#my remembering how i planned on having a different job by now 🙃🙃

[siriuslysatorusimping]

*Excerpt* Built to Break (Gojo Satoru AU)

I'm finally doing it. I'm finally posting some excerpts of the Hot Neighbor/Exes AU. It's gonna be angstier than I had originally intended. But it's not exactly gonna be angst caused by Gojo 🙃

This fucker has been haunting my WIPs for months, and I'm still nowhere near done with it, BUT HERE WE ARE.

Built to Break

They’d gone their separate ways the day after his Master’s graduation. She’d had more schooling to do, and he was on to bigger and better things as well. Long distance never would have worked. Their relationship was never meant to go further than casual, anyway.

He wasn’t the type.

Which was why, when he’d given her an almost guilty smile the day after the ceremony for his second degree, she said what she knew he’d been thinking: “It’s best if we part here, yeah?”

His answering nod had been accompanied by a sweet smile before he’d given her a final, very not sweet kiss.

They had kept in contact for a while after that, though. Texting the occasional update here and there. They’d been friends before they dated, and the plan had always been to shift right back into that friendship eventually.

But it was only natural for them to drift apart when they lived such different lives.

“You look great,” he said now, rubbing the back of his neck.

She snorted, knowing he was lying. She looked like hell after having been up all night.

“Thanks,” she replied drily, watching him grimace. “So do you.”

Now that wasn’t a lie. Still as attractive as he always had been. Maybe more attractive now, actually.

“What makes you think I’m interested in being your last choice?” Rinko asked, stepping into the hallway and heading toward her door as she held the phone to her ear. “I’m not surprised you’re still single. Is this always how you ask someone out?”

“So sorry I didn’t buy you flowers and get down on one knee,” Nanami deadpanned. “You know what I meant.”

“That your plus one fell through, and you were hoping-”

Her voice cut off when she rounded the corner, seeing Gojo struggling to open his front door without being able to see the lock around the woman he had pressed against it. His head lifted from her neck upon hearing Rinko’s voice, and they both turned to stare at her as she blinked stupidly before an awkward laugh broke free.

“Shit,” she gasped when the woman yelped and hid her face in Gojo’s chest. Rinko slapped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to silence the giggles. “Sorry. Please, go about your- business. Don’t mind me-”

“Kurisaki!” Nanami’s voice pulled her attention back to her phone, his tone telling her his eyes were narrowing. “Don’t fucking ignore me.”

He sighed, his eyes narrowing over her shoulder.

“Of all people-”

“Is that Nanamin?” Gojo’s voice asked cheerfully. “I’m hurt that you wouldn’t tell me you’re in town!”

His arm was wrapped loosely around a woman’s waist. One of Jin’s many cousins, if she remembered correctly.

“Because I’m not here for you,” Nanami sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And I have enough of a headache-”

“Don’t be like that, Nanamin,” Gojo pouted, his eyes moving to Rinko. “He’s still so mean to me, Rinko-chan.”

“What are you doing here?” Nanami asked. “How do you know-”

“Jin’s my cousin,” the woman beside Gojo interjected, rolling her eyes. “Satoru was kind enough to be my date. Shimura Kaya, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” he replied. “Nanami Kento-”

“The detective,” Kaya said, her eyes lighting up. “I hear you and Jin are a pretty big deal after you caught-”

“Not really,” Nanami cut her off, his eyes shooting to Rinko’s face. “It was just part of the job.”

The scream ripped from her throat, strangled and terrified as she shot straight up, her hands shaking as they went to her stomach.

Blinking into the darkness, she felt the panic still rising in her chest as she looked around her room.

Safe. She was safe.

Taking a deep breath, she threw the blankets away and pushed herself to her feet.

Moving into her living room, she turned the TV on before getting herself a glass of water. Chugging it, she refilled it while she searched her medicine cabinet.

There were sleeping pills somewhere around here.

Her phone ringing made her jump, a quiet yelp falling from her lips as the glass almost slipped from her fingers. Placing it down, she saw Gojo’s name pop up on her phone screen. Silencing it, she continued her search for the sleeping pills, letting out a quiet cry of triumph when she located them.

-

Thoughts on the lil blurbs?? Rinko has some serious PTSD in this one... 👀👀

[murfeelee]

Hello murfeel, I don't know if anyone ask you this before but what do you think about the news of sims 5 being planned by ea?

