#my sister in christ you are looking at the doctor with lust and love in your heart he's an alien you're practically the one starting it!!!

[fly-like-a-phoenix]

House of Lust (part 5)

Abbé de Coulmier x reader.

Summary: Five years has passed since the events of Quills. The Abbé de Coulmier is released of prision by a misterious event. And he will know again those feelings he never thought will meet again: love... and lust.

Warnings: spoilers from Quills, some mentions of sex, things will go a little wild from here...

"Excuse me, madmoiselle." François said. "But I don't really understand anything. My parents said you will---"

"Oh, yeah. Your parents, yeah." Odelle interrupted him. "They... They came here two weeks ago, maybe more, before leaving to Spain. Are you hungry, Abbé?"

His stomach was grunting. He was thirsty too. He hadn't drink anything since the morning. But he needed some answers from those women wearing their nightgowns.

"Who are you two? Why am I here?" He said, his voice deeper than never.

"Come with us. You too, Y/N." Josephine said. But you stepped in front of François, covering him from your sisters view.

"He asked you two questions. Answer him, Odelle." You said. Knowing your sisters, you will try to protect him to all costs.

"My name is Odelle, and she's my sister Josephine. And it seems you already know Y/N, the little one. You knew us all, Abbé. But let me explain you better in the dinning room."

François and you shared a look. You nodded with your head, walking right next to him while he zipped his shirt. You weren't going to let him alone with them.

François saw the large hallways, admiring them. The walls were full of paintings, but there were not enough lights to see them properly. Some red courtains covered the windows, not letting the moon light enter the house.

And then you all arrived to the giant dinning room. A large table was in the middle, at least thirty chairs surrounding it. Josephine moved her hand to him, inviting him to sit.

"Y/N, can you bring him some food?" Odelle said, siting next to him. "As I was saying, we knew you from before. The three of us went to that theatre play in Charenton five years ago. We thought we were seeing The Happy Shoemaker, but actually you allowed the presentation of the Marquis de Sade play.

"I didn't allowed it. I didn't knew the inmates prepared another play to mock about doctor Roger-Collard and his young wife. I didn't---"

"Shh, shh. Whatever you say, Abbé. But let me finish. That play, those moments, seeing everyone enjoying it, and some quotes said from the actors... That changed us completely."

"It changed you both, Odelle." You said, bringing a plate with potatoes, a piece of meat and bread, letting it in front of François. "Don't talk for me, please. I was just sixteen years old, and I didn't care so much about---"

"Let me finish, then, if you think you didn't change too."

The silence crowned the large room for a few seconds. You looked at your sister with hate. You did hate her, actually. Because of many things.

"As I was saying before my sister interrupted me," said, as she didn't do it before with you and him. "That Marquis' play changed us. We started to read more of his work, you know? More of those hundreds of stories he had to tell. And then, we started to believe different, to feel the world and see it with other eyes. Seeing that we're just here to enjoy the carnal pleasures."

François looked at you, but you were with a hand in your face, trying not to see him or your sisters and not showing the shame you were feeling. Josephine continued what Odelle was saying.

"It's like a creed, Abbé. A creed based on lust, greed and violence. And we believe in it, as many other friends of ours do. You are pale, Abbé. Are you okay? Is the food alright?"

François was breathing heavier. He remembered that horrendous play very well. The Marquis, with Madeline's help, used the inmates to perfom those blaspheming performances that made Roger-Collard angry with him.

"This is the House of Lust in France, Abbé. Many people come here to satiate their thirst for sex and perversion. We help them to do it. And we enjoy it a lot too, just as the Marquis used to say."

"You're damn crazy, all of you!" He said, getting what Josephine just told him.

"Abbé, I'm not part of---"

"Shut up, Y/N." Odelle interrupted you again. "What were you saying, Abbé?"

"Please, stop calling me Abbé. I don't have that charge anymore. What am I doing here, for Christ sake?"

Josephine left her chair, and went to stand just behind François, letting her hands in his shoulders. Odelle touched his hand with her fingers slowly, her nails scratching the skin, hurting him a little.

"Your parents asked us to help you, that's true." Odelle said. "But they didn't know about our... activities this month. And you, as a man who took the vows, have never experienced things like we do. You're still innocent and pure, even if your body doesn't feel like that. And you got free and arrived the Villa just at the perfect moment to discover those feelings.

"What the hell are you talking about? I just wanted a place to sleep and eat something. I think I'm going to Paris again..." He responded, trying to get up. But Josephine stopped him, sitting him again.

"Now, Abbé, are you going to be a good boy and accept we're helping you? or you are going to try to escape? It's not gonna be easy, tho. Guards are everywhere, and we're not letting a cute virgin guy like you to come to this house and let you go like that. He have to taste you, you know what I mean. Or we kill you right now and we say to your parents you were killed by a thief. You choose."

François looked at you again. This time, you were seeing him too. Not only shame in your face, but fear. You nodded again, convincing him not only to stay in there, accept and survive, but also that you were in the same situation, under their threat.

"Alright, mesdemoiselles. I see I don't have other option. What do I have to do?"

"For now, just go to sleep. You arrived late, and every room in the Villa is full of our guests. We don't have other, maybe the dungeon. But I think Y/N doesn't mind he can sleep in her room. Do you, Y/N?"

You saw the young man with pity. What a poor lad! Just getting out of his unjust imprisonment to get beaten and now under the power of those mad women that your sisters were.

"It's okay." You answered, knowing that in your bedroom, at least, he will be safe for some hours. And that you both could plan a way to escape.

"Amazing! But will you let her fuck him, Odelle?" Josephine said, as if he was just a toy. "We should take care of that first."

"And we will, sister. We will. Tomorrow we will see how we start him in this. They can do whatever they want. But as I see it, she's too shy even to touch herself, so I don't think she will do nothing. And he... well, he can't do nothing without our permission. So don't you dare to do nothing to our little sister, Abbé. You're still a priest to her, until she doesn't respect those vows. She never wanted to be part of our creed, but she's our sister, and we love her. Are we clear?"

François couldn't believe all that was happening. How could people be so sick? You see them on the streets, walking, shopping, being arrogant assholes. And then, you learn how depraved they are, as Roger-Collard and Madeline herself.

"What will happen tomorrow?" Said he, scared.

"It's a surprise, my dear." Josephine responded. "For now, finish you dinner, go and sleep. Recover from that beaten you took. And wait for us. Tomorrow you will get a bath and new clothes."

Josephine squeezed his shoulders, and left with Odelle, both talking low and laughing while they went to their bedrooms.

François kept his eyes in the plate, looking at the meal in shock. What did he got into? He just needed some help his parents promised. What a fuckminded friends they got!

You served him some wine, and gave it to him. He drank it quickly, feeling the sweet savour going through his throat, waiting for you to say something.

"I'm sorry, François. I'm truly sorry. I don't even know if your parents really came here and talked with these two harpies. Maybe that isn't even true. But I should have taken you out of here as soon as I recognized you."

François looked at you in awe. He couldn't believe you were so different to them. He took your hand with care, and smiled even if he didn't knew what your sisters will do to him the day after.

"Is other people in here?" He asked.

"Around seventy guests of the famous House of Lust my sisters run. God damn it, I can't believe this is not an awful dream. They've being doing this since the last five years. And it's so wicked that I can't believe is real. I fear all them."

"Well, I can't believe you're so different to them. It's true you're not part of this madness." Said he, smiling again with pain in his eyes. "So you think we can't get through this? I'll help you escape if you help me."

Your prayers were answered! This young man you felt attracted to five years ago was going to got through many things these days, but you both will go out that Villa, that was for sure.

He finished dinner in silence, you looking at him, admiring his factions and manners. He was in prison a lot of time, but he was still a gentleman.

He decided to sleep in the divan you cured his face before. He didn't want to disturb you. But he was the most normal man in that house at the moment.

You regretted talking about him to your sisters that time after the play five years ago. Maybe him being in there was all your fault.

"That priest is really gorgeous." You said to them when you were at the carriage, leaving Charenton. "I wish he hadn't taken the vows. Maybe we could know each other and have been friends."

Your sisters seemed to take this seriously, because when they knew he could get out of the asylum, they took advantage of it.

And now, there he was, a prisoner again, like you were those last years, of your own family. Hopefully, his mind would not get so dirty those days as his body covered of mud when he was out the Villa a few hours ago.

Tagging: @darknessisafriend @five-miles-over @yukis-writing @thegirlwho @jokerflecker @missrockabilly99 @luperugorria99 @lyoongx @weirdflecksbutok @skaraboo @stardancerluv @sgtsavoytruffle @ohcarlesmycarles @beautifulyoungprospect @sophiefleck @the-queen-of-things @jokerphoenix @ajokerfangirl

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[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 12 ~The Reckoning~

Jamie quashed his growing irritation as his brothers happily hijacked Claire's attention at the table. After they've gatecrashed their date earlier, somehow, amidst the mayhem of surprise, introductions and small talks, he and Claire ended up joining them.  How the hell did this happen?

He resisted the urge to slam his whisky glass down on the table as he thought of how close he had gotten to kissing Claire. What exactly had he done to warrant this particular brand of torment? He paid his taxes, he'd brought joy to his thousands of fans over the years by playing top of his game in rugby, recycled like nobody's business, donated to worthy causes, and yet the universe chose to fuck with him big time. 

Although he loved his brothers, right now, he was very close to disowning them. Not quite, but close. Resigned, he watched Claire chat animatedly with Willie, Rabbie and Ian, looking delighted and in her element as banters and stories were exchanged. 

"So tell me, while growing up, did you all get along? Or are there a lot of sibling horror stories?" Claire asked, her twinkling amber eyes momentarily landing on him. 

Groaning, Jamie buried his face in his hands. "Christ, I knew this was coming."

"Och plenty of stories, I can assure ye," Willie replied, leaning forward to draw her in. "Once, my sister and I convinced Jamie that he was adopted. It wasnae difficult considering he's ginger, and the rest of us all have dark hair."

"And then Willie told him that his real last name was McTavish ..." Rabbie added.

Jamie cut him off. "Aye, and I got back at ye lot when I said I wasnae coming back after I was sent to uncle Dougal and aunt Maura in Leoch to train for the under twelves rugby." He turned to Claire. "I told them I was glad I wasnae their brother and wee Rabbie here, and Jenny threw a fit. Eventually, Willie sent a message and admitted it was a bad joke. I didn't reply for days. In the end, he was grovellin' for me to come back like a wee daftie."

Her laughter nipped at his heart. "Too bad, I don't have many family stories. My life revolved mostly around museums, archaeological sites and lecture halls. and we're constantly on the move." 

"Sounds pretty exciting to me," Rabbie grinned. "Say, have ye thought of where ye want to continue yer residency?"

Claire sighed, swirling her glass. "Just loosely. Nothing definite. I've thought of Glasgow and Inverness. Or maybe Boston."

Jamie nearly choked. "Boston? Ye better mean Boston in Lincolnshire and not Massachusetts." His voice sounded the furthest thing from normal to his ears.

"Oh, nothing is planned yet," Claire dismissed his question with a flutter of delicate fingers. "To be perfectly honest, they're just rough ideas."

"Weel, whatever ye decide, don't go too far, Claire. I dinna think our lad here would be tae happy to see ye go so early in yer relationship," Ian teased, winking at Jamie.

Ignoring the jest and the uncomfortable shift in his chest, he looked into her amber eyes. "Plenty of time to think things over, aye?"

She gives him a slow nod. "Of course."

"Claire?"

His head jerked up to find Frank Randall standing next to their table. A trickle of sweat beaded and slid down his spine as silent fury gripped his guts. A sudden realisation hit him then as he looked at the man that Claire nearly married and he was shocked to the core. Amid this blurring between real and fake, there's always a constant—which was his jealousy for Claire's ex. It was something he never experienced before. To know that Claire was once his, made him sick and want to throw up. But the unexpected gentle squeeze of her hand under the table immediately stopped the unwanted bout of paranoia in its tracks, taking him by surprise.

His brothers and Ian leaned back on their chairs, waiting for something to unfold as they eyed the doctor with caution. They knew Claire's story, and he could see they were prepared for whatever was to come, their bodies tensed and their faces impassive.

"What is it, Frank?" Claire asked, glancing nervously around the table.

His first instinct was to drag Claire's ex-fiance out of the bar and give him a sound beating. Too bad there's a restraining order on him. Despite wanting to tell him to fuck off, he kept his mouth shut, afraid of attracting attention from those who might recognise them. The thought of all three of them being photographed and their picture passed around on social media was enough for him to restrain himself. He knew it would devastate Claire if ever that happened.

"Sorry to disturb your meal, but can we talk? It won't take a minute."

"Ye don't have to do this, Sassenach," he murmured for her ears only.

"I know, but I must. It won't take long."

Helpless to do anything, he could only watch as she stiffly stood up and followed Frank.

..........

Claire peered over her shoulder and saw Jamie and his family looking at them with the intensity of wild cats ready to pounce. Not wanting to cause a scene, she refocused her attention on Frank and took calming breaths, reminding herself she was in control.

"What do you want, Frank?"

He shifted on his feet. "Claire, I want to apologise for ..."

She raised a hand and stopped him midsentence. "If we're going to rehash everything that happened between us, I'm not interested in hearing it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've said what I had to say to you, and nothing has changed." She made a move to go, but Frank's hand shot out and grabbed her elbow, making her jump. The sudden harsh sound of a chair scraping on the wooden floor told her someone stood up abruptly. She turned to look and found it was Jamie, his face looking like thunder. Even from where she was stood, she could see his jaw bunched and his massive chest rising and falling beneath his shirt. She could almost hear the cranks turning in his head. With a stern look in her eyes, she warned him to back off and faced Frank. "Let me go," she hissed in a whisper. "You've lost your right to touch me."

Frank flinched and let go, swallowing audibly when he looked beyond her. "I'm not here to talk about us. I understand it's over. I get it now. I only want to apologise for the things I've said the other night and to tell you that I want to return your belongings."

She looked into his eyes to judge his sincerity but witnessed only honest resignation in his steady gaze. Something had changed in him, but she didn't want to over analyse, still too fraught about what transpired at the hospital less than twenty-four hours ago. "Very well then, I'll get someone to collect it from your apartment."

"No need. I can drop it off at your place." When she eyed him suspiciously, he sighed. "Look, Claire, I said things the other night that I shouldn't have. I was so desperate to get you back no matter what. After you walked out of the A&E, I realised I went too far. I don't want to drag this on any more than you do. The sooner I have your things out of the apartment, the better it is for both of us. I'll have your stuff boxed, and I'll bring them to your place ...Friday at six?"

She wanted to think it over, but that would mean prolonging things between them. Frank was right. The sooner their connection was severed, the better for both of them. "Fine, Friday at six. You drop off my things, and then you're out again. I don't intend to serve you drinks, nor exchange pleasantries with you."

His expression turned grim; nevertheless, he nodded in agreement. "I'll see you at six this coming Friday. Enjoy the rest of your evening." And then he turned and left the bar.

She watched his retreating back as sadness settled over her. It was hard to imagine that she used to love him and that they had been happy once. Where had it all gone wrong? Had she been so blind to all the warning signs? How long have they been together before they started to lose their way? What made him turn so cold and vicious? She remembered the many hours they'd spent making love in the beginning. He'd worshipped her and told her over and over again how much he desired her. And then as time went on, his needs became a priority, and she was just a vessel to relieve his needs. He became more critical of their lovemaking, continually telling her that she lacked techniques to satisfy him until she began to doubt herself.

And then she thought of Jamie and almost laughed. She was drawn to a commitment-phobe and a sexually experienced man. So what were her chances in inspiring the type of lust and attraction to make someone like Jamie wholly want her?  Only in your dreams lass.

A hand grasped her wrist. "Sassenach, are ye alright?"

Claire spun around, and her eyes shot to Jamie's, startled by the intense emotions swirling from them. He looked on edge, the combined effects of worry and something else she couldn't put her finger to etched on his face. His grip on her wrist was like steel, and his shoulder muscles looked tight with strain as if his control could snap at any moment. The instinct to reassure him rose within her, and she lifted a free hand and touched his face. "I'm fine, Jamie. I think I'd like to go home now."

When he spoke, his tone sounded like it could cut glass. "Good. Stay here. I'll tell the lads and sort out the bill."

She wondered what was wrong as she waited for him. Did his brothers say anything about him dating a runaway bride? Did they disapprove? Was it Frank?  Unlikely . Most of the evening, he'd protectively slung his arms around her shoulders or had a hand on her knee, play-acting his claim on her, even though they were sat in the hidden corner away from prying eyes. If his family had been surprised to see that they were together, they showed no indication—only warmth and friendliness.

Scenes from earlier played in her mind, beginning with Jamie's parcel that morning and ending with the way he'd looked at her as if he wanted to kiss her. And in between, a whole lot of touching and holding. Reminding herself constantly that this was just a stunt to help Jamie get his job at the network, would be the smartest course to take. She couldn't mistake sexual attraction, albeit a powerful one, for anything beyond a bodily need. With her mind made up, Claire swore to keep it together, thinking her friendship with Jamie was more valuable than a passing fascination for her crush.

Seeing Jamie walked towards her, she smiled at him, but his face remained expressionless, as he took her hand and led her out of the bar without a word. When he hailed a taxi instead of taking his car, she surmised he'd had a bit to drink.

They rode in silence, but the quiet got too disconcerting. Claire opened her mouth to initiate a conversation and ask if anything was wrong, but she held back midway. His rigid posture told her now was not the time to talk. The air around them thickened and the longer Jamie remained silent, the more agitation gnawed at her. Something was definitely off.  What the hell is wrong with him?  Finally, when the taxi finally pulled up outside her cottage, she was about to thank him for the dinner when he took out his wallet and handed the driver a few pound notes.

"It's late Jamie. Aren't you going home?"

"We need to talk."

"Can we leave it for another day?"

"No."

She didn't like his short, clipped tone. "If you're planning to argue, maybe you ought to leave," she said, as she got out of the car.

She fished for her keys in her handbag, aware he was following close behind. "We need to talk."  Oh, such bloody arrogance!

Once inside the house, she threw her bag on a nearby table and faced him. "Fine! Stay. But only if you tell me why the bloody hell you're acting weird all of a sudden."

"Boston. Ye never told me ye were thinking of going to Boston."

"Wot? Boston?" This time she was confused. "It's just an option among many. I've thought of going there years ago before I started at the Royal Infirmary. Joe has friends there and knows people who can get me into a residency program."

"Ye belong here, Sassenach. Yer friends are here, and ye have yer uncle to think about."

How dare he question her choice when he would go to London in a heartbeat once their fake relationship was over! Inwardly she bristled but forced a sunny smile. "Well, I can say the same thing about you. All of your family and friends are here, and you have obligations that are expected of you. And yet, that wouldn't stop you from going to London once you get the job, now would it?"

"Your circumstance is different. There are plenty of hospitals here in the UK where ye can continue yer residency."

"I know that. But have you considered that maybe I need a change of scenery to find myself again? It's no different to you trying to find your identity and purpose in a new career. I'm supportive of your life choices, so why can't you be supportive of mine?

He pulled back at her words and scrutinised her. The idea of him moving to London made her think of a parade of women eager to get their paws on him. She didn't like the idea at all. But she'd rather die before admitting it. She turned away and sat down on the sofa, fiddling with the straps of her shoes, cursing her inability to remain indifferent. A moment passed before he finally spoke. "What did Frank say?" he asked.

Irritation coasted down her back. Jamie was avoiding her question, and if he thought he would get away with that tactic easily, he was sorely mistaken. "Not much." She slipped off her shoes and massaged the back of her leg. "Same old. Apologies and whatnots. 

She sensed his frown but refused to look at him in the eyes. "Is he still trying to get ye back?"

"No."

"Did he want ye to go back to the hospital then?"

