of my references didn’t check out. You get one guess as to which one.”

Mark was silent. You watched as he quietly placed his bag on the couch and then sat down on it. When he looked up, he seemed torn.

“Are you leaving?” he asked you softly.

You stared at him. “What?”

He let out a small, humorless laugh. “I knew I was making a mistake from the beginning. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I should have told you about my feelings from the start. But I was afraid that you would reject me and it turned into… this.”

You blinked at him. “So you did sabotage my references?”

“I was afraid that you would leave me. If you got a job and your own apartment, you wouldn’t need me anymore. I don’t want to lose you,” he explained. He gave you an apologetic smile. “But this is a pretty pathetic way to keep someone around, huh? I’m sorry.”

You felt your throat close up. “I wasn’t going to leave you. I just… didn’t want our relationship to be about you providing for me.”

He looked up at you sharply. “I thought you were happy.”

“I am happy with you. But I want to be financially independent, I don’t want to feel like I’m using you for your money. I don’t want to taint what we have. I need this to be a balanced relationship.”

He only nodded.

“I love you,” he told you softly.

You wrapped your arms around him tightly, the both of you clutching onto each other. Mark meant so much to you; you couldn’t imagine losing him.

“I love you too,” you admitted to him.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

A/N: I’m SO sorry this didn’t turn out well. I thought I could write a sugardaddy!au but I just couldn’t do it. Financial independence for women is something that’s very important to me. I think when a woman doesn’t have the ability to provide for herself and relies on a man to do it, she puts herself in a very vulnerable position.

Not just women but to everyone: it’s not romantic to financially rely on your partner. Have your own job and steady income. It gives you the respect in a relationship and gives you the independence to exit a bad relationship without being forced to stay in it because you have no other way to provide for yourself.

[caepaecaesurae]

> Caefora: Separate

caepaecaesurae > A sudden, weird, wrenching sense of loss -- and a weird hollow sensation, that at least slightly evens out.  Where once there was Mostly Cae, now there is a back-to-normal Lurky instead. > ..and Caesurae's mind is quiet. > He blinks several imes, woken up from a sound sleep, looking up at the canopies of a strange bed. sugary-empress >Condy startles. What's going on? Where's that person she was? She's supposed to be more... >When she wakes up more fully, she figures it out. It's Tuesday, and all good things must end. "Good ewvening, sweetness~" >Fuck! "Gods dammit, yoar not efin in t)(ere and I'm still doing it!~" caepaecaesurae > He burst out laughing, flopping backwards, a hand dropping to cover his forehead. "You're wvelcome!"

