#never played stardew as anything but myself but a friend gave me this idea and I decided owagh… cute

[pollyanna-nana]

Having some fun with my new Stardew run teehee.

[randomstarmuffin]

My @runefactorysecretsanta​ gift for ya_boi_nye is finally done!! Hope I did your favorite characters justice!! :)

Happy holidays!!!! I don’t want to take up too much room so I’m going to throw some rambling and extras under the cut lol

So I don’t think nye has a tumblr, but on their twitter i saw that they were into VTube and youtaite and i wanted to incorporate that in their gift somehow. Unfortunately.... the characters are kind of all already anime??? So drawing-wise, i figured it would be more fun to go with a more general YouTuber AU so I could put in some variety rather than just stills of singing or badly rendered 3D models (by which i am throwing shade on myself alone, VTube rigs are sick but i regrettably have no 3D skills lol)

I’ve actually,,, never played Frontier at all, so I apologize if anyone is wildly out of character!! The wiki is extremely sparse and I didn’t have time to watch too too much of the let’s play i found, so if they’re not right just chalk it up to the YouTuber ~performance~ aspect of this AU lmao.

Even though I’ve never played before and don’t know the characters Super well though, I still had a lot of fun thinking about this AU! If you want to know the specifics of everyone’s content:

Anette does parkour (fun facts, this particular move i drew is called a speed vault!) and a little bit of vlogging, and she’s friends with Erik (as in canon, if I did my research correctly lmao). She sometimes appears on his channel and vice versa, and he helps her film and edit and stuff sometimes. She lives and works with Mist and Rosetta and helps out with their online boutique. Mist is the idea woman who comes up with crazy stuff, Rosetta is the realist and bookkeeper who pulls those ideas together into something feasible and profitable, and Anette handles all the packaging and shipments and stuff! There’s always something weird going on in their apartment and everyone ends up there a lot, so some of Anette’s vlogs get really popular just because of how out there they are lmao. Oh, almost forgot, but her channel is “DeliveryIsFreestyle” bc... get it... free delivery... freestyle parkour / freerunning... Lol actually it was almost going to be “RunTheMail” because i couldn’t think of anything at first so i think this was the right move in the end :P

Erik has a gaming channel where he mostly plays farming and dating sims / otome, and we don’t read too far into whether or not RF exists in this universe for him to play even though I put the posters for frontier on his wall xD. The reason I picked Stardew for this thumbnail specifically is because A) I have it and could easily take screenshots and B) i read that he has a crush on Lara? And she’s like, kind of a nurse? And Maru is kind of a nurse? It’s a silly joke but I thought it would be funny to cockblock him from dating a nurse he has his eyes on even in video gaming with his friends lol. His channel is pretty self-explanatory (I was really hoping his farm would have a fun name when i was looking it up but it’s really just “Erik’s Farm” huh? ...but I probably shouldn’t judge, my dnd character’s wolf is named Wolf xD)

Lute paints!! I think he does a lot of speedpaints and mostly does traditional art, but I think he would have some digital skills hidden up his sleeve as well. And also I don’t know why at all bc I know the least about him out of all 4 of them, but I feel like he has done / does some of those like “how to draw anime” videos because I just think that’s funny. He has a bunch of really popular ones about overly complicated fantasy outfits. No this is not a callout for any series in particular why do you ask? Anyway, I’m not sure exactly how the line goes because I couldn’t find it, but the wiki mentions that he’ll say he’s not doing anything suspicious when he’s painting at the lake, so i thought it would be funny if there’s some kind of running gag with his subscribers where they point out suspicious things he does and he responds in the next video or whatever. The thumbnail I made definitely does just have a screenshot of rff that’s color-corrected and blurred, because I ran out of time but also wanted to differentiate the bg from the canvas ^^;  His channel was originally just “lute” in all lowercase but then i got to the part of the let’s play where he was introduced and he calls himself a “fledgling painter” so i thought this was more fun.

And Eunice has a cooking channel!! She specializes in baking, but she also has a whole playlist along the lines of “Nutritious Food Can Still Taste Good!” where she talks about healthy eating habits but doesn’t buy into diet culture bc I personally HATE diet culture lmao. I think when that gets popular, she also maybe does a side thing about easily accessible workouts for all sorts of people who want to get into shape? But with a focus on getting stronger / being active and Not a focus on Losing Weight necessarily. Promoter of healthy and happy living! I know how her events / dialogue can go in the game, i just happen to have Opinions About Things, so, that’s how she is in my version. Also, unrelated, but she’s very cute. Even though her braids were a bitch to draw hahaha. And i did end up drawing her just in her actual outfit even though i gave everyone else different clothes bc idk it just felt like it fit the aesthetic of a cooking vlog well?? And it’s not a super complicated one unlike others i could mention. Her channel is “Charming Sweets” and her cooking series is “My Cooking” because those are the titles of the books she has on her bookshelf at the start of the game :)

But that’s just all of *my* headcanons for the AU! If anyone else who knows them all better has their own ideas, please be my guest and imagine it however you like!!

Oh, also, fun facts, this is partially a screenshot of my actual web browser, lol, so if y’all want to know what all I have saved on my bookmarks bar and what my google profile pic is, now you know. However, i would like to not downplay how long i spent editing this in what was possibly the least efficient way to put it together how i wanted, rip, which is entirely the reason i am posting this so late LOL. Apologies for the delay, but technically it’s still the 27th here, so! Victory!

(speaking of the layout, did anyone catch the url? I’m disproportionately proud of the url. though i won’t lie part of me really wanted to put the rick roll url there just for my own amusement hahaha)

And, yeah! That’s the end of my spiel. Happy end-of-2020 to all, and an extra helping of that sentiment to nye!!!

[taenys]

any updates on the new guy youre seeing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ummmmm dude……..it’s amazing. i spent the weekend at his place………like…….i didn’t want to leave…..he’s so……………………………………perfect. 

physically and personality wise………..i can’t even Believe it. i went to his house and met his cat and fell in love with his cat, and we played games and i was terrible at them because i’m terrible at all things, and then i bought a switch and he has amazon prime now so it was delivered to his house in 2 hours, and then he made me food, and then watched tv, and then we kissed a lot and then things went farther blah blah, it was perfect and lovely and he’s sooooooooooooo good looking and tall and AMAZING, and i feel so inadequate but he said nice things like “you’re so pretty” and “i like your face” and things like that so i felt less hideous and fat. and then he took me home and i hated it. 

but he picked me up bright and early the next day and we watched cheesy horror movies and ate food and played games and kissed more and things went farther this time and it was MAGIC and then we both decided i should spend the night since it was late and it’s a long drive to take me home. so then i took a shower and removed my makeup and he didn’t run away screaming when i walked out (he also let me borrow one of his t-shirts which fit me like a dress so i came into his room with wet hair and his shirt and my bare face and he said “still cute” it was so tender and lovely…….i can replay it over and over). then he put a towel on my pillow so i’d be able to lay on it and not get it soaking wet with my hair, and he played division 2 on his laptop while i played stardew valley on my new switch in bed and his cute cat was there too. and then he gave me a goodnight kiss and we went to sleep and then he woke up for work and i was alone but it was okay because he texted me while he was at work and i just played games and made myself lunch, and he came to see me for lunch and gave me kisses and cuddles, and then he went back to work and i missed him again. 

and then he came home from work and we kissed A LOT because it was almost time for ME to go home now, and i was still in my bareface and his t-shirt so i was starting to feel less cute and my insecurities were coming through again but he was so sweet and patient and incredible. and then he (nsfw warning!!! sexy times in slightly more detail up ahead!!!) put his face between my legs and i was so nervous and self conscious because the last time that happened i was 14 and i was terrified and trying to squirm away and then the other time it was offered with the Dude but i was too nervous and it was during a time when i was in limbo with him and unsure of how he felt about me so i wasn’t comfortable enough, but this time was different, tom (that’s his name) was so soft and so slow and he looked at me with such adoration… i felt…safe… and so i gently pushed his face closer and let him do what he’d been wanting to do and i got to experience what true bliss feels like. I literally lost my mind dude.

i can’t get the image of his beautiful handsome perfect face right there, in my most sensitive spot (i’ve read too many smutty fanfics OH MY GOD), and his gorgeous baby blue eyes gazing up at me hungrily (there we go again…with the fanfic language LMAO)…my god…i will never in my life experience anything more earth-shatteringly perfect. 

i’m planning to spend this upcoming weekend with him as well. and perhaps all future weekends from here on out tbh………being around him feels so good and normal, like i’d done it a million times. and he talks about a future with me so nonchalantly. he’s already bought tickets for us to see avengers endgame, and he’s already sort of told his coworkers and friends about me, and he’s planning to buy some more groceries so there’s more stuff for me to eat (since i don’t eat meat), he actually likes me and WANTS to be with me? like as in a relationship? unreal, man. i told him straight out that i want us to be a couple and that i want us to be EXCLUSIVE. i figured i’d get that conversation out NOW and not wait forever like i did with the Dude (who ended up keeping me hanging for like a year and never once considered me his girlfriend or even anything, he was “single” the entire time we “dated” in his eyes.) that’s not happening this time. i want something tangible. something serious. something honest. and so does he. we’re on the same page and have the same ideas and outlook on life and it’s just perfect all around.  

