#my very special boye

[inkydoc]

so i've been playing the sims fallout 4 for like twenty hours, half of which i spent basebuilding and decorating :D

moved into the Red Rocket fuel station next to Sanctuary, it's a nice place if you ignore the molerats and the toxic waste underneath XD so far i've set up a little greenhouse on top of the station, added a bedroom in the back office, and a breakfast nook at the counter. things are still a wip, but i figured out how to use wall-through connectors so we're making progress :3

the goal is to have a very decked out sanctuary and a cozy living space at the red rocket just for myself and maybe future companions if i like them enough :D resident rustbucket Codsworth and certified cute pup Dogmeat can stay forewer :3

yea had to move out of Sanctuary because the settlers kept walking into my house which was annoying, and honestly it makes more sense from a roleplay perspective that our character wouldn't want to live in a run-down, bad memory-inducing version of their former home lol

also the toys have a purpose too, i kinda imagine my character knows deep down that Shaun probably isn't a baby anymore (she can't consider the fact that he may not even be alive), but she still collects toys for him because she only ever remembers him as a baby and can't really think of him in any other way - collecting toys for him is a coping mechanism, but also it keeps her hope alive

the cats are there because i love cats, end of story XD

[kekisu]

its funny cause i played through the liyue archon quest not really caring at all about childe i thought he was overrated and i didnt see the appeal but then something clicked . maybe it wasnt instantaneous but eventually it fell together and i think chaeya is to blame

[cricketandbooks]

THE EYES — Dead Boy Detectives

Crystal Palace Surname Von Hoverkraft: angry, selfish, lonely, kind, lovable, and the bringer of justice for young girls.

THE BRAWN — Charles' Playlist THE HEART — Niko's Playlist THE BRAINS — Edwin's Playlist

This playlist follows Crystal's life both before and after joining the Dead Boy Detective Agency. I hope you enjoy!

Annotations about the songs in the playlist below the cut:

Tracks 1-5: Before

Track 1: The Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene by Hozier

This song is my interpretation of both how Crystal perceives herself, and more so how others perceive her before meeting Dave. She is brash, mean, hedonistic, and selfish. She is also charismatic, inviting, and has a way of making you feel like she truly sees you. She abuses her power over people but is so captivating that people don't always mind.

The song opens up with these lyrics:

"I watch the work of my kin, bold and boyful Toying somewhere between love and abuse Calling to join them, the wretched and joyful Shaking the wings of their terrible youths"

Crystal does not appear to have true friends before joining the Dead Boy Detectives, rather she has people she toys with, reveling in her youth, beauty and power.

"With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene"

Much like the verse before, Crystal had the ability to draw people in, before cutting them down with her tongue. She used her beauty and charisma to her advantage like codeine, taking away people's pain only to use it against them later. She is able to see what people want, and use that against them.

"Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet"

This stanza discusses more of what it's like to me close to Crystal, the kind of person who would make you "walk into traffic" but is able to get away with it. Her beauty is captivating, but it comes with a price: blood. It is a very visceral description of her manipulation of people.

Track 2: Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds

While the last song discusses how it felt to know Crystal, this is more my interpretation how of Crystal perceived herself and how she chose to live her life.

"Primadonna girl, yeah All I ever wanted was the world I can't help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I'm kinda difficult But it's always someone else's fault Got you wrapped around my finger, babe You can count on me to misbehave"

This song also has a strong opener, laying out her greed, in both material items but also how she is greedy with people as well, having them "wrapped around her finger". She dodges responsibility for her actions using the same manipulation, and if that doesn't work she leaves. Whether it be other people's boyfriends or using information she gained from her powers to tell people hurtful things that make them reliant on her for truth, she uses her abilities to misbehave.

"Fill the void up with celluloid Take a picture, I'm with the boys Get what I want 'cause I ask for it Not because I'm really that deserving of it Living life like I'm in a play In the limelight, I want to stay I know I've got a big ego I really don't know why it's such a big deal, though"

This first line of the lyric begins to show the cracks in Crystal's armor. As egotistical as she is, without other people's attention, without feeling "special", she has no true purpose in life. Celluloid is a material that was used in film, a tool to be seen by others. But it is flammable, delicate, and flat, like Crystal at this time. She needed the limelight because without it, she felt small and unlovable. She may always get what she wants, but all of her wants are superficial and she doesn't have a higher purpose to work for.

Track 3: XS by Rina Sawayama

Building on the foundations of Primadonna, this song also explores Crystal's excessive and shallow view of the world and herself. However, this begins to dig further into how all of her "excess" makes her a smaller, more selfish person. This song also offers a possible explanation as what could have lead her down this path.

"Flex, when all that's left is immaterial And the price we paid is unbelievable And I'm taking in as much as I can hold Well, here are things you'll never know"

This verse lays bare the fragile foundation that Crystal lives in. She takes on so many negative and self destructive aspects on, stealing people's partners, maxing out credit cars, hurting people and driving herself further and further into isolation. The theme of selfishness making her smaller continues.

"Make me less, so I want more (more) Bought a zip coat at the mall Call me crazy, call me selfish Say I'm neither, would you believe her?"

The next stanza in the verse lays out her true reasons for acting as she does. Her parent's have made her feel small, neglecting her for their own power and status. As such, she doesn't feel as crazy or selfish for doing the same, as doing so makes her feel like her parents were right in their treatment of her. If they are wrong, then she has been made to feel small and unlovable for nothing.

Track 4: The Louvre by Lorde

The Louvre is my interpretation of Crystal's feelings when David comes into her life. They saw each other across the line and fell in love. At first, I picture them as a sort of "power couple" of toxic behavior. While both powerful in their own right, David is able to see through Crystal's fragile ego and manipulate her secret desire to be truly seen and loved. He gave her a reason to exist beyond her excessive lifestyle, their relationship becoming her higher purpose.

"I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush Drink up your movements, still I can't get enough I overthink your punctuation use Not my fault, just a thing that my mind do"

This lyric is emblematic of how I believe their relationship first started. Crystal thought she found someone who truly saw her for who she was, but really he was feeding her ego just enough to keep her constantly vying for his attention, causing her to overthink little things such as punctuation. Her image is important to her as well as to her family, and he manipulated that as well. She wanted him to believe she was this cool powerful medium, so she changed herself further for him. It is also interesting that instead of saying "it's not your fault" the lyric says says "it's not my fault". This could apply to Crystal in that she is constantly assures herself she is doing the right thing, and on the right path. She also insists that everything is her choice, so she doesn't have to admit that she is changing for him and he has more power over her than she knows is right.

"Our thing progresses I call and you come through Blow all my friendships To sit in hell with you But we're the greatest They'll hang us in the Louvre Down the back, but who cares—still the Louvre"

As their relationships progress Crystal becomes even more isolated than she already was. By the time of her possession, she had no one left to even notice she was missing. However, the cracks are showing in their relationship. They're simultaneously the "greatest" but not worthy of being front in center of the Louvre, rather staying hidden in the back. She's beginning to realize that this relationship isn't healthy, but continues anyway because he's all that she has left.

