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mumofadaofficial-blog · 5 years

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Welcome to the World

I decided it was probably right to take you back to the start of this journey and maybe help you to understand what we have been through. Its probably gonna be a long, emotional one but its important.

The 14th July will forever be a special day to me, Ada’s Birthday, and what a day that turned out to be! Ten days overdue we eventually welcomed our special little girl into the world and wow did she make sure she did it in full dramatic style!

I was called in on Friday 13th to be induced (should of known there and then!). I was put into my little bay in my bed, Shortly after I was examined and given a pessary…ladies you will know what that means 😳 very pleasant! I was then popped onto a monitor for half an hour and all was normal. Eventually it got late so Nath went home, there wasn’t much point in him staying, although I was petrified I would go into labour and he wouldn’t wake up to my phone calls and miss the whole thing! I settled down for the night but didn’t get much sleep.The following morning my hero (Nath) bought me a McDonalds breakfast in bed and all was right in the world, monitor readings were fine and the waiting game began.

Then it started! Short, sharp pains, lasting about 30 seconds every 3 minutes or so. Now I have a high pain threshold but this was next level, I was convinced that something was wrong and was overdue my CTG reading so went to see my midwife. I was offered paracetamol, advised to go for a walk or have a bath. At that stage I asked to be put back onto the monitor as I was overdue to be. We then started to see that something was going wrong, the heart rate had dropped and was struggling to recover to a normal reassuring rate. Immediately I wanted that baby out and asked for a c-section! Unfortunately, it took two more heart rate drops and over an hour before that decision was granted - along with trying to be convinced that I should have my waters broke and try for a natural birth! I mean, I’m not doctor but realistically what chance did I stand of that happening and everything being ok.

The whole time that this is happening and theres a million different members of staff flying in and out of the room and discussing whats going on with my baby I was still in the induction suite. I remember being very aware of the fact that there was three other woman in that room waiting to have their babies, all being able to hear the nightmare we were having. I can get over the fact of having no privacy, after three sweeps and god knows how many examinations my dignity was at an all time low anyway. But I remember afterwards thinking how petrifying it must of been for those other woman to hear what was happening whilst waiting to go through the stressful time that is labour themselves.

Eventually I was moved into another room, the doctor was till trying to convince me to have my waters broke rather than a section and said they would give me 30 minutes to think about it, at the time I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that - now I realise a bloody lot can happen in 30 minutes with an unborn baby and what the hell were they thinking?! I rang my mum, as you do, for advice. She said what I thought and that I should have a section straight away - I remember feeling absolutely helpless. Putting your life and your unborn babies life in the hands of a complete stranger that is telling you everything you don’t want to hear. Whilst on the phone, the heart rate went again and she made the decision for us.

Within minutes I was in the delivery suite I was told to sit on the operating table and bend over and hug a pillow, they then injected me in my spine and made me lay down straight away. The anaesthetist told me to lift my legs towards the ceiling and I couldn’t…strangest feeling in the world! Your mind is telling your legs so hard to work and they just won’t…desired effect had obviously happened! I don’t think I have ever felt so petrified as to what was about to happen, with Nath at my side in his scrubs we were ready for it.

From 15 minutes to entering the room Ada was born! We heard two small cries and then the worst silence, I knew there was something wrong but couldn’t move to see what was happening. At this point I had never seen my child, didn’t know if we had a son or a daughter or what state the baby was in. Just that there was a shit ton of people surrounding our baby and Nathan was really badly trying to reassure me that everything was ok. I just remember crying and wishing I could do anything to be able to get off that table and do something.

Our midwife came over shortly and informed us that ‘she’ was doing ok but was very poorly. SHE?! We’d had a little girl which was such a massive shock, myself and the majority of other people were convinced we were having a boy. She explained that Ada had inhaled her poo and that they were going to have to take her to the NICU straight away. With that she was gone, I’d seen a brief glimpse of masses of jet black hair as they pushed her past me and a photo they had allowed Nathan to take on his phone. I didn’t get to hold her, touch her, kiss her, just a quick glimpse as she left the room.

We were then moved into a side room whilst they sorted me out and stabilised Ada, my mum joined us at the hospital and then we had to wait. Id like to say it felt like hours, but it actually was hours. Various people came in and out and its all a bit of a blur I think because of shock at that time, we were told she had meconium aspiration syndrome and was very very poorly.

