#no wonder yall have no friends and your family hates you jesus christ

[scoganz]

i dont care oh my god i dont care i dont fucking care

[imaginedxlan]

Already Gone (Ron Weasley)

a/n: i know this isn’t a one direction account but jesus christ if any of yall read duplicity, the double update has me FUCKED UP. everyone keeps playing already gone and connecting it to harry and aven and all i can say is ouch. i’ve loved this song for so long and i wanted to write with it. for some reason all of my ron imagines are just pain, sorry about it i promise i really love him !!

the ultimate sacrifice in love is letting go. forced in a situation that you never wanted to be in, you have to make the decision of what’s more important: your happiness or his.

Hardly anything in your life has ever come easy to you. Growing up with the knowledge that you’re the daughter of two death eaters. being forced into a life you didn’t want. attempting to concentrate on classes you knew wouldn’t matter once the dark lord blew this castle to smithereens.

the only thing that did come easy to you was loving ronald weasley. the spontaneous, optimistic red haired boy who stole your heart only three years ago. the night of the yule ball, he finally worked up the nerve to tell you how pretty you look in your dress and your heart skipped a beat. you two did not act on your feelings after that for a whole year, finally confessing your feelings to the gryffindor during your fifth year. your love came with rules, however. it had to be in secret. you kept no secrets from him, not now anyway. he knew of your parents loyalty to the dark lord, you knew of his involvement with dumbledore’s army, but you’d never tell anyone.

when you we’re together, you weren’t a slytherin and a gryffindor fighting for different sides of a bloody feud, you were y/n y/l/n and ron weasley, two seventeen year olds who were madly in love with each other. your parents could never know, his friends could never know, so you only existed together behind closed doors.

“do you think there will be a day when i don’t have to keep you—us—a secret anymore?” ron asks as his hands run lighting through your hair. you lay together in the room of requirement as you do every night after sneaking away from your roommates.

you want to tell him yes, that one day this war will blow over, that the two of you will be able to parade around your love for the world. but you can’t lie to him. the more you learn about voldemort’s plans, his mission to kill your boyfriend’s best friend, the more bleak the future becomes.

“i hope so,” is the only reply you can fathom. you know deep down that there is little hope for the two of you. that ron will always be loyal to his best friends and you to your family. there’s no sense in dreaming of a happily ever after that will never come.

so you don’t think of the future. you think of now. you think of the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, one that you’ll cherish until your last breath. you wish you could plan for what could have lied ahead for the two of you, if the world wasn’t what it is. meeting his family, falling into rhythm with the loud and energetic aura of the burrow that ron has told you so much about. moving in with him, marrying him, having a hundred ginger children running around your backyard. how your heart aches for the dream of a life with him.

“i think there will be,” he muses, only making the pain in your chest grow. “i think by some twist of fate we’ll be together forever.”

you wished it was true.

the small glimmer of hope you held in your heart to one day be with ron faded more with every second you spent at malfoy manor. you and draco weren’t so different after all. you only wanted to make your parents proud, you didn’t necessarily want this life. you were also close with the blond boy, even more so the deeper you became embedded in the dark lord’s plans. surrounded by death eaters at the large table in malfoy manor, your heart was in your throat. your parents to your left and draco to your right, you found comfort knowing that draco was probably feeling the same way you were, scared.

the conversation droned out around you, all of them discussing potter, but your mind continued pulling to the boy who was sat back in a safe house somewhere, you never knew where. you sent letters to each other in secret but you begged him not to disclose his location, fearing the knowledge would be torn from you by the dark lord. it had only been a few days, but you miss his letters

“one of our youngest may prove to be more helpful than we initially thought,” the dark lord calls, pulling you from your daydream. your mothers hand fell into your lap and squeezed your hand. “y/n, it seems like you have formed quite the bond with one of potter’s closest confidants, a weasley, no?”

draco snaps his head to look at you, disbelief painting his features. you kept your eyes ahead of you, staring at the details of his crisp table in front of you to distract yourself from the hammering in yours chest.

“well?” the dark lord speaks up again, making you turn your eyes to face him. “don’t leave us waiting for your answer.”

“my lord,” you squeak out, barely audible. draco takes the hand your mother is not holding it to remind you you’re not alone in this. “i will do anything, anything for you. please do not bring him into this.”

he only laughs at you. making your heart twist in fear. you can’t betray ron, you can’t put him in harms way.

“look at how she begs,” he continues to laugh, other adults at the table catching on and joining in on his tease. you’ve never felt more belittled in your life. “you must know something of their whereabouts.”

“i do not, my lord.” you reply in earnest, you had no idea where they were hiding. you’re grateful for your blissful ignorance in this moment. “i swear it.”

the dark lord narrows his eyes toward you. draco squeezes your hand causing your to look at him. ‘tell him’ he mouths, fearing that you’ll be on the other end of an avada kedavra if you don’t. ‘i don’t know’ you mouth back.

the silence is deafening.