She scooped up her shoes and placed them in a shoe cupboard in the hallway. "No. He wanted to apologise. And since you mentioned Boston, I'm beginning to think it's a brilliant idea. No one will know me there - at least not as the runaway bride. It will be a perfect place to start over again."

His eyes narrowed, and his lips tightened into a thin line. Did he look disappointed? Refusing to decipher the meaning in his expression, she made her way to the kitchen. He followed shortly after.

"If the tabloid stories about ye bother ye so much, why are ye doing this fake relationship with me then?"

She opened the fridge and got a bottle of white wine. "I told you my reasons already. I'm helping you get the job at the network which I'm quite sure you'll get. And meanwhile, while we're a fake couple, I can start planning what I want to do with my life." After grabbing two glasses from the cupboard, she finally glanced at him. "Wine?"

In the kitchen lighting, Jamie's blue eyes were shadowed and the scruff on his face more pronounced. He nodded at her offer, his gaze moving like a rough palm over her skin.  Uh-oh, not good.  Despite dampening her emotions with cold logic, her traitorous body was not having any of it, as her face heated at his perusal.  Damn him!  She hated not being in control. Quickly turning away, she poured the wine in the glasses.

"There's no need for ye to go so far to dodge the tabloid stories. In a year, it will all be forgotten."

"You have a point." She handed him the glass of wine and took a sip from hers. 

"Or ye can come to London if ye want to get away from Scotland. London is far enough," he said, looking directly into her eyes.

"Wot? London?" she gasped. "London is a crazy place, and rents cost a premium."

He placed his glass on the countertop with a clack. "Ye were confident earlier that I'll get the job in the network. Well, so am I. We can share a flat in London." 

She nearly laughed out loud. "Share a flat? With you?" All sort of thoughts and images leapt at the back of her mind. But the one that stood out the most is the ridiculousness of his suggestion. It could never work. "What if you want to bring a girl home? What then?" 

His face flushed, but his gaze didn't waver. "Not once have I ever brought a lass to my apartment nor to Lallybroch." 

"Oh ..." If he'd never brought a girl to his home, it could only mean he took them to fancy hotels. That thought brought a stab of pain into her heart. Life was already complicated as it was, and the last thing she needed was to hear stories of his escapades with his dates. Better scrap London off her list of options. "Well, London is certainly an alternative. So is Manchester and Liverpool. But I'm kind of warming to the idea of Boston," she said casually as she could muster.

"Ye can't just up sticks and move to a country ye've never been to before. Don't ye want to visit the place first?"

"I don't have to. I'm flexible, and I adapt quickly. My uncle and I have lived in many countries while I was growing up. I never had trouble adjusting."

"Sounds to me ye're running away."

"I'm not running away," she shot back. "I'm done with Frank. As I said, I need a change of scenery. I've looked up Boston on the internet in the past, and it seems like a fascinating place. Who knows, I might meet a cute American guy and end up staying there for good."  Who am I kidding?

Darkness clouded his face. "Ye are running away."

"I'm not!"

"Ye are. Ye are putting an ocean between ye and whatever ye're running away from."

Claire snapped. Somehow the thread holding her composure had been stretched so thin by recent events, there was almost nothing left. Red fogged her vision as she put her glass down to face him full-on and gave him her truth.

"Bollocks! You ... of all people have the gall to point out to me that I am running away from my problems. Ha! You can't even commit to anything or anyone that doesn't involve rugby." She shook her head at him. "I've never judged you on how you lead your life, so I would appreciate it if you do the same for me. And even if I'm running away, what business is it of yours? It's my life, and I decide what I want to do with it."

"Sassenach, I'm..."

"NO! I'm not done yet." She tilted her chin in anger. "In as much as I love Edinburgh, it is a reminder to me how I allowed Frank to break me to the point that I don't feel worthy. It's a bloody sad state of affairs, but hey, I am trying my utmost best to do what's right for me even if it seems like I'm stumbling in the dark." She let out a hysterical laugh and shoved her curls back, beyond caring what sprouted out of her mouth. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to feel undesirable and less of a woman? Frank used to criticise how I look, how I touched him when we made love. And, oh, how he would mock me endlessly when I gagged at the things he made me do, making me feel like I'm not enough to tempt a man to lose his mind and heart to her. So I remained with him thinking I'll never be good for anyone else. But you wouldn't understand, would you? Because women come easily to you."

He muttered a string of profanity as he took a step forward, but she pushed him with full force on his chest, making him stagger a step backwards.

"How do you do it, Jamie?" she taunted. "Do you have a small talk beforehand, letting a girl know it's just a bit of fun and you don't do relationships? At least you can make yourself feel better by saying you were honest and then walk away with a clear conscience and satisfaction on your face. How many orgasms does it take to assuage your guilt?"

Jamie remained silent, his gaze ensnaring her and refusing to let go.  How dare he remains so unaffected and calm?

And then she lost it. "Get out!" she screamed. 

"No."

"I said, get the fuck out!"

"I'm not leaving ye." Determination etched out the lines of his face.

"You won't go until you hear it, don't you?" she hissed in crazed vehemence. "Fine. I'm running away! There you have it! Are you happy now that you've finally figured me out, huh? I ran away from my own wedding, and I ran away from my job. Appears cowardly, doesn't it? But I'm too broken to fight, but one day I will get up, and I will heal. And I will find someone who will love me and my flaws."

He made a move towards her, but she stopped him. The last thing she needed was his pity and for him to see her tears that were threatening to spill. "Don't you dare feel sorry for me, James Fraser! I need you to leave now and let me be." Her voice cracked, but she pushed on. "I'm begging you. If you're a true friend, you'll do as I ask." 

Exhausted and nothing left to say, she turned and faced the window. Jamie didn't move nor speak, and the only sound that permeated the room was the ticking of the wall clock. She waited and mentally prayed for him to go so she could cry in privacy. Tomorrow was a new day, and everything would be alright. But tonight she felt precariously out of control, on the peak of something so intense, she didn't know how to handle it. 

The floorboards creaked, and she held her breath and waited for the blessed silence, but instead of walking out, Jamie stopped right behind her. His body heat enclosed, wrapping her in a protective blanket. She held the edge of the countertop in a deathlike grip, sensing him move closer inch by inch until his rock-solid chest pressed against her back.

"Sassenach, look at me," he said in a low gravelly voice. Although she wanted to remain still, she was helpless to resist his command. With no more fight left in her and feeling spent, she faced him but avoided his gaze. Then he tilted her chin up. 

To her surprise, raw lust shot out from his eyes, and his grip tightened, refusing to give her room to retreat. He crowded her space by leaning in so close, the edge of the countertop dug into her lower back. His scent of citrus and cotton steeped her senses, drowning out the voices in her head and their surrounding.

"I'm going to tell ye something, and I need ye to listen very carefully because I'm only going to say this once. Am I making myself clear?" 

Her eyes widened, and her lips parted. She could only summon a shaky nod, too mesmerised and unable to form words.

"I'm done with pretending, rationalising and civility. That wanker Frank has messed up yer mind that ye have nae idea the power ye have to grip me in a hold so tight I can scarcely breathe. I'm so bloody over analysing why I feel the way I do right now even though I still don't understand anything. I'm tired of walking around with a cock that won't go down and sleepless nights every time I think of ye. Are ye with me, Claire?" 

A swirling combination of heat, dread and anticipation diffused inside of her, turning it into a fierce ache coursing between her thighs and tightening her muscles. The way he easily made her body respond left her intoxicated, seizing her with a need she'd never felt before. "Y-yes," she whispered.

Then he spoke slow and deliberate. "Good, because tonight I'm going to make love to ye. If I were a true friend and gentleman, I'd do as ye asked and walk out of that door to give ye the space to rebuild your damn walls. Ye deserve that and much more. But I'm a selfish prick who wants ye so bad I'll trade my soul to the devil for a night with ye. Still listening?"

"Y-y-yes." 

"I'll give ye three seconds to get away from me and lock yersel' in the bedroom. That would be the wisest thing to dae. And if ye choose to walk away, I'll take it like a man, and we'll never mention this again. We'll go back to being mates, forget this whole incident, and go on pretending. But if ye're still here after that, ye're mine. Every inch of yer beautiful body. And I promise ye, ye'll never doubt your ability to cast a spell on a man so powerful and encompassing he'll spend the rest of his life comparing ye to every woman he meets and touches." 

Her head began to spin, as her brain scrambled to catch up with the meaning of his words. "Jamie this is ..." 

"We're done talking, Sassenach. One." 

Her heart lurched, and her stomach dropped to the ground as he moved closer. 

"Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!" 

"Two." 

She gulped, her body poised for escape, knowing it could destroy their friendship, change their relationship forever, opening a door that could never be close again. 

"Christ, Jamie, I'm..." 

"Three. Too late, Sassenach." 

"But ..." 

"Nae buts." And then he kissed her.

[eye-raq]

Lethal Lust. Chapter Two:      Truth Be Told

Hey Peeps!!!! so, this next part is basically another introduction into a character in this series. I write as it comes to me so I hope everything is flowing pretty nicely. Thanks to everyone who enjoys reading this. 

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of Smut.

Chapter two: Truth Be Told.

2006:

Truth be told, Janelle Morris didn’t know a fraction of what her adopted brother was getting himself into…

It’s okay, it’s okay, hold still, we’re gonna get you through this, shh shh you’re fine, you’re okay, just hold still and we’ll get you out.”

His eyes were bloodshot, tears brimming and almost toppled over. 

“Just focus, okay? Focus on my voice, you’re fine, you’re safe, ignore the medics, stay with me, focus on me.”

Her voice was like a hush in the dark.

“I-I-I...get me the fuck out of here,” He practically begged her.

“I can’t do that, Erik. You need to get better,” Janelle was shoved out of the way unknowingly by a nurse who tried to apply pressure to his bleeding wounds.

He began to gasp, clenching his fists. The more air he took in the more his lungs burned. His mind told him to clutch his gunshot wound to stop the blood from flowing, but that would be too painful. All he could see were lights passing overhead, and faded voices calling out orders to keep him stable.

This wasn’t what he expected at all. How did he get himself down like this? All that rage and it felt like it was for nothing.

“Am I dying? If so I’m okay with that.” When he swallowed, it felt like he was swallowing glass.

“Erik. You’re not going to die. I won’t let you. FUCK THAT,” he could feel her small delicate hand grip his. 

“PULL HIM UP AND OVER! On the count of three... one, two, THREE!” 

“AHHHHH!” His piercing scream caused her to squeeze the life out of his hand, almost cutting off his blood supply.

“AHHHHHH!!!!! FUCK!!” He looked as if he wanted to kill everyone that was touching him.

“Why did you bring me here, Janelle?!” His teeth were exposed as if threatening her. 

“You’re my brother, Erik, and I wasn’t going to watch you possibly die!” Janelle released his hand, a few EMT workers rushing past her. Janelle shook her head at her brother, intense emotions flashing across her face like a picture book. 

“You’re not my real sister. You don’t have to worry about me like you do.”

“Don’t say shit like that! Don’t…” Janelle trailed off as her chest burned from his scornful words. 

“Shit like what?! I don’t need for you to get hurt too! Harrison would never fucking forgive me.”

It’s okay, Nelle, he’s just saying that because he’s upset. Erik loves you.  He conscience mind was trying to reason with her.

“SIR! Can you tell us where you were when this happened?!” The woman police officer boomed in his ear causing it to ring.

“WHY ARE YOU ASKING HIM QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW?” Janelle was ready to risk it all, approaching the police officers with stomping feet. The male officer became a barrier between the lady cop and Janelle, her eyes seething.

“Attack me and you go to jail.” She looked like she held some type of power over Janelle. She didn’t care about that badge. 

“CAN WE GET SOME CLEAR SPACE! everyone please! we need cooperation here.” The Doctor yelled at the top of his lungs, temporarily bringing everyone’s attention to the task at hand. The two officers exited the room, talking with angry whispers.

“We’ve got a gunshot wound to the ribs, left hand, and proximal femur. It was a through and through,” The male nurse present made a report of Erik’s condition alongside the doctor who took a pair of medical scissors to cut Erik’s black T-shirt down the middle. His entire torso was exposed along with some of the scars that Janelle always wondered about. With folded arms she stood in a corner, lip quivering and tears staining her cheeks.

“Where is the blood?! I need blood!!! The ED Doctor threw up his bloody glove-covered hands in frustration, applying as much pressure to Erik’s wounds as possible. 

“He has a hemorrhagic shock. We need the transfusion protocol up and running. What is his blood type?”

“You didn’t test his blood, Regina? you're a nurse for christ sake! do your job!”

The nurse by the name of Regina looked shook from being yelled at, brow sweating as she looked around her to find out if someone tested his blood.

“A-NEGATIVE!” A phlebotomist enters with the results in hand, a nurse following closely behind with the transfusion bags. Everyone worked together effectively to help Erik. Janelle bit down on her thumbnail, leg jumping with anticipation. If Erik died, she didn’t know how she would get through it. Her father’s death was already a stab to the heart already. It had been about two months since his passing but it felt like yesterday. She remembers screaming in her college dorm when she had received the call. Her roommate, Sonya, shot up out of her bed, running to Janelle’s door, banging hard like the police. Erik had been MIA, away at college himself in Maryland. 

Two Months Ago:

“Mara? where is Erik!” Janelle tossed her luggage when she made it to her aunt’s place, her family crowded around in mournful silence. 

“You're worried about Erik right now?” Her aunt looked at her with hurt eyes. The sight seemed to travel like a tidal wave over everyone else’s faces as well. 

“Yes! I need my brother right now,” Janelle tried calling Erik for the 50th time, the phone ringing twice before going straight to voicemail. She felt defeated. Janelle looked around the room at the family who hardly came around. It’s crazy how death brings people together. She remembers her older cousins talking about how her father ran her mother away, how he works too much and ignores his daughter. So fake. Erik was the most real. The one she needed at this moment. 

God must have heard her cry because Erik walked through that door with a rage so powerful it caused her uncles and male cousins to lift from their seat as if they were ready to attack him. Erik acted as if the room was empty except for Nelle, walking up to her, hugging her reassuringly. The once emotionless Erik who’d rather be a loner comforted her. His hug was tight and understanding, the tears falling even harder. Erik was the only one who understood what it felt like to have a parent killed. 

“Don’t worry Nelle, I’ll handle this,” Erik whispered closely to her before planting a kiss to her forehead. All of this shocked Janelle completely. Erik never showed her this much affection. 

“Handle it?” She blinked through her tears up at him, eyebrows scrunched, silently asking him to clarify what he meant by those electrifying words.

“Shh, calm down, it’s okay, I’m here now.”

-------

“SIR?! Can you tell us what happened to you? Were you targeted? Was this a crossfire? We need to know,” she was clearly frustrated with Erik’s lack of cooperation. All he did was focus on the ugly hospital lights within that trauma room, face blank and emotionless. Janelle hadn’t even realized they came back into the trauma unit to question him yet again. 

Erik looked at her menacingly, Fists clenched and the doctors looking as if they were ready to restrain him.

“Sir?” The officer waved away a nurse who tried to approach Erik, Janelle, ready to step forward again. This bitch lost her mind trying to squeeze information out of Erik. It’s not like it was his fault.

Janelle paused in thought.

what if it was?

Erik was definitely a version of Donnie Darko in his teenage years but would he actually be involved? would he kill someone? Janelle’s moment of inward clarity snapped like a twig from Erik’s booming voice bouncing off of the walls outrageously. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!!” Spit flew, eyes wide, and cold. Erik’s head fell back from weakness, his space even more crowded, almost smothering him. She could see the beginnings of a panic attack brewing, his eyes swimming with unwanted tears and veins pulsating like they were ready to combust. Erik’s heart rate began to spike, worry, and determination set on everyone’s faces. Janelle could pull her hair out from the disturbing and painful scene breaking her heart into literal pieces. 

Turning to her partner, the officer whispered closely, grabbing his forearm to walk away so that he could be tended to properly. Almost to the exit of the room, the officer caught Janelle’s eye, stopping. Janelle knew where this was going. With burning eyes, Janelle waited for the officer to speak.

“What relation are you to the victim?”

“I’m his sister,” Janelle looked over at Erik then, his cold words forcing her to cry again. How could he say that to her? Yeah, they weren’t blood siblings but Erik was the closest thing to a brother than her own Godbrother. She cared for him no matter how broken he was. 

“Do you have any idea what happened? A hunch about who could have attempted to take his life? Anything?”

“No. And if I did I would tell you,” 

Janelle tried to scrape away the blood under her fingernails, failing miserably. 

“We need you to come down to the station with us. We have some questions for you..”

“FOR WHAT?” Shoulders slumped, Janelle’s aggravated expression frustrated the woman officer to the fullest degree.

“You may be a witness to this, and for your brother's sake, we need to know who would do this to him,” the officer folds her arms over her chest authoritatively, walking closer to Janelle with stern eyes.

“He’s just a fucking kid, only a kid…” Janelle wasn’t much younger than Erik, only by a year but at this moment she felt like a mother figure.

“While you're here questioning me about what happened to my brother, you could be trying to figure out what happened to my father. He was murdered and you STILL didn’t catch his killer?!” 

“PLEASE! Can you give us some space,” the doctor barked out, adjusting blood bags on an IV pole to supply for Erik.

“That has nothing to do with this..”

“Un-FUCKING believable,” Janelle scratched her brow, hands shaking from how ballistic she felt.

“It has EVERYTHING to do with this…” Janelle snapped her mouth shut, afraid now that she said too much. 

With doubtful eyes, the woman officer gave her partner a knowing look before grabbing her walkie-talkie from her hip. 

“Everything is good, we will bring her in for questioning,” during the entire exchange, Janelle avoided her eyes, hoping to catch Erik’s. He still had his eyes planted to the ceiling lights, probably burning from not blinking. What was running through his mind? She wanted to pull him apart to study every detail from start to finish.

—————

July 30th, 1996: Coconut Grove, Miami, Florida

“Janelle, baby,”

Janelle Morris releases her black Barbie doll from her tiny grip, turning on her bed to spot her father in the doorway of her bedroom. He held a soft smile on his face, eyes sincere.

“DAD!” She rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Janelle fought the tears that wanted to fall. She hadn’t seen her father in days. 

“Where were you?! Me and auntie Mara were worried,” she pouted, hazel eyes streaming with tears.

“I’m sorry, little one. Daddy had to take care of something important. You know how important my job is.” 

Even though Janelle was just nine years old, she understood. Even understanding couldn’t stop her from waiting up all hours of the night for her father to come home. Today, she was at the park with a few of her friends sharing the monkey bars. Janelle could feel the eyes of jealous little girls on her as she skillfully crossed those monkey bars, even for how short she was.

“She thinks she’s sooooo good,” Nattie, a little white girl with natural blonde hair and dark green eyes glared at Janelle.

“She’s nothing but a show-off!” Nattie’s group of friends agreed like she owned them. A little girl with that much power…

“I’ll show her...I’ll show her I’m better than her!”

Janelle wasn’t aware of what was going to happen to her. She just kept crossing those bars, a wide smile on her face and triumph in her eyes. Janelle was almost to the other side when Nattie grabbed her ankles, yanking her down forcefully. Janelle fell to her knees, screaming in pain. Falling to her back, Janelle could see blood and ugly scars on both of her tiny kneecaps. 

“Janelle, Janelle, ugly Janelle!” Nattie sung out loud, face red and eyes hard. Her followers laughed and pointed at Janelle, even a girl Janelle thought to be her friend.

Her tears streamed down her face, glaring at the group of girls with vengeance. 

“What are you gonna do?! You're so weak and ugly! Ugly hair, ugly face! It’s us against you! Hahahaha!!!” 

She felt caved in like a circle formed around her with pointed fingers and ugly laughs. Those little girls were like little devils. Janelle scanned every one of their faces, imprinting them within her memory. Janelle’s light brown eyes fell on her supposed friend, Shawna, betrayal etched on her tiny face.