"Okay I know that you are not my type (still I fall) I'm just the sucker who let you fill her mind (but what about love?) Nothing wrong with it Supernatural Just move in close to me, closer, you'll feel it coasting"

In this moment she decides she will let him possess her. She knows in the back of her mind it isn't right ("(But what about love?)") but she convinces herself immediately that it will work out for the best ("Nothing wrong with it"). She has no one left to stop her and she continues to fall. He says "just move in close to me...you'll feel it coasting." When talking to the boys about her possession, she states "he must have lied" about the nature of it. I imagine he framed it as a new and deeper form of intimacy, of being "closer", and a kind of freedom in the form of "coasting", leaving her with no responsibilities, guilt, or shame.

Track 5: Ptolomea by Ethel Cain

This song to me represents Crystal's possession, describing both David and Crystal's feelings during the event. Ptolomea is also the circle of hell those who betrayed friends and guests go, and David betrayed Crystal's trust.

"I followed you in and I was with you there I invited you in twice, I did You love blood too much But not like I do Not like I do"

This is David's perspective. He was able to lure her in, first inviting himself into her life as her boyfriend, and then inviting himself inside her body to posses her completely. He mentioned in the show asking her if she missed "enjoying that copper taste in your mouth when you cause someone a lot of pain". This could refer to the taste of blood, which can be metallic, referring to the metaphorical blood on her hands from her past. However he's saying as much as Crystal also reveled in violence and power, she was still no match for him.

"What fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me (show me your face) Please, don't look at me I can see it in your eyes, he keeps looking at me Tell me, what have you done?"

Crystal always thought she wanted to be looked at. Admired and revered. But what she truly wanted was to be seen and loved. David only looked at her like a possession and a toy, and when that became clear Crystal finally understood that she did not want to be looked at anymore by people who don't understand her.

"I am the face Of love's rage I am the face Of love's rage"

Rage and love are two major themes of Chrystal's character, and untangling that becomes a key part of her arc over the season, turning rage into empowerment. However here she is left angry and small as David's "love" for her is actually the power he is able to use when he is in possession of her.

Tracks 6-11: Becoming

Track 6: Midnight Train by Gus Dapperton

It is on a train that Crystal meets the Dead Boy Detectives, and they change her life forever.

"On the midnight train Only love's in my way Picture-perfect world Crop me out of the frame And no, it's not to say Things will never change I'm afraid this time It'd take an act of fate"

Crystal is trapped inside herself, betrayed by the person she loved. While the world continues without her, arguably better without her in it, she is cropped out of her own life. She believes she has nothing and no one to save her.

"How could I trust myself? Runnin' right off of the rails How could I break the spell? Up this high, the ride prevails"

Having lived her life so fast, that fact that she was constantly assuring herself that she was right and in control was part of what got her in this situation. Finally able to see her life from the outside, she's beginning to see all of her mistakes.

"I can't slow up, I need you show up I can't slow the ride"

She can't stop what she has started, and for the first time in her life, she feels completely vulnerable and needing to ask for help. It comes.

Track 7: Lead Pipe by Movements

Finally free of his possession, Crystal can see David and her relationship accurately for the first time.

"And here we go, here we go, back to basics Another round of all the things I've heard before I'm staying low, staying low, turning pages I thought I killed you, now you're knocking at my door"

Having lost all her memories, she has truly gone "back to basics", however she remembers enough to realize all of David's old tricks to make her feel small. Even though she was exorcised, to her horror he still has her in his clutches.

"And I'm never gonna Give you what you want me to give You'll never play, won't let you play me again I know you'll try to cheat me if I let you in So I won't let you win"

She is able to assert herself now without the knowledge of who she was and how much she felt she needed him. Feeling only the sting and rage of betrayal, she can confidently say that she won't let him cheat her again.

"And here we go, here we go, down a dead-end road Another lesson in confession like I sold my soul I wanna know, wanna know how that story goes Cause if we're betting then I'm guessing that you're blowing smoke"

While her and David are a dead end, she is finally free to explore a new version of herself, and see how the story goes. However, he is still able to taunt her with "confessions" of her previous toxicity and the memories that made her who she was. This leaves her in a sort of limbo, as she moves forward to create a new version of herself while simultaneously leaving her trapped in the shadows of her past.

Track 8: Simmer by Hayley Williams

Anger is a major part of Crystal's character, and of the show in general. In Crystal's case, being with the Dead Boy Detectives allows Crystal to finally be able to channel her rage to a higher and more healthy purpose. Using anger to help deliver closure and justice, as well as protect those weaker than her rather than to lash out like she used to.

"there's so many ways to give in (Eyes closed) another way to make it to ten, oh How to draw the line between wrath and mercy? Gotta simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer down"

Crystal often gave in to anger, yelling and lashing out at those who were trying to help her. But she also learned how to use it to help other's in a similar position to her, such as Becky Aspen, who was at the mercy of a supernatural force much more powerful than herself. Allowing her rage to simmer was what created the opportunity to use her feelings as a finely honed blade, as opposed to a bludgeoning force.

"If I had seen my reflection As something more precious He would've never And if my child needed protection From a fucker like that man I'd sooner gut him ('cause nothing cuts like a mother)"

Crystal, despite putting on a brash and confident front, never truly valued herself and her life. If she had the self esteem that she gains from being apart of the Dead Boy Detectives, who love her and see her as valuable beyond being pretty and powerful, then she never would have allowed herself to be treated that way. She is able to, via solving cases, get justice for other women who were also treated poorly like she was.

Wrap yourself in petals Wrap yourself in petals (control, control) Wrap yourself in petals for armor (control, control) Petals for armor

Instead of wrapping herself in both her shallow, self obsessed lifestyle and abusive relationship as protection from how small and unlovable she feels, she is able to protect herself in another way. Her "petals" are the newfound vulnerability between her and her friends, as well as her higher purpose. These petals, instead of suffocating her, allow her to grow and change while making her stronger.

Track 9: Fools by Lauren Aquilina

This song represents my interpretation Crystal and Charles' relationship. It can be found on both playlists.

Those hardest to love need it most I watched our bodies turn to ghosts Such good friends, it has to end it always does That's the way life is Do we take that risk?

Both Charles and Crystal have aspects of themselves that are difficult to love: their anger, Charles' inability to express his pain, Crystal's selfishness. However, they have managed to become friends who care about each other. It is a risk to let people in, and both of them have been hurt in the past.

And so it all boils down to this We've got our aim but we might miss We are too fragile just to guess And I've been in this place before Fine as we are but we want more That's human nature at its best

They are both aware of their feelings, but their situation is too fragile and could lead to ruin. However, feelings are often not lead by logic, as Niko stated. Both of them say they are "fine as they are", Charles saying he is fine "as long as I got my best mate and a case to solve" while secretly hating being dead and having his future stolen from him. Crystal believes she is fine where she is without her memories and with David haunting her, but that is a lie. Both want more than their situation, but are held back.

"The two of us so out of place My feelings written on my face Got what I want but now I'm scared"

Being a human and a ghost makes relationships difficult. Crystal used to always get what she wants, but now for the first time she reflects on the consequences of her desires instead of following them blindly, showing her growth.

