#next time I'll just drip snot on his change

[fuck-customers]

Had a doozy of a customer interaction today, tldr: Man throws an absolute fit because I was wearing a mask at work.

The last couple of days I've been wearing a mask at work because my sinuses have been going completely haywire and my nose has been dripping, and I'd prefer not to be seen in public with a runny nose, management doesn't care since I don't have any actual symptoms they worry about. Today I'm running cash like normal, it's pretty early on in the shift, so I'm still in a decent mood, and I ring out this guy's burrito. I give him his total in my customer service, very clear and easy to understand, and he then goes "What was that? I'm sorry it's hard to hear you with that mask." Since the pandemic started that phrase has been an instant cue for me to drop out of the friendly tone and into a slightly more annoyed tone, and try to get the customer out as soon as possible. I am naturally a loud person and literally none of the other customers I deal with when I mask up have an issue hearing me, this guy was just trying to open up a conversation about my mask, which is just a black mask with peppers on it that they gave me during the pandemic for my uniform. "So is that mask a political statement or are you just too sick to be working right now?" Not a question I had been expecting, but completely straight faced while getting his change I assure him that I am not sick, my sinuses are just acting up and didn't want to drip snot everywhere. "If you're sick, you really shouldn't be working." I once again tell him I'm not sick, and give him his change, and he then asks if there's a manager he can talk to. Thankfully my ace in the hole manager that loves to fight with custome seers was on duty today, and came up to deal with the guy, who was once again trying to insist I was obviously sick if I was wearing a mask and I shouldn't be working, and at that point I was in the back of house, away from the line of sight of customers, and explaining to the coworkers in the back who had missed it what was going on, and trying not to go up front and throw hands with this idiot. I didn't hear a lot of the conversation between my manager and the offended customer, but at some point he did try again to claim he couldn't hear me through my mask, and I just started basically yelling that he was full of it because the girl working the back line about ten feet away, who was definitely further away than that guy was, could hear me perfectly fine, and I think the manager told him he was just being discriminatory at that point, and he immediately accused her of using the race card. She had to explain to him that discrimination isn't just a race thing, (she was initially confused because I am white, so was this man, but she's black, and he apparently immediately associated the word with race?) and after that she asked him to leave, I think he wanted a refund for the inconvenience (this manager also has a tendency to throw out orders when she's about to refuse someone service to drive her point home, so that could also have been it), which she gave him, but he still told her to fuck off as he was leaving, and I think I heard something about us supporting left-wing propaganda as well, but I was busy pacing in the back of house and screeching in frustration. I thought that was going to be the end of it, but apparently the man was so offended he emailed in a complaint, and I had to confirm with a different manager that I was wearing my mask because of my allergies. I was frustrated about that man all day, and I've already decided the next time somebody asks about my mask like that I'm telling them I'm hideously disfigured and they're touching on a tender subject.

[faerlykoijournal]

7 May 2022

he held me in his arms and caught all the tears in his hands and in the napkins that he's been hoarding in his dorm room, as all the "ugliness" that's basically always been inside me came gushing out. it's been a long time since i cried like that for that long. since i let myself in on the fact that i really do still feel pretty horribly about myself deep inside. as much as i have worked on changing it. i let myself in on the fact that for a while, i really have been feeling utterly defeated.

i seemed to think i could hide from myself, doing something i really would never do. i felt i would be safe from myself there. i could escape for the night and part of the next day. maybe i could break out of something.

it was nice that i didn't end up having to face myself alone. as ashamed as i felt to break down like that, that hard, about something that i've been feeling like i'll be breaking about forever. to have someone i love there . . . i don't know. i'm lucky i wasn't alone.

i kept thinking as i cried i didn't deserve to have that, and i don't know if i still believe that but i feel grateful. i needed that to happen either way. i believe i'm lucky it happened then.

i always think i need to have some kind of grasp on things before i go to anyone - if i go to anyone. i could never have anyone see it all and know about it all in such a raw form. so fresh and unchanged. "unadulterated".

but that's probably the very problem. it's not real then. not quite. maybe it's hurting me to deny any kind of expression of anything raw and real to anyone. not even close. nowhere near it.

maybe it was good to just let myself "be" as "weak" as i feel in front of someone. someone who is prepared to love me throughout the process, even as i question why. only sobbing harder when my palm is wordlessy placed flush against his chest and held there. and the other hand doesn't stop catching tears, matching the relentlessness of the streams they're making on my face. preventing them from pooling in my ears. dripping off the end of my nose. into the seam of my lips.