“That’ll teach you! I’m better than you! Prettier than you! You’re ugly and black! HahahaHA!”

“Shut up, Nattie,” Shawna spoke up, offended as well.

“Who asked you?!! You want to be where she is too?!!” 

Shawna cowards in fear, ashamed to meet Janelle’s eyes.

“Didn’t think so!” Nattie looked down at Janelle, smiling with her snagged toothed grin.

“Watch your back, ugly!”

Janelle cried even harder then ...if only her Dad was there...

“Janelle, I want you to meet someone,” Harrison grabs Janelle’s left hand, bringing her into the living room where her aunt resides. As soon as she entered the circular room her hazel eyes fell upon a boy sitting at the farthest end of the couch with his head bowed and fingers twiddling.

“Nelle, this is Erik. He’ll be staying with us now. That’s what papas been up to, I’ve been working extra hard to provide a home for him.”

“A home?” Janelle looked from her aunt's concerned face to her father. This was all confusing. 

“Why? Doesn’t he have a home?” 

“...I’ll explain it to you soon. For now, I just wanted to introduce you to him.”

Janelle timidly held onto her father's arm, studying Erik closely. He wasn’t much older than her, sadness in his youthful face, shoulders slumped like he’d been defeated more than twice for his young age, and evidence of drying tears on his chubby cheeks. Janelle has a heart of gold. She wanted to run up to Erik and tell him everything would be okay, ask if he wanted to watch cartoons or play a video game. Although all of that seemed promising, Janelle could feel a different type of aura surrounding Erik like a force field. 

“Harrison, can we talk?” Auntie Mara spoke softly as not to startle Erik. This was a new environment for him. 

“... right now?” Harrison kept his eyes on Erik, heaving a sigh that sounded mournful.

“Yes, now.” Auntie Mara lifts from the black suede recliner, flicking on the side lamp that occupied the small reading area. Harrison looked from Erik to Janelle before nodding his head in silent agreement, bending down to speak to Janelle.

“Would you like to sit with Erik to keep him company?”

Harrison squeezes Janelle’s shoulder reassuringly, an encouraging smile on his face that felt forced. 

“He’s a bit on the quiet side but I think he wouldn’t mind,” Janelle’s blank face shown fear, her peripheral able to spot Erik unmoving and sorrowful.

“Can you do that for me, princess?” Harrison sounded as if he were choking on his words like tears wanted to force themselves from his eyes. Hazel eyes met coffee brown, a small smile playing across her lips. 

“That’s my girl,” Harrison kisses Janelle’s forehead leaving behind a warmth that she missed. 

“I promise, I swear to you… I won’t leave you hanging like this again, I love you, Nelle, you mean the world to me.” 

Footsteps sliding across a tile floor caught the young girls attention, her father looking up and over her shoulder at his older sister. Letting out a sigh, Harrison puts up his pinky, eyebrows raised at his little girl.

“Let’s pinky promise,” This was all too easy for her. This is what home felt like. Janelle clasped her father’s larger pinky, swinging it back and forth. Harrison laughs softly, touching foreheads with her before lifting from his knee to follow his impatient sister into the kitchen.

She was finally left alone with Erik. 

Her eyes couldn’t leave his slouched figure.

Taking timid steps, Janelle walks slowly toward him, taking a seat on the same couch but on the opposite end, pushing herself into the corner with her knees drawn to her chest. The only sound was the soft whispers from her father and aunt in the kitchen. To pass some time, Janelle stared closely at the golden wavy lucky fortune cat her father had from his visit to China. Janelle always laughed at it but tonight it looked creepy. A sniffle from the opposite side of the couch pulled her eyes away from the funny-looking statue, landing on the source. Erik was wiping away at his cheeks roughly, side-eyeing Janelle and ashamed that she had caught him.

“It’s okay… I cried earlier too,” Janelle loosened her shoulders, fumbling with her tiny fingers.

“It was embarrassing,” Janelle tried her hand at laughing lightly, but that was clearly the wrong move. Erik looked up at her with those same evil eyes like the girls gave her at the park. They felt foreign: unlike him. Janelle felt that it was forced as if Erik had to feel that way.

“I’m sorry… I… I didn’t mean to,” she could have kicked herself. Erik didn’t say a word, turning to look out of the window of the living space. 

“Do you...wanna talk?” Being brave was the only option now. Maybe if he talked to someone his age, it would make him feel a little better.

“No,” his soft voice cracked, head shaking slowly.

“I’m easy to talk to. I could...make you feel better?”

Once again, he shakes his head no.

“Sweets help to. When I’m sad, my dad gives me salted caramel ice cream. You would probably like that,” She couldn’t explain what sparked her, but Janelle scooted closer to Erik. He felt that shift, looking at her as if she had two heads. Pausing, Janelle held her hands in her lap, studying Erik closely. He looked like a child who had one too many nightmares.

“What happened to you?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking. Even the sight of him wanted to make her cry.

“Did someone… hurt you badly?” The nurturing side of her couldn’t stay locked in a cage. 

“Stop asking me questions,” he was flat out and to the point. It stung like venom, but that only drove her to keep going. If he broke down in front of her, she would hold him even though she didn’t know him.

“I’m only trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help. Just… just leave me alone.”

Janelle settles back, defeated and feeling his sad energy to some degree. Silence fell between them both again until Janelle could hear her Auntie Mara whispering angrily.

“You have a daughter here, Harrison. A daughter who asks where her father could be. A daughter who already was abandoned by her mom. And then here you go, bringing some kid into this house like you have to look after him. The system will do that, Harrison.”

Janelle felt Erik move slightly, his fists clenched.

“You wanna know what happened at the park today? Janelle was attacked by a group of white girls who called her names and threatened her. She came home from school in pain and I had to pry it out of her. What kind of father are you? She’s going through things and you aren’t even here to protect her. You’d rather protect a child that isn’t even your own over the one you created? Shame.”

“Do you hear yourself, Mara?! How could you say some shit like that! He’s just a boy. He lost everything and has nothing. I feel responsible. I love Nelle with all my fucking heart, Mara. I know shit is fucked up now but I-I feel responsible for Erik,” 

“Responsible?! Hell, you were just doing your job. You are a detective. Tragedy happens every day.”

“I can’t believe you. I’m the only one that stood up for him. His mom’s family didn’t want anything to do with him. They said he would be too much of a responsibility. Even his own grandmother said that. It’s sickening,” she could hear her father heave a stressful sigh.

“Harrison. I know how hard this may seem, but putting that extra weight on you along with everything else that is going on isn’t logical! Think about Nelle,”

“Oh, I have. And that’s one of the reasons why I’m doing this. What if something happens to me? What if my little girl becomes traumatized like he did? I can’t allow that,”

“She won’t. She’ll have mama and me,” 

It was silent for a fraction.

“And what about Erik?”

The silence stretched on longer. 

Janelle turned on the TV, flipping through channels casually to by some time. Maybe Erik would feel better if he watched TV. Flipping through, a name caught her attention on the News, causing her to stop.

“A young boy, Erik Stevens…”

Janelle blinked rapidly, turning fully to Erik. His picture was on the TV screen, a picture of him and his parents together during a professional family photoshoot. 

“A tragedy that struck a home in Liberty City leaving this ten-year-old boy parentless,”

The News flashed to a candlelight visual being held outside of the home with balloons and various photos. A local reporter was talking to a woman wearing blacked-out shades to cover her teary eyes. 

“How difficult is it to stand outside of the home tonight?”

The woman shook her head in sorrow, a hand clutching her heart.

“This disgusting act has my heart in pieces! I knew this family very well. They were kind, and their son was kind. I can’t imagine what he is going through right now.” She rubbed at her snotty nose.

“Were you friends of the family?”

The woman nodded her head slowly, avoiding the camera lights.

“Neighbors. I grew up with Erika. I just recently got to know N’Jobu.”

Janelle might be nine, but she understood what all of this meant. She felt as if she invaded, turning off the TV instantly. All courage to look at him faded, all she could do was stare at the blank TV screen. 

“Janelle,” 

Her name brought her out of her daze, meeting her father’s worried eyes. 

“Janelle. Go to bed,” Flat tone, and stern eyes were what her father had. She didn’t go looking for Erik’s story on the TV, it just fell in her lap.

“I’m… I’m sorry dad,” tears began to fall, Auntie Mara coming to the rescue as of late. She picked up Janelle, squeezing her tight while glaring at her younger brother. 

“Look at what you caused!!!! Bringing him here and now Nelle knows!!!!! How could you?! HOW COULD YOU?!!” 

Harrison went to step forward but Mara’s angry pointed finger stopped him, almost jabbing him in the chest.

“NO! No…” 

Mara rubbed at Janelle’s sandy brown puffballs, walking away with rage. Janelle looked over her aunties shoulder with desolate eyes, meeting Erik’s crestfallen ones before a storm began to brew. 

———

April 2006, Ryder Trauma Center: 

“How bad is it doc?” 

Janelle tried to keep the yawn that fought to be freed at bay. 

“He’s stable. The surgery went as planned. He’s lucky to still be alive with those injuries.”

Janelle gripped her coffee cup, spilling some on her jeans.

“Shit!” It burned, her fingers trying to wipe it away since she didn’t have any napkins.

“Tired?” The Doctor looked at her with a worrisome face.

“Sleep can wait. When can I see him?” 

The Doctor was cautious to speak, looking at Erik’s closed curtain within the SICU unit.

“He’s… detectives are in their questioning him,”

“WHAT?!” Janelle tossed her coffee, walking past the doctor to Erik’s room. Pulling back the curtain, she found Detective Rivers, her father’s old partner and some rookie cop crowding Erik’s space. If Erik wasn’t in this state, all of them would probably be seriously hurt. 

“What’s going on?!” Janelle folded her arms over her chest angrily, eyes inflamed.

“Janelle,” Rivers had a solemn look in his eyes, slipping his notepad away discreetly.

“How… how are you?”

“How do you think? WHY are you questioning him? Can’t you see he just came from surgery? What’s wrong with you?” She was disgusted.

“Calm down, were just asking Erik what happened two nights ago, isn’t that right, Erik?”

Janelle looked over at her brother, heart aching as she took in the traction device that held his leg and bandages covering his other wounds. 

“Erik. You know you don’t have to talk to them,” 

He was silent with his eyes looking anywhere but at the people surrounding him. 

“He won’t talk. I was questioned already and I told them what I knew. Erik wasn’t involved.” 

“We need to hear that from him,” Rivers squeezes the bridge of his nose in frustration. A pained sound came from Erik, Janelle fisting away her tears with the already wet sleeve of her University of Miami sweater. Hearing that pained sound made her feel pain. Licking at his dry lips, Erik shook slightly as his head turned toward Rivers and his lackey. They all waited with bated breath.

“Y’all motherfuckers disgust me. Crooked, dumb ass cops. Here y’all go, trying to solve one case when there are others of more concern.” Erik’s scratchy painful voice silenced everyone in that room, catching them in his web-like he controlled them. When he talked his eyes watered.

“What about my parents?! Y’all know who did it but yet you won’t bring him in?! Fuck is up with that?! Then Harrison gets killed and you can’t figure out who did that?” He was getting himself worked up, blood pressure spiking.

“Fucking disgusted. I can’t wait to get out of here…” 

Rivers looked at the rookie cop, then at Janelle. He didn’t have a word to say to Erik’s frustration. 

“Wait till I get out of here…” 

Janelle was afraid of the way Erik said those words. What did he mean? There was so much she felt like Erik never shares with her. Whether it was to keep her safe or not, Janelle deserved to know. It was as if her father and Erik had a secret understanding.

“You have plans to go to the Navy, correct?” Rivers tried another tactic, hoping to gain some insight.

“I know people in the Navy, Erik. I could land you a superior job there…”

Janelle wanted to laugh maniacally at that. Here this white man was, trying to make deals with a black man to make him cooperate. That’s what they always did. 

“You think I need you? Fuck makes you think I need you to get me where I can get to on my own. Don’t worry though, I use your kind all the time. Make you think you have power over me. It’s all a game.”

Rivers smiles despite his growing anger at Erik’s spiteful words about his race. Janelle rolled her eyes into her head, Rivers knew Erik was right, he just didn’t want to admit it.

“Alright,” Rivers stands, hands on his hips like a typical detective with his badge and gun visible. It was so close to Erik’s face as if he was silently telling him that if he didn’t cooperate things would go bad.

“We’ll keep in touch, Erik. Janelle. Good to see you,” after that dry farewell, Rivers motioned for his rookie to follow him out, leaving Janelle alone with Erik since two days ago.

“Erik,” Janelle took a seat on a chair near his bed, ruffling the sleeves to her sweater.

“Talk to me.” She tilted her head down at him, watching as he turned in the opposite directing toward his heart monitor.

“Why are you punishing me? I’ve done nothing but love you and this is what you do?” She licked her dry lips, hot tears soaking her face yet again. 

“I’m not punishing you, Nelle. You need to worry about getting through Criminology school and beat these whities at their own game.”

“Did you hunt him down? Dad's killer…”

“STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!” Erik’s bed began to beep from all the motion, multiple footsteps being heard as the sound continued. 

“Everything alright?!” A young Asian nurse entered, looking around the room concerned while Erik’s orthopedic doctor trailed in causally begin her.

“Erik, do you want more pain meds? You can’t keep moving so much you’ll disrupt the traction,” 

Erik went silent again as if he were an empty shell. Janelle smoothed her hand over her silk pressed sandy brown hair, pained at what might be the truth.

She hoped it wasn’t the truth.

———

October 1998: Coconut Grove Private Academy

“Umph!”

Janelle felt her body slam into a series of lockers on the third floor of her private school. Her long sandy brown box braids crowded her vision, equilibrium off as she tried to right herself again. That didn’t work for her because another forceful push caused her knees to buckle.

“I SAW YOU LOOKING AT CASSIE IN GYM TODAY!”

Janelle looked up into the eyes of Cody Willis, the eleven-year-old bully. He always picked on Janelle just as much as Nattie did.

“YOU LIKE GIRLS, DON’T YOU?!”

His haunting blue eyes flared down at Janelle like she was infested.

“LEAVE ME ALONE, CODY!” Janelle rubbed at her sore elbow, fighting tears. 

“Why? So you can go after Cassie and try to kiss her with your nasty lips?!!” The other white boys laughed hard, slapping Cody’s back to edge him on.

“Why would ANYONE want to kiss you anyway?! You’re ugly,” 

Janelle knew they talked about her broad nose. She knew they hated her kinky hair. Her fair skin even was frowned upon. 

“YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US SO BAD WITH YOUR YELLOW SKIN. YOUR SKIN LOOKS LIKE A DISEASE.”

Janelle could feel her head being shoved into the locker, screams loud. A door to her far-right swung open causing the boys to move away and act as if nothing was going on. Janelle glared at them, adjusting her oxford top.

“What is all that noise?!” Miss Caldwell, a science teacher, stepped into the hallway with a ruler in hand.

“What is the meaning of this?! Janelle? Boys?”

Janelle was ready to tell it all but Cody’s hard threatening eyes stopped her. 

“N-nothing,” she avoided the woman’s cautious eyes.

“Boys? Is it nothing like miss Morris is saying?”

“YES.” A unison response sprang free, fake smiles on their faces.

Miss Caldwell looked between the children for what felt like minutes before relaxing her shoulders, turning to leave.

“Aren’t you all dismissed?! Get home!” She waves them away before reentering her classroom. Janelle grabbed her backpack from the hallway floor, ready to run away but Cody tripped her, Janelle falling face-first against the floor.

“Bitch,” 

All she could feel was cold tile on the side of her cheek. She needed to leave. She hated this place.

On her way down the steps, Janelle spotted Erik sitting on the bottom steps, a black eye, and a lifeless gaze. This was normal for him. Erik was known to be the fighter in school. The loner. Although everyone followed after Cody and all his friends, none of them messed with Erik. Janelle rolled her eyes, stepping in front of him with her arms folded.

“Fighting again? My dad is gonna be pissed,” 

“So?!” Erik spoke with malice.

“So is you can’t keep fighting every day! You’ll get kicked out of the school!”

“I don’t give a fuck about this school!” His fists clenched. As angry as he was he noticed a slight bruise on Janelle’s cheek. 

“How did you get that, Nelle?” His voice was soft but it held danger.

“No reason. I fell in gym class  today during a game of basketball.” Janelle began walking away, trying to avoid the conversation completely.

“Let’s go! We have to make it home for dinner,” 

Janelle stopped in her tracks, noticing how Erik didn’t budge.

“Oh my God,” she rolled her eyes at him.

“What now?”

“You’re lying. It’s Cody this time around, isn’t it?”

She could feel herself breaking out into a nervous sweat.

“Screw Cody! He’s a loser.”

“Janelle. I know when you’re lying,” Erik grabbed his bag, walking past her.

“You go ahead home. Tell Harrison that I’m staying after to play ball,”

“I’m not lying for you,” Janelle stuck her nose in the air.

“Yeah, you will. You will or I’ll tell him about Cody picking on you.”

Janelle knew Erik wouldn’t do it but the thought of him doing it caused her to give in and groan.

“FINE! But you owe me your fudge cookies at lunch tomorrow,” 

“I don’t care, those things are fucking nasty anyway.”

Janelle shoves Erik, skipping away and out the main entrance.

“Don’t be too long!!!” She singsonged, never noticing the vengeful look in Erik’s eyes. 

His homicidal urge couldn’t be stopped. The little voice in his head that he referred to as “the dark passenger” invaded his brain like bad nerve cells did a brain-damaged victim. Harrison tried to control his sociopathic tendencies with guidance, but all that failed at this moment.

Cody has to die.

The fucking vermin picked on the wrong girl.

Even though Erik had a hard time considering Janelle to be his sister after two years, he still felt the urge to protect her like a big brother should. His internal feeling of emptiness needs to be fed with blood and rage. Sadly, it’s what made him feel alive. Everything he did to fit in with the world around him felt like a disguise. Any emotional attachment repelled him like off spray.

One week later: 

“Nelle, Erik,”

Harrison approached Nelle while she was playing with her spy kit, Erik sitting on the patio with her, playing his game boy with intense competitive eyes. 

“Hey, check this out, dad!” Nelle showed her father a fingerprint she dusted for fake evidence. Despite his pained expression, Harrison smiled at her success.

“That’s wonderful, baby. You’ll make a great forensic scientist someday,” Harrison ruffled her braided bun, turning a keen eye on Erik. 

“You guys go to school with Cody Wills?”

Erik continued to play as if he didn’t hear Harrison ask him a question, biting down on his full bottom lip. Janelle, however, shivered at the name. She heard about Cody being hospitalized for the severe concussion he obtained while at the park just a week ago.

“Yeah, we know Cody,” Janelle spoke up for Erik. 

Harrison looked between them both before taking a seat on his patio chair, running a stressful hand over the top of his bald head.

“Um, I’m afraid I have bad news regarding Cody,” 

Janelle avoided her father's eyes, looking down into her lap. Silence filled the space except for Erik’s game music. Harrison studied Erik closely, opening his mouth to speak.

“He died today from complications. I don’t feel like neither of you should know the extent of it but I at least wanted to make you aware of it. His family is really going through a tough time.”

Janelle felt bad but not as bad. Cody was mean to her for no reason. He hit her, called her names, even threw things at her. She couldn’t lie and say that she didn’t wish death upon him a few times while crying in the bathroom during lunch break.

“Hey, don’t look so sad, Nelle,” Harrison lifts her chin.

He places a soft kiss to her forehead, lifting to his feet to approach Erik. Harrison crouched down to his eye view, head tilted in concern. The exchange frightened Janelle. Erik acted as if Harrison wasn’t even there like he was in his own little bubble.

Harrison let out a shaky breath before ruffling Erik’s braids, lifting to his feet again, turning to enter the house. Harrison was so patient with Erik even after he completely ignored the news about Cody. Janelle decided to start some mischief, picking up a tiny pebble, tossing it at Erik. Like he sensed it, Erik catches the pebble, throwing it into the yard.