"What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools? And all we have we lose? And I don't want you to go but I want you so So tell me what Tell me what Tell me what we choose"

Crystal even asking this question demonstrates how she no longer thinks of just herself. Going from stealing other people's boyfriends to questioning if entering a relationship is good for the both of them is a sign of her beginning to develop a sense of awareness and compassion. This reflection leads her to stop their relationship and stay friends.

Track 10: Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

For the first time in her life, Chrystal finds herself surrounded by people she loves, and a greater purpose. This song is the reverse of Primadonna, mirroring how she used to take everything for herself, while feeling empty. But now, while she has lost everything, she is on the path of fulfillment that was not possible before.

"I found what I'd been looking for in myself Found a life worth living for someone else Never thought that I could be, I could be happy, happy"

Instead of living solely for herself, she is able to form relationships with different people and find community and peace. As opposed to before when she never considered forming real relationships with people, this is the beginning of a true happiness and not merely chasing the next high.

"So now you know, you know it all That I've been des-desperately alone I haven't found the one for me But I believe in divinity"

While she doesn't have her memories and freedom yet, she is hopeful for the future. Before she was alone and neglected, but now she has people who loves her for who she is.

"From the concrete to the coast I was looking for a holy ghost Like the land joining the sea Happiness it followed me"

Going from London to a Port Townsend, she found her holy ghost in the form of the Dead Boy Detective agency. By joining them, she is able to find joy for the first time. This happiness is what allows her to begin to make sacrifices for her friends, as she loves them and knows they have love her.

Track 11: Third Eye by Florence and the Machine

Now that she has the ability to truly self reflect, Crystal is able to begin the process of changing into a better healthier self. But more than that, she gains a community of ancestors who allow her to further come into her power.

Hey, look up! Don't make a shadow of yourself, always shutting out the light Caught in your own creation Look up, look up! It tore you open And oh, how much?

Crystal never allowed herself to feel and to be who she is, instead creating an image of herself for the others. Now that she has community, she can finally look up and truly see herself, tearing open to begin anew.

'Cause there's a hole where your heart lies And I can see it with my third eye And though my touch, it magnifies You pull away, you don't know why

Her ancestors see her and her emptiness, and through the powers past down by them she is able to see it too. Her ancestors allow her to see her mind and her powers in a new way, bringing her closer to people instead of using it to dominate. As such, instead of pulling away blindly and burying herself in admiration and material objects, she is able to see what she must do to change.

Hey, look up! You don't have to be a ghost here amongst the living You are flesh and blood And you deserve to be loved, and you deserve what you are given And oh, how much?

Challenging Crystal to see herself and the world in a new perspective, her ancestors push her to become a self actualized person. Even though she was still living, she was cutting herself off from truly feeling anything. After feeling unlovable all her life, she is finally able to truly accept other's love and protection, and to be able to give that love and protection in return.

'Cause your pain is a tribute The only thing you let hold you Wear it now like a mantle Always there to remind you

Instead of using her pain and loneliness as an excuse to go back to David and surrender to his desires, she takes the lessons she learns and becomes better and more powerful for it. Between her new friendships and her new community of family, this allows her to finally defeat David and step into a better and more secure self.

Tracks 12-16: Growing

Track 12: Bad Friend by Rina Sawayama

With her memories back, she is truly able to appreciate the horror that she was, and the full extent of her toxicity.

I'm so good at crashing in Making sparks and shit but then I'm a bad, I'm a bad, I'm a bad friend So don't ask me where I've been Been avoiding everything 'Cause I'm a bad, I'm a bad, I'm a bad friend I'm a bad friend, yeah

Crystal is able to recognize the effect she had on other people's lives, disrupting their relationships, ruining their sense of self. While she had many people around her, like a hurricane she swept through their lives and then moved on with destruction in her wake. She did not deal with the consequences of her actions on others, choosing instead to avoid confrontation where she would have to admit her wrongs.

Put your hands up if you're not good at this stuff Put your hands up if you're not good at this stuff (I'm a bad friend, oh, bad, I'm bad

Unlike before, she is willing to admit that she wasn't a good person to be around, and to admit her faults. Being able to admit this is part of what leads her to returning to London so that she can right the wrongs there and accept responsibility for who she was.

Track 13: Better Version of Me by Fiona Apple

Accepting responsibility for her actions and her past, Crystal is able to look towards her future using the bonds she has made to begin to change.

What should I do? I'm a frightened, fickle person Fighting, cryin', kickin', cursin' What should I do?

Crystal accepts that she was a small and selfish person who lashed out at others and caused great pain. Now she must ask herself who she will become after learning this, and if she is going to stay the path she started with the agency.

I don't want a home, I'd ruin that Home is where my habits have a habit Why give it a turn?

While she is returning "home" in the sense she is going back to where she was before changing, she is not going there to settle into her old ways. Instead, she's returning to complete her transformation and break the cycle of abuse from both parents and David.

I've got a plan, a demand and it just began, And if you're right, you'll agree Here's coming a better version of me

She is returning to London with a plan. As a person, Crystal is very determined and has the conviction to follow through her resolve. By confronting her past, she will be have the opportunity to grow to her full potential.

Track 14: You Owe Me Nothing in Return by Alanis Morissette

As Crystal says goodbye to her friends, she affirms her love for them without needing anything in return, demonstrating change from selfishness and an appreciation for her newfound community.

You can speak of anger and doubts Your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it You can share your so called shame filled accounts Of times in your life and I won't judge it (And there are no strings attached to it)

Charles felt able to talk to her about his anger and doubts and she was able to listen. She also listens to Niko's feelings of fears of disappointing her mother and her grief over her father's death. Being able to listen to others is a part of her growth, instead of yelling or using people as a vehicle to feed her ego. She now loves and cherishes her friends and is willing to support them when they need her.

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege And you owe me nothing in return

Her parents gave her all the material privileges that could be dreamed of, but never truly gave her love. Now she is able to appreciated the ultimate gift of someone's unconditional care, and she is finally able receive it and reflect it back to them.

Track 15: Rainbow by Kesha

This song represents the culmination of all of her growth and change throughout season one, as well as highlighting that she still has far to go.

"I used to live in the darkness Dress in black, act so heartless, but now I see that colors are everything Got kaleidoscopes in my hairdo Got back the stars in my eyes, too, yeah now I see the magic inside of me"

Where she used to be small, now she feels empowered to be who she is. Her friendships encourages her to see the light and color in life. The magic inside of her isn't just random power, but the love and wisdom of her ancestors. She is better in every way.

Yeah, maybe my head's fucked up But I'm falling right back in love with being alive Dreaming in light, light, lights This kitty cat lost her mind Been lookin' for a star-sent sign that I'll be alright Look to the skies

While she is horrified and ashamed of her past, she is able to look to the future instead of wallowing in her guilt. She is still capable of looking up and keeping her mind set on a higher purpose instead of reverting back to her shallow ways that weigh her down. While she is unsure of the future and her ability to fix her mistakes, she is still willing to try.

