#no one needed to die on virmire

[acciokaidanalenko]

The Survivors

“Come on, LT, open the door!”

He could hear her, loud and clear. Every pound of her fist against the metal door, and every call of his name, echoed around the small hotel room. He had nowhere to run, there was no escaping the person on the other side of the door.

“I’m not going away. So you might as well let me in!”

With a defeated sigh, he removed the pillow he’d been using to muffle the sounds from atop his head and sat up, running his hands through his unkempt hair before shuffling reluctantly toward the door. He’d wondered if anyone would show up today, trying to encourage him to clean himself up and be presentable enough to participate in the… event. He’d hoped they’d understand his grief and leave him be. He should’ve known that, of all people, Ashley Williams was not going to let him take the easy way out.

The door slid open and he tried not to take offense at her shocked silence. He watched her eyes move up and down his body, taking notice of the stains on his clothes, his unshaven face, and his disheveled hair.

“I already told you, Ash, I’m not going,” Kaidan insisted before he turned and walked away. Ashley followed him into the room, a solemn grimace on her face. She remained silent as she looked around. Normally he kept his lodgings neat and tidy, but this room was a disaster. Take out boxes and empty beer bottles littered the room. He could feel the tension as she struggled not to say anything about either the state of the room or his appearance.

“You can’t miss it, LT. You know that,” Ashley said as Kaidan threw himself backwards onto the bed. It was small, but large enough he could sprawl out. One hand tucked under his head, almost reflexively. The other rested across his abdomen as his gaze focused on the ceiling above him. He let out a heavy sigh.

“Do you remember that mission where we landed on Agebinium in the Amazon System?” he asked after a moment of silence. His voice was distant. Ashley wasn’t sure where this was going. What did that have to do with today?

“Uh, yeah, the one where we found the guy responsible for the Blitz? He tried to blow us up, and Nat kinda lost her shit? Who could forget something like that?” Ashley responded as she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, watching her friend closely.

“When we got back to the ship, and she’d recovered enough for Chakwas to release her, I went to talk to her. I was worried about her. She’d almost killed herself when she faced Haliat, and the thought of losing her scared the shit out of me,” he admitted softly. Ashley remained silent as he seemed to grapple for the point he was trying to make. “I told her she was lucky. I told her she was invincible, that she could survive anything. And I promised to always be there for her.”

“Kaidan…” Ashley sighed softly as she pushed away from the wall. She approached the bed where he lay sprawled out, still staring up at the ceiling. He propped himself up on his elbows and met her gaze pointedly.

“If you’re going to tell me I did everything I could’ve, you’re wrong. You weren’t there, Ash. I should’ve just thrown Joker in the escape pod myself, or gone with her to make sure she made it.”

“She gave you an order, and you followed it. You did the right thing, regardless of whatever else you could’ve done,” she said matter-of-factly. He clearly didn’t like her answer. He huffed and threw himself back onto the bed again, once again turning his eyes upward.

“When we met, I’d just lost my entire unit on Eden Prime. I’d faced Geth and Husks and I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it.” She moved to the side of the bed, prompting Kaidan to turn his gaze to her as she towered over him.

“Then, you guys showed up and I had hope again. That mission was hard, but we made it through.” She extended her hand toward him, ignoring the glare he offered in return.

“Then when we got back to the Citadel some Alliance psychologist wanted to talk to me. I was reluctant. Didn’t want to dig up that fresh trauma just yet, but she reminded me of something one of my squad mates once said to me.” Kaidan reluctantly took her hand and let her pull him up. He stood before her, completely vulnerable.

“Luck is for the lonely.”

[qbedience]

thinking about kaidan begging shepard not to leave—not to leave like everyone before them, like rahna, like ashley, like himself on horizon. kaidan not being able to forgive himself for losing people to his own mistakes. jump zero. walking away from shep. causing himself so much heartache for nothing. stay, stay because you're the only good thing that's happened to me; shepard is the only thing he feels hes done right.

if he lost them he'd never forgive himself. he'd never forgive himself for letting them be the one that got away, letting them walk away, letting everything play out just like it did before.

like jump zero

like virmire

like horizon

he can't lose another friend. he can't lose the one person left that he truly, deeply loves.

it's for this reason he messages shepard apologetically after horizon; he knows it's wrong, and he knows he's pushing shepard away like rahna pushed him away, and god if that isn't eating him alive. so he messages the commander and reassures that he wants to trust them but needs time and needs them away from cerberus.

and in the end it's all for nothing because shepard still leaves like everyone else, and all he can do is hope his words are enough and that the commander's final words to him won't hang so heavy. and he's doing it all over again, watching them die again

i had a point here i dont remember what it was but im getting it

[dalekofchaos]

Imagine the Virmire Sacrifice as the Cerberus assassin instead of Kai Leng

Inspired by my poll

Kai Leng was a terrible character from terrible novels. No one wanted him in the games. He could barely handle a Drell with space cancer and couldn’t even kill Anderson and Sanders, but they want us to expect us to believe that Leng is Shepard’s equal? To me I would just have him executed on Omega since Leng DID kill Aria's daughter.

But yes storywise, it's better. Shepard was haunted about not being able to save either Kaidan/Ashley. TIM would use the Virmire casualty as Plan B should Shepard turn against his interests.

Imagine Cerberus was on Virmire. Cerberus scientists working on a counter agent to stop the Genophage cure and even working on a virus that could kill Saren.

The Illusive Man reveals to his agents it's too late, however he tells them there can be a valuable asset they can retrieve.

Cerberus mad dashes to the bomb site and grabs Ash/Kaidan in time, however the bomb goes off and the after shock hits the Cerberus vessel and renders the Virmire survivor in a comatose state.

A second Cerberus ship comes and rescues Ash/Kaidan. They report to TIM that Project Virmire is ago, but once they wake up, it will take a lot of convincing. TIM has a plan.

The Virmire survivor wakes up during the time of ME2. Confused, they recognize this is not an Alliance facility and definitely no Council race facility. They put two and two together and realize it's Cerberus and try to escape and then they are sedated.

They are brought before TIM. Ash/Kaidan swears they would rather die than join Cerberus. Explains they know about Admiral Kahoku, the Rachni, Thorian and Husk experiments and most importantly Akuze.

TIM explains it easily. That they were a necessary evil. and tells them how easily their near death experience could've been avoided if those monstrosities were weaponized against Saren. The Admiral knew too much and Akuze, Shepard/Toombs got justice and Dr Wayne was put on a very public trial that damaged Cerberus reputation.

Then the manipulation begins.

If it's Ashley, then TIM uses the fact that he knew and personally served under her grandfather. Shepard, The Alliance and the Council left her for dead and acts as if the Reapers don't exist, as if the very reason she went missing never happened. Says things how "I've seen your records and seen you in action. If you were there, Shanxi never would've fallen and the Williams family would be the most prestigious family in the Alliance and you would've been the first human Spectre, not Shepard." "You were looked down on the Alliance, the family that was cursed because the good general wanted to protect and save lives. Little do you know, the Turians were looking for something on Shanxi. Saren was there, and his brother" Ashley looks curious. He has her. He explains his story with General Williams, Desolas Arterius and Saren. Desolas indoctrinated for Turian supremacy, leading Saren down the path he would take and what would be the foundation of Cerberus. Ashley asks one simple question. "When do I start?"

