#ngl i think a lot about the fact that the characters who have canonically stolen elena's mother's crown from the treasury are:

[notmoreflippingelves]

Robbing the Royal Treasury

↳ Esteban in "King of the Carnaval" vs. Elena in "Royal Treasury Escape Room" (Scepter Training with Zuzo)

[lesbianlotties]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks for tagging me @lilolilyr !! ily <33

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

120 works!

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

oh i didn't want to be outed on this but... 1,262,993

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i have written for 18 fandoms! currently i'm only writing for yellowjackets. but i might write more for ronance, i could update the warrior nun fic. and who knows, maybe a new season/movie will get me writing wednesday and the old guard again!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Aftermath Kudos: 3,605 - aka "holy shit a lot of people were reading wednesday fanfic huh??"

make my menace into someone you'd adore Kudos: 2,179 - ronance coworkers enemies to lovers my beloved!

through the grief can't fight the feeling of relief Kudos: 1,381 - very soft warrior nun fic

five times Deena and Sam met in secret (and one time they didn’t)  Kudos: 1,154 - ngl i didn't think fear street fics got these many kudos but this was a lovely time!

Elvis cloned by aliens (you never know...) Kudos: 912 - it's literally insane to me that a one shot got this many kudos! (let's get it to 1k? 👀)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!! i think like 99% of the time. i just love it so much. i love saying thank u because i'm genuinely SO thankful for every comment. and i have a feeling if i reply it might inspire people to leave more comments. and also sometimes it's a chance to just talk more about the fic! which i love doing, there's nothing like getting to talk about it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm i don't love writing angsty endings, as you'll see by the fact that i wrote these two super angsty endings and then i went and wrote a sequel/alternate ending for both ghsjfdghkdfjg but anyway there's:

I'm sorry (it should've been me) - nancy tells robin she loves her but she's too late (in the rain)

If I could hold you for a minute (darling, I'd go through it again) - laura lee reincarnated as the bear and you know what happened to it

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh most of them lmao hmm i think i’m going to go for these “everyone survived post canon and they move in together to be happy and heal as a family” Extremely Uneventful Subject for tog and Who would I be without you, without them? for yellowjackets

8. Do you get hate on fic?

hmmm no i think that’s never happened! the closest thing might have been someone suggesting i always killed certain character when it’s the entire opposite. or the funny alternative, when someone literally only mentioned the men in the background of the story in every single comment they left lol but even those were mostly nice comments!

9. Do you write smut?

i do yes! not much and i only yielded and started writing it recently but i’ve loved it so far lol four of my most popular yj fics are smut, one of them is one of my favorites ever, and there’s that one ronance fic i posted on anon first… iykyk

10. Do you write crossovers?

i’ve done two! Immortals and Librarians for tog and gunpowder milkshake and (Red) Room For 8 for ocean’s 8 and hill house

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!! hopefuly not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! 【翻译】Being with you (Makes the flame burn good) by R_H_Felidae_Athena

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried but they haven’t been posted/finished yet :(

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

okay so that’s a Tough question. judging by amount of fic written it’s robin and nancy, my current favorite is lottie and laura lee, but i also just rewatched bly manor and let me tell you, there’s no one at the level of dani and jamie <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

there’s too many 😭 going as far back as the ocean’s 8 days there's the haunted house one, then fear street enemies to lovers, my warrior nun fic, yellowjackets coffee shop au, and all the ideas i haven’t even started ghsjfdghjf

16. What are your writing strengths?

oh don't do this to me. i literally never know what to reply to this. i... well i'd like to think i'm good at characterization and maybe dialogue!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hmm i think i have a serious lack of discipline that means i only write when the mood is right and i will never stick to a schedule or plan or routine lol and okay i'll admit it, i might be too lazy to do the research necessary to write certain things/stories so i just avoid them 😭 but in my defense it's because too much research for academic reasons made me allergic to it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

hm. i did this somewhat regularly with the old guard and in one ronance fic but looking back i don’t love it very much, it’s just okay i guess. this is just for me personally!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

ocean’s 8 hgsjdfghjf closely followed by the haunting of hill house

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

VERY very tough question!! they’re all my babies and i couldn’t possibly pick any fav- actually i have a few! but i’ll keep it to 3 special ones that funnily enough are far from being my most popular ones (pls read them i worked so so hard on them)

God's very simple and love shouldn't burn - aka my lottielee manifesto! 