I was told I could go and see her once I could feel my legs, I definitely couldn’t feel my legs but lied and said I could. Around 3 hours after Ada was born I was helped into a wheelchair by a lovely health assistant, Nathan and my mum and taken down to NICU to meet my daughter for the first time. It’s not even far from the delivery suite but it felt like the longest trip down the corridor to meet her and I have never felt so sick. And there she was, laying there with a group of people working away, tube down her throat and wires all over her, but it was her and she was perfect. It’s very hard to explain the emotions that go through your mind at a time like that. But I can remember the overwhelming feeling of love, like I had never known before. And then fear, fear of what was going to happen to her, what was it they were actually doing to her? All these different drugs being pumped into her and people trying to tell you what is going on but not being able to process anything because all I could do was look at her. I was taken back to my bed and we were told that she was going to be transferred to Norwich as they had better equipment. Before she was able to be transferred they had to stabilised her, it must of been around 5 hours before she was ready to go. Unfortunately due to just having major surgery myself I was unable to travel with Ada, if anything happened to me they would leave me in order to save Adas life. I was to travel behind in a blue light ambulance so if anything went wrong I would be able to be reunited with Ada as soon as possible. So the responsibility fell down to Nathan, I have never felt so guilty knowing that he was going to have to do that journey by himself, not knowing the fate of Ada. Nath being Nath took it in his stride, had a fag and a brew and got himself ready to go.

I was taken down to NICU to say goodbye to her before her journey to Norwich and it wasn’t until that point that I realised just how bad things were. There was an amazing team of people called ANTS who were getting her ready and about to transfer her into what I can only describe as some sort of baby spaceship for the ambulance, Drugs and wires rigged up everywhere! Some people may think that the woman was too harsh and blunt but she was probably the most honest person I had spoken to up until that point. She crouched down on the floor in front of me and told me that “I needed to prepare myself” I was taken a back, she then said something that will ring through my ears and haunt me most probably for the rest of my life “Your baby might not make this journey Amy”. It literally felt like my stomach had dropped out on the floor beneath me. I could see that it had cut threw Nathan and then I looked at my mum who was clearly trying so hard to be positive but it had got her too. I gave Ada a kiss, left the room and went back to wait for my ambulance feeling numb. Then I cried like I have never cried before in my life. In a way that I didn’t even know it was possible.

I remember apologising over and over again to my mum, in my mind at that time I had given her a granddaughter that I was convinced was going to die and I just blamed myself. Nathan came in to say goodbye before leaving and I was still trying to be brave, telling him that whatever happened it was not his fault and that he didn’t have to worry, we could get through it together.

Minutes after he had left somebody came in to inform me that I couldn’t have an ambulance as the ambulance service did not think that I needed one. Due to the fact that I wasn’t critical myself, even though I had just had major surgery, I could have one but it could take up to 4 hours to provide it. It even says in my notes that we received afterwards ‘that they appreciate my child might die before it reaches Norwich but there is nothing they can do’. Well we didn’t have 4 hours to wait so I left the hospital and travelled to Norwich in my mums car, around 5 hours after a c section! Its alarming to me now that there was no advice given to my mum as to what she should do if something went wrong with me, we just left. During this Nathan had text me to see if we had set off, presuming I was going to be in an ambulance, you can imagine his shock when I text him back saying that I was going in my mums car, he’s since told me he’s never been so worried that he was going to end up without both of us.

By the time of me leaving, Nathans mum and dad had travelled down from up north and picked my dad up to meet us at the hospital, we then all travelled over to Norwich and met Nathan at the entrance. Ada was already inside and the incredible NICU team were working their magic on her.

I still haven’t and very much need to thank the team at Norwich for the miracles they worked on Ada. When we entered the unit everyone was so calm even though they were dealing with one of the most stressful situations ever. They all welcomed me in as ‘Mum’ the first time I had been called that in my life! I could of spoken to a million people that night and I would never ever be able to tell you who they were or what they said to me, there is only certain parts that stick out in my memory. Our parents were allowed in with us for support and to meet Ada, a really happy yet sad moment to introduce your parents to their grandchild in that circumstance.

