#where would be the meaning in the joys of life without knowing the sorrows?

[noxtivagus]

i'm sorry

[thewatcher727]

Writing Description Notes: Mental Pain

Updated 3rd June 2024 More description notes

The hallucinations were the same as being tortured for real, all of the emotions, all of the trauma, and none of the empathy that would come with such a real life ordeal.

There was something in that shout, a pain behind it. John watched. He watched Jane’s eyes. Then he knew. The anger was nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered soldier randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life, lonely, desperate. He breathed in real slowly. What if nothing blew up? What if there were no consequences? Wouldn't John have to calm down? Wouldn't the shield clatter to the ground and let the pain tumble out?

John sees Jane. He does. He sees pain in her eyes. It has sat there for her lifetime, trapped in the confusion we all carry. He sees love too, the love she would have given were it not for the scars. It's still there, and one day he will set her free. John is not perfect, yet he loves her, and he knows what love means. He asks for a chance to find his feet, to stop his own head from spinning, and he will prove it. There is so much of her life that is a hell for her soul, and she stays there from strength rather than weakness, he knows. So he wants to join her in that pain, walk with her, feel the same torture he knows she bears. And one day, he will find just the right way to bring her home, his love.

Jane's emotional pain seeps out in her words, and it hurts John to hear them, hurts to read them. He senses what is inside that troubles her, yet also there is so much goodness there too—bravery, tenacity. She holds on like a fighter, every morning rising at the ringing of "the bell." All he can offer her is a brighter horizon, a hope that one day she will be free of all this. One day there will be choice, freedom, and security of food, shelter on a healthy Earth. 

Emotional pain leaves invisible scars, yet they can be traced by the most gentle of touch.

Nobody wants to hurt, yet if John's pains can be used to help others, he feels blessed. Anyhow, perhaps his scars are his road-map; maybe he would be lost without them.

He turned towards him, a pained expression plastered across his face, teeth clenched as he tried to steady his breathing.

Gripping the ground as hard as he could to take some of the pain away.

It was as if a thousand needles of doubt and self-loathing were piercing her heart with each passing moment, leaving behind a tapestry of scars that only she could see.

It was as though a veil of sadness had been draped over her eyes, distorting her perception of the world and casting everything in shades of gray.

The weight of sorrow was a constant companion, pressing down on his shoulders until he felt he might collapse under its burden.

Her mind was a battlefield, each thought a landmine ready to explode with memories she wished she could forget.

The storm inside his head raged on, a relentless barrage of thoughts and fears that left him feeling exhausted and defeated.

It was as if a dark cloud had settled over his soul.

Her chest felt hollow, a yawning emptiness where joy and peace once resided, now replaced by a gnawing ache.

His mind was a prison denying him the freedom to live fully.

She felt like she was drowning in an ocean of despair, every attempt to surface met with another wave of hopelessness.

Every laugh felt hollow, every smile forced, as if she were playing a role in a play she didn't want to be in.

She felt like a ghost, wandering through life unnoticed, her pain invisible to everyone but herself.

The nights were the worst, when the darkness outside matched the darkness within, and sleep was a distant dream.

It was like a fire burning within, consuming all that was good and leaving behind nothing but ashes of what used to be.

The pain was a silent scream, a cry for help that no one could hear.

[queenslackerr]

"Sleep." (Astarion x reader pov fluff)

After nearly 200 years without any real respite, Astarion felt annually pampered by the tranquility his dead-life brings now to him. Sleeping. And he’s discovering this wonder.. while sleeping.

He turns a lot, quickly and very suddenly. To the point where his subtil, but rough movements gave you the scares once or twice. Sometimes, he mumbled things, some quiet garbled sentences, often ending on a random word.

His lips slightly parted, his cute but dangerous fangs pointing out as a quiet purr escaped his mouth. Those nights were more or less enjoyable, but you weren’t against the idea of being with someone, being with him. He never touched you. Contact we’re silently forbidden. You got it. You knew it was hard for him. You never expected anything, or waited after him for something in particular, which was, by all means, making it easy to shift the tense atmosphere to one where it felt almost tender and sweet. The only thing you wished for silently, was for him to stay with you. So many years of baggage trailing behind you, a boulder written loneliness on it, a silent burden that you never dared to talk about to anyone.

The first nights with him were calm and cold. Astarion masked often, pretending to sleep, anchored firmly by himself in the corner of the bed, closing slowly his eyes for the simple sake of relaxing them. He was simply not ready to allow himself to feel so vulnerable in this state, not next to you or whoever else, something that you had a lot of respect for. He stopped pretending, shifting his attention to you when he realized you weren’t sleeping most of the time. And when you did, he found himself staring at you when you whimpered quietly through the night in your dreams. Sometimes, he realizes he stops breathing until you cease your littles shakes and those sad little sounds. Not that he needs to breathe, of course.. But the fact that he does it with.. such.. no.

Despite his own denial, his words became gradually less mean, harsh and without him noticing, or at least, not on the spot. He often stayed awake with you, and you whispered to each other about anything and everything. Your dreams, fears, needs, stories, gossip.. He discovered one thing leading to another, such a sweet, nice and patient person, full of dreams and ambitions. Although, he easily recognized the sorrow twitching at the corner of your lips sometimes when you spoke, late at night, a little bit more open, a little bit more vulnerable next to him. A connection settled it between the both of you after your laughs, little screams of joy and even your fights - only to know who would take the pillow tonight (him, lol).

Once Astarion understood that your intentions were, frankly, far from being vile and that you never asked or expected anything from him, trust began to sprout rather quickly to this point. With more nights and more time spent with him, there are two things the vampire was in hunt for : heat and comfort your body provides.

Oh! And now that a well-established mental and physical comfort zone was made for both of us, Astarion had no respect for your personal space, having his leg on your back while he slept in star-shaped, an arm over his eyes as he snored quietly.

That night, you woke up, dreamless, sleepless like a countless time before. You blinked softly in the middle of the night, watching a small and soft dancing light at the back of the tent on the pretty nightstand. Astarion adopted a new habit : keeping a small candle lit so he could sleep properly. The reasons are obvious, even if he never spoke about it, not that way. That was the only way he could allow himself to finally sleep next to you, safe and sound, unafraid. It was a favorable environment, because you gently leaned and lifted a pretty book of his off the ground, deciding to distract yourself as your favorite rogue snored quietly, sweetly, half sleeping on you with no remorse.

You were used to him moving a lot, but that night, he was unstable like a kid that ate too much sugar before going to sleep, his muscles moving by reflexes in his dream state. He groaned a lot, grabbed your leg, holding it almost as a side pillow, then woops - never mind - turned around, pulled the covers to wrap himself firmly, throwing it away after only two single minutes. You tried to hold back some snorts and some quiet giggles. But you sometimes glanced back at him with worry, figuring out if he was having a nightmare. You nodded gently after a while. He was just a very light and maybe a tad violent sleeper. Well, that’s what you tought of the whole thing, at least. But for him? He was simply longing unconsciously for something to hold.

You were reading his book, turning the pages so quietly as you tried not to wake him up. Everything was sweet and quiet for at least a small second before you heard the sheets shifting. You turned very slowly towards him, lowering your book, holding it next to your waist. You blinked nervously and had a shy smile as you saw him, dropping it as quickly as it came as you saw the facts:

Astarion was sitting in the bed, rubbing his eyes with both of his hands for a moment. He stopped as he lowered his hands and glared at you. Frustrated. Angry, even. You wondered if you woke him up as you shyly watched him, not sure what to do. You started to stutter some apologies and a small, very quiet :

“-..is everything alright..?”

He still watched you, the same gaze on his beautiful and perfect features, not doing anything at all. After a while, he exhaled a loud sight, noticing the uncomfortable position he left you in. His leg graciously lifted off your back and his feet stomped the ground once, making a loud thud that made you shivered. A moment passed as you both watched each other. Suddenly, he shifted slowly, lazily towards you, his eyes wandering on your body for a moment. His gaze found yours again and he blinked slowly, almost as if he were asking a question without talking. You raised gently an eyebrow as you smiled shyly again. He suddenly shoved an arm under yours, making you yelp as he yanked your arm, your book falling, Astarion leaning back with you in his previous position. He sighted happily as you half-fell on him and turned so you could lean on the bed as he faced you. Everything next happened so softly it almost made you cry. He wanted to hold you, so he moved your limbs gently but still firmly so you were more comfortable this time. He shifted close to you, a hand on your back as he cradled your head, pulling you closer to him. He boldly pulled a leg over yours, just for his own personal comfort, grinning a little. He softly whispered as you fluttered your eyes shut.

“Sleep.”

Hello, i'm new and probably not very good at writing and this is the first thing i've done since a couple of years (i'm not speaking english very well also lol) but it's just a sweet tought i had of Astarion aw a pov. Very cute and funny in my little hamster mind. That's it!

ta-ta!

[milswrites]

Out of the Mountain

Rhysand X Reader

Summary: It has been 50 long years since you last saw the man you love. With Amarantha's tyrannous rule finally at an end, Rhysand returns to Velaris. Only he's not the same male as he was when he left and with the discovery of his newfound bond with Prythian's saviour, it's time to learn the true meaning of letting someone you love go free.

Warnings: Angst and sadness :(

You were the last to hear the good news. Amarantha was dead. Prythian had been freed by a woman from the mortal lands. Rhysand had been freed.

It had been fifty torturously long years since you last looked into your love's violet eyes. Fifty years since you last felt his comforting embrace, since the promise of seeing you soon left his tender lips before he winnowed away, never to be seen again. Until now.

It had been agony. Trapped in the hidden paradise of Velaris, unable to go and help your love, never knowing how he was faring in the depths of that wretched mountain. Spending each tedious day wondering if the male was thinking about you just as much as you were him.

You were convinced you were dreaming when Mor showed up at your door. A crooked smile on her face as she told you it was over, that her cousin had finally returned, that he was safe in the proximity of his court once more. But her dark eyes told a different story, one of bleak suffering and heart-wrenching sorrows. That Rhysand had returned, but he was not the same man who had left.

This you had anticipated. You had always suspected that if Rhysand was fortunate enough to return, to leave the mountain with his life intact, that he would no doubt be baring the scars, both mental and physical, of his years entrapped in the soul-sucking caverns.

It took you an hour to compose yourself, to allow the tears you didn't want the male to see run dry. Tears born from both the joy of his return home and the fear of what you were about to witness. The thought alone of someone you love being in pain felt like a treacherous stab to the gut.

Once you were ready, with watery eyes and a sniffling nose, you made your way towards his room, to where Mor said he had escaped to. To where he was waiting for you.

You inhale deeply, attempting to quell your tears at the sight of his door. At what was once your door too before you found yourself unable to sleep in the room without him during his absence. The haunting smell of citrus and night-blooming jasmine was enough to make you feel nauseated, the thought of you being safe in his bed while he laid trapped in another was too overwhelming.

And so, for the first time in fifty years you found yourself pushing open the heavy wooden doors, eyes scanning the inside of the room for the familiar sight of your love.