If it's Kaidan, TIM uses Kaidan's past against him. His righteous murder of Vyrnnus that he was shunned and how gifted he was. Admitting Cerberus should have snatched him when they had the chance. "Had we had you, you could've provided our failed experiment the guidance she needed(obviously I'm talking about Jack here) then goes on to tell him how the Alliance abandoned him, Shepard has forsaken him and worse of all, they all deny the existence of the Reapers. Kaidan refuses to believe him and snaps. Cerberus agents are prepare to stun him, TIM wavers them off. Kaidan gives off a look that he wants revenge. On The Alliance, The Council and Shepard. "They will all pay."

Ashley would be turned into Cerberus' Super Soldier. Wearing the Cerberus Assault Armor(the armor WE wear, not the shitty ME3 grunt armor), but with the Shade/Nightmare/Spirit helmet.

Kaidan becomes a mix of Phantom and Phoenix. The ultimate human biotic, he is what Jack could've became if they kept her.

Their goals would be to eliminate high valued targets for Cerberus. Killing key Alliance figures, people who are close to cracking down on Cerberus(example, Dr Wayne was publicly assassinated and after Toombs threat to get a merc team to hunt Cerberus down, they kill him) killing Alien leaders and a whole bunch of targets that stand in Cerberus's way to control the Reapers.

Or in a different scenario. The explosion nearly destroys the ship carrying them in, causing them to be husks of their former selves.

Cerberus in this scenario would experiment on them to make them the ultimate soldier for Cerberus. They would essentially become The Winter Soldier of Mass Effect.

it would’ve been far more impactful if the Cerberus assassin was masked, and later revealed to be a heavy cyborg’d and indoctrinated Ashley/Kaiden, whichever you left behind on Virmire. There would be a reaction if you bring the one you saved with to encounter the one we did not save on Thesia.

But storywise.

The first time you meet the Cerberus Assassin, is on Earth. We see this shadow stalking you and Anderson and as we’re leaving Earth, we see Kai Leng killing Anderson. With Shepard swearing revenge.

Throughout ME3, Ash/Kaidan would be stalking Shepard. Causing trouble as we encounter Cerberus. Trying to kill Eve, attempting to abduct the Grissom Academy students, activating the bomb on Tuchunka and the attempt on the Council.

When we finally confront them on Priority Citadel, they kill Thane and omni-slash their mask off. We get the reveal. Shepard is shocked, Ash/Kaidan hesitates after hearing Shepard utter their name.

It would also help to explain his inexplicable plot armor. Rather than surviving against the onslaught of Shepard due to plot reasons, he would not be killed, as Shepard is haunted by not being able to save them, Ash/Kaidan uses that as the opportunity to take him down on Thessia.

Because Ashley did not undergo her character arc, I could imagine Ashley saying things like "I should have been the First Human Spectre, a hero for humanity, not aliens." "I am the hero humanity deserves" "I will make my grandfather proud." "The Alliance has failed humanity and my family" If you romanced Ashley and accidentally left her behind "You BASTARD...I loved you and you LEFT ME TO DIE!"

With Kaidan I can see him saying things like "I am the peak of Biotic perfection." "The Alliance betrayed me. You left me and the Council deserves to die" "Vyrnaus deserved to die, I know that now." "You will pay for leaving me to die" If you didn't save Grissom Academy. "I personally went to Grissom Academy, took those kids and made them like me. Subject Zero never should have left us, now she is ascended to perfection."(if you got Jack's loyalty, Jack begs Shepard to kill her) If you romanced Kaidan and accidentally left him behind "You're just like Rahna. You left me and you betrayed me. After I kill you, I'll kill Rahna."

If we go with the Winter Soldier concept, then it's just TIM manipulating them like a puppet. However periodic exposure to Shepard and the other VS makes them remember

However, if you bring the other Virmire survivor with to Thessia, then there is a chance to turn Ash or Kaidan back to the light.

This works better if you romanced the other Virmire survivor, but if not it works the same result. You can only save Ash/Kaidan if you bring the other VS.

With a charm/intimidate option, Ash/Kaidan follows Shepard's lead and talks down Ash/Kaidan. and in the end they break through their indoctrination and apologize for everything.

Otherwise, they would have to be killed and could not be saved. I don’t think that convincing him to commit suicide like Saren or TIM would work, because it would be too similar to the TIM suicide not too long, and would lose impact because of it. They would have to be fought and killed one last time in combat, and have a tragic end with Ash/Kaidan cursing Shepard while Shepard looks on them with despair or disdain.

If you saved them, then Ash/Kaidan would board the Citadel with you. And when TIM tries to talk you into controlling the Reapers, Ash/Kaidan will shoot him dead.

If Winter Soldier scenario, then both Shepard and OVS can break through and save them. They join us and depending on your war assets, if high, they kill TIM without incident. If low, they sacrifice themselves and gives Shepard the opening to kill TIM.

We talk, have a moment. If it's Kaidan, they talk about the good old days with the original Normandy. Jenkins, Dr Chakwas and Anderson. "Oh Shepard, I'm so sorry" Shepard forgives them. If romanced, they talk about the relationship they were going to start and Shepard says "we can have a cup of coffee and see where things go from there" "I'd like that, Shepard". If Ashley, they reminisce on meeting on Eden Prime, the Normandy, their almost relationship with Shepard saying "we can finish where we left off" "Oh Shepard" and remembering why she volunteered to stay behind.

Alternatively since Ash/Kaidan wasn't shot, they save Shepard. They call the other survivor and rescue Shepard as the Crucible is about to be fired off if destroyed is chosen. If you choose Control, then Ash/Kaidan shoots themselves because they can't bare to live after Shepard fulfills TIM's desires. If Synthesis is chosen then they will be on the Normandy with the other crew members.

[nellasbookplanet]

I think the most frustrating part about ME3 and its endings is that, for the most part, it has such great respect for player choice and agency and above all consequences, good as well as bad. I'm assuming it's because it was the last of the trilogy (or was at least intended to be, at the time) and so the writers didn’t need to have any regard for 'how will we make this work in the sequel'. They could do whatever. You could do whatever.

It's up to you whether the genophage is cured, and whether it being cured ends with continued peace or the krogan seeking vengeance. It’s up to you whether the quarians and the geth live, and whether they find peace. Did you save Wrex in ME1? Did you save Maelon's data? Did you seek friendship and common ground with the Virmire survivor, or did you antagonize them and break their trust, forcing you to shoot them? Did you save the Rachni queen, last of her species, or the squad of your friend who deeply trusts you? Did you save the general, voice for peace, or the soldiers he begged you to go back for? Did you speak with Thane, warn Miranda, stop Samara? Did you encourage Javik to remember or forget? It all rests on you.

They make you feel it when you pick a dark choice, or get forced into one by the consequences of your previous actions. Legion on its knees, still asking if it has a soul as it is killed alongside its people. Tali taking her mask off, Shepard running at her as she lets herself fall to die with her kin. Shooting Mordin and throwing the gun away, watching him crawl as he tries to reach those last few inches that will fix the mistake he finally admitted to, and failing. Wrex, your friend, coming back to end you. Kaidan/Ashely turning away from you as they die, disgusted. Javik telling you he will return to the graves of his soldiers, and he will join them.

And fact of the matter is, the endings don’t lean in to this. A renegade Shepard who stops the genophage cure has to watch the consequences, even as there’s material victory in it too. A paragon Shepard that tries and fails to stop the geth/quarian war pays dearly. Even as the ending is a choice, it's a choice not reliant on previous actions, that doesn't make you feel the consequences of what you pick. You wiped out the allied synthetics you just saved; you stole the agency of an entire galaxy; you enslaved a species; you embraced the ideology of the enemy. Do you feel it? Do you feel it?