I think around 5am me and Nathan went to bed, we were then woken up around 6am as we were needed for a meeting on the NICU unit with Adas consultant. Instantly my heart sank as I was prepared for the worst news. We went in for the meeting and I can still hear the woman asking me how I felt and all I could respond with was “pretty shit” She told me that was probably the most honest thing that anyone would say to her all day. She then went on to tell us that they had done everything they could with Ada, tried every treatment and thrown the kitchen sink at her but she wasn’t responding to it and making no improvement. Our last option was that they would try to find her a bed wherever one was available in the UK to give her a treatment called ECMO. At the time I never looked at what it was just agreed that we would try anything possible, I’ve since found out that they fit an artificial heart and lung, entering through the neck to try and give hers a rest and let it recover! It really is amazing what they can do.

They found her a bed at Birmingham children’s hospital and made plans for her to be transported, this consisted of an ambulance coming up from Great Ormond Street Hospital and then travelling through to Birmingham. Again, Nathan would have to travel with Ada and I would have to go separately with my mum and dad. When the ambulance arrived they started to prep Ada for the journey but realised that something was wrong with the ambulance so they wouldn’t be able to transport her in that one, they called for another to be sent. In that 2 hour delay something happened and Ada started to respond to her treatment, maybe she just didn’t fancy Birmingham?! The odds were completely stacked against her but she did it!

From then on she improved daily, all those silly things that people take for granted we were longing to happen. Just to be able to celebrate with people that our baby was here without it being tinged with sadness. By day 4 they had decreased her sedation, changed her oxygen and we saw her open her eyes for the first time. Day 5 she was moving her arms and legs, and after a long wait we got to hold her for the first time - five whole days we waited to hold her in our arms! Ok, so it wasn’t how I wanted it to be but I realise now that waiting that time made it all the more special - I got my moment. We heard her cry! That sounds so simple but if it hasn’t happened you just want and want to hear it (I wish she did it less now!). By day 8 I could start feeding her myself, something that was really important to me as I wanted that bond. Nathan also decided on day 8 to propose to me! I think he was trying to write me off with emotions and see how much I could take 😂 Day 13 we were able to give her a bath ourselves and by Day 15 we were bringing her home to King’s Lynn. Bittersweet for me considering the start we had there but at least we were closer to family and friends.

After 25 days in hospital we were able to take Ada home, on oxygen, but we didn’t care as long as she was home. To get her home and shut the door was incredible, no machines bleeping, no nurses, just us as a family.

On the 27th August we got the go ahead from the hospital that her readings had come back fine and after a stressful few weeks we were able to turn her oxygen off, she’s still going now so it must of been the right decision!

Its been in no way easy but its been so worth all the hard times and tears. We went to hospital as a couple and left as a family, a little later than we hoped for but we got there eventually.

I am so grateful that Nathan is the person that he is. Not many men would stay in hospital for that long and he was the thing that got me through everyday. He was always positive when I didn’t know how to be, and I will love him always for what he has given me.

I’m thankful to both of sets of our parents for being there for us, to my mum for travelling to Norwich almost everyday - knowing that someone is coming to see you at 3pm everyday really makes a difference. And to our family and friends for the visits, messages, well wishes, cards and how they continue to shower Ada with the love.

No matter how much stuff you buy or how many people give you advice, nothing can prepared you for the whirlwind that a tiny human brings. But love or learn from every minute of it and always remember how important it is to support each other through the good or bad.

Amy x

#mumblog #mumblogger #mumlife #nicu baby #nicumum #neonatal #family #love

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jemimalee · 6 years

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#transformationtuesday Going through some old photos from Winry’s birth was very difficult, and always leaves me in tears. At 820g, she was tiny and so fragile. Her little cry broke my heart, and I wanted nothing more than to hold and comfort her. What a difference 6 months makes!! She is now weighing in at a lovely chubby 10lbs, has the most beautiful smile and laugh in the world, and her cry is really bloody loud! I love this little girl with everything in me, we are so, so lucky and I count my blessings every day that she has fought like a warrior 💜💜💜💜💜 #babygirl #winry #belle #littleprincess #earlybird #gorgeous #newmum #newdad #instababy #premature #prematurebaby #preemie #28weeksold #28weeks #28weeker #nicubaby #niculife #nicumum #nicudad #nicubabies #preemieawareness #journey #mygirl #miraclebaby #micropreemie #preemiepower #preemiestrong #inspiration https://www.instagram.com/p/BnCb0CFhtoT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1afm0jf5htawe

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