#new tag bc i need to start grouping these and not repeat myself too much hehe

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[prettywordsyouleft]

Hey chelle! So as you know i happily reached 100 followers and said they could request somethings. I got some requests and i wrote out the stories. The thing is only one of them is getting any real recognition bc its about a certain person. I addressed this in one of my latest posts. Im very upset that's it getting recognition bc i know it's only bc of who it's abt not bc they liked the way it was written. My voice isnt being heard. Ppl just see ooh it's another fic abt so and so. 1/2

It’s also making me upset bc why are the other ones not getting recognition? If you really truly love this one member wouldn’t you also love the other members? Why wouldn’t you look for all content? Yes maybe he’s ur bias, but you could always pretend there’s a different name or you could just read it for the sake of supporting the other members. Im just confused and upset. I have a slight feeling you have a bit of this problem with jinyoung. I also just want my voice to be heard. 2/2

_______________

First off, congrats on your 100 followers! It’s an amazing milestone to meet and I’m so proud of you! 

However, I think you’re being too hard on yourself, if I’m honest. I’m not saying I haven’t done this in the past, because sometimes I will sit there and feel I wrote something amazing and it flops and then write something basic that I gave little thought to and because of the idol or I dunno, the way the wind blew that day, it exceeded all expectations and then some. I think you need to accept there is never going to be an even response to your writing. And no, not everyone will love everyone equally in a group, even if you may be able to. I myself will not read or write for every member in groups I like. It’s just how it is for some people and it’s not a bad thing. There will always be someone out there who enjoys what you do and will read those members who perhaps others won’t! That’s what I love about this community. Who I might struggle to write for, could be someone you excel with and vice-versa! 

I went to check the post you made and for the specific group you’re talking about, the one you mentioned is my favourite to write. I personally have varying interest in the other members because I’m old as hell and they’re youngins. Granted, everyone comes from different groups of age and interests so to assume people will all like the same thing is not going to help you any in the long run and just continue to disappoint you.

Of course, I believe we should write what feels best to us and I don’t think writing for those you don’t feel capable of approaching right now is a good choice either. As for popularity, that’s out of your control. You have two options. You could write what you know will get hit for attention to build up an audience who will be more likely to read your other stories since they liked the others you wrote to follow you. Or you can try not to focus on recognition so much and write what you feel is authentic to you. 

I know that sounds hypocritical of me, as I’ve been bleeting on about recognition and support for content creators lately. And whilst I’m still pro-support creators, I realised how ugly it got for me. I was blessed last year when interaction was more common on my stories. I put out Destined and it blew up. I’m known for my Jinyoung content because I genuinely do love writing for him, but also because I took advantage to keep that content flowing. I played into the “he’s popular” card, I’m not afraid to admit that. However, I couldn’t do that if I didn’t genuinely stand behind my fictions for him. And I won’t do that with others just to get attention either. Still, I knew what formula worked and I got used to that attention. It’s easy to get carried away with that and the drop in interactions has made me doubt myself and my style of writing a lot. I realised somewhere along the line, I was creating for attention. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you keep seeking recognition that way, you won’t be pleased with the results in yourself.

I recently watched a video where the creator said something that stuck with me. When you’re chasing attention, you lose the desire to create just to create. And it’s so true! Phoebe, I know I’m in a different position than you. I’ve worked exceptionally hard to get here though, and I know you will also work hard on your own writing journey. I know firsthand how motivating recognition is. When we are validated, we are more likely to put in more work to receive greater results. Just don’t forget the main reason for why you started writing. Have your moments where you’re frustrated, we all have them. But try not to get too upset because of the decisions of others - you can’t control what they do, no matter how much you try! Your genuine followers will appreciate all you do and it will show in your writing when you embrace that as well. 

Thank you for feeling brave to share your concerns with me

And just a side note: I highly recommend that you post your requests as new posts. Asks limit some of your visibility in searches. Try making new posts and then link them to your asks. It might help to also add more tags to target your stories showing up in the searches. My personal formula is: group / group imagines / group scenarios / group fiction / group fanfic / group genre / group au and then repeat these tags but with the individual member’s name. Just tagging the idol name means people who are looking specifically for fiction won’t find it. 

______________________

My ask box is open for this week’s Chelle Chats!

[u-l-i-a-n]

Long triggering story ahead

Make sure to check the tags before reading further to keep yourself safe, okay?

Anyways, here’s the story of my abusive friendship that lasted 8 years.

I can pretty confidently say 2017-2018 was the hardest year of my life so far, but it was also the one that set me free from HER (avoiding naming her bc you could definitely find her otherwise)

I’m very very bad at math, so bad that I ended up having to repeat my last year of middle school, and I’d decided to go to the other middle school in the area so i wouldn’t have the same teachers. I was pretty quickly adopted into a fairly large friend group that liked to hang out in the library, SHE was apart of that friend group. she also sat next to me in math class, and we very quickly became friends that were nearly inseparable. 

At this point in time i’d gone a few years without any real friends and my social skills were very poor, as well as my anxiety rendering me nearly mute (it still does this, but it was worse before) as i was the closest with HER, she became my “anchor” in most social situations, where i could be comfortable talking with everyone if she was talking too.

This, was where the abuse started. Where she would playfully hit me in the arm. HARD. every day, multiple times a day. I’d complain and rub my arm and she would dismiss me saying she “hadn’t hit me that hard” (I got it confirmed with another person she let one of her punches out on that it was hard as hell, and lord help you if you hit her back with the same strength)

This went on throughout high-school, along with more and more manipulation, and emotional abuse. If i did something without her approval she would be angry with me, she wanted me to keep my hair long and would get angry when i cut it, even if it looked better. If i was getting new glasses and decided on a style that she hadn’t picked out she’d be angry with me, if i wanted to see a movie she didn’t want it would take weeks of begging and making deals to watch things i had no interest in to appease her.

It was frustrating, and we argued CONSTANTLY on every little thing. She lied, pathologically, and would always try and prove herself right by yelling and hitting me in the arm until i backed down, even on things that were obviously incorrect (like: ”all raccoons are born with rabies, only gay men can get aids, japan is filthy and people shit in the streets, Spanish is the same thing and Mexican” i know, fucking crazy)

*There was one particular event that took place sometime between freshman and junior year, where on the multiple prompting of “she’ll stop hitting you if you hit her back and don’t back down” where I took that advice, and in my bedroom when she was staying over (as she did nearly every weekend, even if i didnt want her to) she’d hit me during an argument and I hit her back, this went back and forth until she got angry and angrier, until suddenly i was on my back with her hands wrapped around my throat. I remember staring at her in the eyes, until slowly she let me go. She said she didn’t know what happened, that she had “blacked out”. She didn’t apologize. I forgave her.

During this time, the friend group that we were apart of bisected and grew in different parts, some being the kids interested in theater and some being interested in other nerdy things, like video games and anime. A lot of the time, the few other friend that i had that weren’t HER often asked me “why are you still friends with her, she treats you like shit” and you may also be wondering at this point “Ulian what the hell why were you still around this person???”

Well, I’d convinced myself that she needed me, like i had once needed her as a buffer and anchor for social interaction, that i somehow owed her my patience and forgiveness for the things she did, and continued to do.

A certain event led to us breaking apart for a time, that event being her handing me a letter after several weeks of telling me how angry she was that i continued to interact with someone she didn’t like (even after she’s lied about the person being mean to her, but at this point i knew over half the things she said were lies) the letter, in briefest terms, was her blaming me and how i acted for her wanting to kill herself. She literally wrote the words “You make me want to kill myself”(hypocritical since her stance on self-harm was that people only did so for attention and people who committed suicide were weak) I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t handle the idea that something i did would have made someone want to die, and couldn’t handle that she’d just slip me a letter about it while at school and expect me to be fine.

