#but wanting to do so much wishing i cld do everything so well for my sake n yours just loses the whole point of it

[skunkes]

i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

[fardf150]

fuck

[noxtivagus]

i'm sorry

[gab-has-adhd]

i was the last anon... omg u replied!! did not expect that tbh 😭😭 & yeah i don't *actually* hate illumi, in fact i think it'd be near impossible atp because. a) he's way too relatable + b) i adore his character, and his family and his everything bc of how complex he is. he's amazing. stunning. jaw-dropping. horrendous. terrible. terrifying. all at once & I Appreciate Him So Much (tm) for it :]

also speaking of illumi... i am so interested in kikyo. like ik a lot of people in the hxh fandom find her irritating (she is sometimes) but she's a mother too - specifically the zoldyck's mother - and i think as a character, she would have such an in-depth backstory that we haven't even gotten into yet (at least from where i'm currently at rn in the manga lmfao.. manifesting the future chapters give us more abt her bc i Need to know everything about her history in meteor city 🙏)

another thing abt ur reply - UR SO RIGHT ABT WANTING TO BEHAVE LIKE ILLUMI 🙁🙁 as someone who relates to his trauma & thought process, me and him cld not be more different fr. i am too Fiery. i get into too much Trouble for losing my temper at the Worst times. illumi tho?? he looks emotionless (even tho he's not) but i need that kind of detachedness to get around w my daily life 😭 god made me traumatized but not cold as ice How is this fair Please i need a life refund T___T

im so sorry omg i keep writing essays in these asks 🙁 anyways i also hope u have a great morning/day/evening!!! its almost 12am i need to get back to studying for exams LMAOO hope ur doing well tho (drink water bff)

Hi again anon! 🌸 thank you for sending me another ask ufufufu it's almost 5 am for me but it seems I'm going to hae a sleepless night aGAIN for some reasons gnsngmsmcj

Good luck for your exams! I sincerely hope you'll be successful <3 and please never worry about sending me essays hahaha I love it very much 💕

I agree so much with you on Kikyo! I am usually not very big on female characters for some reasons but kikyo is so cool! I need to know more about her! I like her fucked up personality though lmaooo she is a Zoldyck indeed 🙏 like yes she IS irritating but it's because she literally is the MOTHER in a FAMILY OF ASSASSINS I think at this point every Zoldyck is allowed to be irritating LOL

I truly hope Togashi will give us more about her. She's from Meteor City after all, who knows what crazy things happened to her back there! Also I desperately need to know how she met Silva and how they fell in love.

Where are you currently in the manga? Just wanna make sure I don't drop any spoiler material if you send me more asks ufufu!

ALSO OMG I FEEL YOU SO MUCH ABOUT NOT BEHAVING LIKE ILLUMI. Like sure he probably behaves like this because he was deeply traumatized but... look I have ADHD and BPD, nature wasn't very nice with me. The combination makes me extremely impulsive, extremely emotive and very easily angered. My behavior is basically an emotional rollercoaster LMAOOO I just wish I was able to keep a cold face like Illumi 😭 who knows maybe his emotions are wild in his brain but at least he's able to completely conceal them. This is a skill I would appreciate having.

Instead my traumatized dumb ass self decided to gift me the ability to hide my upset-ness until I eventually explode. Which is. A pretty unhealthy behavior LMAO but I'm working on it :)))

Who knows, maybe one day Illumi is going to explode too 😶 not saying I actually want him to explode but somehow I think I would get so emotional if it ever happend to him. Like. Illumi breaking down nervously and. IDK crying maybe. This sounds wildly out of character but wow...

[ja3yun]

okkayyyyyy we're starting off the chapter STRONG. icb they're going at it like rabbits but then again this is hoonyn we're talking about 🤕🤕 LOVE LOVE LOVE YN FOR FINALLY PUTTING HERSELF FIRST?.!:!/! YOU GO BABY GIRL!!!! get that D 😋 & ofc they arent following the rules they set 🤣🤣 wbk tho they're too down bad for eo to actually follow their rules & hoon constantly saying words of affirmation and basically just showering yn w love 🥰 oh we love to see that!

ugh theyre just so cute 🥹 why did have to keep her feelings in check 🤕 went out for dinner 3 nights ago? THAT WAS 3 NIGHTS AGO BBGIRL in fact you should hang out w hoon everyday 🥰🥰 24/7 🤍🤍 FUCK FUCK FUCK SHE ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO GO TO HER AWARD CEREMONY FUCKKKKKK WE CHEERED!:!/'sbs I SCREAMED 😝😝😝😝😝 and he REALLY SAID FK HIS PLANS he's going to her award ceremony instead GET U A MAN LIKE THATTT and then he KISSED HER AND THANKED HER FOR LETTING HIM BE A PART OF HER LIFE?!;!:!/ FAWKKK SOMEONE HOLDME I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!! 😫😫😫😫😫 they r so soft so attached so astronomically down bad for each other i love that for them i want need them to always be this happy together 🙏🏻🙏🏻 and ofc she's gna give him a blowjob 😋

HER CONTACT NAME FOR HOON OMFG?:!/!/! not rina seeing right through them the moment she sees them interact ☠️☠️☠️ no bc mp!hoon is a literal DREAM guy like he may not be the biggest fan of rina bc of that incident but he's willing to set it aside and be at least neutral w her for yn? that is something not everyone can do and what more that hoonyn arent even tgt tgt 🫣 HE SAVED ADDRESSES ASSOCIATED W HER IN HIS GPS?:!:!/ yeap im gone. u lost me. this is my 192837293 time screaming abt them but how can i not when theyre literally that in love w each other 😭😭😭

everytime minhee becomes the sweetest & most caring older brother for yn i get why she tries to keep some distance w hoon and why she feels guilty but i also wish she'd just fk it for once and live HER life 🥺

i love it whenever hoon calls yn baby and esp sweets it rly cld be just me but its the sweetest thing ever 🥹 HE'S SO ENDEARING CHEERING FOR HER LIKE THAT UGH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH (as ive already said for the 1937263783 time 🤕) STOP FIRST THEY TAKE THE CUTEST PHOTOS TOGETHER AND THEN THEY SAID F THE NO LABELS?:!:!: i used to PRAY for moments like this THEYRE FINALLY TGT TGT 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 though its hush hush but a win is still a WIN 🏆

the "are you gonna stare or are you gonna fuck your girlfriend" is a crazy ass thing to say & hoon is stronger than me bc if i were a guy and i were hoon id nut right then and there. sorry not sorry 🤕 AND THEN SHE PROCEEDS TO LET HIM HIT HER RAW TO FURTHER THEIR CONNECTION?/!:&/ when ure in a which couple is most in love with each other competition and hoonyn r ur competitors. theyre immediately taking the crown soz i dont make the rules 🏆🏆🏆🏆 & then their confession to each other after everything >>>>