sugary-empress >She sighs and shakes her head. "I can't believe you're t)(e worst, and also contagious~" caepaecaesurae "It's my one flawv." sugary-empress "As far as singular flaws go, being t)(e worst is a pretty bad one~" >Condy has the correct number of boobs and her hair is right again, but still. She'll miss Cae. Having a reasonable person in one's pan is helpful. "You need to be getting back... Some)(ow~ Water we gonna do aboat t)(at?~" >She doubts she's allowed to know how to get there. caepaecaesurae > He blew out a breath, hand unconsciously dropping to lay across hic chest, which was Flat.  ...  He sat there a moment, then looked puzzled, then headrattled and adjusted his bracers.  Then he suddenly had a nice modest set himself.  It was boob time.  Fuck the uniboob.  The fake gold boob was probably laying somewhere around. "...I imagine I'll go to a neutral spot, maybe those backup coordinates wve wvere givwen, and then ask a quadrant mate to pick me up." "Givwen your leavwe, of course." sugary-empress >Condy will have that gold boob framed and hung somewhere as a memory of their time together. >Hm. "Given my leave, dear?~ W)(at do you mean?~" >It's unclear from her tone if the question is sincere or not. caepaecaesurae > That kind of thinking is exactly why Cae still has a ratty old shower curtain Nadaya gave him. caepaecaesurae > He seemed relaxed still.  "WVell, I'm your guest here, it seems polite to ask." caepaecaesurae > He tried to remember what her favorite food was and the memory just wasn't...There.  Hm.  They'd definitely split apart again.  ...He produced a small tray of chocolate-coated berries from nothing, set it down between them, and snacked on one. sugary-empress >She waves a hand dismissively. "Na)(, bro~ I mean, I~ didn't kidnap you, but you were still basically kidnapped, you didn't detide to come over or anyfin~" >She grins a little sharply. "Plus, if people only left w)(en t)(ey )(ad perfis)(ion, I'd still be evil~" >She snags a strawberry. Mmm, food. Things taste different as a full trickster, no concepts of things being too sweet or differing tastes to get in the way. "Yoar free to go w)(enebber~ caepaecaesurae > He decides to actively gloss over any potentially-threatening parts of that and focus on the parts he likes.  "Sounds like a plan.  ....Hn, wve made a lot of parting gifts, I'll havwe to be creativwe wvhen gifting you things nowv." caepaecaesurae "..I think I'll head out either before breakfast or after -- Any preference?  I'm here anywvays." sugary-empress ")(ave breakfast )(ere, sugarplum~ I'll call in a sl-- servant, w)(at do you want?~" >They aren't slaves anymore, they really aren't, but hey, old habits. "Y'know I kinda figured t)(is was gonna end badly, like ebberyone else's did, and I'm glad it didn't!~" caepaecaesurae "Thanks for not kicking me out immediately,"  He glanced over with a wry grin, scratching his chin.  "..A sandwvich maybe?  BLT?"  He hazarded. "I guess it's just our luck that wve aren't that incompatible -- My sympathies on havwing to deal wvith an Ampora for a wveek." sugary-empress "We can manage t)(at, cupcake~ Oh, I would never!~" >Well... She can think of a couple situations where she would do that. "I would usually not~ Yea)(, it's good luck t)(at we're moderately bros, and also uncomfortably similar~ And of course, I'm sorry you needed to deal wit)( my w)(ole nonsense, I'm normally better at not feeling negative emotions!~" caepaecaesurae > He rolled his eyes and rubbed at his cheek.  "I don't think you're the one that wvas bringing us dowvn, there.  You knowv my stance on that sort of thing." sugary-empress "It was dolp)(initely a little of bot)(, t)(e Sal fin really t)(rew me off~" >A servant appears at Condy's summons, seemingly unfazed by the sight of the two of them in bed together. Condy orders french toast and hot chocolate, lets Cae order, then dismisses the servant. "You're an interesting guy to be, you know~" caepaecaesurae "WVell, at least you havwe some time to think about the Sal thing before dealing wvith it nowv.  ...Best of luck," he sounded honestly sympathetic.  He was also good at casually ignoring servants as if they weren't there.  It was polite, eye contact from highbloods was scary. "I imagine it must havwe been quite the change." sugary-empress "O)(, I'm not gonna deal wit)( it in any way, I'm )(oping it's done now~" >The eye contact thing was definitely true. Condy may be less... playful... now, but being singled out for personal attention from her or one of her friends is historically not good. "It was!