Tumgik
#n i wish i cld erase all my wrongs. all my flaws. but what meaning would there be if everything was just perfection?
noxtivagus · 2 years
Text
i'm sorry
#🌙.tbd#i'm really not doing well right now but i'll be alright#sometimes i wish i cld just be perfect. to be good enough for my family to be good enough for this world. but it's.. never enough is it?#but wanting to do so much wishing i cld do everything so well for my sake n yours just loses the whole point of it#being human is such a delicate thing. so easily broken. perhaps life is just one big piece of glass. a mirror#n the ppl around us r just reflections. through the way we look through the glass.#n when shards break you can't really put them back together huh?#it hurts when everywhere i go i see what is lacking. n simultaneously see the full of it#but i can't convey it enough to the world. how much i care n love for everything.. how much i appreciate like. what my parents do for me n#everything n even if there's also sm mistakes n i'm full of flaws too#goddamn. being human is just too delicate. it's too delicate#but there's no such thing as too much i would like to think when it comes to human nature#n i wish i cld erase all my wrongs. all my flaws. but what meaning would there be if everything was just perfection?#where would be the meaning in the joys of life without knowing the sorrows?#n while it is painful to live with it. to live with all of it. it's. part of life n being human but#i wish i cld at least. be enough to prove my apologies. to prove how much i really love the people in my life. how much i appreciate it all#n so.. part of life is always striving for something better is it? to keep on doing more. its so tiring n i wonder at times if its worth it#ah. i was going to write something but i just forgot.#moving on though it just.. rlly hurts n i'm rlly sorry.#being human is so delicate n so complex n confusing.#but apologizing for being human is.. i don't know it'll be rather funny in a way bcs aren't we all human here?#but i wish i was a better human. i think sometimes that i wld be willing to trade some of my humanity for the sake of others#but would that be selfish instead? being human is so real & unreal n it's just. weird. but so simple too#it's as though my own head is in a constant battle in a dystopian fiction. but not really bcs perhaps this too really is part of being human#& i know nothing with certainty n with a profound conclusion but being human is just. something i can't ever quite properly grasp#there's nothing in this universe that we could ever grasp entirely. so much so as another human.#but i think.. every little thing has astronomical worth. at least to me. but i'm an infenitesimal human in the grand expanse of it#i wish that at least in my own little world. i could set things right & live on.#not everything will go how it 'should be' for such is the nature of life; largely imperfect & with end#but. yk. weird how that gives meaning too huh? but it hurts to think too much of it
1 note · View note
settersloveletters · 4 years
Note
hello i recently saw a post about sugar daddy kenma and i immediately thought like cld u write an angst (w good ending maybe?) w sugar daddy kenma but he actually falls in love w the reader but thinks she's just there for the money bc obviously she's a sugar baby and her being in love w kenma but thinks o well he probably has other sugar babies so it doesn't mean anything if that makes sense ckfmsk
— 11:11; oneshot
a/n: this one was actually so fun to write, but it took me maybe more than 6 hours to write and it’s currently 6 am aha (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ anyways, i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it ♡ this also became over the word limit for our scenarios so i made it into a oneshot whoops
Tumblr media
➳ request: kenma is y/n’s sugar daddy who falls in love with her + angst
➳ characters: sugar daddy!kenma x sugar baby f!reader
➳ word count: 3.4k
➳ warnings: daddy kink + light nsfw
➳ admin: kiri ♡
↳ lowercase intended
Tumblr media
[9:01] kenma: did you get the gift darling?
[9:01] y/n: yes daddy, i love it <33
[9:02] y/n: image.jpeg
kenma smirked to himself after opening the image of you showing off his latest gift for you. having been in a ‘sugaring’ relationship with you for a little over a year, he knew what you were into. meaning he knew what types of gifts that would get you riled up. his gift for you this time was a baby pink soft sheer slip on dress. you always loved pastel colours over the usual dominating red and black colours other sugar babies would choose.
[9:05] y/n: baby :(
[9:05] y/n: did you not like the picture :(
oh how lucky kenma was to have a sugar baby like you. you were definitely one of a kind in the world.
[11:06] kenma: sorry love, i was just admiring how delectable you look in that little dress i got you
[11:06] kenma: why don’t you come over tonight?