[kaidans-alenko]

The thing I hate the most about how Virmire is handled by the fandom is it’s so rarely treated like the tragedy it is. Luckily I hang out in the more…emphatic part of the fandom because for me Virmire isn’t finally getting to let go of a character I don’t like all that much. I like them both quite a lot. It’s a hard decision but I resonate with Kaidan more, I romance Kaidan it’s not a matter of getting rid of a character I don’t like(cause if it were Liara would bye bye but that’s not what this post is about). And unfortunately that’s not the popular view point.

For a majority of the fandom it’s just which one you can tolerate more until bioware lets you kill them in me3. And unfortunately I believe that was added because that part of the fandom was more vocal, bioware agreed or else they wouldn’t have included it. Which is sad because Ashley and Kaidan are great characters but their time is cut way too short for people to see that.

A tin hat theory I have is that the only reason people feel so strongly regarding who they let die is because they feel like they need some justification for letting one of their squad die. It makes it easier on them and they feel less bad for it even tho it’s a choice bioware doesn’t let you escape. You have to choose and it’s easier if the character you’re leaving has some sort of flaw you can justify. “Kaidan is boring I let him die” “Kaidan is whiny I let him die” “I believe in eugenics and decided to put Kaidan out of his misery” “Ashley is racist I let her die.”

Like they’re superficial reasons that make no sense but they’re reasons and that’s all people like that need.

[thatdreadbitch]

6, 16, 36 and 46 from the fifty oops shep questions please!

50 Shepard questions from this post: 50 Shepard Questions Mods used In Screenshots: Morning's HairStyles for Femshep LE3 -Rapunzel [Cassandra's ME3 Hair], Mornings Hairstyles for Femshep LE 1 - Jenna [Bethany's Hair], Mornings Versatile Hairstyles for Femshep LE1 [Fishtail style for Cassandra, Chalcedony style for Isabella], Alliance Uniform Consistency [Dress Blues], Balck Chain Dress Uniform, New Armors for Femshep [Bethany's Armor]

6. The first thing a person notices about Shepard’s appearance:

Cassandra: Pre-Alchera its her scars. She tells everyone she got them on Akuze [She did get the one on her eyebrow from Akuze] but the one on her chin was from escaping during the Mindoir Raid.

Post-Alchera its her Cybernetics and her eyes because of how they glow. [even after she gets the finished reconstruction surgery She still has the scars but they don't glow, her eyes do still glow though.] Bethany: Her eyes and the Scar across her face, I still haven't definitively settled on how she got the scar. She doesn't die over Alchera so Cerberus doesn't fix the scar and she doesn't get the cybernetics

Isabella: Her pink Hair. She dyed it specifically because she was sick and tired of being mistaken for her sister Bethany [they're identical twins] and because the events on Torfan made them estranged.

Fallout crossover Shepard: I don't have screenshots yet but her purple eyes

16. What additions did Cerberus give Shepard?

Cassandra Shepard: They fixed her teeth, gave her an overcharged amp when she had no implant before [trauma regarding her biotics and how she's nearly killed people on accident in the past along with how becoming a Biotic made her life even harder] and made it so that she no longer had a bad reaction to dextro food. To be completely fair to Miranda about the amp, someone replaces Cassandra's spectre file with one that would shine a better light on her after her death and it said she was an L3 Biotic. Fallout crossover Shepard: She came back as a Synth. [I'm headcanoning the Institute is connected to Cerberus somewhat] Elise is the only other Shepard that dies on Alchera but Cerberus doesn't add anything for her. Isabella isnt even a protag shepard.

36. What was going through Shepard’s head, when they met Sovereign on Virmire?

All of them: Well . . . Shit

Before Virmire, Cassandra Shepard didn't even believe the Reapers were anything more than a legend that parents told their kids to get them to behave like the boogeyman.

46.Favorite bar/club in the galaxy and why:

Cassandra Shepard: DarkStar Longue, its hidden away enough that she can disappear there if she needs to and is avoiding the press. She avoids Choras den while fist is there since she used to work for him. The others don't have favorites.

[dragonflight203]

An observation I've frequently seen is that Mass Effect 2 is more of a side quest than a sequel to Mass Effect 1, and that a person can go straight from ME1 to ME3 while losing very little necessary information. Nothing that couldn't be covered by a NPC line or two in ME3.

And that raises the question: How to fix ME2?

A thought that came to me just now - replace Shepard with the Virmire Survivor. This makes the game a true sidequest that still fits in with any player's canon. You can even choose to play male/female.

The Virmire Survivor barely survives Virmire. (If Shepard can survive being spaced, they can survive being nuked. Maybe some of those omnipresent Cerberus operatives got them out.) Cerberus obtains them, fixes them up, and send them out to save the human colonies from the Collectors.

From there the game plays out similarly to how it does in canon. However, Garrus, Liara, Chakwas, and Joker are not there - since Shepard doesn't die, their lives don't spiral like they do in ME2.

The VS run into Shepard on Horizon - Shepard is there as a spectre investigating the missing colonists. They're outraged at the VS joining up with Cerberus after everything they learned about them in ME1; the VS tries to explain that they're making the best of a shitty situation (without outright saying they can't leave) to save humanity. Shepard isn't having it, and they part on poor terms.

The suicide mission plays out. Just like ME2, any of the companions can die. The VS can decide to stick with Cerberus or tell them to fuck off. Arrival either doesn't happen or is carried out by a squad of marines.

In ME3 (or possibly ME2, in this universe), the player plays as Shepard again. At some point, they're saved by the VS who is accompanied by the companions that survived the suicide mission. Depending on the choices from the side game, they're aligned with Cerberus or acting on their own.

How successful the rescue is depends on how many of the VS's companions that survived: -If everyone did, they come in guns blazing. Perfect success.

-If only two survived, Shepard and co barely escape with their life.

-If the player didn't play the side game, a set of pre designated companions survived the mission. Success is middling. It's a tossup whether the VS is aligned with Cerberus or not.

Then there's more dialogue between Shepard and VS. They can kiss and make up (maybe literally!) or get in a screaming fight and barely refrain from coming to blows.

Either way, they separate to go on their own missions. They may or may not keep contact. There will definitely be consequences from this encounter later.

I actually quite like this version. It bypasses the whole shenanigans of Shepard "dying" and joining Cerberus, and potentially adds more drama with them being in conflict with the person they left to die for the greater good. Shepard's past choices literally come back to haunt them.

It also permits the "real" plot with the Reapers to stay front and center in the main games, but Cerberus still gets its moment in the spotlight (if you think it needed to have one).

[clericofshadows]

2, 13, 40, and B for Regis from the Uncommon OC asks?

thanks for the ask! -- uncommon oc asks

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Fairly easy. It's not hard to get a chuckle out of him, and he's one of those people that when telling a story that's funny he'll probably start cracking up before finishing it.

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Reds, blacks, greys--anything dark and jewel toned. And, yes Regis does look best in those colors :) anytime he's in the regular dress blues or fatigues he's not having a good time.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

He's aware of them--highly judgmental, hard to trust, quick to dismiss, smokes too often, and too damn stubborn--but it all depends on who points them out. His lovers? He'll listen to Kaidan and Zaeed. Close friends like Ashley? He's willing to hear them out. Anyone else? Yeah, he's not going to be happy, and will be very defensive.