"Rhys?" you called tentatively, stepping inside and drawing the doors to behind you. Moving further into his room before noticing the shadowy figure standing on the balcony outside.

"Rhysand?" you repeated his name, fearful of startling him, not knowing just how deep trauma’s grip on him was.

The male turned to face you as you glided through the glass doors to join him outside. The cooling, fresh breeze of night kissing your cheeks, helping some in quelling the rising wave of anxiety inside you that began to swell after Mor's appearance.

"Hello love" Rhys cracked a small smile as you cautiously walked until you were next to him, standing on the edge of the balcony as you overlooked the glistening city below.

You made to hug him, but stopped yourself, afraid to be the one to initiate contact, just in case the action was too much for him for handle.

The male sealed the distance for you, pulling you into a warm embrace as you wrapped you arms around him in turn. Nose pressed deeply into his chest as you absorbed his smell, exactly half a century and that hadn't changed at all.

You must have stayed in his hold for almost ten minutes. A few pearlescent tears being shed between the pair of you, but otherwise you stood in silence. Senses consuming every bit of him they possibly could.

It was Rhysand who pulled away first, arms falling from you as he instead moved to rest them on the edge of the balcony, you following suit as you placed yours beside his on the stone.

"I suppose we better talk" he said with a melancholic sadness, violet eyes unmoving from the city below.

A simple yes was all you could respond.

A few somber minutes passed before Rhys spoke again, his eyes now moving from the scene below to watch you next to him. "I missed you" he said the words you had longed to hear. The three words that told you he had thought of you just as you had him. But instead of the yearning in his voice that you had dreamt of hearing, there was only sadness.

"I missed you to Rhysand" you confessed, "I was so mad at you. For the wards you placed. I would have come running right after you if they didn't stop me from leaving."

"I know...I know" he flashed you a pitiful attempt of an appreciative smile, "That's one of the reasons I had to do it."

"It's really over?" you asked seeking reassurance, needing to hear that he was really here to stay.

"It's over" he confirmed, moving his supportive hand over yours on the cold stone of the balcony, "I'm not going anywhere."

Releasing a sigh of relief, you allowed your tense body to relax slightly. Hearing the words from his own lips were the only confirmation you needed. "Your back" you allowed the slither of a smile to cross you face as you said this, allowing yourself to momentarily celebrate the return of the man you love. The one you're hoping still loves you.

"I'm not the same" he stated, that ever-present sorrow still pouring from his shaky voice.

"No one expects you to be Rhys"

And it was true. Not a single one of you expected your laughing, carefree Rhysand to be the one who escaped from the mountain, the shadow of the man he used to be will always remain deep in the tunnels of Amarantha's stone cage. But there was always the hope that with time, with the love of his family, you may be able to draw the light out of the shell of the man before you.

But now, standing on the balcony next to him, you weren't too sure. A dreadful realization of truth burning in your chest, you would not be the one to mend Rhysand. To pick up the pieces and lovingly sew them back together for him. No, his expression told you that much.

"I found my mate."

There it was. The cursed words that you felt hovering in the air the moment you were in his presence. The truth that hid in his sorrowful face when you first saw him, the darkness that found it's home in Mor's eyes at your door.

There was always the possibility that he would have moved on in the years you were apart, perhaps needing a crutch to get him through his darkest hours. You had just prayed that the Mother was gracious enough not to allow it to be so. But it appears the cauldron had already made that decision for her.

"What's she like?" you asked, swallowing your sob, allowing the nip of the chill in the air to distract you from the pain you felt inside.

"Beautiful" he said wistfully, eyes turning to the stars that were dancing above you, "Stubborn, determined. In love with another male." His words turned to venom as he spat the last statement from his lips.

"Does she know?" you questioned, unable to stop your curiosity from seeking the answers you desired. Maybe...maybe if she knew and she were in love with another man there was still the chance this wasn't over. That this conversation was just the confession of a hurdle Rhys needed to leap over before you could truly be together again.

"No" he answered simply, jaws locking as he refused to tear his eyes from the stars which he had no doubt missed in his time under the mountain.

"Oh" was your response, unsure of what else to say to the male.

Rhys released a deep sigh as he squeezed your hand with his, you could tell he was trying to find the words he needed to say.

Taking the initiative you said them for him.

"We never had a chance did we?"

His thoughtful eyes searched your dejected ones, eyebrows knitted together as he spoke carefully, "I think we did. A long time ago. But a lot can change in fifty years...a lot has."

You nodded along with his words, a silver tear slipping down your cheek as it was your turn to cast your watery gaze to the sky in order to avoid Rhys's penetrating eyes.

"We were fun weren't we"

A sad laugh tore from your lips as you spoke. Your vision, which was locked on one singular bright star in the sky, began to blur.

"Yeah, we were" Rhys smiled softly, once more squeezing your hand in comfort, "We've shared some great memories."

"It's just time to make our own...separately" you mournfully stated, drawing your hand from his to wrap your arms around yourself, trying to protect yourself from the increasingly colder chill which was settling in your bones.

"Separately" he confirmed, "...You'll always be my what if. But this, whatever this is, I have to chase it."

The tears now flowed freely, liquid moonlight running down your shaking cheeks as you struggled to stay in control of your cries, "I hope you get your happy ending Rhysand. I really do. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more."

His violet eyes flashed with pain, lip trembling as he replied, "you too my love. I wish you everything and more."

[balkanradfem]

Looking back at past insecurities

So as you all know, I am today very wise and mature woman; I say smart things, and I have good opinions. However, there was a time when I was but a wee child, with no insight, but I still had opinions. And insecurities, like all female children, I was worried about my looks.

One of the things I was upset about, was the appearance of my legs. Women's legs were shown in media as the main attraction back in the early 90s, when I was consuming movies and cartoons. Even in animation, a signal that a beautiful woman was behind the corner, was a dainty, curvy leg being shown from behind the wall, to distract and lure an unsuspecting character. My leg was not curvy or dainty. My legs looked muscular. They were also very hairy. I would look at them and feel like maybe I am not a girl enough, maybe I got too many traits passed down from my father, and now I didn't look like a girl, and I wouldn't count as one, and I could never pass a successful female cartoon character, a thing that was very important back in the day.

It's also, when you're a teen, you're convinced that any visual flaw you have is the reason why nobody will ever love you. It's funny now, but when you're 14 it feels real. So I believed I would be left behind by the world, because my legs were so unsightly and I shouldn't ever allow anyone to look at them, the disgrace. The shame.

I have since lived a fair bit of my life, and found that my legs, not only look muscular, they're very strong. They give me immensely good balance, because my feet are also large, and my thighs hold a lot of weight, so my center of balance is very low. Nobody can push me and have me topple over, I stand still. I rarely fall down because of how naturally good my balance is. I was able to go running, even after being sick for months, and I could do it for half an hour without training, just because of how naturally strong my legs are. I can do leg exercises without any issues, even without being consistent with it. Now I'm mad that my arms are so weak and I can't lift things as well as I can use my legs. My ability to walk, run, keep balance, climb, exercise, have been invaluable to my life. I'm never looking at my legs with anything but admiration because they're a powerful asset to me.

Another thing I had felt a bit bad about, was the size of my nose. I thought it was too big for my face, and it wasn't really. It was too much media with tiny nosed women that have swayed my opinion of how big women's noses are allowed to be. But, I thought I'd look better with a smaller nose, and that it was making my face be ugly, so it was a reason to drown in sorrow. (I say this jokingly. I only felt a little bad).

I look at the mirror now, and I'm laughing because this nose is big so I could breathe really well! I really thought as a teen that I would do better with a smaller nose? That's where my breathing goes trough! My lungs are, blessed and healthy, and this means I am not struggling to breathe, I am able to fall asleep breathing trough my nose easily, I can blow a lot of phlegm when I'm sick all at once, and clear my nostrils easily, this is a very functional and good nose to have! And it's the correct size for my face, I would look ridiculous with any other nose than my own.

A lot of my opinions have changed, because I've aged and experienced life, I've met a lot of people who didn't have what I had. A pair of healthy legs, a good functional nose. I've befriended people who had something wrong with their leg, or had one missing. People who struggled with breathing. I've met older people who had trouble with their hips, arms, shoulders, back, eyes, skin. I sadly, got some parts of me non-functional too, so now I can't run or walk as I used to, and I experience problems and pain on almost daily basis. So now it feels very silly to be critical of appearance of perfectly good, functioning, healthy and helpful body parts; they're giving me great joy and ability to do whatever I want with them!

And I also believe I never would think to feel shame about the appearance of my nose, or my legs, if I hadn't been exposed to media that was very particular about how women, or female characters could look. It was like being told 'this is whats expected of you', and I couldn't reach it. I was a teen, and teens are more sensitive to appearance than any other demographic. It made me distressed. There was nothing I could do but feel like something is wrong with me, and I would be proclaimed ugly because of this severe flaw. Somehow males were never subjected to standards that harsh; they would receive onscreen representation love regardless of the muscles in their legs, or sizes of their noses, I wonder why is that.

It would have been so nice to see hairy, muscular, big nosed women in the media when I was a kid! Then I would look at my legs and nose and think 'yes, I am just like that female superhero, I am going to kick ass when I grow up'. Wouldn't that have been nice to grow up with?

[orcasoul]

I'll Come Back For You

Summery: Letting go is hard to do for both of you. But as they say, if you love someone, you have to let them go.

Warnings: Death, Grieving, Mention of Injury, Swearing, No Use of Y/N.

Italics indicate inward thinking.

Joel sat on the porch swing, staring lovingly at how the late evening rays illuminated the varying deep shades of your hair, how it flowed down past your shoulders and blew gently in the summer breeze. God you're a work of art. He'd taken so much for granted before, but now, every time he casts his gaze upon you he savours each and every second.

The slope of your nose, the faint lines at the corners of your eyes, the few strands that have began to turn grey, even the way you hold yourself. If Joel had his way, these moments would never end. These are the moments when his life makes sense. Where he can breathe and just.... be. Where the gnarled roots of wretched sorrow and anger briefly release their strangling grip on his tormented soul.

In these precious moments, in your presence he can once again feel a spark of life ignite inside him, can almost feel the broken shards of his heart piecing themselves back together. He doesn't care how many times Tommy and Ellie have expressed their concern for his mental well being, or how they've begged him to open up to them and not shut them out. He doesn't need their pity or 'support'. You're all he needs.

"You're staring again," you chuckle, while turning to stare at Joel's warm eyes. A fond smile twitches at the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry, I guess I am," he replies softly, but his tone is anything but apologetic. "I just can't help it. You're so beautiful." You smile sadly, looking down at Joel's hand. You reach over, instinct and love propelling you to take hold and lace your fingers with his.

But at the last moment, you stop and drop your hand to your lap. There was no need to look at Joel to know the anguish and longing written all over his face. Hell, you feel it too. The deep rooted need to feel each other's skin and warmth is overwhelming for you both. But it's no use. It can't happen now.