[11:07] y/n: i’m sorry baby i can’t :(
[11:07] y/n: you know i have that paper i need to write for my psychology class
and there was the one flaw about you. whenever kenma suggested you coming over to his place, not to do anything dirty you h-word people, you always managed to be busy. whether it be with work, or school, even when he offered to pay for your rent and your tuition. you always declined.
that’s where kenma’s thoughts split into two. you never asked for anything really. it was usually kenma giving you gifts he thought you would enjoy, which you did. however, when it came to spend more time together privately, you gently declined. he would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do, don’t get him wrong, but he did in fact want to get closer to you.
why you ask? why would a sugar daddy that agreed to a no-sex relationship want to get intimately closer with his sugar baby? well the answer was simple of course.
he fell in love with you.
after one year of texting, one year of taking you out on little dates to the aquarium or on a picnic at the park, kozume kenma had fallen in love, with you. to the unsuspecting eye, the two would seem like a normal couple, and not as a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. if only that were true. at least to kenma.
[11:10] kenma: that’s okay darling, you know how much i want you to focus on school
[11:10] y/n: i knew you’d understand
[11:11] y/n: 11:11, make a wish baby :)
i wish that you felt the same as me. i wish that we weren’t in this type of relationship. i wish that i could just call you mine. i wish that i could just shower you with love. i wish that you loved me, as much as i loved you.
[11:11] kenma: i wish that my darling would go focus on her paper so that i could take her out on another date
[11:11] y/n: daddy why are you so cute :(
[11:12] kenma: what’s your wish my love
[11:12] y/n: tsk tsk, it’s 11:12 and you know the rules daddy
[11:12] kenma: oh how you tease me darling
kenma laughed time himself at the banter you both had. you were completely different than the other girls he has ever encountered. the way you were down to earth, yet the playfulness you had deep down. kenma loved everything about you. but he doubted that you would ever feel the same about him. for now he was content with what you had. as much as it hurt, he didn’t wanna lose you.
[11:13] y/n: i better go finish that paper, i’ll talk to you later baby
[11:13] kenma: how about tomorrow we go out after your classes are done. we can go to your favourite café to celebrate the coming of a new weekend.
[11:14] y/n: mm, sounds great i’ll see you tomorrow <3
kenma went to bed that night, dreaming about the moment he would get to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you into his chest as you both fall asleep to each other’s soft breathing
Tumblr media
kenma waited in his car a metres away from the entrance to your university. he decided to surprise you and pick you up and drive together to your favourite café. that was his plan at least. until he got a new text message from you.
[5:05] y/n: i’m so sorry daddy, but something came up :( can we reschedule that café date
as disappointed as kenma was, he knew that you would never cancel one of your outings together unless for a good reason. he was too soft for you.
[5:06] kenma: don’t worry about it darling, are you alright?
[5:06] y/n: yeah dw i’m fine, i’ll talk to you later tonight tho <33
putting his phone away, kenma drove off gripping his steering wheel. it’s been a week or two since he last saw you in person and he missed you. he missed seeing your smile in person. missed hearing your soft voice. the way your laugh sounded like he was in heaven. kenma was definitely head over heels in love with you.
sighing to himself, he decided to head over to your favourite café anyways since he himself liked their dark roast coffee. he parked a few feet away from the café, next to the curb side of the main road. just when he was about to get out, a familiar figure could be spotted from the corner of his eye. he looked up to see you walking out of the café you two visited often together with another man dressed in a nice suit.
kenma’s heart stopped. who was that man you were with? was he another sugar daddy of yours? is he the reason why you cancelled on him? were you really just like the other girls, seeking out any man that would waste their money on you? kenma glared at the back of both yours and the mysterious man’s heads. he really thought you were content with what you both had already. you told him that he was the only guy that served as a sugar daddy for you. but now, it looked like you wanted more. and kenma was not having it.
from that moment, kenma started to distance himself from you. he stopped texting you all the time. cut down the gifts he sent you, and just forced himself to stop thinking about you. that was easier said than done.
of course you noticed, and you even tried to ask him what was wrong. always getting a dry reply or no reply at all. you were confused. one second you both were having your usual
fun and playful banter, and the next second kenma’s giving you the cold shoulder. could it be that he got bored of you?
did he start to seek out other sugar babies? you really believed that you and him had something special. a bond that would only occur once in a thousand lifetimes. as much as you wanted to figure out what was wrong, you already had your hands busy with something else, not to mention that you knew kenma that well to know when he was in one of his moods to leave him be or else he would snap. so you ignored the thoughts of him seeking other sugar babies and hoped that whatever was making him sad would cease.
kenma glared at the two figures that were outside his car. as hard as he tried, kenma just had to see you again. he missed you that much. he went against what his brain was telling him and followed his heart, which led him to your condo building late one night. the condo building where you were currently outside of with the same mysterious man he saw at the café. he assumed the very worst. you did in fact get another sugar daddy. and by the looks of you inviting him up to your place, kenma guessed that you had a completely different relationship with him than what you two agreed on. maybe you were just with him for his money. you really weren’t different at all.
kenma had enough. he drove himself to the closest bar and got himself completely wasted. who doesn’t want a drink when their heart was just ripped out of their chest and stomped on. kenma drinking was a rare occurrence that happened once or twice every few months. he would need to be be completely out of his mind to bring himself to a bar to just drink like a mad man. and that’s what he was doing then and there.
after an hour or so, kenma was completely gone. he wasn’t one of those drunkards who would stagger around or outside the bar mouthing off whatever was on their minds. no kenma was one of the silent types. but they do say that the silent ones are the most deadly ones. as he was sitting at the bar table, kenma brought out his phone. opening a text chat he hasn’t opened in a while.