whydoyoulovemewhydoyoulovemewhydoyoulovemewhydoyoulov

and he's still admiring me and loving me and tracing the same features with the same amount of delicacy as the night before. after i'd showered. that morning after waking up beside me not having slept for a second and my morning breath in his face. and as he made love to me. that morning his eyes did the tracing alone.

and i found that while i usually still feel i look pretty first thing in the morning, objectively, i looked gross. it's not that i ever thought he placed any kind of importance on my appearance. it was just nice.

it was nice to have things be kind of "ugly". kind of gross.

he can pretend like the hair on my knuckles alone absolutely mean i can't possibly be "the one". squish blackheads and oil from sebaceous filaments out of the nose on a face he looked at before going to bed and asking who created it, calling them a good artist. kiss and caress me lovingly as i break down and cry so hard i can't breathe and swallowing snot is unavoidable.

tell me my presence isn't a waste when it's arguably the least reciprocal presence in his life. move my ring onto my ring finger and walk me to the bus stop after i haven't said 'i love you' directly once.

still feel at a crossroads when it appears there's nothing of me to give.

i could never "sink my hooks in" knowing he could pretty easily end up anchored. i don't want to drown and pull him down with me. i don't want him to feel any obligation to help me. 'if you love something set it free'. how many times do you hear that?

loving each other isn't enough.

if it's not working it's not working. it's likely not the time right now, if at all. and it's okay.

if that was the last time, i'm lucky to know i can be loved in my fragmented mess of pieces. that i got to experience "waking" up beside someone i must be in love with.

hear 'i love you' so many times, even when i probably wasn't supposed to.

ruin any chance of undisrupted deep sleep for them with my tossing and turning, but be pulled in close and have them mumble an "it's okay, baby. i love you," when I apologise for it.

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Power of Three: "ALN" Story (Pre-Serum Omega!Steve and Alpha!Bucky Modern Domestic AU)

Twenty-Three:

Swaying Bitsy, Steve couldn't help but be nervous that his in-laws were leaving. Sure, he knew that he needed to be able to do this without them. However, they had had help through the entire time the triplets had been born. First with the nurses, then with Winnie and George. Even Becca and Dum Dum helped for a few hours so the couple could practice some selfcare.

"Just call," George offered with a kind grin.

"I'm sure we can handle it," Bucky hugged his parents.

Taking a break from worrying his lower lip, Steve forced a smile on his face. Waving at his in-laws and blowing a kiss to them while he continued soothing Bitsy. Practically biting his tongue so he couldn't beg for his in-laws to stay just a couple more nights. Even though he knew that they had already asked too much with the older couple spending a week with them.

After closing the door, Bucky made his way back to the living room. Steve was still chewing on his lower lip and Bucky asked, "What?"

Steve simply shook his head and handed Bitsy over to the alpha. Sniffling, Steve wiped his tears and entered the master bedroom. Although he should've expected this by now, he was still annoyed with Bucky following him.

"What's wrong?"

Trying to keep the sob within, he asked, "How are we supposed to do this? I mean, we can only do so much with only four arms."

"Hey," Bucky tried to assure Steve, "We've gotten through everything and made it out on the other side. We can do this too."

Of course, that was what made Steve's sob break free. Shoulders shaking and snot dripping out of his nose. He didn't know how he was going to do this. He didn't know how Bucky could be so optimistic. He didn't know what was wrong with him for not being so sure.

"What's wrong with me?" Steve sobbed, hiding his face in his hands.

For a moment, he stood there in the ensuite bathroom by himself. Great, you chased him away. You finally did it. Before he could berate himself too much, Bucky was back in the bathroom and wrapped his arms around Steve's slender frame and held him close.

Marking over his back, Bucky softly spoke directly into Steve's good ear, "There's nothing wrong with you. I promise. And we've got this. You lean on me. I lean on you. That's what we do. That's what we'll always do."

"But there's gotta be something wrong with me," Steve wetly insisted. "You're so certain, but all I can think about is what's going to happen when they all wake up? How am I supposed to feed them and change them?"

Pulling back, Bucky tenderly took Steve's chin between his thumb and index finger. Moving Steve so the omega would look at him, Bucky assured, "I'm scared shitless. But I've got you. You make me stronger. You're the reason I know that we can do this."

Sniffling, Steve teased, "God, you're the worst."