aj i get what u mean now this chapter is my favourite as well omfg. I JUST LOVE HOW U PORTRAY HOONYN LIKE 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 they fit each other perfectly like puzzle pieces 🧩 literally made for each other 😫😫😫 I LOVE HOW U GAVE US AN ENTIRE CHAPTER OF JUST HOONYN FLUFF AND SMUT LIKE THANK YOU FOR UR SERVICE <33333 i really love melting point sososososoooo much i feel like i can never thank u enough for sharing this masterpiece with us all i always look forward to fridays so i can catch the new update 😆😆 but im also lowkey scared for the upcoming chapters bc idk how minhee will react when he finds out? or when yn confesses? but i know hoon will be w her no matter what so its all good 😫🙏🏻

happy weekend <3 sorry if i yap too much i get excited whenever i read a fic that is long and HITS HARD

starting off the chapter with a sex scene was a risk i was willing to take icl. if i was yn i would also be fucking hoon any chance i got, i think it's realistic lmao.

sunghoon is the standard now when it comes to men bc he literally lays the world at her feet and i'll accept nothing less now 😮‍💨 i'm so happy they're finally together like i felt like it came around so fast but also not fast enough.

thank you so much for reading and coming to talk to me about it! i love when i can see people truly enjoying the fic, i'm super glad you are! ilysm and i cant wait for you to resd next week <3

[gumdecay]

.

[notquiteaghost]

an interesting problem i am having with filt: plot edition – oh i feel like i have actually made this post before but well you will hear it again dot jpeg – is when you are writing a story, your narrative has to have focus. i cant actually get too mad at star wars for not including the various details i want it to because It Wasn't Relevant To Their Journey is a necessary constraint of a good story. one story cannot actually do everything

but then my resolution to have a fix-it that doesn't just hinge on the actions of a single Main Character cuz, like, i do love a wish fulfillment hero's journey but dismantling actual fascist regimes is complicated and i am writing star wars fic to sublimate my feelings abt the hell island i live on and also im very autistic. so i do want the uhhhh not the moral but the. theme? of used to the blood to be Every Little Helps. a terrible situation is a lot of tiny moving parts and if everyone individually gums up one gear the whole thing will stop. oh one sec how is wretches and kings not on my playlist. until you are free the machine will be prevented from working at all, yes, that.

so. anyway. what im getting at is i know what i want to actually happen onscreen, but i also know a whole lot of other shit is happening offscreen and every time i have a new thought abt what specifically that cld be im like. oh that's a fic. i want to work out the situation re anti-war activism actually. i want to think too much abt trade routes n supply lines n taxes. population displacement and refugees. fashion! what random annoying shortages are there on coruscant. who's getting cancelled for an incredibly poor taste soap opera plotline. how many people on naboo absolutely know about sidious from even before padme's elected queen. are the seps on space tiktok

[settersloveletters]

hello i recently saw a post about sugar daddy kenma and i immediately thought like cld u write an angst (w good ending maybe?) w sugar daddy kenma but he actually falls in love w the reader but thinks she's just there for the money bc obviously she's a sugar baby and her being in love w kenma but thinks o well he probably has other sugar babies so it doesn't mean anything if that makes sense ckfmsk

— 11:11; oneshot

a/n: this one was actually so fun to write, but it took me maybe more than 6 hours to write and it’s currently 6 am aha (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ anyways, i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it ♡ this also became over the word limit for our scenarios so i made it into a oneshot whoops

➳ request: kenma is y/n’s sugar daddy who falls in love with her + angst

➳ characters: sugar daddy!kenma x sugar baby f!reader

➳ word count: 3.4k

➳ warnings: daddy kink + light nsfw

➳ admin: kiri ♡

↳ lowercase intended

[9:01] kenma: did you get the gift darling?

[9:01] y/n: yes daddy, i love it <33

[9:02] y/n: image.jpeg

kenma smirked to himself after opening the image of you showing off his latest gift for you. having been in a ‘sugaring’ relationship with you for a little over a year, he knew what you were into. meaning he knew what types of gifts that would get you riled up. his gift for you this time was a baby pink soft sheer slip on dress. you always loved pastel colours over the usual dominating red and black colours other sugar babies would choose.

[9:05] y/n: baby :(

[9:05] y/n: did you not like the picture :(

oh how lucky kenma was to have a sugar baby like you. you were definitely one of a kind in the world.

[11:06] kenma: sorry love, i was just admiring how delectable you look in that little dress i got you

[11:06] kenma: why don’t you come over tonight?

[11:07] y/n: i’m sorry baby i can’t :(

[11:07] y/n: you know i have that paper i need to write for my psychology class

and there was the one flaw about you. whenever kenma suggested you coming over to his place, not to do anything dirty you h-word people, you always managed to be busy. whether it be with work, or school, even when he offered to pay for your rent and your tuition. you always declined.

that’s where kenma’s thoughts split into two. you never asked for anything really. it was usually kenma giving you gifts he thought you would enjoy, which you did. however, when it came to spend more time together privately, you gently declined. he would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do, don’t get him wrong, but he did in fact want to get closer to you.

why you ask? why would a sugar daddy that agreed to a no-sex relationship want to get intimately closer with his sugar baby? well the answer was simple of course.

he fell in love with you.

after one year of texting, one year of taking you out on little dates to the aquarium or on a picnic at the park, kozume kenma had fallen in love, with you. to the unsuspecting eye, the two would seem like a normal couple, and not as a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. if only that were true. at least to kenma.

[11:10] kenma: that’s okay darling, you know how much i want you to focus on school

[11:10] y/n: i knew you’d understand

[11:11] y/n: 11:11, make a wish baby :)

i wish that you felt the same as me. i wish that we weren’t in this type of relationship. i wish that i could just call you mine. i wish that i could just shower you with love. i wish that you loved me, as much as i loved you.

[11:11] kenma: i wish that my darling would go focus on her paper so that i could take her out on another date

[11:11] y/n: daddy why are you so cute :(

[11:12] kenma: what’s your wish my love

[11:12] y/n: tsk tsk, it’s 11:12 and you know the rules daddy

[11:12] kenma: oh how you tease me darling

kenma laughed time himself at the banter you both had. you were completely different than the other girls he has ever encountered. the way you were down to earth, yet the playfulness you had deep down. kenma loved everything about you. but he doubted that you would ever feel the same about him. for now he was content with what you had. as much as it hurt, he didn’t wanna lose you.