B. What inspired you to create them?

From a mod perspective: I love playing as mshep. My first playthrough was as femshep, and I nearly dropped it because I just didn't vibe with her. I liked Sheploo, but I really wanted to make a custom character, but we all know how... lacking the character creator is. When a framework + a tutorial release to create a custom sculpt came out, that was the catalyst I needed to finally make the Shepard I envisioned.

From a story perspective: When I was playing my femshep playthrough, I had some friends who kinda pushed me into certain decisions--saying how much I'll love these characters, you may not like these, and so on. Yeah, they were way wrong, and I was a bit spiteful with my first mshep playthrough. I ended up loving the game after making some unpopular choices--never recruiting Garrus in ME1, recruiting Liara last in ME1, letting some characters die in ME2 (thanks to mods), and so on. Hell, my ME3 Regis import has Garrus, Legion, and Grunt dead, and I'm so excited to start it once I have time. His story is inspired by many of things I also wished were in the game, such as an angrier Shepard in ME2 who is more confrontational and being able to save both Ash and Kaidan on Virmire, who I both immediately fell in love with and absolutely struggled with the decision in my vanilla playthrough.

[fallout-4-reactions]

My Commander Shepard. I know her surname is spelled wrong everywhere. My docs won’t have it. Please heed the warning and tags. Under a “keep reading” due to long post.

“…Rudimentary creatures of flesh and bone—,” The cold glare of Sovereign’s voice invaded, unexpectedly, awakening Shepherd with a start.

Sovereign still disregarded her as if he found her very presence to be an insult, as if she was still there, right in front of it.

The last remnants of its echo whispered to her fear as she tried to remember where she was.

“…touch my mind.”

As her breathing eased, her muggy brow frowned, her mind confused.

She was dead. She shouldn’t be anywhere. A shiver ran down her spine as she froze, waiting… waiting, wait—

Then she heard it—a shaken but unmistakable beat of her heart. As it broke through her eyes widened and when she finally felt it, she could have just sobbed. It couldn’t be…

Thump, thump, thump. How could she have forgotten that she was alive again? Fuck, again? She shouldn’t be saying that.

But against all odds, the legend known as Commander Shepherd did indeed die—and that meant the end—until it wasn’t. Learning the hard way that the laws of death could now be broken, as if its importance meant nothing.

Well, a matter of fact, it does.

For it gives peace to tired, tortured souls, just like hers.

It is one of the few things that all species in this galaxy actually share, a universal and unspoken rule—that life is hard, but there’s always an end. No one needed a translator to understand peace.

And whether that is seen by some as a curse, or maybe a little bit of kindness, death comes for us all.

“…No one’s getting out alive.” She muttered bitterly to the room. And she had made peace with that a long time ago.

The promise of its permanence, however, was now in question. Because a once dead woman was now alive, listening to her own mind repeat a warning she thought she’d forgotten.

But despite the shitty cards life had dealt her, she wouldn’t. Not when there were people she cared about.

Careful not to make a sound, she steadied herself to make the long journey from her bed to the bathroom. Well, it wasn’t that long. But she couldn’t quite believe it just yet—and her doubt made it hard to move.

And then she heard it again, in a new kind of silence. Her now steady heartbeat. It almost scared her.

Fuck. She really was alive.

Breathing out slowly, Raven had to remind herself of this as she reluctantly approached her reflection in the mirror.

The bathroom's dim light just bright enough to reveal it was indeed her staring back. And while most of the galaxy saw the perfect image of a hero, she saw herself for what she truly was… a mere human.

A human who had outlived her mistakes. A human who was not supposed to exist anymore. For she had died two years ago… and that’s where her story should have ended. Whether she was needed or not.

Dying wasn't so unexpected, given her role in life. The unexpected part was having to face those flaws again, through no choice of her own.

It just all seemed pretty fucked up to her.

And yet that was almost overpowered by the memory of Virmire and its warnings. Where she learned of Sovereign—of the reapers.

The consequences of that day could still be felt.

To the Reapers, she was apparently nothing. And yet, according to Cerberus, she was the answer to everything.

The truth was Shepherd didn’t know what to believe. All she could hope for was that she found the strength to fight the reality that monster had promised. She just couldn’t lose herself getting there. So as much as she knew she couldn’t—or rather shouldn’t—abide by terrorists, she knew they didn’t matter in comparison to such a future.

Because for all its flaws, her home was worth saving.

Her, on the other hand, she wasn’t so sure about.

Then Shepherd noticed it. The scar that ruled the left side of her temple. It continued down her neck and eventually ended at the base of her spine.

Remembering the lead of the Lazarus Project’s words, they had built her completely as she once was.

She flinched. Of all the scars to keep, why keep just this one?

Its only purpose was to seemingly forever remind her of her origins—and why she had to leave it all behind. Shepard reached up, hesitant at first, but eventually laced a single finger over it.

Then it clicked. This scar… it defined her. It was her journey. From beginning to end.

Well, shit.

Her eyes fell—a mirror does not lie. Here she was. And the reapers were coming.

She looked back up to see her reflection slowly reveal her realisation as the dread settled in.

After all, who else could claim they had played death's game, lost, and brought their way back out anyway?

No one. Because that's not how things worked. Death was supposed to be permanent! Despite this, she was here, proven wrong, and all she could feel was resentment. For death had done little to heal her insecurities it would seem, and nor had Cerberus. Because here she was, billions of credits later and still broken. This much was evident as she contemplated what she hated more: finding herself here, or knowing she was back at square one.

She couldn't help but stare at the emptiness the mirror offered her, distracting the issue, both Shepard's sneering at how pointless her problem was.

Nothing changed as the walls that she'd helped her mind build over the years repelled her command with ease. Raven’s expression eventually fell, showing her despair as her cold gaze searched her features one last time. Realising in her haste to protect others, she had forgotten about herself. And shame eventually showed itself the victor. She forced herself to look away. Frustration pulling at her edges. How could she be this daunting woman of pure courage again if she couldn't even look at her own reflection anymore? Let alone convince a sceptical galaxy the reapers' threat was real.

After all, they were the reason she was back, and ever since, Raven had been suffering from a rare phobia called Eisoptrophobia. Its cause—and even knowledge of it—wasn't known to her; it was almost as mysterious as the organisation that had brought her back. And like with them, Shepard had no answers. And yet everyone—minus the odd few—expected her to.

Eisoptrophobia is an irrational fear of mirrors and what they hold. And in this case, as in all others, this one held her. Just her. A reminder of how alone she truly was; a reminder that meant she was indeed alive again.

Or maybe she just hated the reflection that stared back. It was broken and scarred and not some perfect, enduring soldier who could weather any storm. She was as fucked up by her mistakes as any other and here was the proof staring right back at her. Even rebuilding her entirely had not been enough for her to escape that painful truth.

Oh, how she wished a certain someone was here. Pulling her away when she couldn't find the strength to do it herself.

That was her downfall. Until she found the courage to let someone in, she could never truly walk away.

Her body was rigid; an uneasy feeling sweeping over it, tingling her toes. Foresight would have been a beautiful thing! It could have made her look away while she still had the chance and yet, her mind was a million miles away and completely unreachable.

Raven clenched her fingers into her palms, her long nails digging into the damp skin. In the tension, she felt one of her eyebrows obviously twitch. Unexpectedly, her reflections’ did not. Her eyes hardened with suspicion but her reflection never glared back. It remained as motionless and as cold as before. Almost as if death had claimed her once again. This softened her features as she waited to see, but when nothing changed and time marched on, she eventually rubbed her weary eyes, fed up. She looked again and blinked, and this time, the "other her" matched the action without hesitation. A sense of disappointment returned almost immediately, nevertheless she retreated back, somewhat satisfied. Transfixed by the newly found urge to look away and get on with her day….