"So are you," you whisper affectionately. Your smile fades and Joel furrows his brow in confusion. "You've been awful quiet this evening, sweetheart. Something on your mind?" Joel asks, his voice laced with concern. You close your eyes and sigh. You don't want to answer. You don't want to have to do this, but it's for the best.

This cannot be ignored anymore. You refuse to sit by and watch the man you love retreat further and further into himself, downing in a sea of sorrow. As long as you are here, you are a painful reminder. You had hoped your presence would have helped Joel to come to terms with what happened, reassuring him that it was beyond his control.

There was nothing anyone could have done. But for all your efforts, you can see now that your being here means Joel is stuck in limbo. He needs to find a way forward, to find something to keep fighting for, and you fear that can't happen unless you give him the space grieve and heal.

"Joel...," your voice wobbles as you struggle against the lump in your throat. "It's time. You need to let me go. You have to allow yourself to move on." Joel's soulful brown eyes meet yours, glistening with unshed tears and you feel your heart breaking for him. 'I... I can't," his voice almost sounds pleading, "I can't do this without you."

He desperately wants to hold you, to keep you in his arms forever. He's never loved any woman the way he loves you. Love isn't a strong enough word to describe the depth of his devotion and affection for you. You are (were) his life, his joy, the very beat of his heart, a missing piece of his soul.

He can't do this, not again. How can he even put one foot in front of the other if you are not in step with him? Without you he will remain hollow, aimless, just a simple lifeform existing from one day to the next. You take a shuddering breath, hoping your next words can convince him.

"Yes, you can, baby. You're the strongest person I know. I know it will be hard and I'm sorry... "I"m so sorry it has to be like this-," "Don't," Joel cut you off gently, shaking his head, "You have nothing to apologise for," "Neither do you," you reply, matter of factly. Joel looked straight ahead, his jaw ticking as he tries to tamp down the anger festering away inside of him.

The self loathing he deserves for failing another person he loves. "I should have been there to protect you." "Oh Joel," you sigh, sadly, "How many times do I have to say it? We cannot control everything around us. You need to accept that life has it's own plan and what will happen, will happen. It's. Not. Your. Fault." You enunciate the last sentence with conviction, tears threatening to chock you at the obvious ruination haunting Joel's visage.

Even from his side profile the pain is clearly evident. A moment of silence follows, after which, Joel turns to face you, eyes redened, tears now trailing the curve of his cheeks. "I love you so much," his pained words are barely above a whisper, as if his grief is physically crushing his windpipe. "And I love you. I always have," you reply softly as your own tears begin to fall.

You want nothing more than to comfort him, to take him in your arms and shield him from his suffering, to wipe his tears away and kiss his soft salt and pepper curls. But it's impossible and you feel so helpless, so useless.... and you hate that. How cruel its, to be so close and yet, so far away.

"And that's why...," you take a deep breath, your own sorrow weighing heavily on you with what you now have to do. "I have to go." Joel's eyes widen but before he can protest, you continue, "I'm sorry," the regret choking you is stifling, "I wanted to help you find a way through this, but I can see now that I'm doing more harm than good. You need to be able to mourn, Joel. And you need to accept the love and support of those around you. You still have family here and they want so desperately to help you, but you've pushed them away. I can't bare to see you wasting away like this."

Somewhere, deep down Joel knew that this time would come, he knew you couldn't stay here forever, but how the hell can he let you go? It would be like expecting him to live without breath in his lungs. "Please, y... you can't go..." Joel's voice wavered as he continued., "I... I can't lose you again, sweetheart." You try to reassure him with a gentle smile, "You'll never never truly lose me, darling."

A sad sigh escapes you, "But you will lose yourself if you continue down this path, and I won't let that happen. Ellie and Tommy are so worried about you. You need them, even if you don' realise it." "How am I supposed to live every day without you? I just...," Joel lets out a shaky breath, rubbing his hand over his face, "I Cant. I've lost too much. I can't do it again."

The defeat in Joel's voice, his eyes, his posture causes your gut to twist up. You want to stay, it's tearing you apart inside, feeling as though you're abandoning him in his hour of need. But staying would only make things worse in the long run. Sometimes you have to make difficult decisions for the greater good. It will be hard for him, but he still has so much to live for, so much love to give, even if he's blind to it right now.

"Joel," you began, voice gentle but firm, "You can. The Joel Miller I know can do anything he puts his mind too." A barely visible smile appears at one corner of Joel's mouth, but as soon as it appears, it's gone. "I want you to do something for me, darling," " anything!" Joel replies in earnest. If you could physically caress his cheek right now, you would. It feels so wrong to not be able to touch him. All you can do is shuffle closer and lean into his tired face.

"I want you to promise me that you'll keep going, that you'll allow yourself to feel everything you need to, and that you'll lean on your family. Promise me that you'll live the best life that you can for yourself, for them... and for me, please." Joel is lost for words. He's done a lot of bad things in his life, but he must have done something good at some point for the universe to bring you to him. He doesn't deserve the endless love and concern you continue to bestow upon him, even in death.

Your bright and hopeful eyes bring Joel a sense of clarity. This is the last thing he can do for you, the last thing you'll ever ask of him, and he will do it, for you. No matter how difficult it will be. He suddenly doesn't feel so lost and adrift anymore. You have given him a new purpose. He will honour your last request until his dying breath. After a few seconds of quiet contemplation, Joel whispers, "I promise."

You release a sigh of relief, a heavy weight lifted from your shoulders at Joel's reassurance. He'll be alright. "And I promise you, when the time comes, I'll come back for you. One day, we'll be together again. But I have to go now," you pause, trying to fight the tears that threaten to fall again, "I won't say goodbye, cause this isn't goodbye. It's see you later."

Joel swallows the sob trying to climb up his throat. His heart is screaming at him to beg you to stay, but he knows when your mind is made up, it's made up. And you've decided he needs this. As much as he can't fathom not seeing you again for god knows how long, he takes comfort in knowing this separation is temporary. He will hold you again, laugh with you again and spend eternity by your side.

"I love you," Joel sniffled, knowing this is it, woe burying itself deeper into his soul. "I love you too," you declare, devotedly. "see ya later?" The words leave Joel's lips as a hopeful question. "See ya later," you confirm lovingly, and with that you fade into the soft golden twilight.

6 Years Later...

Joel couldn't focus, his eyelids like lead and his body trembling. The voices around him seemed distant and muffled one second, then loud and sharp the next. Throbbing pain bloomed through his torso, exacerbated by each breath he took. "What do you mean there's nothing more you can do?" Was that Tommy? "You can't just give up on him!" Tommy shouted, his voice a mixture of anger and fear.

"I'm so sorry, but all we can do now is try to make him as comfortable as we can." Darkness encompassed Joel as the voices began to fade once more. When his eyes opened again, he's met with the grave faces of Ellie and Tommy. He tries to sit up but his limbs feel too heavy, even turning his head is a challenge, and the oppressive atmosphere shrouding the room tells Joel the situation is... bad.

"What-" "Shhh...," soothed Ellie with tears in her eyes. "You're in the hospital." Joel swallowed thickly, wincing as his body screamed in protest at the slightest movement. He slowly turned his head to see Tommy standing at the other side of his bed. His blotchy, tear streaked face caused Joel's stomach to twist up in knots. At that moment, it all came rushing back to him.

The ambush while on patrol with Tommy, the broken baseball bat protruding from him (again), Tommy heaving his battered body onto his own horse so he could keep him upright on the journey back. He's been in dire situations more times than he'd like to remember but this time it's... different, both Tommy and Ellie's sombre mien thickening the atmosphere as every second passes.

And that's when it dawned on Joel; This isn't just bad, this is something he won't come back from. "Tell me...," Joel mumbled, weakly. Tommy cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice even, "The uh... the doctor..," Tommy lowered his head, shaking it as if in disbelief. Normally, Joel would snap at Tommy to 'spit it out' whenever he fumbled his words, but not this time. Not when his baby brother is clearly struggling to keep it together.

Tommy sighed, lifting his gaze to meet Joel's. "The doctor said you have internal bleeding and uh... there's nothing more they can do." Nothing more they can do. The words echo loudly in Joel's ears. He's had many close calls over the years. He'd used up his nine lives a long time ago and now his number was up. Our luck had to run out sooner or later. Tess' last words return as a grim reminder of the fragility of life in this world.

A part of Joel always knew he'd meet his end sooner rather than later, but being faced with that reality now.... well, nothing could have ever truly prepared him for this moment, the finality of his tumultuous life. Joel remained still, staring up at the ceiling while it sank in, a barrage of emotions crashing over him, simultaneously; Fear of the unknown, worry for the family he'll leave behind, regret for so many past mistakes, but also... acceptance. After everything he feels unexpectedly ready.

He'd kept his promise to you everyday for the past six years. He'd rebuilt his fragile relationship with Ellie. It took many deep and uncomfortable conversations and he always gave her space when she needed it, but slowly the cracks disappeared and the two became closer than ever, he even became a doting grandpa to JJ and a devoted uncle to Dylan.

The past mistakes with Tommy could never truly be erased, but he and Tommy both came to realise that they couldn't and more importantly, didn't want to dwell on it anymore, even Maria had come to accept Joel and gave him a second chance to start over with no animosity between them. He'd done that for you, just as you'd asked of him. Everyday Joel had kept your memory alive as he'd lived the best life he could, and now he's reached the end.

"Joel...," Ellie's quivering voice broke through Joel's hazy mind. The woefulness behind her tears caused Joel's heart to clench. "Come here, kiddo," comforted Joel as he slowly lifted an arm to embrace his adopted daughter. Her warm tears fell onto his neck as he gently rubbed the back of her head. "It's...okay. It'll be okay," he gulped while trying to be strong for her. "How can it be okay? How will any of us be okay without you?" Ellie wept, voice shaking with each breath.

"You're strong and you h... have people who care about you. Don't make the sa... same mistake I did," Joel told her as he thought about how he spent so long pushing people away. "I love you," she breathed out quietly into his ear, and Joel closed his eyes, sighing in contentment. "I love you too, baby girl. You take good... care of JJ,... you hear me?" "I will," Ellie promised. Joel then looked to Tommy, who's head hung low in shame and remorse. "This is my fault," his jaw clenched in anger, the same way Joel's always does, "I'm so fucking sorry. I should have been quicker, should have killed that bastard sooner!"

"Hey...," Joel gently interrupted, "It's not your... fault. We were outnumbered." Tommy shook his head, seemingly unable to accept his failure. "Tommy," Joel began, in a no nonsense tone, causing his brothers' eyes to meet his own, "You got us out... of there and got us home. That's what... matters! So don't you dare b... blame yourself for th... this.

Tommy was speechless for a moment. He grabbed Joel's hand and asksed, "Who's gonna keep my ass in check around here now?" "I'm s...sure Maria has that covered...," it was becoming more difficult for Joel to talk, "and if not this one will do the job," he quipped, pointing to Ellie with a small chuckle but he immediately winced as shooting pains radiated around his lower abdomen. "Easy...," Tommy rested a comforting hand on Joel's shoulder.

