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angelinasway · 3 years

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Regaining Hope Chapter Seven

Pairing: Clark Kent/Buffy Summers Warnings/Triggers:Torture, Violence, Mention's of Major Character Death, Bad Language, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, Mentions of Sexual Assault Summary: Takes place during Man of Steel. When Buffy discovers the U.S Military trying to keep quiet about an object buried in a twenty thousand year old glacier, she immediately thinks the worst. However, when a surprise visit to the Canadian Arctic puts her in the path of a mysterious stranger her whole world is changed forever.

Previous Chapters: [Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six]

[TTH] [AO3] [FFN]

Authors Notes: Thank you all for your amazing and wonderful reviews. I do need to address something though, when it comes to reviews, I honestly don't mind anyone critiquing me when comes to grammar, characterization, or even if its kind of a heavy subject and someone feels like they need to debate me on it. That is absolutely fine, for instance I knew I would get a few blocks and even someone asking about the religious views of this story. I do not mind that. I do however mind, if you think I'm a decent writer, but then proceed to belittle the content of my story. I'm going to try to say this as absolutely nicely as I can...If you don't like the content of this story, if the talk of soulmates, soulbounds, or claiming is not for you, if the romance of this story is not for you, kindly back out of this story now and please just don't leave a review. I will say that anyone who's been in the BTVS fandom long enough already knows what a Claim is pretty much a fanon canon, since its been around our fanfiction community since like 2002 at least. Wesley mentioned Angel and Buffy being soulmates in season one of ATS, so that is actually canon. I say this in the nicest way possible, because sometimes I think reviewers who don't write, do not realize how much a review about content can actually screw with our muse and inspiration and I believe there will be at least a handful of people that do write who will agree with me. That being said, this chapter took as long as it did for me to write because of a bad review, so I'm sorry for the long winded exposition everyone. I know this chapter is a bit choppy and if it wasn't for my beautiful Beta Hipkarma, I'm pretty sure it would have been illegible. This chapter deals with some pretty heavy subjects and I added a warning tag just in case. I do not expect anyone to feel the way Buffy does on this subject, and if you feel the need I will gladly talk to you through pm about it. Thank you guys so much again, and please review, unless you know its an above subject and you hate it. Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Seven

The plane arrived right on time as Clark anxiously awaited Buffy’s arrival outside the terminal. He’d felt this way since he awoke this morning and he didn’t know why. It was almost like that feeling you get when you know you’ve forgotten something.

He’d dreamt of her last night and it was so vivid and real that when he opened his eyes, he expected her to be there. The feeling had washed over him after that, like a sudden cold draft in a stifling room. He’d also been as hard as nails and had to relieve himself twice in the shower. His dream Buffy whispering filthy words into his ear as he imagined pinning her to the shower wall and driving into her hard and fast. It only seemed to make the feeling worse though. There was a pounding, an almost driving force that told him he needed to see her and that coupled with the lust, he couldn’t seem to shake was a dangerous combination that he did not enjoy feeling at all.

It was so strange, yesterday he’d been fine, more than fine really. He’d walked into his house humming and smiling. His mom had noticed his exuberant mood in an instant and raised her eyebrows in surprise, a curious yet knowing quirk in her lips. She had immediately started bombarding him with questions about his evening and Clark had been unable to deny her even a single detail. Well, there were definitely a few things he left out, but he told her everything from meeting Buffy at the school to him having to sing at Lorne’s. This was a first for both of them, Clark making friends and being able to tell his mom all about it. She listened intently, a happy smile on her lips as if this was something she had always wanted for her son. The ability to just be treated normally by people, even if they knew what he was. The more he spoke about how great Buffy was the more his mom’s knowing smile grew. He told her he promised Buffy that he would pick her up at the airport, and his mom had agreed to let him use the truck as long as he promised to take her to work before he left. She had a full shift at the diner tomorrow, so he was pretty sure he could make it back in time to pick her up and take her home.

Later that night, after getting off the phone with Buffy so she could go patrol, Clark had spent the evening on the internet looking up several theories and ideas on the concept of soulmates. All in all, it was pretty simple stuff, a soulmate could be a romantic or platonic relationship with a mirroring of the souls. Where, both their values and ideals deemed them a perfect match. He had even gone to a few sites on the mystical aspects of soulmates that seemed to be pretty legit, and they believed that when it came to soulmates not only were the souls similar, but both souls usually challenge each other to perceive themselves and the world differently. In essence, your soulmate could help you transcend into a higher state of consciousness. All of that seemed to match very much with what he had been feeling since the moment he met her. None of that however, explained how he felt now.

Buffy had been right the other day when she said it wasn’t just the soulmates thing. He was almost positive the out-of-control lust and the uncontrollable desire to be near her had very little to do with the fact that they were soulmates and everything to do with the prophecy. Something wanted them to consummate their relationship, and he was pretty sure that something had a reason. He wondered if he was in danger of meeting the other woman and somehow changing his mind about her. He definitely couldn’t imagine ever doing that though, not when he felt what he felt, not when she had consumed his thoughts so thoroughly since the day they met.

He felt physically ill at the idea of ever having to fight Buffy as an enemy, Lorne’s words about killing her making him nauseous and dizzy. The demon said it most likely wouldn’t happen now, but God, what if it did? What if he wasn’t capable of fighting off this mystery enemy of the future. He shuddered at the thought, his anxiety level spiking in worry. He had to get himself under control.

As the passengers began to exit the terminal Clark looked on, his eyes searching for golden hair and green eyes. When he finally spotted her the tension that had been growing in his limbs immediately eased. It happened so fast he almost felt boneless by the sudden release. Her eyes met his and a similar look of relief washed over her face, but there was something else there. She was scared, which just made the tension begin to build again. Clark frowned in confusion, but didn’t deny her as she ran to him wrapping her arms around his waist tightly as she laid her head on his chest.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “There’s something wrong,” She whispered. “I shouldn’t be feeling this–”

“I know,” he whispered. “I feel it too.” Clark shuddered, so it wasn’t only him who was feeling it. “I think it’s time we learn more about this prophecy.”

He felt her nod. “I’ll call Wes once we get to the safe house.”

****<S>**<S>****

The drive there had been mostly quiet. The only real sound was Buffy’s smartphone giving directions to their destination. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from reaching out and entwining their fingers however, and she smiled at him gratefully before closing her eyes and sighing. They finally arrived at what looked to be an unassuming house just outside of town that rested on a few acres of property. Buffy untangled their fingers and reached into her carryon bag that was between them and pulled out a large multicolored crystal.

“Here,” she said quietly. “Hold this.”

Clark, frowned but did as she asked. Watching her as she muttered the word, “Agnoscis.” The stone suddenly warming in his palm as he caught the house in front of him shimmer for a moment out of the corner of his eye.

“Latin?” He guessed.

Buffy nodded. “It means recognize. It’s so you can get through the wards.” She bit her lip, “We can also bring your mom here, in case you ever need to hide her you’ll have a place to take her that’s pretty impenetrable.”

Clark nodded gratefully, his eyes studying the sad expression on her face. He reached out and gently brushing the back of his knuckles down her cheek. Her whole body shivered at the contact, a small gasp escaping her lips.

“Are you…are you okay,” He asked.

She shook her head, “I think it’s affecting me more than you.”

Clark was quiet for a moment, and then he shook his head. “It’s not, I think I’m just a lot better at controlling my impulses.”

Buffy chuckled humorlessly, “Maybe, that’s something you can teach me sometime.” She met his eyes and Clark lost his breath at the want he saw shining there.

God, she was beautiful like that. Her eyes almost swirling with color and heat. His temperature immediately skyrocketed, his pants becoming tight. He wanted to ask her if there was anything he could do, but didn’t dare for fear of what her answer might be. She had already told him she wasn’t ready, and if he was being honest with himself, neither was he.