The sudden and ear-shattering slam of her reflection's hand against the glass made her recoil back in absolute terror. The "other her" held no such emotion. But Raven could have sworn she saw shame as she fell backwards, hitting the cold tiled floor with an effective and lung shattering thud, stopping her from screaming out. In the silence of her shock, she could hear her heart pounding deep within her chest and it frightened her more than Saren’s delusions ever had.

Truthfully, it wasn’t real, “the other her” being a simple hallucination of her trauma. Fragments of tortured memories that still plagued her. Some recent, like the visions from the beacons; others less so, dating back all the way to her fathers’ death, years ago.

She still missed him as if a day hadn’t gone by, and to Shepard, that felt more real than her sudden presence; more realistic than her return from the dead because of some warnings about mythological AI bent on harvesting all life in the galaxy.

Eventually, Shepard's body tried to get her lungs out of their lost rhythm, rapidly allowing the filtered air to return. Out of breath and reluctant to make a sound, Raven simply laid motionless on the floor for some time. The only sounds that remained was that of the artificial light above her and the occasional dripping of the tap. Neither in that moment did anything to comfort her however. She didn't feel safe.

It's just you, she tried telling herself.

The arid silence was broken in two by the sudden metallic voice of EDI.

"Shepherd!” A long pause. “Are you hurt?" Before Raven could respond, EDI somewhat assumed the answer—unfortunately—it was the right one. "Should I inform Dr Chakwas you'll be—".

“—I'm fine!” Raven snapped, finally cutting the AI off. The AI’s concern shouldn't have sounded so real, surely not with all her restrictions. As a former Spectre at the time, she should have been questioning that, and yet, Shepard couldn't find the energy, intervening, a little too desperate not to have to talk about this with anyone. Not yet.

"Tell no one.” The AI’s commander ordered, “—please leave me be." It was hard not to inwardly cringe at her own lack of confidence then.

"Yes, Commander... Logging you out.".

Shepard frowned.

It soon didn't matter as the silence reclaimed the room, and Shepard was once again alone. But not entirely as EDI had reminded her. This allowed Shepard to face her greatest fear. She slowly reached up and gripped onto the basin, pulling herself off the floor and stalled herself. However, she wasn't ready to look in the mirror. Her jaw clenched and her pupils shook as she tried to focus on the rhythmic dripping of the tap instead. Her knuckles turned white from the pressure as she tried her hardest to remain as she was.

Finally closing her eyes, she braced herself, snapping her head up. But her courage was short-lived as her anxiety panicked her heart and seized up her once fearless mind. The echoes of her frantic breathing soon became too loud in the enclosed space.

She was trapped, in more ways than one. And all she could do was step back in shock; her shaking hands imitating how they once held onto the sink.

Raven suddenly wanted EDI's concern again. A fake, emotionless AI was better than crippling silence! So why didn't she just call out to her?

Turns out, she couldn't, not when she was the one asking.

Despite just having a shower, she wanted another. Cold sweat lined her brow and covered most of her back, dampening her clothes.

Here she was facing her worst enemy since awakening: and it turned out to be herself. It would seem her rebuilding had only been a reset button, of sorts. Shepard wasn't blind to the approaching conflict, and could see the cracks starting to show already.

Despite this, there was no escape from her daunting duty, none that she could see. A commander could be both fearless in the face of overwhelming odds and yet, still be smart enough to know when to fear… and knowing there was something out there; an almost invulnerable foe she could never defeat alone in a galaxy that made her stand alone, honestly terrified her. She knew it was because she was the only one alive who had seen the visions but it didn’t change the reality; she was only one human.

But that was only one side of the coin. There was a reason the Illusive Man had brought her back after all. She was, despite her flaws, one hell of a soldier, an incredibly skilled vanguard who inspired hope where there truly should be none.

And there were people that believed in her.

And she believed in them. Even if her anxieties made it hard for her to tell them, those odd few were the ones she couldn't find it in herself to let down.

Shepherd couldn't bear to lose them. Not without one hell of a fight.

The galaxy owed them more than they'd ever give them.

That, however, wasn't enough to stop her from questioning her resolve as the fear of losing more cracked deep. As a result, her reflection showed her a hidden truth.

Silent tears on a horrified face.

They spoke a million words. Words her mind would never allow her to voice to another.

What if I'm not enough?

When will we run out of time?

What if I'm wrong?!

What now? What now? What now?!

Her mind wouldn't shut up and she almost prayed for the peace of death to take her again.

The Reapers would never allow such a thing, she theorised, even if it could possibly lead to their defeat.

To her, the risk, no matter how small, was still a risk. That came with being a soldier. But these things didn’t think like organics—like her. When they comprehended organics they didn’t see risk, they simply saw their victory. For they were the “order” to the chaos of organic evolution; and Sovereign's words were a haunting shadow over any hope Shepherd may have once promised.

It all meant nothing, as Shepherd’s threats barely touched that monster's mind. An organics primal and evolutionary urge to fight for one's existence was not even a consideration to its warning. Its existence was simply beyond any comprehension of understanding. It did not matter how much she or anyone else questioned it—mercy was irrelevant—for there would be none. They would impose and force order. The cycle could not be broken.

Vigil, on Ilos, had eventually told her of Sovereign’s purpose: a vanguard who had laid in wait for centuries to send a signal to the thousands of its kind; who simply lay in wait to bring forth the extinction of the next cycle. And as outlandish as it had all sounded, Shepard had believed it just long enough to think—what if?

However… in the end, that thing’s threats had run hollow. For Sovereign did eventually fall. It was devastating… yet not impossible. Unity that day had been enough… against one.

To most, it was over.

No, it couldn’t have been over, Shepherd had tried to argue.

These things were apparently sentient machines of utter destruction, forged for that purpose alone. If Sovereign and Vigil were to be believed, they had earned their overconfidence, born from centuries upon centuries of apparent victories.

And if that sinister thing hadn't turned out to be a liar with an ego of all things and the Reapers truly were masterminds of extinction—cruel and utterly smart; calculated without remorse—surely they knew one would never be enough.

Nevertheless, the Hero of the Citadel had led the combined Citadel and Alliance fleet to victory. (Along with the countless brave souls who saved not only the Destiny Ascension, but also the Council. She would have killed me if I didn’t add that part.) But it was her call. So, why hadn't the reapers intervened with her reconstruction then? She had shuddered at a guess. They wanted her alive. This was no gamble or risk either. This was a fucked up game created out of spite!

Probably for defeating their vanguard—subtle proof that there was more—and if so, this was her only warning. A warning they wanted her to heed. To not interfere further and for that, as a consequence she had to suffer through it; she had to be alive.

That’s why.

Where the galaxy now stood, her death would have been the answer to the reapers’ victory and yet, none of that mattered to them. It didn't matter that they had already won when she died.

They wanted everyone to know that their coming was unstoppable and she was the only one left who could tell them.

She was their pawn in an already rigged game. Although it didn’t really matter. The galaxy's disbelief might just be enough to ensure that promised, catastrophic end.

A part of her couldn’t fully blame the Council. Denial felt safe. And they had many to keep “safe.” Utter panic would do nothing. Riots would give no answers, and if she turned out to be delusional of all things… It wasn’t worth thinking about.

But after all she went through, they were still too frightened to see the truth, even secretly.