Hi! I see we're starting 2023 on a positive note, getting me triggered by EA's shenanigans! 🤣

Yeah, so far I've only commented briefly about TS5 in this post, when EA did that stupid Summit thing where they showed off how much they're trying to one-up Paralives. 🙄 OOoOoo~! They're bringing the color wheel back after swearing on a stack of bibles that CASt was the worst feature in TS3 and TS4 didn't need it and their wacka** LACK of customization was the FUTURE of gaming--zomg lemme get my wallet ready~~! 🤡

Like, EA, everyone knows you're good at Build/Buy mode and CAS--people don't call TS4 a DOLLHOUSE SIMULATOR for nothing. But where is the EFFING GAMEPLAY? I feel the same way about Paralives--I don't need to see anymore of their builds or Paras--I want to follow sims INSIDE their places of work and school (no more EFFING rabbitholes); and see how they act come rain, snow or shine; and I want pets aside from just cats & dogs and RODENTS EA. And different cultural representation, so it's not the same generic American suburban cookie-cutter crap all the time--give me simulated life of the islands, the tundras, the equator, the poles, the Nth/Est/Sth/Wst hemispheres, the cities, the farms, the jungles, the corporate ladder, off the grid--in fully fleshed out EXPANSIONS with living breathing WORLDS, not watered down Game Packs, for crying out loud. Do y'all even remember what Expansion Packs are, EA? If only every pack was given HALF the content and attention to detail that Seasons always gets! It's a sad state of affairs when the best pack y'all ever released was for VAMPIRES. 🤦‍♀️

I get stomach ulcers every time I hear about how people spent over a THOUSAND DOLLARS on TS4 and are clamoring for the torture to be over already so TS5 can hurry up and screw them over instead. The biggest complaint simmers have been screaming at EA about is how dang BORING TS4 is, because

the game is too easy, and people have to cheat to make the game HARDER wtf

the game is too buggy and none of the fancy "features" effing WORK, releasing ENTIRE PACKS BROKEN, with patches that make everything worse

the features TS4 does have that actually work are shallow AF and a lot of them are repetitive/redundant or they don't carry over to other EPs/GPs/SPs to make the gameplay deeper and richer you had one job EA

TS4's worlds are too small and we don't even have CAW, but EA promised us that smaller non-open worlds with no CASt and no Story Progression would make TS4 run so much smoother than TS3--gosh golly, now if only my save would stop laaaaaaagging 😩

where are the skills where are the careers where are the hobbies other than streaming/blogging where are the NPCs where ar--

the sims' emotions & action queues are out of control, but the EMOTIONS were the MAIN thing the dev's pitched when TS4 was announced over a decade ago; why are my sims acting like crack heads when you said they'd be so much smarter?

the kids are totally ignored, where the teens are basically young adults with curfews--but zoinks! they're finally going to update the bassinet-babies after TEN YEARS so the legacy players can actually PLAY WITH LIFE and interact with babies! Maybe if we're lucky, they'll patch in some frikkin preteens so the life states in a life simulation game actually make sense!

the alpha vs maxis match saga continues

Look at everything Sims Freeplay has--it's monetized to hell and back, but at least they have COOL stuff! WHERE IS IT in TS4? Will that stuff be in basegame TS5???? EVER? Or will EA just keep showing us how many throw pillows we can rotate on couches in rooms full of clutter that aren't even interactive objects? 🙃 Paralives has Paras ziplining off of rooftops into their pool--will basegame TS5 even launch with pools and swimmable water, or will that feature be locked off behind another lukewarm paywalled EP where you can only ever swim in ONE (1) world? 🏝 And now that EA making basegame TS4 free to play, they have carte blanche to microtransaction people to death with useless Kits full of DECOR and mess in TS5, too, huzzah!

And they keep bringing up MULTIPLAYER--THEY BETTER NOT. 💀

GOD, I hope the TS4 simmers go off on EA and tell them that TS5 CANNOT be TS4 2.0. Don't have EA walking around thinking TS4 was the right way to do life simulation gaming. TS4's enormous player base means diddly squat if people don't play the game to PLAY the GAME, only using it as the base for their Blender renders -- quantity does NOT equal quality, EA!

I'm not even staying on top of TS5 news anymore, listening to Lindsay Pearson lie to my frikkin face; promising me the moon only to have it turn out to be made of government cheese. The proof is gonna be in the pudding once the game actually LAUNCHES in a zillion years; I refuse to get hyped.

