#my partner was talking to their mother and ofc she is transphobic and views me as a girl

[kradljivac-kostiju]

homophobic/transphobic people really like saying that women are weak, stupid and must clean while men are the opposite and should do hard jobs to defend their "a relationship can't work if it's not a cis man and a cis woman!!!" views

[scarecoen]

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[herdustisverypretty]

“Kuroko no Basket is not gay” - and why that statement is bullshit

I know I said I was leaving for today but this is something that has bothered me for a long time and I would like to say this. 

I take issue with the title statement, and I’m going to explain why. This is going to be a very long post so grab a snack and get comfy. 

Okay. To begin with, I’m going to talk about Kagami. He, along with Kuroko (but that’s another story), are the only male characters on the Seirin team who show no interest in Momoi. There are plenty of things that make this odd. One is the fact that Hyuuga has said he doesn’t like girly girls, yet even he salivates over Momoi. So Momoi is hot stuff. Yet Kagami shows zero attraction to her. He says to Kuroko that she’s cute, but that doesn’t mean he’s interested in her. Kuroko agrees she’s cute, but we know he isn’t interested in her at all. You can be aesthetically attracted to someone but not romantically or sexually. Secondly, his interactions with Alex. Kagami seems thoroughly disturbed by Alex when she does things such as try to kiss him or when she walks around naked. First of all this is odd for a teenage boy. It’s not that Alex isn’t attractive. The Seirin members also go gaga over her similar to Momoi. And I don’t believe it’s that she’s a mentor/parent/older sister figure, because of Himuro’s interactions with her. Himuro is not bothered by her behaviour at all, he just seems amused. When she tries to kiss him, he stops her and says people don’t do that casually here. This implies he’d be fine for her to kiss him if they were back in America. You could explain this as ‘maybe Kagami is just a prude’, and yeah, maybe he is. That’s one option. However there’s more. In Kurofes, his answer to ‘what is your type (as in romantic partner)’ is very odd. I have spoken to other people who speak Japanese and they also agree his answer is very strange. So, Kagami responds that he is attracted to “an elegant gir- person”. He starts saying the word girl, and then stops and changes to a gender neutral term. This is odd. The change from female to neutral seems significant. Why did he feel the need to stop saying a female term and change to a neutral term? Plenty of other characters in Kurofes say gender neutral person instead of girl (male characters) or boy (female characters) but that’s a normal response and they most likely are still straight. However that Kagami felt the need to specifically change his answer is very strange. My personal theory is that he just doesn’t think about his sexuality. He doesn’t seem the type to think about that kind of thing. All he cares about is basketball, not who he’s going to date. My theory is that he started saying girl because most people default that everyone is straight (shitty but true), and since Kagami doesn’t think about this he just automatically began to say girl. However, he changed his mind. So I think in that moment he realised “wait I do like guys” and thus changed his answer. You could take his answer two ways. That he’s bisexual, and wanted to use a neutral term to say he likes both girls and guys. Or you could take it that he is gay. Reo for example uses a gender neutral term in his answer, but we know he’s canonically gay. I would believe either, that Kagami is gay or bi, but personally I think it’s entirely possible that he’s gay judging by his interaction with female characters. 

We’re going to move onto another topic. The topic is that Fujimaki knows jack shit. 

Example one. Murasakibara. Murasakibara is autistic. There is no doubt. There is no argument. He is. He is autistic. However, I don’t think Fujimaki intended for him to be autistic. And by that I mean, Fujimaki does not know what autism is. He doesn’t know it is a thing that exists. There are a few reasons to support this. First, the way other characters talk about Murasakibara. Kuroko for example. Kuroko’s a smart kid. He likely would be aware that Murasakibara is autistic. However, when Kuroko describes Murasakibara and his personality, he makes no mention of this condition. Murasakibara is essentially described by characters as to be ‘just weird’. Things such as autism and mental illnesses are not understood well in Asian countries. I honestly do not have much knowledge of the way such things are treated in Japan, but in South Korea these things are barely acknowledged. Martina from EatYourKimchi has spoken about her experiences as a teacher in S.Korea. She mentioned that she had students she was convinced were autistic, and when she brought this up to the other teachers they responded “No they’re just a troublemaker. There’s nothing wrong with them.” I assume this view is the same in Japan (especially going by Fujimaki’s opinion of LGBT culture - which we’ll get to later). So, Fujimaki likely doesn’t even know autism exists, he just thinks it’s a weird personality some kids have, and gave it to Murasakibara for variety, without realising his character actually has a medical condition. 