He swallowed, his heart beating in his chest. “Come on,” he whispered, opening his door and stepping out. “Let’s go make that phone call.”

He walked around her side of the truck as she fumbled with her seatbelt, opening the passenger door for her and holding out his hand. She took it gratefully as she slid out of the passenger’s side, hoisting her bag over her shoulder after her feet hit the pavement. Clark reached in the truck bed and grabbed the only other bag she’d brought with her. He wondered where her weapons bag was, but remembered she’d just went through an airport and realized she probably couldn’t bring them with her.

As if she was reading his mind, she said. “Willow was here last night; I had her ward the training equipment so that we can use it without destroying it.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye as they walked up the driveway. Her hand fumbling with her keys as they made their way to the door. “I also had her fill the fridge and bring my weapons bag over.”

He didn’t say anything as he watched her slide the key in the lock and open the door. He followed her through a spacious living room that was tastefully decorated, through another door and into a modern kitchen. She slid her bag off, dropping it unceremoniously on the floor. She pulled out her phone next, scrolling through her contacts and hitting send before putting it on speaker. She set the phone on the island between them and walked to the fridge, leaning her back against it as she closed her eyes.

Clark wanted to go over and comfort her, but something in his gut told him that would be a very bad idea. She was putting distance between them for a reason and he completely respected that. Her sudden change however, worried him and he was beginning to think maybe she really was suffering more than him.

"Buffy?" A cultured British male voice answered after the first few rings.

"Yeah, it’s me." She said quietly.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, his tone worried.

"No, not really." She answered. "I think it’s time you told us about this prophecy."

"Buffy, I've already explained–"

“No,” She cut him off. “No Wes, you don’t get to do this. Not now. Something is wrong with me, I feel…” Her face went red, as she looked at Clark, “I feel like I’m on fire, I…” Her eyes moved to her phone and glared, a growl tearing from her throat in frustration. Her teeth clenched as she ground out. “I feel incredibly sexually frustrated, okay? Like a cat in fucking heat.” Her face went scarlet and she avoided looking directly at Clark. “Want to explain?”

There was a sudden choking sound on the other line, as a coughing fit proceeded it. “Good Lord, it’s happening already?”

The outrage in Buffy’s eyes, did something to Clark in that moment and he stepped forward his anger simmering under the surface. “What’s happening?” He demanded.

“Mr. Kent,” Wesley said in surprise, “I didn’t…I didn’t realize you were on the line as well.” Clark heard the British man sigh, “I’m sorry we were finally introduced this way, I had hoped to meet you in person. I’m sure you already know that I am Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and that I am head of the Watchers Council.” There was a pause, before he continued. “I do apologize for not telling you both sooner, but I had hoped we would have a few more days before the bond started to require a need to be fulfilled.”

“Bond…what?” Buffy’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“I don’t really understand it myself,” Wesley admitted. “But it’s written that once the Immortal Slayer and, I believe the correct term is Star God meet, a…I think the term is soulbond will start to form and a compulsion to fulfill it will start to take hold. Now, both Willow and I think we’ve found a way to counteract the compulsion, but I didn’t expect it would start to take hold so quickly. I do apologize Buffy; I had planned to have Willow bring me there tomorrow so I could explain.”

“What’s a soulbond, exactly?” Clark asked, “And how is it any different than being soulmates?”

“I honestly don’t know, there are very few references to what it is exactly. I imagine that much like soulmates there must be a similarity or mirroring of souls if you will, but unlike soulmates there is a need…a compulsion for a confluence between the souls. As far as I can tell, once that happens it would act very similarly to a claim.”

Buffy gasped and looked at Clark, her eyes wide and disbelieving. Clark swallowed, “What’s a claim?”

“It’s a…a type of marriage between demons, vampires in particular.” Buffy shifted uncomfortably and looked down. “It’s barely ever used now because its unbreakable, not even magic can undo it. It’s ancient and powerful and requires total trust and consent between both parties.” She met his eyes then, an apology shining through but Clark didn’t feel like he needed one, in fact he just felt very confused.

“That doesn’t make any sense, not after what Lorne told me.” Clark said with a frown. “If this bond is as powerful as you say then…” It was his turn to look at Buffy apologetically, “Then even if I met this other person first, wouldn’t the bond take hold when I met Buffy regardless?”

“I don’t quite understand what you’re referring to.” Wesley said in confusion.

Clark looked up at Buffy and saw suspicion in her eyes. “Lorne didn’t tell you?”

“Lorne doesn’t give me the details of readings Mr. Kent; he treats all his clients very much like a therapist treats a patient.” Wesley said, adding. “The only thing he told me was that you were the one the prophecy spoke of and that you were on the right path in regards to your destiny. What exactly did he tell you?”

Clark shifted uncomfortably, feeling Buffy’s eyes on him but unable to meet hers. “He said I had two very different futures, that Buffy was my soulmate but I have another as well and in this other future this woman dies and something makes me go bad.” He finally got the courage and looked at Buffy, her eyes were wide and burning with hurt and maybe a bit of jealousy. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, thinking he had ruined everything.

Buffy shook her head and swallowed, “Did he… did he say what would happen if you met her now?”

Clark nodded, "He said I'm a one-woman man, that it wouldn't matter."

She seemed to relax a bit at his words, her eyes softening and darting back to her phone as Wesley began speaking, "Then you are very correct Mr. Kent, if you met Buffy in this other future, it should have activated the soulbond whether you had feelings for this other woman or not. A soulmate is not always a love interest after all." He paused for a moment, "There are only two things that could have stopped it. One would be that you don't meet Buffy until this mystery foe had your mind or if you did meet her, she was already claimed."

Buffy gasped, and looked at Clark guiltily, “I almost asked him to claim me.”

A potent wave of jealousy and possession swept through him at her words. If she was referring to Angel, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to control himself much longer. Not when the very idea of her being tied like that with someone else made his blood boil.

"What?" Wesley said, shocked.

"Spike, Wes. Not Angel." She clarified. "It was...it was right after we found Alicia. I knew it could make us stronger and I... I thought it might give us an advantage against Angelus. I never had the courage to ask him though."

“And thank every deity in the universe for that!” Wesley said sharply, “I don’t think you quite understand the repercussions that could have had on not just Clark’s future but your own.” There was a long silence, the only sound was heavy breathing before a much calmer Wesley finally said, “That kind of bond Buffy…think about what you did to Angelus and multiply it by a million. I was there that day you came through the portal after Spike died. You were almost feral; your Slayer was in complete control and she wanted to kill Willow for making her immortal. There was a part of her that already thought of Spike as her mate, and she wanted blood from whoever had wronged her. If you had been claimed and Spike died…” They heard him take a shuddering breath, “You would have burnt the world and then marched into Hell without a second thought in search of him. There would have been no stopping you.”

Clark watched Buffy shiver at Wes’s words, her eyes getting lost and faraway. His possessiveness grew at her words, but a small part of him couldn’t help but be curious as to what happened between the two of them and why she so rarely spoke about him. The book had only said that the vampire had killed two Slayers, and had tried to kill Buffy on numerous occasions. He had been hampered by some form of neurotechnology by the US Government and began working with her reluctantly. Somewhere along the way he had fallen for Buffy and regained his soul, sacrificing himself for the world once, where he was resurrected by a mystical amulet he was wearing when he died. The author of the book believed he’d been brought back by mistake and the amulet was meant to be worn by Angel, but there was also some speculation that Spike may have been the actual bearer of the Shanshu prophecy. The author however, was highly skeptical about this because Spike didn’t do what he did out of heroics, even with a soul he relished in the violence of his nature. The author believed that becoming mortal would feel more like a punishment than a reward for the vampire. It spoke some about his time at Wolfram and Hart, about his part in the fight against Angelus, and how he died saving Buffy a second time.