“Show off,” Janelle stuck her tongue out at him.

“Jealous?” He gave her a wicked smile.

“No! I can do a lot of cool stuff too,” she folded her arms.

“Like what?” Erik paused his game, staring at Janelle fully with humor in his eyes.

“I can beat your high score on that game!” Erik barked out a burst of laughter, brushing Janelle off.

“Yeah ared,” Like he never left, Erik began playing the game again, his scarred knuckles gaining Janelle’s attention. She looked from his hand to his face, wondering how he got those scars.

————

Two months later: 2006

“Are you going to tell me what happened? Ever?”

Janelle dried the last plate before placing it in the cabinet of her Aunt's home. This is where she returned to since her other home was tarnished with the death of her father.

“Nah, you don’t need to know.” Erik sipped lightly on a glass of water, Naval Academy uniform folded neatly in front of him. He was leaving her behind. No questions answered, just leaving like nothing happened. Erik was tough but he didn’t always need to be. He acted like a shell at times and it scared Janelle.

“Why the Navy?” Erik was smart, he graduated high school with honors and awards, and now he was on his way to Annapolis for the Naval Academy. It all seemed weird to Janelle. Maybe he had a plan after all. She only hoped that it would exterminate his demons. It was nothing but trouble in Miami for Erik. 

“I need to focus on building myself. I feel like if I stay here, I’m stuck in a never-ending loop of horror with what happened to my parents. I need to move on to bigger and better things, Nelle.”

Janelle also took that as a way for Erik to be rid of anything that involved her father too. Harrison helped Erik as much as he could, but clearly not enough.

“Besides, Mara ass doesn’t like me anyway,” Erik smiles into his glass.

“Not even remotely funny,” Janelle fights the urge to ask Erik where he was and why he’d been shot. Ironically, news coverage that same day announced finding the body of a man named Darrell Wilde who was in and out of jail on drug charges and could possibly be the one who murdered her father. Janelle didn’t believe it. There were so many suspects involved, and none of it seemed true. She looked at Erik then, trying to find the answers but instead he stared at that TV like he was staring off into space before blinking rapidly like someone snapped him out of a trance. It sent a chill up her spine.

“You’ll never tell me who shot you will you?” 

She pretended to be preoccupied with the old microwave her aunt had for years but her emotions got the best of her.

“That was a stupid mistake I’ll never make again. I can’t go looking for trouble unprepared you know what I’m saying? The Navy can help me with that…”

Erik smiles, trying to make light of the situation, his toned arms wide.

“I’m gonna be a future JSOC one day! Be happy for me, Nelle!”

“Happy?” She was growing angry with his dismissive attitude. 

“I’m surprised you even know what that is. You never show an ounce of real emotion and now you're smiling and laughing like everything is okay. I can’t tell what’s fake or real with you.”

Erik’s smile faded, arms dropping to his sides and form stiff. Janelle could see right through him. She knew Erik put a veil over himself to blend in when deep down everything was a raging storm within him. 

“You don’t have to hide it from me,” The tears leaked onto her chest. Erik felt uncomfortable near her, unsure of how to make her feel any different. Raw emotion like this frightened him. 

“I’m the only one that cares.”

“I know… but you gotta trust me on this.”

Erik walked up to Nelle, pulling her into an awkward hug, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He rubbed at her back stiffly, jaw tight from the affection. 

“I love you, Erik. Don’t forget about me.” 

Those words were like a blow to his rough exterior. Did he love Nelle? Sure he cared for her in some way, whichever way that was for him. Erik wished that he could just feel like humans feel. Every time he tried, the demons within him brought him back to hell. 

But Erik swore to protect Janelle from then on.

And he was a man of his word. 

—————

Present Day: July 5th, 2019:

“Because blood demonstrates surface tension or cohesive forces that act as an outer skin, a drop of blood dropped at a 90° angle forms a near-perfect spherical shape. A smooth surface, such as tile or linoleum, will cause little distortion of this spherical shaped drop, whereas a rougher surface, such as carpet or concrete, disrupts the surface tension and causes the drops to break apart.”

Erik turned to his sister and criminologist. 

She brought her notes to his apartment in South Beach to help her with a case that landed on her desk.

“Look at all of these pictures I took of the crime scene,” Janelle spread the photos over Erik’s recycled glass coffee table, forehead wrinkled in frustration. 

“It just… it’s not adding up to me.”

“Nelle, you’re a criminologist. Use all those smarts you have and put two and two together,” Erik took a swig of his drink.

“These blood spatters are all different. You may be looking at two different types of kills.”

Janelle ran a hand through her pressed sandy brown hair, laughing to mask her frustration.

“Two? I figured that and Doakes didn’t want to listen to me. He thinks he knows everything under the sun.” Erik huffed, the corners of his lips turning down in disinterest at the mention of that name.

“He’s a dirty cop. He’s trying to cover up the shit he’s not supposed to do by making you look bad. You want me to handle him for you?” 

Erik’s palm itched for some action. He didn’t like anyone bothering his sister.

“Ha, I can handle Doakes. He talks and walks like his dick is big but it’s all a front. I think he likes me… too bad I prefer pussy,” Janelle laughs, watching as Erik joins in. 

“You laugh like you agree with me, bro. What’s up with you Mr. Bachelor? No lucky woman melting that ice-cold heart of yours?” Janelle raised a playful brow at her brother.

“I don’t have time for that,” Erik played with his sweating glass, rubbing it over his thumb causing a print to form within the water. His fingerprint was a mixture of whorl and tentarch. 

Janelle snorted loudly, the alcohol catching up to her and she was only on glass number two.

“So? Carmen doesn’t ring a bell?”

Erik opens and closed his mouth like a fish, unsure of how to answer that. Janelle always threw him for a loop. 

“How the fuck do you even know about Carmen?”

“You’re such a dick head,” unspoken, her eyes traveled to his upturned phone, “Carmen has been calling you since I got here.” 

Erik casually flipped his phone over, eyes occupied with the wall space behind Janelle littered with trophy weapons.

“Are you avoiding her? You could at least tell the girl you’re not interested.”

“She thinks I’m mysterious,” Erik made a weird face.

“She’s a loner who’s intrigued with my mystery.” Erik found that to be comical. Carmen was a part of Erik’s disguise. She helped add to his “normal” life outside of who he really was. He hadn’t even touched her yet but he couldn’t deny that the chick didn’t feed his curiosity. A girl never made him curious.

“Maybe you can be apart of her own little world. Maybe she needs that… maybe you need that.” 

Janelle was all but hinting to Erik that he needed to settle down. Although she had her suspicions that her brother was disinterested in any aspect of romantics, she could only hope that one day that will change him. 

“I worry about you nigga,” Janelle worried about Erik every damn day. 

“What did I tell you about that shit? Worrying over me is like picking at a scab that won’t heal.”

He felt like he was eating his own words.

“You live alone in the gloomy fucking apartment, hardly go out and do anything, sleep on your boat in the middle of the ocean, blank out in the middle of conversations like some crazy person,” Janelle paused to catch her breath.

“If there was ever anything wrong, would you talk to me about it?” Janelle all but crowded Erik’s little bubble, eyes soft. She placed her slender hand over his, hoping to gage some kind of reaction, even a flinch would be acceptable. 

“Depends on what it is,” His eyes met hers, the cinnamon orbs flickering with a hint of black.

“You talk like you're some kind of serial killer,” Janelle laughs heartily, shoving playfully at Erik’s shoulder. Erik’s warm hand slips away from hers, falling into his lap. Janelle’s smile faded, her fingers nervously placing her hair behind her ears. All she could see seated in front of her was that little ten-year-old boy that she met that awful evening. Reaching forward, Janelle tugs on one of Erik’s dreads, attempting to get a smile out of her brother. 

“You need a trim,” SHe ruffles it like the hairs of a dog, successfully snapping him out of his gloomy phase.

“Here you go acting like somebody mama,” Erik slaps her hand away, shaking his head with a tired smile. At least she got a smile out of it.

“I am your mama!” Janelle settles back on her side of the table, legs folded Indian style like she was back in kindergarten. 

“Whatever, you know me and Regina are having a housewarming. Not that you enjoy social events but I would like to see you there with Camren. I want to meet her… whatever she is to you.”

Erik picked at the dreads framing his forehead, deep in thought about being surrounded with those humans. Erik considers himself emotionally divorced from the rest of humanity; in his narration, he refers to “humans” as if he is not one himself. He claims that all of his emotional responses are part of a well-rehearsed act to conceal his true nature. He has no interest in romance or sex; considering his “relationship” with Carmen to be part of his disguise. 

“Fine. Should we bring something?”

“Just some good liquor,” Janelle gathered her notes, placing them into her work bag before standing with a pained expression.

“Jesus, I feel like I’m 50,” Janelle stretched her back, shaking out her limbs before slipping her heels back on.

“Get some sleep, Erik. That insomnia isn’t something to play with,”

“Are you trying to school me on sleep? I bet once you get home you’ll be up all night poring over your notes until 5 am,” 

Shrugging without guilt, Janelle shoulders her bag, “my job calls for it. You have no reason to be up so late without a 9 to 5. I envy that sometimes. Just bullshitting around.” 

“I’ve earned the right to bullshit around with all the work I put myself through,” Erik prided himself not only in his kills but in his success as well. 

Janelle wished she could sometimes live day to day without working for anyone but she loved what she did. She did it to prove to the whities and the slackers that she could solve the cases thrown at her one by one. 

“As much passion that you have for your job, Nelle, I doubt it,” Erik walks Janelle to the door, opening it for her only to be startled by Carmen. Grunge and vibrant and she hadn’t said a word yet. Her cat-like eyes looked from Erik to Janelle with suspicion, Janelle ready to clarify EVERYTHING so Carmen didn’t get the wrong idea. 

“Carmen?” He stared at her with confusion, ignoring his sisters scheming smile.

“So you’re Carmen? Hi, I’m Janelle, Erik’s sister,” Janelle greeted Carmen with a friendly handshake, studying the dark girl standing before her dressed in all black from head to toe, short curly mane, and piercings. 

“Nice to meet you. Erik didn’t tell me he had a sister.” Janelle stared blankly at him, eyes swimming with questions that needed answers. Janelle could feel the tension brimming, deciding to leave now before things toppled over.

“Talk to you later, E. Don’t forget,” like a mother, she pointed a stern finger at him before saying goodbye to Carmen, closing the door behind her.

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[scarletwritingwolf]

Chapter 14: Wrath of Janet Fraser

I was poised for whatever barrage of insults came at us, Jenny was looking at us as though something foul smelling was under her nose; lips pinched and nose scrunched. 

Jamie and I had no choice but to stay joined, as we had nothing but the tartan between us. 

Mortified didn’t even begin to cover how I was feeling. Jamie had lost all traces of good humour, and he didn’t appear overly keen to be the one to break the awkward silence hanging between us. I did my best to put on a brave face despite the vulnerability of our position, the irony was not lost on me that I’d asked Jamie to warn me before meeting his family so that I could put on my ‘armour’, and now not only was I armour-less, I had nothing on save the suit I was born with.

Jenny recovered her wits. “Jamie are ye no’ goin’ to invite me in?” She was testing us. Jamie (and I) stepped aside to permit her entrance. She made herself comfortable on the sofa, all the while smiling to herself like a cat who’d been given cream.

“I’ll be with ye presently, Janet.”

I hugged myself to Jamie, staring over his shoulder at Jenny as he walked us to his room. She hadn’t bothered to turn around to watch our spectacle, I worried about what might be coming. 

I felt infinitely childish. Once the door closed behind us I leapt out of Jamie’s arms. 

“Why on this earth did you have to insist on keeping me with you? Your sister is likely out there thinking that you are with some kind of charlatan!” The colour was rising in my cheeks, I just wasn’t certain if it was with anger, embarrassment or lust. Jamie’s naked form served to distract me again.

“Christ Claire, I swear to ye, I had no idea it would be Jenny, she doesna visit often.” He breathed heavily, every breath impatient. “I need to dress, she’s here for a reason, and I mean to find out what. Ye can stay here if ye like, or come with me.”

This was the first time since being reunited that Jamie had been so severe with me. Clearly Jenny’s appearance had struck some sort of a nerve in him. 

I took a courageous step towards him (more courageous than I felt by a long shot). “Of course I’ll go with you, you fool. I don’t mean to stay in here and have her think that I’m too cowardly to face her.” 

We quickly tidied ourselves up, both of us dressing, and me trying to make my hair sit in a somewhat flattened fashion.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Yes, I suppose so.”

He took my hand in his and kissed it. “Dinna fash, Sassenach, everything is fine.”

. . . . . . 

Five minutes later it had become clear that everything was not, in fact, fine.

I had attempted to introduce myself to his sister upon our re-entrance, but had simply acted as though I wasn’t there, not even sparing a glance at the proffered hand I held out to shake hers. Instead she had begun to tear figurative strips off of Jamie. 

“HOW COULD YE JAMIE FRASER! WILLIE TOLD ME EVERYTHING, YE SAID YE WANTED HIM TO BE HAPPY! ” She screeched. It became immediately clear that while Jenny might have been small in stature, her presence was formidable.

Jamie looked bewildered. It was apparent that whatever he might have considered to be his sisters reason for coming, it had not been this. Whatever this was.

“Before ye carry on yelling, Janet, would ye mind telling me what it is that I’ve done to offend ye?” He asked the questions calmly, but his slanted eyes were narrowed accusingly. 

“Ye ken fine well what it is ye’ve done James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser”.... Good lord had I heard all those names? Surely not. “Willie called me today, telling me that he got a lovely stack of paperwork courtesy of you, something to pass along to his wife”.....

He cut her off. “Aye I did, but only because the stubborn mac na galla wouldna call me back!” He said hotly.

I’d retreated to a kitchen bar stool, keeping my distance from them while they had it out, there was no sense getting tangled up in it. The back and forth had become like watching a tennis match, each trying to claim the set, but there wasn’t a clear winner yet.

Jenny straightened up, she looked like a wolf sizing up her prey. She growled. “Do ye no think that discussing a pre-nup with him might ha’ been done in person brother?” 

Jamie became visibly uncomfortable at this question, like a worm on a hook. “Of course I did Jenny, but I dinna ken anymore when he’s home, and even if he is; whether he’d see me! Our dear brother doesna seem interested in much to do with me if ye hadna noticed!” 

“That is no excuse, and ye know it. He says Laoghaire is worrit, and doesna know if she can marry someone who wants a pre-nup. I ken what ye think of her Jamie, but Ian didna sign anything.” 

“Christ’s blood Jenny.” He spat. “Ye know it’s different with Ian, we’ve known him our whole lives.” They were almost nose to nose. “The pre-nup protects us all, including you.”

The words resounded, Jenny stood stock still. 

“Aye it would affect me, but it would affect me more if we lost Willie. And we will, Jamie if ye dinna start thinking before ye act.” She said this so quietly, the words full of menace.

“I do think, Janet, I think of ye, Ian, Willie, yer bairns, everyday. But I won’t take it back, Laoghaire signs the pre-nup or she goes. If Willie fights, I’ll cut him off.”

Jenny turned to face the fire place, contemplative, and for the time resigned. I got up from my seat, meaning to approach and comfort Jamie, he had been watching me out of the corner of his eye. 

“Stay put Sassenach, I’m ok.” 

I moved towards him anyway, reaching him and feeling the security of his hand enclosing mine.

“Why don’t we discuss the Sassenach, Jamie?” She was still turned away from us. Her words were slow and careful, each one meant to sting. “Not only has this, this....” She seemed to be struggling to find the word she wanted. “Whore...” Ahh there it was. “Wormed her way back into yer life, she seems to be makin’ herself quite comfortable. I want to know Jamie, do ye plan to give her a pre-nup if it gets serious with ye two?”

I held my breath when she asked this, and I felt sure that Jamie wasn’t breathing either. I considered waiting for his response, but a voice inside me was being quite insistent about the fact that it was my turn to speak up.

I drew myself to full height. “Actually, Jenny, I would sign a pre-nuptial agreement if Jamie and I were to get married some time in the future. My name is Claire, by the way, just for your reference. I don’t need your brothers money, I earn fairly well myself.” I was fine, everything was fine, this would be fine.

She swivelled around, meeting my eyes with a fiery gaze. “I ken who you are, Claire, I just didna want te address ye as such because I think it’s more than ye deserve te give ye the time of day.” Her cutting words pierced the exterior of my soul, and things were beginning to flood out that I had desperately tried to keep at bay. Ignoring my reaction she continued. “Ye hurt Jamie, worse than I’ve ever seen; even when he came back from the war, injured and all! But this visit isnae about ye, I canna control Jamie when it comes te his love life.” 

Jamie’s presence was thunder, he shook with rage. “YE ARE OUT OF LINE JANET MURRAY, YE WILL NOT SPEAK TO CLAIRE THAT WAY!” He turned to me taking my face in this hands; wiping away the tears that had begun to flow, and muttering soft Gaelic sounds to me as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

Rather than do what most might have done, and retreat, Jenny kept on. “Ye see how ye protect her, Jamie, that is how Willie seeks to protect his bride to be. Will ye no’ consider what I’m saying? We’ve lost enough with màthair and Da, I canna lose Willie too.” The sharp edge to her voice had all but disappeared.

He directed me back towards the bar stool I had been sitting on.“Stop Jenny, stop now. Ye’ve said yer piece, now ye can get out of my apartment. I’ll think on what ye’ve said, but ye need to think about what ye might lose if Laoghaire doesn’t sign, what yer bairns might lose.” Jamie looked at her squarely in the face. I was silently thankful for the small distance between them. 

Jenny Fraser seemed contemplative, but neither face or stance betrayed what she might have been thinking. 

I had been about to suggest a truce when Jenny doubled over in apparent pain. In the flurry of heated words I’d forgotten she was pregnant. A small voice in my head said ‘she’s faking’, but I dismissed it, the woman before me was in agony and had gone white as a sheet. 

Jamie rushed to her, leading her over to the couch. “Jenny.” His voice was panicky and almost unrecognisable. “Ye need to sit down, are ye ok? Is the bairn alright?” He seemed to stop himself, realising that she likely wouldn’t be able to answer all of of his questions. 

I reacted quickly, setting about getting a glass of water and a cool towel. I passed them to Jamie who put the cool towel on Jenny’s forehead and tried to get Jenny to drink. 

“I’m sorry Jenny, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m ok Jamie, dinna fash. It’s ok now, the pain has gone.”

“Ye need to go to a hospital Jenny.”

“Nae, I’ll go my doctor tomorrow morning.”

“Well then we’ll drive ye home, I couldna look Ian in the face if I dinna do something for ye.” 

She seemed to concede that she wouldn’t be able to drive herself home, and sighed in assent. 

“I’ll pack a bag, and we’ll leave as soon as ye’ve finished the water and had something to eat.” In a flash he was rifling through his pantry looking for something he could give her, settling finally on a stack of sweet biscuits. He set them down in front of her. “Eat those, ye need sugar.” His eyes met mine, pleading, I knew he wanted me to stay with him. To tell the truth; I didn’t want to leave him. Bringing his arms around me, he shepherded me up and out of the chair towards his room. 

I whispered “Will she be ok Jaime?”

“I dinna ken Sassenach. I hope so, good timing she’s got, I was about to throttle her.” I sensed his need to make a lightness of the situation, but his tensed form told me just how concerned he was. He’s busied himself stuffing clothes into a bag. I came up behind him to hug him.

“Will ye come Claire? To take Jenny back to Lallybroch?” He asked softly.

“Yes I’ll go with you. But I don’t have clothes with me. I need to change and pack something.” I was in the gym clothes I’d been wearing almost all day, I wanted to shower, even if it was only for two minutes. I needed peace and warmth.

“Ye’ve got time Claire. I’ll wait for ye, it isn’t as though ye live far.” He smiled at me. 

