#nat would be at the bottom with the explanation being either ‘bitch’ or ‘i don’t ljke him’

[gumy-shark]

would it be funny if i did a bit where i ranked my headmates based on how much i like them and why

[cami-chats]

Myshka

Fandom: Marvel

Pairings: Tony Stark/Natasha Romanoff, Natasha Romanoff & Bucky Barnes

Warnings: None

Summary: Soulmarks are the nicknames your soulmate will call you. Tony has some Russian petnames and guesses wrong the first time, but Natasha’s just happy that Tony asked her on a date, even if he went on one with Bucky first. 

Read below or on AO3 

Tony'd been born with three nicknames printed on him in blocky letters. On the bottom of his left foot Котенок and мышка-- and Tony of course, but he didn't think about that most of the time. Russian, which didn't do him any favors with his father when he was a kid. By the time the Cold War ended, Howard was long dead, but the anti-Russian sentiments remained. Tony didn't really give a shit, he was just trying to get through his life one day at a time. 

Bad as it sounded, it was easier for Tony to get through his daily work before Afghanistan. Then dealing with Obadiah, then palladium poisoning, then that fucking portal right above what was supposed to be his home. It could have gotten worse. Maybe it should have. But Fate gave all the Avengers a good bounce, and they ended up as a team. They had each other's backs, and everything Tony had to put up with got easier. There was three times as much to deal with, but it was better somehow. 

Kotyonok. Myshka. There were two Russian (or Russian adjacent, as far as Bucky was concerned) pals on the team. Tony had long since looked up what the words were, but it was still hard to imagine someone calling him that. He didn't feel particularly cute or worthy of being called an animal. Kitten. Little mouse. Tony felt like maybe his soulmate didn't know him that well, but he appreciated the idea. Sort of. 

Bucky called him kotyonok one day, and Tony brushed it off as a coincidence. It was, according to online chat rooms, a very popular nickname, and Tony wasn't going to put that much stock in it. It happened again, as Bucky was thanking him for the tuneup on his arm. Then again when they were sparring and Bucky gave him a few pointers on fighting someone stronger than him. 

There were two problems and it went like this. 

1. Bucky was a great friend, but he wasn't anyone Tony had a romantic (or sexual) interest in. Despite looking a hell of a lot younger than him, Bucky felt more like a murder-uncle or a close friend of the parents like Edwin Jarvis had, than a peer. Obviously they worked together on the Avengers, and they were close, but it had that vibe. Same with Steve, only Steve was the team leader so he was even less in the room as a peer. It was kind of a mess, and not one Tony cared to unravel. 

2. Tony was half in love with Natasha. It's not his fault she was so incredible, but unfortunately it was his fault that he noticed it so much. It was such a goddamn cliche for him to want her. The Black Widow was the classic femme fatale, and Tony was the aging billionaire that thought he'd be different and special enough to mean something real to her. Nat could have anyone she wanted, and she didn't have any use for the only thing Tony could offer her: copious amounts of money. 

So you know, minor problems in the grand scheme of soulmates. The second point wasn't actually a life long issue. After all, people fell in love with people who weren't their soulmates all the time. Tony sure as hell had, and it stood to reason that that wouldn't change until he and Bucky actually got together. As for the first point, well, it wasn't that bad either. Tony and Rhodey had gone from friends to dating back to friends, and they were perfectly fine. 

Tony would be able to fall in love with Bucky, no problem, he just had to get it moving. He'd ask Bucky on the perfect date, and they could get the ball rolling. He'd heard Bucky talk about the concept of soulmates before, and it definitely sounded like something he wanted. With the amount of nicknames Tony called him, there was no way that Bucky didn't know it wasn't him. If Bucky hadn't said anything yet, it was surely because he thought that Tony would be the one to have a problem with it, so he'd solve that issue right out the gate. Tony would stop getting so distracted, Bucky would be happy, it was a definite win scenario. 

Bucky's favorite type of food to eat out was Greek, so Tony did a little research and found a place that had great reviews and was romantic but not too fancy. Personally, Tony didn't see what the team's big issue was with black-tie restaurants, but there was no need to make Bucky uncomfortable on their first date. First day of the rest of their lives, right? Tony needed to put him at ease, let him know that he was willing to make compromises for him. He had everything planned, from how he'd style his hair to which car they'd take-- the light blue R8 Spyder, Bucky's favorite. 

*

"It's like he doesn't even know I exist," Natasha groused. 

"Don't be stupid, of course Tony knows you exist," Bucky said, rolling his eyes. 

She gave him a flat look. "As a teammate. As a romantic option? I might as well be dead." 

"You're exaggerating." 

"Really? Because I showed up at his room in lingerie, and he didn't even look." 