“I don’t…I don’t remember any of that.” She said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself. “Even what I did to Angelus, I only remember parts of it. I felt like I was outside my body looking at someone who wasn’t actually me, except I could feel what I was doing.” She shivered, and it took every bit of self-control he had not to go to her, especially when her voice cracked. “When I came to, I-I was covered in blood and…God, Wes there was nothing left but a torso and head. I…” She choked. “I even took his face.”

When a single tear tracked itself down her cheek, Clark couldn’t take it anymore and he rounded the island and pulled her into his arms, hoping she was too upset to be affected by the embrace, but not really caring if she was, not when he could feel her trembling in his arms. He understood now why she’d been so adamant the other day about her being wrong in the way she killed Angelus and about Slayers not actually being creatures of light but warriors for the light. He could never picture her being capable of such carnage even after hearing it from her own mouth. Then again, he could never picture himself killing her either or anyone else for that matter, not on purpose at least.

They heard a muffled sniffle over the line, before a choked sounding Wesley finally said, “Oh, Buffy, I never…I never knew it was that bad. We found the warehouse and the blood, so I did realize…but…not to what extent, and then you just disappeared and Willow couldn’t ever get a read on you. It was like you were blocking her somehow. Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

Clark felt her shake her head, “I was ashamed.” She answered honestly. “Lorne’s the only one who knows everything, even the stuff I can’t remember.”

“Do you remember anything that happened before you captured Angelus?” Wesley asked cautiously. “I’ve always wondered how you did it, but was always too afraid to ask after the way we…the way we found you.”

Buffy sighed against Clark’s chest, her shivering increasing. “I think I let myself be caught,” she said quietly. “The only thing I really remember is being bound magically by Amy and then Warren tearing open my shirt.” Clark stiffened at her words, his whole body going rigid. She squeezed her eyes shut, her grip on him tightening. “Angelus threw him out of the way, and said everyone would have a turn, but he got to have me first.” Clark’s anger flared at her words, his fist tightening behind her back, he had to squeeze his eyes shut at the sudden heat he felt building. “I-I don’t know how, but somehow I was able to break through the magic that was binding me. Everything’s kind of a blur after that, but I think…” She frowned, her forehead crinkling in confusion. “I think none of the spells were working on me. I think…I think I killed everyone.”

Clark found himself sighing in relief at her words. God, just the image of someone trying to do that to her made him see red. Literally, in fact. He really hoped that something like that has never happened before, because he could already tell he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from tearing whomever did it to shreds. As horrendous of a way she killed Angelus, he couldn’t judge her for how she did it, not after hearing that. God, if she hadn’t been able to break the magic… He felt himself shudder.

Wesley was quiet for a long time, “I’ve always known that Willow brought you back stronger, but being able to break a binding spell with sheer force of will is extraordinary Buffy. We should have started testing this advantage years ago.”

“I try not to think about that day, Wes.” She huffed. “I don’t think the magic going wonky even occurred to me until this moment.” She was quiet for a few moments, before she finally said, "So what happens if I bond with Clark and I lose him too?"

Wesley sighed, "Well, I'm hoping since it’s your souls that are bonding and not your Slayer, that it will make quite a difference."

"You're hoping? That’s really not a guarantee, Wes." She said in annoyance, stepping out of Clark's embrace and leaning on the island. "And what’s to stop my Slayer from trying to initiate a claim? What if this soulbond thing isn't good enough for her? Lorne already said she's been looking for her mate since I was called. He said that's why I was so drawn to both Spike and Angel." She shook her head, "Well, according to this prophecy he's my mate, right? Or the closest she'll ever get to one. So, what's to stop her from doing what she's been wanting to do for years? I mean I looked up claiming in high school, Wes. As soon as I read the word, I was fascinated."

Clark stepped around the table so he could look at her. She seemed worried and deep in thought before her eyes met his and they softened immediately, a small smile forming on her lips as she studied him.

Then they heard Wesley sigh, "I honestly don't know. We've still not even translated the whole thing and we've been working on it for over a year."

Clark watched Buffy frown in confusion. "Is there a reason you haven't gotten Dawn in on this?"

"I'll give you three guesses as to why." He said sarcastically.

Buffy snorted, saying mockingly, "Aww Wes, you're not afraid of my baby sister, are you?"

There was silence on the other end of the line and then a grumbled, "I would rather face all the demons in hell than deal with Dawn on a tirade about you."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Well tough, because I want her in on this."

"But Buffy–” He started to whine.

“No Wes,” she said cutting him off. “I love both you and Willow, you know that. But, if there’s anyone in this world who will have our best interests at heart and give it to us straight, it’s her. I want her in on this.”

“Fine,” He groaned.

Then a smile broke across her lips and an evil look of mischief Clark was slowly becoming familiar with sparked in her eyes. “Plus, she already knows I spent time with Clark the other day and she knows he’s something other.”

“How on Earth did she find out about that?” Wesley said in surprise.

Clark smirked as Buffy’s smile grew. “I may have pissed Faith off by waking her and Gunn up with a cold shower. She ratted us out.”

There was silence on the other line, but she swore she could hear him shaking his head. “Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.” She said chuckling and then sighed. “I’m feeling a little better now, I mean as far as the compulsion stuff goes.”

“Hmm,” Wesley hummed. “Perhaps it gets worse when you’re apart. I knew that you would feel a need to be around each other, but perhaps being away from one another has an even greater affect than I imagined. How about you Mr. Kent, how do you feel?”

Clark blinked in surprise. Now that Buffy mentioned it, he was feeling less uncomfortable than he had all morning. “Better, actually. It’s still there, but not as potent.”

“Then perhaps the theory is a sound one,” Wesley said. “However, to be on the safe side I’ll have Willow drop off the pendants she’s making this evening. They should be able to subdue most of the compulsion until you both feel ready to move forward with the bond. I would also recommend spending as little time apart as possible. I believe that the pendants are powerful enough to ward off the worst of it, however if this bond is as powerful as I think it is you very well might override the magics if the compulsion becomes too powerful.” He sighed, “I suggest staying there with Buffy for the time being Mr. Kent.”

Clark shook his head “That not going to work Mr. Wyndam-Pryce. I need to help out on the farm. While I was away my mom got behind on the payments and if we don’t bring in a decent crop this year my mom could lose it.” He looked at Buffy nervously. “You could stay with us though; we have a guest bedroom.”

Buffy nodded, “Yeah, yeah, that might be a good idea. I can help you with anything you need, and we can start your training in the afternoons.”

Wesley cleared his throat, getting both their attention. “I think you’re forgetting the contract, Buffy. He may very well not need to worry about that any longer.”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. I’ll be right back.”

Clark watched her run out of the room as Wesley said, “Are you still there Mr. Kent?”

Clark looked at the phone, “Yes.”

“Good, I thought I’d go over the numbers for you and see if they’re satisfactory.” Wesley said. “I had thought of paying you as we would a hired mercenary or demon hunter, however since your role in the future will be pivotal to keeping this world intact, I decided you deserved what we would pay any Slayer, it’s only fair after all.”

“What aren’t you telling us about this prophecy?” Clark said, Wesley’s words telling him the man knew more than was saying.

He heard the man sigh, “I would prefer not to say at this moment. I already know how Buffy will feel about it, and I believe you both have enough on your plate with the bonding. I’ll tell you both, but she’s not ready to hear it yet.”

Clark frowned, “I don’t think you give her enough credit.”

“You may be correct,” Wesley conceded, “But I know she will not be happy about this, even if it’s a good thing. I, at the very least need to prepare myself for Dawn finding out, and she may very well tell Buffy even if I ask her not too. I do not believe either of you have long to wait.”