That there was a puppet master behind those long strings of corruption and cruelty. That Saren was not the mastermind behind it all. Even if it was over and she was crazy, from Sovereign’s brutal description, only a “Reaper” could be behind this! What Saren had turned into... The former legend of a Spectre had become so scared when it finally clicked—it was like he was being eaten alive by his own mistakes—that she actually fought for him. And yet, it was too late. And the only escape for him was a terrible truth.

It wasn’t going to be ok.

He had to die. They just simply came to the same conclusion at different moments. And as much as she’d wanted to save even him—from Sovereign—she knew his mercy had been his suicide. A final decision that was his, and his alone. An end he had to fight for with everything he had and despite everything, she couldn’t even begin to imagine what that took. Never before had her enemy thanked her for their death.

Because it wasn’t about going back on everything—nothing could make it right—it was about him finding himself long enough to do the right thing. His killing blow still echoed in her mind late at night sometimes. But she had long learned that was pointless.

So she simply showed it through her report to the council— a personal note at the end, in honour of who she’d fought for:

—“…as good intentions go, Saren’s were long gone, but, honestly, so was he. And while I truly do believe whatever Saren was doing started in service to his people, in the end, that never truly matters.

I knew little about him, but my intuition tells me that the Saren you once knew—the honourable Spectre that was a legend to his people—was long forgotten.

However, that wasn’t him under the chambers. It was Sovereign.

There was nothing left to save and I doubt it would have been a kindness to. And as the Turian councillor would know, his people would not have forgiven his betrayal. And I believe, despite everything, neither would he. But he did right in the end… and that shouldn’t easily be forgotten.”.

A heavy sigh escaped her; so heavy she thought it threatened to pull her soul out with it. The task ahead of her… The undertaking almost seemed as impossible as her warnings.

The first step was getting enough of the galaxy to believe her in the first place, let alone "unite them." There was so much hatred and resentment to contend with first, and that was if there were no other problems after the fact. Even this far in, very few had heeded her warnings; fewer still were vocal about it. Would the "united" galaxy she managed to get even be enough?

She felt herself becoming overwhelmed as her mind raced to find answers. Answers she could not possibly have. As a result, it felt as if her heart was pounding the life out of her; she could hear it exploding in her ears as it turned her body into a shaking mess of adrenaline that was soon gasping for air.

Shepard went into autopilot, at least trying to calm herself through her panic attack. Shutting her eyes yet again she reached for her father's last words deep in her mind. She hesitated as she hated relying on such an old tactic. But she was at a loss. She didn't know what else she could do.

"Be good…" Her mind halted; frowning as she tried to remember her fathers voice. It had been a long time since she last heard it.

It troubled her still, and she would forever doubt herself. The cure?

She wasn’t even sure there was one. After all, rebuilding her entirely hadn't done it. But she knew better than to ask for such reassurance; that he'd ever reply. She couldn’t even remember if death had given her that chance.

Shit—maybe it had. She couldn’t remember.

The trauma of his death was fragmented this far into her life, but the memory of her father desperately trying to save her did indeed come flooding back to the forefront of her mind.

It would always be bittersweet. She couldn’t remember her hero without the rest, after all. Becoming lost to her own mind was the easy part—this wouldn’t be the first time.

Raven still remembered how he had to gasp for air after every word.

Pushing down the burning lump that had formed in her throat—she stopped the threat of more tears.

The wound on the side of his neck was fatal. His once tight grip weakened as he began to accept the inevitable, letting his body rest. No help was coming.

He had made it look so easy. He simply let go so he could reassure his daughter.

Because that was enough for him. So, it was already decided. He would die to keep her here. She would make a life for herself. And if dying was the cost—he’d happily pay the fee.

It was a sacrifice he made without hesitation. A decision she had no say in and could not accept until much later.

It… it was never the same.

Nothing was.

And she envied him.

And while the Alliance helped her find her feet, Anderson was the one that helped her feel a redemption of sorts after Elysium. But it still hadn't been enough. So she stayed with the Alliance—and eventually found a new home amongst the stars as she served upon the Normandy SR1.

The events of Elysium were supposed to be her last stand—her redemption. A way to finally let go of her anger and find peace in it.

She hadn’t planned on making it out alive. And yet, she held them off until help arrived, making sure everyone got out—including herself—and it was more than she could have hoped for.

This time, she had a say. And back then, the not-yet Commander kept her word. She made sure Elysium held—despite hours of brutal fighting, alone.

The Alliance declared her a hero and later that night Anderson had told her that her father would have been proud of his sacrifice that day, and every moment since.

And before her own death, she would find herself staring at the stars, wondering if Anderson was right and if her father truly was watching over her. She would find the biggest, brightest star and smile. It would twinkle in her eyes—almost feeling like a smile returned.

Since coming back, that too, no longer brought her any comfort.

For the stars had simply watched as she had died alone. It was a stupid thought but it crushed her nevertheless. The stars had seemed so lifeless as she drifted amongst them—gasping for breath—and they still did, every day since.

The commander flinched as her death made her recall how her father had done the same. He had tried to comfort her; he had fought so hard.

No amount of comfort had stopped her chest from heaving with fear as he began to choke. All she could do was sob into his chest, hoping, if anything, that she would be enough to save him.

"...You'll always be, my little Raven." He’d rasped, his grip no longer trying to keep himself alive. Choosing to wrap his arms protectively around her instead. That little girl had wished she could have done more. And yet all she did was close her eyes so tight, pleading over and over,

“Please don’t go…” He couldn’t leave her. What would she do without him?

His chest eventually stilled as his suffering stopped. Her pleas had echoed for hours after, refusing to let go.

An older Raven closed her eyes again, breathing easier, letting her father's words ease her mind, and in turn, her body began to slowly follow.

It was difficult to find solace in such a tainted memory. And yet, it gave Raven the courage to look away. Unfortunately, despite all of her achievements, she didn't feel proud. Regardless of the fact, she refused to change. At this point in her career, she couldn't falter and let the galaxy see that she wasn't even close to perfect, as some thought she was.

Distracting herself away from the mirror, she lifted her shaking fingers and forced them to find a purpose. From memory alone, she pulled her long white hair into a high top bun, covering her scar. Tedious as it was, she pushed herself through it every day.

When she was finished, black eyeshadow lightly adorned her eyes and long eyelashes, bringing out her high cheekbones and attractive blue gaze.

The Commander hit her hand across her eyes, stopping the threat of more tears. Her cheeks were already sore, and they stung as she wiped the evidence of her crying away.

It did matter, but deep down, she'd had enough.

This is just profound and simplistic professionalism, she told herself, reassuring her lifelong lie. She was an expert at pretending, if for a little while. But Shepard was experienced enough to know she couldn't avoid it forever.

She faced herself again, going against her better judgement, finding some courage in the sudden calmness surrounding her. She gazed at her reflection—and she almost looked sombre—yet deep down, she was still afraid;.

“I love you,” echoed as she couldn’t stop herself from remembering her father’s final words. They were once so quiet and loving that she almost hadn’t heard them. And the moment she realised what he said was a moment too late.

And she would never hear those words again. Hearing them now from herself, she didn’t quite believe them. Somehow she never imagined he would ever leave her.

And yet, he did. And as a consequence, there were things that were left unsaid. Like a reply she wished he got to hear.

She wouldn’t pretend that she should say it, but at least it distracted her enough to leave her fear behind so she could walk away.

[annakie]

Finally started my new Shepard, who I named Indyara after my currently-favorite TTRPG character.  Not a lot of analogues between the two characters.  I just like the name.