As the hours wore on, Joel became weaker, his breathing more laboured. Medication helped to ease the worst of the pain, even though, at first he refused it, insisting that it was pointless to waste it on him. It was only after Ellie had begged him to take it, that he finally relented. Maria and Dina came to say a teary farewell but left the children with a babysitter, as Joel didn't want their last memories of him to be a bruised and bloodied man on his deathbed.

Day bled into night. Ellie and Tommy kept vigil at Joel's bedside while he slipped in and out of consciousness. Joel became even more breathless, his golden hue became pale and clammy. It wouldn't be long now. A sombre silence filled the air, holding more weight than any words could. But even if Joel wanted to speak, he found he suddenly lacked the strength to even open his mouth. An exhaustion he'd never experienced before swept over him like a warm blanket, along with a bone deep, desperate need to sleep. Just for a bit. I'll sleep just for a bit.

*****

"Joel?..." a warm hand on his cheek and a soft voice he'd know anywhere, resounded in his ears like a sweet melody. His eyes shot open and he gasped in shock as he took in the image of you standing beside him and... touching him! Maybe he's dreaming? "Hi, baby," you smiled down at him with tears in your eyes, stroking his patchy jaw, tenderly. "You're here," he sputtered in disbelief.

"I promise I'd come back for you," you replied soothingly. And that's when Joel knew without a doubt he's not dreaming. As if on instinct Joel reached for your hand, clasping it in his own, bringing it to his mouth and pressed his lips to your soft palm. "I missed you," he cried, unable to believe that the moment he's waited years for is finally upon him. How he missed your delicate touch.

He'd dreamed of your embrace every night for the past six years, and now at long last, it's real. Joel swung his legs over the side of the bed, pulling himself up, the absence of pain and the rejuvenation of his 'body', another confirmation of his new reality. Joel wastes no time pulling you into his broad chest and you wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

You breathe in his woodsy and coffee scent, while at the same time Joel's nose buries itself in your hair, slowly inhaling your scent, one hand splayed across your back and the other cupping the back of your head. Tears stream down both of your faces as years of longing and loneliness come to an end. Now only forever awaits. "I missed you too," you wept, "So much." "I did it, darling. I did it all for you, every day," Joel whispered into your ear. You pull back, enough to look into his eyes, eyes filled with relief and love.

Gently holding his cheek, you reply, "I know. And I'm so proud of you. Now you can rest, my love." As the tears begin to dry and emotions calm somewhat, Joel realises you two weren't the only one's crying. Turning around his heart sinks and chest tightens as he has to witness Tommy holding a sobbing Ellie, while his own tears silently fall. On the bed, Joel's body lies motionless, drained of colour but with a serene peace adorning his relaxed features.

He remains frozen to the spot, wide eyed until you slip your hand into his, giving him a supportive 'I'm here' squeeze. "They'll be okay." You smooth your other hand up and down his arm. "They have each other and their families. They'll take care of them. And when the time comes, we'll all be together again." Joel answers with a silent nod, squeezing your hand in return. You know Joel through and through, and you know that he's always taken it upon himself to care for and protect those he loves.

But now that responsibility is his his no more. It'll be hard for Joel to relinquish said responsibility, which has been the staple in his life, but he has faith in Tommy, knowing he'll look after Ellie. They're family, blood or not. He can rest in that knowledge. "Joel...," he brings his attention back to you, raising a quizzical eyebrow at the smile plastered across your face. "I brought someone with me. Someone who has been waiting a long time to see you again."

Realisation of whom you are referring to flashes across Joel's face, but before the name can pass his lips, he hears the sweetest, most perfect voice say the word he hasn't been called in over twenty years. "Dad...," With bated breath, Joel slowly turned around, his mind struggling to function properly. There she is! His baby girl, standing in front of him, just as beautiful as he'd remembered her.

"Sarah...," Joel whispered in awe, frozen to the spot where he stood. 'Hi, old man," she smiled as she closed the gap between them. Her close proximity snapped Joel out of his statue like stance, quickly pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly to his chest. "I missed you," she cried into his chest, while wrapping her arms around his waist. "I missed you too," Joel choked out, "It's okay baby girl, I'm here, I'm here," he comforted her as his own tears joined hers.

He tenderly drew her head back, cupping her face in his hands, his eyes absorbing every beautiful inch of her features; Her expressive eyes that has passed onto her, that killer smile he'd always thought of so fondly, the blush of pink that always tinted her cheeks. God how he'd missed her. "You're grey," Sarah teased through her tears, running her fingers through his soft curls.

Joel chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners with warmth and admiration. "Your beautiful." He pulls her in for another hug and turns his head to you. You are crying silent, happy tears for them both. Joel reaches out, silently beckoning you over. With his daughter under one arm and the woman he loves under the other, he now feels complete.

His post cordyceps life has led to this very moment, to be with the people he loves the most. Of course his heart aches at the thought of leaving Tommy and Ellie behind, but it won't be forever. You're right. It's his time to rest. Sarah takes his hand in hers, her thumb rubbing over the scars on his knuckles. "Let's go home," she said, softly, "We have much to talk about."

With one last glance over his shoulder and a nod of confirmation, Joel is ready. A bright mist hovers where a wall should be, a calm and quiet ambience emanating from within. Together, with linked hands the three of you slowly disappear as you walk through the veil into forever.

[volvosandvampires]

“She believed in understanding upon meeting someone for the first time that they were going to be important in her life, a sensation like recognizing a familiar face in an old photograph: in a sea of faces that mean nothing, one comes into focus. You.”

“It is knowing that all your joy is bound up in another, and to be parted from it would be to live without light for the rest of your days.”

“Take me with you. I want a doomed love. I want streets at night, wind and rain, no one wondering where I am.”

“They say nothing lasts forever but they're just scared it will last longer than they can love it.”

“And no matter what anybody says about grief, and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken.”

Emily St. John Mandel // Kiran Millwood Hargrave // Michael Cunningham // Ocean Vuong // Tiffanie DeBartolo

[book-place]

Even the Strong Crumble

Warnings: good omens spoilers, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Crowley x reader platonic

Request: Hello! Could I request something for Good Omens? I was thinking a platonic (can also not be but I guess it would work better) Crowley x reader where reader comforts Crowley when they find him crying after the end of season 2 and just gives him a hug and reassures him? I love him sm he’s a big comfort character of mine so I want to comfort him as well 🫶🏻

Request by: Anon

*not my gif*

Summary: One of your best friend is so broken up over your other best friend that it breaks your heart into thousands of pieces

A/N: I miss this show so much

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

“Crowley?” You knocked lightly on the slightly opened door, peaking your head through and peering into the bedroom.

The demon quickly whipped around so his back was facing the door and you could only see his hands wiping furiously at his face before he quickly picked up his glasses and threw them on his face.

When he turned around, you felt your heart break into thousands of little pieces in your chest.

Though he tried to hide it, his face was red and tear-stained. His hair was tousled and his clothes were out of place.

Never in your hundreds of years of knowing Crowley had you ever seen him in such a state- so utterly distraught.

You had been an angel still when you met him all those years ago, freshly out of heaven for the first time.

Back then, you had been out to visit your old friend Aziraphale, and had been introduced to the red headed fellow. Not only that, but you had also been introduced to the wonders of the human world. Of the beauties and the joys.

In the process, you had fallen in love with the human world and all it had to offer.

So, instead of returning to heaven after your visit like you had intended, you stayed on earth and, to your slight surprise, nobody came looking for you.

It wasn’t as sad as it sounded, though, you had been an angel of no real importance, and now you could live out your long life on earth without the fear of heavens interjections.

Each year that passed, though you yourself stayed immortal, you found a part of you growing more and more human.

Though you had frequently stayed in touch with Crowley and Aziraphale, it wasn’t until recently that you all got together again. Ironically, to stop the impending apocalypse.

Now, after doomsday had been sidestepped, you and your two friends found yourselves going on more and more adventures together, hardly being without the other two.

Now, though, Aziraphale had left with Metatron to Heaven, leaving you and Crowley behind.

You don’t know the exact details of what had gone down, you had been out showing the city to Muriel for the day, but when you had returned to the bookshop and were met with the sight of a heartbroken Crowley and no Aziraphale, it hadn’t been long to put the pieces together.

Your two best friends had been obliviously pinning over each other for centuries, of course you knew what had no doubt taken place.

Instead of pushing a clearly distraught Crowley to tell you what had happened, you had given him his space with the promise of being there when he needed you.

Now, though, it had been a few hours, and the worry that had been eating away at you had grown unbearable.

“What?”

You knew he didn’t really mean to snap at you, so you didn’t hold it against him as you took a step further into the room.

A silence ensued for a moment as your sorrow filled eyes raked over his face.

“I’m so sorry, Crowley.” Your voice came out so soft when you spoke to the heartbroken demon, taking yet another step closer to him.

Though he didn’t protest, his body tensed up and he just stared at you silently.

He was on guard, afraid of letting you in. Afraid of being hurt again.

Wordlessly, you wrapped your arms around him, holding him to you in a loving and protective manner.

Almost insaltanously, he melted into your touch, his head falling to your shoulder and his arms wrapping around you as his body began to shake with sobs.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered again, tears of your own filling your eyes as you rubbed his back comfortingly.

You knew that after that day, nothing would ever be the same again.

No longer would it be the three of you against the world. Against heaven and hell alike.

“W-why didn’t he-”

You had never heard Crowley stutter in such a way, his voice wobbling as he did so.

In return, you held him tighter, “I don’t know.” You answered truthfully, your voice soft, “But I know that Aziraphale must be a damn fool for him to let something like this happen.”

Crowley sniffled, refusing to turn his head up and allow you to acknowledge his tear stained face.

“I’ve got you, Crowley,” You mumbled, a singular tear slipping down your face, “Always.”

Ineffable Husbands 😇- @popfishjr @etanordoesbullsh1t

[florawrites-blog]

Play Pretend

The Tragedy and Aftermath

Jake's heart was in pieces as he made the hardest decision of his life in the hospital room. When the doctors asked him whether he wanted to save his wife or their unborn twins, he didn’t hesitate. "Of course my wife. I would choose her over my children every day. What’s the use of these children without the person who created them? What would I do with them if I can’t share them with my beautiful wife?"

Unbeknownst to him, his wife had already made a choice. She knew her condition was worsening and that she wouldn’t survive the birth. She chose to save the babies, knowing Jake would be devastated but ultimately giving him a part of her to hold on to. After the birth, Jake was handed his two healthy babies, but the joy was short-lived as his wife succumbed to her condition.

The grief was unbearable. Jake, unable to imagine a world without his beloved wife, felt his life had lost all meaning. Just days later, overwhelmed by sorrow, he took his own life, leaving the twins orphaned.