My depression got worse, i avoided her for a time and my mental health was bad enough that it had a physical effect on me that other people commented on. I thought i was sick, and missed about a week of school.

eventually, and unfortunately, we made up. With me conditioning that she needed to treat me better, specifically “hey stop hitting me maybe??” and for the most part she did, slowly she stopped hitting me and things were much better. for awhile at least.

skipping forward a bit, we graduated, and she convinced me to go with her to college (we lasted 2 semesters and then stopped). Eventually she convinced me to start working with her at our local grocery store (bad idea) She constantly pointed out that my home life was shit and I was eager to move out of the house, and after finding a third roommate, I was living in the same house as HER (horrible idea)

although her hitting me was now something that happened very rarely, her manipulative tendencies and emotional abuse increased. And also spread to the people around us. While living together, any small mistake i made was blown up out of proportion (like not doing the dishes when she said to even though she never ever did them) and she made it seem as if i was lazy, as if i was childish and needed her in order to function. she made it so the way she treated me made sense to other people, and that i deserved how she was acting towards me.

She even threw me a kiddie themed birthday party for my 21st birthday, with a bunch of baby decorations, like think winnie the pooh themed stuff.

She constantly undermined everything i said or did, made me out to be irresponsible, invaded my privacy by forcing me to let her use my phone and computer and give her access to it, told people my secrets that i told her in confidence and bad mouthed me behind my back (as i found out from our 3rd roommate and also my GRANDMOTHER)

She also made me feel as if I couldn’t return home, that my home life (which isnt great but no one is degrading or hitting me hmmm) was horrible and that i couldn’t go back there, which i later realized was her manipulating me into feeling as if i HAD to stay with her and had no where else to go.

Living with her made all the things she did and the horrible way she treated me pile up, and left me short tempered. I knew that something needed to change, and I thought that I could get through to her and have her change how she was behaving.

We argued again, after the time she had choked me i’d backed down quite a bit, and started hating arguing since i knew she’d never listen to me. This time, once again, i argued and didn’t back down when she yelled at me.

So she SCREAMED at me, loud enough to make the house shake and have my cat try to intervene, and she threw the closest object she could find at me full force (a penny, but still scary as hell in context)

I was quiet, and I waited for a time for her to calm down. i asked “Are we going to talk about this.” and she replied “No.” And i walked out the door.

Because when i get truly, viscerally angry or upset, my response is to remove myself from the problem. I walked out the door into the night to calm myself down, shaken from the realization of the situation i was in and knowing that I couldn’t stay with her.

I began telling our other roommate and her boyfriend about the things she would say to me about them when they weren’t around, I’m not very proud of going against someones trust but at this point i was desperate to have someone on my side and willing to help me get away from her when our lease was up.

During this time she had manipulated me into coming to conclusions that i would NEVER come to on my own, such as thinking our roommate who had clinical depression only wanted attention, which is something that someone who also has depressions and many friends with depression and actively learns and cares for people with mental health issues wouldn’t ever think on my own. its not in me to think badly of other people for no reason, while she (her words) hated everyone around her by default.

eventually our roommate confronted her, and she managed to twist things around and cause a lot of tension, leaving me feeling trapped and hopeless in a house with someone who had the potential to hurt me, and also my pet cat.

She threatened things i cared about and intentionally tried to upset me, specifically threatening my cat, who is a huge emotional support for me. It sounds funny, saying i was upset because she threatened my cat, she and her mom laughed about it. no one laughs when i tell them what she was saying.

Things like “I’m going to hold her down in the drive way and have (roommate) run her over” and “I’m going to shove her in the oven and cook her alive for you to find her when you come home”

Yea, not funny. you can see why i was upset about it. She apparently couldn't, and refused to stop even when i asked her to repeatedly.

She also fully knew that i was pansexual, hell i was the reason she was even slightly okay with people in the LGBT+ community. She wasn’t great about specifically me though, and when i told her about being nonbinary she made fun of my chose name (called me Uvula) and refused to call me by my preferred pronouns.

When I came out to our roommates she said she would never call me by that stupid name or by they/them because i don’t “act nonbinary” (get a load of this guy)

Her last day in the house, she was upset with me for going into her room to take back my heated blanket that she’d taken from my room without permission (my room was cold as hell, i wasn't going to wait for her to come home at 1 am and and she already had a heated mattress pad)

I took it back of course, and our roommate asked what she was upset about (roommate and her bf had bought some food they didn't want to share, which we already discussed was fine) I told her honestly and carefully didn't badmouth HER since she was already mad, and i wanted things to be less stressful.

She blew up at me while we were at work and came for her things that night to go back to her parents house. we took care of her cat until she could figure something out for it.

During this time and the time i last saw her, several things happened, since unfortunately we worked together

She cornered me in the bottle trailer (literally a semi-truck that has bottle returns in it in huge bins. she was standing at the door and could close it at any time) and called me a horrible friend, and also a huge bitch, while we were supposed to be working and she was in a position of power over me. I panicked and said nothing.

She often made me up to an hour late for my lunches, since she was promoted to manager, and liked to skip my breaks and all around treat me like shit compared to every one else.

Despite all of this. . . I still felt as if i could forgive her, if she somehow proved she could do better that i could be friends with her again. Until she ruined that for herself by telling me that my dead father would be dissapointed in the way i was acting.

 No. hell no. I was done, she didn’t deserve my forgiveness. And i finally realized that it wasn’t my job to “fix” her.

When the lease ended I moved back in with my parents, and I quit working at that job in September.

I haven’t seen her in over half a year and many of the people who knew me when she and I were close have commented on how much happier i am, and how much more confident i am in myself.

I’m sure i’ve missed a lot of things, and I know I didn’t really go over the positives of our relationship (There were some! i swear!) but if i did go over everything it would be the length of a novel.

I got away from someone who was hurting me, I decided my happiness was more important than catering to someones every whim, decided that i deserved happiness. And I learned to NEVER let someone treat me like that again, to surround myself with people who make me happy.

I hope, in whatever way, this story of my 8 year horrible friendship helped you.

And if SHE is reading this. . . Go fuck yourself.

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

[seventeen-imagines-reactions]

Apology / Explanation (Dear fellow K-pop fans Pt 3)

Part 1 // Part 2 

Disclaimer: I’m going to tag some groups, or kpop in general like yk using the tags I usually use. You’ll understand why I hope. This is not a post about any group mentioned. I’m sorry I understand why this annoys people, please skip this whole post if you only wanted group related stuff. 

This is mostly for my followers, but the last part is about kpop and my unpopular opinion about things (hence the title), so if you’d like to read that, I’d love to hear your opinion about it (The beginning to that part will be bold and in italic so it’s easier to find). Then again, please excuse this post, it really rarely happens that I do this. 

Sooo hello there babies. 

I kept saying that I’d post some sort of apology or explanation as to why I didn’t upload regularly or why I was gone for quite some time without saying anything. 

I know a lot of people don’t really care about this too much, but I still felt like I “had” to, because a lot of people submitted things and I never really did anything or like idk there was one request I only wrote quite literally 2 years later. 

So first reason why I was gone: Me. I do tend to procrastinate quite a lot. When this blog was teeny tiny I didn’t write super long things, like I was shocked when I hit the 200 word mark yk. And then I kinda slowly began to get “better”, the stories got longer, I used a bit better language compared to the first tries etc. And as this blog grew, writer’s blog started to kick in more often and it got harder to think of new things. And I’m not saying like... idk I don’t force myself to write and as I often mentioned I do write the things that come to my mind all of a sudden. The first thing I think of while reading a request is usually the plot for the one shot. I rarely sit down and think of a plot, that’s why it feels like I keep repeating a lot of things and since there’s only some groups that I really really watch and listen to all the time, the person to repeat too. Don’t get me wrong, then again, I - for the most part - pick whoever fits in that concept, and knowing only some people, I keep choosing the same ones. Idk how to explain this really but I think this makes more sense: I do know a lot of Idols, but I often only know their names and general stuff about the group and not really how diverse their personalities might be outiside of shows or MV’s. 