“Alright,” Clark said, “I’m going to hold you to that though.”

“Now,” Wesley said, just as Buffy walked back in the room. “How does two hundred-thousand a year sound?

Clark blinked in surprise, the blood rushing to his head. He couldn’t have possibly heard that right, could he? “I’m sorry did you…did you just say two hundred-thousand?”

“Clark are you okay?” Buffy asked, running to his side. “You look a little pale.”

He shook his head, “It’s…that’s too much.”

“No,” Buffy disagreed, shaking her head. “It really isn’t. Entering this world Clark… you’ll be putting not only your home but your mom at risk and no amount of money will ever make up for that.” She bit her lip and nodded, “Trust me on this, most demons aren’t stupid enough to mess with the good guy’s families, but the real big-bads, the uber-powerful demons, who’s only goal is destruction and world domination? Those demons won’t care, they’ll do everything in their power to try and hurt you, even if that means trying to break you.” She sighed, “It’s why I want your mom to have access to this place too. It will make me feel better knowing you can get her to safety if you needed to.”

Clark sighed, reaching out and sliding the small stack of paper out of her hand. “And what happens if I sign these and change my mind?”

Wesley spoke up, “You are not beholden to anything Mr. Kent, if you sign those and decide that helping the Watchers Council is not in your best interest, it would simply be like you quitting a job. You wouldn’t be paid anymore of course, but you would not be obligated to continue helping us either. However, with the bond beginning to form I’m not sure how you would be able to distance yourself from the Council or Buffy, but if you made that decision no one would stand in your way.”

Clark pulled out a chair and sat down, his eyes quickly reading it through. It was pretty standard stuff, nothing in it that had some sort of hidden agenda. He flipped the page and read through the rest before getting to the signature line.

“Do you have a pen?” He asked, looking at Buffy.

She went to a small drawer and pulled it open, grabbing one from inside and handing it over. Clark took the pen signing his name on the dotted line. “Okay Mr. Wyndam-Pryce, I signed it.”

“Very good.” Wesley said, “Now, I don’t suppose you’re up for giving him a tour of the underground facilities?”

“Of course.” Buffy said.

“Very well,” he said. “I’ll call you before Willow leaves, in the meantime try and keep your wits about you.”

The line disconnected and Clark raised his eyebrows in curiosity. “Underground facility?”

****<S>**<S>****

Buffy slid open the hidden panel in the wall of the master bedroom. She entered a number into the keypad and then looked up into a camera where it scanned her face, and slid her keycard into the slot.

The computer’s AI came online and a female voice said, "Good afternoon Miss Summers, what can I do for you this afternoon?"

"I need to give a new recruit security clearance."

"Name?" The computer asked, as Buffy removed her keycard and slid in the blank one Willow had left for them.

Buffy nodded at Clark and stepped away from the panel so he could stand in front of it.

"Clark Joseph Kent," he answered, stepping into the space Buffy had just vacated.

"Facial recognition." The computer said, and Buffy pointed up to the camera, indicating he needed to look into it.

Once that was done the computer said, "Four-digit pin."

Buffy looked at Clark and nodded, "Now choose four numbers you'll remember easily."

She watched as he thought about it a second before he put in his code. Once that was finished the computer said, "Thank you Mr. Kent, you now have full access to the Watcher Archives as well as all facilities. Ms. Summers would you like access into the rest of the building?"

"Yes," Buffy answered before the hidden wall shifted, sliding away and revealing the steel doors of an elevator that would take them down into the heart of the house. The doors slid open and Buffy removed the new keycard handing it to Clark as they stepped into the elevator, Buffy pressing the simple down-arrow button.

“We had these built in all the safehouses after what happened with Angelus.” Buffy said as way of explanation. “Or I should say, Wes and Willow did. I wasn’t really around for that.”

It didn’t take long for the elevator to reach its destination and the doors slid open. She could feel Clark’s eyes on her as she stepped out of the elevator and into the large steel control room. There were several monitors on the walls with keyboards on a stainless steel counter top that bolted into the walls along half the room.

“This is the control room.” Buffy said, “For safety reasons, if we’re ever in any code-red type situation, this room is always occupied in case someone manages to get past the outer wards. We can house up to thirty bodies here at a time and since most of us are a little something-other, we can at least hold off whoever’s broken in to give the rest of us a fighting chance to escape by sounding the alarm.”

She knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t look at him right then. It was just occurring to her all that she admitted to Wesley and what she’d said in front of Clark. He was going to ask about Spike, she could almost feel it. Of all the things Wesley could have brought up, it had to be claiming. She felt Clark move closer, and wasn’t surprised when she felt him place his hand on her shoulder as she rambled on about where the exits were located.

“Buffy?” He whispered.

She sighed and looked down, “Yeah?”

“Why…why don’t you ever talk about him?” Clark asked.

Her shoulders slumped at his words, but she still couldn’t bring herself to turn around and look at him. “It’s…it’s complicated.”

“Well then, I think you should try to uncomplicate it for me, because this thing sounds pretty permanent between us and I need to know if I’m going to be living in another man’s shadow.” He said honestly.

She spun around, her eyes meeting his in surprise. “God, no. It’s not like that at all. We were…” She sighed. “Maybe we should go into another room that’s more comfortable. This is a long story.”

Clark nodded at her and she turned, leading him through the heavy metal door to their left and down a hallway the AI illuminating the rooms as it monitored their approach. Buffy led him into a large rec room, a massive tv mounted to one wall with a standard sized couch in front. There was a card table in a corner and a pool table in another. A few pinball machines lined one wall of the room and a dartboard hung near a foosball table. She led him over to the couch, gesturing for him to sit before she wrapped her arms around herself protectively. She waited for him to sit down first, and sat at the other end biting her lip in thought, staring straight ahead into the black void of the blank tv screen, not sure exactly where to start. She figured the beginning was probably best, so she started there.

“When I met Spike,” she said slowly. “He was just about as evil as they come, or at least that’s what my sixteen-year-old-self thought. Though, I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting Angelus yet, so I was a bit naive in that department. Anyway, his girlfriend-slash-sire had been weakened in Prague at some point and he came to Sunnydale to try and restore her and bag himself another Slayer.” She shrugged, “So, we pretty much started out as mortal enemies. We fought each other a lot that first half of the year, and he was a hell of a fighter. He almost got me on that first one, but incredibly enough my mom was the one who saved the day.” Buffy smiled in amusement. “Clocked him on the back of the head with an axe.”

Clark snorted in amusement. “Sounds like something my mom would do.”

Buffy smiled, “Yeah my mom could be pretty tough.” She shrugged, “Anyway, I ended up putting him in a wheelchair after dropping an organ on him during a spell that actually did end up restoring Drucilla. On my birthday I found out they were both still alive and Dru was reassembling an ancient demon called the Judge who couldn’t be killed by any man-made weapon. Me and Angel tried to stop it from happening, but we were both too late. That night I made the colossal decision of losing my virginity to Angel.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and sighed, “And just like that his soul was gone. Maybe that’s why I clung on to the notion that we were somehow destined for so long. I mean, the breaking of Angel’s curse literally states that only a moment of perfect happiness could release the soul. I guess I thought that if our love was enough to drive his soul away, it must be special.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “Honestly, knowing Angel it had more to do with him somehow feeling redeemed in me or it very well could have been that he hadn’t dipped his wick in over a hundred years. Whatever the cause, so began several horrible months of mental torment from a demon wearing my lover’s face.”

“And Spike?” Clark asked.