[11:13] y/n: i better go finish that paper, i’ll talk to you later baby

[11:13] kenma: how about tomorrow we go out after your classes are done. we can go to your favourite café to celebrate the coming of a new weekend.

[11:14] y/n: mm, sounds great i’ll see you tomorrow <3

kenma went to bed that night, dreaming about the moment he would get to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you into his chest as you both fall asleep to each other’s soft breathing

kenma waited in his car a metres away from the entrance to your university. he decided to surprise you and pick you up and drive together to your favourite café. that was his plan at least. until he got a new text message from you.

[5:05] y/n: i’m so sorry daddy, but something came up :( can we reschedule that café date

as disappointed as kenma was, he knew that you would never cancel one of your outings together unless for a good reason. he was too soft for you.

[5:06] kenma: don’t worry about it darling, are you alright?

[5:06] y/n: yeah dw i’m fine, i’ll talk to you later tonight tho <33

putting his phone away, kenma drove off gripping his steering wheel. it’s been a week or two since he last saw you in person and he missed you. he missed seeing your smile in person. missed hearing your soft voice. the way your laugh sounded like he was in heaven. kenma was definitely head over heels in love with you.

sighing to himself, he decided to head over to your favourite café anyways since he himself liked their dark roast coffee. he parked a few feet away from the café, next to the curb side of the main road. just when he was about to get out, a familiar figure could be spotted from the corner of his eye. he looked up to see you walking out of the café you two visited often together with another man dressed in a nice suit.

kenma’s heart stopped. who was that man you were with? was he another sugar daddy of yours? is he the reason why you cancelled on him? were you really just like the other girls, seeking out any man that would waste their money on you? kenma glared at the back of both yours and the mysterious man’s heads. he really thought you were content with what you both had already. you told him that he was the only guy that served as a sugar daddy for you. but now, it looked like you wanted more. and kenma was not having it.

from that moment, kenma started to distance himself from you. he stopped texting you all the time. cut down the gifts he sent you, and just forced himself to stop thinking about you. that was easier said than done.

of course you noticed, and you even tried to ask him what was wrong. always getting a dry reply or no reply at all. you were confused. one second you both were having your usual

fun and playful banter, and the next second kenma’s giving you the cold shoulder. could it be that he got bored of you?

did he start to seek out other sugar babies? you really believed that you and him had something special. a bond that would only occur once in a thousand lifetimes. as much as you wanted to figure out what was wrong, you already had your hands busy with something else, not to mention that you knew kenma that well to know when he was in one of his moods to leave him be or else he would snap. so you ignored the thoughts of him seeking other sugar babies and hoped that whatever was making him sad would cease.

kenma glared at the two figures that were outside his car. as hard as he tried, kenma just had to see you again. he missed you that much. he went against what his brain was telling him and followed his heart, which led him to your condo building late one night. the condo building where you were currently outside of with the same mysterious man he saw at the café. he assumed the very worst. you did in fact get another sugar daddy. and by the looks of you inviting him up to your place, kenma guessed that you had a completely different relationship with him than what you two agreed on. maybe you were just with him for his money. you really weren’t different at all.

kenma had enough. he drove himself to the closest bar and got himself completely wasted. who doesn’t want a drink when their heart was just ripped out of their chest and stomped on. kenma drinking was a rare occurrence that happened once or twice every few months. he would need to be be completely out of his mind to bring himself to a bar to just drink like a mad man. and that’s what he was doing then and there.

after an hour or so, kenma was completely gone. he wasn’t one of those drunkards who would stagger around or outside the bar mouthing off whatever was on their minds. no kenma was one of the silent types. but they do say that the silent ones are the most deadly ones. as he was sitting at the bar table, kenma brought out his phone. opening a text chat he hasn’t opened in a while.

[11:09] kenma: fuck you

[11:09] kenma: i hate you so much

[11:09] y/n: kenma? are you okay?

ordering yet another drink, kenma flares at the screen in front of him.

[11:10] kenma: i never wanna see your lying, gold-digging face ever again

[11:10] kenma: you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me

[11:10] y/n: kenma, baby? were you out drinking? what are you even saying?

[11:11] kenma: oh look it’s your favourite time of the day. eleven-fucking-eleven. let’s see what do i wish for this time. i wish that i never fucking met you. i wish that i could go in time and stop myself from agreeing to meet you. because all you are is another lying slut that would do anything for money. i wish that i could erase everything i know about you. i wish that you and me never happened.

[11:11] kenma: it doesn’t matter. i don’t care about you. i have all these other sugar babies that would come crawling to me. you’re just another bitch that’s desperate for money.

[11:12] y/n: if you have all these other bitches then you really don’t need me. goodbye kozume kenma. screw you.

[11:12] y/n: this person has blocked you. you can no longer send any messages.

after all that happened last night, kenma was somehow in the right state of mind to not drunk drive and managed to message his best friend, kuroo tetsuro. coincidentally, kuroo was the same person who introduced you to kenma. kuroo, after seeing his friend’s text, picked kenma up from the bar and dropped him off at his house leaving the poor guy to wake up with a massive hangover. kenma remembered everything that happened. it didn’t help that he still had the text messages on his phone, yet he couldn’t bare to delete them for some odd reason.

the rest of the week followed slowly for kenma, as he tried to adjust his life without you. fate had different plans though. it wasn’t done with you and kenma.

although kenma had newfound bitter memories, the café you and kenma went to had his favourite coffee. as kenma fixed the cuffs of his suit, walking up to the café doors, he bumped into someone.

“sorry about that.” he heard a deep voice apologize.

kenma looked up, his eyes widening as he realized the man that bumped into him was the same man he always saw with you. oh how fate loved to toy with the both of you. before either kenma or the man could say anything, a soft voice could be heard coming out of the café.

“dad, are you sure you’re gonna be okay taking the train back ho- kenma?” before you could finish your sentence you stopped right next to your father and stared at the man that broke your heart just a week ago. even then, you could feel something pulling at your chest as you stared at the pudding headed male.

“don’t worry about me y/n, your old man isn’t that hopeless anymore.” your dad chuckled, ruffling your hair despite your protests. “besides it seems like you know this gentleman, might as well spend the afternoon together. i’ll take off now.”

your father gave a small kiss to your forehead before getting into a taxi that would drive him to the closest train station. the air suddenly turned tense as both you and kenma looked anywhere but each others’ eyes.

breaking the silence kenma asked, “that was your father?”, to which you simply nodded playing with your fingers. it was a habit that you did whenever you were feeling anxious about something. kenma grinned at the thought.

“i-i better go.” you started to walk off, before kenma grabbed your wrist halting your movements.

“wait, we need to talk.”

you turned your head and stared at him. kenma’s eyes widened as he stared into yours. he could see them start to glass, filled with hurt and rage. hurt and rage caused by him.