I also struggled a bit with balancing school and life. My school luckily was really easy for me in general, but some things threw me of a lot of times. Like I cannot focus whenever I want to, but I kept pushing myself up to a point where I got like upset and mad, because the things I had to know for whatever test wasn’t a lot, but the fact that I couldn’t study when I wanted to was so annoying, so I spent quite a lot of my daytime getting mad about myself, and during night, where I usually write stuff, I studied. (I know I could’ve switched times, like write during the day and study at night, but stupid me thought I could change my brain lol) 

So I tried writing when I had nights of, but that was also kinda forcing myself so I had writer’s block again. Full circle everytime. And I also noticed how “bad” those force-written things where, other than the stuff I genuinely wanted to write. (There are some stories, kpop related and not, that I want to post some days, bt I didn’t want to part those out of the fear I wouldn’t finish them again.) 

Now the thing I didn’t want to mention, but at the same time wanted to write it’s own “dear fellow kpop fans” post about. During the past year, I noticed how I just didn’t fit into that “Kpop fandom” sutff. At least I thought so. That’s why I kinda kept a “healthy” distance to fandoms, I still watched videos and stuff but I didn’t really go deep as I used to. Idk why, it might be because I get older, or because I just don’t understand the obsessive behaviour of some fans. I’m not going to mentioned any age groups bc I’ve “met” super chill 12 year olds and super hyper and in a way annoying 22 year olds, and vice versa.

I just realized as the groups grew and Kpop got known wordwide, fandoms got like really scary. Not just interanationally, but also k-fans. I’m not only talking about online fans, I really mean everything. Following the Idols, leaving them absolutely no space at airports, idk, being mean at fansigns, making fun of their mistakes, yelling at them personally and like bullying them etc. I just didn’t want to... support that? 

And online fanwars jesus, we all like the same thing, we shouldn’t hate on others just bc we like whoever we like honestly. I try to not mention groups and fandoms because, first of all the group can’t do anything about extrem fans, second of all not all fans are the same, so excuse me saying group and fan a shit load of times. And to anyone who thinks I might be talking about specific people, no I’ve seen a lot xD 

I don’t think I need to explain what happens exactly, but those things in general made me step back. I was confused. I didn’t know if I could openly speak about groups and write stories as I wanted because I didn’t know what people would think. And I started to dislike certain groups because of the fans, yk it felt super annyoing to me, but after a while I realized like, it’s no ones fault, I can like them and be in the fandom still. I don’t have to be like the people I see everywhere. 

And there is one thing I will mention. Which you can see in previous posts, I talked about what was happening and giving a little update about myself bla bla, I did tag groups because I mentioned open requests. In that moment I only thought, “my followers, that see the tags, will know which requests are still open” I didn’t tag them for attention or anything. I really just used those tags for the open requests. And like, 10 mins later I get a message, stop tagging them it’s getting annoying, I swear my heart was racing and I felt the need to apologize bc I didn’t want to upset anyone, But as I read and read that message again I thought how am I getting annoying? In three years of me being here I only tagged groups in non-group related stuff when I talked about open requests and unpopular opinions.I did count then and I didn’t even do that 10 times. I hate things like that too you know. I really do because I was looking for stray kids things some time ago and literally only other groups, like 1-2 groups popped up. Stray kids and other tags were used for nothing. I do understand why it’s upsetting but my post was like 5 sentences long and again I tagged them for people to know what was still left unwritten. 

BUUUUT I also know how loving this fandom can be, lke supporting small groups and making friends and helping one and another out. I really love this and made great friends through it. I also love how people pay respect to older artists etc, or being super respectful during december. This does overshadow the bad things, that’s why I’m back fully now. 

I am now back to being a full time fan, of more groups now actually. So I will be back writing things, every now and then until I get myself back up. I will finish open requests, the drabble game and the 60 day special before only writing new things, until then I’ll mix them up. 

I love you all, I’m glad to be here again, I am really sorry for being gone for so long, and I apologize again for using the tags now. 

(I will delete the tags after a short while, because as Isaid I don’t like this myself) 

Yours Sincerely, 

                                     - a confused hobby writer, that also is super anxious rn                                              lol, a die hard kpop fan, that coped with a lot of things                                               while writing stuff on this plattform 

[notfye]

Tag Game?? Tag Game

Thank you to the lovely @raven2460 for tagging me!!

Fair warning, this is a very long and somewhat depressing post, but if I tagged you, you don’t have to read the whole thing, you can just move on to doing your own :)

Fill the categories and tag some people you want to get to know better!

Appearance:

5’3”

Longish slightly curly hair

White

Brown eyes that I lovingly call dirt colored

brown hair

Chubby? I guess? I’m working on it lol

Also a rather large chest bc of that

Uhhh I have a genetic mutation where I have 2 rows of eyelashes instead of one, double the amount gets in my eyes

I only wear overly large clothing bc I am uncomfortable possessing a human form or I wear dresses w tights bc I’m a fancy motherfucker and there is absolutely no in between

Ponytails like 90% of the time

Personality:

I don’t dislike people but. High school is making me lose my faith in them.

I’m president of my school’s drama club

Also for a theater kid I am very not affectionate and I actually was touch starved for like? A while? And I didn’t fucking notice until I got friends who like? Actually hugged me? The fuck?

“God bless the book people, for having words instead of friends.”

I have more “”””””masculine””””” traits than “”””feminine””””” ones to the point where I have A LOT of trouble relating to girls and it’s quite awful lmao

Uhh I project everything onto fictional characters (See: The problems Marius will be facing in She Lit a Fire (depression))

I’m cold all the time

I long after the dark academia/boarding school aesthetic

I cry far more than probably fits with the rest of me

Self destructive tendencies

I like everything so I can’t pick my favorite (singing history English acting chemistry biology reading algebra French classics writing the list goes on and on)

Ability:

I read really fast

I write, draw, and sing

Not gonna lie to y’all I really am one of those theater kids who want to be on broadway more than like, anything else

Knowing an absurd amount about weird historical things

I like to think I can draw hands well

I can memorize quotes (and other things) really fast

I’m really good at being a slacker

Hobbies:

Singing

Drama club stuff

Reading

Writing

Drawing

Experiences:

Uhhhh my life’s boring let’s move on

My life:

Alright only important shit

2009: bane of my public school’s existence. Also I used to have rlly bad insomnia around this time and I would see demons in the middle of the night and I believe that has shaped me as a person (lmao but I wasn’t sleep paralysis cause I could still move around so? Idk mate)

2010 : My second grade teacher was a bitch and she hated me, I continued to be the bane of my public school’s existence

2011: 3rd grade I remember as a v good year, I got sent to the principal for calling a girl a, and I quote, “a bleep”

2012: Wanted to kill myself for the first time ever, for like 6 months probably, yay intrusive thoughts

2012/2013: got sent to an all girls private school, made my middle school experience more hellish than it needed to be, bc again, I can’t seem to make friends with girls, but whatever

But I met my best friend there so? It was worth it lets be real

2014: middle school continues to be sucky

2014/2015: ah, 7th grade, the year when I saw the grade on my math final and broke down crying. Also the year I started slash shipping, truly a step forward. Also the fault of my best friend.

Remainder of 2015: Very anxious! All the time! Switched to a new school! Didn’t know how to function with people! Made a friend group that I think about an awful lot! There was so much drama! I procrastinated on everything and was so worried about getting a repeat of 2012 that I basically worried myself into being anxious all the time and having such a hard time. Still, I’ve been reminiscing about it a lot lately? Idk

Beginning of 2016: still couldn’t rlly human right, I listened to so much Bastille and watched a lot of elentori streams, as I had been doing, probably until gravity falls ended? Idk. Swore to myself that I’d start working towards better grades after February break. Did that. Made myself stop reblogging and liking posts about anxiety & depression and stuff that were harmful. Did that too. Eventually stopped procrastinating so much around May. Went to Delaware. Fell in love with the ocean.

End of 2016: I kind of? Got it together. Learned how to human. Got some friends, started doing drama club stuff, had a rather charmed life for about six months. I also started keeping a journal around this time.