~ You're very reasonable, and full of anxiety, and gods awful at s)(aring t)(at kinda fin~" caepaecaesurae "That is one wvay of dealing wvith it," he mused.  "...I'm glad I wvas reasonable at least.  The anxiety is ah --  I'm wvorking on it still." "... I havwe no excuse not to talk to Dee left."  Nosewrinkle. sugary-empress "No, you've got no excuse, and if you don't I'm going to need to bully you into it! T)(at's a sweet troll wit)( no reason to use it against you, so any paranoia is unfounded, and it'll make your conversoceans more pleasant!" >Condy is Frowning Sternly, which she never does, but it doesn't last. "Talking is important, you mysterious secretive nerd~" "No, you've got no excuse, and if you don't I'm going to need to bully you into it! T)(at's a sweet troll wit)( no reason to use it against you, so any paranoia is unfounded, and it'll make your conversoceans more pleasant!" >Condy is Frowning Sternly, which she never does, but it doesn't last. "Talking is important, you mysterious secretive nerd~" caepaecaesurae > His eyebrows lifted as she went on, and he leaned slightly away -- not in fear, but as if blown literally away by the force of her opinion. "--It's not paranoia, I just.. don't WVant to, I don't like talking about things." "I don't like being wveak, and if I don't Admit it .." sugary-empress "-Ebberyfin you do is at least a LITTL-E bit aboat paranoia~" >She shared that brain for a week, so she's definitely more qualified than him to say that, clearly. She sighs. "I know, dear, I really really know, but it's dumb!~ Your pan is working against you improving your life, and I know it's not some massive fin, but also, it kind of is!~" caepaecaesurae "WVell, I mean,"  He couldn't Entirely contest that, so he swapped to another subject.  Any subject that no one managed to get him to lose counted as a win after they'd forgotten about it, right? ...Finding another subject was taking a moment. caepaecaesurae "It's so stupid that they'd havwe to tiptoe," he floundered. sugary-empress "No, it's not, but even if it was, life is full of stuff bulls)(it t)(at you do becod you love someone, and or want to be considered a decent person~" caepaecaesurae "I don't wvant to need them to do that," sugary-empress "And asking t)(at someone not randomly mention t)(eir ass)(ole in conversation isn't asking t)(em to tiptoe~" caepaecaesurae Dramatic Eyeroll. "That depends on the person, unfortunately." sugary-empress >Condy dramatically eyerolls right back! "Yoar only unreasonable aboat your own fins, w)(ic)( makes sense, ebberyone is, but still, it's like, dude~" caepaecaesurae > He sighed deeply and flopped backwards, resting the back of his arm on his forehead again. "I'll--Look, /today/ I havwe other things to wvorry about, wvith getting back into my univwerse and dealing wvith wvhatevwer safety measures they wvant and all that." "But i'll get around to it," caepaecaesurae "And they'll be nagging me too," sugary-empress "W)(at will you )(ave tomorrow, )(m?~" >Well, they will nag, at least that's true. Siiigh. "It's a good fin I adore you, becod you're annoying~" >It isn't said with any malice, just affection. caepaecaesurae > He blushed despite himself, which set off a bit of the bioluminescense. "WVell, at least I havwe that then." sugary-empress >Oh no, that's cute... >The food arrives just in time, and Condy digs into some huge pieces of French toast dusted with powdered sugar. It prevents her from needing to say anything about that, but she does speak after a couple bites. "I'm gonna bug you if you don't do t)(e fin, you know~" caepaecaesurae > He accepted the food with an absent thankful nod for the servant -- positive aknowledgement, without any personal identification.  ..and pressed a hand to his cheek for a moment, shaking his head. "..I appreciate that, thank you.  I'll be doing it." sugary-empress "I know you will, eventually!~ I believe in you~" >No more gross friendship emotions, only food now. caepaecaesurae "Should I bother changing my vwent blog passwvord?  I imagine our social circles wvould be distressed if I didn't."  It was currently pumpernickel.  