“don’t you have some other girls to attend to?” you bitterly spat out turning away again. you grit your teeth as you tried to hold in your tears.

“y/n, please-“

“i have nothing to say to you.” you said, pulling your wrist away. you started to walk off until his voice could be heard,

“please y/n, i’ll give you space. just please meet me at our spot at 10:00 tonight.”

you didn’t say anything and walked off, leaving kenma to watch as your figure disappeared down the sidewalk.

10:30

you still weren’t there. kenma sat on the swing that hung from the big oak tree above him. 30 minutes past the initial time he told you, and you still weren’t there. kenma was just about to give up and go home, when he heard your familiar light footsteps. he looked up to see you there, shining in the moonlight.

“you came.” he breathed out, relieved. you gave him a sheepish smile, before taking a seat next to him on the swing.

the two of you swung in silence, just admiring the night sky in silence. this place was memorable for you both. it was where you both first went out, and agreed to a sugar daddy/baby relationship. you both visited this place often as it wasn’t well known around the community, but was close enough to kenma’s place. it held a special place in both your hearts.

“i was drunk and stupid and i didn’t know what i was saying.” kenma said, breaking the silence. “i was just so angry and hurt when i saw you with someone else at our café. i thought you were seeing another man when you told me you weren’t.”

you stayed silent, waiting for kenma to continue.

“i know that doesn’t excuse the fact that i got drunk and texted you all these things that are definitely not true and i can’t believe i even said those things to you”

“you called me, and i quote, ‘a lying slut that would do anything for money.” you said, a bitter-tone lacing those words.

“i know, and i regret everything i said. i-i was just hurt and the next thing i knew i was drinking and texting you, and i just wanna reverse everything that happened.” kenma bent over, putting his head in his hands.

“well it’s not like you’re the only one at fault,” you said, “i was keeping something from you after all.”

kenma glanced up at you, as you stared at the full moon which was your only source of light.

“that man you probably saw, which by now you probably know, was my dad. he was in a rough spot ever since i was young, my mom dying too soon and leaving my dad to raise me as a child.” you started off.

“he’s had trouble with money and it was becoming too much for me. once i turned 18 i left my hometown and moved here. got a job and worked hard to pay for my rent and my schooling.” kenma saw you smile sadly at the ground.

“why didn’t you tell me, you know i could’ve-“ he started to say before you cut him off.

“i didn’t wanna ask for your help. you already do so much for me, asking help for this matter was something i was never gonna bring up.”

you both stayed silent again.

“so what happened after?” kenma asked as he glanced at you.

“well my dad contacted me a few months ago, probably 6 months into what started between us. and i helped him find a stable job. he came down to visit me after so long of not seeing each other.” you explained.

kenma let out a breathy laugh, throwing his head back as he held his arm over his eyes. he couldn’t believe that he was that jealous, that insecure, that crazy about you.

“you drive me insane.” he said.

“well the feelings mutual.” you shot back.

kenma sat upright and stared at you. the silence returned once again, and the both of you just stared at each other. kenma brought a hand up to your cheek, brushing the surface with his thumb. leaning into his hand, you gazed at him.

after weeks of not seeing each other, or even touching each other it looked like you two were at your limits. as kenma leaned down, you leaned up and the both of you met in the middle, lips connecting as both of kenma’s hands cupped your face. you wrapped your arms around his neck, to which kenma broke away from your lips and moved down your jawline, giving you small kisses up until he got to your neck.

“kenma,” you breathed out.

“ah ah, what did you call me?” he brought his mouth back up to the side of your head, softly biting your earlobe.

“d-daddy,” you panted out, your mind going crazy as kenma continued to plant kisses around your neck.

“that’s my girl,” he praised.

you and kenma burst through his front door still attached to one another, as kenma pushed you against the wall right when you entered the apartment. putting a knee in between your legs, kenma unbuttoned the top two buttons of your shirt, showing your collarbone. as kenma planted more love-bites across your chest, his hands roamed your waist.

you tried to hold in the sounds you were making, however that did not sit well with kenma. with one hand, he held your hands above your head, and with the other he grabbed your face to make you look at him.

“what did i say about holding in those cute little sounds for me”

“t-that you would punish me.” you whimpered. smirking, kenma lifted you by the thighs and carried you off to his bedroom.

once kenma shut his bedroom door he threw you into his bed, climbing over you and stealing your pair of lips once again. kenma glanced over at the clock that sat on his dresser and pulled away from you.

“look what time it is my love” he said softly to you. you turned your head to the clock he was staring at and before your eyes read the time, 11:11.

“11:11, make a wish” you smiled softly at kenma. he brought his head down once again, giving you a small peck on the lips.

“i wish that i had the courage to tell you this sooner.” he muttered.

“tell me what?” you asked, a genuine look of confusion danced across your face.

“that i love you. that i’ve been in love with you. that i wish we would drop this sugar daddy and sugar baby relationship and just become a real couple” kenma whispered softly, hoping you didn’t hear him.

however, hearing everything he just said, you brought his face down to your lips once again, before pulling away saying, “well my love what if i told you i could make that wish a reality”

kenma let out a breath of relief, before stealing your lips once again. he started to unbutton the rest of your shirt as he moved down your neck, giving you small love bites, marking you as his. he couldn’t contain his excitement the moment he heard you panting and gasping.

kenma went to bed that night, wrapping his arms around your waist and pull you into his chest as you both fell asleep to each other’s soft breathing.

[storybookprincess]

Hi Liv! (: I'm in need of ur Tohru Honda-esque ‘big sister advice’!! It would be great if u cld give me a second opinion, if ur able! If not, that’s fine!

Rn, I’m doing online classes. It’s flexible + allows me more freedom to dawdle in fandom/have time w relatives…the end of SEM1 is approaching + I need to decide whether or not I’ll continue these virtual classes/start in-person learning again (in January). I’m conflicted. I enjoy being able to pace myself/not feel as stressed as I was b4, but I don’t think I’m trying as ‘hard’ as I shld? I don’t do projects/research outside of lessons + the absence of having peers to connect w…is making my mental health foggy. I sort of do wk half-heartedly, but still turn in everything on time + have high marks, so I’m not suffering academically lol. Still!

I don’t want 2 make the wrong decision & screw up my future! I miss my friends & walking down the halls. I used 2 complain abt going to school/dealing w the workload/business/drama…so why do I long for it now? It’s the feels vs. being practical.