2017: Hell Year I cannot wait to see it die. I made some friends and I really fell very hard for a guy and it was good until about June, when the guy had to go back to where he was actually from (he’d been an exchange student) and I was left fairly isolated for 3 months, because again, bad at making friends. I didn’t do as much work as I had wanted to over the summer and I think perhaps if I had it might have been easier to get back up again. At the beginning of the school year I was bullied and the school had to get involved and it was a rather large mess, and I just hadn’t been feeling very well. I kinda. I mean this is all very emotional for a tag game but it became clear eventually that that guy wasn’t nearly as good of a man as I thought he was and that he kind of led me on for a while and it’s a very long story that I can explain if anyone is curious but the point is that, at the end of this, I feel as though I have lost a large amount of time to him and that I was “asleep” until about November and it was just very very awful for a long time and I’m still kind of seething over it. And I know that I’m much different now than I was before this started and that bothers me a bit because I’ve not only been robbed of my time but also like, the girl I was before all this. Frankly, I often wonder if things would have been better if we’d simply never been friends.

But. The point is that I’m getting better. I’m in a better place now than I was a few months ago. And that’s good.

Relationship: lonely soul

tagging : @eponineinthebarricade @bisexual-eponine @grantaireswinebottles @actualbuckybames @marius-pintmorcy I’m sorry you all had to read that depressing long thing hahaha

[katranga]

Disclaimer: Fic is just for fun. Nobody on ao3, or tumblr, or wherever, is expecting perfection. Most of these tips are gonna take a little extra time and effort to implement, and if you don’t feel like doing that, because you just wanna post the darn thing? Go for it! I’m not here to tell you what to do, and I’m certainly not saying that your writing is bad if you don’t follow these tips. These are just suggestions that will hopefully help you improve your work, if that’s what you’re after.

Intro: Why Revise?

To kick things off, I’d like to go over the importance of revision!! This is more of a general writing tip, but it’s a great starting point, because I DON’T want you to be thinking about most of my future tips while you’re writing the first draft. 

I want you to get. those. words. on. the. page! That’s all you should be worried about when you’ve got a blank page staring you in the face. 

There’s so much pressure to get writing right the first time, but I’m here to tell you that’s pretty much impossible. So, pressure’s off! Just write the basics so you get to know your story first. I

I know it seems like writing it perfectly will save you editing/revising time later on, but you can’t revise—let alone post—what you don’t have written because you’re stuck on one line that doesn’t sound just right. You with me so far? Great!

Honestly, writing gets so much faster when you remind yourself that no one is going to see your first draft!

So I cannot overstate the importance of revision.

Because guess what? Everything you don’t like about your first draft can be fixed in revision!

Okay. What is it?

To clarify, when I say first draft, I don’t mean the stuff you do in high school, where you write out a shitty essay on paper first and then type it up basically the same, just to prove to the teacher you wrote a first draft?? Or whatever.

I mean you just write the absolute basics of your story down, and fill in the rest and perfect it later (I’ll go into detail about how exactly to do that in my motivation post).

Now, grammar, spelling, and overall readability, are all important things to fix before you post. But that’s little stuff, and your word processor will be able to pick up on some of that, and just rewording a few sentences to make them clearer probably won’t take too much effort on your end (though I am gonna have a post about filler words and clarity and stuff like that, so if that tends to be a problem for you, I gotchu).

Besides basic grammar/spelling, most of what I change as my first draft transforms into my second or third is: 

Improving the flow of a scene (it can’t all be dialogue, unfortunately)

Pacing throughout the fic (are they falling love too fast? is this scene too long? etc)

Overall clarity (I know why the character did that, but will the reader?)

It may be different for you. Basically, you’re polishing up whatever you didn’t worry about writing the first draft.

My first drafts, for example? They’re 80% dialogue. Because that’s my favourite! And that’s what comes to me when I’m dreaming up fics. But then I go back later and beef up the rest—the characters’ movements in a scene, their inner dialogue, description etc.

Because as much as I love dialogue, scenes feel empty and too-fast with just characters talking. Similarly, scenes can feel bogged down and slow with just characters thinking about things.

But revision isn’t just about adding things! Sometimes you need to take stuff out. Inner dialogue that later gets covered by dialogue? Cut it. (Or vice versa—maybe the detail isn’t important enough for the characters to talk about, and just the mention of it within the narration is enough).

The point is, repetition needs to go. The reader rarely needs to be told the same thing twice.

Quick example from the top of my head:

Lance had lost his jacket. He’d looked over the whole castle for it, but couldn’t find it anywhere. His brother gave him that jacket. One of his last ties to Earth, and it was missing in action.

Maybe Keith took it to spite him, that jerk.

“What’s up, Lance?” Hunk asked when he passed him in the hall.

“I lost my jacket!” Lance said. “My signature jacket, the one Marco gave me! I’ve looked everywhere, but it’s gone. Do you think Keith stole it?”

Same information twice: Lance can’t find his brother’s jacket despite a thorough search, and suspects Keith stole it. No reason to repeat that. Something’s gotta go.

I know cutting stuff isn’t fun. You worked hard on that! You spent hours/days/whatever perfecting a sentence until it gleamed like a diamond, and now just because you thought of a better way to get that information across you have to get rid of it? No way!

I’ve been there, trust me. But hanging on just slows down the whole writing process. Because, for me at least, I know when stuff needs to go, or needs a massive overhaul, or whatever. I’m just digging my heels in because I don’t wanna do any additional work.

Luckily, this is where your shitty first draft comes in handy! If all you did was spit words onto the page as soon as they entered your head, then you didn’t spend a lot of back-breaking effort on whatever you need to cut! And what you need to cut isn’t anything awe-inspiring, it’s just your rough notes, so tossing it aside isn’t nearly as stressful!

Remember, you can always save scenes/dialogue/etc in a separate document! Maybe you’ll be able to salvage some it later. Alternatively, create separate versions of the doc as you edit/revise. If you end up actually needing part of a deleted scene, you’ve still got it somewhere!

And please, never think of the stuff you cut (or fics you never finished) as “wasted time”. Writing time is never wasted! You’re practicing, you’re honing your craft, and even if some bits never see the light of day, you’re still benefitting from all that work you did!

Now, I know I know I know most people edit/revise as they write. Can’t think of the next scene? Reread the previous scene and fiddle with it until something comes to you. That’s great! Revising already written material is loads better than just staring at your screen!

BUT I’ve recently started writing the whole gosh darn diddly thing without looking back and that is so much faster! While I highly recommend it, that’s obviously difficult to do when you don’t know what’s going to happen next in the fic.

Or if you just don’t have the motivation. So! That’ll be our next topic: Getting words on the page!

But for now, I’ve got an example under the cut, as well as additional resources and links if you want to learn more about revision!

Here’s where I take an old embarrassing fic of mine and revise it, hopefully clarifying the points I’ve been making, as well as proving that only practice makes better!

Okay so this is an excerpt of one of my unpublished fics from 2011. I’m just gonna be honest with you here, it was a Twilight human!AU where Edward was a massive nerd. 

For background, Bella has been at the new school like a week and is appalled at the bullying happening to Edward, who she barely knows. (It’s first person bc that’s how the books were written. Just deal with it.)

Here we go:

“They gave him a swirly yesterday,” I announced, appalled.

“Who?”

“Edward!”

Jessica shrugged, unaffected. “Nothing new.”

“Well what are they, twelve?” I demanded angrily.

“He kind of needed a hair wash,” Mike muttered.

Snorts of amusement followed.

“Stuffing his head into a toilet is not funny,” I argued.

“Yes it is, Bella,” Alice chuckled.

“Kay, next time we go to the bathroom, I’ll shove your head into a toilet,” I offered. “And we’ll all laugh about it.”

This was a whole scene, I kid you not. Now, this isn’t bad because it’s just dialogue. It’s ten lines. That’s a reasonable amount of space for a quick dialogue exchange. HOWEVER, there’s about four people in this scene, so the dialogue tags are a little sparse. ALSO, this is the first time Bella’s bringing her concerns about Edward to the group, so there should be more inner reflection on that.

Overall, it’s just way too minimalist lol. So  this is a good example to beef up.

First of all: where the fuck are we? Notice how no setting was given? Not the greatest habit to get into. If it’s already been established in the fic where people are, and the setting’s not that important, I guess you can skip it, but a quick mention isn’t gonna hurt. You don’t want the reader confused!