“Give me fifteen minutes.” 

. . . . . .

Half an hour later we were racing through the dark streets of Edinburgh, heading towards the countryside where Lallybroch lay hidden. I didn’t much think about the significance of meeting Jamie’s relatives, I was tired; physically and mentally. Jenny was on laying on the back seat of the car, breathing the soft and relaxed breaths of sleep. I watched the rise and fall of her chest for a time, my gaze lingering for a bit  on the swell of her stomach, I hoped the baby within was safe. As though my thoughts were loud enough to hear, Jamie took my hand reassuringly. 

“Are ye alright mo chuisle?”

I held his hand to my cheek. “I’m fine Jamie, just a little tired is all.”

“We’ll be there soon Sassenach. But before we get there, I want to ask you something.” My heart was pounding, what was he about to ask of me? 

“Ask away.” I said coolly. 

“How are ye at acting?” 

Of all the questions that he could have asked, this was not what I had been expecting. 

“I’m not really sure, I’ve been told that I have a glass face, so my guess is that people can tell when I’m lying.”

He chuckled. “Aye, ye do, sometimes. I’m asking because tomorrow I mean to smoke Laoghaire out, so that she’ll admit to wanting my brother for his money. But I need yer help.”

I glanced back at Jenny to make sure she was still asleep. “I’ll help you. But I want to understand why, and what you mean to do, before I help.”

“That sounds fair, I’ll tell ye everything tomorrow Sassenach, when we haven’t got Jenny so close by.”

We drove in silence for a while. Both lost in thought. Finally we came to a driveway, shrouded by bushes, only really visible to those looking for it. The house came into view, it was completely dark and deserted except for the one lone light on, where a man could be seen making tea. There was a beautiful vine of roses growing over the archway of the entrance, and I imagined that in the light it would be breathtaking. I looked to Jamie.

“Welcome to my childhood home.” He said proudly.

“It’s beautiful Jamie,” I said sincerely.

“Jenny we’re here.” He shook her leg gently. She rose quickly, as though she’d never been sleeping. I gathered up my things as Jamie opened the doors for both Jenny and I. As I was about to open the door further to step out of the car, Jenny brushed past, and shut the door in my face, leaving a shocked Jamie in her wake. 

“Wee ghalla.” He muttered, shaking his head. He reopened the door for me. 

So that’s how she wanted to play. Well we’d see how far she’d get with it. 

I pulled Jamie to me, kissing him with abandon. I folded my arms tightly around his neck, sinking deeper into the kiss, knowing all the while that Jenny would likely be watching us from the window.

She needed to see that I meant to stay with Jamie, to love him.

Jamie pulled back slightly, he spoke against my lips. “Dinna think I dinna know what yer doing Sassenach.” He was holding back laughter. “Why dinna ye just wave to Jenny to make sure she’s watching.”

I blushed furiously, biting his bottom lip in response. “Not a chance.”

[dailyaudiobible]

08/14/2021 DAB Transcript

Nehemiah 8:1-9:21, 1 Corinthians 9:1-18, Psalms 33:12-22, Proverbs 21:11-12

Today is the 14th day of August welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we bring week number two of this month to a close together. This week we've been spending our time in the book of Nehemiah which we’ll continue to do. And it’s…well…that story is quite a ride and there's an awful lot for us there in our own lives. And, so, let's dive in. We've been reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week, which is what we’ll do today. Nehemiah chapter 8 verse 1 through 9 verse 21 today.

Prayer:

Father, we love You and we thank You for Your word. We thank You for bringing us through another week. All of these weeks, all of these verses, all of these books that we've engaged with thus far, all of the thoughts and intents of our hearts being challenged, all of the comfort, all of the counsel, all of the encouragement that comes from the Scriptures, we love You, we thank You. Our hearts are open with gratitude, and we just take this moment and as we kind of approach the middle of another month to just look back in awe at what You're doing inside of us from the inside out and we also look forward to what You have yet to do in our lives this year. So, come Holy Spirit into all that we've read this week, all that we’ve learned from sources like the book of Nehemiah and applied to our own lives. May this sink in, may this stick, may this transform us we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. If you’re using like a laptop or a computer, a desktop, if you’re using your…your phone or your tablet you can find out what’s going on around here if you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app. In the Daily Audio Bible app there’s a little drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner and that opens up a Drawer and you can find things like the Community section or the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

And in the Shop, there are a number of categories that have resources in them all for this journey, whether that be a journal to journal your way through the Scriptures or things to write with. I have…well…since my mom got sick…so 2016 is when I discovered writing and journaling with a pencil and kind of moving away from the digital and back to actually in my own hand which my penmanship is not that great but I can read it, kind of, sort of usually if I have to refer back. But to write things down with our own body with our own hand from our mind to our hand to the page, and there's something about that that's a little different than typing things out and I just to pause and think and contemplate and be able to refer back in the days when it just feels like everything has gone sideways and nothing is working, or even a season where it just feels like you’re just slogging through and it’s so difficult. To be able to go back to different seasons in our life and see God was faithful to us, it's our own testimony, it's our own testament in our own hand. So, we certainly encourage journaling our way through life and through the Bible. It’s a precedent that’s set in Scripture. Remembering what God has done in certain places at certain times is all throughout the Scriptures. And, so, you can check that out as well as any other number of resources in the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible…well…first of all thank you, we wouldn't be here if we weren't here together. That's a beautiful thing that we are here because we are here together, and we show up every day and take the next step forward together and it's a remarkable thing. But if we weren’t in this together, we wouldn't be here. And, so, thank you for your partnership, especially as we navigate summertime. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi DABbers Bubba D here with you August 10th, 2021. I listened to yesterday's message today this morning. Oh my gosh Brian it was amazing, just hit the nail on the head with the message and the psalm and…and repentance and tying it all with Ezra definitely spoke to my heart and I want to join in with that prayer. Father God You know where we have made so many compromises and rationalized and reasoned ourselves out of Your will out of Your goodness out of Your peace. All the other things that come as a free gift, the fruit of Your spirit. Holy Spirit we have offended You we have grieved You. Asking You forgive us. All the different lacks the lack of faith, the lack of trust. Lord so many times we've reasoned ourselves out of it and grieved You for Your word is very plain, do this, trust, be filled, walk in my joy. And we have not done so. Lord help us get back to the clear very easy to understand word of trusting You with all we have and take everything foreign out of us to be back to a square one commitment to Abba. Thank You, Lord in Jesus name. Amen.

Hey everybody this is Jonathan from Denver. This is my first-time calling in. I've been listening for maybe a month, a month and a half now. This has been a season of slow, slow growth for me. I'm 20 years old. I have struggled with lust and pornography addiction since I was 12, 13, very young. And for the first time in a very long time, I'm starting to feel like this might be something that I might one day be free of, but it's very, very slow. And sometimes it feels like what feels like progress to me would be embarrassing to any normal person. And I'm just tired of trying to be different and be better. It feels like I try and bathe myself in scripture all day and I try my best all day to be better than I am and then still at the end of the day I still struggle with these things. And it's…I feel gross, I feel terrible. So, I just…I'm asking for your prayer and asking that you would intercede for me as I try to be better. And I just thank you for what this community means to me. I haven't been listening long, but this is a place to go and it's a relief when things are difficult. And, so, I thank you. Thank you for your prayer.

Father God thank you for the Daily Audio Bible, thank you for Brian and his family for…for being obedient to your calling Father God. And Father I just want to lift up all my brothers and sisters who have family members or they themselves are going through eating disorders Father God. I'm thinking of bulimia and anorexia Father. Father You are God and the great physician the great psychiatrist the great counselor who can only intervene for our spirit our souls our bodies Father God. You delivered me from anorexia and bulimia Father God, and You can work miracles in these children and in these people's lives Father. We need to put You first Jesus on the throne of our hearts, do not care what men have to say about our bodies or our minds or who we are. It's You that tells us who we are. We are Your children born in Your image, created in Your image, knitted together in our mother's womb to be who You want us to be not what the world wants us to be Father. And we truly do not want to be someone that we are not meant to be. You have given us our identity Father God. The world doesn't tell us who we or how much we weigh or what we should and shouldn't eat. Father God deliver all these children from this evil spirit in Jesus Christ name we pray in the name of the Father the son and the Holy Spirit Lord. I love you DAB family. I love you Brian. And thank you so much for your commentaries. They are life changing and I can tell that the Holy Spirit just speaks through you and uses you. Thank you for being obedient. I love you brother. I love all my brothers and sisters in Christ. This is your sister Julie signing out. God bless you. Bye-bye.

Hi everybody this is Susie from Colorado I just wanted to call in and give you a little update on me. Your prayers just took me out of an incredibly dark place. Doctor John from Illinois, thank you for reminding me that even Jesus lied down and went to sleep in a boat during a storm because He was so tired. And so many times He was…He was tired. And I never even thought about that. And I just thank everybody out there who called in and said, you know, I understand that you're weary we're here for you. Kathy from Aspen CO you know what you mean to me. Thank you so much. It was honestly like cold water to a parched soul. That was really, really, really struggling and I realize that I still will struggle. I do have a lot…a lot of burdens to bear but, you know God, said that He would help…that He would help. So, that is my hope and when I feel like I don't have help I gotta remember that He said that He would help me. And you guys just lift me up and I pray for every single one of you, every call that comes in I'm praying for you. And you have just really helped me get through a really bad time. So, God bless you all. Thank you.

Happy Wednesday my DAB family it's Melissa from Jamaica and it's 6:09 AM in the morning. And I just heard my brother BG give an incredible testimony about the miraculous healing power, that of God and it just ignited a flame on the inside of me to remember that our God still heels. He still does that. I mean when you were talking about it brother goosebumps 'cause I'm saying you never had another headache in your life, you don't know what that feels like. That's amazing. And to hear how __ God has worked in your life, it has just built my faith this morning and I just want to say thank you so much for sharing. And it…and it reminds us. You know, before that I listened to Doctor John about having adjusted his operation. Doctor John it is well, you are well. I declare healing over you right now. All the COVID sufferers, I declare healing over your life. The God who heals is still in that business. I will decree and declare it mighty God. We thank You, we thank You God for reminding us of who You are. You are the great and awesome God and we give You thanks, we give You glory. We believe, we believe You are still able and therefore God we know we will see Your glory in our lives. We know we will see the glory of God if we believe, and we believe with clarity. And we're standing on Your word and all that You've done before in the past. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Jesus. Glory to Your name. Father God be with every situation that needs You this morning. We thank You; we bless Your holy name. Be with every single member of our DAB family. Cover us under your blood Lord. And it's in Jesus’ precious and holy name we pray.

[takemeawaytocamelot]

Red Jamie and the White Lady - Part 16

Good grief! I can’t believe this is at 16 chapters!! You are all SO SO amazing! Thank you so much for all your support and excitement and crazy theories about what’s going to happen next. I’m like 90% sure this is the calm before the storm, so enjoy this while it lasts. I feel like a juggler with a dozen things in the air that are all about to come down. Hopefully with the help of @diversemediums and @outlandishchridhe it’ll all work out!

Catch up on 15 HERE or thew hole story on my AO3 account HERE

Recap: Jamie had an intense Seeing and almost got stuck, but Claire pulled him out. Still unsure about how her own Gift works, she feels guilty that Jamie is in pain and she can’t fix it.

The bed beneath him moved and he forced his eyes open. Claire settled herself in beside him, sighing and relaxing into the mattress.

“Sassenach?”

“Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Are ye alright?”

When she didn’t turn to look at him, he sat up and tugged gently on her shoulder. She lay on her back, meeting his eyes with her red and puffy ones.

“What’s the matter, a nighean?” he asked gently, brushing at her cheeks though the tears had clearly dried.

“Nothing.”

He pursed his lips.

“Dinna lie to me.”

She looking down, nervously wringing the sheets between her fingers.

“I’m… I’m just frustrated, is all. I can’t control this Gift and I’m not helping you.”

“Och dinna fash, lass. It takes time, ken? Ye havena kent about this Gift for long. I have faith in ye.”

She let out a sigh, seeming to relax even more, and kissed him.

“Thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear.”

“That I have faith in ye? Surely ye have faith in yourself.”

Her head shook and he lay down beside her, pulling her close.

“Not really. Not for this, anyway. I have faith in my ability as a doctor, as a surgeon. But this is different.”

“Aye, it is. But we dinna need to worry about that for a while yet. For now, I think we both need rest. Ye still look too pale.”

She sighed, reaching for him.

“How’s your head? Does it still hurt?”

“No’ a bit,” he said, putting down the hand she’d placed on his temple.

Since she’d returned to him, he craved her touch. But he worried that she’d try to use her Gift again if she left her hand on his head. After a moment, she gave in and curled against him, her head on his chest. Tired as he still was, he waited until she was soundly asleep before allowing himself to rest again.

***

Jamie was warm and solid against her, reassuringly alive. Even in her sleep, she knew he’d wrapped his arms around her. Falling into a deep sleep usually didn’t give her dreams, but tonight wasn’t a normal night.

“I love ye,” he said, his voice gruff.

“And I, you,” she whispered back.

Worry and fear clenched her heart. She should go, shouldn’t let herself stay with him. It would only hurt him more. But… He was the air she breathed, the beat of the heart in her chest. Leaving him would be like trying to live as half a person.

“Hush now, mo ghraidh. Ye needn’t worry o’er me so much. I’ll take care of us both.”

“I know, my love,” she answered, allowing herself to be towed behind him.

As soon as he’d picked a direction, she knew where they were headed. Back to that spot, to that place that belonged to them. The rowan tree stood tall and graceful, offering a peaceful place for the lovers. Her chest ached with the knowledge that this would be goodbye and she was the only one who knew it.

“Have I ever told ye,” he asked, arms around her waist. “How beautiful ye are?”

“Oh, you might’ve mentioned it a time or two.”

“Breathtaking as an angel, wi’ skin soft as silk and white as ivory. I dinna ken what twist of fate brought us together, but I’m verra thankful for it.”

Each word cut into her as sharp as the dirk at his side. In an effort to cease his speaking, she kissed him. It was a bad idea, she knew. But she wouldn’t be able to leave if he kept telling her how much he loved her.

As she expected, he clung to her, deepening their kiss and pulling at the ties of her stays. He lay her down in the soft grass, sprinkling kisses over the skin of her neck and chest. She felt his need as strongly as her own. The thick wool of his kilt scratched against her thighs and desire, mixed with instinct, had her legs parting.

His mouth latched onto her breast while his hand drifted downward. She gasped and shuddered, her fingers running through his soft curls.

“Oh my love,” she breathed, her back arching as his finger delved into her.

Claire woke panting, her body tingling with remembered sensation. A soft sucking sound had her looking down to see Jamie’s head. She frowned at the red mop, trying to figure out what was happening.

Her body lurched when the finger inside her curled ever so slightly.

“Jesus H. Bloody Christ!”

Jamie’s head jerked up, releasing his hold on her nipple. He blinked sleepy eyes at her, though his hand remained as it had been.

“Claire?”

Not trusting herself to speak, she opened her legs a little wider, deciding not to worry about where her trousers had gone.

“I take it you Saw that too?” she asked, voice shaking.

“Christ, I’m sorry,” he said, pulling his hand back. “I didna ken what I was doing until-”

She made a soft cry when he left her.

“Come back to me,” she pleaded.

Jamie's face went from apologetic to dark in a moment, his eyes churned deep blue, shot with a shade so pale it was nearly silver, as he did as she asked. Claire sighed as he stroked her again, emotional tears from the vision coming unbidden.

"I See ye, Claire," he whispered, palming her breast with his free hand. "Yer hair about yer face, lying in the grass."

"She was so scared for him," she choked, seeking to touch him, feeling him there.

"Aye, and he for her."

They both fell quiet, allowing the strange emotions from the shared vision move through them. "As I am, for you, mo nighean donn," he added quietly, removing his hand and reverently moving over her. "If I could lie here..." Claire sighed, opening more for him. "Over ye, within ye.." he continued, cradling her face in his hands as he slid home. "Then, I'd ken always that ye were safe."

“Do you think I feel any differently?” she asked, meeting his movements.

His hips rolled harder, seeing the truth in her eyes. She saw his face grimace in pain as he tried to hide from her, burying his face in her hair with each thrust. Claire knew better.

"Look at me," she coaxed, desperate. "I want to see you. Look at me."

She grasped his face in her hands and he looked at her, his soul bared. His eyes opened to the depths of his soul, the sparking blue hiding nothing from her sight. He was love and lust and strength. He was everything.

"Jamie," she whispered as he pushed against her, his brow slightly creased in pain. "Jamie," she said again, back arching into him.

His pulsing rhythm continued, rolling Claire with him as his eyes Saw her then and now. He made a small noise as they neared the end and Claire gripped his head as her own senses dissolved into bursts of light and color, bringing him with her as she healed him.

Jamie held her, trembling as his senses came back to him. Claire shakily tucked a strand of sweaty hair behind his ear, the point of their connection throbbing as he pulled her even tighter against himself.

Mine, the action said. Mine to love. Mine to protect. Mine.

“Ye shouldna have done that, Claire,” he mumbled, breath catching as she traced his lips with her fingertips. She smiled softly, eyes hooded from lovemaking and tiredness.

“I’m alright. Are you? Did it… did it work?”

“Aye. Christ, that… I’ve never felt… so much. To See. To touch ye. To feel ye heal me…”

Jamie swallowed.

“To truly be whole?” she asked, eyes shining.

“Aye,” he breathed, kissing her neck. “Neither of us is truly whole wi’out the other, are we?”

Claire nudged him, moving with him to lay on their sides, her leg still hooked over his hip to keep him close.

“No, we aren’t,” she agreed softly.

Bodies and souls intertwined, they both fell into deep, dreamless sleep.

***

Claire heard the distinct growl of a dragon as her eyes opened. When it rumbled again, she sat up and looked around. Laughing, she looked down to see she’d been resting on Jamie’s stomach.

“Hungry, are you?”

He moaned and kept his eyes closed, but she saw the corners of his mouth twitch.

“A bit.”

“I’m not sure what time it is, but I think we could whip you up a fine Scottish breakfast.”

The hand that had been resting on her backside squeezed and she smiled.

“I think I prefer my breakfast a bit more… English.”

His stomach made another loud protest and he sighed.

“Delightful as that may be,” she said through a laugh. “I’m afraid your stomach doesn’t agree.”

A quiet buzz had them both looking to the bedside table. The cell Murtagh had given him lit up and vibrated. Claire readjusted herself while Jamie picked the phone up.

If you’re both awake, text me back and I’ll bring lunch up. Murtagh’s gone out to make arrangements.

“Who’s that?”

“Jenny,” Jamie said, tapping a reply.

I’m afraid I’ll take a bite out of Claire if we don’t eat something soon.

Claire snorted at his answer to his sister.

“I think you’ve already done that,” she said quietly, kissing him softly. “But if your sister is going to be bringing us food, I’d rather her not see us like this.”

He patted her rump and let her up. She shimmied back into her knickers and pulled on Jamie’s shirt. He, however, made no move to dress, simply pulled the sheets up to cover him a little more. A knock came at the door while Claire tried to fix her hair.

“Let them be,” he scolded, forcing her hands away. “I told ye I like yer hair. It’s open, Jenny.”

The door swung open and Jenny came in, followed by Ian, both carrying trays piled with food.

“Glad to see ye both awake. I ken Jamie was always verra hungry after a Seeing like the one yesterday. And wi’ all the work ye did, Claire, I thought ye might be as well.”

Claire met Ian’s eyes for a moment and he grinned at her like a cat in the cream. She flushed and looked hastily down.

“We’ll leave ye be,” Jenny said, smiling at the both of them. “Just gi’ us a ring if ye need anything else.”

“Thank you, Jenny,” Claire said.

Jenny’s eyes turned serious for a moment.

“Ye’ve saved my brother,” she said. “It’s me who should be thanking you.”