If you rewrite your life, may I still play a part? - stranger things, nancy wheeler choose your own adventure fic!

my heart (is like a haunted house) - tog, andy falls in love with quynh’s ghost

tagging: @natscatorrcio @dufrau @eskawrites @scorchedhearth @sapphicscience @yee-hawlw @reesesfastbreak (if you want to! no pressure!) and pls pls anyone that sees this and wants to share say i tagged u!

[aryasage]

questions

stolen from liv (is anyone surprised at this point?)

do you read or write fanfiction and why?

yes. obviously? apart from being fun, i feel like i have a lot more freedom than with traditional writing. you'll notice in all of my fics (especially atcybyna) that i don't have strictly correct writing all the time. that's intentional (unless it's a typo or something, then it's just me being dumb). having mostly correct punctuation and such and then suddenly having the narration turn into run-on sentences? that conveys something. i really enjoy parallels and motifs (if you hadn't figured that out already) and this is part of that. having traditional writing standards and then breaking them is what makes it interesting, but it's hard to do that when your reader expects you to keep up those standards throughout the whole work.

that and brainrot

2. how and when did you discover fanfiction?

there's a fic not in lolrpf on my account. i'll let you figure out the rest.

3. how has fandom and fiction evolved since you found it?

i'll be honest i don't really know how to answer this question? i haven't been in fandom for long enough to see much change, i don't think

4. do you still engage with it in the way you used to?

i have to scroll past a lot more cringe things now.

5. which fandoms do you enjoy reading/writing?

lolrpf at present but can't say i enjoy looking through the fandom tag. the few people actually writing gen fics are what keep me sane

there's a tua fic that's just been sitting there taunting me for about six months. doubt i'll ever get around to finishing it but it was an interesting restriction i had to work around with the one line i really wanted to include at some point

That One Fandom. i have a doc full of fic ideas and a bunch more wips. might go back to them some day when the lolrpf brainrot runs out. but that'll take a while.

6. who are your otps?

i participate in exactly zero fandoms where shipping isn't at best awkward and at worst incredibly problematic! there's a reason for that!

7. have you told anyone you write fanfiction?

well sometimes people ask what i'm writing and i just laugh and say it's…creative writing, other times i tell them and their face falls instantly. have been able to convince some of them that as long as you're not cringe about it it doesn't have to be cringe though! we're getting there.

8. what does fanfiction mean to you?

the fact that you don't have to do all the world and character building yourself and just get to the angst or the fluff is pretty neat. my twin shadow. the way that you can build a community by just throwing your writing into the world. lots of things. i think it's hard to pin down.

9. do you prefer canon-based fanfiction or au? (so fanfiction that slots seamlessly into the original story or ‘alternate universe’ fanfiction where the world is slightly different)

aus just kinda hit different, ngl. you can do so much more with—well, everything. and pure canon in rpf—it can get messy extremely quickly if you're not careful. i tried once and it basically turned into an au anyway.

10. tell us about a fanfiction you’ve either read or written

one time i had a dream where i was a certain pro player (not gonna name names) (and no, it's not who you think) who was basically jhin but with a bit more restraint about that whole war thing. i'm sitting at a table in the back of a bar, and the people at the bar are talking (loudly, they're drunk) about the war on the horizon, and how much simpler it would be if the second coming of jhin hadn't disappeared.

woke up and wrote down a basic plot and then i worldbuilt the whole setting: basically, champs are gods and can make someone their vassal, depending on the god that can mean anything from visions in their dreams to full-on getting possessed every so often.

with jhin, well…like in canon, mans is a bit murderhappy, so his vassal is freakishly good at killing people…but it’s always a spectacle. he doesn’t even know he’s jhin’s vassal until one day in a battle (he’s a soldier, there’s a War going on) he blacks out and suddenly all his allies are cheering for him. they don’t know his name, so they’re not shouting that. they’re shouting the name of the god that won them the fight.