Example two. Reo. I love Reo. He is beautiful and lovely and I love him. But he is THE SHITTIEST AND LAZIEST attempt at a gay character I have ever seen. Fujimaki has NO IDEA about anything LGBT. There have been discussions on this already, for example here. I highly recommend you read this post, but I’ll also go into this as well. So in Japan, for many people who are not in the gay community, being gay, transgender, or even just a crossdresser are considered the same thing. If you’re gay you’re trans. If you’re a male who wears dresses, you’re gay and trans. And so on. That’s the opinion. It’s fucking stupid. But that’s how it is.  Now let’s look back at Reo. First of all, Hayama refers to him with a female honorific, ‘nee’ meaning older sister. This does not necessarily mean Reo identifies as female. In Asian countries, many males who exhibit motherly qualities are often referred to with female terms. For example, my fav kpop group of VIXX. The leader, Hakyeon, is very motherly to the younger members, and the younger members sometimes refer to him as their mother. Does that mean he’s gay or identifies as female? Of course not. The same is with Reo. He’s motherly to the other members of Rakuzan, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s transgender. He certainly could be, but he also could not be. The combination of multiple things, the female honorific, the fact that Reo has been depicted with the other female characters in art and omake panels, and that Hyuuga uses a transphobic slur with him, all suggests that Fujimaki shares that stereotypical opinion of if you’re gay you’re also trans, and so on. I’m not saying Reo is or is not trans, I don’t know and I will never know, because Fujimaki doesn’t fucking know either. 

More on sexuality and why Fujimaki knows nothing about LGBT. Alex. Her answer as to what is her type in Kurofes is that she likes assertive men. However we know Alex is bisexual. She is attracted to females as well. She states this plainly. You could say she only platonically kisses girls and while I recognise platonic kisses are a thing (I’m aroace so ofc I do) I don’t think it applies here, and I will tell you why. To most of us modern kids on tumblr, sexuality and gender are all very normal things that we know a lot about. But to most what I’m going to call ‘normal’ people not on tumblr, they are not educated in such topics. A straight man is just not going to kiss another man. Maybe if he’s an actor playing a gay character, but I don’t think many straight guys are going to be pashing other guys just for fun. If they were into that, they’d be bi. Same with straight girls. I know plenty of straight girls who just would not kiss another girl. It’s not homophobic, it’s just their preference, similar to a lesbian or a gay male not wanting to kiss someone of the opposite gender. It’s just preference. And that’s fine. Fujimaki does has the stereotypical opinion of westerners which is “we’re all gay, we all make out with everyone, and we love taking our clothes off”. And yeah. That’s what Alex is. I love her, but she’s the stereotypical Japanese idea of what an American is. Which is highly inaccurate. However, this does not change the fact that she is bisexual. Again, Fujimaki may not have intended that, but as the same with Murasakibara, it’s true whether he knows it or not. 

So. We have established that Fujimaki knows nothing about his own characters. By all this information, it’s entirely possible other characters could have different gender identities or sexualities. Fujimaki would probably say ‘no, they’re all straight’, but tbh, I’m not going to listen to anything he says judging on the way he wrote Murasakibara, Reo, and Alex. I’m just not. 

My point here after all that is: if you know the characters better than the author does, do whatever the fuck you want with them. Say they’re gay, say they’re trans. Whatever. Do what you want with them. Fujimaki has no fucking clue what he’s doing with them, so feel free to take his characters and do what you want. If you want to say Takao is gay, go for it, he’s certainly homo with Midorima. If you want to say Kuroko is aromantic, go for it. I get that vibe too. 

Basically, do what you want with them, and let others do the same. These are fictional characters. They’re meant to be enjoyed. If you feel the need to snap at people and police them for identifying with a character and saying they are *insert identity here* then you’re an asshole and you need to reevaluate your life choices. 

Good day. 

btw, Kuroko no Basket is gay af