Since this a Twilight fic, let’s say they’re in the caf. (In Voltron fics, you’re probably gonna be on the ship, but you can always mention what room they’re in. Or, if it’s a new planet, give a line or two of description).

Explanations for changes I made are in [square brackets]:

I tossed my lunch tray onto the table before throwing myself onto the chair next to Alice. “They gave him a swirly yesterday.”

[Indicated setting. Also implied she was feeling “appalled” using verbs instead of outright stating it. Showing not telling!]

Across from me, Angela looked up from the sandwich she was picking at. “Who?”

[Indicated who was speaking—always important—as well as gave brief description of speaker].

“Edward,” I said like it should be obvious. I scanned the cafeteria for him, but the corner he usually sat in alone was empty.

[Another mention of setting. Also backed up her concern for Edward with action and not just talking about him].

Jessica shrugged, unaffected. “So what?”

“So?” I repeated incredulously.

So I’d never heard of someone actually getting a swirly. In real life. Shitty teen dramas? Yeah. Actual high school? No. It was ridiculous, and gross, and… I hadn’t seen anything to indicate Edward deserved it. (Nobody who’d ever deserved a swirly had ever received one, I was sure).

[The almighty character motivation! Note that you don’t actually have to explicitly state why they’re doing something—obviously we as the reader know the deep-down motivation is because Bella cares for Edward. But characters are not always forthcoming with information, even to themselves. Right now she’s focusing on the unjustness of the situation, and partially trying to convince herself that’s all it is].

Mike slung an arm across the back of Jessica’s chair, snorting a laugh. “He needed to wash his hair, anyway.”

“A toilet’s not gonna do that, Mike!”

[Just a cleverer response. Also, a dialogue tag isn’t needed, because no other speaker at the table is gonna be defending Edward. We know it’s Bella.]

He ignored my glare, choosing instead to steal a fry off my plate. I smacked his hand away.

[Again—action. The characters aren’t just static in their seats.]

“Well, really,” Alice began. “What’s it matter?” She sat up sharply, an idea just now occurring to her. “You haven’t been making friends with him, have you? I told you, Bella, it’s social suicide!”

[Gives Alice a chance to respond to Bella’s outburst—in this AU Alice is very concerned with popularity and does not want Bella associating with Edward. She would definitely have a problem with Bella sympathizing with Edward.]

I rolled my eyes. “No, I just…”

The whole situation was ridiculous. This wasn’t how people should be treated. Was I the only one who realized that? Was I really the only one who cared?

“Whatever,” I grumbled, crunching down on a fry.

[This feels like a more natural resolution to the conversation. Alice directly asks why Bella cares, and Bella reiterates to herself it’s just because. And then decides it’s not worth the argument. This is 2k into an (unfinished) 30k fic. She’ll make a bigger deal out of stuff later.]

Now it looks more like a real scene! 

So, to summarize, I added: Description—both setting and character! Character musing! Cleverer comebacks! 

These are just some of the things that you can fix with a keen-eyed round of revision.

--

And that about wraps this up! I didn’t want this to get too long, but it did anyway. (I’m sorry about the graphics I’m a writer, not a graphic designer. But I had to split the post up so it wasn’t one big block of text)

Was any of that helpful? Was it too long? Did the example clarify things? Let me know, I wanna make sure these tips are helpful!

--

Additional Resources That I Highly Recommend:

DRAFTING: THE THEORY OF SHITTY FIRST DRAFTS -- This post probably explains shitty first drafts better than I ever could! If you still have concerns about it, definitely check it out.

Editing & Revision Answerathon -- Okay, this video is pretty long, but I looove Max Kirin for anything writing-related and especially revision!! They’ve got a tumblr and a Youtube account filled with writing tips! If you like getting your writing info through videos, definitely check out their stuff.

Top 5 Writing Tips: Revision -- Here’s an infographic by Max if you don’t want to watch a 44 minute video lol. Also, you can go through their /tagged/revision for more!

[polyesthher]

7/8/17: buy paramore’s after laughter

lol this is mostly me being emo tbh but support paramore ok

i’ve been itching to buy several things lately and idk if i really want them or it’s my depressive state that wants to feed the void with material possessions. i wanted to get a record player bc im definitely buying paramore’s after laughter on vinyl bc aesthetic and the actual record means a lot to me. since i listened to after laughter, i’ve become hooked on paramore tbh and all i want to do is lay around with hayley’s vocals singing into my ears and maybe cry a little. i only started getting into them during their self-titled phase so i’m not remotely attached to the “old” punk version of them. Fake happy is what really sold me on this album btw. It’s everything i want to say to people i’m no longer really close with. It does make me think about how i never want to see certain friend groups again because i’m just embarrassed about my whole existence and feel ok wit it. the line in fake happy that goes “please don’t ask me how I’ve been, don’t make me play pretend” is something that really gets to me. I have nothing in my life right now, other than family and one or two friends, that i genuinely care about and i feel like im at a dead end tbh. having to tell acquaintances/ old friends abt my sad ass life makes me want to scream and i feel like i hate myself even harder. and i always find myself telling half-truths, pretending like im not a failure. Hard times is another relevant jam that’s on repeat. It was the first song i heard off the album and made me check out the whole ep. even if it didn’t feel relevant to me, i’d still bop to it. the overall idea of the album to have cheery synth vibes with depressing ass lyrics gives me life. anyway, i’m not gonna ramble on about this anymore since no one’s gonna read this and i already know my own feelings abt this. 

but yeah, i also want the told u so t-shirt and cd bundle so im gonna wait for the vinyls to be released bc that pink marble record is calling out to me. and a tattoo, which i have a general vision of but im scared of the $$$. + i’m thinking abt moving to ny sometime next year too even tho im not going to FIT bc nj has nothing for me and i need to start living on my own, which means i need to save up. there’s also the last class that i need to take so that i can at least have an associate’s degree, which will def be a couple hundred. there’s also some skincare stuff i want like the eradikate spot solution and the boscia black luminizing mask (best in terms of peeling).

other meaningless tidbits in my mind:

ive been hating my art style even more lately but i still feel compelled to draw

bought a couple books to read even tho my commitment issues extends to reading as well

book related: i read motor crush vol 1 and i like it. babs is always great with the art and the writing is more exciting imo compared to the batgirl comics. snotgirl returned with issue 6 and the art is always pretty even if the plot is still a lil murky and unsatisfying. the plot of vol 1 was kinda messy and i disliked how it ended bc i dont even know if the arc was resolved or still continuing.i like bryan lee omalley’s writing so the writing isn’t something im not used to, i just feel like there’s so many mysteries building up and nothing that really resolves. there are some threads that were resolved in issue 6 (such as what happened in the bathroom with caroline) but another thread shows up in that resolution that has me going ??? Anyways i’ll still buy anything leslie hung does the art for so lmao my gripes aren’t dealbreakers

i went back to watch oitnb even with how pissed the ending of season 4 left me and i did not hate season 5...that much

kesha’s new song makes me so happy

watched baby driver today and i luv it. makes me want to watch more edgar wright and listen to the soundtrack 

i bought 5 bags of flamin hot ruffles bc im paranoid that it’ll be discontinued like the buffalo wing ruffles, which is the definition of overkill

i’ve been looking into gym memberships bc i want to start working out and lose weight seriously now. this is hilarious bc my diet is shit rn (see above). but im sick of not fitting into my old clothes and some new cute stuff i bought online (that i thought would fit). also i really want to lose the baby fat on my face bc seeing my potato face in the mirror really kills the confidence i have left

another thing that’s nagging me is the idea that i want to buy some things just bc those things would add into the image of a person i want to appear to be. it sounds weird but i feel like i want this costume of a person who’s cool for having hipster shit like a record player or colorful sunglasses. it doesn’t help that ppl on instagram make me insecure asf and want the things they have.

ive been trying to stop stalking certain ppl on instagram bc its v pathetic and tends to exacerbate my anxiety and spiral into a depressive hole. its not even like celebrities or anything, just ppl i used to know, which is extra creepy and sad.