"He was being respectful because he thought you had a nightmare," Bucky said, remembering the morning after she tried that, with the endless bitching that followed. 

"It was see through." 

"Again, respectful. I don't check you out when you're naked around me because you're injured." Plus they’d been together and it didn’t work out, so there was no need to look at her because he already knew what she looked like naked. 

"Pink. And see through. That top makes my breasts look like they were crafted in heaven, and he didn't even glance." 

"He thought you were emotionally vulnerable. Don't you like him because he's a good guy?" 

"Pink," she repeated. "And see through. You can see my nipples through them. It accentuates every single curve. I look goddamn fuckable in that thing." 

Bucky wrinkled his nose. "That's too much detail." 

"We used to have sex," she said flatly. 

"That was a long time ago. We're good Natasha, but I don't want to hear how you look in lingerie." 

"To summarize, I look so good it should've made Tony sexually interested in me even if he doesn't want to date me." 

"Tony's been distracted lately. You're great, he'll realize that soon, I'm sure of it." 

"Are you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yes." Frankly, he thought she should go for the more casual look since Tony was past the point in his life where he wanted monkey wild sex, and more in the phase where he wanted soft and sweet. But the last time he'd said that she hit him upside the head, so he was going to wait a while before bringing it up again. 

The cupcakes they'd made were finally cool enough to start frosting, and Bucky shoved the first one in his mouth before going to frost the rest. Natasha did the same, and by the time Tony found his way in the room, they'd finished. It was a good thing he interrupted, because it looked like Nat was about to smear frosting on his face just to see what he’d do. 

"Hey Bucky." It was a little weird that Tony was standing next to the table instead of sitting down or grabbing food like he normally did. 

"Yeah?" Bucky asked, not looking up from the cupcake. He had seen Natasha put in chocolate chips, but he couldn't see any in his cupcake. It was rather distressing because he'd really been looking forward to those chocolate chips. 

"Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight? There's a Greek place that supposed to be very good." 

Bucky didn't know why they were starting to have formal invitations to eat together, but he was always up for Greek food. "Sure, sounds good. Natasha, you coming?" he asked, glancing over at her. Then he saw that she was looking at Tony, and he followed her gaze. Tony looked downtrodden, like he was thoroughly disappointed but had sort of expected this. 

"I think," she said carefully, "Tony meant as a date. So while I would love to go, I'm going to say no." 

"A date," Bucky repeated, and Tony nodded. He looked even more like he was expecting for Bucky to say no, and he didn't want to do that to him. It was the first time Tony was trying to get out of the Tower in two weeks-- not counting work-- and Bucky didn't want to make him even more depressed. God it was like kicking a puppy to leave him standing there looking so sad. "Sounds great," Bucky said, forcing a smile. Natasha was going to kill him. Or talk more about her lingerie depending on how vindictive she was feeling. "What time?" 

Tony looked blindsided. "Seven?" 

"Great, I'll be ready." 

Tony blinked, nodded, then shuffled away. 

"Fuck," Bucky breathed, hiding his face in his hands. 

"If you weren't such an emotional mess, I'd think you were a fucking traitor of a best friend." 

Bucky peeked through his fingers and saw Natasha glaring at her cupcake. "I panicked! He looked so sad, I couldn't say no." 

"I know," she grumbled, shoving half a cupcake in her mouth miserably. 

"I don't even know why he's doing that though." 

"It's because he likes everyone more than me," Natasha complained, talking around the mass of food. 

Bucky gave her a flat look. "Tony's not interested in me, he never has been." 

"Clearly something changed." 

"Not really." Bucky frowned as he thought, but no explanation was forthcoming. "I'll ask him tonight, see if I can find out where his head is." 

"I don't think demanding to know why he wants to date you is going to work so well." 

"Don't be so negative. Not everyone responds to the subtle touch, and I'm pretty sure Tony wouldn't know subtle if he spent his entire life around it.” 

That made Natasha glare at him even harder. "Tony knows how to work the press. Believe me, he knows subtle." 

"Professionally, yeah, but that's different than looking for it in his personal life." 

"If you want to go trampling around like a rhinoceros, I can't stop you," she said, but it was clear she thought it was a mistake. 

Bucky flapped a hand at her and picked up another cupcake. "I'll figure it out. Besides, if you thought subtle worked, wouldn't he realize you're into him?" 

"He knows I'm into him asshole, he's just not interested." 

Bucky just shook his head. He'd told her flat out that Tony didn't know, and she didn't believe him. 

*

If they'd gone as friends, it would've been great. Tony didn't even know why Bucky had said yes, he was so uncomfortable. Bucky was pleased as punch when Tony said he could drive, and he positively cooed over the car before they left. As soon as they got in though, there was an awkward air hovering between them. They'd never really had to deal with that before, even when Bucky first showed up. There were plenty of silences between them, but it had never been so horribly awkward. When they got in the restaurant, Bucky was clearly excited, and he enjoyed the food when he was eating it. Technically, Tony had planned the perfect date. The problem was that Bucky didn't want to be on it with him. 

