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fairene · 3 months

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hello!! i LOVE your work you write the most interesting dynamics and your style always completely sucks me in! i saw you mentioned in the tags that requests were welcome and if it sounds fun, i'd love to read something with lando and a tennis player!reader, not just bc i love tennis lol but also bc it could be interesting to have him with someone who has experienced the same level of pressure. i'd love anything you wrote though!❤️

say less, my love.

pressure / ln4

a/n ⋯ a short pause from the one of your girls dual part. this was a beautiful request, and as a huge challengers enthusiast, i had to put it to paper. thank you so much for the request. also i am aware that the u.s. open takes place in new york, but for simplicity sake, we'll say its in miami.

music ⋯ link

warnings ⋯ no smut, fluff, angst, insecure thoughts, anxiety.

wordcount ⋯ 2.6k (unedited).

“you’re going to do amazing, my love.” lando’s words were soothing as he held you firmly against his chest. it was a saturday night in miami, both of you were dueling your own matches for the weekend. you were in the finals of your tournament held for the US open, whereas he was debuting in the miami grand prix the following afternoon.

your head shifted into his chest, nose burrowing into the fabric of his shirt with a soft hum. you knew he was right, but the pressure waned on you. how could it not? your entire career balanced on your performance, and thousands of people would be watching you. not only were you lando norris’ girlfriend, but also an up and coming star in your own career.

you kissed the fabric of his shirt, knowing the sentiment held little, but he appreciated the gesture regardless. his hand found the back of your head, threading his fingers through your hair. his touch was gentle, kind, one reserved only for you. it was moment’s like these that the pair of you found solitude in one another.

“i know, i just…” you hesitated, lifting your head so your chin rested on the center of his torso. he tightened his hand around your hip, cradling you against the firm shape of his body.

“what, baby?” he said with a soft tone, velvety to your ears. you couldn’t resist him. couldn’t hold anything back from him, despite wanting to spare him the worries you held. the last thing you wanted him to do was worry about you. especially when he had a huge event of his own.

but all he did was worry about you.

day and night he would dream both through the sun and beneath the moonlight of you. you. it was always you that he was concerned about. you, that he searched for atop his podiums. you, that he would attend all your matches when he could.

this was one of the rare events where they overlapped. he would only be there with you in the morning to see you off before your matches. then, you would reconcile with him in the evenings. post race, post tournament. it would be a tough day to manage on your own, but he felt the same way. you were the light to all of his races, the focal point of which he could relax. his anxiety roared in these conditions, but you somehow soothed him at every turn.

he needed you. but you couldn’t be there.

“i want you there.”

his features softened. there was a cloud of guilt brewing a thunderstorm above his head, threatening to rain down tears in your obvious distress. he hated seeing you this way, and most of all, he hated being the one who caused it.

“i know.” his thumb stroked across your cheek. “i would if i could.” you believe him. he was your number one fan, just as you were his. a match made in heaven, one might be able to jest. “‘nd i want you there, tomorrow, with me on the radio.”

you blushed, letting your face drop into the fabric of his sweatshirt. you felt his chest bellow with a deep laugh, centered at his core, letting his lids flutter at your bashful expression. your teeth even went as far as biting at his sweatshirt, which had him grumbling and pulling your hair up into a makeshift ponytail, raising your head to meet his eyes.

“you’ll be the death of me,” he uttered, saying with pure love. your relationship with him was full of complexities, but overall dominated by your fatuous love for one another. the pressures you both face in consequence of your performances…

“you’re going to win tomorrow.” you sat up on his lap, straddling his hips. you were both in your shared bed in the hotel, lounging in your sleepwear in the messed up sheets. tonight was between you two and no one else. lando slammed that ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door the minute the pair of you walked in for the evening. “i can feel it.”

“you think so?” he gulped, both his hands coming to run up the skin of your thighs. you shivered at his touch, but you were determined to keep a clear mind.

“i know so.” you watched his face relax with relief. your words of comfort meant ten times than anyone else's, and you would always give him the truth. its what he loved about you so much. your blatant honesty, your charisma, your ability to power through every obstacle in your life. but he knew just as much as you did that you wouldn’t be able to do any of it without each other. it was one of the many little beautiful things about your relationship.

lando’s anxiety would gnaw at him every chance it got. but since he’s entered a relationship with you, he feels like a fucking king, but he was nothing without his queen.

“don’t know,” he said, breaking the silence. “you’re my lucky charm.”

you rolled your eyes. “you’ve scored points at every race this season,” you pointed out. it was a fact. he was one of the only contending drivers to have such a prosperous season. you were delighted for him. “with or without me there.”

but he didn’t like your excuses. he squeezed your plush thighs beneath his calloused fingers, which had you gasping.

“don’t do that.”

you quirked a brow. “do what?”

“pretend like you don’t mean the world to me.”

you blushed and fell forward on his chest, your head falling into his neck. you giggled against his skin, unable to contain your smile. “stop that,” you insisted, blushing fiercely. a hand of his came to hold the back of your neck in a comforting grip.

“loving you?” you caught his gaze, bleary with love. “i don’t think i can.”

you were up at 5:30 that morning getting ready. lando was still sound asleep, snores being heard from the ensuite bathroom as your brushed your teeth and fixed your appearance. you wore a white tennis dressed, sponsored by fila, and just left when you made your way to the bed.

your hand brushed over lando’s exposed hip, shirtless in the bed with only a pair of boxers. he moaned in his sleep, pulling a pillow closer. but he was wide awake when he realized the pillow was made of feathers, and not you.

“come on, my love.” you said to him in the dark room, looming over him with your hair undone and bright white dress. he turned to face you, sitting up against the headboard. his hands came to rest over his head, stretching.

then he leaned in for a kiss, his hand cupping your cheek. you met him half way, sucking on his lower lip. he groaned, and you felt yourself shift, but couldn’t fall into his trap of desire.

“ah, ah.” you pulled away before his hand came to snatch you down into the bed. “you promised me breakfast.”

he fell back into the bed with disappointment. you laughed to yourself and made your way to the foyeur. you didn’t have to wait long when you heard him shifting and getting ready for the day ahead.

when you arrived to the courts that morning, lando was carrying most of your things. it had you smiling with appreciation, insisting that you could carry your wilson tennis bag. but he refused, saying that you worked too hard for this day to be carrying your own bag. let me help you, and you were sold.

you caught on to how much the crowds began to fill in. you were a sensation. but the notion would consistently fly over your head.

you were tense and lando could see that.

“hey,” his hand came to rest on your back. you leaned into him. “you’re going to do great, baby.”

you sucked in a tight breath. but what if you didn’t? what if, that these set of matches, would damn your career to near ruin? what if you could never be perfect?

your breathing became erratic. lando’s eyes widened, jumping into swift action as he covered your body with his. he backed you into a corner where no one could see the pair of you, and wrapped his hands around your body tightly.

“match me.” he said. the words were so familiar to you. the both of you had discovered a coping mechanism when things got too much, too overwhelming, and too over pressured. you’d fall into each other’s arms and hear one another breathe.

your lip quivered with tears. but you did as you were told.

with an ear pressed to his chest, you could hear the steady beat of his heart. the strength in his muscles. the blood rippling through his veins. most importantly, the rise and fall of his abdomen against your own.

with your thummering heart, you found pace with him. “in and out,” he would soothe, saying into the top of your head where he left kisses in his wake.

he stroked the small of your back, thumb running circles over you. you fell completely into him.

“what if i’m not good enough?”

the words broke him.

“then the world is full of fuckheads, i’ll tell you that.” his tone was firm, but ebbed with softness as he spoke into your scalp. his attempt at humor had you breaking into a soft chuckle. you appreciated him in this moment. “i’d kill all those fuckers, you just tell me who–”

your head broke away with a smile, finger coming to shush him.

“lando!”

“what? it’s true.”

you loved him.

“maybe so,” you reached up to kiss both of his flushed cheeks. “but i want you here. with me.”

his forehead connected with yours.

“you’ll always have me.” he placed his hand over your heart, and you placed yours over his.

“always?”

“always.” he promised.

the matches were flawless. you played to your body’s ultimate limit. you were skating across the base line, the volley line, snapping your shoulder with everything you had for your serves.

“love, all.” the announcer began.

you were up serving first.

this was it.

the final match out of six. whoever won this, won the title.

you thought about lando. you thought about his breath against your neck. the texture of his stubble. the pride in his eyes. sweat dribbled from your forehead as you let the tennis ball bounce a few times before you to get a feel for the clay courts.

and with one fluent swing and leap, the ball was set into the air.

the cockpit was hot. lando was sweating profusely in the miami air. the humidity had changed their course of strategy at mclaren, but he agreed with his engineers wholeheartedly. there had been a safety car, and he abused it. attack it.

when he was rounding corner after corner, lap after lap, he only thought of you. he thought of you in your pretty tennis dresses. you and your bright smile. you and your comforting touches, kissing him goodnight. it had his racing heart relaxing, fingers flexing against the steering drive.

you were perfect. his perfect fucking girl. you were all his– his soon to be championship winner. and he wanted to make you a promise that he would win. he would win this for you.