Buffy sighed, “Spike went through his own torment at the hands of Angelus and Drusilla. Spike really did love her, but her love compared to his was fleeting at best. He told me once how they would mock him for being wheelchair bound and Angelus would…well, he would fuck Dru right in front of Spike because he knew how much it hurt him. I think that’s when whatever destiny Spike had must have started. He came to me and made a truce in the hopes of getting Angelus away from Dru and also according to him, he actually liked the world and didn’t want to see it destroyed like they were planning.” She sighed again, “Anyway, that’s probably the first instance where I started to see Spike in a somewhat different light. Less of a danger and more of a nuisance if that makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Clark nodded. “I guess I could see that.”

“Okay, so skip ahead a few years, when I’m in my first year of college. I’ve seen Spike once in that time when he kidnapped Willow and Xander, trying to make Willow preform a love spell to get Dru back. Apparently, our little truce didn’t sit well with her and she dumped him.” Buffy shrugged, “We had one more real fight where we were actually trying to kill each other that year, and then a few months later the Initiative planted the chip in his head and then once again he came to us for asylum.” A small smile tugged at her lips, “We fought like cats and dogs that whole year. I think our bickering is partly what drove Giles to drinking so much. Then sometime during the next year when Dawn arrived and my mom got sick, he realized he was in love with me.” Buffy sighed. “It wasn’t a healthy love though, not even a little bit. He was obsessed with me. He had a weird shrine to me and he had, the super nerd Warren make a lifelike robot of me for reasons I’m sure you can guess.”

Clark grimaced before saying, “Is that the same Warren that–”

“The one and the same.” She interrupted. “I’ve dealt with some pretty gross demons before, but as far as Warren goes, he’s probably the worst human I’ve ever had to deal with.” Buffy sighed, “Anyway, as weird as Spike’s obsession with me was, he did some things that year that really surprised me. Things that normal vampires wouldn’t do, though I still to this day haven’t decided if Spike was the unique one or if Angelus was, because I know for a fact Spike isn’t the first vampire to keep a portion of his humanity after being turned.” She shook her head getting back on topic, “Anyway, he protected my sister’s secret when Glory tortured him for information and he promised to protect Dawn until the end of the world. When I came back the next year, I didn’t really acknowledge it at the time, but he was still there. Still looking out for my baby sister. It’s strange how you don’t see those things when they happen, but Spike loved Dawn like a little sister and he loved my mom too. For some reason he was drawn to us Summers women.” She sighed and looked at Clark. “I already told you when I came back, I went to a dark place.”

Clark nodded, his eyes studying her face. “You have.”

“I went to that dark place with Spike, I didn’t… when I came back, I was numb and I didn’t know it at the time, but my Slayer had gotten stronger. Part of me hated my friends, I was furious with them for bringing me back and expecting me to be happy about it.” She swallowed, “Spike became my confidant at first, he became my quiet solace. I could sit with him and just be… he didn’t…he didn’t expect me to just be okay like everyone else. I was the one who made the first move…we were under a spell at the time but that didn’t stop me from making a second move after it was broken. One night not long after our second make out session, after my Watcher decided I needed to learn to do things on my own and left, we got into an argument about the kiss and I hit him,” she frowned bitterly, rolling her eyes. “He retaliated and must have realized his chip didn’t fire. The next day, well he started a real fight with me. The first one we had since…well since our brawl before the chip.” Buffy could feel her cheeks heat up at the memory, “It was the first time I felt alive since my resurrection and one thing led to another and we…well we weren’t fighting anymore. At least not with fists. It was the first time I didn’t have to hold back and it was exhilarating.” She looked at her hands, “And the next day I told him how disgusting we were, and I was cruel and awful to him.” She shook her head. “I’m not saying that he didn’t give as good as he got, but I was always the one saying the cruel stuff first. I was awful to him Clark; I beat him once and left him for the sunrise. He was trying to help me…well, I thought I accidentally killed someone.” She pursed her lips, even the memory of Warren now days could send her into a rage. “I hadn’t, Warren once again was trying to fuck with my life, but both of us thought I did. He didn’t understand why I had to turn myself in, how much even thought of hurting someone innocent was killing me. I…I just snapped. I honestly don’t know how he managed to make it to safety on time.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Clark’s arms come around her. “He still had bruises a week later and vampires, they heal fast.” She sniffled. “Shortly after that my ex-Riley came to town and somewhat reminded me why being with a soulless vampire was a bad thing. I realized that what we were doing…we had to stop. I was using him and it wasn’t fair to either of us, so I broke things off.” Buffy shook her head, “It was hard, because I really did still want him, but I resisted. Some things happened, over the next month or two, my friends ended up finding out about us and one night, he showed up at my house. I was pretty banged up from a fight earlier that evening and he tried to…I’m not even sure he knew what he was doing…but he tried to rape me.” Buffy said quietly, she felt Clark’s arms stiffen around her, this was the judgment she’d been waiting for. “I kicked him off, and he was shocked at himself and then I said, ask me again how I could ever love you?”

She looked at Clark then, and she could see the anger swirling in his blue eyes. “That’s why Spike got his soul. He thought it was the only way he could be sure never to hurt me again. He wanted to be the man I deserved. He did it for selfish reasons of course, but the outcome of those reasons? It was worth it in the end, because he’s the reason we don’t still have a Hellmouth in Sunnydale California.”

Clark shook his head, “I don’t…how can you have feelings for someone after they…even if he didn’t, how could you have not wanted to kill him?”

Buffy shook her head. “Because love isn’t rational, because it can be beautiful or a nightmare, and unfortunately feelings can’t just be flipped on and off. I think if he hadn’t gotten his soul, I would have felt differently, and maybe I eventually would have stopped caring about him. You have to understand though…what he did, it’s never been done before. He fought against his nature and became something incredible for it. I think I would be kinda a hypocrite if I could forgive and still love Angel for what he did to me without a soul, but couldn’t forgive and still have feelings for Spike.”

“Your ability to forgive, Buffy…I think you might have me beat in that department.” Clark said.

She shook her head, “I don’t necessarily think that’s true. I don’t think I can ever truly forgive Willow for bringing me back, and you now know what I did to Angelus.” She sighed. “I really do think it depends on the transgression. Willow tore me out of Heaven, she made me immortal, denying me the peace and reward that all Slayers crave. Angelus went after people I love and he tormented and killed my sister Slayers, all of which were young girls, newly called. I know what Wes said, and part of its true, but Spike was just the catalyst, he was not necessarily the cause. It was my hate, my emotions guiding my Slayer, and it wasn’t the first time that part of me wanted to kill Willow nor was it only her that wanted to destroy Angelus for what he had done.”

“And the claim?” Clark asked.

Buffy sighed, “It was something that was swirling around my head for a while, and at first it was absolutely a hundred percent my Slayer. But by the time I started seriously considering it, that was definitely all me.”

Clark looked away, “You wanted to bind yourself to him for eternity.”

She was silent at his words; she knew what he was thinking and he was wrong. She remembered very clearly why she wanted to do it. “It…I really did want to win, Clark. I know you’re thinking I must have been head over heels in love, but… I loved Spike, I did and I still do, but not…It was the type of love you hold for your best friend, for the person who gets you more than anyone else. I’m not saying it wasn’t romantic in nature either, but it was a love that formed over time. There was no cupid moment. I knew we were compatible sexually; I knew he would never leave me, and I knew it would make us stronger. Claims, they don’t even require love to be fulfilled, just a mutual respect for one another and I knew we could make it work.”

Clark sighed, leaning his head against the back of the couch. “Why didn’t you then?”

“Fear,” Buffy said simply. “Fear of the unknown, fear that he would say no, and fear that he would say yes.”

She watched Clark swallow. “And you want to do the same to me?”