fast forward a few months, he’s basically won a war single-handedly. that’s great and all. but he doesn’t remember how he did it. all he can remember are the screams and the blood and the joy he had felt doing such horrible things. and that terrifies him.

time skip to a few years later, he’s trying to live a normal life, trying to pretend like the voice of the god in his head isn’t constantly telling him to murder everyone in the room. but another war is coming. and this is where our story starts.

he gets drafted (again) because even though he’s a war hero, that only means he’s proved how important he is. and, you know, corrupt government and all.

in the army, he meets people who were able to keep their being a vassal secret, and they all bond over the gods in their heads.

and that was about where i ran out of plot. it was an interesting world, but the story that i chose to tell was both too long and too directionless for me to ever finish. might do something else with that setting at some point though.

oh yeah and @space-axolotl you should answer these too >:)

[stonerbughead]

writing tag game

finally getting around to this! thanks to @acenancy @thetaoofbetty @iconic-ponytail @imreallyloveleee and @satelliteinasupernova for the tags!

How many works do you have on AO3?

19! when did that happen?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

555,869 holy yep

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on AO3, only 2–riverdale + my one nancy drew cw nace fic! however back in the ~day on FF.net I wrote for Harry Potter and I def wrote a Zoey 101 fic too L O L

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Exhale (stoner bughead college AU with demi jug)

if it feels like a home (canon divergent bughead getting back together fic with a SEVEN YEAR TIME JUMP I DID IT FIRST @ RVD WRITERS)

betty, it’s legitimately cold outside (snowed in bughead christmas oneshot. aww this was my first holiday bughead fic)

do you like or like like me? (my class of ‘12 high school bughead field hockey AU)

love in the time of coronavirus (the omg they were quarantined fic I wrote from march-june 2020)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yesss! comments make my heart soar, and i love to reply to them and especially to take the time to respond in depth to longer comments. also, as a comment-leaver i like seeing replies when people get around to it! which leads me to my next point...often it takes me forever to reply but i always get there eventually!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i don't do angsty endings bc i personally am writing fanfic for happy endings tbh but i WILL say the biggest angsty cliffhanger i've ever left my readers on was the end of ch 3 in do you like or like like me? i intended to go only a week between ch 3 and 4 but then didn't...so that's probably the angstiest i've ever left bughead if that makes sense lol

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

hmm, i feel like all my stories have happy endings! but maaaaaybe a merry little retail christmas, since they end up with their own bookstore and jughead proposing to a very surprised betty in said bookstore as he reveals they own it?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

does my riverdale O.C. AU count as a crossover? bc if so then yes. also i really want to do a nace/bughead crossover at some point. @heartunsettledsoul and i have discussed this a tiiiiny bit but nothing specific.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not hate exactly, but i have gotten people kind of bluntly asking me to include particular characters in a fic that are either a) already in the tags or b) not in the tags for a reason, and that's not...my favorite thing, ngl.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yes, yes i do! i guess i'm usually solidly in the M side of things rather than the E side, and it's typically equal parts horny and fluffy since it's always between characters who are ~in loooove! i did write a kink week oneshot entirely as an ode to the Satisfyer, a sex toy i highly recommend to anyone who owns a clit.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! so god i hope not!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

bughead, for sure. see the 18 fics / thousands on thousands of words i've written about them. and the podcast (@bodysuitsforbughead) i put their name in the title of!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

eek okay so it's ~possible~ i'll never finish love in the time of coronavirus bc idk if i want to/am capable of going back to that headspace of early pandemic but A L S O i maybe will? chapter 8, the only unfinished chapter, is supposed to be a time jump epilogue so you never know, an idea might inspire me to write it at some point in the future! maybe it's meant to be written at a point in the future that's ~actually post pandemic, you know? we shall see.

What’s your writing strengths?

oh god, this is a hard one. i feel like i'm good at dialogue? it's hard to self evaluate!