‘you’re going to win tomorrow,’ you said idly from atop his hips. you looked towards him with such riveting devotion. such intimacy that he never imagined was possible for someone to convey. but with you, anything was possible.

the two of you were not so different from one another. the pressures you both faced were immaculate. it’s what held you both so heavily bonded to one another. you needed each other’s comfort. the touch of your hands. the sweetness of your lips. he didn’t give a fuck about codependency. fuck who ever came up with that.

he’s going to fucking win. he will win for you. whatever it takes, he will stand on that podium in the firelli hat, and dedicate it all to you.

the score was 40-40.

your body shook with adrenaline, muscles pounding beneath your layer of skin. your body pumped with red hot blood, blood of a future champion. this title would be yours. you knew that the minute you walked onto this court with your opponent.

he was a smug gentleman. too smug. you wanted to wipe that fucking look off of his face. bruise it black and blue if you could.

though your anger could be taken out on the court. you let it.

your strokes were harder. faster. your serve pace was up to 140mph. he couldn’t even get to most of them with how your body contorted mid air, slamming it down and leaving an indent into the clay. you were a powerhouse. a machine. a gauntlet of beauty.

and when you scored the winning point after an intense rally, jumping high into the air for an ace, you rocked back into the balls of your feet. your hips swung, racket thwanging, and you cheered; “come on!”

your anger for him was palpable. it blinded you enough to forget the crowds. the only thing you had on your mind was winning, and that you did.

the stadium lit up and you were met with a flushing amount of cheers. you were handed a towel from one of the members of your team before being swarmed with paparazzi.

they all complimented you. congratulated you. asked about certain points, but there was one member that caught your eye.

“lando’s in the lead!” a cameraman said from the back. your head raised, brows quirking.

“what did you say?” you forced a path for the man to walk forward. he accepted your invitation, holding up his phone screen in one hand.

sure enough, you saw the standings. lando was in first. your boy was in first.

your eyes widened. “this is live, isn’t it?” you were panting, wiping the sweat from your forehead with the lemon-scented towel.

the man nodded, holding a microphone to you.

“how do you feel right now?” you kept watching. lap 55.

you kept quiet, and the rest of the paparazzi did too.

lap 56.

your hands clasped together, raising them to your mouth.

“come on, baby…” you said beneath your breath. this was the longest minute of your life, you were sure of it.

and when he crossed the finish line, he was only thinking about you.

lando norris, first time grand prix winner, shrieked with joy over the microphone.

you did, too, jumping up and down from your place on the court. the paparazzi swarmed you again, anticipating what you had to say for the both of you.

“he’s incredible, isn’t he?” you gushed with a smile on your face, tears dripping down your cheeks.

“what a day for you two, isn’t it?”

you couldn’t agree more. “i’ll cheers to that.”

you practically ran through the paddock. your tennis dress was still on, your team was irritated that you didn’t stay for press. you didn’t give a fuck. you just wanted to see lando. you had the rest of your life to deal with the press, but he only had one maiden win.

you were greeted with a plethora of congratulations from the mclaren team. zak brown even caught a glance at you, waving you over.

“podiums just about to start.” perfect. you made it in time.

and when you saw him there, standing idly as they played the national anthem, you were brought to the front. the camera panned on you and your weeping expression, hand covering your mouth from your sobs.

he saw it from the distance and his head snapped down to find you. his own emotions couldn’t be contained, not with you there– you, here, looking beautiful in the sea of people– and the tears slid down his cheeks.

your face broke into a smile when he saw you. he was yours.

and you were his. and you were in this together.

forever and always.

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aceghosts · 2 years

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WIP Thursday

Hey Everybody! I've been tagged by @purplehairsecretlair, @poeti-kat, @clicheantagonist, @thomrainer, @natesofrellis, and @socially-awkward-skeleton to share what I've been working on. It's more Resident Evil stuff, but I promise I'm going to be working on the final edits of Chapter 6 of the Five Years Later AU soon.

Tagging: @sstewyhosseini, @hoesephseed, @marivenah, @allthearchetypes, @bluemojave, @nuclearstorms, @indorilnerevarine, @smithandrogers, @derelictheretic, and anyone else who has anything to share!

Stuff beneath the cut!

This first snippet comes from my RE Longfic, which I continue to chug away at the first draft of. Right now, this sits at chapter 12, which is going to be a lot of Hunter/Wesker hurt/comfort. However, this part of the chapter is more lighthearted:

Tiring of laying in bed, trying to fall asleep to no avail, Hunter climbs out, deciding to find Wesker. As they step out into the hallway, Hunter hears the soft sounds of piano music. They walk down the hallway silently, following the sound of the music. Drawing closer, Hunter recognizes the music: Moonlight Sonata. Jill once played for them at a party, showing off her rusty piano skills. This player is the opposite, quite skilled to Hunter’s untrained ear. Eventually, Hunter finds Wesker at the piano, fingers deftly moving over the keys. They lean against the entryway of the room, not wanting to disturb him. Wesker looks to be in peace as he plays, eyes closed behind his dark shades. Hunter notices he’s even changed his black turtleneck to a black sweater. They feel guilty and embarrassed, knowing they should have had their breakdown in private. Hunter spent so much time shoving those awful tears down that it angers them to know they had so little self-control at that moment. “Are you going to stand there, or would you like to join me?” Wesker asks, opening his eyes as he looks over at Hunter.

Swallowing guilty, Hunter joins him at the piano bench, sitting beside him at the edge of the bench. “Sorry, didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“You didn’t,” He still continues to play, “And you don’t have to sit so far away either.” Heeding his command, Hunter scoots closer to him, close enough while still giving him room to play. The two sit in silence, Hunter watching Wesker’s fingers. They’re entranced by his movements, never having seen someone so skillful. “Do you know how to play?”

Hunter shakes their head. “No. I wasn’t really the musically inclined one.” It wasn’t the whole truth. Truth was that Hunter didn’t know if they were musically inclined. Their family was too poor to afford something like piano lessons, especially for Hunter, first in line. “My younger sister, Fiona, was the musically gifted one. She used to play the flute.” Another half-truth. Once they could get a job, Hunter’s money went to helping to provide for their siblings. Part of their money went towards Fiona’s flute, allowing her to join the school band. Fiona had been good at it too, but she decided playing professionally wasn’t for her and gave it up after college. “So, how did you learn to play?”

So yeah, just a soft moment between Hunter and Wesker. I swear this makes more sense in the context of the chapter. And, plus there is going to be a little discussion of Wesker's and Hunter's childhoods. (I'm gonna have to do some head canoning on Wesker's end, lol.)

Although, I’m kind of having an issue with this fic, where I can’t decide if I’m straight up gonna make this a canon divergent fic from RE 5. That’s a whole separate issue for a different post.

The second snippet comes from a Hunter/Wesker prompt, involving the BSAA Agent! Hunter AU. It’s going to be a follow-up to a prompt that I wrote here. Here is a small snippet:

Wesker is quiet, strangely somber. “If someone else made you an offer, would you consider it?”

Hunter smirks. “Depends on who’s making the offer. For you, it’s an automatic no,” They tease Wesker, who shakes his head.

“I provide good benefits as an employer.”

“Only if people live long enough to see them.”

Wesker chuckles, smirking at them. “Fair enough.”

I still haven’t finished the first draft of this one, so I don’t want to give away too much.

#kate writes #the hunter fic tag #fic: dead man walking #rip to you if you followed me for anything but resident evil #I've just fallen so hard back into it lol

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rivetgoth · 3 years

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My most prominent & beloved OC ship/couple are EC and Eris. I talk about them occasionally but I wish I talked about them more cuz they are very dear to my heart. They are members of my fictional goth band KV7 who I have spoken of a bit in the past.

In short E.C., full name Eric Christian, is a synth player who was born and raised in a small town in Georgia. He was a punky troublemaker growing up. He is very very very quiet and likes to mostly keep to himself and be left alone. He has a tendency to kinda look at things in little pieces instead of ever considering the bigger picture, which makes him very good at experimental music and very bad at social interaction. He likes collecting lost trinkets and making weird artsy collages with them. He loves psychedelics and he can be a dick to people who try to talk to him if he’s just not in the mood. People often mistake him for being shy because of how quiet he is but he is genuinely just sort of an ass and a mega introvert and he just does not like to be bothered or like people that much lol.

Eris’ real name is Eric Sinclair. He’s a singer and bass player and is very outspoken and loud and friendly. He was born in Los Angeles but his family moved to Georgia when he was a still a kid. He never stopped missing the city. He was a choir boy in the local church and people always told him he had such a beautiful voice. His parents put him through hell as ultra conservative Christians due to his being very obviously effeminate even as a kid and as he got older he eventually ran away from home to get away from his family. He took on odd jobs and couch surfed in strangers’ homes while honing a drag persona called Eros and performing bad 80s pop music in clubs. Eventually he kinda moved on from Eros and changed his name to Eris as he became more invested in goth and industrial music. He is very warm and extroverted, although he is generally masking a lot of trauma.

Eris and EC met in high school. EC partly picked up his nickname to avoid confusion because of the fact that they were both named Eric. Back then the two really never interacted, Eris was still a little Christian choir boy and EC was getting suspended for smoking beneath the bleachers during PE so they had very little in common. Plus Eris was a year older than EC so they were in different grades. It wasn’t until they were both older that they met for a second time — EC was in college and working a part time job at a record store in the city, Eris had already run away and came in to shop — and recognized each other and began talking. They grew close really fast.