[11:09] kenma: fuck you
[11:09] kenma: i hate you so much
[11:09] y/n: kenma? are you okay?
ordering yet another drink, kenma flares at the screen in front of him.
[11:10] kenma: i never wanna see your lying, gold-digging face ever again
[11:10] kenma: you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me
[11:10] y/n: kenma, baby? were you out drinking? what are you even saying?
[11:11] kenma: oh look it’s your favourite time of the day. eleven-fucking-eleven. let’s see what do i wish for this time. i wish that i never fucking met you. i wish that i could go in time and stop myself from agreeing to meet you. because all you are is another lying slut that would do anything for money. i wish that i could erase everything i know about you. i wish that you and me never happened.
[11:11] kenma: it doesn’t matter. i don’t care about you. i have all these other sugar babies that would come crawling to me. you’re just another bitch that’s desperate for money.
[11:12] y/n: if you have all these other bitches then you really don’t need me. goodbye kozume kenma. screw you.
[11:12] y/n: this person has blocked you. you can no longer send any messages.
Tumblr media
after all that happened last night, kenma was somehow in the right state of mind to not drunk drive and managed to message his best friend, kuroo tetsuro. coincidentally, kuroo was the same person who introduced you to kenma. kuroo, after seeing his friend’s text, picked kenma up from the bar and dropped him off at his house leaving the poor guy to wake up with a massive hangover. kenma remembered everything that happened. it didn’t help that he still had the text messages on his phone, yet he couldn’t bare to delete them for some odd reason.
the rest of the week followed slowly for kenma, as he tried to adjust his life without you. fate had different plans though. it wasn’t done with you and kenma.
although kenma had newfound bitter memories, the café you and kenma went to had his favourite coffee. as kenma fixed the cuffs of his suit, walking up to the café doors, he bumped into someone.
“sorry about that.” he heard a deep voice apologize.
kenma looked up, his eyes widening as he realized the man that bumped into him was the same man he always saw with you. oh how fate loved to toy with the both of you. before either kenma or the man could say anything, a soft voice could be heard coming out of the café.
“dad, are you sure you’re gonna be okay taking the train back ho- kenma?” before you could finish your sentence you stopped right next to your father and stared at the man that broke your heart just a week ago. even then, you could feel something pulling at your chest as you stared at the pudding headed male.
“don’t worry about me y/n, your old man isn’t that hopeless anymore.” your dad chuckled, ruffling your hair despite your protests. “besides it seems like you know this gentleman, might as well spend the afternoon together. i’ll take off now.”
your father gave a small kiss to your forehead before getting into a taxi that would drive him to the closest train station. the air suddenly turned tense as both you and kenma looked anywhere but each others’ eyes.
breaking the silence kenma asked, “that was your father?”, to which you simply nodded playing with your fingers. it was a habit that you did whenever you were feeling anxious about something. kenma grinned at the thought.
“i-i better go.” you started to walk off, before kenma grabbed your wrist halting your movements.
“wait, we need to talk.”
you turned your head and stared at him. kenma’s eyes widened as he stared into yours. he could see them start to glass, filled with hurt and rage. hurt and rage caused by him.
“don’t you have some other girls to attend to?” you bitterly spat out turning away again. you grit your teeth as you tried to hold in your tears.
“y/n, please-“
“i have nothing to say to you.” you said, pulling your wrist away. you started to walk off until his voice could be heard,
“please y/n, i’ll give you space. just please meet me at our spot at 10:00 tonight.”
you didn’t say anything and walked off, leaving kenma to watch as your figure disappeared down the sidewalk.
Tumblr media
10:30
you still weren’t there. kenma sat on the swing that hung from the big oak tree above him. 30 minutes past the initial time he told you, and you still weren’t there. kenma was just about to give up and go home, when he heard your familiar light footsteps. he looked up to see you there, shining in the moonlight.