this was mildly enjoyable and i think i might write more diary entries on here from now on. it’ll probably be under the polyesthher talks tag, if i remember bc im the worst with tags.

bye       

[ralphspina-blog1]

get to know me meme thing

LAST

1) Drink: chai tea... or wait, water after that, but the chai was good enough that it should still be mentioned

2) Phone Call: i last called my parents, the walk in clinic were the last to call me

3) Text Message: “did it turn out alright?” to a friend who accidentally said “i love you” to her bf well before she planed to, lmfao <3

4) Song Listened To: starboy by the weeknd, i still go on tears where i listen to it for hours on repeat

5) Time I Cried: yesterday, i’m pretty sure... i still mostly cry every day, and have been for a concerning amount of time, but eh

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated Somebody Twice: more than twice, tbh, i don’t even know how many times we ultimately broke up and got back together

7) Been Cheated On: same person as above, but even more times than we broke up because i was weak

8) Been Kissed By Someone And Regretted It: oh yes indeed, i have not wanted all of the kisses i’ve gotten

9) Lost Someone Special: i’ve lost some incredibly special people in my life. the two i miss most are my cousin (once removed) who passed away when i was about nine, and a former girlfriend (definitely the most serious and meaningful relationship i ever had) who passed away this past november

10) Been Depressed: yeah, i first started seeing professionals about it at 14 or so

11) Gotten Drunk And Puked: lmfao YES I HAVE, that was my life for about six months when i first went to college

THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12) brown

13) green

14) blue

IN THE LAST YEAR

15) Made New Friends: yeah! and i’m so happy :3

16) Fallen Out Of Love: i’m not good at doing that, sadly

17) Laughed Until You Cried: omg yes, i do that about once a week

18) Found Out Someone Was Gossiping About You: no, and i hope no one’s that pressed for gossip because i’m boring af

19) Met Someone Who Changed Your Life: i’m not really sure about that yet, it’s early in the year to know... unless we’re saying since last march, in which case yes, for sure

20) Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: i’ve lost touch with a few people but it wasn’t as harsh as that, more just shedding the social group that was only social because i don’t... go out... these days

21) Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List: in the last year - i don’t think so

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook Friends: 86

23) Pets: none :(

24) Want To Change Your Name: i did already! in my late 20s

WHAT

25) Did I Get For My Birthday: a couple of new pairs of glasses!

26) Time I Woke Up: oh my god, i think 3:30 am. it was a rough morning

27) Were You Doing At Midnight: trying to sleep...

28) Can’t You Wait For: my next distraction, it’s been a dull day

29) Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mom: she’s sitting beside me on the couch right now!

30) Was Something You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: how it’s played out already - i wish i had finished college the first time. how it is now - just find the energy to do literally anything at all

31) Are You Listening To Right Now: suit and tie by jt

32) Gets On Your Nerves: people who constantly have to be making noise in one way or another, like as a nervous tic, because it does the opposite for me

33) Talked To A Person Named Tom: ... i mean probably, at some point?

34) Is Your Most Visited Website: tumblr, plurk, dreamwidth, youtube

35) Elementary School: it’s been torn down, my dude, it has ceased to be

36) High School: merritt secondary school

37) College: TRU (twice), kwantlen

38) Hair Color: dark ash brown

39) Long/Short Hair: oh god, kind of grown out short?? i need a haircut so tragically

40) Crush: UGH GOD I’M SO ABOUT JPITTS NOW HELP ME

41) Do You Like About Yourself: i guess my ability to see things from perspectives other than my own, or at least consider them?

42) Piercings: ears twice, labret once, all grown over now

43) Blood Type: A-

44) Nickname: maddie is my nickname, really, very few people diminutize it more than that, it’s short for madeline

45) Relationship Status: single and not gonna mingle

46) Zodiac: not only sagittarius, but triple (sun, moon, rising) sagittarius

47) Pronouns: she/her

48) Favorite Show: the last show i saw that really knocked me flat on my ass was stranger things, but i’m always swinging between them too often to have a solid fave. i am deep in hbo war, tho

49) Tattoos: i have six! two on my back, one on my chest, two on my left arm, one on my right

50) Left/Right Handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: tonsils when i was 4 or so

52) Piercing: ears, age 12

53) Best Friend: oh jeez, i think his name was nicky...

54) Sport: tee ball

55) Vacation: birch bay, washington state

56) Pair Of Shoes: oh my goodness, i have noooo idea

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: nothing

58) Drinking: water

59) I Am About To: uuuuuugh i have no idea, maybe nap

60) Listening To: now i’m on dive by ed sheeran, it’s my fav off the new album so far

61) Waiting For: tags, hopefully

62) Want To See: moonlight, so badly

63) Want To Get Married: groans loudly and slides off the couch like tina belcher

64) Career: keeps sliding and groaning

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/Kisses: hugs are more multipurpose, but kisses are rarer which makes them a kind of treasure

66) Lips/Eyes: that depends, tbh, on whether i’m admiring someone physically or getting to know them on a more mental/emotional level. but if i like someone’s lips, they’ll be incredibly distracting at all times

67) Taller/Shorter: these are all situational...

68) Younger/Older: for friends and other roles in my life, p much irrelevant as long as we get along! romantically, either is fine so long as it’s not such a wide difference that it creates an uncomfortable power dynamic, or just renders us unable to relate to one another

69) Romantic/Spontaneous: OH MY GOD NOT SPONTANEOUS, never ever ever, my anxiety does not take surprises well

70) Nice Arms/Nice Stomach: assuming a “nice stomach” is meant to be washboard abs or smth, definitely arms bc i like a soft, cozy stomach tbh

71) Sensitive/Loud: i’m not really sure what dichotomy this is supposed to present... i don’t think how loud someone is says anything about how sensitive they are

72) Hookup/Relationship: i’ve never been able to hook up, personally, because i don’t have the self-confidence to hop into bed with a stranger. that takes heavy amounts of trust and mutual respect for me. but if that’s how someone does it, i make zero assumptions about them based on that

73) Troublemaker/Hesitant: i think being a troublemaker or mischievous or whatever can be code for straight up not giving a shit about the feelings of others, or even going after them on purpose. if it’s good-natured, though, it’s all good, and i’m so crazy hesitant that i could use someone with that influence

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed A Stranger: no

75) Drank Hard Liquor: yep

76) Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: lost? no, but broken for sure

77) Turned Someone Down: yes i have

78) Canoodling On A First Date: lmfao HOW DO WE DEFINE CANOODLING HERE... maybe...

79) Broken Someone’s Heart: not on purpose, and not even thoughtlessly, but i’ve had to do things for myself that have hurt people very deeply

80) Had Your Own Heart Broken: oh yeah, absolutely

81) Been Arrested: no

82) Cried When Someone Died: yeah

83) Fallen For A Friend: almost exclusively when it comes to irl crushes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: oh my god, do i try

85) Miracles: in some senses

86) Santa Claus: well, he’s a mythological figure of sorts, it’s a different sort of belief

87) Kisses On A First Date: they do, in fact, exist!

88) Angels: i believe in presences remaining with a person after death, because i’ve felt them myself, but i don’t know what form i’d call them

89) Love At First Sight: love is an ongoing process, or as massive attack’s teardrop says - love is a verb, love is a doing word

OTHER

90) Best Friend’s Name: laura

91) Eye Color: hazel

92) Favorite Movie: hard core logo

[lennoxfraser-blog]

ooc week: day three

RAPID FIRE:

Tea or coffee? tbh lately it’s been coffee bc i’m getting old and need a kick in the ass to get through the day, so. coffee.

Stars or planets? planets.

Sun or moon? moon.

Black or white? black.

The zoo or the aquarium? the zoo!!!!!!!!!

Drama or comedy? kdrama :}

Thriller or adventure? adventure. i can’t watch scary movies bc even though i’m not scared at the time, it tends to stick in my brain and i get zero sleep bc of bad dreams.

Short walks to the fridge or long walks on the beach? short walks to the fridge. [anakin skywalker voice] i hate sand.