But I am PRAYING EA does TS5 right. Or at least that they make something better than TS4--it's a low bar, I know, but baby steps. Believe it or not, but I'd actually like to play a sims game that isn't TS3 sometime this decade. 🙏 TS4 had so many red flags; everyone knew it was a mobile game port, we're not THAT dumb, EA. Plus, TS4 was just too effing ugly for me. I hate the cartoony playdough look, and the lack of CASt and customization was an IMMEDIATE dealbreaker; so at least EA learned ONE lesson in all this time. *slow claps* Now we just have to see what they'll do about the actual GAME, the part that MATTERS.

Lemme stop, before I pop a blood vessel.

Wake me up when TS5 has more gameplay than Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley.

[live-laugh-loverpool]

The Lilac Part of Virgil’s Heart—Part 2

Tags: @millythegoat, @alissonbecksfan234, @rubybecker-rb2, @moomin279

Van Dijk had never thought he would be intimidated by a cheap plastic shoe. But one wave of that flip-flop had been enough to send Van Dijk scurrying into his car in an effort to get to Alisson’s house as soon as possible.

It was only when Van Dijk was parked in Alisson driveway that he realized he had no idea how to do this. Even if Alisson did forgive him—highly unlikely, with the things Van Dijk had said to him—there was still the small matter of what had been bothering Alisson in the first place.

Congratulations, Virgil van Dijk. You have officially ruined your friendship with Ali.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, momentarily startling him. Van Dijk saw that it was Firmino. Thankfully, the smaller Brazilian was only texting him.

SiSenor: Are you there yet?

Virgil: I’m already here, I’m in the driveway

SiSenor: You’d better not upset him again, I’ll be so mad if you do

Virgil: I know 😣 Will he forgive me, Bobby?

SiSenor: That depends on him and not on you. All you can do is be genuinely sorry

Virgil: I am

SiSenor: If you don’t know what to do, text the boss

Virgil: 👍

SiSenor: I want more than just a thumbs-up, Virgil. I want written agreement

Virgil: Are you Ali’s bro or smth

SiSenor: Sim, and since Muriel is in Cyprus it’s my job to beat you up if you harm a hair on his head or an iota in his soul. Understand, Van Dijk?

Virgil: Yes sir

SiSenor: Good

SiSenor: Boa sorte

Van Dijk closed Firmino’s WhatsApp, letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He’d best do this quickly, before Firmino came for him with that flip-flop.

Virgil: Hey boss

Boss: Hello Virgil

Boss: Bobby told me what happened 🙃. I must say, I’m disappointed

Virgil: 🫣 Het spijt me

Boss: 🧡. It’s going to be alright

Boss: Remember Virg, I’m not disappointed with YOU, only what you SAID. Big difference

He always knows how to make us feel better, even when we don’t deserve it. Van Dijk took a moment to process his manager’s words before texting him back:

Virgil: I’m afraid I’ll lose him forever 😭

Virgil: It may not seem like this now, but I don’t think I could live without Ali. I need him 💜 😭😭💔

Boss: Ali’s a part of your heart, just like he’s a part of mine. You’re ALL a part of my heart and I can’t live without any of you

Virgil: How do I win him over I was terrible

Boss: Be sincere. Ali appreciates the truth. And don’t forget to give him his space. Even if he won’t tell you what’s wrong, you would’ve made up with him and that’s all that matters.

Boss: And pro tip: you might want Bobby or Fabi on the phone if things get too heated

Virg: NOT BOBBY he’ll kick my butt if I make a mistake

Boss: I’ll see what I can do about that

Virg: Thank you

Boss: No problem 🙂. Good luck

Virg: Btw, how did you know what I said in Dutch?

Boss: I didn’t

Boss: I had to get Pep to translate for me! 😅. 😅. 😅.

*

Van Dijk had a key to Alisson’s house. Only when he was at the front door did Van Dijk realize that he’d forgotten the key at home.

He thought about knocking on the door, or ringing the doorbell. Either that would startle Alisson, or completely freak him out. Van Dijk spotted the wind chime swinging over Alisson’s kitchen window and got a new idea.

That was how Van Dijk landed in a heap on Alisson’s kitchen counter, a forcefully opened window above him. He hadn’t planned for this—and now he could hear footsteps approaching the kitchen.

“Virgil!” Alisson ran to the kitchen sink, taking Van Dijk’s hand. “How did you get in my kitchen sink?!”

“Long story.” Van Dijk struggled to right himself, shifting so he was perched on the counter. “About earlier, Ali…”

As soon as Van Dijk mentioned their fight, Alisson practically deflated. “Sinto muito, Virgil. Eu só queria um tempo sozinha...”