[survivormetaverse]

Rites of Passage

Elle: I never met you, here's a joke!Never trust a pirate duck.They have the power to unleash the quackin'.🦆🏴‍☠️

Amy: I wish I got to meet you! You seem so wonderful.

Jodi: Hey Bri, we never got to play together but you destroyed my guy Jared’s perfect game in the first tribal council and I thought that was pretty funny. Cheers!

Elle: I was SO sad when you were voted out 🥲 because I figured we'd swap into the same tribe or make merge and we could work together and talk about Stardew Valley, I also started listening to the Penumbra podcast (which I know you listen to The Magnus Archives, but there's a lot of overlap between the fandoms so I thought maybeeee you had listened to it too) Anyway! It doesn't really matter I just was really sad when you were voted out ❤️Here's a joke ^_^: I asked a French speaking man if he played video games.He answered, "wii".

Amy: I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you. I loved your intro video and I had heard of you from past games. You seem so cool.

Jodi: Also never got to play with you, but Brayden told me you’re cool so hopefully I’ll meet you some time in a game!

Elle: I just know you from Kyoshi where you voted me out and we didn't really talk that much… so 😅 I hope you had fun in Metaverse?Here's a dad joke: My grandma started walking 5 miles a day when she was 65She’s 91 now! But we have NO idea where she is 🤷🏽‍♀️

Amy: I was so hoping to chat with you again because we barely got the chance in HB. You are wonderful and I hope to one day actually play on the same tribe as you!

Jodi: I heard you were my guy’s ride or die until you weren’t, you won the very first comp of the season so good job, hope to see you around in the community!

Elle: A truly unanimous vote, I never met you, but you dropped this, king 👑✨A joke: There once was a king who was exactly 12 inches tall!Terrible king, but he made a great ruler!📏🤴✨

Amy: The legend! All I know about you is you have some chaotic energy and I love that! 

Jodi: The truly unanimous vote of the season....we really wanted to give you your first W but you literally just did not show up even for your vote out. I still wonder to this day if you’ve found out you got voted out yet. Nevertheless, nice saying hi to you a couple times!

Elle: You were super nice and I'm sad that you were voted out as soon as you were 💔 we should've talked more when we were on the same tribe.You know every time I see a Jennifer Aniston movie, it seems like she's playing the same person.I guess she's a victim of Rachel profiling.

Amy: Girl I wish I got to know you better because once you came back online after the tribe swap you were so sweet. I really enjoyed your presence and I think the game could have been very different had we worked together. Wishing you all the best.

Jodi: I’m glad I got your vengeance :) Sorry you didn’t last longer in the game! Bye mittens

Elle: I don't know you, but here's a dad joke:Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian.It was the least I could do for him🖌

Amy: Oh Danny how I wish it would have worked out with us two! You were so fun and I loved working with you but I’ll never forget sitting on call for an hour when you ghosted our challenge. I’m sorry it ended like that, but I hope we get to play again together because I adore your vibe!

Jodi: All my Fools paragraphs are going to involve Jared since that’s the only relation I have with you all, but Danny I heard you’re my guy’s other ride or die and he told you about his idol. I grilled him when he told me about it at the merge because damn you were connected. You would’ve told everyone (but everybody knew already lol) hope to see you around!

Elle: Ginnyyyyy 💔 I'm sorry I didn't really want to vote you out but I wasn't trying to ruffle any feathers that early into merge, I truly did believe you when you said you were done being chaotic. Your lipsync TikToks are very fun🎶A joke for you: What do you call a singing computer?A Dell! 🎤🎶

Amy: I’m so sorry girl. I didn’t want to see you go, but it was decided. I enjoyed playing this game together through all of premerge and making it through the cursed Fools tribe with you and sitting in that hour challenge call just vibing. I hope we can chat more in the future. I am wishing you all the best because you deserve great things.

Jodi: Girl, you were my first comp partner and I wish we got closer and could play together more. I really thought you were super connected with other Stings players and that’s why I had to boot you before the Jury phase, because I wasn’t sure I could get close enough with you to work together. Regardless, you were fun to have on Phantom and I hope we can cross paths again!

Elle: My Libra rising sibling ♎️✨ I wish we got to work together more in this game, without that ‘no items’ twist round you definitely would've made it far. Thank you for talking astrology with me, giving Colin your items which ended up helping my game too, and just the existence of Neptune 🥰 big Brookyln 99 "I've only known [Neptune] for a day but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself" vibes.Le joke: My partner just broke up with me. They're sick and tired of my constant zodiac puns.It Taurus apart, I'm in Pisces writing this.(a second one): Why did the nurse carry a red pen?In case she needed to draw blood!💉

Amy: Dennis 😭😭😭!!! I am so so sorry you were voted out that way. There were whispers the previous round too and I was able to squash that, but for your round it was decided before I could act and I saw Colin being villainized for sticking up for you. I am so, so sorry for how things went. I so wish we would have stayed closer in this game because we could have done great things together! I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for our conversations before you went because without them I would not have flipped to protect Colin. You were our guardian angel. Thank you for giving Colin your gifts and still trusting me to confide in me. I hope we can play in another game together because I wanted to work with you from Day 1! You are incredible and I wish you all the good vibes in the world!

Jodi: Dennis, you truly were the one to watch this season, because your reads and intuition were amazing. That’s why I aligned with you, because I like working with other thinkers. I’m really sorry that I voted you out that round, because I knew that if I were to strike, I could not miss with you. I rightfully knew that you had something really good, in not just 1, but 2 idols. After going for 15.5 hours on that Hunt, I knew that the only person that could’ve beaten me was you. You pushed me to be a better player and you definitely made it a very tough hill for me to climb to get to this point. I’m not sure if you gave me your vote this time, and I understand if you didn’t, but I adore your love for the game and I hope that next time we can align and blaze through some games. I give you props for figuring out my game so early on and you were the one that kept me on my toes and pushed me to play harder. I have lots of respect for you as a person and a player of this game, I hope we can be friends after this. 

Elle: From our first real interaction I knew you should be someone I'd work with. Unfortunately, I didn't end up reaching out really until it was a bit too late 😅 And we kinda ended up on opposing ends… whoops!I still think we could get along really well! ☺️ We're both creative and funny (though my humor is more an… acquired taste 😂 dad jokes aren't for everyone, I suppose) and have a lot of the same pop culture references from that one challenge lol.I hope your first ORG experience was still a good one, though 💖. Maybe I'll get to ally with you in the future?Un joke: Whenever my artistic partner is sad, I let them draw on my body,It's always good to have a shoulder to crayon.🖍✨

Amy: Babs! I don’t know how many times I wrote to other contestants and my host chat “I just want to be friends with Babs!” I wish we could have chatted more because I absolutely adore your energy. I had the best times on call listening to you. And like you said, great minds think alike. Our double tie was so fun! Hope to chat more soon!

Jodi: Babs, I truly adore you and you were the light of the tribe. I understand that your vote out seemed like a big betrayal, but I truly did not want you to go there. Colin and Elle both played things and everyone else was immune. I had to pick between you and Jared and I just could not vote out Jared due to our relationship. I hope you can forgive me on a personal level after this and we can talk because a lot of my joy in this game came from you. 

Elle: Well, this turned out better than Kyoshi did between us 😅 so at least there's that. It was fun being allies for a sec, and here's hoping neither of us gets swap screwed in the future 😂.Your joke: I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

Amy: Brayden! Omg Brayden first I am so sorry I gave you that fake idol. I didn’t know it was going to you; I only knew it was going to second place. When Raffy told me it was you I was like omfg I accidentally gave a fake idol to one of my closest allies 🤦‍♀️. I want to see your creative challenge submission bc I think you probably deserved the win over me. Brayden, you were incredible in this game and I kept trying to see if you wanted to flip with me with some hints haha but you were closer with Jodi. Congratulations on graduating and on being Anastasia’s best friend! I loved getting to know you and working with you. I’m so sorry it ended the way it did. Hopefully I’ll see you in another game or mini! You’ll do great things!

Jodi: Brayden, I severely underestimated you in this game, even though I knew that you were going to be incredible since you’ve played before. When we met up at the merge, I was so grateful to have you be somebody I could bounce ideas off of. Anastasia and I said this later in the game, but you two and me and Jared should’ve come and done a 4-person alliance and rip through the late game. You were such a loyal ally and I really hope we get to play again some time. 

