#new anime project maybe???????????????????????????????

[lieslab]

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Jeongin X gn reader

Summary: After euthanizing your pet unexpectedly, you fall apart in front of your boyfriend as grief hits.

Genre: Comfort/hurt with angst

Word Count: 3.2K

Trigger warning: Pet loss, euthanasia, grief, guilt, anxiety, and a brief mention of attempted physical assault.

_ _ _

Guilt latched onto you like a starving dog; a starving dog with jaws locked around flesh. A starving dog who hadn’t eaten in days and was so desperate and so hungry that anything would be sufficient enough to consume, even if it was you. Guilt was a starving dog.

Usually, animals made you happy, but as you sat unexpectedly in the waiting room, each new animal that came in filled your heart with dread. Longer wait times meant more patients and less space in the waiting room. Despite the TVs on each side quietly murmuring two different shows, it didn’t make you feel any better. 

With your pet down at your feet, anxiety strummed in your stomach. Too many people came in with smiles. They happily chatted with the receptionists and the receptionists were so excited to see the animals for their usual check-ups. 

Check-ups were so simple. A quick overview of vitals and a visit from the veterinarian about anything you might be concerned about. You knew it wasn’t fair to project your feelings at other people in the room. It wasn’t their fault you were in a shitty situation. 

The room was too crowded and even though you were in your own seat in a small section, you still felt suffocated. The german shepherd on the other side of the room was barking so loud. The deep guttural noise seemed to pierce your sensitive ears like needles. Not to mention, you knew it was stirring up stress for your own pet. 

Other pets in the area looked just as anxious. The shaking yorkie stayed close to the elderly woman holding the other end of the leash. With a coral colored collar around its neck, it didn’t leave the woman’s side. 

A small kitten in a black plastic carrier couldn’t have been much more than a month old. Small meows mixed into the melody of faint murmuring humans. The room smelled like an antiseptic and the fear from pets afraid of the place was too obvious. 

There was only one dog who seemed happy to be there. Some sort of medium mixed breed and speckled fur with cream and copper. The elongated snout seemed to be smiling. A bright pink tongue lolled from the side of its mouth. A wagging tail and the cheery owner drilled dread into your own heart. 

As you glanced back down to your feet, you couldn’t help, but ponder the fate of your own pet. The sickness was so unexpected and with every minute that passed, you knew it was another minute of their suffering. You were drowning in your own guilt. 

Why hadn’t you just checked on them earlier? Maybe when they seemed to be picking at their food instead of eating it normally, you should have known something was wrong. Tears threatened to prick at your eyes and all you could do was swallow your guilt and endure it all. Reaching down to stroke the top of their head, you whispered comforting words of reassurance, but you weren’t sure if they were able to understand it or not. 

The room was too noisy. The dogs were getting loose fur everywhere. In another section and on top of a leathered seat, another cat was hissing. When a young man stuck his finger into the metal grate to comfort it, a paw full of claws swung. The guy hissed in pain before pulling out his hand and shaking it. 

The tears were welling up more. You hated this. You hated waiting with no answers. You hated waiting and not knowing the fate of your pet. You hated vets and the overpowering antiseptic. The stupid swirly cursive handwritten sign above a well stocked coffee bar with a smiley face. 

Two pots for water, a stack of to-go cups with lids, and even bags of tea. Further back, a vending machine lit up with lights. As the sun set and the outdoors grew darker, the inside and fluorescent white lights grew brighter. Veterinary assistants came out to gather histories of pets with bright colored scrubs. Photos of healthy pets lined the walls. 

Where was the sympathy? Why couldn’t anyone understand what was happening? It was a goddamn emergency, your pet was suffering, so why did it seem like nobody cared? The animals were too loud. The staff was too friendly. Animals were going back to be treated and checked up on, but not one of them was yours.  

Just when you were on the brink of tears, their name was finally called. You quickly got up and struggled to gather your thoughts. Your steps were wobbly. You weren’t even back there yet, hadn’t received a diagnosis, but something inside of you knew. You just knew deep down that you weren’t leaving this place like you wanted to. 