Ian squeezed her shoulder and steered her out. But not before he threw another knowing grin at them just before he closed the door.

Once they were alone together again, Jamie pushed the sheets away and put his feet on the floor. With a groan, he stood and went to the table where the trays had been put. Claire took the opportunity to feast her eyes on his body, taking in the graceful curves of his muscles.

“It’s rude to stare, ken?” he said without looking at her.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’ve got quite a nice bottom?”

Jamie picked up a plate and headed back to the bed.

“If it’s arses we’re talking about, Sassenach, I’d rather discuss yours,” he said, eyebrow quirking up as he took a bite of toast.

“Discuss?” she asked, taking the mug of steaming coffee he offered. “Or fondle.”

“Weel if that’s an option, I’d verra much prefer fondling.”

Claire snorted, taking a sip of the hot, bitter liquid. Jamie set a plate down on her lap, settling in beside her. For a moment, she wondered how he was so comfortable in his own skin with her. Frank had never been that way, always pulling on something after they slept together. But here was Jamie, lying naked on the bed beside her, nibbling at the buttered toast.

“What’s troubling ye, mo ghraidh?”

“How do you know something’s troubling me?”

Leaning over, he pressed his index finger between her brows and smiled.

“Ye get a wee crease here when you’re troubled. Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Oh…” she hadn’t realized. “Well… It’s only that you seem so comfortable here, without a stitch on.”

“Only wi’ you.”

Her frown deepened.

“What does that mean?”

“I can only be like this wi’ you. I couldna walk around the flat like this, no’ wi’ Murtagh about. But here, wi’ you… I’m just Jamie. And, weel… I like the way ye look at me. Like a hungry lioness, ready to pounce on her prey.”

Claire grinned, the constant warm feeling that Jamie invoked within her sparking again. She met his eyes.

“I’ve never been so comfortable with someone either. You don’t want to change any part of me, you love me for who I am, right now.”

Jamie kissed her, one hand gripping her hair.

“Aye,” he said when they were both breathless. “I love ye in a way no one else can.”

Settling back down in the bed, Claire leaned against Jamie, fully content. He’d cleaned off his plate and while she finished her own, his fingers played with her mad curls. They hadn’t been combed in a day or two and their lovemaking had only made them worse. She’d start looking like Medusa soon.

“Frank always asked me to straighten my hair. It isn’t exactly appropriate for-”

“He what?” Jamie asked sharply, making Claire jump.

She giggled at the affronted expression on his face and shrugged. He blew out a breath through his nose, reminding her of an angry dragon on the warpath. With a shake of his head, he made a Scottish noise, then reached out, fingers delicately moving through the waves of her hair.

“I love yer curls, a nighean.”

“What, this?” she asked, dubiously smoothing down the wild mass.

“Aye. That,” he replied, chuckling and grabbing her hands.

He buried his nose in the curls, taking in her scent.

“It’s a rather boring color. Too dull to be exciting.”

“No,” he almost purred. “Not dull at all. It’s like the water in a burn, the way the it ruffles down the rocks.”

Claire resisted the urge to snort at his comparing her hair to water.

“Dark in the wavy spots, wi’ we bits of auburn when the sun touches it. Soft as any silk I’ve ever felt.”

“It’s so… unpredictable,” she said, blushing at the look he was giving her.

Jamie laughed again, surprising her.

“Aye, it’s a collieshangie lot, to be sure,” he agreed, fluffing out the crazed mass and trailing it over her shoulders. “But ye ken,” he continued, voice dropping to a low, sultry tone as a fingertip followed a curl that trailed over her collarbone, “it’s you, Sorcha.”

Claire shivered, gooseflesh prickling from his touch and the sound of his voice. Food forgotten, she reached out, running her hand down his arm.

“What does that mean?” she whispered. “Sorcha?”

Bringing their lips together again, he subtly pulled her beneath him, ignoring the clatter of their plates hitting the floor.

“Perhaps someday I’ll tell ye.”

[bookloversreviewer]

REDEMPTION by Dr. Rebecca Sharp

Release Date: October 22nd

Add to Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/47490253-redemption

Blurb:

From bestselling author, Dr. Rebecca Sharp, comes an emotional, small-town romance with a twist...

For years, I was close enough to fame to touch it. Taste it. Drink it.

Until one more drink became my answer to everything.

Until one night I made a mistake which couldn’t be undone.

So, I cut all ties to my former life and the addiction that destroyed it. And I left in search of redemption on the other side of the country.

After months building a new future, I thought my past had stayed put.

Until I opened my front door to find she’d followed me.

Taylor Hastings. My sister’s best friend.

And the good girl I’d never been good enough for.

Not then. Not now. Not ever.

One glance at Taylor’s face told me she’d come searching for a safe haven. One glance at the swell of her stomach told me she hadn’t come alone.

I didn’t hesitate to offer her my help and my home because looking out for her was the right thing to do…

Even if the way I wanted her would always be wrong.

So, I kept my distance. And Taylor kept her secrets.

Until one kiss changed everything.

Until one kiss made me realize it wasn’t our first.

PRE-ORDER TODAY!!

Amazon: https://amzn.to/2l1QVLM

Amazon Universal: mybook.to/ReadRedemption

iBooks/Nook/Kobo: https://books2read.com/ReadRedemption

*REDEMPTION will be releasing in KU. If you prefer another retailer, pre-order now before the book becomes exclusive to Amazon. Special pre-order pricing in effect until release day.

Excerpt:

Forgetting the coffee, forgetting my houseguest, and forgetting I was shirtless, I stalked over to the door, heart pounding, and yanked open the latch handle with the mugs in one hand expecting anything. Or everything.

​Everything but emerald.

​“Taylor?”

​I gaped and stared at the angel from my past, her jewel-cut eyes crystallizing around my gaze.

​Taylor.

​Here.

​I would’ve been less surprised to see the Pope, dressed as Santa, here to wish me Happy Hanukkah than to find Taylor Hastings at my door.

​Like everyone else from my past life, I hadn’t seen her in five months. But unlike everyone else, Taylor was the only one with the perspicacity to see my demons and know they’d driven me here.

​My heart continued to race for a whole slew of reasons I couldn’t give name to, and my body felt like it was waking up for the first time in months. All because of her.

​I couldn’t believe she was here… and it looked like neither could she.

​“Ash… Hi…” Her brilliant smile flashed for a split-second.

​She stammered like she’d expected someone else to answer the door to a rundown shack on the other side of the country.

​She licked her lips and I felt a shock of desire straight to my groin. The alcohol might have elevated - and exacerbated - most of my other emotions, but the desire drunk-Ash had felt for Taylor was nothing compared to the Earth-shaking need sober-Ash suffered right now.

​Months, miles, and sobriety hadn’t dulled the way I wanted her.

​But I’d wanted her for decades… I doubted even death could stop it now.

​I shook my head. “Sorry. I just can’t believe you’re on my doorstep. What… What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Is my sister okay?”

​She nodded frantically. “Yes, I’m sorry. Blake is fine. Everyone is fine. Well, everyone but me.” At that moment, her eyes ducked down and, for better or for worse, my gaze roamed down the length of the small frame that managed to create a Goliath-sized amount of lust in me.

​As always, the gentle slope of her neck was cut off by a collared shirt, layered over with a royal-purple sweater. NorCal was chilly this time of year, so I couldn’t hold that against her, but it only hinted at the slopes of her tits, and that I would always protest. But there, instead of the fabric falling back in over her stomach, it pushed out.

​Jesus Christ.

​Was I… Was I seeing this right?

​My mouth went dry and my heart ran like the fucking cops were chasing it.

​Was Taylor pregnant?

​My gaze whipped to hers. “Taylor…”

​Where the hell did I even begin?

​‘Are you pregnant?’

​No, definitely not. I knew better than to ask that to any woman. Fuck.

​There were a million questions, so many things I needed to know, and every second that went by felt like my body and my brain were stretched farther on the rack - tortured with wondering.

​“Can we talk?” My eyes jerked back up to her face hearing her soft, strained voice. “Can… Can I come in?”

​Yes. Talk. Explain.

​What. The. Fuck. Was. Happening.

​I was unable to process that the most innocent and chaste girl I’d ever met - the girl who’d never had a boyfriend to my knowledge - was standing at my door with a bump in her sweater that was never there before. And I would know because I was always fucking looking at her.

​“Shit. Sorry.” I nodded, biting my cheek. “Of course, you can. I wasn’t expecting… you,” I finished dumbly. “You surprised me.”

​I wasn’t an idiot. At least, for the past four-ish months I hadn’t been an idiot. But five seconds in her presence turned me into a goddamn fool - forgetting every fucking thing around me.

​“Ash,” Danny’s voice coming up behind me was like a bucket of ice water over my head. “Who is it…” She trailed off in surprise like any normal woman would, walking up behind the guy she was casually seeing to find him standing at his door, talking to a woman who was obviously knocked up.

​I knew what Danny was thinking but she was wrong.

​Alcohol may have damaged many of my brain cells but I still knew the difference between fantasies and fucking – and fantasies, no matter how realistic or how frequently I’d had them about Taylor, couldn’t get her pregnant.

​So, there was no way in hell that I was the father.

About the Author:

Dr. Rebecca Sharp, while using a pen name, is actually a doctor living in Pennsylvania with her husband - the love of her life.

She enjoys working in her practice with her father as well as letting her creativity run free as an author. Growing up she's always loved a good love story and finally decided to give writing one of her own a go.

After graduating with her doctoral degree, she now enjoys spending that thing called free time traveling with her husband, cooking, and knitting.

Connect with Dr. Rebecca Sharp:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drrebeccasharp

Reader Group: http://bit.ly/BecomeASexySharpie

Instagram: www.instagram.com/drrebeccasharp

Twitter: www.twitter.com/drrebeccasharp

Mailing List: http://bit.ly/StaySharpSignUp

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/drrebeccasharp

Amazon: https://goo.gl/bxuLPd

Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/rebecca-sharp

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #66

“letterman’s got no dirt on me.”

you ever played "call of duty"? did you like it? are you into those types of video games at all?   never played it, not into it. do you like to cook for people, or do you order to be cooked for? has anyone ever told you that you were a good cook?   i don't "order" to be cooked for, mom just cooks anyway as the mother of this household.  i don't really cook for people because i don't know how to make almost anything.  people like my scrambled eggs, though. do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? do those types of clocks annoy you?   we do not.  i LOVE those clocks, though. what is your usual hair style? do you tend to wear the same style every day, or do you switch it up a lot?   i have my hair parted far to the left to where it swoops over the right side of my face.  it's always the same.  i'd like to be able to achieve the emo/scene/indie/whatthefuckever swoop on a daily basis, but i can't do it, i think because my hair's too thick or we just have bad hairspray. have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor?   i've had two "main" doctors, i think: lynn and now emanuel.  they're both great.  and nah, i've never thought something was THAT wrong. are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into hot topic)? are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to?   eh, not really.  the "worst" i can think of is victoria's secret, where i merely feel out of place, because i'm both not girly and fat, and don't even deny it, the majority of their merchandise is aimed at small people.  so.  i feel at least mildly weird in there. do you look in mirrors a lot, or do you try to avoid them? how many mirrors are in your house?   i have no major opinion on mirrors.  i usually don't look in them though, no, because i don't like seeing all the weight i've gained.  idk how many mirrors we have total. what do you think is the greatest invention of all time? why? are there any inventions you wish had never been made?   uhhh... i'm not entirely sure.  i mean, i guess anesthesia is definitely one, so we can do major surgeries.  music.  medicine. as for inventions that shouldn't have been made, i'mma just say though this would totally not stop people from "doing things," can we just... get rid of dildos and self-pleasure things?  can we not teach lust, please? are you proud of yourself? do you feel that you've accomplished (or will accomplish) the things you want in your life? what other person are you the most proud of and why?   i'm... i don't know.  i honestly think i have good morals and such, yeah, but some parts about me i just have no control over and hate.  ex., my hatred for ashley.  ffs i know the girl doesn't deserve it, yet i'd... alsdkjfoawieurwe.  i don't think i'm going to accomplish my goals, no.  the person i'm most proud of... i actually think that would be ashley, my older sister.  her ex-boyfriend abused her and drove her mad practically, and she was even self-mutilating, but via hospitalization, she came back from that and is now a fucking warrior mother. did you ever have a terrible roommate? what did they do that bothered you so much?   i'd consider jacob and amanda to be jason's and my former roommates, and as roommates, we had bad chemistry.  they're great people, absolutely, we just didn't mix in taking care of a house. if someone has a problem with something you’ve done, do you prefer they confront you directly? why or why not? when you're the one who needs to tell someone about a problem, what's your method of doing so?   i'd far rather prefer you confront me via writing, so i can write back.  therefore i can actually think clearly about what i'm saying, not stutter my ass off, and not feel cornered.  i am HORRIFIED on confrontation, so i would be a mess. do you like the color gray?   no, i do not. is it possible to love someone if you don't love yourself?   THIS QUESTION MAKES ME SO FUCKING MAD.  OBVIOUSLY.  OH BOOHOO, I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, I CAN STILL LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF SOMEONE ELSE JESUS CHRIST. do you believe happiness can exist without sadness?   eventually?  no. what hospital in your area would you most recommend for good treatment?   hahahahaha oh darling, none of them.  just don't go to nash general. who is the best person you've ever "met" online?   mini. who is the most versatile actor ever?   obviously johnny depp. do you ever nap and wake up and forget what day it is?   i barely ever know what day it is to begin with.  my days just kinda... happen. what was your maternal grandmother's first name?   cecelia. what was the last video message you received on your phone?   ... jason was the only person who ever did that.  so.  well over a year ago. would you kiss someone you didn't have feelings for?   nope.  kisses are far more special than that. what would your dream engagement ring look like?   okay first my husband can get whatever damn ring he wants to propose to me with, but either a dragon's breath opal or rose gold ring are my fantasies. is someone hurting you mentally at the moment?   jason constantly is without knowing it.  colleen is always pretty heavily beating me in the mental sense. do you feel like no one understands you?   i used to think jason did, but i guess he doesn't.  or maybe he really does understand me, more than i do myself, and his full understanding is why he left, because he hates me as much as i hate myself. have you ever attempted to drown yourself?   uh, no, and even if i wanted to die, i wouldn't choose that way, holy shit. would you rather deal with all your emotions at once, or none at all?   who says i haven't felt one already, maybe even both? what’s the best sex scene in a movie you’ve ever seen?   errr.  it's really indirect and you don't actually "see" them doing much, but i guess in "the notebook" where they're in that old house and the poor girl is so nervous and emotional?  i could imagine that being me my first time lol.  it's just... really passionate to me and it feels like that scene is far more about love than just sex. is pornography evil or are you neutral about it?   it's fucking disgusting. do you prefer to be monogamous, or are you more a casual dater or swinger?   honestly, just because i'm feeling a bit brutal today?  i don't even respect anything but monogamy.  i'm fucking sorry, but going around saying you "love" more than one person, fucking more than one person, it's just... fucking hell it's sick. does your pet wear a collar?   they all do, yes. what is your favorite song in "the sound of music"?   "doe, a deer, a feeeemale deer!" what would you do if your mom/dad saw a hickey on you?   if i was with jason, probably nothing.  they both know i love him dearly and i know mom at least knows we do sexual things.  i mean did. you’ve just had an argument with the guy you like, and you walk away. do you want them to leave you alone?   no.  do not lave me alone.  please. have you ever read any self-help books?   i have. do you thank the bus driver?   i always did when i rode the bus with j, yes. have you ever had your heart broken?   worst thing in the whole fucking world.  i REALLY woulda rather been shot. when was the last time you flirted?   do you consider commenting on your ex-boyfriend's photograph on facebook calling him handsome flirting?  if yeah, well over a year ago.  if that doesn't count, who the fuck knows. are good-byes easy or hard for you?   why don't you fucking kill me instead. whatcha listening to?   "bad girlfriend" by theory of a deadman.  sexy fucking song. what do you feel about our president?   i fucking despise him.  sure, some of his policies i agree with, but holy shit... he is an ass. do you remember the song, blue (da ba dee) by eiffel 65?   omfg i love that song :'D if you told someone how far have you have gone with the opposite sex, how would others view you?   i know of a few possibilities.  "a christian fishing for loopholes" is one.  others would certainly call me uptight or cheap for not going all the way. do you have a secret that you’ve never told ANYONE?   no, actually...  i told my only secret to my best friend and indirectly my mom just last night, so. would you care if your last ex fell in love with someone else?   yes, i fucking care. what’s something you really want right now, be honest?   be honest?  sex with j. were your parents married when they had you?   they were. are they married now?   no, they're divorced. would you marry someone 30 years older than you if they had millions?   nope. how long were employed at your last job?   lmao four days fam.  quit that quickly. if you found out you were pregnant who would you tell first?   depends on how it happened, honestly.  i'd tell the dad before anyone else, probably, and right now, i'm not with a man. what did you do when you hung out with the last person you kissed?   i couldn't tell you.  just like our last kiss, i didn't know it'd be our last, so it was just another day.  fuck. do you prefer online classes or real classes?   they both have their benefits, idk.  part of the blame for me quitting college though was due to it being online. do you like documentaries? have you ever watched one and find it boring?   i looove animal documentaries.  don't think i've ever seen one that bored me. if you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or pothead?   honestly?  pothead.  and i'm against marijuana, but i find alcoholism way more dangerous. do you hate your ex?   no, i fucking worship him. do you like kids?   yes and no.  i am VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY awkward with children.  like, i just don't know what to do with them, so i get very uncomfortable.  yet i still want kids, which makes me worry sometimes... but i honestly believe if i had my own flesh-and-blood child, i'd be the most protective and loving mother ever. are your eyes the same color as your mom’s or dad’s?   neither. do you think too much or too little?   TOO MUCH!!! does anyone know your facebook password?   my mom, and jason might. have you ever seen the last person you kissed without their shirt on?   juicy shit for a skinny boi mmmmmhm ...what about their pants?   ye boi did you ever rip off a barbie doll head?   hahaha wtf idk how many people have you slept with (sexually not actually sleeping)?   i need to know if doing sexual things, but not actual sex, counts to answer this question.  if not, zero.  if sexual things count, one. do you have any sort of ongoing health problem?   oh hunny, you really wanna know? are you a teenager and yet want a baby?   i am not a teenager, but there were a few times when j and i were together the thought would cross my mind, but only very rapidly. would you date a guy with a prince albert?   i mean, sure.  i'd be a bit suspicious honestly, seeing as he'd have to be pretty comfortable whipping out his penis to get it pierced and all, but i wouldn't really judge him much.  if he likes it, good for him. do you think you are a hick?   not in the slightest, no. have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly?   what the fuck, no!!  i even knew better as a child!! have you ever swallowed a watermelon seed?   i'm sure i have accidentally before.  ha ha speaking of which, i totally want that "don't eat watermelon seeds" shirt when i'm expecting.  it's so cute. what would be worse - going out in public with no bra or no panties?   i already don't wear underwear, soooo...? would you ever let your child drop out of high school?   in most situations, absolutely not.  now if they were ill, physically or mentally, and were having severe trouble in school related to their issues, yes, i would. honestly, do you think that inner beauty is as important as outer beauty?   to society?  no.  in regards to simple morality?  inner beauty is substantially more important. do you pronounce “aunt” like “awnt” or “ant”?   "ant" have you ever seen wayne’s world?   i have and it's funny, but i can't watch it anymore as jason LOVED that movie. what was your favorite video game as a child?   the original "spyro the dragon" trilogy list five things you’re currently thinking about:   1.) sex w/ ex don't judge i'm having a night ;- ; 2.) colleen and our fight earlier 3.) wondering if jax has messaged me back yet 4.) what i'd like to have for dinner that's pretty healthy 5.) how much i love the song i'm listening to is the last person you kissed a virgin?   he is not. have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?   no, but a guy with a lip ring kissed me. what was the last video you added to your favorites on youtube?   ... how can i check without leaving the song i'm listening to? lol do you have any morbid interests?   oh boy do i. eat breakfast or skip it?   eat breakfast.  i'm always v hungry when i wake up. favorite disney channel show?   of all time?  probs "that's so raven" or "the suite life of zack and cody" do you believe in jesus?   i believe he was a real person, yes.  i also believe in the miracles he spoke of, yes. would you ever get a tattoo in a “naughty” place?   where do you consider "naughty"?  if i lose weight, i do have intentions of getting a hydra tattooed VERY low on my stomach so it starts in a certain area and rises up onto my stomach; i want the lyrics "from slave to master, i've become the hydra" written above it in a semi-circle.  it's from an otep song, and i find her lyrics SO empowering.  i may get this tattoo elsewhere though. ... i'm also like 99$ positive i'm getting a harley quinn-oriented tat on my right asscheek that says "rotten" so if you consider that dirty, lmao.  personally i don't believe it to be in a "naughty" place but, w/e. are your ears gauged?   no ewww is there a band you like that many others dislike? which?   hmmmm... i don't think so for any that are notoriously hated.  i mean i admit to liking a couple blood on the dance floor songs, but i don't like enough to be considered a fan of the band. do you play pokemon go?   i did until this month, actually.  not like it was much fun for someone as rural as me, anyway.  no pokestops for pokeballs.  i officially quit because it needed to update and i didn't have room for it unless i deleted a couple apps i refuse to drop. are you a bad influence?   in general, i don't think so, but sometimes, sure. be honest. have you had any dirty thoughts today?   i'm honestly having one of those rare nights where it's p bad. honestly, have you ever danced naked?   AW HELL NO.  i wouldn't have even done that when i was much much much smaller!  too shy!! is smoking pot a turn off?   i wouldn't date someone who smoked in the first place. have you ever scared yourself?   i always scare myself when i'm suicidal. on facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings?   hahaha yeah... is it ever okay for a woman to ask out a man?    ... yes???  we're in 2017??? how important is it for a significant other to be good with kids?   i wanna evaluate this question a bit.  "good" with kids, not necessarily.  i'm not good with kids, yet i love them and would do so much for a child.  i'd be okay having someone inexperienced with kids, but not bad with kids, you get me? when did your last relationship end?   august or september of 2015.  i can't remember which. did your father go to college?   nope. do you plan on going to college?   i did go for a couple years, but i just dropped out this week, because it's not for me.  it's bringing MUCH unnecessary stress into my life, and i don't need a degree to be a perfectly successful photographer.  nor do i need miles of school debt.  not worth it. ever seen a burning building in person?   yes.  when i lived in sharpsburg, a house diagonal to us was entirely engulfed in flame.  burned to the ground.  just the foundation remains today. do you like gore?   FUCKING AESTHETIC do you own any choker/collar necklaces?   oh yes did you have a "scene" phase?   nah, i was definitely more emo than scene. how often do you shave your legs, if at all? why do/don't you?   like... every two weeks?   i have no shorts or even khakis so no one ever sees my legs.  if someone was going to see my legs for any reason though, i'd shave more frequently, yeah.  and honestly, i only shave my legs due to societal standards. do you personally know anybody whose native tongue is not english?   i sure do. are you dressing up for halloween this year?   i would like to.  i wanna be a plus-sized (if i'm still this large anyway) pin-up girl. horror movies: the bloodier, the better. right?   not necessarily.  i personally want a realistic amount of blood, always, because it adds to the immersion.  hard to imagine "what if that was me?" if there's a comically huge amount of blood spewing from a wound or whatever. what do you think of people that smoke pot?   same way i think of people who smoke cigarettes, honestly.  it's a bad habit and they should stop. do you have pests in your house? if not, have you ever?   we don't currently, but we have had a mouse problem twice and a centipede issue once. do you like korn?   they were one of my first ever metal bands, and they're still fucking love today<3 what do you think of dodgeball being banned at some high schools?   honestly?  i'm fine with it being banned.  it fucking terrified me personally, because kids got way too rough. when you were little, did you pick up worms? do you pick worms up now?   ha ha ha yeah i dug for worms sometimes. :P  i don't anymore, i don't like worms... if you have younger siblings, do they play sports? do you go watch their games?   none of us do anymore.  nicole graduated from a dance student to a teacher last year.  she teaches the little kids. what do you think your friends say about you when you aren’t around?   who the hell knows. can you cut your own hair?   doubt it. do you own a guitar?   i do.  it's in my old room's closet. do you plan on seeing a band live this year?   i would LIKE to, but a.) i'm poor and b.) no one ever comes to nc but country artists. :/ what’s a sport you don’t mind watching?   dance.  *prepares for the "that's not a sport" comments* what color hair would you like your baby to have?   black like jason's. why do you think people care so much about looks?   i honestly think in a way similar to one of my favorite lyrics by rammstein, which loosely translates to: "humans are but animals of the eyes."  says a lot about us, doesn't it?  i also kinda think it has something to do with adam and eve when they sinned and became ashamed of their nakedness; none of us want to feel embarrassment in regards to our body, so we want to have the body that society accepts.  that brings about the next subject: who's to say/who started the expectation that there is a "right" body?  as well, i even think humans' animalistic traits come into play here: "we" want a body we recognize as "fit and ready" to produce and protect its offspring, and i mean, the body we humans idolize is almost always a slim, fit body.  it just makes sense to me. do you enjoy dancing?   well, i was a dancer for many years, actually, at the local dance studio.  i didn't love it, but it was something to do.  i eventually stopped because of depression and over-the-top sweating. were you ever obsessed with the jonas brothers?   no.  i had a very strong dislike for them, VERY much so, and one day while i was away, nicole decorated our room (we shared a room for a long time) to where the walls were COVERED in their pictures from magazines.  i was livid lol. do you ever feel like life is going by too fast?   this past year?  no.  not at all.  every day is the fucking same; i'm stuck at home foraging for some entertainment on the internet in my bed.  all day.  the days of the week blend together like a soup.  so in my case, life is fucking dragging. do you pay for your own things?   no, but only because i can't.  i have no job, i get no allowance, sooo i get no income.  fucking worthless 20-year-old, all right. who makes you feel like you’re worth something?   at this moment?  no one.  my mom pissed me the fuck off and my best friend hates me currently and thinks because they're "only" mental, my illnesses are invalid. have you ever gotten in trouble on the internet?   lmao fam when i was like what 12 or so i got moderated by the moderator of animal planet's "meerkat manor" forum *waggles fist* honestly, have you ever had lice?   omg no i would freak do you think it’s possible to be in a long relationship without having sex?   ... the fuck kind of question is this???  no shit!!! where did you last bleed from and why?   hmmm.  don't know for certain. has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?   too many times. what do you like most about making out?   uhhh... you do stuff... and things???  idk i honestly don't know how to answer this question.  everything about it, i guess. have you ever had a guy put his hand in your shirt?   yeah, but it wasn't unwelcomed or anything. what is the last thing you stapled? 