I found a rainbow, rainbow, baby Trust me, I know life is scary But just put those colors on, girl You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you

As a survivor of abuse herself, Kesha is able to brilliantly discuss how even though life can be difficult and painful, there is still a purpose if you find courage and meaning. Crystal still has to be able to put the past behind her, but she has people willing to support and love her through this difficult process.

Track 17: The Foundations of Decay by My Chemical Romance

This song is found on all Charles', Crystal's, and Edwin's playlists. The final track, this song discusses where the characters will go after Niko's death, and reflecting on what they've all learned so far.

See the man who stands upon the hill He dreams of all the battles won But fate had left its scars upon his face With all the damage they had done

All of the characters have been hurt and traumatized by their past, and sometimes it is not so easily healed. Their scars also kept them from truly connecting and communicating with each other. Niko was the one who united them all with her firm believe in love and hope, as well as her ability to listen to their deepest fears.

Let our bodies lay, mark our hearts with shame Let our blood in vain, you find God in pain Now, if your convictions were a passing phase May your ashes feed the river in the morning rays And as the vermin crawls, we lay in the foundations of decay

All of the characters were rotting in their own ways before they met each other. Edwin with his denial of his feelings, not just romantically but also in all aspects of life that would lead him to feel warmth and vulnerability. Charles was rotting in a silent rage, unable to truly confront his death and all that he lost, alongside how his parents continued on happy without him while causing him so much suffering. Niko was trapped in her room unable to connect with others in the world not just due to her sprites, but through her unhealed grief and fear. Finally, Crystal was rotting away in her selfishness and inability to love and be loved. She was trapped inside her headspace because she refused to see herself, thus not recognizing her mental world as hers. This allowed David the opening to abuse and control her.

You must fix your heart And you must build an altar where it swells When the storm, it gains and the sky, it rains Let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away And as you stumble through your last crusade Will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays? And as the swarm it calls, we lay in the foundations

I believe the thesis of the Dead Boy Detectives, as well as this song, is the lyric "you must fix your heart". By allowing your old self to rot, you are able to confront your trauma and begin to heal and grow again. As the characters continue to confront their decay, they will hopefully continue to become more self actualized and healed.

[cock-holliday]

hey not rly a question just saying i appreciate your 2cents on things generally. i am a gnc transfem but am really a boy more than anything so someone looking out for those of us who arent palettably feminine is rly cool of you. a lot of the stuff you mentioned in your long post just now hits at some of the stuff thats making me feel uneasy around some of my transfem friends. i fear if i was fully myself i wouldnt be accepted. i hate to feel too queer for fellow queers, but. but yea anyway most of the time ive known i was trans most of my friends had actually been trans guys so when i hear this anti transmasc rhetoric going around it makes me rly uncomfortable im sick of the idea that trans guys have it easy. its not true and not fair do you fear being not accepted by others like you too? is this normal? idk. i didnt feel this when i came out 5 years ago this is new to me

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that, and I can relate. Essentially I came out as a binary trans person a decade ago and raced to transition as quickly as possible (it was not fast, it was slow and frustrating) and when I finally got there then I had to endure Gender Crisis 2 where I realized I wasn’t this binary gender either.

It was very difficult to sort out. Did I just not feel special enough as Gender 2? Was I faking this whole time and was really just cis? Was I detransitioning? It took a lot to figure out what I wanted, how I wanted to be seen, and to grapple with the idea that it will continue to fluctuate.

I am masc but do not consider myself a man. Boy, maybe. Do I see myself as a woman? Also no. Girl, maybe. But a masculine girl. I think my boyness is more feminine than my girlness…but still both…butch.

I am trans but not a trans woman or a trans man. While figuring myself out in round two I flirted with transmasc/transfemme as labels, but neither fit better than the other. Or maybe neither fit. I know some use transfemmemasc but idk that I like it for me. I use trans women’s shaving tips. I use trans men’s voice training tips. There are members of both camps who wouldn’t consider me one of them.

I currently work a full-time job. I cannot present or fluctuate in my presentation when I want to. We have gendered locker rooms, gendered bathrooms, my ID badge has a photo that doesn’t look like me. I think a lot about that post that’s like “I might be nonbinary but I have a job so I can’t worry about that right now.” Only, I already know I am nonbinary. I’ve already been out to a lot of people IRL. How do you put that cat back in the bag? Can you? If I was allowed to present how I want now and everyone was cool…will they still be understanding when it swings back the other way? I don’t want that sort of pressure at work.

I am lucky I have a partner who understands and likes my presentation—and spectrum of it. I have trans friends who understand or try to understand, and genderweird friends who get it. It is a bit isolating—how everything is split into one camp or another. Things I supposedly couldn’t relate to I do, things I am not meant to have experienced (or acknowledge I experience) are not welcome topics in trans discourse.

It is difficult! There are huge Boy v Girl (but make it progressive) pissing contests on tumblr and it’s very irritating how deep the anger goes. Carve room for yourself and you’re accused of belonging to the other camp, as if it really even is ‘the other’ camp, it’s the same fucking camp.

I started to identify with the word butch only in the last few years, and because my gender exploration had taken me back to the trans folks of yore. They were brash and bold and contradictory and I liked that! It made me yearn for vague labels and defiant privacy while also being unabashedly authentic! Then I learned that it still exists. It’s small, and got pushed to the fringes, sure. But I’ve only had access to the books and zines and tales of the genderweird from the internet, and to hear it resonate with so many others proves to me we’re still out there.

It’s very tough to want to be true to yourself when there is a constant pressure to conform to something. It’s doubly tough when that pressure comes from other trans people. But finding more and more people who live this way and feel this way makes me feel surer in my choice to just loudly be what I am, fuck the rest, whenever I can.

I cannot always look how I want or be seen how I want, so the spaces where I do have control I refuse to be anything other than what I am 110%

I really hope you can find more and more space that lets you exist in the grey. I hope your friends become more accepting. In the meantime and hopefully continuously in tandem—you are not alone in this experience and others out there understand what it’s like. ❤️

[little-bunny-in-space]

SPECIAL INTEREST TIME - M*A*S*H AND MUSIC - PT. 1

I like listening to songs that remind me of my blorbos, and the lyrics that fit them. I've also been on quite a Hozier kick. Here's me overanalyzing.

Margaret Houlihan- Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene

I watch the work of my kin, bold and boyful Toying somewhere between love and abuse Calling to join them, the wretched and joyful Shaking the wings of their terrible youths

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw,but I swear it is sweet

With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene With her straw-blonde hair, her arms hard and lean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

------------------------------------------------------------------

AGH it just fits her character, the depth of her character so much, especially as she develops through the seasons. She's truly a loving, caring nurse and such a lovely person full of love to give. But at the same time she has to put on such a hard, cold exterior.

She loves her colleagues, that much is obvious. But she also pretends to hate them- and they get on her ever-loving nerves sometimes. She can't help but retaliate, but she loves them all the same.