I’ve been stewing what I wanted to do with a new character for awhile now. Again, in the interest in doing things and seeing content normally you wouldn’t see in a typical paragon everybody lives game, and using some mods.  I made a post about some of it like a year ago but this is what I decided for her in the end:

1. In general, going to skip a lot of quests that have little to no impact on later games, or to ensure someone dies in ME2.  Also going to be treading that line between Renegade and Complete Asshole most of the time. I already got Ashley mad at me for not always being nice to her during Eden Prime, but smoothed the situation out, then ended the conversation with a barb.  I know most of the dialog to avoid in order to not look like a psychopath, but she’s also not going to take any bullshit.

2. Low-Garrus playthrough.  I love Garrus and all, but would like to experience a playthrough where he’s not forced to be your best buddy no matter what.  Not going to recruit him in ME1.  Will wait as long as possible to pick him up in ME2, including using mods that let you do recruitment missions in different orders.  No loyalty mission so he’ll die during the suicide mission probably leading the fire team.  I’m sorry, but there absolutely is a Shepard without Vakarian, Shepard can save the galaxy just fine without him, especially for Indyara here.

3. Save Mordin.  This will mean Wrex dies in ME1, sorry buddy, but Mordin must live.  Sabotage genophage, convince Mordin to go into hiding.  Likely going to let Ashley kill Wrex on Virmire.

4. Tali also dies in ME2.   Would like to see Ran’s expanded role in ME3, and this also will mean saving the Geth over the Quarians whereas I’ve always in every playthrough otherwise made peace between the two.  Probably going to skip her loyalty and send her to the vents.

5. Romance No one –> Thane –> Joker.  Have never done a Thane romance and have always wanted to.  And now I really want to do @hatboyproject‘s Joker Romance Mod so this is the TIME.  It’ll be awhile til I get to LE3 with the speed I’ve been gaming so hopefully it’ll be out for LE3 by then.   I may still do a Thane Lives mod option if I can do that while romancing Joker.  I’ll have to check when it’s time.  But if Hatboy is still not an option when I make it to LE3, it’ll be Samantha, instead and I’ll either replay LE3 with Indyara later for Hatoby or make a new LE3-only Shepard.

6. Virmire Savior mod for all 3 games! Gonna save both Ashley and Kaidan.  I’m not normally going to use this mod in my games because it prioritizes Ashley, like on Horizon, and obviously in my canon-Kaidanmance-faithful run I want to maximize Kaidan content.  But I am VERY excited to use it this time!  In order to make myself not romance Kaidan even in ME1, I specifically made a Shepard that kinda looks like Kaidan, and I am going to headcanon that they found out that they’re like, cousins.  My Shepard is Earthborn for even easier headcanoning.  She really likes Kaidan, and they’re going to remain close but... just friends. Thanks Optional Flirting mods (And I think it’s the Same Gender mod in LE1 that fixes the issues) for making it easier to avoid the accidental romance.

6. Class wise, Infiltrator, which I’ve never done before.  Plus, you know, Garrus is one so normally, why bother?  So this is my chance to finally play one.

7. Probably screw up a few other things, like pick Morinth over Samara, delay going to pick up Jack in ME3 so she gets reaperized just because I’ve never done those things before.  Probably won’t let other characters die who don’t need to when letting them die does nothing but just have less content in future games instead of different content.  I don’t care to have a near-empty & depressing Citadel party, after all.  Just experience most of the rest of the little things I’ve been interested in that I’ve never gotten around to because of playing my canon Shep time and time again instead.

[l8rose]

In my downtime while I was sick, I finally got around to doing MEL earlier this month (boy is that version of the Mass Effect Trilogy buggy as fuck) and I was still stuck by how ridiculous the dream sequences were in ME3. Especially the Scenery.

So, while thinking of my recurring nightmare, I thought of the scenery that haunts me (cause it’s the same damn place each time) and realized the trees in ME3′s dream had no actual reference from my FemShep’s life (of course there is also the “why-am-I-attached-to-random-child-I-saw-like-three-times-as-opposed-to-friend-I-left-to-die?” question but I’ve already whined about that). It’s supposed to be an important dream to make us feel like Shep is suffering for failing everyone but the trees make it feel even more out of place.

We don’t see any stand of trees like that in any of the games. Depending on the background that Shep has, they don’t even grow up near trees. Two of the three options for pre-service history has Shepard living somewhere with very little trees (ships/stations or on the streets of a big city) while the third is a colony off in the Attican Traverse with non-Earth flora. I suppose Shep could have visited a park or two while taking a break from saving the galaxy but it goes very against the character type, especially since the events from the full trilogy only take place over 3 years and Shep was dead for 2 of those.

I get that they were probably going for the idea of being lost and needing to connect but there were so many other impactful scenes that they could have chosen to base the dream around. Like basing it on Virmire, a planet where you make more than one decision that impacts the rest of the trilogy. Heck, if they wanted symbolism, using the scene from ME2 where you’re forced to walk through the busted Normandy to rescue Joker during the opening would be full of symbolism. Shepard literally dies right after so that would have been a full circle nightmare fuel.

[caeloservare]

WHY DID THE AUTHOR KILL YOU OFF?

Somebody Had To Go

Sorry, kid. Really, honestly, I'm sorry. Someone had to die, for one reason or another, and you drew the short straw this time around. This wasn't a matter of surprise. No, your death wasn't meant to be a shock, wasn't meant to rattle the audience to their core. Your life was a debt, an obligation. Somebody had to go, because the story needed weight, needed sacrifice, needed the conflict to have consequences. Maybe you had the perfect balance of "emotional impact" and "lack of loose ends", or maybe the author just didn't know what else to do with you. Regardless... you deserved better. Another writer could have given you more time and a better death, if even a death at all. At least your fans will never forget- at least they will forge their own stories, tales in which you live to see another day.

tagged by: @virmireisms <3

tagging: @clockwork---heart @godefied (Akane or Spike) @ancientforged @slaughtermachine @courtclover @trickshottruths @lacrimcrum + steal <3

[serabellyms]

Virmire: Aftermath

Kat was in rough shape after Virmire. Incredibly rough shape. Though she wasn’t physically injured, she did manage to overexert her biotics, even stressing her L3 implant. As the L3s have so many safety measures, this is a rare occurrence, showing just how heavily Kat fought and was determined to save both Kaidan and Ashley, as well as the beacon on Virmire effectively messing with her brain once again. She had headaches for a day or two afterward, though the headaches were the least of her problems.

What was worse was the emotional stress. Kat, after meeting with the crew, broke down into a severe panic attack, away from the crew. By default, she was found by Chakwas, but can be altered depending on character for the sake of interactions. The attack was severe enough that she passed out and was taken to the med bay, though Chakwas claimed it was from the beacon, and did not reveal the real reason: survivor’s guilt.

The memories of both Mindoir and Akuze had come back to taunt her, and she did not sleep for days after; she was plagued by thoughts and nightmares of Virmire where she was indeed forced to leave behind one member of her team. This is not a fact she believes she could have lived with, were she to have failed; she would have rather died than let anyone on her team die.

For her twin au: little changes other than her not being in charge of the decision/not witnessing the beacon. The fear of failure is enough to trigger it, and she’s she ends up secluding herself for a few days, hunkering away in a corner. John is the only one able to get much out of her, as she’s too shaken to explain why she’s upset (and he doesn’t need an explanation; he knows about Mindoir and knows his sister well enough to figure out Akuze’s effect on her).