  sigh.  twelve pages-worth of papers: jason's letter.  mom and i are riding out to the post office tomorrow to get it mailed...  god please let him read it. who was your first prom date?

   jason was my one and only. have you ever been slapped in the face?

   no.  i emotionally wouldn't be able to handle that. have you ever touched a snake?

   pet 'em, held 'em. are you lonely? be honest.
   ha.  always. do you like condoms?   ... i don't... have an opinion...? are you good at editing pictures? 

  i honestly think i'm pretty good. are you any good at public speaking? 
  no, and they need to stop fucking forcing children to do it in school. would you have kids with the last person you kissed?   FUCKING PLEASE have you ever thought of making love in a dressing room?   sounds quite uncomfortable. do you know anyone who tries to steal everyone’s boyfriend?   oh oh oh!  i know!!  rachel!! :D do you appreciate raunchy humor?   no, honestly. have you ever looked up porn on the internet?   nope. did you ever try cutting yourself?   i have.  and it doesn't help anything.  don't do it. do you like to tell people who you like?   honestly i just like any chance i get to talk about jason because i love him so fucking much and talking about him brings at least a mild happiness to me. ever been institutionalized?   and they shoulda kept me, honestly. ever hold a newborn animal?   kittens. (:

[saveourtiredhearts]

Emerald city episode 2! Wasn’t that fantastic? Even ended with a bang... (sorry that’s terrible) If you want to hear disjointed thoughts and an explanation of the land of ev, see below. any theories on who did Dorothy’s lipstick?

witch dynamics: we didn’t really get any? I feel like West is totally a fertility goddess. Love Anna, she’s awesome, glad she’s got more loyalty to the Wizard than Glinda (who freaks me out a bit). Speaking of Glinda, where is she? Also, do the witch sisters just not care about the weather “mourning” for East? They just...weren’t going to do anything about it? and neither was the wizard?

West: did she mean it when she said she was glad magic was banned? I doubt it, because the opium and brothel situation is...less that ideal. And yet she didn’t seem very happy partaking in the only magic we’ve seen her do so far, that ritual in the last episode.

Speaking of East: the weather goddess! that, to me, makes sense. They called it a tornado which I was going to argue with because Baum called it a cyclone but then i remembered he was wrong. What a weird bath house place.

The place Dorothy goes to: the land of lost things! So Karen Chapman is an Interloper, (not a witch, which was my guess) who the Wizard brought to be thrown out of Oz...I feel like I need more information here.

Also; you’re ignoring all the fairytale rules left and right here, Dorothy. You never take anything out of a strange land! Poor East’s servant...at least the tornado eventually disappeared?

Red/gold hand gauntlets paid off! Probably will continue to do so! I bet Dorothy has some sort of power of the Prison of Abject now that she doesn’t know about, and that the Wizard will want to exploit.

that red dress was great, but who did dorothy’s hair? her lipstick?

we got more toto!

I thought that ‘circus of oz’ scene was going to pay off with us meeting the equivalent of the Cowardly Lion. We only met an actual lion. Foreshadowing?

The Wizard doesn’t actually have magical powers? Color me shocked! I’m so surprised!

Beast Forever; can appear in multiple forms, forecasted to be fire (unlikely) or something that will reveal the Wizard’s greatest fears/weaknesses (likely). Can only be stopped by Eternal Warriors, who are possibly controlled by something in the Prison of Abject, which is possibly controlled by Dorothy. Is anyone else following me?

Karen Chapman was kicked out of Oz 20 years ago. You know what also happened 20 years ago? The Wizard defeating the Beast Forever. hmmm...

also; was that a doctor’s uniform? like mother, like daughter...

We had two sets of violent falls this go around

The Three Girls--interesting that they didn’t hit the ground and die. the emphasis is very clearly on the magic they’re using to commit suicide. it’s also important that they’re West’s girls. Why? I’m not sure.

JACK WHY (see below)

Anyone who has read the books knew the whole transformation of Tip. But the handling of that in the books is very casually. Tip was supposed to be a girl along, so after only one or two outbursts, and following the change itself, they’re easily contented with the body they’re in. I LOVE the interpretation Emerald City is giving us

I’m cisgendered, so I’m trying to be careful, and I’m just going to say, I’m probably not the best person to talk about the emotions behind feeling that your true gender is not the one others see when they look at you. But I really like how Tip’s transformation is being handled in that sense. He still sees himself as a boy! and that’s so great that the writers are acknowledging that! From the waitress to the bathroom scene to the balcony scene, I think it’s all been very well done so far. (Also, what pronouns should I use when addressing Tip? I’m going to go with ‘he’ for now because Tip seems to still identify as male, but if anyone thinks otherwise, let me know!

Jack. JACK. First of all, I love Jack. We barely know anything about him besides the fact that he’s utterly devoted to Tip, going as far as to leave his own home to follow Tip wherever. Does Jack have a family? A job? Other friends? We don’t know! His story is Tip’s story because he made it that way. 

That being said...he’s an idiot for kissing Tip. Tip’s clearly not comfortable in his body, has clearly had a gigantic upset, and Jack felt that kissing him would make it all better? NO!!!! Tip was just going to think that Jack could no longer relate to him as a friend, only as a lover because of this unwanted transformation. Tip hides from Jack when his body betrays him, he doesn’t want his relationship with Jack to change based on what he looks like on the outside. Regardless of whether Jack had feelings for him before (i’m going with ‘yes), Tip would think that their relationship was changing, that Jack’s previous reasons to go along with Tip on this adventure would change from friendship to lust. He doesn’t want that change, he’s terrified of it, and everything that’s happening to him. Jack, you’re an idiot

still didn’t deserve to die, though!! Jesus christ, I actually gasped out loud. I don’t know what to say. Any hope that Jack will be taken to the herbalist and turned into Jack Pumpkinhead? With the Sawhorse as a companion? No matter what happens, the Land of Ev should get to work on fixing their railings.

The Land of Ev: most of what I remember is from Ozma of Oz. The king sells his ten children and wife, all of whose names start with the letter ‘e’ to evil nome king in exchange for a long life, which he then wastes by jumping into the sea. Dorothy comes around, eventually makes it to the nome king’s domains, where she has to find her friends and the children/wife, who have been turned into differently colored objects, in multiple rooms filled with objects. The Ev citizens are all purple, the Tin Man is a whistle, the scarecrow is a pig? maybe? anyway the chicken billina (originally bill) saves the day

also b/c of usual baum continuity, it’s not clear where Ev is or who exactly rules later on

wheelers! lunch-box trees! Crazy princess who can change her heads and locks Dorothy up for a period of time! who knows if any of this is applicable

also! as you might have guessed from the title of this one, Ozma’s in it! Funnily enough, the book takes place mostly in Ev, not Oz. And fun fact; nomes hate eggs.

[helloelizabethsmithposts]

THE GLORY OF GODHEAD-YAHWEH&YESHUA[MIRACULOUS POWER FREED THE UNIQUE ONE[ELIZABETH L.SMITH CONSECRATED TO GOD'S LIGHT]