2. The Unlikely Guardians

You and Sunghoon, Jake’s best friend and your lifelong rival after a incident that happened in highschool of him hurting a girl maybe not intentionaly but you've hated him since then and also because of academic reasons, were called to the hospital where the tragic news was delivered. Both of you were shocked or at least you were, not just by the loss of your friends, but by the news that you had been named as the godparents to the newborns. Despite your complicated history with Sunghoon, you couldn’t refuse the responsibility handed to you, though it wasn’t what either of you had planned for your lives.

The reality of raising twins hit hard, especially for you. You had never been comfortable around children, let alone newborns and you had to raise them with who? Sunghoon, an FBI agent, whom was known for his nonchalant personality and for being known as a the women attracter not one person who saw him didnt want to get in his pant. he was often away on assignments, leaving you to handle the day-to-day care of the twins. You even had to take a break from your demanding job as a lawyer, something that grated on you as you had always prided yourself on being a high achiever. The burden of this unexpected role was overwhelming.

Nights were the hardest. The twins’ cries filled the house, but sometimes you felt so helpless and exhausted that you locked yourself in the bathroom, crying on the floor while they wailed in the other room. On one such occasion, Sunghoon arrived home finally getting the sense of respnsiblities , only to find the twins screaming their lungs out. The sight of them alone, tears streaming down their tiny faces, filled him with anger he was angry but he didn't really know why was it you he was angry at or was it him whom never cared enough to show a face around this house or what was it that filled him with anger that he didt know which is why, When he finally found you, he was furious so furious that he had to spit his useless venom on you.

“Seriously, Y/N? What kind of responsible person leaves babies crying like that?” he snapped, his voice cold and harsh.

You unable to hold back anymore argued back, the tension between you both flaring up once again. But his words cut deep for no reason at all you were doing your best truly you were dealing with grief and you were dealing with sorrow and you understood that he was too but his words cut too deep, leaving you feeling more isolated than ever.

3. Sunghoon's Return

For the first year, you felt like a single mother. Sunghoon did help but you felt like it was minimal, limited to providing necessities and only necessities like diapers, cribs, food etc. Yes you were thankful for that at least he did provide something but at the same time. You were drowning in the responsibilities that weren’t meant to be yours alone. But then,out of nowhere, Sunghoon started to step up, taking on more of a fatherly role maybe it was pity or guilt whatever it was . It was infuriating—where was he when you had sacrificed your job and your life to care for these babies? You tried not to rage at him but you raged at him anyway , your anger spilling over as you confronted him about his sudden involvement. you felt selfish and protective like they were your kids why is he suddenly butting in.

Despite your unneeded resentment, you both knew you had to put aside your differences for the sake of the twins. You agreed to play house, going as far as couple’s therapy to try and make this arrangement work. Both of you are at the wrong at a point you were to mad at sunghoon and were unable to see the good in him and he was so cold and unavailable but either way whatever it is between you . You had to work it out and you were in the progress of it But along the way feelings that had always simmered beneath the surface between you began to stir but this time they werent bad ones they were weird ones the ones that makes your stomach flutter.

4. The Unspoken Connection

Nights after nights and days after days both of you were actually pretty decent with each other sunghoon wasnt always home and you respected that because he had a job and you on the other hand started working from home you once hated the idea of children but now couldnt leave their side not even for a little while, you and sunghoon were really trying your best to seem like a healthy couple not just for these kids but also for your parents whom both built a idea in their head of both of you being togheter.

5. dominance

One night, Sunghoon came home to find you asleep on the floor next to the twins. The sight of you, so peaceful and beautiful, struck him in a way he hadn’t expected. He gently carried the twins to their rooms before returning to you. As he traced the lines of your face, brushing your hair away, he felt something he had long ignored. You looked too peaceful, too perfect, and it made him feel like he was losing his mind.

Carefully, he lifted you into his arms, carrying you to your room. But as he turned to leave, you clung to him, your grip tight, as if you couldn’t let go. He hesitated for a moment before finally lying down beside you, holding you close.

When the sound of a baby crying woke you in the middle of the night, you jumped up, but Sunghoon shushed you back to sleep, insisting he would handle it. As he left to tend to the twins, he realized something—he had always wanted to be there for you, to share this responsibility. But he hadn’t been ready. Now, with his feelings laid bare, he knew he was ready to commit, to be there for you and the twins, no matter what.

tried something new i started off strong then got bored midway so hope you roses like it .

[local-void-creature-izzy]

(Please note this theory will get longer once I complete Penacony, I haven't started yet due my busy schedule with college and exams)

-Sampo is the Successor of Aha, Aeon of Elation-

The reason why I say successor rather than the actual, original Aeon, is because:

Aha is described as an Aeon that does not truly comprehend nor understand humanity, with it, the emotions tied with humanity. It understands joy, with being the Aeon of Elation, but that's all it comprehends

While as Sampo still very much has that sense. And showcases emotions beyond that joy.

Aha's people, can be categorized into two groups:

The Masked Fools, and the Mourning Actors

The Masked Fools are a group of people that truly believe in Aha. "They believe that the truth of the world is a joke, and the ultimate meaning of all things lies in mere laughter" -HSR Data Bank

The Masked Fools are described as extremely radical when it comes to their beliefs. Doing whatever they can in that pursuit of joy, pleasure, elation. Causing Chaos every where they go.

While the Mourning Actors are that of the opposite. "They are firm believers against Elation. They believe life is full of ups and downs, that agony makes people mature but fleeting joy only offers hopeless and unreachable temptation." -HSR Data Bank.

They believe all beings should renounce joy, and endure grief to temper their spirits.

They are described as people that ride a gondola that spans the stars in order to perform. They collect and wear different masks from different worlds, while recording the sorrows of intelligent life.

And they are said to have been blessed by Aha itself, with Aeon like powers. As joy and sadness are two sides of the same coin.

Now obviously with these two opposites technically being under the same Aeon, it would not surprise me with they were essentially at war with each other.

Think of it like, Masked Fools is Celestia, while Mourning Actors is the Fatui.

- I believe Sampo's home planet is either on its last legs, or is no longer in existence. With both sides under Aha being complete opposites of each other and from what it sounds like in the data bank, not getting along, it was probably only a matter of time before they became the planet's undoing, Sampo being one if not the only survivor because he was hand picked by Aha.

Now another thing that is known to us, to an extent, is that Aeons can die or be killed.

Canonically there are at least around 4-5 Aeons that are dead or presumably dead due to their unknown whereabouts.

Aha is stated as Alive, but also, Aha is one of the few without a humanoid or somewhat alien form that you can at least make out a comprehensive figure in giant entity. Aha is canonically a series of in-animated masks and objects used in theatre/circus. A vague humanoid silhouette can be seen, but is clearly overshadowed. And if an Aeon can die, then how can you claim it is truly eternal?

Aha is described as few things but unpredictable and calculating seem to be the most consistent going as far as to shapeshift into a human for some time in order to trick Akivili (Aeon of Trailblaze) and its followers, the nameless, which resulted in Aha blowing up half of Akivili's Express and an entire planet.

- Another known fact of Aha, is that it refers to itself in third person, something Sampo also does.

I believe Sampo is a product of forbidden love. A child born of a Masked Fool and Mourning Actor, possibly born out of wedlock, thus carries traits of both.

Sampo is labeled as a Masked Fool but also seems to not go as extremely and knowns when a line shouldn't be crossed and what lines to not cross flat out.

He may do what he does for a living, but knows when enough is enough and is cautious in his line of work in order to not get caught.

Canonically Sampo has been shown or told to us by others if not him, that he has helped Natasha (Main Doctor of Belebog's Underground) in gathering anything she needed medically in order to treat her patients as most supplies were above ground and the underground had been locked down from going up when Cocolia was in charge, he had his ways of going back and forth.

And he is also great with kids, Hook, who is the leader of the moles, a little gang of her friends that try to help around the underground the best way they can, and a playable character, as been shown to go to him for help or information and he actually takes it seriously, not wanting to upset or hurt her because she's just trying to help out in what way she can and who is he to ruin that.

Now he is clearly not the most stable individual, there are several indicators that he isn't 100% stable such as his E4 constellation and one his idles showing him with lifeless eyes.

Said E4 con called "The Deeper the Love, the Stronger the Hate"

The fact he canonically is so sneaky and agile that his footsteps do not make noise, leave footprints in snow, or disturb water if he walks on a puddle or something similar.

Not to mention, he can quite literally appear and disappear whenever he feels like. Several times in quests he is with you, the next second he's gone, only to reappear like "i was here the whole time, what are you talking about?"

So what I think is:

I believe Aha's time is coming if not already come, and no one has truly noticed yet. But Aha being how it is, planned ahead and chose a successor to carry on its pursuit of laughter that leaves one breathless, that will lead to unexpected delights that uplift the soul towards divinity.

So if Sampo is someone born from the two groups under Aha, then Sampo would be the perfect candidate. As he is someone that can understand Aha's ideology and way of thinking but also comprehend emotions and humanity in a way, Aha can not.

Aha chooses a child that most likely had a horrible and possibly traumatic childhood, because of him being born of both sides, and possibly born onto a planet with horrible conditions for living

And that with how it currently stands, it's either a matter of: How long Sampo can conceal it?

Or

How long Sampo can buy time until Aha completely passes and truly take on the role of successor, because as he currently stands he is in a incomplete state that will only finish the transformation when Aha is no longer in the picture.

(Also the closest we have to a "home base" for Sampo, is Epsilon which sounds like a planet that may act as a temporary yet is probably the main residence for Sampo, yet from how he describes it.

Its not a planet he's in any hurry to get back to, because according to him, is a giant vanity fair. So most likely the planet is just a giant ego fest)

This all based on my speculations with my current lore knowledge and interpretations.

[smnthvxe]

Chapter 1: The Past Echoes

Chapter 2 , last chapter

Readers point to view

The sun dipped below the horizon in Sumeru, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink as I closed the shop for the evening. The little coffee shop, once just a dream, had become my sanctuary, a place where laughter and the rich aroma of coffee beans filled the air. Yet, amidst the hustle and bustle, my heart harbored a quiet sorrow, a longing for the one who had once been my everything—Kunikuzushi.

Our life together seemed like a distant memory, a fleeting moment of happiness that had slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. I remembered his smile, the way his eyes lit up when he laughed, and the warmth of his touch. But those memories were overshadowed by the pain of his departure, the day he walked away, leaving me with nothing but silence and a heart full of unanswered questions.

"I wonder where you are now," I murmured to the empty room, allowing myself a moment of vulnerability. The walls of the coffee shop, adorned with pictures and trinkets from our travels, echoed back my solitude.

Nights were the hardest, when the world fell silent, and the weight of his absence felt unbearable. I would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, imagining scenarios where he would return, where he would explain why he left and we could start over. But as the dawn broke, reality would set in, and I'd brace myself for another day without him.

One evening, as the final rays of sunlight vanished, leaving the world in twilight, a figure appeared at the door of the coffee shop. My heart skipped a beat, a foolish part of me hoping against hope. But it wasn't him; it never was. Instead, it was a traveler, seeking refuge in the warmth of the shop and a cup of coffee to ease their journey.

"I heard this place serves the best coffee in Sumeru," A blond traveler remarked, breaking the silence.