“you came.” he breathed out, relieved. you gave him a sheepish smile, before taking a seat next to him on the swing.
the two of you swung in silence, just admiring the night sky in silence. this place was memorable for you both. it was where you both first went out, and agreed to a sugar daddy/baby relationship. you both visited this place often as it wasn’t well known around the community, but was close enough to kenma’s place. it held a special place in both your hearts.
“i was drunk and stupid and i didn’t know what i was saying.” kenma said, breaking the silence. “i was just so angry and hurt when i saw you with someone else at our café. i thought you were seeing another man when you told me you weren’t.”
you stayed silent, waiting for kenma to continue.
“i know that doesn’t excuse the fact that i got drunk and texted you all these things that are definitely not true and i can’t believe i even said those things to you”
“you called me, and i quote, ‘a lying slut that would do anything for money.” you said, a bitter-tone lacing those words.
“i know, and i regret everything i said. i-i was just hurt and the next thing i knew i was drinking and texting you, and i just wanna reverse everything that happened.” kenma bent over, putting his head in his hands.
“well it’s not like you’re the only one at fault,” you said, “i was keeping something from you after all.”
kenma glanced up at you, as you stared at the full moon which was your only source of light.
“that man you probably saw, which by now you probably know, was my dad. he was in a rough spot ever since i was young, my mom dying too soon and leaving my dad to raise me as a child.” you started off.
“he’s had trouble with money and it was becoming too much for me. once i turned 18 i left my hometown and moved here. got a job and worked hard to pay for my rent and my schooling.” kenma saw you smile sadly at the ground.
“why didn’t you tell me, you know i could’ve-“ he started to say before you cut him off.
“i didn’t wanna ask for your help. you already do so much for me, asking help for this matter was something i was never gonna bring up.”
you both stayed silent again.
“so what happened after?” kenma asked as he glanced at you.
“well my dad contacted me a few months ago, probably 6 months into what started between us. and i helped him find a stable job. he came down to visit me after so long of not seeing each other.” you explained.
kenma let out a breathy laugh, throwing his head back as he held his arm over his eyes. he couldn’t believe that he was that jealous, that insecure, that crazy about you.
“you drive me insane.” he said.
“well the feelings mutual.” you shot back.
kenma sat upright and stared at you. the silence returned once again, and the both of you just stared at each other. kenma brought a hand up to your cheek, brushing the surface with his thumb. leaning into his hand, you gazed at him.
after weeks of not seeing each other, or even touching each other it looked like you two were at your limits. as kenma leaned down, you leaned up and the both of you met in the middle, lips connecting as both of kenma’s hands cupped your face. you wrapped your arms around his neck, to which kenma broke away from your lips and moved down your jawline, giving you small kisses up until he got to your neck.
“kenma,” you breathed out.
“ah ah, what did you call me?” he brought his mouth back up to the side of your head, softly biting your earlobe.
“d-daddy,” you panted out, your mind going crazy as kenma continued to plant kisses around your neck.
“that’s my girl,” he praised.
Tumblr media
you and kenma burst through his front door still attached to one another, as kenma pushed you against the wall right when you entered the apartment. putting a knee in between your legs, kenma unbuttoned the top two buttons of your shirt, showing your collarbone. as kenma planted more love-bites across your chest, his hands roamed your waist.
you tried to hold in the sounds you were making, however that did not sit well with kenma. with one hand, he held your hands above your head, and with the other he grabbed your face to make you look at him.
“what did i say about holding in those cute little sounds for me”
“t-that you would punish me.” you whimpered. smirking, kenma lifted you by the thighs and carried you off to his bedroom.
once kenma shut his bedroom door he threw you into his bed, climbing over you and stealing your pair of lips once again. kenma glanced over at the clock that sat on his dresser and pulled away from you.
“look what time it is my love” he said softly to you. you turned your head to the clock he was staring at and before your eyes read the time, 11:11.
“11:11, make a wish” you smiled softly at kenma. he brought his head down once again, giving you a small peck on the lips.
“i wish that i had the courage to tell you this sooner.” he muttered.
“tell me what?” you asked, a genuine look of confusion danced across your face.
“that i love you. that i’ve been in love with you. that i wish we would drop this sugar daddy and sugar baby relationship and just become a real couple” kenma whispered softly, hoping you didn’t hear him.
however, hearing everything he just said, you brought his face down to your lips once again, before pulling away saying, “well my love what if i told you i could make that wish a reality”
kenma let out a breath of relief, before stealing your lips once again. he started to unbutton the rest of your shirt as he moved down your neck, giving you small love bites, marking you as his. he couldn’t contain his excitement the moment he heard you panting and gasping.
kenma went to bed that night, wrapping his arms around your waist and pull you into his chest as you both fell asleep to each other’s soft breathing.
Tumblr media
275 notes · View notes