“my lord, please. i told you i’ll do anything, anything you wish,” you plead, hoping to come off the topic of ron. “you can search my brain for their whereabouts but i promise i don’t know.”

it’s quiet again. you begin to wonder what ron is doing right now. what he would think if he could see where you are.

“you’ll receive the mark,” the dark lord finally speaks up. “both of you, draco as well.”

you shut your eyes tight at his demand, squeezing draco’s hand tighter. you don’t want the dark mark, neither does draco, but you’ll die if you don’t get it.

“either this or you find that little boyfriend of yours and bring him and his dear potter to me,” he give the ultimatum, worse than your own death, you’d be the facilitator of his. you open your eyes and wordlessly nod. “good.”

you would do anything to protect him, you love him more than you thought you could ever love a person. if you were to get the dark mark, become a death eater, you couldn’t be with him. you would become everything he was fighting against, you couldn’t ignore that anymore.

so standing next to draco in borgin and burkes, the dark mark finally plagued your forearm. you can’t help but let a single tear shed at the thought of ron ever seeing this mark on you, hating you for it. you love him so much, you went through this to protect him from the dark lord, so you have to let him go.

dear ron,

i know i haven’t written in a while, the world is upside down, and all i can ever think about is you and your safety, so i couldn’t write to you. remember all the things we wanted? that night you asked if we could ever truly be together? i wanted all of that with you, i wanted to grow old with you. meet your family, move in together, live outside of this secret. i wanted to have a normal love with you. i think i knew it the back of my mind that we wouldn’t get our happy ending. we were born into different sides of this bloody battle. we were always meant to say goodbye. star-crossed lovers, that’s what you always said right?

i’ve had to make some decisions, ron, ones i’m not proud of. i need you to know i did it all for you, i’ve wanted to protect you since i knew i loved you. you have been the most important person to me, i couldn’t live with myself if i put you in danger. i know what you’re thinking, that we could have done this together. we could have fought for us, for this, but we were never meant for do or die. i think you know that.

don’t let this change who you are, i love who you are, please stay that way. stay optimistic, believe in love and happiness. i know you won’t want to, you’re stubborn just like me, but I know that you'll find another. another love that won’t hurt, another love that’s easy. don’t be afraid to love her with everything you have. that’s all i could ever want for you. i wish i could tell you this in person, hug you—kiss you—one last time, but looking at you makes it harder. i know i would chicken out. our time together, those moments we had alone, just the two of us without a thought of what was happening in this cruel world, they were perfect. know that i’ll never regret one second i spent with you. you made my heart feel like it was on fire, you let me know what true love is like and i am so grateful for that. but no matter how perfect we were, perfect couldn't keep this love alive.

so i have to go away for a while. i don’t know if i’ll ever be back, i don’t know if i’ll survive this so i need you to know this isn’t me leaving without any sort of love for you. i have to leave because i love you. you know that i love you so, i love you enough to let you go. it may seem selfish but i can’t keep dragging you into harms way, i’m sorry. there was no road we couldn’t have taken where we both make it out of this, where our love conquers all. i wish that was the case but it isn’t. someone’s gotta go. i can’t hurt you anymore than i already have, so it has to be me. i have to go so you can live.

so i guess this is goodbye. trust me when i say my heart breaks a little more with every word i write on this page. i know it’s cliche to say, but this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and the choices i made. the choices that ultimately placed the last nail in the coffin of the hope that we could be together forever. i want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better. not a day will go by where i don’t think of your heart, your smile, the things that made me fall in love with you in the first place. you knew about my flaws, about my family and you still loved me. i cannot thank you enough for showing me what real love looks like.

i know you don’t agree, that i’m stupid for giving up my greatest love story, for letting you slip through my fingers but this is how it has to be. i want you to be happy, and that can only be if i’m gone. i could never ask you to choose between me and your best friends, your family, so i made the choice. you can be angry with me, hate me if it helps, whatever makes it easier to erase me from your mind, from your heart. a piece of me will always belong to you ronald weasley, but i want you to move on, so i’m already gone.

i love you, forever and always,

y/n

[yuissamidare]

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

[yfczangel777]

just to vent into the void here; 

on the previous post about ppl being offput by a fave if mine...I love this character soso much and like also we are a shit ton alike... like I hardcore self project onto him and GET him cuz our personality and frequently our way of speaking and our handling mental illness is spot on the same. Hasnt always been the nicest or healthiest for either of us but being able to fix and reconcile and learn to handle it better through loving action w him made me happy for him and also had a certain level of self comfort because we basically the same bitch lol. And people were saying how they didnt like when he got into his dark place for a bit and it was 'uncomfy' or threw them off the character as a whole or made him 'problematic' or smth and I'm just here like "um ouch :*) " cuz thats me bitch lol and also like that image of the lady holding the grown man and telling ppl off for that character

And like not to make excuses for either of us but like I dont think he was problematic? Maybe cuz I understand on a personal level? Like he did some things that weren't very kind when he was hurting but they weren't that bad and he did it out of what he felt was necessity and apologized later??

And fr like that wasnt even so bad. He self isolated and told the player "Idc if it hurts your feelings, I cant be close with you" and to stop having feelings for him cuz he wasnt worth it. Like?????