Tony was just resigning himself to living and dying alone when Bucky brought it up. "Why'd you even ask me on a date, Tony? Don't get me wrong, all this... it's great, but do you really like me like that? We're not even acting like friends right now. We might as well be two strangers on a date for all the fun we're having." 

Tony shifted uneasily. 

"Tony? C'mon, talk to me. It's just Bucky," he added with a crooked smile. 

God, even now-- when they were supposedly on a date-- Bucky sounded more like an uncle trying to get him to open up. "You're my soulmate," Tony muttered. 

Bucky blinked. 

Tony gave an awkward shrug. "I know we're not anything like that, but I'm not getting any younger, you know? There didn't seem to be any reason to drag it out when we both know how it's going to end." 

"You sound like you're talking about dying, not your soulmate," Bucky noted. "But Tony, I think you made some sorta mistake; I'm not your soulmate." 

Tony frowned, looking adorably confused. "But-" 

"You call me a hundred different nicknames Tony, and I don't have even half of them on me." Bucky was in the normal range for words, just four written down the side of his leg. Tony called him ten nicknames in a single day, it definitely wasn't him. 

"Oh thank fuck." 

Bucky laughed. Tony was already more at ease, looking more relaxed now than he had the entire rest of the night. "Now that that's cleared up, can we enjoy the rest of our meal? Cause this restaurant was a fucking brilliant idea." 

"By all means." 

"So if you don't mind my asking, what're your words?" It was hard to imagine what they could be that Tony mistook them for being from Bucky. 

"Kotyonok. You've called me that, so I thought," Tony trailed off with a shrug, poking at his food. 

"It's a pretty popular nickname," Bucky said, since Tony was looking all ashamed of himself for making that mistake. 

"I know. I guess I was just... I dunno. Grasping at straws. I'm tired of being alone." 

"You're not alone, Tony." 

"I know, I've got the team and Rhodey and Pepper and Happy and the bots," he said it by rote, like it was something he'd told himself a dozen times. 

"Yeah, that too." Bucky didn't elaborate, wanting to draw Tony out of his funk. No better way to do that than stir his curiosity. 

Tony paused, glanced at him, then sighed with a smile playing at his mouth. He knew what Bucky was doing, and he was letting it happen. "Alright, I'll bite. Too?" 

"Our other resident Russian." 

Tony's smile flickered and died. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'don't kick someone while they're down'? It applies right now Terminator." 

"What the hell are you talking about? Nat's been putting on a fucking show trying to get your attention." 

Tony rolled his eyes. 

"She thinks you don't like her." 

"She's not that stupid." 

"You'd be surprised. Also, she's not the only one that's stupid." 

"What? What did I do?" 

"It's more what you didn't do. If she's to be believed, she showed up at your doorstep in the middle of the night in lingerie? Come on Tony, that's pretty damn obvious." 

"She'd had a nightmare! I wasn't going to assume anything because of what she sleeps in." 

"Lingerie isn't comfortable, she wasn't sleeping in it. She never sleeps in anything like that. My point Tony, is how do you know it's not her?" 

Tony gave him a flat look, and this conversation reminded Bucky of all those conversations he'd had with Natasha where she was claiming that Tony wasn't interested in her. Maybe that's because Tony was doing the exact same fucking thing. These two were going to send him to an early grave, he was sure of it. 

"Listen, you can say no, but I know Nat's real handwriting. If it's her handwriting for your words, you have to go for it. If it's not, I'll drop it and never bother you about this again." 

"Fine," Tony said, with all the confidence of someone that thought they were going to win. Bucky wasn't as sure, but he had nothing to lose with this, and everything to gain-- peace of mind and a topic of conversation other than how great Tony was. "I'll show you when we get home, it's not exactly in an accessible place." 

"Did I just volunteer to look at your ass?" 

Tony snorted. "No. But excuse you, there are entire websites dedicated to my butt." 

"I know, Natasha frequents them. Which I said was stupid when we live in the same building as you, but she hid my gun so I've stopped arguing." 

"Smart." A pause. "I still don't believe you about Natasha. There's no way she likes me." 

"Thank god you're pretty." 

Tony threw his napkin at him. 

They finished dinner and made it back to the car. "Thanks for letting me drive, by the way. This is a beauty," he said, running a reverent hand over the car's hood. 

"I knew it was your favorite, and it seemed like the easiest way to get in your pants," Tony said with a grin. 

Bucky nodded in agreement. "Different circumstances and we'd definitely be banging in there right now." 