I’m afraid 2 go back to in-person, smth also hindering my decision (& smth I’m struggling to admit). In previous years, I’ve been known as the ‘smart kid’ in the honors track. I’m worried abt what people will think of me…& that I’ll be seen as ‘other’. Will I be able to transition/keep my grades up? I’ll probably b placed in the regular track to help w the adjustment, but I’m still anxious. Shld I continue w online → I might switch to another program (one that has a Latin class I’m interested in + more detailed curriculum…unlike independent study) & stick it out? Or shld I go back to in-person?

Thx for reading this essay-of-an-ask. I hope ur December is going okay + the weather where ur @ is nice! <3 You inspire me to improve in writing and being more positive!

hello my friend!!!! first, thank you for your well wishes in this lovely ask!! and ofc i'm so honored you came here for some advice!!! i'd be happy to share my two cents, although *insert obligatory disclaimer about how i'm not a counselor or therapist or academic adviser & just a well meaning internet person & thus everything i say should be taken with a grain of salt*

so obviously the decision to return to in person vs remain in online school is a very personal one & i therefore don't feel i should just tell you what to do. instead, i'll offer a few things to think about:

1. the basics--what is your vaccination status, your district's policy on masks, and your own pre-existing health risks, if any?

this is all pretty straightforward stuff to answer, but i'd feel wrong leaving it out. if you are unvaccinated, are at a moderate to high risk for serious health complications from covid, and/or are in a school that doesn't enforce masks or contact tracing, you'll want to give those factors some serious consideration. obviously your health is the #1 priority in all of this

2. okay, onto the actual subject of your ask!! first, you'll want to weigh the burden on your mental health of being isolated at home versus the burden of the stress of being in school

in general, i think most students' mental health is much, much better when interacting with their peers on a daily basis. at our core, we're social creatures, and isolation truly wreaks havoc on our mental and physical wellbeing. there's a reason you find yourself missing school--seeing your friends and peers and teachers every day & getting to interact with them is as critical to your mental wellness as adequate sleep, water, and food. it's not silly or impractical at all!! it's the way we function as a species

however, that being said, if you're facing bullying, social ostracization, extreme academic stress, or other adverse experiences in school, you might find you feel better at home, and that's definitely something to take into consideration. so i'd encourage you to think about an average day at home versus an average day going to school. not the absolute worst or best days--just an average one. in which situation do you feel better? that might help with your decision

3. while i was initially just posing questions, this i can say with confidence--it's extremely unlikely anyone else is going to give more than a moment's thought to which track you start back at school in

a big part of adolescence is the persistent belief that others are observing & forming judgments about you & your behaviors. seriously, it's called the imaginary audience & it's a natural, healthy, and nearly universal stage of development. but the truth of the matter is that all of your peers are way, way too caught up in themselves to spare you much of a thought

of course your friends think and care about you. of course that one classmate appreciates when you always are there to loan them a pen. of course the new kid feels happy when you smile & wave to them in the hall. but short of those sorts of things where a person either has a strong relationship with you or you do something that affects them directly, the majority of people just do not care what anyone else is doing basically ever. except in rare circumstances, no one will judge what track you start back into because they've got their own things to think about. i wouldn't let that worry cloud your judgment, and i'd remind yourself over & over that the imaginary audience is just that--imaginary

i hope this was able to give you a bit of food for thought!! i trust you to make the right choice for you, but please know that whatever you decide, it's not going to be the singular make or break decision for your future. there will be plenty of other choices you'll make--some without even realizing it--that will have far, far bigger effects, so please don't stress too much. hang in there & know i'll be rooting for you!!!! xo

[skunkes]

hiii im going to do a rundown on Al's whole deal. Since its a general overview of him im going to try to keep brief. its still long! but a concise length instead of the extra rambling cheye loves if that makes sense. Not expecting anyone to read it all, bc its novel length, spaced out further for easier reading, but its Here for future ref for anybody inchersted. ^_^

↪️Trying to utilize oc text tag more ^_^

warning for brief mention of. non consensual acts. Assault. It's not glorified or graphically detailed. And even narratively, it is not treated...gratuitously?

There is a warning preceeding the paragraph that mentions it as well. ^_^

🐄 Al is a sort of stereotypical farm guy from TX (accent and all), his parents had him at a pretty young age and they love each other ^_^ Al very much has the "my mom/dad is my bff" relationship w them. They're also both very nice people. Al's dad also works at local flower shoppe and his mom is a carpenter/a local handyma'am. Theyd live in one of those smaller towns so wld be very involved w community, and wld sell and share any surplus of what they had on farm. Al is like. Early 30's currently, actually (like, Today). I keep trying to pause his age while i catch up to him but it jst keeps rising every year like i swear he'll be 40 next yr (JORK)

🌱 Al has always been a born caretaker, he likes taking care of things! He would be the first to offer to hold and babysit any new babies in his family, + liked playing house with baby dolls and/or the farm animals as a child. Heartbroken when he wasnt meant to have any siblings. He has always enjoyed the company of children, as a child and once he got older. He likes to take care of animals, he likes the process of nurturing plants to adulthood, he loves helping you when you are sick. Not only that but he likes talking things through with people and giving them advice. Very much Dad Friend.

🍎 Al was victim to one of those teachers that has it out for You Only as a child once he was growing more, and would sort of encourage ostracizing him in class. She'd often make unfounded comments about like. I bet this kid is going to be such a brute when he grows up!! Just look at how much taller and bigger he is than everyone already!!! Stay away from him lest he hurts you!! But more cruelly. Which really instilled a sort of Self Terror in his heart. Even now he's massively afraid of hurting others by accident even tho he's a grown ass adult. It's that sort of thing that sticks with you. Like my god Mrs. Whatever in 4th grade told everyone I was going to be an evil monster what if she's right. Al usually tells his parents everything but he never told them about this. Sadly he ends up not telling them about the most important stuff.

🏈 High school Al was still good and nice ^_^ bt things started getting sort of sucks for him around here. He was an avid sports player and was quite popular w people. He's. Not the best at choosing partners and it was around this time that people would sort of date him just to be the person dating that guy from the football team, without rlly caring about him. Status symbol. A trophy. It sort of drained him as he rlly would pour all of his romantic efforts onto each person fully, like Okay, THIS Will Be The Person I Marry One Day ^_^ not really grasping that they didn't actually Care about him as a person.