You wanted to go into the warmth of your home with your pet. You wanted to lay down tonight and be reassured that it was all okay. You wanted your pet back in tip-top shape. You wanted to go back home with both of you safe and sound, but… 

“I’m sorry, but I think our best option at this point is euthanasia.” 

You knew it was coming, but it still stung. It was a bullet to the heart. As you stared at the sympathetic look on the vet’s face, tears pricked your eyes again. You forced yourself to swallow the lump in your throat as you looked down at the creature on the cool metal table. 

What had you done to end up here? Was it something you did? Could they have been saved? What if, what if, what if, what if. It was a collision of thoughts that were never-ending. Why did this have to happen to you? 

You were good at being a pet parent. You prided yourself on going out of your way to buy the healthier food. Giving them the occasional treat because you thought they deserved it. Was it something in the food? Had a bag of treats expired and you just didn’t realize it? 

Your bottom lip curled into your mouth. The teeth piercing the soft skin hurt, but what your pet was going through hurt so much worse. Maybe you deserved to feel the pain after this. 

It took everything within you not to fall apart as you stayed by their side. You tried to soothe them through a hoarse voice, but it didn’t seem to do much. They were so lethargic, could they understand what was happening? Through the plethora of strangers, headache-inducing scents, and the whining of animals, did they understand you were just trying to help them? 

You didn’t mean for the metal table to feel this cold against their skin. The piercing prick of medicine for sedation wasn’t supposed to hurt that much. Were they afraid? Did they know the end was near? Would they ever forgive you for this? 

It was a miracle that you managed to stay up on your legs. The rest of your time was a blur. Payment plans, the sympathy from the staff, the cold and lonely feeling was burrowing in your bones. It swelled when the cardboard coffin was placed into the back of your car. 

The name of your pet had been written neatly in tiny print. Someone drew a small tiny heart next to the name. Even by strangers, your pet had been loved up until the very end, but it didn’t feel like it. 

As you stood in the darkness and stared at the box in the back of the car, you didn’t dare open it up. You didn’t want the lasting imprint of your pet to be one where they weren’t moving. You didn’t want to hold the weight of your emotional instability. Sometimes love was three pounds and other times, it was nearly a hundred. 

The drive home was too quiet. Venturing through the darkness felt like a funeral procession. Knowing your deceased pet was in the trunk and it’d never be the same, it was a heavy weight to process. These things took time, but right now you felt numb. 

You didn’t remember turning on your turn signal or switching lanes. You didn’t remember driving all the way home, but you did. One moment, you were zoned out on the highway, the next you were putting the car in park and glancing up at your front door. 

The porch light was on and your heart sank even more. Your boyfriend was home, but you didn’t have it in yourself to greet him. You didn’t want anything to do with him or anyone right now. Right now, you wanted to be entirely alone and weep. 

The kisses from your boyfriend would be bitter. Being kissed hello felt like a death sentence. After everything you went through with your pet, it didn’t feel right to get to greet the love of your life. Everything went head over heels and it was all wrong. 

You should have been able to bring them home alive and they’d be fine. You shouldn’t have had to put them down. You weren’t meant for this type of grief, no one was. 

You weren’t excited to see the flowers adorning the porch. Dread lined your stomach as you approached the door. Knowing Jeongin, he’d have the door open for you. He knew you were taking your animal to the vet, but you hadn’t told him it was for emergency purposes. You felt like you bothered him too much and you had hope in the beginning. You wanted it to go so much better than it had. 

The moment you opened the screen door and the brass knob turned, the scent of food clouded your senses. You had barely eaten anything all day, but the idea of eating right now made you nauseous. Death clung to you and the ghost of your pet was everywhere. 

From the fur on the floor to the food and water bowls staring at you. Half-consumed food remained untouched. The cold water shifted to room temperature. The food would never be consumed again. The water would never be spilled as your pet tried to lap it up. 

“Hey, there you are.” Jeongin leaned his torso out of the kitchen doorway with a shy smile. “I’ve missed you. How did the appointment go?” 