Buffy blushed. “I-I don’t know. Yes, I think so…” She was silent for a moment. Did she want to claim Clark? Her Slayer seemed to think so, but was that the prophecy or an actual want. She certainly didn’t want to lead him on, so she said “But I think it’s something that could happen in the heat of the moment.” She could literally feel her face heating up even more. “Just, if…if I ever bite you when we…and say ‘Mine’, don’t answer unless you’re willing to do the same.”

“I’m assuming when you say bite, you mean breaking skin.” He said raising an eyebrow.

“I do.” She admitted. “That’s basically what a claim is, it’s a symbolic ritual of sharing one’s life force, blood, saliva, semen. The mixing of your essence with another to create two halves of a whole.”

A slow amused smile broke across his lips. “That actually sounds kind of beautiful, if not a little messy.”

Buffy snorted, her own amusement growing at his analogy. “Anything else you want to know, before we continue our tour?”

His eyes slowly gave her a once over, before he shook his head. “No, I think that was more than enough for today.” He looked down, “It’s hard for me to picture you like that, being cruel I mean. Not when…not when you’ve been so nice to me. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand anything you told me about him and you, and…and if I’m being honest, I can’t help feeling…” He looked at her seriously, his mouth set in a firm line. “Let’s just hope he doesn’t come back from the dead again, because I can’t promise I will be very nice.”

She found herself giggling at the visual. Dear God, that would be funny, especially with how quiet and reserved Clark was. Spike would drive him up the wall. “Oh, trust me neither will he, even with the soul he had the ability to drive just about anyone mad with rage.”

“Well, then it’s probably a good thing he’s not around anymore. I don’t think I’d like to be responsible for killing someone you cared about.” Clark said seriously.

Buffy rolled her eyes; he might be from another planet but he was definitely a hundred percent male. “Yes, Clark, lucky for you, you only have one of my ex’s left to contend with and he’s married.” She pushed herself away from him, grabbing his hand as she did and pulling him to his feet as she stood. “Now, come on, I’ll show you the training room.”

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ohemgeeitscoley · 7 years

Photo

Chase the Light: Chapter Twelve

When Felicity Smoak’s romantic home-for-the-holidays plans fall through, Tommy Merlyn offers to act as substitute at the last second. Felicity is reluctant, worried the situation might forever alter the very nature of their friendship. But, well…

He is cheaper than an escort.

Graphic by @andyouweremine

Fandom: Arrow

Pairing: Felicity Smoak/Tommy Merlyn (Flommy)

Characters: Tommy Merlyn, Felicity Smoak, Donna Smoak, Oliver Queen, Sara Lance

Words: 4,398

Tag List: @bytemegeekette @sweetme86 (it has been forever since I’ve updated, so if you want on the list let me know, if you want off the list let me know!)

Previous Chapters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven

Read on AO3 or below!

Pushing her feet into the soft dirt underneath the swing’s seat, Felicity tried to ignore all of the thoughts that were barging into her head. Tommy had said that he loved her. He loved her. At first, after she left, she had tried to convince herself that he had meant it platonically. That he loved her because he was her best friend.

When that excuse stopped working, she decided that it was the sex. Having sex temporarily ruined his thinking ability and that's why he had told her he loved her. Which was, admittedly, a little conceited, to think that sex with her would have that kind of impact on him. But it was currently the reason she was holding on to for why she almost said it back.

Years of keeping her feelings to herself, locked up inside of her, and she almost told him without a second thought. And then where would they be? In an even more complicated situation when he tried to take it back.

As much as Felicity wanted to believe that he wouldn't, that somehow he had fallen in love with her over the last few days, she knew it couldn't be true. You don't just fall in love with someone you've known for years in just a few days. He was confused and when they got home he would realize it. And then she would lose him.

If she hadn't already lost him.

Felicity sighed as the swing slowed down to a stop again, blinking back tears as her grasp on the chain tightened. For a moment, she had everything she wanted. A glimpse into what it would be like to be loved by Tommy.

And then she ruined it. Or reality ruined it. Either way, the moment was gone.

He had looked so hurt when she started to leave. A part of her wanted to stay, wanted to do whatever it took for him to not look at her like she was breaking his heart. It was an image she didn’t think she would ever be able to forget, the absolute look of panic that passed across his face as she took off. She should have stayed. Felicity wasn’t sure what could have happened if she had stayed, but she knew that there would have been answers. A potential solution.

Instead, the urge to run as far away from the situation overwhelmed her. She didn’t want to get hurt. If she left, and they never talked, she might be able to stop everything from becoming real. Leaving then felt like the best option.

Maybe she was her father’s daughter, always just a moment away from leaving for good.

She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to go back to the apartment. She left because she didn’t know what to say to Tommy. But he would be there no matter when she went back. They were going to have to talk at some point. She wasn’t going to be able to run away forever.

If she waited until dinner to go back, she and Tommy would have to keep pretending in front of her mom. Would Tommy even do that now? It wasn’t fair that he had to spend the last few days doing that, but making him pretend like everything was fine between them now seemed worse. But if she went back before… she wasn’t ready to talk to him.

She needed to leave Vegas.

Leaning back, Felicity dug her phone out of her pocket, calling Sara before she could think of the consequences.

“Hey, what's up?” Sara asked as a greeting, the sound of traffic behind her making it hard to hear her.

“Bad time?” Felicity asked, hoping that her voice didn't sound as wavering over the phone as it did to her ears.

“No,” Sara said. “Just give me a second and I'll stop at the next building. What's wrong?”

Felicity sighed, running her free hand through her hair. She waited until the background noise faded before replying. “Well, to start you're a terrible friend who gives the worst advice and do you think you could still call in an emergency and I'll take the next flight home?”

“Felicity--"

“I can't go back to the apartment Sara,” Felicity continued, her voice cracking, “I just… I can't.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“We slept together,” Felicity admitted. “We slept together and then he told me he loved me.”

Sara didn't say anything, the silence over the phone overwhelming Felicity as she started to rock the swing. Sara was never quiet for this long. She was also quick with a response or an idea.

Calling her was a bad idea, Felicity realized.

“I feel like I'm missing the problem,” Sara finally said.

“The problem is that Tommy said he loved me and I know he can't mean it,” Felicity said, blinking back tears.

“Felicity--"

“Don't ‘Felicity' me, Sara,” Felicity interrupted sharply. “If Tommy loved me don't you think he would have brought that up before all of this?”

“Did you?”

“That's not… that's not fair.”

“Do you think you’re being fair to Tommy right now?”

“I hate you,” Felicity muttered, closing her eyes.

Felicity had purposefully not asked herself that question. Refused to even consider that maybe Tommy had been hiding his feelings about her the same way she had hidden her own. It was too much of a dream. Real life didn't work that way. Her life didn't work like that.

“You love me,” Sara teased and Felicity could practically see her shrugging. “And you love Tommy.”

“I do,” Felicity admitted, running the toes of her shoes across the bark underneath her. “But I'm not what he needs. Sara, I'm already messing things up. He told me he loved me and I ran away. What does that say about me?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Sara sighed. “Maybe that you are scared. But I need you to be brave. You need to talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel and, Felicity, you need to believe him when he tells you how he feels.”

A single car passed by on the road fronting the park, and for a moment the only sound was the breeze and the car’s engine fading away.

“What if I’ve already ruined this?” Felicity asked in a small voice.

“Then I'll have an emergency and you'll be on the next flight home.”

“I'm scared that I don't know how to fix this,” Felicity admitted. “I should have told him the truth before. Maybe all of this could have been avoided.”

“You can't change the past,” Sara gently reminded her. “But you can go back home and change your future.”

“But what--"

“Felicity,” Sara interrupted with a small laugh. “Stop stalling and go talk about the ifs and the buts with the guy that matters.”

“Okay,” Felicity nodded, nervously biting down on her lip. “If I call again, just assume it's emergency time and book my flight home.”