EC really likes Eris. He finds him really charismatic and intriguing but he’s not very good at voicing that. He admires how extroverted he is and feels more keen on trying to interact and talk when he’s around Eris (he is one of the few people who can convince EC to smile or talk for more than a few sentences at most lol). Eris likewise finds EC charming and kind of projects this romantic allure onto him due to his quiet/mysterious nature. Plus Eris is very talkative in nature and likes to be generally dominant in most situations so he’s happy to just talk at EC, who often enjoys just listening to him. They really really enjoy doing drugs and listening to music together.

Still, since they are both passionate artsy people with very different personalities they fight a LOT too. Their relationship is very turbulent and during their time in KV7 together they aren’t ever “officially” in a relationship, they both just like each other a lot and hook up really often, but at other times they’re not even on speaking terms. Still, that says a lot about how intense their relationship is, because again, EC is not even keen on speaking to most people, let alone yelling at the top of his lungs.

When KV7 disbands it’s due to EC finally making the call. Things go really sour after the band relocates to Chicago so that Ramses, the third (and founding) member, can work with his new partner Sugar. I have posted about him before. Things get more and more tense, Eris starts doing more and more drugs and becomes increasingly unstable. Sugar drives a really bad wedge between Ramses and his bandmates and kinda fucks with both Eris and EC’s insecurities as well. In the end EC is the one who ups and leaves and announces from a hotel room phone that he’s quitting the band and things really spiral for Eris.

That is NOT the end of their story… but it’s all I want to share here right now. One of my future writing projects is going to tell a lot of their story in-depth. EC and Eris both are very special important OCs to me and I adore them very much.

Here are the moodboards I made for the two of them. EC on the left, Eris on the right.

Some songs I associate with them as a couple are Chemlab’s Pyromance (Eris POV) and Queen of Despair (EC POV), Depeche Mode’s Shake the Disease (EC POV) and Strangelove (Eris POV), Lana Del Rey’s Fuck It I Love You and Mariner’s Apartment Complex (both Eris POV), and Duran Duran’s Last Chance on the Stairway (EC POV). There are others but that seems like a good collection to give some ideas.

They also have tags on my OC blog. Here is EC, and here is Eris. 🖤

#OCs

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raysofcrosby · 5 years

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LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 9

"𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦." ━ 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: cussing and angst, but nothing else tbh.

word count: 5,294 [of un-proofread material lol sorry]

authors note: HI EVERYONE!!! First off, I just want to wish you all a Happy Holiday season! I honestly didn’t think i was going to get anything out, but work has been extremely stressful and i needed to write and voila, part 9 lmfao. there’s only three more parts of the series left and i can’t believe it’s almost over! thank you to anyone who’s reblogged, liked, sent in a message, written in their tags or even took the time to read any part of this series– i love you all. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all! I hope you all have an amazing day and enjoy part 9!

Avoiding Jamie and Tyler after the shitshow that took place in Tyler's house Friday night, was your number one priority. Thankfully, the Stars were out of town in Nashville and weren't due to come back to Dallas until early Sunday morning. You weren't sure if Tyler still wanted you to watch the dogs, so the next morning after everything happened, you took an uber to his place. When you walked inside to feed the dogs and take them on their walk, they were nowhere to be found. You walked around the house, whistling and even going as far as to squeaking Gerry's favorite toy– but no sound of paws against the floor or the jingling of their collars. When you went to leave, the front door opened and John walked in, holding onto the three dogs' leashes. He looked surprised to see you and the moment the two of you made eye contact, you realized that he knew.

And it was obvious that your dog sitting services were no longer needed, so you rushed back to campus and practically locked yourself in a library study room, throwing yourself into studying for your last final.

If you thought back on it hard enough, you weren't sure if that was the final straw that jutted the metaphorical knife deeper into your stomach or what happened Sunday night when Big Rig came over. You had once again, spent the entire day throwing yourself into studying for your finals and by the time you returned back to your dorm room, Kennedy was ordering dinner in for her and Big Rig.

You hadn't meant to completely shut her out, but you honestly felt a little embarrassed at how everything came crumbling down. Tyler had yet to reach out, he pretty much fired you from taking care of the dogs, you're pretty sure that your brother pretty much disowned you...and Kennedy, though not as straight-forward, had warned you of it all. The last thing you wanted to do was feel worse than you did now...though that logic isn't working, because well, you were feeling pretty shitty.

Kennedy was your best friend for a reason and she knew better than anyone that when you were ready to talk about it all, you would. So, unfortunately for her, but lucky for you, she was dealing with your sadness with grace– aka by not complaining when you had your playlist blasting through your headphones or not commenting on how you were watching the notebook one too many a time.

By the time Big Rig had arrived at your dorm, you had shut off your computer for the night, buried yourself beneath the covers, rolled yourself towards the wall and had been trying to fall asleep for almost an hour. You thought that you'd be able to eventually fall asleep, maybe while they were just going to watch Criminal Minds and eat some dinner, but the moment that their hushed whispers grew a little louder, there was no hope.

"How is she doing?" He asked, talking softly as he kicked his shoes off onto the floor and hopped onto her bed, his tall and heavy frame causing it to buckle beneath him.

"Honestly? Not so good. " Kennedy sighed and you could feel her gaze lingering on your back. "Neither Jamie or Tyler have talked to her. She's been either spending all her time studying, blasting sad breakup songs, skimming through The Notebook or sleeping."

"Oh shit...The Notebook?"

Kennedy was silent but climbed onto her bed as Big Rig shifted and unloaded the delivery bag. "I even called her mom earlier, just to give her a heads up before she came home for Christmas in case she notices that two of her kids aren't talking. And then right after, Jordie reached out to me because Y/N wasn't answering him and neither was Jamie. So, I filled him in too."

You couldn't even be angry at her for the fact that she told both your mom and Jordie about what had happened. Firstly, the two of them already had some sort of clue as to what was going on between you and Tyler. Secondly, once again, she was just being your best friend and looking out for your best interest– plus now you didn't have to have that awkward conversation once you went home.

"Yeah, Jamie's uh..." Big Rig cleared his throat and you could tell that he was either trying to avoid talking about something or just trying to figure out how to say it.

"Was it bad yesterday?"

"Horrible," he sighed and shifted on the bed again, probably lying back. "Everyone knows."

"Everyone knows?" She asked, the confusion in her voice evident. "As in...they know about Y/N and Tyler?"

"They know everything."

"Jesus Christ! Is Jamie that fucking petty and pissed that he went and blabbered about it to the whole team?" She caught her voice elevating and stopped, placing their food off to the side. "I'm going to kill him. What an asshole and to do that to his own–"

"It wasn't Jamie."

"Then who–"

"Well, I mean, Bish was with Jamie when he...walked in on the two of them, so Jamie told Bish– but he already kind of had a feeling because Jamie said something about it." Big Rig cleared his throat again. "But no, it was some fan account on Instagram for wags, I guess?"

"Explain, now."

You heard him sigh and you contemplated making it known that you were wide awake, but you had to admit to yourself that you were a little bit interested.

"So it some small fan account for wags of the team, I guess. Anyway, so they make a post and they have pictures of Y/N and Tyler from nights we all went to the bar, to pictures of him picking her up from A.B.C. and even his Halloween party. It was like... spam of almost 10 pictures and you can see how close they are and it's not hard to guess that they have something going on."

"Okay, and how does this tie into the whole team finding out?"

"Everyone got tagged in it. Players, girlfriends, wives, I think even Tyler's family and Y/N too. By the time the plane took off, it was kind of common knowledge."

Your heart was racing against your chest and it felt like it could explode at any minute. Everyone on the team and their significant others knew, which meant the coaches and training staff probably knew. How the hell were you supposed to show your face in the locker room tomorrow without wanting to just disappear into thin air?

"Shit, this is pretty much Worst-case scenario. How is she supposed to walk into a room and treat them all for their weak bones when they all know about her and Tyler?" Kennedy sighed her gaze on you.

"I mean...I don't think anyone judges her for it, because she's still Y/N to them, you know?"

"It doesn't matter, J. Even if she's still just Y/N, they'll still probably look at her and think– 'oh wow, she's been boning our teammate. there's another notch on the belt.' And I know they're your friends, but with Tyler's reputation and all males sharing the same brain– you can't tell me that it's not true."

Big Rig was silent for a few moments before deciding to speak again. "The game was even worse. He and Tyler are barely speaking, the tension between them on the ice was obvious as hell. Add in the confusion with Montgomery being fired and the Instagram was the cherry on top of a Sunday that nobody wants."

"Was it that bad? The two of them?"

"A few of the guys and I were talking on the plane ride back and we're all afraid that something is going to happen at practice or in the middle of a game or something and the tension between them with just make the two of them implode."

"And that would be another worst-case scenario come true," Kennedy sighed again. "God, this is such a mess."

That was all you were able to stand before you sat yourself up and turned towards the two of them. You took in their shocked appearances and you knew that they had thought you were asleep and that if you weren't they wouldn't have had this entire conversation with you in the room.

"I'm sorry," you said, your bottom lip starting to tremble no matter how hard you tried to fight it. "It's all my fault that everything is so messed up because I'm just some stupid little girl with a stupid crush and I ruined a friendship and your team chemistry."

Kennedy looked at Big Rig and got up off of her bed and walked over to your bed. "This is in no way, shape or form your fault, Y/N. I want you to get that through your head right now. " She grabbed one of your hands and tugged on it, causing you to look at her. "Tyler is a big boy, he knew what he was doing and he knew the consequences of his actions. So you are not going to put the full blame on yourself."