What’s your writing weaknesses?

describing people!!! why am i so bad at it? i'll never know. however i do think it's part of the appeal of fanfic for me, bc everyone kinda already knows what characters look like so you can get away with the least amount of physical character description more so than original fic.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't really know any other languages besides English besides some rudimentary/faded italian and the amount of spanish you get in middle school, but if the character calls for it, like a stray Lodge family "mija" and such, i do that? but i think it's super cool when others who are bilingual, multilingual, etc. incorporate other languages!

What’s the first fandom you wrote for?

WAIT lmao @iconic-ponytail my answer is identical to yours: Harry Potter on fanfiction.net. For me, which is apparently unpopular in our fandom, it was all about Romione.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

hands down, do you like or like like me? it just captured a lot of things i've always wanted for high school bughead in that fic AND the process allowed me to get out a lot of angst and nostalgia about my high school years, which was super cathartic. and the fact that i seem to have produced something that a lot of people could relate to as former nerdy teen girls makes me really happy. Exhale is a close second favorite, and probably mainly because i have a lot of anxiety attached to Exhale bc i never update it as fast as ppl want me to.

i'm late to the party so idk who has or hasn't done this yet, but i guess i'll tag some writer friends who *didn't* tag me? lmao @heartunsettledsoul @literatiruinedme @bugheadsextape @sullypants @fallout-mars @go-ldy

[laufire]

In depth fandom ask: the last fandom you joined bc I can't remember it now

Well, I guess the last fandom I’ve properly joined --making a few edits, starting yet-another-WIP etc.-- is Black Sails, so. Plus I want to talk about it a little, spoiler-free, in case you decide to watch it ^-^ (I’ll leave that to the s3 post I need to finish...).

Top 5 favourite characters: Max is my number one, without a doubt, and of the rest of my faves Silver has an edge... but the remaining positions are a tough fight between Flint, Jack, Madi and Miranda, and I honestly can’t choose DD:

Other characters you like: Mr. Scott, Anne, Idelle, the Maroon Queen, Billy, Eme, Abigail... This show has a lot of great characters tbh.

Least favourite characters: I still loathe Peter Ashe with every fiber of my being. Alfred Hamilton is obviously The Worst(TM). And though it hasn’t grown into hate (yet), I don’t like Woodes Rogers one bit ¬¬

Otps: Flint/Miranda, and the combos in Flint/Madi/Silver and Anne/Jack/Max (in no particular order at the moment because I just HAVE TONS OF FEELS ABOUT THEM ALL).

Notps: I don’t have strong NOPE feelings towards anything, but I’m not into Eleanor/Max (which is a dynamic I actually really like BUT that I’m glad it doesn’t return to shippiness LOL); Eleanor/Rogers (I might be indifferent towards Eleanor most of the time but I haaaaaate Rogers for her. RUN GIRL), Flint/Vane (booooooooring).

Favourite friendships: Max & Silver (THE duo I swear), Jack & Max, Flint & Silver, Idelle & Max (I might not have said so before but I guess I like a little conflict LMFAO), Billy & Flint (NOT a friendship, but their relationship absolutely cracks me up I swear. “Who’s Billy?” XDDD).

Favourite family: Madi’s family, which is all I can say without getting spoilery. I just. *lies down on the floor overcome with emotions* xDD

Favourite episodes: the problem with binge-watching (okay, I’ve taken s3 more slowly but) is that they all kinda blur together LOL. Hmm. The season finales are all *chefs kiss* so far (sometimes in a very painful way... I’m looking at you s2. Though the ominous Flint/Silver moments in the s3 were A LOT too); any in which I get to see Max & Silver scheming together ofc. And the first handful of eps in s3 were particularly enjoyable to me because I was drowning in PURE ANGST and Flint & Silver feels xDD (I can’t NOT believe the fandom seems to call one of those “the shark date” asñldfjasdfñl).

Favourite season/book/movie: oof. I honestly can’t pick; s1 is probably the “least” because the others include better moments for some of my secondary faves, and because there’s a plot that’s really hard to watch... BUT it has things on it I adore to pieces too. s1-2 doesn’t have Madi (major drawback xD), and s3 is after one of my faves’ death... but frankly they’re all neck and neck so far.