Elle: You have a very rational and sort of quietly analyzing mind that I noticed almost immediately and knew that I'd want you on my side, not only because I'd love to be allies with someone like that, but because I knew as an enemy you could easily be a death sentence.I appreciated your love for Survivor and lived in fear of a super idol since the first moment you mentioned their existence 😂. I really wish corn tribe could've made it to FTC 🌽💔, Ohioans for life! (I'm kidding I'm getting out of this state as soon as possible, but it was fun to bond over Ohio with you!)An edited! joke (see that was a slight joke right there… okay I'll see myself out): Did you hear about the guy trying out for editor for the sums series of Math Magazine?It was an addition edition audition.

Amy: JAY! My Disney buddy!!! So I didn’t know Raffy and Jay Bee were going to expose me in that all or nothing tribal for being at Disney lol I was trying to keep it on the DL. Otherwise I would have freaked out more with you over WDW and your trip and my upcoming trip the next week haha!!! We have to catch up after this! I adore you and our chats. I hope you don’t have to sleep on any more chairs and you are having a great summer at work! Love your positive energy. You are on your way to big things!

Jodi: Jay, I have so much to say to you both about the game and about you as a person. As an ally, you were so loyal to me even when people were not nice to you about it, and you stood up for me and always had my back. You played your role in the game to perfection and people are mad about it just because you were never actually on the bottom. I’m sorry I had to vote you out because they made me force my hand. I love you to death and I am so glad we got to play this game together. Having this opportunity showed us that we can absolutely do this again and I will be your goat next time we play together. I promise. 

Elle: Colin 🥺🥺🥺💗 When I say I literally almost gave up on this game when you left (Amy can testify). We were a little devious team and it was so much funnn, Amy was the double agent super spy, you were the person on comms with all the connections and gadgets, and I was the nerd in the van planning out the heist routes and typing really fast until I look up really dramatically and say, "I'm in".Also here's the list of book reccs you asked for✨:

The Truly Devious series by Maureen Johnson, it’s a mysteryyyy and it's a lot of fun! A fun little cast of characters to get attached to ^_^

The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde, I mentioned this one before, it's a classic but you can read it in one sitting And it's funny. We love to see it💕 Plus it's pride month and we love Victorian era gay poet/playwright/authors.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston, Look. This book is amazing, it is queer🏳️‍🌈 (mlm protag relationship but also way more queer characters), it is well written, it's romantic as hell, it's spicy, I don't know how to describe how good it is I'm getting emo thinking about it read ittttttt 💖 (Casey McQuiston also has a new book out with a wlw relationship and we also love to see thattt✨)

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson. Okay soooo this isn't a mystery, but I feel like people into mystery novels would enjoy the way the plot unravels. Also I love this book. That is all ^_^ Also it is queer as well🏳️‍🌈, mlm relationship.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. Haven't read it, but from what I know about it and what books you said you were into and it's acclaim/reputation, I think you'd be into it.

Generally speaking, I am more in the YA/romance/fantasy side of things but I tried to tailor the list to things I genuinely think you'd enjoy ❤️A joke ^_^: Everyone tried so hard to figure out why Mr. Edwards changed his name to Mr. EvansBut after all these years, it's still a Mr. E

Amy: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!! I won’t even lie here before writing this I spent 20 minutes crying thinking about seeing you at FTC because I am just so sorry. I wanted to sit next to you as you won and I feel like I let you down. I am so sorry for how that round went. I was MAD mad after. When you said you, me, Elle F3 I was all in and when I lost you I made it my mission to get both Elle and myself to the end in your honor. I also regret not grabbing drinks with you in KC because that would have been absolutely hilarious even if our planned tribe fight didn’t pan out hahaha. I loved every second of working with you in this wild game. Your social game is incredible and I am so thankful to you for doing everything you did. I’ll never forget sitting on a 20 minute call with Brayden and Jodi about voting you out, hanging up, and immediately calling you to plan how to keep you safe. Sorry I didn’t tell you about the tricks up my sleeve, too. Thank you for making this game so fun to play that I ignored my family in Disney World. All my love ❤️

Jodi: Colin, I wasn’t quite sure what direction to go with this, but I’ll just be open and honest. I really did want to play this game with you, but after realizing the true threat of you having all of Dennis’ stuff (which was correct), I had to get rid of you not because I didn’t want to play, but just because I wanted my game in my own hands, and with 3 immune advantages, you were able to cruise from F7 to F4 with no risk. Sort of like James in China, you have to blindside them before they cruise to F4. That’s one less guaranteed spot for everybody, and I didn’t want to rely on whether you liked me enough to keep me around. For the same reasons that you were upset with Jared and Jay, I too, did not want to play somebody else’s game. I wanted to put my game in my own hands and that’s what I did. You were not supposed to go at F7, we were just trying to get rid of your idol. I was hoping you’d appreciate the gameplay that I was not willing to rely on riding coattails and be in someone else’s good graces to keep me around. Hopefully I’ve explained this well enough during FTC as well. I had no ill will, just wanted to play my own game, not somebody else’s. For the record, if I didn’t make it back into the game or got voted out again with you at the end, I was going to vote for you to win. You pushed me to play harder and be a better player because I knew you would not be easy to outwit and outplay. I’ve told many people this and I can respect and appreciate being outplayed. 

Elle: Joshhhh, my buddy 💔 I'm really sorry you got rocked out, Amy and I were willing to take the risk of being rocked out but we didn't tell you because you had voted for Colin the round previous. To be clear we were still willing to work with you, but the wound was kind of fresh and it seemed silly to give you sensitive information at the time. You did get past F8 this time! But I am sorry about going to rocks, didn't mean to lose you, king.A bit of humor: What does a panda use to make pancakes?A pan...duhI had multiple cooking themed onessss:A student baked a loaf of bread for home economics class.At the end of the class, his teacher returned the loaf and told him that he had gotten an A.The student said: “Thanks, that’s just what I kneaded.”

Amy: Josh I am so sorry you went out on rocks. I know that is the last way you wanted to go. You probably won’t forgive me but I really didn’t want you to go there. I was aiming for Jodi or Jared, but had already mentally prepared for rocks before the twist was announced. I truly hope you get to play again and not be victim to a twist or rocks. You are an absolutely incredible player which made me cautious and frustrated at times haha! Love your energy and I am manifesting that you get a new job that you absolutely love because you deserve it!

Jodi: We had such an incredible story arc to our games. We weren’t close on Phantom, got in touch on SEES, then grew apart again before my vote out, pulled off a beautiful move at F7, and continued to work together until you got rocked out at 6. You were the surprise blessing to my game. When you approached me at F7, I found light in my game again. You had the same agenda as I did, with the same intentions and same concerns. You gave me a real chance to reintegrate into this game and I’m so happy and grateful that you decided to trust me. On top of that, your energy and personality was super fun and I’m glad we got to have fun writing each other’s names down a couple times. I treasured your trust in me a lot and I really wanted to play to the end with you. I think you’d win the game if you were in my spot today. I hope we continue to be friends and good luck with your new game.

Elle: Thank you for remembering my birthday before Raffy reminded everyone 💛 that was very sweet and in my introduction I literally said if anyone remembered it I'd love them forever and then I proceeded to be on opposing sides with you… oops!

Granted, it wasn't really on purpose, I just happened to not be in that alliance of six people and that happened to kind of decide how lines were drawn for the rest of the game in a way.

Impressed with your sudoku skills, being on a tribal call during graduation (congrats again!), and with your coolheadness, if I had an idol while that chaos one was played you bet I'd be playing it 😂 you had a really good game and I hope you think so too ^_^

A fitting joke: If you keep trying the same sudoku puzzle, you willl eventually solve it.

It's just a numbers game, really.

Amy: Jared! You unintentionally became one of my biggest rivals because you are so good at this game! I envy your way to lie in such a believable way that I had to spend so much time convincing Colin you were lying even though I was copy/pasting your exact plan haha! You are great at challenges and frustrated me to no end when you would ONLY tell me lies. You are so smart and I can’t wait to see what you do next. For the cards that were dealt to you, you had an incredible game. Congratulations on graduating! I hope to see you in another game and actually get to work with you.

Jodi: Dear my beloved idol holder, thank you for being my in-game simp. Thank you for having your idol on deck at all times to use on me at my request :) Jared, by now I would’ve shared with everyone at FTC about our 10 year love affair, but I want you to know just how much playing this game has meant to me. After drifting apart for a good 7 years, I’m glad that Survivor brought us close again last year and that you signed up to do this. I couldn’t have played the game that I ended up playing without you despite you WANTING ME OUT AT F4. I’m glad we did this game before signing up for the show together. I cannot wait to do Blood Vs. Water 3 with you. Basing off of our track record this time, we’re going to kill it :)

Elle: Anastasiaaaaaaaaaa💔 I'm not sure how much left I have to say to you 😅 (I am writing this kinda right after tribal so I was talking to you like an hour ago). Congrats on graduating again!! And congrats on this game kinda jealous of your streak so far 😂 you've literally never done worse than F4 do you know how many people can say that? Not many!! Definitely not me lol.

Here's a dad joke!: How do you handle a redhead's temper?

Gingerly!