" Yeah! Yeah! I bet her coffee can make Paimon jerk off all of the pain from that mean-rude-annoying hat guy!?" The little fairy spoke

I chuckled, pouring them a cup. "I hope it does little one."

As they settled down, the blond traveler—known as Aether shared tales of their adventures, of the people they'd met and the wonders they'd seen. And for a brief moment, I allowed their stories to transport me away from my sorrow, to remind me of the joy and beauty in the world. The world he promised to explore.

But as the night drew to a close and Aether thanked me for the hospitality, I was left alone once again with my thoughts. I wondered if Scaramouche ever thought of me, if he ever regretted leaving. The rational part of me knew it was futile to dwell on what could have been, but the heart is seldom ruled by reason.

I busied myself with cleaning up, trying to shake off the thought. "You need to move on," I whispered to myself, a mantra I repeated every day, yet found so hard to practice.

One day, curiosity got the better of me, and I ventured out, seeking any trace of him. I traveled to Inazuma, to the places we had once explored together, hoping to find closure, to finally let go of the past. But instead of peace, I found only echoes of our time together, reminders of the love we shared and the pain of his departure.

As I stood in front of our old home, now abandoned and falling into disrepair, tears filled my eyes. "Why did you leave, Scaramouche? Why did you break us?" I whispered, the questions lingering in the air, unanswered.

I realized then that I might never get the closure I sought, that some wounds take longer to heal, and some questions remain unanswered. But I also understood that I couldn't live in the shadow of his memory forever.

"Oh? Who you might be?"

A voice spoke from behind, i turned around to see a Kitsune-like woman with a shrine dress.

"I was.." you cutted " Visiting something"

"Visiting you mean that house over there? Sorry to say this dear but that house is already abandoned. "

She pointed to our shared home at the nearby hill.

"Yes, I know. I was just- recollecting some old memories"

By that she smirked and I bid my farewell, walking away.

With a heavy heart, I returned to Sumeru, to my coffee shop, my haven. I poured my soul into my work, creating a space filled with warmth and happiness, a stark contrast to the emptiness I felt inside.

As days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, I slowly began to rebuild my life. I found joy in the simple pleasures, in the smiles of my customers, and also I became good friends with Aether, he would often visit my shop to drink coffee and share his adventures with me. My interest perked up as he said something about fighting a false god along with Buer. You were always a fan of sumeru's Archon that's why you choose to move there.

There are some days where I close the shop, drinking bitter coffee (which reminds you of Scaramouche) alone reflecting every moment I have spent with him.

And though I may never fully understand why he left, I've come to accept that some chapters in our lives must come to an end, to make way for new beginnings. So, I continue to move forward, one day at a time, carrying the lessons of the past and the hope for a brighter future.

In the quiet moments, when the world slows down, and I find myself lost in thought, I whisper a silent wish for Scaramouche, wherever he may be. "I hope you've found your peace," I say, letting my words drift into the ether, a final goodbye to a love that once was. But.. If ever he'll come back ...

A/N : hehe kinda rushed lmao

(You may notice some grammatical errors cus yk im kinda writing this and studying for our exam)

[lavellenchanted]

The Courtship of Peggy Carter (fic coming soon)

When Steve returns to the 1940s, he knows he wants to be with Peggy, but he can't help but worry about how the years they have both lived through have changed them - so he proposes that they start dating and get to know each other again. But Peggy has her own ideas about how their courtship will go, and is a woman determined to get what she wants. Namely Steve. In her bed. Sooner than he seems to be planning to get there.

Happy holidays @margarethcarter! I'm your Secret Santa this year - I'm so sorry your gift is so ridiculously late, but this month has just been incredibly full on. I am hoping to get your gift finished and up soon, but I didn't want to end the year without you getting anything.

You said you prefer post-Endgame time period and mentioned Peggy finding out that Steve's acquired some game since she last saw him, which what inspired this fic, so I hope when it's finally finished you will enjoy it, but in the meantime here is a little preview for you!

***

“And this . . . you being here . . . is it for good? Or do you have to go back?”

Steve held her gaze, serious and steady, the way he always did whenever he wanted her to know that what he was about to say was something he had thought over carefully.

“I’d like it to be. I came back because this place, this time, is where I belong. I wanted to come home, to have the life I never got a chance to have. And I want, very much, for that life to be with you.” 

For a moment Peggy felt as if she had forgotten how to breathe, her chest tight and her heart beating painfully hard against her ribs. She opened her mouth to tell him yes, that she wanted a life with him as well, but before the words could form he had brought a finger to her lips to keep her from speaking.

“But,” he continued softly, a tenderness in his expression that made her glow with warmth, “I don’t think that’s a decision either of us should be making right now.”

A faint frown creased Peggy’s forehead. “Why not?”

“Because of how good this feels.”

She couldn’t help quirking an eyebrow, one corner of her mouth curling upwards. “That’s a bad thing, is it?”

Steve chuckled. “No. I just mean . . . I’ve dreamed about being here with you for so long, it would be easy to rush into this. To forget that . . . a lot of time has passed, for both of us. And that we’re probably both different people than we were when I went into the ice.”

Peggy let out a slow breath. Part of her - the part that for the last four years had been filled with grief, sorrow and longing whenever she thought of Steve - was afraid, terrified that this moment of joy in finding him again was going to be cut short, and leave her with nothing but echoing silence of his absence once more. She wanted to cling on to him as tightly as she could, to hold him to her so she didn’t have to face the pain of losing him again.

Another, regrettably more sensible part of her, recognised that what he was saying was true. The four years she had spent being overlooked at the SSR had left their mark as surely as the war had, and now she was reinventing herself again as the Director of SHIELD. She felt very far from the young agent that had worked on Project Rebirth. 

And Steve . . . right now she could only guess at the sort of things Steve had lived through, the reasons for the weariness that lurked at the back of his eyes, the sadness  that seemed etched into his face, mingling with his joy when he had asked her if he could finally claim his dance.

“So what are you suggesting?” she asked, forcing a calmness she didn’t entirely feel. 

But to her surprise - and a little to her relief - Steve smiled.

“I’m suggesting that we date. Like we would have - should have - if things had gone the way we planned. Get to know each other as we are now. And if after we’ve dated for a while, we’re both sure this is still something we want . . .  well, then we can talk about what’s next.” 

Peggy almost wanted to laugh. “Are you telling me you travelled back nearly a century in time just to ask me on a date?”

His smile widened to a grin. “To start with, anyway.”

[bbobpul]

lost, but not in you — jjh

PAIRING. jaehyun x reader SUMMARY. taking a drive around anaheim with jaehyun, and reader reminisce about the hardest part of their relationship GENRE. fluff, angst W/C. 1.5k NOTE. i love niki and jaehyun so much that i had to write a story inspired by her song and make it about him. also #1to7YearsWith127 (/° 0°)/→ my other works

jaehyun embodies the epitome of patience and love, serving as a living testament to compassion and understanding. he is not merely a companion, but rather my unwavering guide—a beacon of light that pierces through the darkest moments—and my ultimate confidant on speed dial.

i consider myself incredibly fortunate to have jaehyun by my side as i navigate the ups and downs of life. amidst the whirlwind of my extracurricular commitments, he selflessly takes on the burden of completing my other works, freeing me from overwhelming pressures. during times of sorrow, he refrains from hastily wiping away my tears, understanding the importance of letting me embrace my vulnerability without feeling the need to immediately regain composure, he willingly immerses himself in the joy of simple moments, meticulously stringing up christmas lights alongside me, and ensuring i stay hydrated by buying water after every physical education class when we were younger.

every seemingly mundane act he performs holds profound meaning—a testament to his unwavering devotion. jaehyun's constant presence throughout my journey of growth and discovery has transformed him into an inseparable part of my life, a constant reminder of the incredible person he is.

"hey, is everything alright?" he asks, a concerned look on his face. "you've been pretty quiet lately."

"just lost in my thoughts," i reply, my voice tinged with a hint of introspection.

"what's been on your mind?" he probes, genuine curiosity shining through.

"just a bunch of things, you know?" i answer, my tone suggesting a mix of contemplation and uncertainty.

"you sure you're alright?" he persists, his caring nature evident. "how about we go for a drive? just cruising around anaheim."

there's jaehyun, always somehow attuned to the inner workings of my mind, sensing my emotions without me even saying a word. he knows me better than anyone else, and that's what makes him so special.

i smile faintly at his concern, appreciating his ability to sense when something's bothering me. taking a drive with him around anaheim sounds like a comforting idea, a chance to clear my mind and perhaps find solace in his company.

"yeah, a drive sounds nice," i reply, my voice reflecting a mix of gratitude and longing. "let's go."

jaehyun's touch is gentle yet firm as he takes hold of my wrist, encouraging me to rise from my seat. we make our way up to the parking lot, where the bustling atmosphere threatens to engulf us. there, he holds me with such tenderness, as if afraid that i would slip away amidst the sea of people. his grip provides a comforting anchor, a silent reassurance that i am not alone in navigating the overwhelming world around us.

as we cruise along the road, jaehyun's animated voice fills the air, carrying his excitement for a future event that is still months away.

he enthusiastically discusses his plans of getting a real tree for this year's christmas—a small yet significant detail that warms my heart.

it is in these seemingly ordinary moments that i find solace, realizing that he not only cherishes our present connection but also envisions a future together. his words paint a picture of shared joy and anticipation, and it brings genuine happiness to my soul, knowing that he sees me as an integral part of his life.

"i mean, we could always stick with the old one," i suggest, a hint of hesitation in my voice.

jaehyun turns to me, a playful glint in his eyes. "but babe, we've had that tree for two whole years now. i think it's about time we switch things up and embrace a little change," he replies, his tone filled with gentle persuasion.

"yeah, you're right," i concede, acknowledging the practicality of considering our options with ample time. "we still have a lot of time to think about it."

jaehyun's response, however, carries a deeper sentiment. his words resonate with unwavering conviction, emphasizing his desire to make each passing winter season truly memorable. "whether it's months away or tomorrow, i want this year to be special," he declares, his voice brimming with a sense of unwavering commitment.

"i've loved you through three winters now, honey, and i want to spend all of my winters with you." his assurance flows effortlessly, as if he instinctively knows what my heart needs, even when i haven't explicitly voiced my concerns. his love for me radiates through his words, reassuring me that our connection is steadfast and enduring.

love endures. it's true, our journey hasn't always been smooth sailing. we've faced our fair share of challenges and obstacles along the way, but it's through those trials that our bond has grown stronger.

we've weathered storms, navigated through rough patches, and faced difficult moments that tested our commitment. yet, through it all, we've found the strength to endure, to hold on to the love we share. each hurdle has become an opportunity for growth and learning, as we've discovered the depths of our resilience and the power of our connection.

flashback, 4 years ago

ah, the stubbornness of our youth. i can relate. we've had our fair share of pushing people away and then desperately pulling them back into our lives, trapped in a toxic and exhausting cycle. life hasn't been particularly kind to me lately, but somehow, amidst the chaos, jaehyun remains steadfast by my side.

i often find myself wondering how he possesses such immense patience and endurance to withstand my unpredictable moods and behaviors. it's as if he possesses this innate ability to untangle the tangled threads in my mind with ease and tenderness.