[cobaltswriting]

Mass Effect 2: World and Culture Building

So, I recently got the Mass Effect: Legendary Edition on PS4, and I've been having some fun with it.

Like, the first game didn't 'wow' me as much as I was expecting from the hype (but I was kind of expecting it to underwhelm me a little, I'm used to games failing to completely live up to the hype... *side-eyes Smash Bros Brawl*) but it was a functional game. If a little buggy at times, but I can attribute most of that to me constantly jumping in and out of the main PS4 menu and leaving it on rest mode a lot.

So then, afterwards, I moved onto Mass Effect 2. First, just in case people are interested, or if it makes any real difference, I'll say what the choices I made in Mass Effect 1 were, the ones it reminds you of when you start Mass Effect 2.

I recruited everyone

My Shepherd was far more Paragon than Renegade

The game seems to think I romanced Ashley, but I did not. Her anti-alien feelings put me off her, honestly, but I guess the game thought I was more interested in her than in Liara.

I choose to let Kaiden die on Virmire... which might have contributed towards 'romancing' Ashley, come to think of it.

I calmed Wrex down, rather than killing him.

I THINK Garrus might be more renegade than Paragon, but I'm not 100% sure

I let Tali have the Geth data, for her pilgrimage.

I saved Zhu's Hope and Shiala.

I spared the Rachni Queen.

I spared Rana the Asari scientist on Virmire

I destroyed the fliers, meaning that Captain Kirrahe survived Virmire

I was kind to Conrad, although due to a bug, which I thought had been fixed, he said that I waved a gun in his face.

In 'Bring down the sky', I spared the hostages over killing Balak, and also spared Balak's second in command.

I let the Council die. Honestly, I wasn't really too interested in saving them considering all the stuff they'd done thorough out Mass Effect 1.

I chose Anderson over Udina for a place on the Council. Similarly to the Council, I wasn't interested in giving Udina any more power than he had before.

Apparently, that's all the important choices, so let's move on to Mass Effect 2 and what finally clicked for me, about why Mass Effect 2 is so loved. Although, if you read the title, you may already have guessed.

In Mass Effect 1, there is some information on the alien races, but it's mostly in text. You hear about the Quarian's flotila, you hear about the genophage and how a lot of the Krogan are more 'blood knight' characters who value strength above all else... I can't actually remember if you directly learn anything about the Turians, but I think it's implied that they are a race that is great at mechanics and engineering, and are also partially responsible for the genophage that all Krogans are infected with. You also learn a bit about the Asari but...

Honestly, it was kind of hard to care for quite a lot of it. Because it was just text. You get told, you don't get to experience any of it, partially because you're just a human.

In Mass Effect 2, this changes.

You encounter groups of Quarians twice, with Tali leading both groups. Tali is later on accused of treason, and you visit the Flotilla, which gives you a lot of insight into how Quarian culture works, as well as the trial itself. For instance, learning that a Quarian's last name comes from the ship they are from, or, if they are banished, the ship they currently inhabit, as displayed by Tali's name 'legally' having been changed to 'Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy' from "Tali'Zorah Vas Neema", and Tali commenting that it's like they've banished her already. You are then tasked with defending Tali, since you are the leader of the ship she is on. And you learn more about what the admirals want to do with concerns to the Geth, and learn more about what Tali's father was up to.

You also encounter a lab-made Krogan called 'Grunt' whom needs to go through the Rite of Passage. Since I spared Wrex, Wrex was the leader we encountered on the Krogan's home planet, and thus the one we talked to, and he greeted Shepard as an old friend. From what I've heard, if you killed Wrex, the leader instead is Wrex's brother, and he is a lot less... progressive, than his brother, and not as intelligent.

However, you find out that Wrex has managed to bring about quite a few changes, and is trying to basically unify the Krogan for their people to thrive. You find out about many rites, especially in regards to their shaman, who apparently does rites for himself every morning and every night.

It helps you see the Krogan as a lot less than the dumb muscle that they can be seen as in Mass Effect 1. While the Rite of Passage is basically what you would expect (fights against various creatures, ending with a fight against a Thresher Maw, which you would usually fight with a vechicle in Mass Effect 1) and also against a bunch of Krogan who were initially against Grunt going through the Rite (I shut them up by headbutting their ringleader, which, considering Wrex did it to them earlier for basically the same sort of reason, I assume is a show of dominance, basically a 'shut up fucker') wanting to recruit him for their clan, intent on overthrowing Wrex's clan who were trying to unify the Korgan, as mentioned.

You also get a lot more information on the Genophage, since not only is one of your crew members a Salarian, but is one of the scientists who made changes to the Genophage to made it more effective at controlling the population of Krogan. While he says that it was 'necessary', it's fairly obvious that he has guilt over it. You encounter him running a clinic for people who had been infected by a 'plague' on Omega, and he mentions his work on the Genophage often.

His loyalty mission (each crew member you recruit has a 'loyalty' mission, which ensures their loyalty and unlocks a new power for them) involves saving one of his former crew members, who has alledgedly been kidnapped and forced to do research on a genophage cure.

When you research the abandoned hospital, you find various corpses that show signs of having been experimented on, and a lot of dialogue choices where you can tell Mordin that he was wrong to do this, or that he was right to do so. And it does result in some... interesting information.

For example, the genophage was not meant to kill Krogan, just limit their population, for fear that if their population was allowed to grow too large, they would wage war upon all other species in the galaxy.

On the other hand, it's a pretty shitty thing to do.

You also find out that Mordin's former comrade was doing it voluntarily. Which makes Mordin very angry, saying that this wasn't what he taught his former coworker to do, and certainly not the way he taught him to do it. Basically, Mordin is more upset about HOW his former coworker did it than the why. If your Paragon score is high enough, you can stop Mordin from killing them.

By the end, Mordin doesn't seem to really know what he thinks about it any more. A lot of research that was done was at least viable, but it was done under terrible circumstances. You can either destroy the data, or you can save it.

I told Mordin to save it to help the Krogan. After all, the people who died during the research couldn't exactly be brought back by destroying the data.

Basically, in Mass Effect 2, there's a lot of world and culture building, especially in the three missions I've mentioned (Tali, Grunt and Mordin's loyalty missions respectively) and I can see now why people love Mass Effect 2.

The graphics are good, the gameplay is VERY solid, even if there are many other games that have similar gameplay styles (one that sticks out in my mind, oddly enough, is Gears of War, which I have never played but have seen gameplay off, and Shepard charging forward and taking cover definitely makes me think of it) that do it just as well or better, but the world building and culture building of other races in Mass Effect 2, especially with how it was in Mass Effect 2, is just *chef's kiss*

It's definitely gotten me invested enough to keep playing and to go through Mass Effect 3, even though the issues with the ending to Mass Effect 3 are... let's be nice and say 'infamous'.

Basically if you haven't played Mass Effect, I HIGHLY recommend it. While I would say to play the first one first, it DID turn into a bit of a slog near the end, so I wouldn't blame you if you decided to just start from Mass Effect 2 instead.

One last thing, although this is not necessarily as important as the rest of it...

Tali is a precious baby and must be protected and loved and cherished.

Also Garrus is a bro and I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting to romance him.

That is all.

[acciokaidanalenko]

Firmly on the "Both Kaidan and Ash should survive Virmire" team and nothing can change my mind about it.

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

I'm a soft indecisive binch so I may just have two canons, one where Kaidan survived and one where Ashley survived, at least for Marian if not all my Shepards