---

Tommy stared at the rather large box in the postal man’s arms.

Arms. Plural. As in the box was too large to reasonably be held with one hand.

“Were you not expecting a package?” the man asked, momentarily struggling with the package before holding out the clunky electronic device for Tommy to sign.

“No,” Tommy said, shaking his head as he signed his name. “I mean, I was. Just a much smaller one.”

The guy sort of shrugged, clearly annoyed by his limited movement. “Last name?” He asked, taking the device back and holding out the package.

“Merlyn,” Tommy confirmed, grabbing the package and stepping back into the apartment.

The box was definitely from Oliver. Tommy studied the label while he walked into the kitchen, grabbing a knife before placing the box on the dining room table.

It took fifteen minutes for Tommy to cut through the nineteen boxes Oliver had needlessly decided to include. Another ten to figure out what to do with all of the newspaper and packing material that was shoved inside every single box.

He spent five minutes with his eyebrows knitted in frustration on the last box, wondering where Oliver even found that much tape.

Finally, the small, black box was in his hands. Tommy ran his finger down the edge of the container before opening it.

The yellow gold band glinted in the box as Tommy leaned back against the wall. He pulled the ring from the box, carefully holding it up to the light. The ring was rather simple compared to some others he had seen, but his mom had loved it. The three stones were cushion cut, the middle one slightly raised. It was the only one that was new to his mom’s family, the two side stones had belonged to her mother’s mother’s mother, or something like that. Tommy hadn't been overly keen on listening to a history lesson on his mom’s wedding ring when he was younger.

Tommy had a hard time imagining Malcolm picking such a simple design and using diamonds that weren't the biggest or brightest. Logically, he knew that before her death, Malcolm had been different, especially with Rebecca. But that didn't make it any easier to see his father taking the time to design the ring.

Tommy placed the jewelry box on top of the pile of other boxes, taking a few minutes to strategically pull out some of the packaging materials before he reached for his cell phone. He took a picture, sending it to Oliver.

Tommy: seriously??

Oliver: Are you actually complaining that I did what you asked.

Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose while he read Oliver’s reply. He rolled his eyes, leaning back against the kitchen counter as he typed out his response.

Tommy: I asked you to send me my mom’s ring, not a starting pack to open a new shipping company.

Oliver: Did you get the ring?

Tommy: You’re an asshole.

Oliver: You didn't get the ring?

Tommy: Of course I did

Oliver: That's right. Because I am a damn good friend.

Tommy sighed as he stared at the message. Oliver was a good friend. He hadn't taken any of Oliver's advice since he gotten to Vegas. Tommy was certain that he knew exactly how to handle the situation. Coming out and telling Felicity about his true feelings wasn't going to work; she would have immediately doubted him.

She would have wondered why he hadn't told her. Why was he telling her now? How long had he had feelings for her? It would have opened him up for a spew of questions he wasn't prepared for, some that he wasn't positive even had answers.

Not to mention the inevitable moment when Felicity would have to tell him that she didn't feel the same way. Somehow, in his head, he figured avoiding any conversation about his feelings while they were pretending to be together was a great idea. It would come up organically, he didn't need to push the conversation. But he was terrified. And any moment that may have been right seemed too soon, too rushed. He was convinced he would ruin things before they truly began.

By the time he was ready to talk about how he felt, Felicity began avoiding the topic. He missed all of the signs. Felicity must have figured it out. Somewhere along the way, he had stopped trying to hide his feelings for her because he let himself think that he didn't need to anymore. Of course she figured it out. Which is why she avoided the conversation.

He wasn't sure why he thought pretending to be her boyfriend wasn't going to ruin their friendship. Or how he managed to convince himself that he could be with her in the way he had been dreaming of for only a few days and then go back to how things were before.

He was an idiot.

Oliver: So, how are you planning on proposing to Felicity with your mom’s ring without giving away the fact that you are in love with her?

Tommy groaned as he read the message.

Tommy: I already fucked that up.

Tommy was halfway through a follow up message to explain what he had done when Oliver’s image flashed across his screen. Tommy answered the call without meaning to, his fingers still sliding along the glass to finish his message.

For a moment, Tommy considered hanging up, finishing the text he was in the middle of and turning off his phone so he didn’t have to deal with whatever Oliver was going to say. He didn’t need to hear about how he could have done this differently, or how maybe he misunderstood Felicity’s actions. Or, really, anything Oliver was going to say.

What he needed to do was figure out how he was going to get out of this mess. How he was going to look at Felicity and act like he was completely fine, like they were completely fine.

“Tommy,” Oliver’s voice rang out from his cell phone.

“Fuck,” Tommy muttered, lifting the phone up to his ear. “Look, man, I’m not--”

“Getting out of this conversation,” Oliver interrupted, his tone firm. “How did you fuck this up more?”

“Go to hell,” Tommy snapped. “I don’t--” he paused, clenching his hand into a fist while he shook his head. He wasn’t angry at Oliver. The last thing he needed was to push Oliver away too. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Oliver was silent. Tommy hated talking on the phone. He had no way of figuring out what Oliver was thinking, no way of preparing himself for what may come.

“It sounds like you need to though,” Oliver said, his voice more concerned than Tommy had been expecting. “What happened?”

“I fucked up,” Tommy said as if that was enough. He wasn’t sure why Oliver needed to hear about how exactly he fucked up. Wasn’t it enough to just know that he fucked up? Why did he need Tommy to replay one of the worst moments of his life?

“Wow,” Oliver sighed. “Feel free to expand on the details whenever you are ready. I don’t have to be anywhere for a few hours.”

Tommy closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging as he took a deep breath. He hated when Oliver got like this: calm with an amount of patience that would surprise anyone else. Pushing off of the counter, he walked into the living room. He didn’t say anything as he stretched out across the couch, a small part of him still hoping that Oliver would drop the conversation.

“How’s the weather?” Tommy asked after a few minutes of silence. “Should I wear a jacket on the plane?”

Oliver didn’t say anything.

“You’re right,” Tommy said to fill the silence. “I should bring one just in case. Or download a weather app.”

“Tommy,” Oliver warned. “The flight to Vegas isn’t a very long one. I could probably make it down and back before I have to be at Verdant. So unless you really want to have this conversation in person, tell me what happened.”

“I told her the truth,” Tommy managed to get out after a few seconds, each word heavy in his throat. “I told her the truth and she left.”

“And by truth, you mean you told her--”

“I told her I fucking loved her,” Tommy cut Oliver off, not needing to hear Oliver say it. He bit down on the inside of his cheeks as he waited for Oliver to ask another question or to make some remark about how it took him long enough. He figured that at least Oliver would ask, again, what he had done to fuck things up.

He didn’t. Even Oliver knew that telling Felicity the truth was how he had fucked up. He didn’t need any additional confirmation.

“I told her that I loved her. That I didn’t want to just be her friend. That I want more. And she… God, Ollie--” Tommy paused, awkwardly clearing his throat before continuing, “she left. She just… she left.”

“Okay,” Oliver said after a long moment. “I’m going to need more details. Because that doesn’t make sense, Tommy.”

“What do you--” Tommy’s eyes narrowed as he laughed, “what do you mean that doesn’t make sense? That’s what happened.”

“I--I get that man,” Oliver sighed, the sound only adding to Tommy’s irritation. “I’m not arguing that it didn’t happen. But I need context to understand how this happened because I know you and Felicity. And it doesn’t make sense.”

“Of course it makes sense,” Tommy ground out, his voice full of contempt. “She doesn’t have feelings for me Oliver. I have no idea what we’ve been doing for the last few days. But she doesn’t feel the same way. And I have about four hours to figure out how to undo… all of this.”