Your heart shattered in your chest. The lump cemented the back of your throat again. You struggled to breathe and the image of your boyfriend blurred. You didn’t get to see his face fall, not with all of your tears. 

“Are you okay?” Footsteps creaked closer as he moved towards you. An outstretched hand was ready to grasp your shoulder. When it landed, you swatted it away as if it was an annoying bug. 

“Don’t,” you weakly uttered, “just don’t. I don’t want to be touched right now. Please just-” your voice cut off and you squeezed your watery eyes shut. “Don’t.” 

“What happened?” His hand lingered, but he did as you wished. Not once did he try to touch you again. “Where is-” 

“Gone. They’re gone. They’re gone and they’re never coming back.” 

Confusion wiped across his face. He tried to conjure up the meaning by scanning your body, but he couldn’t make sense of it. That would mean that they…no way. He didn’t want to believe it. 

“What happened?” 

“They had to be put down, okay? Something happened and they got sick. The vet said it was better to put them out of their misery, so I did. They’re gone and I’m here and life goes on.” 

“But the-” 

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. They didn’t suffer for that long. I have to figure out where to bury them because this wasn’t supposed to happen. One moment they were fine and the next-” You cut off as you wiped your eyes. Even just talking about it was emotionally exhausting. 

Jeongin frowned while watching you. He knew you didn’t like to be around people when you were struggling, but he wasn’t going to leave you alone. Not when you were like this. The food frying on a skillet back in the kitchen was the least of his worries. 

“Okay,” he finally uttered, “we don’t have to talk about it.” 

“Thank you.” 

His heart twisted in his chest. He dropped his arm back down to his side. He wanted nothing more than to console you, but you wouldn’t let him. It was pointless to ask because he knew he’d be rejected. 

“I’m making dinner.” 

“You should leave.” 

His head jerked straight up as he looked at you. “I should do what? You want me…you just want me to leave?” 

“I think it’s best if you do. I can’t deal with this right now. Look at me!” You gestured back to yourself. Exhaustion was stamped beneath your eyes in the form of brown bags. Your hair wasn’t neatly combed like it usually was. Your eyes were bloodshot and the apples of your cheeks were lined with tear streaks. 

“But you probably haven’t eaten properly and you need to eat something.” 

“Get out.” 

“Sweetheart…” “Get out!” Your sharp voice raised. “Just get out! Go away! Leave me alone!” The nearest object at your disposal was a beige pillow on the couch. You couldn’t stop it as anger ignited in your veins. You grabbed the pillow and chucked it at his head. 

It fell flat before it even reached his body. A sense of sadness began to well up inside of Jeongin. Not because you told him to leave, but because he knew you were grieving. He couldn’t imagine what you were internally going through right now. 

You had that pet for quite a while. If he would have known a situation like this was happening, he would have been there for you. He would have been right by your side at the vet. He would have held your hand while you consoled your pet. 

He would have driven you home and let you cope. He would have done whatever it took to ease the pain and suffering. He thought it was just a check-up. He thought the two of you would come home like normal and everything would be okay. He had no idea the true extent of your shattered reality. 

“Why are you still there? Get out! Go away! I said leave!” You gestured to the door. “So leave! I don’t want you here anymore. I’ll call the goddamn cops.” 

“No, you won’t. I’m not going anywhere. You can yell at me if it makes me feel better. You can scream until your lungs give out. Hit me if it’ll make you feel any better, but I’m not going anywhere.” 

Your bottom lip began to quiver. Tears silently crept down your cheeks again. At this moment, you hated him. You hated him for sticking around and watching you become so vulnerable. You hated this so much. You just wanted the grief and the pain to stop, but it was everywhere. 

It was the picture of your pet on your wall. The fur floating off the pillow you threw at him. It was the softness of their fur still ingrained in your head. The way they made you laugh on your worst days and were there to fuel your fire on your best. 