He'd been vaguely hungry when he made it. sugary-empress "Mm, feel free if you'd like, I wouldn't c)(ange mine except t)(at Nadaya )(as it now~ I know )(e was one of t)(e people w)(o read my vent and passed it around t)(at one time~" >Her password was redbloodvelvet, for similar reasons. "O)(, and tell basically ebberyone you know to c)(ange t)(eirs, I'm sure t)(ey know, but still~" caepaecaesurae He grimaced his sympathy, nodding, and starting in on his sandwich.  "I wvill.  It's almost tempting to make a second vwent blog for those that don't get along wvith my current friends, but that's probably a bit much." sugary-empress "T)(at is definitely a bit muc)(, it's also t)(e most you t)(ing I've ebber )(eard~" caepaecaesurae He sighed.  "They can't all be wvinners.  It's atrocious that I can't talk openly anywvhere though." sugary-empress "Always feel free to glub at me, babe, I know it's not t)(e same as doing it to an audience, but still~ I'm sorry, t)(oug)(, s)(it sucks~" caepaecaesurae > Sigh, nom.  "I wvill, thank you." "I'll pull through just fine, I knowv it's not like it's a hemoflip and I'm not fearing for my life outside of edge case scenarios like this wveek, it's just frustrating sometimes." sugary-empress ")(ow often are your edge case scenarios, my dear?~" >She isn't THAT concerned, really, she isn't, it's just that she likes him and he deserves only great things! caepaecaesurae > He shrugged, chuffing softly, and focusing on a bite of sandwich for a bit.  "...swveeply, biswveeply, in that range.  It might cool dowvn as wve all get used to one another."  Or heat up as tensions rose, or stay exactly as it was, who knew.  But probably that first one. caepaecaesurae "...And it's nevwer something that wvould... compromise my contingency plans to stick around, thusfar.  Mostly."  He shook his head.  "Price of doing business I think." sugary-empress "Good, good. People I like can't die, I don't like it. Besides, those are pretty solid stats, dear. You're incredibly c)(arming, clearly, but we knew t)(at." caepaecaesurae Another of those little grins.  "I don't like it wvhen people I like die either.  Take care of yourself best you can, alright?" caepaecaesurae > He let out a breath, and ran his hand through his hair.  "..I do my best.  I'll...see howv wvell I can do." sugary-empress ")(m... Well, I'm awful at making good decisions, but I'm )(istorically amazing at being alive, so I guess it's a tossup~" >She pats him on the shoulder. "You'll do just fine~" caepaecaesurae "Improvwisation counts for a fair bit, as wvell evwidenced by Nadaya," he mused.  The pat earned her a smaller smile. sugary-empress "I sink Nadaya is proof t)(at even an unrealized )(ope aspect is fucking amazing, actually, but I get your point~" >You finally finish your french toast, and busy yourself with wiping the powdered sugar up with your finger and licking it off. "T)(anks for being so cool aboat ebberyfin~" caepaecaesurae His mouth opened and he paused that way, before hesitantly nodding.  "...True, there is that." "..Thanks back at you.  Sorry for all the second-hand ah.  /Fuss/.  From my clade.  I'll see wvhat I can do to put them at ease tonight." sugary-empress "No need to apologize, I understand~ I even understand it from t)(eir points of view, I'm just a delicate w)(iney flower~ T)(ey'll be )(appy to )(ave you back!~" caepaecaesurae "WVell, I think wve're all a bit delicate wvhen it comes to being personally threatened.  And they wvill." He shook his head.  "..I'm glad this doesn't havwe to be some big production." Today at 7:44 PM sugary-empress "I'm glad as well, sugar~" >She beams at him. What a good dude. "Are you ready to go?~ Is it time?~" caepaecaesurae He grinned back at her and rubbed his head.  "Guess so.  Can someone showv me to the pad?  I think wve alwvays teleported..." sugary-empress "I will, sweetfins~" >She got out of bed and led the way to the nearest transportalizer, not far from her room. It should probably be farther, for security reasons, but it's so convenient... "Let me know if you need anyfin atoll!~" caepaecaesurae > Especially considering she could teleport.. "I wvill.  Thank you."  Best not to spoil the moment.  He followed. When they finally reached the pad, he started typing in numbers and gave her one last smile and a wink. sugary-empress >Wink and fingerguns! caepaecaesurae > Wry grin, fingergun, and port out. (( that's /so fucking corny/ XD )) sugary-empress >They're both fucking nerds. caepaecaesurae > Yeup.