📚 This continues into college, I wish I cld go into the depths of HOW this all affected him but it gets a little more suggestive in nature so I can't, but he gets really desperate to have ANYBODY stay with him instead of constantly tossing him aside that he gains some bad habits in people pleasing, and loses a lot of self worth because he is a hopeless romantic, and wants somebody to be with. This is also where he copes with his feelings by overworking himself with studies as a distraction, so he loses friends and doesnt easily gain more, making it all worse with no real outside support. He'll tell his parents about new partners, but not the full picture so they cant help as much as they could if they knew. The full thing. They are very :/ about what he does tell them though

Content warning: Ok mention of assault is here, non graphic detailed, the emotional aftermath is. Al ends up with what is his worst partner, who constantly raises her voice at him and almost escalates to physical harm. She does put her hands on him at some point, and its infrequent and leaves him on edge all the time. He never leaves first in these situations bc he's been convinced it's all his fault, always (and he doesnt want to be. The brute his grade school teacher said he'd always become). She frequently invalidates his kindness and mistreats him. Like "stop smiling at me", breaking things he makes for her, ruining or throwing away his personal things, stomping on all his goodhearted intentions levels of cruelty.

Anyway, one night she forgoes his consent wrt intimacy and he freezes as it happens from the absolute shock of...consent being ignored like that and everything sort of plummets from there. He thinks its all his fault, and feels bad over...feeling bad about it. On top of feeling bad about it. Like he kicks himself for feeling bad about it when he could have easily just removed himself from the situation, being much taller and stronger than her (<- his unhealthy reasoning btw) and everything about it hurts him to think about. He feels stupid when it should be a non issue to him. (AGAIN... his warped reasoning not like the way i feel about it).

She leaves him soon after for his reaction to all this and verbally berates him for it so he's all alone again + in an even worse mental state than before. To this day he hasn't told his parents (+ didnt tell anybody back then either), because he's afraid they would also make fun of him and think it was a non issue when in reality they literally could have helped save him from further anguish. (He eventually does have an arc where he tells them and there's lots of crying). He's just constantly near tears over everything at this point. He doesn't understand why this happened or what's wrong with him that made somebody think he was a prime target for all of this.

(end of potentially triggering, touchy content)

⛈️ All anybody notices is that he starts to overwork himself in all aspects. When he graduates and gets a random diner job and he works as much as possible, in his free time he takes up odd jobs so that he can be working. He moves out from farm home so that he doesnt have to deal with the shame of literally All of It. All the failed connections he's had with other people, because it must mean He is a failed person and everyone must be able to sniff this out immediately.

He easily makes friends but cant sustain the relationships because he has to be working on something so he doesnt have to think about the mistreatment, or the ""assault"" (he doesnt treat it as something serious) or being alone, because what if he just finds someone else who treats him worse. He gets it now! He attracts people who will treat him badly. For some reason he's incapable of finding somebody who wont. And if he has nobody to take care of he has to focus that energy elsewhere to be worth anything to anyone. He works himself to unhealthy exhaustion. Always. Anything to not think about himself or any of it. Has a hard time maintaining his health around here bc he does not. Care. What happens to him. Talking to parents less and less, making them worry.

💘 (Suggestive in nature text incoming) he ends up actually having healthy!!! hook ups w ppl that enjoy his company and him as a person but he cant trust himself enough to pursue things further, thinking himself a omen of bad luck in love, further isolating.

⛅ He does eventually get past this \^_^/ and finds friends and people who help him take it easy and reassure him he is not worthless if he isn't working, that he can enjoy caring for others but its okay to be taken care of as well. He is very emotional still, and still gets very nervous about hurting others. He's very considerate to make extra sure he doesn't hurt others be it with his words or physically.

Like he wants to make sure nobody is treated the way he's been treated. He thinks he is a good person and is capable of being outwardly confident but he still struggles a lot with self worth after how he's been treated and tossed aside by very many people he thought cared about him. Despite him thinking he's had an easy life with 0 problems compared to everyone else the ppl who care ab him finally wrangle him into therapy for all this and he still struggles.

🎒 Also as things progress he realizes he would much rather be able to frequently help kids vs having any of his own, so he plans on going back and becoming some sort of grade school math teacher \^_^/ he is very good at math. Have not planned when this happens exactly. But its perfect for him, and it sort of heals him from his Bad Experience w Teacher as a child. Becomes the sort of teacher you still think about 20 yrs after but in the good way, as well as teacher who goes out of his way to help kids who are goinf thru difficult situations \^_^/ if one day i remove myself from his story i will write it in that he fosters/adopts children/teens with somebody he loves as well. ^_^

If you read all this THANK YU...sorry i write so much. Obvs al has other facets of personality and how he is as a person but this is more like. Loose backstory and hashtag plot or w.e. ^_^ i love my guyyy

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering. 

[strvwberryblcnde]

👫 lana & dom

send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons i have about our muses’ relationship.

lana buys lots of things on random whims n i feel like smthn she wld have bought the summer her n dom started properly seeing each other is a polaroid camera. probably one of those fujifilm mini ones in pink w stickers on of holographic mermaids n butterflies. n all her friends wld be subject to hving their photos taken on this at 447294734 parties but fr the most part like 50% of the film wld be spent on dom esp considering how often they’d see each other. i cn imagine her being annoying abt it e.g. bursting in unannounced when he ws showering n flinging the curtain bk n shrieking in delight as she tkes a pic of him in there. penis NOT in shot (lana ws very disappointed when she realised altho inevitably dom ws relieved). it ws probably rly blurry too from her springing out of nowhere n running away after she’d dazed him w the flash bt lana wld never dream of throwing it away she’s probably like ugh cole sprouse WISHES he ws me tht stupid i’m weird i’m a weirdo bitch i’m taking his photographer crown n i’m loving it..... another time if she ws wearing his tshirt or smthn jst to laze around in she wld have tried to convince dom to wear her cropped bowie t-shirt she usually lounges in she’d b like OUTFIT SWAP!!!! like it ws a reality show segment. she’d do his hair w her strawberry clips n everything n wna take a polaroid of tht as well. a majority of these polaroids wld b taken w her sat on top of him in bed peeping thru the viewfinder n grinning sickeningly wide after. she’s bad at organisation bt she wld keep very close track of these polaroids n treasure them a lot bc they’d document a summer where she was rly rly happy. probably took them with her to la too she jst has them hidden somewhere.... idk if she’d ever b able to bring herself to throw them away to b honest