Indoors or outdoors? indoors. outdoor has too many variables.

Animals or plants? animals. i used to want to be a veterinarian!!

Time alone or time with others? time alone 100%%%%%

Introvert or extrovert? introvert.

Silence or music? i’m very fine with silence but i love singing badly to music too. i also need music if i’m writing or being creative, so i def couldn’t live without music.

Darkness or light? darkness.

Cats or dogs? i can never decide. i love my cat, and i prefer their independence.

Dancing or being the wallflower? wallflower. i don’t think my self-esteem would allow me to dance in public lol

Right or left? i’m right handed and always take right-optioned choices but i always make my characters lefties.

Werewolves or vampires? ;) honestly.......... vampires. (says me who made a whole rp about werewolves)

Dressing stylishly or dressing comfortably? comfortably omg i don’t change out of pyjamas all day if i don’t have to.

Sunrise or sunset? sunrise. 

Lead or follow? leadership is something i can and will do if i don’t feel satisfied with someone else’s leadership, but i can follow just fine. this is why i admin a roleplay i crave control goodbye

Optimist or pessimist? pessimism is my default.

Staying up late or waking up early? literally both. catch four hours of sleep and do it all over again.

Speaking up or staying silent? i speak up in my head, plan what i would say, and then open my mouth and almost burst into tears lmao i can’t argue to save my life, but i feel like my ideas are good so i’d much rather speak up through text.

White lies or brutal honesty? tbh white lies.

Ask for permission before doing the stupid thing or ask for forgiveness after doing the stupid thing? permission tbh i need peer reviews, ratings, signed permission slips, the WORKS before i do anything ever. catch me texting my friends “do you think i should do this?” or “can we talk about what would happen if i did this” just bc i’d rather be logical and rational than jumping into something too quickly. quintessential ravenclaw trait.

LONG FORM:

Pet peeves: FEET. IN ALL FORMS. LITERALLY DO NOT SHOW ME YOUR FEET. also something that pisses me off is when i’m told information i already know.... like if someone repeats a story to me, i have zero patience.... or if they rehash information prior to adding new information, i will cut them off, fill it in with a brief explanation to show i understand, before letting them continue. idk why i think just hearing things for the second, third, fourth time always feels like wasting time? i can’t do it. people who cough and sneeze and don’t make an effort to cover their mouth/nose with something other than their damn hands. slow internet. NO INTERNET.

Bad habits: like above, a bad habit is cutting people who off who are rehashing a story or information. i don’t cut them off in general, only in that situation, but i could def work on that lol. chewing my nails. buying shit that i don’t need, especially books. 

Favourite scents (your amortentia!): coconut, vanilla, the smell of clothes when they come out of the dryer. 

Favourite animal: tbh either lions or owls. at a zoo, i’d ideally spend the whole day at the lion enclosure, watching them sleep.

Favourite colour: green!!!!

Favourite place to go (local or otherwise) (photos get bonus points): about five minutes from my house is the beach and a cliff that overlooks the beach. there’s a watch tower there, and beneath the hill is actually these tunnels that they used during WW2 bc they thought Japan was going to invade so they stored weapons and ammo there. anyway, sitting up on the hill and looking out across the water is my favourite place to go to think, and i usually always go there with my mum to talk. i’ll include some pictures at the end!!

Favourite meme: honestly, i love the “tag yourself, i’m ____” meme. whether that’s when people make the photos and poorly spelt options, or even just when someone posts a photo/text post and drags the OP by saying “tag yourself, i’m the ___” 

Do you have any creative or artistic abilities? so i write, and i’m hopefully alright at that. i used to do art, and i’m mediocre at drawing but i don’t do it to create, i usually draw to express story ideas or a character’s look/feel. i can crochet, idk if that’s necessarily creative or artistic. i can play the harmonica parts for “piano man” by billy joel!!! 

Talk about something that made you happy today, yesterday, this week: a few things did!! i went to a bookstore and bought some books, so that made me feel materialistically happy. right after that i got sick at my friend’s house with a cold that came on within a few hours and that wasn’t great but it made me happy that i had a friend who would take care of me lol. also i’ve been very productive this week despite illness, so that made me happy upon reflection!! 

Talk about an experience that made you feel proud or confident: tbh when i feel very bad about my confidence, i remember this one time when i was in high school (so i was 17) and we had mentor groups, which is when the ~smart kids~ are assigned to a teacher and mentored for the year. (the teacher basically just asks how you’re doing lol) ANYWAY we had a mentor day at a camp-like place, where there’s archery and games and shit. being a bigger girl in these kind of places = anxiety in the first place, and there was a zipline thing where you climb a telegraph pole (with no ropes? wtf?), strap into the zipline, and then they push you off and you fly down a rope for a few hundred metres. anyway, all my friends had gone, and time was running out, and i WANTED to do it, but my anxiety was like..... ur literally too big... also if you do, everyone will laugh.... and then i was just like ? fuck it???????? so i climbed the shit out of that terrifying pole, i strapped myself in, and i went down that zipline like Tris from Divergent and like. no one laughed? they were cheering? it was one of the most liberating moments of my life, just bc i realised that a lot of my fears are only in my head and not actually reality, and that if you want something, even if its small, you should go for it. i’m proud of myself for doing it.

Talk about something/someone that makes you feel relaxed: my bed makes me feel relaxed, but also probably talking to my mum - if i have a problem, i know that she’ll listen and help if she can.

Talk about something you’re yet to try for the first time but want to: everything i want to do is simply just so i can write about it better? lmao???? so i’d want to kiss someone so i could write about it more accurately, i’d want to get high so i could write about it better. i can’t drink bc of health reasons, but if i could, i’d like to get drunk to write about it better. mostly everything is just so i can be a better, more rounded writer. 

Who are your role models and why: tbh idk if i have role models. i used to, but the older i get, the more i feel as though i rely less on looking up to people?? i really admire a lot of writers though, like Neil Gaiman and Leigh Bardugo and even J.K Rowling. also even though she’s a youtuber, i admire Zoe Sugg bc she just seems like a good person with a good heart? she’s been very open about mental illness and she’s written books and released a make up line and she’s... just normal? that’s a great role model, esp for younger people, so i’m glad she’s got a huge audience. 

Talk about something you want to do this year: this year!!! this year is going to be organisation central, hopefully. i want to start/restart my book review blog where i write about books because that’s what makes me happy. i also have some RP goals, and they’ll hopefully be fulfilled very soon. i want to write more original fiction this year, and i want to read a lot more widely than i did last year. 

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 6 Confessionals

I mean I didn't make the idol play. But um #LUKEDIDTHAT. Love he did that. But Lexi self voting??? Ruining Luke's plan of getting someone out? ICONIC!! Poor Lexi is prob going to go home lol. But I'm happy the idol I found did something but sad that its now gone and a new one? might be able to be found for those  4 remaining.

One more fake swap / fake merge and I'm going to vote myself off this island.

So iconically, Luke idolled, which i'm happy about. I'm NOT happy about Ryan being voted out considering I was kind of wanting to play a game with him. It also doesn't make sense considering... he's tried in every challenge, and has helped out the tribe greatly imo, but then again - we don't know the social dynamics and tribe outlook on their tribe. Carson told me he found an idol, and i'm superbly excited. Will he use it on me? Likely not. But it's still good to know we have it in OUR possession, and i'm not planning on leaking a word. The fact that he told me is satisfying though, and I do truly feel as if he's my #1 in the game right now. The challenge? Pass. It's something... logic puzzles are... awful (yet a little fun at times, sure). The cup thing... whomst... and the counting? I'm fairly triggered. I'm going to likely sit out because i'm busy today and I just couldn't care or want to do ANY of that. also why is there no SWAP!