Favourite quotes: “I am ruined over you” always comes to mind DD: “Liked is just as good as feared”; Max combo with Eleanor about sand (typing that down made me think of Anidala LMFAO. The scene itself is very different though! xD) in the s1 finale; “in another time, in another place, they would call me a queen”; “this ends when I grant them my forgiveness, not the other way around”, Mr. Scott’s “No. Only YOU.”... honestly, this show’s dialogue is just too good(TM), I could just quote it all back xD. And of course, I HAVE to mention “WHO’S BILLY”. It’s the law.

Best musical moment: the score is perfection all around, but given that I never skip the intro just to listen and watch it... yeah, the intro xD

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: well, I *might* have lost it the moment CAPTAIN FLINT COMES OUT TO LONG JOHN SILVER OVER A BONFIRE, IDK XDD

When it really disappointed you: the fact that I won’t get to see a fully fleshed out Mr. Scott-Silver dynamic is MAJORLY disappointing, let me tell you. That Flint’s actor didn’t somehow get his mother (aka Maggie Smith aka Professor McGonagall aka Lady Violet) on the show too ¬¬. LOL.

Saddest moment: character’s deaths of two of the characters listed on “top 5”/“others you like” xD.

Most well done character death: the hanging in 3x09 was well done and served its purpose.

Favourite guest star: for a value of “guest star”... I’m going with Idelle.

Favourite cast member: Jessica Parker Kennedy is the one that I know and love for other projects she’s done.

Character you wish was still alive: THE ONE WE TRAGICALLY LOST IN 2x09.

One thing you hope really happens: I’m cheating because I know there’s some of that in s4, but I want to watch more Flint/Madi interactions pls.

Most shocking twist: well, I wasn’t spoiled for Mr. Scott’s plot in s3 so I was (pleasantly) surprised by that xD

When did you start watching/reading?: a little over two weeks ago; I watched (devoured) s1-s2 and 3x01-3x04 in a few days because I wanted to meet Madi, and then I tragically had to slow down :(((

Best animal/creature: I will always love Treasure Islands’  parrot that Silver named after Flint LMFAO.

Favourite location: Nassau aka Max’s ~domain xD. And Miranda’s house.

Trope you wish they would stop using: noooooone. I love the tropes this show reuses LMFAO. Romantic Betrayals(TM), triumvirates, “good things happen in the dark/away from civilization”, the power of narratives, social climbing and revolt... bring them oooooon.

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: quite a few xD. But one that really stands out to me is the dialogue; both the ~deep and sorrowful type (there were so many quotes where I had to take a break to freak out properly lol), and the humorous ones.

Funniest moments: I know I’m repeating myself, but I recently rewatched the pilot to edit some scenes and I keep remember the WHO’S BILLY one xDD (which I maintain it was Flint trolling him. He could give Abigail a rundown of Billy’s whole life story AND he shamelessly checked him out that one time. Flint knows who Billy is, he’s just an asshole xD). Really, all the scenes between Billy and Flint in that episode are comedic gold lmfao. Billy’s “oh dear I fucked up” expression when he tells Flint the crew has started to think him weak and Flint looks half a second away from murdering him right there, his WTF face at Flint’s antics with the stolen page... Gold, seriously.

Couple you would like to see: I meannnnnn. I would’ve been very happy if the show had decided to go with Flint/Madi/Silver, for one. Bonus if Miranda could’ve been included. Or just explicit Flint/Silver in poly arrangements (THEY ARE IN LOVE, IT’S JUST ~COMPLICATED XD).

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: MAGGIE SMITH DAMMIT.

Favourite outfit: literally everything Max wears in s3. Eleanor’s s1-s2 outfits were things I’d love to wear too. Flint’s ~dramatic coat. Miranda’s collection of supposedly-puritan-but-showing-the-goods dresses xDD (and ofc her London clothes), Jack’s clothes (he’s Nassau’s fashion icon lbr).

Favourite item: the books!! Especially when Flint gave Miranda “La Galatea” as a gift (given that sometimes he reminds me of my OC Latoya, you might understand the freakout I had when he gave the other member of my OTP a book titled like that xDD).