Ni Ha Ma, Annyeong Haseyo, And Ohayo Everyone, Or Good Morning Everyone Around The World!!! PRAISING OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST OUR KING OF GLORY DAILY, AND ALWAYS FOR THE LIFESTYLE HE[YESHUA] LIVED IN THE NEW TESTAMENT IN THE HOLY BIBLE!!! SHOOO, YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL,LOVING,PEACEFUL, AND VERY GRACEFUL HEART I KNOW, MY LOVING VERY PRECIOUS LORD AND SAVIOR LORD JESUS CHRIST, KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORDS, AND PRINCE OF PEACE, YOUR ARE OH VERY,VERY,VERY,AND VERY PRECIOUS, DEARLY BELOVED TO BOAZ AND I.... FOR UNDERSTANDING OUR HEARTS, AND HELPING US TO HELP OUR BRAVE, LOVING,AND COURAGEOUS BRETHREN AROUND THE WORLD... IT'S VERY IMPERATIVE EVERYONE WHO IS A CHILD OF GODHEAD, NO MATTER WHAT RACE YOU ARE, WE MUST SEEK GODHEAD WHOLEHEARTEDLY, EACH AND EVERYDAY FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WE TRULY LOVE!!! WE MUST SHOW OUR ADVERSARIES[THE DISOBEDIENT BASTARDS], THAT IT IS GOD ALONE WE SERVE AND KEEP FIRST, BEFORE OUR FACE, EVERY SECOND,EVERY MINUTE, AND EVERY HOUR OF OUR DAY!!!! I MUST ADMIT THIS FACT, THE ONLY REASON, OUR RECORDS WHERE LIED ON,IT WAS A TRICK OF THE ENEMY LU THE FALLEN CHERIUB CREW DID THIS DAMAGES!!! KNOWING THESE THINGS, I WAS TARGETED THROUGH THE YEARS, CAUSING ME TO BE HOSPITALIZED, AND SENT TO DEVILISH HOSPITALS, JUST RECENTLY FATHER GOD REMINDED ME OF THE MINISTERING ANGEL THAT ASKED ME THE 1 TIME IN GRADY HOSPITAL IN ATLANTA GA, A DOCTOR WITH A UNIQUE NAME ASKED ME IF YOUR CHARACTER IS REALLY LIKE THIS, WHAT IS SOMEONE LIKE YOU DOING HERE? THAT WAS THE 2 TIME A PERSON SAID THAT TO ME, BECAUSE THE VERY 1 TIME WAS GODHEAD THE TRINITY USED A LADY FROM THE CLUB, WHEN I WENT WITH A CERTAIN CREW, SHE ASKED ME WHAT IS A PERSON LIKE YOU DOING IN A PLACE LIKE THIS? I NEVER WENT BACK TO THE CLUB NO MORE... OH OUR VERY DEAR, AND PRECIOUS FAMILY'S OF GODHEAD AROUND THE WORLD, WE TRULY NEVER INTENDED THINGS TO GET THIS FAR OUT OF HAND... BUT BECAUSE THOSE BASTARDS REVOLTED ON US WILLINGLY, AND SELFISHLY DENYING THE TRUE POWER OF GODHEAD IN AND ON A HOLY VESSELS LIFE, WANTING THINGS THAT WHERE NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH!!!! GODHEAD APPOINTED ME PERSONALLY, CAUSE I REQUESTED THIS IN 2003 BEFORE 18, CAUSE I SAW THROUGH THE CRAP, AND TRAPS OF PEOPLE SAYING CONDOLENCES WE ARE SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ALL!!! BUT I WAS HAPPY FATHER GOD GOT MY HAND QUICKLY, CAUSE I HAD THIS ONE MIND SET, WHICH WAS IF YOUR ASS SAID THAT ONE MORE DAMN TIME TO ME, I WAS GOING TO SHOW YOU PERSONALLY HOW I REALLY FELT, IN MISSING MY BROTHER AND SISTER, THEN DEALING WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FAMILY'S OF OTHERS FROM 9/11... I WAS HIS QUEEN THAT ONLY BECAME LOYAL IN TRUSTING GODHEAD IN EVERYTHING, AND EVERYWAY!!!! I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T TRUST MANKIND NO MORE, CAUSE TO SELFISHLY MAKE THINGS HARDER ON US RIGHTEOUS HEIRS, JUST BECAUSE WE OBEY AND OUR LIFESTYLE, RESEMBLES OUR ELDER BROTHER ALPHA AND OMEGA=LORD JESUS CHRIST!!! THE WICKED WAS TOO SORRY TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEIRSELVES, THIS IS WHY IN THE HOLY BIBLE GODHEAD TOLD US NOT TO BE UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH AN UNBELIEVER& TO SEPARATE FROM THE COVETOUS CREW[LUSTFUL=CARNAL MINDED]!!! DEUTERONOMY 7 &GALATIANS 5 TOLD YOU ALL AROUND THE WORLD, WHO WE AS JOINT-HEIRS WITH OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST OUR KING OF GLORY SHOULD ASSOCIATE WITH!!!! GOOD COMPANY IS ALWAYS BETTER TO HANG AROUND WITH, INSTEAD OF BAD COMPANY!!!! NOW ANGELS OF THE HOST OF HEAVEN HEAR ME THIS DAY I QUEEN ELIZABETH L. SMITH, GODHEAD DAUGHTER, I'M FED UP NOW WITH ALL OF THE WEED AND TARES IN AND UNDER THIS WORLD, DOING THINGS THAT'S FORBIDDEN PERIOD. IT IS NOT ALLOWED ANYMORE FOR THEM TO BE IN NO OFFICE'S CAUSING TROUBLE FOR HAPPY HOMES AROUND THE WORLD, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE A CERTAIN ETHINIC, WE DIDN'T PUT YOU BASTARDS INTO THESE POSITIONS TO MAKE THINGS HARD ON US, AND TO DECEIVE THE INNOCENT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS... I KNOW NOW WHY THAT COP IN 3RD GRADE LOOKED AT ME, AND SAID SOMEONE REALLY TRAINED YOU, VERY GOOD... AMERICA WHY DO WE REALLY HAVE COPS IN THIS WORLD, WHO SUPPOSE TO D.A.R.E= DRUG ABUSE RESISTANCE EDUCATION PROGRAMS. BUT IN THESE DAYS YOU ALL ASSIST IN USING DRUGS BEHIND THE SENCE, WALKING AND TALKING IN THE YIN YANG LIFESTYLE. MY FAMILY REVEALED THESE TRUE THINGS TO ME IN 2008 BATTLE IN FEBRUARY OF THE YEAR I WAS JUST 22YDS! SO YES INDEED WE REALLY HAVE PROBLEMS, WITH YOU ALL LIVING IN BLACK AND WHITE/ YOU SCALING FENCE BASTARDS OR SHOULD I SAY DR.JEKEL& AND MRS.HYDE!!! THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF SODOM AND GOMORRAH MINDSET[YOU WHERE MADE MAN,BUT YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, YOU WHERE MADE WOMAN,BUT YOU WANT TO BE A MAN=REPROBATE MIND, YOU ALL MADE YOURSELVES THINK THAT WAY FOR SO LONG,THAT IT SHOWS THESE DAYS!!!! MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, I'M ALL WOMAN AND BOAZ IS ALL MAN, BUT BECAUSE I WAS SHORT, AND MY EYES LOOKED REGIONAL ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE, FATHER GOD GOT ME AT THE AGE OF 3, BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF GOING INTO STORES, AND GETTING BLAMED OF STEALING, AND I WOULD JUST CRY, TIL GODHEAD HAD MY BROTHER TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION??? THEN I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THIS AFTER ALL OF THESE YEARS, GOD KNEW MY HEART HAS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE WITH HIM-ELOHIM, CAUSE I HATE LIES JUST LIKE MY DADDY DOES!!! IT SUCKS, TO KNOW THAT THESE INFIDELS, HAS MESSED UP EVERYTHING AND NOW WE HAVE TO FIX THIS MESSED THESE DAMN BASTARDS DID!!!! THIS WHOLE EARTH HAS LITERALLY SHOWED AND TOLD BOAZ AND I EVERYTHING, FROM GENESIS 1 TO REVELATION, EVERYBODY IN THIS WORLD IS WITHOUT AN EXCUSE, OF WHY MY FATHER GOD EARTH LOOKS LIKE THIS!!!! SOMEBODY BETTER QUICKLY GET THEIR ASS UP, AND DO WHAT A TRUE LEADER OF RIGHTEOUSNESS DOES, BECAUSE IF NOT AND WE HAVE TO SEE YOU ALL PERSONALLY, OH YOU WILL BE SENT HELL.... NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, I DESPISE ANYONE WHO TALKS LIGHT, BUT LIVES IN DARKNESS!!!! BECAUSE ULTIMATELY YOU ARE SERIOUSLY A CREEPING THING, THAT HAS FORGOTTEN WHY WE KICKED Y'ALL ASS OUT OF HEAVEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! YOU DON'T BLASPHEME MY DAD'S NAME AND THINK, YOU ALL WILL HAVE WEALTH AND RICHES,WHERE WE DO THAT AT? THE HOLY BIBLE SAYS THE WEALTH OF THE SINNERS IS LAID UP FOR THE JUST=RIGHTEOUS RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE!!! WHICH MEANS THE HOLY SCRIPTURES WHEN IT SAID GOD IS ANGRY WITH THE WICKED EVERYDAY, AND HE WILL CUT THE WICKED OFF!!!! THEIR FUNKY ASS GO PLOT WITH EACH OTHER, IN THEIR SECRET MEETINGS SCEHMING WICKEDLY THINKING WE DIDN'T KNOW!!! BUT GUESS WHAT DUMB ASS, WE KNEW IT ALL, JUST WATCHING Y'ALL ASS THIS WHOLE TIME, TO SEE IF Y'ALL WHERE GOING TO ADMIT THE WRONGS YOU ALL COMMITED ALL OF THESE YEARS!!! SHHHHHOOOOO, THEIR WORSE, SLOTHFUL, STUPID,STUBBORN,WASTEFUL, AND STANKY AS HELL WITH THEIR COLDHEARTED ASS!!!! YEAH, REMEMBER MY HUSBAND SAID THE LOVE OF MANY SHALL WAX COLD, GIVING HEED TO DOCTRINE'S OF DEVILS!!!!! BOAZ AND MY INHERITANCE IS NOT Y'ALLS, IT'S OURS, AND SINCE Y'ALL DUMBASS BASTARDS DIDN'T FREELY GIVE IT TO US, YO ANGELS AND TRUE AND VERY POWERFUL KINGDOM OF HEAVEN HOST OF HEAVEN I COMMAND ALL OF THE ANGELS OF LIGHT GO FORTH TAKE EVERYTHING BACK THAT'S OURS, AND OBLIBERATE AND ANNIHILATE OUR ENEMIES OFF OF THIS EARTH, FOR ALL ETERNITY. THIS IS CONSEQUENCES OF REVOLTING ON MY FATHER GOD, AND TRYING TO IMMITATE AND IMMITIDATE US... YALL OLD BLACK ASS BASTARDS, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT DOCTOR IN THE 2BATTLE DIDN'T LIE, WHEN HE STATED DON'T LET HER RETURN BACK TO KID'S TIME LEARNING ACADEMY #4 IN 2010, I DID SAY WANTED MY FATHER GOD TO DESTROY THEM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH, I WASN'T PLAYING THIS IS REALLY ME NOW.... THAT SHREW AND FLAWLESS BUSINESS MINDSET GIRL FROM KINDERGARTEN, MY TEACHER MRS.YOUNG KNEW I WAS A BABY GENIUS, SHE JUST WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME CAUSE I WET THE MAT, EVERYTIME I WOULD SLEEP... [ATTENTION PARENTS ALL OVER THE WORLD DO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU ALL BUY AND BRING INTO YOUR HOUSE, BECAUSE IF YOUR BABIES ARE SENSITIVE, IT WILL CAUSE THEM SLEEPLESS NIGHT'S!!! I HAD TO SLEEP WITH GODHEAD EVERY NIGHT, BECAUSE BEING TORMENTED BY PEOPLE DOING WITCHCRAFT IS NOT RIGHT FOR NO ONE!!! PRAISING THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND THE EARTH FOREVERMORE, MY ABEOJI NEM, FOR DELIVERING ME FROM EVERYTHING, IT MAKES LIFE SO VERY MUCH MORE LIGHT, AND EASY FOR ME THESE DAYS, BUT HONESTLY THOUGH MY HEART REALLY GOES OUT TO BOAZ THOUGH, CAUSE MEN OF GODHEAD REALLY HAVE IT MUCH HARDER ON THEM THAN, US WOMEN, CAUSE THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP OF MEN NOT WANTING TO CORRECT ANOTHER MAN THAT'S EMBRASSING THE REAL TRUE RIGHTEOUS MEN, CAUSE THEY MAKE EXCUSES SAYING THEY WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!!! THAT'S SOME DAMN GARBAGE AND, Y'ALL SORRY ASS KNOW IT, WE WHERE TOLD BY OUR KING OF GLORY TO HELP OUR BRETHREN OUT, EVEN IF WE HAVE TO REBUKE THEM, IT'S TO TELL YOU THIS, HE [ELOHIM WILL CLASS Y'ALL WITH THE WICKED THESE DAYS, BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR THE CALF HEARTED BASTARDS [LIVING IDOLS, THAT KNOW GODHEAD HATES ANYTHING LIKE AN IDOL!!!!.] YO 2PAC NEM, BUST ON THEIR DUMBASS, YO RICO NEM CRUSH THEIR ASS, YO MR.MONROE NEM SLEW THEIR ASS OFF THIS EARTH, FOR DISOBEYING ORDERS FROM HIS MAJESTY YAHWEH AND YESHUA!!!!! WE CERTAINLY HAD A VERY BERRY LOVELY TIME, IN THOSE HOSPITAL EVENTS, I WAS ABLE TO FINALLY MEET BOAZ Y'ALL, AND I KNOW WITH ALL OF MY HEART,MIND,AND SOUL FATHER GOD I PROMISE YOU THIS ALONE, I WON'T NEVER, DO ANYTHING TO HURT MY VERY DEAR, AND PRECIOUS CHERISHED PARTNER BOAZ, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU ALL LOVE ME GODHEAD THE TRINITY CREW... OH WE WELCOME, YOU ALL KINGDOM OF HEAVEN WITH KING OF GLORY, AND ALL OF THE HOST OF HEAVEN GUIDE US IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH DAILY AND ALWAYS, GLORIFYING GODHEAD YAHWEH AND YESHUA FOREVERMORE, WE ONLY HAVE LIFE,BECAUSE YOU BREATHE INTO US ALL, AND WE ARE OH SO VERY DETERMINED MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU GODHEAD ELOHIM HIS MAJESTY, IN EVERYTHING WE DO FOR ALL ETERNITY, THIS IS MY NEW OATH TO YOU ABEOJI NEM [MY FATHER GOD NEM] WITH DIVINE LOVE,DIVINE PEACE,AND DIVINE JOY IN THE HOLY GHOST DAILY AND ALWAYS FOR ALL OF THESE VERY BEAUTIFUL LOVING PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN RIGHTEOUSNESS DAILY AND ALWAYS SEEN OR UNSEEN, ELEMENTAL HEDGE YOUR CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD MY OH MY VERY GREAT, AND VERY POWERFUL KING OF GLORY, OH ANCIENT OF DAYS GIVE US ALL THAT'S TRULY YOURS OUR INHERITANCE THIS DAY AND FOREVERMORE, SO THAT WE WILL GO FORTH, AND TELL OTHERS AROUND THE WORLD LOOK WHAT MY VERY LOVING AND VERY BRIGHT AND SHINNING MORNING STAR, THE SON OF GOD AND THE SON OF MAN ALPHA AND OMEGA HAS DONE FOR US, THROUGH OBEDIENCE IN THE HOLY BIBLE, HE FREED US FROM THE CURSE OF SIN AND DEATH, SO HE[ALPHA AND OMEGA OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST MR.BLAZING EYES, HE SO VERY SKILLFUL, HE WILL WHOOP YOUR ENEMY ASS JUST FOR YOU TOO!!! SO DON'T BE SCARED, JUST ASK OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST TO COME INTO YOUR LIFE, AND MAKE YOU A NEW PERSON, TO LIVE,LEARN,LAUGH, AND LOVE IN HIM[GODHEAD] ALONE!!!! IT'S NOT HARD Y'ALL LIVING IN RIGHTEOUSNESS, IT'S THE GREATEST DECISION I EVER MADE AT THAT YOUNG AGE LONG AGO, AND NO I DON'T REGRET MY PAST, BUT I DO EMBRACE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, WHO TAUGHT ME, JUST BE YOURSELF BABY GIRL, AND GODHEAD WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU FOREVERMORE.... MY KING, YOUR HONOR SUPREME JUDGE OF THIS UNIVERSE EL ELYON, COULD YOU TELL EVERYONE WHO IS UP THEIR WITH ALL I TRULY, SAY THANK YOU [ARIGATO,XIEXIE,AND GOSAMANIDA TO EVERYONE THEIR I'M SO VERY GRATEFUL WE ARE FAMILY TOGETHER FOREVER, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF, JUST THROUGH YOUR WORDS ALONE MSRAROTS. Y'ALL ARE SO VERY CHERISHED MORE THAN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE, EVEN EVERYONE IN THE HOLY BIBLE TOO, ALL OF YOU ALL TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING ABOUT LIVING THIS LIFE PLEASING GODHEAD IN EVERYTHING... ABEOJI FATHER GOD THANK YOU OH SO VERY MUCH FOR MAKING BOAZ AND I JUST FOR EACH OTHER, I REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS IN JOY OVERFLOWING, LIKE OUR ELDER BROTHER JESUS CHRIST TOLD US... PRAISING GODHEAD THE TRINITY IN EVERYTHING, AND THROUGH ALL OF THINGS, EMBRACING YOUR LOVE,PEACE, AND JOY IN THE HOLY GHOST FOREVER, GIVING GODHEAD ALL OF THE PRAISE,GLORY,AND HONOR THAT'S DUE UNTO YOUR NAME FOREVER AND EVERMORE, AMEN, AND,AMEN!!! ENJOY Y'ALL VERY PROSPEROUS, AND PEACEFUL WEEK WITH THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN BEING HERE WITH US ALWAYS YOU RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE OF GODHEAD, BE ENCOURAGED IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, AND APPLY GODHEAD HOLY BIBLE DAILY IN YOUR LIVES AND EXPERIENCE THE CHANGE OF A LIFETIME, HALLELUJAH, HOSANNA BE TO THE NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST OUR KING OF GLORY, FOREVERMORE,AMEN!!!! LOVE YOU SO,SO,OH SO VERY MUCH BOAZ ENJOY A LIFETIME OF SUPERNATURAL PROTECTION OF SHEKINA GLORY GOD'S RADIANT PRESENCE KEEPING US FROM ALL EVIL, ALWAYS, AND TRUSTING GODHEAD TO SMITE ALL OF OUR ENEMIES OFF THE EARTH FOREVERMORE, IN JESUS HOLY,MIGHTY NAME WE PRAY, AMEN!!!! GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST OF PRAISE, FOREVER, AND EVERMORE,AMEN, AND AMEN!!!!😍😍😍😍😍

[dailyaudiobible]

09/20/2018 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 33:14-36:L22, Galatians 5:13-26, Psalms 64:1-10, Proverbs 23:23

Today is the 20th day of September. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It is a pleasure, of course, every day and an honor to be here with you for lots of reasons. You're very cool and I think it's awesome that we can be together like this and we’re a community all over the world taking the next step forward and the very reason that we've come together is to do that, to allow God's word to speak to us. So we’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week. Isaiah chapter 33 verse 10 through 36:22 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we talked about two different paths and two different outcomes in the book of Isaiah. Yesterday and we see the same kind of thing today in the book of Galatians, two different paths and their outcomes - the path of the sinful nature the path of union with the Holy Spirit. So, Paul wrote, for the flesh desires what is against the Spirit and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh. These are  opposed to each other so that you don't do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit you’re not under the law, right? So, two paths that are opposed to each other and are going in different directions that will end up in different places. So, we can see that we can choose the path that submits to sin, because it's fighting for control. But how do we define that? Are there signs that reveal whether we’re choosing that path and whether we’re submitting ourselves to sin. According to Paul, there are. And in his own words. the works of the flesh are obvious - sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. So, let’s just spend just a moment. And that's a pretty good list. And we need to process it. And we can understand how sexual morality or lustful pleasures or drunkenness and wild parties would make the list, right? We’ve probably been warned against these since we entered puberty, but what about jealousy? What about envy? What about outbursts of anger? Have we ever considered that these are walking the path of the sinful nature? And we might think well, what's the big deal? Everybody gets mad. For Paul, the big deal was that these do not lead us into anything other than more bondage. So yeah, you’re free to become in more bondage if that's what you want to use your freedom on. But put in those terms it’s awfully counterproductive, right? And Paul is trying to contrast and reveal a freedom in Christ Jesus that is a boundless, right? So, let's think about it. How free have you felt when you are burning with jealousy or comparing your life with someone else's in envy? How free does that feel? I mean, did you get like the sense of complete wholeness the last time you had an uncontrollable outburst of rage? Right? When was the last time lust gave you this deep sense of spiritual joy? According to Paul, if these behaviors dominate our lives it’s because we've chosen the path of the sinful nature, and he tells us where the path leads. He says, let me tell you again as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the kingdom of God. So, some stuff to think about. Thankfully, Paul didn’t say that anyone who fails in these areas is hopelessly lost. Rather, the person who lives into that way of being, the one who walks not path will not inherit the kingdom of God. So, are we walking that path? If we are then it’s not gonna probably end where we had hoped it would. But, like we said, this is a contrast, there is another path that was outlined in our reading today, the path of the Spirit. And what does that path look like? Paul said, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things. Now those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. So, we can see the contrast pretty starkly and we can decide which one of these paths is heading in the direction that we were hoping to end up in because we’re going to have to follow the path that leads to where it is that were trying to go, right? Otherwise, we’re not going to get there. And this is often the case with the Scripture. The Bible continually shows us that our thoughts and our words and our deeds become the path we are walking and it reveals to us where those paths are leading so that we can understand where we’re going and that our choices have outcomes. So we've considered the path of the sinful nature and the path of walking in the Spirit. What path are you on? What path do you want to be on? As has always been the case, the choice is ours.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that because if we’re going to be honest we’re going to have to confess that we’re trying to walk both roads, a little of this a little of that, a little for You, Lord, and a little for us. I'll give You my worship but I'm going to hold onto that bitterness because I think it defines me and gives me permission to lash out at other people for the deficits that I feel inside myself. This is childish behavior Lord and we confess it. You are inviting us to grow up in You, You are showing us the path that leads to life. You've told us in advance that it's a narrow one and few find it. And is it any wonder that we’re so distracted? But we want to walk the path that leads to life, following Your Holy Spirit, allowing the Spirit to plant the fruit of the Spirit in our lives so that it grows up a bountiful harvest and overwhelms the weeds that we keep nurturing. And we confess we’ll never…we’ll never be able to do it in our own strength. We simply are not capable. And that's not what You're expecting. You're expecting that we would surrender to the fact that we can't do it and allow Your Holy Spirit to come and guide us. And our job isn't to figure everything out. Our job is to be submissive and surrender to You, trusting You, knowing that You will only lead us into the truth, knowing that You would never do something that would hurt us. Everything that You would do in our lives is only for our good always and forever. We trust You Lord. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

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And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible family, my name is Jackie. This is the first time I’ve called. My family life is a mess and we need help. My sister lives with us, my husband and I, my nephew also. And my husband is at his wits end and wants to throw them out. My sister suffers from mental illness, depression. So, I worry about what might happen in the future and I don’t even know what to ask for. I just need help. Thank you.

Hello my name is Denise and I am a first time caller. I was recently diagnosed with Follicular non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and it’s been a month. I’m waiting to see an oncologist. But I’m really struggling and I’m scared and shocked and just really need prayer that I find the right doctors and I don’t have to have surgery because of an incident that took place during the biopsy. So, I just pray that they would get this going fast. I ask that you would all lift me in prayer and I thank you all and I pray and I lift you all in prayer daily. Thank you and God bless. Bye.

__ from Austin Texas. I received a phone call this morning letting me know that my grandma, the only grandparent I’ve ever actually had, passed away. I love God so much. His ways are perfect and I trust His will. You guys should too. I haven’t talked to anybody else about this. I wanted you guys to be the first people that I talked to. I’ve been listening to the Daily Audio Bible for two years now. This is my first time calling. I love everything that there is to love about the Daily Audio Bible, especially Brian’s words after he reads. But whether I’d like to admit it or not, my favorite part of the Daily Audio Bible is the community. You guys have changed my life. Continue to have faith in Christ. Thank you.

Good morning DABBers. I am a Burning Bush that will not be Devoured for the Glory of Our God and King. Joanne Marie from SoCal, I heard your request today and I am praying for you. You’re not alone. I’m praying that God will provide wisdom, discernment, direction, provide the appropriate doctor for you. Forgive me guys, I’m driving and the signal is loud. But I just want you to know that I prayed for you Joanne Marie. You are loved. I pray for you as you go through this walk with your dad, that God will give you the courage to love him and just to speak words of encouragement and just the word of God over him. I pray for protection over you, I pray for healing in the name of Jesus, and I pray for wisdom for your doctors. Love you guys. I will talk to you later. Thank you, thanks to all of you who prayed for us in the Carolina's during the storms. My family made it through alive. We were not touched praise God except for the electrical issues. Still praying for those who are homeless. My older son is now __ because of that he’s back home with us because he lives in Wilmington and in his home is inundated. While we were so mad because he lives 6 miles away from the ocean. So, praise God for those who are saved and keep praying for those who need help. Love you guys. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.