#my thoughts tara

[myladytara]

বড় হতে হতে একটা পর্যায় আবিষ্কার করলাম, while living in solitary I had totally forgotten about living. শুনতে অদ্ভুত হলেও সত্য যে, যেই মেয়েটা এক সময় একা থাকতে খুব পছন্দ করত, এখন সে মানুষের মাঝে থাকতেও পছন্দ করে, তাই আর কি এই কথাটা বলা।

ছোটকাল থেকেই আমার ক্লাসের সবার সাথে পরিচয় থাকলেও বন্ধুমহল ছিল সীমিত। এর মাঝে এখনো কিছু বাঁচা কুচা কই মাছের প্রাণ মোমবাতির শেষ আলোর মত বেচেঁ আছে।

বেশ কিছুদিন আগে কেও একজন আমাকে নিয়ে মন্তব্য করেছিলেন আমি নাকি খুব people pleaser টাইপ এর মানুষ। তো সাধারণত এইসব বিষয়ে আমি তেমন পাত্তা দেই না। কিন্তু ওই কথাটা এতটাই কাঁটা গায়ে নুন ছিটার মতন লেগেছিলো যে ধীরে ধীরে নিজেকে বদলানোর আত্ম সমালোচনার শেষ পর্যায় গিয়ে আবিষ্কার করলাম, বিষয়টা কেন এতটা সত্য!

আসে পাশের সবাই কে খুশি করতে গিয়ে নিজের জগৎ সংসারটাকে হাতের মুঠোয় করে ফেলেছিলাম। সেই থেকে আজ অব্দি খালি সেই ভ্রান্ত ধারণা থেকে মুক্তি পাওয়ার আশায় ছুটেই চলেছি।

কিন্তু, আবার যেন সেই আত্ম সমালোচনার জোরে পুনরায় নতুন করে আবিষ্কার করলাম নিজের জগৎ সংসারটাকে বড় করতে গিয়ে নিজের অনেক কিছুকেই অজান্তে হারিয়ে ফেলেছি।

মানুষ কি করে এত উত্থাল-পাথাল পরিবর্তনের মাঝে দিয়ে চলা ফেরা করে বুঝি না। আমার তো এই পরিবর্তনের মাঝে নিজেকে, পাগল পাগল লাগে। কারণ হঠাৎ মনে হয়, অনেক বেশি পরিবর্তন এনে ফেলি আবার হঠাৎ করে অনেক কম। মাঝামাঝিতে থাকা যেন অনেক অনেক বেশিই কঠিন।

[ortegavi]

CAIRO SWEET craves someone who gives her validation. her parents are permanently absent lawyers with a talent in a+ neglectful parenting, causing her to focus on academics and academics only, subconsciously doing it in hopes that academic achievements will get her parents’ attention and this hardwired focus makes her detached from her peers. cairo needs someone that doesn’t just keep up with her but continually praises her, giving her the validation she desperately needs.

TARA CARPENTER craves someone loyal. after ghostface, it’s not and never will be the same for her; constant looking over her shoulder, never being able to let her guard down, and always having a weapon nearby in fear of another masked killer jumping out at her or her family & friends. change is the scariest part of her life because change is what caused her to lose almost all that she had—her (girl)friend, her sister, her parents... tara needs someone who’s going to stay through thick and thin, 24/7/365, always holding onto her as a silent promise that they won’t leave like others did.

WEDNESDAY ADDAMS craves someone who understands her. despite being a writer, she’s never been good or comfortable with words expressing her emotions. she needs someone who understands her quirks and morbid expressions, understands the softness in her eyes as silent affection, links pinkies at exactly the right moment while waiting for wednesday to grow comfortable to initiate it on her own.

[blackbatcass]

I think a part of me will always be a little bit obsessed with NTT tara markov. she sucks. she was created from the beginning to be a sadistic evil spy and then die. she’s an angry fifteen year old girl who just wants to prove she’s worth something. she loves her brother. she’s a liar. she is so, so angry. she was shaped entirely by 80s misogyny. she is so damn good at the damaged-girl act that she almost starts to believe it herself. she’s a hothead. she would kill her brother herself if she thought she had to. she had never had a birthday party before the titans threw her one. she is so good at living her little narrative, at joining the titans and getting to know them and lashing out when she’s hurt and slowly gaining the trust of her new family, she’s so good at it that she has to keep telling herself how much she hates it because if she stops for one second she’ll start believing it. (she never does because tara markov is a liar and she’s best at lying to herself.) she was created to die. she was never not a traitor. she was always a liar. she was also always an angry fifteen year old girl who just wanted to prove she was worth something.

[smolmakerel]

"Do you sit down in the shower, Tara?"