"She's right," Big Rig spoke up, sitting up in her bed. "Besides, I don't think that they hate each other. I just think that Jamie is probably a little bit embarrassed because he feels like everyone knew what was going on and he didn't. Especially since Jordie and Bish both had their suspicions about it."

"See?" Kennedy smiled, squeezing your hand again. "Your big brother is just letting his itty bitty man pride get in the way of his common sense."

"He probably also thinks that Tyler was taking advantage of you," he cleared his throat, and his cheeks turned a hint of pink at his insinuation of yours and Tyler's relationship. "Especially since he's older and that Jamie trusted him to be like a brother to you whenever he wasn't around."

As comforting as they tried to make their words, they did nothing but only make you feel worse and that you were responsible for everything that had happened. You sniffled and shook your head, looking at the two of them. "I don't think I can finish the internship, not when everybody knows."

Kennedy was about to say something, only to be cut off by the sound of Big Rig's feet thumping against the floor. He had hopped off of the bed and nudged Kennedy to the side, standing in front of you. He tilted your chin up and made you look at him, seriousness written all over his face. "Absolutely fucking not. You are not going to let some tatted doofus make you quit, okay? This is your dream and as your second best friend, I'll be damned if I let you quit, got it?"

"Got it." You smiled and nodded as Kennedy reached in and wiped a tear from your cheek.

Big Rig smiled and patted the side of your cheek. "Good, now come eat some of this food with us."

❒❒❒❒

It turns out that your little bonding night with Big Rig and Kennedy was exactly what you needed. It wasn't a magical cure to fix everything, but it made you fall asleep a little easier that night. And when you woke up the next morning, you were ready to take on your last final just before you'd head off to the arena for the game. When you sat down to take your final, you felt confident in yourself and slightly more relaxed and at ease than you had been the last two days. However, that all changed the moment your Physiology and Anatomy final was placed in front of you and the time to take your test began. It was smooth sailing up until halfway through when you came upon a question that brought out a memory from your many study sessions with Tyler.

For this particular question, you had to identify and label abdominopelvic quadrants, then their divisions, as well as the planes of the body. And the moment you stared at the outlined body and the lines waiting to be filled and identified, your eyes brimmed with tears at the memory of Tyler.

How when you walked into his house that afternoon and ready to study, he was already making the two of you lunch– 'brain food for my brainiac!' And when it came time to label the quadrants and planes, you realized you had forgotten the sheet your professor had given you, at your dorm. Tyler, being as brazen as he was, stood up off of the couch, took off his shirt, held out his arms to his sides, looked at you with a crooked, goofy grin and said, 'go ahead, paint on me like one of your french boys.' And when you corrected him on what the actual movie quote was supposed to be, he just stuck his tongue out at you and said, 'turn me into a masterpiece.' And it took every bit of self-restraint that you had in your body to refrain from telling him that he already was.

When you wrapped up your final and started to make your way to your dorm room to meet Big Rig so the two of you could head to the arena, your next big dilemma crossed your mind: all of the dorms were closing in two days and you had nowhere to stay. You were originally supposed to stay with Jamie and Katie at his place until the two of you were going to fly home together, but you doubt that's an option anymore. But that was another problem for another day and you weren't going to worry about it until later because your only important issue today, would be how you would carry on in the training room today.

When it came time to enter the training room, Big Rig offered to walk in with you, but you told him that if you were going to do this, you would do it yourself and then you ushered him off towards the locker room. You expected your feet to move towards the door and open it before walking inside, but the longer you stared at it, the more frozen you were. You could hear the muffled voices mingling together on the other side of the door, which only made your heart race and the knot in your stomach tangle and tightens. The locker room door opened behind you and you froze, hoping that it wasn't Jamie or Tyler.

"You're still standing here?"

You turned to look at Big Rig, who was now dressed down from his suit and wearing some shorts and a shirt. "You act like I've been standing here for ten minutes."

"Try five, Y/N." He sighed and walked ahead of you, pushing the door halfway open and turning to you, nodding his head towards the door. "Come on, if there's one person who's one-hundred percent on your side, it's me."

You wanted to run into him and hug him tight, but you settled with thanking the Universe for sending Jamie Oleksiak your way before you followed him into the training room. As expected, the immediate conversation stalls, but only for a short second before it picks back up again. And if you weren't so focused on noticing any kind of difference, you might not have noticed that it paused at all. One thing that was extremely obvious though, was the way that all of the boys were looking at you. Sure, they were friendly, that's their character– but you could still see it in every pair of eyes, the fact that they knew about you and Tyler.

And you couldn't help but feel like they were judging you for it.

Klinger was the first one to come up to you while you were preparing Big Rig for his stretches, and you just had an overwhelming urge to hug the swede, but you resisted. "How did your final go, Y/N?" He asked, stopping by and leaning against the table Big Rig was sitting on.

It felt like things might ease back into normality, just based on his normal question and the conversations going on around you– it was like a weight off of your shoulders. "I bet that you aced it," Big Rig said, poking at you with his foot. "You're the genius Benn after all. You and Jenny must have the brains because I don't know what Jordie and Jamie got."

Right, when you went to reply, the door opened and on instinct, you turned to see who walked in. When you saw it was Jamie, it was as if every eye in the room was focused on the two of you. Jamie didn't bother to look your way, making his way over to the cabinet to grab some ibuprofen. "How did your final go?" He asked, his back turned to you and his voice void of any emotion.

"I think I did pretty good," you replied, feeling awkward as he kept his back to you before turning away and walking over towards another table, not even bothering to reply. You turned your attention to Klinger and gave him a small smile. "Thank you for asking, Klinger." You spoke softly.

He gave you a nod and patted your shoulder before going off back into the locker room. Everything felt fine and the awkward tension eased slightly as you went on helping Big Rig with his stretches. Sure, because of Jamie's presence, there was still a slight stir on tension as if everyone was expecting the two of you to implode right then and there– but it wasn't anything that couldn't be easily ignored. However, when the door opened again, this time Tyler walked through and it was like the air was sucked out of the room.

You felt yourself freeze as you went to adjust the band around Big Rig's foot and he tapped his foot against your hand, causing you to look at him. He took a deep breath and then breathed out slowly before nodding his head. You nodded back, still feeling everyone's eyes switching between focusing on you and focusing on Tyler. After you adjusted the band, you went over to your desk, instinctively picking up athletic tape before sitting down in your chair, waiting for someone else to ask for help.

"Hey, John, how long do you think you'll be?" Tyler asked, barely brushing by Jamie to grab a heating pad before pacing it onto his shoulder.

"What do you want done?" John replied, looking up from a separate cabinet.

"My ankles?"

"Give me two and I can help."

Tyler nodded, adjusting the heating pad before walking right back out of the locker room, not even bothering to look in your direction. You were crushed and fighting like hell not to have it show on your face as you sat in your chair, gripping the athletic tape tightly. Soon, tapping your foot against the floor became another way to prevent yourself from giving in to your emotions and before you knew it, Bishop was calling for your attention at Big Rig's table as he hopped off. "Yeah?"

"Can you come over for a second? I need you to help me tape my thumb for me real quick." You walked over, your supplies already in hand and stood in front of the goalie. "How are you doing?"

"Good, especially now that classes are done," you smiled, exhaling lightly. "Now I get to relax...sort of."

"No, Y/N," he said, looking around the room before leaning in closer. "How are you really doing?" The way he raised an eyebrow slightly, gave you a hint as to what he was asking.

You were slightly embarrassed that he was asking you, but at least he wasn't being so blunt and loud about it. "Embarrassed, sad," your eyes lingered away from taping his thumb and over to your brother, who had a focused and zoned in look on his face. "Is disowned too dramatic?"

He laughs lightly, but his lack of answer lets you know that your feelings are completely valid. "I'm sorry by the way," you apologized, cutting the athletic tape. "For making things awkward around here."

"They're grown men, they'll figure it out," he shrugged, watching as you finished taping his thumb. "Don't worry about that, worry about you."

"Do you think I made a mistake?" You asked as he hopped off of the table.

He looks like he wants to say yes, or maybe you're just overthinking it. He shrugs his shoulders and gives you a half-smile. "Is it a mistake if it makes you happy?"

His reply lingered in your mind as you watched him leave the room before returning to your chair. You placed your supplies onto the desk and spun yourself around to face the wall, thinking about what he said and for once, not feeling all too guilty about your decision.

❒❒❒❒

You've never been happier at the fact that you had to stay in the training room during a game. You took solace in the quiet as the muffled music, announcements and cheers were on the other side of the door. Normally, you'd spend this time studying, but since you were done with all of your finals...you had nothing to do but play on your phone, make sure that the training room was clean and of course help any player who came in with something John sent them back to you for.

The game wasn't going so well the second period was almost over and Dallas was down 2-0. Kennedy was sitting with Katie and sending you updates on how Big Rig was doing, but other than that, you were too busy watching random videos on youtube. You're watching one of those astrological card reading videos when you hear the announcers muffled voices yelling about a hit, a fight and then bickering. By the time you were fully able to focus and take out the one headphone, they were done announcing it and the crowd was roaring– a mix of boos and cheers, you couldn't tell. Right when you went to go back to your video, a text message from Kennedy popped up.

"j took a high stick to the face, ty went to go fight the guy who kept trying to go back after j."

"j and ty arguing...it looks ugly."

You clicked on the message, ready to reply and ask for a more specific update when the locker room door swings open violently and Tyler walks in with a pissed look all over his face and blood on his jersey. You weren't sure if it was trainer mode, friend mode or that your feelings were coming into play, but you left your phone on your desk and ran over to him. "Holy shit, Tyler are you okay?"