Amy: Anastasia you are absolutely incredible and I am so thankful Ginny put us in an alliance together on new Fools because I loved playing this game with you. We went back and forth on working together but every time I was glad we were both still together making it farther in the game. I truly meant when I said I would force fire for you, but I respect your decision. I am so sorry I had to keep things from you so much since you were closer with Brayden and Jodi. I hope to play another game with you because you make it so fun and you are such a great player and your social game is so good! I was so excited when you wanted to flip but I am sorry I couldn’t say yet that I already had. Congratulations on graduating and being absolutely incredible!

Jodi: Anastasia, you are the reason I got to the end, and I owe so much to you. In this game, I’ve had to play so dangerously, and my game heavily relied on having ride or dies have my back. When I came back in, we talked immediately about me throwing out your name and you writing my name down, but we got together instantly and made magic happen. You had my back and I had yours. We pulled the most iconic move in this game at the final 7 together (by now you’ll all have heard me talk about it, my plan to create immunity for 3 people) and I truly had you as my ride or die to the end. Thank you so much for playing with me, believing in me and recognizing the game that I played. I love you and can’t wait to be best friends with you and Brayden 

[melted-wax-wings]

1-100

there’s a ton of these so here’s a read more

Is a kiss considered cheating? - Yes

Have you ever faked orgasm? - Nah

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? -Telekinesis

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? -Probs not

Tell us some funny drunk story. - I just have high stories where i was being a memer.

Why are you no longer together with your ex? -Eh, personal reasons that i don’t feel like sharing tbh

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? - In my sleep bc i’m a big baby

What are your current goals? - I’d like to get started on a poetry book

Do you like someone? - I mean, I have a bf so

Who was the last person to disappoint you? - honestly myself lmfao

Do you like your body? - NAH SON

Can you keep a diet? - fuck no i love food too much

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? - “hey can we not be dicks to each other?”

Do you work? - nah but god i wish i was bc i need money

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? - ngl my basic ass would pick sushi

Would you get a tattoo? - Yeeee

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? - Pokemon games tbh

Can you drive? - Ye but not very well

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? - This morning

What was the last thing you cried for? - ngl i’ve been crying over everything the past few days

Do you keep a journal? - Nah, i’m not interesting enough to have one

Is life fun? - If I’m with others, yes

Is farting in front of people irrelevant? - I mean, it’s a bodily function but it’s not a very socially acceptable one. i personally don’t care

What’s your dream car? - VW bug bc i enjoy the thought of people hitting each other when i drive by

Are grades in school important? - it’s very dependent on the situation. i personally feel like grades should only be a very high priority in one’s major field of study/related studies. However, grades shouldn’t take priority over one’s physical, mental, and emotional health.

Describe your crush. - he’s got these gorgeous eyes that change color. he’s tall and gives amazing hugs. he’s a phenomenal writer and is incredibly intelligent about such a variety of topics from music to writing to just about anything. he’s patient, loving, and funny. honestly he’s amazing and i fall more in love with him every day.

What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? - Alice in Wonderland. i hadn’t seen it prior to last week but just the animation and story-telling was just amazing to me

What was your last lie? - that the reason i didn’t want to go out was because of my stomach hurting

Dumbest lie you ever told? - not sure tbh

Is crying in front of people embarrassing? - not at all

Something you did and you are proud of? - Being recognized as a poet at my college’s poetry festival

What’s your favourite cocktail? - don’t really have one x.x

Something you are good at? - i like to think i’m okie at motivating others

Do you like small kids? - i’m okay with kids as long as they aren’t overly loud

How are you feeling right now? - a lil grumpy bc the ac isn’t on

What would you name your daughter/son? - Jason would be my son, Robin would be my daughter

What do you need to be happy? - Personal growth

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? - ME TBH

What was the last gift you received? - some books from my bb

What was the last gift you gave? - UHHHH I DUNNO

What was the last concert you went to? - Twenty One Pilots

Favourite place to shop at? - Hot Topic, can’t even lie

Who inspires you? - My bb, mostly because i want to be up at his level when doing things

How old were you when you first got drunk? - Haven’t really gotten drunk-drunk yet

How old were you when you first got high? - 19

How old were you when you first had sex? - 19

When was your first kiss? - Freshman year of highschool

Something you want to do until the end of this year? - i would like to build my confidence

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? - there is so much omg

Post a selfie. - UH I MAY NOT BC I’M GROSS AF RIGHT NOW

Who are you most comfortable around? - @thenerdyshadow and @shining-wonwoo

Name one thing that terrifies you. - BEING ALONE

What kind of books do you read? - mostly dystopian/adventure novels

What would you tell your 12 year old self? - “listen ya lil shit don’t complain about not being in a relationship”

What is your favourite flower? - Lilies

Any bad habits you have? - Cracking my knuckles holy shit

What kind of people are you attracted to? - Highly passionate, emotional people

What was the last thing you cried for? - MY LEAGUE RANKING NGL

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? - i don’t think of anything off the bat but i’m very sensitive to the textures/aesthetics of food

Are you in love? - Yeee

Something you find romantic? - I love little gestures that show that someone is thinking about me like mentioning that they saw something that reminded them of me or like a long message in the middle of the night to wake up to

How long was your longest relationship? - 3 years 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? - that there’s something inherently wrong with liking stereotypically feminine things, that we are seemingly always in competition over something, that cattiness is almost expected??? like damn why can’t we be nice to each other 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?  - balls on the outside of the body are just not anatomically smart, fragile masculinity, the attack on boys who decide to deviate from the norm

What are you saving money for? - i have no money pls help me

How would you describe your bad side? - i get moody and tend to snap at people when i really don’t mean to. i will sometimes do things just to spite people/escalate a situation tho

Are you actually a good person? Why? - i personally don’t see myself as a good person because i’ve done plenty of shitty things that i knew that i shouldn’t have done

What are you living for? - The hope for a better future

Have you ever done anything illegal? - Yee

Do you like your body? - Not particularly

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? - I have, mostly because the person was toxic

Ever sent nudes? -Ye

Have you ever cheated on someone? - i prefer not to answer this one

Favourite candy? - i love 3 musketeers

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! - uhhh mostly my friends blogs but i can’t really tag all atm

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? - Online games i enjoy are Overwatch and League of Legends. I also enjoy Stardew Valley on PC.

Favourite TV series? - don’t really watch tv

Are you religious? Does God exist? - i’m personally not that religious, but i respect that people do have beliefs in high powers but should not infringe on others rights to not believe

What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? - i can’t even tell you what i read fully bc it’s honestly been that long

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? - i commend others who are capable of making that lifestyle choice bc i know i could never do so. i’m fine with it so long as it isn’t shoved into my face

How long have you been on Tumblr? - probs 6-7 years? idk

Do you like Chineese food? - i am a slut for chinese food

McDonalds or Subway? Mcdonalds

Vodka or whiskey? Vodka (haven’t tried whiskey)

Alcohol or drugs? drugs (weed bc i haven’t done anything else)

Ever been out of your province/state/country? - I’ve only left my state. i’d love to leave the country one day

Meaning behind your blog name? - shitty Overwatch/Wonderwall pun

What are you scared of? - being abandoned by the people i love and being forced to live alone :^)

Last time you were insulted? - YESTERdAY

Most traumatic experience ? - my mother being a revolving door in my life and giving me severe abandonment issues 

Perfect date idea? - i love the idea of just a nice day together inside but going out at night to dinner and just exploring the world around us

Favourite app on your phone? - tumblr bc i can’t get away from this hellsite

What colour are the walls in your room? - they’re kind of white/brown/gray? it’s hard to explain tbh

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? - i do! i watch mostly league youtubers though. i’ve been on a hardcore BunnyFuFu kick as of the last few days

Share your favourite quote. “I’m dying squirtle”

What is the meaning of life? - To be happy

Do you like horror movies? - I enjoy them in concept, but i’m bad at watching them ;-;

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? - NAH FAM SHE MAdE ME CRY

Do you feel lucky or special in a way? - i guess but i don’t think i really deserve to

Can you keep a secret? - ye

[stardewvalleytales]

As the Seasons Pass: Part 3

Lily woke to the sound of rain splashing down on the wood roof. The rain was welcome because she didn’t need to water her crops, and there was no way to work on the farm in the rain. She had heard about the library a few times, even that there was a museum, and figured today would be a good day to check it out. When she got out onto the porch she was surprised to see Robin working on the coop.

“Robin!” Lily yelled over the rain, “Are you sure you want to work in this weather?”

“I’m just going to bring over materials and maybe plan out the foundations, I have a tarp to cover it up. I promised you I’d start today and that is what I’m doing.” Robin explained.

“Well thank you, just be careful.” Lily warned her.