Last tribal was fun with my idol play but Lexi made it less iconic with the self vote but that was completely understandable since she has a lot going on personally and I hope she's okay <3 It worked well in the sense that Jordan and Jay can still convince Lexi that they just had to do what they had to do with the tie and they saved her over Ryan. I compleTELY FUCKED UP THE COUNTING PART OF THE CHALLENGE WHICH I WAS ALREADY EH ABOUT DOING SINCE IT'S THE WORST BUT EUUURGH I MESSED UP. I'm hoping that we can win but if we don't then I hope I can trust Jay and Jordan enough to keep our 3 alliance strong and just vote our Lexi unanimously providing she doesn't have an idol or anything like that. I'll make an update after results...

Can you believe we win again? If we merge, it's gonna be 7-3. What a time to be alive!!! 

WHEWWWW i searched Mancos for the idol bc of my idol clue i got and i fucking found the idol and wow... i decided to tell Zach because I definitiely wanna nurture a relationship with him (love him so much) and we're a dynamic duo for sure!! i only talk to hi9m though and i def gotta fix that. playing this game AND another game at once is just a bit much but im still doing my best.

OKAY IM SCREAMING HOW DID I EVEN GET ANOTHER REWARD?? Idk how many rewards there have been in total bc I forgot but I've gotten 3 and didn't do 1 bc it was too risky but like what the heck how is this even happening?? I'm shook 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5g0x_0uPJo

WE WON IMMUNITY YESSS!!! going into the final 10 7-3 is definitiely amazing and im assuming luke goes on the other tribe. im fine with that bc it seems like everyone on my tribe is close to luke, so theyll be closer to me if hes gone!! im definitiely enjoying this tribe but like.. where does everyone stand?? who knows. we havent gone to a tribal since eric combusted and i dont know where i stand. i trust zach and i kinda trust bryce even if we dont talk strategy but idk where everyone else stands. katie truists me i think, but idk if i talk to her enough for it to be a FULL trust between us?? shes probably the one i trust the most after the other 2. charlotte is... whew?? she hates zach im pretty sure so like... idk about that personally. shes a good player and also like... idk i just dont talk to her as much as the other returnees. willow is cool and shes super nice but we NEVER talk strategy and also she like gave tons of info to eric allegedly then voted him out so idk if i can trust that rlly but like  thats a bit hypocritical bc i kinda used him too. i need to try talking more strategy with her. and chris... we talk and they're pleasant conversations but like willow, i dont talk strategy enough with him. plus hes a good game player from what ive seen in this game?? i know hes busy so i just gotta start getting a bit more out of him. my social game has def been slipping and if i dont get it up, im looking at a merge boot status bc tbh? i think im a pretty big threat. ideally, jordan pines is merge boot, then we can use lexi/jay to possibly get out some of our tribe, maybe charlotte?? on second thought i could use jordan for that too but like.. i dont trust jordan lmao. IDEALLY, id like a boot order of... f10: jordan f9: charlotte f8: lexi f7: willow f6: chris f5: jay f4: bryce f3: katie/zach, depends on who i think i can win easier against?? then ideally a final 2 of me winning. but survivor is always changing, so nothing is for sure. thats just how id LIKE it to happen, but nothing is gonna happen exactly so ill just pray!!

We lost immunity...again...shocker! Jay approached me earlier to potentially blindside Jordan and get him out since he's a huge threat at the upcoming merge but ultimately decided that using his connection with Katie and his reputation as a meat shield would be to our advantage since we're both winners and that is enough to get people to target us. It feels weird working this closely with Jay. If we merge next then plan to get Katie using Jordan, Carson using Jay and Zach using myself and then add Charlotte into the group and we should have a strong group. I also want to find out who gave me the immunity idol so I can first of all thank them, second of all ask them why and third if all work with them. I just hope I'm not being screwed by Jay the same way he was trying to screw Pines. 

Confessional #1 this round: Fuck ulta, i hate this tribe, i want to leave, ryan palmer let me go home

I accidently self voted last round and it tied between me and ryan because luke used an idol. so they voted ry out and i cried alittle. thats about all. 

Confessional #2- Rip Lexi, this is wrong, how the fuck are we gonna be at 3 players, after this wtf they have an entire tribe waiting to fight us

Im so happy we won again to be able to go into a merge with 7-3 majority maybe and a 4 person group into the 10 person game! Things are going well

Wish I can find the idol and hope luke doesnt go out either here

bye lexi! honestly like... idk. all newbies on their tribe are gone, it's so funny. im anticipating merge! or a swap.. or something. its 7v3 for crying out loud! im not sure what my move is going forward, but i think im confident. just kidding, i'm likely leaving. this is a bs conf but i may make one tomorrow hehe

haha I beat Jay

wow can't believe I'm this seasons challenge beast

We're really that tribe that's completely decimating everything.

I've been out all day and I see that they voted out Lexi. Every tribal that Jordan pines makes it through makes me even more nervous about getting to a merge with him around. We didn't have a good history in our last game but I'm hoping that there are more people around with bad blood with him so I can kinda just get by without getting any shots fired at me. I just want to go into a merge already. None of this potential "tribe swap" to make things even for one more round. I usually get fucked in a swap and I'd rather not have history repeat itself.

Over the course of the past week or so, i've been attempting to mend things with Charlotte. She's the only person that I feel like would be dead set on getting rid of me, so to weaken that desire would be sufficient. I also want to work on Katie and Chris a bit more so that the newbies (since i'm already decent with Willow, I believe) would be more loyal to me. I need opportunities! As for the pending upcoming merge or swap, i'm not ready. I would hope the 7 Ulta stay together for a BIT or something, like vote out Jordan. I'm semi-close with Jay and Luke, so would I want to vote them out right away? Well, in the wise words of Jay - absolutely not. But I would if I had to. I'd be more lenient with voting Jay since i'm now developing a friendship with Luke (because of another ORG) and I really like him, he's a cool kid. Him and I have NEVER worked together in past ORGs so if we manage to survive and make it on a tribe together, it'll be something refreshing. Carson's still my favourite though. He's a social god and it's scary. The kid has school from like 7-3pm and still finds more time to message me somehow or someway. It's... wildt. I trust him to an extent and him and I both have agreed that like we'll go far but obviously we are bale to betray one another if essential to our own game. I likely won't make it that far though RIP. I told him i'd be his lapdog, despite the tag of the season o.O Bryce. I didn't mention him yet. He's cool, him and I rarely talk but I think he's overall a great person. I'd like to talk to him more but our last conversation felt dull and I can't force a convo (not his fault, communication is indeed a two way street.) Nonetheless, it's something I may have to work on for my game. Also lowkey it's so funny because two tribals ago, you provoked the question regarding returnees and newbies, and here are some facts: - Ryan asked you to stop shoving it down his throat. He got voted out consequently. Iconic, right? - All newbies on their side are eliminated - All the boots in the game in general are newbies (with the exception of my Bahamas representative Willa...RIP good soul. The good die young!) So basically a returnee will win this game. It might be slightly worrying to Katie/Willow/Chris and they may want to extend and form bonds with OG Copa so that they have backup, because obviously there's a trend with voting out the newbies. Anyway, this is my third confessional this round... more than expected hehe hope you enjoy! P.S look at this rude ass message: On 2017-09-14, at 6:36 PM, carson wrote: > Use the Golden Rope to hang urself please HSDGNISDGNDS It was so funny I choked bye now

I seriously thought I was being screwed this round because I didn't think Jay would flip on Lexi but he did and I'm still here! 5 votes against me and I'm still here which is great!! There are only 3 of us left on Copa and we're an alliance so if we don't swap/merge and lose immunity then....it's going to suck. I think maybe I'd be in the middle? But equally Jordan and Jay have known each other a lot longer than they've known me so they might see me as disposable and get rid of me which I hope isn't the case. I really wanna merge and go work with Zach, Charlotte and Carson who I know and think I could work well with. Also Bryce, a newbie from last season, someone who I'd be interested in hooking up with in this game and working with!

So I got another advantage which is lit, I guess all these advantages are making up for kvaloya, anyway who knows how I'm gonna be able to explain the randomized vote?

Okay so like I just realized I'm in another game with Eric. And I kinda led the charge to get him voted out so I'm trying to win immunity otherwise he is totally killing me so sorry this is a terrible confessional but I'm STRESSING. 

If we don't merge I'm so incredibly fucked