He looked as if he was mumbling to himself, the anger still evident on his face as he ignored your question. "I'm just going to take your helmet off for you," you said, reaching up to grab his helmet. "Just to make sure the blood isn't coming from–"

As if he snapped back into focus, he stumbled back, looking at you. "Don't touch me!"

You were startled at how loud and angry he sounded. You've never seen him this angry outside of a hockey game, so seeing it first hand right now, was terrifying. But you needed to do your job, so you weren't backing down. "No, I need to check to make sure that your head isn’t bleeding, Tyler. So just let me–"

"Just– don't!" He said, this time glaring at you, the anger on his face still there, but the look in his eyes softening the moment they took in the slight fear on your face. "God, you're acting like...like," he waved his hand in the air as if the words he was looking for were there to catch. "Like some obsessed hook up!"

Your jaw dropped and as if he just understood the words that left his mouth, the anger started to fade off of his face and for a moment, he looked like he might apologize.

The door swung open again, this time Jamie walking in and stopping just a little into the room. His eyes took in just how close the two of you were standing together and he scoffed. "Of fucking course."

Tyler spun around and pointed at Jamie. "Oh shut the fuck up, Jamie. I stood up for your ass just now."

"You think fighting Draisaitl is sticking up for me when you're the reason why he made that fucking comment?" Jamie yelled, his voice getting deeper, something that always happened whenever he got angry. "You wouldn't have to 'stand up for me' if you were focused and knew where to pass the damn puck instead of daydreaming about getting laid!"

"Guys, stop!" You said, trying to move past Tyler to get in between the two grown men, a huge sense of deja vu washing over you. "Jamie, are you okay?"

"Oh, now you seem to care what I think? Where was this before you started sleeping with my best friend?" And there it was, the aggression pointing towards you– the real reason why he was probably upset anyway.

"I asked if you were okay, not for your fucking opinion column, Jamie." You sniped, reaching up and taking off his helmet before tossing it onto a table and going towards where the suture kit was kept so you could pull it out for whoever was coming in to stitch him up. "You have a cut on your forehead.”

"I am focused on this game, so fuck you, Jamie!"

"Really?" Jamie scoffed, shaking his head. "So you're not focused on the fact that you're gonna go home with Maisy and probably get laid tonight?"

You froze, just as you turned back with the suture kit and glue in hand– that one name sending you into a small panic. You looked to Tyler before looking at Jamie, who was just shaking his head. "Oh Y/N, you didn't know? Maisy's here. You know who Maisy is, you remember?"

Tyler shook his head. "What are you–"

"Don't even play coy, Seguin. Katie texted me before the game and said she bumped into Maisy, who coincidentally is sitting in the same seats that you got her last year."

At this point, you felt like you were going to be sick. You had asked Tyler about Maisy and he told you everything. How yeah, she was one of his main hook-ups last season, that he cut it off completely in the summer, it was never super serious and that they haven't talked since.

But Maisy was here in the same seats Tyler gave her last season and Tyler wasn't arguing back...so maybe he didn't tell you everything.

"Why is that, Tyler?" Jamie asked, raising his eyebrows. "Why is Maisy here? Did you get what you wanted from my little sister so you went back to–"

Tyler lunged at Jamie just as Craig walked into the room. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell is going on?" He asked, looking at you as the two fuming hockey players stood apart from one another.

Jamie and Tyler say nothing, only moving onto opposite tables as Craig points Jamie to sit down. "Y/N, can you help Tyler with gluing that cut? It shouldn't be too much."

It felt like your entire body was throbbing as you stood there, still trying to take in the information that Jamie just shared. You looked at Jamie who was fuming and glaring at Tyler. And when you looked at Tyler, his anger was written all over his face, but there was something else mixed in that you couldn't quite pinpoint. When you finally looked at Craig, you shook your head. "I think I'm going to be sick."

You pushed the kit into his chest before running out of the training room and down the hallway, finding the nearest restroom. When you locked yourself inside of a stall, you hunched over the toilet, the tears falling from your eyes and into the toilet bowl as the sobs wrecked you. Everything seemed like it would be okay, but what had just happened in the game tonight and in the training room– proved otherwise. There's no way you'd be able to complete this internship in one piece. You went to reach for your phone to text Kennedy, but only then did you realize that it was sitting on your desk.

There's no way you'd be able to go back into that room with Jamie and Tyler being there together– you wouldn't survive. And it turns out, bathrooms make pretty good hiding spots.

By the time you had deemed the coast to be clear, you made your way back into the training room once the third period started and you knew no one would be in it. When you walked into the empty room, you sent Kennedy a text, asking her to meet you in the hall after the game and then you spent the rest of your time wishing that the game would just end.

The Stars lost 2-1 and Tyler scored a goal in the third. Once upon a time, not too long ago, Tyler would've joked that he scored that goal for you– 'his number one fan beside his mom'– but now you couldn't help but let your mind wander over into if he ever told Maisy the same.

As promised, Kennedy met you in the hallway with Katie by her side. Katie was explaining all of last season of the Maisy and Tyler saga to you and Kennedy, but you wanted no part of it, so you zoned yourself out, staring at the end of the tunnel, wondering if you'd see her walk down this way. By the time both Jamie and Big Rig came out of the locker room, there was still no sign of Maisy and you couldn't help but wonder if she was waiting out there for Tyler or even if at all.

"Y/N, are you coming home with us?" Katie asked, giving you a friendly smile and ignoring the glare in her direction that was coming from your brother.

You weren't ignoring it though and though it was there, you knew how to read your brother and beneath that glare were hints of sadness. But you didn't care, you were still angry at him for the stunt he pulled in the training room and sad at the fact that up until today, he hadn't bothered to talk to you– and even then, it was aggressive. You looked at Big Rig and nodded your head in his direction. "No, they're just going to drop me off before they go to his place."

Your walk from the hallway and through security and parking to Big Rig's car felt like a blur as Kennedy and Big Rig were focused on their conversation. As you got into the back of the car, you leaned forward between the passenger and driver's seats. "I sent my mentor an email during the game tonight and I have a meeting with her on Thursday to talk about the required hours of my internship and see if I've met them yet."

Kennedy turned back to face you so fast, you were sure she was going to have whiplash. Big Rig, as clueless as ever, looked between you and Kennedy. "What does that mean?"

Kennedy kept looking at you, raising an eyebrow and you just nodded. She sighed and turned to Big Rig. "It means she's done being your trainer."

#tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin oneshot #tyler seguin writing #nhl imagine #nhl writing #nhl oneshot #hockey imagine #hockey oneshot #hockey writing #tyler seguin one shot #hockey one shot #nhl one shot #ldyk fic #my writing

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class-wom · 5 years

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Legion Chapter 24 “Morning After”-Thoughts – SPOILERS!!!

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SPOILER TERRITORY

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Okay, as I mentioned in a previous tag from a previous reblog, where Shakespearean tragedy analogies/comparisons are concerned, this is looking less and less like Romeo and Juliet (doomed star-crossed lovers, but hey, at least their folks kissed and made up at their funerals, so to speak!) or Hamlet (huge “pile o’ bods,” including the struggling title character, but hey, at least he finally avenged Daddy’s death and left Horatio behind to tell the tale!) and more like MacBeth. And frankly, that’s really hard for me to take, because I hate MacBeth!!! (That being said, yeah, Lenny is now officially a classic Lady MacBeth figure. Out damned spot indeed!) And it seems rather ironic to me now that the body count we thought was “a thing” by the end of the Pilot -- dead Lenny, dead Clark -- really is a thing now. (...or is it?!? Duh-duh-DUHHHHHHHH!!!)

On the bright side (yes, I’m determined to find one -- LOL!), good and/or bad, there was a lot that happened in this ep that imo needed to happen if we’re going to reach a halfway-decent conclusion for better or worse. And let’s not make the decision there just yet, though we’re kind of left in a position to anticipate the latter imo.

Clark’s fate? love him or hate him, yeah, he had to go imo, because to me he was a vengeful fly in the ointment who only back-burnered his David-grudge from Chapters 9 to 19 due to lack of sufficient evidence of David being a threat (a terribly useful tool in Farouk’s “bag o’ tricks;” please let us remember how casually Farouk literally flicked him off in the closing scenes of Chapter 18!), and consequently only succeeded in his relentless pursuit and obsession in making a bad situation ten times worse and more complicated in the long run. I’ve mentioned before that Daniel’s lines in Chapter 20 made the consequences of Clark’s one-track mind perfectly clear, which brings me to Daniel’s fate: Yeah, this is definitely one to file under “Okay, if you want me to badmouth David, I’ll go with this one; what he did to Daniel was (borrowing from Clueless) way harsh and completely unnecessary and cruel.” Funny that it happened before he took down Clark, who again did have to be removed if any headway is to be made in any direction imo. But maybe that’s part of the point being made here: Okay, fine, go ahead and hate David for savagely taking down Daniel’s mental capacity as collateral damage, if you like. But in the end, what put him in the line of fire in the first place? His love for and loyalty to the obsessed (”focused”) Clark. So could it be possible that, consciously or otherwise, Clark was so focused on taking down David by whatever means necessary that he was willing to put his partner at risk in the process? and doesn’t that make him as bad as David, allowing his obsessions to distract him from and ruin what he holds dear? Not an excuse, mind, but just a thought. It’s just that there are so many more of David at this point that it’s easier to spot in his case! LOL!