The walk into town was difficult to say the least. She had found an old umbrella that she remembered belonged to her grandfather. It was navy blue and a bit old fashioned. Sadly, the fabric was stretched and thin and some water was getting through. It was better than nothing though, the rain had grown heavy and the dirt road into town was now mud. She trudged along, trying not to step in any big puddles, luckily, she had worn her work boots today. Once into the town it was much easier to move along the cobblestone streets. The weather must have kept everyone inside because it was even more empty than usual. She walked past the saloon and down near Mayor Lewis’s house. He kept an immaculate flower bed and it seemed like he swept the side walk in front of his house every day. Hopefully the rain wouldn’t make too much of a mess, Lewis seemed like a very particular man. The river was running fast and high from all the fallen rain. As she crossed over the bridge a shad popped his head out to enjoy the weather. The museum had only been open for an hour but there were several people inside. Jodi’s younger son, Vincent, sat with the young girl she had seen playing jump rope in Cindersnap Forest. Watching them was a sweet looking girl, close to Lily’s age, maybe twenty-two. Lily went up to the front desk to talk to the man she assumed was the proprietor.

“Excuse me, I’m just wondering, do I need to pay to look at the museum?” Lily asked.

“You must be new around here, I’m Gunther.” He reached out his hand.

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you, I’m Lily. I own Springhill farm.” Lily said as she shook his hand.

She could she Gunther was giving her a look, he didn’t believe she could own the farm.

“Well, I don’t own, so much as inherited. My grandfather lived there before he passed.”

“Oh! You’re Lily Witmer.” He smiled at her, “You don’t remember me at all? Not after all the times I had to take away your books so you’d go home?”

“Wow, how could I forget! I didn’t realize you still ran this place! I didn’t really remember this place, but now that I’m here it’s all coming back. I really did spend a lot of time in here, didn’t I?” Lily was being flooded with memories. Hiding behind shelves, sneaking under tables, all so she could stay in the library just a few more minutes.

“You were here almost every day of the summer. I’m sorry to say it has changed a bit.” He looked embarrassed.

“What do you mean?” she couldn’t tell if it was different or not.

“Well, several books have gone missing. People check them out and lose them. Now that everything is on the computer people are better about returning them but there are still several great books on Stardew Valley that are missing.”

“That is too bad, that’s actually why I came by, I need a refresher course in all things Stardew Valley. Well I’ll just have a look through the museum and go then.” She was a bit disappointed. The valley had a lot of weird traditions that she could never learn while living in the city. She even remembered there was special rules for showing people affection, or even proposing to them. Not that marriage was in her near future, but it is important to know these things.

“Well the museum is free, but I’m afraid you won’t find much back there. The collection has also fallen apart. So much has gone missing, or broken throughout the years. I just can’t go into the field collecting specimens any more. Your grandfather was actually the towns biggest donator of artifacts, minerals, even rare gems. But with me out of service and your grandfather gone, the collection can’t grow. There are a few pieces of quartz and amethyst in there if you still want to see.” Gunther hated that his collection had become so barren.

“I’ve actually found quite a few of those things myself in the mines.” She told him.

“In the mines? You have been in there?” Gunther’s attitude was now much happier.

“Yeah, I’m trying to make my way down. It is dangerous and maze like in there though. I need to get something to protect myself with.”

“The mines are where your grandfather found most of the things he donated to the museum. Look, how about we make a deal? If you bring me artifacts, minerals, or anything else that you find in the mines, I will tell you about each one of them in exchange for your letting me keep them here on display. I can even give you some rewards if you bring me enough quality specimens.” Gunther looked ecstatic.

“I don’t know, I’m not Indiana Jones. I really don’t know what I am doing, like I said I don’t even have a sword.” Lily wasn’t convinced.

“It is the same deal I gave your grandfather after he stopped in here with a scroll. He had found it while mining and couldn’t read it. I was able to translate it for him, it turned out it was written by dwarfs.” Gunther seemed to know how to spark her interest.

“Well, if it was good enough for my grandpa, it is good enough for me. You’ve got yourself a deal. I promise once I figure out how to deal with the monsters in the caves I start to bring you everything I find.” Lily was excited to be following in her father footprints.

“Perfect.” Gunther was beaming. “If you find any books around, bring those by too!”

“Sure thing.” She said as she walked out the door.

It was only twelve and with her plans to read fallen through she didn’t know what to do with herself. She went back across the bridge and to her surprise she saw Sam. He was standing there looking at the water like she had seen him the night before. Lily was afraid Sam would think it an odd coincidence that she ran into him again, but she couldn’t help the strong urge to call his name.

“Sam!” Lily called.

“Oh wow, hey Lily. What are you doing out in the rain?” Sam motioned her over with his hand.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She teased.

“I don’t know, my mom was complaining I was playing my guitar too loud. How can someone even play a guitar too loud? It’s the whole point.” Sam laughed.

“Ha, yeah that’s true. Your mom seems really nice though, I met her the other day at Pierre’s.” Lily told him.

“She doesn’t usually shop there, I wonder… Oh great.” He looked ticked off but Lily had no idea why.

“What?”

“She only shops at Pierre’s for special occasions. Which means that even though I asked her not to, she is throwing me a birthday party.”

“What’s so bad about that?” Lily asked.

“It’s always so forced. She invites over Sebastian and Abigail, and then all her old lady friends, and we are forced to hid in my room while they gossip. Then she parades me out for cake and makes me blow out the candles like a child.”

“That seems like pretty basic mom stuff to me.” Lily joked.

“Yeah that’s not that bad I guess. It’s just after everyone leaves we always video chat with my dad. For some reason seeing him just makes me so angry. I’m sorry I know this sounds dumb, I don’t know why I’m even telling you about it.” Sam looked at the ground.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Lily smiled at him.

Neither of them said anything for a long time and Lily felt like maybe she should just leave him alone. She turned to walk away when Sam finally spoke.

“Look, I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know what I was even doing.” He kept looking at his feet.

“It’s okay, I had a really nice time, I told you that.” She nudged his arm.

“Okay, cool.” He was silent again.

“I better get...” she was interrupted by Sam.

“Would you wanna go come over to my house tomorrow night?” Sam asked her.

“Um, I’m not sure...” Lily didn’t understand exactly what the invitation meant.

“Joba, nothing like that! I just mean Abby and Sebastian are coming over to play video games, maybe play a little music. I just thought it might be fun?” Sam was clearly very nervous. He had never actually asked out a girl before. This was a very small town.

“Oh! Totally, that sounds really fun. I’d love to hear you play.” Lily’s cheeks started to blush.

“Cool, can you come by around seven?” Sam was trying to sound aloof, but inside he was dancing.

“Seven is perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Lily smiled and walked away.

[fentonizer]

Zero Value

“You should do some more writing” my girlfriend said to me in what may just be a narrative framing device.

I have always dabbled in writing, and people have always been polite enough to tell me the things that they’ve read that I wrote have been good.

Truth is, of late I have been in a funk. “Funk” being an offhand and slang way of distancing the problem that is no doubt a depressive disorder. Low mood is the symptom, as as far as symptoms go, it sounds benign. Everything is grey a lot of the time, and I do not know where the colour has gone.

I can’t seem to remember the last thing I looked forward to. Nothing grand anyway, nothing more important than a pizza, or a lie in. The days, like much of my writing are a run-on sentence.

I did write a 2000 word, mostly auto-biographical story about the year of my life twenty-fourteen, a year where a lot of “mad shit” happened to me and which I have never fully internally processed to closure. I probably never will.

Here are a few paragraphs from it I feel comfortable sharing with you:

There’s a documented condition called Paris Syndrome; a form of culture shock, the romanticised view of France and Paris specifically, a city of green grass, culture, love and that European free spirit is at odds with the reality of an overpopulated, dirty city, full of normal French people sick to death of tourists.

Depression itself is like Paris Syndrome, but instead of culture shock, it’s existence shock. You’ve been thrown into a world you don’t understand and are trying to cope. It’s not like how you thought it would be, is it? It’s not like how you were told it would be. Everyone else seems to have it together, right? Why aren’t I like that? Why do I go home and want to do nothing but rest in bed? Where do these people find the energy to do all this stuff? See places. Go to things. What am I missing that doesn’t make me feel capable of doing all that too?

The quintessential existential problem is feeling like you don’t belong and having no memory of the place where you do, if it even ever existed in the first place. How can one hope to fit in and find purpose when we have no template with which to work from? This is the void depressives speak of, like being perpetually hungry for a meal that doesn’t exist, the hole is indescribable precisely because nothing will fill it. It is formless, and we try to sleep, eat, drink, love, talk and fuck our way to a fulfilment that doesn’t exist for us.

We cannot ever get a plane out of Paris.

My intuition tells me only one thing here, and that is that because I am actually quite proud of the literary clarity of my mental state in the above, it is likely trite, probably plagiarised, and essentially of zero value.

Maybe you know or even remember that I wrote the allgamesshouldbedarksouls blog. This was a few years ago, before even Dark Souls 2 came out and society hit what we now refer to as “Peak Dark Souls.”