She can't help but be lonely here. It's interesting to note, as she grows, the more she values herself and her body... the lonelier she becomes. But she becomes proud, more loving at the same time. The men whom she did truly loved all just used her or seen her as an object. Her love is genuinely deep, very raw, as she's been hurt through her life- a lot. This line reminds me of the "Dreams" episode where she goes from making love, to her husband leaving her there alone, covered in blood and surrounded by bodies.

The last chorus is obvious. I think the "angel of small death" hits me harder after seeing the "Letters" episode. While I know that line is meant a different way, I feel if taken literally it shows her place as a nurse. She is able to talk to the soldier, hold him and make him feel comforted and loved until he leaves the world.

Her remarks may be mean, and she may put on a tough look, but man, she's so sweet and kind and has so much love to give those around her. She truly loves every one of her colleagues, whether she wants to admit it or not. She's definitely one of the most complex and interesting characters there.

And yes, I am extremely gay. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[fictofaggot]

i want to see you make a gender ( /maybe sexuality's ) post about the homestucks' sprites like that cool deathbycatgirl did. do it do it do it

i actually made a list for myself right after i saw @deathbycatgirl's original post (haii!) but o didnr make it an image because im soso tireds here you go^_^:

john is a trans girl but wont figure it out until shes like 40 despite being surrounded by transsexuals all the time. also extremely aroacespec to me

rose is cis but like in a really really butch boy way so like cis but not cis she's a trans girl but still a cis girl but literally not cis at all tbh she's like cistrans. also lesboy

jade is a trans girl who can never feel attached to any prns so she just goes with she/it/paw. shes very genderful but even more gender fuckery ensues after grimbark. aroacespec aplatonicspec fuck you

dave is cisgender. trans girl dave has a special place in my heart though. ace

dirk

roxy is a trans catgirl + lovess neoprns + dyke as fuck

jake is 100% aroace and i don't care enough about him to think about his gender sorry

jane my wonderful gal mwaaah mwah mwah she's got that trans girl swagalicious swag i hate cis jane sorry not sorry. mspec lesbian realness

karkat is . . . karkat is certainly something? he's an utter mystery to me i won't lie he's like if emo was a cisgender

aradia is beyond my comprehension in terms of gender. unfortunate type gal. transhet + straightbian + dykefag

tavros TRANS GIRL FUCK YOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EXPLOSION SOUND EFFECTS AND KILLING also i definitely think she wants to use neos but is so so afraids

sollux is transfem bigender. but like infinin because he's every boy gender but also every girl gender so hes infinite genders but not like every gender. ljterally just the definition of infinin. bisexual het lesbo fag KABLOOM

nepeta is a crazy transfem cat girl thing fucking beast fucking ravenous animal of a gal. not an ounce of boyness in her except when its funny and/or convenient. uses it/its and every neopronoun paw can get mews claws on and like she/her for a bit of girly fun on the side but not Primarily she/her? he/him too when it's funny. ummm. unlabeled for sexuality only cause i think it'd change so often that labeling would be entirely impossible

kanaya is my wonderful romantic goth vampire trans girl (but like only in terms of gender not actually presentation wise do you understand. her normal outfits are just Too). i think she'd use like 1 set of neos vamp/vamps maybe? and she's a pan lesbian because fuck every thang

terezi is a freak of a girl. every girlfreak girlbeast type gender in existence she can be infinin too for funsies. ummm any prns + a futch dyke who loves boys also

vriska is the most trans girl in the whole entire world. i hate transmasc vriska. also shes too busy being kind of miserable to think about he4 gender but i think if she really sat down and considered she'd be not as binary as she thinks. bi lesbo.

equius trans girl SHUR HTE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!DIE DIE DIE KILLING YOU WITH MY FISTS.shes femme too because i said so. girlfag also. aroacespec as fuck. aplatonic

gamzee non binery any pronounse ok? ok. unlabeled because specifics are too much but mspec queer for sures. aro

eridan trans girl with a bit of nonbinary freakism thrown in for spice and silliness. like vriska in the sense that she thinks she's more binary than she actually is but eridan would figure it out sooner. also a girlfag but likw a boydyke too ok. aroacespec

i understand feferi in a way no one else can anr the only wau i can describe it is genderqueer cis girl but its so much more than that. i could write an essay on it. i think she'd be unlabeled or like heteroflex but im not sure in which direction the hetero occurs

kankri is cis but his fminine and twinkish demeanor confuses the masses constantly much to his chagrin and rage. also he's mistaken for being trans constantly because of his vast knowledge on every discourse ever. canonically aroacespec

damara TRANS GIRL FUCK YOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK OFF FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also ummm lesbo or bi or both i think but like in a loveless aroace caused by trauma way

rufioh is cis but also girlish to me i really don't know what to tells you . aroace. also no Pronouns this is the one thing im sure of with any of the dancestors

mituna is entirely unlabeled i couldn't explain it to you if i tried

meulin is an aroacespec trans gay man but in a distinctly and extremely girlfag type of way. . . do u understand . . . do you get me . . .

porrim is so transsexual and such an aroacespec bi dyke i wish j could elaborate on the dancestors more but they're So

latula is a trans girl but like in a way that is so latula core. do you get it. yeah

aranea is really interesting to me in the way that she's cis but also definitely a trans girl but also i don't care at all and it's a mystery to me. she's just so beforus

horuss TRANS TRANS GIRL GO CRAZY GO RAGGGAGHHAHHHHH GAHHHHHHHHHHHsysfluid and horsegender and aroace aplatonic fag with 5000000 neopronouns that no one ever uses including her

i honestly do not care about kurloz at all ummm. bigender boygirl girlboy in a type of way

meenah sucks and i don't like her. ummm cis

also for some other guys i like:

midnight crew and felt are mostly unlabeled and/or cis by nature of their societu and also they just don't feel particularly gender special to me

die is really special to me tho he's my malewife girlhusband but like you wouldnt get it hes only gender in very very specific situations

the exiles are ALL nonbinary fuck you

all the sprites are bigender (i don't care about davepeta at all sorry) (arquius and fefeta are like if bigender was two of the same gender so like gender²)

hal is nothing. like out of sillyness they just refuse

cherubs are both trans in opposite directions but i won't clarify who's which way or why. they're both homo in opposite directions also

[yamitsuki-devillie]

Ruin DLC brought me back to life

So now have my twin blorbos and an au (ish) of fnaf.

This is Lunar and Solar, plus my own design of Eclipse and how they look after Lunar and Solar repaired them.

They aren't ocs, they are self inserts

Au's name and hashtag is #Falling Stars (fnaf)

Lunar the eastern dragoness

- She/Her

- Multitask animatronic: caretaker, security, medic, cooker/baker and performer

- Wasn't created by Fazbear's Entertainment, she was created by another company of my creation called Moonshine Corporation, which even with such a name is straight up a military company.

- Older twin sister (Solar is her younger twin brother)

- 30 years old, mentally is 20

- Massive mode queen

- A magnet for baby/small animatronics, for example the mini djs

- Very maternal with younger animatronics and humans, even those who act tough or like jerks (I'm looking at you Monty)

- Isn't affected by the virus unlike Fazbear's animatronics because of the antivirus she and Solar have, which is almost completely impossible to be invaded, and even so it's very easy to take care of any virus who enters her system.