"because i love you," he utters those words, calmly and unwaveringly, even when i snap at him. this period of my life has been anything but easy, yet he has remained a constant presence, a pillar of support.

it's not the first time he has spoken those words to me, offering his unwavering love and understanding. in response to his gentle declaration, all i can muster is a heartfelt apology.

"i'm sorry, jaehyun," i say, my voice laced with sincerity.

and like countless times before, his answer echoes with unwavering consistency, "i know."

the words he speaks are filled with immense consideration and love, as he delicately asks, "do you need space, baby? i understand that you're feeling lost right now."

overwhelmed by emotions, i can't find the words to respond. but he continues, his voice a gentle whisper, "i know you're tired, and truth be told, i am too. i don't want to pressure you into defining our relationship with labels. none of that matters to me. what truly matters is you. i just want you to know that if there ever comes a time when you can't promise me tomorrow, i will. and if there ever comes a time when you feel unable to promise me anything at all, i will still be here. i will patiently wait until you feel worthy of love, until you feel capable of loving. i will search for you in every corner of this world, but only when you're ready to be found. i will strive to give you everything, to make you feel cherished. so, please, my love."

his heartfeltwords wash over me, leaving me in awe of his unwavering devotion and understanding.

it's undeniable that i struggle with feeling incapable of loving and unworthy of his affection. it's a persistent sentiment that lingers within me, no matter how much time i've spent growing up with him, nearly my entire life intertwined with his. despite our shared history, i can't shake the sensation that i'll never truly grasp the familiarity of this path we're on.

"just be honest with me, y/n," he pleads, his voice filled with a mix of hope and vulnerability.

"i'm so sorry, jaehyun," i whisper, a hint of sadness tingling my words. "baby, i would give anything to stop time and wholeheartedly commit to you. i want to share all of my tomorrows with you. i am lost, but not in you, not because of you. i don't need space, jaehyun. in fact, i want you right here, by my side. i want you here, just here, with me."

in that moment, i bare my soul, expressing my deepest desires and vulnerabilities. despite my own internal struggles, i recognize the immense value and significance of having him by my side. his presence brings comfort and stability in a world that often seems overwhelming. i long for him to understand that, although i may be grappling with my own sense of direction, his love is a guiding light, a source of strength that anchors me in the present.

——— ♡

those moments of hardship have shaped us, teaching us valuable lessons about patience, understanding, and forgiveness. we have learned to communicate better, to support each other, and to find solace in knowing that we are in this together.

our journey hasn't always been easy, but it's precisely because of those challenges that our love stands firm today. we know the depth of our commitment, and we appreciate the beauty of the endurance we've built together. it's a testament to our shared strength and the unwavering love that binds us, transcending any obstacles that may come our way.

[misc-obeyme]

(Pouring some thoughts here)

I've always had this headcanon that Solomon had children, who he outlived, in the past.

Sometimes I would imagine that if he were to have children again (let's say with MC), he needs to prepare what he's getting into. The highs and lows of fatherhood for an immortal. Once again, he would experience the wonders of nurturing a vulnerable individual who seeks his love and protection while sorrow simultaneously consuming him as he ponders on the future where he would be the one who has to bury his child.

I've kind of thought of this, too.

I think with any children Solomon may have had back in his normal human life span days (like I dunno in his thirties or something), he might not know that he would end up burying them. It depends on when he becomes immortal. Like he might have had kids before he became immortal, you know?

But I think that by the time MC comes around, he's fully aware of what he's getting into. He's going to have to bury MC some day, too.

But wouldn't it also be joyful for him to watch someone he loves and the children he had with them live fulfilling regular human lives? Wouldn't he cherish watching them grow old, even if it means they're leaving him behind? They'll get to experience a phase of life that he never will. And if those children then have more children and so on and so forth? He can follow his own family throughout the generations. It's going to be lonely, but it'll also be full. And in the end, I think Solomon would realize that his life is better with them than without them. Even if it's brief. Even if he has to say goodbye when his children are old. Assuming they die of old age, those kids of his will be in their 80s and 90s when he finally buries them. And they'll probably hold his hand before they pass and tell him they had a beautiful life thanks to him. Inevitably bittersweet, but isn't the pain worth the joy, too?

[poemnic-tarot]

Intuitive Channeled Messages For You

1-2-3

4-5-6

(Disclaimer : This is a general reading please only take what resonated. For entertainment purposes only)

These are short messages I channeled without card, just intuitively. Please let me know what you think, I’d love to know!.

( Art designed on Canva )

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 1 🧸

"You begin to get what life is all about. Every incidents, now you realised, was not a coincidence.It was meticulously planned for you to get here. Where you are today. Every road lead you here where you can see it all from an objective point of view. And you get it, you finally got it. You would not be confused no more, you trust the universe unconditionally. You will go where they lead you. There are fears of course and doubts and hesitation, but they would never stop you from vibrating in a high frequency, a vibration of love and compassion.

You used to be scare, all the time. Scare of life, of people in it, of all your choices, was it the right choice?, did i made the wrong one?.Why is everyone against me, why is the world against me?. Now you realised, it was just all karmic, it was designed specifically for you. So you could learn your lesson and move up. Ascend and become who you are today. Wise, at peace and more trusting than ever. Trusting of life, situation and most importantly, yourself and your choices. What you went through got you here today and you will be forever grateful. To the Divine,to yourself and your soul, for leading you home finally.

Poem: Sorrow To Joy by @cant-find-my-name

This big transition came through

A revelation

Firstly, we changed our beliefs

Reevaluate our wants and our needs

What makes us happy?

Who values we are following

Who we are without the things we do

Strip away all the unnecessary

Let go of pointless worries

To truly turn joyful

First, we shifted our energy

In this new me, being joyful

Is very easy

Song : Coming Back For You by Fireboy DML

Well I pray that the universe Gives you way more than you deserve When the tears fall like shooting stars Remember who you are Just look up to the sky you'll see

Well I pray that the universe Gives you way more than you deserve When the tears fall like shooting stars Remember who you are Just look up to the sky you'll see I'm coming back for you

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 2🛍️

“I can still recall what happened vividly. The memories would never leave me. In a way, it shaped who I am. I identified with what I went through. All of it, the good and the not so good. I appreciates all the good times, all the good people. I wish them well and I know they would do the same for me. I am on a new journey. Honestly, I have no idea where I am going, where am I headed to?.It seem not that important to find out, I figure I'll just start step by step into the unknown. I’m willing to, in a way, I was waiting for this moment. Hoping for it in fact.

It seem I had shaded my old skin. Despited remembering everything that happened. I want to changed. I want to rebuild, I want to become something else. It not because I hated my old self or anything, in fact. It's the opposite. I love my old self very much, but I think it’s just time. Time for me to discover a new side of me that’s different. That the world have never seen before. I am excited, nervous but not scare at all. Which I'm thankful for, I want it to be a fun journey, learning about myself, who will I become. I love every versions of me, the old and I'm already sure that I will also love the new. I guess it's my new purpose in life, get to know thyself again and I'm looking forward to meet me.

Poem : Shooting Stars by @cant-find-my-name

My eyes Shined

They reflected the distance light

I’ve never pray so hard in my life

Wishing for a living dream

Wishing to know

What does all the pain mean?

Trying to find the reason

The universe put me here

And I can’t -

Find the reason

Even as stars shimmered

And shoot down

It is me that has been earth bound,

I can’t go back

I can’t go home

The limit is getting too loud

Going aimless

Wandering about

Maybe it is time for me to discover

Reach deep within me to know

How far did I come from?

And how far can I go?

Song: I'm Still Here by John Rzeznik (Treasure Planet)

I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms And what do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway, you don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand? I'm a boy, no, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown? Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me 'cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 3🍑

“It's the people that loved you for who you are that helped you made it. They were a voice telling you not to give up, even when you wanted to. Even when there was no more reasons to go on, you think of the people who loved you. And in a way, their love for you saved you, when your own love wasn’t enough.

But you are still not out of the wood yet, but you're not scare of it no more. You are not scare to be alone anymore. People are your strength and there's experiences of that, but they are also your weakness. The world is more complicated and more than one dimensional and frankly, it's giving you a headache. You just want to live a simple life, a minimalist, no complication, alone in a forest surrounded by nature. You want your wood to turn into a forest. And build a cozy cottage to refuge there when the real world is too much. But most of your life, it's a graveyard of regret and it's full of shadows that you rather ignore. However, no more of that you finally decided. You pray for life to get better, for yourself to get better and in a way, you did not see a way out of it alive.

But in those darkness, you saw light and that light has led you to where the sun shined through. You can see better days," the monsters turned out to be just tree". There are better days, healthier ways to live. And in a way, you want to find that out for yourself. There are alway balance in life, you must remember one thing. When there's darkness, there is also light. When you encounter one the other will also find you. When you experienced one side, don't be scare to face the other. That is how you learn, that you will alway be okay.

Poem: Invisible Force by @cant-find-my-name

Something is choking me

The invisible force

Stronger than what's real

Maybe the scariest thing

Are what we're all thinking

Not necessary the truth

Or what happened

But what could have been,

It's scary to see

What isn't there

The affect is real

But the enemy aren't here

Song: This is me trying by Taylor Swift

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 4🍇

"Peace will find you, no need to seek it. It's there for you to tap into it, anytime, anyplace. No need to acquired more to get it. The misconception that you need this or that in order to feel whole. It a misconception, you only need one thing child. And that is yourself. If you have yourself, all of you, the dark and light part of you, the side you loved and admired and the side that make you look away. All parts of you deserve recognition. They are you and yours alone, so we got to honour them. Every part of you love you and want your attention and want you to acknowledge them. Let us finally do that. Let us look into the mirror and see ourselves finally.

We are a pure soul, there is nothing wrong with us, no matter what people implied. We are not broken, we are whole. Your soul is intact, it is there for you to go back and connect to it. Your soul is waiting for you to answer its calling. You heard it but you ignore it because life get in the way, but, if you're trying to find that fulfilment. That feeling of, aww there it is the thing I'm look for?, as annoying as it is, it is that part of you that you wouldn't dare look at.