I don’t really want to go on about it, but it’s easily summarised. Remember liking “the cake is a lie” references? Then remember hating them as overdone and shallow, popularised not because of any real love for the art or end result, but because it was coded “in-language” that separated you from “them?” Like drawing a fish in the sand, we understand, and we’re safe here, away from those neophytes. And when they kneel at my feet, saying “Why!? Why didn’t we listen to you about how Dark Souls was an instant classic?” I will shove them aside. They had their chance, and no, I will not lend you my copy of it now.

The writing was good (people were polite enough to tell me) but as far as “video” “game” “writing” goes, it was shallow and I could see that. It was overly concerned with mechanics and more than implied some measure of objectivity in game-design. Plus, I was really tired of the “angry young dude hates every video game for petty reasons” shtick, knowing full well that if you gave me money and a team to design a videogame I would inevitably shit out something milquetoast.

But nevertheless, it was well received and proved that if I had the inclination I could string words together to create something vaguely compelling, although possibly I’m not accounting for the low bar of the subject matter, in this, the medium where you can wax idiotic about your constitutional right to kill a virtual prostitute.

I bring this up not because it’s the one good thing I’ve ever produced and reminisce about it daily, but because it’s yet another unfortunate example of something in my life that I tried, started to get somewhere with, then got bitter about not being handed fame on a plate and gave up.

I noticed this of myself today; (now, look, this is going to get pretty pathetic, but my girlfriend said I should write more (she didn’t), and I’m being open and honest with you, even if that reveals some... truths.) I have very few twitter followers. Not even 150. I use twitter all the time, every day. I say things, I make jokes, I comment on current events. I have tweeted almost 6000 things. I use hashtags, and I use them correctly. I do not, repeat DO NOT, make up random hashtags about my day like #FentonsTeaBreak, which is, like, something everyone who is new to using twitter does in the first week and thinks they are hilarious for doing.

But I am yet to find any more than 150 people who are interested in things I have to say. And 150 is generous as well, I suspect at least half of those are either robots, people who have since died, or people who followed when they signed up because Twitter suggested it might be a good idea and haven’t logged in since.

I actually lose more followers than I gain, and I can assure you that it not because of self-pitying screeds like this (I learnt that lesson about 4000 tweets ago). If you've never felt unsure about your place in the world, imagine the feeling that it is easier to find people who actively regret choosing to listen to you, and you’ve got a good approximation.

Today brought this to the fore as I saw a tweet that was basically the same as a tweet I made, retweeted into the thousands, simply because that person’s audience was bigger than mine. It was weirdly validating, that yes, my thought would have been accepted en mass, but also infuriating like meekly muttering a joke, only to have your confident friend repeat it, louder, to roars of applause (having used better words with a defter sense of comedic timing).

I realise this is incredibly arrogant. People are busy, and the world does not stop when Fenton Makes A Tweet. These days, everyone is a “content producer.” Running the wide gamet of pictures of their cat all the way along to pictures of their latte. There simply isn’t enough internet attention to go around, because mostly, it’s all so fucking boring.

I have come to see twitter more as a diary. A repository of my thoughts so that, like the cold unfeeling robot I am, I can purge the memory banks once this string has been archived, and move on to thinking other things (there is no rider to this joke, I am not going to list two normal things followed by one surreal thing).

For 6 months in 2016, I captured approximately 40 minute chunks of me playing video-game farming simulator Stardew Valley. I uploaded these videos to YouTube and in each I would talk about the game and talk about things going on in the world and it was generally incredibly cathartic. I appreciate there’s not much of a market for what ended up being about 70 hours of unedited video-content of a man, forever teetering on the the brink of an emotional meltdown talk about miking a virtual cow, but goddammit, I produced that content anyway. Fuck the haters (of which there were none).

Someone once said of my brief foray into stand-up comedy, that I was talented but showed an obvious lack of preparedness. That review (3 stars, Milton Keynes SnoZone, 2010) was a more accurate summary of my being than any psychoanalyst has ever achieved. I do not apply myself, and therefore I do not achieve. Even this, these very words that you’re reading right now, I am writing so that I don’t have to practice for a tournament of a game I supposedly enjoy playing and want to be good at.

My entire life feels like a omnibus of half-efforts. Even my job, which I openly loathe, I don’t quit because I do not want to risk trying anything different and have it be worse. I talk myself out of it daily for reasons like “you only know how to do this once specific job anyway” and “other jobs are probably a lot harder.” I give up before I even begin, and then use that same lack of motivation as a self-fulfilling prophecy to convince myself that it was never going to happen anyway, so I’m justified in giving up.

And then, on top of this, the Earth in year 2017 is a shit show to the point that your troubles are pretty small-fry. I’ve drafted tweets, had thoughts, typed internet comments, and then fallacied myself into relative privation by realising “wait, maybe the world doesn’t need THIS JOKE right now, because Muslim’s are being unlawfully detained at airports. Is this really the time for a pun on the word fondant?”

Today is February 2nd. It’s hashtag Time-To-Talk day. And that is as good an excuse as I’m going to get to be this massively self-indulgent and start my commitment to writing more by laying out my neuroses on the shaky pre-tense of lowering the stigma towards mental health.

But please, talk to each other. See your faults, your weaknesses, understand why you feel like you do and then you can start looking at changing patterns and habits that might be bad for you.

Don’t keep this shit locked up. Be brave. Talk. It’s ok. People will understand that you’re a mad-shit. Write a blog post that people will have trouble deciding if it’s too meta or not meta enough.

Society puts so much pressure on us to perform. Be like this. A man should be like THIS, a woman should be like THAT. This is damaging and only serves to alienate.

Mental health is important. My mental health needs constant work. Did you actually read the above paragraphs? That’s my brain all day “Not good enough, stupid weak thoughts, stupid weak job, you’re a failure and it’s no surprise you give up.”

To be Onan just one more time, my mental health is really the only thing I’ve never given up on.

Plus, of course, I have an amazing support network of my partner, family and friends. And if you feel you don’t have this kind of network, then there are plenty of resources which are listed here, the Time To Change website: http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-and-stigma/help-and-support or you can drop me a line.

[jessicakehoe]

Self-Isolation Diary: A Day in the Life Of Allana Davison

With people around the country winding down their eighth week of self-isolation, FASHION is reaching out to some of our favourite Canadians to get a peek into how they’re living their lives in lockdown (remember: #StayHomeSaveLives). Each week, keep an eye out for new self-isolation diaries from actors, designers, influencers and artists who are riding this uncertain time out with us.

Allana Davison, beauty blogger

When the lockdown first hit, I was surprised at how much it seemed to affect me mentally. I’d never experienced much in terms of anxiety or panic attacks, but started to feel overwhelmed by the sudden complete shift in our everyday lives. Seeing what was happening in other parts of the world was scary and sad, and the speed at which it all came was a lot to take in! I found myself really needing to step away from social media for the first week or two. Seeing everyone posting about their blooming productivity that they somehow dug up from the depths of their souls and in their homes; the workout routines, the cleaning, the LEARNING—it all made me feel guilty for not being on the same level! I work from home normally, so why was this affecting me SO much?

I decided to shut off my phone, I took a week off from posting videos, and did completely mind-numbing activities to calm down and take my mind off of everything. I dug up my old Gameboy, downloaded Stardew Valley, and binged Netflix like I’ve never binged before! I listened to what my mind and body needed in those moments and think that shutting off for that little while helped me gain a better perspective of myself in this whole situation.

Once the initial shock more or less subsided, I found myself stepping back into a “normal routine.” Working from home already made it so that my day-to-day didn’t have to change all that much. My doc said that doing regular activity and elevating the heart rate is crucial for managing stress during this time. So after a few weeks, I finally gave in to the idea of at-home workouts. I’m such a group fitness gal, so getting the motivation to get my butt off of the couch was really hard at first. I started slow with some low impact pilates/barre-esque workouts, and have worked up to doing full-on sweaty HIIT classes in my living room! A few of my favourite workouts are by Jess Sims on the Peloton app (her full body strength classes are killer) and Mad Fit on Youtube. My beloved Ride Cycle Club has also been doing amazing Instagram Lives from the studio, and if you have a stationary bike at home, it feels so great to pretend like we’re all in the studio again.

I’ve actually really come to enjoy my workout hour in the morning, and even though it may seem hard and very cliché at first, getting my booty moving has helped keep my morale HIGH and the sluggish feelings LOW during this crazy time!

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Missing u, outside world ⚡️

A post shared by Allana Davison (@allanaramaa) on Apr 20, 2020 at 4:17pm PDT

I love binge watching shows on Netflix regardless of what is going on, and there have been SO MANY good releases! Thank you, Netflix, for keeping us entertained, and I am embarrassed to admit how many hours have been clocked on the TV. The Witcher was unreal if you’re a fantasy lover and may be still upset about the tragic movie that they made from Eragon (also hellOOOO Henry Cavill); I loved Locke and Key for another quick fantasy fix; Tiger King (who hasn’t watched this?!?!); How to Fix A Drug Scandal absolutely blew my mind; and I am horrified to admit how much I loved Too Hot to Handle (I finished it in one sitting).