- 100% adopted c̶h̶i̶h̶u̶a̶h̶u̶a̶ ruin Monty (Monty is her dog now, at least on the au she exists lol yes, the pouch has Monty on it)

- Before ruin had an alternative mode which was the security mode, after ruin and her normal and security mode being fused, so she has another mode.

- Big 10 ft tall girl, and almost 14 ft long on ruin version

- She isn't aggressive with the player, unless the player flashlight some variations of mini djs with a moon on their chest too much times (20)

- Is DJMM and Eclipse bestie alongside Solar

Solar the eastern dragon

- He/Him

- Multitask animatronic: security, caretaker, cooker/baker, performer and medic

- Also wasn't created by Fazbear's Entertainment.

- Lunar's younger twin brother

- Is 30 years old, is mentally 20

- Acts very paternal with other younger animatronics and humans

- Also a magnet for baby/small animatronics, although less than his sister specially after ruin

- Likes skittering around the ceilings and walls of their area

- Big 10 ft tall boye on both versions

- The most chaotic and intense of the twins

- SPOODER

- Isn't affected by the virus like Fazbear's animatronics because of the antivirus both him and his sister have, which is almost completely impossible to be invaded, and even so it's very easy to take care of any virus who enters his system

- He's more aggressive with the player than Lunar, unlike his sister, he actively chases down the player as soon as they enter their area, he won't kill but will trap the player in a secure room

- Is DJMM and Eclipse bestie alongside Lunar

Nisshoku (They/She)

(will be updated when reference is ready)

- Is 20 ft tall and 50 ft long

- Dragon/Arachne/Lamia mix

- Lunar and Solar fusion in a single body, is called BroodMother mode (yes that one Terrifying ARK boss)

- Has several variants of mini MMs as her children and is always with them

- Very overprotective over DJMM and Eclipse

- Unhinged asf but still very motherly if you are a child or teen

- Lunar and Solar stay a lot in this form, although they normally stay in the lower levels.

Eclipse (They/He/It)

- Lunar and Solar bestie

- In this au Eclipse is a new A.I created by fusing Sun and Moon base A.Is

- Very unsuspecting and innocent

- Completely passive with the player

- Takes a hell lot to get aggressive

- If you manage to make em get aggressive, congratulations you are the most hateable creature for them, and you are dead, because not even Niss enter their way if they get aggressive.

- Was repaired by Niss when they got out of the ruined pizzaplex, Eclipse wanting to go out or not.

- Loves sweets

About + gameplay mechanics:

Lunar and Solar have an area called Cosmic cafe, it's an cafe area themed after them after they were lend to Fazbear's Entertainment, they are very rigid with the management of their ingredients, but that's because we all know Fazbear is very cheap and they have to keep an eye to make sure nothing will result in someone sick and another lawsuit. Their cafe is mostly occupied by tired adults and teenages, who come to drop their kids/sibs off at the daycare and then go to relax in their cafe since it's pretty silent.

Lunar and Solar also help around the daycare, passing most of their free time with the daycare attendant. They also are surprisingly well loved by the kids.

- Lunar: Lunar is the most calm of the dragon twins, she's pretty much silent, chill and calm most of the time, but also can be pretty chaotic. She can be often found chilling in basically everywhere, often accompanied by tired kids and teens. A total sweet tooth.

In the base game, Lunar isn't aggressive against Gregory after all, she's not affected by the virus and she knows her friends aren't in their right mind, besides she's more busy with keeping her affected moon friend away from the gremlin to chase him.

In ruin DLC, in the start she's seen wandering senselessly around her area while singing, obviously missing someone, she's not straight up aggressive with the player, but if the player flashlight a variant of mini djs with a moon on their chest (which isn't aggressive but will still scare Cassie either way) 20 times and after Monty is shocked in the water, she becomes relatively aggressive, she won't kill cassie, but if she manages to capture her, she will bring Cassie to a secret room and trap her there, but Cassie can escape the room by making a puzzle and opening the entrance, but before Monty is shocked, she's very friendly with Cassie, sometimes even singing for her if she stays on her area for a long time, and bring treats for the kid. As Cassie turns down the security tho, she becomes very insistent in trapping Cassie in the room, after all she knows the danger below the pizzaplex.

Lunar also has a side mission, which Cassie can skip but then something very interesting won't happen and an secret area won't be open to explore, the mission is finding special plushies (not AR ones) of every animatronic on the plex and bringing it to a platform in Lunar's area, the plushies include: Sun, Moon, Fred, Monty, Roxy, Chica, Nora, and DJMM.

Lunar will be very merciful with Cassie since she's just a kid, but if an adult invades the Pizzaplex and is found by her, they will have a horrible day. On this occasion Lunar uses another mode and sends her mini djs to capture the intruder and bring them to her.

- Solar: Solar is the most chaotic, yet cheerful and happy-go-lucky of the twins, he loves making pranks and driving the plex inhabitants and workers crazy, but he's also very paternal and sweet with kids and younger animatronics. Although sometimes he's a bit too intense with people, because of it Lunar always has to keep him in line. He's a salty food person.

In the base game, Solar is completely neutral over Gregory, unless he really hurts his family, then he starts intensely chasing down the kid and trapping him in a security office, Gregory can make a puzzle and escape the room but he must be careful because Solar will keep chasing him down, becoming more active as Gregory take down the glamrocks because the next ones sure would be his family.

In ruin dlc, Solar is more active since the start, although he chases down Cassie to bring her to his sister, because it ain't safe for a kid to be around. He immediately starts becoming extremely aggressive as Cassie turns down the security, after all just like his sister he knows the danger that is to turn down the security, but he doesn't appear much since Lunar and Solar are confined to their area only since all access to other parts of the plex are blocked, not completely blocked since Cassie can easily go in and out of their area, but they can't go out since there's a big risk of a collapse.

About both:

SB:

- Both animatronics are obligatory to always be together

- They aren't Freddy Fazbear's Entertainment animatronics, they were lent for a time for the pizzaplex by Moonshine Corporation, Yami's company and creators and owners of the twins.

- They are multi-purpose animatronics, but are mainly for security and childcare.

- Afton's Virus isn't able to affect both animatronics, both because they are a completely different technology and because of their highly advanced anti-virus systems, which means that they are forced to watch their friends going crazy during the security breach without being able to help.

- They may not be affected by Afton's virus, but it doesn't mean they aren't unhinged sometimes, they have a security mode (where they change form to quadrupedal forms) and are very unhinged with those who hurt their friends.

- Both have the ability of changing their limbs to many things, the main one being changing their legs and arms into 2 big wheels, making them look like motorcycles.

- They are a freaking walking factory, if they consume metal of any kind they can transform this metal inside of them, turning the materials into animatronics parts. Both also are equipped with a auto-repair module, that makes them able to change themselves and auto-repair without the need for the assistance of any other machines or people, although this ability wasn't used much after ruin, unless to create new legs for Solar.

- Lunar and Solar also are close with the glamrocks, but are closer to DJ MM and Eclipse.

Ruin:

- Lunar and Solar pretty much remember Cassie, that's why they are so merciful with her and basically only trap her in a safe and comfortable area when they get to her.