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: no, but I kinda want to. I did have a Treasure Planet computer game I tragically can’t find... it was about collecting money in increasingly difficult scenarios LOL. And I probably have more pirate-y/Treasure Island theme stuff. I had a long pirate phase xD

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: Max’s because I like being on the winning team, thanks xD (though I do ~align more with Flint and Madi’s lbr...).

Most boring plotline: Eleanor and Vane’s ~romance is not at all badly written... but the fact that I find both of them boring kinda ruins the whole thing because I always wish that time went to someone else xD. Also, Blackbeard. Meh.

Most laughably bad moment: n/a.

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: the London flashback where Miranda goes to Flint’s house unannounced to take him to an art gallery, she finds him half-naked and he gets all awkward about it lmao. And then they hook up in the carriage :DDD

Most layered character: we get to explore Flint and Silver the most. Silver’s development in particular is something that never ceases to impress me ngl.

Most one dimensional character: except the one-note characters I wouldn’t really call anyone completely one-dimensional, tbh. Though I do think the fandom attributes more complexity to Thomas than it’s seen in canon? Like, I like what I see; I think he’s functional, he works well, and he adds wonderfully to Flint’s (and Miranda’s) story, but I don’t see him as a full character in his own right. Which is perfectly fine for the narrative so far, but I fear it might fall apart for me at the very end.

Scariest moment: I never know what to say in this... I mean, I guess Flint killing a man with his bare hands in the pilot Like That was scary xD. I understand why Silver freaked out LOL.

Grossest moment: any of Max’s interactions with Vane tbh. Stay away from her ¬¬

Best looking male: Flint has that ruggedly handsome thing going on for him, if you’re into that (and sometimes I do appreciate his ~aesthetics... very sad he shaved his head in s3 though. Like, I get you did it for the Angst, honey, and trust me, I Feel U, but still). I feel like I might be forgetting someone, but seriously, none of the dudes in this show so far do anything for me LOL. I can honestly say I love them for their personalities xDD

Best looking female: I have a weakness for Max, but Miranda, Madi, Anne, the Maroon Queen, Idelle, Eme... all of them are gorgeous in their own way. This show is good for sapphic women’s enjoyment in that sense xDD.

Who you’re crushing on (if any): I could crush on any of the women mentioned above tbh.

Favourite cast moment: I have literally only seen this post about an interview where Flint’s actor says he’s too old to party with The Youth of the cast and just wants to chill on the weekend... with bonus Max and Eleanor’s actress talking about how Vane’s once climbed the side of a building up AND back down. I’m with you, Toby Stephens, you don’t need those shenanigans xDD

Favourite transportation: the Walrus, for sentimental reasons LOL. I liked stolen Spanish warship too.

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): lots of good ones, though I think my fave might be the one of Miranda sitting by the window in London. Or the one of Charles Town burning down, I liked that :))) (I remember thinking “Flint better go full Daenerys on them”. And he did! It was nice xD).

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: n/a, so far.

Best promo: n/a.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I liked it from the word go, but the moment that TRULY cemented it for me was in 1x03, with Max making a decision that I... frankly didn’t expect. It made things worse for her in the short-term, the storyline itself was difficult and disturbing to watch and I still have some mixed feelings about it. But what it said about her as a character and how her journey goes after that... I was in awe of her, and of the show.

[sparxwrites]

@lyinginbedmon replied to your post “…well, that turned into a clusterfuck of a post, all from a throwaway…”

I’m presume I’m the exception and not the rule in this context?

oh Boy, i was wondering when you were going to pop up… :p for those from my new fandom - lying’s a canon creator from a previous fandom that i’ve ended up friends with (for full disclosure: i started writing sometimes-explicit fanfic involving his character, discovered he knew when it was mentioned in a video in passing, and then realised he was regularly reading my blog via a friend, a stat tracker, and remarkable coincidence), hence why he’s asking this question.

i don’t think you’re an exception to the rule, necessarily, but i think you’re an exceptional case, largely because of a three reasons: 1) you have a small fandom, so most of your fans are very able to have a more personal relationship with you than normal, 2) most of your fans are aware of the kind of fic i write, and of the fact you’re friends with me despite also being aware of this, which i suspect provides some reassurance, and 3) a large number of your fans are Unbelievably bold and have an utter lack of shame or fear, which is… quite remarkable, really.