Poem: Surrendering by @cant-find-my-name

Surrendering my sorrows

Surrendering to my flaws

If there is no Perfection

I would be perfect

Nitpicking my visions

Aiming for the best

Left behind a broken body

And an anxiety ridden mind,

Right path don't do that

Peace is not a compromise

Tis a birth right

Just like how everyone will die,

Getting my soul back

Revived my forgotten joy

Everyday supposed to be precious

Not wishing for it to stop

Song : Back To Beautiful by Sofia Carson

They say You're not good enough, you're not brave enough You should cover up your body Tell me, watch my weight Gotta paint my face Or else no one's gonna want me

Why do we say this to ourselves? And even worse to each other? Why do we say this to ourselves? Ooh

We gotta, get back to beautiful Gotta, get back to beautiful All these words, starting wars Over who can hurt who more Gotta, get back to beautiful

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 5🍰

"Something is changing, you can feel it. More internally rather than externally. But it's changing all the same. But you're not scare or excited. You are just neutral about it. But there is that part of you that goes, Finally. Because lately, nothing evokes your interest.The desires you had once feel ill fitted. When you realised that nothing really matter, not in a depressing way, but more of a freeing way, You accepted that as truth. You are not satisfied in life, yes, but seeking more things will not do either. You don't want more per say, but there's something missing that you don't know how to put into words. The missing piece might not be tangible, might just be intangible things that you can't hold onto. Which way should you headed towards when your inner compass is kind of confused.

Forward is the way, you will never be lost, as long as you keep moving forwards and not stop. We will not rush either. When we are in a confusing state, we must take our time and experienced our moment fully so that there won't be a lapse in our memory. Memory is a tricky thing, if you think too far into the future or the past as you experiencing the present, then your present becomes filled with memories from the future or the past. So the present moment will never exist. Be careful of letting moments passed you by, it is alright to not know why you are feeling this way. It is alright to be confused or sad or even unsatisfied. It is alright to be in that state in your present because whatever you are feeling at the moment, the present will eventually become a past.”

Poem: Renewal by @cant-find-my-name

There is hope in this world

In words that you said,

Even though it's a lie

You tell yourself it'll be okay

Maybe not now

Definitely not right now

But hopefully someday

You begin to notice the yellow

In dandelions,

How it shine like gold

In certain light.

Now you finally see

The colourful sky

How many shades of it

Changed with time.

How every poem you write

Begins to rhyme

And you know there's a reason for all this

Every little bit of it

So whatever happened

Do not resist

For you shall learn to embrace it

Song : Take A Chance by Flume

So you feel all your powers unfold

Stretching our big wings while the white is turning gold So tell your story baby, don't give up, just let it all go out You're quiet wishing for something now

Will you be the one to take a chance? Have demands, spill your heart Will you be the one to take a stand Make the girls dance Spill your thoughts Will you be the one to take a chance? Have demands, spill your heart Will you be the one to take a stand Make the girls dance Spill your thoughts, will you?

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 6🌙

"The unlimited possibility you seek is there for you to tapped into. Your believed is everything, so be careful what or who you believe in. Miracles exist, just look into a mirror and witness one. Look into your own eyes and wondered who that soul is. For it is you, but there so much you don't know about yourself, yet. Instead of feeling bad about that, we should feel excited. For it is a privilege to know thyself. Know your limit and your unlimited possibilities. How many grains of sand on the beach, that is how much your potentials lies. What you can achieved in life is up to how much you are opened to recieved.

My dear, you are magnificent, I wish you can see yourself through my eyes. How you hold on to life, wise beyond your years. Give it everything you got, no matter what that is, is such a human trait even gods envied. Every difficulties you go through know that those got nothing on your willpower to get through them. You are a strong little human, whose hope is bigger then the universe.You believe in the better, better days, better life, better energy for this earth. And your hope/light is what is keeping this planet alive. Keep believing in your power, because you are powerful. And loved by many.

Poem: Home Coming by @cant-find-my-name

My Divine Mother gentle touch

She taught me so much

By being nurtured we grow

By being loved we thrive

By being connected

We become part of the Divine

I know you look at yourself

And see a scare child

Darling, that's quite alright

Cause you are protected, alway

All the flaws should be

Embraced

There's no need for harsh judgment

Gentleness to ourselves is what

We should aim for

Realise what's important

Now look at yourself one more time

And see the true core

Song: Hummingbird by Metro Boomin & James Blake 

Hummingbird, summer sun, has it brought my life back? Hangin' in the balance, have you brought the light back? And how long's the night shift? She's sure I get away with Realizin' she might be all I need in this life

When I saw a cold snap, I wasn't with the season Attack was on the airport and outside there was a season In here paper walls are pushing back on you like Eventually you push through, the moment that you realize

And hummingbird, I know that's our time (That's our time) But stay on, stay on, stay on with me And hummingbird, I can never unsee What you've shown me, stay on, stay on with me

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

🍑Thank you for reading! I would love to know what you think. See you soon!!!🧿

🍏Check out more of my Original Poetry at @cant-find-my-name or my IG Poemnic

🍉Check out my YouTube Channel for more Pick-A-Card Reading : Poemnic -Tarot

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[anniemika]

Just the two of us

Eren Jaeger x Mikasa Ackerman

…..

“I love you.”

He’s choking. His throat burns from the alcoholic drink he just chugged down, and even though he tries to maintain some kind of composure while doing his best not to die from lack of breathing, it’s still unbelievably hard.

His mind’s not working properly. It repeats the sentence over and over, and still, it can’t quite comprehend what the words’ actual meanings are. Maybe he didn’t hear her correctly. It’s pretty crowded, the music’s loud, and Jean and Connie can’t talk to anyone without yelling because of their intoxicated state. So, it must be that.

One thing his brain’s insisting on is not looking at her. It sends him the same signals it does when there’s danger surrounding him, and because of his military life, those signals have become as quick as lightning, and yet, they couldn’t detect her and how close she’s sitting next to him. Never mind her slurpy voice and the sweet mix of her rosey smell with the tinge of alcohol.

But his heart says otherwise. So, when he finally stops choking, his head is turning towards her. And god, what a mistake it is.

“What?” The last letter of the word gets lost somewhere along the way because he’s seeing her up close and dear god, she’s the most beautiful thing in the whole world. With her flushed cheeks and big butterfly lashes, her white skin looking like the softest cotton that he wants to touch so desperately, but refrains himself from. It’s torture, it’s always been, ever since he found out he only had 8 years left to live and the realaziton that one day she would be living her life without him became a reality.

Eren’s known all kinds of pain and sorrow throughout his short life, but the greatest one yet has to be the fact that he’ll never get the chance to grow old with Mikasa. He was going to have to leave her, it was going to happen soon, and it wasn’t going to be by choice.

And still, right here, right now, in this crowded and chaotic moment, Mikasa's words cut through all the noise and chaos, reaching deep into his very soul. The weight of her confession hits him like a tidal wave, crashing against the walls he had built to protect himself from the pain of their inevitable separation.

His mind races, trying again and again to process the significance of her words. Does she truly mean it? Does she understand the gravity of what she's saying? Or is it just the alcohol talking, clouding her judgment and leading her to say things she may regret later?

“I- I said that,” she hiccups, her voice soft and vulnerable. Readjusting herself, she leans in even closer, her eyes searching his for a response, “I love you.”

He gulps, his heart threatening to burst inside his rib cage. It’s true. It must be true. This means the future is not set in stone. She said it twice. She has to mean it, she must mean it-

“And not just as family, but as..”, he notices her cheeks have gotten so red, it would’ve been alarming if he didn’t know how shy of a person she was. She struggles to find the words she so desperately wants to express, and Eren can see that.

“As a.. lover.” She finally stammers, her voice barely audible above the surrounding noise.

Eren's breath catches in his throat, his mind reeling. A lover. The words hang in the air, heavy with the untold emotions they’ve been hiding for years.

A mix of disbelief and overwhelming joy floods Eren's senses. He reaches out, gently cupping her flushed cheek, his thumb brushing against her soft skin.

“Mikasa,” his voice has a sense of urgency that catches her off guard, “Come with me.”

Her pretty brows scrunch in response, “Huh?”

He decides there is no time for an explanation. He grabs her by the hand, helping her up, then leads her outside, while she struggles to keep up with his pace.

“Eren, where are we going?” But she doesn’t get a response. Eren's grip tightens around Mikasa's hand as they rush through the hundreds of tents, their surroundings becoming a blur. He doesn't have the words to explain, but his actions speak volumes. There is an urgency in his movements, a determination to create a space where they can be alone, away from prying eyes and distractions.

Finally, they arrive at a quiet park overlooking the sea, where only the sound of crashing waves fills the air. Eren stops abruptly, turning to face Mikasa, who looks back at him with a perplexed look on her face.

A heart beat later, Eren closes the remaining distance between them, his lips pressing against Mikasa's with a hastiness that takes her breath away. Mikasa's initial shock gives way to a wave of longing and surrender, her hands instinctively finding their place on Eren's broad shoulders. Their bodies press against each other, fitting together like two halves of a whole, as if they were always meant to be this close.

The world around them fades into insignificance, leaving only the intoxicating bliss of this moment. A moment that should’ve happened long ago.

As their lips finally part, they remain locked in a breathless embrace, their foreheads resting against each other. With his eyes still closed, Eren finds the strength to whisper, “I didn’t want this to happen in front of everyone.” He pulls her even closer, “I wanted it to be just the two of us.”

Mikasa can only nod, too overwhelmed by what just happened between them. When they lock their eyes, determination burns brightly within Eren’s greens.

“I want to be with you. I want us to-“, he finds it difficult to put into words all that he feels, all that he wants, but he knows that Mikasa understands. She always understood him, even when he couldn’t find the right words to express himself.

“I just… I love you too, Mikasa.” Eren finally finds the courage to say them, the same words she had effortlessly spoken moments before. The words that had been nestled inside his heart ever since they first met, and now, he couldn't hold them back any longer.

Mikasa never notices the tears falling down her cheeks as she stares at the man in front of her almost in disbelief.

“Hey.. don’t cry.” He gently swipes his thumb across her cheekbone to gather her tears, “It’s okay.”

She tries to find her breath, looking up at his beautiful eyes, and then it hits her. This is actually happening between them. A radiant smile spreads across her face, lighting it up. . “I’m just.. I’m happy.” She wraps her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. “Oh, Eren, I’m so happy!”

He buries his face into the crook of her neck, before whispering, “Me too.”

Time seems to stay still. They both know that this moment would forever be etched in their memories, a turning point in both of their lives.

After a while, Mikasa pulls away to look at his face again, “I’m sorry.. I didn’t meant to confuse earlier-“

Knowing what she’s about to say, he stops her in her tracks, “Shh, hey, no apologies. You’ve always been braver than me.”

She quickly shakes her head, “There’s no one braver than you.”

He gives her a small chuckle, then plants a soft kiss on her cheek, “Yes, there is. You proved it tonight. You shared your feelings with me.”

Mikasa’s cheeks flush apple red as she hides her face in his chest. She can’t believe this is real. And yet, as she clings to him, she realizes it couldn’t be more true. She presses her cheek against his rushed heartbeat, and if it was possible to die of joy, she thinks it might happen to her any second.

“Mikasa?”

His voice breaks her thoughts, causing her heart to skip a beat.

“Will you run away with me?”

…..

I just needed to write something for them. It’s probably not the best but I felt the need to write something a bit lighter given all the heartbreak we’ve been put through that last couple of days. I have never felt the raw emotions I’ve felt for this couple with any other characters in fiction. I’m thinking about writing some cabin content soon, btw. Hope you like this little thing. Bye❤️🗝️🧣