Instead of replying, Bucky kissed Steve's forehead and then peppered chaste kisses all over his wet face until he chuckled and pushed his husband away. Wrapping his arms around Bucky's waist, Steve gazed up at his mate, "You know that you make me stronger too, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Bucky wiped the remaining wetness from Steve's face. Pressing another kiss to his forehead, he brought the petite man into a tighter embrace. The two stood there for a moment longer before soft cries interrupted them.

"I'll get the baby, you get the bottle," Steve suggested as he headed for the nursery.

Before Steve could get too far though, Bucky pulled him back in and exchanged a sweet kiss with him. Smiling down at the omega, Bucky said, "Go team!"

Playfully, Steve rolled his eyes but obliged, "Go team."

Entering the nursery, Steve went over to Nevie. Lifting her, Steve quietly shushed her to soothe her and carried her over to the changing table. She calmed once she was in a fresh diaper, but her whimpers continued since it was time to be fed. Just as Steve was about to take the bottle from his husband, another baby started crying.

Passing Nevie to Bucky, Steve returned to the nursery to get the next crying baby. Repeating to himself, "You've got this. You've got this."

Reaching Cori, Steve lifted her from her crib and went through the same motions he had with Nevie. With Cori being the more opinionated of the three, Steve was quick to get her out of the nursery for fear that she'd wake her sister.

Thankfully though, Bucky had already gotten a bottle ready for him. That alone brought more tears to his eyes as he took the seat beside Bucky on the couch and started feeding their loudest baby. Once the newborn quieted, Bucky brought up her namesake and clicked on the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that they had left off on.

Contently, Steve sighed and rested his head on Bucky's broad shoulder. Allowing himself to believe that they could do this. They'd always be able to do this. No matter what the current, this, was.

TAG LIST: @t3a-bag

[ghoulcouriersix]

Happy Together

Pairing: Female V/Gustavo Orta

Characters: Fem V, Gustavo Orta, Johnny Silverhand.

Tags: Angst/Hurt, Comfort, depression, loss, death, grief/mourning, Johnny is a sweetheart deep down, best friends.

Summary: Cherry shows a piece of her past to Johnny, opening up old wounds in the process. Johnny shows his soft side even if it's only for a little while (this is NOT canon to Cherry's story just a little AU)

The drive up to The Columbarium is always a tough one. On typical sad days it always rains but this time the blistering heat of the sun makes Cherry's skin melt and stick to the leather of her car seat. The mumbling of the radio a pleasant distraction as the looming dread of those tall pillars comes into view. 

"The fuck are we doing here?" Johnny glitches into existence in the backseat making the woman jump.

"Just paying a visit, why are you back there anyway"

Johnny leans over, pointing to the flowers resting in the passenger seat.

"Don't wanna sit on em" 

"Well look at you being thoughtful for once" Cherry scoffs

"I know better than to disrespect the dead, you know me better than that" he declares as the car rolls to a stop. Her hands grip hard to the steering wheel.

"You can stay in the car Johnny I know this shit isn't your thing" 

"You're obviously here to see someone I'm not stupid, you need me and I'm here, always. You know that" 

Who knew this parasite that wormed his way into her head had a heart, even if he's slowly killing her, Johnny is.. something else. There's no romantic attachment but the idea of being alone, no Johnny to wake up to, his snarky comments or the fact he's always there when she needs him. All alone. That made a pit swill in her stomach. She knows at the end of the day it's either him or her but as the days pass by it's getting harder to make that fucking decision. 

"Thank you Johnny, really. I would" she pauses "I really need you" 

"Anytime kid" he then flicks out of existence with a smile.

Her lips itch for a cigarette as the anxiety builds in her stomach, anything to taste the burn of nicotine on her tongue as it fills her lungs full of cancer and satisfaction.

Peeling herself out of the car still fighting the urge for a smoke. Flowers in one hand anger in the other, she walks up the stairs, her heels clicking on the spotless tiles. The silence is deafening, feels like the whole world is zoomed in on her like this is some game. Such a fucking funny game.

She grips the flowers hard as the faint sound of crying comes into earshot. She rushes by quickly ignoring the tears already burning in the back of her eyes, rounding a corner the crying dies down as her destination comes into view. Biting her lip hard she stands face to wall.

"Hey Gustavo, I missed you" her lips twitch. 

Gustavo Orta, the man you always could rely on. Rest in peace.

She sits crossed legs facing the blue plaque. A lonely pot of wilting flowers lean against the wall along with half melted candles, she reaches out and touches the petals gently. Dry but soft.