"Ha, you wish." Tony got in and took off his shoe and sock. He turned towards Bucky, wiggling his toes. "In my defense, it looks pretty damn similar to your handwriting." 

"It does," Bucky agreed, holding onto to Tony's ankle so he wasn't straining. "But that's definitely Natasha's." 

"I've seen her handwriting before," Tony argued, frowning. 

"She has her normal handwriting, and then her handwriting for reports,” Bucky said, letting go of him. "Not sure she uses her normal handwriting for anything anymore, but that's what I'm seeing." 

Tony's frown deepened. "Are you sure?" 

Bucky nodded. "Hundred percent. Come on Tony, do you really think I'd lie to you about this?" 

*

Natasha had a column of words for her soulmark. At the base of her spine, right above her tailbone, was Natasha. When she took that as her official name instead of Natalia, that felt a little weird, but technically Natasha was still a nickname. Natty-Nat. Nat. Black Widow. Widow. Gorgeous. Honey. Sweetheart. Baby. Babe. Beautiful. Love. The words stacked on each other like pancakes, up to the middle of her back. None of them were particularly telling, and since it was on her back, it was usually pretty easy to keep her bedmates from seeing them. Act like she just wanted to be closer to them, and problem solved. 

She knew that Bucky wouldn't do anything with Tony on their date, but it was still worth it to put on an Iron Man hoodie and eat ice cream straight from the carton while she watched romcoms. On the one hand, eating too much sugar and dairy would make her sick, on the other, ice cream and cupcakes were delicious and she'd earned this. She hadn't been overreacting in the slightest when she complained to Bucky: if Tony wasn't interested in her in that specific set of lingerie, she didn't stand a chance. And okay, maybe it was melodramatic to be this sad over Tony not wanting her, but she'd never really been in love before. The thing with Bucky had certainly been intense and they cared about each other, but it hadn't been about soft comfort like she wanted with Tony. Granted she wanted the passionate sex part too, but soft would be nice after all the relationships that were little more than business transactions. 

This blew, she thought miserably, eating another giant spoonful of ice cream. Right as she was shoveling it in her mouth, Tony walked in. Ah shit. He'd seen her look far worse of course, but she was trying to get him to see her as desirable. This wasn't really helping that image. 

He didn't say anything about it though, just leaned back and watched as the couple on screen drunkenly sang along to Benny and the Jets. "What movie is this?" 

"Bridesmaid's Dresses or something." Natasha offered him the ice cream, but he shook his head. "How was your date?" 

"Bad. Turns out that asking someone you're not interested in makes the whole date awkward. Who knew?" 

Natasha snorted. "I think pretty much everyone knew that one." 

"Yeah well no one decided to share it with me beforehand so I'm playing catch up." Tony cleared his throat. "So uh, don't get too mad at Bucky, but he said you like me?" 

Pretending that she didn't know what he was talking about wouldn't do her any good, so she didn't try. "I'm going to kill him." 

"I think that counts as getting too mad." 

"We'll see how he likes it when I have a little chat with Steve." 

"You mean they're not already together?" 

"Nope." 

"Well that's bullshit," Tony said. "And before you start sharpening your knives-" 

"They're plenty sharp already." 

"Whatever. He only told me because he knew I felt the same." Tony held out a hand for the ice cream and she passed it over. 

"If you're saying that to spare my feelings, you're going to regret it." It could've been a threat, but it wasn't. She wasn't going to be doling out retribution or anything, but if he was lying, he'd be pretending to like her while they dated. That was definitely something he'd regret. 

"Lying to get myself into a relationship seems pretty damn stupid." 

"You've done some pretty damn stupid things in the past." 

"Yeah but you're too smart to be added to that list." 

"That's what you think. A single conversation with Bucky will clear you of that delusion." 

"Does that mean you're volunteering to be a stupid thing I can do?" 

"That's what it sounds like," she said, shifting her leg so their knees were touching. It was far from the seduction she'd thought would win him over in the end, but this was good too. On the television screen, the couple went to their car and had sex while it rained. "We're not doing that," Natasha said, pointing at the screen. 

"Of course not, it's not raining right now. Or did you mean car sex?" 

"Mostly that we're not going to leave a building to trek across a wet field to have sex in a car. I'm sure that bar had a bathroom." 

"Bathroom first, noted." 

*

Natasha woke to Tony pressing kisses to her lower back. She knew the positioning well enough to tell that he was kissing her soul words. She hummed and shifted, trying to get awake enough to talk. "Having fun, myshka?" 

"Lots babe, thanks for asking." 

Natasha smiled, wondering if she'd be able to go back to sleep after this. A little pulse of want went through her, so probably not. Oh well. She rolled over, straddling Tony and kissing him.