And like once during a literal time crunch life or death situation while also in the heat of his darkest place and having had a lot of fuked up shit revealed to him he purposefully broke a little robot that wouldn't be quiet and that was his own property at the time... not the players... because he hadnt given it to the player yet (later he fixes it and gives it as a gift)

He kept tabs on where you were and got worried if he didnt see you because a man had literally just crashed through your window and tried to abduct you and would have succeeded if he hadnt gotten there just in time. And it was clear that none of this was over and theres a target on your back still. He wasn't being controlling or unreasonable he was trying to keep you safe from very real danger.

Yes he told you off for a bit once meeting face to face. Yes he told you your feelings toward him were wrong and he was going to keep blocking you out so stop trying and just move on with your life and forget him. And if you didnt your feelings would be hurt and that's your own fault cuz he told you to back off.

That wasnt nice if him but it was preserving his own vulnerable heart and also your safety. This character is not your average dude. His lifestyle is literally ACTUALLY deadly dangerous. Hes taught time and again he isnt allowed to have friends ir family let alone a lover. He eludes to the fact that they HAVE forced him to uproot everything and drop everyone and change his whole identity more than once. And due to his field of work people who are close to him can be used against him and are in literal life threatening danger by association. The chatroom was supposed to be arms distance enough but he got attached to everyone there anyways. And then you came and he fell for you hard. It wasnt ever supposed to happen that way so he went all weird and denied it out of panic and nessecity... once you were in danger he cared for you so he had to go help you and you met face to face which was WAY more than he ever intended to happen and also exposed him way more to catching deeper and deeper feelings. But here he was desperately trying to do damage control because he knows that people dear to him get hurt or killed. And he loves you.. so as much as it hurts he has to try to keep you away to keep you SAFE

All of this is literal... like not just that he thinks hes a bad person and will hurt you.... like literally you are in real physical danger from being associated with him. And this is evidenced and proved throughout the story. And he blames himself for ever even letting you interact with them but like... the poor boy is human jesus christ he needs connection he needs love. It's a mistake he beats himself up over. And so he tries to damage control and get you to move on and forget about him. It kills him the whole time and its evidenced the whole time that he hates having to do this.

And the whole time the worst he tells you is he doesn't care if you get a hurt heart because you wont leave him alone when he tells you to. (Spoiler alert.. that's a lie! He cares a lot but you need to be safe from involvement in his dangerous life)

And the whole time I noticed its actually even an EXCESSIVE thing he does(it's a nice thing tho) that he does nothing but call you a good and wonderful person who deserves happiness and that needs to be safe and keep living because you are so good and so bright and so kind

But him and his life will never allow your safety, so you cant be with him for your protection.

He never stops with how nice you are... how good you are... how much you need to be in this world and be safe because you add light to the world.

Even when hes being cold.. even when hes telling you off

It's always centered around this.

As well as that hes "a dangerous guy" and 'cant keep anything or anyone close'

Putting himself down and lamenting who and what he is.

The breakthrough comes when you finally see the extent of him and the struggles and danger he faces and still wear him down and tell him unwaveringly that: ok you see and understand the danger fully now and you dont care and you want to stick by him even if its dangerous because you love him. And that he doesnt have to go through life alone anymore cuz you'll be there for him no matter what.

And you have to wrestle away from him the notion of 'no I cant let her do this because I love her and want her to be able to live and be safe. It hurts being alone and id love to be able to be with her but I cant cuz if anything happened to her I'd never forgive myself and also she's so great she deserves a normal life where she doesn't have to worry.'

And you have to lovingly assert to him that he can think of himself too... that he doent have to go through life alone because you know the risks and you decided you want to be with him anyways because you love him. That you understand he wants you safe but that was your decision to make and you choose him no matter the dangers... that you will help him and go through it together as a team.

And he struggles because all his life he had to be the action taker, decision maker, and the protector (especially with his brother in childhood) but slowly comes around to the fact that you will be partners... shouldering the burden together while enriching each others lives. That he doesnt have to be the solitary protector of things and people he has come to love despite not having been supposed to in the first place... cuz hes HUMAN. That someone else has seen his situation and his soul laid bare and still said I love you and I'm going to stand with you through this. And learn to let go and let them in and let them share his burden despite being so afraid of doing so and afraid of what could happen to them as a result. Accepting that they made their decision and its theirs to make. And dealing with the fear as well as the relief and strange joy of FINALLY having someone in his life to love and be loved by and to go through things //together//

Like I just dont get how ppl can like tsunderes and even yanderes but then this character is like "pls no ppl get hurt with me and I care for you so you gotta stay away from me for your own good" and they're like... butthurt that he wasn't all peppy and sweet like usual because his life and everything he held dear was legit crumbling around him??? That someone with his past and his current job/living situation took a bit before he could open up and spill his guts to them??? At a job where.. to quote the game itself 'even an offhanded joke can get you killed' ??? Like yall are entitled to your opinions... and thank god this character is fictional or else that would be hella f-ed up of yall but... oof.