The memories were like fire and they wouldn’t stop spreading. Everywhere you looked, memories were there. The couch where they used to lay. The kitchen where they begged for a bite of your food. No matter where you turned, it wouldn’t stop. You were suffocating in the smoke of it all and there was nothing available to distinguish it. 

“I’m not going anywhere because I love you.” 

“Then stop loving me.” 

“You and I both know that’s not going to happen. You don’t have to pretend to be strong here. You don’t have to pretend to be okay and you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. No matter how much you cry, even if it’s enough tears to drown me, I’ll still love you.” 

You didn’t utter another word as he opened his arms out to you. A loving gesture, even after the bitter words you spat and the pillow you threw. Most people would have given up and walked out, but not Jeongin. 

He didn’t let up. He stood there with his arms up and waited for you to approach him. He knew you were on the verge of bursting into sobs. You were desperately trying to hold them back, but you couldn’t stop the whimper from climbing out of the back of your throat. 

“Honey, you’re not okay and that’s okay.” 

That’s all it took before a sob burst through your lips. Your knees buckled and down you went towards the floor. Jeongin rushed forward and tugged you into his arms by the cotton of your shirt. He sunk down with you onto the floor as sobs reverberated through your chest. 

Everything you held back came pouring out. You gasped for air and struggled to suck in air through tears, but it wasn’t enough. In pure desperation, your fingers clung to Jeongin’s shirt. There was nothing to save you from this inner turmoil of pain. 

“I know, I know. You’re okay, I’ve got you. Go ahead and let it all out.” 

Your cries got louder and louder. The familiar scent of his baby powder shampoo crept into your nose. You clung to him like a life preserver. Your lungs were perfectly intact, but it felt like they had been sliced. The flesh responsible for controlling your oxygen seemed unresponsive. 

Your head sat over his shoulder. Your limbs wrapped around him like a koala, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t mind that your heart rapidly thumped against his own chest. In fact, he welcomed it. 

You would never be too much for him. This grief was not the monster you thought it was. It would rear its ugly head and it would buck, attempting to puncture his heart, but it would never scare him away. Your words, no matter how sharp, he knew you’d never speak to him like that unless you were hurting. 

Grief is hard and we’re just humans, stardust trapped in bodies and given souls to experience humanity; the good and the bad. He stood by you at your best times and he’d continue to do it at your worst. 

Minutes passed by or maybe hours. You didn’t know, you lost track of it as your eyes drooped. Soft hiccups filtered through steady breaths and your eyes shut. Exhaustion from the day’s events were finally catching up to your weary soul. Jeongin’s hand never once stopped rubbing your back. 

“Just get some sleep, honey. Don’t worry, I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

You couldn’t resist the urge to shut your eyes anymore. Life was hard and losing a beloved pet made it ten times harder. With your cheek pressed into the side of his shoulder, you knew sleep would likely bring a nightmare. If not, you’d wake up to one. 

Jeongin knew that too, but he also knew that with him being here, you’d find the comfort you needed from him. He wasn’t perfect, but he was still the better alternative than you being alone. Every good love story was laced with loss and vulnerability, but also hope. Hope; for a new beginning, for peace, for understanding, and for love.

There’s no point in loving without hope. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

[akkivee]

all this kuukou FOOD—

[cozylittleartblog]

if star wars was pitched for the first time in today's entertainment industry it would be turned down. and so would any other thing that's currently a "big IP". where do idiot executives think the IPs come from to begin with???

[timemachineyeah]

I think in the next Animal Crossing, you should have to earn your control over the environment. And I don’t just mean working to get terraforming, I mean, like, earning it before getting to decide where other people’s homes are and stuff.

Idk, the deserted island is fun but I kind of hope in the next one we’re back to being a new face in an already established rural community. And you can still progress to moving absolutely everything on the map and decorating each square foot and flower to your liking, but, like… these other people have lives of their own.

I like knowing a rando isn’t gonna move onto my carefully curated flowerbed and ruin my path, but I don’t like how much the villagers in ACNH feel like fashion accessories rather than neighbors.