i think if you had a larger fandom, there would be more pronounced issues. speaking honestly, there have already been some issues - interpersonal conflicts and the like surrounding the discord server, fandom wank you’ve gotten more caught up in than most canon creators would be, some of your fans making unreasonable emotional demands on you, etc. - from your closeness, though i’d say in your case they’ve affected you more than some of the fans, perhaps. 

i’d also be lying if i said that awareness that you were watching hadn’t changed the way i behaved in your fandom environment. whether it’s censored me or not, i’m not entirely sure (i’m aware that, since i’ve carried on writing porn of your characters, i don’t appear censored, but there have definitely been things i’ve hesitated to post, or haven’t posted, because they’ve seemed to be potentially close to the line emotionally rather than explicitly. whilst i know you’re okay with my weird nsfw fic, that doesn’t mean i don’t worry about upsetting or offending you, or sometimes about drawing too much of irl you rather than character you into the fic), but it’s definitely altered my behaviour. 

also, regarding the fear and anxiety aspect: when you initially followed me and began to interact with me, though, i was pants-shittingly terrified. i literally cannot overstate that how terrified i was. i had a panic attack after publishing an early nsfw fic involving your character and realising you (and potentially dave) were going to see it. i also very nearly deleted my blog several times during the period where you and dave started interacting with me. and that was with sam and fuzz, who already knew you / both of you, to reassure me that you were decent people and weren’t about to send a mob after me for my metaphorical head on a metaphorical pike. despite all obvious signs and reassurances - and despite the fact that, weirdly, despite the anxiety i almost wanted the interaction to continue? because attention and approval, especially from people who create stuff you like or people you look up to, is an alarmingly strong drug - i was still scared of you.

none of the above is your direct fault, and obviously my issues were entirely my issues, but they’re Issues nonetheless. i think… regardless of how hard they try to integrate, canon creators are Apart and Above fans. they can’t be part of their own fandom in the way that fans are - how insufferably arrogant they’d be if they were! - and they have a natural, inescapable power over the fans in the sense that their fans are inevitably going to look up to them and idolise them / put them on a pedestal. it makes things a little sticky for creators in the sense that they’re stuck as almost a god-figure, but also that their fans want to be friends with the Real Them - and, of course, either the creator keeps up the god-figure persona, stays on their pedestal, and disappoints the fans who feel held at arm’s length; or they drop the god-figure persona, get off (or fall off) the pedestal, and disappoint the fans who feel angry and betrayed and upset that their idol is actually fallibile and human (and has opinions the fan disagrees with / is boring / is bigoted / isn’t funny when they’re not performing / isn’t a role model or desirable when they’re not pretended to be a god-figure). damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

in a way, i guess, keeping a line in the sand isn’t just for the emotional safety and comfort of fans - it’s for the emotional safety and comfort of the creators, too.

so this doesn’t sound like it’s all me being doom and gloom: now i know you personally, i’m very chill around you tbh. i value you a lot as a friend and as an interesting person to talk to. and, ngl, it’s lovely sometimes having a canon creator in my corner when people try to start shit with me. and - as an added bonus - as far as i’m aware, you’ve never stolen fanart from your fans without permission, or asked for free fanart. (okay, so you did get a few people to help with some of the specials, but tbh i feel like we extracted payment by way of endless dick jokes, inappropriate chicken spawning, and general incompetence - plus, we were all your friends at that point, which makes it a different dynamic altogether from acquaintance-fans, and you’d helped some of us with your on youtube videos. i think it all sort of evens out there.) all in all, you’re a nice guy irl, as well as a nice guy in the videos, although not quite the same person in both contexts.

if this all comes across as me having a go at you, then i want to reassure you it’s absolutely not. it’s not even really, i suppose, about you, again other than in the most surface way possible. it’s just an attempt to point out that even the Nicest and Calmest of canon creators aren’t necessarily free of complicating the fandom environment when they step into it.