“No,” Oliver simply said. “You aren’t getting out of this Tommy. I get that Felicity left. And that you may not want to hear that you’re too close to the situation… but you’re too close to the situation. There could be a million reasons for Felicity’s reaction.”

“99% of which are that she doesn’t feel the same and realized that sleeping with me was a mistake.”

“Wait,” Oliver said with a cough. “You slept with her? Seriously, Tommy? How was that?”

Tommy groaned, exhaling sharply. He needed to find a reason to get off of the phone. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to Oliver about this. He didn’t want to think about having sex with Felicity. Not when he knew it wasn’t going to happen again.

“Yeah,” Tommy replied. “I did. It was… it was amazing. So, there you go, you know the details. Can I go now?”

“Before or after?” Oliver asked, ignoring Tommy’s question.

“Before or after what?”

“Did you tell Felicity that you loved her before or after you had sex?” Oliver clarified, his original annoyance creeping back into his voice.

“Right after,” Tommy answered, tapping his fingers against the side of the couch. “What does it matter?”

“What does-- what does it matter?” Oliver snickered. “God, you are a fucking idiot.”

“Yeah, I think we’ve covered that one already. Thanks for bringing it back up. You’re really a great friend,” Tommy bit out, not caring for a moment if he had no friends when he got back to Starling.

“We’ve definitely covered what a great friend I am,” Oliver reminded him. “C’mon man, you can’t honestly have expected Felicity to react well to that?”

“I mean,” Tommy paused, briefly wondering how exactly else he was supposed to have expected her to react. “I was supposed to expect her to run away from me within seconds of telling her?”

“No,” Oliver hesitantly started. “No, that might have been a little extreme. But are you telling me that you can’t see where she was coming from at all?”

“I guess?” Tommy answered, unsure of his real answer. “Maybe if she didn’t have any idea how I felt before? She had to know though, Ollie. There’s no way--”

“Do you see now why you should have taken my advice on telling her the truth from the beginning? I’m positive all of this would have been avoided had you just talked first.”

“Fuck off,” Tommy said, trying to shake the truth of Oliver’s words. “I tried to talk to her yesterday. She didn’t want to talk. Probably because she realized that she was going to have to tell me that she didn’t feel the same way.”

“So she slept with you because she doesn’t have feelings for you? You can’t honest--”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Tommy interrupted, sitting up on the couch. “I know what happened.”

“No,” Oliver said with such certainty that Tommy wanted to scream. “You don’t. And you won’t until you talk to her.”

“I tried that. I told her that I lo--”

“Fuck, Tommy,” Oliver sighed. “You told her you loved her after you slept with her. After days of telling her that you guys were just friends. You need to actually have a conversation about your feelings that doesn’t start with the two of you making out or getting engaged and pretending like that’s something friends just do.”

Of course Oliver would say that. Oliver would know just the words to string together to reflect what he and Felicity had said. Do friend do this? Is this something friends do? Friends don’t say that.

“We said--” Tommy started, pressing his fingers against his temple. “We said that they did? That we could. Friends can have sex.”

“You two actually…” Oliver’s sentence trailed off as he started laughing. “You two managed to have that discussion but couldn’t find time to talk about how just maybe you’re both full of shit and in love with each other? If it makes you feel better, you and Felicity are both idiots.”

Despite himself, Tommy laughed. He was getting relationship advice from Oliver Queen and it was making sense. Maybe the flight from Starling to Vegas had thrown him into some kind of alternate universe.

“When did you become the mature one in this friendship? Tommy asked, leaning back into the couch.

“I’ve, uh, well,” Oliver stuttered, and for a second Tommy thought he sounded almost embarrassed. “I’ve been going to therapy.”

“What?” Tommy asked, he pulled the phone away from his ear for a second to confirm that he was still talking to Oliver. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing, nothing big?” Oliver responded vaguely. “I’m kind of a fuck up too, you know? And I don’t-- I decided that I didn’t want to always be one. I had no idea how to change that, so, therapy.”

“Wow.” Tommy looked across the coffee table in front of him, focusing on the scratches on the far right corner. He had know idea what to say to that.

“Good timing apparently. Who knew you’d need this much advice.”

“Yeah, you should send me your next bill.” Tommy smiled. “In fact, does your therapist do emergency, over-the-phone appointments? Because I… Ollie, I have no idea what to do here.”

“Do you know when she’ll be back? Maybe you should try to call her?”

“She was supposed to have lunch with her mom.” Tommy sighed as he glanced at the clock on the wall next to the kitchen. It was almost noon. “I doubt she’ll answer any call from me right now. And I’d be surprised if she came back here until Donna gets off work.”

“But won’t Donna get off at like--”

“Yeah, man,” Tommy answered before Oliver could finish his question. “If I remember correctly, Donna’s picking up dinner when she gets off work.”

“Okay,” Oliver paused, the noise in the background getting louder. “You can either call her or you can sit around in an empty apartment for a few more hours and talk yourself out of even trying to have this conversation with Felicity.”

“She won’t ans--”

“Did you try?” Oliver asked. “Before you called me? Since you’ve been on the phone with me?”

Tommy sighed, annoyed with the way Oliver had managed to turn the conversation back to him talking to Felicity. He wasn’t going to call Felicity. He didn’t want to talk to Felicity. If she wanted to talk, she would have stayed. She would have at least given him half a chance to explain.

But she didn’t.

At first, Tommy thought about chasing after her, he needed her to understand what he meant. He loved her and, for a moment, he let himself believe that she felt the same way. He had thought that maybe she was scared. He knew Felicity; he should have expected her to react that way.

Her head start was too much though, by the time had had gotten clothes on and out the front door, he couldn’t see her. They weren’t in Starling, he couldn’t even begin to guess where she would go to be alone in Vegas.

Felicity knew that. She knew when she left that he wouldn’t be able to find her to talk to her. That’s when Tommy realized that Felicity didn’t leave because she needed time to process anything, but because she didn’t feel the same way and wanted to avoid telling him.

“If she wanted to talk to me,” Tommy began, clearing his throat before continuing, “don’t you think she would have stayed?”

“No,” Oliver answered quickly. “We’re just going to keep talking in circles and I have a meeting with a new vendor I need to prep for. So, keep having this conversation with yourself, and every time you ask a question just know my answer would likely fall under ‘no,’ ‘you’re an idiot,’ and ‘call Felicity.’”

Tommy was about to interrupt Oliver and tell him that he could stop being such an asshole anytime when he heard the lock turn in the front door. He looked up at the sound, his heart hammering in his chest, and watched Felicity walk in.

Oliver was still talking, but Tommy wasn't listening. All of his attention focused on Felicity. She had been crying, her cheeks were still puffy and slightly red. He wanted to hang up on Oliver then, to hug Felicity and find some way to make her happy. It's what he did.

He had no idea what to do when he was the one that made her sad in the first place.

“So call--”

“Felicity,” Tommy whispered, his eyes still glued on her as she shut the door.

“Yes!” Oliver said loudly, Tommy pulled the phone away from his ear a bit. “Call Felicity.”

“What?” Tommy asked shaking his head . “No, Felicity just got here.”

“Oh,” Oliver sounded surprised. “Okay. So talk to her.”

“Yeah,” Tommy sighed, watching as Felicity walked over to the couch, sitting on the opposite side of him. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Tommy sat the phone down on the edge of the coffee table, waiting for Felicity to say something, anything. She kicked off her shoes in silence, turning so that she was facing him, her back pressed against the armrest of the couch.

Felicity nodded once, a sad smile on her lips. It felt like hours passed before she finally said something.

“We should probably talk.”

#flommy #felicity smoak #tommy merlyn #arrow #arrow fic #sara lance #oliver queen #my fic #chase the light #the hanukkah au

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