Tara blinked in surprised before narrowing her eyes. "What?"

Her new therapist, Abby Turner, was staring at her with a relaxed expression of genuine curiosity. She didn't really look the part of a therapist, sitting there in a yellow cardigan that matched the socks with SpongeBob on them. If anything, she looked a lot like a teacher Tara had in second grade minus the thick rimmed glasses.

"Do you sit down whenever you take a shower?" Abby asked again, shifting to cross her legs. She drew her fingernail over the metal clip of her clipboard.

Still, Tara was taken aback by such a question. She felt oddly seen through.

"Why?" Tara shot back instead.

Abby laughed softly. "There's no need to be defensive. I was going over our notes from last time and thought about what you said."

What she said? What did Tara say, exactly?

"I don't remember saying anything bad," mumbled Tara.

"No, nothing bad. I'm sorry if I made you panic."

At that, Tara hardened her gaze and looked away. Leave it to the therapist to know when her thoughts were spiraling out of control. God, Tara only had 7 sessions with her, and Abby thought she knew everything about Tara.

"It's ok if you do," Abby went on to say. Tara's face soured, and Abby unfortunately caught that. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Another one?" Tara tried to joke, but Abby saw through her facade. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to play 20 questions."

She chuckled awkwardly. "Why do you sit down in the shower?"

"Because... I uh..."

"Take your time."

Tara was at a loss for words. Why did she sit down in the shower? She never really noticed she did it until Abby sent her back with homework to figure out things she noticed about her dailey routine. Which included an hour long shower; Tara would be sitting in the tub allowing the hot water to hit her back. While she sat, tremors would rack her body and her irritation would rise.

"I get in the shower in the morning," Tara explained slowly, still processing her thoughts. "Before class so no one has to see me all... icky."

"And do you think there might be another reason for sitting down?" Abby inquired. "I only ask because of your water bottle comment."

Tara looked unsure at that. She brought her hands to her lap to fidget with her nails. The comfortable gray armchair she sat on never felt more uncomfortable under the watchful eye of her therapist.

"S-Sorry, but I don't remember talking about that."

"That's ok," her therapist assured her. "Last time, you talked about how you needed to clean your room. You have a lot of water bottles on your table and floor, clothes in your bed."

Recognition flashed in Tara's eyes. "Right. Sorry."

"Depression and anxiety after a traumatic event is completely normal, Tara. In fact, I would be surprised if you didn't have one of those with what you've been through."

Tara shrugged. "It's nothing. Other people have been through more than me; I'm just being selfish."

Selfish. She had always been selfish; even her own mother thought so, and she made sure to remind Tara anytime she was in town.

Abby wrote something down, nodding to herself as if all of Tara's issues were understandable now.

"I sit on the floor," Tara suddenly said in the uncomfortable silence. She didn't look at her therapist at all, ashamed. "I get so... tired sometimes. And it isn't because of the metal in my leg! It's me! I wake up tired, go through the day angry because of how tired I am, and go to sleep tired. But then I can't sleep and I just..." She huffed in frustration, nails dug into her palms. "I don't know what to do."

Abby leaned back in her chair and flipped her clipboard over on her lap. Her eyes watched Tara's face closely.

"Is there anything you have that could help you sleep?" Abby asked. "A stuffed animal, a nightlight...?"

Tara's mind immediately drifted to her older sister. Sam was strong enough to keep Tara's night terrors away, yet she's soft enough to wrap Tara in her arms and calm her down. No matter how much Tara yells and sobs in her sleep, no matter the bloody scratch marks on her arms, no matter how Tara dissociates to protect herself. Sam was always there.

"No," Tara claimed instead.

Abby cocked her head. "And your sister isn't willing to help you?"

Tara shook her head. "No, she is but... I don't want to bother her with my problems."

Abby flipped her clipboard back over and wrote something down. Tara wanted to chuck the damn thing out the window. She lowered the clipboard again.

"Based on what you've told me about your sister, she sounds like just the person you need at night," Abby pointed out with a soft smile. "I'm sure she'd be willing to help if you asked."

'But I can't!' The words burn acid on Tara's tongue.

"Ok."

Fuck.

[♡♡♡]

Tara raised her hand at Sam's door and drew it into a fist. It hovered in the air for a long few seconds.

Then she knocked.

The door opened not even a second later, and Sam was standing there rubbing her eyes.

"Tara?" Sam mumbled. She instantly woke up, eyes darting over Tara looking for some sort of injury. "Are you ok? What are you doing up right now?"

"Can... Can I sleep in here with you?" Tara asked and before Sam could respond, she was babbling. "I'm sorry if I woke you up with this. Fuck, I'm so stupid. This was a mistake, I didn't mean to wake you up with my stupid problems. I-I'll go back to my room. Sorry -"

"Tara."