"I'm sorry the heat got to you so badly, Gustavo would flip if he saw this" she chuckles through the pain as she collects the water jug next to the pot and watches the water slowly trickle down the flower into the soil.

She sets the new flowers next to old, the comparison between the two is too hard to ignore. One discoloured, brittle, starved the other fresh, lively, perky. It reminds her of herself in a way.

"Who's this?" Johnny squats into view pointing at the wall "brother, friend, boyfriend?"

"Husband actually" she looks at Johnny with a small smile and also a little humoured seeing him so taken back.

"You? Married? You don't look like the marrying type Isabella wait sorry Cherry" 

"No, call me Isabella please" she corrects him.

Silence falls between the two, it's awkward the kind of tense that you wish something would happen to break the ice.

"How'd he, you know, don't have to tell me like" he moves into a side sitting position.

"Some Merc zeroed him, had a hit on his head because of a rumour of all things. Saw him with a girl of the opposite family, dad got jealous and tried to have him killed but she got the bullet instead so they sent in a reliable Merc. Grabbed him when he was alone and yea. Had to go identify the body they fucked him up so bad. Not the way you wanna remember your husband's face" she falls silent as the tears threaten to break free.

"Shit, I'm sorry kid I know this sorta stuff I hard to go through, lost someone special to me too so you're not alone" 

"Doesn't get easier does it?" 

He replies to her question with a sorrowful head shake.

"I thought as much, he would've liked you, he had a thing for assholes with a soft center" she laughs as her head rests on his shoulder. He smelled like cigarettes with a mix of sweat and cologne.

"Of course he would've what's not to like about me, everyone warms up to eventually even you" he huffs out as laugh when she jabs his side.

"Wanna smoke?" She looks up at him, his eyes glued to the wall with an unreadable expression.

"Light em up, I'm itching for one. I can feel your eagerness too" she shuffles in her jacket pocket feeling the paper of the cigarette dancing across her knuckles.

Man did it feel good to have that burn in her lungs again, the sweet dull taste washing over her tongue like a tsunami. She remembers how Gustavo's lips used to taste. A kiss so hypnotic it drove her crazy. Soft dreamy hair she ran her fingers through every morning, his gentle touch that made her blush and squirm in all the right ways. She's a complicated woman with two sides. One reserved, hidden away the other outgoing, bubbly and loyal and it made her feel exposed the way he'd crack open her personality and see a side only he got to see.

"So tell me about him, what was he like as a husband?" his hand gently runs up and down her back.

"The best, the fact he had to run a whole gang under his belt but never raised his voice or his hand to me or anyone close to him, sure he got irritated, work got him down and he may have snapped at his members sometimes but he was always smiling and laughing while having that charming sarcastic personality. He was..the best I could've asked for" the tears break through the barriers and run down her cheeks. Dripping on her hands.

"Hey, no tears. We'll get the guy who killed your husband alright? He took something away from you, something important and yea we may have hated each other's guts at one point but Arasaka can wait. You're more important right now" his arm pulls her into his chest gently

"I've got you kid, it's okay. I'm here" he says soothingly as her hands grip onto his tank top. His chest is the perfect pillow to bury her face in and just let it all out. His arms wrap around her body tightly, covering her with his body.

"Thank you Johnny out of all the people's heads you could've infected I'm glad it was mine" she laughs while she wipes her tears away.

"You're welcome sweetheart, you owe me a new tank top though, got your snot n' tears all over me" 

"Yea I um maybe blew my nose on you while I was there" she bats her eyelashes at him in a puppy like fashion

"Disgusting, you're not crying on me ever again" he wipes at his shirt with a annoyed look in his eyes

"Fine, I'll just do it again when you're not looking. Now" she stands and stretches with a yawn "let's get the fuck out of here, I've let all my sad bitch out for the day" 

"I'm gonna nap in the car, think I earned it after all that" he glitches next to her with a smirk

"Okay. Deal. Now get your ass in the car before I change my mind"

"Will do princess" he salutes as he fades back into nothingness.

She quickly bends down, kissing her fingers and pressing it against the plaque. Saying goodbye will always make the hole of loneliness in her heart grow, threatening to swallow her whole but she's got shit to do.

"Sleep well baby, I'll be seeing you soon" she whispers, walking away from The Columbarium once again, Like history on a never-ending painful loop. Stay strong tomorrow is a new day.

End notes: thank you sm for reading my sad bitch shit. I promise next one is gonna be a lot happier and fluffier :3