Which leads me to the next batch of things that happened that needed to imo: The long-overdue Sydvid talk and Syd’s discovery of David’s alters. Now regarding the former, this brings me to a tiresome sore point in light of the Chapter 23 gulag scene, namely the “one step forward/two steps back”-type of scenario where David has a much-needed confrontation that reveals his deep-seated pains and struggles beneath his dark persona, but GOTCHA! -- the whole thing turned out to be a trick, and David’s back to his guarded ruthless self as a result. Still, hopelessly optimistic viewer that I am, I’d like to think some much-needed seeds were planted during the talk: Even if Syd was deliberately attempting to lull David into letting his guard down (via SK’s Chapter 21 cringe-worthy promise to “teach you to lie so well that he’ll thank you as you stab him in the back”) by saying everything he wanted (and imo needed) to hear. (Yeah, since David made a point of mentioning how he used to trust her, we’ll see how well he trusts her in future after that stunt!!! 🙄) I’d like to think that, whatever state she may be in at this point (there’s the possibility that she may not take a literal physical form, but hey, after the whole Lenny S1-S2 Saga, who knows with this show?), she’ll know a lot better than to trust Farouk from now on. (David was right about that when he said she shouldn’t have trusted him!!!) I like the fact that she at least admitted that she had been jealous!!! So at least she came out and stated the obvious; I was pleased about that!

And now that it’s happened, I can go ahead and say it: Yes, the Sydvid Body Swap, Syd-trick or otherwise, needed to happen, because Syd needed to see what was/is driving David and making him behave the way he has been all this time. I was shocked as to how quickly it transpired: I wasn’t expecting it for a few more eps, tbh, and yeah, I was kind of hoping it would end a little more optimistically, with Syd and the Davids eventually talking things over, but depending on wherever Syd is mentally now (in David’s mind? somewhere in the stratosphere? I know that the next ep, which I may miss altogether but follow up on via summaries in the name of continuity, will follow her on the astral plane, so idk, maybe she’s just in a deep coma right now physically), maybe it could still happen with three eps to go?

Also, on a side note, I liked watching DS’s “Syd-as-David” drag RK’s weakly protesting “David-as-Syd” down the halls muttering, “It’s okay, David! I gotcha!” Took me awhile to figure out wtf Syd was up to and what she was really trying to pull during the discussion, complete with her tipping her hand about Switch’s whereabouts; I concur with a tweet I read dismissing it as a stupid plan on the part of Syd, quite frankly, thereby minimizing sympathy somewhat imo for her current position. But I still enjoyed watching that post-swap part for some reason; acting-wise, that had to be a challenge for both DS and RK, so props there! (And okay, yeah, Syd using David’s powers to blast his knife-wielding followers? On the one hand, I feel sorry for them, but on the other, I concede with reluctance that it was kind of cool, if for no other reason that I no longer have to listen to them call him “Daddy”! ROTFL! Not sure what annoys me more, their calling him “Daddy” or Farouk calling him “My son” or “My baby.” Let’s put it at a photo finish, shall we? LOL!)

Okay, on to the Lenny Shocker -- and to me, it was a shocker! Yet there was a huge dropped ball in this scene that annoyed me: As Lenny was calling David out on his narcissism, why the heck didn’t he point out that the only reason he was keeping her around and/or she had a body in the first place -- a body destroyed by Syd, accidentally or otherwise, using David’s body and powers, I might add!!! -- was because Farouk destroyed the only tangible family, adopted or otherwise, in order to grant her request for a physical body and freedom? He would have certainly had grounds to do so, Heaven only knows! Okay, fine -- not saying that Hawley & Co. had to call up Katie Asleton to get her to film new scenes; a few flashbacks and/or at least the name-drop of Amy would have been good enough for me. But I’ll give NH credit: There may have been a case in which he did write such a line in this scene for David, and heck, maybe it was even filmed, only to be cut at the request of the FX execs who argued that it would cause the ep to run too long to ironically run that Twizzlers ad during the commercial breaks. (Anyone else catch that in the “Lenny Swan Song”-ep with regard to a sponsor choice? that couldn’t have been a coincidence! LOL!) Perhaps the best part of the scene (at least imo), David shedding visible and genuine tears as Lenny slowly bleeds to death, was supposed to indicate this, that the closest thing he had nearby to remind him of a true family was slipping away from him. Interesting ref during the Sydvid talk that he later describes this as “abandonment” and equates it with his parents. I guess that’ll work for now, but I would have liked to at least hear the Amy-ref, since it’s safe to call that moment the turning point in S2, David’s realization of Lenny’s true identity. JMO.

And while the World Wide Web is crying “There’s no doubt about it, David truly is a villain now!” can we just take a look at Farouk in this ep once and for all and say “Yeah, okay, whatever, but that doesn’t mean that Farouk is good by default!”? (I know, I know -- two wrongs don’t make a right, as I keep saying, but again, Farouk’s old enough to have a better idea of what he’s doing, and apparently for all his coolness, even he in the end underestimates his competition!) Puppet master, master Chess player (oooh, a Xavier/Magneto ref! LOL!), etc., etc. -- we definitely see Farouk as nothing more than a master manipulator. Yet he’s not completely successful in his control over D3, and since the D3/Summerland gang has changed so dramatically and frustratingly over the course of this show to the point where I’m not even sure I can root for the Loudermilks anymore (Kerry’s excitement about going to space was kind of fun, though!), I’m not sure whether to be pleased or disappointed in this turn of events and the inevitable parting of the ways. (Or at least I would hope so; perhaps he’ll use Syd’s apparent condition to his advantage, idk.) Frankly, I’m coming more and more to the conclusion that there is going to be no true winner at curtain’s end no matter how you slice it; at best, perhaps some parties will come away with a bittersweet sense of closure, and that’ll be about it.

Regarding Farouk’s underestimation of his control over the situation, I liked Switch’s suddenly popping up to help David, but if she’s incarcerated in a hibernation chamber, how the heck did she manage to snap out of it so quickly? That had a rather deus ex machina-feel to it imo. I may have missed something, idk; quite possible with this type of a show. LOL!

And as often happens, I guess I had a little more to say the morning after than I thought I did! 😂

#Legion #Chapter 24 #Spoiler Discussion

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horror-bot · 6 years

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Prompt: Meet the Mun~

Bit of a long post. Info and more pictures beneath the cut.

Star sign: Capricorn

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

Be Quiet and Drive - Deftones

Lucky - Radiohead

Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters

Rain Dance Maggie - RHCP

Grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what line is 17?

"This sends unease creeping through him -- her knowing, or sensing, his thoughts -- and he finds himself searching for a way to shift the conversation smoothly, searching so intently that he fails to register the piercing screak of the tavern door opening, fails to notice the heavy footsteps making their way toward them over the warped floorboards." - Ship of Theseus by J. J. Abrams & Doug Dorst

Ever had a poem written about you?

A couple times, actually. Not the romantic sort though LOL

When was the last time you played the air guitar? I'm more of an air bass player, personally.

One sound you hate and one you love:

Love: the sound of the ocean

Hate: the fucking doppler effect

Do you believe in ghosts? Only in pottery class.

Do you believe in aliens? I mean... there’s gotta be something else out there.

Do you drive and if so have you gotten in a crash?

Yes and yes. Once in the middle of a snowstorm, driving down the highway, and the front-right tire literally just... fell off the fucking car (it was old, and the lug nuts had been loose for a while, which warped the... it was just a clusterfuck of bad luck >.<). Thankfully, no one was hurt.

Another time, also in winter, I hit a patch of black ice going around a corner at about 55 mph. I spent the night in a ditch, because no cell service, but again, I wasn't hurt in the process. Just... really fucking cold >.<

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

It's kind of a gamble. Sometimes it's not so bad, but it's one of those smells that can trigger a migraine for me.

Last movie you’ve seen?

I've been in horror movie mode all month (that's kind of an all-the-time thing, but moreso for obvious seasonal reasons ^-^), so a lot of them are kind of... blurring together. It was either The Fly (1986) or The Thing (1982)

Worst injury you’ve ever had? I busted up my knee so bad that I've spent the last 5 years in and out of surgery, so I'm going to go with that.

Do you have any obsessions right now? Looking at awesome apartments (about to move) and being endlessly excited about being able to get a doggo again :D

Do you hold grudges?

Not really, no. It's too exhausting, y'know? I'm more than willing to work on stuff, but sometimes, things just... end, for one reason or another, and it's best to just speak your piece and move on.

Tagged by: @stygian-steel (I know it’s a week late, but... technically still Munday lol)

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anxiety-trademark · 4 years

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The week in review:

Raw 12/07 NXT 12/09 NXT UK 12/10 Smackdown 12/11

Raw:

Nia hyping up Shayna. That’s nice.

Shayna vs Asuka should’ve been a ppv match during Asuka’s reign. They don’t seem to care that much about protecting Shayna in tag matches, as she always eats the pin, so I’m not sure why they protect her so much in singles. She submitted Asuka (along with everyone else) in the elimination chamber, Asuka should want to prove herself better than Shayna. This is why I liked Becky’s reign, I loved the aspect of her collecting her debts against people who had wronged her, and the sideplates of the former champions she beat. That jacket was dope. The story was dope.

Man Shayna is so strong, that girl is built like a bull. I swear her bmi must be as low as Bayley’s.