Once you’ve completed the Netflix catalogue, do what I did and download Stardew Valley. A beautiful game that brings all of the sweet memories of Hay Day, Farmville, and Animal Crossing into one sweet bundle! If you have an iPad, download it on to there – it’s the best for functions in my humble opinion. If any of you were Pokémon pals and want to dive back in to your yesteryears, during quarantine I learned that Amazon sells used Gameboys and I picked up a pile of my old games – such great lockdown entertainment!

Besides the Netflix binges and video game marathons, lockdown has proven to be the best time to keep up with loved ones. I’ve spent countless guilt-free hours on FaceTime with my close friends and family. Our normal travel schedules are pretty hectic and we don’t often have a lot of downtime to just chill and connect with the people in our lives. What used to be weekly or biweekly conversations with my family and girlfriends back home have become a daily occurrence and I love that part of this! Being creative and coming up with ways to have fun together via video chat has given our girls nights an interesting twist. FYI: you can, in fact, successfully play Kings Cup via FaceTime and ‘unce unce’ in a living room club shortly thereafter… who would have thought!

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Have you seen my recent video? A lil #WFH makeup look & some tips for feeling fab on those ever-so-beloved zOom meetings 🤟🏻🥰

A post shared by Allana Davison (@allanaramaa) on May 5, 2020 at 3:42pm PDT

As for working from home on social media and keeping up with regular content, it was pretty tough to navigate what felt appropriate at first. I didn’t want to post anything that would make people feel worse than they might already be feeling in these tough times. How are others feeling in this situation? What would I want to see in terms of entertainment on Instagram and Youtube? I ultimately had to press on as normal – this is my job! – but needed to continue in a way that would be sensitive to the world around us, and hopefully bring a smile or giggle to someone’s day. I’ve been trying my best to continue with my regular content, while lightening the mood and being candid with how I’ve been dealing with it all at the same time. I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone when going through a hard time, and I really want to convey that to my community online.

Overall, I am trying not to dwell on the sense of loss in our world, and instead focusing on the things I’m still so lucky and grateful to have in my life. I’m trying to do the best that I can to keep the spirits high, bring some laughter and entertainment to my followers, and I look forward to the future when this will all be over and we can hug and kiss our loved ones again! Just remind yourself that this isn’t forever, this too shall pass, *insert Pinterest quote here*, etc etc … ☺ And finally, I so look forward to the bright sweet day where we can all walk down the glorious grey aisle of an airplane and whisk away to warmer lands filled with sun soaking and margaritas … until then! XO

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[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

My Top Ten Favorite Video Games of All Time

As of right now.

10. Madeline European Adventures (Creative Wonders, Microsoft Windows, 1996)

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Keywords: point-and-click adventure, single player

This short, cute PC game from my childhood follows young Madeline on an adventure through Europe. The game has the same sweet, unassuming art style as the books and cartoon. You help Madeline by completing simple tasks like collecting flowers and piecing together a ripped up train ticket. The simplicity and childish wonder of this game fill me with nostalgia.

9. Spaceteam (Henry Smith, Android, 2012)

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Keywords: couch co-op, multiplayer, party game

I think this might have literally been one of the official tag lines of the game, or maybe it was in the trailer or something, but I commonly introduce this game as “a game where you get to scream at your friends.” Also, chaos. The premise of the game is that you work with your friends to fly a spaceship. Each player has a unique dashboard, and some of the instructions that appear on a player’s screen will be for controls on another player’s dashboard, meaning that everyone has to yell out their commands as they get them (while also listening for instructions for their own dashboard).

The aesthetic of Spaceteam is simple and elegant. The background music is a perfect fit. I love the uniqueness of the characters in the Waiting Room. Even though your character’s appearance has no bearing on the actual game, it’s a nice aesthetic touch that seems superior to simple sprites distinguished from each other only by color or something like that. It adds that small, additional silly moment of “I’m the pink guy with the elephant trunk and pageant queen sash.” (I also love that silly moment when playing with someone new: “Is that who I’ll be in the game?” “Nope.” “Oh.”) And the opening lines (“...as a SPACETEAM!”) are so satisfying and iconic.

I love the complexity of the controls; rather than just tapping buttons, playing Spaceteam involves turning dials, moving notched sliders, and swinging broken panels back into place.

The picture sectors are by far my favorite because of how ridiculous and diverse the verbalization that people come up with are. Sometimes it’s as simple as yelling “California! CALIFORNIA!!!” over and over again, but other times it seems impossible to communicate with anything less than “Partially drained pool on a hot day! PARTIALLY DRAINED POOL ON A HOT DAY!”

Spaceteam is a simple game and not as popular as it was in its heyday, but it’s still a fun icebreaker and party game.

8. Old School RuneScape (Jagex, Microsoft Windows, 2013)

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Keywords: role-playing game (RPG), massively multiplayer online (MMO), third person

I never played RuneScape Classic, I only recently got into OSRS, and I only play free-to-play (FTP) because I’m too cheap with money to spend it on RuneScape and too cheap with time to try to generate enough in-game currency to buy membership. As I understand it, RuneScape has something of a reputation as a game of mindless grinding and meaningless achievement. This is probably somewhat deserved. There is a lot of repetitiveness in improving skills (“skilling”) in RuneScape, and it’s not really balanced by any creative aspect in the way that the gameplay in Stardew Valley is. There are quests, but I quickly ran through all of the free-to-play quests (with the exception of two that called for me to murder innocent people and therefore, to this day, lie incomplete in my quests list...). There’s also player-versus-player (PVP) combat, but besides the aforementioned aversion to murder, I don’t really stand a chance against even a mediocre player.

But there’s a lot to love about OSRS. While I initially cringed at the extremely dated aesthetic, I grew to love it. Is it ugly? Yes. Do everyone’s eyes look like unholy, black, triangular voids? Yes. But the same things that make it dated and ugly also make it visually interesting and unique.

What really redeems RuneScape for me, though, is the other players. RuneScape was the first MMO that I ever played, and I was really pleasantly surprised by how genuinely kind, helpful, and thoughtful the other players are. Veterans are eager to help out new players. Multiple people have given me super high value items or gold for little or no reason, pretty much out of the blue. One player asked me if I help other people; when I said something like, “Most of the time,” he rewarded me for my honesty with gp and told me to always be good to others. Another gave me gold for complimenting his outfit. Someone gave me a shit ton of runes because he had just won a game of hide and seek and I happened to be walking by, and another person gave me a piece of gilded armor for doing a trivial task.

Part of this, as one player who I talked to pointed out, might be that veterans like to “flex on” noobs, as the kids are saying these days. But I think that part of it is really just that RuneScape is a world of abundance, and when people prosper, they’re eager to share that prosperity with others. I really love that, and I wish that the real world was more similar.

That same conversation leads me to another important point of the social world of RuneScape: surprisingly long and deep conversations. Conversation with the players around you is a way to pass the time while skilling, but, then again, maybe playing RuneScape is an excuse for or avenue to conversation. As far as I can tell, it’s near impossible to find someone to have a pleasant, real-time chat with on the Internet. Sites like Omegle tend to be plagued with bots and horny men (although, actually, I once met someone on Omegle and we’re Tumblr mutuals to this day. So sometimes good things do happen). But everyone I’ve met on RuneScape seems happy to chat about the game and life and whatever else, and I’ve had some really interesting conversations.

7. Swapples (OMGPop, Web, c. 2006)

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Keywords: tile-matching, match 3, multiplayer, online

It’s not that Swapples, a fairly generic tile-matching game, is especially stunning. The game is cute and fun, but what I really appreciate is the OMGPop model. One of my favorite things about playing video games has always been playing with other people. Back in the day, my friends and I would drop OMGPop links in our Skype group chat to invite each other to play these silly games. I love the simplicity of that: no one has to make an account, or friend the other user, or download or buy anything, they just click the link and you’re ready to go. Sadly, OMGPop no longer exists, and I don’t know of any other site that does this.

6. Mario Party 8 (Nintendo, Wii, 2007), Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo, Wii, 2008), Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Nintendo, Wii, 2008)

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Keywords: party game, competitive, multiplayer

I grouped all of these together because they’re the three multiplayer Wii games that I would play with my brothers and friends when I was a kid. I don’t have that much to say about them except that playing games with people is fun!

I’m neither competitive nor at all skilled, but I still enjoyed Brawl for the following reasons:

1) Chaos, comebacks, and rooting for one player or another. I think “Stay out of the way and try to let the big guys beat each other up” is a pretty standard tactic, but yeah; it’s a good one. Even if you don’t win, you get to watch the match, and hey, maybe one of them will kill the other and you’ll survive slightly longer!

2) Badass female character action. It’s superficial, but hey, I loved playing the female characters in Smash: Peach kicking people in the face in her pink high heels; magic-wielding, gender-bending Zelda/Sheik; Samus turning into hot as fuck Zero Suit Samus after her Final Smash.