[alternautxyz]

uuhhh in other new that lmk s5 trailer dropped and people are very

mixed

for context the new season is being partly animated by wildbrain i think. flying bark is still working on the show but probably due to all the other projects they've been working on like the atla movie the animation is off.

its understandable that people are upset. lmk has some of the most consistently dynamic and lively animation ive ever seen, and going from that to ok animation kinda sucks. as a culmination of a lot of what the series has been building up to people were inevitably going to be disappointed

at the same time people shouldnt harass animators. like ever. no amount of trying to petition or anything will change the s5, people are just trying to do their job and theres no probably no major changing to the finished product by now. and theres still a lot of that lmk charm in there, and we haven't even seen the whole season yet to judge it. flying bark is still working on it, and even if the animation never reaches the peak of the old seasons it still has the same writers so at least the writing has the chance to live up old standards. idk though we'll just have to wait and see

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

hmmm should i go through all of the dramas and musicals and other dn medias to compare light's wardrobes there as well as from the anime and manga or is that too much work

[gamebunny-advance]

Time For the Semi-Annual "What Are Ya Following Me For?" Poll

I'm just in the mood to gauge follower interests again.

Generally speaking, the results don't change the kind of content I make. I just like to hear what y'all are here for now and then.

[atomicsuperrobot]

Hey so does anybody know what that announcement or event said to be releasing today was about? I'm not on Twitter and frankly I don't want to go there if I can help it. Was it a rerun announcement, a radio drama, or a new project altogether?

[good-beans]

I’ve talked about media that “has a character for everyone” and I think that’s one of the things that’s really effective for Milgram’s emotional impact on the audience – especially because it does it in a unique way from other media. 

Though I discovered it recently, I’ve already seen many “if you forgive x you’re a horrible person,” “if you condemn x it’s on sight” type posts for all characters. (Which, yeah, are bad, but also) I find it deliciously entertaining to see that Milgram spread their cast out enough to reach any audience. 

It’s not just “oh I also have murderous thoughts so I’m projecting onto this murderer :)”, it’s “I was a victim and this character gives me catharsis and had the strength for the revenge that I craved.” It’s “I, too, would be pushed to great lengths for the one I love out of desperation.” It’s “there was a time I was young and didn’t know better, I did some shit too.” And so on – It covers so many character types that even people who have never been in the same situations find traits/symbols to relate to. Maybe you’re nothing like Fuuta, but could think “I was online during the pandemic and felt crushed by injustice, all I craved was justice and belonging.” Maybe you’re nothing like Mahiru, but could think “(even if it wasn't romantic love,) I’ve been blinded by the bliss of finally getting a taste of something I’ve wanted my whole life and lost sight as it consumed me.” 

And this isn’t a traditional case of getting attached to characters in media, because you actually have to watch this person, that some part of you identifies with and finds reassurance/catharsis in, as they are judged black-and-white by the public.

Milgram packs such a punch because we feel parts of ourselves getting judged by the public, as well.

[fiendishartist2]

every so often i remember that i know how to animate and then i remember i have a job

[ardate]

Things are just so bleak man.

[ohcrapmyfishwhy]

I feel old bc I didn't like the amazing digital circus.

[toastsnaffler]

say what u want abt my ex but we rly peaked going to a halloween party as kaneda akira (me) and shin dorohedoro (them). fucking nerds <3

[sortanonymous]

I can't stand the tension! I miss Unicorn: Warriors Eternal so much! I just need to know if it's coming back or not! If it's getting another season (or three like Genndy hoped for), then that's freaking awesome! If it's getting Zaslav'd before it can ever address that cliffhanger, then that's the biggest disgrace to happen in this industry in about a month or two (maybe idk). But just let ne know already! It's been a year! I miss Mel/Em, Ed, and the others so much! SGGYJGDGHBFGRKKDDYHHH

[kellystar321]

.

[glampacked]

pretty sure my laptop battery is expanding again and i'd rather kill myself than have to pay to have it replaced after it was replaced LESS THAN THREE YEARS AGO!!!!! i think it can last a few more months so i can ask for the replacement to be my birthday present lol