How did Shayna of all people make taking a release German suplex look better than like a dozen other women in the past year? Good for her. Knows how to actually jump.

Lol so Lana willingly jumps onto Nia’s shoulders in the position of a powerbomb, and as Nia is walking her over to the announce desk, Lana sends Nia into it with a headscissors takedown. That’s great.

Lana’s just running away lmao.

Shayna just ate an L via rollup. See? Protection.

I was gonna force myself to sit through Dana’s backstage segment with Ricochet, but then Riddle popped up, and honestly? Can’t be bothered.

Welp I don’t do mixed tag matches unless they’re compelling... which this is not.

Hate: Asuka being a cheerleader for fucking Lana. She is the Raw women’s champion, does anyone remember this??? Terrible stuff.

Love: Asuka leaving Lana with some stupid mantra to repeat to herself before Lana turns to find herself face to face with Nia. Great stuff.

Nia just shaking her head as Lana slowly, oh so slowly, backs away. Fantastic. See this would all be a compelling midcard feud if the Raw women’s title wasn’t involved, is that a fair complaint? I feel like that’s a fair complaint.

Points to Nia for not breaking.

Highlight: Nia intimidating Lana backstage by merely looking at her

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NXT:

Toni claims Ember stole her thunder, and honestly? I can see it. They both moved (back, in Ember’s case) to nxt the same night, and which one was given the promo time in the middle of the ring to start off the following week’s show? Not Toni. Who was propelled into a feud almost immediately against Dakota, a top player? Not Toni. Who got the opportunity to share the ring with former nxt champion Rhea in the main event? Not Toni.

Well apparently Io doesn’t like Toni lmao.

Io sets Toni up for the moonsault, and Toni rolls out of the ring. I criticize wwe for being predictable, but I’m gonna be honest when I say that I did NOT predict Ember running down from out of nowhere just to topple Toni. That was great. Shame this is absolutely leading to a tag match.

So Ember rolls Toni back into the ring and Io hits the moonsault... and then proceeds to pin her before she realizes what she’s doing and rolls off lol. Should’ve just committed, crowd would’ve counted to 3 for her and it would’ve been great.

That’s right Raquel, go destroy Ember in the name of Dakota. Can’t believe my second favorite performer on that roster isn’t there tonight. BLASPHEMY.

Xia out here striking wooden pegs and I can actually see the purpose. Boa getting the shit beat out of him? Not understanding the point there. They call it penance, but Wade is right, looks like torture. Guess it’s more of a mental thing though, right? Break the nerves and sensitivity?

*The Way celebrates their TakeOver victories* No.

Wow Ember gets the main event match again? Man, yikes for Toni. Cool for Raquel though, this is the furthest she’s gone in her singles career without Dakota.

That Eclipse onto those 2 chairs was brutal, Dakota is a trooper.

I really dislike Ember’s persona, and I would love to see her be humbled. She did jack shit on the MR and has the audacity to run back to nxt beaming with arrogance?

Nice, Raquel hits Ember with a boot to the midsection as Ember’s in midair, and she flies back a few feet. Impactful.

Why is Ember selling her lower back? Is that genuine? An ongoing injury, or something from WarGames?

Kind of a slow moving headscissors into a tornado ddt, but it’s such a beautiful move that I don’t even care.

Does Ember typically do her suicide dive through the bottom and second rope? If so, I’m beginning to understand why hers looks so friggin brutal. Peeps going through the second and top rope always kind of gracefully land on their opponents. Ember looks like a missile.

That’s cool; Ember’s crazy ass was climbing up some metal thing, Raquel goes over and pulls her off, Ember lands perfectly on Raquel’s shoulder in a one armed fireman’s carry, then Raquel tosses her face first into the ring post. Ember landed perfectly on the apron, too. Good spot.

Raquel is dangling through the ropes with her head near the ring post and Ember charges at her on the apron. Raquel eats a knee to the side of the head but puts her hand up between her and the ring post so she doesn’t accidentally smack her head against it. She’s very safe and aware of her surroundings, I’m noticing. That’s gonna take her really far.

That was a good match. I can see why Raquel is getting set up for a push. She’s safe, strong, sells well, has an intimidating look, and is serviceable on the mic. I can see the appeal.

Toni’s come to deliver a receipt to the receipt she received herself.

LMFAO Toni goes to pull up Ember and jumps when she hears Rhea’s music. That history runs DEEP. That was hilarious, she genuinely looks shook.

Oh that focus in Rhea’s eyes is great. Man she’s come so far this past year.

Rhea is such a solid babyface. She does all the right things as a leader of the division would without going overboard and coming off as a doormat. Asuka is the complete opposite; does nothing to help her division from unfair shenanigans, and when she does, she come off as an idiot.

Man that tension between Rhea and Toni is thick. They’re like the same age too, right? Their futures will be heavily entwined.

...Alright well honestly I was more enchanted by the concept of a Rhea/Toni feud, even though we’ve seen that like 3 times, than a rehash of Rhea/Raquel. I knew this was coming, but you’re kind of killing my vibe, here.

I actually really liked the Raquel/Rhea fight but I feel like they have subzero heat outside of an actual match. They suck at hyping a future fight between each other. Basically they’re the exact opposite as Rhea/Toni, since Rhea and Toni have like... never had a good match, yet always know how to sell one to me anyway lmao.

Highlight: Ember vs Raquel

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NXT UK:

Jinny out here calling Piper a wild animal lol. Her in-match dialogue sucks, but I’m here for her as a promo.

“[Isla] has yet to really kick out of first gear [...] what does Isla Dawn need to do to keep her momentum moving forward?” She needs to literally move out of first gear and work on her stamina, holy shit. She’s one of the weakest in the cardio department imo.

Since I’m already being critical, Xia is super overhyped and I need everyone to calm down. She has a lot to work on before she should even be considered midcard.

Yes sure, Xia has technical fundamentals and literally nothing else. Oh she’s only 22? That makes more sense. Man the UK stars are young lol.

We’ve finally moved past wrist locks, miracles have occurred.

Imagine being a kickboxer and not utilizing that in your arsenal. Look at that, suddenly I’m actually being entertained by Isla for the first time. More miracles have occurred.

Xia “look at my fundamentals” Brookside, can you please explain who you’re yelling ‘come on’ to? There is literally nobody there. Are you hyping me up? Hm?? Hyping me up for another hurricanrana???

Xia very obviously helped roll Isla out of the ring there.

I really need announcers to stop assuming every wrestler is about to do a suicide dive/is gonna fly/do a high risk move. It’s seldom they toss out this assumption and are wrong, but every time I’ve seen it the performer went to do a mere baseball slide beneath the bottom rope, having typically never performed a suicide dive before.

That was awkward. Isla did no offense as Xia went to grab her off the ground, but Xia backed off and just looked at her. Then Xia no sells a punch to the midsection. ???

Oddly enough, suitcase luggage being delivered ring side isn’t the strangest thing I’ve seen in this match.

So they’re props for a mid-match promo from Nina meant to distract Xia. Distracted Xia turns around and eats an awkwardly slow kick to the neck, which she awkwardly sells, before Isla wins with a... back body drop?? What a finish :/

Highlight: That fleeting moment where Isla entertained me

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Smackdown:

Sasha gets to kick off the show? That’s a first.

Saw someone today say that Sasha only works as a babyface if she’s an underdog or if she’s generally more of a “fun” character. Said there was no positive energy around her as a babyface right now. Honestly her character sucks.

Also saw someone claim Carmella was a better version of Sasha and I’m not disagreeing with that sentiment. They should probably be on different brands in their current characters.

“How fast can I make Carmella cry” Sasha sweetie, you are the last person that should be mentioning making someone cry.

God she even has that stamp. Why is this girl not a heel? What the hell are wwe doing pushing Charlotte and Sasha as babyfaces? They gonna try to turn Becky heel again if she comes back before crowds return? Imagine a world where Charlotte and Sasha are babyfaces while Bayley and Becky are running around as heels. oof. 75% of the way there.

Carmella is great, truly. One of the best promos in the women’s division, probably in my top 3 tbh. Glad to see her relevant in the spotlight once again.

They really are 2 sides of the same damn coin.

Sasha shouldn’t need Bayley to prop her up anymore. Enough of that well. It’s bone dry.

To be honest, it does still feel like Bayley’s show; it does still feel like she runs things, and that’s a testament to not only her booking and her massive success over the past year, but also to how she carries herself and how far her character has come. She’s absolutely on par with Becky and Charlotte now imo (which is why I wanted her to win the Royal Rumble and potentially main event night one of WrestleMania, but I digress) she’s beyond the need of having a title to be the main attraction. I never thought the 3 of them would all surpass Sasha in accolades, star power, and promo skills... but here we are.

Bayley back there talking shit about Bianca rofl.

Omg that captain thing was great. Bayley is creative and fun, and knows how to keep herself from becoming stagnant or dull. Points to Bayley.

Oh Bianca kept those insults from last week’s online exclusive. I love when wwe tests shit in online exclusives, sees the reaction, and then has the talent run that same promo/interview on tv the next week. This happens constantly. Love it.

Friggin love Bianca’s shirt. wwe should’ve printed out a ton of them. I would’ve copped the coin for it.

Girl has legit receipts rofl alright.

Called Nattie the boat. Subtly hyping up her coworkers. Solid.

Lmao Bianca ran Bayley off with her receipts. This is fun. This is a fun feud.

“I’m gonna beat the disrespect out of Sasha,” that’s a good line.