Tara's breathing hitched when Sam gently cupped her face, and - Oh. That was actually kind of nice. She sank into the warmth of Sam's palms.

"Let's go to bed, ok?" Sam whispered.

Tara nodded, throat thick with emotion. "Ok."

It was about 20 minutes later when they were settled in Sam's bed. Tara was dozing off finally, face buried into Sam's chest as her arms wrapped around her.

She stirred slightly when Sam kissed the top of her head. Her fingers tucked a few strands of hair out of Tara's face.

"I love you, Tara," Sam muttered.

Tara, too exhausted to say anything, simply turned her head and kissed Sam on the palm. She settled back down and relaxed into a peaceful sleep.

[grahamobrien13]

I love reid so much but if I hear another person say "I'm not watching Criminal Minds: Evolution because Reid isn't there" I'm going to throw something!

What about JJ! What about EMILY! What about PENELOPE! What about TARA!!! DAVE? LUKE?

DO THEY MEAN NOTHING TO YOU???!?!!!!!?!!!?!?@

[streaminn]

Nonsensical doodles from school, yes the second art is tongues and teeth

And yes!! Enid and Wednesday switch ties in the she's the man au, so Wednesday tie end up bulkier and Enid's thinner due to the size diff

[mangeur-detoiles]

LUCY & KATE | NCIS HAWAI'I 2x22

Lucy worried for Kate.

[galedekarios]

pov: you're approaching the waterdhavian faction ✨

[pzyii]

been thinking about the Pjo au lately, so this the the result

[dk-thrive]

What I wished is that I'd seen more of the world. Let its salt stick to me. I've spent so much time living in my head and in my heart that I forgot to live in my body.

— Tara Hardy, from "Salt in the Wind", My, My, My, My, My (Write Bloody Publishing, November 15, 2016)

[psychofreakforc]

Do you ever think about the fact that tara's last moment of peace was when she actually passed out on her kitchen floor after she was stabbed seven times?

Getting stabbed hurts.

But not even that much when you feel all your energy drain from you and your life slowly leaving your body.

It feels peaceful.

Her brain is completely off when normally Tara has to worry about her mother, amber...

sam.

But now all she has to do is close her eyes and hope that when she wakes up, she's in a better place.

Hopefully dead.

But no, life wasn't that kind to her.

She wakes up, and she feels worse than she ever felt. Every single inch of her body aches.

Then, too much happens.

Sam comes back tara gets attacked again billy loomis is sam's father amber is ghostface tara shot her in the head liv is dead they move to new york it happens again ethan bailey quinn dead anika de- TOO MUCH.

[silliestgoosever]

had a thought today! say hello to my big boy vocabulary again!

You know what we need in Scream 7? Sam YELLING at Tara. I don’t mean like merely raising her voice— I mean like Hereditary “DON’T YOU EVER SWEAR AT ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” levels.

Not because I want to see Tara get her ass chewed; not at all. I want to see Sam so, so guilty for breaking under all the stress, and fearing Tara’s scared of her.

I feel like it’d be interesting because Sam and Tara’s relationship could have such a trouble and use it as a GREAT plot device. Like the whole “You need to let me go” shenanigans in Scream 6, just different.

[doctorwhoarchive]

am I crazy or does her hospital bracelet say she was admitted in October 2022

because then that just messes with the already messed up timeline even more

[frank-a-lank]

"Are you sure we need this much salt? The recipe--"

"The recipe is always wrong about two things, my love, and that's how much garlic and salt you will need."

I just need them to be domestic in Waterdeep very bad okay?

[krikeymate]

Trick or Treat!👻☺️

"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Chad screams as he leaps from the bed, nude as the day he was born. His hands are raised, as if to placate a wild animal.

Unfortunately, that's not where Sam's eyes are drawn.

Much to her horror, she can't look away.

"Oh my GOD Chad! COVER YOURSELF!"

Tara can't believe this is happening. She sits up, duvet held tightly to her chest.

Sam was supposed to be at work until 4. They had an hour!

Had.

She peers past Chad's shaking body, hands thankfully now covering his crotch, to see how her sister is doing.

She looks pale.

Kind of like she's about to be sick.

God Tara hopes she doesn't chuck up on the carpet. Chad will be cleaning it up if she does.

"Heeeeyyy Sam," she calls, trying to get her attention. "You're home early?"

Her sister doesn't respond, frozen and staring off into the distance.

Chad twists his head. "I think we broke her," he stage-whispers.

Tara groans, letting herself fall back onto the bed.

Great.

[booksandpaperss]

reminder that it’s not good sapphic rep if the sapphics are props for the mlm or het ship hope this helps ❤️