i jst had this vision of lana n dom taking franklin to the park n i already told u abt how she’d tell franklin tht she gives the flowers all their own names n say he shld come up w his own names fr them too bc it’s more fun tht way bt. i cn imagine if they saw two bees trying to pollinate the same flower n like buzzing close to each other if franklin pointed it out lana wld gasp n be like OMG they’re in love. they’re married bees. u can tell frm how bright their stripes r they’re extra yellow n glowing like the sun tht’s what happens. tht means they’re in love franklin. n idk if franklin wld say this or not bt if he asked what loves like lana wld b like hmMMM well. love’s kind of like being first in the queue fr the best rollercoaster. or licking the sugar off ur fingers when they’re all sticky frm candy floss. going to the zoo n getting to see all ur favourite animals on a day tht’s sunny but not TOO hot. enough to give ur nose freckles bt not burn ur shoulders. make u feel toasty like ur inside a cocoon. n love’s like........ she’d pause here. she’s crouched dwn on his lvl as she says this mayb dom hs walked off to get them ice creams n she briefly lks at him in the distance as he’s paying before lking bk at franklin. scrunching her nose playfully as she tries to stall. when she hesitantly continues she’s like. n love’s like getting home after tht perfect day at the zoo n finally getting into bed w fresh sheets when ur sleepy n ur eyes r all droopy n heavy. the pillows r fluffy n it’s safe n warm n all of the gd in the world at once. i think love’s like tht. it’s jst.... nice n stuff. n she’d jst be like :) afterwards realising she’d rambled on n change the subject like hey lk at that BUTTERFLY franklin............. bt i jst think this is. particularly heartwarming to me bc not only wld she have been basing tht on hw she feels abt dom bt. in the past love ws always a thing w barbs tht hurt her whenever she tried to hold it n.... he jst rly transformed her idea of being loved by someone into smthn safe n reliable n consistent......... smthn she cld actually make a home out of instead of constantly hving an eye on the door in case they leave / she needs an escape route..... a relationship isn’t a scary concept w him

lana n dom r like. opposites when it comes to social media esp instagram...... dom jst nt even knowing hw to use it n lana posting so regularly hving a small following fr her fashion n whtever.......... i feel like lana wld try to teach him how to use it bt it wld consist of a lot of her being like no that’s--.... dom that’s--.... that’s not ri--.... n jst throwing her head bk n cackling so much she wld b rly endeared by him being clueless abt it she’d be like ommmmmmmmmg it’s ok i’ll b steve jobs n u can be my sexy assistant tht just has to strut besides me like a car dealership model whenever i go on stage to debut the nxt technological advancement. dom wld have to be like... isn’t he dead? lana wld gasp so suddenly n be like omfggggggggg tht explains why me calling this tech nerd wearing a turtleneck steve jobs lst week bombed so hard mayb he thought i ws telling him to die..... dom’s probably like... i doubt he thought tht lana..... she wld laugh at the thought of this anyway n change topics jst the worst attention span already over it. ALSO this is instagram related bt.... bev.kingston wld rly centralise her hate crusade onto dom when it became clear they were dating / things gt mre official n serious. mostly lana wld b like this is so funny n dumb bt.... i think she wld dm bev.kingston one time being like. ok all jokes aside can u cool it a little on the dom hate not to b gross bt he makes me rly happy n i dnt want him to b sad if he ever advances beyond a technological grandpa n sees all this stuff. bev.kingston wld literally screenshot this n post it on her insta like LANA AND I HAVE BEEN IN CLOSE CONTACT I HAVE DECIDED EVANS BOY IS ON TRIAL BASIS EVEN IF I HATE IN MY HEART AND KNOW FREYA IS ONE FOR HER  n she’d update her page like 21/08/2020 LANA DM’D ME ABOUT EVANS BOY (or whtever the date ws) n it’d be sm. lana wld b embarrassed she’d try to get her to delete it she’d b like fk my fking life ur sick bev ur lit rally sick.....

lana treats halloween as a week long celebration she goes to sm parties tht she literally hs to have like..... 482759872 costumes planned each yr. n fr one of them. she’d b like let’s go as each other :) n she’d dress as an angel n he’d dress as a devil. she’d put on red lipstick before they went purely to “help w his costume” n it’d jst consist of her leaving lipstick prints on his cheek n neck n hip even if. his hip wsnt visible w the top he ws wearing she’d b like dom listen.... listen. it’s literally part of the vision n it’s necessary......... it doesn’t matter if ppl can’t see it we’ll both kno it’s there n it’ll elevate the look so mch...... w that attention to detail u cld even b in the running fr winning a prize...... then she wld take the lipstick off like it wldnt even be part of her outfit she only put it on to do this specifically. she’d insist on them getting a photo tgether n it’d b a bit gross it’d b a whole thing she jst.... wld b very proud to b seen w him she’d show him off a lot.... if anyone complimented her outfit she’d b like ya n have u seen dom he’s a devil we match :) n if there ws another pair tht had worn the same which i mean there probably might it isn’t a hugely original concept bt lana wld be like......... ummmmm tht guy is the most pathetic devil i hv literally ever seen..... if she ws drunk she might even b like ummm.... hw does it feel fr dom to be a sexier devil than u............... does it sting? jealous i bet....... n dom wld have to b like lana please.... im sry abt her.... u lk gd haha...... cushioning the blow. taking her hand n leading her away. n lana is jst tittering n murmurs in his ear like. he knew it ws true u cld see it in his eyes. he knew u lkd better than him. 

[seokmatthewz]

bit bit old (yesterday i think?) but about that ask thing where u rate groups and all of that if u want!!!!! astro, n.flying, a.c.e, oneus????? sorry if they're too many u can choose any of them!!!!

ah i stan all these groups lets go!!

astro

my bias + bias wrecker: i stan jinjin nd mj nd my wrecker is moonbin!!

first time i heard of them: right before hide&seek came out!!

when i became a fan: TO! BE! CONTINUED!! god.........

favorite title track: all night or baby!!

favorite b-side: go&stop

favorite mv: all night.....obsessed w her.......

favorite album: all light or blue flame!!

a concept i wished they’d try: all night has my ideal concept for an mv im satisfied fdjsksdlk 

what i like most about them: theyre so funny and theyre rlly good dancers too!!! i was super into em a couple years ago theyre such funky dudes

n.flying

my bias + bias wrecker: hun!! nd mr seunghyub....thinkin bout he

first time i heard of them: sometime in like late 2015 early 2016 i stumbled across awesome and listened to it. So much fksljjkldf

when i became a fan: whenever i listened to awesome fjkdskdls i started stanning as fast as i cld!!

favorite title track: the real!!

favorite b-side: up all night

favorite mv: hot potato

favorite album: how are you

a concept i wished they’d try: god....idek.......i rlly like the like goofy vibe some of their mvs have i just wish theyd do more of tht 

what i like most about them: i just.....boys who play instruments <3 also theyre so FUNNY it sends me into another dimension to watch hun and jaehyun’s youtube channel sometimes...god...

a.c.e

my bias + bias wrecker: i stan byeongkwan and donghun nd i wld say sehyoon yuchan and junhee are communally my bias wreckerfdlskkf

first time i heard of them: like ?? whenever their blackpink cover got released the playing with fire one!!! like dec 2016 i think???