- Both took Cassie and Roxy under their wings, so in this au when the elevator fails, it doesn't crash since spooder mom grabbed the elevator with her wires and reactivated the security against the mimic.

- Lunar and Solar aren't what they are said to be.

Notes about the AUish itself

- DJ MM besides the spooder mode also has an humanoid mode thanks to Lunar lending him a Moonshine Corporation transform module.

- Monty did attack and kill Bonnie, but only when he was completely being controlled by the virus, he regrets it, a lot, especially since Bonnie was like a big brother to him.

- Sun and Moon are dormant inside Eclipse, but can pop out any time.

- The glamrocks have a familial bond between themselves and with Lunar, Solar, DJMM and Dca.

- Roxy is Cassie's cool big sister, not mom because in my opinion she's the cool big sister that everyone wants to have.

- I cannot guarantee that I will do much about this au- maybe some doodles or random images but there's no set story or timeline yet

[pocji]

a bit of a throwback but whats ur favorite pyo jihoon look?

anon this is such a good question kiss to u

I have a real soft spot for ponytail early days pyoji even tho I know it damn near made him bald

But my favourite look is red hair leather pants greaser very good pyoji ❤️❤️❤️

Special shout-out to purple finger waves and bright pink lipstick jackpot pyoji cause that look was just like…camp and cunty. I liked that they went there with him

I miss block b I miss my boye I gotta lay down

[dimbywimby]

hihihihihihi im looking very intensely at th hero kiwi you posted one time. can i know more ab the littl guy

ABSOLUTELY

I haven't written much on this au but uhm uhm uhm!!!!! I saw everyone making hero kiwis with like. Bows and shit and I was just like WHY keep his funny sing voice

That paired with the fact me and my friends are absolutely fucking DORKS for the idea of kiwis singing having the ability to cause harm. (And in the context of base game that like - they just actively chose not to use it that way) made it so I was like. Ok! Insane god voice for a special boye

Also unlike Audrey's arc, kiwi doesn't get told that what he's doing is gonna end the world so that stubbornness they have kinda puts a wrench in the works cause they're genuiely convinced this is for the greater good, even if they fucking DDESPIIISSSEEE killin shit

[craftygal65]

This pattern is available for $6.00 USD buy it now

This is a very simple, very quick, bag that is perfect for shopping, or hauling yarn around. It is so adorable, with its little repeating cat pattern, that you are sure to get tons of compliments…and the color possibilities are endless.

Pattern is written in US terms

Materials:

– Any size 4 cotton yarn will probably work,

– Size I/9-5.50mm Crochet Hook (I use Boye)

– Tapestry Needle

If you want to line your bag, you will need: (Optional)

-1 Yard material

-Thread

-Sewing needle

• Small bag measures 12 inches tall (not including base), and 11.5 inches wide.

• Large bag measures 15.5 inches tall (not including base), and 18.5 inches wide.

Make sure you join my Facebook group, The Knotty Corner, where on occasion I run group specials just for group members. Plus, I have a group full of awesome and helpful people who are always willing to answer questions.

If you post your photos online for the P. Ridge Tote, use #PRidgeTote so I can find them, also, please post the link to my pattern, if allowed. Word of mouth is the best advertisement. I love to see your finished beanies, so please share with me, you can find me on social media at:

The Knotty Corner Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheKnottyCorner

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leesasknottycorner

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KnottyLeesa

Hope to see you all there.

This is a pattern only and not a finished product!

Leesa Nixon aka Leesa’s Knotty Corner ©2022

This pattern is for personal use only. It may not be copied, reproduced, edited, or modified in any way or manner and claimed as your own. You may not share this pattern, in digital or written form. All photos are copyrighted and the sole property of Leesa Nixon aka Leesa’s Knotty Corner and may not be shared or used. You may sell your finished products at stores, craft shows and online, but if you sell online, please credit me.

[delta-syrup]

A very special new character I commissioned from @doppelgangerschezo!! They do really cute cat design commissions and I had to get one... this is Waves, he’s based on the song heat waves by glass animals, and he’s so so cute and I love himm,,

[sternenteile]

someone is humming  all chipper as he sets up a little midnight stargazing session. huh... that’s odd. he normally is very perky, but he’s somehow even moreso tonight. why on earth would that be?

[icewindandboringhorror]

did not get an actual photo since I never have my phone out lol but.. sloppy ms paint mouse drawn rendition of curly boye trying as hard as he could to push himself down further into the depths of a giant holiday blanket so he could hide at the vet’s office

[wovenstarlight]

more cached au! on the short side this time. a bit lacking in inspiration so i did some polls to figure out what people wanted next and got asked for plot progression and noah... unfortunately i couldn't work in a lot of Plot (it's mostly background stuff implying what happened) but i did get a decent amount of Little Boye Time :-) i just like noah and his starry eyed attitude towards his hyungs. my soft spot.

--

Noah really likes Han Yoojin. Their initial meeting was... ugly, to say the least, but—well, Noah doesn't think he can ever forget the way Yoojin spoke to his sister. The way he shouted her down without a single hint of hesitation, of course. But also the very present thread in her voice of something Noah might call fear if it was anyone but his sister speaking.

Noah doesn't really swear. But that was pretty fucking cool.

And Han Yoojin is a support and special skill holder (like him!) and he's highest-rank (no one worth their rank believes that nonsense about him being stat-A, and that's before his kiseungsu skills factor into it), so, well, if Noah follows him around—it's a good learning opportunity, right?

Han Yoojin doesn't seem to mind, anyway.

*

The kid's following him again. Why. What does he want.

"Everything okay, Noah-ssi?" Yoojin asks, gently, because he's not a total asshole and you can see the number Riette did on this kid from a mile away.

"Of course!" Noah answers promptly, voice lilting up at the end in a way that makes Yoojin flash back to fifth grade Yoohyun.

"Then... is there something you need?"

"Ah— Um, well—" Noah flounders a bit, and Yoojin steps closer and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. The kid freezes, and he's about to back off when Noah relaxes all at once, tension melting away under Yoojin's touch. "Um," he says again, more confident now. "I was wondering if Han Yoojin-ssi could help me with my skills...?"

"Oh, you mean flight practice?"

"Yes! But also- target evasion? I want to practice tracking, I'm terrible at—" Yoojin narrows his eyes. "—I'm... inexperienced at it. And I want to get better."

Yoojin nods, satisfied. "Sure, I have time. Head up to the roof and get Blue ready, I'll check on the kids and follow you in a bit."

Noah perks up and nods, then skitters off excitedly. Yoojin watches him go, then sighs. Man. He kind of wanted to nap, what with that dungeon attack tomorrow that Yerim roped him into.

But when Noah looks at him like that, what can he do but agree...? Especially since he's the only one with the psychic skill that can let Noah cheat off Blue's flying ability. And flight to give him a challenging target—or "flight", anyway (Air Steps, he'd claimed as his skill, figuring he could keep the Azure Leaves invisible, he didn't really need the vision-blurring effect). Sure, Yerim can keep up too, but she still gets competitive, what with Noah lashing out like a cornered animal during their first meeting. And Yoohyun—

—The point being, Yoojin is the best at helping Noah. It isn't a hardship, being helpful. Being useful. It's what he's best for, with this rank.