See Carmella has been doing that cackle long before Sasha started it up, and she’s better at it too. Sasha just needs to change things.

Why is Carmella calling Reggie ‘Tommy’? Is this like a dig at his name not mattering or was that a screw up? Couldn’t have been a screw up, she would’ve improvised. Do I have his name wrong? Am I the dumb one???

I need to start watching Raw Talk and Talking Smack. They won’t be a part of these “reviews” (ramblings) but still. I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of fun.

So I know this partnership between Nattie and Billie Kay is super temporary, but I still find it curious.

Okay so Liv tags in Ruby, runs to her, and Ruby sweeps up Liv into a wheelbarrow before Liv rolls through and trips Ruby, driving her into Billie Kay’s midsection. I’m gonna be honest guys, stuff like that is cool to see, but you could’ve literally just speared Billie Kay and saved everyone a ton of time and effort. Work smarter not cooler. Maybe situationally that potentially wouldn’t be terrible, but that was terrible tonight.

“Natalya probably the most powerful in this matchup” lol SIR. Natalya is probably the most powerful in the entire main roster, and only Bianca could be a contradiction. Curious to know which one is stronger, pound for pound and in general.

...Is Ruby okay? I’m concerned. She goes to give Billie Kay a Riott kick before Liv even gets her part of their combo finisher in, and then after she delivers her Riott kick, she crawls over to Natalya’s corner. Was Natalya not in place for a spot or something? Is Ruby on 4 shots of espresso too many??

This match was serviceable. Obviously it’s meant to merely advance Billie Kay’s storyline, so.

*Mario Lopez weighs in on Sasha vs Carmella* I’m good thnx.

Was... was that sheet real? Does Carmella actually dance behind a real sheet that drops down for her to walk down the ramp??

Man I gotta hear Sasha’s awful remix twice tonight, shame.

Lol how is Carmella being a WrestleMania battle royal winner more impressive/important than her being a champion for like 100 fucking days??? She has wins over Asuka, Becky, and Charlotte. THAT is more impressive than winning that stupid battle royal.

I guess I can see why Sasha being Snoop Dogg’s cousin is more important than some of her previous accolades, but jfc Carmella resume to casual viewers is dumb.

Someone in the audience had their camera pointed up to a ceiling fan and you know what? Points to that person.

I like the countering of each others’ submissions. Both scouted their opponent well.

Carmella will always be such a natural trash talker with a snappy attitude in the ring. I’m not saying her current gimmick is bad, but the trash talking princess of Staten Island will always live inside of her.

Minor petpeeve: I dislike when wwe cuts to commercial during a 10 count.

Sasha was not manipulated into tonight’s match, nor was her hand forced. Her ego spoke for itself.

Sasha has really graceful footing. She reminds me of a cat.

“Banks might have a dislocated shoulder after that,” “and if that’s the case, there’s no way Sasha can lock in the bank statement,” fun fact: Sasha went into her elimination chamber match in 2019 with a fucked up shoulder. She also ended that match the victor by locking in a modified bank statement using one arm and a bent leg. It was creative, it was cool, and it worked.

History tells me that when Carmella starts letting her frustration in a match show, she will lose rather soon after. That’s where we’re at.

“vintage Sasha” SHE’S 28 YEARS OLD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT

Peep that Sasha slid herself back so Carmella could grab her as she climbed up the turnbuckles. Knows her spot.

Don’t do a jackknife cover on Carmella, you’re setting yourself up for the code of silence so damn easily.

Good transition into the bank statement though.

Good progression into a dq by Sasha as well.

OH SHIT Carmella just broke a fucking bottle of champagne over Sasha’s back. Is that gimmicked? Holy hell. It has to be right? That’s why it was a different color??

What a sound effect, oof. Oh Sasha’s selling that real well.

Lmao Carmella goes over and pours herself a glass, says “that’s good, really good,” before shaking the bottle all over commentary and Sasha. Carmella’s great at every character she plays, lesbireal.

Carmella needs to hop on down to nxt and teach those women how to trash talk in a match without fucking up. She’s fantastic.

Wow here’s Greg to FINALLY announce the winner. Yikes announcer, yikes.

This was fun.

Highlight: Carmella in general was fantastic tonight

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*Smackdown easily shined the brightest. Everything was vastly entertaining and women dominated throughout the entire show. Loving the progression of everyone’s characters sans Sasha, but her match with Carmella was fun nonetheless.

#wwe #issa review #feel free to ignore these #cuz who tf cares lesbihonest #today's props goes to:#carmella

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thought-dragon · 5 years

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Taming the elephant

I’m still trying to tame my video game addictions. My fears were realized when I cut it out, people I thought were my friends really did stop hanging out with me altogether. It’s probably a good thing my bf and I don’t play games together, now I just bother him with cute animal videos, gifs, and memes, and politics, but I think he makes it hard for me to chat online with him because we only chat on Steam, despite our computers being right next to each other. Sometimes its just easier to copy the tag and he can look at the link in his own browser instead of coming over to mine. But I’ve had to just make him look at my laptop. I think that’s the right thing to do.

So... I guess I have nothing left to lose anymore? Any relationships I’ve had before somewhat disappeared. Somewhat because a small amount of people still respond back, but the conversations aren’t good anymore. It’s just banal formalities.

But these days, I just don’t have anything nice to say about video games altogether anymore. League of Legends/Riot has a bunch of manchilds sitting in executive chairs, making women who work there feel small and unheard, and also farting into people’s faces. I’m morally righteous. Once I find out someone isn’t a good person, I just cut them out, and sometimes, it’s really hard to, especially putting all that time in and having to throw it out. My values were questioned just last night; I definitely don’t condone the way the Chinese Communist government censors information and freedom of speech. Blizzard has recently sided with its Chinese shareholders and banned a Hearthstone player and rescinded his prize money because he was supporting the movement in Hong Kong. Well, what do I do with my Blizzard games? I guess I’ll just never log into bnet anymore. But like I said, time and money was put into those games, also people -- that I don’t talk to anymore. I’m glad Bungie got out of there, because there would have went another cascade of money. It’s just awkward... Blizzard publishes a game about heroes and fighting for what’s right, diversity, and justice, however, they’re money makes them side with tyranny and suppression of opinion. If I worked there, I’d be ashamed.

It’s actually not even Blizzard. It is happening to many companies at the same time, simply because the amount of Chinese billionaires have gone up since the 2000s. The more I look into this, more the skeletons come out. The NBA, Tiffany & Co, Disney... even Apple. Apple has Chinese manufacturers, I can’t imagine them ever being able to escape. Despite their values and visions, its money talks. And money is neutral. Money has no feelings. It’s really what a person does with the money that it becomes a message.

I was actually going to make this post about me finally realizing why I’m so addicted to games, but a large chunk has become a political rant.... Well, back on topic... I’m pretty good at figuring myself out by now; I just need some paper, mind relaxing music, and a pen. And I had such a HUGE revelation. Why am I so addicted to games? My very first instance of playing a game was with Super Metroid, and I was most likely in first or second grade. I’ve been watching my brother and he let me try to my surprise. I quit the first level because I felt so anxious, scared, and frazzled to finish beating the first level let alone the entire game. It wasn’t even that hard. I just freaked out because the music and the graphics made me panic. But I tried again some later, when I was 10. We’d gotten an N64 too. I already knew I was amazing at Bust-A-Move (we didn’t have a save cartridge, but I constantly beat all 10 levels and computer AIs since it was an arcade version), and I wasn’t shy from fighting games, since button mashing was my jam. So I tried playing Super Metroid again, and after finishing the first level, I realized I did it. I freaking did it. I conquered my fear of sucking.

I can see now, that every time I play anything, its associated partially due to a confidence boost -- that’s the main reason. There’s a few other factors too such as my brain likes a good challenge, so much that I’ll dream about how to solve my problems, that gets really annoying because I want my dreams to be dreamy and good. And then the social aspect. Games are more fun with friends. But now that I don’t have those friends involved in my life as much, I feel free to really let go. And because I didn’t get positive reinforcement very often as a child, or any at all, games became my go-to escape to feel good about my sense of existence. Unconsciously, now I know, its my own self telling me that I don’t suck, I’m good at something -- video games. Even when I have a really troubling day, I’ll play a game just to make myself feel better. Sometimes it helps, especially, an rpg, or I win an mmo game like LoL. It’s weird, because upon realizing this, my life was actually defined by this. I pursued a career in video games and art because that was the second thing I submersed myself in (but a little bit less). And life didn’t take me there. Do I ask if there is a higher being watching out for me? Maybe its for the best. I couldn’t have been happy as a woman in games. I often hide my name and gender online. Even if more women play games now, its still very male dominant. It’s ...a male fantasy world. I refuse to be beneath them. I am not an inferior gender. In fact, I’m not an inferior anything.

We can call it an escape, but that’s what games are like for a lot of people who get really submerged. I knew I was escaping, but I think my perspective has since changed this morning-- to really understand why, just look deeply into your mind. It comes out wordlessly, but you need to name it to see it.

Now that I know this, I’d like to figure out a way to channel it to other means. My current checking account is not looking good at all. My oversight on my credit card and savings is really throwing me off. I can’t wait until I can really chunk down my current private loan. Then I can focus on repaying other deferred student loans. If only I could make debt a fun challenging puzzle that I just whole-hardheartedly focus on with complete abandon. Or even my comic I’ve been thinking about doing for so long.

#video games

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