when i became a fan: it took me one lunch period of furiously scrolling thru their insta to learn their names the same day i saw tht vid fdjkdfkls

favorite title track: take me higher!!! shes flawless

favorite b-side: omg ..... black&blue or mr bass...

favorite mv: take me higher!!!! cute summer concept a.c.e is my fave thing ever

favorite album: under cover!!

a concept i wished they’d try: ooooh this is inch resting idk tbh i feel like a.c.e could pull off anything idk tbh!!

what i like most about them: i cld go on for hours abt how much i like a.c.e fkdssldkf imo theyre one of the most well rounded and talented kpop groups and their live performances.....dude they go so Hard its insane also theyre really sweet dflksfdlkj ive met them a couple times nd they seemed very nice and sincere!! i just absolutely love everything abt them!!

oneus

my bias + bias wrecker: ravn!! nd i dont have a wrecker

first time i heard of them: i watched all the produce seasons as they were happenin so i heard rumblings of their debut thru tht!!

when i became a fan: uhhh i remember learning names nd faces early on so prolly sometime after valkyrie came out!!

favorite title track: does come back home count its come back home fkjskld

favorite b-side: uhhh i dont rlly listen to their btracks :’)

favorite mv: to be or not to be

favorite album: havent heard btracks so idk fdjkldsf

a concept i wished they’d try: uhhh i love summery concepts so mayhaps somethin like tht!!

what i like most about them: they seem super talented!!! ngl i think i wld rlly love oneus but the thing thats stopping me from going like Full Blown Clown is that theres always something about a lot of their songs tht i dont completely vibe with??? i hope i can get more invested soon but theyre very sweet boys!!

send me a kpop group!!

[figureinthedistance]

LOVED knives out. i knew i cld trust rian johnson!!!! i loved it so much. im like so ecstatic 2 see what 2 me represents the first good cinematic whodunnit since the 70s. the throwing up thing was silly + incongruous but ultimately wasnt used in any really annoying way. everything else was perfect. like i love the cozy mystery genre SO much + think it is rlly hard 2 translate 2 screen, partly bc visually communicating clues + stuff jst isnt as effective as having it in writing. but also bc of the complete disdain fr the genre so everyone who touches it feels like they need 2 either make it a satire or make it super edgy + grim + noir-adjacent. it is the stupidest fucking source material 2 use fr that! u cannot make poirot edgy! ok this is jst me ranting abt how much i hate sarah phelps but like yea knives out was great it wasnt abt satirizing or transcending the genre but it wasnt jst an unambitious homage either + where rian jonson made tasteful decisions 2 subvert tropes it was rlly effective imho. SPOILERS! going in w a very basic knowledge of the premise which was essentially "a rich old patriarch is murdered during a family gathering" (always a solid setting!!) i rlly did jst assume christopher plummer was gna be an asshole bc in all the other versions of this story ive read he has been i feel like. so i thought it was rlly nice making him a good likeable character. like jst 2 avoid relying 2 heavily on archetypes. + while the layabout entitled charming ne'er do well son who has been suddenly cut off from family funds IS very much an archetype, the fact that he wasnt given a redemption + the audience werent expected 2 be ultimately sympathetic was rlly refreshing. also it feels 2 reductive 2 call this a 'subversion' of the genre lol but the fact that it had a pretty clear + unpretentiously delivered political message was rlly interesting. jst bc in my mind murder mysteries are so completely reactionary + the fact this was based in a super rich family didnt reassure me they werent going 2 follow the formula of "the murder is the only issue in these ppls lives, apart from maybe some secondary petty grievances, + once the murder is solved order will b restored". but that was very much not what this film was abt! which was rlly cool + what i have always idealistically wanted from the genre. daniel craig was... fun. idk he was a real character study character but there wasnt enough space in the film fr that study. i think thats an issue in film as opposed 2 books in this genre that i so far have not seen surmounted. like its jst hard 2 buy in2 the gifted detective characters if u dont have the narrator spending pages describing their background, various idiosyncrasies + Redemptive Moments of Humanity. but it was a good performance + from what insight we were able 2 have in2 the character i liked him a lot. such a solid serial detective name as well!!! the plot itself was good but i feel like i wish there was some meatier red herrings + misdirects. again its difficult fr a film 2 have space for that, which sux, bc resolving red herrings is always the most interesting + satisfying stage in the mystery solving arc fr me . the last shot was... SO good i loved it so much. i jst loved how he embraced the technicolor goofiness of the genre.

[floorbed]

ok for the breaking a character down thing... how about the psiioniic?

AAAA 💛💛💛💛 thank you so much dev!!!! i love yelling about this funky guy

How I feel about this character

i would take a bullet for this bitch like. not to be cringe or anything but he’s such a legend and deserves the literal world. i just love psii bc everyone who cares about him or cares abt the ancestors in general has such unique takes on him and how hes depicted and theyre all such good and valid takes i love everyone's creativity when it comes to giving him an actual voice and characterization bc its always different!!! 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

this might come as a shock to yall i know...,,.... but i ship him w the s*gnless anf the d*sc*ple wow who cld have seen that one coming. joaks aside i love this stupid revolutionary ot3. cant believe this man has 2 (two) whole feral s.o’s. also i am just a sucker for soulmates with a fated tragic ending so there’s that. i love how they balance each other out like . w sign being this empath pacifist optimist revolutionary vs his bf and his gf who unlike him will 100% cut a bitch if need be. yeah i really cant actually articulate my thoughts on them well but. they’re my favs and i think it’s cute when they commit acts of mass treason together

My non-romantic OTP for this character

the handmaid!!! i love the idea some ppl have written of psii and mai being friends post-revolution like. two clinically depressed bitches who have been alive long enough to have Seen Some Shit trying to mutually keep each other from going crazy. *chefs kiss* love it. bitches who are conditionally immortal together STAY together

My unpopular opinion about this character

i dont really think i have any because of how little he has in canon and how small the inner circle fandom is! if anything it’s that i’ve never romantically shipped him w/ rosa which i know is kind of popular but @ everyone who does keep living ur truth legends!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

DEEP BREATH. AIGHT WHERE DO I BEGIN. so first of all it would have been really epic if we actually got to see like,,,, his Character in canon you know,,,, like if their lives werent told just in a narrated overview story but in actual scenes... as far as like ! canonical events go! i know everything that went down Had to happen like that or else theyd be in a doomed tl but like...... fuck the true tl i want successful revolution to have happened. psii sign di n rosa somehow killing the condesce without the world ending and then rebuilding civilization together and bringing in mass reforms and having to figure out how to be actual politicians and leaders instead of just visionaries........ it would be so tasty. 

this was very long im sorry i just. Yeah. thank you for your time i will never be over the psiioniic