—Goddammit, he's going down trains of thought that are better left abandoned. He thinks of Noah's smile, of his unfiltered happiness spilling over into Yoojin's mind, and forces himself calm. The researchers at the far end of the hallway stop side-eyeing him, and with a quick grin at them that leaves them blushing, he heads back home. Here's to hoping Chirpie hasn't eaten through its food stocks for the next week.

[soren-apologist]

ike collection 2: electric boogaloo

several months ago i was asked by one of my mutuals about my ikes, and i figured that with the addition of little ike, i should go ahead and show my updated collection

legendary ike:

the main, the myth, the legendary hero

not a whole lot has changed since my last post, but i did manage to finish giving him all the fun stuff i wanted like 20 DFs, floret, and ks3. still best boye, has won every abyssal battle for me except for like ullr. 13/10

ike

not much change here, but i did manage to cap off DFs and with the breath skills being added as seals, his build works out quite a bit nicely, kind of like what i’d been doing with legendary ike pre-refine. also even though i have his resplendent i choose to keep his og look because his one (mistranslated) line about soren and mist being annoying irritates me, because ike is a good boyfriend and an okayish older brother. anyway he’s a very good boye, 10/10

brave ike

i think the only thing i changed from last time was the seal and that’s because he already does a good job at what he’s supposed to do, which is just standing in place and taking hits. though speaking of his seal, it makes him a little less dependent on brave lucina, so that gives me some more space for teams. stronk boi, 11/10

now here’s one that got a bit of change. first of all i actually managed to finish his merges after suffering through summoning on a legend redux banner and being pity broken by marth twice, and i’m still really happy about that. now that darting breath seal exists, he’s able to run both it and that unity skill, meaning i get to enjoy extra insanity when i slap him on the field. i think my only grievance is that he’s not quite as tanky as legendary because he can’t run special spiral and recover as quickly, but i won’t complain. angery boye, 12/10

valentine’s ike

i haven’t been able to do a whole lot with him because there are limits to what i have access to, but i at least gave him a nice new sword that works well with his build. unfortunately still haven’t gotten many merges on him, though i hope i’ll be able to soon. boi is trying his best, 9/10

little ike

and finally, the new one. as you can see i’ve only managed to summon two, but i got it with the boon i wanted, so that’s nice. i gave him a dodge skill because i happened to have some extra fodder lying around, and at some point i want to change his c still to joint drive spd or def, since i want him being more about speed and bulk than attack. also i’m doing my best to get him flowers, and i’ve already managed 3 because i accidentally summoned every unit on the kids banner, so two more to go. a cute boi, 10/10

[milkibana]

hey actually do you have anywhere youve infodumped about ur various au guys i just think they are neat

If you want to look for any infodumping at all it's on my Instagram stories though those disappear and i usually don't save those to my profile.

If you want me to start infodumping here you have to start asking me about them by name. if you don't know their names I'll try to help!

names under cut!

Pokemon Sword/Shield:

Shugo Chara AU

Self explanatory; this is the only au i made for sword and shield. They all have their typical names so there's nothing to differentiate.

HL:

Gordon

OG (1.0) || this isn't in an AU it's just Freeman || Gordon Freeman || HL

Rattail/Lab Rat (2.0) || AU where everything's the same Gordon just happens to be a rat due to the ResCas. Lab Rat is referring his rat form. Rattail is referring to when in Nezumimi form. || Gordon Ratman || HL:ANI

Pilot (3.0) || Neon Genesis Evangelion AU. Pilot is an ass, we don't know why. Whatever. Homophobic. Transphobic. All that. || G.I. || HL:NGE

Barney

Funk (1.0) || Just Barney :) || Barney Calhoun || HL

Dogtail (2.0) || That animal AU - he's a dog, yeah. || Barkney Calhoun || HL:ANI

B.C. (3.0) || Neon Genesis Evangelion AU. Nicer than pilot by a lot! Also doesn't...isn't all those things. Very nice. Also gay. || B.C. || HL: NGE

Alyx

Alyx (1.0) || Alyx 👍🏽👍🏽 || Alyx Vance || HL

Mew Mew (2.0) || Mew Mew power Mew Mew grace jk. She's a cat! || Myalyx Vrrrance || HL: Ani

Audio (3.0) || Neon Genesis Evangelion AU. Mediator between the two because obviously they would butt heads, nothing would get done if she didn't exist. Appreciate her. GAY! || A.V. || HL: NGE

HLVR:

Gordon

Mark 5 (1.0) || Not an AU, just Feetman with VR headset || Gordos Freeman/Feetman || HLVRAI

Malewife (2.0) || AU where Ben and Gordon live in the same house that's all. He's a malewife with no partner. Just two cats and a dog. (Goober, Ben, Joshie) || Gordon Freeman/Feetman || HLVR: Roommates

Malewife Subsidiaries || Spider (Creature specifically for Halloween) || Ddogdadd (Dogboy Gordon) Don't worry about these.

Idol (3.0) || AU where Go is an Influencer type streamer (Twitch, gaming + bathtub streamer) Also a barista! Fashion's in the 2000s and is very... he's a diva. || (Go)rdon Freeman || HLVR: IN!

Gabriel (4.0 + 4.1 + 4.3) / LOVE! (4.2) || Part of Roommates and Influencer AU's. Gabriel is an UTAUloid created by Roommates Benrey with the likeness of Roommates Gordon but as an angel. Gabriel may look like a computer assistant but can't do anything regarding programs. He sings and dances and can read out words like a screen reader. LOVE! is a corrupted VRM file. || Gabriel Feetman / LOVE! || Lovecore Angel Forms

All HLVRAI characters have Lovecore Angel Forms (except for Benrey) but only 3 of them have designs so far.

Tommy:

Beyblade (1.0) || Not an AU || Tommy Coolatta || HLVRAI

Soda (2.0) || Tommy but he can teleport and has electricity...powers? Not all the time, the energy to do so has to regenerate. || Tommy Coolatta || HLVR: Roommates

Lego! (3.0) || The special interest is Legos. This one's an archivist. Also has electricity powers (?) but they can't control them at all. Lol. || Tommy Shapiro || HLVR: IN!

Baseball (4.0) || The fucking eyes glow yellow. Made of soda. Talks and 3 voices come out. || Baseball || Lovecore Angel Forms

Joshie:

Josh (1.0) || Idfk, a picture. || HLVRAI

Yeehaw (2.0) || Just... a little boye. Cowboys cowboys cowboys cowboys cowboys. || Joshua Freeman || HLVR: Roommates

In HLVR: IN! Joshie's a dog. Haven't introduced him.

Sweetshua (4.0) || A cupcake! He He He, yup! || Sweetie || Lovecore Angel Forms

don't feel like writing about anyone else :)))) Something something about Coomer Bubby Benrey GG's Darnold and Forzen blah blah even Sunkist

NGE AU got a lot of people.