#non-friending and non-partnering aros are out there and deserve to have their problems respected without this shit

[lovelessrage]

The way so many aro people see other aro people talk about aro loneliness and their solution isn't to support them, or lend an ear or a shoulder, but instead to say "have you tried getting more friends?" "you still can have friends though!" "QPRs are out there! Try one of those!" "Hey have you heard of a QPR yet?" You are not better than people who treat getting a romantic relationship as a cure-all. You are doing the exact same "a relationship will fix you!" routine and I'm kinda tired of aros treating it as different because it's platonic.

[soulmate-game]

Another PSA/rant.

I know this is supposed to be a fun little Fanfiction tumblr to follow my story and everything, but I have no problem spreading serious messages here if there’s a chance it will get out to more people. This is one of those instances.

I am a lucky person. The first two comments on my most recent post were from awesome people assuring me that I am valid for my identifications, and that positivity just sparked this rant.

I’ve been planning for months now to get more involved in the LGBTQ+ community, especially during Pride. I am generally the embodiment of an introvert, I am out of the closet but I don’t talk much about my idenfications. It’s just a part of who I am and I don’t really think much about it very often. I’m lucky enough to have a family that supports me even if most of them don’t understand. I’m lucky enough that I hate social media for the most part and don’t participate in it often at all, apart from when it is related directly to my writing. So yeah, I knew invalidation of several particular idenfications existed, but apart from the occasional bigot I ran across, it never really affected me.

Until I started paying a little more attention to Tumblr to read more fics and my brief obsession with TilTok that has fizzled out quite a bit since it began. That’s when I realized just how widespread, aggressive, and overall horrifying the invalidation really is. It boggles my mind to no end. I expect this kind of behavior from radical non-allies who have tried to shoot us down for decades, not from other members of our own community. It is beyond disappointing.

I want to address the one that surprised me most first; the reaction to Bisexuals/Bisexuality. I haven’t seen quite the same response to Pansexuality, but I also could just be accidentally ignorant to it. But really, assholes, you’re gonna call us invalid for being attracted to more than one gender? Really? Bisexuality is the third letter in LGBTQ+, and you’re gonna say we are not a valid orientation or a valid part of the community? How dare you. How dare you? This kind of response, saying things like “they’re only Bisexual to keep their options open,” or “just pick a gender already,” or “you’re just a lying, cheating snake” or immediately assuming we’re open to poly relationships because our mind doesn’t restrict us to being attracted to one gender? This response is not okay. You are just repeating the abuse that was given to all of us, to Gays, Lesbians, and everyone else on the spectrum and turning it on the other letters in your acronym. The negativity towards Bisexuals in general is not something I can understand at all within our community, because we are just like the Ls and Gs— our mind is wired to be attracted to “both” genders instead of one, that’s all. It doesn’t mean we lie or cheat or trick you. It doesn’t mean we are open to poly relationships— the vast majority of my close friend group is bi or pan, and all of them are either strictly interested in monogamous relationships or only slightly curious about poly.

What is bisexuality? It’s the mental attraction to people of both Female and Male biological sex. Pansexuality covers more than that, but neither orientation is invalid. It is how our brain operates, it is a part of us and our identity as people and it doesn’t just go away when we are in a relationship. You can be happily married and still have a celebrity crush on someone, that doesn’t make you unfaithful to your partner. It just means that you are human and your attraction to whatever gender you are attracted to doesn’t just disappear in a monogamous relationship.

The reason I focused most of this post on Bisexuality in general is the fact that I can understand confusion over other identifications. Not being able to understand Aro or Ace, or Demi, makes sense if you aren’t Aro or Ace or Demi, because you are talking about a person who either doesn’t have or doesn’t experience an emotion or reaction in the same way you do, an emotion or reaction that you have likely never went without. It is mind boggling and hard to imagine being without those emotions/attractions, I get it, but that doesn’t make them invalid. It just means they experience a different reality than you, just as a person with twenty-twenty vision cannot truly understand what it is like to have low vision or even be blind (as dramatic of a comparison as that is, and I realize it may be a logical falicy, but hopefully it at least gets you thinking). But with Bisexuality, you are just adding in one extra component to an existing idenfication. The brain is removing a boundary instead of imposing one, it shouldn’t be hard to imagine being attracted to both sexes when you may or may not agree with at least one of those attractions. It shouldn’t be hard to accept someone for loving or being attracted to whoever they are naturally attracted to or love. Not when you yourself have almost undoubtedly experienced the same kind of rejection you are giving Bisexuals if you fall on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

If you still don’t understand, that’s okay. You don’t have to understand, you just have to keep an open mind and accept that your experiences and emotions are not universal. Everyone’s brains are just as unique as the person it belongs to— and you have no right to judge that person as being less because of it.

I am Demi Bisexual, Demi biromantic, and genderfluid. My confidence in myself only increased with each self realization, so you don’t have to tell me that I’m valid when it comes to the subject of gender or sexuality. I know I am, I accept myself and I am comfortable with my identifications. I appreciate it nonetheless, but I am not the one who need validation right now. Spread positivity to others who fall in a misunderstood or commonly invalidated orientation. Spread the word about being open minded and don’t let anyone spread hate if you have the power to stop or undermine that hate. I’m a lucky one, but others aren’t. Find the people that need you and your care the most, and give them the same validation that was offered to me. Give them your love and support. Show them that they can still rely on their community, regardless of whether or not they share an acronym with you.

Bisexuals, Biromantics, Aromantic and Asexuals, Genderfluid and non-binary and everyone else inbetween or that I missed, You Are Valid. If you need someone to talk to, if you need a friendly reminder that you are a human being just as deserving of respect as any other, message me right the fuck now and I will remind you. My blog is a friendly space for anyone of any gender, sexual, and/or romantic identity. If you don’t support every letter of the Acronym, you can leave. You might want to research the full acronym so you don’t accidentally lie to yourself. I do not want any shaming here. This is a fun little blog for my silly little story, and I want nobody to feel unwelcome. You are all beautiful. I love all of you.

Just spread the positivity.