3) The drama of the story, perhaps exaggerated by my young brain, but a factor contributing to my liking of the game regardless. The idea of all of these different characters coming together to resist being forced to fight each other to the death is pretty romantic.

5. Undertale (Toby Fox, Microsoft Windows, 2015)

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Keywords: role-playing game (RPG), single player, third person, overhead perspective, pixel art

It took me a looong time to get around to playing Undertale. I had known about it for awhile, but I only actually decided to play it after everyone on Tumblr started freaking out about Delta Rune.

I definitely wasn’t disappointed. This game is iconic.

The tag line pretty much sums it up: “The RPG game where you don't have to destroy anyone.”

Historically, I’ve had two problems with video games:

1) Too hard. Games that are too difficult are basically unplayable, and unplayable games aren’t very fun. While I get that if you work at anything long enough, you’ll probably be able to do it eventually, I’d still rather start with an easy game and work up to more difficult ones. I don’t have years of video game experience that would have improved my reaction time and hand-eye coordination and given me a knowledge of strategy. While any game is playable with time and effort, games are most fun (at least for me) when level of player skill and level of challenge are in some kind of balance (there are those masochists who will plug away at games like Getting Over It for hours upon hours, and power to them, but I am not one of them, at least not currently).

2) Too violent. This problem is twofold and relates to the above. The first problem is my general distaste for violence, even fictional. I’d rather help someone than hurt them, if possible. The second problem is that I often get bored by combat. Again, this is partially due to the difficulty being too high; repetitively training myself to improve things like my reaction time and aim seems rather dull to me on the face of it, although I now understand a little better how it could be a welcome challenge. Other times, it seems like combat boils down to just numbers (player stats, etc.), which again, I didn’t immediately see the appeal of, although I now get how it could be intellectually stimulating to calculate and strategize.

Undertale manages to craft a unique and entertaining game without having either of the above problems or reducing the game to a more visual novel-like format.

The save points (which sport the text “...fills you with determination”) feel like a promise from the game that as long as you stay determined, you will be rewarded. I really appreciate that.

This is a fantastic game. It’s sweet, ridiculous, suspenseful, funny, creepy, tragic, and inspirational. The pixel art aesthetic is wonderful. The soundtrack is excellent. Everyone, especially people who think that they don’t like video games, should play this game.

4. Stardew Valley (ConcernedApe/Chucklefish, Microsoft Windows, 2016)

Image: my own screenshot

Keywords: farming simulator, role-playing game (RPG), single player, online co-op, multiplayer, third person, overhead perspective, pixel art

Stardew Valley is a lovely, whimsical farming simulator/country life role-playing game that feels like home. I haven’t played any other farming sims (other than a brief stint with FarmVille, which I pretty quickly abandoned), but what seems to set it apart is the relationships that you build with the other villagers. They’re simplistic in some ways; a big part of the social dynamic follows the typical RPG format of “give person gift, now they love you,” but each villager’s likes and dislikes are (mostly) unique, and the dialogue and cut scenes help to make the relationship feel more real. You can even marry one of them and have children.

You also get to know the villagers’ schedules to some extent and get used to seeing them on holidays, which is weirdly pretty realistic. Predictability makes things easier to code, but human beings also just are predictable. We have routines. We look forward to holidays. The game can get boring, and obviously there are limitations in what you can do to affect things in the game that would not exist in real life, but it still feels pretty real and satisfying.

Co-op mode, in which one player can invite other players to work on their farm with them as farmhands (and may ultimately propose to and marry them, if they wish) feels like a weirdly accurate simulation of what it’s like to run a household together. You worry about money and talk about how much each person should be able to spend. You think about the relationships that each of you has with other people. You collaborate on furnishing and decorating choices. It feels like good practice for the future.

3. Pokémon Leaf Green (Nintendo, Game Boy Advance, 2004), Pokémon Sapphire (Nintendo, Game Boy Advance, 2003)

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Keywords: role-playing game (RPG), single player, third person, overhead perspective, chiptune

My Pokémon games were me hand-me-downs from my brothers. I’m not really sure, but I don’t think that they’re the most popular ones of the series. Regardless, I loved them. I loved caring for each of my precious Pokémon, training them to grow big and strong, and watching them improve and evolve. I caught a Ralts very early on in one of the games, which is apparently quite rare, and lovingly raised it up to a Gardevoir. As a Psychic Pokémon, Gardevoir became kind of a sign of protection and positive mental health for me, a sort of good luck charm. I had a Blaziken named Peeta, after the Hunger Games character. I tried to make sure that each of my Pokémon got time to play and didn’t have to spend eternity cooped up in my Box; this wasn’t always super compatible with my other goal to “catch ‘em all,” but the thought was there. I have such happy nostalgia associated with this game and each of its different aspects: the different biomes and weather, planting berries, the shops and Pokémon centers, the Poké flutes, the different types of Poké balls, the ancient Pokemon, the thrill of potentially catching a legendary Pokémon, the music.

2. Humongous Entertainment suite - Pajama Sam (1996-2003), Freddi Fish (1994-2013), and Putt-Putt (1992-2003)

Image: my own screenshot

Keywords: point-and-click adventure, single player

The HE games are point-and-click adventures featuring a young boy with a silly superhero alter ego (Pajama Sam); a fish (Freddi) and her friend (Luther); and an anthropomorphic car (Putt-Putt). These exploration games fascinated me as a child, and the Pajama Sam aesthetic had a huge impact on me. “No Need to Hide When It’s Dark Outside,” in which Sam journeys through the fantastical Land of Darkness that he never knew was in his closet, is the most iconic. The game is mostly dressed in shades of purple, blue, and black, with occasional pops of bright yellow and orange thrown in. The game effortlessly tows the line between creepy and charming, with characters like two doors that come to life and act as game show hosts to test Sam before he can pass through. Beyond those two doors lies one of my favorite scenes of the game, a hallway of logic-defying doors: doors of all sizes, shapes, and colors, on the floor, walls, and ceiling. Gravity doesn’t seem to work normally in this strange, liminal space. The mines in the game, in contrast to most of the other imagery, have a lot of stark red and gold, but black border and background elements make the mines just as creepy as the rest of the game, and perhaps more menacing. Like a lot of children’s games, “No Need to Hide” also contains a lot of wacky, mismatched imagery (hot dogs as the ends of cattails, giant paintbrushes next to multi-color geysers that double as paint pots) which, in this case, can be attributed to the fact that the Land of Darkness, for all its forests, rivers, mines, and more, is still contained within Sam’s closet. The confused chaos somehow feels very representative of what the inside of a child’s mind is like.

“You Are What You Eat from Your Head to Your Feet” and “Life is Rough When You Lose Your Stuff” are similar to “No Need to Hide,” but the soundtrack improves, bringing in varying kinds of jazz music, from swing to bossa nova, as the final element tying the Pajama Sam aesthetic together.

I also have to give a nod to the first Freddi Fish game. The aesthetic of “The Case of the Missing Kelp Seeds” is similarly bizarre and wonderful. The dark and creepy junkyard guarded by an angry “dog” fish, the sketchy manta ray watch salesman, the “peanut butter and jellyfish” sandwich that you have to feed to a hostile lurking eel, the fish cabaret. It’s just really creative and aesthetically interesting.

1. Paper Mario series - Paper Mario (2001), Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (2004), Super Paper Mario (2007)

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Keywords: role-playing game (RPG), single player, third person, player-controlled party members/allies

Paper Mario, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door: turn-based combat

Super Paper Mario:  real-time combat, action role-playing game, side-scroller, platformer

The only Mario games that I’ve played other than the party games, I used to play these with my younger brother. We’d take turns playing and watching the other person. I love the idea of Paper Mario, and of course the characters and art style are unique, creative, iconic. We started with Super Paper Mario, and I remember that one the most vividly. In Super Paper Mario, the paper version of Mario actually has the ability to go 3D, finding secret locations and paths inaccessible to those restricted to two dimensions. Something about that is just really cool to me, and it expands on the theme of exploration of all nooks and crannies (check ceilings, look under loose bricks!) from the game’s predecessors.

So much weird stuff happens in this game (note: some spoilers ahead, obviously): seemingly cute and innocent Mimi forces Mario into slavery after he accidentally breaks a vase, then later transforms into a horrifying spider monster; Mario visits the underworld and swims in the river Styx, where long, creepy white hands grab at him; there’s an entire secret alternate version of one of the central locations, “Flipside,” called “Flopside.” This game is just wild, and I love all of the different settings and characters and how the plot progresses.

Honorable mentions/good games that didn’t make my top ten: Frog Fractions, Jackbox games (Drawful, Quiplash), Zoo Tycoon, Depression Quest, The Stanley Parable, The Beginner’s Guide, Doki Doki Literature Club, Firewatch, Donut County

So that’s my list! I’m still very new to the world of video games. There are a lot of genres that I haven’t even tried yet. I’m very open to recommendations!!!