“No, no, no.” Van Dijk didn’t understand everything Alisson had said. He had caught the apology, and that told him all he needed to know. “I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. You were upset about the Wolves game—it all makes sense.”

Alisson stared at Van Dijk with wide eyes. “How did you know?”

“I think we’ve been playing together long enough to start up a pattern. You always beat yourself up when we concede a goal, even though not every goal was your fault.” Van Dijk shook his head, staring down at the tile. “And all I did was scream at you. Now Bobby’s going to kick my butt with a flip-flop.”

Alisson winced at the last part, sending Van Dijk a sympathetic look. “Bobby can be like that. That’s why you don’t want to get on his bad side.”

“Noted.” Van Dijk got off the counter, opening up his arms. “Can we hug it out now? I hate fighting with you, you’re one of my best friends. Part of my heart is lilac because you painted it that way.”

“Virgil…” Alisson ducked, trying to hide the blush blooming across his features.

“That green in your eyes is one of my favorite colors now, y’know?” Van Dijk wasn’t sure where this new, sappy part of him was coming from. But right now it was taking over his common sense. “And when your eyes change color, it’s like I can see into your heart—oh God, what am I saying?”

Alisson’s response was to wrap the Dutchman into a tight hug, muffling his rambling. “Está tudo bem, eu entendo. Eu te amo muito, Virg.”

Van Dijk relaxed, shifting so that his arms were around Alisson. “Don’t lock yourself in the house, please. I don’t want to jump through your kitchen window again.”

“Virgil van Dijk, o que diabos?!”

[traumatizeddfox]

Borderliner here again! Glad if I could help even a little bit.

DBT was specifically developed for BPD if I remember correctly but I know we used CBT in the clinic too. It's funny bc although the clinic was equally as bad as it was good and it helped me and revealed a lot about me to myself. So although I'm not typical borderline bc I act in instead of out, I know for sure I'm quiet borderline.

Nonetheless every therapist I've went to introductory sessions with since then has immediately said I've been misdiagnosed after like 10 seconds of talking to me 🙃 either that or you just never even get to be added to the wait list bc they don't wanna treat you

But that's why we gotta all support each other!!

Anyway. I decided to go for a therapy trial with a trauma therapist that I was lucky enough to get (after lots of panicking over the multiple phone calls it took, and panic now about rescheduling and shit). So that starts in February. And we're starting out with secondary trauma bc my parents passed down their trauma to be (they're genocide refugees, and I have been back to the country and stayed there a lot in post-war times) and it has in the past caused almost psychotic states. I'm afraid it might trigger even worse panic over my parents bc they already make me feel unsafe (they're a big reason I have been self harming for 15 years now - and when I went to them during a full day break down/panic attack and told them I need help they just stared at me blankly. I could literally only shake and cry and think about how I'm about to kill myself without any control over myself all day and they literally told me "just finish the next 4 weeks of school and then we can all go on vacation" - and in my dreams my parents have tried to feed me to dinosaurs bc that's how it has to be, they've been he reason my cat almost died and got his leg ripped off, they watched my face get eaten alive by giant worms and told me it was my own fault (again all dreams) ). I still live with my parents. I'm still mostly submissive to them and I'm afraid.

But also I cant not do therapy bc I'm so fucking tired. No meds stop my nightmares. I dream of rape, war, violence, killing, running for my life, wounds, break downs, sobbing, my house being broken into, being shot at, fires all around, kids being abused in different ways, like every single night. It's just as torturous as being awake and I'm really trying to not use my secret stash for suicide plans so like I need this therapy

But... I'm so fucking terrified

In the bpd clinic I broke down and almost faint and developed migraines and had half my body go numb and useless - just when I was trying to stay present and acknowledge there was a problem. The therapist there had me bawling my eyes out bc he was like "say something good about yourself" and I legit couldn't. I had daily migraines for months. I actually have a job I like now (still in training tbh but it's with animals so it's really nice) but I'm so afraid I'm about to lose everything. It feels like I could get further if I got back into my bad regulating habits.

I'm trying so hard to do things right. I really am. But my mind and body betray me all the time and I'm so so scared

It's like no matter what I do there's no rest, no help, nothing right and good

I'm so sorry this turned into my whining lmao but uh yeah :(

I recently discovered your blog and I love it. I resonate with the rage and the dog teeth :D wanna get into vent art too eventually. If I can handle the emotion that is lol

i am so sorry to hear this angel 💔 i really hope life turns around for you & i hope the new therapist helps u! it sucks when you don’t feel validated. and tysm! vent art has helped me so much